I Have a Crush on a Coworker (But I’m Happily Married)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 16 бер 2023
- I Have a Crush on a Coworker (But I’m Happily Married)
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
Learn how to change your thoughts, change your behaviors, and change your life. Subscribe to the Dr. John Delony’s show!
ua-cam.com/users/JohnDelony?...
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- DreamCloud - dreamcloudsleep.com/delony
- Churchill Mortgage - www.churchillmortgage.com/Delony
- Thorne (25%Off Orders) - www.thorne.com/u/delony
Get John’s new book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future here: bit.ly/3Lmf076
Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: bit.ly/3cEP4n6
Get John’s Questions for Humans Conversation Cards:
bit.ly/3wkym67
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( JohnDelony/).
“This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/Delony and get on your way to being your best self.”
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show.
If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...
Whenever my husband comes across a flirty girl at work, he always responds including me. For example:
Co-worker: so what do you like to do for fun?
Husband: my wife and I like to go boating
Co-worker: what’s your fav restaurant?
Husband: my wife and I really like to eat at XYZ
This technique has always shut down the flirting.
I agree. I find that mentioning that I'm married early on, displays the trust I have in my marriage, same goes for my husband. Also, I'm not trying to trick anyone into thinking I'm single.
Love this…
Same here! It's very effective.
Genius. Love it.
Yes someone I met at the gym would bring up their fiance when I had no idea. I respected it and cut it off.
Stop feeding the crush! Affairs don’t just happen. They are fed baby step by baby step!
It’s time to grow up!!
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Exactly. Or just divorce and date. It’s so unfair for the wife. This guy is a loser. This ain’t love.
Agree. If you just shut it out of your system you won’t make a bad mistake. Any issues start small bc people can’t stop and think anymore for themselves they expect society to stop them. It’s on YOU.
NEVER!
Don’t just divorce. Marriage is a life-long commitment. Period.@@ibabymomx3
Do not text. Stay away. No lunches. No drinks. No Facebook or Instagram friends with her. Put up boundaries
yeah because one will lead to another and another thing and boom…
Golden rule to all of this: don’t do or say something to someone you feel attracted to that you would not if your significant other was right there with you.
@@Tgogatorsyep ☝🏼 that’s my rule
Yes RUN!!! Joseph had to RUN out of even the room of Potiphars wife.
Damn this is childish advice
I’ve been happily married to my husband for 8 years. After work on Friday he went out for a drink with his buddies. When he got home a little later, he told me he got approached by a couple women at the bar. I already knew he was respectful, because that’s the kind of man I married, but I smiled and said “Of course you got approached! You’re very handsome!” And left it at that.
But then I got the full story from his friend David when he came over to our house for poker the next night.
“Hey you! Have you met my friend Anna?” one of the girls apparently said and pushed her friend forward to my husband.
“This legend,” David said as he continued to tell me the story. “He showed the girls the ring on his finger and replied, ‘Nice to meet you Anna. I’m a happily married man with the honor of having the most beautiful wife in the world. Have you met my single friend, David?’”
After I heard in detail how my husband honored me and our marriage in that situation, it made me simp for him so hard 😅 I still have butterflies just thinking about it. Such a turn on when a man shows you he’s YOUR man ❤
Yes, it is an amazing feeling. My husband is the same way. We are so blessed.
That's the kinda man I want .. he sounds awesome
This is what I need right here! Happy for you!
My sister's ex had a friend like that. It was all BS.
This awesome!! I am going to be this husband!!
If his wife said the same thing about Chad at her job he wouldn’t be able to breathe.
Right?? 👀
his chest would cave in lol
Absolutely.
You know it's true😅. But I will say this.... Women have crushes too. The difference is we on average have better self control. * ON AVERAGE*.....so while he is calling John about it, his wife probably has had a few of her own and never thought twice about it because she knew she would never act on it or let it threaten her love for her husband. This guy on the other hand is already on the EDGE. Pretty sure he down played this exponentially....he is ready to take things further for sure. A crush is fleeting and wouldn't warrant a call imo.
@@CrystalM1917 I agree women on average have more self control but I think thats because guys been coming at most of y'all since like the age of 12
My wife never needs to worry about this.
She knows I hate everyone I work with.
😂😅😊
😂😂
Ideal husband 😂❤
😂
😂😂😂
As someone who just found out of my husband’s year long affair with a coworker, this call is extremely triggering. It’s not worth it. And yes I’m filing for divorce.
I get it, this one tore me to shreds. Wishing you well. ❤
getting half as well?
@@TheAgentmigsWould you still with a cheater?
@@TheAgentmigs She deserves more than half. If he wanted to keep his stuff he should have kept his attraction within marriage.
So sorry for you Erica. My ex-wife had a 4+ year affair before we separated and divorced. I lost about 6 years of my life when we should have been enjoying our middle ages as our kids grew up. I wouldn't wish this torture on anyone. I pray that God will cover you during this valley of your life, and then also deliver a wonderful faithful husband for the last phase of your life. Blessings!
I think it's perfectly normal to find other women as attractive, but my pledge was to my wife. So to protect myself and my marriage I have appropriate boundaries in place. I don't have secret conversations/inside jokes with co workers, I don't call/text after certain times of the evening, I don't do one on one Lunches with the opposite sex, etc. I think if more people put boundaries in their marriages, things would go a lot smoother. Like John said, feelings don't matter. It's our actions that matter
True. But ppl will gaslight you to death in this world and fight for their right to befriend the opposite sex and *have lack boundaries just because. They’ll fight more so for their individual rights than their martial rights. It’s so weird.
You are right, you do have appropriate boundaries in place. Remember how people gave Mike Pence crap when he said that he wouldn’t go to lunch with a woman not his wife? Stand your ground. You’re an awesome husband.
Oh no. I do all that with a female coworker who is married. She even calls me her work husband
@@grod805 why do you do that? Do you like her? Not criticizing just genuinely wanting to understand your feelings. Do you have feelings for her?
