You are worthy!!! It's those who bullied you that suffer from such intense self-esteem issues that they tried to hurt you to build themselves up. In my forthcoming book (Feb 2022) I share the research on how we can heal our brains and restore our confidence and well-being after traumas like bullying and abuse. The research is inspiring so if you still need support on feeling good about yourself check out "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health."
@@thebulliedbrain1604 listen here you , I hope you have the best day ever , I hope you wake up on the right side of the freaking bed , I hope you even win some lottery too , becuase no your amazing .
I'd say I'm a victim myself, so yes. Yes, it does have god damn long term effects on others. It doesn't happen anymore, but one of my biggest fears is getting into that social position again where I'm secluded from everyone else
Researchers have found that being secluded or ostracized is extremely distressing to your brain. When you are in emotional pain, it activates the same pain circuits in your brain as the physical kind. I'm sorry to hear that you were treated this way. I hope that you can find the courage to overcome fear about it and surround yourself with caring people who would never seclude you.
I would humbly like to disagree only because I've read a great deal of research that says it is within your power to fix what has been broken. I won't go into the research here, but it is in my book that comes out Feb 2022 with Prometheus Books. "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." I will say that you have a brain that is incredibly powerful at healing according to neuroscientists. And they have studied the most effective ways to repair the "breaks" in a brain that has been traumatized by bullying and abuse. Believe in yourself and feel inspired by a future clear of the harm done to you. I have high hopes for you Kay.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 thank you sooo much i am bullied about my hole school years (now i am 18y) and finally done with school but i still believe i can heal but no one says it so thanks!
I'm now 28 years old now, victim of childhood bully who's still suffering from the trauma. I'm today fear to talk back to people. Bullying ruined my beautiful childhood. It destroyed my self esteem completely. I lost the courage to defend myself from the tough situations. Bullying just destroyed my confidence!
I found this video while I was thinking how bullying made me sick. Thanks for this talk, it's really helpful and feels like I get motivated to try a new start
You may find my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: How to Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" helpful. It should hit the shelves in February or March with Prometheus Books. It is full of research into how we can all recover from what abuse and bullying do to our brains. I really want all of us to get better from being "sick." Take care of yourself.
After 3 years of bullying and a suicide attempt when the bullying got to be too much I’ve struggled with self esteem, social anxiety, anger issues, health problems,self blame and a hate for people.
That makes me incredibly sad. Please please take care of yourself. Find an excellent mental health practitioner to work with you and ensure you have an excellent doctor. My new book lays out ways to follow evidence-based practices on repair and recovery to your brain after such suffering. It tackles suicide so please be careful if you read it. I talk about what's going on in a suicidal brain and how we can work to get it better. I wish you all the best in recovery. You are worth it.
I suffered bullying for 4 years in high school! It was hard but I always remember thinking to myself that it all was going to be over once I ended high school and going to college! The last day of school I felt so free to leave all that behind!!! Little did i know then but all those bullies came inside my head and are still with me giving me extreme anxiety!
Very sorry to hear that. In my book, I refer to this as identifying with the aggressor and developing a "Mind-Bully." Good news is you can erase that negative, false, destructive voice. I lay out the research in my book The Bullied Brain with the key subtitle "heal your scars and restore your health." Your brain is adept at healing, at replacing those bullying voices with healthy, empowering ones. I wish you all the best in getting better and shelving the false narrative.
My bullies are also stuck in my head. The bad memories come back everday very vividly. Right now I can't sleep because of it. I wish I could stop thinking about them because they probably forgot I existed by now.
growing up i transferred schools 8 times due to extreme bullying my suicidal idéations started at age 9 and continues to this day i still remember having my pet goldfish brought in for show and tell presented to me microwaved on a plate while older kids laughed and encouraged me to eat it or when i was kicked in the rib cage by a group of older boys while picking up books shoved out of my hands while my PE teacher silently watched. Unfortunately there is no relief or changing the past :(
That is awful. There is relief though. You cannot change the past but you can recognize that those people who hurt you are truly the ones suffering. They do not have healthy brains. They have clearly lost empathy which is one of the brain's natural resources. I have been really focused the last few years on what the neuroscientists know about healing and I write about it in my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." I really hope it sets you on the path to healing. Your life is precious and valuable and getting better is absolutely possible.
@@princess4509 Sorry, I did not mean to be insensitive. What you suffered is horrendous. I just would rather be you and have your awareness that what bullying individuals did was incredibly cruel and wrong than to be those who behave that way or adults who watch and do nothing.
I think even the smallest forms of bullying can create long term effects that will last a lifetime. It really screws you over mentally. I was verbally bullied by my own friends, behind my back. They spread rumors about me and made me feel so invisible. Even until today, my perception of friendship has completely changed, I am no longer able to make friends without having a hard time. Not to mention the amount of social anxiety and trust issues that come with getting bullied.
I am saddened to hear that. The brain science examines the way in which young people are driven to establish social standing during adolescence. It has to do with evolution and how teenager's brains are developing. It sounds like your "friends" were threatened by you...wanted to lower your status to their level or below to make themselves feel better. If anything, it means you are special, have gifts, are a friend who is sought after. Take all these qualities now that you're older and engage with new and interesting people. In my book The Bullied Brain - the focus is on "Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." It's full of neuroscience based strategies to return to yourself before the onslaught of bullying. I wish you all the best.
Betrayal trauma is one of the worst traumas. But the good news is I've learned in researching and writing "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" that the impacts do not need to last a lifetime. Our brains are innately wired to repair and recover (changing our trust issues and how we feel about friends). You just need to follow evidence-based practices - the research is amazing. I'm really sorry you were so maltreated. They must have been jealous of you and your talents or life.
@@belle3055 hi, I want to say that I recently spoke to my parents, we are okay now. I still have my traumas and insecurities, but I will definitely stay strong for me and my future.
I am sorry to hear this. Many feel powerless faced with a bullying situation and worry that if they act, they might make it worse. We live in a society that has normalized bullying and that's what needs to change. What's good to know is that our brains are able to heal and recover from the harm done by bullying.
