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Jillian, Thank you with all my heart for sharing this and keeping in the clips of you talking about your mental health symptoms. I deal with simular problems with my PTSD and anxiety. I have had to stop, go home, and felt so sick more than I can count to remember. I am so happy you had the option from your friends to leave the con if you needed that. I cried when I heard that beautiful kindness given to you. I am also glad that you are talking about these things with openess and not staying silent about it. Personally I have been battling a long term goal, I hardly go out of the house and I am trying my best to do things more outside.
you literally won over your anxiety by the power of friendship that's actually so cool to do considering you're cosplaying the most "win by friendship" characters ever. your guy's personalities really shine to be like the characters you love, pure and helpful.
Oh gosh I am usually more of a lurker than a commenter, but I really need to say how much you involving your struggle with anxiety meant to me. I've dealt with anxiety/panic attacks my whole life and I've never felt like people understood how physically debilitating it is. I think a lot of people imagine anxiety is just "being a little anxious" but it's so viscerally painful. I've never heard someone put it into words like you, and it just really hit me so hard that I may or may not be crying right now lol. I just kept nodding to everything you said because it's exactly how I feel!! In my 26 years of life I've never felt more understood. So thank you so much for this. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for getting to that con. Just stepping out your door is more than enough, and you made it all the way there!! At the end of the day that's all that matters. Also omg hug your friends for me, cause they are absolute legends!!
Aww omg thank you so much for this comment. I was nervous sharing all of this but I am so so glad others can relate and feel seen!!! It is more common than we think 🫶🏻
Having to cancel on things because of anxiety is one of the most frustrating and occasionally heartbreaking things ever. It’s so hard to reconcile with working hard towards something and almost getting to that point, and then just genuinely not being able to do what you wanted to do. It’s so frustrating that people don’t see anxiety as a disability when it really can be for some people. When your brain is basically telling you you’re in danger and you *have* to run away from something, it’s almost impossible to not listen. Thank you for sharing your experience with this and being vulnerable, it’s always a nice reminder that we’re not alone in this struggle 💕✨
Your statement of "we didn't know so it wasn't as bad" I felt so hard. I was just finally diagnosed, and the doctor told me she has never seen someone with as high a score for PTSD and Anxiety. That made me realize that my mental health really is as bad as I thought it was and realizing that made me really accept how bad it is and let myself feel it.
I kinda love how Stickers hitting the tv because he demands food and pixie’s response is “stop being evil!” Because yes, that is very evil. Be patient, stickers.
I dont have DID, however I do have crippling anxiety and everything you feel and how you explain how you struggle with it is exactly how I feel, I used to not feel my anxiety either but since uncovering all my problems I now feel it more than ever. I hate how I cant enjoy any of my life anymore like I used to be able to and I hate how I have to change how I go about living my life. But hopefully with good and understanding friends, therapy and medication we can both come to relove all the things we struggle with now!
I'm sorry to hear that the return to con life was a bit bumpy but you three were such a slay Hirogaru group and I hope that the good parts were... well, good! Also oMG THE PRECURE MERCH??? I MISS THAT
Closure for the amount of physical & mental effort (& time!) that went into convention planning!! That makes total sense! The box didn't get the same wrapping & bow that you orignally wanted; so you wrapped the box yourself! Enjoy your present of positive con memories. ❤
Also, Jillian- I am very grateful to you for being an Influencer and a famous UA-cam person who cares about mental health and mental illness. I have severe severe depression and anxiety. You help. 💗
Honestly watching someone go through anxiety is so reassuring to me because it can feel like such a isolating thing that no one else experiences. You looked amazing and your friends are deffo keepers. ❤
Babes it has been a roooouuuugh and wild few years, both globally and personally for you guys. It's 1000% understandable that you couldn't just plop yourselves back into con life like nothing ever happened!! But you should be so super proud of yourselves for recognizing your feelings, working through it, and having what sounds like an amazing group of friends to help support you. That's huge & I'm proud!! (p.s. Your costume looks INCREDIBLE. I swear someday im gonna give in and watch precure 😭)
Proud of you for sharing the anxiety attack. I personally found my con anxiety getting way worse as I learned about myself too. I had so much fun as a teen and as I gained more hobbies, the stress and the overstimulation and the PRICE AND HEAT (I only could ever go to Otakon) made it soooo not worth going at all. It's important to remember that sometimes recovery and growth can make things worse, but that doesn't mean you're not getting better; things just have to change.
Thank you for this comment! I recently returned to cosplay and recent cons have been so difficult for me mentally due to overstimulation! I thought it was something I'll just bully myself about but your comment along with this video helped me to recognise that I should be allowing myself some kindness about my diagnosed conditions I haven't really addressed about going to cons. ❤️❤️❤️ Stay well 😊
I definitely understand the stress and almost confusion of losing skills like that after having big mental health epiphanies. I used to be in intense dance programs, training for multiple stage performances a year in ballet, tap, and jazz. And now just existing at my retail job is so difficult balancing anxiety, autism symptoms, and system "issues" that have obviously always been there but I've been able to previously dissociate from. So many of us watching relate to your struggles, you're not alone in this 💕💕
i'm so glad you posted this , i used to have really bad anxiety and i wouldn't be able to move for days. i just couldn't. i wouldn't walk correctly like my soul had just been removed from me and all i felt was sickness. people don't understand how bad it is. i feel so lucky now that my anxiety is essentially gone. it's debilitating. your feelings are valid and i'm so glad you pushed past and went anyway! that's amazing!
the "ive done this before, i know ive been capable of doing this in the past, why is it so hard now?" is resonating with me so much. ive been through a lot of trauma since 2020 (pandemic ofc, 5 different jobs, an abortion, a life/mind altering bad drug trip, etc) and i always forget that progress isnt linear, that life is harder sometimes and easier other times. you are so incredible for keeping going, even if its a lot harder than it used to be. im struggling with unemployment and depression and anxiety (and an unknown neurodivergency) and i keep thinking "i was doing so well in 2019, ive had jobs before, why cant i do this?" and i always have to remind myself that i am a different person now, we all are. and just because im struggling now doesnt mean im going to struggle forever. i wish you the best on your continuing journey with your mental health, i hope things get easier again soon. and if they dont, thats okay too 💙
Some conventions have a room where people with anxiety or sensory overload can go to calm down and "escape." You can usually ask at the accessibility booth
I understand this Jillian. I’ve had to leave work from throwing up because of my anxiety which I absolutely hate doing. I feel like I’m letting myself and coworkers down because of it. It’s so brutal the tole it takes on your body. I can’t eat hours before or after it happens. I’m also literally telling myself “YOU’RE NOT GONNA DIE YOU’RE GONNA BE FINE” lol it sucks
I know my gf has a tough time being in public and busy places post 2020. I definitely don’t think you are alone in struggling with things that used to come easier. I also really appreciate your vulnerability and honesty about your experience. I think it’s important to talk about how things in our lives don’t always go as planned and that’s ok. I’m glad you had great support from your friends ❤
Omigosh i cried so much watching this video nothing ever felt so relatable when it comes to how bad anxiety can get, i am so proud you actually fight through it till the end! Even if things didn't go like you plan you still try your hardest and that is so powerful, i hope to also learn from this and know i am not also alone! Good friends makes the difference ♡
I’m so so impressed by you both vlogging this experience, still going and being checked in with your body. I’m so happy to see you listening to your body and acting accordingly, how much more peaceful and real it must feel for your inner parts. Letting out these real emotions is important ❤
this video is one of the most real, transparent, and accurate depictions of what it's like living with anxiety (at least from what I know, basing off of my own experiences). your friends should give a master class on how to support ppl going thru anxiety attacks because they sound like absolutely lovely people. your strength is inspiring! I wish more people knew more about how physically taxing anxiety can be -- literally PHYSICALLY taxing and stressful. sending you all the good vibes!!
I could tell around 18:37 that you really needed that hug when you started to provide that pressure to yourself. You’re doing great luv and so many of us and your friends are proud of you. You’ve come so far and it’s perfectly acceptable and understandable to cry
I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy your first convention in years but I'm really proud of you for working through the anxiety in whatever way you needed to and asking for help and planning how to handle it next time. I LOVE the idea of coming up with accommodations to help you get through events like this in the future! And you're right, you've been through a lot of changes in the past several years, it's going to take some time to readjust and figure out how to navigate situations you've been in previously now that so much has changed. Anxiety can be so debilitating and a lot of people who've never experienced it just don't get it. I do also want to add, Wellbutrin can ABSOLUTELY mess with your anxiety, it's a different kind of antidepressant than most other ones on the market (NDRI vs SSRIs and SNRIs) and my psychiatrist told me it's great for depression but can actually make your anxiety worse because of the way it impacts the chemical reactions in your brain. If it keeps being a problem, maybe ask your prescriber if there's anything you can add on to combat the anxiety or if there are any alternatives that might work better. Whatever happens, you've got a lot of people rooting for you and I can't wait to hear about your next cosplays and plans and whatever else you want to share here!
