I think it would hurt me as the bride if my friends all decided to leave together instead of spend time with me on my special day. They all left together instead of spend time together at this event I put together. It’s going to sting.
This exact thing happened at my wedding. I was so disappointed. Especially since everyone knew it was a dry wedding before hand. So much food and cake left over...
I think something interesting that others have pointed out is that people are usually going to tell the version of the story that makes them look the best. So if there were problems with the reception, OP probably would have mentioned that. The fact that she didn't leaves me to believe there weren't any.
Not necessarily. Especially if pointing out other aspects of the wedding that OP thought was boring were things that could come off as insensitive, aka anything along the lines of "I don't actually like the bride or the groom so it mattered less to stick around," "the music was not at all my cup of tea (super subjective)," "there were other guests making me uncomfortable," "I was seated at a table of people I don't know and didn't particularly connect with" or other incentives to leave, the list goes on. And anyway, if their goal was to get something out of a date night that they weren't getting at the wedding, they really don't need to defend their choice to leave early and it's not on them if simply sharing their plans revealed that other people were thinking the same thing.
I disagree with the conclusion that something else was off about the wedding to make all the bride's friends leave. The groom's friends stayed. If it was that bad one would think having a large group of people get up and walk out would've been a great time for any other bored guests to slip out. All we have is the op's point of view. I would love to have the bride's side of the story!
And that's the for you get to all of the indirect references to the conflict such as the bride's complaints and the headline centering it around alcohol. That gives us enough of the bride's perspective to be at least the appearance of coordinating a preprotest against the absence of alcohol.
I'm no hero, but I am not leaving a friend's wedding due to lack of alcohol, lack of food, bad music, uncomfortable temperature, or the other examples in this video. Unless it's to temporarily step out to find a solution to one of those problems. All those problems have easy solutions! And if I don't like the bride enough to help out a bit, then my RSVP was no. Not that I've been invited to the wedding of an enemy yet, haha. I would probably leave if a fight broke out or I felt nauseous or something else where it's hard to fix the situation.
My biggest problem with OP is that she sounds like she wanted a night out partying and used the wedding as an excuse to get a bit of free time away from the kids. Then when she realized that there was no alcohol at the event and she couldn't "let loose", she just ditched the newlyweds to go out drinking. You don't go to weddings to party. You go to weddings to support your friend/family member and share their joy for a day. It's not even like the OP was alone and she had noone to talk to, as she said that her husband was with her as well as the friend group from college - who all decided to have a night out instead of staying for their friend. I get that you need time for yourself sometimes, but a friend's wedding is NOT about you. Also, if the party was so "bad" and "boring", how come the groom's side mostly stayed??
Because the groom's side is also "boring"? This isn't a hard question to answer lol. Different personalities, values, and priorities. If one side likes to party and the other doesn't then of course you're going to have a bunch of people that follow the leader depending on which side they fall on.
My opinion is that if there was other factors, the OP would have stated. She would have said there was no food, or hot, or bad music, ect. Instead she gocused on how she was excited to "let loose" and then told others her plan so they all left together to go to a bar. It seems like it was the alcohol that was the factor. And thats fine! If not for the fact that she told people her plan and they all left as a big group
That's exactly what I was thinking. And the way it was written sounded like she had made these plans before the reception had really started which can set things up where people don't actually give the event a chance because they are so focused on what is coming next
I wonder if OP was as kind as they said they were? You are putting a lot of faith in their retelling of events, especially when you know they didn’t give a lot of detail about the wedding
Especially when you consider that both the headline and the bride's complaint specifically mentioned complained about the absence of alcohol which was not mentioned in OP's retelling. The retelling also is is compatible with the wild difference among the two sides of the guest list.
It's true there were a lot of factors we can't verify. If the OP was loud and discussing how much they were looking forward to ditching to hit the bars, and the only complaint about the wedding was the lack of alcohol, that's a pretty AH thing to do. If they were asked about what they're doing afterward ("are you going to the after party?" "no, we're thinking about hitting the bars instead") and the wedding itself was boring enough that you needed something else to do, and other people just locked on to your plan and decided to bounce and go with you instead, that's not really your fault. The problem I think a lot of people had, including myself, is that it felt with the way OP wrote the story that the fact that it was a dry wedding was the crux of the issue. Like the lack of alcohol at the reception was the entire reason they wanted to leave. It was also kind of telling that at the afterparty, the bride noticed all her guests were gone but the groom's side stuck around. It does leave kind of a bad impression, ngl. Although I'm not sure why you would have an after-party following a wedding reception. Isn't the reception the party??
I have heard a few versions of after-party. One is where the kids and old folks leave and the party gets very adult, mostly with booze and loud music. The other is where only certain people are asked to stay, which causes issues for those who stayed to the end of the reception only to realize that it's not really the end of the reception but they are no longer a welcome guest. I'm not sure what the point was for this particular after-party and OP can't enlighten us because she bailed.
A wedding I went to a couple years ago had an after party that I thought worked really well. There was a place a couple blocks from the wedding venue that had diner/bar food for those who wanted something substantial to eat after several hours of dancing. It was very chill and everyone was invited to come hang out there if they wanted - predictably, it ended up being mostly friends of the bride and groom and a few close family members like the bride's parents. Beer was available but most of us opted for soda because we were kind of tired by that point (alcohol had also been present at the reception).
@@annemcrowell now that makes sense to me because it's an entirely different location at least. I think I would be way too tired to do that after having a reception already but I can see it working then
@@roselover411a wedding in Hungary often has the ceremony where literally the whole town is invited to with a short time afterward for sharing well-wishes with the couple, then a reception for just friends and family at a second location, then an after party for the young crowd that gets rowdy either at someone’s home or a bar/club. So in that sense it’s normal to see people leave after the various subsections of the event.
My niece had a dry wedding because she knew some family members had problems with alcohol and she didn’t want drunk idiots at her wedding. She did tell some of her friends but she had a small wedding (70 guests) and most attendees didn’t expect alcohol. She had a live band and the dance party was lit. All their friends were dancing and had a great time. Most everyone stayed.
I went to a wedding in the 90's most of the people were in their early to mid 20's and if I remember correctly it was a dry wedding or only one drink per person was allowed. It was a beautiful ceremony and meal. However, since the bride's mother was paying for the DJ the only music allowed was from late 50's to early 70's. He was instructed not to play anything from the 70's on. All of the music that was playing was before the bride was even born. To this day it was the most beautiful wedding ceremony and the worst reception I have ever been to and not because there was no alcohol.
The o p described it in terms of being a dry wedding issue. And then talks about how the bride complained specifically that it was disrespecting this husbands sobriaty. These 2 facts demonstrate conclusively that the O.P is at least being deceptive and not talking about where that came from.Probably because it makes them look bad. O p has clearly colored what they said given the contrast between their descriptions and their paraphrasing of themselves. Then you get the fact that the groom's guests all stayed which means they found it normal and appropriate. Once again ruling out the implication that this was not an alcohol and non alcohol discrimination phenomenon.
I think you might be giving op too much credit lol. If the wedding being alcohol-free wasn't the main factor for leaving, op wouldn't have put that in the title and mentioned it so much in the post. If it was for the reasons you were speculating about, the title probably would've been something like "AITA for leaving a boring wedding early" instead. Going off the details op thought were important to include, I'd say they're the a-hole, but I agree it would be NTA if it was the scenario you said
I don't drink and I'm all for a dry wedding, but I think it's important to tell guests in advance that it's a dry wedding if guest experience is something you care about. A lot of guests are going to be unhappy if they've spent money on transport and accommodation and possibly overnight babysitters in anticipation of consuming alcohol and then there was no alcohol to consume and they feel like they've wasted their money, and that's probably going to impact their experience of the rest of the event.
I think this is a great opening for the alcohol dependency conversation. Like why are we expecting alcohol be there? But also if you know the couple you should ideally know one or both are sober (in this case) and could make the safe assumption it's a dry wedding
In my experience, that is an absolute no-go! If you warn them that it is a dry wedding, many guests will opt to disregard the couples’ wishes and bring their own. Letting them know beforehand only gives them the time needed to plan on sneaking in a cooler. I can’t speak for everyone, but from what I’ve heard and seen this is a fairly common occurrence vs. NOT warning them and when they show up, they will just have to deal with it. I “expect” coffee when it’s cold out, but I’m not ditching the whole event if there isn’t any when I show up. Guests should know how to be respectful and sit through it.
@@de5072 A lot of weddings have alcohol, so a lot of guests expect it because of that. I've also read a different AITA post from someone else who left their friend's dry wedding early because the whole friend group had been expecting alcohol because the friend group always gathers at a bar or brewery so the gatherings basically revolve around alcohol. If OP's friend usually has a glass of wine then they meet up and OP didn't know about the groom's sobriety, then she might have had no reason to expect the wedding to be dry. Also, if OP is friends with the bride but not the groom, it's possible that she didn't know about his sobriety. It's such a personal thing that he might not be comfortable with everybody knowing.
Side-note, I will admit that I am unhealthily caffeine-dependent, I have definitely left events to grab a coffee and come back later to prevent headaches and what have you, but what I will NOT do is sneak in my own, ditch the event, or shame the hosts. My need for caffeine is my own problem, and I believe the same goes for alcohol. I don’t think guests should need a warning, I think they should know how to handle themselves like adults.
@@alexnoelle5423 I agree that guests should be able to cope without alcohol, but if they're expecting it to be available, then they're going to spend money in preparation for not being able to drive themselves home. Everything is expensive these days, so they're not going to be happy to have spent that money when it turns out that they didn't need to, so that's why I think it's important to inform guests in advance, so that they know that they'll be able to drive themselves home safely. Anyone who would try to sneak alcohol in anyway isn't a supportive friend/relative so isn't worth inviting.
I think i can agree with most of that. They were there a long time, but i think it wasn't very tasteful to tell others they were going to out after because it implies negativity. Also the fact that alcohol was mentioned several times means OP wanted us to know is was the main focus and her reasoning. Lastly, I couldn't imagine throwing a wedding with an after party (even if a little long) and have a large group of my guests leave only to find out theyre hanging out somehwere else instead. Its like an indirect dig at the couple and their poor party skills. It's not like anyone left because they were tired or had to get home tl the kids or anything like that... it was hey, we didnt get our party fill here, so were hanging somehwere else. Its a bit of lack of empathy for the couple's feelings about a wedding im sure they were proud of and put effort into. I think as a bride I would've been more understanding and felt better if they left and the reason was because they were tired or something. (That is a long time. I would've understood wanting to leave... just not for the reason of going to party more somehwere else)
If they smack talked... they're the A-hole. But otherwise, they lasted for 5 hours!! The bride and groom expected them to stay for 6-8 hours (5pm ceremony, 6pm reception, 11pm afterparty) on top of that, it sounds like the Bride and Groom weren't clear that this wedding was dry ANDDDDDD the bride invited a lot of people who were completely oblivious to the grooms journey with sobriety. If a bunch of HER friends left, then she didn't prepare them for this event. What if the groom's friends were also all sober? Then, they'd have an understanding of the event that the bride's side didn't have. His friends at least knew ahead of time he was sober. Also, we don't know if OP told a lot of people or a few people, and those people told people. I could imagine someone narcing to the bride that a group of her friends were going to the bar when they left. Regardless, to me, they're only the A-hole if they trash-talked the event and actually rangled a group of people to leave.