I grew up in new Orleans before hurricane katrina I was bullied everyday. I had to give this girl cierra my lunch money everyday and I had a friend who always brought her lunch to school she would always give me her snack then the girl would come around the table and take that too!! My mom and dad always argued and that would make me shut down completely. After hurricane katrina I moved to a small town where they teased me all the time calling me a refugee. Even my family tells me I look like ciely off the color purple. when my family see's me they don't even speak. I always got more love from strangers than I ever got from family. One year for my birthday someone came in my house and stole my birthday cake and all the meat in the freezer we starved for a month I don't even find joy in anything anymore and I really used to be a fun outgoing person I hate my life
@@destinyanthony1474 You cannot control the people around you and what they do to you. Seems to me you have encountered a lot of destructive people. If it's any consolation, I have as well, but I am still a fun outgoing person and I love my life. That's not to say that I didn't have some awful times like it sounds you're going through. I only tell you this to give you hope. Remember, your brain is captain of your ship, not other people. So find people who appreciate you, contribute to the world in ways that make you happy, always choose to do fun things. If you're interested in practical strategies and the research into repairing harm to your brain it's in my forthcoming book. There is a ton of extensive research that says you can recover from all forms of bullying and abuse.
I remember my first weekend at college before classes began, I went to the cafeteria. Most of the tables were empty hardly anyone was around. I was having breakfast and I heard a group of students behind me laughing. It took a lot of my strength to turn around, eventually, and see that none of them were looking at me. It was a huge realization that I was not a target. That said, reflecting on that moment still brings me to tears because I had endured 7 years of bullying between elementary school up to high school and those voices don't go away. They are less impactful, but they are still there. The fear is always there.
I am so glad you are at college and away from those who bully. Please know that you do not have to listen to those past voices. I specifically write about this in my new book The Bullied Brain. It's full of evidence-based practices to heal your scars and restore your health. One chapter is about learning how to change the internalized mind-bully from the past into an "empathic-coach." It focuses on the voices we listen to and how you need to hear voices of empathy not harmful bullying voices. You can train your brain to do this. All of my work is grounded in brain science research.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Thanks. College was a great learning experience to get away from the same old patterns. I graduated in 2010. Still don't have a solid social circle, but living free from bullies
Oh gosh everytime I hear a group of people laughing my brain goes: it's about you. When I know it isn't. Anyone have tips on how to turn away from those thougths
My bully was my father. It happened everyday as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning. I wasn’t able to stop this bullying until last year after my Mom died. I’m 50 years old and am finally free. The scars have left permanent damage to my brain and body. I had cancer at 19 years old and severe endometriosis, I’ve had 10 surgeries, 2 of which were life threatening. I have had a life time of physical and emotional pain. I’m a survivor, but at times I barely hang on, it is still hard, the abuse is trapped in my body. I am lucky that I have access to a great therapist and a loving husband. If you are suffering and abused you are not alone, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please reach out for help, there are good and caring therapists and people out there.
I am very sorry to hear about your father's harmful impact on you. The hopeful, good news is that abuse is *not* trapped in your body and you can heal. I highly recommend reading Dr. Stan Rodski's The Neuroscience of Mindfulness, Dr. Norman Doidge's books, Dr. Shawn Achor's The Happiness Advantage and Dr. John Ratey's Spark. Your brain can rewrite the harmful neural networks with exercise, mindfulness, and positive psychology. Another excellent book is Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score. I wish you so much healing and recovery from far too much hurt.
@dani cali It's awful to think of a child being bullied by parents. I think you have suffered a lot. People who had childhood adversity of the kind you endured, frequently get into destructive relationships as documented in the Childhood Adversity Experiences study. None of it is your fault, but I guess your therapists are wanting you to know that it's within your power to heal now. Excellent, evidence-based ways to heal are mindfulness, exercise, empathy and positive psychology. I really hope you get better and are able to find loving relationships after all you've been through.
Dang. Wow. I want to comment about how strong you are, and how painful it must’ve felt to go through all that abuse- but ofc, you already knew that. So instead, I just want to thank you for sharing your story.
I was bullied all the time from primary school all the way to high school, by students AND teachers, and to make things worse I was also bullied at home (I used to be an overweight kid). Now I'm almost 27 and it still hurts a lot cus I feel like no matter what I do it's never good enough. I'm now in a relationship and i feel like my fiancé is with me just cus I'm like a last resort or it's some sort of joke and someone payed him to be with me. My brain refuses to accept that I am worthy of love, that my body is beautiful and that my soul/personality is what matters the most. Bullying sucks, people need to be kinder and they especially need to teach their kids how to be kind.
Hi LIII really saddened to hear this. I agree with you that adults especially need to learn kindness. Adults role model and teach children how to behave. If adults bully, kids imitate them. It's an awful cycle. Your awareness that bullying has left "scars" on you is an excellent first step. You need to claim your worthiness, your beauty, and your personality / soul. You sound like an amazing, powerful person who is sensitive and insightful. Know that you may have "neurological scars" on your brain from bullying and abuse that have you operating with what sounds like a "Mind Bully" namely when you internalize what was done to you and keep putting yourself down. If you want to look at the science on this you may find healing in my book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. I wish you full recovery.
As a 31 year old male, who experienced bullying / social ostracization, I know that my lifespan has been significantly shortened. The patterns from childhood start to compound, leading to increased likelihood of experiencing further adversities, which then reinforce the original neurological damage. I understand the cycle, but just cannot step outside of it. You start to see similar cycles in other things to, like poverty and other forms of social inequality. I find some peace watching videos like this.
From the research I've been looking at, you can extend your lifespan. Our brains have an incredible ability to heal from past trauma. You don't have to reinforce the damage; you have the power to heal it. Too complicated to get into here, but it's all in my book which is coming out in February (The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health). I really wish you can step away from the bullying / abuse cycle and take your health back. I feel utterly confident that you can!
@@thebulliedbrain1604 How ? Past childhood and school bullies low IQ actions still cycling inside my head , every night , I think it's the reason I can't make big step in my life .
I don't understand how it isn't obvious to health professionals who claim one of the worst things for the human body is stress. And anxiety. Can't they connect the clear dots?!
@@thebulliedbrain1604 The first step to his healing might just be someone ACKNOWLEDGING there are issues NOT of his own creation and giving a little sympathy that is long overdue. Sometimes, being given the HUG and the reassurance that despite being told that "it must be all your own fault, you should have grown a thicker skin stop being so sensitive you do it to yourself!" needs to come FIRST! Before you start in again telling someone that they can now go heal themselves. Then, he can go for help. And heal. But first things first! Not to preach to the choir here, but I feel he needs some reassurance!
I am 20 now and got bullied 3-4 years ago in school for about 2 years. Back then I just left the class after my third 3 year in High School and then finally left school to start an apprenticeship. I pushed the bad experience from my school to the back of my mind and just lived my new life. But now 6 months into lockdown I have so much time to think and I realized that I never got over my “trauma”. I need to get closure but I really don’t really know how.
I have been working through a similar dilemma. I write about it in my forthcoming book which is focused on healing and recovery. It's called "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" and is being published by Prometheus Books (Globe & Pequot). It comes out in March 2022. I hope it has some positive answers for you. Stay strong. You are already very much on the road to recovery by identifying you were harmed and knowing you now need to do some repair.
