MEN need to have a PLAN WITH WOMEN: preventing relationship creep
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
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I strongly recommend that a man should clarify his intentions with respect to any given woman in his life before he interacts with her. This gives him coherence with respect to his words and actions, and makes it much more likely that he will get what he wants. A man who does not have a plan for his life will end up a part of someone else's plan. When it comes to women, this generally happens as a result of a phenomenon called "relationship creep." I explain more in this episode.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#dating #relationship #women
I strongly recommend that a man should clarify his intentions with respect to any given woman in his life before he interacts with her. This gives him coherence with respect to his words and actions, and makes it much more likely that he will get what he wants. A man who does not have a plan for his life will end up a part of someone else's plan. When it comes to women, this generally happens as a result of a phenomenon called "relationship creep." I explain more in this episode.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#dating #relationship #women
This is why I only show up to validate myself when it comes to talking to women. If they chase me and validate me, then great. If they don’t, who cares. How can I be upset about being ghosted by someone who I was already not taking seriously (meaning I was effectively ghosting their worth to begin with)?
Men need to just ignore women altogether. It is dangerous for a man to have any type of relationship with a woman. Women are extremely self centered. Men should walk away from women. That is how we deal with their accusations that are taken as fact, by society. Women DO NOT deserve men.
The only fly in the ointment is, that I don't know when I first meet them, if I want to be with them as a long term partner. I need to get to know them and let them know that I am looking for a long term partner, but in all cases so far, I don't want to be tied down by them. I enjoy their company for a few days, and then I need to get away. I tend to attract a narcissistic personality, that takes a while to reveal itself.
How do I plan that I vehemently do not want kids?
@@apreviousseagle836 Snip Snip!
You not only need a plan and some benchmarks, you need the balls to walk out. That second part is where men often fail.
Just because you got some doesn't mean you have to stay and the inverse as well don't stay just in hopes of getting some
True, but then the issue is that most men simply don't have a lot of choice (or they think they don't). Hard to walk out then.
When a man finally excepts and understands what a woman truly offers a man (wet hole & companionship), that's when he's happy.
I think men's first priority should be financial planning, health, and wellness. Without that we have nothing. That being the case, relationship planning has to fall in line, or all bets are off. A woman's first priority may be relationship planning, and if so there'll be constant conflict.
You can't walk away from children...missed the point entirely.
“If a man knows not which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” ~ Seneca
Such a good topic. Part of being masculine is having a purpose and striving for it. To bumble around aimlessly like trash in the wind is how you become lost and bitter at the world.
STFU. Either improve yourself or simply move somewhere else. Those are your only two options. Anything else is literally just noise. If you don't like that then tough shit. Be better. Improve yourself. Get gud.
PREACH. That was very insightful
"When a man marries a woman he hopes that she doesn't change. When a woman marries that man, she hopes that he does."
And when he does, she will use the fact he changed as an excuse to demand an open relationship
Both are unrealistic expectations...
@@nmbr1son64 Indeed it is Tommy. People seem to forget that theyre human afterall.
Egos getting too big for their breeches 😂
Exactly! Women quit being affectionate, lose interest in sex, are only interested in you working and making as much money as humanly possible. Men basically stay the same until they get tired of working their asses off and getting very little appreciation. This is very common from my research
“Each is inevitably disappointed”
Looking back on life as a middle-aged man, no surprise, I realize you need to live every facet of your entire life with intention to have the best results over all areas of your life. The little stuff does not fall into place by focusing on the most important aspects of life or the big picture.
I wish I would have understood this at 22. Better late than never though.
As a current 22 year old myself, do you mind expanding on more examples on how to apply these concepts universally? Much appreciated
@@mehdineverquits let's say you could define a life by X things, if you don't set standards and goals for even seemingly mundane or trivial things and take steps toward reaching those standards and goals, the odds are you will end up with mediocre results. Some examples...
If you don't plan to be healthy and take steps to stay healthy, you'll end up overweight in your 50s. I was just at a get together and was looking at the people there. Half the people looked like bags stuffed with potatoes. Who would want that for themselves?
If you make friends out of convenience because you worked with them or knew them in school, you may end up with friends that you don't have much in common with. So, you should go out of way to find people with common interests early in life. The older you get, the less likely you are to make new friends.
You'll probably want a vacation home some day. Define that early and take steps to buy it. If you wait too long, you may never buy a property.
The example in the video is one of the most important. If you don't set standards for what you want in a relationship/partner you'll end up floating through life, dating a bunch of people, and never really being statisfied with your relationship. I have watched female friends do this and it ended up with them panicking when the window closed on them having children.
You should start by writing down all the things that make life - spouse, family, friends, career, health, education, cultural enrichment, hobbies, home ownership, investing, spiritual enrichment, etc. Prioritize them. Set specific measurable goals within each. Recognize that it takes effort to achieve anything.
None of this is particularly novel. It's just basic goal setting. My takeaway is that even the small things take effort. Based on my observation, people have tended to focus on two to three big things and have been complacent about everything else. Complacency produces mediocre results.