Exactly! All I'm seeing is that two people wanted to leave and upon hearing this, somehow, other people that also wanted to leave saw the opening and left too. Nowhere did I see that these people offered their own invites to the other wedding guests in any kind of scheme to stage a mass exit. It's also very odd to me to get angry at one person and not everyone else who left of their own accord. OP didn't force anyone else to leave. They obviously left because they also wanted to.
I'm 1.5 years sober and did an open bar at my wedding last spring. I did give a heads up to those who don't drink that it won't be dry but there would be non-alcoholic options and mocktails available but at the end of the day guests will remember if you had a cash bar or a dry wedding.
Gotta disagree with Jamie's ending opinion. In reddit stories people make themselves look as good as possible. They would've listed at least some of the other things. Not saying there couldnt be other reasons. But if this is how the OP presented themselves, they are at least a bit of an ahole.
I’m thinking so too because they made an edit. They would’ve made other edits if the wedding is as bad as Jamie thinks it was. But I don’t think so cause the groom’s friends stayed
I think this might be an ESH. Bride seemed to care more about optics than her guests themselves. She needed butts in seats on the bride side or she probably wouldn't have invited a bunch of college friends 15 years after college. As for OP, she made this about her getting a date night instead of about her friend and, whether unintentional or not, ruined her friend's after party for her. I do think it's a little odd to have an 11 PM after party in America. I'd assume the happy couple are tired from doing prep before the ceremony and want to get to the wedding night ASAP, but what do I know? From the title I thought this might have been an edited version of the AH who billed the groom for his hotel, Uber and babysitter because he didn't know it was a dry wedding.
If a wedding is going to be dry, it should be noted on the invitation and I think it's the same if it's a cash bar. Anyway, these were a bunch of college friends, who all left their kids at home, and decided to go out and get loaded like they did when they were in their early 20s. And the OP said in her post that she and her husband didn't have a lot of time away from their kids and were excited to 'let loose' and when they learned it was a dry wedding, they were 'admitted bummed'. OP told people at the wedding that they were leaving to go and get drunk. I think the OP would have said the wedding was boring just because she couldn't get sloshed on someone else's dime. If the wedding wasn't dry, I bet the OP wouldn't have thought the wedding was boring. I have a feeling that the OP has lost a friendship though.
So, I don't drink for religious and other reasons. My family and friends all know this and a lot of my friends don't drink for similar reasons. That being said I still completely intend on having a super fun wedding and reception. I think the people in my life would be more surprised it I did have alcohol. I agree I think the phrasing is the main issue here.
Got married over two years ago but I still love to come back and occasionally watch Jamie be a subtle voice of reason in this series 😆😆 Jamie possibly changing her opinion halfway through the video makes me love her more 💕
I got to be honest the idea of a dry wedding threw me off. Like for Arab weddings NO alcohol is the norm. I had completely forgot that in American weddings having alcohol is the norm. Also I got that you said in American wedding 3ish hours is the norm but it definitely is not for Arabs. I mean people do leave after like 4 but close family and friends stay for a lot longer lol. But there is also n expectation for food and music/dancing. A lot of it. There are even traditional dances (like dabke) that we do at a wedding.
This is what I was wondering. How can some people feel they can’t have a good time without alcohol. I just recently went to a wedding and it was lit. So much fun and dancing and socializing. The only person I knew was the bride and I had a great time.
Went to a dry wedding- it was super fun because they had table games, lawn games, AMAZING and creative vendors / booths, etc. Of course, the dance floor was a little dry because it was broad daylight and everyone was sober but the couple did an amazing job making sure we all had a good time. I've also been to boring weddings WITH a full bar. After all, event planning is a skill
I wish that was the case for us. Our venue has a few to have the cash bar, and requires security. So just to have a cash bar it would be an extra $1000
I can vouch for your videos, Jamie! I watched your whole channel leading up to my wedding, which turned into a covid wedding and needing to change venues less than 3 months before our big day. It was a headache and a half, but overall, we had a beautiful wedding, and according to our guests, everyone had an amazing time! I appreciate your channel sooo stinkin much!
I understand your points but no, the OP SUCKS hard! You can leave wherever you want, whenever you want. You just don’t make comments. You stfu and leave quietly. It doesn’t matter if the wedding sucked, it doesn’t matter if it’s dry, it doesn’t matter if it’s long. You use couth and decorum. You don’t say, “Hey we’re leaving early to bar hop, wanna come?” 🙄
It also is notable that it was specifically the bride's side that left, which indicates that this was not ordinproblems and problems. And we also have no reference to those problems which would have been there.. We also know that the bride specifically menchanted complaints from op about no alcohol as well as putting that in the headline , and then never mentioning yet in their telling of the story. This means it would almost certainly habeen a major turn people against o.P if she'd given the details and she knows it.
I'm still inclined to think OP is wrong... Even if the wedding was boring, she could have sucked it up for her friend... From what she said, she only thought it was boring because there was no alcohol.... At least now the bride knows who her real friends are....
She did suck it up. She stayed from 5-9:30. It’s not like she stayed for fifteen minutes and bailed and it’s also not like she’s the only one who left. She didn’t force anyone to leave.
I think we can also rule out the wedding being boring.Given that all of the grooms guests seem to have stayed versus all of the brides guests having left.
I went to a dry wedding last year, and by dry I mean DRY… like only water and hot tea as the drink options- no alcohol, soda, juice lol. BUT I STAYED THE WHOLE TIME 😝
I would love to have a dry wedding: my fiance doesn't drink, I no longer drink, it would make things so much cheaper and I wouldn't have to stress about certain family members causing chaos at the wedding. But alas, we're not. Of course, we could do a cash bar, but then my family would scream about how cheap and deplorable it is, (and the ones who say that a cash bar is cheap are the ones who don't even drink!). If we did a BYOB, then the chaos would really go insane and I'm trying to keep this as stress free as possible. So, 1-2 types of beer, 1-2 types of wine and hard seltzers for all who are of the drinking age it is!
ESH - Bride should have warned her friends that there was dry after-party, following her dry wedding. And she also maybe should have anticipated that people weren't going to want to stay for both. "After party" sounds super optional to me! On the other hand, the guest friend should have just left without announcing it to the rest of the friend group and coordinating a mass exodus.
I agree with including info on invites that a dry wedding is to be expected. However, it seems there's a subtle, yet definite notion that today guests EXPECT to be stuffed and entertained. I seriously believed invited guests attend with the sole intention of supporting and sharing in a monumental day of people/person they actually care enough about to do so! The Wedding Day is about the couple! Thanks for the enlightenment. This "lesson" will be crucial in deciding upon an upcoming guest list.
I know of one wedding where the groom did not know it was a dry wedding. Bride and her family did all the planning.The groom walked in and walked out. Made a beer run and went back but oof that was not a fun time
Unpopular opinion: If you can't go one day (really, just a few hours) without an alcoholic beverage, there's a word for that. Alcohol is expensive & people go overboard at parties because it's not their dime. Or if they do have a pay bar, they complain about the selections. Alcohol shouldn't be necessary for a good time. Why couldn't they wait until the reception was at least over? After parties are negotiable. And then to have the bulk of her friends leave? Yeah, they totally didn't support their friend on her wedding day. They owe her a massive apology & maybe a nice dinner too. I didn't go to my best friend's after party because I traveled from out of state & I had a limited budget, plus I head to leave early the next day.
This isn't an unpopular opinion. This is the smart and reasonable take. I do enjoy a glass of wine here and there. Or a fru fru cocktail. But I'm also more than capable of enjoying a social event without them.
I take it a step further and say "if you have to drink in order to be interesting you probably have the personality of a wet mop and get bored with yourself."
I left a wedding 2hrs before it was supposed to end. The dj sucked, he had us in the dnace floor foe a while then dropped the ball.. and we were there from 330 until 830 lol now i feel better because i lasted 5hrs..
My best friends wedding had a specific amount of alcohol they pre paid and by the time pictures were done it was gone and everyone was totally smashed. She was so pissed. People also brought their own alcohol. It was a total disaster.
Expecting alcohol at weddings is not alcoholism 😂 I’m southern Baptist (the notoriously no-alcohol denomination) and yet the VAST MAJORITY of weddings I’ve been to have had some form of alcohol, so it’s not outrageous to expect it. Also, I’ve been to fun sober weddings, and incredibly boring sober weddings. So if you aren’t gonna have alcohol, you need to make sure your wedding is bangin’ in all other categories and make sure your timeline moves smoothly with no downtime and doesn’t last too long.
I disagree, I think OP is the a** but not for leaving, but for spreading it around like you were saying earlier. The bride's side is the only side that left, which signals to me that people who knew each other were the ones sharing this info amongst themselves OR that when the groom's side heard they decided to stay. We don't have enough info to know why, what the party was like, etc. OP seemed to plan on leaving the moment they found out it is a dry wedding. I think that's dumb but I've been to a whole mix of weddings and had fun at all of them. I'm also used to long, multiple day weddings in my culture. We don't know how much of the bride's side left and I would be sad if I was her and people weren't open with me about being bored if they were close enough for me to invite.
I don’t care if the wedding is boring, the day is FOR the couple getting married, not for you or me as a guest. You can discuss making a wedding interesting for guests during the wedding planning stage and that’s super important, but even if the wedding is super boring I would not leave for that reason if I was close to the couple getting married. If I left early explicitly because the wedding was boring, and especially if I go out with other wedding guests afterwards (as opposed to sleeping or smth if I need to leave due to exhaustion), then I’d be the asshole. Imagine doing the same thing at your close friend’s birthday party? That would be devastating!
If having a dry wedding is important, perhaps schedule your ceremony at a different time of day. Alcohol seems to go hand in hand with evening events. We had an afternoon wedding with a light 'finger foods' reception. No one really expected alcohol at a "Tea time" event.
I work as a wedding bartender and have worked many dry weddings (I’m included in the package, I can’t get out of it 😢) and people always leave early. Even if the guests are also sober or religious. There’s only so much soda you can drink before you realize you have soda at the house. Where you can hang out in comfy clothes and shoes. I don’t think the op is the ah. Especially if the invite didn’t say it was a dry wedding. People go to weddings to party. It’s a celebration. If it’s going to be dry it has to be extra fun.
I think your last few sentences are where people have a conversation about the crux of the issue. Sure, people go to weddings to party, but why does that have anything to do with alcohol? Why do dry weddings have to be "extra fun"? If the only difference is alcohol vs. no alcohol, then that implies the alcohol is necessary to have fun. It's an interesting discussion for sure.
This is really weird. I don't drink alcohol and I usually stay at weddings until at least 2 in the morning (I'm German and here, weddings often start around 2 in the afternoon and end early in the morning, between 3 and 5). I would stay longer if I wasn't a morning person - I already get super tired around 9 or 10. I don't understand why people need alcohol for that.
I’m going to say it anyway. 4 hours is wild! I was a wedding DJ in Ontario and we played until 1am or later. Not in a big city either. Is that typical in the US? It would explain why the wedding in a hotel we were staying at this summer ended at 1030. Confused me cause it sounded like a great party.
If my friends want to ditch my wedding, I also probably want to ditch my wedding rather than talk to aunt barb for another 2 hours. Reasonable expectations here is key and EXPECTING someone to given you 8+ hours of their day is nuts to begin with. I’m done small talking by the time we get through cocktail hour. I don’t drink but imagine if I did that a couple drinks would make it easier to small talk for several more hours. And no, I don’t think wanting to drink at a wedding makes you an alcoholic. I digress. OP is NTA but we’re missing context and perhaps could’ve had some more decorum.