I'm 26 and I still remember vividly my child hood bullying. The names of the bullies, the adults who invalidated me. I also repressed and have completed college, got into a career but Ive never forgotten what I went through
Same here, I moved on and went to a top school and obtained a neuroscience degree. While I see myself having a successful future, I still never got over the bullying. I can get a neuroscience degree but I can't form close friends because I am terrified of being hurt.
@@zamzamwater8749 May I suggest doing some kind of ritual to let it go? I mean write it out, then bury it or burn it up (safely). Every time we circle back and remember the harm done to us, we strengthen the neural networks for the harm done. We focus on it and tell our brain that we need to remember. Plus the brain is geared to remember negatives more than positives because it's how we survived (best to read on this is Dr. Rick Hanson). We have "limited cortical real estate" and you have college, you have a career, you don't have room for those past interrupters who clearly had their own issues and struggles or would not have needed to harm someone else.
@@komfykoala6083 As a neuroscience expert, you hopefully know Dr. Rick Hanson's work. If not, you'll love how he walks us all through how to recover and create bonds and repair our hurt attachment centres. We need people like you to teach us about our brains so please start trusting, making friends, sharing your knowledge.
I hate that there isn't more out on the internet about the long term effects of bullying. It is everywhere, and it persists for the entire lifetime. And yet just about any other issue is carefully and sympathetically covered, while this is given the old "just buck up and grow a thicker skin" treatment. That kind of language is of itself abusive. Long past time it was dealt with compassionately and seriously!
I agree with you so much. Bullying and abuse are highly destructive and too often dismissed. Key is @charlotteinnocent8752 impact of bullying is *not* permanent. My new book lays out extensive research on how our brains can repair and recover from all forms of bullying and abuse. Our brains are innately wired to heal when we follow evidence-based practices - The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health.
It’s hard to be nice to myself after being bullied by my sister from childhood , & even having toxic parents and school made it worse, I don’t even know how to be nice to myself but I too often let others walk all over me , I’m fighting everyday to unlearn the things abusers made me believe.
Hi Daily Purity - very sorry to hear what you have endured. I looked at the brain research to learn if we can repair and recover the harm done to our brains by all forms of bullying and abuse. I learned that in fact our brains are innately wired for healing. I outline in the book practical, applicable action steps we can take to recover from bullying and abuse. I really hope that brings you the healing you need. Being unkind to yourself is a typical reaction. I refer to it in The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health (new book) as having developed a "mind-bully." The goal is to oust that negative harmful internalized bully with an empathic coach. Take good care.
I read an article that stated the effects of bullying are the same as child abuse. I know all about bullying, being a victim myself. I cannot bring myself to say “former victim” even 37 years later because I’m still struggling with the trauma.
I had always been a different kid. Not in a good way unfortunately. It happened in kindergarten, school, choir, from children and even adults. I got bullied no matter where I went and I genuinely started to believe I was the problem. I knew I was the problem. My whole life my only dream was to be "normal", to be perceived as "normal", to finally have friends who wouldn't be ashamed of me. Now I'm university and I finally found friends, really good ones and it feels like a dream but I cannot stop trying to be perfect. I'm afraid to make any mistake, I worry my weirdness might accidentaly slip and I'll lose them. I'm afraid they'll hate me. So I put on a mask, I honestly don't even know who I am anymore.
Hi - could I make the gentle suggestion that your friends who are good ones will be open to learning about what happened in the past. Tell them how afraid you are and that you cherish their friendship so much you're walking on pins and needles. My guess is they will like to know the "weird" you as much as they like the so called "perfect" you. People are far more interesting when they share their quirkiness, their difference, their originality. Maybe start small, test the waters, but you don't want to "pretend" to be someone your not or feel pressured to wear a mask.
What I learned in reading a lot of medical, neuoscientific, neurobiological and psychiatric research for my book The Bullied Brain you DON'T have scars for life. You can heal them. Our brains are innately wired to repair and recover. The subtitle to my book is "Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" for this reason. It is full of evidence-based ways to get better. I do not mean to minimize how much childhood bullying / abuse hurts, but I am hopeful that we can strive to return to health.
I am very sorry to hear that. I don't want to sound like I'm pushing my new book, but in all honesty I wrote it with the goal of finding out if in fact we can recover. The brain science is clear that indeed we can get rid of the ghosts and truly fulfill our potential and enhance our happiness.
I ve been bullied for 2 years by a classmate now I am 13 and yes we have moved out of there but still I am not able to do stuff by myself anymore and I always need help from someone my parents have been telling me that I am not a small kid anymore I am about to turn 14 and I have to do stuff on my own now that's how severe bullying is
Bullying is really hard on your brain, but it can never take away how smart you are or how confident and independent you can be. You have been gifted with a brain that can change and grow-talent depending on what you practice. So try to give time and effort to skills you want to learn. I completely believe in you and think it's wonderful that you've moved away from those who bullied you. Lot's of times, those who bully feel lousy about themselves so you might just feel sad for them. Whatever they said or did to you has way more to do with their own struggles. Stay strong.
I’m just here to tell everyone that you can be heal yourself again no matter what age you are now . Don’t you ever stop healing yourself from the effects of bullying.❤
Bullying played a vital role in my life. I'm autistic, and I have a physical disability, and every time I try something new or feel good about myself. I always constantly remind me that I'm always inadequate. I'm always the elephant in the room when I walk in. And nobody sees me as the version I see in myself. I wish I could overcome the adversity and notoriety I have in life, but I just can't. I wish I could pull this weight off my shoulders. One day I hope I can be the best version of myself, but I might never do it.
In my experience, many people feel this way. They all have burdens like having been abused as a child, lost a parent, suffered from parents who divorced, have a chronic illness that cannot be seen, have a neurological challenge like ADHD or bipolar or schizophrenia, are LGBTQ+...so many issues that are visible or not, make them feel like they are different and might not be accepted. I am so sorry you were bullied, but keep trying new things, keep feeling good about yourself. You are not the elephant in the room. There's an excellent book about autism called NeuroTribes by Steve Silberman - he argues autistic brains are superior.
