Honestly, OP ex dodged a massive bullet by going NC. She clearly did not love him enough to respect his boundries. And i really feel bad for the next guy she cons into dating her.
Especially when she cut contact with her own mom, but didn’t gave him the same benefit of the doubt. Imagine how she would feel if her ex contacted her mom for the same reasons…
nah, OP was right for looking into the past of someone she was going to marry. Her ex was wrong for moving foward in a relationship based on truth if he couldn't be honest with her. And OP didn't try to force any reconciliation
@@ShiNijuuAKLNo she tried to force him into contact with people who were complicit in his abuse, and did it with the understanding they wanted to reconcile with him and build a relationship. When he had been very clear about not speaking to them period. If someone tells you that they won’t do something for any reason and you try to force them to even if they don’t tell you why you should respect that, and if you can’t you should leave them.
S1: OP didn't do this because of her trauma: she's just selfish. Why do I think this? Because her mother actually painted her dad as the villain: she didn't avoid any conversations of her dad but intentionally lied to her. So even if the ex told her the truth, she would've contacted his parents, thinking, "I only know one side of the story. Who's to say my fiancé isn't painting their parents as monsters?" Either way, OP was just thinking of herself over her partner's boundaries and mental health.
Nah, you are entitled to know the details of someone you are going to marry, the ex was wrong for moving ahead with their relationship without being honest.
@@ShiNijuuAKLPeople like you are why people like the ex's parents and the uncle will keep existing. Victim blamers, enablers, etc. all of you lack empathy and will do anything to victim blame. Focus on how the ex is somehow the problem, screw the OP, screw the parents, screw the uncle. Screw the fact that no one is entitled to learning your trauma. You don't care like the parents didn't care about pimping out their son or the creepy uncle didn't care about touching a child. They'll keep doing it because they know people like you won't focus on them: you'll just go victims like the ex.
@@ShiNijuuAKL Nah, she had no right to reach out to his family behind his back. It wasnt her relationship to fix and now she is suffering the consequences of it
@@joeysonofjohn " It wasnt her relationship to fix" do you guys just read the title and then twisted the story you listen to fit that title? This was not about fixing their relationship, but about OP finding out the truth as her BF didn't want to say anything about it
I feel like she wanted OP to forgive her parents because she's worried that he might not accept some of HER behavior and go NC too. projecting herself onto thesituation
S1: She used her trauma as justification for her actions, but acted like his own trauma couldn't be the reason why he wouldn't want to open up and that he MUST be hiding something or lying.
OP 1 is the worst kind of person. Basically regretting it only after she gets her way because that's all that matters. He didn’t 'mean everything' to her when she wanted to know his 'secret'. Disgusting
Story 1 this is the third story I heard like this. Where a spouse goes behind their back to welcome the estranged back into their lives. One is communication because they don't tell them why their estranged. Two is just respect their boundaries.
Story 1: OP needs therapy before she even considers a new relationship. Even she acknowledges that she doesn't handle her trust issues in a healthy way. What she failed to grasp is that she's not the only one with a past that wasn't sunshine and rainbows and that sometimes when people say they don't want to talk about something it's because there's hurt there. What seems to elude her, though, is she not only ripped open his old wounds but forged a link between those wounds and her. He's never coming back, and for good reason.
so wait op who cut her mother off for betrayal. Did it to her boyfriend she went behind his back to contact ppl who he obviously didnt want in his life and who hurt him. he did the right thing and op has boundary problems shes always overstepping it seems
Story 1 Op big Ah it’s so funny it’s I’m asking for forgiveness then permission. My trauma the most important so it’s justification for my crappy behaviour
S1: All she had to do was sit down with him and voice her concerns. You know, communicate like most couples should. She would never make a good wife with that attitude.
@shadabkhan-sy3sp which was his right to do. She had no right to go behind his back like she did. Besides- she would've done it even if he had told her because she would've convinced herself she needed "both sides of the story"
@@shadabkhan-sy3sp yeah because he's traumatized. Nobody likes to relive such horrible past. Sure he didn't answer right away but to go behind his back and open old wounds instead of respecting his decision
ST1 OP: I've always struggled with trust. Yeah no shit, what she seems to struggle most with is respecting other people's trust and bulldozing over them.
