( i know.- it feels so incredibly painful. I don.t know who i could reality ck and talk to bc it is a parent but ive never seen this before it feels like the devaluation stage. Well i hope you are ending your situation. No one deserves this.
My narcissist man wanted me to take an online course in logic before I attempted to try another conversation with him, because he thought I was not good enough in talking with him. He did make me doubt myself, until I heard about other narcissist.
Oh yes felt like a debate or I felt like I couldn’t get my word in because it was always about the narcissist and her problems she never had interest in my life see it’s toxic when the narcissist only wants you to talk about them or anything related to them.
The stress that is created by a narcissist is unreal but so VERY real!! Hair loss, weight gain/loss, jumpiness, walking on eggshells, withholding, pacification, silence!! It’s crazy making. They have no genuine sense of humanity. They are complete monsters. Wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Even when they are home, you are alone, they don't interact. They are also extremely selfish, it's all about them. When you complain about their behaviour, they blame you, it's always you, never them. They are always wanting things and are never satisfied . They like making conversation with strangers and can talk animatedly for ages, yet don't want to converse with you. They like to control you and make all the decisions. They drain your energy and suck the life out of you.
I have a roommate like this , he said why don’t you ask me questions ha! Only to be ignored and talks to others all the time on his phone. I just stopped interacting unless he sparks a conversation but even then he walks off, texts, zones out …whatever
Had a “friend” like this that I kept around way too long almost as a study. Finally had to block him for life , crazy shit these narcs. These people are so brain damaged.
I am in hospital at the moment with my narc partner. I am in a lot of pain, but all I hear is how exhausted he is, how he doesn't sleep because the nurses are in and out of my room all night. Really disgusted with him right now, but I will need him through the recovery process. Again, all about them. Never even got a hug.....
They're not happy when the dust settles and the mind is left to wander. They don't like themSELVES either. Solitude is their Worst enemy. That's why they move on so fast
Yes me too. He drained. Me of my energy and I couldn’t sleep at night because I could sense something was off, you know he was on his phone all the time then when I was sleeping- actually on the phone all the time,talking to girls on social apps and stuff getting new supply, having secret relationships. Then said I’m crazy when I showed the proof.
Once my narc was gone, I couldn’t believe that my chronic neck and shoulder pain went away (they are true pains in the neck!) and even my hair stopped falling out in clumps with every shower. Truly.
As we file the papers to split for good, he changed from half human to pure hell overnight. Petrified of the process server. Then HE should have filed, he had ten months. I feel like I could be a regular on Am I the @-hole? on Reddit!
They can't introspective ie quietly weigh the pros and cons of their conduct - that is one of their core deficits ie they have no sense of self and get a picture of who they are from their environment ie their possessions, offspring acquaintences their achievements They have no identity😉
I always felt that was the case with my very narcissistic mother. She wouldn't let anyone else pause for breath either. My teen years, which I sometimes see referred to as the free years, were spent cleaning an already immaculate house.
It wasn't so hard to let go, finally, I was always feeling alone most of the time, left to my own, and fixing problems and family, and problems, so when the end came...I already was in a place to Handle it!
Scumbag just announced he's leaving tomorrow for week... Happy Thanksgiving! To spend time supposedly with creep sister who acts like a scorned wife towards any woman he's with instead of a sister, of course I'm not invited ....3 times now he has annihilated his household each time sister pits him against his family to point of telling him to reject his child as she demands he financially support her & her grown kid ! They both have good health & jobs....latest bs involved $50,000 !!! As he cries broke to me & straves me out on multiple levels He was so kind, we were always together....now he just lies, yelling, skips out So much for being together forever Lord help me get out !
My sister can not sit still for 5 minutes. Always has to be talking to an enabler; if she’s by herself, always on her phone, always walking away to get something. I think she genuinely hates herself so much that she needs constant distraction. I’ve never seen her sitting by herself, no distractions, and just enjoying her own presence.
My ex could never stay home on our day off together, we always had to go somewhere. He also didn’t have the patience to watch a movie. There were times where I wish we could just lay on the couch together and watch a movie together. It’s crazy how all narcissists are so similar. He also didn’t live in the present. He always talked about us having a bigger house, a better car, better careers. We had everything we needed, I was perfectly content with the family and life we created together but I always felt like it wasn’t enough for him. I wish I knew these types of individuals existed.
Same here... He couldn't concentrate to read just one page of a book or to watch a movie until the end..he would fall a sleep...when he didn't lay down and slept he would run around somewhere to get his fuel🤮🤮🤮🤮he had everything but nothing was good enough for him..he doesn't know what thankfulness is...he was also just talking about the future but he didn't know how to go a normal way to make his wishes for the future happen because he was/is a lazy person..sad creatures
Andrea, yes! Im like you, we have everything we need, home, car, money for bills plus some, but nothing was ever good enough, he was never content with the blessings we already had, everything was always him wanting more more more, and he couldn't afford more, champagne taste on a beer budget, it became exhausting. Those spirits are all the same just operating in different people thats why they are all so very similar.
I have a friend like this and she is constantly go, go, go. She stacks up social events to post on social media and of course she is late to each event because she over books herself. Unbelievable how accurate this is. When she has nothing to do, she invites herself over to your house because she constantly needs to be busy. It's so odd!
My brother’s wife is this SAME EXACT WAY!!!!!!! So is my classic narcissist coworker, she’s the same way too! They are both CONSTANTLY go, go, going and do, do, doing. They always need to be looking forward to doing something! My brother’s wife has changed jobs about 4 or 5 times during the year of 2022 alone! She’s VERY inconsistent! With all of the events Megan books to go to she’s always late to everything too.
Exactly I knew a narcissist woman thought was a friend she was here for a while after she left was on the go again yes she works but aside from working always on the go and sometimes I rarely heard anything from her I knew she wasn’t a real genuine friend as I look back at this she nobody friend only using her time for her benefits narcissists are like drug addicts to.
YES!! Did everything fast!! Driving, talking, scrolling through TV stations, scrolling through his phone for porn sites,.. sex. Always fast. No, he could never just " be". Because he was so empty and didn't like being with himself. Now I can understand. I didn't want to be with him, either
Mine would walk fast and tell me to catch up, when I didn't he walked faster to the point where I was way behind him. Then he ran, at that point, I turned around and walked opposite direction. He yelled, I will be back by 5 pm and it was 7am in the morning. I went home took my things, and took my car, left for the weekend to a friend's house. When I came ( should of stayed gone) he acted liked nothing happened. He had done this too many times, I permently moved to spare bedroom. I was done. I had a feeling he was cheating and it made me cringe. 5 months later left and filed for divorce.
@@christinaelena7279 same thing, he was 6'4 and I am only 5' so he would say I'm too short and to just walk faster and keep up. In his case it was the need to hurry and "do the things" so he could get home and craxk his first of many beers and once he did that I knew we were in for the night because he would not stop until he passed out.
She'd come home from work and if it was a nice peaceful evening she would INEVITABLY manufacture drama. It was insane. Always on the go go go. Always in the middle of some kind of chaos and drama. When we split it was so peaceful, but I wasn't able to sleep more than 3 or 4 hours at a time for about a year and a half. Sometimes I'd wake up with a start, thinking she was beside me. Such a relief to see she wasn't. Lol.
Yeah constantly in the middle of the storm. The great manufacturer of chaos. What a miserable life and existence. Makes you wonder! How can a human being decides to live like that? Absolutely unnecessary. Well I can sum it all up like this. "Not my problem anymore". It's that simple.
The peace after leaving and cutting off a narc is indescribable! I often refer to it as a "Shashank Redemption" moment! I literally fell to my knees in the grass next to my car and sobbed and maniacally laughed with joy after I ended a particularly bad narc relationship. I lived in fear and anxiety for about a year afterwards as well, but still just felt so peaceful at the same time...
Yes. Exactly the hell I’m living in currently. And any adult conversation is turned into an argument. The saddest part is that I’m the only person he does this to. He is always “busy” on his days off so I’m stuck with the kids alone even when he isn’t at work. I feel alone, uncared for, unheard and neglected. At meals he is on his phone or tablet and sometimes even uses his headphones. He’s just completely disconnected. At bedtime he wants the tv on all night also. I was told I’m only here for companionship. So I guess I’m just a loyal little dog around here. I’m supposed to sit here until he decides to pet me.
One of mine did, but I felt like a puppy being cuddled, I was not able to move, he didnt want me to. Then one day he stopped cuddling. If I asked he would reluctantly, and I could tell he wanted to get away. I feel trained to accept their excuses for why they avoid contact. I dont think I can function in a normal relationship now. I dont know what that is.
Spot on. My ex used to ditch me at the door of every social event and do what I called “work the room”. He was looking for anyone who could give him something. To elevate his status. He was all about appearances. He discarded me many years ago but did not leave. I finally learned what this was. I got tired of being a prop for his pretend marriage. With all the abuse behind closed doors.
Yessssss!! When he would work the room and then ficus on one person. In the end of the relationship. I would leave and go to the restroom come back enter the conversation and when he wasn't listening or looking i would say to tol he person. He is not what you want. And they would get it and he couldn't understand why they were not interested anymore.
On spot took me 25 yrs to work thru describes my husband couldn't make sense of it all describe him to a t this is so remarkable when you are in it unbelievable you are in it feel real sad for them knowing I am not alone makes life worth it n survived oh absolutely verbatim
and if you tell anyone, it all happens when no one is looking. THEY look at you like YOU have the problem. I got a semi admission out of a narcissist. I know, they say it's not true, his rage is became more than physical, he swunghis arm at me, forced me against my will. With his arm ending up in between.my upper and lower jaw 😱 his arm was bandaged in two spots today
The comments under your videos are always so helpful to read! Thank you to all of you here, it's so good to be with people who truly understand what narcissists are like.
Mine had to have the tele on to sleep and if he woke up in a pitch black room he'd panic. I bought him a sakt lamp to sleep with. Always found it strange.
Yes, a lower grade of Psychopaths and the need for speed. If you try to moderate or slow down or negotiate with them for some quality time then they get panicky as they can’t maintain the mask
@@ingridhaughney3645 I Cannot 🤣🤣😆😆😂. Why everybody hitting the nail on the head so hard this morning 🌄🤣😆 I'm pulling out my Captains Log early and start journaling.
Boy, I lived this. ☹️ My Nex could NOT be alone with his thoughts. And he was constantly switching hobbies. It's like he could never be content. And then he discarded me all together. I held no more value to him.
@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone thank you. It's still relatively fresh for me. I'm sorry that you have to understand. But at the same time you're helping so many people including myself! 🌟✨⭐
Everything with the narcissist 'is a transaction'. NAILED IT!!! It took me a long time to see it, but once I did I realized that the driving force behind everything he did centered around what he could gain from it. Kindness and altruism are absent. And the mask you mentioned..... so so true. Once he realized it was over he dropped the mask and I was shocked by the stranger he was now. It was very scary.