I cried at the part where she said “she took her own life” I am 21 now, I was bullied in both primary and secondary school, by students and by some teachers (mainly teachers in primary school) I was also getting emotionally abused at home and at times physically abused. I found this video bc i have recently been having some flashbacks of the bullying particularly from peers, I struggle with people pleasing, trust issues, fluctuating sense of self, emotional dysregulation, anxiety, depression and I am also on the Autism Spectrum (quite possibly ADHD too) so I am extremely vulnerable to all of this. I have so much grief when i tried to be someone I wasnt bc i wanted to improve my status and be liked for once, my grades were bad as i found it too overwhelming to be in class and the teachers (most of them) gave up on me. Its scary to think how damaged my brain may have been throughout these 21 years (i also have health anxiety too) lol, I am doing my best to try to heal. I still have to deal with a narcissistic mother to top it off with the constant criticism, I am working on becoming more independent but its a process, the financial barrier is the big one. She is not a healthy person to have in my life to this current day.
Hi Jasmine, what I take away from your note is that you've been very badly treated, but also that you are strong. You are very clear minded that the harmful people are outside of you and you can keep them out of your life. I know it's hard with a parent, but over time you can succeed. If there's any way you can get a doctor or mental health professional to support you in your healing journey that would be ideal. Establishing friends or peers with shared interests is also key. In my book on this issue, I discovered in the science there are many evidence-based ways to recover. Your brain is innately wired to repair and recover. It's a matter of doing daily practices. The book is called - The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. It's in lots of libraries. Please take compassionate care of yourself. You sound like an amazing person. There's a book about autism that may also interest you, it's called Neurotribes by Steve Silberman.
Thank you for this. I was bullied (or I would call it harassed) due to discrimination at my school. Lots of people took part, even students in sixth form, when I was 11. It only stopped during the last year of school. A few years after I developed a chronic illness very early in life which even my doctor considered strange as it usually appears much later. I asked about it and apparently it can be brought on by extreme stress.
Well, as much as an illness can be brought on by stress, it can also be healed. The brain has an amazing capacity to heal and recover. There are a number of evidence-based strategies you can put into place to get better. Neuroscientists (along with psychologists and psychiatrists) have documented for decades the toll chronic stress takes on the body. It's time for change! Now that you know, you can set in motion a plan for recovery.
I am very sorry to hear that. Chronic or toxic stress is extremely hard on the brain and body, but the brain and body are also remarkably adept at healing. I spent a lot of time researching what neuroscientists have discovered about healing post-bullying / abuse and write about it in my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." It's being published in March 2022 (Prometheus Books). I hope it helps you heal.
I hope for you that you do not give up on connection. More important than even shelter and food is connection for our brains. Keep trying to replace being alone with being with people. I wish you all the best and can assure you that the science is clear that humans crave social-emotional relationships and you need to do your very best starting with friends, family, colleagues, groups you join, initiatives you commit to, volunteering, all of it to bring you connections.
So when I was in high school i was severely bullied. I was the nerd type of boy who gets all the good grades and all. So everyone hated me and I was called several names and was once beaten by 10 of my classmates at the same time. I cried so much that day. Also i used to like a girl at that time and I confessed to her but she rejected me. I would have been ok if she simply rejected me but the news got out and everyone started teasing me about it. Throughout highschool I had only one friend and that one too was always like I was like his last resort. Fast forward to now I got in my dream college and I am working towards my dream job, i have several friends here in college both boys and girls. In this one year I have improved a lot both physically and socially. I can now make conversations with others quiet easily. But those scars still exist. I am still not confident in speaking in a stage in front of a large crowd, i always find myself constantly overthinking about the tiniest of reasons, i have anxiety. Also i like a girl in my class but my fear of rejection is soo high that it has been one year but I haven't talked to her once. Anyways I quite happy now and i am constantly improving. So to all the people who were bullied in high school, believe me good times will come ,you will have great friends in college just keep believing in yourself and keep improving yourself physically and mentally. Sorry for my bad English
Your story is what fuels my new book The Bullied Brain especially the subtitle "Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." We all have neuroplasticity so if we've been bullied or abused or traumatized in another way, we can draw on our brain's ability to repair and restore. I packed the book full of evidence-based practices so maybe check it out to build up the confidence to speak to the girl you like and do public speaking. You sound like a brilliant, strong person thank you for sharing your story. I hope it helps others.
Best wishes to you. Your intellect will pull you through. I was incredibly lucky, I encountered some verbal torment, my first year of high school wasn't great, though I was never physically threatened (this was 45 years ago). Fortunately my small school wasn't highly competitive for sports, and that was my salvation. There was no "making the team," we were so small that just showing up for practice was enough. Once I got into sports people tended to leave me alone, though I remained a loner and was still considered pretty strange. Had I been in a larger school this could have been very different. But I very much regret not intervening on a few occasions when I saw it happening.
I was a bullied at school for three years. I hid this from my parents and have barely given my bullies the satisfaction of seeing me broken down. I protected myself by building high walls around myself which years later I’m still trying to dismantle. Years later I’m planning to heal from this experience by telling my bully how this experience impacted my life. Maybe I’ll finally find peace after this.
The bully is on his or her own path and as is well-documented, they bully due to their own issues and struggles. You may reach out only to find that the bully is still stuck in their troubled place. BUT it's you who can make peace with yourself and with your brain. It's you who has the power to do brain-healthy behaviours and practices to replace outdated neural networks associated with being bullied, to new ones built around happiness, self-esteem, and healing. Working with a mental health professional can speed up this process and if you're interested in the research, my book's all about it and comes out in April. Take good care.
I stand up for others because a) it's wrong and b) no one stood up for me. It it easy? No, it puts me right back to being the target. Why do I do? Because SOMEONE has to. Love to all of you.
I found that standing up, speaking up to protect victims, refusing the re-victimization narrative, and then using research to debunk the bullying / abuse myths was empowering and inspiring. I think S. you would find the brain science fascinating, check out The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. Hurt brains hurt, but brains that love and connect flourish.
I remember my very first teacher humiliating me and some other kids because we brought the wrong pencils or something. We had to stand in front of other students and watch how they laugh at us. We were 5-6 years old.
That is a scarring experience for sure. One of my hopes with my forthcoming book (The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health - out March 8, 2022) is to share neuroscientific research with all teachers, parents, adults who work with kids that humiliation is extremely harmful to kids' brains. There's not place for it. I don't think a lot of adults know. Your awareness that this happened is of course the first step to letting it go and knowing you deserved better as a student.
I answered my own call to action at the end of this talk (sorry the audio is awful). I have written a book that is designed to help us all learn more about how our brains respond to bullying and abuse. When that's understood, then we can put in motion research-based ways to recover which are also discussed in the book. I have a PhD in Comparative Literature and believe heartily in research. My book comes out on April 15, 2022 with Prometheus Books (Rowman & Littlefield). If you want to learn more on this issue it's entitled "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health."