You’re a good man and you’re wife hit the husband lottery with you 👏👏👏
There’s nothing to navigate sir, you’re married! This man is playing with fire.
Yep!! Bingo!
Username checks out!
Right? How much fire can I play with without burning this marriage to the ground?
He doesn’t know how to navigate this? You don’t NAVIGATE, you walk away! He’s enjoying the lust he has for this co worker. How disgusting!
Yes! People act like simple things like walking away and saying no are foreign concepts.
Amidst my postpartum depression and anxiety, I wanted nothing to do with my husband. I started to “crush” on a coworker. I distanced myself and found a new job. The postpartum struggles finally passed and I love my husband dearly. Those situations must be squashed IMMEDIATELY.
There had been a long unhappy period in my marriage, we had so much conflict and communication not going right, and I also developed a crush on someone. So I distanced myself from that person. A few years later, my marriage is the happiest it's ever been, and I feel so much attachment and love for my husband. So happy I'm with him and not anyone else.
Its werid how this can happen. I never thought I would be someone to have a flirty crush and then it happened. I didnty do anything with this guy thankfully but it did cross my mind. The best thing is to be aware of whats going on and come to our senses.
I think the way forward for this guy is to
Find a new job, cut contact with co worker
Talk to his wife about what they can do to reboot the marriage, I wouldn’t talk to her about co worker only because nothing has yet happened and I think telling her may hurt her and cause a lot of anxiety and trust issues that may fracture her and the relationship.
If he had started acting on it, which I feel he has then I think it does need to be addressed
I’d bet money they’ve started texting and divulging life to each other.
I think he needs to do some work on himself as well. To find out what is missing and how can he find that within the boundaries of his marriage and safe friendships
Women always have these little excuses and reasons for things happening. Men don’t have that. When a man crushes on a woman he isn’t married to, he’s just trash.
@@Kate-tz4vshow da fck you guys have crushes i dont get it. Do you just know a lot of men and who they are? Like i am single, never tried to get a girlfriend but i dont just have crushes etc. on women i do not know. Is it the looks? You had lust? I want to understand the mindset of people having a crush out of nowhere.
Why are people never happy with what they have?😩 There are people who wish to have someone by their side as a spouse and who don't get to experience that. Be grateful, you fools.
The old expression" the grass is greener "
@@davidmopar8446 To expand on that, grass is greener where you water it.
Didnt you hear him say he is happy? Come on. People catch feelings for other people all the time, we are human. The key thing is never acting on it
Because humans are human with human emotions. Regardless of the situation it’s normal to wonder how things could be different. That’s being human. I’ve though about what if I drive my car into a concrete pillar. I’m not suicidal. The thought still happened.
@@meh_lady 100!!!!! Omg, YES!!!!
Crushes happen when you lack boundaries as a married person. If you are married, stop getting too personal with single people at your job. As a single woman, a married man at my job is not my friend. I keep conversations with them to a minimum because I keep boundaries for this reason. Boundaries work people, all you have to do is try them.
Single and even other Married !! … anyone!
Same it’s called integrity
Married people often have affairs with other married people. Men and women who are married should not be close friends with people of the opposite gender. Couples can be friends but the closest friendships should be between the spouses of the same gender.
I grew up with four brothers and I get along with men as human beings. Telling me not to talk to them....that's weird to me. I'm glad my husband doesn't get jealous or controlling. Also I think it's fine if my husband enjoys talking with his female coworkers. I love when he praises other women because I've met so many misogynists, it's a breath of fresh air to hear him saying this girl is smart, that girl is hilarious, etc. He and I just don't cheat on each other or want to. In other words, I have boundaries but still enjoy people overall. It would be a shame to me if everyone kept to themselves out of paranoia. Not a great society.
I'm an unmarried woman for religious reasons and have no problem with having male friends, wether married or not. I don't intend to marry, so 'that' type of attitude/relation etc. doesn't even the conversation. I know that my type of situation is rather rare but I'm saying it to show is very much doable. And it doesn't mean to restrict the interactions to minimum, you still can be friendly etc. You control your boundaries, but that doesn't mean restrict yourself to dry professionalism only.
I’m a married man. As much as I’d like to believe I’d never cheat on my wife, I’m not dumb enough to disregard human nature. Therefore, don’t put myself in vulnerable situations with the opposite sex.
I don’t hang out in places or situations that could foster inappropriate relationships with women. I don’t befriend other women, period.
Our modern society thinks otherwise. How’s it been working out for them?
This 🙌🏻 this is how I am, I don’t put myself in situations that lead to bad outcomes.
I’m friendly with male coworkers but they aren’t involved in my life. It’s strictly professional and cordial.
My husband is the opposite and has had at least one affair.
I’ve been watching him since then and recently started to realise his boundaries around women, his recklessness in general, his default to dishonesty are part of his character and all are part of the lead up to his betrayal/s
That's very respectable.
That’s not human nature that’s all you
@@tthettai Our cultural situation says otherwise.
I'm bisexual so I'd be friendless with this approach, so my general rule is so long as I don't feel romantic/physical attraction toward a person I want to get to know, it's fine to become their friend. If those feelings develop later in a friendship, I'd take a step back... Fortunately I haven't ever experienced platonic feelings turning romantic though.
The grass is greener where you water it.
I don’t think it’s gonna bring him peace if he tells his wife about his crush. It’s gonna make her paranoid about the girl at work. He just needs to pull away and let it be done.
Answer here is simple? 1- get a new job / transfer
2- delete the woman
3- get closer to the wife.
👍Transferred to another department. Friend zoned.
Exactly
Lol the internet does have a different meaning for "delete".
Damn what do you mean with delete? 😳
@@LordMuzhy Delete is the new way to say kill. I've seen some videos use delete as a way to say killed or someone got murdered.
As someone that was in a situation like this and it literally destroyed my life. CHANGE JOBS IMMEDIENTLY. Get away from the person, talk to someone a priest, a close friend, a therapist and DONT tell your wife if nothing has happened. You will crush your spouse with this because she will think you slept with her. This is your struggle and you need to fix your behavior. I've been the other woman and it was the worst feeling in the world. It's all superficial and it's 100% a problem with YOU. YOU ARE INSECURE AND LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. Don't hurt your wife fix yourself. You telling her will transfer your pain to her and it will only destroy your marriage.
