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Once you forget what people around you may be thinking you realise that doing things conventionally done with friends alone can be just as enjoyable. I often go to the cinema alone and when I’m on business I enjoy eating out alone.
being alone is like a gift only few have got😁 joke aside it takes a lot of courage to do that and you are king of your own world.no one can rule over you😁 Being alone is better than being with unwanted people 🙄
this video seems like a description of a character in a novel set in the 19th century, and this is why I like it. In contrast, everything in this video is said to deliver a good point, but it doesn't live to todays standards. life has changed and developed , or at least this how I think , but your videos sometimes seem like they're appointed to a group of people living in the 19th century, or in othr words sometimes your videos seem like they're stuck in time. but I still enjoy your content because it helps me write stories and shape the characters that I write. I like your videos as they are, but I encourage doing something creative in your videos like some sound effects to give some life to your videos.
I regularly eat solo and that's an amazing experience. People will sometimes look at you with admiration for our self-confidence but most of the time, they don't give a damn. Everyone is busy with their own life. I always have a book with me just in case I get bored. But spending time with myself is the most amazing thing I discovered since 2017.
I keep thinking I should go eat out and search for a person who is alone, and ask if they would like company. Meet someone new. Who knows? Might make a new friend. But if they turn out to be unpleasant, I could get up and walk away... find another lone diner. I'm gonna have to try this sometime.
I just got back from eating alone at a restaurant. It feels nice to not have to prove anything to anyone. Not having to engage in conversation. Just to enjoying my food and atmosphere while the waitress tends to my wants. It's relaxing
It honestly never occurred to me that anyone would ever remotely think that lone eaters are showing self confidence. But I can understand it, as I used to feel silly going to the movies alone (until I realised going with someone isn't a good social experience).
I pitty people who can’t eat alone, it is simply sublime solitude. I used to be surprised when people used to ask me why was I eating alone, as if it meant I was sad or upset, but it was the exact opposite, a treat.
"Why are you eating alone?" That's a question I'd expect from a child. What business is it of anyone you don't know? Even if you know them, it's pretty rude.
It does take a lot of courage to eat alone which is strange because it's such a simple thing to do. I think being alone makes people self consciousness a lot.
Is being alone an issue with you? That's interesting! I was alone most of my life and it doesn't really bothers me. It actually gives me a lot of freedom. One thing that I had to let go though, was the need to share an incredible experience with someone who isn't there to "proof how much fun I can be" Now I don't mind, if I am alone, with one or many friends. I think I had more issues tbh, but can't remember atm ^^ What makes it hard for you to be alone?
I've been single for years, and avoided eating in a restaurant with a waitstaff. I finally overcome the fear because I really wanted Italian. Than I realized... I can eat the entire basket of bread! I didn't have to give my date the majority of the basket to be polite. I enjoyed every bite. My waitress was very polite and I flipped through a magazine as I waited for my meal. Finally getting brave enough to eat at the counter.
People who think they are being judged all the time could have social anxiety disorder. It's also known as The Spotlight Effect where you think all eyes are on you but it's only in the persons mind.
Don't worry. A lot of people suffer from social anxiety. I suffer from social anxiety all my life but I learned it's also a gift because people who have major anxiety can read people well because they are always analyzing their surroundings.
the worst part about the disorder is the rare chance that it actually happens. When you get that confirmation, everything feels like its falling apart.
@@lightsoff9008 I have social anxiety. I tend to feel that way too. But mostly people aren't really looking at you, they're just looking past you. There is only so many direction people can look, specially indoors, so it's not common to see someone looking your way. Doesn't mean they're looking at you. It's also not uncommon that we actually cause others to look at us when we look at them. Your head turning in their direction might be the exact reason why those people turned to look at you too.
The whole idea that you should always eat with others is just plain stupid. It's just a stupid unwritten rule. I get along perfectly with colleagues, but I always eat alone because I like to get a moment for myself.
Hes talking to a different audience. People who want to at least eat with someone since they dont do any activities with anyone. Its involuntary loneliness. Its hardly a choice. But yes even though ive have struggled getting friends recently I rather eat alone sometimes because there are things only I like doing. I feel like if anyone had the perfect partner theyd usually like eatting with them
@@terry2play8ball oof over time I just started being anxious, anxious of whether or not I'll mess up my interactions with the people I'm with, whether or not they'll judge or that I'll do something wrong and other things like that. I actually find it quite peaceful to be eating in a nice restaurant by yourself. Plus it could be one of the ways I care for myself.
I have never had an issue going to the cinema or eating at a fast food place by myself. But for some reason, restaurants like Chilli's, Olive Garden and the like give me the creepers. I think now that I'm familiar with the "bar" area I'm more willing to do it. It just feels awkward to me in the common area though. Don't know why.
Same, I didnt know people have problems with eating alone. Your money, your business. These people doesnt even know who you are when you step in and step out haha just get in order some food and eat your damn yummy fooooddd
I’m no social outcast, I do go to social gatherings with family and friends when the occasion arises, but I also very much treasure my time alone. I’ve always enjoyed eating outside alone, goint to the cinemas alone, and even shopping on my own. Never crossed my mind that I could come across as pitiable, quite the opposite. I rather think that others who may have spared me some thought would think that I’m independent in some ways, and is brave and confident enough in my own skin to do these things alone. But I’ve also since learned from your videos to not worry too much about what other people think, since they too most likely, if not definitely, have their own issues to think about and deal with rather than agonizing over why I, who may be a complete stranger, would be eating in a family restaurant on my own. This has been one of my most favorite takeaways from your videos, I do feel like I’ve been thinking about it at the back of my mind for quite a while, but hearing you vocalize and assert this in several of your videos has definitely made a huge difference. Basically, thank you for existing 💕
I live in a small town in australia, so if I eat out it is at a pub usually alone, where people tend to mostly only drink and gamble, the pity goes both ways but in entirely different directions, I am also long term single so if I eat with a couple the pity goes at least three ways and in even more confusing and sometimes distressing(actually wait no all too often) distressing or awkward in all and entirely different directions
slorr55 it’s absolutely mature and also good spending time with yourself, but someone who thinks of themselves as lonely or unwanted and such things just sees this scenario as confirmation for their feelings and may be afraid others will see their flaws too because they seem so obvious in that moment (not having friends, being a weirdo and outcast etc)
slorr55 especially without having the confirmation of ur self love and -worth, I feel like our generation lacks part of that or it just seems to me that way and it’s always a part of every generation idk
I was kicked out of a restaurant in Barcelona on my birthday for ordering a table for one. Their excuse: "We dont serve sad people". I enjoy eating alone but its sad that others dont get it. I fail to see any problem in it.
Aiga K Jumping Jacks and Janes who’re not only likely to be amped up on dopamine and oxytocin, but also taught to think in a collectivist fashion. Let them wallow in their quiet desperation.
I gained quite some weight during the first year of college just because I didn't want to go to eat in a normal restaurant and was instead always eating in the same self-service one. Today, I have no problem eating alone but I had to force myself out of my comfort zone during college to learn how to stand up for myself (even if it is against myself) :)
I was abandoned by all my friends in 8th grade. It was not enjoyable at all, but I did get to enjoy being alone - what a gift! I look at people I graduated with now, and feel the enjoyment of being able to think and love greatly!
That's very nice. Just a small thing like that could brighten someone's day and keep them thinking about how someone was nice to them by just talking to them.
