❤❤❤ Love you from India 🇮🇳 I was very eager to watch this video from a couple of months but did not saw it full. I am a Muslim and I am constantly suffering from Religious Trauma and OCD, but now I am going to heal 👍 @ 14 Feb 2024 # 1:02 AM
best wishes and my heart goes out to you, i got out of an extreme Catholic family and it’s the biggest trauma of my life, similar to going to jail or prison because it’s spiritual, emotional and mental (even sexual) prison.
Been out of church for several years now, and to this day I still feel guilty for having any sort of wants or desires.. Anytime I have a personal goal in mind, I always subconsciously convince myself of why I don't deserve anything that God hasn't "already provided me" and will often end up self-sabotaging. I'm thankful for many aspects of my religious upbringing, it wasn't all bad. But boy is there a lot of accumulated pain to work through.
There is nothing wrong with a goal. That is ludicrous to say religion would keep you from your goals. It is moronic. Knowing right from wrong yes., goals no.
@paulagrant1073 I think you missed the point... It's not always a DIRECT cause, but religious entities often have a way of instilling a sense of shame & guilt into people who may want to strive for more in life. It can be seen as vain, selfish, or worldly for a Christian to desire more money, a nicer house, etc. This can therefore indirectly lead a person to self-sabotage when striving for goals, because of that internalized sense of "I don't deserve this"
You know one of the worst things about growing up in religion is asking a question about something important in life and getting told to pray about it. That's useless information that's not helpful.
@@thumper84That’s a religious misbelief. It has nothing to do with age. Did Jesus go to the sick and told them do pray about it? No he didn’t, he took action. It’s like going to a homeless person and telling them to get a job. So vile and cruel, it has nothing to do with being a person of faith.
Religion is such an oppressive psychological tool .... it's no wonder that many of us completely struggle with self worth, motivation, being confident in life .... I do work in a field that I totally love what I do ... that helps alot .... but working for myself has it's own set of issues that I struggle with daily .... Even after years of almost militant non belief , living in a mostly religious society is difficult ....
When I was a teen, someone genuinely asked what interests me. I couldn’t answer the question and made up an answer that left the person speechless. Religious dogma diminishes your sense of self making the presence of self feel foreign. On a side note- One time when I was a young child my father thought ballet was of satan and physically abused me because it was “immodest” to this day, I always hold myself back when I want to peruse something that I like. (Believe yourself) is key to grasp your sense of self and form your own identity after religious trauma
This is so true. I experienced the same. It caused me a lot of pain, stress, and lost time. Sorry you had to go through this. I know how damaging it can be.
These are such helpful things to think about. I was raised by hardcore fundamentalists and they primed me to be motivated by fear rather than seeking opportunity.
I realized that even as a follower of God, I was trained to listen to my elders over God. As if their will always aligned with theirs. Like maybe I felt called to go on a mission trip but my family said no, there will be boys there and made a big deal out of it not being moral. I wasn’t listening to God I was afraid of backlash.
I’m struggling because I feel what’s the point in anything if the world is gonna end soon. Just fear and anxiety is what I feel I keep getting drunk and high to cope
Totally understand, I felt like this a lot too for the first few years after I left. Then I realized that the world ending was just a lie they made up to control us, and they created a false narrative and only gave us information to support the lie. The world will continue as it has always done, and I hope you are able to find some peace.🙏🏼
Angel, I've already gotten a lot out of your videos. But this one hit right in my core. I've tried asking myself these questions and I genuinely don't know what I want, they've become buried so deeply. But your story makes me want to keep asking, keep pushing, keep learning. Losing my faith was extremely destabilizing, but also immensely freeing. And as scary as freedom can be, I'm grateful for it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Well said! This brings up a lot of feelings and thoughts. I have so much to say about this topic. I've struggled with this for years. It wasn't until recently that I allowed my inner voice to lead the way. I grew up in church, went to bible study, read the bible almost daily, and prayed morning and night, basically living out the bible. I thought if I didn't do the work of God (be like Jesus to the world), something terrible would happen. I had to honor thy father and mother. In my household, this was used as a scare tactic. I abandoned what I had imagined my future to be in order to pursue what was laid out for me. I lived out this life not for me but for the pride of my family. I was miserable. It didn't make sense to me because I grew up believing that God would make everything work out and fall into place. I made the brave decision to leave my profession, and it feels like a load has lifted. My journey continues and I'm so happy to come across your channel. Be well! :)
oh we're celebrating with you! every time someone courageously chooses to honour what they feel and step away from what doesn't feel good, I believe we all benefit!
I don’t really have the energy recently to articulate all I’m thinking but I do just want to say that this video made me tear up at the end and I appreciate you sharing from your personal experience. I’ve watched a couple other videos from you and I’m happy to have found your channel. (There is also a little negative voice in my head telling me that I don’t actually need to leave a comment like this, but because of this video I think I’m going to anyway. Especially because I do want you to know I appreciate you)
Well done making it through that pesky voice!! You are absolutely welcome to comment on literally all the videos. Talk louder than that voice in your head that is telling you you don't matter, that voice doesn't belong to you! Thank you for this comment!
@@AngelDeSantis oh I'm so glad to be reading this commend today! I was worrying that all my (long) comments were causing you to feel overwhelmed/ burdened/ anxious/stressed. and yet something in me WANTED to let my thoughts flow, and to use this space like a 12-step group where I can share fully where I'm at, without judgement. to the voice that says I'm taking up 'too much' space, I respond that people (including you) can read or not read what I write. I'm writing primarily for me, and if someone can take something from my words -great, and if not, that's fine too, b/c always I move myself in my writing, especially when I write 'out loud' with the potential to be seen by others.
I was a Hindu. Some Pentecostal church manipulated me to become a Christian and now they're trying to control my life. They always tell me what to do and what not to. They even tell me to leave my job (I'm a full time PhD researcher) in a foreign land. They tell me to not date any girl but pray to Jesus so he'll get me someone. Pray, pray and just pray. They're so judgemental and ask for money for some events most of the time. I feel no connection with them. They even ask me to stop all contacts with my close friends and parents if they don't accept Jesus.
Don’t listen to that legalistic stuff. I was Pentecostal and left years ago but I’m still little messed up. I don’t even go to church because of what I believe now. My advice is to run away and find something you’re comfortable be around. You only need Jesus not a bunch of rules from a church.
