That mum is super awful. She even lied so her side of the family wouldn’t talk to her child. She realised reuniting with her child would make her side know what a liar she is. So she wanted to keep the charade she is living and withdrew the reconciliation
@@loganjoh1 yes, I thought she was a coward, also. She really did not give him answers, just created more questions. Who was the person she took that bad advice from? What were the lies she told to her family? and has she made an effort to correct those lies? He is well rid of her.
i am willing to bet that op will be back when cowardly mom will want a relationship with her grand children...what lies did she tell about op and did she have the courage to tell her whole family about those lies against her own child
These are probably the same women who think if a man 10 yrs older than Jane came up to her aggressively hitting on her, then they'd be offended and grossed out. Looks like Matt got lucky in not having to keep jumping when the GF kept insisting on going NC with OP.
I'm thinking that Jane was told to intentionally try and get OP to do something wrong. Like if OP was interested she'd say he's a creep, going after young girls, if OP tries to push her away then she'd claim OP was an AH who was a misogynist or something. I think this was all a ploy by the now Ex(Lisa) to isolate Matt from his friends(such as OP), though maybe it's just my brain creating a conspiracy theory where there was none, and Lisa and Jane are just garden variety toxic.
I wonder how well it would have gone if the roles were reversed and OP wanted to date Jane and Matt threatened to break up with Lisa if she doesn't force Jane to date OP
@Bijecarli Oh yea, definitely a manipulation. Also, after saying all of that... Why wouldn't you leave the door open to your child? I'm convinced she derives pleasure from hurting him.
Wow, the mom sure is something. She dredged up the past, throws a wrench in his life, lets him stew a few days, then basically says, "lmao sorry for being mean, still don't want you in my life, tho! No takesies backsies, teehee!" I feel sorry for the OP, a father that failed him in his childhood and a mother that failed him in his adulthood.
@DrawciaGleam02 she was resentful that dad was doing well and she didn't, she was mad at OPs dad because he didn't got better for her but did for OP that's really crappie of her. Finally She lied to her side of the family so everyone will side with her so to me at least is clear she will lie in the reddit post
I can totally see the mom just having enough of dad and his issues. But to hold anger about the kid staying with dad because he's afraid he's going to lose dad entirely if OP isn't there is SO wrong and so sad. She's entitled to feel the way she feels and felt. I have no issue with that. But she shows staggering lack of empathy for being mad at her kid, even before she said those ugly hateful words. That's her kid, can she not love him enough to understand HIS feelings? Apparently not...
Story 2: Glad OP's friend realized what an immature gf he had. It didn't even sound like high school drama, but middle school drama. Both OP and his friend are much better off finding mature partners.
then there's the wife having a say on how he handles his wife? really? His monkeys, his circus. I get the feeling she can sympathize with him, but not empathize as she comes from a better family, so she can't comprehend the kind he's come from. that's typically the case.
Story 1: And that's why if your parent goes NC with you after insulting you and try to come back years later, you kick them to the curb with a 'HELL NO'.
Story 2 made me frustrated on a "I'm almost the same age as OP and I'm getting tired listening to this" way. His friend should have broken up with her immediately. Trying to play matchmaker without telling anyone or ever owning up to it...jeez. And since they lack accountability, they tried to latch on the non issue of not driving her home as the main issue when it wasn't. I'm glad some redditors saw through that. He had no responsibility for Jane.
S2: Jane is a Nice Girl and so is Lisa. Literally, they are exhibiting the same behavior when you flip the script: Woman: I'm not interested. Please stop texting Nice Guy: HOW DARE I WILL USE SOCIAL PRESSURE TO MAKE YOU GO OUT WITH ME Everybody: wow what a creep. OP: I'm not interested, please stop texting. Nice Girl: HOW DARE I WILL USE SOCIAL PRESSURE /whines to Lisa Lisa: MAKE HIM GO OUT WITH HER OR CUT HIM OFF Matt: Wow, what creeps.
I don't understand how she was jealous of her physically deteriorated post alcoholic ex husband and her son who wasted his early youth taking care of his father and a brother taking care of his adult brother. In all of this she had the better life even with the break up with Mark.
I recently heard about a lady in her late 40s crying about how her friends influence her to divorce her husband and she regrets it. Funny thing is, she still friend with those ladies who told her to get a divorce lol.
@@gostavoadolfos2023attention. The focus was on his recovery and not her. It’s childish but there you go. And as she said in the letter she resented that he got better for his son when he wouldn’t do it for her. Sounds like lots of ego and wounded pride maybe.
Story 1 - That mom is a super hose-beast. You don't punish your kids like that. Then to act like she wants to reconnect only to back out and go no contact again!? There's a special place in H E double hotsticks for parents who put themselves over their children when their children did nothing wrong. What a horrible lady. She's not a mother, she's a monster.
This ain’t a gendered issue. It sadly happens in all cases. It also needs to be said that parents aren’t obligated to sacrifice everything when it comes to their ex partners for their kids. I see this nonsense when divorced parents are expected to do everything for an ex because it would hurt their kids to not help them. Loving my child doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice my well being for the life of their parent, especially if we aren’t together.
Story 2: What am I even listening to? The GF straight up went "Unless you get your friend to hook up with Jane, we are going no contact with him". What in the world? How desperate is Jane that she needs to have someone forced to date her? I know people might say "Oh, they're still young" but I can't say I was ever that young.
All of them are in their mid 20's + so they're not that young. As frustrated as I got when OP issued Jane that "apology" really glad things swung around and eventually OP and Matt were able to drop some toxic weight from their lives.
"You left her alone in a bar" Op left her with _a group of friends_ in a bar. If she was alone after that, then that's on _you_ and the other friends she was left with, not Op.
So the mom not only lied to her whole side of the family about OP, but never said shs fessed up to the lie and left the rest of her side thinking OP is still the bad guy in this situation. Everything/everyone catered toward her needs and left OP without nearly anyone on his side. Good riddance to her and the rest of the family who went NC without ever hearing the teen's side of the story.
@@kos2919You expect Reddit commenters to be helpful? They’re the most toxic bunch of AHs on the planet who only spout the same three pieces of “advice”.
S2: I always assume the best in people, but even I know it’s a pretty risky move for a 32 year old man to drive a pushy, visibly drunk, young-twenty-something year old, relative stranger home from a bar. When other options are available, why take on that risk? Good on OP for not getting wrapped up in this childish nonsense.
First story OP is better off without her and the family. When ever my mom snitched to her family about something I did they would call me ask my side of things and hold a intervention. But instead they just took her word and abandoned him.
S1: What a pity OP didn't get a chance to reverse mom's script. Call her from a burner phone: "I could see you becoming a drunk and a drug addict because you married dad. I've found peace and happiness, and you're just a reminder of the pain you caused me. Don't contact me again."
Lisa obviously wanted to play matchmaker and was trying to guilt OP into dating Jane. That might work when you are in high school but he's a grown man who's not interested in someone much younger than he is. I think his friend had a lucky escape and kudos for spotting the red flags. Anyone who tells you to go NC with friends who are normal people is controlling. All OP did was say he wasn't interested. He didn't do anything wrong or weird. Life is full of people not interested in you.