Or keep the job and have fun
@@jesuslover5968 Not sure destroying two people's lives is fun but hey
@@jesuslover5968 ew
@@Price8903 yes thanks
@@LulaMae21 as long as they don’t act on it …it’s nice to have someone you fancy at work
We lose what we take for granted.
100%. The grass is always greener on the other side, until you get to the other side and now you want to go back.
@@roejieksJesus is coming back. Believe He died for your sins and rose again then repent to be saved.
Fact. So very true 💯🔥🔥🔥
@@IloveJesus777j77 No.
"I love my wife but..." theres no accidently. theres only intention.
Lol, no.
@@user-he6rs8xi7u lol, YES. You’re just a mentally weak person trying to play the role of a “man” except you’re doing it wrong. Stop being a coward and do right.
Yeah he’s a loser.
@@user-he6rs8xi7uJesus is coming back. Believe He died for your sins and rose again then repent to be saved.
You can't develop a crush unless you consciously make time to think about it. He's given this woman at work too much time in his mind. It's really simple, accept 100% that you are married and nothing is going to come out of it and change your focus. Look for other things that can bring you a sense of excitement and fun that are healthy to your marriage.
You are 100% correct.
I never had the language for it but this is exactly it.
But it doesn't take much time. I've had people smile at me and it produces that "crush" feeling. The important thing is just to acknowledge it for what it really is: it's just an emotion. It doesn't mean anything.
jasonroos4123 nah most men are freedom seekers. You disallow and you get REPRESSION and then RESENTMENT. People pleasers can do it tho, i am just not one of those 🤡s
@@jason_v12345emotions mean a lot. Otherwise you wouldn't respect the feelings and emotions you have for your spouse
Cheap thrills don’t fill, they destroy.
LMAO... SERIOUSLY?
@BBAKER 😮😮😮😱😱🤯🤯😮😲😱🤯😮
WOW. You keep posting this under every comment. I don’t care.
So true!
Imagine you are the wife listening to this...
I would be looking for another place.
I would be pretty sure that if the hubby is calling for advice 1. he’s done more than he admitted and 2. I need out if this guy does not know what to do and needs guidance. .
Seriously.... can you imagine hearing your husband squeeling that he feels like he's in highschool again over a coworker....... 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Betrayal
Well hey, at least he's looking for advice...which shows some consideration for her. A lot of people would just have a secret affair and move on with life without the spouse ever knowing!
In my opinion, men need another MAN to have accountability conversations with. A wife is not there to keep her husband accountable on porn, lust, crushes, urges. It creates an insecure dynamic and then the WIFE has to manage that insecurity. Find a male accountability partner. Share this with him. Develop a plan with him, check in with him. Then tell your wife how you are working on yourself to be a better man for her! Don’t tell her the details. Have boundaries with your wife to keep her secure in the fact that you are willing to do whatever is required to be a man that will fight for her.
Golden wisdom right here!
I've personally had difficulties finding/seeing men that will do this for each other. From what I've experienced, they usually support the other's dysfunctional behavior, or come to the agreed upon "all women are dumb, emotional, and crazy" conclusions. . . There's a serious lack of mentally strong, emotionally intelligent male role models. I know they're out there, but jeez. . . Men need help from other men, but there's too many of them that aren't taught how to be functional adults.
Agreed.
@@andeddoberubetto If you are in a church, seek an elder or another trusted man. Shared values and concern for a person's soul or witness go a long way.
It’s a big boys club
lots of affairs start out this way
Yep they get physical in no time
so true. i've had men tell me their wife is jealous. i ask are you doing something to make her that way. men that are flirtatious wonder why their wives don't trust them. hmmm if my husband went to the woods looking for an animal , i'd expect him to bring something home for dinner haha. don't go looking for something if you don't want it. i do believe that a happily married man that is satisfied with his marriage and loves his wife is only looking for attention and validation, and a man that is looking to get a piece is very quick to try to get it. i read that men that start an affair sleep with the woman within one month. a man that is just flirting, isn't in a hurry, but that said, it still doesn't feel very good when the man you love dearly is flirting with the cashier right in front of you and thinks it's ok. some men think it's alright if their wife flirt also as along as he knows she's not going anywhere. the harm in that is there might come a day when there IS a man or woman that you CAN"T say no to, then what?
@@leegalloway9508 That is so true! both genders don't realize when you enter the temptation zone, it is hard to get out of there. We just need to be mature enough to realize this and stay away from it, don't get involved and try harder to be a good husband /wife. Temptations will always be there but you have the control of your life and decisions.
Can‘t be happily married when he‘s crushing on someone else 🤦♀️
Oh yes he can. Wife, house, home, stability and safety, all his need are met, both physically and emotionally at home. Shes his best friend, she listens... but coworker is just different. Laughs at his jokes, walks talks smells differently... novelty. Endless endeavour pursuing always the next best thing, always striving for new, better, unknown. Expanding ones horizon. Nothing more frightning than being locked in a golden cage, marriage. Being told what to think, to eat, to do, to whom to talk to and how. Its just a tool of control. Not love. Never was. Never will be. If you have to lock someone down or up to be sure they are not leaving you, even if they find better, just because they made promise, thats abhorrent. You only love her when you let her go. Grant freedom to them to go and explore and find out you are the best and they are willing choosing to stsy with you every day not because they have to, but because the want to...
It’s absolutely normal. A person doesn’t become blind or closed off because of marriage. You can be completely in love with someone and still be attracted to others. It’s not something that necessarily happens all the time … but when it does it’s definitely something that passes as long as the person doesn’t explore it.
@@jarkachalmovianska7812so you been cheating on your wife is pretty much what your saying 🤦🏽♀️ you ain’t sh*t .
@@mykiea5156she didn't say that at all, read the comment again.