I can understand the first OP wanting to know the truth of your partner's past, especially when it comes to estrangement from family. But forced reconciliation is NEVER the way to go about it.
So, the OP who has 'trust issues' agreed to marry someone she, in no uncertain terms, doea not trust so much, she tried facted checked him using his abusers and trauma. May she never be trusted again. Awful. Good for him to walk away from her. Sharing trauma is never on anyone elses terms but it does say something that he never felt comfortable to be raw about his before all that.
“marriage is suppose to be about trust and honesty” yes 2 things you didn’t afford him congratulations. you’re an ah who played yourself. i hope he finds someone who truly loves and supports him.
Story 1: of he did the same thing and brought your mom back into your life how would you feel. This is not an attack but before doing things you got to think no matter the circumstances. Trust is important and without that we can build a strong foundation. Be mindful of your actions
So op in the first story thought it was a good idea to go behind his back and contact people he doesn't want in his life and is now trying to use her trauma to justify her actions saying it was her trauma that caused her to do it no you're a grown woman who made that choice on your own and him breaking up with you is your consequence you should've sat down with him and ask why he doesn't talk to his parents and if he doesn't want to talk about it move on from the topic and let him tell you when he's comfortable telling you.
Dont want to generalize but I dont why a lot of women want to force closure and reconciliation, never in my life i’ve had men forcing that, only my mom cousin, aunt, female friends
First story: OP needs therapy to get over her trust issues. She nuked her own relationship because she couldn’t simply trust her ex and went snooping just because she thought he was hiding some big shady secret that was going to hurt her. She’s just lucky she didn’t actually try to force her boyfriend to reconcile with his parents/stage a surprise visit like I’ve seen in past Reddit stories. That would had been a lot worse for everyone.
It is not going fucking blind into a relationship equal to "trust issues". I'm sorry but the ex is in the wrong, if he can't be honest about his past he shouldn't be marrying anyone
Story 2: I hope that OP and Ella will go no contact with their awful father and stepmother, Penny! I am glad that Ella has moved out her toxic fathers house! Father and Penny are complete toxic, selfish, deranged narcissists!
S1: ESH. OP went behind his back. But also the fiancee can't ask someone to marry him while also not letting them in. That doesn't create a stable marriage. Any sane person would have questions and as much as you may not want to talk about it, you have to tell them eventually. And it should definitely be >before< popping the question 😬
It's not a simple matter of letting someone in. In this regard op's ex was violated and pimped out by his family for money. And then when he went to actually get help, he was blamed and kicked out as a result. That really fucks up someone mental. And there have been instances where some folks do open up about heavy shit like that and their partners end up leaving because of the heavy baggage or they're seen as damaged goods.
@@YaBoiGuzma The right one stays no matter how much baggage you have, if he can't trust OP to let her in, then he shouldn't be proposing marriage to her. All it did was make her feel insecure about what he was hiding. If he had told her in the first place she wouldn't have felt she needed to reach out to the parents. And if she did that anyway then she's a shitty person and he shouldn't want to marry her regardless. Point being there is no secrets in marriages. Both suck, both are in the wrong.
@@VixxenBlood Ofc we can say he should've told her in the beginning, but at the same time not everyone is going to be willing to share their trauma especially when it runs that deep. Still a boundary was crossed and now they're no more. May they work on themselves separately and move on.
@@YaBoiGuzma Okay. Do you know ESH means Everyone Sucks Here, and that I'm not defending one or the other? I'm saying they are both in the wrong. Because this conversation feels like you're trying to convince me she's also in the wrong when I already know that.
@@VixxenBlood Not sure how you came to the conclusion with my last comment. I did say they were both in the wrong hence the esh. If you have a problem with conversation and feel the need to get defensive, then that's okay.
Story 1: OP is facing her karma by not respecting her ex-fiancés boundaries! Stop blaming your trust issues on the fact that OP wanted to go no contact with his family! She needs to work on herself before getting into a relationship with anyone! He was traumatized as a youth OP, no one wants to talk about that because it is reopening old wounds. I feel bad for the boyfriend!
Horrible op first story there's no excuse for what you did violating your boyfriend by forcing reconciliation with his family who defended his sexual predator uncle who raped him😢😮
Once again for the people in the back: LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE. Yes, you marry into a whole family, but you need to let your partner dictate to what extent your both should have a relationship with their family because of this exact scenario. The parents have many years of practice in being manipulative. Of course they seem sweet and polite - that's how they blend and earn trust before sinking the knife in. The devil never yells; he whispers with a smile.