As someone who recently got diagnosed with Autism and also deals with skill regression I understand just how frustrating it can be! and how scary that vulnerability must be around others. I used to like walk myself blocks to go do things alone and now I can barely go visit new places with my partner without getting anxious. I can't even imagine returning to con-going post pandemic in cosplay, woof! you did as well as you could!!
I love how you managed to get a good thing out of a big anxiety / mental health bump, you now have the tools to feel better for the next occasion, and that's amazing. A little tip from someone with social anxiety, a week before the big event, "practice" being around people, go to a mall, a cafe, or a restaurant. It helps me regulate the amount of stress, and my mind "gets used" to it easier the day of the con because the memory of more than 3 people around me is still fresh. Cheers guys and I hope ya'll feel better next time!
I love how open you are about this! I also have severe anxiety especially when excited so I’ve dealt a lot with similar at con’s especially the nausea and feeling faint.
I love how you shared the reality of what it looks and feels like during an actual anxiety/ panic attack. Others out there suffering will definitely feel less alone! A lot has happened in your world and THE WORLD since the 2019 convention! You tried so so hard, and did all the right things. I cannot express enough how proud I am of you for pushing through it and actually getting there. You are so self aware and I am sure once you work those 'getting out there' muscles it will get easier. xoxoxox
What a blessing to have such great friends. I’m so glad they were there for you. When you started expressing your gratitude for them I started crying with you ❤❤
aww Pixie I missed your vlogs so so much you have no idea how much joy and comfort your vlogs give me🥹🫶🏻🩷 I rewatch your old vlogs pretty often because it makes me so happy for some reason lmao, if you feel like making vlogs sometimes please do it thank you I love you
Hi! I know you said you don't think it's from the wellbutrin (and of course you know your body better than anyone else!), but for what it's worth, in case anyone else is on it and going through something similar- My partner was on wellbutrin and had the absolute WORST and most INTENSE anxiety to the point I had to call an ambulance. My partner doesn't usually have anxiety period, and this was uncontrollable crying on the floor for days that only went away after stopping the medication. Multiple doctors have told us wellbutrin can't cause anxiety??? But there are other personal anecdotes on reddit from people who experienced similar side effects. Very confusing, but worth discussing with your doctor if it seems the same for anyone else in the comment section! Good job for fighting thru btw, you did amazing!
Aw bless your heart!! I'm so proud of you for following through with making this vlog, that must;'ve been difficult when you were already overwhelmed. I'm so grateful because its made me feel so much less alone watching because I have autism and cons are one of my biggest sensory nightmares. It really sucks because in theory I LOVE cons, they have all the niche things I'm interested in and a bunch of my long distance friends travel from afar to attend, so it's perfect for catching up with everyone. But AGH the crowds, lights, intense heat, loud sounds, tons of foodstall and perfume smells, lack of personal space and most importantly WIGS!!!! (not to mention the hot, itchy sensation and tight wig cap headaches) It all compounds together and I've learnt it's my personal recipe for disaster T__T I wish there were more places in life that catered to those issues D: Sending big hugs your way
Watching this as I’m having a hard time, and I’m so glad it isn’t just me who has had to realize that healing means you get worse at putting up with things that you probably shouldn’t have had to deal with in the beginning but you got used to being normal
I recommend a similar colour shear stocking with both ends cut to go over top of your twin tails for really long wigs. There are some tutorials online. It looks great and keeps stray hairs from going everywhere.
I absolutely relate to the physical symptoms of anxiety!! That's often the worst part for me!! Not even the anxious thoughts but just the somatic symptoms of intense nausea, sweating, lightheadedness, etc. I'm so proud of yous for trying your best and taking care of yourselves!!! There will always be more cons :)) sending good vibes to you all
As a fellow neurodivergent, nothing kicks up my anxiety and angry/over stimulation like getting hot a sweaty. I used to hate to travel because of it and then my sister got me a little rechargeable fan that fits in your bag that goes with me everywhere. When I tell you that has been such a game changer! I now love to travel and don’t get anxious about it like I used to!
Pixie I'm so proud of you for taking the time you needed in the moment and I'm so grateful you have such lovely amazing supportive people around you. Thank you for sharing this with us, I had a mental health crisis today and it was very comforting to see that other people who go through it also come out of it with the help of people they live and it gets better afterwards. Also side note, the chain in your glasses is TO DIE FOR
i get the exact same way that you do! your videos really feel personal and genuine. thank you for being vulnerable and open, it’s so difficult to do especially with an audience of strangers.
Sending all the love 🫶🏼🫶🏼. I’ve had so many people tell me just to cope when I’m having anxiety and oof they just don’t get it. Your body doesn’t always give you that option. So glad you still went and got to hang out despite it 🥺
Pixie. Omg. My heart broke for you. I’m sorry that happened when you were just making your return. I’m so happy your wonderful friends were there for you. Your cosplay was amazing!
I feel you. My physical anxiety symptoms get SO bad sometimes. Heart racing, shaking, dry heaving, nauseous (I'm also emetophobic so nausea and dry heaving makes my anxiety spiral more 😅) I try my very best to not just avoid things when I'm anxious, but it's SO hard when your physical anxiety gets to a certain point. Just having the option of an out (like your friends gave you) is sometimes so incredibly helpful in bringing that anxiety down and making it possible to endure whatever the thing is that's causing the bad anxiety. I'm so glad you've got a great support system of wonderful friends to help you when your anxiety and panic gets bad! They sound wonderful. ❤
i've never seen someone who has the same issue with stressful situation as me, if i where to get overstimulated earlier in the day i would have such bad anxiety going out because i was afraid i would get overstimulated again, and bad time anxiety to the point i get ready hours before going out of fear i'll take to long. Cons can be very loud so its kinda scary sometimes especially because i can go non-verbal and I end up unable to communicate i'm not feeling well, pushing though stuff like that is really hard I'm so glad your friends where such amazing support!! It's always very comforting to have amazing friends who are that kind and i'm glad you kept that part of the video in it made me feel seen in an struggle i haven't seen anyone talk about
Hey Pixie - can I just say I really admire you for posting so honestly about these sorts of things when they happen. I have anxiety myself and though I've gotten a lot of things in check in recent years, in college when I was living in the dorms it was REALLY not being managed well. I have a lot of painful, embarrassing memories of breaking down in tears in the hallway or in our common room with other people watching and hearing and just thinking about that makes me feel so embarrassed. It helps to know that other people have had this experience and feel this way about it!!! Anyway I loved your cosplay it was so cute and maybe I need to start watching Precure.
I am so sorry that you ended up experiencing such an anxious and stressful time but, using it as a learning tool is a great strategy. You're doing amazing by learning and understanding your needs. Knowing what accommodations you need and your triggers for overstimulation is more than half the battle. It is wonderful that you have such good friends who are there for you and understanding. You can tell how much they love and care about you 🥰 As someone with late diagnosed ASD, I have experienced stuff like this too and it can be so difficult. I used to not realize I would be having meltdowns or get overstimulated and get really angry at myself for it. As I have gotten older and have been through a few burnouts, I have noticed my tolerance for stimuli to be sooooo much lower than when I was younger. It can be quite frustrating and upsetting when you look back on how you were able to "tough through it" before but, what matters the most is looking after the you that you are now. As we grow, change and metamorphize we sometimes need different accommodations, and that is TOTALLY okay. It is important to treat yourself fairly and gently, otherwise it ends up feeling like you're fighting this giant boss but you're under levelled. Keep going! You got this!!💖✨
i absolutely feel you on having the capacity to only do one thing in a day and then needing 24 hours to recover. it started for me during the pandemic, since i had to get really good at feeling productive and satisfied when i barely had anything to do, so then when i'd have to go to the post office or smth it was completely overwhelming and i couldn't do anything else for the rest of the day. i remember complaining to my therapist that i needed to take two whole days to recover once instead of just one and she said "most people call that a weekend" lol. i have slowly been able to build up to getting normal everyday amounts of things done, but there's no shame in taking cues from your brain and body to slow it down a bit, even if you weren't moving very quickly to begin with. i think it's good that you took the time you needed to recover! also, when a friend is going through a crisis during smth like a con, my thought is never "oh no, now i'm having a BAD time :( bummer" but always "oh no, our friend is missing out on this great time we're having! is there anything we can do to help?" and i'd like to think my friends would think the same for me. things going wrong is a part of life and no one is to blame when it happens (at least in this kind of situation). i'm so glad you have such supportive friends that let you know that they're there for you and won't ever blame you for these kinds of things
Those frustrated feelings are so real when you suddenly have a change like that. I think you did yourself a massive kindness by not forcing yourself to go in all day - and in a way, reminding your brain and body that you CAN nope-out of situations like this will hopefully make the experience less anxiety inducing over time, but also that you can get through when things go awry. Definitely be proud of yourself for everything you did manage and don't let go of that hope for more fun in the future!!
