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Imagine my suprise when she responded to this comment (and maybe is reading this one as well 👀) and I couldn't believe I got the chance to brighten up her day just for couple of seconds in return for so so much more she gave me/us (I had a lil cry about it, but in a very thankfull communal way 😄)@@Liz-us8mf
After being left by my almost five-year relationship (we lived together, he was my first) I followed Allison's advice on going back out and dating. It may have seemed fast for some people, but I knew what I wanted, and I already felt like I had wasted time in my previous relationship. I was extremely honest in what I was looking for long-term, and let people know on DATE ONE that I expect exclusivity in the first month, or within four dates. I truly believe you know enough about someone and your attraction at that point, and anyone that balked out that - I said goodbye. Ironically, 4/5 men I dated over a three-month period were absolutely on board. I ended up meeting my current partner through this, and I am so happy with our relationship.
@@Shewhospeakesinverseshe got a master in psychology in the last couple of years and has put a lot of time and energy into learning a studying stuff regarding relationships and dating.
So excited you are finally doing video podcasts! Your laugh is so uplifting just listening and to see how happy you are thru video as well is so nice and positive.
I appreciate hearing from a woman whose fiancé left them. In my case we’d been together 8 years and he called it off a few months before the wedding. And same thing, no reason, he just “couldn’t do it” (but didn’t want to lose me as a friend… hah!) Dating with intention is very important to me now and maybe also why I’ve been single for years, hah.
I love Allison’s advice for single women! A brief FaceTime before a first date is so helpful, I FaceTimed once at the man’s suggestion and I was nervous (I usually try to avoid phone calls with strangers) but it made the in-person date more fun honestly!
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and the making-shit-up-and-having-to-stop-and-sift-reality-from-what-I’ve-made-up is SO REAL. Making shit up so that I perceive that abandonment is coming and then poking holes in a good thing, leading to self-sabotage. I rush relationships and light the candle on both ends because I crave a deep emotional bond. I just had a realisation too. I’ve been with the person I’m currently dating for almost 6 weeks and I almost sabotaged it 2 weeks in because he wasn’t lovebombing me (people with BPD/abandonment issues often attract narcissists and lovebombers). I mistook him being healthy and not lovebombing and taking time to form a bond as a sign that he wasn’t interested and almost ran with it. But I was able to stop and after some time he started opening up more and I went, “ohhhhh he’s not ill. Wait! This is what a non-toxic dating situation look and feels like?!”
I am proud that you let that relationship go after a couple days. That is amazing! I am better at that now. I learned that the person may never give you closure. You have to do it yourself.
I soo agree with Allison and wants/needs and video chatting. I've struggled living in an "outdoorsy" city because I am not, haha. It's also been frustrating because I'm positive that most people aren't as outdoorsy as they claim and we could totally get along in a relationship. But expectations and "standards" make it challenging since they aren't focused on the needs of a relationship.
Loved this episode as Allison had so many wise things about dating that should be shared with the dating world and its participants! Also similarly, the story of meeting her husband and her wants in the relationship were very similar to mine. I met my husband in 2021 after a previous guy I was seeing did not work out. Pre-husband wanted to move in first before getting married and I opted in with the intention of wanted to be engaged within a year after moving in together. 6 months later he proposed (which was early than I anticipated) and we got married early 2024. So it’s okay to talk about your wants and needs in a relationship because you’re being true to yourself and the right person will not walk away. It’s also okay if they do because you’re not wasting your time with the wrong person!
Absolutely agree with Allison's advice on relationships. I've always believed that you don't need shared *interests*, you need shared *values*. However, the idea that i have to be my authentic self with a stranger is the worst news i've ever heard, because i'm not even myself with people i've known for years 🥲 Also, please stop making OCD tendencies sound so relatable because ???
8:50 I will never understand how people (mostly men) are able to just quite literally shut off a part of their thinking or emotions and just move on as if nothing happened. How is that possible?! How is it possible that you can leave someone broken in pieces and that same night just go out and party with friends without giving that person or the situation a second thought? Meanwhile the other person is left crippled in bed in a fetus position crying every night. I really don't understand how there are people who are so cold in this world. To be able to shut off your humanity like that is wild.