Story 2: I mean it was RIDICULOUSLY obvious that Jane was interested in Op and by “drive her home” she wanted more time with him. The issue is that Op never even hinted that he was interested, Lisa sounds RIDICULOUSLY toxic and im really glad Op’s friend dumped her
Story 1. The sheer toxicity of ops egg donor makes me wonder how much of a part her abuse played in OP's father's need to escape emotionally into substance abuse.
Story 2 I wish OP"s apology was something like "I'm sorry if I had know that Lisa and other women at the bar that night weren't really your friends I would have given you a ride home. I hope in the future you can find friends who care about you enough to drive you home when you're drunk so that your not stuck having to rely on strangers who might take advantage of you when you're inebriated."
That letter makes me even more upset because she brings up all these feelings then gives a letter saying “Hey, I slandered your name when you were younger and I don’t actually want you back do NOT contact me I find life better without you”
Even before hearing the ending, the mom is the AH. If anything, they shouldve gone to therapy together to fix any problems. Instead, she let her hurt ego ruin a relationship with her son.
Ew ew ew Lisa is an awful friend to try to pawn her much younger friend off to a guy when she's intoxicated and vulnerable! Lisa's playing the stupid game where OP would be awful for either not being a creep, or being a creep.
Місяць тому+1
Story 1. The lack of love in this mother is appalling. You are a great guy OP.
Story 1: (NTA) Geez, mum holds grudges. She's toxic. The whole mum's side is a pack of flying monkeys. You're under no obligation to meet your mum after all she said to you. Three questions, why does she want to meet you now? Why is your wife adamant that you should? And will meeting her give you closure in your decision to go no contact or will it bring up old hurt? there's a possibility that she might want an organ, grandparents rights or money. Update: A written apology, okay. So her new marriage went to c**p and she got jealous of her ex getting better, so she shamed her son, that's never okay. "Dad never tried for her" selfish. Bad advice, from who? And lies? Well, no meeting, it's done. Story 2: (NTA) It sounded like a secret double date and OP didn't want it. Update: A week later, Matt wants OP to apologise to Jane? Why now? So Matt's picking his b**ch of a girlfriend over his good friend. I knew it was a matching making thing. Oh, they broke up good.
The mom in story mom is just awful. You cut your child off because your jealous and bitter about your ex getting better from his addiction. Also to lie to your side of your family so no one will question you about your awful behavior towards your kid. Also tell me that I’m not the only one but that after hearing that letter while a part of me wants to feel that it’s genuine I have the fee for that the reason why the mom wanted to reach out is that either her life is still going down hill and that her side of the family found out the truth about OP and she wanted to reconcile to get back in their good graces or after finding out that OP is married with a good life she wanted to reconcile to have him take care of her but backed out after realizing that her lies would be discovered by her family. Either way OP is better off without her and I hope he continues to have a good life with his wife.
S1: NTA. Mom abandoned OP because he tried to help his dad and called him a "loser" for trying to help him. OP didn't betray her, dhe betrayed him! Who even says something like that to their child?!?! She can't just crawl back and act like nothing happened. Update: So she To get in contact with OP only to them and give up and try because she didn't want to get his hopes up. And of course she lied to her family to get them on her side and never told them the truth. S2: NTA. Lisa and Jane are femcels/nice girls! People should not be guilted into dating others to make them feel better. She's a grown adult, not OP's responsibility! The apology was a bad idea. This is the stuff I expected a high school girl to pull, not girls in their 20s or 30s. Especially giving an ultimatum like that. Thank goodness OP and Matt got away from the two of them!
Mom is horrible person, even her reasons for not wanting to renew contact are selfish, she doesn't deserve any kind of happiness. She cut out her child from her family just becase. Best for op, lots of love and luck for them too.
"She says despite what she did, she did shield me from most of dad's addictions growing up." Yeah, and then she not only dropped him like a hot brick when he refused to go scorched earth with his father like she did but convinced her entire family to do so as well. 🤷 If OP had wanted to go hear her out then that would've been OP's choice and I would have supported it. But OP *doesn't* want to go hear out Mom, so screw that noise.
He was pretty much an adult by that time. He was in fact shielded from the beast his father was, which had to have been a real betrayal to his mother when he just goes and stays with the man who put her through hell for Op's entire childhood.
Janes friends need to help jane they are her friends. I also think Lisa and Jane were definitely toxic im glad Matt broke up with her. Its crazy that Lisa essentially wanted to force OP to date Jane.
Story 1: NTA I went through that with my own mother. She went nc with me. I took care of my dad right to the day he passed. She passed one week before the 3rd year anniversary of his passing. The way that she and her "second family" treated me and my brothers is unforgivable, but boy, when my eldest brother passed, the roaches came crawling back, claiming a share is his house and posessions, because, in my country, half siblings have equal status as full siblings. All this, after more than 4 decades of nc. The law sucks.
Good thing you didn't take Jane home, or you could be looking at accusation of a**ult. Jane is an adult (presumably) who is responsible for herself. It's not your responsibility to take care of her. P.S. It turns out Lisa isn't much for adulting either... good riddance to both of them.
Is there a reason you cant just type 'assault'? You aren't saying the word 'ass' or anything. I don't get why people censor stupid shit like that but then again 🤨
Is there a reason you cant just type 'assault'? You aren't saying the word 'ass' or anything. 🤨 keep deleting my post, I'm guessing you aren't a fan of South Parks Panderverse episode 🤣🤣🤣
@@ajjamsen694, asks _"Is there a reason you cant just type 'assault'?"_ I have no problem with the word, or swear words for that matter. But youtube's censorship algorithm is unpredictable, at best. BTW: I'm not deleting any posts...
S1; OP didn’t immediately jump to greet her like a lost puppy. That is why she rescinded her reconciliation offer. She was always the worst kind of mother. He just never saw it in the past becsuse his dad was more obviously shitty.
Story 1: am I the only one who thinks mom was upset that the ex was quick to try and get himself together when op pushed for it but he didn't for her. I think what happened was that dad hit rock bottom when mom and son left, which is something that does happen. When son came back wanting to help, he realized this was his last.chance and got his act together.
@@shells500tutubo nah. It's both. She wanted ex to do it for her, but instead she perceived it as him doing it for their son. She didn't lie about her own son because she hated the ex. Those lies didn't hurt the ex in the slightest. They only hurt the son. She punished her son because she was Jealous of him.
The real crappy part is, the Dad didn't "do it for the son but not for her," at least not in the sense the Mom sees it. He hit rock bottom, which is, more often than not, necessary for an addict to really realize they need to get their act together. By that point, as is also often sadly the case, the only reason he had left to actually do it was the son because he'd irrevocably driven everyone else away before that point. Yes, he also had the uncle, which I'm assuming was his brother. I'm not discounting him, but, let's be honest, a brother is not a REASON to get your sh*t together like a child is.
Poor OP, I'm glad he's accepted the situation but it's sad. Sounds like his parents were projecting their emotions onto him for years. It wasn't right that she told him that she only forgave his dad for his sake, that wasn't fair to share and just shifted the burden.
Story 1: Did mommy every come clean to her entire side of the family or did she just let her lies carry on? I doubt she did - and if she did not she's trash anyway.
S1: The mom's behavior doesn't make any sense when compared to the way OP describes their relationship prior to her going no contact. She sounds controlled. I would be very worried about her and her current marriage relationship.