Story 1: I can't stand when people try to apply their life experience to other people's lives. Yes, it was betrayal. Don't marry if knowing is that big of a deal... S 3 was great, wish it had a 2nd update.
It's always the female op's doing this to their male partners. Very rarely do you see this in reverse, Guys will take their female Partners words at face value.If she says she doesn't want to meet somebody from her past.He doesn't force the issue . But it seems like the female opies never want to take their Partners word at face value. They always have to push figure out why he walked away from people. And then try to tie everything up. So they can be one big happy cohesive family.
Story 1: hot take: As someone who half their entire life was a lie, if you don't expect to be able to tell your partner about your trauma, then you shouldn't be dating. A partner NEEDS to know about these things.
On the one hand, I understand why OP1 did it, and that he should have also communicated more clearly considering her history of trust. That being said, she did betray him.
OP is absolutely in the wrong here, but her Fiancé should have told her what happened. You are going into a marriage you need to be transparent, however respect comes above that, and she could not respect his most basic wish.
Exactly! I don't get why people ignore this part. Does he truly think anyone would spend the rest of their lives with him when he's not completely honest and you're left in the dark? Hell no.
I do agree that he should have told her but honestly, this OP would have still went behind his back because she would have compared him to her mother and doubted his story. She should have gone to therapy after discovering her mother's lies and worked through her distrust of others before getting into a relationship.
1st story: OP was right. she is entitled to know the history of the man she is going to marry. The ex shouldn't be thinking of marrying people he can't be honest with. Marriage is based on trust, not blind delusion.
😮💨 It's really sad, isn't it? How they both just couldn't communicate their feelings to one another. OP couldn't explain her trauma to her fiance in a way that would make him understand that her insecurities would boil over and not trusting her with his past would make her seek the truth herself. The fiance should have expected her to do something like this. If he believes that his supposed "wife" wouldn't want to know about his past, then it's pure delusion. He could've have at the very least tell her that his parents broke him. Not telling her anything would drive her over. OP should have talked with her fiance, make him see how the uncertainty would kill their marriage if she didn't get a snippet. I don't think she done the right thing, in fact, it's the opposite. She really sabotaged herself. It all boils down to the most common cause for break ups...lack of communication. If the husband is determined to never confront his trauma, then he'll be single forever, because no woman would just stay silent.
> OP couldn't explain her trauma to her fiance in a way that would make him understand that her insecurities would boil over He's not responsible for managing her insecurities. People are not your unpaid therapist.
Im confused. How does that make the story fake at all? Lol how can a story be fake because of new updates taking place after the original post? That literally makes no sense
If you listened to the story, he didn't leave when she asked questions. He left when she broke his boundaries, didn't trust him, and tried to get his abusive parents back into his life. He even tried therapy with this woman, so how can you say he's wrong in any of this???
Honestly, OP ex dodged a massive bullet by going NC.
She clearly did not love him enough to respect his boundries. And i really feel bad for the next guy she cons into dating her.
Well, if it's any consolation, this script ranks
Op in story 1 deserves to be alone. Stop with forced reconciliation, if someone doesn't want any communication from someone, don't force it
She has zero respect for her partner, and she should remain alone forever.
Especially when she cut contact with her own mom, but didn’t gave him the same benefit of the doubt. Imagine how she would feel if her ex contacted her mom for the same reasons…
nah, OP was right for looking into the past of someone she was going to marry. Her ex was wrong for moving foward in a relationship based on truth if he couldn't be honest with her. And OP didn't try to force any reconciliation
@@ShiNijuuAKLNo she tried to force him into contact with people who were complicit in his abuse, and did it with the understanding they wanted to reconcile with him and build a relationship. When he had been very clear about not speaking to them period. If someone tells you that they won’t do something for any reason and you try to force them to even if they don’t tell you why you should respect that, and if you can’t you should leave them.
"But I know better!"
S1: OP didn't do this because of her trauma: she's just selfish. Why do I think this? Because her mother actually painted her dad as the villain: she didn't avoid any conversations of her dad but intentionally lied to her. So even if the ex told her the truth, she would've contacted his parents, thinking, "I only know one side of the story. Who's to say my fiancé isn't painting their parents as monsters?" Either way, OP was just thinking of herself over her partner's boundaries and mental health.