❤. I'm senior now. Young people don't realize it but as adults we master our situations eventually. I'm 100% ok dining solo. Beautiful people are everywhere. We are a society. I pray often for the new generations. The struggles of life are mostly on the hills going up.
same here, I have no problem eating alone, but I am bothered by the fact that I am alone all the time, not just one business trip occasion, and have no real friends.
I eat alone in public often and I don't care how people look at me. Like the video pointed out, it's a great moment of calm and insight, and I enjoy spectating the couples or friends who dine together next to me. Heck, I even go to the cinema by myself quite often and some people consider that even worse. But I don't; it's a way to treat myself something nice, without having to consider someone else's opinion on the movie or their experience etc. I smile when I find someone else like me, sitting alone eating at a restaurant or who goes to see a movie by themselves.
@@beingproductive890 I'm so glad to know that. Please smile ^__^ and be thankful. The best thing about being alone is that you can always have hopes and dreams about brighter future. < 3
I learn to eat alone in a restaurant, mainly because I don’t have a lot of friends, and the ones I have don’t necessarily like what I like. So I started to go to restaurant alone, and to this day, I feel weird doing it. I like to take my time and enjoy the meal, but do feel self conscious when the couple in the table beside me just stares for a good minute, or the staff comes 27 times to ask if my meal is ok. I try to brush it off and do my thing, and the thing that was harder for me to do alone, is going to the cinema, but once I understood no one was paying attention to me, I was able to enjoy the movie.
I like eating, shopping, sometimes traveling and watching cinemas alone. It relaxes me and gives me rein to do and choose what I really like without any compromise . This also gives me a lot of chance to meet different people and make some friends since I don't have problems talking to strangers. Please know that Life is difficult but still beautiful, some of us just need a little push to overcome their social anxiety. If not, I hope you can still ask for help with your loved ones and/or professionals.
Once in a while i go eat out by myself because thats how i felt at the moment and to me honest, its kinda peaceful sometime.... >>**There is something i like about entering a crowded place (where 60 or 70 poeples constanly talk and laugh, and eat and plates noises,forks ) it kinda slow down after a few minutes and then its like a "beehive" buzzing ! Time seem to slow down just a little and then the Action start! A huge Tomahawk Steak with oignons,mushroom,mashed potatoes and a Cold Pitcher of Beer watching the game,reading the newspaper . My brain is in optimisation mode,installing updates,troubleshooting,scheduling and saving all changes....
Eating alone especially in a cafe or restaurant makes you experience things you've never experienced before you see how the world is different, how people act, and how the life moves on it is so cool tbh
I cannot describe how much I admire Mr Alain de Botton’s eloquency! I mean, I know every single word he says in his videos but why on Earth can’t I organise them in a beautiful and elegant flow as he does?!) I admire you so much, Mr de Batton! Keep doing your work and I will keep admiring it every time I watch your videos😍👌🏻
Interesting idea. I've solved this problem by using the concept of voluntary discomfort. I deliberately put myself in uncomfortable situations on a regular basis, pretty much every day and I bear the burden of it. It makes me strong and independent when I can overcome myself like this. For instance juggling with a clown nose on in a public train. If you seek to feel good all the time, that itself will make you feel bad. Learn to desensitize yourself to your own negative emotions.
Probably one reason those Mukbang eating videos are so popular. Someone to eat with. Eat alone at a restaurant playing a mukbang video on your phone for extra awkwardness.
You may be interested in this...... www.theguardian.com/food/shortcuts/2018/nov/05/mukbang-is-loneliness-behind-the-craze-for-watching-other-people-eating#comment-122208685
Try to make it a little less awkward by -lying- announcing to everyone in the restaurant really loudly you're Skyping and emphasize *I ACTUALLY HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS. IT'S TRUE* ;D
This is something I grew to live as I got older. I'm a 33 year old woman and I tried one day to make a three day mini staycation. I was always tiered of relying on others to go see a movie or museum so I vowed to take myself out. First day I went to a botanical Garden all day and had high tea all alone. Second day I went to the beach and made myself a picnic and enjoy a whole bottle of wine. 😳 third day I went shopping and than to a movie. It has changed my outlook on life completely. I don't need my friends or my husband to have a good time. I have me!!! Enjoy you. My next goal is to take a solo trip. 😍😊
I've been dining out, travelling, going to concerts and movies alone all of my life. I'm introverted and I prefer my own company. However, there are countries where it ranges from socially awkward to forbidden for women to do any or all of these things alone in public. Weird, restrictive world we live in.
I’d rather be my own company than be over-encumbered by others. The idea that human beings are by default social creatures is only true if one is amped up on dopamine and oxytocin. Being alone grants one full independence over their schedule and the pace at which they go about things. As long as one doesn’t seek themselves outside themselves, solitude can beget genuine self-actualization. Folks may mock you for being wayward, but the joke’s on them: they ought to be mocked for being uniform jumping jacks and janes. Individuality is far more rewarding and human than conformity.
I've been eating alone in public for about .. uuhh .. 3 years ? Been living by myself since 17 , now i'm 20 . And yes some people would look at me and whisper " yeah he's defenitely a loner " well i could care less , i'm enjoying my meal here not to hear some judgemental people Also i never had a SO since forever , so being alone is totally okay .. ish for me
Do people really say that around you or do you just think they might be saying that? That's pretty pathetic of them tbh. If you can't eat a meal alone without worrying about how you're perceived or thinking you're a loner then I pity you. (not literally you)
@@DabsOnDabs i can hear them , even with my problem with hearing ( i have tiny earlobes for a 6'0 guy ) . Is ok man , i tend to ignore these people . Its not very surprising since i've dealt with this since forever .
@@KimberlyLetsGo I think they mean people who have higher levels of neuroticism in their personality (i.e., turbulent personalities), which isn't a bad thing per se. Not neuroses as in a mild mental illness
@@KimberlyLetsGo Why would it be uncomfortable to eat alone unless one was worried about things that either don't exist, or shouldn't matter? That was what I meant by neurotic.
This is in my opinion not just about the case where there is nobody around to have dinner with, for example. I sometimes grow tired of the apparent obligation to have people around you to have a good time. In our culture, undertaking stuff by yourself is imo seen as lonely and sad. That's kind of twisted. If you are fine with being on your own, then who is to judge? I don't shy away from eating alone or going to the movies by myself. So should more people, I think.
This is something I actually really enjoy doing now. I treat myself, much in the same way I would treat a significant other. I've turned it into an act of self love, instead of focusing on the fact that I'm alone. It helped me come to terms with trash tier self confidence and raging anxiety.
I read several comments essentially saying that they didn’t relate, but personally this is so relevant. I went through a really horrible experience that left me feeling detached from society and like a constant target for judgment. Forget eating alone, I didn’t want to be seen. Just the thought of people looking at me or thinking about me gave me intense anxiety. I wish I had seen this video when I was seriously struggling to continue living. It’s so important to remember that you have survived everything up until this moment, and you will continue to survive whatever life throws at you.
What's the big deal? I love eating alone and going to movies alone. I don't feel anyone looking at me or judging me. Then again, I also have no problem admitting I'm pathetic. But hey, it's liberating, being able to do things without waiting for others to want to go with you. I feel like I'm always waiting for people, and letting myself go my own way is so refreshing.
I was deeply touched seeing Egon Schiele drawings. Fits soo well in the context. And hit my button soo well because I love his work and also I kinda feel lonely at the moment as well. Thank you Alain !
In the past two years since I known about this channel I always find comfort and knowledge that I need in these videos. You've helped me so much in my life. This week I have decided to spice up my life by joining a new tango group. My head has been roaming in thoughs whole week that I am not accepted and that everyone is avoiding and mocking me (I don't have an accual reason to think that), I almost quit. But thanks to this video I am not going to give up, I will enjoy the classes and wait for my time to fit in.