Time really does pass by fast and we should make the most of the time we have on earth.
@@thedalillama I really appreciate this. I’m glad you specified, mainly because I have found that for most of my life, I have been unable to do most things that I wanted to (at least initially) because I was inundated and paralysed by the fear of overthinking; thus, I had to really just “do” what I had to do (e.g sign up for the gym, sign up to learn language, etc) without thinking too much about it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done those things because my fear would’ve gotten the better of me.
However, like you said, tracking small things are priceless. Last year, I was 230 lbs because I never bothered to know how many calories were in my food, etc. When I finally humbled myself to get a calorie tracker, have a basic understanding of the food I was able to eat, etc, I literally lost 40 lbs in 4 months. I was still eating crap, but, I understood the amount I could have. This makes me only imagine if I put in the small, but extra, effort actually eat nutritious foods of value 24/7.
All in all, I am starting to see the necessity of having clear, tangible goals for your life to have some sort of trajectory for yourself for excellence in all parts of your life. Again, I appreciate this comment!
At 50 years old I'm in that boat running parallel to you. Thanks for your comment.
@@mehdineverquitsthanks for asking the question, even if 50 years old I have the same question.
I learn't this the hard way when my first marriage failed. I made sure that the second time around the woman knew what I wanted/needed. However, be careful. Just because she initially agrees to your relationship terms, doesn't mean that she will keep her end of the bargain.
Basically becomes your word against hers.
"When a man marries a woman he hopes that she doesn't change. When a woman marries that man, she hopes that he does." This is a comment from a person above in this box.
Any updates?
What did you want and needed? I’m curious to know.
From a man who has seen more than his share of broken promises, I can vouch for this.
“A man can find himself living in a situation that is almost unrecognizable from the way he wanted to live.” Profound.
It's the frog in the pot of water effect. If you turn the heat up very gradually, the frog will slowly boil to death without attempting to jump out.
That happened to me last year. The situation indeed was unrecognizable from the way it started.
That definitely happened to me.
@@gevans5446 the inescapable death cycle of loneliness.
Profound stupidity perhaps.
We try to avoid conflict, arguments and we end up being permissive in relationships and regretting it after. Not knowing yourself hurts you the most so pain is self inflicted. Self love is necessary
Conflict is necessary as well. I hate people who are like “I avoid conflict”
So you don’t know how to win and stand strong for your position? Well how can I respect anything about this?
@@marcusmcgraw3519 avoiding conflict is like avoiding something in your body hurting, it will only get worse and eventually too late to fix, even tho it could have been fixed earlier.
A lot of men also genuinely want to spoil the women in their life, from an altruistic place. It takes most men years to realize what that spoiling really does.
@@niallk9336 totally agreed. They come to realize that they EXPECT spoiling after a while. Then when the man doesn’t want to live up to it, she understandably resents him because it’s not what she signed up for. If men stopped simping this wouldn’t happen
Conflict is not a bad thing if it's civil. If it's not, it's time to you to go.
This guy is like a waaaay more refined version of Alexander grace and coach rp, I really like how he's articulating the male experience, you're doing a really dope job sir.
That's right. Lots of comments under his videos are way dumber, tho, than the guy deserves. I hope that changes and more men will open up honestly about their experiences instead of writing shallow one liners.
@@profet1385 thought the exact same things, @both comments
@@profet1385 Don’t worry, dude hired a comments moderator. I already see way less misogynistic comments
Alexander Grace is an evolutionary social biologist who helps with relationships, and this guy is a psychologist and relationship coucillor. Both are important for a full understanding. Just different sides of the same apple. They complement each other in our understanding of relationships. It is nuanced and interwoven, so I believe it is important to listen to both.
I agree
Well said. Part of the reason my marriage fell a part is me not maintaining frame and communicate my plan to my spouse. Men, if you choose LTR, Have a business plan. A route of egress, and what you expect from yourself and the woman in your life. If you can't do that, don't ho LTR. Simple. Thank-you Dr.
Exactly why I won’t do an LTR. Relationships are a man made prison and you’re doing time
Most relationships fail due to current culture more than anything. The authority of a man in a relationship has been for the most part successfully subverted. Not only that but most women have been indoctrinated to varying degrees to hate men and the traditional family structure. It simply makes zero sense to engage seriously with modern women because their obligations are fluid and completely voluntary, moreover they can stop preforming them well before a marriage is ever over. A man's obligations can easily continue long after the divorce and very often do.
Wow, @@marcusmcgraw3519, it seems you've not had any good relationships. Lol.
This stuff should be taught at school. It is about time young people are taught early on not to ruin their lives with poor decisions. Happy, self aware and content people are the basis of a healthy society.
Where do I sign the petition
It's a gamble . . . literally. She is the casino, you are the mark. Go in knowing what you're willing to lose, enjoy your time, and know when to leave.
Just don't enter the casino
If its a gamble for you, you are an incompetent loser
@@roccocarlino067lol 😂
What a deeply unhealthy view.
@@UmamiPapi Just reality. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
Sound advice here. I used the old "Happy wife, Happy life" approach to a relationship. Got myself managed and nagged into a world she created and controlled. She is gone now. Often was not happy in her world. Getting control of my life back was not easy.
