This hurt so much to watch. How I wished my parents were a safe place or that they held me or hugged me. "Spare the rod, spoil the child" was their motto.
Relationships are unreliable and unstable. That is my personal view. You can't rely on another human to have your back. The only person you can truly rely on to keep you safe and love you is you. I grew up without nurturing. After my father died when I was 3 and a half. My mother was left with a teenager and 2 small children, 3 and a half and 1 and a half. My mother started abusing alcohol and was on medication for her bipolar condition, lithium and valium. I remember myself and my brother fending for ourselves most days as our sister was not home and our mother would be drunk and passed out on the couch. We would try to wake her up and she would mumble she was resting her eyes. I would try to feed us and clothe us. We would be running all over the neighborhood, unsupervised. Child services were at the home many times as was the ambulance to take our mother. We were eventually given up. Being raised in foster care and by an abusive Aunt at one point then back to our mother after a tragic car accident only to find her living with an alcoholic abusive uneducated man who beat her and us mercilessly. Soon I was back in foster care and then living on the streets to get away from the madness and people. I wasn't living on the streets long because I discovered that I didn't belong there and I refused to become what was expected of me by society. Many times as a kid and teenager I heard from people in authority, teachers, foster parents, friends parents that I didn't stand a chance, or I would be pregnant and on welfare by 16. I was seen as a problem. Yes, this has had an impact on me, however, I refuse to let my childhood define me. I am sure to some extent it has. I dropped out of school at 16 after 15 different homes and numerous schools. You never really get a chance to form a lasting relationship or friendship. You are always the new kid. Other kids have their best friend, you are an outsider. My childhood may have been stolen from me but I refuse to let them steal the rest of my life. I live alone and have so for 20 years. I feel safe alone. However, I must add, that in these past 20 years I have gone back to school and educated myself, become proficient in my career, and now teach at the community college. I have also bought and paid for a new vehicle as well as bought a home. Coming from foster care and having no family made all of this a challenge but it is so rewarding to know I achieved all of this on my own. I decided to love myself and invest in my future.
Lovely story of human endurance and resilience. Someone will love you one day. Try open your heart and really try and connect and see what happens. Your smart, you’ll pick the right person after what you have been through.
Michelle, the human spirit is more resilient than anyone can fathom. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are damaged goods because of circumstances beyond your control. There are parents put in the same situation, they may have the best intention but life throws them a curveball. No one comes with a manual for life. We each deal with it as the circumstance demands and as we deem fit. You are a shining example that intent overpowers circumstance. There are so many examples of children who grew up without parents but turned out to be excellent parents and achieved personal success. Don’t let the video fool you.
As you have mentioned, the 1st three yrs are essential, but due to some challenges which were inevitable...I could not concentrate on my kid completely....then what do we do...& now things are slightly better now my kid is around 6 + yrs.. Sometimes I would not lift my kid when he is stubborn & crying as I felt if I do so he will keep repeating the same...so actually I have started implementing that when my kid cry. I actually lift him up hug him & try to find out the reason he is crying..This made a lot of difference .. thanks for helping us out to recognize & understand our kid's needs in a deeper level.. Thanks I am really Grateful for your Podcast
That often happens within this society in which parents and children are essentially deprived if one another by countless sources. Dr. Mate says it himself- even Neanderthal parents, from all modern evidence, treated their parents with as much care and tribal devotion as in modern tribal societies. How ironic that with advancement of human works of hand, and thus with lengthened life expectancy, mankind has become sorely detached from the values of their more vulnerable ancestors love loved their children as a community effort in the face of losing them by the dozens to predators and danger. Tribal peoples and their children die in great numbers every year based upon varied circumstances-- unclean water, predators, starvation, and now the intrusion of other humans-- and yet in social unity, emotional health, and care for one another, they put other humans to shame. Hence the chief mistake of modern man is his inability to reconcile his old ways with his new; we cannot have the convenience of the modern world and the wisdom of the old, it seems.