Eating alone in public places is something I'm very used to. I get some looks here and there, it used to be fine but I reached a point where I couldn't endure it. When in a resturant, I'd hear all the different chatters mixing up and it's like they all suffocate me. I usually end up choking up or unable to continue eating because of the drowning feeling, anxiety shoots up. It isn't a pleasant experience
I feel you. I used to have a very similar experience for over 10 years. In my case it was only when I was with someone. Even if I was hungry, my throat tightened up and blocked all the foods. I could only eat alone at home or places where I go very often. As I got older, these symptoms disappeared for some reason and I was able to go to most restaurants with or without company. But my problem now is that eating alone in public is becoming harder for me. I know for a fact that people don't care and I shouldn't care either, but that doesn't really stop the anxiety. I used to be good at being a loner. Strange.
I love eating alone because I can think about whatever I want instead of what to reply to my friend, I don’t know how most people hate it, it’s amazing!
Then the answer is to learn to stand in the fire of judgement. You can't live your life fearing what others think. Deliberately put yourself in situations that expose you to criticism then take the criticism punches directly to the face.
That's true, the only way to overcome those kind of stares is to not mind them and enjoy our alone time. Life is short and time is precious, spending it to ignorant strangers is just a waste of emotions and only produce negative effects in our mental state.
If they think you're a loner they should come up and try to talk to you. If they won't do that they're in no position to judge you and certainly they're not worth worrying about
Although I have time for the School of Life's gentle take on these small sort of problems, I feel the emphasis on them is almost nostalgic in the brutal world in which many of us live. The politics of populism and nationalism and racism is on the ascendant. There are mass shootings every week. The other day a man in Syria commented on the same video I was watching and I limply offered him my empathy. I work in mental health and every second patient I see has been the victim of brutal violence, often as children. From this perspective, eating alone in a restaurant is a joy to me.
We understand but firmly maintain that the presence of big problems does not cancel out our need to think also of little problems: little problems are, after all, usually merely local instances of dynamics that then recur at a mass scale. What lies beneath this video is a discussion of shame; that is what is at stake.
Omg this was actually a challenge I put for myself when I turned 25 last month. This is the biggest hurdle for me because I deal with crippling anxiety so I hope I get the steps to where I get to dine alone and enjoy it :)
Alain de Botton's voice is like a lullaby, calmly describing to you what makes you neurotic yet reassuring you that you are perfectly human. Oh, how grateful I am for The School of Life!!!
I’m 51 and still struggle with those feelings of inadequacy you describe when I eat alone. I’ve gotten better but that demon has pursued me all my life.
What? Never had a problem with this. I eat alone all the time - I eat with friends too, but I look forward to eating by myself as a treat.I had no idea that this could be a problem for others
I guess I'm just so used to being alone that I just don't care anymore. I no loner feel embarrassed or anything else as a matter of fact, and maybe it's better that way.
Ive eaten alone and travel alone as well. I go to movies alone too. When I eat I usually bring a book or read a book in my phone . I’ve never thought of this as odd at all or have been uncomfortable.
This is what I've felt like for a very long time due to my social anxiety making me go through much of life alone. So, this is not just an "eating alone" thing for me. But it's good to be able to pinpoint the psychological impacts of being so alone as recently I've been trying to combat my social anxiety and form relationships with people no matter how much of an unlovable outcast I may feel. I always find The School of Life has such words of wisdom to share.
I used to eat with my friends in the canteen during Junior High but by the time I got to Senior High, I started eating alone in fast food/restaurants, either before I go to class or after class, I know a lot of you by now are familiar with the school environment with lots of students eating together so while I sometimes enjoy my alone time, I get suddenly conscious whenever people look at me while I'm eating, I don't pity myself for being lonely all the time because I love solitude but I get super conscious when people look at me for it. My home was a 1hr trip from school so you'd realize the comfort I have of travelling to school and to home alone, it makes me comfortable 😃 It's not the fact that I'm alone eating that is the problem, it's the fact that people make it a problem to be alone
I actually like eating in public by myself. What I do struggle with is sitting down and eating alone at home. I always watch something while eating because otherwise, I would feel strange.
Born under the Chinese one-child policy, I would say the sense of loneliness is definitely the Keyword for my childhood. The images of the little “me” being alone at home when my parents were both out for work, are still intensely vivid in my memory. So I once tried very hard to escape the loneliness, and ended up with turning myself into a people-pleaser, who desperately seek for someone else’s approval. But as I grow older and older, I gradually realize that the ability of living in the harmony with loneliness is actually a merit. Now I enjoy the moments of being alone more and more, because it forces me to confront the real “me” and take actions to change if I’m not satisfied with my current state. After all, some paths in life have to be taken by ourselves, and no one in this world, could understand you completely.
Interesting, I do suffer from anxiety and (luckily right now "only") dysthymia yet I've never had troubles eating alone. I never even knew this was a thing until my friend mentioned she feels awkward eating alone. My dad is chef in local restaurant so I've been eating there alone and "for free" (he pays just for the ingredients) since childhood. Never thought anything weird about it. Seen many people doing the same. But for some unexplainable reason other people do feel weird. Just like going alone to the cinema. I'm watching a movie! We don't talk anyway! Why is it weird to go alone then? And if you talk in cinema I'm never going with you again. So what's the deal?! It's not like I've never felt lonely. I used to feel that all the time, especially during the darker years. Self-conscious too. Found solace only last year and been living almost hikikomori life past 6 months but I feel less lonely than ever before.
I have a lot of issues, but thankfully this is not one of them. I do know people who just refuse to eat alone in public, but I never understood why. Now I get it.
I enjoy my own company more than anyone else’s. I just went out and ate alone because I wanted to try this new place. Unfortunately, I was met with awkward gazes, especially from other females lmfao. If you’re going to stare, at least pay me for keeping you entertained 😂✌️
I enjoy eating out alone. Especially sitting alone with a book or writing in a diary while munching on chips or something. Or relishing a salad at a window table while observing people outside. It's lovely.
I get anxious in other social situations but eating alone is not one of them. Of course I really enjoy eating good food so I'm not thinking about my solo dining as a wasted opportunity or that I'm a "loser". I am completely invested in my dining experience. Plus sometimes it's nice to be alone in a crowded room you get to be quiet and let the chatter wash over you while you people watch. I find it to be a very unique experience that I appreciate.
Sipping coffee alone while watching this video... and also a group of kids hanging out in the next table, loudly talking having fun... While I'm enjoying my coffee and solidarity... I'd pat myself on my back for being confident enough to get here!!
I look at eating alone as a time for solitude, or getting to know the wait staff at my favorite restaurants. Only time I'm self conscious about eating alone is if I accidentally go to a nice restaurant and I look like shit.
Aside from learning to enjoy eating alone, I've gotten to the habit of going to concerts and travelling abroad alone. At first it was really difficult, but like everything in life, you get good at it, and learn how to enjoy yourself, what you need to do and what not to do in order to guarantee yourself a good time :) I've been travelling solo for the past 3 years and it started off being a very scary, uneasy venture. Now I look forward to solo travelling. I see it as liberating, having a whole country to yourself, able to do what you feel like, going where you want :)
What uncanny insight you have, and how comforting it is to know that I am not the only one to have had these feelings. Thank you for that, and for the beautifully atmospheric and evocative animation. Carrying a book gave purpose to my solitude, but now people who eat over cellphones just look pathetic.