Exactly
Nah, you are entitled to know the details of someone you are going to marry, the ex was wrong for moving ahead with their relationship without being honest.
@@ShiNijuuAKLPeople like you are why people like the ex's parents and the uncle will keep existing. Victim blamers, enablers, etc. all of you lack empathy and will do anything to victim blame. Focus on how the ex is somehow the problem, screw the OP, screw the parents, screw the uncle. Screw the fact that no one is entitled to learning your trauma. You don't care like the parents didn't care about pimping out their son or the creepy uncle didn't care about touching a child. They'll keep doing it because they know people like you won't focus on them: you'll just go victims like the ex.
@@ShiNijuuAKL Nah, she had no right to reach out to his family behind his back. It wasnt her relationship to fix and now she is suffering the consequences of it
@@joeysonofjohn " It wasnt her relationship to fix" do you guys just read the title and then twisted the story you listen to fit that title? This was not about fixing their relationship, but about OP finding out the truth as her BF didn't want to say anything about it
"I showed I'm ready to listen" while actively not listening and ignoring his stance on not reconciling with his family. She deserves to be alone.
I feel like she wanted OP to forgive her parents because she's worried that he might not accept some of HER behavior and go NC too. projecting herself onto thesituation
S1: She used her trauma as justification for her actions, but acted like his own trauma couldn't be the reason why he wouldn't want to open up and that he MUST be hiding something or lying.
OP 1 is the worst kind of person. Basically regretting it only after she gets her way because that's all that matters. He didn’t 'mean everything' to her when she wanted to know his 'secret'. Disgusting
1st op calling fiancé 's parents selfish cowards like she ain 't one 😂
S1: OH f*ck. The poor guy's parents basically pimped out their own son...I really wish him the best in the world😢
Story 1 this is the third story I heard like this. Where a spouse goes behind their back to welcome the estranged back into their lives. One is communication because they don't tell them why their estranged. Two is just respect their boundaries.
“I’ll call her penny cuz that’s all she’s worth” 😭😭l
god save us from people with saviour complexes!!!
Story 1: OP needs therapy before she even considers a new relationship. Even she acknowledges that she doesn't handle her trust issues in a healthy way. What she failed to grasp is that she's not the only one with a past that wasn't sunshine and rainbows and that sometimes when people say they don't want to talk about something it's because there's hurt there. What seems to elude her, though, is she not only ripped open his old wounds but forged a link between those wounds and her. He's never coming back, and for good reason.
so wait op who cut her mother off for betrayal. Did it to her boyfriend she went behind his back to contact ppl who he obviously didnt want in his life and who hurt him. he did the right thing and op has boundary problems shes always overstepping it seems
Story 1 Op big Ah it’s so funny it’s I’m asking for forgiveness then permission. My trauma the most important so it’s justification for my crappy behaviour
Me me me thats OP
The irony is im pretty sure she would be mad if we would force her to get back in terms with her mother…
People like OP should stay alone because she didn't know the word respect
S1: All she had to do was sit down with him and voice her concerns. You know, communicate like most couples should. She would never make a good wife with that attitude.
Actually she did try to ask him but he refused to answer.
@shadabkhan-sy3sp which was his right to do. She had no right to go behind his back like she did.
Besides- she would've done it even if he had told her because she would've convinced herself she needed "both sides of the story"
@@shadabkhan-sy3sp yeah because he's traumatized. Nobody likes to relive such horrible past. Sure he didn't answer right away but to go behind his back and open old wounds instead of respecting his decision
Op should’ve gone to therapy after her mom lied to her
ST1
OP: I've always struggled with trust.
Yeah no shit, what she seems to struggle most with is respecting other people's trust and bulldozing over them.
I can understand the first OP wanting to know the truth of your partner's past, especially when it comes to estrangement from family. But forced reconciliation is NEVER the way to go about it.
So, the OP who has 'trust issues' agreed to marry someone she, in no uncertain terms, doea not trust so much, she tried facted checked him using his abusers and trauma.
May she never be trusted again. Awful.
