Girl Defined's Dream Man
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- Опубліковано 18 вер 2024
- Ok, last part of this in-depth review today, I promise! We have been reviewing Kristen Clark and Bethany Beale's second book 'Love Defined: Embracing God's Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships' in which the women describe their dream man, what to do once you know he's interested in you and how to navigate those first weeks / months / years of marriage.
Part 1: • Girl Defined's Guide T...
Part 2: • Girl Defined Perpetuat...
Part 3: • Girl Defined VS Being ...
Other Girl Defined Videos: • Girl Defined Responses
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*Please note: The comment about poor quality homeschooling refers specifically to the Baird family’s ability to homeschool and not all homeschooling in general.
Thank you for the clarification 💕that is much appreciated 🤗
Thank you! Product of secular homeschooling here (due to poor quality schools, moving a lot, and some neurodivergent traits on my part) and people always miss that homeschooling isn't all...this.
There are legitimate reasons to homeschool, especially in the U.S., with its piss poor education...but in the United States, a big chunk of people who homeschool are these fundamentalists who only homeschool because they want to indoctrinate THEIR children
@@stewieismyhomeboy Yes. I am aware of that. That's part of the reason that I pointed out that it's more than just that. (Also, there should be tests and check ups to help prevent these abuses, and maybe optional resources).
I don't know, I got a good education and just graduated from an excellent college. Also I did not get held hostage in middle school which is something that could have happened, or had to deal with all the inevitable bullying. Public education needs to be massively improved on literally every level.
Oh good I was gonna say lol, I was raised in a Christian homeschooling situation, but my parents approved of reading, and never monitored what I read. So I read voraciously because it was my only window to the outside world. Other homeschooling families were like that too at the time. Maybe that's why they are trying so hard to censor books in America now? Because they realized so many of us escaped control by reading?
It's pretty weird that even though these two women are both adults who are married, they're perfect man is basically just fundamentalist Ken doll.
*Their (sorry ik this is annoying shejsnenehskmene)
one of them said she doesn't find her husband attractive
@@chaosspy6723 WHAT?
@@mirandajones7816 Rachel plays the clip at about 11:20
that's because they stopped mentally aging at 8 thanks to their religion
Her saying she wasn't attracted to her husband on her wedding day broke my heart. Imagine watching your wife's channel and hearing that.
To be fair, I think she was joking in that clip
@@Meili-q9xImagine making a "joke" about not being attracted to your husband on your wedding day for the whole world to see. It‘s a jerk move and utterly disrespectful IMO.
As an Austrian, there's this phrase our teacher taught us about regarding Nazi history: "it's not our fault, but it's our responsibility"
i.e. it is not our fault that these atrocious things happened (due to y'know not being born yet) but it is our responsibilitiy to be aware and educated about these things, to honour the victims and to make sure it doesn't happen again.
That includes not glorifying our country's and families' parts during the Nazi time.
Whatever these two women are doing is (in my opinion) the exact opposite of that.
((I know this is a small part of both the book and the video, but it was heartbreaking to see and read those actions ...))
We had a similar thing here in The Netherlands (with a bit more words :P ) in high school social studies class: "You can feel ashamed, horrible or simply awful for what people alive before you did, and that will happen for some of you, but the most important thing is that we will have to keep educating people about what happened. If we don't, we are doomed to repeat history."
It's why sometimes I am absolutely mindblown to see the discussions in the US about people being annoyed about actual, factual education about slavery that makes feel white people uncomfortable.
An aunt of mine had a brother who joined the SS, and that was pretty shocking to hear, but she stood up to him at least a bit: "If you wear that uniform, you can forget about entering my home!" was something she said when he showed up to her door for a visit while in uniform.
From what I got the relationship between that brother and her after the war ended was practically non-existent.
Both of my parents are Austrian (my mom partly grew up in Saalfelden) and I know this phrase well. Thanks for mentioning it!
It‘s apparently an immovable part of German laws now so that the horror of Nazism may never repeat themselves and I truly cannot imagine calling yourself Austrian and priding yourself in your Austrian heritage while ignoring your ancestors literal WAR CRIMES is something that is so quintessentially unethical and frowned upon by actual Austrian people is just… disgusting. I don’t have Germanic heritage myself (at least not post-WW2) but I’ve always wanted to move to Germany (or maybe Austria!) eventually and I’ve always considered being knowledgeable about the horrors of Nazism as somewhat my duty and it’s something I invest a lot of time and efforts into and I find it truly shameful that these people basically insult their cultural heritage by doing otherwise
Likes slim men with long hair and a beard, looks like Rachel can check the "loves Jesus" box.
Omg 😂😂😂
It’s worth noting that Jesus himself wasn’t Christian. He was a nice Jewish boy.
@@edvh88 😂
@@edvh88 Honestly I imagine Jesus to be shocked about how people like Girl Defined interpret his philosophy lmao.
@@saffy771 yeah, J-bird only really had two emotions - “love yourselves and each other” and “fuck the establishment”. I’m not religious, but I can get on board with a guy who canonically went ham in a temple
Rachel: "religion would not be that high on my list"
Also Rachel: *describes Jesus of Nazereth as her dream man*
LMAO 💀
Yea…. my parents found out after getting married that they had different ideas on HAVING KIDS. My mom told me, while trying to explain why my dad was not the best dad, that she found out after they were married he didn’t want kids. The moment she said that my whole child hood made sense. I think it’s just so appalling now how she can judge me for having sex before marriage yet not see how staying pure didn’t help her one bit. They have been extremely unhappy my whole life…
Also that doesn't mean she is pure .
@@jasperhernandez7364 I see what you are saying. She told both me and my sister A LOT she didn’t have sex before marriage. I guess that still could have been a lie 🤷🏻♀️
@@awetree6765 no offense and sorry for the harsh words but she found out they had diffrence wants kids is something you should know your partner wants way before you even got married like she should of know he didn't want kids before they stated dating or in the beginning at least it was a dumb choice on her part and his because your dad should of told her that too.