You own your life - no one else does. Life itself is part of and common to us all and for me is the only true spirit (which simply means ‘breath’) and when I breathe well, I feel, hear and think well and I will of course feel the pain of the lies and bullying of those who wanted to indoctrinate me because they were afraid of their own freedom to feel hear think and take authentic rather than robotic, deadening and often dominant as distinct from collaborative and truly humane and loving action. All respect to you - pursuit of a PhD in a subject meaningful to you will be a true gift to the world. Have courage - Angel is talking total sense. I am a woman who has taken decades to rid myself of the damage of RTS - and am still doing so. Life is truly good and sweet and right and kind when one untangles onself from any person or credo that wants to crush and control. All good breathing and playful learning to you.
Angel, timing is everything!!! Thank you so much for this video session. You are speaking my mind, my heart and my spirit. I had been in battle with myself as far back as I can remember. You set these "goals" of what you want to do, and no matter how you prepare, set up, and purchase what you need, the follow-through drifts away from you replaced by straight-up brainwashing of how you can't and how you are not good enough and blah-blah-blah. You move into a comparison phase which makes your every attempt worse as it swallows your uniqueness, your talents and gifts. It's like you can see yourself accomplishing what you want on the other side of an invisible wall that puts it out of reach. I have accomplished many things in my life and that happened when I took the imbedded religion out of the picture. It was at these times I learned and felt who I really am, my creativity, my power!! Although it has been a long time since I have dealt with religion and the tentacles that come with it, the remnants pop up every now and then but I quickly put them to rest, because I know better. Thank you again and again, you are speaking to me for sure. All the best!!!!💕
I grew up in a pentecostal cult, they totally eradicated my critical thinking skills. They called it “being humble and obedient to God” I’m 50 and still struggle with this.
I am dealing with the after effects of leaving a cult JWs. Why cant I make decisions and I am just learning how to make decisions. This is helpful and its painful.
Same here. Spent 35 years as a JW and didn't realize that my personal boundaries are blurred. I still over share. I'm angry and resentful. I'm working on it.
I wasn't brought up in a cult but spent a few years in one in my 20's it really messed with my head. I'm trying to keep God in my life but from a new age perspective. I'm constantly finding I'm apologising to him for meditating with my crystals or reading my tarot/Oracle cards. I explain myself to him that I just need to be me but I'm really worried he'll punish me or that I'll go to hell for these things and the fact that I'm living with my boyfriend. I also no longer find the bible comforting as its full of judgement and talk about sin. Some days If I could just walk away from God I would but that feels impossible. I feel that I would miss him if I did.
You're allowed to walk away from something that is punishing and oppressive. Your idea of God as someone who hates you will contribute to the oppression continuing throughout your life. You don't owe god any explanations or apologies for the things you enjoy, but it sounds like they set up your mind to stay in captivity by creating so much fear around the version of god that they gave you. I hope that you know you aren't living life wrong. You only get one life and I encourage you to enjoy it. Remember, people who claim to know the mind of god are wrong, so you don't need to keep that voice in your head going. It is not god's voice, it's from people who needed you to be oppressed. You are allowed to free yourself from it.
Yes you are right I was fed a God of judgement and fear. But I'm beginning to realise that now and your videos are really helpful. I'm beginning to study other spiritualities. I'm hoping to incorporate some new things into my spirituality. I was able to do a meditation it was to meet a pagan Goddess one. I'd never have done that before and it felt freeing. Thankyou for your videos.
Did you have a fear of Hell and the rapture? How did you overcome it? What about having thoughts you may not like and being concerned God will judge you for the thoughts? How did you enjoy life after that and focus on things like work? I’m trying to move on and overcome my anxiety.
I overcame it by realizing that there was not a shred of evidence that hell/ the rapture were real things. I was living with real fear and stress in my body, meanwhile there was zero evidence that anything wrong in my life was based on anything other than human ignorance. So I decided to be educate myself and it turns out when you educate yourself, you realize that religions that are fear based are made up of falsehoods. So when I started believing thing with evidence, the fear went away.
You nailed it. You have given me not only a wepon to fight back but the power that can only come from me, my true self. Listen , be awear and act against the negitive thoughts at try to seduse my true self. What can I say, it only comes from my first expierances and all of tem were from religious institutions. Thank you again.
When you said, “if you find my personal experience useful it’s very likely somebody will find your personal experience useful” I nearly broke down in tears. As a queer divergent person, church taught me that I had no value outside the frames of the Bible’s ideology. Jesus loves me but Im inherently wrong. I once wrote a whole sci-fi book (300 pgs) and threw it away because it wasn’t “of God”. Even after I left I constantly devalued myself and put myself into service of others. Vigilant and matching everyone else’s vibe to the point where when I was alone I felt like a shell. I gave up my own soul to not be an abomination. This video was just…ugh, so healing. I’m finally gonna bring up religion in therapy because I’m ready to listen to (don’t mean to trigger anyone here but) the God in me. Not the one written by men eons who blah blah blah, I’m sure you know the story of how the Bible was put together . But thank you so much, sooo much. It’s weird but I feel like the real Creator of life wanted me to see this so I could finally see past the smoke and mirror meant to keep me frozen from my own purpose. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🫶🏾🤟🏾
oh so beautifully spoken; thank you so much for sharing! you clearly have a gift with writing, and something important to share with the world! you are indeed Divine, a perfect manifestation of the Sacred Source of Life, a unique representation of Herself/Themself/ Himself!
Also part of the lgbt & Neurodivergent. And also working on a scifi/cyberpunk/fantasy story. Multiple in 1 actually. But it's been hard because tho I have a whole world inside I love building, many times I feel numb or like giving it up because "what if I'm not doing what I'm supposed to?/what if this isn't right?" Due to religion. I've been told multiple times too that enjoying anything in life means I'll suffer eternity after. So that's been eating away at my inner joy & enthusiasm for some time now. Among other things. Been slowly deconstructing what is harmful to me from it because I can see letting this continue to hover over me is only gonna turn me into a very bitter, angry, uncaring person who never experienced life/did anything. I really love the video/talk by Alan Watts called Jesus, His Religion. It's long but worth the listen if you (or anyone else) is up for it. A quote that stood out to me is "Christianity has institutionalized guilt as a virtue" (about 35 mins in). And also bringing up how Jesus told us that we are God's too, after saying he is a son of God and people wanting to stone him for apparent blasphemy. But, that part came to mind too when I read you wanting to find your inner God. The way he explains and brings it up is better. I wish you the best and hope you can find that spark & joy to maybe create more stories if it still interests you. Or anything you find joy & passion in. And of course on healing through all this.
