Tammy speaks my mind so often, you need to discuss all these deal breakers (not wanting to give birth) when dating. Also, her point that your trauma doesn't give you the leverage to inflict trauma on others is so true!
Tammy is so compassionate and so selfless. She don't want to put anyone through the pain of surgery because of something that can be resolved other ways.
😂😂😂 sir give birth and come back and talk. For a tiny bit of pain u would rather have ur wife have risks of blood clots and breast cancer🙃 THE OTHER WAY IS YOU
She should start going to therapy to overcome her tokophobia. Because it will affect how she bonds with her kids, if the pregnancy/labour doesn’t progress well.
and theraphy isnt a garanty itll work cause phobias arent rational even is some fears are valid. So they have to be prepared to be with and without kids or find alternatives. Carrying kids is just one part of having kids.
I believe the ideia of therapy , but she can still have a lovely Journey of pregancy because , you don't know what the future holds. 😊 Give it a try you might like dear❤
Folic acid is given to expecting mothers or people who are trying to conceive. It's probably that the pharmacist was against contraception and gave her folic acid instead.
It’s also prescribed to people who have lack of vitamin B12 or folate in their body, which causes them to have a different type of anaemia, so get prescribed folic acid + vitamin B12 and sometimes D.. that’s me I went through that 🥹
From a pharmacist’s perspective, I can tell you it’s against the law for a pharmacist to have outrightly and knowingly done that so it’s very very unlikely. It could have been an error but again if she has been talking contraceptives for a long time, it’s a bit sus for her not to have known the difference between the two medications. There are a number of differences in packaging, size, etc between folic acid and contraceptives so I think there’s more to that scenario that we don’t know.
the vasectomy convo was a bit frustrating- birth control does have a LOT of hormonal effects. We need to ask - Why are men not being held responsible? Why is ALL the onus on women? It is something we need to examine in deep. I think this is also a difficult convo to have if you are not fully educated, we all need to get educated on effects, procedures, and process around pregnancy, birth, birth control, vasectomies, etc!
For the vasectomy argument- I agree with Beatrice to the max. If I'm risking my life a small thing should be nothing. I also plan to make it known in the initial stages.
The young beautiful lady with braids (the funny one) has a Master Degree! Wow! Sorry I watched you guys the first time because of Shxtsngigs, whom I am a fan of, and then subscribed after that Episode! I believed her when she said (during the Shxtsngigs Episode), she had only 2 GCEs. (Not that there is anything wrong with those who only have 2 GCEs) - I now realise she was just joking about that too! Gosh! Wow! Bless her - she is hilarious! FUNNY!🤣 Sorry I don't know her name nor any of the other beautiful ladies name. Just getting used to all the beautiful ladies. As an older woman I must support you ladies. Praying your Channel gets bigger and bigger, in the Mighty Name of Yeshua, Hamashiach Tsidkhenu - Jesus Christ of Nazareth! You ladies crack me up with your reactions - From the Hen!!! Hm!! Ahhh!! to Ohhhh!! etc🤣🤣🤣 THOROUGHLY ENJOYED THIS EPISODE. Glad I subscribed! Keep up the good work! I have shared this unto Twitter!
“Witch” is definitely derogatory. Never knew how it was related to African culture but that was such a good point to bring up! My experience is how women and men were slain in Massachusetts for being called that. It was no joke back then to be accused of that, literally led people to death.
You should always tell the truth especially to your partner. Never quite understand why some people feel its necessary to lie when you know it's going to end up one way 🤷🏿♂️
40:49 FINALLY somebody googles what is a vasectomy! Y’all was killing me with the guessing game man ! AND Tammy is right ! Idk WHERE Beatrice come from with her demanding what someone does with their body but Tammy is right.
I just don’t get how it’s okay for girls to be on contraceptives from as early as 12 but a man having a vasectomy in he’s 30’s is too early? Women shouldn’t be the only ones who have to put their bodies at risk 🤧
I was so confused about the lady (sorry I don't know names yet) who kept insisting it's a tough procedure when told it's not😂 like why are you fighting to protect them, it's a lunchtime procedure
Relatable dilemma. I wish her the best. On the vasectomy topic.....it's a 10 min procedure. Much like a colposcopy and biopsy or any of the other outpatient procedures women have to endure. And it is very reversible and a lot of times the tube reconnects once the man is taking care of his body. I know a couple post vasectomy babies 😆
I really enjoyed how you guys discussed this first story, so respectful and tactful, the only thing I wish was mentioned was the tampering of the birth control
Ladies this was a very interesting conversation. I have three children. Two pregnancies. After my twins I had my tubes tied. Me and my husband did not want any more kids. He had a vasectomy as well both of these things took place in our thirties. I really hope that woman is truthful with her husband.
The thing with contraception for men is that because they don’t carry the child, so they don’t carry the burden of responsibility. He will claim that he’s on his contraception and sow his oats and keep it pushing. It may be different in a marriage when your goals are likely to be aligned
Ladies, y’all were so straight forward about telling her husband she’s pregnant and that it isn’t right to hold such a secret from him. But when it comes to the fact that he might have switched her pills, you all are talking about all these scenarios and what if the pharmacy made a mistake. BFR! She could have come around on wanting a baby but he made the decision for her and switched her medication. She isn’t justified in what she did, but that’s a dangerous man. What else could he do. Because if he felt like his wife was trying not to get pregnant, he could have talked to her. They are both holding secrets from each other and need to have a conversation or divorce. Clearly there’s a lack of trust on both sides.