I prefer eating alone, when I'm eating with someone I have to talk to them, then 10mins later, I look down and my plate is empty, and I forget eating the meal. Don't you just hate that feeling lol
For about 2 years now, I have been a) a young person, and b) someone who travels alone generally. I adore it. I adore the self reflection that this period of eating alone or walking alone allows. I turned 20 this year. I'm always excited to go to a foreign country on my own, and experience something just for myself. Eating alone is often awkward, but its not un-important or dull, and I'm glad I'm given those periods of self reflection. I think very few people can be comfortable in their own company. I can, and do.
No one cares if you eat alone. No one even notices. How is this a problem? I find it enjoyable to eat (and do many things) alone. Often, we can be more social if we are not attached to another person in company. I see no reason why eating alone is perceived as being a bad thing. School of Life really puts some cuckoo ideas out there.
I LOVE eating alone, there's a lot of freedom that you can get, like I can order whatever I want, eat with whatever the way I want to eat, and you can get all the bread. Also, I can deeply savory each bite that I take without getting disturbed and I love watching the scenery from restaurant's window in silent
I enjoy eating out alone, especially when I am in a strange, foreign place. Especially when the people talk in a way I don't understand. I watch the people who are enjoying each others company as if they are a tv show. Not staring, but kindly studying their behaviour, trying to figure out their relationships and life choices. I fantasize some story about how they got here and why, who they are seeing and what they are running from, and what they'll find when they're going back home. Sometimes someone notices me and give me a warm smile, as if they know exactly what I am doing. This just amazing. 😊 I sincerely hope after this video, more people will learn to enjoy the beautiful act of eating out, alone.
It is different if you have extreme social anxiety and going continually eating alone in the same area over and over where everybody knows you vs no one knows you.
I used to be so nervous about eating alone, now I LOVE it. I'm naturally an introvert and would rather listen and observe than talk, so it's actually perfect for me. And it's not as weird or uncommon as people think - no restaurant server has ever been shocked when I say "table for one, please" :)
This is a great video! I am an only child and don't mind being alone. But eating out in public alone is unique in terms of feeling isolated and on the spot. I enjoy eating out and having good food so I was able to pretty quickly get over this hurdle, but it is surprisingly intense the first few times. Bringing a book, tablet, notebook, or some other prop really helps.
I’m watching this as I just order a sunny side burger with sweet potato fries all by myself while everyone else around who give a rats ass if I eat alone haha. #introvertftw
Honestly I’ve spent this entire year being alone. Isolating myself to learn about myself and other people. I don’t feel at any point “accomplished” but I do feel like at this point am beginning to become my own person. My biggest helps on UA-cam were Jordan Peterson, The School Of Life, YourMateTom, PsychedSubstance, and WiseCrack.
This is very timely for me. I just try to comfort myself by telling myself that I'm too insignificant and unimportant for others for them to mock my temporary solitariness.
i'm very attractive and don't feel this way. Yet instead of eating alone in confidence, I almost always feel watched as if an attractive man shouldn't be alone. As soon as i walk in an establishment eyes are on me. the same way "ugly" people feel judged, an attractive man, as myself, feels even more scrutinized for being alone. attractiveness /= a feeling of acceptance. instagram is @yunfajita
So true. One good way to lean this is by going on solo travels. I really appreciate traveling on my own and enjoying my time everywhere I go, sometimes with people I find, but many times on my own. Eating outside used to be a big deal for me, but today I dare to even enter bars and have a drink on my own.
I can eat alone, but I do have trouble performing this task in public, especially around loud people. I am constantly worried that someone is making fun of me or something of the sort. Perhaps this fear has come from or at least been encouraged from past times when I was alone and people started making fun of me and bullying (of course this happened when I wasnt alone either). But most of the time I would agree that the fear is irrational. It is social anxiety, and it is all inmy head. I need to follow the advice here and get better at showing self confidence, and then i could perhaps sit down with a random friendly looking group and make some friends. Thanks for this video!
Do you struggle being alone? Let us know in the comments below. Remember to subscribe to our channel and turn on notifications to ensure that you don't miss out on future films.
Once you forget what people around you may be thinking you realise that doing things conventionally done with friends alone can be just as enjoyable.
I often go to the cinema alone and when I’m on business I enjoy eating out alone.
I like keeping myself to myself! It's safe! 🙄
being alone is like a gift only few have got😁 joke aside it takes a lot of courage to do that and you are king of your own world.no one can rule over you😁
Being alone is better than being with unwanted people 🙄
It's very good that your not self conscience about eating alone.
this video seems like a description of a character in a novel set in the 19th century, and this is why I like it.
In contrast, everything in this video is said to deliver a good point, but it doesn't live to todays standards. life has changed and developed , or at least this how I think , but your videos sometimes seem like they're appointed to a group of people living in the 19th century, or in othr words sometimes your videos seem like they're stuck in time.
but I still enjoy your content because it helps me write stories and shape the characters that I write.
I like your videos as they are, but I encourage doing something creative in your videos like some sound effects to give some life to your videos.
I regularly eat solo and that's an amazing experience. People will sometimes look at you with admiration for our self-confidence but most of the time, they don't give a damn. Everyone is busy with their own life. I always have a book with me just in case I get bored. But spending time with myself is the most amazing thing I discovered since 2017.
I keep thinking I should go eat out and search for a person who is alone, and ask if they would like company. Meet someone new. Who knows? Might make a new friend. But if they turn out to be unpleasant, I could get up and walk away... find another lone diner. I'm gonna have to try this sometime.
I just got back from eating alone at a restaurant. It feels nice to not have to prove anything to anyone. Not having to engage in conversation. Just to enjoying my food and atmosphere while the waitress tends to my wants. It's relaxing
It honestly never occurred to me that anyone would ever remotely think that lone eaters are showing self confidence. But I can understand it, as I used to feel silly going to the movies alone (until I realised going with someone isn't a good social experience).
@@natashamudford4011 that's an awesome idea
@@PandaChaos36 absolutely
I pitty people who can’t eat alone, it is simply sublime solitude. I used to be surprised when people used to ask me why was I eating alone, as if it meant I was sad or upset, but it was the exact opposite, a treat.
"Why are you eating alone?" That's a question I'd expect from a child. What business is it of anyone you don't know? Even if you know them, it's pretty rude.
Eating alone is better than eating with unwanted company. I used to eat alone in school time and I didn't regret....😁
It does take a lot of courage to eat alone which is strange because it's such a simple thing to do. I think being alone makes people self consciousness a lot.
this is a nice idea but last time I ate alone at a cafe their were like three waiters vying for my business and every seat in the place was taken
Weirdo lol!
What a triumph to overcome the fear of being alone... besides when you eat alone you get to eat ALL the bread 🥖
BREEEEEEEEEEEEAD
Unfortunately, I eat all the bread even with company..😄
Is being alone an issue with you?
That's interesting!
I was alone most of my life and it doesn't really bothers me.
It actually gives me a lot of freedom.
One thing that I had to let go though, was the need to share an incredible experience with someone who isn't there to "proof how much fun I can be"
Now I don't mind, if I am alone, with one or many friends. I think I had more issues tbh, but can't remember atm ^^
What makes it hard for you to be alone?
I've been single for years, and avoided eating in a restaurant with a waitstaff. I finally overcome the fear because I really wanted Italian. Than I realized... I can eat the entire basket of bread! I didn't have to give my date the majority of the basket to be polite. I enjoyed every bite. My waitress was very polite and I flipped through a magazine as I waited for my meal. Finally getting brave enough to eat at the counter.
yeah let's get this bread!