This video resonates completely with me, I am unable to come out to my family even though I am suffering from this double life and I don’t understand what is blocking me from ending all this pain.
It might be that you are disconnected with your true sense of spirituality (which is fundamental to be able to handle pain). Religious trauma really fucks you up because it disallows you from having true spiritual experiences. You can look into shamanism (Michael Harner) to understand what spirituality without organized, opressive religion looks like. Once you are more connected to yourself, you will have the inner groundedness to stand up for yourself and fully take care.
thank you for sharing this. for years i have been struggling with bringing my ideas to life, and the shame and guilt i feel from being stuck in this cycle of not is only met with "if you were better you could heal it" or "youre pathetic, try harder". i think "hey i want to take photos" then i go and make a sandwich and im like oh okay then i dont matter. but i do, and i will try to ask myself more what i want to do. i am hopeful.
You only get better at the things you are willing to be bad at, so I just had to be willing to be bad at a LOT of things haha, but now I am good at them! One step at a time, you're not doing it wrong.
I've been healing from being raised in Pentacostal legalism and I never once thought the reason I struggle with doubting every. single. creative endeavor and failing to complete because I had no confidence in the final product, with my RTS. I always knew my identity crisis was...but not this part. And now I feel angry. I have been an artist since elementary school. This is infuriating.
I'm glad you're having the realization, but sorry it brings the rage! But use the energy of rage to fuel you deeper into your own healing, you deserve peace!
Thank you for your videos. I was raised as a Later Day Saint (Mormon) and still live with my parents. (I just turned 19) It is so hard to do what I want with my life or even figure out what I want to do because it's not "right". For example, I shouldn't be with my boyfriend of 6 years because he's not a member of the church. Right now I'm trying to break free of the guilt and anxiety my parents and church leaders cause. I want a lot of things in life and I am too scared to do it due to the backlash they would have.
Ainsley, Angel is talking a lot of good sense. I wish she’d been around when I was your age. I found myself a job abroad and left a religious home around your age - 40 years ago. That was the beginning of my breaking free. ‘Not necessarily so easy for everyone to do, I know. You’ll know when the time is right. Keep building your inner strength daily. It doesn’t have to be tortuous. It can be an adventure and challenge, though yes will be painful too in the letting go of what others have imposed on you in the name of love and possibly with all ‘good intention’ . My parents, while I had to get away, weren’t as religious as many and fortunately had travelled from another country themselves so at least understood the desire to travel. They wholly expected me, though, to come back to my country and get married and have kids as soon as I’d done so and got a degree. The base line thought, I expect, was - it’ll look good that we’ve let have that though don’t be having any other ambition. Women belong at home, not in the world contributing along with everyone else. I’ve chosen not to be a mother because I was so horrified seeing my mother’s ambition to be a teacher - indeed many other things too - thwarted in her marriage ….because of the religious brainwashing she had. She was often profoundly depressed while also being as kind as possible. She lost her own mother at 16, so a home and kids were important to her though she sacrificed her freedom for us because my dad was too insecure to let her have a life beyond us and him. I’d love to have been a parent had the system been different; had I been able to be sure I wouldn’t become imprisoned by that role. I think your generation - those of you with freer and smarter instincts (which you clearly have else you’d not have commented here) do find a way eventually to discern and be self respecting enough to insist on respectful relationships that allows each party to flourish while cooperating on shared ‘projects’ like parenting, running a home, etc. I had a second language, which got me the job in hospitality abroad. I was told by a housemate there who could tell I was in a kind of emotional freeze / prison, “You own your life - no one else does”. I didn’t enjoy or agree with all I read back then, though I did nonetheless begin to read some feminist writers - Rosalind Miles ‘Women’s History of The World’ made a big impression - and particularly those who also love (rather than trash) men as human beings (not gods or any more of an ‘authority’ than a woman) and who saw (and thankfully still see) that, like women, they can get trapped in this horrendous patriarchal mindset that keeps all of us imprisoned. And by the way, I’m not in favour of it being replaced with an all female model either. Religion of the type I grew up in robs men as well as woman of the true joy of being imperfectly human on an adventure. IMHO, it’s vital to developing daily routines (not obsessions) to strengthen my body, expand my intellect, sleep well, eat healthily, feed a deep and broad sense of humour about the absurdity and arrogance of man- / woman- made credos that tell people what to do rather than simply offer simple guidance as a means to live well, creatively - kindly. Biological life itself - a powerful and beautiful thing - is part of and common to us all and may be the only true spirit (which simply means ‘breath’) - and when I breathe well (which can be worth studying since fear can mess with good healthy breathing) I feel, hear and think well and I will of course feel the pain of the lies and bullying of those who wanted to indoctrinate me because they were afraid of their own freedom to feel, hear, think and take authentic rather than robotic, deadening and often dominant (as distinct from collaborative and truly humane and loving) action. Take your time - little by little - you’ll find, you are finding, your way. Angel will help if you continue to hear, though don’t idolise (😉) her - and to reflect and to listen to yourself - that deep inner wisdom. Your own inner loving parent called you. Bon voyage !
I had this happen with a friend that came into my life. She called herself a Catholic medium. Totally mind manipulated me, made me doubt my faith and if I was doing right by God, told me I was sick bc of sin etc. would do readings on me without my permission telling me what I should do etc also I wasn’t going to a Catholic Church and so I was bad bc of that even though I love Jesus. i have such trauma from it finally blocked her but now completely questioning myself on everything. Don’t know who to trust for help. I don’t trust church people either bc of there role in some stuff too. Very confusing time. Rebuilding and learning who I am versus what I let everyone tell me I had to be. Painful process and lonely
It “sounds” like it would be easy in theory but as I sit here thinking about believing myself in practice and I know it’s going to take a lot of work. Thanks for the video!