I think it says a lot about the individual, and the fact their empathy probably does not run very deep. You don’t own someone a relationship but you own them respect if you’re leaving it(obviously unless they were abusive or cheated). The loss is terrible but at least it shows you were being real in the love. A lot of people fake it for a long time cause they can’t stand being honest, and that in my opinion is an indictment on them. At least in my experience a lot of people do the out of nowhere bad explanation breakup when the person they’re leaving did nothing “wrong”. It’s just easier to cut you off so they don’t have to feel bad, and again that says something about them not you. I know myself and many others get lost in how it’s our faults, but sometimes feelings just fade. It hurts but it’s real, and that is a relief compared to ruminating on all our flaws as Allison talked about.
I'm gonna share why I do it, but I want you to know that I have no judgement on you or the other commenter; and I can't say anything about your relationships because they weren't with me. I shut people off, sometimes not even say bye; cut off without explanation, block them and delete their contact, switch friend groups, sometimes even cut off friends we have in common just so I don't have to know about the person I left behind; why? Because the people I've done it to won't change, I have mental health issues, and I shut down. I did to a person I was in a situationship for 6 years, learned she was telling people she'd married some dude her family liked (her family hated me because me gay), and I just cut her off; I didn't wanna hear an explanation, I didn't wanna understand, I just looked at us and saw I felt dead inside, and decided I was out. Did it to a friend; he would have moments of asking for intimacy and closeness and bonding in a way that's like we are chosen family, then he'd fall through (example: one time he scheduled a volunteering gig on the day of my birthday, when we had talked about going on a day trip, and I was told on the same day); I just let things slide, and one day I just felt like a switch turned off, I didn't care anymore about him, didn't expect anything from him, didn't wanna hang out with him; I knew if I brought this up he wouldn't agree, so I decided for both us that the relationship wasn't worth to rescue for me, it was too late; I blocked him, deleted his number, disappeared, and minded my own business. Granted it is easier when you don't live with the other person, and I didn't live with those two. Would it have been way more adult to approach problems as they came, embrace conflict, and come to a resolution? For sure, I was immature and selfish. But I didn't care about being immature and selfish, I still don't care. I'm working on therapy to address this red flag of mine, because it's the right thing to do. And also working on therapy on myself to not be a people pleaser. Hopefully one day, the first time somebody does something major that hurt without intending to, I can bring it up, be vulnerable, and work through the conflict.
This sounds dumb, but I’ve been left and it was a pain I did not understand the gravity of. I like who these ladies are so much more than that ex and they’ve both been left and that just helps me feel normal and less alone. Cause damn you can’t know how bad it hurts to be dumped when you’re in love till it happens, literally broke my brain for a while, and made me feel worthless. Allison’s advice has helped me so much with so many things. Her and Gabe’s show is great and deserves all the love.
My son has PANDAS. We had to go out of state for treatment at onset. Its been stable for a while thank goodness, but there's still a huge void in the medical world when it comes to diagnosing and treating autoimmune conditions.
Damn Nicole, you be looking cute as hell these days!!! 💜 I'm so used to checking out the podcast in audio-only form that I hadn't checked out the videos til recently. Been loving this podcast for years, thanks for keeping it going!
I just realized I've never heard Nicole outside of on stage 😮 her voice is so sultry and sexy in the podcast, but on stage she's high pitched and glamorous. I almost feel like I've seen Nicole and Nicole's twin, and both of them are hot for different reasons.
Great conversation! Just want to mention I’d have loved to hear that story you skipped, for your new listeners / those who came for the guest and become new subscribers 😊
@@annadelahunt8630 she is not married. I think she married someone once for immigration purposes YEARS ago. But Nicole is famously single (hence the podcast)
I just saw you on Jimmy Kimmel from the other night. Last night I think. Anyway, now I like you and have subscribed to your page. Looking forward to checking out your content. 8^)
well at the beginning she said "was trying to figure out why I am still single" but then she said she paused dating apps but did not mention she is in a relationship. I am confused too.
lol this girls relationship life is crazy. Gets dumped and is telling a new man she loves him and had him meeting her parents months later….. kinda seems like she wanted to get Married asap and it didn’t matter to who 😂 whoever stayed ✨🎉😂
I would not say that’s true. I’d go to her channel and listen to who she is and her story and it makes perfect sense to a lot of people. It’s also just very funny and her chemistry with her cohost is a real joy. Along with a lot of heartfelt good advice.
Get 15% off OneSkin with the code DATEME at oneskin.co #oneskinpod
Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.