With the birth control situation, 23:09 explains it best. She must have hidden it in a place she knew he wouldn't be going through. Also she'swest African and as a fellow West African, I can say that if a woman goes to the pharmacy asking for birth control it's either they persuade her out of getting it, outrightly refuse to sell it to her, or switch the packaging. I know cause I've seen it happen and heard of it. In African culture a a woman having kids is one of the biggest things after getting married. So the fact that she said the only person she told is her best friend and the guy he was with when he found out she got called a witch. That is the sad reality of the culture we come from. Her family not knowing about this is telling too. I really do believe her husband didn't switch it. She's been really careful not to let that secret out to him finding that he knows her marriage is done for if it happens
@@user-dd6mu5wi4o hey girl. I’m west African too. I think you and the hosts are amusing the writer is writing from West Africa. She said she’s west African, but never said where she’s writing from. But to your point, even if she hid it well from him and had to get it secretly, that doesn’t mean her pills were fake due to the pharmacy. Remember, she got it lab tested. That means she has the resources (funds and agency) to do that. I don’t understand why we don’t want to believe that he could have switched the pills. Why is that so far-fetched? That’s reproductive coercion.
I’ll say, If the writer is living in Nigeria, they’ve recently been found to have MANNNYY fakes. You can’t tell a counterfeit from the real in Nigeria anymore so it could really be the pharmacy IF the writer is in Nigeria
I agree with Beatrice on the whole thing with putting your life on the line with pregnancy it really is risky but I can see Tammy’s pov too, love these discussions ❤
I’m sorry but I agree with Beatrice. Vasectomy is actually reversible and and it’s a short outpatient procedure! It has like 95-100% success rate when reversed
men need to take on the burden of child care and familly planning. we have to deal with a lot: period themselves, pregnancy, post partum, breast feeding if you do, taling the pill and its crazy potential effects, the pain of getting an iud (some doctors dont give proper pain management options). SO a man CAN 10000% deal with one injection or surgery
folic acid can be used for a few different things; i was prescribed it when i got pregnant because i am epileptic and the folic acid would prevent my medication from affecting his development. i didn't want kids because of the fears of what could happen (also because a little girl bit me when we were 5). i did stop taking my pill after being married for 2.5 years due to peer pressure from family and friends. the fear became real but i just did research on the doctors in the area and went with the one who had the best reviews and track record. i will NOT be having any more because i did not enjoy being pregnant but what my advice to everyone who has asked me is to not listen to people's horror stories and focus on their own experiences. i snapped on my then husband and on everyone that would tell me what they went through.
My husband and I have had 3 children from when I was 21 to 25 and they were all c sections. He got a vasectomy at age 29. It was like 20 minutes and just a day or two rest and he was fine. We don't want any more kids obviously but I had very hard, high risk pregnancies and he didn't want to have me going through that again and losing my life for another child. Have your husband's take the snip. I've been on contraception before and just continuously bled and depression. No thank you.
@@kathyalex778 Yeah nothing is 100% but it's pretty close. I've seen a woman having a baby after 8 kids after her husband had a vasectomy so that spooks me a little, but I don't think it'll happen.
Can’t lie….on the topic of the vasectomy, I completely agree with Beatrice because at the end of the day and as someone who deals with research in the science world, vasectomies are reversible. The process is also all that invasive which ik Tammy was asking about. I also do get Tammy’s point on it being crazy to have one in your early 30s especially when you don’t know what the future holds but again going back to Beatrice’s point it is reversible. So whatever happens in the future where say you two as husband and wife are no longer together (God forbid), he can always go beck and reverse it and continue going on with his life. Where if something now comes and happens to you cus of the contraceptives you’re taking ….that one is no reversible oooo abeg we no fit shout too much 😂😭. Anyways loved the topics in this ep!!
I know it was a passing comment but i implore you to look into what youre saying when you say shes talking to someone who “doesnt even know where they come from.” When referring to whatever American housewife from whatever the show is. No one ever says this about Jamaican people despite Jamaica being a colony as well and its people largely the product of chattel slavery. Only about Black Americans.
Sharon saying that African Americans “don’t even know where they’re from” was unnecessary, disrespectful, and anti Black. The same point could have been made without the derogatory comment.
34:58 I think the girls are forgetting about tube tying. You can both get procedures so you can both have a peace of mind. However it’s harder for women to get the procedure done
I'm with Beatrice on the vasectomy. The bodily impact of pregnancy and birth control is waaaaayyyyyyy more damaging than a vasectomy but there's so much misinformation around it. Like what are we even discussing here. My body has been through enough. If you're against this I wonder how much you care about me
@40:19 I have to agree. Vasectomies should NEVER be taken as a "temporary" contraceptive like the pill or IUD. Even though it's technically possible, you can only have it succesfully reversed under very specific circumstances, depending on age, health, type of procedure, surgeon experience,etc). Your physician will alert you SEVERAL times beforehand, to not go through with it assuming a possibility of potential reversal later on. And even when it can be reversed (which is rare, despite what the internet makes us believe), the chances of men becoming fertile again became gradually unlikely the more time passes.
I completely agree with all your advice and she should talk to her husband but also make sure she doesn’t feel pressured into carrying that baby! I’m sure her husband isn’t like that but don’t do you don’t do anything you’re not completely comfortable with!
I think it’s really great that we’re having these discussions about children and birth. I’ve really enjoyed listening to todays video ☺️ But I agree with the comment of having a professional with you guys l to help discuss the topic with accuracy because not every single vasectomy can be reveresed and even if it does get reversed it does not guarantee that the chance conceiving a Child. The longer the wait inbetween reversal the harder it is to have kids from looking at medical journals and case studies. I also know from personal experience and from research that doctors are guilty for throwing the contraception pills onto to young girls to fix multiple different issues as a convenient or easiest option but can cause long term problems like infertility and conditions such as Pcos.
girl boo, vasectomies are done IN office😭imagine all the in office procedures we as women have to endure. Think of it close to a male pap 😭he will be fine
I totally understand her fear of the situation. Both of my sisters had complicated pregnancies. My oldest sister didn’t know she was pregnant until she gave birth and my other sister had an ectopic pregnancy. She was sick every single day and had to quit school and work. I’m also afraid of what I have in store for me.
I really enjoyed this episode, it picked my brain a lot. I have endometriosis and ovarian cancer runs in my family so I am on the pill so my endometriosis doesn’t spread, I would’ve never known I had it if I didn’t go to my OBGYN per conversation with my boyfriend. We don’t want kids yet so we discussed our options and he said he didn’t want me to take birth control if it is going to affect my hormones and everything else so I saw my obgyn and found out everything and ended up on birth control anyways. I like the idea of communicating with your partner and discussing options together though!