@@jasperhernandez7364 no offense taken also I didn’t and don’t think your words are harsh. That was exactly what I was meaning to say in my original post. By focusing on staying pure they missed such an important topic. Sorry if I was confusing. 😅
The same for my mom. My dad was not a great father and he verbally abused us. He had mental health issues which doesn't disqualify someone from a relationship but he refused to acknowledge his and never sought help. My mom stayed in the marriage because she was born again and married early. When we were old enough she left him for my step father who is a good person. My advice is never let someone tell you to stay in an abusive marriage. It's not healthy for the kids.
I was one of those women that was married very early on. We met when I was 19 and were married before my 21st birthday. I thought "This is what I'm supposed to do." We are told to go to school, get good grades, graduate (if you're lucky), find a man, get married, have babies, go to church, then die. I'm turning 30 this year and it honestly feels as if I have surfaced from drowning for so long. We have one son and I love him with my whole soul but I don't love his father anymore...I'm not sure what makes me happy now. I've been stuck for too long and lost myself. I was too young to make an informed decision, in all honesty. But with us being from the South, it was expected and that shit is terrifying. I told my husband last week I wanted a divorce, but he wants to keep trying and my indoctrinated mind feels like I should, but I know I'll go back to that drowning feeling. From 37:25, I felt it was meant for me to hear this today. Thank you ❤️
You are so brave❤️I’m sending all my love and support, best of luck following a life path that you can thrive in
Good luck! Trust yourself and your feelings, it sounds like this is going to be one of the hardest things you've done so I'm sending hugs your way. Take care
I totally relate to this. My ex husband I are both survivors of fundie toxicity. We're now happily divorced and good friends, which works WAY better for us! I wish you the best, trust your gut. If it's not working it's not working ❤️
Best of luck! Always trust your gut and your feelings. Stay strong 💜
I wish you good luck!
If my ancestor was a Nazi, I might visit the town they were from, but it would be a very solemn experience, like visiting any memorial to this tragedy. No smiling selfies with my ancestor's grave. The visit would remind me of the horrors my family had done.
And yet if they had won then the world wouldn’t be on the brink of an organized collapse, an orchestrated world war with nuclear powers, a p@nd3m!c of suspicious origin, and a technological oligarchy which utilizes woke theory to manipulate the masses into blind obedience to overtly commun!$tic ideology. I was like you up until about 3 years ago when i started to realize that there is more going on in the bigger picture than the “leaders” want us to see.
This.
Yeah, if I took a selfie with the grave it would be to flip it off or something like that, something to symbolize "I may have some of this person's genes, but I have zero respect for them."
as someone where that’s actually the case: yes, you‘re spot on.
it‘s a tragedy, and incredibly unpleasant, but also it’s a fact and it makes sense to learn about it.
but you do that in PRIVATE and not as some look-at-me social media event, like some tone-deaf idiot.
if i saw someone doing that i‘d just think they’re clumsily trying to virtue signal without understanding a single deeper thing
My red flags: "Look at how they treat service staff. If he treats service staff with disrespect, do not proceed."
Girl Defined's red flags: "If he goes to McDonald's more than he goes to church you should not date him"
yeah because we care about yk not being abused, they're convinced a good christian man would NEEEVERRRR
I'm sorry but the only thing i can think off is how every last point about relationship and marriage is null and void when the question "are they proud of their Nazi sympathizing great grandfather?" is answered with a yes
"Sympathizer"? No, her great grandpappy was a Nazi, period
As a guy who comes from a family with 3 sisters, all of whom are strong minded along with my mother, it is just WEIRD to hear women wanting a "man to lead them". Why can't they just like people because they like them? Why do they think they need to conform to this bizarre social construct ohhhhh the Bible. Of course.
That philosophy isn't even IN the Bible, but people act like it is all the time. 😤
@@kaitlynblack5272 it is lmao
Imagine hating someone sounds jelly
Same here! Though I grew up as a girl but later realized I was trans. But every woman I know in my family is strong willed and the leaders of the family. My Nonna wanted to become a priest but she couldn’t because, woman. She didn’t want to stand on the side, she wanted to run things. She wanted to be a doctor too.
My mom runs the house makes things get done. I’m the strong willed one in my relationship with my partner. Even at my work, there’s a older guy who calls me honey or sweetheart (mechanic culture or that’s my local mechanic culture), it irks me because I’m not honey.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as it's consensual.
As someone who grew up in legalist Christianity, I was told over and over that NO ONE ever regretted waiting. Once I grew up at least half the kids I grew up with regrets it including myself. It’s such a lie that they tell young people that everything hangs on your sexual “purity” which they define as doing as they say and not as they do.
@@RollingCalf nope
Heck, I regret waiting, and I'm not even married. How is anyone supposed to have a satisfying "wedding night" if they not only don't know their own body and what they like, but also have never heard other people talk openly about the kinds of information that makes this stuff satisfying?
@@dawn8293 exactly. Also, it puts kids in this position of getting married way to young because you have to be married to have sex. So then you end up in this mess of a relationship and you don’t even understand how real relationships work. Of course the people that told us this had all lived their lives anyway they wanted and they didn’t wait so they had no idea what they were asking us to do but they didn’t care either.
I definitely don't regret waiting for a man that I love, but to be fair we're still not married ;P
I don't regret waiting, but I waited until 21 because I wasn't ready before.
There are good reasons to wait, but other people telling you to isn't one of them.
You'll know when you're ready, nobody else will.
I was raised Christian and my "type" in a man is very Jesus like. Scruffy, long haired hippie type who hates Capitalism lol
They had us in the first half not gonna lie
Wears sandals 😉 (specifically, Birkenstocks)
@@edvh88 😂
Damn you'd love me lol
I agree, Jesus would actually be a pretty decent husband. Anti capitalist, pro-sex workers, a feminist, doesn't judge others....
As someone who grew up in this cult, “boundaries” almost always refer to “guarding your heart” and not having sex until marriage. Boundaries have almost nothing to do with actual wellbeing of the person and are basically used synonymously with morals or rules.
"im not attracted to him, but here we go!!"
What a miserable existence these women must have
At this point it seems clear Kristen and Bethany would be blown away if you told them "we live in a society"
Deconstructing Christian here - absolutely wish I had had more sexual experiences before I got married. I wish Purity culture hadn’t completely fuqd my ability to be sexual. It’s been a huge grieving process.