😊
Thank you for having me!! What a delight!! - Allison
I love following you around on your interview tour hehe
My algorithm gives me everything with "Allison Raskin" in the title and I am loving it
Following Allison for multiple years online changed my life. No joke. I would never be as well adjusted without seeing her growth and insights.
This is amazing to read! Thank you so much! - A
I feel the exact same way! I genuinely credit her with so much of the healthy relationship behavior I’ve learned over the years :’)
Imagine my suprise when she responded to this comment (and maybe is reading this one as well 👀) and I couldn't believe I got the chance to brighten up her day just for couple of seconds in return for so so much more she gave me/us (I had a lil cry about it, but in a very thankfull communal way 😄)@@Liz-us8mf
Ditto, one of the only people I (parasocially) truly look up to. So nice to see her on this pod
Completely agree
Wow! I gotta say she was the most helpful guest you ever had on your podcast!
After being left by my almost five-year relationship (we lived together, he was my first) I followed Allison's advice on going back out and dating. It may have seemed fast for some people, but I knew what I wanted, and I already felt like I had wasted time in my previous relationship. I was extremely honest in what I was looking for long-term, and let people know on DATE ONE that I expect exclusivity in the first month, or within four dates. I truly believe you know enough about someone and your attraction at that point, and anyone that balked out that - I said goodbye. Ironically, 4/5 men I dated over a three-month period were absolutely on board. I ended up meeting my current partner through this, and I am so happy with our relationship.
Just so everyone knows Allison is a relationship coach so… hire her!
No wonder she gave the best advice ive heard from a guest on the pod. Love the counteracting the mysterious bs tht nicole has heard from other guests.
@@Shewhospeakesinverseshe got a master in psychology in the last couple of years and has put a lot of time and energy into learning a studying stuff regarding relationships and dating.
Oh em gee. It’s the crossover I didn’t know that I needed!!
My faves finally together!!
So excited you are finally doing video podcasts! Your laugh is so uplifting just listening and to see how happy you are thru video as well is so nice and positive.
She really has the best laugh! It brings me joy every time! I love seeing her be happy too!
💜💜💜
I appreciate hearing from a woman whose fiancé left them. In my case we’d been together 8 years and he called it off a few months before the wedding. And same thing, no reason, he just “couldn’t do it” (but didn’t want to lose me as a friend… hah!) Dating with intention is very important to me now and maybe also why I’ve been single for years, hah.
50:30 Damn Nicole! Allison gotcho ass!! she really did make a valid point that if you act like you'll attract that. What a great episode this was!
I love Allison’s advice for single women! A brief FaceTime before a first date is so helpful, I FaceTimed once at the man’s suggestion and I was nervous (I usually try to avoid phone calls with strangers) but it made the in-person date more fun honestly!
Omg I remember Allison from her buzzfeed days, love to hear she's having a successful career after
Edit:fixed spelling
Omg I KNEW I remembered her from somewhere!!!!
She’s great! She hosts a podcast with Gabe (also from buzzfeed) Just Between Us.
So cool to hear about *actual* OCD in relationships. My partner has Just Right OCD and incorporating the ERP process is a constant balancing act!
bird conversation disturbing them both in different ways is so funny
11:27 The way she instantly slipped into relationship coach mode
OBSESSED with the background in the ad!! and little sleeping clyde!?! so freakin cute
Yes we love a cameo from sleepy Clyde 💜
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and the making-shit-up-and-having-to-stop-and-sift-reality-from-what-I’ve-made-up is SO REAL. Making shit up so that I perceive that abandonment is coming and then poking holes in a good thing, leading to self-sabotage. I rush relationships and light the candle on both ends because I crave a deep emotional bond.
I just had a realisation too. I’ve been with the person I’m currently dating for almost 6 weeks and I almost sabotaged it 2 weeks in because he wasn’t lovebombing me (people with BPD/abandonment issues often attract narcissists and lovebombers). I mistook him being healthy and not lovebombing and taking time to form a bond as a sign that he wasn’t interested and almost ran with it. But I was able to stop and after some time he started opening up more and I went, “ohhhhh he’s not ill. Wait! This is what a non-toxic dating situation look and feels like?!”
real
I am proud that you let that relationship go after a couple days. That is amazing! I am better at that now. I learned that the person may never give you closure. You have to do it yourself.