I’m assuming you all are being so serious about abortion because she’s in a country where it is outlawed. It makes me sad that so many women around the world are being crushed under the societal pressure to be mothers. Birth is a scary thing, her fears are not unfounded. I hate that every option for her will involve some form of pain, loneliness, and even mental or physical complications.
Tammie is being realistic guys She is living in this world ❤ Pregnancy is a beautiful thing when you want it and its purpose outweighs the risks and fears because we are all here cause of someone’s pregnancy but each to their own guys
As a wife you make these decisions together! I will not have contraception and pay attention in ovulation days etc ad my husband and I are a team! ❤❤❤ no o be is chopping anything unless it’s not working! Trust God…
This was a great dilemma and I think you ladies gave great advice. I’m new to the podcast and I love it you ladies are beautiful on the inside and out! Excited to be apart ❤of
i completely get tami’s point. she’s basically saying there’s a chance the husband might have another relationship in the future and having the vasectomy might ruin his chances of having kids later in life. if I as a woman (who usually falls into the primary caretaker role) am good with the amount of kids i have, to the point where if we separated i don’t think i’d want to go through pregnancy again, i can make that decision for myself to not have kids because it’s my body and my choice. my husband can make his own choice, obviously we want to make choices that align with one another and align with the idea of a shared future but if one person is more hesitant of going through the procedure than another, that’s okay! it’s your body, your choice. this applies to everything else that has to do with bodies in the relationship. my body my choice, if we made the agreement to have children then cool , this creates a bodily based partnership. “my body my choice” is more subsided here because we’ve made a choice together and i’ve agreed to allow him to weigh in on something concerning my body. additionally men only really have vasectomies to compare this to. women have contraceptions, abortions, and pregnancies (a lot more situations to apply the “my body my choice” concept to) in the end, if we’ve both initially made a decision we will follow through with that- typically it’s a decision regarding pregnancy. After pregnancy, comes contraceptions and vasectomies, if we initially agreed on doing that after a certain amount of kids cool ig… but if not, and it becomes a conversation we have and consider AFTER already having kids, i don’t feel like i have authority over what he wants to do- it would be preferable if we could make aligned decisions but it was agreed upon initially so it may come as a shock to one of the partners
Vasectomy is reversible but tubal ligation isn't. Reason why Dr say better for a man to get one not a woman just for this reason if not sure about family planning
She could always say that realising she was pregnant made her truly realise she had that fear. And she can also disclose that she thought she had a fear but didn't want to talk about it in case it weren't true.
Personally I'm really big on honesty its just how you build the relationship up in the first place, but to not be honest and never even give your person a chance to react and the opportunity to show you the grace that you need in this situation. Like she said you can't use your trama as a reason to be dishonest and create distrust in someone else.
I used birth control for 3 years because of painful periods. I would be sick to the point I wouldn’t be able to eat and would throw up all day. I eventually stopped because it did more harm than good and started making changes to my diet and lifestyle. Haven’t been sick since.
Pregnancy easy or not is a life threatening thing period. I also feel like the husband knows she’s on the pill and switched up. That’s a more likely scenario than the pharmacist switching them. She’s been lying by omission from the get so who knows what he’s done as well 🤷🏽♀️
I completely get how she feels, but she should have told him before even getting married.Even tho she might have not told him, he might even know about her secret
A guy with a vasectomy only shows how responsible he is. Ear me out. Even if you remarry or if your wife dies, your children are still yours. You are not divorcing your children nor are your children DEAD. find you a girl with kids and make that shit work. I know 2 guys that have a vasectomy. One of them is single now, when I asked him about it He said; I have the children I wanted point blank.
I love listening to your podcast when I am at work it always makes me laugh. I thought this was a great dilemma but there was a lot of misinformation in this video about birth control and abortion. I totally understand that y’all are not experts but I also feel that with topics so important and with the current political climate comments about these topics should be handled a bit more carefully. I totally understand that birth control can have some crazy side effects but there are so many options including non hormonal ones that could work for different people. I think you guys should preface episodes like this with a disclaimer or have an expert on as you may be pushing impressionable people to stay away from medication or procedures that can be life saving for some women. Being pregnant or giving birth can be a lot more dangerous than the side effects from birth control or having an abortion. I implore ppl to pleeeease talk to a qualified expert before taking anecdotal evidence as fact when making decisions about birth control or abortion.
Totally TOTALLY AGREE!!! There was so much suggested and mentioned without any caveat in this show! I LOVE these ladies and this podcast but there was SO much I was like 😖😖😖 with!!!
I'm just watching this episode (3/4/24)... & I think this was a great topic. I dont think any age is too young especially if you & your partner have agreed. My husband & I decided together that he would get a vasectomy before he turned 30 because I just couldnt go thru another pregnancy. Both were alot for me from getting shots every week until birth, to just carrying heavy babies because my body is small. So we both agreed & honestly i think about it all the time but knowing we both made this decision together doesnt make me ponder about it much. Both parties have to agree in my opinion.
I can appreciate the conversation, but I think they should've done a little more research on vasectomies because a vasectomy is much less invasive/potentially harmful to the body than any medicinal, hormonal or surgical contraception a woman can use. Saying "it's a surgery!" is blowing it out of proportion.. it's less recovery than a wisdom tooth removal! And age doesn't matter if you're certain it's what you want to do. My husband and I are absolutely certain we don't want kids. I was on birth control since I was around 16 and it was wreaking havoc on my body. He had a vasectomy at age 35ish, allowing me to finally get off bc after some 15 years. I immediately felt the positive effects in my body. I asked him several times if he was sure and he was positive.. but I guess that's just the joy of having a man who loves you and cares about your well-being and not thinking about a "what if" scenario of if I die and he meets and decides to have children with some other woman one day 🤷🏾♀️ A man who refuses a vasectomy and expects his partner to deal with bc, ESPECIALLY after already having children is selfish.