@@jarkachalmovianska7812 Cheating and betraying your wife and family is not OK, especially when kids are involved it‘s the worst thing to do. Just stay single when you can‘t stay faithful. Why else does this „husband“ keeps it a secret from his wife and rather discuss it with an external than with his wife.
I got married super young. We were 17 and 18. About two years into the marriage I worked periodically with a very charismatic interesting older guy. If he was going to be there I would put more effort into how I dressed/hair styles. I looked forward to the day. It hit me one day, oh no! Did I have a crush?????
I immediately backed off. Just talked to him less only work talk, not chit chat. So much he noticed and asked if he had offended me in some way. I lied and said no nothing was wrong. Time went on and after acknowledgment of my “feelings” it went away. I’m so thankful.
Going on 12 years of marriage and I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world. I never told him, because it was silly and would only hurt him. If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t want him to tell me, unless things got out of hand or it became an ongoing fantasy issue. Good luck man. Hope you make the right choice.
It's good that you acknowledge how you felt and took action by backing off that risky situation
I wish in future to hv a man I can say this about.
I'm glad you were wise beyond your years. I also agree that announcing attraction is unnecessary and would likely change the dynamic of a marriage. Perhaps sharing with a wise, discrete older woman who has a strong marriage would provide accountability. May you be blessed with many more decades of a joyful marriage.
Love this ❤
Tbh both you and your husband could've waited before getting married so young. The fact that you still remember that random dude at work is telling
Men: wearing make-up is lying.
Also men: I divorced her bc she stopped wearing make up.
It's only a manipulation tactic 😂 it's a shitty excuse to go away and come back without taking accountability for sleeping and trying to sleep with other girls.
My ex wanted a "break", for the same reason.
Results : he got badly humiliated and rejected by other girls, and he couldn't get me back as he planned since the beginning, and I replaced him with another man.
He was furious, he accused me of cheating, like if we were still a couple.
@@MadMax-cg6gh truth. And wow. I’m glad he got his just deserves and you found better with your life. You deserve quality of life and relationships. Stay blessed.
this why we prefer no make up . let me love you for you and you don’t gotta keep up with it or ever worry 😂
Man I don’t even wear makeup and if I ever do which is like once every 2 years lmao…you’ll definitely see it with it OFF very soon after. I prefer no make up so if you hate what you see at least you seen it bare lol.
😂😂😂😂😂
There is a huge difference between saying someone is attractive versus saying I am attracted to the person....
There’s a lot more going on with the co-worker than he’s letting on. “I love my wife but…” tells me that there is heavy, heavy flirting and entertaining ideas. He’s beyond a crush.
Very good point. When is the point that a crush becomes more? It's hard to define.
Yes, I thought the same. He's already seriously flirting and "navigating" the thought of leaving his wife, otherwise he wouldn't have taken the time out of his day to schedule a televised call with Dr John.
It’s a good thing he DID schedule a call so that Dr John can talk some sense into him before he destroyed his marriage.
I think the same
True story
My wife never needs to worry about this because 1.) I’m not married and 2.) I hate everyone I work with.
I was getting a little close to a married man in a work relationship. We would talk all the time and talk about everything. However I caught it early and distanced myself. I was single at the time but I knew I would not be ok with it if it was my husband. I just distanced myself and rerouted the relationship to only being professional. He was a little disappointed but he got it after awhile. I don’t want to be too friendly with a married man. Sorry. Now that I’m married I’m still the same. I’m surface level with men. I don’t even see them as sexual beings outside of my husband. My hubby is a gem and I’m not gonna lose him because I have a wondering eye. Also it’s very rare when you cheat and it works out. You ruin your life unnecessarily. No thanks.
@Kyle Connor yes!! So true, like I get that some people look good but I don’t see others and start thinking about having sex or forming a relationship with them. It’s just weird to me for people to go that far when they are supposedly with someone they love.
Proud of you Sis. 👊
KC, you are a person with integrity!
the truth... much of the time people cheat or leave their relationship for something they think is going to be better...when in reality they are comparing apples to oranges in many cases...you end up trading one set of problems for another different set of problems... 90% of the time it's just not worth it. As someone who's experienced one of these situations, i recommend taking a hard look at/trying to fix the original relationship (the marriage) first....if things are irreparable, then you did diligence and you can move on without the involvement of another and the guilt.
♥️♥️
This call makes me so scared, I hope I am never in this wife’s position. I feel so bad for her. He says it’s a great marriage? And he feels like this towards someone. Id want to be told the truth so I can walk away.
Same... You can do your best, be great partner, make the other person happy and still have them fantasize about cheating. Gives me anxiety.
Being attracted to other people is inevitable. Feeding the fire is the choice.
Any woman who looks twice at me... I'll talk endlessly about my wife and teenage kids till the interest disappears... then I'll cheerfully wish them a good day and go about my business.
Works great on gay men too... start talking about the kids and they can't scamper away fast enough 😂😂😂
I will say I have had temptation to cheat and my relationship was fine at the time. I think most guys cheat out of lust not because they fell in love with someone else or because there relationship is bad
This man didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t act on his feelings at all. You would really leave someone because they have a crush?
He loves his wife but he is NOT in love with her.
Yeah I'm feeling the same way as you about this... Unfortunately people want to feel that new high of a crush... It makes going to work exciting. It is wrong, but he needs to realize he can lose his wife in the end...
I hate that analogy He doesn't love her AT ALL
You don't know that
“Being In love” is deceptive , it’s just a feeling it’s based on what you get out of this , and how it makes YOU feel. True love is different. It’s concerned about the other party. After the feelings fade with time, you will be left with a choice to love. True love is a choice to love even when the person is unlovable. Being “in love” is not a steady ground to stand on. Most people get together because they fall “ in love “ but with time that love will be tested and time will tell whether anyone truly loved.
He loves what his wife does for him. He loves the image his wife creates, the respectability marriage gives him. He does loves her, but what she provides.
My heart goes out to his wife, SHE knows, he's not fooling her one bit.
Mmmm no she doesn’t. Men are good at hiding it.