I soo agree with Allison and wants/needs and video chatting. I've struggled living in an "outdoorsy" city because I am not, haha. It's also been frustrating because I'm positive that most people aren't as outdoorsy as they claim and we could totally get along in a relationship. But expectations and "standards" make it challenging since they aren't focused on the needs of a relationship.
the "no offense" was too good 😂😂❤
Loved this episode as Allison had so many wise things about dating that should be shared with the dating world and its participants! Also similarly, the story of meeting her husband and her wants in the relationship were very similar to mine. I met my husband in 2021 after a previous guy I was seeing did not work out. Pre-husband wanted to move in first before getting married and I opted in with the intention of wanted to be engaged within a year after moving in together. 6 months later he proposed (which was early than I anticipated) and we got married early 2024. So it’s okay to talk about your wants and needs in a relationship because you’re being true to yourself and the right person will not walk away. It’s also okay if they do because you’re not wasting your time with the wrong person!
Absolutely agree with Allison's advice on relationships. I've always believed that you don't need shared *interests*, you need shared *values*. However, the idea that i have to be my authentic self with a stranger is the worst news i've ever heard, because i'm not even myself with people i've known for years 🥲
Also, please stop making OCD tendencies sound so relatable because ???
Omg this is my mcu
The crossover I never expected!!!
YES YES YES ALLISON IS THE BEST
honestly that facetime or phone call thing before a date, genius.
"He was unfortunately white, no offence." This had me rolling. IYKYK
So excited for this, Allison is the best guest
8:50 I will never understand how people (mostly men) are able to just quite literally shut off a part of their thinking or emotions and just move on as if nothing happened. How is that possible?! How is it possible that you can leave someone broken in pieces and that same night just go out and party with friends without giving that person or the situation a second thought? Meanwhile the other person is left crippled in bed in a fetus position crying every night. I really don't understand how there are people who are so cold in this world. To be able to shut off your humanity like that is wild.
I think it says a lot about the individual, and the fact their empathy probably does not run very deep. You don’t own someone a relationship but you own them respect if you’re leaving it(obviously unless they were abusive or cheated). The loss is terrible but at least it shows you were being real in the love. A lot of people fake it for a long time cause they can’t stand being honest, and that in my opinion is an indictment on them. At least in my experience a lot of people do the out of nowhere bad explanation breakup when the person they’re leaving did nothing “wrong”. It’s just easier to cut you off so they don’t have to feel bad, and again that says something about them not you. I know myself and many others get lost in how it’s our faults, but sometimes feelings just fade. It hurts but it’s real, and that is a relief compared to ruminating on all our flaws as Allison talked about.
I'm gonna share why I do it, but I want you to know that I have no judgement on you or the other commenter; and I can't say anything about your relationships because they weren't with me. I shut people off, sometimes not even say bye; cut off without explanation, block them and delete their contact, switch friend groups, sometimes even cut off friends we have in common just so I don't have to know about the person I left behind; why? Because the people I've done it to won't change, I have mental health issues, and I shut down. I did to a person I was in a situationship for 6 years, learned she was telling people she'd married some dude her family liked (her family hated me because me gay), and I just cut her off; I didn't wanna hear an explanation, I didn't wanna understand, I just looked at us and saw I felt dead inside, and decided I was out. Did it to a friend; he would have moments of asking for intimacy and closeness and bonding in a way that's like we are chosen family, then he'd fall through (example: one time he scheduled a volunteering gig on the day of my birthday, when we had talked about going on a day trip, and I was told on the same day); I just let things slide, and one day I just felt like a switch turned off, I didn't care anymore about him, didn't expect anything from him, didn't wanna hang out with him; I knew if I brought this up he wouldn't agree, so I decided for both us that the relationship wasn't worth to rescue for me, it was too late; I blocked him, deleted his number, disappeared, and minded my own business. Granted it is easier when you don't live with the other person, and I didn't live with those two. Would it have been way more adult to approach problems as they came, embrace conflict, and come to a resolution? For sure, I was immature and selfish. But I didn't care about being immature and selfish, I still don't care. I'm working on therapy to address this red flag of mine, because it's the right thing to do. And also working on therapy on myself to not be a people pleaser. Hopefully one day, the first time somebody does something major that hurt without intending to, I can bring it up, be vulnerable, and work through the conflict.
This sounds dumb, but I’ve been left and it was a pain I did not understand the gravity of. I like who these ladies are so much more than that ex and they’ve both been left and that just helps me feel normal and less alone. Cause damn you can’t know how bad it hurts to be dumped when you’re in love till it happens, literally broke my brain for a while, and made me feel worthless. Allison’s advice has helped me so much with so many things. Her and Gabe’s show is great and deserves all the love.