Being bullied at school is just as bad as having adverse childhood experiences which is why I don't know why school bullying isn't listed in the aces test they should include it well if they don't then it still counts like if someone wasn't hit or called names at home but we're at school work or camp or something like that then they should still count it on the aces test I was at both home and school so it would count either way but I find that alot of people who weren't bullied at home often were at school so makes me wonder why it's not in the test
I completely agree. In my forthcoming book, "The Bullied Brain," I ask the same question. There are so many victims---like gymnasts who were victims of Larry Nassar, basketball players abused by coach Mike Rice, victims in Boy Scouts, victims in places of worship like the Catholic Church---these are not ACEs that occur at home. I'm very glad you are thinking critically and becoming aware of harm done. The key thing to remember is all damage done to the brain can be healed. There are evidence-based strategies to recover full brain function. That's the really exciting and inspiring part of neuroplasticity.
I agree completely. If you only answer yes to abuse and neglect at "home" then the ACES test doesn't capture the rampant abuse at USA Gymnastics or the Catholic Church or in Residential Schools or Boy Scouts or in Public and Private Schools as you point out. Also, the research shows bullying by peers has a devastating effect on the brain as well so ACES needs to factor that in too.
Many students who are bullied at home don’t know it because it feels normal. It’s the way things are. These people can’t stop it at school because they can’t recognize the pre-bullying micro-aggressions, they feel like normal interactions.
Plz somebody help me. My bullying memory and bad memories haunting me for many years. I dont know what to do i am 18 it started when i was 12 my parents divorce and i dont know why everybody used to bully me in school i have gone through some shits from many years. And i cannot leve this behind it ruining my life. I cant figure it out. I dont know what to do. I am getting mad.
I'm 23 still trying to figure out why I'm even here, 0 self worth by myself and no confidence with others, constantly doubting myself. Don't know if it's all bullying but it sure got me started down this way.
@@insta2691 This saddens me. But like I've said for others who are suffering, those who verbally abuse, who bully are not doing their brains any favours. The fact that you have a clear sense that you are being harmed; it's not your fault; those who put you down are aggressive and bullying; means you're on the path to healing. Some victims think it's their fault or they deserve it. The fact that you're clear means you are ready to exit the cage of learned helplessness and set out on the path to finding people in your life who are caring, mindful, have healthy brains, offer compassion and curiosity. Find your tribe. Don't spend time with anyone who puts you down.
@@insta2691 I hope you can get away from your family or anyone who verbally abuses you and replace them with empathic, fun, caring, supportive individuals. Your environment greatly impacts your brain and verbal abuse is very unhealthy.
You were all put on earth for a reason. While I am extremely saddened by all the pains and sufferings you have endured, you all experienced this for a reason. You are all my sisters and brothers. So, what do we do with these terrible experiences? We are to help change the world, of course. (And no, it won't be easy). Spread love and light.
I was bullied by my brother and his friends when i was 5 years old i was bullied in middle school I was bullied in high school I was bullied in the army I was also bullied at the work places that i worked at I refuse to participate in this sick sick society anymore I now stay at home and avoid the insanity of the world.
From the research I read, bullying is really harmful to your brain. That's the pretty shocking and bad news, but I learned in doing years of research for The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health, you can get better. As I said in my note to you above, you can return your brain to organic brain health if it's not well. Take good care.
I was physically abused as a 4 year old. Emotionally neglected at school until 8 years old at school. So ya, I hate my life. I am 20, and still can't get over the fact that I was taken advantage of .
Absolutely no need to hate your life. You are at the very least clear that you were wounded by outsiders...interruptors. Don't give them your power. Don't let them dictate who you are and who you will be. Your brain and body are masters at healing so set your sights on the future and on developing a recovery program. I have been researching this according to what the neuroscientists know and share it in my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" with Prometheus Books, March 2022. I really hope it helps you. Please take good care. There are lots of troubled people out there who hurt others, but that does not define you or predict your happiness and health.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Hey I remembered this comment even after 2 years. Since I last posted here, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD only last week. I guess now's the right time to buy your book!
Really sorry to hear this. I found this to be a major problem in researching my book The Bullied Brain. In fact, I don't even look at child to child bullying. I focused on adults who bully children so teachers who bully students then turn around and say "don't bully it's harmful." For kids, that kind of role-modelling one thing and then saying another is mind-bending. It's not good for the brain. At least you are very clear that the adults failed you. Now that you know that put your energy into healing any neurological scars you may have. What I found in the research is the brain is wired to repair and recover.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 hi and thanks for responding. I think I've dealt with most of my bullying issues although they seem to come up even in my 60s now. I was already healing after high school. Got into a church group that was accepting. Even when I was being bullied could look ahead to my life after grade school in high school and see that it would probably get better. Thanks for the video add your book. I've always grown up with a big distrust or hesitation of authority. The teachers who look the other way or enabled my bullies might have had something to do with that.
Very sorry to hear that. High School is a new start hopefully. Can you find a club or a teacher's space like the art room or join a team or program like theatre in order to start building good relationships with your peers? Lots of times people who are talented are the ones who are targeted for bullying because they threaten those ones who feel compelled to put them down. You must have many gifts and be a wonderful person. If you are able, it would be great to get some professional counselling...maybe even your high-school counsellor can support you. Take good care.
I was bullied a lot in middle school, a little in high school, and a lot by my brother at home. The effects are reaaaaaally long term. Like years and years pass and I still haven't found my self-esteem and I avoid social situations and my biggest dream is to just die
Please take care of yourself. There are excellent mental health counsellors who can help you repair the harm done. The neuroscience is extensive that says you absolutely can recover you self-esteem and enjoy social interactions. You have to think about bullies as "interruptors". They interrupt you, but you are always the one who can return to your path, finish what you are here to say, share your unique self. I hope that you find some support from my book that comes out in March. It's full of research that documents how we can "heal our scars and restore our health." I was badly abused as a child and while yes it's a long journey, it's worth every step getting better. I wish you so much healing.
I was bullied from 7th grade to 12th grade I changed so much, my mom is afraid of me because I get so angry from the memories and the nightmares, i got bullied by my football teammates and my coaches beating me and humiliating me making fun of my name and my jersey number and everyone asks me why didn’t you tell anyone and I tell them all the time if you tell you make it worse for yourself. I guess it was my fault because I was a door mat and I didn’t want to get In trouble from fighting back or be a snitch but 2 years later I’m still angry but getting better and trying to calm down and be human again
Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing. Many who are bullied or abused do not report. The system at present cannot be trusted as you know so reporting often leads to further bullying and abuse, namely re-victimizing. I hope you learn that your anger is a stress response from your brain and body designed to keep you surviving, but it has no place now in your interactions with people. You can change that stress response by following evidence-based practices outlined by brain scientists. I write about their research in my new book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. I hope you turn your anger into self-care, self-compassion and a new way of being in the world. Nothing to do with bullying was your fault. You are a survivor.