There’s a quote I identify with a lot - don’t know who it’s by so if you do please let me know.
“I wish someone had told me you can regret being so cautious”
As a European, purity culture in America is very strange for me. I come from a Catholic country where now it's estimated only 10% enter marriage as virgins and church attendance is dropping. I asked my mother how it was for her in the 80s and she said if the girl happened to get pregnant then it was shotgun wedding time so you wouldn't see the baby bump lol but it wasn't this horrific sin. My family is not religious but overall the feeling in our languages media is that you're seen as cray to wait. Like "ooooh you're not playing society's charade about being religious you're ACTUALLY religious loooool"
My mom straight up did not play the charade so while I was christened as a baby I did not have communion or other catholic milestones. While I'm not religious and did not face the pressures you did as long as your "parts" work you still can be sexual if you wish to with or without a partner. There's no "too late". But I might be oversimplifying your problems. I know masturbation is a big no no in most Christians since you said "deconstructing" and I can't wave a magic wand and deprive you of your faith cuz I'm an atheist and I said so.
I always find it interesting to delve into other cultures that are outside christian/other major religions influence cuz attitudes around sex and marriage vary greatly across our species.
You're not 80, you can still get out there and enjoy sex! I hope you're finding yourself in a more healing place now 🖤🖤
I'm not sure how old you are... But believe you me... Sometimes things start later in life... And when they do... Fasten your seatbelts!
Pleaseee, I relate to this so much. I'm 20 and I've never even been kissed. It's not that I never wanted connection -- I absolutely do to the point it hurts me -- it's more the fact that my mum was and is a "helicopter parent" and dealt with abuse in the past so is really protective over me
I completely get it, and that quote really speaks to me 🥺 I’m a deconstructing 30 year old and a virgin. It’s been quite the journey of healing to set my own sexual ethics and experiences as an single woman. I’m not quite ready to have penetrative sex, but I know that I’ll be ready with the right guy at the right time for me.
Just so you know, COW TIPPING IS NOT A REAL THING!! as a cow owner myself, they sleep sitting down. Additionally, no teenager can push over a 800+ pound animal. Cow tipping is a prank country people play on oblivious city people.
Please say sike rn
I know you said to ignore the skin, but I just wanted to let you know it's not super noticeable and that I hope the appointment goes well
Thank you! I felt like it was all I could see the entire time I was editing this video and I know that might be because I’m so worried it’s all I can focus on but I still felt I should explain it 😔
I can’t see it at all on UA-cam mobile
@@RachelOates there was something up with it? Sorry I skipped some of the video and I didn't notice anything at all. Your skin looks absolutely gorgeous. You're just being your fabulous self as always. Thanks for this great video. 😎👑💖
Yeah I didn’t notice anything at all
I listened to you way more than look at you. So what wrong nothing noticable on my phone. Seriously I absolutely love that I can listen to you and not losing much info by not looking at the screen. The joy of ADHD
Cow tipping is a prank played on people who have spent very little time around cows and think you can actually push over a sleeping cow. You cannot push over a cow, sleeping or otherwise.
Isn't this something that happens often in the US???
@@hannerikruger7216 I've never done it nor have friends who have, but my dad told me about his friends wanting to do it and him thinking they were crazy. His parents had cows all his childhood and he had a herd when I was young. I think it's mostly a movie thing at this point.
I grew up on a dairy farm. Can confirm that you cannot tip over a sleeping cow. Not unless you're roughly the weight of a small bulldozer and/or you can run faster than The Flash. You can, however, light up their farts with a lighter! It's much more impressive than trying to light a human fart. :) (Don't look at me that way. There's not all the much fun stuff to do on a dairy farm in the middle of nowhere.)
@@memyselfandi4173 how do you know when they're gonna fart? Like do you just hold the lighter up and wait for the magic to happen?
@@Ssshmoo See, it's not so much that they fart as much as they are pretty much constantly emitting methane. It's a consequence of their digestive system and their basically indigestible diet, especially if they aren't grass-fed. Think of them like gas stoves that you didn't quite turn all the way off, so it's constantly putting out a thin stream of gas. There's a reason why cattle are one of the main contributors to global warming because methane is a greenhouse gas, too. We have far, far too many cattle. Anyway, the hard part isn't to get them to fart. The hard part is getting them stand still while you light 'em up. Ah, nostalgia...
Honestly I wouldn't have noticed your eye without the note at the beginning, but I wish you luck!
I'm from a family with numerous cancer incidences and I know exactly how you feel. I've had multiple biopsies and fortunately they've all been non-malignant growths, but I continue to see a dermatologist yearly because of multiple skin cancer situations in my family. You are not alone and I truly wish you the best
Re-listening to this the "if God's not the centre of his life why would he stay with you?" comment is deeply saddening. They really can't think of a reason a man would stay with them specifically except religous obligation and that's generally sad
Being Austrian myself, people like Kristen and Bethany confound me. I mean, yes, it's a beautiful country, everybody should come and visit - but:
A. How can anybody be proud of such ancestry AND loudly proclaim it on the internet?
B. People in Austria nowadays are VERY sensitive when it comes to that part of our history. We struggle a lot with coming to terms with it (especially after the 'we were the victims'-mythos has been fed to us for years) and I can't help but wonder if they talked to any locals when they visited Saalfelden. They must've been appalled at these girls' lack of awareness.
But apparently that's just one of many unpleasant beliefs Girl Defined holds.
Their list is so subjective. What is romantic? What is a jokester? I like someone with a sense of humour but I don’t like pranks…
You'd think that being told to seriously consider who you're marrying would be unnecessary, but here in the good ol' American Bible Belt, people are so desperate to be in relationships that they're willing to jump into the wedding dress in 3 months, red flags ignored and in the trash. As much as I chuckle at Girl Defined, this point was important to *make, emphasize, and convince people of.*
The thing is, surely you’d want to know in advance if a romantic partner has contracted an STD/STI in advance before you are married right? It sounds like pretty crucial information if you’re intending to get intimate with anyone at all.
Especially as there are some conditions that you can pass on through sex even if you didn't catch them from having sex. But maybe that's something for pre-marital counselling? What do I know!