Thank you for the succinct way you put the steps. I have had a lot of therapy and it has helped me heal many parts of myself. But, I tend to cycle back around to parts of the pattern. I have said for years that much of my therapy was really religious recovery. Just this week, I made a statement to myself that after all of the cutting-off abusive relationships, I'm still in one with myself. Those voices continue to echo. I'm making notes to reframe my focus. Happy your channel popped up.
Thank you for sharing. It's not only what you say, but how. Situations you reference are familiar. Yet its the tone of voice that reveals the subtle dynamics of intent. Your presentation flowed, a nice length, and a confident, encouraging tone. Not angry, critical, manipulative BS tones i am used to. How refreshing!
Thank you. I am sharing this with my wife, who can only try her best to understand these effects without having experienced them. I just came across your channel today, and subscribed but eager to know more about your particular background. Thx again
Thank you so much for your healing words ❤ I’m so entrenched in this suppression of self and feeling like a bad person for just wanting to live life experiences
I feel like allot of Christian abuse survivors I am always looking for permission. Do you believe you are allowed, to totally change every decisions you made under the influence of a life of religious abuse mindset? The chaos and unknown chaos is exactly where I’m at right now.// Coming from a support based income childhood and then adult life. A spiritual warfare-based prophetic charismatic Christian background and entering into a relationship (marriage) from that place for 14 years. I came into it fully disassociated from reality. / /Fast forward- the second I get any personal agency it changes the dynamic of my life. I start to feel cut off and isolated even though I’m so happy for my personal agency (a career and friends in the USA) I end up restoring the original dynamic (co-dependence) because I FEEL, -alone and selfish and even weirdly "unfaithful" though I've done nothing wrong. It’s causes me as an adult, to feel that I am in capable of thriving even in a blessed country like the United States. And desperate not to waste the rest of my life but feeling powerless to stop the inevitably that, THAT WILL be the outcome. I haven’t heard somebody articulate it quite as well as you did in this video ( If you have any more on this topic of seeking permission I'de love to watch it.) THANK YOU!
Just made a video this week on this topic because a lot of people have been asking for personal guidance i.e. "what should I do about my spouse" or "should I stop speaking to my aunt" etc. It's normal for us to keep externalizing our life if it's all we've ever known, but the healing and power comes from understanding that we have the double eddged sword (lol) of the power and responsibility for our life! I hope you find it useful!
@Angel DeSantis, How does one deal with PTSD that developed as a result of religious trauma? What is a good way to deal with getting triggered? Have you experienced adrenaline rushes attributed to a toxic religious upbringing that hit you out of nowhere? Do you have any suggestions on how to cope with that?
I 100% agree with these replies! EMDR and Gabor mate are amazing recommendations. I definitely have experiences being hit with the wave of anxiety and fear that tries to stop me from making progress. In those moments I always stop, put both hands on my chest, take slow breaths and repeat "I am no longer in the situation I am afraid of" over and over until I feel my nervous system get the message. Then I step back into my day. Here are two of my videos on the subject too, this one is about CPTSD and hypervigilance ua-cam.com/video/b3RFsrtfzqQ/v-deo.html This one is about how to learn to be proud of yourself after trauma ua-cam.com/video/31gXdzMLsus/v-deo.html Find a way that works for you to help you calm down, my method is trying to find a thought that is true and useful and repeat it to myself until I am reminded of my new reality and I don't need to be afraid of old fears. I hope this was helpful!
My issue is with God. How do you deal with having a problem with God. I'm stuck. I ask him for things and I don't get them. And I'm finding it hard to go on when my faith is broken
This is why Beyonce so big she doesn't have to adk Angels or permission from God to do something she makes a billion dollars on her own without the church. There are no spiritual forces against Beyonce because God is with her so she able to flourish.
❤❤❤ Love you from India 🇮🇳
I was very eager to watch this video from a couple of months but did not saw it full. I am a Muslim and I am constantly suffering from Religious Trauma and OCD, but now I am going to heal 👍
@ 14 Feb 2024 # 1:02 AM
best wishes and my heart goes out to you, i got out of an extreme Catholic family and it’s the biggest trauma of my life, similar to going to jail or prison because it’s spiritual, emotional and mental (even sexual) prison.
Been out of church for several years now, and to this day I still feel guilty for having any sort of wants or desires.. Anytime I have a personal goal in mind, I always subconsciously convince myself of why I don't deserve anything that God hasn't "already provided me" and will often end up self-sabotaging. I'm thankful for many aspects of my religious upbringing, it wasn't all bad. But boy is there a lot of accumulated pain to work through.
I totally understand fr. ALOT of pain
Unfortunately, yeah. I really get this too.
There is nothing wrong with a goal. That is ludicrous to say religion would keep you from your goals. It is moronic. Knowing right from wrong yes., goals no.
@paulagrant1073 I think you missed the point... It's not always a DIRECT cause, but religious entities often have a way of instilling a sense of shame & guilt into people who may want to strive for more in life. It can be seen as vain, selfish, or worldly for a Christian to desire more money, a nicer house, etc.
This can therefore indirectly lead a person to self-sabotage when striving for goals, because of that internalized sense of "I don't deserve this"
You know one of the worst things about growing up in religion is asking a question about something important in life and getting told to pray about it. That's useless information that's not helpful.
Depends on age. Prayer has a similar effect of just calming and focusing on issue so you can figure the problem out on your own.
@@thumper84That’s a religious misbelief. It has nothing to do with age. Did Jesus go to the sick and told them do pray about it? No he didn’t, he took action. It’s like going to a homeless person and telling them to get a job. So vile and cruel, it has nothing to do with being a person of faith.
I got that same advice from both of my parents my whole life. Eventually I just gave up on talking to them about real shit smh
Yep! The worst part is the people who actually believe that praying will “cure” their illness 😡
Religion is such an oppressive psychological tool .... it's no wonder that many of us completely struggle with self worth, motivation, being confident in life .... I do work in a field that I totally love what I do ... that helps alot .... but working for myself has it's own set of issues that I struggle with daily ....
Even after years of almost militant non belief , living in a mostly religious society is difficult ....
5 minutes in, this woman has absolutely expressed a super huge positive empowering message organized religion would never dare to promote outwardly.👏👏
When I was a teen, someone genuinely asked what interests me. I couldn’t answer the question and made up an answer that left the person speechless. Religious dogma diminishes your sense of self making the presence of self feel foreign.
