Sorry for my essay, but I kinda felt like sharing with you a summary of what I go/went through. I am really proud of you for being strong. Please continue to stay strong and become even stronger and happier. God bless.
I like long comments! It means you have a story! I know what your situation w/ porn is like. In my case I stopped watching it. But my mind was still addicted to it. I’m about to be transparent here, I loved watching lesbian porn. LOVED IT. And did things that I shall not mention. Like you I’ve always fought hard to get rid of porn altogether. I’m having partial success since I turned to God for help. My mind still goes “there” and I have weak days. But my mind doesn’t go there as often as it used to. I’m Still a work in progress myself, and I’m working hard everyday to correct that. Don’t give up!
@@SeanFerrell I also found that turning to God helps the best for me. It is also what keeps me going. I try to stay away from sin but knowing that God forgives us if we repent helps me alot to keep going and trying. I wish you all the best!
Thank you Sean I felt the same after my fiancé left me for another man eight months ago I was devastated I still am but things are improving since I got a dog. Your story resonated with me because it is so close to my story. Thanks for sharing your story my friend 🙏
Please NEVER contemplate suicide under any circumstances ! You are on your own in this world and you need to always try to look on the bright 🌞 side trust me !! I am someone who attempted suicide and some of my relatives did kill them selves where they missed ? No, the world went on as if they didn't even exist and life continued as usual !!! As someone who suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts when it daunt on me that I am on my own I new I had to make my self number one and only do or think of what I can manage and thank the Lord for my health and for my beauty !!!!
I had to check the comments to clarify if you were a believer because I feel like God led me to watch your testimony even though it's old... I kept wondering if you happened to have issue around stuttering growing up because listening to you kept reminding me of my brother in law who grew up with a very bad stutter and was bullied a lot as a kid. He's much better now though but he can often sound like he's losing his train of thought and sort of "glitch" occasionally which is how you sounded when speaking so I was just wondering if it was that or if you were talking that way trying not to lose your train of thought? Anyway, I can so relate to the rejection and feeling like you are unwanted in the world, especially by family. I was in a dark depression about 6 years ago and even though I had a couple of suicide attempts in my teens, those were more cries for help but I never really had suicide ideation until this dark time when I actually had everything even planned in my head, how and when I was going to do it, and even that feeling of not wanting to be a "burden" went so far as I thought if no one found my body, then there wouldn't be the burden of burying me, etc.... because I believed in God the Father in heaven having a religious grandmother, there were always 2 thoughts in my head that prevented me from ending my life - 1st that my nan told me suicide was wrong in Gods eyes and 2nd that He had a purpose and plan for everyone's life. Which even through many years of depression in my life the second was what gave me hope. Somehow I managed to "survive" the next 2 years but I literally became a hermit really so I wasn't really living life.... long story short God was speaking to me in different ways over that time but it's something I can only see in hindsight now. I got to a place where I felt so trapped - couldn't end my life for fear of disappointing God and couldn't live either, even though I felt angry at myself that I've come this far and what was the point of the struggle if I just ended it? See I wanted the purpose, but I didn't know how to ask. One night I was at the end of myself and I finally did... God showed up and showed me something like a a vision of a photograph I was in butbecause of my mental health struggles over the previous years I thought it couldn't be possible for me to be that happy, surely? and also because God wants us to follow where he leads but he doesn't give us the whole plan upfront I was afraid of not being in "secure" housing... again, long story short and 3 years later I am technically "homeless" but God has continued to provide even though I didn't pray when nudged and even though I don't deserve it. I've been back in my old thinking because of my circumstances though having to rely on others and feeling like a burden. I always felt growing up and said about myself I'm like excess luggage or a piece of furniture that is great when it's useful but in the way when it's not... I sometimes get to thinking that God sees me that way because of the people in my life. But I realise that's not true... I've been struggling with the concept of boundaries and how as believers it's OK to have them when the bible says to forgive and love those that hate you. I don't know what your family dynamic is like now but mine is still toxic... can you shed some light on how you overcame rejection/abandonment issues with your family of origin if this is the case and if it's you who changed that changed the relationship dynamic?
@Emkamo-r1c Wassup bro. Yes I've had it since I was little the speech impediment. Often times I think I'm speaking without interruption, but when I look at the footage, I see I still speak in broken words, and there are gaps when I talk. If I try too fast, It's like trying to push a huge rock through before I can get my words out, so I have been working on talking more slowly , but even talking more slowly there are still times where my words are delayed for 5 seconds before I can finish a thought. As far as rejection/ abandonment goes and family issues, I was verbally bullied in middle and high school, and when I graduated, I took it out on family members. Plus I felt pressure of moving out, which I still have not done. It's made me feel less of a man because of it. My anger has largely faded over the years, but it's every now and then now that my anger comes out. The Bible says that in your anger do not sin. As far as rejection, I use it as a lightning rod when I lift weights. It's the Michael Jordan mentality of take it personal. I don't turn it off, I just put it in neutral.
Thanks for your story, so many people need to hear your story. Please continue to stand strong in the Lord and the power of His might.