Absolutely 100%. If you don't have a plan, you will be someone else's plan whether you like it or not. This is probably the most important video I have ever seen on UA-cam. So many men fall into this at their own demise to only figure it out when it is too late. Every man should be told these words at a young age!
Yep, I do my thing in my life and you do yours. We can cohabitate and respect each other boundaries.
This is gold standard advice and applies to much of life. We have to be focused and deliberate in pretty much every area and where we slack off or go through the motions is where we’ll end up frustrated, resentful and bitter.
Men are Captains and Women are Pirates. Brilliant insight as usual. I have experienced the "creep" not in just wanting sex and ending up in something more, but in sharing my plans and collaborating with hers only to be endlessly pushed through the demand for concessions. I agree that many relationship problems turn on a lack of planning or communication, but I frankly have come to believe that many if not most women intentionally disregard their partners wishes and set about trying to change them. Just as JJ pointed out. It's a bit different in that it's not miscommunication or lack of focus; it's women deciding that his plans are subordinate to hers.
Whoever has the higher (perceived) SMV, self worth, or power chooses how things will go and which rules are played. It’s either her or you and it’s better be you as a man. Only way to this is become the powerful high value man with tons of self esteem and get with a girl lower than you. Then set the rules and stick to it. Thanks for the video Orion, very important topic of today.
@@stean90 you have very good analysis, but I don’t agree with getting with a girl lower than you. This is why men so often fail to use their power effectively. They always date down and make girls think they deserve far more than they do
If you’re a high value man, you’ve worked your whole life to be able to get whatever girls you feel like. Don’t get a girl below you. It will only perpetuate the fact that men aren’t shit
That's when you DTB...
From an evolutionary standpoint women have far more inherent value than men (sperm cheap, eggs expensive). Women being solipsistic would have been selected for down millions of millennia. It's one of the fundamental differences between male and female psychology.
@@stean90 Every 4 today thinks she's a 10 based on how her besties gas her up, social media, faux attention from guys she doesn't even like, etc.
She will compare her life to the 9 in her social group, and demand the same concessions from men. But she's not that girl.
And her friends will tell her that's the bare minimum, and sabotage the relationship.
So you can't operate from this dynamic.
Married 22 years. My ship has definitely landed at the wrong port. I am going to have this conversation with my wife at some point. I'm going to share this with my son. Best advice I was never given.
Have your bags packed!
I don't think it's something you have to talk with your wife. I think you have to embrace it and act.
Exactly what happened to me. She wanted kids. We had 7. Then, she turned them against me, took 1/2 our shit. This was her plan from day one.
@@danmcqueen5295unlikely. I see your lack of self reflection is allowing you to be a victim, learn nothing, blame her instead of becoming a better partner. Were you just another one of those children she had to raise. Any women who leaves a man after 7 kids did so for a good reason, as she will have a hard time repartnering.
All 7 kids are against you? Still?
Come on! Either you are the "bad" one or the kids got her genes (mostly).
I heard your phrase, "If you do not have a plan for your life, someone else does, " and the person I heard it from said, "You are not going to like it."
Can’t say enough how helpful your content has been to me. More power to you!
Women don't really have to put effort into the getting laid part, so of course they have lots of time to think about things beyond that. Men are just relieved to get that far and want to rest a bit once they're at that goal. They don't always realize that it's also a new starting line.
Very nicely presented! It fits with my experience 100%. Recall a few times where I noticed "the relationship creep" developing smoothly and managed to pull the plug off, as I detected that these women had no respect for my plan, which is to say they didn't have respect for me and what I wanted in life. To these days I proudly remember these occasions where I walked out, and avoided these nightmares.
Women are experts in sugar coating their intentions, and resort to self-victimization for disarming a man of their most valued attributes: his courage and independence. When you become aware of women's tactics, then, it becomes easier to detect a mine field, because this isn't love, it's selfishness at its highest.
Literally dealing with this right now. More and more things have been left at my house.
Then improve yourself. Quit whining.
Great advice for everyone! I think you’re giving women more credit than is due - I think just as many women are lost as well. I think the solution is either don’t settle down with someone unless you know who you are or find a partner that is willing to be patient. Or perhaps find someone else that is finding their path and go together. Thanks.
It has been like pulling teeth asking this man what are his plans!! I have been very clear about my desires, values etc in order to create the opportunity to know if we're in alignment....if I am able to support him on his journey. This has been going on almost 3years now and I've resorted to the reasoning that he is not a leader &/or his plan doesn't coincide with anything I've said so he rather not state & hope that I will blindly follow....which I am definitely NOT doing. So this is it for me. Enough time has been invested. Enough is enough
Stop giving him access to your womb and you'll quickly find out what his plans are.
He’s not that into you. He might not even realize it.
Yes, he is slimy and keeps you for his convenience. Make a new life plan for yourself and add clear tests for the man - if he has a good plan he passes your tests without difficulty, if he hasn't, you don't invest your precious years. Take into account that some men might lie about "love" when they should say sex - talking about creepy. Indeed, enough is enough. You have every chance to find real love and happiness!