We are taught not to pick up our child who is crying by the health visitors, doctors and nurses etc. They gave me such a hard time for breast feeding my son and " over feeding" him..which I don't believe to be true at all. I have the same problem, i was brought up in a hostile environment and abused so in my mind by not doing that to my child is way better than what i had growing up. I did not understand what my children needed because i didn't have my needs met, so i bought books and followed all these crazy routines which only caused more of a distance between my children when they were younger. It sucks because i genuinely tried my absolute hardest back then but it all felt so off. I wish i could go back and change the past but I can't so i try to give my kids what i didn't even they were younger. Listening and being present, supporting and attentive People still try to make you feel wrong when you attend to their every need but at the end of the day our instinct will always lead us the way. X
@@kyliewilson2911 so many new cultures with off-brand methods of parenting. We are trained to think of our children as lesser beings who need to be beaten into adulthood, or neglected to find it on their own. Quite unlike all other mammals, who merely acknowledge their offspring as younger versions of themselves, who need only protection, guidance, and most of all, unconditonal love. We must stop labeling our children as annoying, stubborn, a waste of time or a burden. For to bear children is the biological point of life itself, and to love them unconditionally is the natural way.
My mom left me to cry for an hour daily and now I have terrible emotional control. My mom was also very abusive in general and yes I’ve abused many drugs in my life. This is me in a nutshell for sure. And we tell parents it’s ok to leave kids crying till they fall asleep. Horrible
I have been judged for not wanting to let my kids cry it out, so your comment brought me to tears. I don’t know how anyone did that! It hurt me so much if I ever even began to try and let them cry for a few minutes. There were a few times where I was in the car with my kids and we couldn’t really stop anywhere but they didn’t understand and were crying so hard and I have never felt more tortured in my life! I ended up crying as hard as they were! I don’t know how anyone could do it!
Julia, I am really sorry to hear your childhood experience. Please seek help to resolve those experiences and you can heal with time. One point I want to share with you is that those who are not loved during childhood pass on the very same behaviour to their kids because that is what they learned about parenthood during their childhood. Please pay attention to this if you have kids or when you kids. God bless you :)
I remember when I was in high school I was given 5 things to list most important to lease important and I picked Friends at #1 and family #5 - during that time my friends and their families were more of a family than my own.
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Wen a Child's Needs Goes Un-met Many times tha Chlid is Shamed for having this Need in the First Place az a Result the Child Learns tha it is Not Possible to get this Need Met Directly instead Their Only Hope is to Develope Strategies to Manipulatively get this Need Met
Very good content !! It is quite the challenge to raise a child well. Especially when the prevailing mantra is that love is completely unconditional. A distinction is missed. The distinction is one between the innate value of a child and their behavior. The innate value of a child is to be loved unconditionally..... There is argument with that truth. The conditional element regards a person’s behavior. Not all behavior is healthy. Therefore unacceptable. Specifically, in looking at the long term goal of raising a child. To raise a person to contributes healthily to the world. It is very difficult to covey that a child is still loved while they engage in unhealthy behavior. The challenge is to honor the child’s sovereignty over their life in such a way that they can make a choice to re-enter a relationship under the condition of honoring the other person as well as themselves. Yes, even at a young age this can happen. They learn that they have a role in this world that is to contribute in positive ways to others . Love the child at all times. The human brain can’t distinguish between attention for negative behavior or positive behavior. Attention and belonging is one of the basic psycho/social needs people have. Acknowledge and reward the positive behavior and convey that the love is ready for my hem when they shed the unhealthy behavior. The healthy behavior will be repeated for the attention because it is reinforced. The unhealthy behavior will diminish as a matter of course. A healthy child will be come a healthy young adult and adult. A pillar of life and love in a fragmented world .
When I raised my daughter through the 90s, the pediatrician told me to let her "cry it out" to teach self sufficiency, or some such nonsense. I am glad I didn't listen to him, or anybody else's opinions.
Something I never got .. security, love and feeling safe …. I’m holding My crying child … mind your business 🎉 I’m giving my boys what I should have got as a child … a parent who will do it through the unconditional love for them … society won’t tell me shit .. I
Start from scratch and build an attachment with the child. There is a wonderful book called :The Boy Who was Raised As A Dog. It exemplifies different cases of child trauma and treatment. Long time since I read it however, recall their being a chapter about a successful foster carer that looked after very traumatised children and although children may not fully recover, they can make progress when positive care is provided.