Sorry for my essay, but I kinda felt like sharing with you a summary of what I go/went through. I am really proud of you for being strong. Please continue to stay strong and become even stronger and happier.
God bless.
I like long comments! It means you have a story! I know what your situation w/ porn is like. In my case I stopped watching it. But my mind was still addicted to it. I’m about to be transparent here, I loved watching lesbian porn. LOVED IT. And did things that I shall not mention. Like you I’ve always fought hard to get rid of porn altogether. I’m having partial success since I turned to God for help. My mind still goes “there” and I have weak days. But my mind doesn’t go there as often as it used to. I’m Still a work in progress myself, and I’m working hard everyday to correct that. Don’t give up!
@@SeanFerrell I also found that turning to God helps the best for me. It is also what keeps me going. I try to stay away from sin but knowing that God forgives us if we repent helps me alot to keep going and trying.
I wish you all the best!
Thank you Sean I felt the same after my fiancé left me for another man eight months ago I was devastated I still am but things are improving since I got a dog. Your story resonated with me because it is so close to my story. Thanks for sharing your story my friend 🙏
Your very 🙏🏾 welcome! I guess I’m having a impact! Happy for you!
You are loved and appreciated.
Please NEVER contemplate suicide under any circumstances ! You are on your own in this world and you need to always try to look on the bright 🌞 side trust me !! I am someone who attempted suicide and some of my relatives did kill them selves where they missed ? No, the world went on as if they didn't even exist and life continued as usual !!! As someone who suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts when it daunt on me that I am on my own I new I had to make my self number one and only do or think of what I can manage and thank the Lord for my health and for my beauty !!!!
I had to check the comments to clarify if you were a believer because I feel like God led me to watch your testimony even though it's old... I kept wondering if you happened to have issue around stuttering growing up because listening to you kept reminding me of my brother in law who grew up with a very bad stutter and was bullied a lot as a kid. He's much better now though but he can often sound like he's losing his train of thought and sort of "glitch" occasionally which is how you sounded when speaking so I was just wondering if it was that or if you were talking that way trying not to lose your train of thought?
Anyway, I can so relate to the rejection and feeling like you are unwanted in the world, especially by family. I was in a dark depression about 6 years ago and even though I had a couple of suicide attempts in my teens, those were more cries for help but I never really had suicide ideation until this dark time when I actually had everything even planned in my head, how and when I was going to do it, and even that feeling of not wanting to be a "burden" went so far as I thought if no one found my body, then there wouldn't be the burden of burying me, etc.... because I believed in God the Father in heaven having a religious grandmother, there were always 2 thoughts in my head that prevented me from ending my life - 1st that my nan told me suicide was wrong in Gods eyes and 2nd that He had a purpose and plan for everyone's life. Which even through many years of depression in my life the second was what gave me hope. Somehow I managed to "survive" the next 2 years but I literally became a hermit really so I wasn't really living life.... long story short God was speaking to me in different ways over that time but it's something I can only see in hindsight now. I got to a place where I felt so trapped - couldn't end my life for fear of disappointing God and couldn't live either, even though I felt angry at myself that I've come this far and what was the point of the struggle if I just ended it? See I wanted the purpose, but I didn't know how to ask. One night I was at the end of myself and I finally did... God showed up and showed me something like a a vision of a photograph I was in butbecause of my mental health struggles over the previous years I thought it couldn't be possible for me to be that happy, surely? and also because God wants us to follow where he leads but he doesn't give us the whole plan upfront I was afraid of not being in "secure" housing... again, long story short and 3 years later I am technically "homeless" but God has continued to provide even though I didn't pray when nudged and even though I don't deserve it.
I've been back in my old thinking because of my circumstances though having to rely on others and feeling like a burden. I always felt growing up and said about myself I'm like excess luggage or a piece of furniture that is great when it's useful but in the way when it's not... I sometimes get to thinking that God sees me that way because of the people in my life. But I realise that's not true... I've been struggling with the concept of boundaries and how as believers it's OK to have them when the bible says to forgive and love those that hate you.
I don't know what your family dynamic is like now but mine is still toxic... can you shed some light on how you overcame rejection/abandonment issues with your family of origin if this is the case and if it's you who changed that changed the relationship dynamic?
@Emkamo-r1c Wassup bro. Yes I've had it since I was little the speech impediment. Often times I think I'm speaking without interruption, but when I look at the footage, I see I still speak in broken words, and there are gaps when I talk. If I try too fast, It's like trying to push a huge rock through before I can get my words out, so I have been working on talking more slowly , but even talking more slowly there are still times where my words are delayed for 5 seconds before I can finish a thought. As far as rejection/ abandonment goes and family issues, I was verbally bullied in middle and high school, and when I graduated, I took it out on family members. Plus I felt pressure of moving out, which I still have not done. It's made me feel less of a man because of it. My anger has largely faded over the years, but it's every now and then now that my anger comes out. The Bible says that in your anger do not sin. As far as rejection, I use it as a lightning rod when I lift weights. It's the Michael Jordan mentality of take it personal. I don't turn it off, I just put it in neutral.