I bet she does know. Wives are smarter than they think...
@@mr.j3371 100% she knows.
@@michellearseneault_youthstald I don’t think women realize how hard a guy can hide his feelings. One day he’s all loving and kind and the next… I’m just saying, affairs start in the heart first
@@lh1514I think she might be suspicious and that's why he wants to tell her. No sane husband/wife will tell their partner they are crushing on another person especially their coworker that they interact every day. He so wants to cheat, he probably think she might give him the ok to do so.
As a professional who has dealt with situations like this for many years, I pose one question. “Is it any wonder that so many people have trust issues??”
This is exactly why I’m not married yet. My ex was “friends” with a coworker, until by act of God, I found their texts. After I left him, they had a kid together. A few years later they’re broken up and hate each other. It’s not worth it.
Dodged a bullet!
I can’t see the 2 replies. If anyone can see them can they tell me what they say?
@@alexyssaubrie1606I can't see them either
@@alexyssaubrie1606they said they love red heads.
Did the ever try to get back with you?
"Happily married, but crushing hard"... LMAO.. If he's crushing that hard, he's NOT happily married and his marriage is NOT that great! I DON'T know who he's trying to FOOL
So true.
THAT PART!
Yes sir! Did you hear that long pause before and after he asked if he would cheat? Yah buddy…look a little deeper..
Some people just aren't content with what they have.
No, you can have crushes still.
Both of their laughs when he says he has a massive crush is nauseating. I hate casual conversations over something that would destroy a person. They have only been married for 4 years and he’s into someone else. Poor woman!
They're men, they have hormones pumping through their bodies that make them attracted to women. It's biological. That's why it's a big deal when men (women too, but not as much in my opinion) commit themselves to not being lustful. As a woman, I've also had a couple of extracurricular crushes, so I see it as a normal human experience. How swiftly and cleanly you nip that bud is really what matters. I think people in this situation have to be honest with their partners and tell them whats going on, and come to an agreement as to how it'll be handled. If it destroys you, professional help is always an option. But I'd personally rather know that my husband will tell me when something is up and therefore I don't have to worry when he goes off to work.
I didn’t like it either !
Yeah I instantly said “Ughhh!!” in disgust when he said “Ohhhh yeeeaahhh!!!” As if he was giving him a virtual high five. Just gross!
I can't believe people call in to get advice from this child. People are so lost.
I almost stopped listening when that laugh happened, glad he walked him through a serious reality check.
I feel like alot of people don't realize how much control they can actually have over their attractions. You cannot help what you find attractive, but you can help feeding into that attraction, you don't have to be constantly checking them out, looking them up and down, being flirtatious, those are all things you do intended to strengthen the crush because it feels good, having someone you are into flirt back is an ego boost and a rush, but it's very disrespectful to your partner.
Thank you, your comment here helped me the most with my own struggles.
Shut it down and do not share this with you wife. It will be irreversible damage. I would never want to know this. All I need to know is my husband is faithful and if he were to have these feelings he’d shut them down and stay committed to me.
Stay away! Get away from this woman asap. Don’t go down that road of adultery. Even if you lust with just your eyes you’ve already committed adultery. Don’t do this to her. I wish people would stop taking their spouses for granted.
taking a spouse for granted has nothing to do with it
@@nomadikmind3979no it literally is
Human nature
Regarding the other woman, remember "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you".
if he tells his wife she’s going to start feeling massive daily anxiety just at the thought of him going to work. he should not tell her if he’s actually being honest that he hasn’t and won’t cheat on her. but who knows if that’s going to happen.
While I am not a big proponent of keeping secrets in a marriage, I agree with you on this. Hearing this would be so painful and forever fill me with doubt.
Except he just went on a National show with his name, voice and where he lives. This is the same as telling her. Just in front of millions of people.
Exactly. He doesn’t need to tell her but should probably look a different job. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of self control. I nvr think of cheating. I love and like my husband. He has my heart. Keep other relationships casual. Do not overstep. It’s Nt that hard to respect your spouse and marriage
Exactly, why will he tell her and ruin their relationship, ruin their mental state! If he put that on her he is selfish and wants to make it her fault and burden to bear
Exactly I would never trust my husband again
The workplace is where most married people have relationships not connected to their marriage. Just a suggestion, get your wife to come to your place of work - show her around, introduce her to all your coworkers. Just seeing your spouse in your workplace can make it more of a shared experience, especially since it's all so new to both of you. Crushes fade, boundaries need to be established in your own mind and not wanting to hurt your spouse should always be paramount for you.
I see one problem. Women do not care if he is with her or not. They will stab each other in the back just out of spite.
@@GBU61 The point is HE should care and telling a pursuer that he loves his wife and would never pursue a relationship with someone else is normally enough to take a would-be third party out of the equation. A blunt "No thanks" will do the same.
I wasnt surprised when he said he's been eorking out in the gym and making an effort... Its like he's preparing for the affair 😬
That's what my wife did. She didn't care to look good for me, nor did she care to exercise, but she was more than willing to look good for her boss (at work and in bed).
@@jacksquat4140That truly sucks and I'm sorry she put you through that. I detest infidelity.
@@jenjen2824: Thanks, Jen. I detest infidelity, too.
Seems like it always starts when people start getting in better shape!
@@fayejordan175 : Question is...do people work out in order to cheat, or does working out make them more susceptible to cheating? It seems to me that when people start placing a high emphasis on their physical fitness, and their physical appearance, they become more attracted to the physical appearance and sexual allure of others. I'm not an advocate for Couch Potatoes, but there may be something to this.
This is why so many women are refusing to get married nowadays. It's like you're just signing yourself up for pain. I don't care how many boundaries he puts up or how crazy I might seem, I just can't deal with the thought of my man developing feelings or attraction to another woman. I would seriously just prefer being alone 😞
Same cause wtf is this bullshit.
i dont think youve ever been in a relationship then. Other people than your partner still exist, and you still find them attractive. Enjoy being alone.