I don't think OP was wrong, I might've left earlier. And why are you having an after party, in the dry venue? Maybe if they were going out where people could purchase alcohol. Also she could've just mentioned they were leaving in passing. The wedding was sucking if most people left just to go to a bar.
Except, only the bride's friends left the reception. The groom's friends and family stuck around, so I feel like there is more to the story. Maybe the bride's friends are all raging alcoholics. And I would also like to know the point of an after-party at a dry event.
random question, has jamie ever reacted too the crazy bride who with the dress code based on weight, and also did a polygraph party to find who shared it? i just want too see her reaction soooooo bad!
I have been to a dry wedding as a kid and there were so many cool activities provided I don't believe anyone left early although it's not a common practice from where I am from.
Yeahhh no, op is definitely in the wrong here. Unless I missed something about a group needing to leave together because they carpooled or something, there was no reason to share that you were leaving and invite others to join. I would have been hurt and frustrated too if this had happened at my event
Attended a wedding that was not only dry, they didn't even serve non-alcoholic drinks! One glass of fruit juice was served before dinner but besides that, water only. Due to the couple's religion we weren't expecting an open bar, but to not even be able to get a Sprite, that was a bit much. We left early... and by early I mean we stayed 4 hours of what can be a 8-10 hour reception.
This person was also called out as the ringleader by the bride. It is possible that this person did actively recruit...and that this is a known role of the OPs, to need a squad to function. OP did say they wanted to let loose, and that their only complaint (stated numerous times) was that the wedding was dry. Since people put their best foot forward, I think they did recruit (they didnt deny that) and that their motivation was drinking. Not a good look for the OP.
It blows my find that 9/10pm is a normal time for a wedding to finish. The earliest I've had a UK wedding finish was 11pm but most are midnight or much later!
It's a WEDDING not, a bar. If you wanna hit the booze hard, go to a bloody pub. Don't go to a wedding and expect to get drunk and think it's socially acceptable. A wedding is suppose to be a civilised event. Hence why some people choose to have an afterparty, to truly let loose and have THAT type of good time. (Club drinking vibes)
OP definetly set the domino's in motion by openly saying she was going to leave early to go get drunk. On another side, It depends... If I were part of the complete wedding party I'd most likely stay until the end, if I were a 'normal' guest I'd expect to be free to choose personal departure. However I would not announce my leaving and why. Coming from a christian environment, it is actually pretty normal for people to leave earlier if they don't want or personally approve the drinking and dancing part.
Wait Jamie you are contradicting yourself. At the beginning you clearly said that from OPs statement you read an intention to get drunk. But then 18ish minutes into the video you say "at no point did they say they wanted to get drunk". Like, some things dont have to be said out loud and you clocked OPs attitude yourself, soooo...🤔
We had a very relaxed wedding. No one was forced to sit down for 3 hours. It was like a really big birthday 200+ guests. Buffétt. Children were also allowed and it was OK if you had to leave after 30 minutes - or go to a club. We had no alcohol but the guests could bring their own, if they wanted to.
I think the bride and groom should have made it clear to their guest that there wasn't going to be alcohol at the wedding from the get go. Especially when couples are getting a night out away from their kids to let loose. It's usually expected at most weddings, so to keep that hidden would tick me off personally and I would be watching the clock to get out asap. It probably put a really damper on the moods of the guest once they found out... and who wants to stay out somewhere until 11pm when they are sober?!? Im not sure what the bride was expecting. The guest were there for 5 hours already and you want them to stay longer for a sober after party??? lol
I've been to 2 weddings this last month, one of my best friend's and another of a friendship I only recently rekindled this year (and was invited to at my best friend's wedding) My best friend's wedding had a bottle of wine at each table, I'm assuming for the sake of costs. Her new husband is a wedding DJ, and dj'ed the wedding himself while also boogie-ing down on the dancefloor. The sangria did not loosen our friend group up enough to dance to more songs than what another friend's mom encouraged us to, and the lights were on for most of the night, and I'm sure the groom is usually a great DJ, but he was spread too thin at his own wedding! The wedding was supposed to go until midnight I think, with dancing ending at 10 for boardgames for the rest of the night. Dancing kept going past 10, and our car left at 1030. We considered going to a bar for food and maybe more drinks, but just wanted McDonalds after all, since the drive to get back home was a little long. Our sober driver that night got married 3 weeks later. There were more people I knew at his wedding, his DJ was FIRE, there was that same sangria + seltzer + beer + spiked punch, and the tent was only lit by tea lights and a couple string lights. It was so, so fun. I got properly drunk for the first time, but I think I would've still had more fun than at my best friend's wedding even if there were no alcohol (or the same amount). The reception venue was also the groom's parent's house, so we stayed the night and partied until the bride and groom left for their hotel. I felt bad for thinking my best friend's wedding was less fun with less alcohol, since alcohol has never mattered to me to have fun in a social setting, but you explained what else hurts the vibes of a wedding BESIDES a lack of an open bar. I still had a wonderful time at her wedding! We got there at 4 pm, so we didn't jump ship early by any means. I still bawled my eyes out when she walked down the aisle and during her first dance and when I hugged her goodbye before we left. The weddings just ended up being very different, and since they were 3 weeks apart it was hard not to compare them so fresh in your memory. They both served pasta which was 10/10
I'm sorry, but comming from culture where you can easily have ceremony mid-afternoon on day 1 and party till 2-3 in the morning and have a second day of party it's really funny that american expection is party till 10. Birthday parties in my family run till 12-1 in the morning.
We just had our wedding in July and did a cash bar and it was fantastic. Neither my husband nor I are big drinkers and most of our friends and family aren't either, so it wasn't where we wanted to put our money. The only thing I drank was wine during dinner and champagne during the (two planned, ended up three) speeches. We're also not big dancers either so most people ended up out on the lawn just hanging out and enjoying the space, which was so perfect for us! Also started at 5 and technically ended at 10 but most ended up filtering out after 9:30 or so.
First - dont act oblivious "cut loose without kids" at the bar or reception is not even *code* for "I wanna get fuuuuuucked up!" Not "Id just like to try a tasting of youe local white zins please!" Weddings are boring? Receptions are boring. Ceremonies are boring? Fuck. Why didn't anyone tell me. Its all "You have to have a wedding ! Its so fun! People love weddings!" Apparently only if you're willing to feed them alcohol so they can sloppy grind on each other in front of your elderly relatives because theyre grappling with parental identity crises. Or leave because "its boring." Ok cool when no one is there to support you in your moments... remember you established we dont do boring things for the people we say we love or care for. Why does this industry exist? Why is it orders of magnitude more expensive throw a party *nobody wants to go to except begrudgingly* I guess as a wedding planner you did help me decide to tell my fiancees aunt that her offer to marry us in her church is so sweet but... nobody likes weddings and I'm not forking out cash to feed and shelter a bunch of ingrates (like kids allowed, kiddie stampeed down the isle with flowers instead of one flower girl, cash bar actually dress to impress have fun with it get so weird, but like...why bother? I am too poor and too hillbilly for that shit.) Something tells mw they'll understand why plans reverted back to "We wed in front of Mothman's caked up azzzz" with this one. When that happens I can say with great confidence my *only* job as a bride will be accomplished - happy guest/witnesses.
I do think OP is the a-hole, but I also come from a culture where wedding guests are expected to stay until midnight at least (where a lot of wedding traditions are happening, like the wedding waltz). Unless you're old or have small children, it would be seen as bad etiquette to leave earlier than midnight.
I agree with you that we possibly don't have enough info to declare one or the other, as there might be something more to it than just the dry wedding-bit. In terms of having a wedding with alcohol - I live Denmark and we have a very ingrained drinking culture. Alcohol would be very much expected at a wedding - and every other type of event. I'm planning on having a wedding with alcohol, but would like some advice on how to limit peoples alcohol intake, when I can't afford a bartender. I'd like to avoid people getting too plastered at a free bar 😅😅
OP is NTA. I am all for dry weddings and am planning one myself as one of my fiances is sober for the last 6years and I have family coming who have shown that they don't know how to act when drinking. That said, everyone who I'm inviting knows that this is a dry wedding so it won't be a suprise. I feel that the bride in this case should have made it clear that the afterparty was going to be dry and maybe shouldn't have planned such a long day. Alcohol or not, people can really only do so much and I'm not really in favor of the "suffer through boring events for your friends" mindset. If someone is going to see my wedding as something boring that they have to slog out just for me as opposed to something they are able to find enjoyment in I'd rather they stay home. Bride also maybe should have remembered who her friends were and what they liked to do. Communication seems to be poor all around in this situation.
OMG poor bride!!! I hope she finds some actual friends! I get wanting to go out BUT you are TA since you did not speak to the bride your FRIEND about leaving and just taking all her friends with you!!! Thats TA part not just wanting to go out.
I’m going to throw my unpopular opinion out there and say OP is not the A Hole. I feel like if it’s going to be a dry wedding that needs to be disclosed to guests because let’s all be honest, American weddings usually equals free booze. From hearing OP’s story it honestly sounds like her and the bride really weren’t that great of friends if she didn’t 1. Want to stay the whole time and 2. Didn’t even know the groom was sober. If the dry wedding detail was disclosed before hand, maybe OP would’ve skipped on the wedding all together and just sent a gift. Then none of this drama would’ve even happened! I’m not saying that’s justified, but hey totally possible.
If she was indeed luring guests away, then she’d be out of line, in my opinion. But she didn’t leave the wedding-she and the others chose not to attend the after party. I think it’s a bit odd to even have an after party, but that’s a separate matter.
I'm having a mimosa bar 🥂 and a sangria mix for bride drink, and rusty nail for grooms drink/ whisky bar and beer for the guys. Maybe blue moon and coronas.
I would love to get a little toasty with my friends at my wedding and I kinda need alcohol to dance in public. I'm lucky to have mostly people who can imbibe at a party, be normal around kids, and go home. That said, I am seriously considering a dry wedding just because I have 2 family members who will for sure do too much and aren't always friendly drunks, and my fiance's dad is hyper against it. I wouldn't let one person dictate our day, but the combo at a small 30-person wedding sounds stressful. My fiance says we should do what we want and be ready to these people out lol. I would 100% make sure everyone knows in advance though, that's kinda weird not to.
I feel like it’s unreasonable to ask your guests to stay that long. Honestly, I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and attended several other weddings, and I don’t think I’ve ever stayed longer than 4 hours. If you want to have a really long reception plus an after party, I would expect only a few of your most die hard friends/family would stick around for it.
I think the execution was the main issue. OP said it was an after-party that they left, and I don't think someone should he expected to attend that the way they'd be expected to attend a reception. HOWEVER, the fact that OP made it known to multiple people that they were leaving to go elsewhere was tacky and rude. Wanting to leave and go somewhere for drinks is okay, the problem was that it was then made into a group outing where a bunch of the bride's friends were all ditched her to do something together.
Would you still think it was rude if OP was getting ready to go, or simply talking with her husband about their plans and were overheard? There's a lot of assumptions happening here. Making plans to leave an afterparty to go somewhere else with your plus one isn't inherently "tacky and rude." Other people with the same intentions finding people to keep hanging out with is...very normal.