I was bullied in middle school. It’s been a year shy of 4 decades and I still struggle/suffer. I’ve confronted my tormentors online since 2018. I’ve been ignored, told to “get over it” and blocked. I often reference Ms. Fraser’s work in my research.
I was bullied for my speech impediment as a kid and since then I’d always talked very quiet so no one else but the person I’m trying to talk too, hears me. Always fearing that I’m getting judged when I talk
You know Kevin we all have one kind of impediment or another. No one is perfect or ideal. And the thing that amazes me is that people who are "perfect" - the celebrities so many of us worship - do not appear to have happier lives for the most part. They suffer all kinds of misery. In researching bullying and abuse over the last ten years I've learned that bullies are really good at making you think they are bullying you "because" of something about you. It's not true though. Think of it this way: when a bully comes to school they are so miserable and desperate they have to find a target. They are like a hollow or half-person. Whatever awful thing is going on in their life, they are hungry for a target. They are incomplete. They can't play, have fun, learn new things, connect with a friend. They have to roam around until they find a target to humiliate. It's a red flag of mental illness starting. And you should read the stats on bullies and how frequently they end up in the criminal justice system. What I've learned in researching for my new book The Bullied Brain - bullies seek out targets who they envy and who they want to see lose some of their shine. So instead of thinking it was about your speech impediment, ask yourself what it was about you that made you a target. Did you have friends? Did you come from a happy home? Did your parents care about you and treat you with love and respect? These might of all being motivators. Let go of your fear. Speak up. Other people's judgement says a lot more about them than you.
Hi Laura, one of the best remedies for depression (after consulting with a doctor and mental health professional) is aerobic exercise. The brain research into how much it can help is powerful. You can read more about it and the brain science in my book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. It's inspiring to know how our brains are innately wired to repair and recover.
yea. I feel extremely alone ALWAYS and when i tell family or friends "it was in the passed" "let it go" "they were just kids". They don't comprehend when this stuff happens as a kid with a not even fully developed brain it straight up develops thinking this is normal. It does not go away. I hate it
@@thetahexhodlhands4550 I found out by reading a ton of research that you can make it go away. In my book The Bullied Brain I share with readers the evidence-based strategies I learned from the neuroscientists about how harm in the past (which is very serious) can be repaired. I hope you stop feeling alone and reach out to others.
ive been bullied for my learning disability and now i don't want to hang out with anyone because in my head i feel like im not worth it so i just want to be left alone
You absolutely are worth it. I don't even use the term Learning Disability because it's inaccurate as I write about in my new book The Bullied Brain. You have a Learning Exceptionality. You simply learn differently from the herd learners. Every single brain is as unique as a fingerprint so get curious about your brain's strengths and weaknesses. The research by scientists show brains are wired to get stronger. It's all about what you practice and what environment you're in. An environment where there is bullying is toxic for brains so exit it and find a community of people to be your tribe. Learning differently is a challenge of course but it can also be a gift. I've taught for 20 years and all of the students I had with exceptionalities had amazing gifts. Take the time to find and develop yours.
The great news is you can reverse the negative effects of bullying. I have been finding out as much as I can and have recorded it in my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." It's coming out in March 2022 with Prometheus Books. It is packed full of research that documents how much our brains are adept at healing and your health can be restored. I hope it helps you.
I've been bullied mercilessly as a child because I have learning disabilities by family, neighbors, churches and schools and because of this I was diagnosed with having C.P.T.S.D. by a Trauma Therapists.
That is really sad and I never use the term "learning disability." I refer to them as "learning exceptions" because the scientists know we all have unique brains and they process information and the world in different ways. Just because you don't learn like "the herd" doesn't mean your brain is somehow less than. People bully others who have talent and threaten them. They'll use any excuse to put other people down so I think it probably says a lot more about those people's lacks than anything to do with you. I talk in my new book about so called learning disabilities and how often they are not very helpful unless they get you the support you need. You can check it out in The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. Please take good care of yourself and it's great you're working with therapists. Your brain has unlimited potential.
Without fully watching the video, and just answering the title... I can say, YES it does. I went through a lot. I won't get into too much detail right now, but I will say now at 20-21 years old, neither my self-worth or self-esteem are the best, and I struggle with social connections (and missed lots of opportunities). Loneliness or isolation, and/or simply not fitting in is almost certainly my norm now. I'm trying to accept my this at this point, because the friends I do have are likely to fade away in the near future... not to mention the pandemic, which doesn't help anything. It kinda feels like I'm at a loss for this experience and have to live with that now.
That's awful. I have been reading about how we can harness neuroplasticity (our brain's capacity for change) in order to recover from bullying and abuse. I can assure you that there is a ton of evidence-based ways to re-establish attachments and connections with people. Your brain is primed to keep you safe so it now thinks the world of relationships is a dangerous place. Only you can rewire those neural networks in your head and replace them with healthier, more accurate ones. It's hard work but especially with a mental health counsellor working with you, it's absolutely doable. I wish you wellness and connection.
The worst part at being bullied in a government institution is that you are not allowed to fight back. If i had the freedom to beat my abusers to death then i wouldnt have self esteem problems. I hate children. Many people never grow up.
Lazarus you can turn that hate into compassion; you can transform that powerlessness into empowerment; you can replace violent impulses into mindful self-regulation. That's what's amazing about the brain. You have brain plasticity, neuroplasticity until your final day on the planet. You can follow evidence-based strategies to recover your empathy and lead a less stressful life. I outline such strategies and research in my book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. Hope that helps. I wish you all the best.
I think noone should be bullyed. Students should not take this kind of behaviour from teachers. I seen it during my life. And also teachers shouldn't take this from students. Seen that too. I think the rule should be: This behaviour is NOT normal for ANYONE
Being alone is not great for your brain. Our brains are wired to be social. Of course you don't want to be at risk, but please try and find a group, a community, a chosen family, colleagues. Your brain will do far better when you develop connections. We live in a world of normalized bullying so you'll have to navigate that challenge, but finding your people is worth it.