Good for him to walk away from her. Sharing trauma is never on anyone elses terms but it does say something that he never felt comfortable to be raw about his before all that.
are "trust issues" really an issue these days? it seems like what you need to do deal with people.
OP just pisses me off in the first one, it's all about HER trauma, HER issues. What about HIM? She doesn't care in the slightest.
S1: You're just like your mother, you only care about yourself and paint yourself as a heroine when you did all the shit.
“marriage is suppose to be about trust and honesty” yes 2 things you didn’t afford him
congratulations. you’re an ah who played yourself. i hope he finds someone who truly loves and supports him.
Even after she learned the truth she couldn't let sleeping dogs lye. Sheis way too selfish.
Story 1: of he did the same thing and brought your mom back into your life how would you feel. This is not an attack but before doing things you got to think no matter the circumstances. Trust is important and without that we can build a strong foundation. Be mindful of your actions
It is not the same, because OP actually his honest about why she is NC with her mom
So op in the first story thought it was a good idea to go behind his back and contact people he doesn't want in his life and is now trying to use her trauma to justify her actions saying it was her trauma that caused her to do it no you're a grown woman who made that choice on your own and him breaking up with you is your consequence you should've sat down with him and ask why he doesn't talk to his parents and if he doesn't want to talk about it move on from the topic and let him tell you when he's comfortable telling you.
Story 1 proof that love alone won't save a relationship respect is also needed
person who dealt with lying parents doesnt expect parents to lie more at 11
oh so op is stupid stupid
Dont want to generalize but I dont why a lot of women want to force closure and reconciliation, never in my life i’ve had men forcing that, only my mom cousin, aunt, female friends
First story: OP needs therapy to get over her trust issues. She nuked her own relationship because she couldn’t simply trust her ex and went snooping just because she thought he was hiding some big shady secret that was going to hurt her.
She’s just lucky she didn’t actually try to force her boyfriend to reconcile with his parents/stage a surprise visit like I’ve seen in past Reddit stories. That would had been a lot worse for everyone.
It is not going fucking blind into a relationship equal to "trust issues". I'm sorry but the ex is in the wrong, if he can't be honest about his past he shouldn't be marrying anyone
Story 2, so what the father did. Is it the definition of human trafficking.
Story 2: I hope that OP and Ella will go no contact with their awful father and stepmother, Penny! I am glad that Ella has moved out her toxic fathers house! Father and Penny are complete toxic, selfish, deranged narcissists!
Maybe she should’ve asking him directly
OP deserves nothing.
S1: ESH. OP went behind his back. But also the fiancee can't ask someone to marry him while also not letting them in. That doesn't create a stable marriage. Any sane person would have questions and as much as you may not want to talk about it, you have to tell them eventually. And it should definitely be >before< popping the question 😬
It's not a simple matter of letting someone in. In this regard op's ex was violated and pimped out by his family for money. And then when he went to actually get help, he was blamed and kicked out as a result. That really fucks up someone mental. And there have been instances where some folks do open up about heavy shit like that and their partners end up leaving because of the heavy baggage or they're seen as damaged goods.
@@YaBoiGuzma The right one stays no matter how much baggage you have, if he can't trust OP to let her in, then he shouldn't be proposing marriage to her. All it did was make her feel insecure about what he was hiding. If he had told her in the first place she wouldn't have felt she needed to reach out to the parents. And if she did that anyway then she's a shitty person and he shouldn't want to marry her regardless. Point being there is no secrets in marriages. Both suck, both are in the wrong.
@@VixxenBlood Ofc we can say he should've told her in the beginning, but at the same time not everyone is going to be willing to share their trauma especially when it runs that deep. Still a boundary was crossed and now they're no more. May they work on themselves separately and move on.
@@YaBoiGuzma Okay. Do you know ESH means Everyone Sucks Here, and that I'm not defending one or the other? I'm saying they are both in the wrong. Because this conversation feels like you're trying to convince me she's also in the wrong when I already know that.
@@VixxenBlood Not sure how you came to the conclusion with my last comment. I did say they were both in the wrong hence the esh. If you have a problem with conversation and feel the need to get defensive, then that's okay.
Story 1: OP is facing her karma by not respecting her ex-fiancés boundaries! Stop blaming your trust issues on the fact that OP wanted to go no contact with his family! She needs to work on herself before getting into a relationship with anyone! He was traumatized as a youth OP, no one wants to talk about that because it is reopening old wounds. I feel bad for the boyfriend!