Not trying to be judgmental as I can’t really determine your personality from a paragraph on UA-cam. But you come off as demanding. Sometimes you have a give people time to figure themselves out. It seems like you know what you want and thus you’re impatient when you don’t see that same energy on potential mates. This can come off as unnecessary intimidation to a man. Some might even call you masculine.
Ps. I wanted my comment to be focused on you because sometimes we don’t do enough self reflection to understand why we get the same results.
@@donatello9482 It is great for a woman to get a clear respons - if she comes off as intimidating to a certain man, it is good for her to know, that he is not courageous enough for her. Sometimes the difference in maturity, self-awareness, and life-experience is simply too big - in the long run he will resent her for being so much ahead of him. She cannot shrink to please him, if she tries to, she will resent him before too long.
A mother gives a child time and patience to grow and figure themselves out - but partners should be on a level playing field, to be compatible. The best thing a man can do, if he is interested in a woman that feels a bit scary, is to take on the challenge and grow fast! It is his own "Anima" calling him to the adventure of his life! It's the start of the "Hero's" journey. No bargaining. Men are not always so willing to learn through formal education, but this path, via attraction, is the age-old mythological and proven one. The alluring woman is the guide to the "Princess". (This job as a stand-in mother and teacher for grown up men, is not what women go around and long for, they don't want to be cheated into taking it on for years.)
It is really hard for young women to see through how men function, when men out of vanity and sex-drive don't disclose it themselves. Who writes the honest book "Games Men Play"?
Please consider making more videos expanding on the main ideas from this one. I can't believe i only just discovered this amazing channel that i am now binging!
Very true and good video. A woman can quite easily sway a man into marrying her just through tiny concessions.
Men pretend to have a plan & go with the flow. Women pretend to go with the flow & have a plan!
stop saying "if you're liking what you're hearing". NOBODY wants to hear this stuff. Even if it's exactly what we need to hear. Which it is. And thank you for saying this.
"If I'm encroaching on your boundaries, and I'm smart about it, I'll encroach just to the point where you start to protest, and then I'll stop. I'll wait for you to calm down and then start the process over again. I'll repeat this process ad infinitum until you're miles away from where you started."
Jordan Peterson
That's called grooming.
Hey man I don’t know if you do this for money, fame or for the fact that the information is needed but I personally just want to say a big thank you for what you do.
I am sure you don’t even fully realize how powerful the information in your videos are.
I believe you should open an online course for young men to become psychologically mature and capable.
Love your work and may God continue to bless you 🙏🏾
I am going through this right now. 60 years old. Lost my wife of 35 years just 3 years ago. Just now starting to look around for female companionship. I am experiencing the effects of female hypergamic desires. I do not want to get married and I do not want to move in with someone. I met a really nice lady and on the forth date she gets to the point that she is looking for a man to marry and move in with within 12 to 18 months. I made it very clear that I am not looking to get married and not looking to move in with someone. It is only the second woman I date as I start to explore this new reality I find myself in. Thanks to your videos and others I am cutting bait and will start fishing anew. Only the next time the relationship requirements will be fully upfront on the first date. I only want to be in a relationship with one woman but I don't want to get married and I don't want to move in with her. That message will be made perfectly clear on the first date.
Use words like casual, friends with benefits, hook up. You will get all you want with those terms
Don’t be too complicated when explaining with young guys. Do the bus analogy. You are driving the bus and going where you intend to. If she wants on okay. She does not get to drive the bus. You are the driver. If that does not suit her or she want to go a different route. Stop the bus and let her off, and she can find another bus going her way.
That's my outlook it's exhausting enough for me otherwise
I really hate that you’re right… this was the story of my marriage that I finally escaped from.
Dude most guys are like this, lonely, fall into one and just let it drag on because they don't want to be alone.
Well it's harder now too. Harder to make a living and being on your own.
@@ibizawavey8630 Facts
Orion, This is one of your best videos. Thank you!
This is an important discussion.
Yeah, set your goals, have a vision, assert your direction, and frame it to showcase the plumage of your mindset - it's what attracts partnership and success. Men do this instinctually when they work together. Birds do it and so do bees
Mindset plumage!
word of the day: PLUMAGE
Great comment too!
This is a particularly good one Orion. Well done.
My plan for women:
Step 1. Not care
Step 2. Care even less
(This comment is purely satire, please do not take this as a valid statement)
Betatized by a thousand concessions, not steering your own ship, not maintaining frame. It helps if one can be unapologetically clear about one’s goals and intentions.
With women you have to sell them a dream. Lies keep you together. Its totally random when it comes to attraction. You can make a million dollars, work out etc. And she could sleep with a 13 year old student she's teaching or the neighbors German Shepherd ( beastiality porn doesn't make itself) so just shrug your shoulders if some woman doesn't like you, theres one that will, regardless of how you live your life. Love Letters to serial killers proves this. You don't have to try with women. That's the secret rarely mentioned.