That's it's she contacts OP only when her new family isn't going well but then her new family convince her to shut the door & basically pretend she didn't have a prior family But the mom is still guilty as she'd rather abandon her child to play happy family than risk being alone
@@kaidrazarc8000 She might be trying to play "happy family" or she could be in an abusive relationship. It's not uncommon for women to leave an abusive relationship only to end up in another. For her to go out of her way to contact OP's uncle to ask for a meet-up with OP then 3 days later write a letter to not only "cancel" her request but to also tell him to not even reply to her letter... that sounds like fear of consequences. If I were OP, I would try to discretely investigate his mother's situation.
@@MrsLauraD good point though it's the lying to the rest of her family so they'd cut OP off too that makes me lose sympathy for the mom either being cruel herself or karma But I do agree with you on the new family potentially being abusive as I can't imagine convincing a mom to go no contact with their child Would need to be a psychopath to see a partner's child as baggage to be convinced to dump so you don't need to deal with them & Maybe inheritance could be a factor
2: OP didn't bring her to this bar. I expected something like he brought her to the bar, she pissed him off, and he left, but that's not what happened.
s2: NTA. OP didn't know her, nor was she alone when he left. i'm guessing the problem is that jane got the hots for OP and the rest of them tried passively pushing them together. since that didn't work, it's suddenly OP's fault she ended up "alone" in the bar. with 14+ of her friends and acquaintances. update: called it. hope lisa grows tf up soon, that is some extremely immature and quite frankly embarrassing behavior at 28.
These stories need to come with lessons like never leave a metaphorical doors open or else bitter unstable people might come into your life. The first story I only wish OP's mom develops an addiction so all the people withdraw from her life, isolating her and forcing her to develop empathy or conscience.
[posted 4 minutes into the video] Your mom's contacting you out of the blue after ten years of no contact? She wants something. Probably a piece of an imagined inheritance from your father -- which she thinks she deserves!
1st story, don't listen to your wife. I hate when spouses stick their opinions in on these type of situations where it is none of their business. His egg donor is a pos.
I'm not angry with his mom, they were both abuse victims by OP's dad. It's sad to see that their lives went on different paths. He may never fully know what she was going through, and doing to keep him safe. The dad is the one who should receive flack for what he put them through. My dad was abusive to my mom, unfortunately isaw it first hand. He wasnt a drunk or addict of any kind, he was just mean. If OP and his mom havent had therapy sessions yet, they should really consider. She probably has undiagnosed PTSD, and knowing that her son decided to help his dad could have sent her on a spiral. Sadly OP was the knot in the middle of their tug of war, abd the tighter a knot is pulled, the harder it is to lossen it. Hopefully OP and his mom find peace in their lives, and may be able to communicate again.
The mother showed her nasty side in the first story. At first I even understood her and found it tragic... But after she back paddled with that cowardly letter I would be mad. What the heck is wrong with her!?
Story 1: Sounds like OP's mom doesn't want to have to actually admit to anyone other than OP that she's been lying about him for years. She sounds incredibly selfish and like a horrible mother. She got mad at him for doing something years after he stopped doing it and she didn't even have a problem with him doing when he did. I hope when she reaches out to OP again because she needs something from him he writes her a letter telling her she was a horrible mother and emphasize that by saying "Dad was a better parent than you even when he was drunk and high!"
1- Mom is a selfish piece of work. Glad OP has found happiness. 2- I'm thinking Lisa tried to fix Jane up with OP, and he didn't bite. I've always lived my life by the rule "you make me choose, you lose" and it's never done me wrong.
The first story is very personal for me have family members who suffer from addiction. I’m still relatively close, or at least as close as you can be when you live in different territories, but I will say this is ever a family member told me they were afraid that I would end up like the family member that suffers from addiction. It would piss me off, because, I am avoid all unnecessary drugs to the best of my ability as I already feared turning into that family member because the addiction ruined their life to the point where when I was having a surgery to improve my mobility, they couldn’t handle being in the hospital even though the surgery wasn’t dangerous at all at least for someone of my age at the time. So I avoid any addictive substances, because I know I have heavy personality that makes me prone to addiction.
S2: If you choose to drink you better have a ride figured out BEFORE. She is an adult and should drink responsibly, drink what you want but plan ahead before you get drunk. This situation is not OPs fault at all it is Lisa’s friend’s fault and only her fault. Lisa and her friends are pathetic attacking OP. Imagine bullying a guy into “liking” a girl… glad Matt came to his senses. Those 2 women are so toxic!
😅😂 Story 2: If my friend had asked me for an apology with this scenario, i would have sent the following: "I'm sorry your crappy friends didn't think to take you home themselves after i refused to take you. Had I known your friends weren't going to look out for you, I would have considered paying for a cab or take you home myself."
S1: Wow I can't believe how forgiving & passive the OP is His Mom basically not only abandoned her son to but lied to her side of the family to abandon him too Then when she's feeling down she tries to use OP to make herself feel better then changes her mind & basically tells OP to stay away from her happy life???? I'd be like F that post the letter online share it with her side of the family to clear your name that they abandon you over lies & Finish it off with saying that's it's good they showed the kinda of "family" they are & you'll protect your kids from the pain of having family abandon you out of the blue for no reason
So, in the letter she said after talking to her family shes going to stay out of op's life. Is that the same family who told her to go no contact in the first place? I guess the "help" she got didnt help her as much as she thought. And her wanting to see op isnt selfish, shes appologised, took responsibility for her actions but now refuses to let her son see her again. Mabye op accepts the apology and wants to see her now. Such a mess and a real shame
Story 1: Jesus H Christ stop digging at the mom so hard! The woman went through abuse and handled it in the worst possible way, doesn’t help that it sounds like her “support system” was giving her awful advice.
Ah yes, it is totally understandable that the mother LIED ABOUT HER OWN CHILD TO GET HER FAMILY TO SHUN HIM. And did she ever clear the air for that? was that also part of the "awful advice"? Is that all not supposed to be her own fault because "someone else told her to"? Or is she not a full grown woman making her own choices. I will dig on her until she is clear through the other side of the earth. Awful mother, just awful.
Her "support system was giving her awful advice" based on all the lies she told them FOR YEARS, she said as much in that letter. Notice what that letter DIDN'T say, she told any of them the truth, that she had been lying to them for years. That's because she didn't and wouldn't, and if she didn't take that "awful advice" that "support system" would have found out she'd been lying to them all that time. Yes, she went through heck and handled it in the worst way. That might EXPLAIN it, but it sure as heck doesn't EXCUSE her using lies to turn her entire family against HER OWN CHILD.
Story 1: Mom is a train wreck, abandoning her son twice. Lies? What mother tells lies about her son to alienate him from her extended family? I'm glad OP has made a life for himself, but his mother sounds like she doesn't want her lies catching up with her.
I had a friend who was in a similar scenario to story two, except he was the friend who was drunk. I'm a prude when it comes to alcohol and avoid bars all together, but my friend went with some other people to a bar he never been to and they all left him there by himself. That enraged me a lot, like it doesn't really matter if the person who was drunk is a dude or a girl. Everyone is super vulnerable when drunk. A specific friend was is ride from and to the bar, until she got drunk, called an uber, and left him there alone. Like, dude, my mom was nearly SAed many years ago because her friends went back on their word and left my mom alone with no ride. Friends in story two are POS. Friends who care would organize, arrange rides, and priorize each others safety. If I was OP I would have just took her home to ensure her safety and for my own peace of mind, but it is totally understandable how that would be enabling the inaction and inconsideration from his friend group. His friends are crappy people and perpetuating my reasons why I don't drink at bars.