Omg this is so true. My narc ex has the attention span of a goldfish! He was always doing something new, always into the next shiny thing, was never home, could never just sit at home with me, was glued to his phone etc. In the end I never really knew him. I always complained to him that he never spent enough time with me and he never had an answer to it. It was only when I found out he was cheating that it was the final straw for me. It was after that I found out he is a narc. And yeah he always talked about himself.
Exactly! Mine always had to have a project to do. Could never hang out with me except in the evening when he liked to drink and watch movies. Never just chill out and talk. Any downtime was spent on his phone. You’re alone in the relationship.
If they are not in the spot light, they will anxiously look for something to get themselves into the spotlight. This is normally when they're in company. I discovered that if they meet competition in any group, they would find a reason to leave. Great subject!
This explains so much about a "friend" i made boundaries w who is constantly busy and never around. Would even leave in the middle of hanging out w us. Always on phone..always. I xould never figure it out. This makes sense. They only contact us when they need something. Grrat points
My mom & mil are like this! Growing up my mother would never sit still. We found it difficult to even get her to sit & watch a movie. Both start every conversation about themselves only to look bored or avoid eye contact when it was my turn to talk. I once had her leave the table at a restaurant 10 min in to talk to her sister on the phone for an hour!!
Oh most certainly it's all a show they want you to watch and they will be sure to share on social media if you don't pay enough attention ugh. Mine would say, sorry you don't have a life hehehe with an evil laugh (meanwhile I am a single mom of four with my own home)
Yes!!! I began having to give my ex basically a listicle of things I had done through the day when he asked me what I had done that day. Because if I didn’t he would accuse me of not being productive. I like not being productive. It’s kind of my thing. So I would lie. I hated that. I really just wanna respond with nothing when someone asks me so what did you do today.
@@maevemaiden yep. My ex accused me of sucking my father’s you know what because I’m also a single mom and live with my father. I live with my father because he lives in a good school district. With my income I can only afford to live in a bad neighborhood. My kid deserves better so I sacrifice.
Yes it is a show. They are doing nothing, its all an act. Day in Day out, year in year out, no results. They only talk and talk and only sucking your energy. And they can be very dangerous/agrassive. Sad my baby has a narcissist as a father.
"They're wearing a mask with someone else right now" that's the most sobering sentence about this whole ordeal. Have you seen the video about narcissisism and dementia? Apparently in their last moments the demons in them discard them the same way they discarded everyone and they're so empty at this point they can't even speak or react to their surroundings.
Very true, they are incapable of emotional intimacy and introspection. Denial is the name of the game... I first wrote it off as anxiety, stress, shyness, etc. But it was incapacity for intimacy and honesty of them with others or themselves
Guys, I'm confused, if a narcissist, (and I'm in the middle of this right now) can't show emotional intimacy, how in heaven's name do people stay with them long enough to marry them. Are they equally damaged from childhood, as I believe I am?
Wow, exactly. Any ideas I have or conversations aren't worth his time. He freak'n actually sings just under his breath but so I can hear him while I'm talking! Sometimes I'll start telling him something important and can tell he's not paying attention so I'll make up something so stupid crazy to see how he responds and...nothing! He doesn't hear anything I say.
Omg never thought that this was a result of narcissism.. I could never relax on sofa without feeling guilty. I ALWAYS felt like I HAD to amuse him, cheer him up, inflate his ego basically to avoid discomfort and having a bad day. He could NEVER watch something with me or actually do something on his own for a long time..he was actually pacing back and forth in the house making me feel on edge.. constantly feeling that I need to do something to avoid him telling me how BORED he was all the time. Always felt responsible and boring myself.. Jesus I feel so free.. ... I can BREATHE
Yes, yes, yes!! I realized this recently about my ex and it’s so very true! Always on the go, she could never be alone with her own, self critical thoughts. Her phone was her constant companion whether it was texting friends or checking email or googling something she saw on tv. She could never sit in bed after waking up and always had to get up and get the day started. It’s all so obvious now!!
Thank you now I understand why my narc aunt had the tv on 24/7. And why she was always rooming the apartment at night slaming and banging things, and why she would fall asleep at 4pm. When she would leave the apartment that is when I could turn off the tv and have an hour or two of peace and quiet. Thankfully she kicked me out of her apartment and gave me the money to move out of state. And the only reason why I lived with her is due to poverty and her narc boyfriend who was my landlord kicked me out even though I was not a bad tenant. She took his side and belived lies he told her about me, I never did found out what thoes lies were. I am just glad I no longer have to live with her. Now I am living at my brother's house and wife number 3 is a narc. She can not stand me, and she wants me gone ASAP. I recently got a part time job and now I am told by my brother I need to get another job soon. Which I am glad to do, this way I can leave quicker and finally go less contact to no contact. I still want a relationship with my brother, niece and nephew. My sister has turned my brother into her flyinh monkey.
You ever notice when you leave a narcy they look sick? I used to think it was because they were soooo sad you were gone. Nope. They were sucking all your energy and you were probably burning yourself out doing everything for both of yall. Cooking, cleaning,paying bills, fixing all their issues, consoling them every time they're down (which is alot because it's always something and of course they're not able to deal with it alone. Ever). Everything's a smart remark or an argument. Honey they were bleeding us out slowly. I felt like I started looking sick towards the end of the relationship. Like yall said we never laid and cuddled or relaxed and chilled in. I could never sleep. He'd wanna stay up all night talking and wake me up early when he hops out the bed before the sun to get his day started even without a job sometimes lol. All that to say. I can finally exhale. It's only been a few weeks but my skin color is coming back I even stopped smoking. I really feel like he was low key intentionally holding me back from so much but mostly he was holding me back from myself. I haven't done anything for myself really the whole time we've been together. It was all about him at all times. Feels good getting closer to God without his distraction and getting back to doing what bring me joy without feeling guilty. I really have alot to heal from but I feel do relieved and healthy mentally and physically. I love spending all this time treating myself like a princess for once!
Happy for you too! 💪 💪 I thought I had general anxiety disorder but it left when I got away from the neurotic narc. An optimist being with a pessimist along with all his other crap was enough! If he was insecure with his work and the bosses were coming to inspect, I'd give him a pep talk how good and talented he was and not to worry. Didn't help, he was always a downer so then I stopped exerting my energy.
💯 Agreed. I wish dear God I k ew this b4. I feel I wasted so much time. I look back and honestly realized I've been in a solo relationship. I feel ashamed to say what I thought was a relationship from a young age, I was just a babysitter. He simply used me to the max abused and manipulated me to believing a lot of false situations as well as created false narrative. Used his child as a entrance piece to create a disaster zone. Myife is in shambles and he has a major part. Now I am a smart women, but I ft so low undervalued and stupid with him. I've been so embarrassed after " waking up" that I allowed someone to bring me and my environment down into a sunken place. I agree for an relationship I thought I was in, was literally the worst. They only good I can account is my child. I'm just so sad mad confused on how I let it get so far. I'm also ashamed almost to convincing myself and others I'm in Love. When truthfully I haven't Loved this overgrown child whole heartedly since the first stage of relationship. And i have known him too long. He hasn't done anything for me more than stress and pain. And I allowed this animal the leverage to so do at the weakest time in my life. And boy did he have a field day.
The busy-ness people with personality disorders display is 💯 percent due to the inability to self respect. And it’s extreme - either perfectionism, or full blown denial which usually includes an addiction to make the denial possible. The example of the family movie is so correct!!! At the end of the day, it’s far better to be alone with our thoughts and healing, painful as it is, than be alone and with them.
This is the reason I had to walk away from my mother. I hung around around for way too long until it became unbearable. I only walked away 5 years ago (now aged 62, and my mother is 82) Never been happier.
So on point. The only time he was not doing something was when he was sleeping! - always had to be doing something with no time to just do nothing even on weekends. As the saying goes - being busy is not a badge of honor.
I was running away from control and boardum she was on the phone all the time or bitshing about something bed was big and cold no seance of hummer so I went out learning got into music took a music class took a part time job she wasn't working and wanted the kids to be looked after in a nursery she didn't want to do nothing I was paying the bills clean and cook wash the dishes do the whole nine yards without a thank you a kiss no motivation what soever fuck that I went out to breathe to laugh and learn I was leaving then but the kids were holding me back but also I was trying to understand and all she ever said it's your fault .....
Vacation with a narc is torture! Either you’re alone with this unfocused mess of a person, or you’re performing ”Perfect Couple” till the limelights turn off, and the loneliness comes back…
Never ever a single real true conversation. Also never ever did he actually hear anything I said unless I prefaced it with, “Listen to me because I’m going to ask you what I said afterwards, ok”
Whenever I said anything which was slightly controversial a metaphorical electric garage roller door would descend over his face. His steely glare was scary but I knew he was refusing to respond. Really weird. The first clue I had about his behaviour being narcissistic was when I heard the term ‘emotionally unavailable’. I thought YES YES YES! That’s it!
The love bombing starts out feeling like ‘excitement’, because it’s a thousand miles an hour, beautiful restaurants, music, trips, hotels, resorts, endless text messages and tons of future faking…to keep you hooked ‘for more’. Within a few months, it begins to feel more exhausting and chaotic, than exciting. Monotonous, rather than anything moving forward. Superficial, more than anything resembling a ‘deep and meaningful’ relationship. This is where we need to listen to our intuition. Get out, before the entrapment has you feeling like you can never escape their mighty, controlling, demanding ‘grip’.
This is so familiar. My stbx covert narcissist even projected her restlessness on the kids. If we had a quiet Saturday morning, going about the house, kids playing etc, if the clock approached 9:30, and still no plans for the day, boom, rage fit.
Absolutely agree with you, spot on. I was seeing a narcissist for 2 months, and it was draining. I couldn't keep up with his energy being on the go all the time. For example, we got back from a bike ride and then he wanted to go out again for a meal/drinks within 30mins😂. Also he likes taking pics of himself all the time 🙈. Glad it's all over now. It was just a personality clash.
I thought mine was ADD/ADHD and maybe he really is, but even on a date he’d start deep conversations with strangers. I felt like I wasn’t good enough… but now I know. He was trying to build up more supply. And I am enough!! Thanks Andrew!
This is so accurate, it’s uncanny! My 77-year-old Narc relative has tantrums like an infant whenever she encounters problems with bureaucracy or computers. Zero patience, much swearing 🤬 🤬 🤬 and relentless importuning of others!