I personally don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect your friends to stay until 11pm at a wedding. Obviously if they need to get home to their kids that I understandable, and you can’t force people to stay, but if I was that bride I would still feel pretty sad that all of my friends ditched my party an hour and a half early to go somewhere else. I do think the after party is too much though
Probably an unpopular opinion but if I went to a wedding and then found out it was a dry wedding once I got there, I’d also be bummed and probably leave early. Something you should probably but on the invitations so people aren’t surprised or disappointed
I agree. Without more information, OP does not seem like the AH to me at all, but I understand why the bride would be upset and get the impression that OP organized a big walk-out. Unless OP was sharing some damning info out in replies, it seems like the people in the comments were making a lot of assumptions about why they left and how this big group came to join them. Granted, I don't drink very much, but I personally don't get why people get so bummed finding out when a wedding is a dry one. Whether or not a wedding is fun has more to do with the music, food, and chemistry with the other people at your table. Alcohol's a social lubricant, sure, but it's just one aspect of a big day with so many moving parts. If a person can't have fun at a wedding without alcohol, I think they need to reflect on their people skills and motives for attending weddings at all.
I'm not super surprised by all the disapproving reactions. The expectations & entitlements/control issues to ppls time, money, & level of participation at a wedding has gotten extreme and ridiculous. If you are bridal party you do have a tiny bit more of expectation placed upon you but that too only goes so far. Here's a rhyme to save tears and time: IF YOUR WEDDING IS LIT, NO ONE IS LEAVING IT. (consider your guests and they'll be considerate of you & don't try to control other people...there's the solution)
I wouldn’t have alcohol at my wedding if I ever get married I had small alcohol before but it ended badly it did something to my stomach and I don’t drink alcohol we don’t know what they did at the after party
She’s “somewhat” the a-hole, in my opinion. While I get that she wanted a night to party, this wasn’t the time. It was a wedding, and she could’ve stayed for her friend one night and gift them an awesome memory. Any other night, she could get a babysitter or plan a pajama party with a trusted family-friend, and get hammered. But that night was for her friend. Also, when you go to an event, you have to keep in mind that said event is going to reflect the personality of whoever planned it. If it’s a very chill person, it's going to be a chill event. If the person is an animal party, the event is going to be like that. Keeping that in mind helps with expectations. She's an adult and she could leave, but quietly.
I don't think she's the AH. I rarely drink and have gone to dry weddings, but I knew they were dry weddings. I knew the expectations. I knew we didn’t need lodging or a driver. I think the main reason the grooms friends and family stayed is because they knew he was sober. It sounds like the bride wasn't transparent with her friends. They sent invitations stating there was an after party as well. Honestly, I would assume there is drinking, if not told otherwise. They were college friends, so they probably know how she is and what the norms for their social events are. I also think it's unrealistic to think people are obligated to stay at your wedding the whole time. They are allowed to leave when they want. Her friend stayed for the ceremony. The reception is the party and they stayed for hours. I don't think it was a very fun and engaging event if multiple people left. I have gone to wedding with booze and it got super trashy and people left early. I've also gone to dry weddings, where it was a typical wedding, no games or activities besides dancing and the dance floor was empty and everyone just stared at their phones. People left early. People will leave early if they aren't comfortable or having fun.
I'd understand the op if she didnt accidently unionize the rest of the brides friends in to leaving... like i understand being upset that the bride did not disclose it was a dry wedding but op should have been a little bit more patient or kept her mouth shut about leaving
I don't drink and my partner is an alcoholic who has been sober for a number of years. We will still be serving alcohol as it's the expected cultural norm here in Scotland 😂 If I was having a dry wedding I would have informed everyone ahead of time. I would probably be a bit put out if all my "friends" left early but then I would know who my real friends are.
Yeah sounds like the wedding was boring and others were waiting for someone to leave first. If you have a dry wedding you have to consider this could very possibly happen to you.
Only Jamie could get flack in her comments section for being too non-judgmental and giving others the benefit of the doubt. She’s too sweet for the internet
No it is called an expectation. Alcoholism is life consuming not “I wanna cut loose on my one night away from the kids” and your equating the two is insulting to people in recovery who know the struggle
@@TheVeggiekat alcoholism is a ton more prevalent than you think. And honestly I think your expectations that alcoholism is only when it is fully “life consuming” is the statement that actually is disrespectful of people in recovery. I come from a full family of alcoholics and it looks different for many people. All consuming yes, but the ones like this, not being able to enjoy one night without alcohol to support a friend, is hands down alcoholism. Needing one drink every night or the majority of the week to “wind down” is alcoholism. You are contributing to the normalization of alcoholism in our society by saying that this is not the act of someone struggling to keep their priorities straight because of alcohol.
@@TheVeggiekat It's not like people can handle alcohol great one day and the next day their life is ruined. People glide into alcoholism and not being able to skip alcohol for a few hours (not even a few days) is a bad sign. If someone is not able to have fun without drinking, they have a problem.
Realistically, people are gonna want some drinks to let loose and have fun. Just because the groom doesn’t want to drink that doesn’t mean everyone else can’t have at least one. Especially if the reception is from 6-11. That’s five hours 💀
Why are people so dependent on alcohol to let loose and have fun? He's sober. We don't know why he's sober. Maybe even being around alcohol is triggering for him. And this is just ignoring the costs of having alcohol there. It's a few hours of your life. If YOU can't get through a few hours without alcohol then look inward. It's their wedding and they wanted a dry wedding. No one is forcing you to go ❤
@@de5072 I mean yeah ofc every has their reasons. Obviously it’s not our business, but everyone has their own ways to loosen up, and if you want just a glass of champagne or wine, maybe a shot of tequila, it’s really up to the person. Everyone’s different
@@de5072 because people are shy and don't like to dance, so they want some alcohol to remove some of the pressure and stress associated with dancing and being stared at by other people in the process
People should be able to manage 5 hours without alcohol. I'm super shy and socially awkward and I don't drink - if I can manage a wedding, so can everyone else. Of course, I would be disappointed if a couple skipped a part of the wedding that I really like (for example cake or dancing). But guess what happens if they don't provide it? I stay and celebrate nonetheless. I don't leave because I'm not addicted.
I know you said not to do "but in my culture", but I will anyway. I know I'm TA. So, here in the Deep South, dry weddings are a lot more common. And if there is alcohol, it's usually a bowl of spiked punch and/or a container of ice with some beers in it. Open bars are usually just for if the family is extremely wealthy. Also, wedding receptions usually aren't that long compared to other parts of the country. They usually last 2-3 (maybe 4), and after-parties are virtually unheard of. There may or may not be dancing. Usually, the reception is viewed as something to be endured by the bride and groom for the sake of those who came to the ceremony.
I agree with you on this one Jamie. I feel like there was not enough information here to call this person an a hole. I recently went to a wedding and it was fun, but if I didn’t like dancing I would have left early as well. Especially since the wedding had already been going for a while already. These are my favorite please keep them up!
I left a wedding early with a large group of the bride's family earlier this year. It was a dry wedding, and I know it contributed to it (Irish family and 'dry wedding' did not compute), but the DJ was so LOUD it physically hurt my chest. I was wearing ear plugs and it was still too loud. We asked the DJ, but the volume never changed. We basically fled. 😅 I did feel bad, but headaches were going around..
I might be alone on this one. But I don’t think op is the asshole. My cousin is sober & every party she throws she buys a few beers & wine for guests. It’s a social element, you don’t have to get drunk. To throw a big party like that & not even mention that it was dry is so odd (from the perspective of where I live & all the weddings I attended) I’ve been to engagement parties & weddings while pregnant, obvi I was sober & had so much fun bc the music & atmosphere was one fire! lol so good. I’ve also been to showers& a small wedding where they had drinks but it was a snooze fest, we stayed as long as we can handle. & she said ‘college friends’ so I don’t think this was a 50yo couple leaving, they sounded like a youngish group maybe mid 30s like myself & I know my friends and I have definitely spoke about a friends wedding that didn’t feed us a lot, we all were talking about where we were eating after bc we were starving! So I can picture op & her husband just talking with friends & maybe someone asked “you guys going to the after party” and they respond with “we’re gunna head to a bar after” maybe they even mentioned something like “we got a sitter for the kids we wanna go out” cause I know as a mom, my husband and I don’t get a lot of time to be young& have fun. So when we have a sitter we do treat it like a wild night out lol I would be pisssed if I wasted a sitter on a boring event. You’re allowed to be a bit selfish, the bride and groom were thinking of themselves when they made it dry (which is totally fine!) but op & her husband are allowed to be selfish when deciding how they wanted to end their night. They stayed and supported their friend for a while. I rspv’d to the wedding, not after party. I’m allowed to do a little bit of what I want with my own time. So I’m with OP.. I don’t think they were assholes at all. And I agree with you about context matters! Didn’t op write that it was boring? So like I said I wouldn’t wanna waste what little time was left of my night at a boring event. But that’s just me & my opinion.. to each their own
They were there for the whole wedding. A lot of weddings are boring if you can’t drink. Everyone leaving all at once could be seen as rude. IG. But maybe the music was dry too lol😂😂. As long as they said bye to the bride I think she needs to get over it. You know your friends
If the wedding is boring, the wedding is dry and you were wanting to cut loose…going to an after party is OPTIONAL!!!! Not the idiot, but maybe the bride and groom should not have had an after party, dry. Or have drinks at the after party and be adults about whether to drink or not. The guests are not responsible for the groom not drinking.
I have been to weddings where I could not eat the food because of my allergies (and the couples knew about them) there was no alcohol, no dancing, no music and no games the receptions were from 6pm to 11pm the ceremonies were from 4:30pm to 5:45pm I stayed the whole time. It was because the person couldn't handle that there was no alcohol hence saying they were going to the bar they are not really that close because they didn't know that the groom was sober if the grooms friends stayed and majority of the people from the brides side left then that may have been the case that they weren't super close friends of the bride its usually common curtesy to stay through to the end of the reception at least that's what I have been told unless you let the bride and groom know ahead of time that you will not be staying for the whole of the reception or an emergency pops up. The OP in my opinion was disrespectful and inconsiderate of the bride for leaving the reception to go to a bar. In my opinion based off of what OP said in their post it was because they wanted to let loose and party and drink without their kids around wasn't really close to the bride and groom but wanted to party that's why they left the reception early to go to a bar.
I think it would hurt me as the bride if my friends all decided to leave together instead of spend time with me on my special day. They all left together instead of spend time together at this event I put together. It’s going to sting.
Agree. Ultimately it just kind of sucks for the bride
This exact thing happened at my wedding. I was so disappointed. Especially since everyone knew it was a dry wedding before hand. So much food and cake left over...
I think something interesting that others have pointed out is that people are usually going to tell the version of the story that makes them look the best. So if there were problems with the reception, OP probably would have mentioned that. The fact that she didn't leaves me to believe there weren't any.
Not necessarily. Especially if pointing out other aspects of the wedding that OP thought was boring were things that could come off as insensitive, aka anything along the lines of "I don't actually like the bride or the groom so it mattered less to stick around," "the music was not at all my cup of tea (super subjective)," "there were other guests making me uncomfortable," "I was seated at a table of people I don't know and didn't particularly connect with" or other incentives to leave, the list goes on. And anyway, if their goal was to get something out of a date night that they weren't getting at the wedding, they really don't need to defend their choice to leave early and it's not on them if simply sharing their plans revealed that other people were thinking the same thing.
