How to Make the Best of Bad Relationships
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- Опубліковано 3 жов 2024
- On today’s show, we hear about:
A woman looking for respect from her husband
A man whose dad was deported when he was a teenager
A woman concerned that her friend’s husband is a sexual predator
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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I always tell my son “your diagnosis will explain *why* something is hard for you but it does not excuse your behavior or poor choices.”
My ex did the same thing. Ignored me for days, refused to speak to me, treated me like a slave....you are a brave young lady. You will be much better on your own with your baby. You can do this
My husband said the same thing- “you make me sound like a monster” when all I did was tell him facts of what he actually did with no editorial. We are currently separated and pending divorce. Took me a year after his affair to get strong enough to even realize the abuse was eating me alive… and hurting our two young children. Leave woman!!!
Unfortunately, leaving isn't always an easy option for a myriad of reasons.
I said to mine that if you were honest with yourself you'd see what I'm saying is just the reality sadly.
@@peterlee584 life isn't easy, choose your hard.
@@COINsimp2024 Wow!! Empathy really isn't your thing, is it??!!
@@peterlee584 that is true, but there is help out there if you need it
37:42 “Bull-crap on a stick on a pony in a box out on the beach somewhere”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Haha I love him so much!!! How does he even come up with a sentence like that? 😂😂😂
I'm in tears listening to Jose's story. I hope he and his dad can find a way to be in each other's lives again ❤️
Never ceases to amaze me how people grow up without one of their parents and then do the exact same thing to their child.
Do you mean like people who leave their kids or refuse to take care of their kids? Or are you talking about the first caller, and her potentially leaving her husband? 🤔
If it’s the former, I totally agree. I’ve seen quite a few men who had an absent father or an absent mother who have a child of their own and then just… leave them behind. A few of those men were actively trying to have a child and then once they actually had one, they just dipped out.
I guess it’s just repeating generational curses, in a way. But you’d think knowing that pain personally, you’d go to the ends of the earth to prevent doing that to your own children. I suppose it’s the same thing as anything else we repeat despite hating it happening to us as kids though. Just like if you grow up with an alcoholic or drug addicted parent, and then end up being an alcoholic or drug addicted parent to your own kids, despite knowing the pain you felt. Or you grow up hating your parents for spanking you or yelling at you, and then you repeat those behaviors anyway.
Two siblings can grow up with an alcoholic father, and one can become an alcoholic themself and one can never take a sip of alcohol in their life. Two responses born of the same experience. I always wonder what it is that determines which one of those two siblings we end up being. What determines what we become as a result of our own trauma and heartache. What makes the difference?
@@zknight4481 choices
My heart is broken for her. May God help her please
Mine too!!
IMO - I can relate to this woman so much. Adopted, dysfunctional family, emotionally and physically abused, feeling trapped, etc. Top that off with naive people saying, "Just go." This happened years ago, and I can assure you it was a lot harder for women to leave back then for various reasons.
Oh Alora my heart hurts for you.
I'm adopted also but a old lady now lol.
I feel your pain sweetie because my experiance was simular. I wish I could hug you.
I experianced fear of abandonment very low self esteem,drawn to abusive men all the garbage and sweetheart take the help Dr John has given you I waited and carried the "boulders" in my backpack for pretty much all my life and honey it's better to face it now than live it every day.
And turn to the Lord, he's waiting and will love you through this trial.
Love you sweetie ❣️
This was a great show,fabulous advice on sexual predators👍👍👍
For the First lady caller
Figure out what you do all day, every different task.
Chances are that it would cost some real $$$ to pay someone else to do it. Daycare, gas, laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping 🛒… and sex.
You’re worth so much more than any amount money. If he won’t change with you, or for you and his child, he’s not worth spending all your energy and effort and love on. Open up your eyes. He isn’t a good man. He’s telling you that with his own unloving words. Believe him.
I wrote up my contributions and had my husband write up his. He felt like I didn't give him enough credit for what he does.... But yet he couldn't think of anything else to add to his list. 🤔 And thought I made up extra things like "assess our food, plan meals, shop with 3 kids, bring in groceries, prepare meals, and clean out fridge weekly" instead of just "grocery shopping and making meals".
I sure hope this 24 year old launches this guy. Her whole life is ahead. Head to NM and begin again. Get the kid away from the bust out. Best of luck!!