On a side note-
One time when I was a young child my father thought ballet was of satan and physically abused me because it was “immodest” to this day, I always hold myself back when I want to peruse something that I like.
(Believe yourself) is key to grasp your sense of self and form your own identity after religious trauma
“Religious dogma diminishes your sense of self making the presence of self feel foreign“ this is so true!!!
This is so true. I experienced the same. It caused me a lot of pain, stress, and lost time. Sorry you had to go through this. I know how damaging it can be.
These are such helpful things to think about. I was raised by hardcore fundamentalists and they primed me to be motivated by fear rather than seeking opportunity.
I realized that even as a follower of God, I was trained to listen to my elders over God. As if their will always aligned with theirs. Like maybe I felt called to go on a mission trip but my family said no, there will be boys there and made a big deal out of it not being moral. I wasn’t listening to God I was afraid of backlash.
I’m struggling because I feel what’s the point in anything if the world is gonna end soon. Just fear and anxiety is what I feel I keep getting drunk and high to cope
Same. Just don’t believe the world is gonna end. My dad talked about it so much when I was little and it never happened
Totally understand, I felt like this a lot too for the first few years after I left. Then I realized that the world ending was just a lie they made up to control us, and they created a false narrative and only gave us information to support the lie. The world will continue as it has always done, and I hope you are able to find some peace.🙏🏼
@@AngelDeSantisscience says the sun will die in a billion years
Angel, I've already gotten a lot out of your videos. But this one hit right in my core. I've tried asking myself these questions and I genuinely don't know what I want, they've become buried so deeply. But your story makes me want to keep asking, keep pushing, keep learning. Losing my faith was extremely destabilizing, but also immensely freeing. And as scary as freedom can be, I'm grateful for it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Can’t thank you ENOUGH for putting out this content….🙏
Well said! This brings up a lot of feelings and thoughts. I have so much to say about this topic. I've struggled with this for years. It wasn't until recently that I allowed my inner voice to lead the way. I grew up in church, went to bible study, read the bible almost daily, and prayed morning and night, basically living out the bible. I thought if I didn't do the work of God (be like Jesus to the world), something terrible would happen. I had to honor thy father and mother. In my household, this was used as a scare tactic. I abandoned what I had imagined my future to be in order to pursue what was laid out for me. I lived out this life not for me but for the pride of my family. I was miserable. It didn't make sense to me because I grew up believing that God would make everything work out and fall into place. I made the brave decision to leave my profession, and it feels like a load has lifted. My journey continues and I'm so happy to come across your channel. Be well! :)
oh we're celebrating with you! every time someone courageously chooses to honour what they feel and step away from what doesn't feel good, I believe we all benefit!
This twelve minute video did more for me than ANY of the dozens of self help books I've read. This is amazing, thank you so so much
I'm so glad! Thank you for watching!!
I don’t really have the energy recently to articulate all I’m thinking but I do just want to say that this video made me tear up at the end and I appreciate you sharing from your personal experience. I’ve watched a couple other videos from you and I’m happy to have found your channel. (There is also a little negative voice in my head telling me that I don’t actually need to leave a comment like this, but because of this video I think I’m going to anyway. Especially because I do want you to know I appreciate you)
Well done making it through that pesky voice!! You are absolutely welcome to comment on literally all the videos. Talk louder than that voice in your head that is telling you you don't matter, that voice doesn't belong to you! Thank you for this comment!
@@AngelDeSantis oh I'm so glad to be reading this commend today! I was worrying that all my (long) comments were causing you to feel overwhelmed/ burdened/ anxious/stressed. and yet something in me WANTED to let my thoughts flow, and to use this space like a 12-step group where I can share fully where I'm at, without judgement. to the voice that says I'm taking up 'too much' space, I respond that people (including you) can read or not read what I write. I'm writing primarily for me, and if someone can take something from my words -great, and if not, that's fine too, b/c always I move myself in my writing, especially when I write 'out loud' with the potential to be seen by others.
Thank you for the “plant that seed” moment of encouragement to share. You’re great. ❤
i sufferd RTS because of the religious teaching of itself, and alongside with the hard religious environment. I was a muslim, now an athiest
I was a Hindu. Some Pentecostal church manipulated me to become a Christian and now they're trying to control my life. They always tell me what to do and what not to.
They even tell me to leave my job (I'm a full time PhD researcher) in a foreign land.
They tell me to not date any girl but pray to Jesus so he'll get me someone.
Pray, pray and just pray.
They're so judgemental and ask for money for some events most of the time. I feel no connection with them. They even ask me to stop all contacts with my close friends and parents if they don't accept Jesus.
Don’t listen to that legalistic stuff. I was Pentecostal and left years ago but I’m still little messed up. I don’t even go to church because of what I believe now. My advice is to run away and find something you’re comfortable be around. You only need Jesus not a bunch of rules from a church.
You own your life - no one else does. Life itself is part of and common to us all and for me is the only true spirit (which simply means ‘breath’) and when I breathe well, I feel, hear and think well and I will of course feel the pain of the lies and bullying of those who wanted to indoctrinate me because they were afraid of their own freedom to feel hear think and take authentic rather than robotic, deadening and often dominant as distinct from collaborative and truly humane and loving action. All respect to you - pursuit of a PhD in a subject meaningful to you will be a true gift to the world. Have courage - Angel is talking total sense. I am a woman who has taken decades to rid myself of the damage of RTS - and am still doing so. Life is truly good and sweet and right and kind when one untangles onself from any person or credo that wants to crush and control. All good breathing and playful learning to you.
Angel. You are seriously doing A GREAT JOB ON EXPLAINING RELIGIOUS TRAUMA.!!!! Good job!!!!
This is quite powerful. Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you and 😮 wow. You perfectly described my struggle and the “believe yourself” without the “in yourself” makes more sense ❤️🔥
Yes! I'm glad it makes sense! Thank you for watching!
Angel, timing is everything!!! Thank you so much for this video session. You are speaking my mind, my heart and my spirit. I had been in battle with myself as far back as I can remember. You set these "goals" of what you want to do, and no matter how you prepare, set up, and purchase what you need, the follow-through drifts away from you replaced by straight-up brainwashing of how you can't and how you are not good enough and blah-blah-blah. You move into a comparison phase which makes your every attempt worse as it swallows your uniqueness, your talents and gifts. It's like you can see yourself accomplishing what you want on the other side of an invisible wall that puts it out of reach.