The past couple videos of yours have really helped me . Thank you . I have anxiety too. I’m also dealing with bipolar disorder. People don’t always get mental illnesses.
Thank you for sharing the difficult parts of this vlog. I have really bad stomach anxiety since I was a kid and no one has ever worded or explained it so well as you. I felt floored that someone was describing the logic of what my mind/body would go through in those moments.
Thank you for sharing this part of your journey, and for your vulnerability. 💖 I so hugely relate to the concept that learning about your trauma/mental health can, in some ways, crank up how vulnerable you are to overwhelm and stress. After learning about my own autism and PTSD, I started accommodating myself in the day to day and got so much better in the mundane/at home/emotional parts of my life, but my ability to deal with overwhelm and high stress situations PLUMMETED, just like, face planted. 😩 Wishing lots of happiness and that your next con experience goes much better for you!
Hi Pixie 💖💜 I understand, as well as many other people, this struggle you went through. I can relate. But trust me when I tell you this, you CAN control it by talking to yourself positively. It's a process and it may seem minimal, but it was a life changing thing for me! I was able to reprogram my negative thoughts into calming ones. Take it into consideration 🌸 and take care!
It’s honestly very relatable to learn more about yourself mentally and realizing that doing the same things you used to do are different and harder now. Since I’ve been diagnosed as autistic and unmasking I cannot endure cons to the same degree I used to. But i used to just heavily mask and suffer and I wasn’t even aware of my sensory issues. Now I just take it easy and if I get overwhelmed I find a space to calm myself and feel safe. Maybe it’s less that we didn’t used to need the same recovery time but that we weren’t aware we did and we suffered a lot more before knowing ourselves better and now we are learning to manage ourselves better to prevent long term negative effects that masking used to bring. The con was a bit rocky for me too, it’s a learning journey!
I love your room decor! I can see how cozy it would make you feel, and changing lifestyles can trip anyone up. Don't feel bad when things get overwhelming. I know that's easier to say than to do.
Getting overheated triggers my anxiety too! I always used to be confused why I would feel anxious after excercise, until I realized that the sweatyness and not being able to cool down was causing it
I also suffer from anxiety and I have agoraphobia connected to it - I'm afraid I'll pass out, have panic attack or just go crazy when I'm outside; mostly in public transport and especially when I'm alone outside. My therapist told me it's not possible to pass out from anxiety even though it really feels like it. The only phobia you can actually pass out from is blood phobia. It still is hard and I still feel like I'm losing my grip with reality, but maybe this information will help you somehow.
Hey pixie, I had exactly the same. Going to a con after years. And was all done after a couple of hours because it was to much! And years ago I could do a con in 3 days! I also have complex ptss. And it’s now just to much because I now know I have ptss and work on myself. I feel so good to know someone els have exactly the same! Thank you so much to put this in! ❤️
thank you for posting your experience with this 🥲 I'm connecting a lot with what youre talking about with anxiety and capacity for stress, ive experienced a lot of like being-able-to-handle-shit regression (??) recently so this speaks to me and its helpful to know I'm not alone in what im going through 🥺 ily!! ❤❤
Im here doing my makeup in the morning not knowing i was going to be crying for this ... your friends were so good with youu mama. I hope your feeling better. Send u a big big hug. 🥺🥺🥺💗💗💗
It suuuucks how healing can make things "worse", I totally relate. I do feel like I'm slowly starting to come back around as I learn to accommodate myself.
We love that you were able to be vunerable like that here, we totally get thouse feelings and know how hard it is. idk if this will get to you guys, but we're really proud of everything that you did, hope that you can see that. we know how difficult and pressuring, frustrating can be wanting so bad to so somethung but kind be stoped by your own feelings. Even harder its to be kind to ourselves and sooth, understand that's okay to feel like that, or not being able to do so. Take the credit for doing such a good job, not just with the incredible cosplay but with handling it all. Thats just a perspective that we like to have for ourselves and for our friends, sending love
It's always upsetting when you experience problems with something you used to be able to do. I totally get it. Before I actually got help, I had this one time when one of my classes was put in a different location and I ended up not going because I was so so so anxious. I was planning on how to get there for hours and I felt sick and didn't go because I was so overwhelmed. but you made it through the con!!!
I know how anxiety can be very overwhelming and scary sometimes but I'm so glad you're back at convention vlogging loved these videos back in the day. 🎉🪁🌈💐
Oh my gosh, do I thank you for sharing the part that you were having anxiety! It means so much. I have a lot of anxiety with a lot of things, and it does get a bit much at times. Seeing someone I really look up to who also deals with anxiety (if editing this comment 15+ times doesnt show anything😂) it means a whole ton! It's honestly inspiring! Not that I'd wish anxiety on anyone, to see your struggle and see you try to move forward and best to work on it; thank you. It shows that even the greatest of people, the kindest of people, etcetera, they have their issues, too. I heard a saying once that meant a whole lot to me that i want to share with you. "There is no failure where there is effort. The only failure is to not get back up". You had anxiety before going, and you tried your best to calm down, and you gave it your best shot. You had anxiety a couple times at the con, and you kept trying. From one person with anxiety to another, I'm proud of you!🤩 Btw, I appreciate you, you are heckin' awesome, worthy of care and support, you are an awesome person and friend! I can see how much anxiety you pushed through and worked through, wanting to do the cosplay, to be there with your friends. I'm sure theyre so glad to have you as their friend. ❤ Now, you deserve some rest from all that. Make sure to take care of yourself. You deserve it. 😁
I don't have DID, but I do have Social Anxiety Disorder. I feel for you. I go through physcial illness because of anxiety all the time. Being with people really does help even if I feel awful. Support is helpful and I got to tell you I have medication for things but I have had moments of major heat flashes and 'the shakes'. Emotionally wanting to pull through but mentally feeling overwelmed and tired. You are not alone in this and I glad you tried you tried and the fact you tried even through all the mental struggle shows how strong you are. This is a win not a lose, next year will be better you just have to take your time.
I'm so glad that you're actually doing okay! Watching another person with anxiety problems go through a panic attack, still be okay (well alive oof) and make a complete plan for next time definitely makes me feel less alone. I totally get having a hard time getting back into peopling, and it sadly really does take time and practice :/ I know you'll do great though! Also!! I didn't know about that therapy in a nutshell channel and am def gonna check it out, that seems so helpful?? Thank you so much for the video!