People who think they are being judged all the time could have social anxiety disorder. It's also known as The Spotlight Effect where you think all eyes are on you but it's only in the persons mind.
I think that’s me, but every time I turned around some people were actually looking at me.
Don't worry. A lot of people suffer from social anxiety. I suffer from social anxiety all my life but I learned it's also a gift because people who have major anxiety can read people well because they are always analyzing their surroundings.
most of the time it's not just in the mind. it's actually the case when you think all eyes on you, it really it is.
the worst part about the disorder is the rare chance that it actually happens. When you get that confirmation, everything feels like its falling apart.
@@lightsoff9008 I have social anxiety. I tend to feel that way too. But mostly people aren't really looking at you, they're just looking past you. There is only so many direction people can look, specially indoors, so it's not common to see someone looking your way. Doesn't mean they're looking at you.
It's also not uncommon that we actually cause others to look at us when we look at them. Your head turning in their direction might be the exact reason why those people turned to look at you too.
Nothing wrong with eating alone. It shows that you love yourself
Love this channel, but this intro is a little extreme
@Goromi goreng shut up
@CrimsonAssailant nothing wrong with being lonely
It can also show you hate yourself, to go as far as to purposely embarrass yourself in public.
Shows that I'm hungry.
The whole idea that you should always eat with others is just plain stupid. It's just a stupid unwritten rule. I get along perfectly with colleagues, but I always eat alone because I like to get a moment for myself.
Preach
That's what Mr blonde would say but wat about mr pink?
Also, it's easier to eat. With other people around, I can barely get food in my mouth.
Hes talking to a different audience. People who want to at least eat with someone since they dont do any activities with anyone. Its involuntary loneliness. Its hardly a choice. But yes even though ive have struggled getting friends recently I rather eat alone sometimes because there are things only I like doing. I feel like if anyone had the perfect partner theyd usually like eatting with them
But I always eat by myself in cafes and restaurants.
@@terry2play8ball oof over time I just started being anxious, anxious of whether or not I'll mess up my interactions with the people I'm with, whether or not they'll judge or that I'll do something wrong and other things like that. I actually find it quite peaceful to be eating in a nice restaurant by yourself. Plus it could be one of the ways I care for myself.
and?
@@terry2play8ball awww thank youu
I have never had an issue going to the cinema or eating at a fast food place by myself. But for some reason, restaurants like Chilli's, Olive Garden and the like give me the creepers. I think now that I'm familiar with the "bar" area I'm more willing to do it. It just feels awkward to me in the common area though. Don't know why.
Same, I didnt know people have problems with eating alone. Your money, your business. These people doesnt even know who you are when you step in and step out haha just get in order some food and eat your damn yummy fooooddd
I’m no social outcast, I do go to social gatherings with family and friends when the occasion arises, but I also very much treasure my time alone. I’ve always enjoyed eating outside alone, goint to the cinemas alone, and even shopping on my own. Never crossed my mind that I could come across as pitiable, quite the opposite. I rather think that others who may have spared me some thought would think that I’m independent in some ways, and is brave and confident enough in my own skin to do these things alone.
But I’ve also since learned from your videos to not worry too much about what other people think, since they too most likely, if not definitely, have their own issues to think about and deal with rather than agonizing over why I, who may be a complete stranger, would be eating in a family restaurant on my own. This has been one of my most favorite takeaways from your videos, I do feel like I’ve been thinking about it at the back of my mind for quite a while, but hearing you vocalize and assert this in several of your videos has definitely made a huge difference. Basically, thank you for existing 💕
I live in a small town in australia, so if I eat out it is at a pub usually alone, where people tend to mostly only drink and gamble, the pity goes both ways but in entirely different directions, I am also long term single so if I eat with a couple the pity goes at least three ways and in even more confusing and sometimes distressing(actually wait no all too often) distressing or awkward in all and entirely different directions
I really don’t know why people hate eating alone, or going to the cinema alone, i see it as being mature and not needing someone else to do things
slorr55 it’s absolutely mature and also good spending time with yourself, but someone who thinks of themselves as lonely or unwanted and such things just sees this scenario as confirmation for their feelings and may be afraid others will see their flaws too because they seem so obvious in that moment (not having friends, being a weirdo and outcast etc)
Cookie Cake yea that is true, but still it is something you can grow out of through maturity and knowing your self worth and self love
slorr55 i totally agree but even tho it’s possible many people feel that way for years cuz it’s not easy of course
slorr55 especially without having the confirmation of ur self love and -worth, I feel like our generation lacks part of that or it just seems to me that way and it’s always a part of every generation idk
For me it's just that I would feel alone
I was kicked out of a restaurant in Barcelona on my birthday for ordering a table for one. Their excuse: "We dont serve sad people". I enjoy eating alone but its sad that others dont get it. I fail to see any problem in it.
Aiga K Jumping Jacks and Janes who’re not only likely to be amped up on dopamine and oxytocin, but also taught to think in a collectivist fashion. Let them wallow in their quiet desperation.
Great restaurant.. I'm sure you wrote a lovely review.
Can you tell me the name of the restaurant? I just wanna talk, I swear.
Thats so fucked up
That is so rude... what restaurant is that?
I gained quite some weight during the first year of college just because I didn't want to go to eat in a normal restaurant and was instead always eating in the same self-service one. Today, I have no problem eating alone but I had to force myself out of my comfort zone during college to learn how to stand up for myself (even if it is against myself) :)
Same except I lost weight.
Happy to hear that you managed to force yourself a bit and grow on that experience. But wouldn't it have been easier to just cook at home?
Why don't you just fucking cook?
I was abandoned by all my friends in 8th grade. It was not enjoyable at all, but I did get to enjoy being alone - what a gift! I look at people I graduated with now, and feel the enjoyment of being able to think and love greatly!
“Been there, done that...”
When my brother and I were kids we would look for seniors eating alone, and try to entertain them by keeping them company...
💓
That is so sweet.
That's very nice. Just a small thing like that could brighten someone's day and keep them thinking about how someone was nice to them by just talking to them.
That’s sweet of you.
❤. I'm senior now. Young people don't realize it but as adults we master our situations eventually. I'm 100% ok dining solo. Beautiful people are everywhere. We are a society. I pray often for the new generations. The struggles of life are mostly on the hills going up.
I don't give 2 shits what other people think of me, If I want to go out to eat in a restaurant alone, I go do it.
^this
same here, I have no problem eating alone, but I am bothered by the fact that I am alone all the time, not just one business trip occasion, and have no real friends.
___ same
I have a lot of issues, this ain't one of them, i had no idea, that there are people with this problem.
Hear, hear!
I eat alone in public often and I don't care how people look at me. Like the video pointed out, it's a great moment of calm and insight, and I enjoy spectating the couples or friends who dine together next to me. Heck, I even go to the cinema by myself quite often and some people consider that even worse. But I don't; it's a way to treat myself something nice, without having to consider someone else's opinion on the movie or their experience etc. I smile when I find someone else like me, sitting alone eating at a restaurant or who goes to see a movie by themselves.
I'm a single and alone person who studies abroad, and I can definitely relate to this video..
Meeeee tooo!