Not all women live in fantasy land, you can be honest with what your life plan is. Why put all the effort living in a lie ?
I've never ever wanted to "get laid" with women. I always wanted a relationship. Guess that makes me weird or "creepy".
Have you ever communicated that in-face right from the get-go?
Same
Love the subject-verb agreement. Too rare these days.
Yes, people; the word "none" takes a singular verb.
I have a plan beyond getting laid. That involves getting laid a 2nd and 3rd time 😂
Law of diminishing returns my dude. The longer a relationship goes the more you have to put in for less and less return. This is especially true since many women have essentially made relationships transactional, later though they fein ignorance and pretend they never implied it but her actions said otherwise 😂. Society and women just want subservience from men while giving nothing in return
Always had a plan (Although it may of been dumb at times), however I didn't shoot for the stars... I know I'm in a boat, and they don't fly....
I would have lived with and have children with my last girlfriend but the relationship had several large arguments that were very hard to resolve with her and she triangulated me with several different men every month which I found disrespectful and narcissistic in nature.
Best it ended then. Those women destroy lives
Can you elaborate on the triangulate part? As in slept around when you're meant to be exclusive or something else?
@@yeahnahsweetas yes she explicitly wanted us to be exclusive! Heavily criticising me if I like Instagram photos of female influencers but she would often slow dance cheek to cheek with other men in front of me for song after song. She messaged another man during a previous breakup to meet up at his place for private dance practice. Instead of trying to reconcile with me! She always right in every argument and had a very fragile yet grandiose ego. She’d walk ahead of me and look round for my reaction and try to get a strange man to hold her hand with the expectation he was going to get something. I was constantly pitted against other strange men as if there was a competition for her in a very obvious embarrassing and disrespectful way. I don’t know for sure whether some of those men got something but they were pretty confident that they would and I’ve not had other girlfriends behave anywhere like that. I think she may have a personality disorder!
I agree that honesty and clarity and very important. The problem being that casual sex is often what men want and I disagree that isn't a bad thing for both involved. You destroy your pair bonding ability, your enjoyment of any given partner, and fracture your soul to temporarily please your body. Women naturally understand this better. Although our engineered society has tried to convince everyone, mostly women, that sex is purely physical and an infinite resource with no negatives or even with positives. I find it strange a person who has studied the mind could make the flimsy claim that there is nothing wrong with casual sex. Maybe there is less wrong for the man, but then you are knowingly causing harm in others to ejaculate. Hard to describe that any way other than evil.
I would say this is probably the best men's growth and dating type channel on UA-cam.
I really do enjoy Alexander Grace Also, but these videos hit the nail on the head for what I have experienced in relationships in my 44 years on this planet.
I do wish however that I knew this stuff before. I got married and spent 12 years in a pretty horrible relationship and then went through a really horrible divorce... My biggest problem was thinking that women were like men and that we all had the same types of motivations and values.
Thank you so much for this video playlist!
Great comment. I agree and feel the same way about pretty much everything he said.
This fits with my experience but I usually hit this moment around 3 to 6 months. I strive to be more intentional with my questions and conversations in dating now to make sure I do not find myself in committed actions before I really want to. Be great men. Stay clear and on your purposeful living.
I wish I would of had an older mentor tell me this 22 years ago.
So do I but would we have listened at that age? Lol
@@albertwesker8883 exactly. I've thought the same and then wondered whether or not I actually would've taken the advice at a younger age
You are 100% correct! My example, widowed at 57 , trying to answer the question of how to plan life for the next 20 or thirty years, as living alone for the long-term did not appeal to me. I began with match requirements, ethics, humor, adventure, work ethic and commitment to each other. For me, dates were an opportunity for close observation, body language, humor, political philosophy and other commitments. Also would she get in my plane and fly with me as well as sail, fish Scuba, etc. I could not accept being sent out to play by myself. Needless to say the process of elimination went quickly until I met "the one" The more time we spent together the more "right" it felt. We married, and have been happily married for 23 years. Evidently, we fit each others "punch list"quite well.
You literally just nailed a man's life going in blind. Just in it for the end goal, you will pay. Painfully. Thanks so much. ❤
Get gud then. Problem solved 😎
Every man on earth needs to watch this video
the plan is easy, hide your wallet and look poor, and run🏃🧟
First things first.... I drew boundaries early on. One must also learn to differentiate Love from attraction. Both parties should willingly contribute what they have. I have only dated a few girls, and turned down a lot more. These girls expressed a desire to match me on what I put in. If I went " all in" then they did to. If they do not reciprocate (i do not mean sex), or demand more before they contribute. I would straight walk away and have done so very quickly. I am not perfect,but I have never gotten involved with a bad girl. I just wasnt mature enough to provide for these women back then so I let them go in the hopes that they would find a man that could. It took a decade to understand why these women loved me so much and why I broke their hearts. I had to understand why someone could love me.
This guy keeps knocking them out of the park.
Dr Orion Taraban is more than a psychologist - he is a word - smith as well.