Well, theoretically, neither partner has ever had the chance to get an STI ;)
@@josephinedykstra3383 that's the thing, you don't know that.
Virgins can have STIs, as anything that can be transferred through horizontal tango can also be transferred through blood contact.
So you should just get checked regardless, even if you're both virgins. It's rare but it can happen
Oh I definitely wish I’d been less pure. I’d have known that things my ex-husband told me were normal (“this is what guys want, deal with it”) or abnormal (“men don’t like when women are sexually assertive”) were bullshit. I’d have known what *I* liked and what things were important to me in my sex life. I’d have known that sexual compatibility is not guaranteed, and it’s okay to value it. But I believed what I was told about purity and that it would all just click because I thought he was “the one God made for me before the foundations of the world were laid,” something MANY people said to me, but isn’t even in the Bible. Not that the Bible means anything either.
Glad you've found your way out of that spider's web ♡
Why do so many people assume everyone is just like them?
@@Nerobyrne It gives them an excuse not to think that maybe, just maybe, they could use some self-reflection and improvement.
Lesbians aren't
Honestly if my wife wrote a book and described the moment we got married as a job for better or for worse i would be heartbroken.
Wishing you lots of strength, I've had a breast cancer worry in the past that luckily turned out to be nothing, I remember just how hard it was on my mental health.
Congrats on getting to perform your poetry! That's amazing!
I had to laugh at the description of one of the girls getting asked out by a guy because it’s exactly how my best friend thinks she needs to meet someone. I keep trying to explain that that doesn’t happen in real life, but it’s been drilled into us as Christian’s that romance is exactly how it’s expressed in books and movies and if it’s not like that it’s not worth having.
Which is especially stupid considering that even in real cases of "love at first sight" (which are rare but do happen) the romance does NOT necessarily play out like it does in movies or books.
If I were to visit a town my nazi ancestor ruled over and rounded up people it'd be a somber affair to face my family's dark past and potentially seek to make ammends to victims whatever way I could (if there any way to track them down and with the understanding that nothing I did could undo the harm but doing my part to make ammends is just the right thing to do no matter what)
It drives me crazy when Christians say they have an interest in theology. Theology is the study OF religion. That's like a person with the diagnosis of a psychotic disorder saying that's akin to being a psychiatrist.
Funnily enough a really high percentage of psychiatrists are diagnosed with mental health conditons.
Back when I was christian I did a theology degree. But I still wouldn't have called myself a theologian.
I think christians showing a true interest in theology while being willing to put down their biases can be really helpful. Rather than just using the bible/theology to justify their own opinions.
That one confuses me, maybe that is a cultural difference but where I come from theology is decidedly religious in nature. Afaik the name literally translates to study of god?
@@samwightman1 I think that that may have been a poor example on my part. Of course people with mental illness can reach a place in recovery where they can objectively view psychiatric disorders, and provide a crucial view of the experience. I didn't mean to imply anything otherwise.
But I still think that it is impossible for a religious person to truly be objective in their understanding of religion, since one of the main tenants of the majority of religions is not questioning religious dogma. It seems disingenuous to act like you can truly understand the impact of religion or the historical beginnings, or even just simple contradictions within the religion.
However, yes, learning about other ideas is usually positive even if you're not being objective.
@@sidneymcadorey1412 So I do agree that an objective view is best for looking at any historical/religious impact. But I don't know if I belive that anyone can be truly objective. And to be honest having people who live in a cultural group, like a religion in the conversation can be very helpful in helping outsiders understand context. (And i don't think it was too bad of an example, because there are a lot of religious people who haven't studied but claim to be experts and lots of people with MH diagnosis who claim to be the experts on their own disorder without study. Both are wrong as they only are willing to look at 1 view point)
That’s a strawman. Fundies are the ones who tell you not to question religious leaders, and I wouldn’t call fundies “religious” at all- partially for that very reason. Honest religious people always encourage intelligence and questioning assumptions (even if they tend to accept claims that a non-religious person wouldn’t- but still, that doesn’t mean they don’t question those claims at all). Theology isn’t objective because it is about studying religion with certain assumptions / entertaining certain claims, but that’s why it’s not the same as religious studies which is just studying religions objectively as sociological phenomena.
The boundary conversation is exactly how I felt about Christian dating as a Christian teen.
I'm so glad that didn't pan out. Lol deconstructed lesbian, happily married for years to an amazing woman. ❤️🏳️🌈
My mom is in her 60’s and still behaves like a child. She expects my dad to do everything, when he is out of town or busy she reaches out me for even the smallest issues that a teenager should be able to solve.
I don’t think the church made her this way. I think they found a person who was already vulnerable and took advantage of that, and made sure she’d always need them
In retrospect, I feel like after my grandfather died (when I was a baby), my grandmother was stuck in the “Otto knows best” mentality and was very ambivalent on making relatively mundane or tedious decisions… like this ever present whiff of hesitation and worry. For context, I’ve learned through the years my grandfather wasn’t a very kind or even nice man… very grouchy, demanding, and stubborn. I didn’t understand her odd behavior as a kid and I would get frustrated at her depending on the situation “just pick one, it’s not a big deal Gram!” But sheesh, hindsight can be wild. Sorry for the rant :/
@@EyeonthePrize247 no need to apologize, it’s good to speak your thoughts out loud sometimes. I totally know what you mean about the “ever present whiff of hesitation or worry”. My mom is like that, and my friend’s mom is even more like that. It is a bit anxiety inducing for me to be around them, as I tend to reflect what’s around me and my mom is constantly anxious and she projects that on me and the rest of the family. Like assuming that I am just as anxious and repeatedly asking if I’m ok… that makes me anxious lol
@@Pyromaniac77777
I appreciate that, thank you… it’s definitely needed sometimes. Moms are certainly complex people… their heads are full of secrets, wishes, hopes, worries, concerns and try their best to keep it all together. But I absolutely hear what you mean… I get sensitive to other’s anxiety sometimes too so I can’t help myself but notice it and need to remove myself from the situation. My mom passed away earlier this year sadly and it’s been such a heavy and deep sorrow… my siblings and I do our best to take care of dad and the house and somehow I sometimes feel closer to mom knowing how much she had to do and deal with.
