This is the first time that I've seen advice on this subject that is actually helpful! In a mobbing situation, you are completely on your own and although many may want to help you, they simply cannot. It's basically a narcissistic smear campaign and I agree that strategies such as grey rock, silence, giving neutral non confrontational responses is the best way to go. Remove your energy, whilst you find a safe exit, you are being gaslighted!
Totally agree. There is a plethora of unhelpful advice out there about contacting HR, confronting the bully, or working on your own "issues." It took a lot of trial and error for me to find these methods. Hope they help you, too
Great video! I think it is a normal and appropriate emotional response to go through phases of denial, anger, and ruminating. It is key to remember that narcissistic abuse is an energy attack. You protect yourself by limiting the time, effort, thoughts and emotions you spend on them. You win when you give them zero.
I just accepted a new job after an extremely long and thoughtful months long search. A few days after starting, my boss started complaining about the tone of my voice, says he doesn't like the way that I talk. He started imposing emotions on my tone that did not exist in reality, while using the exact tone on me that he said he doesn't like. After suffering a few weeks of his abuse, I told him that I don't think that it's going to work out and I think he thought about what my exit interview might sound like and he has backed off. It might be a temporary reprieve and he could end up firing me in a few weeks, but at least I'm able to sleep at night. again? People are monsters and I haven't worked in a non abusive work place since the mid 1990's, I don't know why it's gotten so much worse, but I have just come to expect an abusive work place no matter where I am employed theses days.
I am so glad that your boss backed off. Abusive workplaces might be consequences of bigger social tendencies, the policies in place, the culture, the structure of the workplace that rewards bad behavior.
I had a similar situation at another new job and I've experienced abuse at every job I've had. Are you by chance a different race from your manager? It's very common for people to be defensive toward people of other races especially white people against other races. It's probably also by design. If marginalized people are gaslighted into not standing up for themselves they won't. I hope things keep going better for you. Mine has backed off for now but I'm keeping an eye on the situation and I will not put up with any more crap.
@@really5453 For that job my boss was Asian and I am white, I don't think it was an issue of race. I recently accepted a job at a very large corporation and folks seem to be much better behaved, so I am hopeful! Workplaces didn't used be this toxic, though, I remember being quite happy at work in the 80's and 90's - it's just gotten really bad with mobbing bullying.
@@sandylu2668 Yup, he had me fired a couple of weeks later. Now I'm in a different job where I some how am simultanously in training AND on PIP at the same time, wheeeeeee! I expect to be fired, again, in a few weeks as soon as my probationary period has expired. My work life is complete hell.
This video is very helpful. I became a new subscriber because of it! Thank you for sharing your insight into this problem. as you can probably tell I'm being bullied at work but not by a manager alone but also by a co-worker. I'm going to try your suggestions. Thanks again.
Why is popular advice to quit and not sue? There should be no there option than to recoup losses especially if not fortunate enough to work anymore after this. Just quitters must be privileged.
In a lot of cases it is the best thing to do not only because the workplace is generally rewarding this behavior and that's what you can expect to put up with if you stay but also because employers have more resources than your average person so they can't sue them otherwise the employer knows how to drag things out in fact a lot of them have no suing paperwork that they expect you to sign when you start. I think sticking up for yourself right when it starts might be at least worth a try but just expect that it may not work. I've left so many jobs due to this and always prided myself on my resiliency to say well there are always other jobs out here and that I'm not like my bullies who think that they must keep their job that they think everybody else wants to take or else because they're that way. But I'm sick of new workplaces and I'm done with that crap personally. I will start calling people out and I will start publicizing their behavior I've had enough.
I disagree I think that in the short term showing anger at the treatment can get them to back off if you do it right after you start. Some people see kindness and even assertiveness as a weakness and those are the people you can't be professional with you have to go a step further with them and show them that you mean business. There may be a few people who see it as a challenge and may double up the abuse but for the most part most of these people are cowards who are looking for an easy target.
This is the first time that I've seen advice on this subject that is actually helpful! In a mobbing situation, you are completely on your own and although many may want to help you, they simply cannot. It's basically a narcissistic smear campaign and I agree that strategies such as grey rock, silence, giving neutral non confrontational responses is the best way to go. Remove your energy, whilst you find a safe exit, you are being gaslighted!
Totally agree. There is a plethora of unhelpful advice out there about contacting HR, confronting the bully, or working on your own "issues." It took a lot of trial and error for me to find these methods. Hope they help you, too
Great video! I think it is a normal and appropriate emotional response to go through phases of denial, anger, and ruminating.