Andrew, you are brilliant! AGAIN!! You're so right: The 3 big narcs in my life all can't sit still and the worse the narc, the more they can't sit still. It's easy to deem them "super social", BUT you're right, they are just out getting their narcissistic fill every single day, like an addiction.
So true what you describe about narcissist person, my ex wife was exactly like that, among ather narcissist characteristics that she presented ... She was euphoric all the time... These people seems that they dont know how to be relax, enjoy life... Everything in their life is a torment.... Run away from people like this!!!
What a great video. I now recognize these behavior traits in the narcissist I was involved with. I could not stop wondering why she found it necessary to completely smash tranquility every time I thought things were going well. I was criticized often for being quiet while we watched beautiful sunsets on the river. She mocked and ridiculed me and could not stand it that I was able to enjoy these sunsets without constantly talking.
The revelations that these videos keep giving me is astonishing! I just realized that I have spent five years begging my ex narcissist to get a secondary supply. I’m basically an all you can eat buffet for a narcissist. I’m an empathetic bipolar people pleaser. So for 12 years I was my exes only supply. For the majority of those years he was pretty good at maintaining his ability to keep drawing from me. But over the last couple of years it’s been failing. And now I see it. I see it all. And you’re right he couldn’t sit still. It would take us three hours to watch a 40 minute television show! Because he had to change his clothes 25 times for no reason and he had to take the dogs out 10 times for no reason. The dogs always came first. Even over me and my child. I’m so glad I’m out now I just have to stay here!
Andrew you speak about the disorder of narcissism like no one else on UA-cam. Since I stumbled upon your videos a couple weeks ago everything you have said is so right on and describes my ex-husband exactly. I believe my husband was a covert narcissist which is why it was so much harder for me to break free. Everything was a big secret!
Andrew my daughter told a few things that her narcissist husband does once she was invited by her company bosses so she told him if he could look after the kids while she attends the dinner ,he agreed .He then waited for to reach her destination and he then phoned her and told that the children’s where crying for and he could not control them ,my daughter abandoned her dinner and returned .,on her return she found the children asleep .She then asked the live in maid if the children were troubling ,the maid replied that after supper the the children went to sleep ,they did not trouble.This is one of the sick things that he does.
You hit the nail on the head, my ex narc was always on the go. He also dabbled in crystal meth as I found out later. He would stay out until the daylight after riding his bicycle around all night getting into God knows what. I dumped his sorry a$$, have gone no contact and get an absolute kick out of ignoring him, then reading his angry, psychotic then begging messages. Once you learn the MO of a narc it's actually extremely easy to stay away and just LAUGH at their idiocy. They're not smart.
This video made me chuckle Andrew. Before the end of the relationship in July 2020 I spent 4 months virtually house bound with my Malignant Narcasistic wife due to Covid. Ohhh my what a time it was. They can't handle boredom or just doing simple things like movies or reading a book etc... Inevitably what happened is that fights were picked and the need to vent and rage was the only thing that filled the hole inside...but temporarily of course. The violent episodes escalated as time went by because she knew I was an effective prisoner. No wonder is it a hideous Trauma Bond was forged... When I did finally escape the initial feeling of relief was so overwhelming...it was like I'd broke out of jail. They can't be alone with their thoughts or self reflect...that is a dangerous reality for them. Keeping busy by acquiring an any type of supply is a matter of life or death. DC
My discard was 4th of July, 3pm, 2020. Nine hours away from my home. As I drove the nine hours home he ran over to join the new supply for fireworks. In my mental state I locked myself out of my car at a rest stop halfway home. I actually found comfort in resolving that hassle because it gave me the opportunity to talk to the locksmith which lifted my heart slightly up out of my feet. I was so bonded to Mr. Wonderful and never saw it coming. But in hindsight it was so textbook narc
The Narcissistic individual dreads boredom it’s like hell to them. If you ask them to chill or just do a little leisure all hell breaks out. Go, Go Go and if you are boring them on any way you are dumped so they never stick around to relax with you. They are demonic deranged and disordered individuals. Avoid them and never return because they abuse you when you fail to excite them physically, sexually or financially.
Omg... I've been through all of this! She could never watch a movie. She actually had 2 cell phones with multiple numbers. Always had a project going on. Always running to the store. I must tell you I'm laughing right along with you because it's so true. The one thing I have managed to hold on to is my sense of humor. I just started following you and I was wondering have you ever done any videos on the narcissist and stealing? Please keep doing what you do! 🕉️✌️
Try Narcissist Chronicles with Jesse also, he is another great coach with a awesome tribe of supporters. Over 600 videos to watch. Hope to see you there :)!
My soon to be nex will clean from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed, even after I've cleaned. I remember him telling me, all of his exes were slobs. He will even fold the dirty clothes in the laundry basket, which I put a stop to because that's how I know it's a dirty basket. He never yelled at me to join in, though. He knows he has a problem with that. His friends call him Monk, like the TV show. I knew it was a psychological issue. But I didn't know it was just narcissism and not being able to sit still. Also, it's a part of appearance. The house has to look perfect.
🤣 It's scary how on point this is. *in the middle of the novie* "They have to go make dinner, which is six hours away" I don't mean to laugh, but it really was the way you said it. Really lightened the mood. Xx
The only time they sit still is to smerk and stare and you to take notes for something negative to use against you also riding in a vehicle with a narcissist is intense speeding and music blasted road rage
This is so true they cant just be content. It is always what do you want to do? where do you want to go? You cant just relax and enjoy time together it is like a constant distraction. I feel better off alone than with someone who doesn't want to learn and grow as a human. There always has to be something in everything they do just for them.
It’s true. I would be in my space trying to relax and he would say “I’m bored”. And just.. bothered me for hours. I had no privacy. All his “friends” realized how awful he was and he didn’t like going out to make more friends so he unloaded on me! The way he spent money on those random hobbies.. wow
In 20years he never sat with me on the sofa,he was always up the pub,never stayed at home weekends when he wasn't working,never asked me how my day was but I would hear about how crap his day was for hours to the extent I felt like I'd gone to work with him,every family holiday he'd never sit with me on the beach he'd disappear for hours,and always involved other people to join us all the time so it was never just us,he always had the tv controller and was constantly change channels th list is endless, it's so interesting to a actually finally understand why,I was worn out after twenty years so I divorced him,I love my own company and to have peace in my life is the best thing ever
I can relate. My Narc was a constant disappearing act. Or a no show. It was before mobile phones and he was ALWAYS disappearing. It was exhausting. I had 23 years of hell with that lying, scheming, two timing thief, but Ive also had 23 years now of peace and freedom. Life is lovely.🌹
This describes my sister-in-law to a "T". It's exhausting being anywhere near her. No sooner do they arrive than they have to leave and do something else. Thats why we love it when they don't come. It's a relief!!
For me, I was tired of ME making all the plans on HIS day off. I'm like, what do youwant to do? ...lol...and none of it ever included me. So on his day off, we sat there. Across the living room looking at each other. I waited and waited and waited for him to finally say Let's go do this together. The day never came. To me this was him not investing in our relationship. Making plans together. Doing home projects together, discovering new things together, having fun together, traveling, vacations whatever. So I stopped investing and started mirroring him. We stopped growing together because I got tired of being the one wanting to connect by being and doing things together.
This is exactly what I had to do after 7 years off and on and trying desperately to grow when I stopped investing our relationship fizzled out over that last year to nothing but ash
This is spot on, we went on vacation at my family cabin for a week in beautiful Colorado, where we hike, sit and drink coffee and enjoy nature around us and visit and enjoy family and each other. , go fishing just to sit and enjoy our surroundings and be at peace. Ride 4 wheelers through the mountains. Our family goes there to just rewind and rest. My Narc ex hated it. He could not just be!! He had to he doing something every min. It was exhausting. I didn't know he was a Narrcist at the time. Still in the Love balm stage. I over heard him on the phone to his mother two years later saying how much he absolutely hated going to the cabin cause there was nothing to do. And he was going on a vacation all by himself. Which he never did, cause he would not plan a vacation and then complain about never getting to go on vacation. He was never happy , or satisfied with anything or anyone. Just angry all the time. He hated it when I just wanted to sit and relax and just be still, or watch tv and rest. He drove me crazy and always tried to interrupt my peace by asking me if I was just going to sit around and do nothing all day. I worked full-time and part-time side jobs, so I wanted to rest at times and decompress. He hated me for it. Glad I got out!! So peaceful now.
Hi Andrew. You are looking great as always.this is so accurate I listened to this video twice. They just cannot stay still. They’re is never a one to one time . My ex narcissist was addicted to going to funerals. Holidays was an no no . Always rushing ahead. Never enjoying the moment. These empty meat suits are a pure waste of time . They are never ever happy ever . Nar will always play the single person . They just want you to hold their hand while rubbing the dirt in your face while they are disrespecting the lovely person who you are . They are jealous and disgusting creatures
He could never stay home with me for one single day. He always had to go somewhere, some errand, some excuse. He was always disappearing somewhere. If he was home it was to sleep or be on his phone. I couldn’t figure it out but yea you’re right he was bored. Even if we were out together he wasn’t sitting with me having conversation. He wasn’t capable of having normal conversation. He said “I’m sorry” but never followed it with any other words or action. You explained so many peculiar behaviors!
Wow. This explains so much. I have NPD and I can NEVER have nothing to do. Like when we go on a vacation, I plan every minute down to the second with activities. I also like to be constantly praised and appreciated. I realize now that I have ruined a lot of relationships in the past and practically destroyed a few people on my way. I literally have 100s of hobbies, and have had over 30 businesses! I never really knew why. I am in therapy, learning to be a better person. He's also right, I can't control it, but when I got tired of a person that I was in a relationship with, I started looking for a replacement. I had like no emotional feelings towards them once I was done. It was that quick and easy to be done.
wow. I always wondered if narcs recognize that they have a problem or they truly believe that it is everyone else. Good for you for recognizing yourself and wanting to do better.
Even if I managed to get him to sit and talk, he was never listening. All he was doing was finding how to stop me from thinking or giving him my observations about his bad behavior… so I never could get him to introspects… that’s how you get so tired that you finally let go and then, they snap you. You’re stuck in a never ending story. And if you don’t get out of this relation, you will just go down and down and down… loosing your identity, your believes, your soul… the only way to deal with a narc? Get out and NO CONTACT. Thanks Andrew. God speed
“Just be”. I am sincerely jealous of couples who can be at peace while doing nothing. For many years I’ve wondered why activities and plans are always required for a “successful” time. It’s almost as if life isn’t even worth living unless they are busy doing something.