I disagree with the conclusion that something else was off about the wedding to make all the bride's friends leave. The groom's friends stayed. If it was that bad one would think having a large group of people get up and walk out would've been a great time for any other bored guests to slip out. All we have is the op's point of view. I would love to have the bride's side of the story!
And that's the for you get to all of the indirect references to the conflict such as the bride's complaints and the headline centering it around alcohol. That gives us enough of the bride's perspective to be at least the appearance of coordinating a preprotest against the absence of alcohol.
I'm no hero, but I am not leaving a friend's wedding due to lack of alcohol, lack of food, bad music, uncomfortable temperature, or the other examples in this video. Unless it's to temporarily step out to find a solution to one of those problems. All those problems have easy solutions! And if I don't like the bride enough to help out a bit, then my RSVP was no. Not that I've been invited to the wedding of an enemy yet, haha.
I would probably leave if a fight broke out or I felt nauseous or something else where it's hard to fix the situation.
My biggest problem with OP is that she sounds like she wanted a night out partying and used the wedding as an excuse to get a bit of free time away from the kids. Then when she realized that there was no alcohol at the event and she couldn't "let loose", she just ditched the newlyweds to go out drinking.
You don't go to weddings to party. You go to weddings to support your friend/family member and share their joy for a day. It's not even like the OP was alone and she had noone to talk to, as she said that her husband was with her as well as the friend group from college - who all decided to have a night out instead of staying for their friend. I get that you need time for yourself sometimes, but a friend's wedding is NOT about you.
Also, if the party was so "bad" and "boring", how come the groom's side mostly stayed??
Because the groom's side is also "boring"? This isn't a hard question to answer lol. Different personalities, values, and priorities. If one side likes to party and the other doesn't then of course you're going to have a bunch of people that follow the leader depending on which side they fall on.
My opinion is that if there was other factors, the OP would have stated. She would have said there was no food, or hot, or bad music, ect. Instead she gocused on how she was excited to "let loose" and then told others her plan so they all left together to go to a bar.
It seems like it was the alcohol that was the factor.
And thats fine! If not for the fact that she told people her plan and they all left as a big group
The other factor is, if alcohol are not the issue.Then you would have had a much more even departure of bride's gests and groom's.
That's exactly what I was thinking. And the way it was written sounded like she had made these plans before the reception had really started which can set things up where people don't actually give the event a chance because they are so focused on what is coming next
I wonder if OP was as kind as they said they were? You are putting a lot of faith in their retelling of events, especially when you know they didn’t give a lot of detail about the wedding
Especially when you consider that both the headline and the bride's complaint specifically mentioned complained about the absence of alcohol which was not mentioned in OP's retelling. The retelling also is is compatible with the wild difference among the two sides of the guest list.
It's true there were a lot of factors we can't verify. If the OP was loud and discussing how much they were looking forward to ditching to hit the bars, and the only complaint about the wedding was the lack of alcohol, that's a pretty AH thing to do. If they were asked about what they're doing afterward ("are you going to the after party?" "no, we're thinking about hitting the bars instead") and the wedding itself was boring enough that you needed something else to do, and other people just locked on to your plan and decided to bounce and go with you instead, that's not really your fault. The problem I think a lot of people had, including myself, is that it felt with the way OP wrote the story that the fact that it was a dry wedding was the crux of the issue. Like the lack of alcohol at the reception was the entire reason they wanted to leave. It was also kind of telling that at the afterparty, the bride noticed all her guests were gone but the groom's side stuck around. It does leave kind of a bad impression, ngl.
Although I'm not sure why you would have an after-party following a wedding reception. Isn't the reception the party??
I have heard a few versions of after-party. One is where the kids and old folks leave and the party gets very adult, mostly with booze and loud music. The other is where only certain people are asked to stay, which causes issues for those who stayed to the end of the reception only to realize that it's not really the end of the reception but they are no longer a welcome guest. I'm not sure what the point was for this particular after-party and OP can't enlighten us because she bailed.
A wedding I went to a couple years ago had an after party that I thought worked really well. There was a place a couple blocks from the wedding venue that had diner/bar food for those who wanted something substantial to eat after several hours of dancing. It was very chill and everyone was invited to come hang out there if they wanted - predictably, it ended up being mostly friends of the bride and groom and a few close family members like the bride's parents. Beer was available but most of us opted for soda because we were kind of tired by that point (alcohol had also been present at the reception).
@@annemcrowell now that makes sense to me because it's an entirely different location at least. I think I would be way too tired to do that after having a reception already but I can see it working then
@@roselover411a wedding in Hungary often has the ceremony where literally the whole town is invited to with a short time afterward for sharing well-wishes with the couple, then a reception for just friends and family at a second location, then an after party for the young crowd that gets rowdy either at someone’s home or a bar/club. So in that sense it’s normal to see people leave after the various subsections of the event.
My niece had a dry wedding because she knew some family members had problems with alcohol and she didn’t want drunk idiots at her wedding. She did tell some of her friends but she had a small wedding (70 guests) and most attendees didn’t expect alcohol. She had a live band and the dance party was lit. All their friends were dancing and had a great time. Most everyone stayed.
I went to a wedding in the 90's most of the people were in their early to mid 20's and if I remember correctly it was a dry wedding or only one drink per person was allowed. It was a beautiful ceremony and meal. However, since the bride's mother was paying for the DJ the only music allowed was from late 50's to early 70's. He was instructed not to play anything from the 70's on. All of the music that was playing was before the bride was even born. To this day it was the most beautiful wedding ceremony and the worst reception I have ever been to and not because there was no alcohol.
The o p described it in terms of being a dry wedding issue. And then talks about how the bride complained specifically that it was disrespecting this husbands sobriaty. These 2 facts demonstrate conclusively that the O.P is at least being deceptive and not talking about where that came from.Probably because it makes them look bad. O p has clearly colored what they said given the contrast between their descriptions and their paraphrasing of themselves. Then you get the fact that the groom's guests all stayed which means they found it normal and appropriate. Once again ruling out the implication that this was not an alcohol and non alcohol discrimination phenomenon.
I think you might be giving op too much credit lol. If the wedding being alcohol-free wasn't the main factor for leaving, op wouldn't have put that in the title and mentioned it so much in the post. If it was for the reasons you were speculating about, the title probably would've been something like "AITA for leaving a boring wedding early" instead. Going off the details op thought were important to include, I'd say they're the a-hole, but I agree it would be NTA if it was the scenario you said
YES!!!
I don't drink and I'm all for a dry wedding, but I think it's important to tell guests in advance that it's a dry wedding if guest experience is something you care about. A lot of guests are going to be unhappy if they've spent money on transport and accommodation and possibly overnight babysitters in anticipation of consuming alcohol and then there was no alcohol to consume and they feel like they've wasted their money, and that's probably going to impact their experience of the rest of the event.
I think this is a great opening for the alcohol dependency conversation. Like why are we expecting alcohol be there?
But also if you know the couple you should ideally know one or both are sober (in this case) and could make the safe assumption it's a dry wedding
In my experience, that is an absolute no-go! If you warn them that it is a dry wedding, many guests will opt to disregard the couples’ wishes and bring their own. Letting them know beforehand only gives them the time needed to plan on sneaking in a cooler. I can’t speak for everyone, but from what I’ve heard and seen this is a fairly common occurrence vs. NOT warning them and when they show up, they will just have to deal with it. I “expect” coffee when it’s cold out, but I’m not ditching the whole event if there isn’t any when I show up. Guests should know how to be respectful and sit through it.
@@de5072 A lot of weddings have alcohol, so a lot of guests expect it because of that. I've also read a different AITA post from someone else who left their friend's dry wedding early because the whole friend group had been expecting alcohol because the friend group always gathers at a bar or brewery so the gatherings basically revolve around alcohol. If OP's friend usually has a glass of wine then they meet up and OP didn't know about the groom's sobriety, then she might have had no reason to expect the wedding to be dry.
Also, if OP is friends with the bride but not the groom, it's possible that she didn't know about his sobriety. It's such a personal thing that he might not be comfortable with everybody knowing.
Side-note, I will admit that I am unhealthily caffeine-dependent, I have definitely left events to grab a coffee and come back later to prevent headaches and what have you, but what I will NOT do is sneak in my own, ditch the event, or shame the hosts. My need for caffeine is my own problem, and I believe the same goes for alcohol. I don’t think guests should need a warning, I think they should know how to handle themselves like adults.
@@alexnoelle5423 I agree that guests should be able to cope without alcohol, but if they're expecting it to be available, then they're going to spend money in preparation for not being able to drive themselves home. Everything is expensive these days, so they're not going to be happy to have spent that money when it turns out that they didn't need to, so that's why I think it's important to inform guests in advance, so that they know that they'll be able to drive themselves home safely. Anyone who would try to sneak alcohol in anyway isn't a supportive friend/relative so isn't worth inviting.
I think i can agree with most of that. They were there a long time, but i think it wasn't very tasteful to tell others they were going to out after because it implies negativity. Also the fact that alcohol was mentioned several times means OP wanted us to know is was the main focus and her reasoning. Lastly, I couldn't imagine throwing a wedding with an after party (even if a little long) and have a large group of my guests leave only to find out theyre hanging out somehwere else instead. Its like an indirect dig at the couple and their poor party skills. It's not like anyone left because they were tired or had to get home tl the kids or anything like that... it was hey, we didnt get our party fill here, so were hanging somehwere else. Its a bit of lack of empathy for the couple's feelings about a wedding im sure they were proud of and put effort into. I think as a bride I would've been more understanding and felt better if they left and the reason was because they were tired or something. (That is a long time. I would've understood wanting to leave... just not for the reason of going to party more somehwere else)
If they smack talked... they're the A-hole. But otherwise, they lasted for 5 hours!! The bride and groom expected them to stay for 6-8 hours (5pm ceremony, 6pm reception, 11pm afterparty) on top of that, it sounds like the Bride and Groom weren't clear that this wedding was dry ANDDDDDD the bride invited a lot of people who were completely oblivious to the grooms journey with sobriety. If a bunch of HER friends left, then she didn't prepare them for this event. What if the groom's friends were also all sober? Then, they'd have an understanding of the event that the bride's side didn't have. His friends at least knew ahead of time he was sober. Also, we don't know if OP told a lot of people or a few people, and those people told people. I could imagine someone narcing to the bride that a group of her friends were going to the bar when they left. Regardless, to me, they're only the A-hole if they trash-talked the event and actually rangled a group of people to leave.
Exactly! All I'm seeing is that two people wanted to leave and upon hearing this, somehow, other people that also wanted to leave saw the opening and left too. Nowhere did I see that these people offered their own invites to the other wedding guests in any kind of scheme to stage a mass exit. It's also very odd to me to get angry at one person and not everyone else who left of their own accord. OP didn't force anyone else to leave. They obviously left because they also wanted to.
I'm 1.5 years sober and did an open bar at my wedding last spring. I did give a heads up to those who don't drink that it won't be dry but there would be non-alcoholic options and mocktails available but at the end of the day guests will remember if you had a cash bar or a dry wedding.
Gotta disagree with Jamie's ending opinion. In reddit stories people make themselves look as good as possible. They would've listed at least some of the other things. Not saying there couldnt be other reasons. But if this is how the OP presented themselves, they are at least a bit of an ahole.