@@EyeonthePrize247 I’m sorry to hear that, it sounds very difficult. I know what you mean about feeling closer now that you know more. That’s how I felt about my granddad.
If one of my parents passed, it would drastically change my life. I don’t know if I could take care of them the way I should, but at the same time they were not good parents…
Anyway, I wish you the best in processing your mom’s passing and hope it brings your family together
Oh Kristen and Bethy! They are truly two of the most inspiring women I've ever seen! They are PROOF that regardless of education, or lack there of, anyone can be a successful "best selling" author and pioneering business woman! The simplicity of their books really speak to the high school drop out in me.
Lmao 🤣
These two really crack me up! I guess if your target audience is pre-teen and teenage girls, it makes sense to regurgitate the same smut that they are hoping ultimately ends with a narrow minded brainwashed, sometimes problematic Christian carbon copy of themselves.
Truly, they are infuriating bc they believe what they're doing isn't harmful. It is.
That's a pretty sick burn right there.
They really debunk the libertarian argument that only the best and brightest make it to the top
as a Czech person (whose country was destroyed by Nacism), the bit about the cutisie Austrian nazi story is weird. and I think that Austrian people and people in the village would agree. idk....kinda just perpetuates the naive and clueless American (US). it sure how to feel about it.
It is not naive and clueless. White supremacists here inspired Nazis with their systematic destruction of Native Americans and abuse and segregation of African Americans. Americans here know perfectly well who the nazis are and what they stood for. They just genuinely agree with them.
Hi, German person here...
While I understand what you mean when talking about Bethany's analogy of hiking up a mountain and her family's past in connection, I think the point came across a little bit too strict. The problem itself is not them hiking up a mountain in Austria or liking Wiener Schnitzel (which btw. is spelt wrong in the book, the "S" of Schnitzel needs to be capitalised. We capitalise every noun in the German language) or even wanting to see her Grandmother's hometown. They have the right to do that in my opinion, even if their family's past is more than problematic.
The problem that presents itself to me, is that they are fully aware of their family history and do not care to elaborate on it. If Bethany wanted to desperately tell the readers about her visit to Austria (that's alright) she should have mentioned that the origin of her family is very problematic and should not be supported. Leaving that out of her story makes this (especially in connection with the photo shoot at the grave) a tremendous issue.
My purpose of writing this somewhat confusing paragraph was just to clarify that it's okay to talk about climbing mountains in Austria, BUT ONLY under the condition that she takes on acknowledgement for her family's history.
Otherwise (as it came across to me) it would be wrong for anybody who had a family member who was part of or agreeable towards the NSDAP to do fun activities in 2020 within the country borders of Germany/Austria, and I am quite certain, that that is not what you were trying to bring across.
I love that you still filmed with the flaw. It’s very human. It’s relatable and happens to the best of us. I think it’s good for your younger fans to see.
Every spring during college my eyes would swell up and even swell shut at times and I had still had to go to classes. 😂 I laugh now but it was hard at the time.
I actualy feel bad for their husbands.
Saying on the camera that you are not attracted to them and essentially get married because you have to is... damn. I really feel bad for them; they're stuck with people who have very twisted views on life.
I always cite Song of Solomon 7:8 on first dates: "I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples." For some reason, I don't get any second dates.
"It's basically to tell everyone else about all the types of sex you're not having, so you can do that if you want" sent me 😂😂😂
Do they mean traditional biblical gender roles like when Judith beheaded Holofernes stole his money refused to remarry and instead became the protector of Israel, or when David and Jonathan got naked together and declared that the love of men was better than the love of women? Or is 'biblical' just a stand in for 'white american'?
Don't just marry the first guy you find hot.... Is much needed advice for the fundies. These kids grow up so repressed and wanted to have sex that they marry the first person that makes them feel tingly. They confuse lust for love cuz they have been so controlled and repressed they don't know any better. Plus there is so much pressure on girls to get married or else be a unwanted spinster by the time you hit 25... Yeah I can see why they need to spell that kut
I feel like I would be a nightmare to these girls. I'm a 35 y/o disabled unemployed agnostic atheist man living with my mom and I spend a good amount of time playing video games. I met my late wife on a Silent Hill fan forum, and she was only my wife in that she once said it made her a little sad that we couldn't ever get married due to how it would screw with her health insurance, so I bought her a ring and said "If you accept this, you're my wife. Don't need a church or a piece of paper to make that true."
On a completely separate note unrelated to anything you said in this video, I have a long viking beard that I regularly braid and add jewelry to.
You sir have a great love story and beard!
I grew up in that culture. The pressure to marry a “godly man” was all-consuming. I’m honestly so grateful my husband and I found each other in spite of the toxicity. You are the only person who can know what you need in your partner. Don’t allow others to pressure you!!
27:00
From how you started to explain this, with the Austrian mountains and Nazis, I had the most horrid idea that they were going to butcher the Sound of Music...but it was just about taking pictures of the grave of their Austrian Nazi grandpa
Yknow, such good and wholesome family fun! 😂
Seriously, why would anyone publicly post such things? How can they be so oblivious at how uncomfortable that is?
I wonder if the issue with boundaries is that we identify them as important because we are humans with dignity and worth and are deserving of respect, but Bethy and Kristen view women as property of their fathers and then husbands who must be pure and women's comfort and safety is secondary to how they are viewed by their community. So boundaries are there to protect their value as virgins.
See, the stuff about the ancestors I 100% agree with. Case in point, on my dad's side of the family, I'm literally related to Robert E. Lee; the main general of the Confederate States of America. I'm not about to start singing the praises of the CSA because they were, without a shadow of a doubt, on the wrong side of history. I don't celebrate it and frankly, I now choose to live my life in a way that would make him turn in his fucking grave.
I sometimes wonder if maybe the Girl Defined girls aren't showing us all facets of their personality, if you get my drift.
I would not be all to surprised if these girls would have moved to Germany during World War Two so that they could further support the nazi regime.
Robert E. Lee wasn't as terrible a person as he could have been. He was actually opposed to secession, and even the Union generals regarded him as an honorable man while also fearing his tactical prowess. And, after the Civil War was over, he said that the Confederacy and those who fought for it should never be honored. So, I rather think that he might very well approve of you living life the way you do and that he would instead have started spinning in his grave when all those Confederate "memorials" began springing up all over the south 50 years after the war ended, not to mention all the people still flying Confederate flags today.