This makes me think... of the difference of masculine vs feminine energy. Each has its place. Feminine energy is about being, and masculine is about doing. A masculine man for instance is naturally going to be more comfortable in "doing" mode than a feminine energy woman who is more naturally comfortable in "being" mode. However, like in a yin/yang symbol, the yang half is only complete with its bit of yin mastered, and yin complete with a bit of the yang mastered to create a complimentary whole. A masculine person does need to know how to relax and be present, however, they will still do it much less than a feminine person, just as the feminine is at its most power when it has mastered its masculine aspect of itself and can use planning and action taking, it still will be most comfortable operating mostly in yin mode.. if that makes sense.
@@tropicaoptica I learned this the day my first daughter was born 10 years ago. I would have been the “doing” person you referred to. But I quickly discovered that their mother would be emotionally unavailable,unstable, and abusive. So I had to do some changing. I get your point though.
I’m a very patient person and I like to take my time doing things. Empaths are very patient. A narcissist wants things done in a jiffy! Like right now! They don’t know what to do with themselves. They are under constant anxiety. I have seen this in them, and they are boring individuals. I love to sit still and write and compose my thoughts. I love being in my own world 🌎 meditating on what to do next. Like do good deed for others etc., and put a smile 😃 on their face. This video was a great teaching Andrew. I thank God for leading me to your channel. Keep-up the good work! Your AWESOME! 😎
Looking back now, our courtship was me going thru an interview. Getting engaged after 6 months was me qualifying for the job. The ring 💍 was a promotion. And walking down the aisle was me officially getting the job. Getting pregnant was my official start date for my title of maid, nanny, cook, yard worker, his mom, laundry mat, making sure I know where every item is in the house when he asks for it. He declared and decided that all those tasks were mine (women tasks he calls them). And dinner would have to be ready by 6pm but he refuses to eat with me cuz he hates the way I scoop up my food with my fork. Oh yeah, and I’m not allowed to touch nor talk to him in bed but I better not say no when he’s in the mood for $3x! Freaking creep
Omg I am so sorry. This was my exact situation when it came to sex and sleeping together. Only luckily I never married the a hole. He is a total chauvinist so I know exactly what you mean when you say "woman tasks". He used the word bitch very freely and often. When I think back on it now I am so angry at myself for staying as long as I did when for me there were no ties, no kids and no marriage thank God.
So true 😕 he was always in a rush for everything, and used to say I was a person of “no action” (in devaluation phase). Everything he wanted to get to feel “better” lasted so short time. They get bored of everything and everybody.
Omg! Thought it was just me. My narc snored in his sleep, i just said honey turn over you are snoring and the next morning all he complained about was me waking him up. Now mind you i was the one up all night! Unbelievable.
Thanks so much for this. I could never understand why when out in public, he was always starting conversations with strangers, even on hikes....more explained
Thank you! Inability for intimacy. Perfect description! Even when spending time alone talking with me he’ll suddenly close his eyes and even doze off- in the middle of a conversation!! He’ll close his eyes and slumber off while watching a movie with me too. He offers to go out and buy an expensive gift for me and after the purchase and chatting up the sales associate he’ll sit there staring at his phone and too busy to look up at me make eye contact or smile and share in the gift giving.
Yes yes! OMGosh, u jst describe someone I know to a tee. No wonder they can't just chill out. It's like they are afraid of facing themselves of just being alone with themselves, and they become smothering to others. Thank you 4 this vid, thank you for answering a question I didn't even know I had. That part of the mystery is solved thanks to you. You ARE making a difference, u are helping people. Please know that. Blessings of comprehension
Thank you for all of your videos. They have helped me tremendously. I was in a toxic relationship For three years. I finally went no contact. I still struggle, but feel much more at peace within myself. I am starting to realize that a narcissist is a miserable, unhappy, pathetic, lost, dark, fake being. Happy people build people up, miserable and mean people tear others down. I know my worth now and I can smell a narcissist a mile away. Sadly, it takes a broken heart to realize that personality disorders really do exist. I completely understand why they are drawn to people that have empathic hearts. I will never let it happen again as I have gained so much knowledge through all of these wonderful videos. Thank you again
Unbelievable, it’s like they all came rolling out of the same factory. And the worst part is, that they also think that we shouldn’t be able to take it easy either. Those ten years exhausted me to the point of a big fat burnout and when I finally decided to leave he had the audacity to say: “At least I’m leaving you better than I found you”. I bit my tongue so hard because what’s the point? 😂
Travelling with a narc was very interesting. It is then that you are with them 24/7 and can see the constancy. What I thought was just animation because she was in a social setting was actually her default. She had a NEED to be talking at someone, and I mean AT someone, not with someone, all the time. It is truly exhausting.
"THE NARCISSIST DON'T LIKE TO BE QUESTIONED" 🙏🙏🙏
When you do have a conversation it is a debate, a need to disagree and prove you wrong while making you feel stupid.
( i know.- it feels so incredibly painful. I don.t know who i could reality ck and talk to bc it is a parent but ive never seen this before it feels like the devaluation stage. Well i hope you are ending your situation. No one deserves this.
My narcissist man wanted me to take an online course in logic before I attempted to try another conversation with him, because he thought I was not good enough in talking with him. He did make me doubt myself, until I heard about other narcissist.
Yes Absolutely. My malignant narc bro.
Oh yes felt like a debate or I felt like I couldn’t get my word in because it was always about the narcissist and her problems she never had interest in my life see it’s toxic when the narcissist only wants you to talk about them or anything related to them.
Yes, he would always take the complete opposite position of everything I said. A petulant child.
The stress that is created by a narcissist is unreal but so VERY real!! Hair loss, weight gain/loss, jumpiness, walking on eggshells, withholding, pacification, silence!! It’s crazy making. They have no genuine sense of humanity. They are complete monsters. Wolves in sheep’s clothing.
🙌🙌💯
Even when they are home, you are alone, they don't interact. They are also extremely selfish, it's all about them. When you complain about their behaviour, they blame you, it's always you, never them. They are always wanting things and are never satisfied . They like making conversation with strangers and can talk animatedly for ages, yet don't want to converse with you. They like to control you and make all the decisions. They drain your energy and suck the life out of you.
💯💯😉
I have a roommate like this , he said why don’t you ask me questions ha! Only to be ignored and talks to others all the time on his phone. I just stopped interacting unless he sparks a conversation but even then he walks off, texts, zones out …whatever
Facts!
Had a “friend” like this that I kept around way too long almost as a study. Finally had to block him for life , crazy shit these narcs. These people are so brain damaged.
I am in hospital at the moment with my narc partner. I am in a lot of pain, but all I hear is how exhausted he is, how he doesn't sleep because the nurses are in and out of my room all night. Really disgusted with him right now, but I will need him through the recovery process. Again, all about them. Never even got a hug.....
They're not happy when the dust settles and the mind is left to wander.
They don't like themSELVES either.
Solitude is their Worst enemy. That's why they move on so fast
It’s EXHAUSTING!!! Just being around them is SO tiring!!! I couldn’t even sleep at night because his energy sucked the life out of me!
Thank you for sharing 🙌💯🙏
Yes me too. He drained. Me of my energy and I couldn’t sleep at night because I could sense something was off, you know he was on his phone all the time then when I was sleeping- actually on the phone all the time,talking to girls on social apps and stuff getting new supply, having secret relationships. Then said I’m crazy when I showed the proof.
@@Rachelscats ugh 🤦♀️ it’s so traumatizing. Never again will I date one of these creatures!
@@SRose-xm4qh 🙏💪🏼
Yup you can't sleep next to them it's super wierd, and always on phone thing in the middle of the night so strange
I enjoy being alone. I’m always in good company, and at peace when alone.
Beautiful to hear Shanna..🙌💯☀️💯
Yes. From this experience I am the best company I've ever met. I was looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and all the time it was ME!!
Me too! I love having a day off and just staying home by myself. So peaceful!
Ditto.
Truth!
The annoying part living with a narcissist is during sickness. No empathy. But when they get sick the world is about to end .
💯🙏😌
they see your illness as an inconvenience
Once my narc was gone, I couldn’t believe that my chronic neck and shoulder pain went away (they are true pains in the neck!) and even my hair stopped falling out in clumps with every shower. Truly.
🙏🙌☀️
Girl that’s crazy!
Yes, a headache every day, and nausea all the time when they were around. Not to mention the anxiety, it was awful. So glad to be away from him.
As we file the papers to split for good, he changed from half human to pure hell overnight. Petrified of the process server. Then HE should have filed, he had ten months. I feel like I could be a regular on Am I the @-hole? on Reddit!
@@deborahrichardson3731 the anxiety builds the minute you know they're coming or you have to meet.
"They don't want to have downtime, they don't want to have time to introspect." Very important statement.
They can't introspective ie quietly weigh the pros and cons of their conduct - that is one of their core deficits ie they have no sense of self and get a picture of who they are from their environment ie their possessions, offspring acquaintences their achievements
They have no identity😉
The worse of it is, they don't allow the empath the time for much needed introspection.
I always felt that was the case with my very narcissistic mother. She wouldn't let anyone else pause for breath either. My teen years, which I sometimes see referred to as the free years, were spent cleaning an already immaculate house.
@@sugarspice7768Exactly. They rob us of solitude while depriving us of company. They are non people.
They don't want to be alone with their own thoughts. It's all unbelievable (as they are).
Agree completely 💯💯
Yup! This is true!!!
Absolutely 💯
YES!!!
Exactly 💯 💯
They don't dream, they have nightmares and they barely sleep. Their sprit can't rest BC they are always scheming and running from consequences.
Exactly! Always up all night unsettled all the time during the night. Like it leaves them alone with their thoughts and they can't handle it.
Interesting
So true
Yes, oh yes! The nightmares, up and down all night. Always having his damn arm across me holding me in. Yiiiii
Yep messy sleepers! I had to sleep in a separate room because he would wake me up with him!
It wasn't so hard to let go, finally, I was always feeling alone most of the time, left to my own, and fixing problems and family, and problems, so when the end came...I already was in a place to Handle it!
Beautiful comment thank you 🙏
Scumbag just announced he's leaving tomorrow for week...
Happy Thanksgiving!
To spend time supposedly with creep sister who acts like a scorned wife towards any woman he's with instead of a sister, of course I'm not invited
....3 times now he has annihilated his household each time sister pits him against his family to point of telling him to reject his child as she demands he financially support her & her grown kid ! They both have good health & jobs....latest bs involved $50,000 !!!
As he cries broke to me & straves me out on multiple levels
He was so kind, we were always together....now he just lies, yelling, skips out
So much for being together forever
Lord help me get out !
@@malibudolphin3109 right there with you Malibu. It's STUNNING how painful it is... ⚜
I am currently in the process of getting out of a Narcissist marriage (3years). I didn't know what a Narcissist was. Jesus has kept me.