And open himself to her potential assault and then accusations? Hell no. It's also a possibility that being drunk, she would attempt to get intimate with him while he was driving (because clearly there's not much working brain matter within her skull), risking an incident. Again, hell no.
First story: the mom pulled away because she didn't get an immediate "OH YES, WE NEED TO RECONNECT!" from OP. She's now getting to stew in the fact that when she took out her pain and anger on her child the way she did, she lost any chance to make things right. So she pulled away and said, "Don't bother" in fear of getting a "NO!" from OP. And story 2? Idiot GF of friend thought she had him by the balls, and instead realized that it wasn't anywhere NEAR as tight a hold as she thought. I can ALMOST understand from the bit with the bar, but threatening to cut him off if OP doesn't start dating her friend? As the the song goes - "Bye, bye bye!"
Even after the update she wants to be in his life and he wants to be in her life and they want to work on a relationship but because of the fact that she told her family the lies she doesn't want to go that deep because then it will cause her family only to go off on her and she doesn't want to deal with any of the past negativity and she doesn't want her family to call him bombarding him with cause of apology saying they didn't know and they won't work on their relationship. This is a woman who wants her son back in her life but she doesn't want to go that deep in wanting to make things like fully and tell the truth to her family because by that point it will expose her for creating unnecessary family division but it was also explosive basically having unnecessary resentment. This is why someone in those situations where it's going to be at least another four or five years before the Mom finally decides she wants to build a relationship with the original poster and I guarantee it somebody in her family knows the real story and it's only a matter of time before her world comes crumbling down. she only is saying everything in the weather now because she doesn't want to relive the lie that she told to her family about the original poster and she doesn't want to bring back those memories because then it would be trying to ring live the past all over again not just the past 12 years but really the 23 years before it got to the point of no contact because I guarantee you she's probably taking more abuse from the father of the original poster and then the original posters decision to stay with the dad to help him get through his recovery and to be honest I think it may be best for the original poster to reopen the door a couple years down the road and and meet with her face to face because I guarantee you she wants to meet him wants to build a relationship and same with him but she's just not ready yet to come fully clean with her family
No matter what issues you may have with your partner, you shouldn't bring the kids into it. A kid can't stop loving a parent even if the parent is an AH. Parent/kid love goes both ways.
Story 1: Mom should apologize, but I still think that she’s a selfish coward. She is the one who abandoned and gave up on her husband, but their son didn’t. OP put his family above himself while the mom chose herself over her family. I wouldn’t contact her because she made her choice and cannot come back from it. Giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun, because they missed you the first time. Also, the wife needs to stay out of it. It is not her business nor place to be. She’s already shown that she is taking the MIL’s side and that is a problem. If a wife takes anyone else’s side but her husband’s, that marriage is in trouble.
Oh, please, Jane was just upset because OP turned her down! She was embarrassed and probably told Lisa some, lies and that’s why everyone’s mad at OP now.
Gonna be honest. If I was OP in story one, I would put my mom on blast to anyone I can that we both know. I know its normally not good to take family drama public, but like...that's beyond scummy. And then to take back the reconciliation? What a prick. Actual monster.
Story 1: So who gave her that bad advice that would lead her to abandon her own son just for helping his own father who made the effort to change himself? What were the lies that were so bad that her entire side of the family cut him out? Story 2: Isn't Jane a grown woman? And with friends? Unless she has a thing for OP and wanted a roundabout way to flirt?
Maaaybe if Jane knew OP for a long time and would have crush on him since like forever, I could understand it better why she isn't accepting no. But they didn't even know each other well, why was she so dead set on OP and why Lisa was supporting it so hard it cost her her own relationship? I cannot even imagine high school kids to be that dumb. Middle school, primary school level? Maybe kindergarten? The kids don't hook up, though. Who would risk their own relationship for a friend who wants to hook up with some guy? It's so absurd.
Story 2: Lisa, The Great Matchmaker, saw 2 people she interpreted as nerds and decided they were perfect for each other. Matchmakers need to stay in their lane.
Story 1 OP is better of without his alleged mother she sounds vile. Lying about her own kid this woman is the worst and probably changed her mind to keep it quiet. Story 2 OP was absolutely in the right not wanting to be around that woman anymore that necessary, trapping himself in a car with someone who won't stop hitting on him would be a terrible way to spend time.
That mum is super awful. She even lied so her side of the family wouldn’t talk to her child. She realised reuniting with her child would make her side know what a liar she is. So she wanted to keep the charade she is living and withdrew the reconciliation
So does that mean the family still believes the lies to this day? That’s scummy, to not reveal the truth after all this time.
@@ajjean2720
@@ajjean2720 considering how much of a coward OP's egg donor is, she has definitely not cleared up the lies
@@loganjoh1 yes, I thought she was a coward, also. She really did not give him answers, just created more questions. Who was the person she took that bad advice from? What were the lies she told to her family? and has she made an effort to correct those lies? He is well rid of her.
I literally came to say this. She probably only wanted to reconnect for access to hypothetical grandchildren anyway.
Poor OP. At least he managed to make his own happy life.
i am willing to bet that op will be back when cowardly mom will want a relationship with her grand children...what lies did she tell about op and did she have the courage to tell her whole family about those lies against her own child
Story 2: OP was right. the whole thing is unnecessary (highschool bs) drama.
These are probably the same women who think if a man 10 yrs older than Jane came up to her aggressively hitting on her, then they'd be offended and grossed out. Looks like Matt got lucky in not having to keep jumping when the GF kept insisting on going NC with OP.
It's bad matchmaking, trying to force someone who's mentally a lot younger on OP
I'm thinking that Jane was told to intentionally try and get OP to do something wrong. Like if OP was interested she'd say he's a creep, going after young girls, if OP tries to push her away then she'd claim OP was an AH who was a misogynist or something.
I think this was all a ploy by the now Ex(Lisa) to isolate Matt from his friends(such as OP), though maybe it's just my brain creating a conspiracy theory where there was none, and Lisa and Jane are just garden variety toxic.
OP was spot on this whole thing is just unnecessary high school drama
Story 2: I would've made this apology: "I'm sorry I didn't realize your friends had abandoned when you asked me to give you a ride"
Story 2: Imagine trying to bully your SO into getting their friend to date your friend.
I wonder how well it would have gone if the roles were reversed and OP wanted to date Jane and Matt threatened to break up with Lisa if she doesn't force Jane to date OP
Wow mom is a coward. Mom is super resentful and backs away when she realizes OP didn’t jump to her when she came back
That's what I said. On paper, what Op's mom said about her own selfishness was spot on, but I also see it as manipulative.
@Bijecarli Oh yea, definitely a manipulation.
Also, after saying all of that... Why wouldn't you leave the door open to your child?
I'm convinced she derives pleasure from hurting him.
Resentment is the most powerful feelings ever, it is like a Hydra, you cut a head and 2 grow instead. The mother failed herself and her kid.