My husband went under the knife because we both agreed 4 kids is enough, we are a younger couple, having my last child at 29 years old, he’s happy because it’s safer than me going under the knife or taking pills
I think you meant to say non-negotiable. But yeah you need to say those things in the dating stage and just accept the person's reaction. Love you guys x
I must say I disagree somewhat with the direction of the discussion on the dilemma. Firstly, I wholly agree that she should have disclosed about her Tokophobia to her partner during the stages where talks of children would have come up and as their relationship started to move towards something serious. I understand why it wouldn’t be the first thing to bring up let’s say on the first date when the conversation on life goals like marriage or children may have come up since it’s quite personal to share something like a phobia with someone you don’t know. And to be fair, the lady wrote that she clearly wants children, so It’s not a lie, but it tethers on dishonesty when you keep a serious prospect for a partnership in the dark about something that would or could have life altering consequences. I don’t think it’s right to not be open about the issue due to the fear of losing that person at all. I've listened to other podcasts where anonymous people talk about having a secret lifestyle doing OF or even being DL while being married to their partners and they all say that won’t stop their lifestyle and would never tell their partner since they are sure their partner would leave. Personally I see that as in a way stealing time and life from a partner because they want to eat the cake and save it. In this case I wouldn’t say the woman is selfish to that point, because I didn’t get the image that she was fully set on never ever wanting children at all and just lying, but struggling with a phobia. But! there is a huge elephant in the room that the discussion wasn’t touching on. I have a hard time believing that a pharmacist who’s educated on medications and know exactly what they do would accidentally put Folic acid in a prescription as contraception. Of course there’s human error in every profession, but we need to apply Occams razor here and look at the simplest explanation. It's far more likely that the woman's husband may have figured out that she was using pills and then swapped them out for the very important supplement that protects the fetus from certain deformities than that the pharmacist would have made such a huge mistake. If that is the case...her husband has overstepped and in my opinion done something far worse than his partner. To hide such and important issue as tokophobia isn’t right, it also isn’t very helpful for herself even in the long run. But to make a decision over someone else's body to forcefully impregnate them in secrecy is crazy! and may I add, it’s illegal to do so for a reason! She has been dishonest about something very important and serious, it’s not right at all...but if her husband has switched out her pills he has actually gone against her own will, autonomy over her body and life. To do such a thing is extremely problematic. Imagine that this might force her to battle with the decision of abortion, she’s forced to choose. Being unprepared for pregnancy can result in serious issue with baby blues, have detrimental effects on the woman, relationship with the partner and the child. Or being forced to abortion, if she’s not ready, remember she has a real phobia. She has to go trough it, she has to live with the actions for the rest of her life. if she doesn’t tell him she also has to carry it on her own. If he is guilty which is way more likely...he has put her in a position he has no right to put her in. Remember, she never said she doesn’t want kids, she has a fear. but he has potentially literally taken control over her life and body for himself. I also have to add that it probably will be difficult for her to even get support from her partner when making a decision on what to do since he has clearly overstepped already to make a decision over her body and life. This is quite serious...and I think the lady is in a very complicated situation sadly...I hope and wish the best.
But folic pills look completely different from BC so did she not notice any difference in the pills? 🤔 they’d probably taste different too…I just feel like this is one of those fake wattpad stories
I'm wondering if the lab she went to tested all of the pills or was it just one? Because some placebo pills are actually folic acid. So maybe she gave the lab/the lab tested the placebo pills
Tammy speaks my mind so often, you need to discuss all these deal breakers (not wanting to give birth) when dating. Also, her point that your trauma doesn't give you the leverage to inflict trauma on others is so true!
Facts!!!
Yall actively working to not interrupt each other is sooo endearing. I love yall 😂♥️
Tammy is so compassionate and so selfless. She don't want to put anyone through the pain of surgery because of something that can be resolved other ways.
Fr I love her so much
😂😂😂 sir give birth and come back and talk. For a tiny bit of pain u would rather have ur wife have risks of blood clots and breast cancer🙃
THE OTHER WAY IS YOU
@@sanrihoe777😮😮😅
@@sanrihoe777😅😊
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TAMMY❤❤ I couldnt agree more!
She should start going to therapy to overcome her tokophobia. Because it will affect how she bonds with her kids, if the pregnancy/labour doesn’t progress well.
and theraphy isnt a garanty itll work cause phobias arent rational even is some fears are valid. So they have to be prepared to be with and without kids or find alternatives. Carrying kids is just one part of having kids.
I believe the ideia of therapy , but she can still have a lovely Journey of pregancy because , you don't know what the future holds. 😊
Give it a try you might like dear❤
@@catarinadecarmenlourenco3997"might" isn't helpful when it involves life
The internalized misogyny is stinking here.@@catarinadecarmenlourenco3997
Folic acid is given to expecting mothers or people who are trying to conceive. It's probably that the pharmacist was against contraception and gave her folic acid instead.
Exactly what I was thinking, feels too ironic.
oh wow this is shocking cause now that you’ve said this, this is scary
It’s also prescribed to people who have lack of vitamin B12 or folate in their body, which causes them to have a different type of anaemia, so get prescribed folic acid + vitamin B12 and sometimes D.. that’s me I went through that 🥹
From a pharmacist’s perspective, I can tell you it’s against the law for a pharmacist to have outrightly and knowingly done that so it’s very very unlikely. It could have been an error but again if she has been talking contraceptives for a long time, it’s a bit sus for her not to have known the difference between the two medications. There are a number of differences in packaging, size, etc between folic acid and contraceptives so I think there’s more to that scenario that we don’t know.
@@missteesaion1066I was about to just ask them. I'm like wait if that's the case. Isn't that illegal? What the f***
the vasectomy convo was a bit frustrating- birth control does have a LOT of hormonal effects. We need to ask - Why are men not being held responsible? Why is ALL the onus on women? It is something we need to examine in deep.