My thoughts exactly GOT A FLAT ME & MY BEAGLE LOVING LIFE SO GLAD IM OUT & THE RATS GONE ...
Don't lose sight of this Andrew. ✨✨✨ Excellent video💯💯💯 U could be standing right in front of them & they'll never even glance up at u from their cellphone. So self-absorbed, rude, uncourteous & full of themselves.©️
My sister can not sit still for 5 minutes. Always has to be talking to an enabler; if she’s by herself, always on her phone, always walking away to get something.
I think she genuinely hates herself so much that she needs constant distraction. I’ve never seen her sitting by herself, no distractions, and just enjoying her own presence.
They are actually very boring people who rely on external factors to show them up as fun. It masks the fact they are boring.
I appreciate your insight thank you ell 🙏💯🙌☀️
I got sick of his newest big boat and boat rides. I’d pass just to get to be by myself.
VERY true!
Best comnent! They are miserable, empty, boring and very jealous individuals!
Omg yes
My ex could never stay home on our day off together, we always had to go somewhere. He also didn’t have the patience to watch a movie. There were times where I wish we could just lay on the couch together and watch a movie together. It’s crazy how all narcissists are so similar. He also didn’t live in the present. He always talked about us having a bigger house, a better car, better careers. We had everything we needed, I was perfectly content with the family and life we created together but I always felt like it wasn’t enough for him. I wish I knew these types of individuals existed.
Exactly my experiences Andrea.. 🙏🙌💯💯
Same here... He couldn't concentrate to read just one page of a book or to watch a movie until the end..he would fall a sleep...when he didn't lay down and slept he would run around somewhere to get his fuel🤮🤮🤮🤮he had everything but nothing was good enough for him..he doesn't know what thankfulness is...he was also just talking about the future but he didn't know how to go a normal way to make his wishes for the future happen because he was/is a lazy person..sad creatures
@@bloodymary8540 mine was the same. Matter of fact, in the one year span of our relationship, ive never remembered us getting thru one movie together.
Andrea, yes! Im like you, we have everything we need, home, car, money for bills plus some, but nothing was ever good enough, he was never content with the blessings we already had, everything was always him wanting more more more, and he couldn't afford more, champagne taste on a beer budget, it became exhausting. Those spirits are all the same just operating in different people thats why they are all so very similar.
Tc!
Never get stuck in bumper to bumper traffic with a narcissist, it’s pure hell! 🤦♀️
😳💯😉
OMG! So true!!!
That's usually when a rage fit happens and there is no where to go.
Hahaha 😂😂😂😂
😆👍
yes, that’s correct. I caught him cheating on me and HE responds with anger toward me! and walks out. Good riddance.
I have a friend like this and she is constantly go, go, go. She stacks up social events to post on social media and of course she is late to each event because she over books herself. Unbelievable how accurate this is. When she has nothing to do, she invites herself over to your house because she constantly needs to be busy. It's so odd!
My brother’s wife is this SAME EXACT WAY!!!!!!! So is my classic narcissist coworker, she’s the same way too! They are both CONSTANTLY go, go, going and do, do, doing. They always need to be looking forward to doing something! My brother’s wife has changed jobs about 4 or 5 times during the year of 2022 alone! She’s VERY inconsistent! With all of the events Megan books to go to she’s always late to everything too.
Exactly I knew a narcissist woman thought was a friend she was here for a while after she left was on the go again yes she works but aside from working always on the go and sometimes I rarely heard anything from her I knew she wasn’t a real genuine friend as I look back at this she nobody friend only using her time for her benefits narcissists are like drug addicts to.
Say “No” and brace for impact!
YES!! Did everything fast!! Driving, talking, scrolling through TV stations, scrolling through his phone for porn sites,.. sex. Always fast.
No, he could never just " be". Because he was so empty and didn't like being with himself.
Now I can understand.
I didn't want to be with him, either
Yes! This was a big realization for me. They jump from supply to supply bc they can’t be alone w themself.
Mine would walk fast and tell me to catch up, when I didn't he walked faster to the point where I was way behind him. Then he ran, at that point, I turned around and walked opposite direction. He yelled, I will be back by 5 pm and it was 7am in the morning. I went home took my things, and took my car, left for the weekend to a friend's house. When I came ( should of stayed gone) he acted liked nothing happened. He had done this too many times, I permently moved to spare bedroom. I was done.
I had a feeling he was cheating and it made me cringe. 5 months later left and filed for divorce.
@@christinaelena7279 same thing, he was 6'4 and I am only 5' so he would say I'm too short and to just walk faster and keep up. In his case it was the need to hurry and "do the things" so he could get home and craxk his first of many beers and once he did that I knew we were in for the night because he would not stop until he passed out.
God I thought he had anxiety
Had narc neighbors like that....running away from their own emptyness.. constantly talking, obsessively cleaning house...except their evil tongues!!
They have no down time! No OFF switch, till bed time. High and Low, but no Med! Short-term interests! No consistency in many ways!
Completely true..
She'd come home from work and if it was a nice peaceful evening she would INEVITABLY manufacture drama. It was insane. Always on the go go go. Always in the middle of some kind of chaos and drama. When we split it was so peaceful, but I wasn't able to sleep more than 3 or 4 hours at a time for about a year and a half. Sometimes I'd wake up with a start, thinking she was beside me. Such a relief to see she wasn't. Lol.
🙏🙌☀️
Good for you. They are misery loves company people and when we decide not to be their company anymore, it's the best thing in the world!
Yeah constantly in the middle of the storm. The great manufacturer of chaos. What a miserable life and existence. Makes you wonder! How can a human being decides to live like that? Absolutely unnecessary. Well I can sum it all up like this. "Not my problem anymore". It's that simple.
The peace after leaving and cutting off a narc is indescribable! I often refer to it as a "Shashank Redemption" moment! I literally fell to my knees in the grass next to my car and sobbed and maniacally laughed with joy after I ended a particularly bad narc relationship. I lived in fear and anxiety for about a year afterwards as well, but still just felt so peaceful at the same time...
All my life I was surrounded by drama and accused of creating drama!! But now I have 3 years of NO DRAMA. I run from people who want to drama with me
Yes. Exactly the hell I’m living in currently. And any adult conversation is turned into an argument. The saddest part is that I’m the only person he does this to. He is always “busy” on his days off so I’m stuck with the kids alone even when he isn’t at work. I feel alone, uncared for, unheard and neglected. At meals he is on his phone or tablet and sometimes even uses his headphones. He’s just completely disconnected. At bedtime he wants the tv on all night also. I was told I’m only here for companionship. So I guess I’m just a loyal little dog around here. I’m supposed to sit here until he decides to pet me.
No you deserve better than that , maybe you could consider making a exit strategy. I will be praying for you .
A big part of what you are describing is their inability to want or handle intimacy. They can't cuddle on the couch. Inability to be close
Yes 🙌
One of mine did, but I felt like a puppy being cuddled, I was not able to move, he didnt want me to. Then one day he stopped cuddling. If I asked he would reluctantly, and I could tell he wanted to get away.
I feel trained to accept their excuses for why they avoid contact.
I dont think I can function in a normal relationship now. I dont know what that is.
They can not ever be still. Always on the go, ruminating in their minds and out of the house. I’m so happy I’m not in this mess anymore
Yes.. always on the go.. 💯
Spot on. My ex used to ditch me at the door of every social event and do what I called “work the room”. He was looking for anyone who could give him something. To elevate his status. He was all about appearances. He discarded me many years ago but did not leave. I finally learned what this was. I got tired of being a prop for his pretend marriage. With all the abuse behind closed doors.
I understand completely.. 🙌💯
Yessssss!! When he would work the room and then ficus on one person. In the end of the relationship. I would leave and go to the restroom come back enter the conversation and when he wasn't listening or looking i would say to tol he person. He is not what you want. And they would get it and he couldn't understand why they were not interested anymore.
@@deeevansnola8178 I'm glad those people believed you. They would have been sorry later.
On spot took me 25 yrs to work thru describes my husband couldn't make sense of it all describe him to a t this is so remarkable when you are in it unbelievable you are in it feel real sad for them knowing I am not alone makes life worth it n survived oh absolutely verbatim
and if you tell anyone, it all happens when no one is looking. THEY look at you like YOU have the problem.
I got a semi admission out of a narcissist. I know, they say it's not true, his rage is became more than physical, he swunghis arm at me, forced me against my will. With his arm ending up in between.my upper and lower jaw 😱 his arm was bandaged in two spots today
The comments under your videos are always so helpful to read! Thank you to all of you here, it's so good to be with people who truly understand what narcissists are like.
🙏💯🙌😊
I so agree!
The feeling of freedom and Peace when they are gone is the best ever 💖😍🙏🏽
☀️🙏🙌
The narc I was trauma bonded with, couldn't even sleep with the TV off..he couldn't deal with his thoughts. The evil inside SHOWS on the outside.
They are running away from themselfs.....constantly!!!
@@bloodymary8540 yes and I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this madness
My Narcissist is the same way can't sleep with out the TV playing.
I was told he needed to sleep with the TV on cus he hears yelling in his ear...maybe there's something dark going on
Mine had to have the tele on to sleep and if he woke up in a pitch black room he'd panic. I bought him a sakt lamp to sleep with. Always found it strange.
It's really frightening it's as though they hate everything and everyone.
They ARE demon possessed 4 yr olds!
I asked him has he ever had a good day? His reply was no because someone always messed it up for him.
@EXPOSED. Algerian satanic narcissist. Bilal lakama I agree
They do.
Yep, my brother has everything, including great health and is the most unhappy person ever, hates everything.
1:30 It's because they're similar to psychopaths. Psychopaths have a constant need for stimulation and excitement, even danger.
Yes, a lower grade of Psychopaths and the need for speed. If you try to moderate or slow down or negotiate with them for some quality time then they get panicky as they can’t maintain the mask
😜😂👍💯
BINGO.
@@ingridhaughney3645
I Cannot 🤣🤣😆😆😂. Why everybody hitting the nail on the head so hard this morning 🌄🤣😆 I'm pulling out my Captains Log early and start journaling.
The ex is psychopath narcissist
Boy, I lived this. ☹️ My Nex could NOT be alone with his thoughts. And he was constantly switching hobbies. It's like he could never be content. And then he discarded me all together. I held no more value to him.
I understand completely 💯💯🙌🙏
@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone thank you. It's still relatively fresh for me. I'm sorry that you have to understand. But at the same time you're helping so many people including myself! 🌟✨⭐
Everything with the narcissist 'is a transaction'. NAILED IT!!! It took me a long time to see it, but once I did I realized that the driving force behind everything he did centered around what he could gain from it. Kindness and altruism are absent. And the mask you mentioned..... so so true. Once he realized it was over he dropped the mask and I was shocked by the stranger he was now. It was very scary.