LOVE THIS! Love Alison and Nicole!!
PANDAS visibility! I have dealt with OCD my whole life due to PANDAS and this is the first time I have ever heard it talked about in media.
My son has PANDAS. We had to go out of state for treatment at onset. Its been stable for a while thank goodness, but there's still a huge void in the medical world when it comes to diagnosing and treating autoimmune conditions.
Yes, alison has talked ab it a lot
Pandas?
@@hollyk7052I just googled it and it's an acronym for Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections
Damn Nicole, you be looking cute as hell these days!!! 💜 I'm so used to checking out the podcast in audio-only form that I hadn't checked out the videos til recently. Been loving this podcast for years, thanks for keeping it going!
i’m 24 and have loved allison since middle school omg
Thanks to Nicole and Allison! 😊
“The right one will love it”
for me allison has hit the pentagon. omg
I've been waiting for this crossover for years!
I just realized I've never heard Nicole outside of on stage 😮 her voice is so sultry and sexy in the podcast, but on stage she's high pitched and glamorous. I almost feel like I've seen Nicole and Nicole's twin, and both of them are hot for different reasons.
Damn Allison spitting some truth I did not want to hear but I needed to.
Love you both. Very relatable stuff. Please keep doing you ❤❤❤
Great conversation! Just want to mention I’d have loved to hear that story you skipped, for your new listeners / those who came for the guest and become new subscribers 😊
16:33 I would’ve cried she was just trying to be nice 😭
Nicole is not ready for all these truth bombs lol
Thank you Nicole and team for another lovely ep :) please start uploading them earlier in the morning on Fridays, like before 🙏
What time is best for you?
I noticed it was earlier this time - thank you!!
@@marevalindo it was all because of you, thank you - xoxo
The X-Files movie on VHS over Nicole's shoulder. Such joy!
Been loving alisons content ror soooo looong
Really enjoyed this crossover 🥰
I’m so confused. . .I thought she had a boyfriend
Came to the comments to be sure I didn't miss something. She was boo'd up in the last ep, no?
Maybe this was filmed before? I’m confused as well 😢
I thought maybe this means they broke up but she's not ready to talk about it ?
She’s married, she’s talking about the past
@@annadelahunt8630 she is not married. I think she married someone once for immigration purposes YEARS ago. But Nicole is famously single (hence the podcast)
I'm rooting for you Allison
Go Allison!!!!
Allison which quote from I think you should leave did you want to put on your ring???
I just saw you on Jimmy Kimmel from the other night. Last night I think. Anyway, now I like you and have subscribed to your page. Looking forward to checking out your content. 8^)
Two queens
I love Nicole!
emotional support laddyyyyyyy❤️
YESSSSS ALLISON!!!!!!!!
Is this episode super old? Cause Nicole is single here
I guess we don't know what order these are filmed/released so maybe it's older? Maybe she is single again 🤷♀️
I hope it’s just just older, she seemed to be really happy with the relationship!
well at the beginning she said "was trying to figure out why I am still single" but then she said she paused dating apps but did not mention she is in a relationship. I am confused too.
This was my point of confusion too. But maybe it’s just a way to put a new boundary for personal privacy or something
im just busy being flabbergasted by the short engagements and the need to lock it down fast
ALLISON OMG
Nicole you look so cute in these videos!
Wow never knew you had ocd, me too!
OCD hive rise up
CLYDE
is nicole not with her man anymore ?
💜
💕💕✨️💖✨️💕💕
allison i’m the right person lol
Allison should be offer a match making service
Nicole, please let me match make you but also, help you decolonise what relationships "are"
What are they?
lol this girls relationship life is crazy. Gets dumped and is telling a new man she loves him and had him meeting her parents months later….. kinda seems like she wanted to get Married asap and it didn’t matter to who 😂 whoever stayed ✨🎉😂
I would not say that’s true. I’d go to her channel and listen to who she is and her story and it makes perfect sense to a lot of people. It’s also just very funny and her chemistry with her cohost is a real joy. Along with a lot of heartfelt good advice.
Is that really the impression you got from allison? Sad
Allison’s giggle is perfection 🩵
And I also would FaceTime before a date since it makes me feel safer
the crossover I've always dreamed of!!