Anyway, I'm just saying that if you have to be related to a Confederate general, Lee's probably the best one to be related to.
@@memyselfandi4173 Nah, Lee was a massive racist and a slave owner himself... and consistently supported laws that denied black people rights... and the man still fought to preserve the institution of slavery. I've heard a lot of those talking points in the past and while it's true he opposed statues and memorials to the Confederacy... a lotvof that stuff borders on "Lost Cause" mythology.
@@SeanStrife To be fair, most people of the time were massive racists, including people who were abolitionist. Including Abraham Lincoln, for that matter, who is an indirect ancestor of mine. I'm no Civil-War-era expert, but I do know that many of the northern abolitionists just didn't like the huge economic advantage that a massive workforce of free labor gave to the slave-holding states. For them, abolition was about money, not people. Some abolitionists truly cared about the slaves themselves, sure, and those individuals were truly enlightened, especially for their time, but let's not fool ourselves into thinking that every abolitionist, much less every resident of the northern states in general, believed in anything like racial equality. You can think that owning people as property is bad, even for virtuous reasons, but you can at the same time still believe that your own race is superior to another and treat people accordingly. They're not mutually exclusive things.
It is true that Lee fought to preserve slavery, of course, but I'm not sure that means that he was significantly more racist than your average Yankee at the time. He probably wasn't. He was simply wealthy enough to be able to own an estate and also own people, which was, at the time, seen as "normal." Same goes for people like Washington and Jefferson and other "founding fathers" that some people revere.
Being related to someone two centuries back doesn't mean that much. They are no doubt a lot of americans with a very indirect relation to Lee.
We were told by a teacher at 15 to never go cow tipping, even though the image of tipping over a sleepy cow with one finger was funny, because it can cause internal bleeding. Years later I went to uni and met someone who grew up on a farm. She told me it was bonkers, dangerous and impossible to tip a sleeping cow.
Didn't hear of anyone having their clothes stolen in uni laundry rooms. I went to the biggest one and stuck around as I found the white now helped me study but most of my flatmates used a small one. Stuff was taken out when they were done but they were just left on top of the machine, never dumped on floor.
I have a terrible family and I can feel the tone change negatively when I get asked about my family on dates and tell them I don't have a relationship with them because they are toxic. I can't say for sure, but it definitely feels like my lack of a relationship with my family has made others judge me in a negative way
I've found wording it differently is really helpful, as otherwise people assume we're casual about words like abusive or toxic, even though they're accurate. "We don't share the same values, and I'm no longer in contact with them."
And then ask them about their family and shift away. They can get more details if it ends up being a more long term relationship.
if by "godly character" they mean "your SO is a literal god" then yes.
I'm surprised the Godspouce fandom hasn't found them yet.
So, me?
Thank you. Your videos literally always make my day better . Keep sharing your little slice of magic with the world, Rachel!
❤️💚❤️
It's so crazy how Christian thinks that every time you are alone with your boyfriend, you start having sex immediately. (I am Christian)
Thank you for always using inclusive language when discussing reproductive rights ❤️🥺
As a cis het woman I appreciate that she is so inclusive.
@@edvh88 Absolutely.
I love her, always looking out for the whole LGBT community and I esp love that she highlights the ace community so much :)
Oh my goodness. You are a *trooper* for reading this book. All I did was read what was posted in the video and just doing *that* was a slog!
Thank you for taking one for the team, Rachel 💜
Best of luck for your appointment! I had two breast tumors that ultimately turned out to be benign, but one of them looked malign on the MRI, so they could only tell after surgery. It completely messed me up mentally. Just the best wishes and lots of strength for you!
i am sorry but me and my partner started physical effection very early. but like....that is because we were excited and wanted to have fun. this didn't stop us developing good friendship as well. like..you can be friends with somebody you have sex with.
I once asked my mother how long her parents, my grandparents, knew each other before they got married.
She said, "About a week."
I was stunned. I asked my mother, "How is that possible?" I knew that they were married more than fifty years, and happily. Death, not divorce, parted them at last.
My mother replied, "They took it for granted that they would learn to love each other."
While this sometimes works great, it can also go horribly wrong. Very sweet for your grandparents though.
American woman here. Definitely unhappy about the overturning of Roe v Wade, not just because of how it's going to affect women and children's well-being, but also because of the overall legal impact. Roe v Wade was used as a precedent for numerous other important Supreme Court cases involving citizens' right to privacy and freedom from government interference in their personal lives. With Roe gone, and Justice Clarence Thomas openly threatening Obergefell v Hodges (right to same-sex marriage), Lawrence v Texas (criminalization of sodomy is unconstitutional) and Griswold v Connecticut (right of married couples to obtain contraception, laid the groundwork for other reproductive rights cases like Eisenstadt v Baird (right for anyone, married or not, to obtain contraception) and Roe v Wade), it feels like at this point, anything goes. I wonder what other rights I'm going to lose this year.
I think you were kind of harsh about the clothes being stolen. In lots of places it's common to leave your clothes in the laundrette and go do something else while the machine runs. They might get moved out of the machine when the cycle's finished so someone else can use it, but you don't expect them to get stolen. That was definitely on the thief, not on her.
However, I am gobsmacked that she'd marry someone without discussing finances first, that is majorly weird to me.
Best of luck for your doctor's appointment, I really wouldn't have noticed anything if you hadn't mentioned it.
To me, it feels like Girl Defined says “boundaries” but they mean “commandments”. Like, their boundaries and the way they describe boundaries in general sounds more like what they believe they need to do and rules they have to put in place for their partner & themselves to avoid temptation and to make sure all of God’s rules are followed. While Rachel is reading it as actual boundaries - things we create to protect ourselves & reflect our own values. I think that’s why some of it seemed puzzling. Boundaries in evangelical circles =\= boundaries in psychology (in my opinion & experience, anyway)
I hope your appointment goes well and that it's not cancer and can be taken care of easily.
i feel like not caring about marriage makes my life so much better. it is like...one less anxiety to have haha. I am just with my partner because we love each other and want to be together. and being non monogamous, we don't even let attraction to other to people to affect our love for each other. it makes life so easier for me and them.