What I leaned from my brief marriage is that women can change after you put a ring on them (so something worse than you had seen to date), and men tend not to change, even though the woman often thinks she'll be able to change him after marriage. It was either become a relenter, or leave - without anything in between. Very sad part of human nature (and I know it doesn't cover everyone 100%, but I believe it generally be true).
STFU. Improve yourself. Try harder. Be better. Get gud. Those are your only options. Get over it. Stop complaining.
I've heard so many men say that their wife changed for the worse after marriage, but I've yet to hear a single man say the opposite.
I am normaly kind, but distant. A woman untouchable with the head in the sky. Hard to reach. I save my integrity.
If I sometimes happen to be intersted in a person, I can act like a fool. I am just so, an all or nothing type, mostly nothing. But all can be misunderstood at first, can seem creepy and clingy.
But I am the most far from clingy in a relationship. Very far. I need my own space too, and give space to the ones I love.
Even I do run away, or make the situation on run away, after been seen more, than usual. I like to hide, and mind my own business, and sometimes I just shut the door of honesty forever in one second.
A flash of love, you will never forget, mostly this is who I am, if it happens. I hope at least the never forget part, but who knows.
An acquaintance had to move back in with his grandma under the guise of looking after her in order to escape from a woman who moved in with him subtle. It started with toothbrushes, a t-shirt here and there and advanced to coming with small groceries to his place after work to full blown cohabitation.
You mean he wasn’t open and honest with what he wanted. He played that card to get in her pants…
AKA a child
@@ssing7113 Not wanting cohabitation isn't the same as wanting only sex from someone and lying to them to get it. At no point I implied he didn't want a relationship with this woman, you just strangely read that into the story yourself.
This is also good advice for women. I learned it the hard way, assuming we were on the same page and discovering we were far from it!
My plan is to remain single
Single with mingles
Nowadays that's most women's plan too, men should accept it and work on enjoying single life, the way most women today are. Hobbies, travel, going out, etc. Nothing wrong with wanting to live a single life.
@@pazzodi3 single with mingles is just fine
@@albertwesker8883 Unless you want to establish a legacy and build a dynasty.
Get results. Stop not getting results.
You have to be in a place where not being with her and going back into the dating realm is totally ok and fine.
Improve yourself.
"If a man does not have a plan, he will become part of a woman's plan."
Or, he has no plan, and never becomes a part of any woman's plan, and he just kind of lives until he dies.
It would help if they (men) were more clear-cut in their plans if any! Let the woman know if you are already in a relationship for one! Then let a woman who is interested know exactly what she can expect and do not keep giving drips and drabs to hold her interest. Who wants to be around a man who does not want you in his life...in any way..or just for sex. A woman can always get sex, she need not rely on a guy who cannot speak up and communicate his intentions. Many men are untruthful when asked directly what they want. It would be hard for both parties when the relationship has not progressed after a few months. Both parties obviously would have wasted their time if their expectations are different for each of them.
I agree with the first sentence.
Agree with the first sentence. Though the whole "let the woman know if you're already in a relationship" sentence does make me think that you're probably chasing after top-10% guys or so, who are the only ones who are likely to do things like that. Average guys aren't trying or even able to date / sleep with women while already being in a relationship.
This whole rant is the result of somebody batting out of their league.
They're not that interested in you, but they're getting what they want. And you keep giving it to them.
It's not their fault that you never learn.
I really needed to hear this, thank you 🙏
Remember ladies like to put people in boxes when they don't get what they want. When she puts you in a box she will say you have the problems of that box and need to change for her
Exactly why you’re better off being an asshole to girls. Where one girl thinks you’re “being mean” to her and labels you and puts you in a box, the other girl sees through her facade and gains respect for you
It’s why guys who divide / conquer are much more successful (myself included). Who cares about one girl’s opinion that got mad over something she chose to take personally?
Then sadly you’ve dealt with immature women. Go date older women then 😂
This is brilliant advice
I was so down the rabbit hole of LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, EVERYTHING AND THE BIG PICTURE that when she came along I felt blessed to have someone to take care of the “little pictures’…but slowly I was angled into a little frame and hung out on a broken light pole in the street…curiosity survived though.
Talks the MOST sense I have ever heard online across a range of vids! This is another one right on the money, with a truth I can see in retrospect over most of my relationships.
I had recognised that truth some time ago by the time the last liaison came along, featuring moves so laughably predictable and clumsy, I actually wondered whether she was THAT simple that those were her only/best stages of "relationship creep" or just, insultingly, thought that I was so simple that I would not notice. In fact, both positions were true.
I was, admittedly, guilty of never crystalising even to myself what I wanted, nor to her, therefore... I just kinda hoped that THIS time might be different; with too much else on my plate to also now martial an involvement.
She was really in a hurry (because of her circumstances?), so clunkily rushed herself along, even though declaring defiantly that she, unlike others, "DOES NOT HAVE AN AGENDA!" - one of the very few things she said with any power. Right! 🙄
She was absolutely, with entitlement, beginning to take the piss by the time I ordered close of play!