That or she is one of the rare parents that accept their kid's rejection and wishes to leave them alone but wanted to give them closure.
Yeah that's what I thought, she's the one who started no contact shes the one who made up lies
Wow, the mom sure is something. She dredged up the past, throws a wrench in his life, lets him stew a few days, then basically says, "lmao sorry for being mean, still don't want you in my life, tho! No takesies backsies, teehee!" I feel sorry for the OP, a father that failed him in his childhood and a mother that failed him in his adulthood.
I find this weird because I think if the mom wrote to reddit she might get support for her choices......
Mom failed OP in his childhood too.
@DrawciaGleam02 she was resentful that dad was doing well and she didn't, she was mad at OPs dad because he didn't got better for her but did for OP that's really crappie of her. Finally
She lied to her side of the family so everyone will side with her so to me at least is clear she will lie in the reddit post
Her admitting to lying about OP all because her new marriage was failing is disgusting the fact OP is leaving the door open for her is wild
I can totally see the mom just having enough of dad and his issues. But to hold anger about the kid staying with dad because he's afraid he's going to lose dad entirely if OP isn't there is SO wrong and so sad. She's entitled to feel the way she feels and felt. I have no issue with that. But she shows staggering lack of empathy for being mad at her kid, even before she said those ugly hateful words. That's her kid, can she not love him enough to understand HIS feelings? Apparently not...
Story 2: Glad OP's friend realized what an immature gf he had. It didn't even sound like high school drama, but middle school drama. Both OP and his friend are much better off finding mature partners.
Story 1: It didn't matter if it was 7 months or 7 years after the divorce, she just expected OP to act like his dad never existed
then there's the wife having a say on how he handles his wife? really? His monkeys, his circus. I get the feeling she can sympathize with him, but not empathize as she comes from a better family, so she can't comprehend the kind he's come from. that's typically the case.
Story 1: And that's why if your parent goes NC with you after insulting you and try to come back years later, you kick them to the curb with a 'HELL NO'.
Story 2 made me frustrated on a "I'm almost the same age as OP and I'm getting tired listening to this" way.
His friend should have broken up with her immediately. Trying to play matchmaker without telling anyone or ever owning up to it...jeez. And since they lack accountability, they tried to latch on the non issue of not driving her home as the main issue when it wasn't. I'm glad some redditors saw through that. He had no responsibility for Jane.
S2: Jane is a Nice Girl and so is Lisa. Literally, they are exhibiting the same behavior when you flip the script:
Woman: I'm not interested. Please stop texting
Nice Guy: HOW DARE I WILL USE SOCIAL PRESSURE TO MAKE YOU GO OUT WITH ME
Everybody: wow what a creep.
OP: I'm not interested, please stop texting.
Nice Girl: HOW DARE I WILL USE SOCIAL PRESSURE /whines to Lisa
Lisa: MAKE HIM GO OUT WITH HER OR CUT HIM OFF
Matt: Wow, what creeps.
Glad Story 1 resolved itself. Story 2, glad Matt finally saw Lisa's toxic stupidity and he and OP are still friends.
The mom said she took some bad advice and her life was miserable while everyone else's were happy.
Feel like I heard that a whole lot😂
I don't understand how she was jealous of her physically deteriorated post alcoholic ex husband and her son who wasted his early youth taking care of his father and a brother taking care of his adult brother. In all of this she had the better life even with the break up with Mark.
I recently heard about a lady in her late 40s crying about how her friends influence her to divorce her husband and she regrets it. Funny thing is, she still friend with those ladies who told her to get a divorce lol.
@@gostavoadolfos2023attention. The focus was on his recovery and not her. It’s childish but there you go. And as she said in the letter she resented that he got better for his son when he wouldn’t do it for her. Sounds like lots of ego and wounded pride maybe.
Sounds like she was saying she knows she did something wrong but it wasn't her fault
S2: “Life is peaceful” only grown up can appreciate this.
Story 2 is exhausting
Story 1 - That mom is a super hose-beast. You don't punish your kids like that. Then to act like she wants to reconnect only to back out and go no contact again!? There's a special place in H E double hotsticks for parents who put themselves over their children when their children did nothing wrong. What a horrible lady. She's not a mother, she's a monster.
She hates her ex-husband more than she loves her son.
Such a common occurrence in divorced women
@@groofromtheup5719 Let's be fair. Men, too.
@@groofromtheup5719 You going to pretend men don't do anything to their children out of spite?
@@schy9614 no. It absolutely happens, especially when he can tell himself that the kids probably aren't even his.
This ain’t a gendered issue. It sadly happens in all cases. It also needs to be said that parents aren’t obligated to sacrifice everything when it comes to their ex partners for their kids.
I see this nonsense when divorced parents are expected to do everything for an ex because it would hurt their kids to not help them. Loving my child doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice my well being for the life of their parent, especially if we aren’t together.
Story 2: What am I even listening to? The GF straight up went "Unless you get your friend to hook up with Jane, we are going no contact with him". What in the world? How desperate is Jane that she needs to have someone forced to date her? I know people might say "Oh, they're still young" but I can't say I was ever that young.
All of them are in their mid 20's + so they're not that young. As frustrated as I got when OP issued Jane that "apology" really glad things swung around and eventually OP and Matt were able to drop some toxic weight from their lives.
I hope gf is pleased with the result: no boyfriend.
Nah all of them are like late 20s early 30s way too old for this high school behavior
"You left her alone in a bar" Op left her with _a group of friends_ in a bar. If she was alone after that, then that's on _you_ and the other friends she was left with, not Op.
So the mom not only lied to her whole side of the family about OP, but never said shs fessed up to the lie and left the rest of her side thinking OP is still the bad guy in this situation. Everything/everyone catered toward her needs and left OP without nearly anyone on his side. Good riddance to her and the rest of the family who went NC without ever hearing the teen's side of the story.
I hope people in the reddit comment section will point thst out to OP after the update.
@@kos2919You expect Reddit commenters to be helpful? They’re the most toxic bunch of AHs on the planet who only spout the same three pieces of “advice”.
Or OP is lying, like his no good drunk of a sperm donor.
My mornings don’t really start if I don’t hear: “hi everybody and welcome back to LG Reddit storys”
S2: I always assume the best in people, but even I know it’s a pretty risky move for a 32 year old man to drive a pushy, visibly drunk, young-twenty-something year old, relative stranger home from a bar. When other options are available, why take on that risk? Good on OP for not getting wrapped up in this childish nonsense.
Story 2.
It's always nice when the trash takes itself out.
Trust yourself and your feelings as you move forward.
First story OP is better off without her and the family. When ever my mom snitched to her family about something I did they would call me ask my side of things and hold a intervention. But instead they just took her word and abandoned him.
Story 2: Lisa and Jane are just drama. And as awkward as OP might think he is, this high school nonsense in your 20s and 30s is not the business.
S1: What a pity OP didn't get a chance to reverse mom's script. Call her from a burner phone: "I could see you becoming a drunk and a drug addict because you married dad. I've found peace and happiness, and you're just a reminder of the pain you caused me. Don't contact me again."
Lisa obviously wanted to play matchmaker and was trying to guilt OP into dating Jane. That might work when you are in high school but he's a grown man who's not interested in someone much younger than he is. I think his friend had a lucky escape and kudos for spotting the red flags. Anyone who tells you to go NC with friends who are normal people is controlling. All OP did was say he wasn't interested. He didn't do anything wrong or weird. Life is full of people not interested in you.