I’m thinking so too because they made an edit. They would’ve made other edits if the wedding is as bad as Jamie thinks it was. But I don’t think so cause the groom’s friends stayed
I think this might be an ESH. Bride seemed to care more about optics than her guests themselves. She needed butts in seats on the bride side or she probably wouldn't have invited a bunch of college friends 15 years after college. As for OP, she made this about her getting a date night instead of about her friend and, whether unintentional or not, ruined her friend's after party for her. I do think it's a little odd to have an 11 PM after party in America. I'd assume the happy couple are tired from doing prep before the ceremony and want to get to the wedding night ASAP, but what do I know? From the title I thought this might have been an edited version of the AH who billed the groom for his hotel, Uber and babysitter because he didn't know it was a dry wedding.
If a wedding is going to be dry, it should be noted on the invitation and I think it's the same if it's a cash bar.
Anyway, these were a bunch of college friends, who all left their kids at home, and decided to go out and get loaded like they did when they were in their early 20s. And the OP said in her post that she and her husband didn't have a lot of time away from their kids and were excited to 'let loose' and when they learned it was a dry wedding, they were 'admitted bummed'. OP told people at the wedding that they were leaving to go and get drunk. I think the OP would have said the wedding was boring just because she couldn't get sloshed on someone else's dime.
If the wedding wasn't dry, I bet the OP wouldn't have thought the wedding was boring.
I have a feeling that the OP has lost a friendship though.
So, I don't drink for religious and other reasons. My family and friends all know this and a lot of my friends don't drink for similar reasons. That being said I still completely intend on having a super fun wedding and reception. I think the people in my life would be more surprised it I did have alcohol. I agree I think the phrasing is the main issue here.
Got married over two years ago but I still love to come back and occasionally watch Jamie be a subtle voice of reason in this series 😆😆 Jamie possibly changing her opinion halfway through the video makes me love her more 💕
I got to be honest the idea of a dry wedding threw me off. Like for Arab weddings NO alcohol is the norm. I had completely forgot that in American weddings having alcohol is the norm. Also I got that you said in American wedding 3ish hours is the norm but it definitely is not for Arabs. I mean people do leave after like 4 but close family and friends stay for a lot longer lol. But there is also n expectation for food and music/dancing. A lot of it. There are even traditional dances (like dabke) that we do at a wedding.
This is what I was wondering. How can some people feel they can’t have a good time without alcohol. I just recently went to a wedding and it was lit. So much fun and dancing and socializing. The only person I knew was the bride and I had a great time.
Went to a dry wedding- it was super fun because they had table games, lawn games, AMAZING and creative vendors / booths, etc. Of course, the dance floor was a little dry because it was broad daylight and everyone was sober but the couple did an amazing job making sure we all had a good time. I've also been to boring weddings WITH a full bar. After all, event planning is a skill
We did a cash bar and that was 15 years ago. People loved it and bought drinks all night. It did not cost us a dime.
I wish that was the case for us. Our venue has a few to have the cash bar, and requires security. So just to have a cash bar it would be an extra $1000
@@cassidyhazell8794 Oh wow. Is it outside? I would understand if it was not part of a huge venue. Ours was inside a casino.
@@jacjac2010 it's on the patio of a golf course clubhouse, so I guess it makes sense but it's still crazy
I can vouch for your videos, Jamie! I watched your whole channel leading up to my wedding, which turned into a covid wedding and needing to change venues less than 3 months before our big day. It was a headache and a half, but overall, we had a beautiful wedding, and according to our guests, everyone had an amazing time! I appreciate your channel sooo stinkin much!
I understand your points but no, the OP SUCKS hard! You can leave wherever you want, whenever you want. You just don’t make comments. You stfu and leave quietly. It doesn’t matter if the wedding sucked, it doesn’t matter if it’s dry, it doesn’t matter if it’s long. You use couth and decorum. You don’t say, “Hey we’re leaving early to bar hop, wanna come?” 🙄
it's what she said (no need to give this info to all the guests and no need to invite them to a bar afterwards)
It also is notable that it was specifically the bride's side that left, which indicates that this was not ordinproblems and problems. And we also have no reference to those problems which would have been there.. We also know that the bride specifically menchanted complaints from op about no alcohol as well as putting that in the headline , and then never mentioning yet in their telling of the story. This means it would almost certainly habeen a major turn people against o.P if she'd given the details and she knows it.
I'm still inclined to think OP is wrong... Even if the wedding was boring, she could have sucked it up for her friend... From what she said, she only thought it was boring because there was no alcohol.... At least now the bride knows who her real friends are....
They still showed up tho…..
She did suck it up. She stayed from 5-9:30. It’s not like she stayed for fifteen minutes and bailed and it’s also not like she’s the only one who left. She didn’t force anyone to leave.
I think we can also rule out the wedding being boring.Given that all of the grooms guests seem to have stayed versus all of the brides guests having left.
I went to a dry wedding last year, and by dry I mean DRY… like only water and hot tea as the drink options- no alcohol, soda, juice lol. BUT I STAYED THE WHOLE TIME 😝
I would love to have a dry wedding: my fiance doesn't drink, I no longer drink, it would make things so much cheaper and I wouldn't have to stress about certain family members causing chaos at the wedding. But alas, we're not. Of course, we could do a cash bar, but then my family would scream about how cheap and deplorable it is, (and the ones who say that a cash bar is cheap are the ones who don't even drink!). If we did a BYOB, then the chaos would really go insane and I'm trying to keep this as stress free as possible. So, 1-2 types of beer, 1-2 types of wine and hard seltzers for all who are of the drinking age it is!
ESH - Bride should have warned her friends that there was dry after-party, following her dry wedding. And she also maybe should have anticipated that people weren't going to want to stay for both. "After party" sounds super optional to me! On the other hand, the guest friend should have just left without announcing it to the rest of the friend group and coordinating a mass exodus.
I agree with including info on invites that a dry wedding is to be expected. However, it seems there's a subtle, yet definite notion that today guests EXPECT to be stuffed and entertained. I seriously believed invited guests attend with the sole intention of supporting and sharing in a monumental day of people/person they actually care enough about to do so! The Wedding Day is about the couple! Thanks for the enlightenment. This "lesson" will be crucial in deciding upon an upcoming guest list.
I know of one wedding where the groom did not know it was a dry wedding. Bride and her family did all the planning.The groom walked in and walked out. Made a beer run and went back but oof that was not a fun time
Unpopular opinion: If you can't go one day (really, just a few hours) without an alcoholic beverage, there's a word for that. Alcohol is expensive & people go overboard at parties because it's not their dime. Or if they do have a pay bar, they complain about the selections. Alcohol shouldn't be necessary for a good time.
Why couldn't they wait until the reception was at least over? After parties are negotiable. And then to have the bulk of her friends leave? Yeah, they totally didn't support their friend on her wedding day. They owe her a massive apology & maybe a nice dinner too. I didn't go to my best friend's after party because I traveled from out of state & I had a limited budget, plus I head to leave early the next day.
This isn't an unpopular opinion. This is the smart and reasonable take. I do enjoy a glass of wine here and there. Or a fru fru cocktail. But I'm also more than capable of enjoying a social event without them.
I take it a step further and say "if you have to drink in order to be interesting you probably have the personality of a wet mop and get bored with yourself."
I left a wedding 2hrs before it was supposed to end. The dj sucked, he had us in the dnace floor foe a while then dropped the ball.. and we were there from 330 until 830 lol now i feel better because i lasted 5hrs..
My best friends wedding had a specific amount of alcohol they pre paid and by the time pictures were done it was gone and everyone was totally smashed. She was so pissed. People also brought their own alcohol. It was a total disaster.
Expecting alcohol at weddings is not alcoholism 😂 I’m southern Baptist (the notoriously no-alcohol denomination) and yet the VAST MAJORITY of weddings I’ve been to have had some form of alcohol, so it’s not outrageous to expect it. Also, I’ve been to fun sober weddings, and incredibly boring sober weddings. So if you aren’t gonna have alcohol, you need to make sure your wedding is bangin’ in all other categories and make sure your timeline moves smoothly with no downtime and doesn’t last too long.
I disagree, I think OP is the a** but not for leaving, but for spreading it around like you were saying earlier. The bride's side is the only side that left, which signals to me that people who knew each other were the ones sharing this info amongst themselves OR that when the groom's side heard they decided to stay. We don't have enough info to know why, what the party was like, etc. OP seemed to plan on leaving the moment they found out it is a dry wedding. I think that's dumb but I've been to a whole mix of weddings and had fun at all of them. I'm also used to long, multiple day weddings in my culture. We don't know how much of the bride's side left and I would be sad if I was her and people weren't open with me about being bored if they were close enough for me to invite.
I don’t care if the wedding is boring, the day is FOR the couple getting married, not for you or me as a guest. You can discuss making a wedding interesting for guests during the wedding planning stage and that’s super important, but even if the wedding is super boring I would not leave for that reason if I was close to the couple getting married. If I left early explicitly because the wedding was boring, and especially if I go out with other wedding guests afterwards (as opposed to sleeping or smth if I need to leave due to exhaustion), then I’d be the asshole. Imagine doing the same thing at your close friend’s birthday party? That would be devastating!
If having a dry wedding is important, perhaps schedule your ceremony at a different time of day. Alcohol seems to go hand in hand with evening events. We had an afternoon wedding with a light 'finger foods' reception. No one really expected alcohol at a "Tea time" event.
I work as a wedding bartender and have worked many dry weddings (I’m included in the package, I can’t get out of it 😢) and people always leave early. Even if the guests are also sober or religious. There’s only so much soda you can drink before you realize you have soda at the house. Where you can hang out in comfy clothes and shoes. I don’t think the op is the ah. Especially if the invite didn’t say it was a dry wedding. People go to weddings to party. It’s a celebration. If it’s going to be dry it has to be extra fun.
I think your last few sentences are where people have a conversation about the crux of the issue. Sure, people go to weddings to party, but why does that have anything to do with alcohol? Why do dry weddings have to be "extra fun"? If the only difference is alcohol vs. no alcohol, then that implies the alcohol is necessary to have fun. It's an interesting discussion for sure.
Leaving before the very end is not rude. A group of guests ditching the couple to have a party elsewhere is.
This is really weird. I don't drink alcohol and I usually stay at weddings until at least 2 in the morning (I'm German and here, weddings often start around 2 in the afternoon and end early in the morning, between 3 and 5). I would stay longer if I wasn't a morning person - I already get super tired around 9 or 10. I don't understand why people need alcohol for that.
I’m going to say it anyway. 4 hours is wild! I was a wedding DJ in Ontario and we played until 1am or later. Not in a big city either. Is that typical in the US? It would explain why the wedding in a hotel we were staying at this summer ended at 1030. Confused me cause it sounded like a great party.
If my friends want to ditch my wedding, I also probably want to ditch my wedding rather than talk to aunt barb for another 2 hours. Reasonable expectations here is key and EXPECTING someone to given you 8+ hours of their day is nuts to begin with. I’m done small talking by the time we get through cocktail hour. I don’t drink but imagine if I did that a couple drinks would make it easier to small talk for several more hours. And no, I don’t think wanting to drink at a wedding makes you an alcoholic. I digress. OP is NTA but we’re missing context and perhaps could’ve had some more decorum.
If you need alcohol to have fun then you need to reassess your priorities.
I don't think OP was wrong, I might've left earlier. And why are you having an after party, in the dry venue? Maybe if they were going out where people could purchase alcohol.
Also she could've just mentioned they were leaving in passing. The wedding was sucking if most people left just to go to a bar.