There a lot of information of what we can do wrong. I would love if there were more information on how to do right. I need tools to be a great father. I have the will. I would love some help.
When is the best time for a infant or child to go to kindergarden? My wife thinks it's 1 year old becuase that's what her family, friends and society says but i think she should be with her parents for at least 3 years. What do you think?
Parenting courses should be rolled out nationally, never mind Netflix giving roles exactly opposite to what your kids should learn, violence, murder, tricks, cunning, payback, tactics, criminal mind training, the amount of parents who do not control what their kids watch is out of control. If you mix this with poor parenting then thats what fills jails. There is an amazing parenting course called Know Be Do (knowing being and doing) run by bayside mental health brisbane, this course should be part of a govt plan that kicks in as soon as you show up in the birthing suite in hospital, and it comes to you in the mail, and you go through the transformation that this course does. Unfortunately you have to have a child with ADHD or something similar to be eligible and that needs to change. I’ve been to board meetings, and seminars, business networks and design collaboration meetings and none of this is as important as the information in this course. The government either spends some money on the front end or pays the incarceration bill on the back end, or end up incomplete human beings who struggle when they don’t have to.
But what about when there is only one loving and supporting parent and the other only reminds of his children whenever he wants? What can i do to not "damage" my kids?
Hi Annie, Can relate as my children’s father had/has a drug problem and wasn’t able to fully parent. It puts so much stress on the parent that feels the full weight of the responsibility on your shoulders and having to deal wih everything on your own. Children pick up on that stress too. As Gabor mentioned in the video, many cultures and societies raise children as a community , not just the mother & father. Hope you find your tribe and a supportive network of people/friends that will make things easier for you. Just the fact you are watching this video and questioning things is a good sign you will do your best for your children.
Love does not have a condition. What most parents do is trying to take ownership of the kid, not a guilty part of them but as a result of their own trauma. The desire to control is not love
It’s so unlucky to be born in a careless family and grow up there. Someone shouldn’t have baby if not having the patience to care them. The effects of carelessness harms, destroys the whole life and only a few can get out of these.
@@raviravi-ru6rb I can feel you. I pray and hope may God heal you,bless you,enlighten you. But one important thing to mention please don’t be with bad company who might misguide you. Though you are mature enough but every man has his weak moments. I hope you’ll be there where you dream to go.Wish your good luck.
Most babies are born unexpectedly to completely unprepared parents. This is why parenting should be taught in school; every student should see this video and much more.
But what is the alternative to things like time outs? Hugging the child when they are acting up is rewarding their bad behavior. The no consequences no punishment parents that I have come across have kids that are horrible to be around.
You have to talk it through with them, you can't "other" them into the imaginary status of "bad child." You have to be on their side and see their perspective, and take the time to connect honestly so that they can express their frustrations to you before trying to impose your will upon them. Resist playing the "role" of their boss, instead be their ally. Don't allow any dishonesty from yourself or them; honesty is the key.
I'll give you my opinion. My son is only 3, so keep that in mind. He only acts out when he is seeking my attention. Example would be pulling the curtains while I'm trying to get food together in the kitchen. I do give him verbal corrections, but that only works sometimes. So, when necessary I drop what I'm doing (dinner can wait) and sit with him on the couch. I'll shut off music or a show if that is on. And I'll verbally direct him to the couch and say time out. But that time out takes place with me holding him while we sit together. So, in essence, if he needs a time out basically I do too. It's just been a busy day and he hasn't gotten what he needs from me. So, dinner can wait 5 minutes. That's my take on it.
A lot of this is just over-complicated mumbo jumbo. Kids are easy. All they need is love and good examples to follow. What amazes me are the people who grow up OK in spite of their screwed up parents.
Jon Smith I grew up in a crack/drug environment the reason for me ended up ok is these type of analysis and questioning things and seeing examples. These type of video may make a individual see a different light. But you are right kids are pretty simple and easy.