Story 2: I mean it was RIDICULOUSLY obvious that Jane was interested in Op and by “drive her home” she wanted more time with him. The issue is that Op never even hinted that he was interested, Lisa sounds RIDICULOUSLY toxic and im really glad Op’s friend dumped her
Story 1. The sheer toxicity of ops egg donor makes me wonder how much of a part her abuse played in OP's father's need to escape emotionally into substance abuse.
Story 2 I wish OP"s apology was something like "I'm sorry if I had know that Lisa and other women at the bar that night weren't really your friends I would have given you a ride home. I hope in the future you can find friends who care about you enough to drive you home when you're drunk so that your not stuck having to rely on strangers who might take advantage of you when you're inebriated."
Sounds like Jane wanted to go home with Op and is now embarrassed she got rejected
That letter makes me even more upset because she brings up all these feelings then gives a letter saying “Hey, I slandered your name when you were younger and I don’t actually want you back do NOT contact me I find life better without you”
Even before hearing the ending, the mom is the AH. If anything, they shouldve gone to therapy together to fix any problems. Instead, she let her hurt ego ruin a relationship with her son.
Ew ew ew Lisa is an awful friend to try to pawn her much younger friend off to a guy when she's intoxicated and vulnerable! Lisa's playing the stupid game where OP would be awful for either not being a creep, or being a creep.
Story 1. The lack of love in this mother is appalling. You are a great guy OP.
Story 1: (NTA) Geez, mum holds grudges. She's toxic. The whole mum's side is a pack of flying monkeys. You're under no obligation to meet your mum after all she said to you. Three questions, why does she want to meet you now? Why is your wife adamant that you should? And will meeting her give you closure in your decision to go no contact or will it bring up old hurt? there's a possibility that she might want an organ, grandparents rights or money.
Update: A written apology, okay. So her new marriage went to c**p and she got jealous of her ex getting better, so she shamed her son, that's never okay. "Dad never tried for her" selfish. Bad advice, from who? And lies? Well, no meeting, it's done.
Story 2: (NTA) It sounded like a secret double date and OP didn't want it.
Update: A week later, Matt wants OP to apologise to Jane? Why now? So Matt's picking his b**ch of a girlfriend over his good friend. I knew it was a matching making thing. Oh, they broke up good.
The mom in story mom is just awful. You cut your child off because your jealous and bitter about your ex getting better from his addiction. Also to lie to your side of your family so no one will question you about your awful behavior towards your kid.
Also tell me that I’m not the only one but that after hearing that letter while a part of me wants to feel that it’s genuine I have the fee for that the reason why the mom wanted to reach out is that either her life is still going down hill and that her side of the family found out the truth about OP and she wanted to reconcile to get back in their good graces or after finding out that OP is married with a good life she wanted to reconcile to have him take care of her but backed out after realizing that her lies would be discovered by her family.
Either way OP is better off without her and I hope he continues to have a good life with his wife.
S1: NTA. Mom abandoned OP because he tried to help his dad and called him a "loser" for trying to help him. OP didn't betray her, dhe betrayed him! Who even says something like that to their child?!?! She can't just crawl back and act like nothing happened.
Update: So she To get in contact with OP only to them and give up and try because she didn't want to get his hopes up. And of course she lied to her family to get them on her side and never told them the truth.
S2: NTA. Lisa and Jane are femcels/nice girls! People should not be guilted into dating others to make them feel better. She's a grown adult, not OP's responsibility! The apology was a bad idea. This is the stuff I expected a high school girl to pull, not girls in their 20s or 30s. Especially giving an ultimatum like that. Thank goodness OP and Matt got away from the two of them!
I get leaving to save yourself but holding a grudge against OP and wanting no contact? She got what she wanted, she can keep getting it.
Mom is horrible person, even her reasons for not wanting to renew contact are selfish, she doesn't deserve any kind of happiness. She cut out her child from her family just becase. Best for op, lots of love and luck for them too.
"She says despite what she did, she did shield me from most of dad's addictions growing up."
Yeah, and then she not only dropped him like a hot brick when he refused to go scorched earth with his father like she did but convinced her entire family to do so as well. 🤷 If OP had wanted to go hear her out then that would've been OP's choice and I would have supported it. But OP *doesn't* want to go hear out Mom, so screw that noise.
He was pretty much an adult by that time. He was in fact shielded from the beast his father was, which had to have been a real betrayal to his mother when he just goes and stays with the man who put her through hell for Op's entire childhood.
@@shells500tutubo 100%
Janes friends need to help jane they are her friends. I also think Lisa and Jane were definitely toxic im glad Matt broke up with her. Its crazy that Lisa essentially wanted to force OP to date Jane.
Did she undo the lies, is OP free to reconnect with his family that she took from him? No? Then mother dear hasn't changed
Yeah I'd never drive a drunk girl home by her self, I'd want at least one other person as a witness.
Story 1: NTA I went through that with my own mother. She went nc with me. I took care of my dad right to the day he passed. She passed one week before the 3rd year anniversary of his passing. The way that she and her "second family" treated me and my brothers is unforgivable, but boy, when my eldest brother passed, the roaches came crawling back, claiming a share is his house and posessions, because, in my country, half siblings have equal status as full siblings. All this, after more than 4 decades of nc. The law sucks.
Good thing you didn't take Jane home, or you could be looking at accusation of a**ult.
Jane is an adult (presumably) who is responsible for herself. It's not your responsibility to take care of her.
P.S. It turns out Lisa isn't much for adulting either... good riddance to both of them.
Is there a reason you cant just type 'assault'? You aren't saying the word 'ass' or anything. I don't get why people censor stupid shit like that but then again 🤨
Is there a reason you cant just type 'assault'? You aren't saying the word 'ass' or anything. 🤨
Is there a reason you cant just type 'assault'? You aren't saying the word 'ass' or anything. 🤨 keep deleting my post, I'm guessing you aren't a fan of South Parks Panderverse episode 🤣🤣🤣
@@ajjamsen694It gets your comment hidden sometimes.
@@ajjamsen694, asks _"Is there a reason you cant just type 'assault'?"_
I have no problem with the word, or swear words for that matter. But youtube's censorship algorithm is unpredictable, at best.
BTW: I'm not deleting any posts...
S1; OP didn’t immediately jump to greet her like a lost puppy. That is why she rescinded her reconciliation offer.
She was always the worst kind of mother. He just never saw it in the past becsuse his dad was more obviously shitty.
Sounds like both parents were cruddy people.
Story 1: am I the only one who thinks mom was upset that the ex was quick to try and get himself together when op pushed for it but he didn't for her.
I think what happened was that dad hit rock bottom when mom and son left, which is something that does happen. When son came back wanting to help, he realized this was his last.chance and got his act together.
That is in the story if you read it to the end. She said the dad could try with the son but never with her.
@@shells500tutubo yup, she was jealous of her own son.
@@groofromtheup5719 That is not jealousy. What an odd take. That is anger at her ex.
@@shells500tutubo nah. It's both. She wanted ex to do it for her, but instead she perceived it as him doing it for their son. She didn't lie about her own son because she hated the ex. Those lies didn't hurt the ex in the slightest. They only hurt the son. She punished her son because she was Jealous of him.