I think this is also a difficult convo to have if you are not fully educated, we all need to get educated on effects, procedures, and process around pregnancy, birth, birth control, vasectomies, etc!
Perfectly written!
Definitely 👏🏾
Yes there was a man in here trying to argue otherwise. I risked my life to give birth so u should do something small too
For the vasectomy argument-
I agree with Beatrice to the max. If I'm risking my life a small thing should be nothing.
I also plan to make it known in the initial stages.
When Tems sang "Crazy tings are happening", she was definitely talking about that guy that said "finders keeper"🤣
The young beautiful lady with braids (the funny one) has a Master Degree! Wow!
Sorry I watched you guys the first time because of Shxtsngigs, whom I am a fan of, and then subscribed after that Episode!
I believed her when she said (during the Shxtsngigs Episode), she had only 2 GCEs. (Not that there is anything wrong with those who only have 2 GCEs) - I now realise she was just joking about that too! Gosh! Wow! Bless her - she is hilarious! FUNNY!🤣
Sorry I don't know her name nor any of the other beautiful ladies name. Just getting used to all the beautiful ladies. As an older woman I must support you ladies. Praying your Channel gets bigger and bigger, in the Mighty Name of Yeshua, Hamashiach Tsidkhenu - Jesus Christ of Nazareth!
You ladies crack me up with your reactions - From the Hen!!! Hm!! Ahhh!! to Ohhhh!! etc🤣🤣🤣
THOROUGHLY ENJOYED THIS EPISODE. Glad I subscribed! Keep up the good work! I have shared this unto Twitter!
“Witch” is definitely derogatory. Never knew how it was related to African culture but that was such a good point to bring up! My experience is how women and men were slain in Massachusetts for being called that. It was no joke back then to be accused of that, literally led people to death.
You should always tell the truth especially to your partner. Never quite understand why some people feel its necessary to lie when you know it's going to end up one way 🤷🏿♂️
40:49 FINALLY somebody googles what is a vasectomy! Y’all was killing me with the guessing game man !
AND Tammy is right ! Idk WHERE Beatrice come from with her demanding what someone does with their body but Tammy is right.
The” you touched it you got to pay” 😂😂😭😭😂 got me oh my gosh
I just don’t get how it’s okay for girls to be on contraceptives from as early as 12 but a man having a vasectomy in he’s 30’s is too early? Women shouldn’t be the only ones who have to put their bodies at risk 🤧
Tammy never said having contraceptives that early is ok 😭
I was so confused about the lady (sorry I don't know names yet) who kept insisting it's a tough procedure when told it's not😂 like why are you fighting to protect them, it's a lunchtime procedure
Relatable dilemma. I wish her the best. On the vasectomy topic.....it's a 10 min procedure. Much like a colposcopy and biopsy or any of the other outpatient procedures women have to endure. And it is very reversible and a lot of times the tube reconnects once the man is taking care of his body. I know a couple post vasectomy babies 😆
I really enjoyed how you guys discussed this first story, so respectful and tactful, the only thing I wish was mentioned was the tampering of the birth control
This dilemma had my mouth wide open chile😮
Ladies this was a very interesting conversation. I have three children. Two pregnancies. After my twins I had my tubes tied. Me and my husband did not want any more kids. He had a vasectomy as well both of these things took place in our thirties. I really hope that woman is truthful with her husband.
I love them trying so hard not to talk over one another😂 33:19
Tammy’s “what are you” has me cackling😂😂 not I’ll leave u a tip😂
The thing with contraception for men is that because they don’t carry the child, so they don’t carry the burden of responsibility.
He will claim that he’s on his contraception and sow his oats and keep it pushing. It may be different in a marriage when your goals are likely to be aligned
Tammy: “Is God’s will and my pocket- Is it colliding?
This is my daily question to the man upstairs. 😂😂
Ladies, y’all were so straight forward about telling her husband she’s pregnant and that it isn’t right to hold such a secret from him. But when it comes to the fact that he might have switched her pills, you all are talking about all these scenarios and what if the pharmacy made a mistake. BFR! She could have come around on wanting a baby but he made the decision for her and switched her medication. She isn’t justified in what she did, but that’s a dangerous man. What else could he do. Because if he felt like his wife was trying not to get pregnant, he could have talked to her. They are both holding secrets from each other and need to have a conversation or divorce. Clearly there’s a lack of trust on both sides.
With the birth control situation, 23:09 explains it best. She must have hidden it in a place she knew he wouldn't be going through. Also she'swest African and as a fellow West African, I can say that if a woman goes to the pharmacy asking for birth control it's either they persuade her out of getting it, outrightly refuse to sell it to her, or switch the packaging. I know cause I've seen it happen and heard of it. In African culture a a woman having kids is one of the biggest things after getting married. So the fact that she said the only person she told is her best friend and the guy he was with when he found out she got called a witch. That is the sad reality of the culture we come from. Her family not knowing about this is telling too. I really do believe her husband didn't switch it. She's been really careful not to let that secret out to him finding that he knows her marriage is done for if it happens
@@user-dd6mu5wi4o hey girl. I’m west African too. I think you and the hosts are amusing the writer is writing from West Africa. She said she’s west African, but never said where she’s writing from. But to your point, even if she hid it well from him and had to get it secretly, that doesn’t mean her pills were fake due to the pharmacy. Remember, she got it lab tested. That means she has the resources (funds and agency) to do that. I don’t understand why we don’t want to believe that he could have switched the pills. Why is that so far-fetched? That’s reproductive coercion.
I’ll say, If the writer is living in Nigeria, they’ve recently been found to have MANNNYY fakes. You can’t tell a counterfeit from the real in Nigeria anymore so it could really be the pharmacy IF the writer is in Nigeria
@@Naijandoll agreed!
If the pharmacy didn't make a "mistake" any other time, it wasn't the pharmacy.