@@RobertGarcia-wb4hy Nah man. We’re both happier apart. We get along for our kids. We were married for 14 years and had enough of each other 😂. I’ve never been happier than I am now.
While human kind is reaching for mars, families are being separated and rising lonely children. The world need more Gabor Mate on their life
Your statement is wrong in every conceivable way.
This hurt so much to watch. How I wished my parents were a safe place or that they held me or hugged me. "Spare the rod, spoil the child" was their motto.
what do you mean? Is this motto bad?
Gabor is a damn treasure.
Telling us the things most of us intuitively know but with the credentials that make people have to listen.
He sure is.
Relationships are unreliable and unstable. That is my personal view. You can't rely on another human to have your back. The only person you can truly rely on to keep you safe and love you is you. I grew up without nurturing. After my father died when I was 3 and a half. My mother was left with a teenager and 2 small children, 3 and a half and 1 and a half. My mother started abusing alcohol and was on medication for her bipolar condition, lithium and valium. I remember myself and my brother fending for ourselves most days as our sister was not home and our mother would be drunk and passed out on the couch. We would try to wake her up and she would mumble she was resting her eyes. I would try to feed us and clothe us. We would be running all over the neighborhood, unsupervised. Child services were at the home many times as was the ambulance to take our mother. We were eventually given up. Being raised in foster care and by an abusive Aunt at one point then back to our mother after a tragic car accident only to find her living with an alcoholic abusive uneducated man who beat her and us mercilessly. Soon I was back in foster care and then living on the streets to get away from the madness and people. I wasn't living on the streets long because I discovered that I didn't belong there and I refused to become what was expected of me by society. Many times as a kid and teenager I heard from people in authority, teachers, foster parents, friends parents that I didn't stand a chance, or I would be pregnant and on welfare by 16. I was seen as a problem. Yes, this has had an impact on me, however, I refuse to let my childhood define me. I am sure to some extent it has. I dropped out of school at 16 after 15 different homes and numerous schools. You never really get a chance to form a lasting relationship or friendship. You are always the new kid. Other kids have their best friend, you are an outsider. My childhood may have been stolen from me but I refuse to let them steal the rest of my life. I live alone and have so for 20 years. I feel safe alone. However, I must add, that in these past 20 years I have gone back to school and educated myself, become proficient in my career, and now teach at the community college. I have also bought and paid for a new vehicle as well as bought a home. Coming from foster care and having no family made all of this a challenge but it is so rewarding to know I achieved all of this on my own. I decided to love myself and invest in my future.
Lovely story of human endurance and resilience.
Someone will love you one day.
Try open your heart and really try and connect and see what happens.
Your smart, you’ll pick the right person after what you have been through.
What an amazing story. You truly are resilient.. God Bless you.
Michelle, the human spirit is more resilient than anyone can fathom. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are damaged goods because of circumstances beyond your control. There are parents put in the same situation, they may have the best intention but life throws them a curveball. No one comes with a manual for life. We each deal with it as the circumstance demands and as we deem fit. You are a shining example that intent overpowers circumstance. There are so many examples of children who grew up without parents but turned out to be excellent parents and achieved personal success. Don’t let the video fool you.
Wow!!! I send you a warm hug from Mexico!!!! Come surf with us one day in Mexico !!!
We have stories in common...
Crying. I'm stone cold as a person but why does this man make me cry so much
Because you're not stone cold, you've probably just been really hurt and abandoned sometime in the past.
Because he triggered what you needed most as a child. It’s not the end love, you can change your life for the better ♥️
Because you feel seen with your needs by Gabor Maté.