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🙌☀️
Dropped the mask, and I suddenly wondered who the hell I'd been living with all this time. It was terrifying.
Omg this is so true. My narc ex has the attention span of a goldfish! He was always doing something new, always into the next shiny thing, was never home, could never just sit at home with me, was glued to his phone etc. In the end I never really knew him. I always complained to him that he never spent enough time with me and he never had an answer to it. It was only when I found out he was cheating that it was the final straw for me. It was after that I found out he is a narc. And yeah he always talked about himself.
Thank you Doony Fam.. I appreciate your kindness and insight 🙏🙌☀️
Exactly! Mine always had to have a project to do. Could never hang out with me except in the evening when he liked to drink and watch movies. Never just chill out and talk. Any downtime was spent on his phone. You’re alone in the relationship.
You certainly are alone in the relationship..💯💯
If they are not in the spot light, they will anxiously look for something to get themselves into the spotlight. This is normally when they're in company. I discovered that if they meet competition in any group, they would find a reason to leave. Great subject!
Thank you 🙌🙏☀️
This explains so much about a "friend" i made boundaries w who is constantly busy and never around. Would even leave in the middle of hanging out w us. Always on phone..always. I xould never figure it out. This makes sense. They only contact us when they need something. Grrat points
My mom & mil are like this! Growing up my mother would never sit still. We found it difficult to even get her to sit & watch a movie. Both start every conversation about themselves only to look bored or avoid eye contact when it was my turn to talk. I once had her leave the table at a restaurant 10 min in to talk to her sister on the phone for an hour!!
Yes 🙌 and I always felt judged if I wasn’t rushing around too. There was always a ‘show’ about being so busy too
🙏🙌💯
Oh most certainly it's all a show they want you to watch and they will be sure to share on social media if you don't pay enough attention ugh. Mine would say, sorry you don't have a life hehehe with an evil laugh (meanwhile I am a single mom of four with my own home)
Yes!!! I began having to give my ex basically a listicle of things I had done through the day when he asked me what I had done that day. Because if I didn’t he would accuse me of not being productive. I like not being productive. It’s kind of my thing. So I would lie. I hated that. I really just wanna respond with nothing when someone asks me so what did you do today.
@@maevemaiden yep. My ex accused me of sucking my father’s you know what because I’m also a single mom and live with my father. I live with my father because he lives in a good school district. With my income I can only afford to live in a bad neighborhood. My kid deserves better so I sacrifice.
Yes it is a show. They are doing nothing, its all an act. Day in Day out, year in year out, no results. They only talk and talk and only sucking your energy. And they can be very dangerous/agrassive. Sad my baby has a narcissist as a father.
"They're wearing a mask with someone else right now" that's the most sobering sentence about this whole ordeal. Have you seen the video about narcissisism and dementia? Apparently in their last moments the demons in them discard them the same way they discarded everyone and they're so empty at this point they can't even speak or react to their surroundings.
Wow that is insightful.. 💯☀️
That's why they're all scared about death. They mention it. They know they are nothing.
@@MarjjorieDawes I always wondered why some people were unrealistically afraid of death. I had a deep feeling there was much more to it.
This is true
Wow this explains a lot. My ex narc becomes anxious at the thought of illness let alone death.
Very true, they are incapable of emotional intimacy and introspection. Denial is the name of the game... I first wrote it off as anxiety, stress, shyness, etc. But it was incapacity for intimacy and honesty of them with others or themselves
💯💯💯🙌😉
A therapist said my ex did not know how to have a relationship.
#Pure love->100% facts
Guys, I'm confused, if a narcissist, (and I'm in the middle of this right now) can't show emotional intimacy, how in heaven's name do people stay with them long enough to marry them. Are they equally damaged from childhood, as I believe I am?
@@MrGearoid65 They fake everything.
Yep, their time is their time and your time is their time to support what they are doing. Your time and interests will be slowly taken away.
Absolutely correct thank you 💯💯💯
True!!!
Wow, exactly. Any ideas I have or conversations aren't worth his time. He freak'n actually sings just under his breath but so I can hear him while I'm talking! Sometimes I'll start telling him something important and can tell he's not paying attention so I'll make up something so stupid crazy to see how he responds and...nothing! He doesn't hear anything I say.
@@marywright3870 what a POS. It's like Andrew said like dating a toddler with the ignoring and childish behavior.
True asf . Always about them
Omg never thought that this was a result of narcissism.. I could never relax on sofa without feeling guilty. I ALWAYS felt like I HAD to amuse him, cheer him up, inflate his ego basically to avoid discomfort and having a bad day. He could NEVER watch something with me or actually do something on his own for a long time..he was actually pacing back and forth in the house making me feel on edge.. constantly feeling that I need to do something to avoid him telling me how BORED he was all the time. Always felt responsible and boring myself.. Jesus I feel so free.. ... I can BREATHE
💯🙏😌
This is SPOT ON DUDE .… no real convos always chaos …. Always exhausting & NEVER about me
😉😉💯
Yes, yes, yes!! I realized this recently about my ex and it’s so very true! Always on the go, she could never be alone with her own, self critical thoughts. Her phone was her constant companion whether it was texting friends or checking email or googling something she saw on tv. She could never sit in bed after waking up and always had to get up and get the day started. It’s all so obvious now!!
Same here!
Exactly Steve.. light bulb 💡 moment..💯🙌.. thank you for sharing this
These people are so exhausting with their behavior... Constantly running away from themselfs...
Thank you now I understand why my narc aunt had the tv on 24/7. And why she was always rooming the apartment at night slaming and banging things, and why she would fall asleep at 4pm.
When she would leave the apartment that is when I could turn off the tv and have an hour or two of peace and quiet. Thankfully she kicked me out of her apartment and gave me the money to move out of state.
And the only reason why I lived with her is due to poverty and her narc boyfriend who was my landlord kicked me out even though I was not a bad tenant. She took his side and belived lies he told her about me, I never did found out what thoes lies were.
I am just glad I no longer have to live with her. Now I am living at my brother's house and wife number 3 is a narc. She can not stand me, and she wants me gone ASAP. I recently got a part time job and now I am told by my brother I need to get another job soon. Which I am glad to do, this way I can leave quicker and finally go less contact to no contact. I still want a relationship with my brother, niece and nephew.
My sister has turned my brother into her flyinh monkey.
Yeppp. Same with my she-devil
You ever notice when you leave a narcy they look sick? I used to think it was because they were soooo sad you were gone. Nope. They were sucking all your energy and you were probably burning yourself out doing everything for both of yall. Cooking, cleaning,paying bills, fixing all their issues, consoling them every time they're down (which is alot because it's always something and of course they're not able to deal with it alone. Ever). Everything's a smart remark or an argument. Honey they were bleeding us out slowly. I felt like I started looking sick towards the end of the relationship. Like yall said we never laid and cuddled or relaxed and chilled in. I could never sleep. He'd wanna stay up all night talking and wake me up early when he hops out the bed before the sun to get his day started even without a job sometimes lol. All that to say. I can finally exhale. It's only been a few weeks but my skin color is coming back I even stopped smoking. I really feel like he was low key intentionally holding me back from so much but mostly he was holding me back from myself. I haven't done anything for myself really the whole time we've been together. It was all about him at all times. Feels good getting closer to God without his distraction and getting back to doing what bring me joy without feeling guilty. I really have alot to heal from but I feel do relieved and healthy mentally and physically. I love spending all this time treating myself like a princess for once!
I loved how you sayd that you spend time treating yourself like a princess 💖💖💖💖💖 happy for you!!! Continue with that! You are strong💪👍👍
So happy for you:)
Happy for you too! 💪 💪 I thought I had general anxiety disorder but it left when I got away from the neurotic narc. An optimist being with a pessimist along with all his other crap was enough! If he was insecure with his work and the bosses were coming to inspect, I'd give him a pep talk how good and talented he was and not to worry. Didn't help, he was always a downer so then I stopped exerting my energy.
@@himchannel3624 I loved that too! Feel so happy when another one of us finds out how precious they are! ♥️
💯 Agreed. I wish dear God I k ew this b4. I feel I wasted so much time. I look back and honestly realized I've been in a solo relationship. I feel ashamed to say what I thought was a relationship from a young age, I was just a babysitter. He simply used me to the max abused and manipulated me to believing a lot of false situations as well as created false narrative. Used his child as a entrance piece to create a disaster zone. Myife is in shambles and he has a major part. Now I am a smart women, but I ft so low undervalued and stupid with him. I've been so embarrassed after " waking up" that I allowed someone to bring me and my environment down into a sunken place. I agree for an relationship I thought I was in, was literally the worst. They only good I can account is my child. I'm just so sad mad confused on how I let it get so far. I'm also ashamed almost to convincing myself and others I'm in Love. When truthfully I haven't Loved this overgrown child whole heartedly since the first stage of relationship. And i have known him too long. He hasn't done anything for me more than stress and pain. And I allowed this animal the leverage to so do at the weakest time in my life. And boy did he have a field day.
The busy-ness people with personality disorders display is 💯 percent due to the inability to self respect. And it’s extreme - either perfectionism, or full blown denial which usually includes an addiction to make the denial possible. The example of the family movie is so correct!!! At the end of the day, it’s far better to be alone with our thoughts and healing, painful as it is, than be alone and with them.
Well said.. thank you 🙏
Amen
Looks at parents usually golden child 😂😂😂
3:43 - "It's because they don't want to introspect". They have nothing inside them and no internal dialogue.
This is the reason I had to walk away from my mother. I hung around around for way too long until it became unbearable. I only walked away 5 years ago (now aged 62, and my mother is 82) Never been happier.
So on point. The only time he was not doing something was when he was sleeping! - always had to be doing something with no time to just do nothing even on weekends. As the saying goes - being busy is not a badge of honor.
I appreciate this comment..💯🙌💯🙏
I was running away from control and boardum she was on the phone all the time or bitshing about something bed was big and cold no seance of hummer so I went out learning got into music took a music class took a part time job she wasn't working and wanted the kids to be looked after in a nursery she didn't want to do nothing I was paying the bills clean and cook wash the dishes do the whole nine yards without a thank you a kiss no motivation what soever fuck that I went out to breathe to laugh and learn I was leaving then but the kids were holding me back but also I was trying to understand and all she ever said it's your fault .....
Vacation with a narc is torture! Either you’re alone with this unfocused mess of a person, or you’re performing ”Perfect Couple” till the limelights turn off, and the loneliness comes back…
Never ever a single real true conversation. Also never ever did he actually hear anything I said unless I prefaced it with, “Listen to me because I’m going to ask you what I said afterwards, ok”
Yes 🙌 I understand completely 💯💯
That’s a good one 😂
Whenever I said anything which was slightly controversial a metaphorical electric garage roller door would descend over his face. His steely glare was scary but I knew he was refusing to respond. Really weird. The first clue I had about his behaviour being narcissistic was when I heard the term ‘emotionally unavailable’. I thought YES YES YES! That’s it!