The real crappy part is, the Dad didn't "do it for the son but not for her," at least not in the sense the Mom sees it. He hit rock bottom, which is, more often than not, necessary for an addict to really realize they need to get their act together. By that point, as is also often sadly the case, the only reason he had left to actually do it was the son because he'd irrevocably driven everyone else away before that point.
Yes, he also had the uncle, which I'm assuming was his brother. I'm not discounting him, but, let's be honest, a brother is not a REASON to get your sh*t together like a child is.
Poor OP, I'm glad he's accepted the situation but it's sad. Sounds like his parents were projecting their emotions onto him for years. It wasn't right that she told him that she only forgave his dad for his sake, that wasn't fair to share and just shifted the burden.
Story 1: Did mommy every come clean to her entire side of the family or did she just let her lies carry on?
I doubt she did - and if she did not she's trash anyway.
S1: The mom's behavior doesn't make any sense when compared to the way OP describes their relationship prior to her going no contact. She sounds controlled. I would be very worried about her and her current marriage relationship.
That's it's she contacts OP only when her new family isn't going well
but then her new family convince her to shut the door & basically pretend she didn't have a prior family
But the mom is still guilty as she'd rather abandon her child to play happy family than risk being alone
@@kaidrazarc8000 She might be trying to play "happy family" or she could be in an abusive relationship. It's not uncommon for women to leave an abusive relationship only to end up in another. For her to go out of her way to contact OP's uncle to ask for a meet-up with OP then 3 days later write a letter to not only "cancel" her request but to also tell him to not even reply to her letter... that sounds like fear of consequences. If I were OP, I would try to discretely investigate his mother's situation.
@@MrsLauraD good point though it's the lying to the rest of her family so they'd cut OP off too that makes me lose sympathy for the mom either being cruel herself or karma
But I do agree with you on the new family potentially being abusive as I can't imagine convincing a mom to go no contact with their child
Would need to be a psychopath to see a partner's child as baggage to be convinced to dump so you don't need to deal with them
& Maybe inheritance could be a factor
2: OP didn't bring her to this bar. I expected something like he brought her to the bar, she pissed him off, and he left, but that's not what happened.
s2: NTA. OP didn't know her, nor was she alone when he left. i'm guessing the problem is that jane got the hots for OP and the rest of them tried passively pushing them together. since that didn't work, it's suddenly OP's fault she ended up "alone" in the bar. with 14+ of her friends and acquaintances.
update: called it. hope lisa grows tf up soon, that is some extremely immature and quite frankly embarrassing behavior at 28.
At least this morning can start off with a bang.
Send the post to everyone on her side. She needs to face the consequences of her actions.
Just wanted to tell you, I can tell you're a good dad.
S1: Mother is still a pos until the very end. She just wants drama. So f her and her side of the family
These stories need to come with lessons like never leave a metaphorical doors open or else bitter unstable people might come into your life. The first story I only wish OP's mom develops an addiction so all the people withdraw from her life, isolating her and forcing her to develop empathy or conscience.
Good for Matt.
Story 1: Wow... OP saved a life and this is what he gets...
[posted 4 minutes into the video] Your mom's contacting you out of the blue after ten years of no contact? She wants something. Probably a piece of an imagined inheritance from your father -- which she thinks she deserves!
1st story, don't listen to your wife. I hate when spouses stick their opinions in on these type of situations where it is none of their business. His egg donor is a pos.
Sadly, we don’t actually mature much when we get older. We just learn to be immature in more complicated ways.
I'm not angry with his mom, they were both abuse victims by OP's dad. It's sad to see that their lives went on different paths. He may never fully know what she was going through, and doing to keep him safe. The dad is the one who should receive flack for what he put them through. My dad was abusive to my mom, unfortunately isaw it first hand. He wasnt a drunk or addict of any kind, he was just mean. If OP and his mom havent had therapy sessions yet, they should really consider. She probably has undiagnosed PTSD, and knowing that her son decided to help his dad could have sent her on a spiral. Sadly OP was the knot in the middle of their tug of war, abd the tighter a knot is pulled, the harder it is to lossen it. Hopefully OP and his mom find peace in their lives, and may be able to communicate again.
What a B. OP should have sent the letter back to the mom with a note “Now I know what drove Dad to take drugs in the first place.”.
The mother showed her nasty side in the first story. At first I even understood her and found it tragic... But after she back paddled with that cowardly letter I would be mad.
What the heck is wrong with her!?
Story 1: Sounds like OP's mom doesn't want to have to actually admit to anyone other than OP that she's been lying about him for years. She sounds incredibly selfish and like a horrible mother. She got mad at him for doing something years after he stopped doing it and she didn't even have a problem with him doing when he did. I hope when she reaches out to OP again because she needs something from him he writes her a letter telling her she was a horrible mother and emphasize that by saying "Dad was a better parent than you even when he was drunk and high!"
Story 2: Sounds like Jane was pregnant and Lisa planned to get OP to take her home so she could claim he is the father.
1- Mom is a selfish piece of work. Glad OP has found happiness. 2- I'm thinking Lisa tried to fix Jane up with OP, and he didn't bite. I've always lived my life by the rule "you make me choose, you lose" and it's never done me wrong.
Hi everyone❤.
The first story is very personal for me have family members who suffer from addiction. I’m still relatively close, or at least as close as you can be when you live in different territories, but I will say this is ever a family member told me they were afraid that I would end up like the family member that suffers from addiction. It would piss me off, because, I am avoid all unnecessary drugs to the best of my ability as I already feared turning into that family member because the addiction ruined their life to the point where when I was having a surgery to improve my mobility, they couldn’t handle being in the hospital even though the surgery wasn’t dangerous at all at least for someone of my age at the time. So I avoid any addictive substances, because I know I have heavy personality that makes me prone to addiction.
story number 2 high school never ends
S2: If you choose to drink you better have a ride figured out BEFORE. She is an adult and should drink responsibly, drink what you want but plan ahead before you get drunk. This situation is not OPs fault at all it is Lisa’s friend’s fault and only her fault. Lisa and her friends are pathetic attacking OP.
Imagine bullying a guy into “liking” a girl… glad Matt came to his senses. Those 2 women are so toxic!
😅😂 Story 2:
If my friend had asked me for an apology with this scenario, i would have sent the following: "I'm sorry your crappy friends didn't think to take you home themselves after i refused to take you. Had I known your friends weren't going to look out for you, I would have considered paying for a cab or take you home myself."
S1: Wow I can't believe how forgiving & passive the OP is
His Mom basically not only abandoned her son to but lied to her side of the family to abandon him too
Then when she's feeling down she tries to use OP to make herself feel better then changes her mind & basically tells OP to stay away from her happy life????
I'd be like F that post the letter online share it with her side of the family to clear your name that they abandon you over lies
& Finish it off with saying that's it's good they showed the kinda of "family" they are & you'll protect your kids from the pain of having family abandon you out of the blue for no reason
So, in the letter she said after talking to her family shes going to stay out of op's life. Is that the same family who told her to go no contact in the first place? I guess the "help" she got didnt help her as much as she thought. And her wanting to see op isnt selfish, shes appologised, took responsibility for her actions but now refuses to let her son see her again. Mabye op accepts the apology and wants to see her now. Such a mess and a real shame
Story 1: Jesus H Christ stop digging at the mom so hard! The woman went through abuse and handled it in the worst possible way, doesn’t help that it sounds like her “support system” was giving her awful advice.
