Fatherhood & Monster Empathy

Years ago, Ian MacKenzie invited me to my first ever father circle with the Rad Dad Collective (www.raddadcoll...) . Since then, “fatherhood” as a context for personal growth flourished in and around me, leading me to eventually create this blog and podcast.
In this episode, Ian and I explore the theme of monsters within the home setting.
That is, when we experience the monstrous side of our children how might we hold three things at once?
An appreciation for the cultural bias of “othering” and enabling violence towards others we see as monsters;
The impulses in ourselves that may match that “othering” mob mentality in relation to our kids due to shared dysregulation, lack of being resourced, and lack of village;
The deeper needs and practices of a father role that balances between being present to what arises and occasionally getting swept up and falling short of our own standards (high as they may be).
Among the trails we traversed, we touch on “evil” and “monsters” from a storytelling lens, how these energies appear in our encounters with our kids, and spoil the ending of a classic film known as Ernest Scared Stupid (seriously : )
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Minutes after we recorded, I picked up my kids from school. My 4-year old son, as if tapped into the journey my psyche had just taken with Ian, asked me, “Dad, why do people become vampires when vampires bite them?"
(and he doesn’t talk about vampires much, so this was gorgeous synchronicity)
I recalled what Ian had touched on. He called the phenomena “monster transference.” The idea being that when our kids are getting dysregulated, they are becoming monstrous, and then we get agitated and we become monstrous too. As if monsterousness is a field that can expand and include.
With this nuanced awareness, I told my son, "I think the story of vampires is trying to say that when monsters are around, other people can become monsters too."
He responded, “Oh, that’s how stories work?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
And then he said, "Dad, you smell like a donut."
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Enjoy this conversation with…
Ian MacKenzie
Filmmaker, artist, host of The Mythic Masculine podcast and co-founder of The School of Mythopoetics.
Links:
www.themythicmasculine.com (www.themythicma...) - an attempt to bridge the insights & gaps of the previous generation into the new century, as well as breathe new life into the mythopoetic relationship between masculinity & our collective thriving future.
www.themythicmasculine.com/deepmasculine (www.themythicm...) - The Deep Masculine online offering - a 12 Week Mythosomatic Journey For Men to repattern your relationship to sex, soul, and purpose (next cohort begins: Sept 26, 2024)
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PS: In the intro, I announced my illustrated book is now on Kickstarter (since moved to IndieGogo (igg.me/at/hidi...) - it’s called HIDING INSIDE A MAN: Finding Strength in Self-Compassion…
igg.me/at/hidi...
About the book, men are saying 🌻
“With this gift… (young men) may just find the soul poetry of worthy masculinity.” - Bill Kauth / co-founder of the New Warrior Training Adventure of The Mankind Project and author of 'A Circle of Men' and 'We Need Each Other: Building Gift Community'
“A powerful perspective on the everyday challenges boys and young men face. Inspiring and encouraging.” - Daniel Ellenberg, PhD / past President of the Society for the Psychological Study of Men & Masculinities (American Psychological Association), founder of the Center for Men & Boys Compassion
“Sensitive to everything, and strong enough to hold all of it.” - Dr. Kelly Flanagan / best-selling and award-winning author of ‘Loveable’
igg.me/at/hidi...
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The monsters are lurking 👹 Be well, fathers.
Get full access to Fatherhood Dojo at matthewsloane.substack.com/subscribe (matthewsloane....)