@@nomadikmind3979 not me. If I'm in love with a man, it's literally impossible for me to be attracted to someone else. There must be something wrong with me. And thanks, I will.
@@AngelBlankets77 there's nothing wrong with you, you have morals in that way ❤
This guy knows what he needs to do. He just wants somebody to give him a free pass to cheat on his wife. Even if he left his wife for this other woman, there’s always going to be that other coworker, the next coworker that he works with.
This guy is totally going to cheat on his wife. The fact that he feels like he’s back in high school, his infatuation is going to get the better of him.
He just have to tell him to get his mind off that feeling cause it's gonna hurt him at the end
Remember that there needs to be 2 to tango. If the coworker is well educated and knows he is married she would definitely not get involved in this type of romance he is creating in his own mind.
@@honeybee8989 Not necessarily. It happens all day, every day.
@@honeybee8989 well educated has nothing to do with it. Infidelity does not discriminate.
@@JP-ll8iy education starts at home...
Someone once said some people will trade acres of a good life for a very small patch of "pleasure".
That is great! I’m going to use that one
My Ex Husband had an affair with a co worker and I ended our relationship and business immediately. Not playing that game.
You're married. Go be enthralled with your wife. Next call.
As soon as the coworker shows interest in him, he’s gonna cheat. LEAVE.
My husband thinks it's over the top but I don't have lunch with male coworkers unless he's with me. Or it's a group setting. He's an introvert that doesn't anyway. But I'm an extrovert and some men think it's flirting. Best to have some rules.
It is called boundaries. It is very rare these days.
It protects your marriage.
I think this is smart. Heck, I would feel uncomfortable having lunch with another man.
Exactly. I’m not having a lunch/dinner ntn with another man if someone else isn’t there. That’s just inappropriate especially in a relationship or marriage.
I think is fantastic
At work, I say hello to the females when I walk in, and goodbye when I leave. Nothing more. If I must interact I only talk business and move on. That rule has served me well. 100% in love with my wife after 14 years, never had a fight or even an argument. Train your mind on your wife.
Your wife should know how privileged she is to have you. Keep it up 😁
You are a good man.
Please don’t tell your wife. Nothing good comes out of it. 😢
Yes he can cheat but as long he doesn’t tell her it’s fine
If he's done nothing wrong, there's no reason to go there.
Keeping secrets will eventually destroy the relationship!
@@Nah-ah it will save the relationship have you not heard that new song called “keep it to yourself “
As a woman, I agree.
If he loves his wife and is willing to do what it takes to not entertain the crush… telling his wife only creates problems.
Good women are hard to find and if you married a good woman cherish her.
💯💯💯
Good women aren't hot. Men want hot more than good. That's how most men are.
I loved this call! He LITERALLY pointed out, step by step, the trajectory for the destruction of a marriage! Next call, "my wife is fat and I am not attracted to her any more" 😂😂😂
🤪😅😂
He sure is following the textbook.
Wells she's prob cranky and fat
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
100%... this is how affairs begin and marriages end... the pursuit of a fantasy...
This guy is too immature to be married. I hope his wife realizes she is worth much more.
He asked for help before it went further. A lot of people don't.
@@rebeccahicks2392a lot of people actually like the thrill.
This is why you create boundaries. I hate that about my generation. They think boundaries are controlling when it's not. You shouldn't be texting opposite sex coworkers too much or about non work things too often. Especially past a certain time at night. Even if it's all completely innocent, it can come across as inappropriate to that person's wife or husband. It's why I don't do that to the married men I work with.
I remember reading where someone was explaining boundaries. I wish I could find it. The gist of it was explained as "boundaries are what protect me and what I will and won't accept from another person. It in no way is supposed to dictate the others actions" or something like that. I just remember really liking the way it sounded
My husband and his "work wife" would text in the MORNING before I got up for work.
@heathermartinez2954 That's exactly it. It's just about respect and if you respect me enough you won't put yourself in questionable positions. It has nothing to do with jealousy with me. It's all about boundaries and protecting our relationship. Women and I'm sure men too but women are very jealous of other women especially when one is married, has a house and loving husband. If you add in that he's a decent provider then they tend to try to ruin that. It's just my observation as a married women. I've had this problem with one of my husband's coworkers. I've also had men on my end try to ruin myrelationship too because they wanted to see if they can steal me from him. It's insane how people think sometimes.
@@andreabrunkow9314OH hell no! Smh people have some nerve.
@heathermartinez2954 That sounds like Townsend and Cloud or McCloud book "Boundaries." Pretty good book!
This is not happily married. He wouldn’t have feelings for someone else if he was.
"Work spouses" are a death sentence to a committed relationship. Keep your eyes on your wife or your feet.
It's not because she's special. it's because she's new, and new is fun for a while. A good wife is special.
Don’t tell your wife anything about this!! That is completely selfish, and it’s an act that you are trying to rid your own guilt. Stay silent, woke it out and whatever you do, don’t act on this crush. You will blow up your entire life and your wife will never truly trust you again.
Do NOT tell your wife!!!! It serves NO purpose but to hurt her!
He doesnt deserve her !
He should’ve told him to go through the process of cheating and the outcome of his wife finding out, her heartbreak and then divorcing him and or him being fired for inappropriate relationship with a coworker or worse case, she filed sexual harassment on him. People need to think through all the outcomes these “feelings” bc the end result is right where you start if you are lucky.. or sometimes it’s worse.
It's the real outcomes that we never think of in the moment. Or willing to sacrifice for something that will not be great or good. The shame afterwards knowing you are exactly who people despise. It's not worth it. Walk away. If you're pursuing or being pursued by a married person, walk away and never look back. There is nothing fun or exciting about this especially if it involves your job.
Very true
Very true
Very true
Very true
He is not a man his a boy. A big boy . The fact he called to "navigate" shows that he cant have control over his thoughts and actions. Big boy energy! It is what it is !!!
Some people getting married have no business in matrimony.
My wife and I have been married for 36 years.
Throughout my marriage I`ve come across a woman on occasions who just done it for me, have been women I`ve seen while out somewhere, female co-workers and even some female neighbours. I have lost count how many women have come on to me and the chances I`ve had to have affairs.