I agree with Beatrice on the whole thing with putting your life on the line with pregnancy it really is risky but I can see Tammy’s pov too, love these discussions ❤
I’m sorry but I agree with Beatrice. Vasectomy is actually reversible and and it’s a short outpatient procedure! It has like 95-100% success rate when reversed
men need to take on the burden of child care and familly planning. we have to deal with a lot: period themselves, pregnancy, post partum, breast feeding if you do, taling the pill and its crazy potential effects, the pain of getting an iud (some doctors dont give proper pain management options). SO a man CAN 10000% deal with one injection or surgery
I watched Poetic Justice this weekend and all I could see was Beatrice. 😂😂 I can’t unsee the Janet resemblance now.
Sharon legit cracked me up this episode 😂😂😂😂 those 1 liners had me hollering!
folic acid can be used for a few different things; i was prescribed it when i got pregnant because i am epileptic and the folic acid would prevent my medication from affecting his development.
i didn't want kids because of the fears of what could happen (also because a little girl bit me when we were 5). i did stop taking my pill after being married for 2.5 years due to peer pressure from family and friends. the fear became real but i just did research on the doctors in the area and went with the one who had the best reviews and track record. i will NOT be having any more because i did not enjoy being pregnant but what my advice to everyone who has asked me is to not listen to people's horror stories and focus on their own experiences. i snapped on my then husband and on everyone that would tell me what they went through.
My husband and I have had 3 children from when I was 21 to 25 and they were all c sections. He got a vasectomy at age 29. It was like 20 minutes and just a day or two rest and he was fine. We don't want any more kids obviously but I had very hard, high risk pregnancies and he didn't want to have me going through that again and losing my life for another child. Have your husband's take the snip. I've been on contraception before and just continuously bled and depression. No thank you.
Unfortunately vasectomies are not 100% and can lead to babies as well
@@kathyalex778 Yeah nothing is 100% but it's pretty close. I've seen a woman having a baby after 8 kids after her husband had a vasectomy so that spooks me a little, but I don't think it'll happen.
@@kathyalex778 After 7 years it can regrow apparently. 🤯
Same for me, it is so much easier for the man to do it. My husband got his at 33 and it took 15 minutes and he had to rest for two days.
Happy Monday! I've been waiting since morning 😢 for this episode
When Tammy sang “heal the world”😂😂😂😂
Can’t lie….on the topic of the vasectomy, I completely agree with Beatrice because at the end of the day and as someone who deals with research in the science world, vasectomies are reversible. The process is also all that invasive which ik Tammy was asking about. I also do get Tammy’s point on it being crazy to have one in your early 30s especially when you don’t know what the future holds but again going back to Beatrice’s point it is reversible. So whatever happens in the future where say you two as husband and wife are no longer together (God forbid), he can always go beck and reverse it and continue going on with his life. Where if something now comes and happens to you cus of the contraceptives you’re taking ….that one is no reversible oooo abeg we no fit shout too much 😂😭. Anyways loved the topics in this ep!!
This is the most serious I’ve seen you guys. I’m six minutes in 😂
I know it was a passing comment but i implore you to look into what youre saying when you say shes talking to someone who “doesnt even know where they come from.” When referring to whatever American housewife from whatever the show is. No one ever says this about Jamaican people despite Jamaica being a colony as well and its people largely the product of chattel slavery. Only about Black Americans.
I agree. That's a fact.
Sharon saying that African Americans “don’t even know where they’re from” was unnecessary, disrespectful, and anti Black. The same point could have been made without the derogatory comment.
💯 agree. The comment was very dismissive, even if it was intentionally meant to be so. I was rankled by it.
I Nannied for a family where the Dad was a Urologist and he actually performed his own vasectomy.
34:58 I think the girls are forgetting about tube tying. You can both get procedures so you can both have a peace of mind. However it’s harder for women to get the procedure done
I'm with Beatrice on the vasectomy. The bodily impact of pregnancy and birth control is waaaaayyyyyyy more damaging than a vasectomy but there's so much misinformation around it. Like what are we even discussing here. My body has been through enough. If you're against this I wonder how much you care about me
Yall need yall own show im thinking on OWN, hr long, bring your beauty and culture to tv ❤❤❤ love yall
@40:19 I have to agree. Vasectomies should NEVER be taken as a "temporary" contraceptive like the pill or IUD. Even though it's technically possible, you can only have it succesfully reversed under very specific circumstances, depending on age, health, type of procedure, surgeon experience,etc). Your physician will alert you SEVERAL times beforehand, to not go through with it assuming a possibility of potential reversal later on. And even when it can be reversed (which is rare, despite what the internet makes us believe), the chances of men becoming fertile again became gradually unlikely the more time passes.
Also no contraception is 100%
I completely agree with all your advice and she should talk to her husband but also make sure she doesn’t feel pressured into carrying that baby! I’m sure her husband isn’t like that but don’t do you don’t do anything you’re not completely comfortable with!
Your laughs and personalities are intoxicating in such a wonderful way❤
4:45 - i thought it was just me!!! Im thankful i believe in God because outside of Him… long dayyyyy
Love the last segment that you've added in your recent episodes.❤. Y'all so pretty. ❤
Luv you girls , your reactions are always on point
I think it’s really great that we’re having these discussions about children and birth. I’ve really enjoyed listening to todays video ☺️ But I agree with the comment of having a professional with you guys l to help discuss the topic with accuracy because not every single vasectomy can be reveresed and even if it does get reversed it does not guarantee that the chance conceiving a Child. The longer the wait inbetween reversal the harder it is to have kids from looking at medical journals and case studies. I also know from personal experience and from research that doctors are guilty for throwing the contraception pills onto to young girls to fix multiple different issues as a convenient or easiest option but can cause long term problems like infertility and conditions such as Pcos.
girl boo, vasectomies are done IN office😭imagine all the in office procedures we as women have to endure. Think of it close to a male pap 😭he will be fine
team vasectomy, that’s gonna be one of my non negotiables, after we feel we’re done and content
I totally understand her fear of the situation. Both of my sisters had complicated pregnancies. My oldest sister didn’t know she was pregnant until she gave birth and my other sister had an ectopic pregnancy. She was sick every single day and had to quit school and work. I’m also afraid of what I have in store for me.