I relate to you so much about the anxiety, no one talks about how nauseating it is. Honestly getting some emergency low dose xanax for incidents (like panicking in my friends car on the way to a con 4hrs away) was an absolute game changer
I'm still learning how to accommodate myself, so it was really nice to hear this :) Some good brainstorming too! I have agoraphobia issues, a newer chronic illness, and the illness triggers a phobia, so it's been tough. I'm still learning to manage the illness, and I really want to be able to live my life and go do things despite it.
pixie thank you for sharing this, genuinely. Anxiety is such a bitch and pushing through it sometimes pays off but sometimes it just doesn’t and all you can do is just ride it out with understanding friends who genuinely care. I cried watching this because I know how hard it is. Support is everything. Oughgh im crying too now lol
I don't know what your specific experience is, but if it can help in any way I had similar anxiety when I first did things again post burnout (still going through that though lol). Every single thing I had/wanted to do again was triggering anxiety/nausea/hypersensitivity to basically every kind of stimuli. The only things that helped me were 1-watch something veeery light and comedic to change my mood (taskmaster is free on youtube and pulled me out of soooo many really bad moments) 2-just accepting ahead of the event that it's ok to leave before the end/ not be able to go through the full thing in one go makes most of the panicky-vertigo-overwhelmed feeling calm down I am so happy for you that your friends are understanding and caring. I wish you the best 🌸
I cried because I unsterstand how frustrating and upsetting skill regression can be :( But I'm so happy that you have good friends around to help you when things are terrible! That always makes sucha a huge difference. The plans you have for moving forward seem really helpful. I know things will be better next time if you have those accomodations in place. Seems this event was a lerning curve for you but I'm still very sorry you had to go trough it! Much love
Bless you darling. I used to suffer same type of panic attacks. And they were daily…imagine that. Ok maybe don’t. I was on Wellbutrin and at least in my case, that wasn’t it. It was the Latuda giving me severe anxiety attacks. They are hell on earth. I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it stop but from personal experience, there isn’t a way to make them stop. Sending you tons of love….thank you for your bravery. I’ve been here at this moment so many times and this video helps so much. You’ve no idea how useless and strange I felt thinking I was the only one in the world with mental health issues
This doesn’t help everyone but ear buds or headphones can be really helpful when stressed or in a public space. It helps with my anxiety and sensory issues. Music can be really grounding, and is one of my main hyperfixations. While having that pressure feels really good to me, while also muffling or removing extra sounds. It also gives me something to control within the music.
Hey! I take Wellbutrin too, and it actually does make anxiety worse as a side effect. Not sure if that was it, but if keeps happening maybe they can give you a combo solution.
Hello dearest Pixie system! First and foremost I would like to say thank you for sharing this experience with us. You have no idea how much this personally means to me. As someone that has high anxiety and ADHD (and we are pretty sure I also have autism) going back to conventions was hard for me as well. I got my diagnosis during the pandemic and learning how to live like a normal being was extra hard. Like functioning as a normal human being? I never heard of her. Cosplay itself can be also overwhelming with the wigs and the amount of layers you have. So I hope you are not feeling bad about feeling those feelings. I also had a lot of moments sobbing in the dressing rooms because it just got overwhelming. I am so glad that you have such sweet friends with you! My friends were the reason that I kept going most of the cons I attended and they mostly know how to get me back to reality. I am pretty sure next time will be better because you now have experience about this. And I believe in you guys! Thank you once again for sharing your experiences with us.
Also I really feel you on the burnout. I have no idea how I used to handle everything I could. I can't handle 1/10ths of what I used to. You're not alone.
I'll also give you some positive vibes - since you talked about how you handle your anxiety - I finally got some medication to help me relax in case my anxiety gets really bad. I haven't needed it yet but sometimes I get so worked up before an appointment or something, I get so exhausted the second after I'm useless for some time. I love how Stickers does the TV thing lol one of ours starts throwing things off shelves and nightstands when he wants breakfast. Only when he wants breakfast. Other meals, whatever. He's just walk around and maybe meow. But breakfast, he'll throw shit! It's so awesome your friends were so supportive. But that's what real friends do, I think. They were a safety net. Nobody wants to watch someone they love have a panic attack. But you deserve credit too. You tried so so hard. Some things aren't meant to work out for the first time. I still hope you get to show off your cosplay again tho!
I definitely relate to the experience of struggling with things more after having more language and awareness of my mental health issues. Before I knew about them, I thought I was “normal” and bad at it so I would just force myself to dissociate through uncomfortable situations. Now I’m less able to do that, which feels like I’m able to do less, but it’s actually probably better for me to do less since I never learned how to do uncomfortable things without dissociating.
As a girl who has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder with OCD tendencies since the first grade I definitely would consider your experience a triumph. There have been days when I was so mentally ill I couldn’t bring myself to leave my bed nonetheless show up at the front doors of an anime convention. It is absolutely physically AND mentally exhausting. I’m very glad that you have a support system where you can be open about your feelings. You are not a burden and you especially shouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty just because you are prioritizing your own wellbeing. I’m sure everyone in your life agrees! Slay Queen 👑👑👑👑
I never comment on anything, but this absolutely resonated with me dude. I used to do theater and sing in choirs and solo (!!!!) in front of people and loved acting and all this stuff, but for over a decade now I've struggled with severe physically-presenting anxiety and all that stuff is completely out of the question for me now, and it makes me so sad! I'm so impressed that you got into the taxi and got to the con! One of my huge triggers is riding in cars because "there's no escape" 🙄 (like who what that's so irrational why) and I don't think I would've made it that far (realistically I never would have signed up for a con like this cause I know I'd have the exact same anxious response you did). I literally carry plastic bags with me everywhere because my nausea can come out of absolutely nowhere, so I fully relate to this in every way. That cosplay is gorgeous and you should be proud of yourself for trying in the face of those odds and getting as far as you did, truly.
You’ve probably seen them, but a lot of people make basically long sock tubes to wrangle twin tail wigs and stop them tangling - if this is something that is causing you turmoil
I’m so sorry, hun you had a stressful time. I’m so happy you have so many amazing friends. You are lucky to have found them. 🥺 You looked amazing btw in your cosplay. 🥰
you made an awesome cosplay and I had to deal with con anxiety too when I went to Q-con this year, so hearing you talk about your experiences was quite resonating, it's good that you were able to recognize your feelings though and thinking about accommodations is a great idea, I should consider that, next time I'm going to a con, I had to perform too, except I decided to go through with it, I ended up doing quite a good performance despite my nerves, but con staff were very attentive about it, I was Lady Oscar, so when I fainted as part of my "act" some thought I actually fainted, hopefully you're able to sort through your goals overtime, you can do this! be patient with yourselves and do what you can with your support system of alters and friends
Anxiety attacks are the worst. I haven't been to a con since Feb.2020 and I'm kind of nervous for when I eventually go back to one. I don't perform or anything so less pressure. I have found as I get older anxiety/stress gets worse. As adults we have to basically do everything for ourselves and that puts a lot of added pressure onto us. I think I had anxiety my whole life but it wasn't until I was working a full time job, working on my Master's degree, & in a serious relationship that I started having anxiety & panic attacks. My hubby is wonderful and very understanding so that helps a lot.
I've been doing Otakuthon for a decade now as an artist and honestly, I don't know how attendees do it ;^^ the rare times I leave my booth and try to walk through the artist alley, there's so many people, it's suffocating... I see people struggling sometimes but I also see them surrounded by friends who make sure they're okay. And it's something I really enjoy about these conventions. People taking care of each other and watching each other's back. I'm sure with the right preparations, your next con will go way smoother ^^ and if you're ever at Otakuthon and need a space to hide, you can look for my booth in the dealer's section, and we'll help you ❤
Its nice to know that you have such great friends who have such understanding. Believe me i have anxiety and what gets me through is the love from my family and fiance. But u look so great in your cosplay. You look amazing. ❤❤
I know you said it’s common to experience skill “regression” and talked about how your tolerance was lower in this video but tbh that’s not what I see at all? It seems to me like you used to dissociate and switch uncontrollably in situations like this, but now you are alert and aware of what’s going on in your head and have been managing your stress/illness well enough that you no longer have that coping mechanism. I used to dissociate from anxiety all the time and at first I was frustrated that I couldn’t do it in stressful situations after some healing, but now I’m grateful that I have enough other, healthier tools that my brain doesn’t have to essentially throw the E-brake in scary situations anymore.
Oooh it's not to the same extent but I fully get what you mean about having to get back into being a person, my social anxiety has been SO bad after the pandemic - and I discovered during it that I was probably neurodivergent in some way, and I used to power through it ; but now I can barely do anything without headphones on, every sound throws me off. I'm so glad you got a successful photoshoot !! Closure was definitely essential. It's also great that you've been able to think of ways to make things easier for yourself.
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Jillian, Thank you with all my heart for sharing this and keeping in the clips of you talking about your mental health symptoms.
I deal with simular problems with my PTSD and anxiety. I have had to stop, go home, and felt so sick more than I can count to remember. I am so happy you had the option from your friends to leave the con if you needed that.
I cried when I heard that beautiful kindness given to you. I am also glad that you are talking about these things with openess and not staying silent about it.
Personally I have been battling a long term goal, I hardly go out of the house and I am trying my best to do things more outside.
you literally won over your anxiety by the power of friendship that's actually so cool to do considering you're cosplaying the most "win by friendship" characters ever. your guy's personalities really shine to be like the characters you love, pure and helpful.
🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭🫶🏻🌈💗🩵🌼💕
Oh gosh I am usually more of a lurker than a commenter, but I really need to say how much you involving your struggle with anxiety meant to me. I've dealt with anxiety/panic attacks my whole life and I've never felt like people understood how physically debilitating it is. I think a lot of people imagine anxiety is just "being a little anxious" but it's so viscerally painful. I've never heard someone put it into words like you, and it just really hit me so hard that I may or may not be crying right now lol. I just kept nodding to everything you said because it's exactly how I feel!! In my 26 years of life I've never felt more understood. So thank you so much for this.
You should be incredibly proud of yourself for getting to that con. Just stepping out your door is more than enough, and you made it all the way there!! At the end of the day that's all that matters. Also omg hug your friends for me, cause they are absolute legends!!
Aww omg thank you so much for this comment. I was nervous sharing all of this but I am so so glad others can relate and feel seen!!! It is more common than we think 🫶🏻
Having to cancel on things because of anxiety is one of the most frustrating and occasionally heartbreaking things ever. It’s so hard to reconcile with working hard towards something and almost getting to that point, and then just genuinely not being able to do what you wanted to do. It’s so frustrating that people don’t see anxiety as a disability when it really can be for some people. When your brain is basically telling you you’re in danger and you *have* to run away from something, it’s almost impossible to not listen. Thank you for sharing your experience with this and being vulnerable, it’s always a nice reminder that we’re not alone in this struggle 💕✨
Also!! Apologies the audio and the focus on the very last clip are a little wonky! I hope you guys enjoy this big beefy vlog 👉🏻👈🏻
anxiety is no joke.. it's really too bad that people make light of it because it's debilitating.
Your statement of "we didn't know so it wasn't as bad" I felt so hard. I was just finally diagnosed, and the doctor told me she has never seen someone with as high a score for PTSD and Anxiety. That made me realize that my mental health really is as bad as I thought it was and realizing that made me really accept how bad it is and let myself feel it.
I kinda love how Stickers hitting the tv because he demands food and pixie’s response is “stop being evil!” Because yes, that is very evil. Be patient, stickers.
I dont have DID, however I do have crippling anxiety and everything you feel and how you explain how you struggle with it is exactly how I feel, I used to not feel my anxiety either but since uncovering all my problems I now feel it more than ever. I hate how I cant enjoy any of my life anymore like I used to be able to and I hate how I have to change how I go about living my life. But hopefully with good and understanding friends, therapy and medication we can both come to relove all the things we struggle with now!
I'm sorry to hear that the return to con life was a bit bumpy but you three were such a slay Hirogaru group and I hope that the good parts were... well, good! Also oMG THE PRECURE MERCH??? I MISS THAT
Also 100% unsurprised at Magical's awards and their performance, they are like such a badass, on top of being a sweetie ❤❤
Closure for the amount of physical & mental effort (& time!) that went into convention planning!! That makes total sense! The box didn't get the same wrapping & bow that you orignally wanted; so you wrapped the box yourself! Enjoy your present of positive con memories. ❤
Also, Jillian- I am very grateful to you for being an Influencer and a famous UA-cam person who cares about mental health and mental illness. I have severe severe depression and anxiety. You help. 💗
Honestly watching someone go through anxiety is so reassuring to me because it can feel like such a isolating thing that no one else experiences. You looked amazing and your friends are deffo keepers. ❤
Babes it has been a roooouuuugh and wild few years, both globally and personally for you guys. It's 1000% understandable that you couldn't just plop yourselves back into con life like nothing ever happened!! But you should be so super proud of yourselves for recognizing your feelings, working through it, and having what sounds like an amazing group of friends to help support you. That's huge & I'm proud!!
(p.s. Your costume looks INCREDIBLE. I swear someday im gonna give in and watch precure 😭)
Proud of you for sharing the anxiety attack. I personally found my con anxiety getting way worse as I learned about myself too. I had so much fun as a teen and as I gained more hobbies, the stress and the overstimulation and the PRICE AND HEAT (I only could ever go to Otakon) made it soooo not worth going at all.
It's important to remember that sometimes recovery and growth can make things worse, but that doesn't mean you're not getting better; things just have to change.
Thank you for this comment! I recently returned to cosplay and recent cons have been so difficult for me mentally due to overstimulation! I thought it was something I'll just bully myself about but your comment along with this video helped me to recognise that I should be allowing myself some kindness about my diagnosed conditions I haven't really addressed about going to cons. ❤️❤️❤️ Stay well 😊
I definitely understand the stress and almost confusion of losing skills like that after having big mental health epiphanies. I used to be in intense dance programs, training for multiple stage performances a year in ballet, tap, and jazz. And now just existing at my retail job is so difficult balancing anxiety, autism symptoms, and system "issues" that have obviously always been there but I've been able to previously dissociate from. So many of us watching relate to your struggles, you're not alone in this 💕💕
i'm so glad you posted this , i used to have really bad anxiety and i wouldn't be able to move for days. i just couldn't. i wouldn't walk correctly like my soul had just been removed from me and all i felt was sickness. people don't understand how bad it is. i feel so lucky now that my anxiety is essentially gone. it's debilitating. your feelings are valid and i'm so glad you pushed past and went anyway! that's amazing!
the "ive done this before, i know ive been capable of doing this in the past, why is it so hard now?" is resonating with me so much. ive been through a lot of trauma since 2020 (pandemic ofc, 5 different jobs, an abortion, a life/mind altering bad drug trip, etc) and i always forget that progress isnt linear, that life is harder sometimes and easier other times. you are so incredible for keeping going, even if its a lot harder than it used to be. im struggling with unemployment and depression and anxiety (and an unknown neurodivergency) and i keep thinking "i was doing so well in 2019, ive had jobs before, why cant i do this?" and i always have to remind myself that i am a different person now, we all are. and just because im struggling now doesnt mean im going to struggle forever. i wish you the best on your continuing journey with your mental health, i hope things get easier again soon. and if they dont, thats okay too 💙
Some conventions have a room where people with anxiety or sensory overload can go to calm down and "escape." You can usually ask at the accessibility booth
I understand this Jillian. I’ve had to leave work from throwing up because of my anxiety which I absolutely hate doing. I feel like I’m letting myself and coworkers down because of it. It’s so brutal the tole it takes on your body. I can’t eat hours before or after it happens. I’m also literally telling myself “YOU’RE NOT GONNA DIE YOU’RE GONNA BE FINE” lol it sucks
Not me SOBBING about the level of beautiful vulnerability you're showing in this.
I know my gf has a tough time being in public and busy places post 2020. I definitely don’t think you are alone in struggling with things that used to come easier. I also really appreciate your vulnerability and honesty about your experience. I think it’s important to talk about how things in our lives don’t always go as planned and that’s ok. I’m glad you had great support from your friends ❤
Omigosh i cried so much watching this video nothing ever felt so relatable when it comes to how bad anxiety can get, i am so proud you actually fight through it till the end! Even if things didn't go like you plan you still try your hardest and that is so powerful, i hope to also learn from this and know i am not also alone! Good friends makes the difference ♡
I’m so so impressed by you both vlogging this experience, still going and being checked in with your body. I’m so happy to see you listening to your body and acting accordingly, how much more peaceful and real it must feel for your inner parts. Letting out these real emotions is important ❤
please dont push yourself, i also have physical stress symptoms and i pushed myself so much i started haveing seizures
this video is one of the most real, transparent, and accurate depictions of what it's like living with anxiety (at least from what I know, basing off of my own experiences). your friends should give a master class on how to support ppl going thru anxiety attacks because they sound like absolutely lovely people. your strength is inspiring! I wish more people knew more about how physically taxing anxiety can be -- literally PHYSICALLY taxing and stressful. sending you all the good vibes!!
I could tell around 18:37 that you really needed that hug when you started to provide that pressure to yourself. You’re doing great luv and so many of us and your friends are proud of you. You’ve come so far and it’s perfectly acceptable and understandable to cry
I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy your first convention in years but I'm really proud of you for working through the anxiety in whatever way you needed to and asking for help and planning how to handle it next time. I LOVE the idea of coming up with accommodations to help you get through events like this in the future! And you're right, you've been through a lot of changes in the past several years, it's going to take some time to readjust and figure out how to navigate situations you've been in previously now that so much has changed. Anxiety can be so debilitating and a lot of people who've never experienced it just don't get it. I do also want to add, Wellbutrin can ABSOLUTELY mess with your anxiety, it's a different kind of antidepressant than most other ones on the market (NDRI vs SSRIs and SNRIs) and my psychiatrist told me it's great for depression but can actually make your anxiety worse because of the way it impacts the chemical reactions in your brain. If it keeps being a problem, maybe ask your prescriber if there's anything you can add on to combat the anxiety or if there are any alternatives that might work better. Whatever happens, you've got a lot of people rooting for you and I can't wait to hear about your next cosplays and plans and whatever else you want to share here!