It is key to remember that narcissistic abuse is an energy attack. You protect yourself by limiting the time, effort, thoughts and emotions you spend on them. You win when you give them zero.
Yes, thank you for offering words of acceptance, indeed denial and anger are normal. You have very insightful comments.
I just accepted a new job after an extremely long and thoughtful months long search. A few days after starting, my boss started complaining about the tone of my voice, says he doesn't like the way that I talk. He started imposing emotions on my tone that did not exist in reality, while using the exact tone on me that he said he doesn't like. After suffering a few weeks of his abuse, I told him that I don't think that it's going to work out and I think he thought about what my exit interview might sound like and he has backed off. It might be a temporary reprieve and he could end up firing me in a few weeks, but at least I'm able to sleep at night. again? People are monsters and I haven't worked in a non abusive work place since the mid 1990's, I don't know why it's gotten so much worse, but I have just come to expect an abusive work place no matter where I am employed theses days.
I am so glad that your boss backed off. Abusive workplaces might be consequences of bigger social tendencies, the policies in place, the culture, the structure of the workplace that rewards bad behavior.
I had a similar situation at another new job and I've experienced abuse at every job I've had. Are you by chance a different race from your manager? It's very common for people to be defensive toward people of other races especially white people against other races. It's probably also by design. If marginalized people are gaslighted into not standing up for themselves they won't. I hope things keep going better for you. Mine has backed off for now but I'm keeping an eye on the situation and I will not put up with any more crap.
@@really5453 For that job my boss was Asian and I am white, I don't think it was an issue of race. I recently accepted a job at a very large corporation and folks seem to be much better behaved, so I am hopeful! Workplaces didn't used be this toxic, though, I remember being quite happy at work in the 80's and 90's - it's just gotten really bad with mobbing bullying.
Ugh, how ghastly Your right though about people
@@sandylu2668 Yup, he had me fired a couple of weeks later. Now I'm in a different job where I some how am simultanously in training AND on PIP at the same time, wheeeeeee! I expect to be fired, again, in a few weeks as soon as my probationary period has expired. My work life is complete hell.
Excellent video series. Thank you. A voice of reason....
I am glad you found it helpful. Thanks for commenting!
Thank you for useful suggestions on survival in modern jungles 😊
So glad you found them useful! Glad to hear from you :)
Great show thanks!
Thank you!
This video is very helpful. I became a new subscriber because of it! Thank you for sharing your insight into this problem. as you can probably tell I'm being bullied at work but not by a manager alone but also by a co-worker. I'm going to try your suggestions. Thanks again.
God bless you, I wish for you to find the solutions you are looking for! Welcome to the channel
Bravissima Oksana.
Big Hug😘
Gracie Rosanna!
great video
Thank you
I would be honored to interview you one day on workplace bullying
I think that's a great idea!
@@SelfcareforBodyMindSpirit wonderful, thank you so much! How may I get in contact with you?
@@TheTeganOsmondChannel You can e-mail me at obihun.phd@gmail.com
@@SelfcareforBodyMindSpirit Thank you so much! I emailed you :)
My advice dont react i know its hard and difficult.
Why is popular advice to quit and not sue? There should be no there option than to recoup losses especially if not fortunate enough to work anymore after this. Just quitters must be privileged.
Thank you for pointing that option out. Weighing if one can afford to pay a lawyer and the emotional toll of a lawsuit is important.
In a lot of cases it is the best thing to do not only because the workplace is generally rewarding this behavior and that's what you can expect to put up with if you stay but also because employers have more resources than your average person so they can't sue them otherwise the employer knows how to drag things out in fact a lot of them have no suing paperwork that they expect you to sign when you start. I think sticking up for yourself right when it starts might be at least worth a try but just expect that it may not work. I've left so many jobs due to this and always prided myself on my resiliency to say well there are always other jobs out here and that I'm not like my bullies who think that they must keep their job that they think everybody else wants to take or else because they're that way. But I'm sick of new workplaces and I'm done with that crap personally. I will start calling people out and I will start publicizing their behavior I've had enough.
I disagree I think that in the short term showing anger at the treatment can get them to back off if you do it right after you start. Some people see kindness and even assertiveness as a weakness and those are the people you can't be professional with you have to go a step further with them and show them that you mean business. There may be a few people who see it as a challenge and may double up the abuse but for the most part most of these people are cowards who are looking for an easy target.
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Are you in Ukraine?