Same :""")
Same 🌼
Good news... I'm in restaurant and I'm enjoying my solo dinner ♥️🌼
@@beingproductive890 I'm so glad to know that. Please smile ^__^ and be thankful. The best thing about being alone is that you can always have hopes and dreams about brighter future. < 3
I just assumed this is normal. I don't need to look at peoples chewed food while we're ruining the flow of eating for a half assed conversation
No social skills... There is no half assed conversations whrn eating XD eating is when you can have healthy converstations
@@supergalidator You unarmed me with your swift argumentation skills. Yes! No! WOT :O ? Get on my social Skrillex level
in my school, the 6 year lunches are so noisy and they act super gross while eating.
I have no problems with eating alone in public. It's our right to enjoy a meal with or without company.
I learn to eat alone in a restaurant, mainly because I don’t have a lot of friends, and the ones I have don’t necessarily like what I like.
So I started to go to restaurant alone, and to this day, I feel weird doing it. I like to take my time and enjoy the meal, but do feel self conscious when the couple in the table beside me just stares for a good minute, or the staff comes 27 times to ask if my meal is ok.
I try to brush it off and do my thing, and the thing that was harder for me to do alone, is going to the cinema, but once I understood no one was paying attention to me, I was able to enjoy the movie.
I'm in the same boat
I think we should become friends! Coz same!
I like eating, shopping, sometimes traveling and watching cinemas alone. It relaxes me and gives me rein to do and choose what I really like without any compromise . This also gives me a lot of chance to meet different people and make some friends since I don't have problems talking to strangers.
Please know that Life is difficult but still beautiful, some of us just need a little push to overcome their social anxiety. If not, I hope you can still ask for help with your loved ones and/or professionals.
Being alone makes you more observant of your surrounding.
Once in a while i go eat out by myself because thats how i felt at the moment and to me honest, its kinda peaceful sometime....
>>**There is something i like about entering a crowded place (where 60 or 70 poeples constanly talk and laugh, and eat and plates noises,forks ) it kinda slow down after a few minutes and then its like a "beehive" buzzing !
Time seem to slow down just a little and then the Action start! A huge Tomahawk Steak with oignons,mushroom,mashed potatoes and a Cold Pitcher of Beer watching the game,reading the newspaper .
My brain is in optimisation mode,installing updates,troubleshooting,scheduling and saving all changes....
Dépend where you are lolll
Eating alone especially in a cafe or restaurant makes you experience things you've never experienced before you see how the world is different, how people act, and how the life moves on it is so cool tbh
I cannot describe how much I admire Mr Alain de Botton’s eloquency! I mean, I know every single word he says in his videos but why on Earth can’t I organise them in a beautiful and elegant flow as he does?!) I admire you so much, Mr de Batton! Keep doing your work and I will keep admiring it every time I watch your videos😍👌🏻
Interesting idea. I've solved this problem by using the concept of voluntary discomfort. I deliberately put myself in uncomfortable situations on a regular basis, pretty much every day and I bear the burden of it. It makes me strong and independent when I can overcome myself like this. For instance juggling with a clown nose on in a public train. If you seek to feel good all the time, that itself will make you feel bad. Learn to desensitize yourself to your own negative emotions.
dochmbi that's great!
I do that do ^^
You don't happen to be from Germany?
Good point
Probably one reason those Mukbang eating videos are so popular.
Someone to eat with.
Eat alone at a restaurant playing a mukbang video on your phone for extra awkwardness.
You may be interested in this......
www.theguardian.com/food/shortcuts/2018/nov/05/mukbang-is-loneliness-behind-the-craze-for-watching-other-people-eating#comment-122208685
Try to make it a little less awkward by -lying- announcing to everyone in the restaurant really loudly you're Skyping and emphasize *I ACTUALLY HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS. IT'S TRUE* ;D
Or the hodgetwins
This is something I grew to live as I got older. I'm a 33 year old woman and I tried one day to make a three day mini staycation. I was always tiered of relying on others to go see a movie or museum so I vowed to take myself out. First day I went to a botanical Garden all day and had high tea all alone. Second day I went to the beach and made myself a picnic and enjoy a whole bottle of wine. 😳 third day I went shopping and than to a movie.
It has changed my outlook on life completely. I don't need my friends or my husband to have a good time. I have me!!!
Enjoy you. My next goal is to take a solo trip. 😍😊
I always go out to restaurants and eat by myself. If you can’t enjoy your own company, how could you enjoy anyone else’s
I've been dining out, travelling, going to concerts and movies alone all of my life. I'm introverted and I prefer my own company. However, there are countries where it ranges from socially awkward to forbidden for women to do any or all of these things alone in public. Weird, restrictive world we live in.
I’d rather be my own company than be over-encumbered by others. The idea that human beings are by default social creatures is only true if one is amped up on dopamine and oxytocin.
Being alone grants one full independence over their schedule and the pace at which they go about things. As long as one doesn’t seek themselves outside themselves, solitude can beget genuine self-actualization.
Folks may mock you for being wayward, but the joke’s on them: they ought to be mocked for being uniform jumping jacks and janes. Individuality is far more rewarding and human than conformity.
I've been eating alone in public for about .. uuhh .. 3 years ? Been living by myself since 17 , now i'm 20 . And yes some people would look at me and whisper " yeah he's defenitely a loner " well i could care less , i'm enjoying my meal here not to hear some judgemental people
Also i never had a SO since forever , so being alone is totally okay .. ish for me
Do people really say that around you or do you just think they might be saying that? That's pretty pathetic of them tbh. If you can't eat a meal alone without worrying about how you're perceived or thinking you're a loner then I pity you. (not literally you)
@@DabsOnDabs i can hear them , even with my problem with hearing ( i have tiny earlobes for a 6'0 guy ) . Is ok man , i tend to ignore these people . Its not very surprising since i've dealt with this since forever .
@@raydranorae144 I feel you bro 😌 I'm with you let's be friends
Agreed!
Just to be pedantic .... the phrase is "I couldn't care less".
Don't listen to the haters :)
Hmm. I suppose this holds for neurotics. I'm a shy person, but I'll sit and eat alone without any problem, doubt, or fear.
Being uncomfortable isn't a neurosis.
@@KimberlyLetsGo
I think they mean people who have higher levels of neuroticism in their personality (i.e., turbulent personalities), which isn't a bad thing per se. Not neuroses as in a mild mental illness
@@KimberlyLetsGo Why would it be uncomfortable to eat alone unless one was worried about things that either don't exist, or shouldn't matter? That was what I meant by neurotic.
I don't understand this. I eat alone in public all the time, especially in fancy restaurants
Dijana Diana next time hmu we go together
I think perspective on life and people is one the most important things to have/experience.
This is in my opinion not just about the case where there is nobody around to have dinner with, for example.
I sometimes grow tired of the apparent obligation to have people around you to have a good time. In our culture, undertaking stuff by yourself is imo seen as lonely and sad. That's kind of twisted. If you are fine with being on your own, then who is to judge?
I don't shy away from eating alone or going to the movies by myself. So should more people, I think.
Dude I had an amazing childhood and yet I constantly feel judged by people even so
Am I the only person who does this routinely?
Erron Black no I do this as well
Nope your not alone
This is something I actually really enjoy doing now. I treat myself, much in the same way I would treat a significant other. I've turned it into an act of self love, instead of focusing on the fact that I'm alone. It helped me come to terms with trash tier self confidence and raging anxiety.
I read several comments essentially saying that they didn’t relate, but personally this is so relevant. I went through a really horrible experience that left me feeling detached from society and like a constant target for judgment. Forget eating alone, I didn’t want to be seen. Just the thought of people looking at me or thinking about me gave me intense anxiety. I wish I had seen this video when I was seriously struggling to continue living. It’s so important to remember that you have survived everything up until this moment, and you will continue to survive whatever life throws at you.