I have accomplished many things in my life and that happened when I took the imbedded religion out of the picture. It was at these times I learned and felt who I really am, my creativity, my power!! Although it has been a long time since I have dealt with religion and the tentacles that come with it, the remnants pop up every now and then but I quickly put them to rest, because I know better. Thank you again and again, you are speaking to me for sure. All the best!!!!💕
So articulate and truthful and positive 😮 I cant believe these videos aren't viral, they should be, great video!
I grew up in a pentecostal cult, they totally eradicated my critical thinking skills. They called it “being humble and obedient to God”
I’m 50 and still struggle with this.
Your videos remind me of the things I liked about group therapy, hearing experiences and sharing. Thank you 💞
I am dealing with the after effects of leaving a cult JWs. Why cant I make decisions and I am just learning how to make decisions. This is helpful and its painful.
Same here. Spent 35 years as a JW and didn't realize that my personal boundaries are blurred. I still over share. I'm angry and resentful. I'm working on it.
I'm glad its helpful, and sorry it's painful. I get it, and sending you luck on your healing journey!
Good for you for working on it! It's all we can do!
Thank you for articulating what it has taken 3 years of deconstruction to realize. You gave me the words. Thank you.
Believe what you are saying!!!
So important!
Excellent points Angel :)
I wasn't brought up in a cult but spent a few years in one in my 20's it really messed with my head. I'm trying to keep God in my life but from a new age perspective. I'm constantly finding I'm apologising to him for meditating with my crystals or reading my tarot/Oracle cards. I explain myself to him that I just need to be me but I'm really worried he'll punish me or that I'll go to hell for these things and the fact that I'm living with my boyfriend. I also no longer find the bible comforting as its full of judgement and talk about sin. Some days If I could just walk away from God I would but that feels impossible. I feel that I would miss him if I did.
You're allowed to walk away from something that is punishing and oppressive. Your idea of God as someone who hates you will contribute to the oppression continuing throughout your life. You don't owe god any explanations or apologies for the things you enjoy, but it sounds like they set up your mind to stay in captivity by creating so much fear around the version of god that they gave you. I hope that you know you aren't living life wrong. You only get one life and I encourage you to enjoy it. Remember, people who claim to know the mind of god are wrong, so you don't need to keep that voice in your head going. It is not god's voice, it's from people who needed you to be oppressed. You are allowed to free yourself from it.
Yes you are right I was fed a God of judgement and fear. But I'm beginning to realise that now and your videos are really helpful. I'm beginning to study other spiritualities. I'm hoping to incorporate some new things into my spirituality. I was able to do a meditation it was to meet a pagan Goddess one. I'd never have done that before and it felt freeing. Thankyou for your videos.
All religion's are a cult. Just think about it for a while. There all a pyramid scheme.
@@ShatteredRippleBooks hey.... How are you doing? I'm hoping you feel more confident and that you are enjoying your life as a natural human being💞
Did you have a fear of Hell and the rapture? How did you overcome it? What about having thoughts you may not like and being concerned God will judge you for the thoughts? How did you enjoy life after that and focus on things like work? I’m trying to move on and overcome my anxiety.
I overcame it by realizing that there was not a shred of evidence that hell/ the rapture were real things. I was living with real fear and stress in my body, meanwhile there was zero evidence that anything wrong in my life was based on anything other than human ignorance. So I decided to be educate myself and it turns out when you educate yourself, you realize that religions that are fear based are made up of falsehoods. So when I started believing thing with evidence, the fear went away.
This video literally saves lives.
Wow. This sure makes sense of a lot of things! Love what you shared, especially the part about "believe yourself" vs "in yourself." -Bonnie
Thank you Bonnie, I'm glad it was helpful!
You nailed it. You have given me not only a wepon to fight back but the power that can only come from me, my true self. Listen , be awear and act against the negitive thoughts at try to seduse my true self. What can I say, it only comes from my first expierances and all of tem were from religious institutions. Thank you again.
When you said, “if you find my personal experience useful it’s very likely somebody will find your personal experience useful” I nearly broke down in tears. As a queer divergent person, church taught me that I had no value outside the frames of the Bible’s ideology. Jesus loves me but Im inherently wrong. I once wrote a whole sci-fi book (300 pgs) and threw it away because it wasn’t “of God”. Even after I left I constantly devalued myself and put myself into service of others. Vigilant and matching everyone else’s vibe to the point where when I was alone I felt like a shell. I gave up my own soul to not be an abomination. This video was just…ugh, so healing. I’m finally gonna bring up religion in therapy because I’m ready to listen to (don’t mean to trigger anyone here but) the God in me. Not the one written by men eons who blah blah blah, I’m sure you know the story of how the Bible was put together . But thank you so much, sooo much. It’s weird but I feel like the real Creator of life wanted me to see this so I could finally see past the smoke and mirror meant to keep me frozen from my own purpose. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🫶🏾🤟🏾
oh so beautifully spoken; thank you so much for sharing! you clearly have a gift with writing, and something important to share with the world! you are indeed Divine, a perfect manifestation of the Sacred Source of Life, a unique representation of Herself/Themself/ Himself!
Also part of the lgbt & Neurodivergent. And also working on a scifi/cyberpunk/fantasy story. Multiple in 1 actually.
But it's been hard because tho I have a whole world inside I love building, many times I feel numb or like giving it up because "what if I'm not doing what I'm supposed to?/what if this isn't right?" Due to religion.
I've been told multiple times too that enjoying anything in life means I'll suffer eternity after. So that's been eating away at my inner joy & enthusiasm for some time now. Among other things.
Been slowly deconstructing what is harmful to me from it because I can see letting this continue to hover over me is only gonna turn me into a very bitter, angry, uncaring person who never experienced life/did anything.
I really love the video/talk by Alan Watts called Jesus, His Religion. It's long but worth the listen if you (or anyone else) is up for it. A quote that stood out to me is "Christianity has institutionalized guilt as a virtue" (about 35 mins in). And also bringing up how Jesus told us that we are God's too, after saying he is a son of God and people wanting to stone him for apparent blasphemy.