@E KL oh definitely! different people like different things. if monogamy and marriage suits you, great! go for it! however I just think that people should realise there re other options that might make them happier. good luck in your love journey 💓
Aka you are a cheater got it.
@@jasperhernandez7364 😂😂😂😂 honestly....you can call it whatever you want. I have fun with my partner's and love playing with other people. you do you boo, hope you are happy tho.
@@katroamleft4721 cry that's just a excuse to cheat
@@jasperhernandez7364 ehm...is that concept for you too hard to understand? like....me and my partner love checking out other people and planning dates together with others. do you get it? are you just jealous? 😂
I was raised Southern Baptist. Sex before marriage was wrong. I actually had sex with my future husband before getting married. I felt he really pushed me to have sex. I felt so much guilt because we had sex that I decided I had to marry him.
I didn’t know it was bad sex. We only had sex a few times. Only after we got married I realized I wasn’t attracted to him. At all.
I couldn’t stand for him to touch me. We got divorced. I’ve had great sex since then. I definitely feel like I missed out on dating and having sex with more people.
Purity culture is damaging. It basically forces people into a corner.
On a better note I do have a wedding video that my daughter finds hilarious. She bursted out laughing and said I looked like I was being led to the gallows. 😂
It's sad whenever UA-camrs apologise for their appearance
You're beautiful Rachel no matter what!!
I hope it's nothing serious though
I definitely do not regret my decision to not wait even though I thought I would. I found someone who utterly respects me and communicates so well with me and loves me to the moon and back. They never made me feel that sex was something I owed them or something that they needed from me before I was ready, and I will never stop being happy that my first experience with sex was completely comfortable, safe, and exciting. If anyone needs to hear it there is no shame in consensual sex, your value is not determined by your sexual purity, and the right partners will absolutely respect your boundaries not just because they have to or want to but because they understand that you are an individual with your own wants and boundaries and they don't see your body as something they can have access to whenever and however they want. It's a fundamental difference of viewpoint that makes all the difference.
You seem to have such a healthy set of views regarding your relationship to relationships and I love to see it
Living with my boyfriend has been one of the best things I've done. It's taught me a lot about him and us and how we work together mu h more than just dating.
I'm so glad I did not have to read that book. Thanks for all the hard work you put in.
gives me a special feeling being able to see how over time you've integrated in some more of the UA-camr Things™ like self promo and subscription reminders pretty seamlessly, seeing your sense of humor show through, and i still feel the true to you personality in it all 💓🥺 great conversations here! this breakdown of writing does a good job of expending upon and lending difference of ideas towards the girl defined's presented beliefs
i would love love LOVE to hear your poetry!!!! i just know you put so much thought and heart into your personal works, sharing them is something that feels so vulnerable for me to do even on an interpersonal level. if you'd like to share, i'd like to listen :-)
Omg, the smiling photo at the Nazi grandfather's grave blew my mind. They don't even pretend, do they?
i love this shade of yellow on you💕💕💕
Your top has such a sweet hufflepuff vibe
You look amazing rechel you are an amazing youtuber and person in general love your poetry i always excited to see you love you so much rachel thank you for saving me more than once i really admire and look up to you
They're so weird and teenager-y about constantly using the word "guy". I remember in the first section you read, they said something about "no guy prospects". You could literally say "no male prospects" and it would have improved the writing so much. It's so cringe-y, poorly written, and is so clearly trying to make them sound relatable to an audience they have no business speaking to.
If "party dude" is on your top ten- you're not ready to get married 😂😂😂😂 What about someone empathetic? Kind? Caring? A good listener or conversationalist? Ugh
Hello, Howdy. I am from Texas and both of my parents were raised on farms. I have a cousin who owns a ranch. Cow Tipping is an Urban Myth. Cows sleep lying down like basically every other animal. I mean, think about it have you ever fallen asleep in the passenger seat of a car? You can’t hold your head up. It falls back, to the side or forward.
The part where you mentioned them acknowledging that men and women feel sexual arousal reminded me of a book I read when I was still Mormon. It was through and through a propoganda series but in the second book in the end, the mc choses the peter preisthood love interest over the jack Mormon and one of the things she said she liked about him was that while she didn't mind being the one saying no and waiting, it was nice to have the pressure off with this guy.
Idk I guess I thought the two events were similar that dispite saying you should do this thing that isn't for everyone, they acknowledge that women can feel aroused and sexual pleasure as well.
The biggest takeaway from this video: just do whatever makes you feel happy, fulfilled and safe. The girl defined girls just their boundaries and needs and then tell everyone to adhere to them even though their needs ARE NOT YOURS.
Don’t do that. Just find a way to be single in a way that makes you feel good 👍
The stark difference between the video title and content is cracking me up like. "Girl Defined's Dream Man!! Let's see what these girls look for in a Godly Husband tm!!" vs
"yeah so by the way their great grandpa was a nazi mayor and they are comically insensitive about it"
You can't tip an adult cow over. Seriously, they're really strong and heavy. That's the joke. You tell someone, "Let's go cow tipping." Then they try but they can't and they might even get chased by the bull. They might even get chased by the bull before they get anywhere near the cow. It's just a really dangerous prank.
Imagine writing "will he complete me, will he meet my needs" as though it's a bad thing?!
Edits: Also the bit about love as a decision is something i saw in Maggie mae fish's review of "Fireproof" starring Kirk Cameron, in which that idea gets pushed hard.
Also your poem is great and people should get to hear it
I couldn't help but crack up with a "WTF" when a monster started being poured into a wine glass. Totally gonna try that now!
"Men tend to talk about what they're passionate about"
more Girl Defined wisdom that I'd never have figured out on my own...
I mean, it's almost like men are humans who communicate with words and not some separate species to be studied. Kinda like women. I'd even bring up gender non-conformists but I guess we'll never be ready for that.
Best wishes with the appointment, hope all is well!
Rachel, I love you, but just have to say, I was homeschooled (more like unschooling or child-led learning, the way my family did it) in a secular way, in a great city. I had access to wonderful libraries and librarians 🥰 art and science museums, and diverse people and things to do.