@@curiousnetty534 🎯
Haha I get that. I used to just stop talking mid sentence to see if he noticed
He never did
The love bombing starts out feeling like ‘excitement’, because it’s a thousand miles an hour, beautiful restaurants, music, trips, hotels, resorts, endless text messages and tons of future faking…to keep you hooked ‘for more’. Within a few months, it begins to feel more exhausting and chaotic, than exciting. Monotonous, rather than anything moving forward. Superficial, more than anything resembling a ‘deep and meaningful’ relationship. This is where we need to listen to our intuition. Get out, before the entrapment has you feeling like you can never escape their mighty, controlling, demanding ‘grip’.
Beautiful message thank you..💯🙏💯☀️
This is so familiar. My stbx covert narcissist even projected her restlessness on the kids. If we had a quiet Saturday morning, going about the house, kids playing etc, if the clock approached 9:30, and still no plans for the day, boom, rage fit.
Absolutely agree with you, spot on. I was seeing a narcissist for 2 months, and it was draining. I couldn't keep up with his energy being on the go all the time. For example, we got back from a bike ride and then he wanted to go out again for a meal/drinks within 30mins😂. Also he likes taking pics of himself all the time 🙈. Glad it's all over now. It was just a personality clash.
🙏🙌💯
I thought mine was ADD/ADHD and maybe he really is, but even on a date he’d start deep conversations with strangers. I felt like I wasn’t good enough… but now I know. He was trying to build up more supply. And I am enough!! Thanks Andrew!
Welcome Susie..🙌💯🙏
I actually had mine tested and he had ADD. Should have had him tested for narcissism instead ;)
Just what is the correlation between narcissism and ADD? Are there studies on this?
Not everyone like this Superficial gossip. I am tired of this smalltalk bs with strangers its so borring and useless.
@@CuriousConnoisseurs Check out the canal Narcissist chronicles here on yt. It sounds like you are ready for coach Jesse :)
This is so accurate, it’s uncanny! My 77-year-old Narc relative has tantrums like an infant whenever she encounters problems with bureaucracy or computers. Zero patience, much swearing 🤬 🤬 🤬 and relentless importuning of others!
i just got dumped by my NARCISSIST after I caught him cheating on me, I’ve been devastated for past 10 days. He has no remorse for my feelings
Andrew, you are brilliant! AGAIN!! You're so right: The 3 big narcs in my life all can't sit still and the worse the narc, the more they can't sit still. It's easy to deem them "super social", BUT you're right, they are just out getting their narcissistic fill every single day, like an addiction.
☀️💯🙌
So true what you describe about narcissist person, my ex wife was exactly like that, among ather narcissist characteristics that she presented ... She was euphoric all the time... These people seems that they dont know how to be relax, enjoy life... Everything in their life is a torment.... Run away from people like this!!!
What a great video. I now recognize these behavior traits in the narcissist I was involved with. I could not stop wondering why she found it necessary to completely smash tranquility every time I thought things were going well. I was criticized often for being quiet while we watched beautiful sunsets on the river. She mocked and ridiculed me and could not stand it that I was able to enjoy these sunsets without constantly talking.
I understand completely 🙏💯🙌
So sorry that happened to you.
They need "white noise" of whatever form to disallow you to have a life of your own. Very exhausting.
Try going in the sauna with them, which is supposed to be a quiet place ...
The revelations that these videos keep giving me is astonishing! I just realized that I have spent five years begging my ex narcissist to get a secondary supply. I’m basically an all you can eat buffet for a narcissist. I’m an empathetic bipolar people pleaser. So for 12 years I was my exes only supply. For the majority of those years he was pretty good at maintaining his ability to keep drawing from me. But over the last couple of years it’s been failing. And now I see it. I see it all. And you’re right he couldn’t sit still. It would take us three hours to watch a 40 minute television show! Because he had to change his clothes 25 times for no reason and he had to take the dogs out 10 times for no reason. The dogs always came first. Even over me and my child. I’m so glad I’m out now I just have to stay here!
Andrew you speak about the disorder of narcissism like no one else on UA-cam. Since I stumbled upon your videos a couple weeks ago everything you have said is so right on and describes my ex-husband exactly. I believe my husband was a covert narcissist which is why it was so much harder for me to break free. Everything was a big secret!
Thank you for sharing this 🙏💯🙌😉
True, Andrew is always spot on with details.
Mine too.. Took me 7 years to get it... covert to the core.. the most difficut type imo.. Grandiose ones are easy😂
Andrew my daughter told a few things that her narcissist husband does once she was invited by her company bosses so she told him if he could look after the kids while she attends the dinner ,he agreed .He then waited for to reach her destination and he then phoned her and told that the children’s where crying for and he could not control them ,my daughter abandoned her dinner and returned .,on her return she found the children asleep .She then asked the live in maid if the children were troubling ,the maid replied that after supper the the children went to sleep ,they did not trouble.This is one of the sick things that he does.
classic
You hit the nail on the head, my ex narc was always on the go. He also dabbled in crystal meth as I found out later. He would stay out until the daylight after riding his bicycle around all night getting into God knows what. I dumped his sorry a$$, have gone no contact and get an absolute kick out of ignoring him, then reading his angry, psychotic then begging messages. Once you learn the MO of a narc it's actually extremely easy to stay away and just LAUGH at their idiocy. They're not smart.
This video made me chuckle Andrew.
Before the end of the relationship in July 2020 I spent 4 months virtually house bound with my Malignant Narcasistic wife due to Covid.
Ohhh my what a time it was. They can't handle boredom or just doing simple things like movies or reading a book etc...
Inevitably what happened is that fights were picked and the need to vent and rage was the only thing that filled the hole inside...but temporarily of course. The violent episodes escalated as time went by because she knew I was an effective prisoner.
No wonder is it a hideous Trauma Bond was forged...
When I did finally escape the initial feeling of relief was so overwhelming...it was like I'd broke out of jail.
They can't be alone with their thoughts or self reflect...that is a dangerous reality for them. Keeping busy by acquiring an any type of supply is a matter of life or death.
DC
My discard was 4th of July, 3pm, 2020. Nine hours away from my home. As I drove the nine hours home he ran over to join the new supply for fireworks. In my mental state I locked myself out of my car at a rest stop halfway home. I actually found comfort in resolving that hassle because it gave me the opportunity to talk to the locksmith which lifted my heart slightly up out of my feet. I was so bonded to Mr. Wonderful and never saw it coming. But in hindsight it was so textbook narc
Thank you DC.. I appreciate this.. I really do 💯🙌🙏
@@lb9171 I totally feel your pain 💯⚜
David... what you just explained reminds me of a person who is drowning.... can not get close bc they will drag you down with them 🤓
The Narcissistic individual dreads boredom it’s like hell to them. If you ask them to chill or just do a little leisure all hell breaks out. Go, Go Go and if you are boring them on any way you are dumped so they never stick around to relax with you. They are demonic deranged and disordered individuals. Avoid them and never return because they abuse you when you fail to excite them physically, sexually or financially.
Omg... I've been through all of this! She could never watch a movie. She actually had 2 cell phones with multiple numbers. Always had a project going on. Always running to the store. I must tell you I'm laughing right along with you because it's so true. The one thing I have managed to hold on to is my sense of humor. I just started following you and I was wondering have you ever done any videos on the narcissist and stealing? Please keep doing what you do! 🕉️✌️
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🙌☀️
@@lindat1317 drain financially to keep their source,,they gotta have what they ant and want it now,,,,I did resort to celibacy,,,
Yes, and the say how thieves are so low....lol
No. I'm discarding him.
I haven't seen him in 17 days, ( after 7 + years) .. and just need that final push to go completely ghost.
Tired of hurting.
Praying for you
@@michu2888 Thank you. I can use some strength right now ~
Try Narcissist Chronicles with Jesse also, he is another great coach with a awesome tribe of supporters. Over 600 videos to watch. Hope to see you there :)!
Be careful, the holidays are here, and it is a vulnerable time.
Wait..wait …wait for the hoovering. They mini love bomb you, get you back, and then quickly discard you. They have to win.
this is so true, he was always pottering around from the minute he woke up always busy busy mumbling to himself but it wasnt normal
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My soon to be nex will clean from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed, even after I've cleaned. I remember him telling me, all of his exes were slobs. He will even fold the dirty clothes in the laundry basket, which I put a stop to because that's how I know it's a dirty basket. He never yelled at me to join in, though. He knows he has a problem with that. His friends call him Monk, like the TV show. I knew it was a psychological issue. But I didn't know it was just narcissism and not being able to sit still. Also, it's a part of appearance. The house has to look perfect.
🤣
It's scary how on point this is. *in the middle of the novie* "They have to go make dinner, which is six hours away"
I don't mean to laugh, but it really was the way you said it. Really lightened the mood. Xx
The only time they sit still is to smerk and stare and you to take notes for something negative to use against you also riding in a vehicle with a narcissist is intense speeding and music blasted road rage
This is so true they cant just be content. It is always what do you want to do? where do you want to go? You cant just relax and enjoy time together it is like a constant distraction. I feel better off alone than with someone who doesn't want to learn and grow as a human. There always has to be something in everything they do just for them.
Thank you for sharing this.. agree completely 🙌💯☀️
Always wanting to have fun.⚜
I love being alone, wonderful,after all the crap I've put up with!!!!!🙄
It’s true. I would be in my space trying to relax and he would say “I’m bored”. And just.. bothered me for hours. I had no privacy. All his “friends” realized how awful he was and he didn’t like going out to make more friends so he unloaded on me! The way he spent money on those random hobbies.. wow
You are so right, they can't stop, they keep going making you do the things they want.
Yes! My sense is their busyness is to avoid the pain-inducing thoughts of their own mind!
🙏💯🙌
In 20years he never sat with me on the sofa,he was always up the pub,never stayed at home weekends when he wasn't working,never asked me how my day was but I would hear about how crap his day was for hours to the extent I felt like I'd gone to work with him,every family holiday he'd never sit with me on the beach he'd disappear for hours,and always involved other people to join us all the time so it was never just us,he always had the tv controller and was constantly change channels th list is endless, it's so interesting to a actually finally understand why,I was worn out after twenty years so I divorced him,I love my own company and to have peace in my life is the best thing ever
Amen 🙏 moving forward Julie 🙌☀️
What you described is so familiar.