Thanks
Additionally to this. The ex narc who caused my seizure in December, has just been described to a tee only through my blasé, go with the wind attitude. Thanks again for this. ❤
Lack of views, shows many men are not serious. Advice vital
Always have a plan, not just for women, but for life 💯
He's absolutely right on this. Ask me how I know
I was dating this girl and she gave me a key to her house. And I fell for it and moved in 😩
Getting over the hump of realization that the unfair expectations placed on men are actually better for men (who can handle it) has changed my fucking life.
I followed this plan and 9 years in the woman I am with got pregnant when she wasn't supposed to be able to and now she uses that as leverage to completely change the dynamic of our relationship because she knows I don't want my daughter to grow up in a broken home like I did. All the way up until then she was okay with the old school relationship I wanted to have where a man is in the leadership role of the family. Now she's "not my slave or maid" as I fully take care of our family financially, she drives a considerably nicer car than mine that I pay for, threatens to leave when she used to beg me not to, doesn't clean or do chores half as much, stop taking care of herself and says ridiculous things like being a stay-at-home mom of one child is worth about $150,000 a year. Choose wisely my friends.
Dude! You're in a broken home now, that's how narcissistic personality types manipulate to get what they want. Worse, your daughter is being 'taught' that this is ok. I know from painful experience, my daughter when she was 23 couldn't handle me setting a boundary a firm NO as she was stealing 50 to 100 bucks a week from my paypal for gourmet pizza. I offered numerous times to give her the same amount if she would be respectful and ask me. Haven't heard from her for 7 years, a distant cousin told me a few years back that I was better off without her... in hindsight and after experiencing two more dysfunctional partners I agree with my cousin. Big lesson, have that fight, set the boundaries firmly, lovingly and kindly and definitively be prepared to walk away. Your horizons will open up
@@martinkornaus3948 crazy thing is she calls me a narcissist. I even started questioning myself and took a test and I scored average far from narcissistic. I guess the way I look at it is maybe it's better for my daughter to only have her as a bad influence instead of her and whatever crappy dude she picks being a bad influence while I'm not around because at best I could get shared custody.
@@Mikaeel84tough choice. Feel bad for you and daughter. Especially because she was best behavior for so long and changed after.
Or perhaps you missed the red flags. Can happen to anyone.
@@justathinker8669 hind sight 20/20 I saw the red flags but hoped for the best and planned for what I thought would be the worst. But she wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant and for about 9 years couldn't. So the worst was worse than I could have possibly imagined. I guess if anybody could take a lesson from my situation it is always plan as if she can get pregnant even if a doctor says otherwise.
Walk away. I was in a similar situation. It will hurt for a while but you'll get better.
I'm a woman, and I'm enjoying your insight and advice. True fellas.
Complaining about things on the internet get you nowhere. Try getting results instead.
@@peopleofearth6250 How is she complaining?
@@peopleofearth6250correct. So shut up.
@@peopleofearth6250 She was not complaining..
@@MuantanamoMobile You're complaining by being the type of person you are while saying things on the Internet. Same as her.
Thanks you talked about me, I did send your video back in time to the 16 years younger version of myself before I entered the relationship with my now soon to be divorced ex-wife. Maybe I can make it better the 2nd time and never meet and engage with her.
They're ALL he same my friend. Stay single and happy
Thank you for the wake-up call, Doc.
Guys relationship goals are physical intimacy. Women relationship goals are financial security and babies. Both parties can behave reprehensibly in achieving their goals. If you are a low value guy with a scarcity mindset then you are going to have to pay up one way or another if you want a woman (e.g. provide babies, child support, financial security aka marriage). If you are a high value guy with an abundance mindset then you can move onto the next women if the current women doesn't measure up. Consequently, its important to know who you are (leader or follower), what your woman really wants from you (gold digger? child support digger?), and understand the divorce/ child custody/ pre-nup/ child support system in your jurisdiction.
Sometimes. Some women just want to be with a hot guy.
You can also be a low value guy with an abundance mindset.
@@mediocreman2 that's called delusional
Oh, I actually thought about this before and usually call it alignment problem.
Most man want intimacy and variety. Its a very recurring dilema. So what to do? Hans Comyn (ex ars amorata and zan perrion partner) have some answers about this.
Most men want a family to take care of. A legacy.
@@oemj7147 who would want to be tied down to a bitch and kids? I want the ability to do what I want. I’ve worked my whole life for it, nobody will take that away from me
@@marcusmcgraw3519 then stay away from women.
Grow into being an adult who thinks like an adult .. maybe?
@@oemj7147 yeah right... Not sure the statistics on cheating confirm your statement.
Yes. I am a 50 year old woman who literally looks and has the essence of a vibrant 35 year old on my bad days. Not being stuck up, just saying. Even so, I am 50. I’ve been thru things, I have experience, I am wiser than when I was younger. Because of that, the 25 year old guy I was friends with for two weeks and then dated for another 3 weeks, is not gonna be able to continue. Why?!?! Because of exactly what this video just talked about, and I was the one to point all this out to him before I even saw this video.