There are so many harmful gripes about homeschooling, usually that the kids are weird, backwards, sheltered, etc and that’s really untrue and unfair. Majority of folks go to public school, and look at that.
The thing is: it's the one thing that parents can turn to, when the public schools are bad and / or kids get shot there. It's also the one thing parents can turn to, when they want to indoctrinate their children with basically anything.
In my eyes it is a bad thing all in all and only slightly better to have them extremely bad public schools. The results can never be as good as good schools.
Girl Defined needs better hobbies, and maybe pet some chinchillas to relax. Seriously, chinchillas are fluffy and soft as heck
Petting chinchillas would for sure help!
I wanna meet a chinchilla in real life someday, they look so cute and I love their lil grabby hands :)
Cow tipping is a fairly common thing in rural parts of the US, especially the south. It's generally considered something that bored country kids do because there's nothing else to do without having to drive for an hour. So yeah, not sure why this is so exciting for them. Maybe because it's considered a bad thing you're not supposed to do (because it's super dangerous! Cows weigh 1000-2000 pounds and have hooves!) and they wanted to feel rebellious?
Also, as an American, I've never heard credit cards be called "charge cards" but it could be a Texas thing.
Oh this is horrible :( I grew up in a tiny market town in Yorkshire surrounded by fields and farms and can’t imagine anyone where I lived doing this :(
@@RachelOates As someone who grew up in a rural area in the US, people in rural areas in the US are just built differently. It's probably the inbreeding.
About the "charge card" I genuinely never heard a credit card being called that either.
The cow tipping thing mystifies me. Mostly because I know that cows don't sleep standing up (that's horses, and good luck trying to tip a dozing horse...). Wth are those kids doing??!
As somebody from the south, it isn't really a thing. At least not in the southeast. There are much more exciting things to do, like make moonshine.
I really liked this series. It is such fun hearing sensible people bash fundamental Christians.
One point, that was made in the video was a bit hastily made, in my opinion. I don't think Kristen and Bethany know what their great grandfathers position meant. I wouldn't be so harsh on them for not speaking out about his past. I want to offer a perspective of a person who's ancestors come from the wrong side of history (Germany). I am not proud of my country's history, I don't support any nazi propaganda or right wing politics. When I was in school, I thought if I had lived in Nazi-Germany, I would have been part of the people who spoke out against the nazis, like for example Sophie and Hans Scholl (two students who were sentenced to death because they spoke up against the authority of the nazis).
But the truth is, I probably wouldn't have been brave enough. German schools do a good job at teaching about the crimes committed by the nazis and we can never let anything like this ever happen again. Still, most of us think that our (great)grandparents weren't complicit or just did what everyone else would have done at the time. It is hard to admit that the people you know from the stories of your childhood were part of the problem. It is important that we acknowledge what happened, but I understand why Kristen and Bethany wouldn't seek out information on what their great-grandfather did during the nazi regime.
It is easy for an outsider to say that they would educate others on what terrible things their grandparents did. It's hard to admit to it, when you are not aware or ashamed of your family's history.
I understand where you're coming from. Accepting the shameful actions of our recent family is very difficult. (I'm British, so I was brought up with a rather different perspective on WW2, but I did my degree in French & German and have lived in Germany.) However, the information about what happened under the Nazis in Germany & Austria is publically available to the point of ubiquity, so they have no excuse for ignorance, and they are posting photos of themselves smiling by the great-grandfather's grave on the internet. If they were ashamed of the connection, surely they wouldn't do that? Like Rachel, I find it shocking.
@@catherineshaw3462 not to mention that he wasn’t just complicit, he didn’t just not speak up, he was an active nazi who held a high office and had been a member of the party even before hitler’s rise to power, *before* it was compulsory, out of his free will.
@@semilorekaji-hausa2078 I completely agree.
The phrase “charge card” must be a regionalism - I’m American and where I’m from we def say “credit card”!
I've lived in America my whole life and never heard anyone say charge card 😂
One thing I really don't like is the whole obsession with regrets explored at 35:26, and I think this is well explained by the quest thinking you described just before. Sure, I won't be sitting at the altar saying "I wish I had slept with more guys" or "I wish I had watched more porn," but I don't see why everything you do has to be a regret. If you think of life as more of a journey, things like this will never be a regret because your goal was not to do as little of it as possible, though to be fair this is the mentality of all Christians who try their hardest to avoid any sin. I just personally can't fathom regretting watching too much porn or kissing a guy for any reason other than it caused something bad to happen, and I think it's unfair to create this pressure on young girls that every little thing they do, like experimenting with makeup, their sexuality, their interests, etc, will turn into some huge regret when for most it's at worst something they cringe at looking back knowing it was part of their journey to who they are today and it might have just made you happy or led to something great.
Wow that picture with the gravestone. Wish I would know what they were thinking posting that...
I don’t think thought is something they do much of l
I do disagree with your assessment of the journey to Austria. A little. If that was my ancestor, I would indeed visit - if only to try and understand what circumstances led to that occurrence. We can't be responsible for the actions of those that came before, but we can take charge of what we can learn from it. Of course, K & B did not learn from this in a good way either.
I feel the same. Living in Germany (not of German descent though), it is just a sad reality that almost everyone's grand or greatgrandparents were Nazis in the past. Of course not all of those thousands of people have been abandoned by their family for shit that went down 80 years ago. It is horrible and you probably should distance yourself from people that still hold Nazi beliefs and are vocal about it but otherwise we just have to accept this part of national history and family history and do our best to prevent this from happening in the future. There's already enough guilt instilled in younger generations who have had nothing to do with it.
As someone who has been married for 22 years, I agree with Rachel. Talk about finances, talk about expectations, talk about boring shit like who does which chores, talk about sex BEFORE you get married. (We were good little Christians back then so no talking about sex. Big mistake.) Don't stay in a bad relationship just because you've been together for a while. Sunk cost fallacy and all that.
14:16 the background music, in tandem with your dramatic reading, had me in stitches lol
great vid! Glasto was amazing thanks for being there!! xx
Interestingly Bethany and her dude talked about how he has been to conversion therapy twice 😬 I feel sorry for the guy…
That ominous music while you describe the wedding 😂😂😂😂