Alora breaks my heart. She's the age of my youngest. I wish I could bring her home and help her grow into the woman she deserves to be. Her husband is grinding the life out of her 😢😢
Yes it's so difficult especially for those of us who have the room n time or could at least make the room or time to help someone like this for a season or two as John likes to say. It sounds like she was trying hard not to be too explicit about her family's lack of support which she sees as at least in part bc she didn't go get a good enough career in their eyes. You can't help everyone of course and some peoples.problems.are.way too deep or expansive right now ,for example someone insame situation but with 3-4 kids.. The sad thing is we in the US have for a very long time but especially now have very little resources for people in these situations. If it's actual domestic violence there is some housing or resources but why should people have to wait n I also fear bc some women do actually lie that it can encourage some women to lie. Not everyone has family resources to fall back on even for a season and they are in that "You made your bed go lie in it" type scenario. I didn't like that she wasn't being fully honest with John and initially making it sound like the husband only changed after the baby came. Sure it may have become worse but as John guessed he was kind of a jerk before that as well.. Women have to start being honest about why they are settling for certain guys and the biggest reason is not just that they don't think they deserve better although that's often the case but they really just want the security and validation they think comes from "being picked" and sharing life with someone. Then they have a child with someone they kinda know won't be a great Dad n then either try to take half his stuff n bad mouth him to the kids or later in life have resentment towards their kid (s) when they are rightly upset about some things from their childhood..either mom always being stressed out n short with them or quickly getting into a new relationship perhaps with some guy just using her to have access to little kids etc. these women don't want to hear it. They'll say they did the best they could and maybe they did but usually there was a degree of selfishness in all of their choices which they blame on the man alone. All that said in this case given her childhood you can see why she would be trying to fill that wound early. The cycles just continue.
At least she has somewhere to go though a lot of us don’t.
@@Midnight-cf9ph true. Good point. You're so right that so many of us had nowhere to go - and so many still don't 💔😢
Whoever gets assaulted next will have a great case against the DA.
That’s like saying whoever that drunk driver kills will have a great case against the drunk. I guess a decent outcome for everyone BUT the victim.
You can't go after a DA.
@@COINsimp2024 why?
How do you even know if this woman tells the truth over the phone with Dr. John?
It is incredibly commonplace that the prosecutor fails to pursue criminal charges against a predator. (And if they are convicted --- they get a slap on the wrist.) Infuriating, but this is the reality we are living in.
I know he is on the radio and needs to keep that in mind, but am I the only one who thinks it seems kind of harsh the way Dr John ends the calls. You can tell there is a button he presses when he decides the call is over that mutes the caller so he can do his outro. I know he does not mean it in a rude or hurtful way or anything, I just can't help but feel like if I were the one on the call it would seem very harsh. I'm having a DEEP conversation with someone about life-changing issues, then all of a sudden I'm being told to get back in touch and there is a free copy of his new book on its way to me. That would be very jarring.
I work in the media (never radio though). I think what happens is his producers tell him to wrap up and they might tell the caller. So that's the indication to both that he's going to summarise for listeners. And while Dr. John can still hear the caller, we can't. Hopefully if they're any good, the producers would have primed the caller with what to expect via email. As in 'we expect to call at X date and Y time. Dr. John will give you X but not Y. You'll have approx 30 minutes to speak to Dr. John at which point you will hear our producer say 'Time'.....etc'
At least that's how I would do it. While also promoting the books 😂
@@sgiado I genuinely appreciate your insight into a subject that I am almost totally ignorant on. I would hope there would be some steps taken to soften the blow of the end of the call and I'm sure you are right.
@@sgiadoYes that sounds like a great way to do it. Additionally most callers have listened to the show for awhile before calling so they should sort of know what to expect n that's just how they have to do it. I've always been more concerned with his beginning of the call with the over enthusiasm, little jokes that seem more designed for his comfort or to try to seem funny n cool, perhaps part of his ADHD bc people are already nervous n he puts them in the awkward position of now having to match his vibe. At the end of the call they are usually much less nervous have usually got some pretty good advice, things to think about n often a great deal of compassion n validation so at some point gotta wrap it up I'm afraid.
Do Belinda Carlisle next!
yeah my husband said the same thing when he was found out that he was having an affair with a co-worker
I did precipitate the affair because I treated him poorly . I thought I could change him as far as his smoking and drinking and the money we were wasting . but I guess I went about it in the wrong way .but unfortunately we live and learn hopefully
How come he calls men out of their name when a wife calls in about their husband but when a man calls in about his wife he tells them it's one side of the story and never calls the wife out of her name when talking to the husband. He actually just holds the husband accountable for his actions more than anything else. I'm all for making people understand their actions in situations and holding them accountable but keep the same tune for both genders. No need to call the man you've never met a "grizzly bear" when you never met him and only got one side of the story. You'd never do that if the husband came in and said " my wife doesn't talk to me" you'd probably tell him it's his fault for not making her feel safe to talk to him. How does no one else recognize this pattern? I hope his producers see this. They probably support bashing men and uplifting women instead of uplifting both.
And that was about the first call btw. Also I'm not saying he ALWAYS does it. I'm saying there is a pattern. Some times he absolutely holds women accountable. So it's not every time. I'm saying in general he has a different approach for men vs women. That could be okay because we are different, but he's just more rude toward the men in question when talking to women.