But, that part came to mind too when I read you wanting to find your inner God.
The way he explains and brings it up is better.
I wish you the best and hope you can find that spark & joy to maybe create more stories if it still interests you. Or anything you find joy & passion in. And of course on healing through all this.
Was thinking how much harder this is if you happen to be queer… this is such a good channel and thanks for sharing this!
Incredibly helpful. You have a beautiful soul. Thank you.
*believe yourself* , *and then take actions to show that you believe yourself* . ❤
This video resonates completely with me, I am unable to come out to my family even though I am suffering from this double life and I don’t understand what is blocking me from ending all this pain.
It might be that you are disconnected with your true sense of spirituality (which is fundamental to be able to handle pain). Religious trauma really fucks you up because it disallows you from having true spiritual experiences. You can look into shamanism (Michael Harner) to understand what spirituality without organized, opressive religion looks like. Once you are more connected to yourself, you will have the inner groundedness to stand up for yourself and fully take care.
@@hiperventilat8064thank you very much, I will check on the topic you addressed
thank you for sharing this. for years i have been struggling with bringing my ideas to life, and the shame and guilt i feel from being stuck in this cycle of not is only met with "if you were better you could heal it" or "youre pathetic, try harder". i think "hey i want to take photos" then i go and make a sandwich and im like oh okay then i dont matter. but i do, and i will try to ask myself more what i want to do. i am hopeful.
You only get better at the things you are willing to be bad at, so I just had to be willing to be bad at a LOT of things haha, but now I am good at them! One step at a time, you're not doing it wrong.
I've been healing from being raised in Pentacostal legalism and I never once thought the reason I struggle with doubting every. single. creative endeavor and failing to complete because I had no confidence in the final product, with my RTS. I always knew my identity crisis was...but not this part. And now I feel angry. I have been an artist since elementary school. This is infuriating.
I'm glad you're having the realization, but sorry it brings the rage! But use the energy of rage to fuel you deeper into your own healing, you deserve peace!
Thank you for your videos. I was raised as a Later Day Saint (Mormon) and still live with my parents. (I just turned 19) It is so hard to do what I want with my life or even figure out what I want to do because it's not "right".
For example, I shouldn't be with my boyfriend of 6 years because he's not a member of the church.
Right now I'm trying to break free of the guilt and anxiety my parents and church leaders cause. I want a lot of things in life and I am too scared to do it due to the backlash they would have.
Ainsley, Angel is talking a lot of good sense. I wish she’d been around when I was your age. I found myself a job abroad and left a religious home around your age - 40 years ago. That was the beginning of my breaking free. ‘Not necessarily so easy for everyone to do,
I know. You’ll know when the time is right. Keep building your inner strength daily. It doesn’t have to be tortuous. It can be an adventure and challenge, though yes will be painful too in the letting go of what others have imposed on you in the name of love and possibly with all ‘good intention’ . My parents, while I had to get away, weren’t as religious as many and fortunately had travelled from another country themselves so at least understood the desire to travel. They wholly expected me, though, to come back to my country and get married and have kids as soon as I’d done so and got a degree. The base line thought, I expect, was - it’ll look good that we’ve let have that though don’t be having any other ambition. Women belong at home, not in the world contributing along with everyone else. I’ve chosen not to be a mother because I was so horrified seeing my mother’s ambition to be a teacher - indeed many other things too - thwarted in her marriage ….because of the religious brainwashing she had. She was often profoundly depressed while also being as kind as possible. She lost her own mother at 16, so a home and kids were important to her though she sacrificed her freedom for us because my dad was too insecure to let her have a life beyond us and him.
I’d love to have been a parent had the system been different; had I been able to be sure I wouldn’t become imprisoned by that role. I think your generation - those of you with freer and smarter instincts (which you clearly have else you’d not have commented here) do find a way eventually to discern and be self respecting enough to insist on respectful relationships that allows each party to flourish while cooperating on shared ‘projects’ like parenting, running a home, etc. I had a second language, which got me the job in hospitality abroad. I was told by a housemate there who could tell I was in a kind of emotional freeze / prison, “You own your life - no one else does”. I didn’t enjoy or agree with all I read back then, though I did nonetheless begin to read some feminist writers - Rosalind Miles ‘Women’s History of The World’ made a big impression - and particularly those who also love (rather than trash) men as human beings (not gods or any more of an ‘authority’ than a woman) and who saw (and thankfully still see) that, like women, they can get trapped in this horrendous patriarchal mindset that keeps all of us imprisoned. And by the way, I’m not in favour of it being replaced with an all female model either. Religion of the type I grew up in robs men as well as woman of the true joy of being imperfectly human on an adventure. IMHO, it’s vital to developing daily routines (not obsessions) to strengthen my body, expand my intellect, sleep well, eat healthily, feed a deep and broad sense of humour about the absurdity and arrogance of man- / woman- made credos that tell people what to do rather than simply offer simple guidance as a means to live well, creatively - kindly. Biological life itself - a powerful and beautiful thing - is part of and common to us all and may be the only true spirit (which simply means ‘breath’) - and when I breathe well (which can be worth studying since fear can mess with good healthy breathing) I feel, hear and think well and I will of course feel the pain of the lies and bullying of those who wanted to indoctrinate me because they were afraid of their own freedom to feel, hear, think and take authentic rather than robotic, deadening and often dominant (as distinct from collaborative and truly humane and loving) action.
Take your time - little by little - you’ll find, you are finding, your way.
Angel will help if you continue to hear, though don’t idolise (😉) her - and to reflect and to listen to yourself - that deep inner wisdom. Your own inner loving parent called you. Bon voyage !
@@europapvpva793 Thank you so so much!!
I had this happen with a friend that came into my life. She called herself a Catholic medium. Totally mind manipulated me, made me doubt my faith and if I was doing right by God, told me I was sick bc of sin etc. would do readings on me without my permission telling me what I should do etc also I wasn’t going to a Catholic Church and so I was bad bc of that even though I love Jesus. i have such trauma from it finally blocked her but now completely questioning myself on everything. Don’t know who to trust for help. I don’t trust church people either bc of there role in some stuff too. Very confusing time. Rebuilding and learning who I am versus what I let everyone tell me I had to be. Painful process and lonely
Thank you ❤
Thank you for the video. Your smile alone helps me.