But I have learned from experience that women can be trouble and not worth wreaking your marriage for.
In romantic relationships the courting period is as good as it gets, after that the marriage evolves into a domestic lifestyle that can over time feel mundane and boring.
So a married person may be tempted to have an affair to relive the courting period about but that too will end.
Not worth it and best to stay with your partners.
Yup. My ex husband had an affair with his female pilot instructor (he is military.) work relationships can definitely lead to ruining a marriage.
That's my ex-wife did. She was found out to be whoring herself out to one of her subordinates in his parents' house night after night while I was taking care of our two-year-old by myself. It cost her dearly. Naturally, even to this day, she sees nothing wrong with anything she did and blames others for her decisions.
Yes because it’s natural. Naturally men want to have six. Whatever is near them is what they get attached to. You can’t fight biology
Lol he's in the military I'm pretty sure they ALL fck each other
And they always say it’s us spouses who do the cheating. I’ve seen more active duty cheating than spouses, it sickening. I’m sorry you went through that! It’s a well known thing in my husband’s community and he doesn’t go to any work events because he hates being around those people. When deployed he would even walk 100 yards to use a non coed bathroom because those same cheaters cheated…… in the coed bathroom. I know ALLLLL the stories from this community because he talks to me about how disgusting things are. They just don’t care who finds out. It’s such a toxic environment too!
@@cristinap6394 he also cheated on me multiple times with a woman he met at a bar while he was away for training in a different state. They have so many opportunities to cheat. I’ll never marry a military or first responder again!
It shouldn't be his wife's responsibility to make sure he doesn't cheat on her. I feel like he wants to tell her because he wants to threaten her into stepping up her game in ways he wants. Maybe he should stop wasting his energy fantasizing about another woman and put his energy into making his relationship with his wife more fulfilling to himself (and probably to her as a side effect)
Bingo. My first thought is there is a bit of subconscious "sabotage" in taking that action. Then if she gets upset or becomes cold toward him he will feel "justified" in giving attention to - or receiving attention from - someone else, in this case the co-worker.
Hmm....nice take!! I didn't originally get that but I do see that as a real motivation for the 'transparency' he wishes to engage in.
Yes, when the caller said he wants help "navigating" this, that was a big red flag for me. I think he was indirectly trying to ask John how to tell his wife he found someone hotter and is seriously thinking about leaving. If you love your wife and are committed to your marriage, distance yourself from the attractive coworker and stop interacting with them as much as possible. End of story. What else is there to "navigate"?
@@shimmeringchimps3842This guy wanted to call and talk about his crush.
@Shimmering, I thought the exact same thing when he asked how he should navigate this. What the hell does that even mean?? Lmao! There's nothing to do with the other woman other than keep your distance. He should be working on
himself instead. People do dumb stuff when they aren't happy with themselves and haven't actualised.
How does this even happen? You married your crush and she sleeps in your bed every night. 🙄
Don’t ruin your marriage for this nonsense. You will regret throwing your marriage away for fleeting feelings
That feeling of "young love" is playing with fire if you're married/in a committed relationship. It's intoxicating. The feeling of trying to relive youth and the carefree adventurous days. But ask yourself if it's worth undoing what you already have.
Agreed. Look up "limmerance".
@@brightpage1020lol stop watching relationship radio...
Intoxicating... the clue is in there... "toxic"
I think it’s a fantasy and not real life. All these people that married people have crushes on will get tiresome too at some point.
Telling your spouse every one of your deep, dark, sinful thoughts and desires, especially when they'd hurt them, is more selfish than anything. We all have crazy thoughts. I sometimes talk terribly about my husband in my head. I sometimes want to throw my kids out a window. But then I pray, I turn towards them and find a way to serve them. You're right, this "transparency" is more damaging than anything. Unless you cross the line into action, some things can die in darkness.
Omg every other week I imagine the steps to divorce and house hunting alone lol. But I love my family to bits haha
Great video, thanks for sharing. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my husband of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let him go. I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring him back.
@@nikascupcakebar Wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach him/her?
@@Margart526 her name is MONICA ERLENE MORA, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as a caster and healer
@@nikascupcakebar Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
Time heals all. Keep yourself busy, do what you can to push through. Sorry to hear this and i wish you the best while you heal
Whatever you do, DONT TELL your wife! She will be devastated and be filled with self-doubt.
agreed
Agree
He already cheated emotionally. The wife has the right to know.
as long as it is a fantasy in his mind, why not give him a chance to grow?@@ibabymomx3
It’s ALWAYS the coworkers😢
Yep. That's because you spend more time at work than at home.
I disagree that lust is harmless. It's a choice and a mindset. It hurts the other person as much as physical cheating. In fact it is cheating.
There’s always going to be someone more attached, fit, funny and even seemingly a better match. Always.
...and this is why people shouldn't get married so young.
@@YesYesYesJefft’s not an age thing, it’s a God thing. My grandmother married my grandfather one week after high school graduation. They were married until my grandpa died at 85. My parents and aunts/uncles have been married over 50 years.
I am the divorced loser; wishing I leaned on God because my ex and I we’re doing it on our own strength.
@@Mitzi73 i think it's just a lot harder these days, ..as there isn;t as strong a "moral code" as it was many years ago...also with the aspect of social media, temptation and poor decisions are a lot easier to make nowadays... people just aren't as wholesome.
@@YesYesYesJeff i do agree with you, as many of the callers on this show did get married super young... not at all saying that's an "excuse" in any way to cheat ...but it just places a couple in a much risker category and to a bit of a disadvantage if they married before they really got out and dated others beforehand.
definitely true! i think there's just a lot of insecurity amongst individuals and couples alike...marriage is hard work and serious commitment. i'm not sure that everyone sees it that way unfortunately.
I’m happily married but have a crush on someone else, what a confusing title 🤦🏻♀️
are you a robot?