Except, only the bride's friends left the reception. The groom's friends and family stuck around, so I feel like there is more to the story. Maybe the bride's friends are all raging alcoholics.
And I would also like to know the point of an after-party at a dry event.
@hrobinson9701 Which, if you know how your friends like to party, a heads up wouldn't kill you.
random question, has jamie ever reacted too the crazy bride who with the dress code based on weight, and also did a polygraph party to find who shared it? i just want too see her reaction soooooo bad!
I have been to a dry wedding as a kid and there were so many cool activities provided I don't believe anyone left early although it's not a common practice from where I am from.
Yeahhh no, op is definitely in the wrong here. Unless I missed something about a group needing to leave together because they carpooled or something, there was no reason to share that you were leaving and invite others to join. I would have been hurt and frustrated too if this had happened at my event
Right. And it was especially noticeable because apparently the groom's friends stayed...
Attended a wedding that was not only dry, they didn't even serve non-alcoholic drinks! One glass of fruit juice was served before dinner but besides that, water only. Due to the couple's religion we weren't expecting an open bar, but to not even be able to get a Sprite, that was a bit much. We left early... and by early I mean we stayed 4 hours of what can be a 8-10 hour reception.
This person was also called out as the ringleader by the bride. It is possible that this person did actively recruit...and that this is a known role of the OPs, to need a squad to function. OP did say they wanted to let loose, and that their only complaint (stated numerous times) was that the wedding was dry. Since people put their best foot forward, I think they did recruit (they didnt deny that) and that their motivation was drinking. Not a good look for the OP.
It blows my find that 9/10pm is a normal time for a wedding to finish. The earliest I've had a UK wedding finish was 11pm but most are midnight or much later!
It's a WEDDING not, a bar. If you wanna hit the booze hard, go to a bloody pub. Don't go to a wedding and expect to get drunk and think it's socially acceptable. A wedding is suppose to be a civilised event. Hence why some people choose to have an afterparty, to truly let loose and have THAT type of good time. (Club drinking vibes)
"If you wanna hit the booze hard, go to a bloody pub." lol but that's exactly what they did
OP definetly set the domino's in motion by openly saying she was going to leave early to go get drunk. On another side, It depends... If I were part of the complete wedding party I'd most likely stay until the end, if I were a 'normal' guest I'd expect to be free to choose personal departure. However I would not announce my leaving and why. Coming from a christian environment, it is actually pretty normal for people to leave earlier if they don't want or personally approve the drinking and dancing part.
Wait Jamie you are contradicting yourself. At the beginning you clearly said that from OPs statement you read an intention to get drunk. But then 18ish minutes into the video you say "at no point did they say they wanted to get drunk". Like, some things dont have to be said out loud and you clocked OPs attitude yourself, soooo...🤔
That's what changing my mind means though. You're not beholden to one comment you had before your opinion changed.
We had a very relaxed wedding. No one was forced to sit down for 3 hours. It was like a really big birthday 200+ guests. Buffétt. Children were also allowed and it was OK if you had to leave after 30 minutes - or go to a club.
We had no alcohol but the guests could bring their own, if they wanted to.
I think the bride and groom should have made it clear to their guest that there wasn't going to be alcohol at the wedding from the get go. Especially when couples are getting a night out away from their kids to let loose. It's usually expected at most weddings, so to keep that hidden would tick me off personally and I would be watching the clock to get out asap. It probably put a really damper on the moods of the guest once they found out... and who wants to stay out somewhere until 11pm when they are sober?!? Im not sure what the bride was expecting. The guest were there for 5 hours already and you want them to stay longer for a sober after party??? lol
I've been to 2 weddings this last month, one of my best friend's and another of a friendship I only recently rekindled this year (and was invited to at my best friend's wedding)
My best friend's wedding had a bottle of wine at each table, I'm assuming for the sake of costs. Her new husband is a wedding DJ, and dj'ed the wedding himself while also boogie-ing down on the dancefloor.
The sangria did not loosen our friend group up enough to dance to more songs than what another friend's mom encouraged us to, and the lights were on for most of the night, and I'm sure the groom is usually a great DJ, but he was spread too thin at his own wedding!
The wedding was supposed to go until midnight I think, with dancing ending at 10 for boardgames for the rest of the night. Dancing kept going past 10, and our car left at 1030. We considered going to a bar for food and maybe more drinks, but just wanted McDonalds after all, since the drive to get back home was a little long.
Our sober driver that night got married 3 weeks later. There were more people I knew at his wedding, his DJ was FIRE, there was that same sangria + seltzer + beer + spiked punch, and the tent was only lit by tea lights and a couple string lights. It was so, so fun. I got properly drunk for the first time, but I think I would've still had more fun than at my best friend's wedding even if there were no alcohol (or the same amount).
The reception venue was also the groom's parent's house, so we stayed the night and partied until the bride and groom left for their hotel.
I felt bad for thinking my best friend's wedding was less fun with less alcohol, since alcohol has never mattered to me to have fun in a social setting, but you explained what else hurts the vibes of a wedding BESIDES a lack of an open bar. I still had a wonderful time at her wedding! We got there at 4 pm, so we didn't jump ship early by any means. I still bawled my eyes out when she walked down the aisle and during her first dance and when I hugged her goodbye before we left. The weddings just ended up being very different, and since they were 3 weeks apart it was hard not to compare them so fresh in your memory.
They both served pasta which was 10/10
I'm sorry, but comming from culture where you can easily have ceremony mid-afternoon on day 1 and party till 2-3 in the morning and have a second day of party it's really funny that american expection is party till 10. Birthday parties in my family run till 12-1 in the morning.
Yeah, that's strange for me, too. My wedding was about 15 hours (from start of ceremony to the end).
We just had our wedding in July and did a cash bar and it was fantastic. Neither my husband nor I are big drinkers and most of our friends and family aren't either, so it wasn't where we wanted to put our money. The only thing I drank was wine during dinner and champagne during the (two planned, ended up three) speeches. We're also not big dancers either so most people ended up out on the lawn just hanging out and enjoying the space, which was so perfect for us! Also started at 5 and technically ended at 10 but most ended up filtering out after 9:30 or so.
I'll be having a dry wedding and this is my biggest worry 😭 I dont drink often, and most of the guests don't drink often either.
First - dont act oblivious "cut loose without kids" at the bar or reception is not even *code* for "I wanna get fuuuuuucked up!" Not "Id just like to try a tasting of youe local white zins please!"
Weddings are boring? Receptions are boring. Ceremonies are boring? Fuck. Why didn't anyone tell me. Its all "You have to have a wedding ! Its so fun! People love weddings!"
Apparently only if you're willing to feed them alcohol so they can sloppy grind on each other in front of your elderly relatives because theyre grappling with parental identity crises. Or leave because "its boring."
Ok cool when no one is there to support you in your moments... remember you established we dont do boring things for the people we say we love or care for.
Why does this industry exist? Why is it orders of magnitude more expensive throw a party *nobody wants to go to except begrudgingly*
I guess as a wedding planner you did help me decide to tell my fiancees aunt that her offer to marry us in her church is so sweet but... nobody likes weddings and I'm not forking out cash to feed and shelter a bunch of ingrates (like kids allowed, kiddie stampeed down the isle with flowers instead of one flower girl, cash bar actually dress to impress have fun with it get so weird, but like...why bother? I am too poor and too hillbilly for that shit.)
Something tells mw they'll understand why plans reverted back to "We wed in front of Mothman's caked up azzzz" with this one.
When that happens I can say with great confidence my *only* job as a bride will be accomplished - happy guest/witnesses.
I love how reditt commentors always go to extremely and assume a lot from the op.
I do think OP is the a-hole, but I also come from a culture where wedding guests are expected to stay until midnight at least (where a lot of wedding traditions are happening, like the wedding waltz). Unless you're old or have small children, it would be seen as bad etiquette to leave earlier than midnight.
I agree with you that we possibly don't have enough info to declare one or the other, as there might be something more to it than just the dry wedding-bit.
In terms of having a wedding with alcohol - I live Denmark and we have a very ingrained drinking culture. Alcohol would be very much expected at a wedding - and every other type of event.
I'm planning on having a wedding with alcohol, but would like some advice on how to limit peoples alcohol intake, when I can't afford a bartender. I'd like to avoid people getting too plastered at a free bar 😅😅
OP is NTA. I am all for dry weddings and am planning one myself as one of my fiances is sober for the last 6years and I have family coming who have shown that they don't know how to act when drinking. That said, everyone who I'm inviting knows that this is a dry wedding so it won't be a suprise. I feel that the bride in this case should have made it clear that the afterparty was going to be dry and maybe shouldn't have planned such a long day. Alcohol or not, people can really only do so much and I'm not really in favor of the "suffer through boring events for your friends" mindset. If someone is going to see my wedding as something boring that they have to slog out just for me as opposed to something they are able to find enjoyment in I'd rather they stay home. Bride also maybe should have remembered who her friends were and what they liked to do. Communication seems to be poor all around in this situation.
OMG poor bride!!! I hope she finds some actual friends!
I get wanting to go out BUT you are TA since you did not speak to the bride your FRIEND about leaving and just taking all her friends with you!!! Thats TA part not just wanting to go out.
I’m going to throw my unpopular opinion out there and say OP is not the A Hole. I feel like if it’s going to be a dry wedding that needs to be disclosed to guests because let’s all be honest, American weddings usually equals free booze. From hearing OP’s story it honestly sounds like her and the bride really weren’t that great of friends if she didn’t 1. Want to stay the whole time and 2. Didn’t even know the groom was sober. If the dry wedding detail was disclosed before hand, maybe OP would’ve skipped on the wedding all together and just sent a gift. Then none of this drama would’ve even happened! I’m not saying that’s justified, but hey totally possible.
If she was indeed luring guests away, then she’d be out of line, in my opinion. But she didn’t leave the wedding-she and the others chose not to attend the after party. I think it’s a bit odd to even have an after party, but that’s a separate matter.
I'm having a mimosa bar 🥂 and a sangria mix for bride drink, and rusty nail for grooms drink/ whisky bar and beer for the guys. Maybe blue moon and coronas.
I would love to get a little toasty with my friends at my wedding and I kinda need alcohol to dance in public. I'm lucky to have mostly people who can imbibe at a party, be normal around kids, and go home. That said, I am seriously considering a dry wedding just because I have 2 family members who will for sure do too much and aren't always friendly drunks, and my fiance's dad is hyper against it. I wouldn't let one person dictate our day, but the combo at a small 30-person wedding sounds stressful. My fiance says we should do what we want and be ready to these people out lol. I would 100% make sure everyone knows in advance though, that's kinda weird not to.
I feel like it’s unreasonable to ask your guests to stay that long. Honestly, I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and attended several other weddings, and I don’t think I’ve ever stayed longer than 4 hours. If you want to have a really long reception plus an after party, I would expect only a few of your most die hard friends/family would stick around for it.
I think the execution was the main issue. OP said it was an after-party that they left, and I don't think someone should he expected to attend that the way they'd be expected to attend a reception. HOWEVER, the fact that OP made it known to multiple people that they were leaving to go elsewhere was tacky and rude. Wanting to leave and go somewhere for drinks is okay, the problem was that it was then made into a group outing where a bunch of the bride's friends were all ditched her to do something together.
Would you still think it was rude if OP was getting ready to go, or simply talking with her husband about their plans and were overheard? There's a lot of assumptions happening here. Making plans to leave an afterparty to go somewhere else with your plus one isn't inherently "tacky and rude." Other people with the same intentions finding people to keep hanging out with is...very normal.