What's the big deal? I love eating alone and going to movies alone. I don't feel anyone looking at me or judging me.
Then again, I also have no problem admitting I'm pathetic. But hey, it's liberating, being able to do things without waiting for others to want to go with you. I feel like I'm always waiting for people, and letting myself go my own way is so refreshing.
I was deeply touched seeing Egon Schiele drawings. Fits soo well in the context. And hit my button soo well because I love his work and also I kinda feel lonely at the moment as well. Thank you Alain !
I’m glad someone’s addressing this, I now have a excuse to feel embarrassed eating at a restaurant by myself
A lot of people will eat alone at a restaurant, they usually do it at the bar though.
Thank you for your kindness in comforting those of us who sometimes eat alone.
Ironically , I prefer to eat alone ... I can chew my bones and be messy 😂
LOL
That's a different type of alone than the video's subject matter.
Same
@@terry2play8ball loool come on, I can't be dainty all the time 😂
In the past two years since I known about this channel I always find comfort and knowledge that I need in these videos. You've helped me so much in my life.
This week I have decided to spice up my life by joining a new tango group. My head has been roaming in thoughs whole week that I am not accepted and that everyone is avoiding and mocking me (I don't have an accual reason to think that), I almost quit. But thanks to this video I am not going to give up, I will enjoy the classes and wait for my time to fit in.
Eating alone in public places is something I'm very used to. I get some looks here and there, it used to be fine but I reached a point where I couldn't endure it. When in a resturant, I'd hear all the different chatters mixing up and it's like they all suffocate me. I usually end up choking up or unable to continue eating because of the drowning feeling, anxiety shoots up. It isn't a pleasant experience
I feel you. I used to have a very similar experience for over 10 years. In my case it was only when I was with someone. Even if I was hungry, my throat tightened up and blocked all the foods. I could only eat alone at home or places where I go very often. As I got older, these symptoms disappeared for some reason and I was able to go to most restaurants with or without company.
But my problem now is that eating alone in public is becoming harder for me. I know for a fact that people don't care and I shouldn't care either, but that doesn't really stop the anxiety. I used to be good at being a loner. Strange.
I love eating alone because I can think about whatever I want instead of what to reply to my friend, I don’t know how most people hate it, it’s amazing!
People are very judgmental and may judge the person eating by themselves as a loner.
Then the answer is to learn to stand in the fire of judgement. You can't live your life fearing what others think. Deliberately put yourself in situations that expose you to criticism then take the criticism punches directly to the face.
That's true, the only way to overcome those kind of stares is to not mind them and enjoy our alone time. Life is short and time is precious, spending it to ignorant strangers is just a waste of emotions and only produce negative effects in our mental state.
Who cares ? :)
If they think you're a loner they should come up and try to talk to you. If they won't do that they're in no position to judge you and certainly they're not worth worrying about
@@dochmbi But also be receptive to constructive criticism
I started eating alone at restaurants 2 years ago. There is absolutely no reason to be ashamed because noone else at restaurant actually cares!
"Challenge" is such a weird way of writing pleasure
Although I have time for the School of Life's gentle take on these small sort of problems, I feel the emphasis on them is almost nostalgic in the brutal world in which many of us live. The politics of populism and nationalism and racism is on the ascendant. There are mass shootings every week. The other day a man in Syria commented on the same video I was watching and I limply offered him my empathy. I work in mental health and every second patient I see has been the victim of brutal violence, often as children. From this perspective, eating alone in a restaurant is a joy to me.
We understand but firmly maintain that the presence of big problems does not cancel out our need to think also of little problems: little problems are, after all, usually merely local instances of dynamics that then recur at a mass scale. What lies beneath this video is a discussion of shame; that is what is at stake.
Omg this was actually a challenge I put for myself when I turned 25 last month. This is the biggest hurdle for me because I deal with crippling anxiety so I hope I get the steps to where I get to dine alone and enjoy it :)
Alain de Botton's voice is like a lullaby, calmly describing to you what makes you neurotic yet reassuring you that you are perfectly human. Oh, how grateful I am for The School of Life!!!
I’m 51 and still struggle with those feelings of inadequacy you describe when I eat alone. I’ve gotten better but that demon has pursued me all my life.
I love this channel. No matter how bad I’m feeling this channel always provides with a sense of comfort. Thank you School of Life ❤️❤️❤️sending love!
What? Never had a problem with this. I eat alone all the time - I eat with friends too, but I look forward to eating by myself as a treat.I had no idea that this could be a problem for others
When I eat alone, the service I get is immaculate. You have a whole restaurant filled with great servers catering to u. It's BOSS!
I guess I'm just so used to being alone that I just don't care anymore. I no loner feel embarrassed or anything else as a matter of fact, and maybe it's better that way.
Ive eaten alone and travel alone as well. I go to movies alone too. When I eat I usually bring a book or read a book in my phone . I’ve never thought of this as odd at all or have been uncomfortable.
There is a whole series of solo gourmand tales in Japan, titled "Lonesome Gourmand (孤独のグルメ)" in Japan pertinent to the points you are making here.
I often enjoy eating alone. A very peaceful way to spend time.
The secret to eating alone:
Fact is, most people don't give a damn, they are far too busy thinking about themselves than you
I heartily enjoy eating alone. In fact, I often linger over my drink with a good book. I’m my own best friend! 😁
I eat alone all the time. Honestly, gives me time to think and have time to organize my mental state for the rest of the day
This is what I've felt like for a very long time due to my social anxiety making me go through much of life alone. So, this is not just an "eating alone" thing for me. But it's good to be able to pinpoint the psychological impacts of being so alone as recently I've been trying to combat my social anxiety and form relationships with people no matter how much of an unlovable outcast I may feel. I always find The School of Life has such words of wisdom to share.
i always eat alone, and i enjoy it, i can sit, and eat with comfortable, no chit chat, a question in front of food.
I used to eat with my friends in the canteen during Junior High but by the time I got to Senior High, I started eating alone in fast food/restaurants, either before I go to class or after class, I know a lot of you by now are familiar with the school environment with lots of students eating together so while I sometimes enjoy my alone time, I get suddenly conscious whenever people look at me while I'm eating, I don't pity myself for being lonely all the time because I love solitude but I get super conscious when people look at me for it. My home was a 1hr trip from school so you'd realize the comfort I have of travelling to school and to home alone, it makes me comfortable 😃 It's not the fact that I'm alone eating that is the problem, it's the fact that people make it a problem to be alone
I actually like eating in public by myself. What I do struggle with is sitting down and eating alone at home. I always watch something while eating because otherwise, I would feel strange.
Same tbh. It's akward at home.because it's so silent and just so weird to me :)
Born under the Chinese one-child policy, I would say the sense of loneliness is definitely the Keyword for my childhood. The images of the little “me” being alone at home when my parents were both out for work, are still intensely vivid in my memory. So I once tried very hard to escape the loneliness, and ended up with turning myself into a people-pleaser, who desperately seek for someone else’s approval. But as I grow older and older, I gradually realize that the ability of living in the harmony with loneliness is actually a merit. Now I enjoy the moments of being alone more and more, because it forces me to confront the real “me” and take actions to change if I’m not satisfied with my current state. After all, some paths in life have to be taken by ourselves, and no one in this world, could understand you completely.