I can relate. My Narc was a constant disappearing act. Or a no show. It was before mobile phones and he was ALWAYS disappearing. It was exhausting. I had 23 years of hell with that lying, scheming, two timing thief, but Ive also had 23 years now of peace and freedom. Life is lovely.🌹
This describes my sister-in-law to a "T". It's exhausting being anywhere near her. No sooner do they arrive than they have to leave and do something else. Thats why we love it when they don't come. It's a relief!!
🙏💯🙌
I have a coworker who's definitely a narcissist, and she can't sit still or be alone for one even minute. Literally.
For me, I was tired of ME making all the plans on HIS day off. I'm like, what do youwant to do? ...lol...and none of it ever included me. So on his day off, we sat there. Across the living room looking at each other. I waited and waited and waited for him to finally say Let's go do this together. The day never came. To me this was him not investing in our relationship. Making plans together. Doing home projects together, discovering new things together, having fun together, traveling, vacations whatever. So I stopped investing and started mirroring him. We stopped growing together because I got tired of being the one wanting to connect by being and doing things together.
Thank you for sharing this insight 💯☀️🙌🙏
This is exactly what I had to do after 7 years off and on and trying desperately to grow when I stopped investing our relationship fizzled out over that last year to nothing but ash
This is spot on, we went on vacation at my family cabin for a week in beautiful Colorado, where we hike, sit and drink coffee and enjoy nature around us and visit and enjoy family and each other. , go fishing just to sit and enjoy our surroundings and be at peace. Ride 4 wheelers through the mountains. Our family goes there to just rewind and rest. My Narc ex hated it. He could not just be!! He had to he doing something every min. It was exhausting. I didn't know he was a Narrcist at the time. Still in the Love balm stage. I over heard him on the phone to his mother two years later saying how much he absolutely hated going to the cabin cause there was nothing to do. And he was going on a vacation all by himself. Which he never did, cause he would not plan a vacation and then complain about never getting to go on vacation. He was never happy , or satisfied with anything or anyone. Just angry all the time. He hated it when I just wanted to sit and relax and just be still, or watch tv and rest. He drove me crazy and always tried to interrupt my peace by asking me if I was just going to sit around and do nothing all day. I worked full-time and part-time side jobs, so I wanted to rest at times and decompress. He hated me for it. Glad I got out!! So peaceful now.
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Hi Andrew. You are looking great as always.this is so accurate I listened to this video twice. They just cannot stay still. They’re is never a one to one time . My ex narcissist was addicted to going to funerals. Holidays was an no no . Always rushing ahead. Never enjoying the moment. These empty meat suits are a pure waste of time . They are never ever happy ever . Nar will always play the single person . They just want you to hold their hand while rubbing the dirt in your face while they are disrespecting the lovely person who you are .
They are jealous and disgusting creatures
Thank you Antoinette I appreciate your kindness and honesty.. this is accurate they are rushing always..💯☀️🙌☀️
Chaos. They create constant chaos which feeds their egos. They are not ok with themselves much less anyone else.
Completely agree..💯💯
He could never stay home with me for one single day. He always had to go somewhere, some errand, some excuse. He was always disappearing somewhere. If he was home it was to sleep or be on his phone. I couldn’t figure it out but yea you’re right he was bored. Even if we were out together he wasn’t sitting with me having conversation. He wasn’t capable of having normal conversation. He said “I’m sorry” but never followed it with any other words or action. You explained so many peculiar behaviors!
I understand completely.. I do..💯🙏🙌😉
Yes, and the narcissist gets so angry when they've invested time and don't get what they want!
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Wow. This explains so much. I have NPD and I can NEVER have nothing to do. Like when we go on a vacation, I plan every minute down to the second with activities. I also like to be constantly praised and appreciated. I realize now that I have ruined a lot of relationships in the past and practically destroyed a few people on my way. I literally have 100s of hobbies, and have had over 30 businesses! I never really knew why. I am in therapy, learning to be a better person. He's also right, I can't control it, but when I got tired of a person that I was in a relationship with, I started looking for a replacement. I had like no emotional feelings towards them once I was done. It was that quick and easy to be done.
The first step towards healing is acknowledging there’s something that needs to be changed. DONT stop your therapy! You will get better
wow. I always wondered if narcs recognize that they have a problem or they truly believe that it is everyone else. Good for you for recognizing yourself and wanting to do better.
Even if I managed to get him to sit and talk, he was never listening. All he was doing was finding how to stop me from thinking or giving him my observations about his bad behavior… so I never could get him to introspects… that’s how you get so tired that you finally let go and then, they snap you. You’re stuck in a never ending story. And if you don’t get out of this relation, you will just go down and down and down… loosing your identity, your believes, your soul… the only way to deal with a narc? Get out and NO CONTACT. Thanks Andrew. God speed
I appreciate your kindness and honesty Louise 💯🙏🙌
“Just be”. I am sincerely jealous of couples who can be at peace while doing nothing. For many years I’ve wondered why activities and plans are always required for a “successful” time. It’s almost as if life isn’t even worth living unless they are busy doing something.
Well said.. 💯💯
Yep
This makes me think... of the difference of masculine vs feminine energy. Each has its place. Feminine energy is about being, and masculine is about doing. A masculine man for instance is naturally going to be more comfortable in "doing" mode than a feminine energy woman who is more naturally comfortable in "being" mode. However, like in a yin/yang symbol, the yang half is only complete with its bit of yin mastered, and yin complete with a bit of the yang mastered to create a complimentary whole. A masculine person does need to know how to relax and be present, however, they will still do it much less than a feminine person, just as the feminine is at its most power when it has mastered its masculine aspect of itself and can use planning and action taking, it still will be most comfortable operating mostly in yin mode.. if that makes sense.
@@tropicaoptica I learned this the day my first daughter was born 10 years ago. I would have been the “doing” person you referred to. But I quickly discovered that their mother would be emotionally unavailable,unstable, and abusive. So I had to do some changing. I get your point though.
@@DrPhilGoode was she a stay at home mom?
I’m a very patient person and I like to take my time doing things. Empaths are very patient. A narcissist wants things done in a jiffy! Like right now! They don’t know what to do with themselves. They are under constant anxiety. I have seen this in them, and they are boring individuals. I love to sit still and write and compose my thoughts. I love being in my own world 🌎 meditating on what to do next. Like do good deed for others etc., and put a smile 😃 on their face. This video was a great teaching Andrew. I thank God for leading me to your channel. Keep-up the good work! Your AWESOME! 😎
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Looking back now, our courtship was me going thru an interview. Getting engaged after 6 months was me qualifying for the job. The ring 💍 was a promotion. And walking down the aisle was me officially getting the job. Getting pregnant was my official start date for my title of maid, nanny, cook, yard worker, his mom, laundry mat, making sure I know where every item is in the house when he asks for it. He declared and decided that all those tasks were mine (women tasks he calls them). And dinner would have to be ready by 6pm but he refuses to eat with me cuz he hates the way I scoop up my food with my fork. Oh yeah, and I’m not allowed to touch nor talk to him in bed but I better not say no when he’s in the mood for $3x! Freaking creep
Omg I am so sorry. This was my exact situation when it came to sex and sleeping together. Only luckily I never married the a hole. He is a total chauvinist so I know exactly what you mean when you say "woman tasks". He used the word bitch very freely and often. When I think back on it now I am so angry at myself for staying as long as I did when for me there were no ties, no kids and no marriage thank God.
It's heart breaking, same for me. Vile people. Inhumane.
did you leave his ass?
@@GreenEnvy. I left
@@suziew1267 I'm so proud of you Suzie. I've never met you, but you're strong, I can tell.
So true 😕 he was always in a rush for everything, and used to say I was a person of “no action” (in devaluation phase). Everything he wanted to get to feel “better” lasted so short time. They get bored of everything and everybody.
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Damn narcs sleep a lot! And they dont like to be disrupted in their sleept. Talking about a vampire!!
And boy do they sure like sulking. Especially in the morning looking angry and grumpy
Omg! Thought it was just me. My narc snored in his sleep, i just said honey turn over you are snoring and the next morning all he complained about was me waking him up. Now mind you i was the one up all night! Unbelievable.
@@reginawatson1441 true indeed!
Thanks so much for this. I could never understand why when out in public, he was always starting conversations with strangers, even on hikes....more explained
Light bulb moment 💡💡💡
Same here. He'd talk to anyone and everyone. Also played dumb to see how people would react
Thank you! Inability for intimacy. Perfect description! Even when spending time alone talking with me he’ll suddenly close his eyes and even doze off- in the middle of a conversation!! He’ll close his eyes and slumber off while watching a movie with me too. He offers to go out and buy an expensive gift for me and after the purchase and chatting up the sales associate he’ll sit there staring at his phone and too busy to look up at me make eye contact or smile and share in the gift giving.
Yes yes! OMGosh, u jst describe someone I know to a tee. No wonder they can't just chill out. It's like they are afraid of facing themselves of just being alone with themselves, and they become smothering to others. Thank you 4 this vid, thank you for answering a question I didn't even know I had. That part of the mystery is solved thanks to you. You ARE making a difference, u are helping people. Please know that. Blessings of comprehension
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Thank you for all of your videos. They have helped me tremendously. I was in a toxic relationship For three years. I finally went no contact. I still struggle, but feel much more at peace within myself. I am starting to realize that a narcissist is a miserable, unhappy, pathetic, lost, dark, fake being. Happy people build people up, miserable and mean people tear others down. I know my worth now and I can smell a narcissist a mile away. Sadly, it takes a broken heart to realize that personality disorders really do exist. I completely understand why they are drawn to people that have empathic hearts. I will never let it happen again as I have gained so much knowledge through all of these wonderful videos. Thank you again
Unbelievable, it’s like they all came rolling out of the same factory. And the worst part is, that they also think that we shouldn’t be able to take it easy either.
Those ten years exhausted me to the point of a big fat burnout and when I finally decided to leave he had the audacity to say: “At least I’m leaving you better than I found you”. I bit my tongue so hard because what’s the point? 😂
Thank you for sharing this Jerney..💯🙌🙏
"they all came rolling out of the same factory" 😂😂😂
@@NehaSharma-777 Some double Dutch for you haha 😁❤️
@@JerneyMarisha ❤️❤️😂😂
Beat comment ever and they are the same the world over no matter what nationalist or sex - ALL THE SAME! ...very boring 🙄
We give them a lot of credit. It is part of the playbook. I agree.
Yes 🙌
As a covert narcissist I agree with this. I can never sit still.
Travelling with a narc was very interesting. It is then that you are with them 24/7 and can see the constancy. What I thought was just animation because she was in a social setting was actually her default. She had a NEED to be talking at someone, and I mean AT someone, not with someone, all the time. It is truly exhausting.
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I've always wondered this. They're never centered and satisfied with anything...