As you have mentioned, the 1st three yrs are essential, but due to some challenges which were inevitable...I could not concentrate on my kid completely....then what do we do...& now things are slightly better now my kid is around 6 + yrs.. Sometimes I would not lift my kid when he is stubborn & crying as I felt if I do so he will keep repeating the same...so actually I have started implementing that when my kid cry. I actually lift him up hug him & try to find out the reason he is crying..This made a lot of difference .. thanks for helping us out to recognize & understand our kid's needs in a deeper level.. Thanks I am really Grateful for your Podcast
That often happens within this society in which parents and children are essentially deprived if one another by countless sources. Dr. Mate says it himself- even Neanderthal parents, from all modern evidence, treated their parents with as much care and tribal devotion as in modern tribal societies. How ironic that with advancement of human works of hand, and thus with lengthened life expectancy, mankind has become sorely detached from the values of their more vulnerable ancestors love loved their children as a community effort in the face of losing them by the dozens to predators and danger. Tribal peoples and their children die in great numbers every year based upon varied circumstances-- unclean water, predators, starvation, and now the intrusion of other humans-- and yet in social unity, emotional health, and care for one another, they put other humans to shame. Hence the chief mistake of modern man is his inability to reconcile his old ways with his new; we cannot have the convenience of the modern world and the wisdom of the old, it seems.
We are taught not to pick up our child who is crying by the health visitors, doctors and nurses etc. They gave me such a hard time for breast feeding my son and " over feeding" him..which I don't believe to be true at all. I have the same problem, i was brought up in a hostile environment and abused so in my mind by not doing that to my child is way better than what i had growing up. I did not understand what my children needed because i didn't have my needs met, so i bought books and followed all these crazy routines which only caused more of a distance between my children when they were younger. It sucks because i genuinely tried my absolute hardest back then but it all felt so off. I wish i could go back and change the past but I can't so i try to give my kids what i didn't even they were younger. Listening and being present, supporting and attentive
People still try to make you feel wrong when you attend to their every need but at the end of the day our instinct will always lead us the way. X
@@kyliewilson2911 so many new cultures with off-brand methods of parenting. We are trained to think of our children as lesser beings who need to be beaten into adulthood, or neglected to find it on their own. Quite unlike all other mammals, who merely acknowledge their offspring as younger versions of themselves, who need only protection, guidance, and most of all, unconditonal love. We must stop labeling our children as annoying, stubborn, a waste of time or a burden. For to bear children is the biological point of life itself, and to love them unconditionally is the natural way.
This was so beautiful... how deep.
i had tears in my eyes at the end ... his words are so beautiful to hear in this day in age
My mom left me to cry for an hour daily and now I have terrible emotional control. My mom was also very abusive in general and yes I’ve abused many drugs in my life. This is me in a nutshell for sure. And we tell parents it’s ok to leave kids crying till they fall asleep. Horrible
I have been judged for not wanting to let my kids cry it out, so your comment brought me to tears. I don’t know how anyone did that! It hurt me so much if I ever even began to try and let them cry for a few minutes. There were a few times where I was in the car with my kids and we couldn’t really stop anywhere but they didn’t understand and were crying so hard and I have never felt more tortured in my life! I ended up crying as hard as they were! I don’t know how anyone could do it!
Julia, I am really sorry to hear your childhood experience. Please seek help to resolve those experiences and you can heal with time. One point I want to share with you is that those who are not loved during childhood pass on the very same behaviour to their kids because that is what they learned about parenthood during their childhood. Please pay attention to this if you have kids or when you kids. God bless you :)
When that boy held up his middle finger but then broke down into tears so did I. God I hope he's ok now.
Watching crying babies makes me cry 😭
How can anyone argue against such valuable advice? I should have learned this a long time ago with my oldest.
I am over joyed to have you in my presence x that’s beautiful x
I remember when I was in high school I was given 5 things to list most important to lease important and I picked Friends at #1 and family #5 - during that time my friends and their families were more of a family than my own.
Same, It’s painful and unlucky to born in a painful family.
The video clips in this video are fantastic and so well placed throughout the narrative.
Strength is built from love, not by the reception of pain.
Yes, a video that touched my heart, this sensitive heart of a father that everyday grows and learns along with my kids... Thanks! 🙏🏽✨❤️🙌🏽🍀👨👩👧👦
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Wen a Child's Needs Goes Un-met Many times tha Chlid is Shamed for having this Need in the First Place az a Result the Child Learns tha it is Not Possible to get this Need Met Directly instead Their Only Hope is to Develope Strategies to Manipulatively get this Need Met
Thank you so much for this video!
spot on!!!