Thank you for watching! I'm glad I could help!
It “sounds” like it would be easy in theory but as I sit here thinking about believing myself in practice and I know it’s going to take a lot of work.
Thanks for the video!
It's work but it's worth it! I hope you are doing well!
Thank you for the succinct way you put the steps. I have had a lot of therapy and it has helped me heal many parts of myself. But, I tend to cycle back around to parts of the pattern. I have said for years that much of my therapy was really religious recovery. Just this week, I made a statement to myself that after all of the cutting-off abusive relationships, I'm still in one with myself. Those voices continue to echo. I'm making notes to reframe my focus. Happy your channel popped up.
I'm glad to hear it! Keep on choosing yourself and changing the voice in your head. Sending support from afar!
Thank you for the video. Very informative! I'm glad that I can finally put a name to what happened cult while growing up in an evangelical cult.
Thank you for sharing. It's not only what you say, but how. Situations you reference are familiar. Yet its the tone of voice that reveals the subtle dynamics of intent. Your presentation flowed, a nice length, and a confident, encouraging tone. Not angry, critical, manipulative BS tones i am used to. How refreshing!
Thank you. I am sharing this with my wife, who can only try her best to understand these effects without having experienced them.
I just came across your channel today, and subscribed but eager to know more about your particular background.
Thx again
Thank you! I hope it is helpful!
Excellent Excellent and PROFOUND Level Headed & LOGICAL ADVICE. Seriously ground breaking. !!!!!! DEFINITELY A MUST WATCH VIDEO!!!! WOW 👏
THank you Tammy, I appreciate that you found it useful!
excellent explanation first time watching and i'm in love
Thank you so much for your healing words ❤ I’m so entrenched in this suppression of self and feeling like a bad person for just wanting to live life experiences
Omg girl you have me in tears this morning 😭😭
Thank you dear one. I’m so glad I discovered you.
You are so welcome Nancy! Thank you for being here.
Thank you for this video! You explain this so well!
Thank you so much for sharing this. It really goes right to the heart of the issue and I totally relate to what you're saying. Thank you. Thank you❤
So true.
This helps me I'm a Christian but Jesus and abusive churches are not the same I just don't kick the baby out with the bathwater
I agree !
Thank you!
You're welcome!
I feel like allot of Christian abuse survivors I am always looking for permission. Do you believe you are allowed, to totally change every decisions you made under the influence of a life of religious abuse mindset? The chaos and unknown chaos is exactly where I’m at right now.// Coming from a support based income childhood and then adult life. A spiritual warfare-based prophetic charismatic Christian background and entering into a relationship (marriage) from that place for 14 years. I came into it fully disassociated from reality. / /Fast forward- the second I get any personal agency it changes the dynamic of my life. I start to feel cut off and isolated even though I’m so happy for my personal agency
(a career and friends in the USA) I end up restoring the original dynamic (co-dependence) because I FEEL, -alone and selfish and even weirdly "unfaithful" though I've done nothing wrong. It’s causes me as an adult, to feel that I am in capable of thriving even in a blessed country like the United States. And desperate not to waste the rest of my life but feeling powerless to stop the inevitably that, THAT WILL be the outcome. I haven’t heard somebody articulate it quite as well as you did in this video ( If you have any more on this topic of seeking permission I'de love to watch it.) THANK YOU!
Just made a video this week on this topic because a lot of people have been asking for personal guidance i.e. "what should I do about my spouse" or "should I stop speaking to my aunt" etc. It's normal for us to keep externalizing our life if it's all we've ever known, but the healing and power comes from understanding that we have the double eddged sword (lol) of the power and responsibility for our life! I hope you find it useful!
@@AngelDeSantis I just realized my comment was a book long. Sorry. Thanks for the feedback. You rock the planet.
Thank you
Thank you so much for this video. you are a beautiful person. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing this videos it’s really helping me a lot much love ❤
@Angel DeSantis, How does one deal with PTSD that developed as a result of religious trauma? What is a good way to deal with getting triggered? Have you experienced adrenaline rushes attributed to a toxic religious upbringing that hit you out of nowhere? Do you have any suggestions on how to cope with that?
i suggest looking into EMDR for the PTSD and past trauma.
Dr. Gabor Mate videos are what you need. I love that man. ❤️All about childhood PTSD
I 100% agree with these replies! EMDR and Gabor mate are amazing recommendations.
I definitely have experiences being hit with the wave of anxiety and fear that tries to stop me from making progress. In those moments I always stop, put both hands on my chest, take slow breaths and repeat "I am no longer in the situation I am afraid of" over and over until I feel my nervous system get the message. Then I step back into my day.
Here are two of my videos on the subject too, this one is about CPTSD and hypervigilance
ua-cam.com/video/b3RFsrtfzqQ/v-deo.html
This one is about how to learn to be proud of yourself after trauma
ua-cam.com/video/31gXdzMLsus/v-deo.html
Find a way that works for you to help you calm down, my method is trying to find a thought that is true and useful and repeat it to myself until I am reminded of my new reality and I don't need to be afraid of old fears. I hope this was helpful!
That is the ultimate form of abusive.
👏👏👏🎯🎯🎯💯💯💯
Not only I can't accomplish but I also can't leave the past things
Add the word "yet" to the end of that, that way there's still hope.
@@AngelDeSantis thank you 🙏
My issue is with God. How do you deal with having a problem with God. I'm stuck. I ask him for things and I don't get them. And I'm finding it hard to go on when my faith is broken
❤
I love this women ❤❤😂
How can I contact you?
no relation to our governor in Florida?
Morphic resonance
There’s a christian dating app ad on this video
That's pretty hilarious 🙈 I dont know how youtube does the algorithm but maybe they saw the word religious and just ran with it? heh.
😂😂😂😂
This is why Beyonce so big she doesn't have to adk Angels or permission from God to do something she makes a billion dollars on her own without the church. There are no spiritual forces against Beyonce because God is with her so she able to flourish.
Hi there 👋 I am an atheist ⚛️ I don't like religion ☯️ there's no God
Your relative is so different from you
"Do you think God wants you to...". Dad might be a grandiose narcissist. Covert... a hybrid.
Could be!
After watching your content I feel twenty times better than I did last month. Thank You for your healing work Angel.
❤
❤