As someone who recently got diagnosed with Autism and also deals with skill regression I understand just how frustrating it can be! and how scary that vulnerability must be around others. I used to like walk myself blocks to go do things alone and now I can barely go visit new places with my partner without getting anxious. I can't even imagine returning to con-going post pandemic in cosplay, woof! you did as well as you could!!
I love how you managed to get a good thing out of a big anxiety / mental health bump, you now have the tools to feel better for the next occasion, and that's amazing.
A little tip from someone with social anxiety, a week before the big event, "practice" being around people, go to a mall, a cafe, or a restaurant. It helps me regulate the amount of stress, and my mind "gets used" to it easier the day of the con because the memory of more than 3 people around me is still fresh.
Cheers guys and I hope ya'll feel better next time!
I love how open you are about this! I also have severe anxiety especially when excited so I’ve dealt a lot with similar at con’s especially the nausea and feeling faint.
I love how you shared the reality of what it looks and feels like during an actual anxiety/ panic attack. Others out there suffering will definitely feel less alone! A lot has happened in your world and THE WORLD since the 2019 convention! You tried so so hard, and did all the right things. I cannot express enough how proud I am of you for pushing through it and actually getting there. You are so self aware and I am sure once you work those 'getting out there' muscles it will get easier. xoxoxox
What a blessing to have such great friends. I’m so glad they were there for you. When you started expressing your gratitude for them I started crying with you ❤❤
aww Pixie I missed your vlogs so so much you have no idea how much joy and comfort your vlogs give me🥹🫶🏻🩷 I rewatch your old vlogs pretty often because it makes me so happy for some reason lmao, if you feel like making vlogs sometimes please do it thank you I love you
Hi! I know you said you don't think it's from the wellbutrin (and of course you know your body better than anyone else!), but for what it's worth, in case anyone else is on it and going through something similar- My partner was on wellbutrin and had the absolute WORST and most INTENSE anxiety to the point I had to call an ambulance. My partner doesn't usually have anxiety period, and this was uncontrollable crying on the floor for days that only went away after stopping the medication. Multiple doctors have told us wellbutrin can't cause anxiety??? But there are other personal anecdotes on reddit from people who experienced similar side effects. Very confusing, but worth discussing with your doctor if it seems the same for anyone else in the comment section!
Good job for fighting thru btw, you did amazing!
Aw bless your heart!! I'm so proud of you for following through with making this vlog, that must;'ve been difficult when you were already overwhelmed.
I'm so grateful because its made me feel so much less alone watching because I have autism and cons are one of my biggest sensory nightmares. It really sucks because in theory I LOVE cons, they have all the niche things I'm interested in and a bunch of my long distance friends travel from afar to attend, so it's perfect for catching up with everyone. But AGH the crowds, lights, intense heat, loud sounds, tons of foodstall and perfume smells, lack of personal space and most importantly WIGS!!!! (not to mention the hot, itchy sensation and tight wig cap headaches)
It all compounds together and I've learnt it's my personal recipe for disaster T__T I wish there were more places in life that catered to those issues D:
Sending big hugs your way
Omg Steph! Hii
Watching this as I’m having a hard time, and I’m so glad it isn’t just me who has had to realize that healing means you get worse at putting up with things that you probably shouldn’t have had to deal with in the beginning but you got used to being normal
I recommend a similar colour shear stocking with both ends cut to go over top of your twin tails for really long wigs. There are some tutorials online. It looks great and keeps stray hairs from going everywhere.
I absolutely relate to the physical symptoms of anxiety!! That's often the worst part for me!! Not even the anxious thoughts but just the somatic symptoms of intense nausea, sweating, lightheadedness, etc. I'm so proud of yous for trying your best and taking care of yourselves!!! There will always be more cons :)) sending good vibes to you all
I am very glad you have a wonderful support system around you. ❤
As a fellow neurodivergent, nothing kicks up my anxiety and angry/over stimulation like getting hot a sweaty. I used to hate to travel because of it and then my sister got me a little rechargeable fan that fits in your bag that goes with me everywhere. When I tell you that has been such a game changer! I now love to travel and don’t get anxious about it like I used to!
Pixie I'm so proud of you for taking the time you needed in the moment and I'm so grateful you have such lovely amazing supportive people around you. Thank you for sharing this with us, I had a mental health crisis today and it was very comforting to see that other people who go through it also come out of it with the help of people they live and it gets better afterwards. Also side note, the chain in your glasses is TO DIE FOR
On*
i get the exact same way that you do! your videos really feel personal and genuine. thank you for being vulnerable and open, it’s so difficult to do especially with an audience of strangers.
Sending all the love 🫶🏼🫶🏼. I’ve had so many people tell me just to cope when I’m having anxiety and oof they just don’t get it. Your body doesn’t always give you that option. So glad you still went and got to hang out despite it 🥺
Pixie. Omg. My heart broke for you. I’m sorry that happened when you were just making your return. I’m so happy your wonderful friends were there for you. Your cosplay was amazing!
I feel you. My physical anxiety symptoms get SO bad sometimes. Heart racing, shaking, dry heaving, nauseous (I'm also emetophobic so nausea and dry heaving makes my anxiety spiral more 😅)
I try my very best to not just avoid things when I'm anxious, but it's SO hard when your physical anxiety gets to a certain point.
Just having the option of an out (like your friends gave you) is sometimes so incredibly helpful in bringing that anxiety down and making it possible to endure whatever the thing is that's causing the bad anxiety.
I'm so glad you've got a great support system of wonderful friends to help you when your anxiety and panic gets bad! They sound wonderful. ❤
i've never seen someone who has the same issue with stressful situation as me, if i where to get overstimulated earlier in the day i would have such bad anxiety going out because i was afraid i would get overstimulated again, and bad time anxiety to the point i get ready hours before going out of fear i'll take to long. Cons can be very loud so its kinda scary sometimes especially because i can go non-verbal and I end up unable to communicate i'm not feeling well, pushing though stuff like that is really hard I'm so glad your friends where such amazing support!! It's always very comforting to have amazing friends who are that kind and i'm glad you kept that part of the video in it made me feel seen in an struggle i haven't seen anyone talk about
Hey Pixie - can I just say I really admire you for posting so honestly about these sorts of things when they happen. I have anxiety myself and though I've gotten a lot of things in check in recent years, in college when I was living in the dorms it was REALLY not being managed well. I have a lot of painful, embarrassing memories of breaking down in tears in the hallway or in our common room with other people watching and hearing and just thinking about that makes me feel so embarrassed.
It helps to know that other people have had this experience and feel this way about it!!!
Anyway I loved your cosplay it was so cute and maybe I need to start watching Precure.
Giving yourself accommodations for future cons is a great idea!
I am so sorry that you ended up experiencing such an anxious and stressful time but, using it as a learning tool is a great strategy. You're doing amazing by learning and understanding your needs. Knowing what accommodations you need and your triggers for overstimulation is more than half the battle. It is wonderful that you have such good friends who are there for you and understanding. You can tell how much they love and care about you 🥰
As someone with late diagnosed ASD, I have experienced stuff like this too and it can be so difficult. I used to not realize I would be having meltdowns or get overstimulated and get really angry at myself for it. As I have gotten older and have been through a few burnouts, I have noticed my tolerance for stimuli to be sooooo much lower than when I was younger. It can be quite frustrating and upsetting when you look back on how you were able to "tough through it" before but, what matters the most is looking after the you that you are now. As we grow, change and metamorphize we sometimes need different accommodations, and that is TOTALLY okay. It is important to treat yourself fairly and gently, otherwise it ends up feeling like you're fighting this giant boss but you're under levelled.