I didn't even realize I was bullied cause I've always thought for something to be called bullying it must include violence. From like 3/4th grade to 6th in elementary, every day I went to school there's at least one person making jokes about me, and the whole class, including my only friend and some of the teachers (usually the ones who's trying to be cool) would be laughing. I never told anyone thinking it wasn't a big deal and I don't remember ever crying because of it but now looking back it makes sense why I've always been so scared to do anything that will put me back in that situation, or just anything that gives me the risk of getting ridiculed. I'm scared of cutting my hair, or try a different style, even if I actually want to, cause people will give comments and say that I'm trying too hard, I'm scared of trying to improve my english pronunciation, or other skills that's usually shown publicly cause if i fail people will laugh at me, etc. 7th grade till now I'm homeschooled (not because of the bullying though, cause my parents never knew) and I don't know if it's helping or if it's making things worse, all I know is that I have to try my best to overcome this fear 😆.
If people are mocking you, laughing at you, making jokes about you, it's definitely bullying. If you were joking with friends about each other, that is fun and fair, but it you're being targeted, singled out, then it's bullying. There is a great deal of violence that can be done with words, with leaving someone out, with making a cruel gesture, by ignoring them, by ostracizing them (shunning them). These are all harmful behaviours designed to make people feel destabilized, insecure, and afraid. I just had a book come out full of strategies on how to heal from this kind of treatment if it's useful for you. It's called The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. It's new (April 2022) but I assume it will be in libraries soon enough. Thank you for being confident enough to share.
@@ev3568 When we are being bullied, our brain protects us oftentimes by either pushing us never to forget this harmful, threatening behaviour or by making us erase it because it's painful. It's not your memory that's a problem; it's the unkindness you faced. I hope to see you become courageous, trust yourself, take risks and stop worrying about other people. Those children and even teachers who participated in making you feel less than, just showed you that they are truly suffering. People who put others down, have a weak identity and try to build it up by putting others down.
This comment was two years ago, but I experienced nearly the same thing. In 7th grade this guy made fun of my appearance, did some inappropriate things, and would always bother me. Now I am in college and it’s my first year of it and I almost feel like how I felt whenever I was in middle school. My mind is trying to protect me from “my bully” even though he isn’t there. I don’t answer questions because that draws the attention to me, when I hear people laughing I feel like they’re laughing at me, and I feel as though people are staring right at me. Whenever people taunt me jokingly I feel uneasy, when someone gives me feedback I take it as they attacking me. Even though I know they aren’t. It’s awful. Despite all of this, I don’t mind talking to people sometimes and would start small talk. Once I get to know someone I slowly open up more. However, I really want to move on and improve the way I think. I don’t want to keep worrying about getting mocked whenever the bullying was years ago.
I was bullied regularly since kindergarten up to year 6, in year 7 I started drinking and skipping school and I guess it eased down a little, because I came so isolated from the group and found new "friends" who were over 20..
Very sorry to hear that and hope you can let go of self-medicating with alcohol. Bullying is truly destructive and I just cannot imagine why the adults in your world did not stop it and keep you safe. The brain scientists have a lot of research that shows your brain is innately wired to repair and restore organic brain health so I hope you take good care of yourself.
And we wonder why mental health is at a decline in our society and criminal activity is on the rise. How we treat each other is fundamental. Let's not kill each other. ❤
I dont want to say I am a victim because that sounds like I seek attention... But i figured out that the bullying has impacted me more then the SA. Especially in school. I always lose all friends, because i am to alert and to straight to the point. I have a feeling that it would never get better.
What I learned from the research is that you can absolutely get better. Sounds like you suffer from hyper-vigilance (you're always on the alert for the next onslaught). This is exhausting for your brain and body. In my new book I outline ways to change your brain back to organic brain health. The evidence-based practices are not hard to do but take time. Getting your brain back to health is like getting in shape physically through exercise. It's hard work but worth it.
Fighting, I'm not sure. I'd love to see us replace fighting with repairing, healing and becoming psychologically and brain-science knowledgable so we can fulfill our immense potential.
That's why so many have hated this terrible world for so long. This is what people get after complaining about major problems in their classroom or workplace.
It's why we all have to work together for change. Reading the research, I've learned that bullying / abuse are simply cycles. It's like an infectious disease so we need to stop its transmission. We need to treat perpetrators as if they are medically ill and get them better so they don't infect others. I'm not excusing abusive behavior, not at all, but our system of punishment and enabling (totally contradictory) does not work. I argue in my book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" that if we treated bullying as a medical, not just moral issue, we'd do a better job of ousting it.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 agreed!! Bullying affects people much beyond their childhood and often, the bullies are themselves mentally disturbed. Thereby, taking their home or family frustration over others or, maybe they do it out of jealousy and similar stuff.
Well, having my core identity ignored has made me very mean to anyone I think might repeat it and to other people I just kindly ignore them. All someone has to do is prove they may be an invalidator and I will flat out ignore them. The worst is when they congregate in groups and ostracize you. Now I see the world this way either they will invalidate you or they just won't understand. But to any one I have decided is not safe for my identity I will yell at them or block them on social media before they can potentially get a jab in. It is just an all-out KO on my scoreboard, and it makes me feel in control and powerful.
You sound very self-aware and wisely able to protect your core from others. Could I suggest taking time to keep developing your core identity that was ignored in the past. I think you may feel less at risk and less needing to manifest aggression through yelling if you build up and become more knowledgeable of your core. I only say this because in the research there are health concerns with striving always for control and power. It can be hard on your brain and body. It can affect relationships. And it happens to people who have been bullied / abused and ignoring is one of the most powerful weapons to hurt someone. A child's brain can develop to interpret the world as threatening rather than be open and curious about it so it's worth taking some time on this. Sometimes working with a counsellor can do immense good in this regard.
It was supposed to be talking about under age bullied. Idk but 10-12 don’t get bullied by under age, but for under 10 I just had enough of under age bullies.
Jennifer, do you recommend any (physical, recreational )activities that will help me start recovering from these experiences? Nowadays I highly depend of other people's approval, after being bullied by my classmates for many years
Sounds like you are very aware and that is the key. It's much more harmful when you identify with the "aggressor" and believe that somehow the abuse was deserved and it was your fault. Absolutely not. Now that you have seen you were harmed, just like if you needed to recover from physical blows, it's time to recover. Your brain has an amazing capacity to heal and return to optimal performance.
@@jenniferfraser5253 I really don't know how to start my recovery. I feel like I can't function properly due to the trauma caused by so many years of bullying and psychological abuse. I'm always tense and socially anxious when interacting with people and it really hurts because I was really extroverted during my early childhood years.
@Film Recaps I love this answer. This is so powerful and every word rings true. It's immensely helpful to connect with a therapist, counsellor, mental health professional to get the repair in motion, but it's also true what you say that you only have "you" - in my book - I change this slightly so it reads you only have your Mind-Brain-Body and it's all about how they are interacting. Luckily for us, the Mind-Brain-Body is an incredible trio for healing. Thank you for generously taking the time to help all of us learn from your harmful experience.