Interesting, I do suffer from anxiety and (luckily right now "only") dysthymia yet I've never had troubles eating alone. I never even knew this was a thing until my friend mentioned she feels awkward eating alone. My dad is chef in local restaurant so I've been eating there alone and "for free" (he pays just for the ingredients) since childhood. Never thought anything weird about it. Seen many people doing the same. But for some unexplainable reason other people do feel weird. Just like going alone to the cinema. I'm watching a movie! We don't talk anyway! Why is it weird to go alone then? And if you talk in cinema I'm never going with you again. So what's the deal?!
It's not like I've never felt lonely. I used to feel that all the time, especially during the darker years. Self-conscious too. Found solace only last year and been living almost hikikomori life past 6 months but I feel less lonely than ever before.
I have a lot of issues, but thankfully this is not one of them. I do know people who just refuse to eat alone in public, but I never understood why. Now I get it.
I enjoy my own company more than anyone else’s. I just went out and ate alone because I wanted to try this new place. Unfortunately, I was met with awkward gazes, especially from other females lmfao. If you’re going to stare, at least pay me for keeping you entertained 😂✌️
As depressed and out of my mind as I am, going to dinner and then a movie by myself is one of my favorite things 🙃
I've never had trouble being alone. Eat out, go to movies, etc, alone. Often prefer it.
I enjoy eating out alone. Especially sitting alone with a book or writing in a diary while munching on chips or something. Or relishing a salad at a window table while observing people outside. It's lovely.
#JosephHeller-"Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean, no one's out to get you"🤙🏻
I get anxious in other social situations but eating alone is not one of them. Of course I really enjoy eating good food so I'm not thinking about my solo dining as a wasted opportunity or that I'm a "loser". I am completely invested in my dining experience. Plus sometimes it's nice to be alone in a crowded room you get to be quiet and let the chatter wash over you while you people watch. I find it to be a very unique experience that I appreciate.
" Brace yourself darling" should short it.
Yup learn to take the pain voluntarily
Sipping coffee alone while watching this video... and also a group of kids hanging out in the next table, loudly talking having fun... While I'm enjoying my coffee and solidarity... I'd pat myself on my back for being confident enough to get here!!
I look at eating alone as a time for solitude, or getting to know the wait staff at my favorite restaurants. Only time I'm self conscious about eating alone is if I accidentally go to a nice restaurant and I look like shit.
Crestent agree👍
Aside from learning to enjoy eating alone, I've gotten to the habit of going to concerts and travelling abroad alone. At first it was really difficult, but like everything in life, you get good at it, and learn how to enjoy yourself, what you need to do and what not to do in order to guarantee yourself a good time :) I've been travelling solo for the past 3 years and it started off being a very scary, uneasy venture. Now I look forward to solo travelling. I see it as liberating, having a whole country to yourself, able to do what you feel like, going where you want :)
Eating by myself would affect me if I'm feeling lonely. If I'm not feeling lonely, I just care about the food I'll eat LOL
What uncanny insight you have, and how comforting it is to know that I am not the only one to have had these feelings. Thank you for that, and for the beautifully atmospheric and evocative animation. Carrying a book gave purpose to my solitude, but now people who eat over cellphones just look pathetic.
I prefer eating alone, when I'm eating with someone I have to talk to them, then 10mins later, I look down and my plate is empty, and I forget eating the meal. Don't you just hate that feeling lol
For about 2 years now, I have been a) a young person, and b) someone who travels alone generally.
I adore it. I adore the self reflection that this period of eating alone or walking alone allows. I turned 20 this year. I'm always excited to go to a foreign country on my own, and experience something just for myself. Eating alone is often awkward, but its not un-important or dull, and I'm glad I'm given those periods of self reflection. I think very few people can be comfortable in their own company. I can, and do.
No one cares if you eat alone. No one even notices. How is this a problem? I find it enjoyable to eat (and do many things) alone. Often, we can be more social if we are not attached to another person in company. I see no reason why eating alone is perceived as being a bad thing. School of Life really puts some cuckoo ideas out there.
I LOVE eating alone, there's a lot of freedom that you can get, like I can order whatever I want, eat with whatever the way I want to eat, and you can get all the bread. Also, I can deeply savory each bite that I take without getting disturbed and I love watching the scenery from restaurant's window in silent
This happens to me all the time.
It is not too embarrassing but bad none the less
I enjoy eating out alone, especially when I am in a strange, foreign place. Especially when the people talk in a way I don't understand.
I watch the people who are enjoying each others company as if they are a tv show. Not staring, but kindly studying their behaviour, trying to figure out their relationships and life choices.
I fantasize some story about how they got here and why, who they are seeing and what they are running from, and what they'll find when they're going back home.
Sometimes someone notices me and give me a warm smile, as if they know exactly what I am doing.
This just amazing. 😊
I sincerely hope after this video, more people will learn to enjoy the beautiful act of eating out, alone.
It is different if you have extreme social anxiety and going continually eating alone in the same area over and over where everybody knows you vs no one knows you.
@@Elwen-xs7gr I bet.
💥Powerful & lovely message✨
I used to be so nervous about eating alone, now I LOVE it. I'm naturally an introvert and would rather listen and observe than talk, so it's actually perfect for me. And it's not as weird or uncommon as people think - no restaurant server has ever been shocked when I say "table for one, please" :)
Strange. I've always felt a kind of specialness for eating alone in places.
This is a great video! I am an only child and don't mind being alone. But eating out in public alone is unique in terms of feeling isolated and on the spot. I enjoy eating out and having good food so I was able to pretty quickly get over this hurdle, but it is surprisingly intense the first few times. Bringing a book, tablet, notebook, or some other prop really helps.
I’m watching this as I just order a sunny side burger with sweet potato fries all by myself while everyone else around who give a rats ass if I eat alone haha.
#introvertftw
Honestly I’ve spent this entire year being alone. Isolating myself to learn about myself and other people. I don’t feel at any point “accomplished” but I do feel like at this point am beginning to become my own person. My biggest helps on UA-cam were Jordan Peterson, The School Of Life, YourMateTom, PsychedSubstance, and WiseCrack.
I don’t mind eating alone.
This is very timely for me. I just try to comfort myself by telling myself that I'm too insignificant and unimportant for others for them to mock my temporary solitariness.
i'm very attractive and don't feel this way. Yet instead of eating alone in confidence, I almost always feel watched as if an attractive man shouldn't be alone. As soon as i walk in an establishment eyes are on me. the same way "ugly" people feel judged, an attractive man, as myself, feels even more scrutinized for being alone. attractiveness /= a feeling of acceptance. instagram is @yunfajita
Are you joking or are you actually this irritating and arrogant?
@@Fluttershy763 exactly what i was wondering
Lol no you can't, I will believe he is attractive any day of the week instead of you. @Sara Mahmood
@Sara Mahmood yes I may assume how you look like. Based on that you shouldnt empathize with that story. Peace. ✌
Lol who says I have to do what the video teaches? xD Stop spreading your ugliness man. C ya! ;) @Sara Mahmood
So true. One good way to lean this is by going on solo travels. I really appreciate traveling on my own and enjoying my time everywhere I go, sometimes with people I find, but many times on my own. Eating outside used to be a big deal for me, but today I dare to even enter bars and have a drink on my own.
I can eat alone, but I do have trouble performing this task in public, especially around loud people. I am constantly worried that someone is making fun of me or something of the sort. Perhaps this fear has come from or at least been encouraged from past times when I was alone and people started making fun of me and bullying (of course this happened when I wasnt alone either). But most of the time I would agree that the fear is irrational. It is social anxiety, and it is all inmy head. I need to follow the advice here and get better at showing self confidence, and then i could perhaps sit down with a random friendly looking group and make some friends. Thanks for this video!
Hachiman doesn't mind