Keep going! You got this!!💖✨
i absolutely feel you on having the capacity to only do one thing in a day and then needing 24 hours to recover. it started for me during the pandemic, since i had to get really good at feeling productive and satisfied when i barely had anything to do, so then when i'd have to go to the post office or smth it was completely overwhelming and i couldn't do anything else for the rest of the day. i remember complaining to my therapist that i needed to take two whole days to recover once instead of just one and she said "most people call that a weekend" lol. i have slowly been able to build up to getting normal everyday amounts of things done, but there's no shame in taking cues from your brain and body to slow it down a bit, even if you weren't moving very quickly to begin with. i think it's good that you took the time you needed to recover!
also, when a friend is going through a crisis during smth like a con, my thought is never "oh no, now i'm having a BAD time :( bummer" but always "oh no, our friend is missing out on this great time we're having! is there anything we can do to help?" and i'd like to think my friends would think the same for me. things going wrong is a part of life and no one is to blame when it happens (at least in this kind of situation). i'm so glad you have such supportive friends that let you know that they're there for you and won't ever blame you for these kinds of things
Those frustrated feelings are so real when you suddenly have a change like that. I think you did yourself a massive kindness by not forcing yourself to go in all day - and in a way, reminding your brain and body that you CAN nope-out of situations like this will hopefully make the experience less anxiety inducing over time, but also that you can get through when things go awry. Definitely be proud of yourself for everything you did manage and don't let go of that hope for more fun in the future!!
The past couple videos of yours have really helped me . Thank you . I have anxiety too. I’m also dealing with bipolar disorder. People don’t always get mental illnesses.
Thank you for sharing the difficult parts of this vlog. I have really bad stomach anxiety since I was a kid and no one has ever worded or explained it so well as you. I felt floored that someone was describing the logic of what my mind/body would go through in those moments.
Thank you for sharing this part of your journey, and for your vulnerability. 💖
I so hugely relate to the concept that learning about your trauma/mental health can, in some ways, crank up how vulnerable you are to overwhelm and stress. After learning about my own autism and PTSD, I started accommodating myself in the day to day and got so much better in the mundane/at home/emotional parts of my life, but my ability to deal with overwhelm and high stress situations PLUMMETED, just like, face planted. 😩
Wishing lots of happiness and that your next con experience goes much better for you!
Hi Pixie 💖💜 I understand, as well as many other people, this struggle you went through. I can relate. But trust me when I tell you this, you CAN control it by talking to yourself positively. It's a process and it may seem minimal, but it was a life changing thing for me! I was able to reprogram my negative thoughts into calming ones. Take it into consideration 🌸 and take care!
It’s honestly very relatable to learn more about yourself mentally and realizing that doing the same things you used to do are different and harder now. Since I’ve been diagnosed as autistic and unmasking I cannot endure cons to the same degree I used to. But i used to just heavily mask and suffer and I wasn’t even aware of my sensory issues. Now I just take it easy and if I get overwhelmed I find a space to calm myself and feel safe. Maybe it’s less that we didn’t used to need the same recovery time but that we weren’t aware we did and we suffered a lot more before knowing ourselves better and now we are learning to manage ourselves better to prevent long term negative effects that masking used to bring. The con was a bit rocky for me too, it’s a learning journey!
I love your room decor! I can see how cozy it would make you feel, and changing lifestyles can trip anyone up. Don't feel bad when things get overwhelming. I know that's easier to say than to do.
Getting overheated triggers my anxiety too! I always used to be confused why I would feel anxious after excercise, until I realized that the sweatyness and not being able to cool down was causing it
I also suffer from anxiety and I have agoraphobia connected to it - I'm afraid I'll pass out, have panic attack or just go crazy when I'm outside; mostly in public transport and especially when I'm alone outside. My therapist told me it's not possible to pass out from anxiety even though it really feels like it. The only phobia you can actually pass out from is blood phobia. It still is hard and I still feel like I'm losing my grip with reality, but maybe this information will help you somehow.
Hey pixie, I had exactly the same. Going to a con after years. And was all done after a couple of hours because it was to much! And years ago I could do a con in 3 days! I also have complex ptss. And it’s now just to much because I now know I have ptss and work on myself. I feel so good to know someone els have exactly the same! Thank you so much to put this in! ❤️
thank you for posting your experience with this 🥲 I'm connecting a lot with what youre talking about with anxiety and capacity for stress, ive experienced a lot of like being-able-to-handle-shit regression (??) recently so this speaks to me and its helpful to know I'm not alone in what im going through 🥺 ily!! ❤❤
Im here doing my makeup in the morning not knowing i was going to be crying for this ... your friends were so good with youu mama. I hope your feeling better. Send u a big big hug. 🥺🥺🥺💗💗💗
thank you for sharing im sure it helped other people who have felt vulnerable and can relate
We are so proud of you. You did it!! You tried , you succeded. Anxiety can be cripling and you beat that it! We are so proud of you pixie 🎉🎉
It suuuucks how healing can make things "worse", I totally relate. I do feel like I'm slowly starting to come back around as I learn to accommodate myself.
We love that you were able to be vunerable like that here, we totally get thouse feelings and know how hard it is. idk if this will get to you guys, but we're really proud of everything that you did, hope that you can see that. we know how difficult and pressuring, frustrating can be wanting so bad to so somethung but kind be stoped by your own feelings. Even harder its to be kind to ourselves and sooth, understand that's okay to feel like that, or not being able to do so. Take the credit for doing such a good job, not just with the incredible cosplay but with handling it all. Thats just a perspective that we like to have for ourselves and for our friends, sending love
It's always upsetting when you experience problems with something you used to be able to do. I totally get it. Before I actually got help, I had this one time when one of my classes was put in a different location and I ended up not going because I was so so so anxious. I was planning on how to get there for hours and I felt sick and didn't go because I was so overwhelmed.
but you made it through the con!!!
I know how anxiety can be very overwhelming and scary sometimes but I'm so glad you're back at convention vlogging loved these videos back in the day. 🎉🪁🌈💐
Oh my gosh, do I thank you for sharing the part that you were having anxiety!
It means so much. I have a lot of anxiety with a lot of things, and it does get a bit much at times. Seeing someone I really look up to who also deals with anxiety (if editing this comment 15+ times doesnt show anything😂) it means a whole ton!
It's honestly inspiring! Not that I'd wish anxiety on anyone, to see your struggle and see you try to move forward and best to work on it; thank you. It shows that even the greatest of people, the kindest of people, etcetera, they have their issues, too. I heard a saying once that meant a whole lot to me that i want to share with you. "There is no failure where there is effort. The only failure is to not get back up". You had anxiety before going, and you tried your best to calm down, and you gave it your best shot. You had anxiety a couple times at the con, and you kept trying. From one person with anxiety to another, I'm proud of you!🤩
Btw, I appreciate you, you are heckin' awesome, worthy of care and support, you are an awesome person and friend! I can see how much anxiety you pushed through and worked through, wanting to do the cosplay, to be there with your friends. I'm sure theyre so glad to have you as their friend. ❤
Now, you deserve some rest from all that. Make sure to take care of yourself. You deserve it. 😁
I don't have DID, but I do have Social Anxiety Disorder. I feel for you. I go through physcial illness because of anxiety all the time. Being with people really does help even if I feel awful. Support is helpful and I got to tell you I have medication for things but I have had moments of major heat flashes and 'the shakes'. Emotionally wanting to pull through but mentally feeling overwelmed and tired. You are not alone in this and I glad you tried you tried and the fact you tried even through all the mental struggle shows how strong you are. This is a win not a lose, next year will be better you just have to take your time.
I'm so glad that you're actually doing okay! Watching another person with anxiety problems go through a panic attack, still be okay (well alive oof) and make a complete plan for next time definitely makes me feel less alone. I totally get having a hard time getting back into peopling, and it sadly really does take time and practice :/ I know you'll do great though! Also!! I didn't know about that therapy in a nutshell channel and am def gonna check it out, that seems so helpful?? Thank you so much for the video!
I relate to you so much about the anxiety, no one talks about how nauseating it is. Honestly getting some emergency low dose xanax for incidents (like panicking in my friends car on the way to a con 4hrs away) was an absolute game changer
I'm still learning how to accommodate myself, so it was really nice to hear this :) Some good brainstorming too! I have agoraphobia issues, a newer chronic illness, and the illness triggers a phobia, so it's been tough. I'm still learning to manage the illness, and I really want to be able to live my life and go do things despite it.
so proud of you pixie! y’all are so brave 🩷
pixie thank you for sharing this, genuinely. Anxiety is such a bitch and pushing through it sometimes pays off but sometimes it just doesn’t and all you can do is just ride it out with understanding friends who genuinely care. I cried watching this because I know how hard it is. Support is everything. Oughgh im crying too now lol
I don't know what your specific experience is, but if it can help in any way I had similar anxiety when I first did things again post burnout (still going through that though lol). Every single thing I had/wanted to do again was triggering anxiety/nausea/hypersensitivity to basically every kind of stimuli. The only things that helped me were
1-watch something veeery light and comedic to change my mood (taskmaster is free on youtube and pulled me out of soooo many really bad moments)
2-just accepting ahead of the event that it's ok to leave before the end/ not be able to go through the full thing in one go makes most of the panicky-vertigo-overwhelmed feeling calm down
I am so happy for you that your friends are understanding and caring. I wish you the best 🌸
I’m so proud of you for how all this went and most importantly for sharing! Big hugs!