I really enjoyed this episode, it picked my brain a lot. I have endometriosis and ovarian cancer runs in my family so I am on the pill so my endometriosis doesn’t spread, I would’ve never known I had it if I didn’t go to my OBGYN per conversation with my boyfriend. We don’t want kids yet so we discussed our options and he said he didn’t want me to take birth control if it is going to affect my hormones and everything else so I saw my obgyn and found out everything and ended up on birth control anyways. I like the idea of communicating with your partner and discussing options together though!
I’m assuming you all are being so serious about abortion because she’s in a country where it is outlawed. It makes me sad that so many women around the world are being crushed under the societal pressure to be mothers. Birth is a scary thing, her fears are not unfounded. I hate that every option for her will involve some form of pain, loneliness, and even mental or physical complications.
Tammie is being realistic guys
She is living in this world ❤
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing when you want it and its purpose outweighs the risks and fears because we are all here cause of someone’s pregnancy but each to their own guys
Had to subscribe when y’all bodied the “ you don’t know my name “ riff LMDOAOA
As a wife you make these decisions together! I will not have contraception and pay attention in ovulation days etc ad my husband and I are a team! ❤❤❤ no o be is chopping anything unless it’s not working! Trust God…
This was a great dilemma and I think you ladies gave great advice. I’m new to the podcast and I love it you ladies are beautiful on the inside and out! Excited to be apart ❤of
i completely get tami’s point. she’s basically saying there’s a chance the husband might have another relationship in the future and having the vasectomy might ruin his chances of having kids later in life. if I as a woman (who usually falls into the primary caretaker role) am good with the amount of kids i have, to the point where if we separated i don’t think i’d want to go through pregnancy again, i can make that decision for myself to not have kids because it’s my body and my choice. my husband can make his own choice, obviously we want to make choices that align with one another and align with the idea of a shared future but if one person is more hesitant of going through the procedure than another, that’s okay! it’s your body, your choice. this applies to everything else that has to do with bodies in the relationship. my body my choice, if we made the agreement to have children then cool , this creates a bodily based partnership. “my body my choice” is more subsided here because we’ve made a choice together and i’ve agreed to allow him to weigh in on something concerning my body.
additionally men only really have vasectomies to compare this to. women have contraceptions, abortions, and pregnancies (a lot more situations to apply the “my body my choice” concept to) in the end, if we’ve both initially made a decision we will follow through with that- typically it’s a decision regarding pregnancy. After pregnancy, comes contraceptions and vasectomies, if we initially agreed on doing that after a certain amount of kids cool ig… but if not, and it becomes a conversation we have and consider AFTER already having kids, i don’t feel like i have authority over what he wants to do- it would be preferable if we could make aligned decisions but it was agreed upon initially so it may come as a shock to one of the partners
I love the ad libs during the conversation and the random outburst of song lyrics.
Not Tammy singing rule the world 😭😭😭 she's so me in a serious situation 27:41
Vasectomy is reversible but tubal ligation isn't. Reason why Dr say better for a man to get one not a woman just for this reason if not sure about family planning
She could always say that realising she was pregnant made her truly realise she had that fear. And she can also disclose that she thought she had a fear but didn't want to talk about it in case it weren't true.
Personally I'm really big on honesty its just how you build the relationship up in the first place, but to not be honest and never even give your person a chance to react and the opportunity to show you the grace that you need in this situation. Like she said you can't use your trama as a reason to be dishonest and create distrust in someone else.
My favorite ladies have posted ❤🎉, we enjoyed your last episode a lot 🎉❤
“Free Ride” 😅😅🤣😂😂🤣😂😂😂😂
best podcast channel out there
so glad I found y'all after ft shxsandgigs!!! 💜💜💜
HI Just started following last year
as I saw a snippet of you're podcast on social media, and have loved you're podcast since.
No I agree, there should be contraceptives out there for men !
there are, they don't like the "side effects."
Happy Monday,really enjoyed this.
Nigerian movieeee ohhhhh Nollywood 😂
I used birth control for 3 years because of painful periods. I would be sick to the point I wouldn’t be able to eat and would throw up all day. I eventually stopped because it did more harm than good and started making changes to my diet and lifestyle. Haven’t been sick since.
This scene just played out in Home and Away and the man left because this decision she made was unforgivable and I agree.
This podcast is hilarious 🤣 🤣🤣 I cried so hard at the end 😅
Hi Ladies love the podcast. Listening from Kenya it is possible to buy contraceptives over the counter.
"They don't even know where they're from".....what did you mean by that?
Yeah that comment was really distasteful
Adding a small point here. Vasectomies are reversible. And it’s an outpatient procedure.
Pregnancy easy or not is a life threatening thing period. I also feel like the husband knows she’s on the pill and switched up. That’s a more likely scenario than the pharmacist switching them. She’s been lying by omission from the get so who knows what he’s done as well 🤷🏽♀️
no, Sharon kills me with laugh. no that thread is 😂😂😂😂😂. i am done. nah its true when they say tay away from men. what?!!!
I love your shirt Tammy!
I completely get how she feels, but she should have told him before even getting married.Even tho she might have not told him, he might even know about her secret
A guy with a vasectomy only shows how responsible he is. Ear me out. Even if you remarry or if your wife dies, your children are still yours. You are not divorcing your children nor are your children DEAD. find you a girl with kids and make that shit work. I know 2 guys that have a vasectomy. One of them is single now, when I asked him about it He said; I have the children I wanted point blank.
I love listening to your podcast when I am at work it always makes me laugh. I thought this was a great dilemma but there was a lot of misinformation in this video about birth control and abortion. I totally understand that y’all are not experts but I also feel that with topics so important and with the current political climate comments about these topics should be handled a bit more carefully. I totally understand that birth control can have some crazy side effects but there are so many options including non hormonal ones that could work for different people. I think you guys should preface episodes like this with a disclaimer or have an expert on as you may be pushing impressionable people to stay away from medication or procedures that can be life saving for some women. Being pregnant or giving birth can be a lot more dangerous than the side effects from birth control or having an abortion. I implore ppl to pleeeease talk to a qualified expert before taking anecdotal evidence as fact when making decisions about birth control or abortion.