Horrible op first story there's no excuse for what you did violating your boyfriend by forcing reconciliation with his family who defended his sexual predator uncle who raped him😢😮
Once again for the people in the back: LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE. Yes, you marry into a whole family, but you need to let your partner dictate to what extent your both should have a relationship with their family because of this exact scenario.
The parents have many years of practice in being manipulative. Of course they seem sweet and polite - that's how they blend and earn trust before sinking the knife in. The devil never yells; he whispers with a smile.
And the ultimate game of FAFO is afoot
Story 1: I can't stand when people try to apply their life experience to other people's lives. Yes, it was betrayal. Don't marry if knowing is that big of a deal... S 3 was great, wish it had a 2nd update.
It's always the female op's doing this to their male partners. Very rarely do you see this in reverse, Guys will take their female Partners words at face value.If she says she doesn't want to meet somebody from her past.He doesn't force the issue . But it seems like the female opies never want to take their Partners word at face value. They always have to push figure out why he walked away from people.
And then try to tie everything up. So they can be one big happy cohesive family.
Story 1: hot take: As someone who half their entire life was a lie, if you don't expect to be able to tell your partner about your trauma, then you shouldn't be dating. A partner NEEDS to know about these things.
I can understand dating, but when things get serious and you are moving foward with marriage? naaaah, you should be completely honest there
S3: Was she really????
The third story is completely unbelievable.
I swear women think men Trauma is something i most tell them or u dont trust them
On the one hand, I understand why OP1 did it, and that he should have also communicated more clearly considering her history of trust. That being said, she did betray him.
OP is absolutely in the wrong here, but her Fiancé should have told her what happened. You are going into a marriage you need to be transparent, however respect comes above that, and she could not respect his most basic wish.
Exactly! I don't get why people ignore this part. Does he truly think anyone would spend the rest of their lives with him when he's not completely honest and you're left in the dark? Hell no.
I do agree that he should have told her but honestly, this OP would have still went behind his back because she would have compared him to her mother and doubted his story. She should have gone to therapy after discovering her mother's lies and worked through her distrust of others before getting into a relationship.
@@cynergy7985 Probably, either way he should have told her when she asked the first time, certainly explained when the wedding was coming up.
1st story: OP was right. she is entitled to know the history of the man she is going to marry. The ex shouldn't be thinking of marrying people he can't be honest with. Marriage is based on trust, not blind delusion.
😮💨 It's really sad, isn't it? How they both just couldn't communicate their feelings to one another. OP couldn't explain her trauma to her fiance in a way that would make him understand that her insecurities would boil over and not trusting her with his past would make her seek the truth herself. The fiance should have expected her to do something like this. If he believes that his supposed "wife" wouldn't want to know about his past, then it's pure delusion.
He could've have at the very least tell her that his parents broke him. Not telling her anything would drive her over. OP should have talked with her fiance, make him see how the uncertainty would kill their marriage if she didn't get a snippet. I don't think she done the right thing, in fact, it's the opposite. She really sabotaged herself. It all boils down to the most common cause for break ups...lack of communication. If the husband is determined to never confront his trauma, then he'll be single forever, because no woman would just stay silent.
> OP couldn't explain her trauma to her fiance in a way that would make him understand that her insecurities would boil over
He's not responsible for managing her insecurities. People are not your unpaid therapist.
Story 1 is a fake story coz updates are given after something new happens. But it’s not further from reality
Also written like a creative writing project
Im confused. How does that make the story fake at all? Lol how can a story be fake because of new updates taking place after the original post? That literally makes no sense
@@emanx222sounds AI
That's crazy any woman he becomes involved with is going to have questions, so he's going to leave every relationship when they ask questions
No it's fine if she asked questions but she tried to force it and made him remember something he didn't want
Are you domb the reason he left is that she betrayed his trust
@@SALLYAC0RNS Bro she should have not gone to his parents behind his back
If you listened to the story, he didn't leave when she asked questions. He left when she broke his boundaries, didn't trust him, and tried to get his abusive parents back into his life. He even tried therapy with this woman, so how can you say he's wrong in any of this???
Of course blame a male SA victim
Day 373 of commenting to help secretvoices