Very good content !!
It is quite the challenge to raise a child well.
Especially when the prevailing mantra is that love is completely unconditional.
A distinction is missed.
The distinction is one between the innate value of a child and their behavior.
The innate value of a child is to be loved unconditionally..... There is argument with that truth.
The conditional element regards a person’s behavior. Not all behavior is healthy. Therefore unacceptable.
Specifically, in looking at the long term goal of raising a child. To raise a person to contributes healthily to the world. It is very difficult to covey that a child is still loved while they engage in unhealthy behavior. The challenge is to honor the child’s sovereignty over their life in such a way that they can make a choice to re-enter a relationship under the condition of honoring the other person as well as themselves.
Yes, even at a young age this can happen.
They learn that they have a role in this world that is to contribute in positive ways to others .
Love the child at all times. The human brain can’t distinguish between attention for negative behavior or positive behavior. Attention and belonging is one of the basic psycho/social needs people have.
Acknowledge and reward the positive behavior and convey that the love is ready for my hem when they shed the unhealthy behavior. The healthy behavior will be repeated for the attention because it is reinforced.
The unhealthy behavior will diminish as a matter of course. A healthy child will be come a healthy young adult and adult. A pillar of life and love in a fragmented world .
Beautiful
Nice video, thanks for sharing
Thank you 🙏🏽
Thank you! Another great message to share. Subtítulos en español disponibles.
When I raised my daughter through the 90s, the pediatrician told me to let her "cry it out" to teach self sufficiency, or some such nonsense. I am glad I didn't listen to him, or anybody else's opinions.
Awesome.
Amazing, amazing
The gift of being a parent ahhh!!!
Something I never got .. security, love and feeling safe …. I’m holding
My crying child … mind your business 🎉 I’m giving my boys what I should have got as a child … a parent who will do it through the unconditional love for them … society won’t tell me shit .. I
I am curious what Dr. Gabor's opinion is when it pertains to foster children. What can be done to help these kids?
Start from scratch and build an attachment with the child. There is a wonderful book called :The Boy Who was Raised As A Dog. It exemplifies different cases of child trauma and treatment. Long time since I read it however, recall their being a chapter about a successful foster carer that looked after very traumatised children and although children may not fully recover, they can make progress when positive care is provided.
Wonderful
There a lot of information of what we can do wrong. I would love if there were more information on how to do right. I need tools to be a great father. I have the will. I would love some help.
When is the best time for a infant or child to go to kindergarden? My wife thinks it's 1 year old becuase that's what her family, friends and society says but i think she should be with her parents for at least 3 years. What do you think?
Parenting courses should be rolled out nationally, never mind Netflix giving roles exactly opposite to what your kids should learn, violence, murder, tricks, cunning, payback, tactics, criminal mind training, the amount of parents who do not control what their kids watch is out of control.
If you mix this with poor parenting then thats what fills jails.
There is an amazing parenting course called Know Be Do (knowing being and doing) run by bayside mental health brisbane, this course should be part of a govt plan that kicks in as soon as you show up in the birthing suite in hospital, and it comes to you in the mail, and you go through the transformation that this course does.
Unfortunately you have to have a child with ADHD or something similar to be eligible and that needs to change.
I’ve been to board meetings, and seminars, business networks and design collaboration meetings and none of this is as important as the information in this course.
The government either spends some money on the front end or pays the incarceration bill on the back end, or end up incomplete human beings who struggle when they don’t have to.
But what about when there is only one loving and supporting parent and the other only reminds of his children whenever he wants?
What can i do to not "damage" my kids?
I would seek out more material - be it texts, videos etc - with people such as Gabor Mate.
Hi Annie, Can relate as my children’s father had/has a drug problem and wasn’t able to fully parent. It puts so much stress on the parent that feels the full weight of the responsibility on your shoulders and having to deal wih everything on your own. Children pick up on that stress too.
As Gabor mentioned in the video, many cultures and societies raise children as a community , not just the mother & father.