Totally TOTALLY AGREE!!! There was so much suggested and mentioned without any caveat in this show! I LOVE these ladies and this podcast but there was SO much I was like 😖😖😖 with!!!
In as much as these three ladies say they are scared of pregnancy or settling, I can't wait for them to be wives and such wonderful mothers🤭💕
“Let it flow” 😂😂😂
I'm just watching this episode (3/4/24)... & I think this was a great topic. I dont think any age is too young especially if you & your partner have agreed. My husband & I decided together that he would get a vasectomy before he turned 30 because I just couldnt go thru another pregnancy. Both were alot for me from getting shots every week until birth, to just carrying heavy babies because my body is small. So we both agreed & honestly i think about it all the time but knowing we both made this decision together doesnt make me ponder about it much. Both parties have to agree in my opinion.
I can appreciate the conversation, but I think they should've done a little more research on vasectomies because a vasectomy is much less invasive/potentially harmful to the body than any medicinal, hormonal or surgical contraception a woman can use. Saying "it's a surgery!" is blowing it out of proportion.. it's less recovery than a wisdom tooth removal!
And age doesn't matter if you're certain it's what you want to do. My husband and I are absolutely certain we don't want kids. I was on birth control since I was around 16 and it was wreaking havoc on my body. He had a vasectomy at age 35ish, allowing me to finally get off bc after some 15 years. I immediately felt the positive effects in my body. I asked him several times if he was sure and he was positive.. but I guess that's just the joy of having a man who loves you and cares about your well-being and not thinking about a "what if" scenario of if I die and he meets and decides to have children with some other woman one day 🤷🏾♀️
A man who refuses a vasectomy and expects his partner to deal with bc, ESPECIALLY after already having children is selfish.
My husband went under the knife because we both agreed 4 kids is enough, we are a younger couple, having my last child at 29 years old, he’s happy because it’s safer than me going under the knife or taking pills
Krushems aren't discontinued, I had one last week.
I think it’s important to remember that Vasectomies can be reversed. So I think asking a man to get a vasectomy isn’t a for-life decision
Happy Monday!!! ✨💫
I think you meant to say non-negotiable. But yeah you need to say those things in the dating stage and just accept the person's reaction. Love you guys x
I must say I disagree somewhat with the direction of the discussion on the dilemma. Firstly, I wholly agree that she should have disclosed about her Tokophobia to her partner during the stages where talks of children would have come up and as their relationship started to move towards something serious. I understand why it wouldn’t be the first thing to bring up let’s say on the first date when the conversation on life goals like marriage or children may have come up since it’s quite personal to share something like a phobia with someone you don’t know. And to be fair, the lady wrote that she clearly wants children, so It’s not a lie, but it tethers on dishonesty when you keep a serious prospect for a partnership in the dark about something that would or could have life altering consequences.
I don’t think it’s right to not be open about the issue due to the fear of losing that person at all. I've listened to other podcasts where anonymous people talk about having a secret lifestyle doing OF or even being DL while being married to their partners and they all say that won’t stop their lifestyle and would never tell their partner since they are sure their partner would leave. Personally I see that as in a way stealing time and life from a partner because they want to eat the cake and save it. In this case I wouldn’t say the woman is selfish to that point, because I didn’t get the image that she was fully set on never ever wanting children at all and just lying, but struggling with a phobia.
But! there is a huge elephant in the room that the discussion wasn’t touching on. I have a hard time believing that a pharmacist who’s educated on medications and know exactly what they do would accidentally put Folic acid in a prescription as contraception. Of course there’s human error in every profession, but we need to apply Occams razor here and look at the simplest explanation. It's far more likely that the woman's husband may have figured out that she was using pills and then swapped them out for the very important supplement that protects the fetus from certain deformities than that the pharmacist would have made such a huge mistake. If that is the case...her husband has overstepped and in my opinion done something far worse than his partner. To hide such and important issue as tokophobia isn’t right, it also isn’t very helpful for herself even in the long run. But to make a decision over someone else's body to forcefully impregnate them in secrecy is crazy! and may I add, it’s illegal to do so for a reason! She has been dishonest about something very important and serious, it’s not right at all...but if her husband has switched out her pills he has actually gone against her own will, autonomy over her body and life. To do such a thing is extremely problematic. Imagine that this might force her to battle with the decision of abortion, she’s forced to choose. Being unprepared for pregnancy can result in serious issue with baby blues, have detrimental effects on the woman, relationship with the partner and the child. Or being forced to abortion, if she’s not ready, remember she has a real phobia. She has to go trough it, she has to live with the actions for the rest of her life. if she doesn’t tell him she also has to carry it on her own. If he is guilty which is way more likely...he has put her in a position he has no right to put her in. Remember, she never said she doesn’t want kids, she has a fear. but he has potentially literally taken control over her life and body for himself. I also have to add that it probably will be difficult for her to even get support from her partner when making a decision on what to do since he has clearly overstepped already to make a decision over her body and life.
This is quite serious...and I think the lady is in a very complicated situation sadly...I hope and wish the best.
But folic pills look completely different from BC so did she not notice any difference in the pills? 🤔 they’d probably taste different too…I just feel like this is one of those fake wattpad stories
I always wait for the singing part😅😅
Love this podcast. You should always keep it 💯 with your partner!
We would love an episode on women’s health during Women’s Health Awareness Month in May ❤
Even a share your story section.
I'm wondering if the lab she went to tested all of the pills or was it just one? Because some placebo pills are actually folic acid. So maybe she gave the lab/the lab tested the placebo pills
I beg someone pls link me to the you me , me and you, you and I me and you episode haha ! Killed me😊
Love you Beatrice, Tammy and Sharon. BIG LOVE from Nairobi
Hey my girls, happy Monday ❤️🫶🏽
43:06 Sharon 😂😂😂😂😂