I personally don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect your friends to stay until 11pm at a wedding. Obviously if they need to get home to their kids that I understandable, and you can’t force people to stay, but if I was that bride I would still feel pretty sad that all of my friends ditched my party an hour and a half early to go somewhere else. I do think the after party is too much though
Probably an unpopular opinion but if I went to a wedding and then found out it was a dry wedding once I got there, I’d also be bummed and probably leave early. Something you should probably but on the invitations so people aren’t surprised or disappointed
I agree. Without more information, OP does not seem like the AH to me at all, but I understand why the bride would be upset and get the impression that OP organized a big walk-out. Unless OP was sharing some damning info out in replies, it seems like the people in the comments were making a lot of assumptions about why they left and how this big group came to join them.
Granted, I don't drink very much, but I personally don't get why people get so bummed finding out when a wedding is a dry one. Whether or not a wedding is fun has more to do with the music, food, and chemistry with the other people at your table. Alcohol's a social lubricant, sure, but it's just one aspect of a big day with so many moving parts. If a person can't have fun at a wedding without alcohol, I think they need to reflect on their people skills and motives for attending weddings at all.
I'm not super surprised by all the disapproving reactions. The expectations & entitlements/control issues to ppls time, money, & level of participation at a wedding has gotten extreme and ridiculous. If you are bridal party you do have a tiny bit more of expectation placed upon you but that too only goes so far. Here's a rhyme to save tears and time: IF YOUR WEDDING IS LIT, NO ONE IS LEAVING IT. (consider your guests and they'll be considerate of you & don't try to control other people...there's the solution)
I wouldn’t have alcohol at my wedding if I ever get married I had small alcohol before but it ended badly it did something to my stomach and I don’t drink alcohol we don’t know what they did at the after party
She’s “somewhat” the a-hole, in my opinion. While I get that she wanted a night to party, this wasn’t the time. It was a wedding, and she could’ve stayed for her friend one night and gift them an awesome memory. Any other night, she could get a babysitter or plan a pajama party with a trusted family-friend, and get hammered. But that night was for her friend.
Also, when you go to an event, you have to keep in mind that said event is going to reflect the personality of whoever planned it. If it’s a very chill person, it's going to be a chill event. If the person is an animal party, the event is going to be like that. Keeping that in mind helps with expectations. She's an adult and she could leave, but quietly.
What I don’t get is how people can provide alcohol at one of these, but everyone still has to drive home. Huh???
I don't think she's the AH. I rarely drink and have gone to dry weddings, but I knew they were dry weddings. I knew the expectations. I knew we didn’t need lodging or a driver. I think the main reason the grooms friends and family stayed is because they knew he was sober. It sounds like the bride wasn't transparent with her friends. They sent invitations stating there was an after party as well. Honestly, I would assume there is drinking, if not told otherwise. They were college friends, so they probably know how she is and what the norms for their social events are. I also think it's unrealistic to think people are obligated to stay at your wedding the whole time. They are allowed to leave when they want. Her friend stayed for the ceremony. The reception is the party and they stayed for hours. I don't think it was a very fun and engaging event if multiple people left. I have gone to wedding with booze and it got super trashy and people left early. I've also gone to dry weddings, where it was a typical wedding, no games or activities besides dancing and the dance floor was empty and everyone just stared at their phones. People left early. People will leave early if they aren't comfortable or having fun.
I'd understand the op if she didnt accidently unionize the rest of the brides friends in to leaving... like i understand being upset that the bride did not disclose it was a dry wedding but op should have been a little bit more patient or kept her mouth shut about leaving
I dont think the OP intended to bring everyone else along but Jamie was right, if it was just a little quieter about it maybe
I don't drink and my partner is an alcoholic who has been sober for a number of years.
We will still be serving alcohol as it's the expected cultural norm here in Scotland 😂
If I was having a dry wedding I would have informed everyone ahead of time. I would probably be a bit put out if all my "friends" left early but then I would know who my real friends are.
Yeah sounds like the wedding was boring and others were waiting for someone to leave first.
If you have a dry wedding you have to consider this could very possibly happen to you.
Last wedding I went to started at 15:00 and ended at 00:00. That was a long wedding xD
I didn't see alcohol at a wedding until I attended a Catholic wedding as an adult. I'm in the Bible Belt. 😅
The drinks at weddings be watered down anyway
Only Jamie could get flack in her comments section for being too non-judgmental and giving others the benefit of the doubt. She’s too sweet for the internet
It’s called * *alcoholism* *
No it is called an expectation. Alcoholism is life consuming not “I wanna cut loose on my one night away from the kids” and your equating the two is insulting to people in recovery who know the struggle
@@TheVeggiekat alcoholism is a ton more prevalent than you think. And honestly I think your expectations that alcoholism is only when it is fully “life consuming” is the statement that actually is disrespectful of people in recovery. I come from a full family of alcoholics and it looks different for many people. All consuming yes, but the ones like this, not being able to enjoy one night without alcohol to support a friend, is hands down alcoholism. Needing one drink every night or the majority of the week to “wind down” is alcoholism. You are contributing to the normalization of alcoholism in our society by saying that this is not the act of someone struggling to keep their priorities straight because of alcohol.
@@TheVeggiekat It's not like people can handle alcohol great one day and the next day their life is ruined. People glide into alcoholism and not being able to skip alcohol for a few hours (not even a few days) is a bad sign. If someone is not able to have fun without drinking, they have a problem.
You have a problem if you can’t spend a few hours to celebrate someone without alcohol
If you absolutely need to have alcohol to enjoy a wedding, you have a problem and need help.
Sorry, respectfully, what is a i t a ? Thanks.
Am I the a hole
@@jordansutherland183 😱
Realistically, people are gonna want some drinks to let loose and have fun. Just because the groom doesn’t want to drink that doesn’t mean everyone else can’t have at least one. Especially if the reception is from 6-11. That’s five hours 💀
Why are people so dependent on alcohol to let loose and have fun?
He's sober. We don't know why he's sober. Maybe even being around alcohol is triggering for him. And this is just ignoring the costs of having alcohol there. It's a few hours of your life. If YOU can't get through a few hours without alcohol then look inward. It's their wedding and they wanted a dry wedding. No one is forcing you to go ❤
@@de5072 I mean yeah ofc every has their reasons. Obviously it’s not our business, but everyone has their own ways to loosen up, and if you want just a glass of champagne or wine, maybe a shot of tequila, it’s really up to the person. Everyone’s different
@@de5072 because people are shy and don't like to dance, so they want some alcohol to remove some of the pressure and stress associated with dancing and being stared at by other people in the process
People should be able to manage 5 hours without alcohol. I'm super shy and socially awkward and I don't drink - if I can manage a wedding, so can everyone else. Of course, I would be disappointed if a couple skipped a part of the wedding that I really like (for example cake or dancing). But guess what happens if they don't provide it? I stay and celebrate nonetheless. I don't leave because I'm not addicted.
@@nriamond8010 like I said, everyone is different. Some people drink some people don’t.
If you can't last 4 hours without alcohol, you need help, seriously.
The bride's Reddit-posting-drinker-friends are not true friends.
I know you said not to do "but in my culture", but I will anyway. I know I'm TA. So, here in the Deep South, dry weddings are a lot more common. And if there is alcohol, it's usually a bowl of spiked punch and/or a container of ice with some beers in it. Open bars are usually just for if the family is extremely wealthy. Also, wedding receptions usually aren't that long compared to other parts of the country. They usually last 2-3 (maybe 4), and after-parties are virtually unheard of. There may or may not be dancing. Usually, the reception is viewed as something to be endured by the bride and groom for the sake of those who came to the ceremony.
I agree with you on this one Jamie. I feel like there was not enough information here to call this person an a hole. I recently went to a wedding and it was fun, but if I didn’t like dancing I would have left early as well. Especially since the wedding had already been going for a while already. These are my favorite please keep them up!
I left a wedding early with a large group of the bride's family earlier this year. It was a dry wedding, and I know it contributed to it (Irish family and 'dry wedding' did not compute), but the DJ was so LOUD it physically hurt my chest. I was wearing ear plugs and it was still too loud. We asked the DJ, but the volume never changed. We basically fled. 😅 I did feel bad, but headaches were going around..
I might be alone on this one. But I don’t think op is the asshole. My cousin is sober & every party she throws she buys a few beers & wine for guests. It’s a social element, you don’t have to get drunk. To throw a big party like that & not even mention that it was dry is so odd (from the perspective of where I live & all the weddings I attended) I’ve been to engagement parties & weddings while pregnant, obvi I was sober & had so much fun bc the music & atmosphere was one fire! lol so good. I’ve also been to showers& a small wedding where they had drinks but it was a snooze fest, we stayed as long as we can handle. & she said ‘college friends’ so I don’t think this was a 50yo couple leaving, they sounded like a youngish group maybe mid 30s like myself & I know my friends and I have definitely spoke about a friends wedding that didn’t feed us a lot, we all were talking about where we were eating after bc we were starving! So I can picture op & her husband just talking with friends & maybe someone asked “you guys going to the after party” and they respond with “we’re gunna head to a bar after” maybe they even mentioned something like “we got a sitter for the kids we wanna go out” cause I know as a mom, my husband and I don’t get a lot of time to be young& have fun. So when we have a sitter we do treat it like a wild night out lol I would be pisssed if I wasted a sitter on a boring event. You’re allowed to be a bit selfish, the bride and groom were thinking of themselves when they made it dry (which is totally fine!) but op & her husband are allowed to be selfish when deciding how they wanted to end their night. They stayed and supported their friend for a while. I rspv’d to the wedding, not after party. I’m allowed to do a little bit of what I want with my own time. So I’m with OP.. I don’t think they were assholes at all. And I agree with you about context matters! Didn’t op write that it was boring? So like I said I wouldn’t wanna waste what little time was left of my night at a boring event. But that’s just me & my opinion.. to each their own
They were there for the whole wedding. A lot of weddings are boring if you can’t drink.
Everyone leaving all at once could be seen as rude. IG. But maybe the music was dry too lol😂😂. As long as they said bye to the bride I think she needs to get over it. You know your friends
If the wedding is boring, the wedding is dry and you were wanting to cut loose…going to an after party is OPTIONAL!!!! Not the idiot, but maybe the bride and groom should not have had an after party, dry. Or have drinks at the after party and be adults about whether to drink or not. The guests are not responsible for the groom not drinking.
I have been to weddings where I could not eat the food because of my allergies (and the couples knew about them) there was no alcohol, no dancing, no music and no games the receptions were from 6pm to 11pm the ceremonies were from 4:30pm to 5:45pm I stayed the whole time.
It was because the person couldn't handle that there was no alcohol hence saying they were going to the bar they are not really that close because they didn't know that the groom was sober if the grooms friends stayed and majority of the people from the brides side left then that may have been the case that they weren't super close friends of the bride its usually common curtesy to stay through to the end of the reception at least that's what I have been told unless you let the bride and groom know ahead of time that you will not be staying for the whole of the reception or an emergency pops up. The OP in my opinion was disrespectful and inconsiderate of the bride for leaving the reception to go to a bar. In my opinion based off of what OP said in their post it was because they wanted to let loose and party and drink without their kids around wasn't really close to the bride and groom but wanted to party that's why they left the reception early to go to a bar.