Hope you find your tribe and a supportive network of people/friends that will make things easier for you. Just the fact you are watching this video and questioning things is a good sign you will do your best for your children.
I want to have his knowledge and wisdom for this stuff
So Super Nanny is wrong about time outs
i love it your videos' i want to share this and permission to reused to Nikmarc Tv..thanks
Where can I find the original video for this talk?
Love does not have a condition. What most parents do is trying to take ownership of the kid, not a guilty part of them but as a result of their own trauma. The desire to control is not love
So true
yes!
I like how this high minded content on youtube confirms gut instincts.
The saddest part is that this is such common sense stuff...
This is painful
It’s so unlucky to be born in a careless family and grow up there. Someone shouldn’t have baby if not having the patience to care them. The effects of carelessness harms, destroys the whole life and only a few can get out of these.
I am still trying to come out of the trauma and I am 34 year old now
@@raviravi-ru6rb I can feel you. I pray and hope may God heal you,bless you,enlighten you. But one important thing to mention please don’t be with bad company who might misguide you. Though you are mature enough but every man has his weak moments. I hope you’ll be there where you dream to go.Wish your good luck.
@@salmanhyder3489 thanks buddy. Yeah I am keeping myself away from all that 👍
Most babies are born unexpectedly to completely unprepared parents. This is why parenting should be taught in school; every student should see this video and much more.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
The reason kids riot against parents is because the parent wasn't 'the true sure point'. If the kid couldn't trust them then, why should now?
This video should be called Gabor Mate feat. Music and clips, not the other way around
❤️ this
😭😭😭
❤️❤️❤️❤️
But what is the alternative to things like time outs? Hugging the child when they are acting up is rewarding their bad behavior. The no consequences no punishment parents that I have come across have kids that are horrible to be around.
You have to talk it through with them, you can't "other" them into the imaginary status of "bad child." You have to be on their side and see their perspective, and take the time to connect honestly so that they can express their frustrations to you before trying to impose your will upon them. Resist playing the "role" of their boss, instead be their ally. Don't allow any dishonesty from yourself or them; honesty is the key.
I'll give you my opinion. My son is only 3, so keep that in mind. He only acts out when he is seeking my attention. Example would be pulling the curtains while I'm trying to get food together in the kitchen. I do give him verbal corrections, but that only works sometimes. So, when necessary I drop what I'm doing (dinner can wait) and sit with him on the couch. I'll shut off music or a show if that is on. And I'll verbally direct him to the couch and say time out. But that time out takes place with me holding him while we sit together. So, in essence, if he needs a time out basically I do too. It's just been a busy day and he hasn't gotten what he needs from me. So, dinner can wait 5 minutes. That's my take on it.
🙌
Just imagine : Your dad is Gábor Máté
Who pressed dislike and why, anyone? :)
Must have been aliens not human man...sad.
Guilty parties
A lot of this is just over-complicated mumbo jumbo. Kids are easy. All they need is love and good examples to follow. What amazes me are the people who grow up OK in spite of their screwed up parents.
Jon Smith It’s probably complicated to you for a reason.
@@angus7278 Re-read Angus, I never said it was complicated. I said it was easy.
Jon Smith I grew up in a crack/drug environment the reason for me ended up ok is these type of analysis and questioning things and seeing examples. These type of video may make a individual see a different light. But you are right kids are pretty simple and easy.
@@jonsmith7667 you wrote "over-complicated"... Which means more complicated than just complicated.
Are they OK? Depends what you define OK, how many layers are OK? "OK" doesnt sound close to full potentials.
Thank God for my Ex wife.
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@@RobertGarcia-wb4hy she is a great mother and after she divorced me I became a great father
@@TylerDurden1976Good for both of you. Reconciliation?
@@RobertGarcia-wb4hy Nah man. We’re both happier apart. We get along for our kids. We were married for 14 years and had enough of each other 😂. I’ve never been happier than I am now.
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I wish I saw this video before becoming a mom... so many mistakes...
I can’t understand his voice
Oh fck off and turn on your captions.
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