Guys!!!! Have a plan. Stick to it. Make it be known. Don’t deviate. If someone who was a friend turns out to be someone you want to be with long term, make it be known than too, but trying to just be on auto pilot with a woman, especially an older woman, and think we aren’t gonna see right thru you, is just plain ignorant. granted some autistic types really may not get the social cues, but you know what I mean.
Woman want to know what is up! If you just want a night out or companionship and/or sex, fine, but say so and don’t blur lines. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. if you don’t want a relationship long term, don’t be calling and texting and carrying on like you do. Sorry, life is filled with hard lessons and it requires discipline.
This past guy was saying he doesn’t know what he wants with his life, but he likes me and wanted to date me and only me and see how it would go. Ahhhhh, how can I go into that strong?!?! I can’t. I know the video wasn’t about age, but none the less, guys. You can’t have a relationship unless you know you want one. you may not know exactly with who, but you have to be ready for a relationship. Sooooooo many people end up in relationships that they just went along with. 5-10 years later, you end up feeling exhausted and off if not completely destroyed.
This past guy would say he doesn’t want a relationship, but than dote on me like he did. So confusing. I finally had to just tell him you aren’t thinking straight cuz you need to date someone who can have kids with you still, and you aren’t being honest. you are saying one thing and doing another.
I as well do not want to end up on the Wrong ship!
I'm a 50-year-old man, thanks for clarifying that for us guys. I've always had plans for my life and clearly defined but because of lots of extrenuous events in the last 5 years my plans were no longer the same. I got into a relationship this last year wanting to have a relationship that ended up failing because I no longer knew what my plan was. Just want to say this to confirm to the younger guys that this gal is correct 👍
I know I do. I tell her FWB only and if they don't like it the door is over there >>>>>>>> If she starts leaving personal items at my place, it is immediately hidden from the next girl, returned, or goes in trash.
I agree with everything you said. I ended up marrying a woman who I originally only intended to be a one night stand. Don't be like me. Make a plan and don't fall victim to relationship creep.
Be better.
How the hell does that happen? And how’s the marriage
The problem is that the second a women gets a whiff that you have a clear plan involving her, it's a turn off for her, early in the goings at least. Women are asking / begging for ambivalence and lukewarm interest and reward sex accordingly.
very good topic! Very well pointed out: men don't make a plan when entering a relationship and this is where many problems arise! But what do you think about the situation in which the man seems to have a plan: he tells his partner that he wants at least two children, that he will support his partner in her career, but the man changes his mind along the way, so the woman will have to deal with juggling between her career (a successful career that allows her to support the family by herself) and raising the children? Why do men or women make a plan for what family means, then change their mind?
Woman are waking up and going thier own way
I once had a women begging me to be in relationship. I told her “no”, as I had other plans. so threw a fit. then she convinced me to at least have sex. so we did (my mistake) … then the “relationship creep” moved in. … 2 years later I was trapped in a hellish relationship with a narcissistic BPD woman who gaslighted me, threw scissors at me, and nearly killed me. I was fortunate to escape. never again.
“A plan beyond getting laid”? 🤦🏻♂️
Personally I'm not even sure if I even want a relationship. At least not enough to go through the nightmare that is the courtship process.
My plan is survive as long as I can after the Solar Flare 😁
Absolutely agree, have seen so many men who end up in some kind of toxic intimate relationship with toxic women just because it just happened. I feel sorry for them however often I will find that that poor guy was just lazy to do the job learn how to date and how to pick right woman.
A big problem is women pretend they are someone they’re not in order to trap a man.
Women pull da ole Cummings trap of
💋+👅>🌭
Indeed
Both can do it and sometimes lie to our selves. Though I will concede women do this at a much greater rate because our culture doesn't hold women accountable like we used to.
You are describing all the men I have dated.
@@Kat-ji6hq men lie to get laid, and women pretend they’re someone else to get a commitment
Plan,plan,plan that's mostly we are all lacking in life ......
Orion: Are you saying men should have relationships with just sex and no commitment? Yet men want women with low to zero body count. Casual sex seems to give people a lot of emotional baggage, and makes them less likely to be able to enjoy a permanent relationship, and more likely to divorce.
There are 2 categories of women, street material and marriage material.
It's ok for the 304s to have high counts, men don't care when it's only temporary 😂😂😂
I completely agree with you
"This gives him coherence with respect to his words and actions, and makes it much more likely that he will get what he wants." This will also make it more likely that the woman gets what she wants. It's a mutual thang. (It is always refreshing to meet a man who knows what he wants up front.)
Get gud.
a better idea-
do not piss into the wind.
I charge 225$ per session.
It fits well with my own experiences. Today she leaves her toothbrush, tomorrow she's having half of your cloths at my place. I had to tell her that I'm not interested in her in this way that resulted in her taking offence. It happens gradually, if you're chosen as a target, a woman will subtly slant things into commitment.
That’s not her problem. That’s your problem not communicating that at the beginning you wanted sex only. You were a pansy liar who wanted to get in her pants so you threw things out such as opportunities for something greater or left questions open ended to give false impressions
Once again. Take ownership you allowed this from the beginning not be open and honest with your actual intentions and now we have another case of a damaged woman roaming the streets thanks to you’re not being a man