Attractive people are still going to exist until the day you die but is it worth ruining a marriage? Does your crush even feel the same way?
half of marriages end in divorce. I dont think Americans take marriage that seriously to began with
I have a hard time believing he is "happily married". Something is wrong if it is possible for someone else to take up residency in a heart that shouldn't have any more room.
If he was happy another woman wouldn’t cross his mind lol
For real!
"I was using other people to make myself feel better" man that hits deep
I saw the light hearing this statement... I finally understand the behaviour of my ex😂😂😂
The grass isn't greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it
John should have suggested imagining the tears running down his wifes face feeling of betrayal hurt that might stop him from having an affair
My question is.... does the coworker even know he exists for this crush to develop to the point of a call in?? She's possibly just being nice and/or professional and he's running off in his imagination
This guy needs to get the hell away from his co-worker … cheating is a choice … do you want your marriage ?? Cheating destroys your spouse, kids, families, friends and it destroys the cheater … is random sex worth that ???
Put your wife’s photo with the kids on your desk and phone. The garden you water is the one that grows. Stop feeding the relationship at work
You’re married. You don’t get to have crushes.
Lol. Thanks, robot.
You can have crushes, but you can't pursue them or feed into them. You can't just ignore how someone feels.
Seriously? LMAO. Everybody has crushes. Including YOU
@@BBAKER22 I’ve never had anything close to a crush since getting married over 30 years ago. It’s just not acceptable TO ME to even see others that way when married.
@@GUITARTIME2024 😂😂😂
We moved one year ago to a new suburb and I met my a couple neighbors. One was going through a bad divorce and we haven't spoken a lot during the winter season. One day we were both working outside and she told me that she had re-connected with a guy who had attended the same high school. I was excited for her until she revealed that he was married (28 years) and he has three kids. All I could think of was that God would never send a married man or woman to any of us and that both she and her friend are involved in the destruction of his marriage. Even if the kids are older, it will still bother them.
Did you tell her that?
She needs to know that kind of outcome is tearing up a happy home. If not, it doesn't matter! Don't spare her feelings!
@@nailahdawkins how do you know it is a happy home??? I Asi as a divorced woman who never cheated or was cheated. And who likes the new partner of my ex much more than him. In fact i despise him.
@@nailahdawkins Yes. I think I should tell her. It's crazy. She should know this.
That married person may give us goose bumps, but they are not showing strength of character by looking outside of their marriage. They are off limits, for the spouse's, kids, and the potential outside partner's sakes.
@Sonja, Honestly, good for you. Cheaters can go to hell.
This is a great conversation. As a single lady that works in the office . I have seen work relationships develop and have had men try to develop work relationship with me , which makes me uncomfortable. When this happens I keep the relationship with guy very professional. I don’t want to hear about the ins and outs of your relationship, or he trying to spend extra time with me for attention. I just tell them , I’m flattered you like me but out of respect for your marriage ;your flirting behavior makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m not interested in a married man .
Thank you. ❤
Thank you!!!! And way to showcase your self respect, Young Lady! You don't need to play leftovers or 2nd fiddle every holiday ;o)
@@brightpage1020😂
Here’s the thing, if you’re married, don’t EVER. Develop a friendship or relationship of any kind with the opposite sex. People who say otherwise are stupid and shouldn’t be listened to.
But what if the person is bisexual though?
He is going to 100% cheat on his wife.
He alrdy did in his heart.
I absolutely love what you say about feelings. Love is a verb- an action word. It’s not a feeling. It’s a choice and an intention.
❤
I watched my father as a kid , he was a serial adulterer and the amount of tension and disharmony it brought into the family had lasting effects on the family 40 years down the track .
Keep your thoughts captive. You can't crush on someone if you don't think/fantasize someone other than your wife. Grow up & put that energy into your wife/marriage. Keep your distance from your coworker!
My married manager is in love with me and I'm not into him. What I do to help is ignore him often, be very professional , polite but follow rules, I also treat everyone same, I dress down , I never flirt, I don't ask for help much etc. Yes it's easy tho bc I don't want him but we ladies need stop being homewrecker.
I will never fool with a married man. Next 💯💯💯
This call was disgusting. This dude would be so broken if his wife did this to him.
!!!!
This stuff happens in marriage. At least he called in for some help. I’ll give him credit for that. He could have just kept crushing on the coworker.
This is probably a different situation, but I was hired by a local dentist to work as a receptionist a few months ago. He was very attractive and I had a bit of a crush on him. I found out he was married and met his wife. She was very sweet and kind towards me. However, deep down there were horrible thoughts and wishes in my mind about their marriage. Jealousy? Yeah, I admit it. I’m a Christian so it was horrible. I felt like my crush on him would take a toll on my work performance and my mindset. So, I professionally resigned. Eventually I got a call from a CDPAP organization to help my grandma, and I am also a college student again. So, me choosing to leave worked well :) I just hated that dark side of me that’s never happened before. I wish them all the best in their marriage. They were very nice. I am hopeful to have that kind of relationship when the time is right.
I had a similiar experience. I once developed a huge crush on a married instructor to the point where I was trying to spend time with him after class by going over assignments, lab work or just trying any way to get his attention. I've NEVER done anything like that in my entire life. I cried when the course ended, and was surprised by how big of an impact he had on me. Thank goodness that I quickly had an epiphany & got my crap together after being disgusted with myself. I never saw him again, and I also hope he & his wife are still going strong years later. As for me, I'm now the Queen of boundaries.
Good for you! Many young women would do everything in their power to lure the man away from his wife and choose them. You did the right thing by letting go.
The devil knocked and you slammed the door in his face! ❤
My Dad talked to my Mum when he was struggling with having a crush on a Woman at work. My Mum lost the plot and was immensely hurt and upset. Her reaction was not what he wanted to see. He left her and has been together & then married to the crush for 20 years.
Telling her may permanently damage the relationship. She will know that his mind is with someone else when hes at work, and she cant trust that. He needs to try to avoid any temptation and not wreck his wifes peace of mind.
Your poor mother, i hope she is well.
He did your mom a big favor. I hope she moved on with someone wonderful.