I cried because I unsterstand how frustrating and upsetting skill regression can be :( But I'm so happy that you have good friends around to help you when things are terrible! That always makes sucha a huge difference.
The plans you have for moving forward seem really helpful. I know things will be better next time if you have those accomodations in place. Seems this event was a lerning curve for you but I'm still very sorry you had to go trough it! Much love
the way I cackled at "mfw I live from home" ASDGAJKDGAJ you're so funny even when talking about serious topics, I love that about you!
Bless you darling. I used to suffer same type of panic attacks. And they were daily…imagine that. Ok maybe don’t. I was on Wellbutrin and at least in my case, that wasn’t it. It was the Latuda giving me severe anxiety attacks. They are hell on earth. I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it stop but from personal experience, there isn’t a way to make them stop. Sending you tons of love….thank you for your bravery. I’ve been here at this moment so many times and this video helps so much. You’ve no idea how useless and strange I felt thinking I was the only one in the world with mental health issues
This doesn’t help everyone but ear buds or headphones can be really helpful when stressed or in a public space. It helps with my anxiety and sensory issues. Music can be really grounding, and is one of my main hyperfixations. While having that pressure feels really good to me, while also muffling or removing extra sounds. It also gives me something to control within the music.
Hey! I take Wellbutrin too, and it actually does make anxiety worse as a side effect. Not sure if that was it, but if keeps happening maybe they can give you a combo solution.
Hello dearest Pixie system!
First and foremost I would like to say thank you for sharing this experience with us. You have no idea how much this personally means to me.
As someone that has high anxiety and ADHD (and we are pretty sure I also have autism) going back to conventions was hard for me as well. I got my diagnosis during the pandemic and learning how to live like a normal being was extra hard. Like functioning as a normal human being? I never heard of her.
Cosplay itself can be also overwhelming with the wigs and the amount of layers you have. So I hope you are not feeling bad about feeling those feelings.
I also had a lot of moments sobbing in the dressing rooms because it just got overwhelming. I am so glad that you have such sweet friends with you! My friends were the reason that I kept going most of the cons I attended and they mostly know how to get me back to reality.
I am pretty sure next time will be better because you now have experience about this. And I believe in you guys!
Thank you once again for sharing your experiences with us.
I've never seen Precure or OjomajoDoremi merch at a con before 😮 it's like they knew you'd be there! I'm so jealous!
Also I really feel you on the burnout. I have no idea how I used to handle everything I could. I can't handle 1/10ths of what I used to. You're not alone.
I'll also give you some positive vibes -
since you talked about how you handle your anxiety - I finally got some medication to help me relax in case my anxiety gets really bad. I haven't needed it yet but sometimes I get so worked up before an appointment or something, I get so exhausted the second after I'm useless for some time.
I love how Stickers does the TV thing lol one of ours starts throwing things off shelves and nightstands when he wants breakfast. Only when he wants breakfast. Other meals, whatever. He's just walk around and maybe meow. But breakfast, he'll throw shit!
It's so awesome your friends were so supportive. But that's what real friends do, I think. They were a safety net. Nobody wants to watch someone they love have a panic attack. But you deserve credit too. You tried so so hard. Some things aren't meant to work out for the first time. I still hope you get to show off your cosplay again tho!
I definitely relate to the experience of struggling with things more after having more language and awareness of my mental health issues. Before I knew about them, I thought I was “normal” and bad at it so I would just force myself to dissociate through uncomfortable situations. Now I’m less able to do that, which feels like I’m able to do less, but it’s actually probably better for me to do less since I never learned how to do uncomfortable things without dissociating.
As a girl who has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder with OCD tendencies since the first grade I definitely would consider your experience a triumph. There have been days when I was so mentally ill I couldn’t bring myself to leave my bed nonetheless show up at the front doors of an anime convention. It is absolutely physically AND mentally exhausting. I’m very glad that you have a support system where you can be open about your feelings. You are not a burden and you especially shouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty just because you are prioritizing your own wellbeing. I’m sure everyone in your life agrees! Slay Queen 👑👑👑👑
I never comment on anything, but this absolutely resonated with me dude. I used to do theater and sing in choirs and solo (!!!!) in front of people and loved acting and all this stuff, but for over a decade now I've struggled with severe physically-presenting anxiety and all that stuff is completely out of the question for me now, and it makes me so sad! I'm so impressed that you got into the taxi and got to the con! One of my huge triggers is riding in cars because "there's no escape" 🙄 (like who what that's so irrational why) and I don't think I would've made it that far (realistically I never would have signed up for a con like this cause I know I'd have the exact same anxious response you did). I literally carry plastic bags with me everywhere because my nausea can come out of absolutely nowhere, so I fully relate to this in every way. That cosplay is gorgeous and you should be proud of yourself for trying in the face of those odds and getting as far as you did, truly.
Now my darlings. Remember if you’re being cooked for- or cooking for yourselves- send the cooks a pretty thank you note and LOVE BOMB them today!
You’ve probably seen them, but a lot of people make basically long sock tubes to wrangle twin tail wigs and stop them tangling - if this is something that is causing you turmoil
I’m so sorry, hun you had a stressful time. I’m so happy you have so many amazing friends. You are lucky to have found them. 🥺 You looked amazing btw in your cosplay. 🥰
you made an awesome cosplay and I had to deal with con anxiety too when I went to Q-con this year, so hearing you talk about your experiences was quite resonating, it's good that you were able to recognize your feelings though and thinking about accommodations is a great idea, I should consider that, next time I'm going to a con, I had to perform too, except I decided to go through with it, I ended up doing quite a good performance despite my nerves, but con staff were very attentive about it, I was Lady Oscar, so when I fainted as part of my "act" some thought I actually fainted, hopefully you're able to sort through your goals overtime, you can do this! be patient with yourselves and do what you can with your support system of alters and friends
Your video came just in time! I was feeling depressed and you always cheer me up 🥲 Love you! 😊
Anxiety attacks are the worst. I haven't been to a con since Feb.2020 and I'm kind of nervous for when I eventually go back to one. I don't perform or anything so less pressure. I have found as I get older anxiety/stress gets worse. As adults we have to basically do everything for ourselves and that puts a lot of added pressure onto us. I think I had anxiety my whole life but it wasn't until I was working a full time job, working on my Master's degree, & in a serious relationship that I started having anxiety & panic attacks. My hubby is wonderful and very understanding so that helps a lot.
I've been doing Otakuthon for a decade now as an artist and honestly, I don't know how attendees do it ;^^ the rare times I leave my booth and try to walk through the artist alley, there's so many people, it's suffocating... I see people struggling sometimes but I also see them surrounded by friends who make sure they're okay. And it's something I really enjoy about these conventions. People taking care of each other and watching each other's back. I'm sure with the right preparations, your next con will go way smoother ^^ and if you're ever at Otakuthon and need a space to hide, you can look for my booth in the dealer's section, and we'll help you ❤
Its nice to know that you have such great friends who have such understanding. Believe me i have anxiety and what gets me through is the love from my family and fiance. But u look so great in your cosplay. You look amazing. ❤❤
I know you said it’s common to experience skill “regression” and talked about how your tolerance was lower in this video but tbh that’s not what I see at all? It seems to me like you used to dissociate and switch uncontrollably in situations like this, but now you are alert and aware of what’s going on in your head and have been managing your stress/illness well enough that you no longer have that coping mechanism. I used to dissociate from anxiety all the time and at first I was frustrated that I couldn’t do it in stressful situations after some healing, but now I’m grateful that I have enough other, healthier tools that my brain doesn’t have to essentially throw the E-brake in scary situations anymore.
Wait skill regression is a thing…. Man that explains so much
Oooh it's not to the same extent but I fully get what you mean about having to get back into being a person, my social anxiety has been SO bad after the pandemic - and I discovered during it that I was probably neurodivergent in some way, and I used to power through it ; but now I can barely do anything without headphones on, every sound throws me off.
I'm so glad you got a successful photoshoot !! Closure was definitely essential. It's also great that you've been able to think of ways to make things easier for yourself.