@@joamiggHe has never resorted to/engaged in name calling toward women as he does for men; it’s sad. It feels like he does this because he wants women to believe he’s on their side.
Because in Christianity the men shelter the burden.
He's a man and treats other men the way his best friends have treated him; he treats men the way men treat men.
He's a man and treats women the way he treats his wife and daughter.
A good man treats men and women differently like how a good woman treats men and women differently.
Sounds like somebody related to that first guy a lil too much
Alora/Women - sticking around so your kid has a dad in the house can do more damage than if they grew up in a single parent house. I’m speaking from experience. One happy parent is healthier than two miserable or abusive parents. Alora sounds miserable and miserably weak and meek. She needs intense and immediate therapy. She picked a crappy spouse cause she has no standards.
Healing sexual energy is rare, and when you're trying or doing so people come after you more. Inviting that energy is dangerous. I don't want to see tortured people tortured anymore and ever
I liked that female caller near the end with the friend married to the sexual predator. She has a principle of not letting her friends do hard things alone." I love that. Crazy that her friend would say he has a sex addiction. Then he should be doing this with a prostitute quite honestly and or as John said to get the help he needs.
John, how can you make such a sharp conclusion if the other person is not present and hasn’t even express their voices, in less than 5 minutes 🤔
Perhaps, if possible, they both can be on a phone call or something
She needs to leave before she’s pregnant again.
Last caller guy is a creep but theres nothing legally they can do. Its just he said she said. Not sure what the police are expected to do there.
Perhaps she’s in the relationship because she’s trauma bonded or financially dependent and unable to work right now. As you said she was taking care of her baby in the next room. Perhaps she’s afraid he will come after her or something? She’s definitely convinced herself that he’s addicted perhaps so she can deal with (coping mechanism) this for as long as she needs to be able to stand on her own 2 feet first. I do agree with the part that she shouldn’t participate or encourage these weekends with other women around but again knowing someone who has been in a similar situation she may not have a say/choice in the matter. I pray for her. I’m sorry don’t mean to offend anyone I see the woman as a victim and if her friends leave her too it’s just gonna make it worse for her who may be trauma bonded, postpartum depression , controlled, abused etc etc
Yup! The abuser husband will offer choices: 1) stay with me or ) leave me I will get 50% custody of our daughter, and "maybe" I will be a good parent to her. The wife may be staying to protect her baby.
I disagree about the woman with the predator husband… imo she’s most likely a very damaged woman who was likely abused herself. If what she is saying is true than he most certainly has been abusing his wife all along and just got bored with abusing just her.
Do not disagree with him. Abuse does not justify you to help a predator. This is the story plenty of accomplices claim. When they are beside their husbands as they rape, torture, and kill. You have a choice to walk out or to call the cops. You are an adult! You have plenty of avenues to seek help, if you don’t want it you are not the victim. If you know your husband is an abuser or a pedophiIe could care less about your trauma, grow up! And get out! One thing is not knowing, then I don’t blame the person. One thing is knowing.
@@ireneswackyjournals8810 perhaps that’s what you’re missing. Many victims of abuse have not accepted or realized that they even are victims of abuse.
@@sarahalderman3126 I’m sorry but that’s bullshit. You know what’s right or wrong. If you see it being done to someone else you are wrong in not speaking up. I’m going to use a parallel story. Assume wife and husband are together; she helps him hide victims of pedophilia or helps him and defend him if women claim rape. You can’t tell me she’s a poor little victim here. Grow up and act like the woman you are and go to the police. This ain’t being a victim. This is just wanting status quo to remain.
@@ireneswackyjournals8810 I’m sorry but you are incorrect. Those who have been deeply traumatized and brought up in a dysfunctional environment often are unable, independently, to recognize their own faulty thinking. I hope you come to find some compassion and understanding for those who’ve experienced things most could never imagine.❤️
@@ireneswackyjournals8810 furthermore this fixation on assigning “victimhood” status is rather disturbing. Nearly every single predator is ALSO a victim of abuse. Being a “victim” doesn’t absolve you of responsibility or accountability, it simply helps explain what got you here.
caller 3, Where are the husbands of these women? (assuming they have men in their life) This problem may get solved if he messes with the wrong people.
He more than likely picks single women that have limited networking
Id give anything to be a stay-at-home mom.
IMO - It depends entirely on your personal situation. There are so many factors involved with why some women are happier staying at home, and others are not.
I'm just speaking personally as someone with a career it would be much easier.@@butterflygirl2285
I would hate it
@@glitterstarbeau your an exception to the rule. Most women are begging their husbands to be a stay at home mom
Get a remote corporate job. It is literally the best life ever I will never look back.
I wish I could feel sorry for that first caller, but with so many nice guys out there, how can I?
Why are you promoting better help when it’s been proven to sell people’s information and when their doctors are over booked and over worked?
Come on Dr. John, time stamps for God's sake.