Ah yes, it is totally understandable that the mother LIED ABOUT HER OWN CHILD TO GET HER FAMILY TO SHUN HIM. And did she ever clear the air for that? was that also part of the "awful advice"? Is that all not supposed to be her own fault because "someone else told her to"? Or is she not a full grown woman making her own choices. I will dig on her until she is clear through the other side of the earth. Awful mother, just awful.
Her "support system was giving her awful advice" based on all the lies she told them FOR YEARS, she said as much in that letter. Notice what that letter DIDN'T say, she told any of them the truth, that she had been lying to them for years. That's because she didn't and wouldn't, and if she didn't take that "awful advice" that "support system" would have found out she'd been lying to them all that time.
Yes, she went through heck and handled it in the worst way. That might EXPLAIN it, but it sure as heck doesn't EXCUSE her using lies to turn her entire family against HER OWN CHILD.
Story 1: Mom is a train wreck, abandoning her son twice. Lies? What mother tells lies about her son to alienate him from her extended family? I'm glad OP has made a life for himself, but his mother sounds like she doesn't want her lies catching up with her.
Story 2: NTA. People were assuming instead of communication
I had a friend who was in a similar scenario to story two, except he was the friend who was drunk. I'm a prude when it comes to alcohol and avoid bars all together, but my friend went with some other people to a bar he never been to and they all left him there by himself. That enraged me a lot, like it doesn't really matter if the person who was drunk is a dude or a girl. Everyone is super vulnerable when drunk. A specific friend was is ride from and to the bar, until she got drunk, called an uber, and left him there alone. Like, dude, my mom was nearly SAed many years ago because her friends went back on their word and left my mom alone with no ride.
Friends in story two are POS. Friends who care would organize, arrange rides, and priorize each others safety. If I was OP I would have just took her home to ensure her safety and for my own peace of mind, but it is totally understandable how that would be enabling the inaction and inconsideration from his friend group. His friends are crappy people and perpetuating my reasons why I don't drink at bars.
And open himself to her potential assault and then accusations? Hell no. It's also a possibility that being drunk, she would attempt to get intimate with him while he was driving (because clearly there's not much working brain matter within her skull), risking an incident. Again, hell no.
Mom didn't "abandon" OP. OP chose to enable and support a drunk, and Mom rightfully cut him off for it. OP is not a victim.
First story: the mom pulled away because she didn't get an immediate "OH YES, WE NEED TO RECONNECT!" from OP. She's now getting to stew in the fact that when she took out her pain and anger on her child the way she did, she lost any chance to make things right. So she pulled away and said, "Don't bother" in fear of getting a "NO!" from OP. And story 2? Idiot GF of friend thought she had him by the balls, and instead realized that it wasn't anywhere NEAR as tight a hold as she thought. I can ALMOST understand from the bit with the bar, but threatening to cut him off if OP doesn't start dating her friend? As the the song goes - "Bye, bye bye!"
Even after the update she wants to be in his life and he wants to be in her life and they want to work on a relationship but because of the fact that she told her family the lies she doesn't want to go that deep because then it will cause her family only to go off on her and she doesn't want to deal with any of the past negativity and she doesn't want her family to call him bombarding him with cause of apology saying they didn't know and they won't work on their relationship. This is a woman who wants her son back in her life but she doesn't want to go that deep in wanting to make things like fully and tell the truth to her family because by that point it will expose her for creating unnecessary family division but it was also explosive basically having unnecessary resentment. This is why someone in those situations where it's going to be at least another four or five years before the Mom finally decides she wants to build a relationship with the original poster and I guarantee it somebody in her family knows the real story and it's only a matter of time before her world comes crumbling down. she only is saying everything in the weather now because she doesn't want to relive the lie that she told to her family about the original poster and she doesn't want to bring back those memories because then it would be trying to ring live the past all over again not just the past 12 years but really the 23 years before it got to the point of no contact because I guarantee you she's probably taking more abuse from the father of the original poster and then the original posters decision to stay with the dad to help him get through his recovery and to be honest I think it may be best for the original poster to reopen the door a couple years down the road and and meet with her face to face because I guarantee you she wants to meet him wants to build a relationship and same with him but she's just not ready yet to come fully clean with her family
What a terrible mother. Goes no contact because she resents a teenager. Reestablishes contact just to go no contact again.
No matter what issues you may have with your partner, you shouldn't bring the kids into it. A kid can't stop loving a parent even if the parent is an AH. Parent/kid love goes both ways.
Not true. A child SHOULD be pissed at an abusive parent. Not brush it under the rug, because it happened to mom/dad, and not them.
Story 1: Mom should apologize, but I still think that she’s a selfish coward. She is the one who abandoned and gave up on her husband, but their son didn’t. OP put his family above himself while the mom chose herself over her family. I wouldn’t contact her because she made her choice and cannot come back from it. Giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun, because they missed you the first time. Also, the wife needs to stay out of it. It is not her business nor place to be. She’s already shown that she is taking the MIL’s side and that is a problem. If a wife takes anyone else’s side but her husband’s, that marriage is in trouble.
Oh, please, Jane was just upset because OP turned her down! She was embarrassed and probably told Lisa some, lies and that’s why everyone’s mad at OP now.
I differ from everybody else on the 1st story she knew what her father did to her mother and she didn’t care she chose the side 🤷🏽♀️
Never been so early. 17 seconds in?
Gonna be honest. If I was OP in story one, I would put my mom on blast to anyone I can that we both know. I know its normally not good to take family drama public, but like...that's beyond scummy. And then to take back the reconciliation? What a prick. Actual monster.
Best thing she did was get away from him and stay away, frankly. The actions do not suggest the therapy did any good, either.
JUST GOT HERE TOO
Story 1: So who gave her that bad advice that would lead her to abandon her own son just for helping his own father who made the effort to change himself? What were the lies that were so bad that her entire side of the family cut him out?
Story 2: Isn't Jane a grown woman? And with friends? Unless she has a thing for OP and wanted a roundabout way to flirt?
Story 2 NTA. You're not responsible for someone else's poor decisions
I hope OPs wife feels stupid when OP got that letter
Maaaybe if Jane knew OP for a long time and would have crush on him since like forever, I could understand it better why she isn't accepting no. But they didn't even know each other well, why was she so dead set on OP and why Lisa was supporting it so hard it cost her her own relationship? I cannot even imagine high school kids to be that dumb. Middle school, primary school level? Maybe kindergarten? The kids don't hook up, though. Who would risk their own relationship for a friend who wants to hook up with some guy? It's so absurd.
Story 2: Lisa, The Great Matchmaker, saw 2 people she interpreted as nerds and decided they were perfect for each other. Matchmakers need to stay in their lane.
Story 1 OP is better of without his alleged mother she sounds vile. Lying about her own kid this woman is the worst and probably changed her mind to keep it quiet.
Story 2 OP was absolutely in the right not wanting to be around that woman anymore that necessary, trapping himself in a car with someone who won't stop hitting on him would be a terrible way to spend time.