Living with bullying all my life from school to work life has had big impacts on my life. I cant trust or love any one and dont believe in god or hope in life. Its not a right of passage to victimize people when in school or at work. those people are some ones family members who had a life before you destroyed it. I know it wont make a diffrence on this chat. Just hope it make others feel less alone how society neglect us.
One way to think about your flashbacks it to see that you brain is wanting to remind you of threatening situations, one's that harm you. But it's up to you - your mind - to manage your brain and tell it that you're thankful for the reminder, but you're also safe. It can relax. You can use deep breathing from the belly / diaphragm to further let your brain know you're safe. Number one priority for the brain is your safety and survival and when you have a flashback it doesn't know that it's a memory and not happening in the moment. This is where the mind is a powerful ally in calming down the brain.
She resigned. But… she did not do so until she found out it was her son that was bullied. Now I do believe that things happen for reason, e.g., we get to see this video bc of this series of events. So I’m glad that she did this and stood up, etc. BUT. I still ask her to be honest with herself, would she have resigned from the school if it was not her own child. She might have advocated, tried to change the school climate, etc. But again, I do wonder if she would’ve reached these conclusions/activism without it truly hitting home on a personal level.
Every reply I write to you gets cut. Perhaps because I try to send you to my website to read my blog. Key thing is you're so right. I had to examine what it was that made me speak up for my son, but why I failed to speak up when I knew students were being abused. I have been unpacking all of this in a blog series "How I Became an Unlikely Whistleblower." Your reflection on this is very insightful. I hope you can forgive me for failing my students. It's a tough one for me.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Goodness. First, I’m glad your response was finally allowed to post. Second, you don’t need my forgiveness, nor do I feel you’ve failed your students. I’m so very glad you were able to reach the final conclusion you did. As I posted prior, life’s sequence of events are odd ones. I myself have gone through really awful periods, that in reflection years later, I have come to understand were essential for my own growth. To include learning my own part in creating that “awful” event. I super appreciate your response, and it exemplifies your very apparent ability to conduct inner reflection, which is rare. You likely had already reached these conclusions before my post (or maybe even prior to your speech/video), but it was difficult to ascertain from my viewing. Thank you again for your response, the clarification, and for being a continued advocate (from a survivor of childhood bullying.) ☺️🙏🏻💕
@@sumofo9742 Your words of compassion mean a lot. I think you and I were reflecting on this issue of self-protection unless a tipping point occurs or a line is crossed---for me it was the abuse being done to my son. I appreciate that we are both learning, forgiving ourselves for making mistakes, striving to hold ourselves accountable and be better. It's really all we can do. I use writing as a way to help me figure things out and I am still writing about my student who committed suicide. It's a daily heartbreak for me. Thank you for being kind and wise. 💓
Supposedly I should have mercy towards my bullies in my teens, because they couldn't handle my mood swings due to my misery I had back at home. I never see someone with a strong support base getting excessive conflicts while being ganged upon. I'm just saying.
It must have been incredibly hard to have misery in your home and then be targeted by peers. You must be a very strong person to have gotten through this and I don't think you need to feel mercy for those who targeted you. Your focus could be better spent on repair work and healing work. You deserve mercy for yourself for the mood swings and it sounds like you have that. Being clear that you were reacting to adversity at home gives you power to become who you want and be responsive in the way you want. Creating a strong support base for yourself would also hopefully be healing for you.
I am depressed, i don't know what to do about it, i been bullied for over 5 years But, its been like 3 year ago, but... Something change, i want to cry, i want to hug something i cant keep this anymore, i hate things, even myself
Please @retrofalcon1329 find the right person, people, to speak with. Choose carefully an individual who can listen with empathy and insight. It would be excellent to get a counsellor to support you to feel better. I have been reading a lot of research into how our brains react to bullying and feeling like crying, reaching out, sharing your struggle, self-loathing are to be expected. It's reactions happening in your brain and you can absolutely get back feeling better, happy, and full of self-compassion and love. Mental health professionals are experts at supporting and guiding you so please please get the support you need. Our brains are wired to recover even from bullying.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Thanks for the comments🙏 I do indeed have friend, but I don't want to bother them with my past, it's all in the past. People have their own pain, pain aren't mean to be shared, surely my friend had pain too (maybe?) Even if I tell, it's not like they can do about it, I told someone, well they are confused what they should do People have their own business you and even me, and all I can is to cope my past with my hobby
@@retrofalcon1329 It is huge to finally let your friends know. It took me until the age of 36 to do that. It's a great victory to overcome the shame and, at least in my case, it was a huge relief, both mentally and physically, as my ticks and anxiety largely disappeared after I addressed my issues and uttered them.
@@muhamedjones122 Yes I agree that seeing a therapist is key, but may I gently caution that bullying others is harmful to *your* brain so I wouldn't' recommend it.
I ended with the action step that we need to look into the brains of those being bullied and abused. No one really answered it so I did it myself. After years of research my new book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health teaches us from the brain science that we are impacted but that our brains are also adept at repair and recovery.
I humbly reply Yes! My new book is an answer to my call to action in this talk. I wanted to see what research could offer us to recover and in April 2022 my new book came out: The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. It's empowering and inspiring to learn what brain scientists know.
It's a shame the audio is so bad. This topic is very relevant to me as I had been bullied for about ten years during childhood, but as a non-native speaker of English it's just very hard to understand. (Only due to the acoustics.) Is there a transcript of the speech by any chance?
I don't have a transcript of the speech, sorry. The sound quality is not good...it's hard to understand even for English speakers. If the topic is relevant to you, I have a book coming out in February 2022 about the subject that is obviously much more in-depth. It's called The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. Hopefully that's helpful to you after suffering so much bullying. Sigh.
The sound quality is awful. If there's something you missed and would like me to clarify, I will try my best. I am passionate about the issue and how much we need to change.
Not sure...but the brain science is inspiring and empowering. I answered my own call to action in this talk whereby I learned from the neuroscientists what's happening in the brain when someone is being bullied / abused. I learned it's very damaging, but the good news is the human brain is wired to repair and restore its health. That's hopeful.
That's very sad. It is a cycle that we tend to pass on so chances are your parents were bullied by their parents and don't know any other way. You can halt that cycle by not bullying others, especially not your own children. Bullying does not get results. Empathy, compassion and challenge do.
4 years of getting bullied in school daily, 15 years later I still find myself struggling with self worth
You are worthy!!! It's those who bullied you that suffer from such intense self-esteem issues that they tried to hurt you to build themselves up. In my forthcoming book (Feb 2022) I share the research on how we can heal our brains and restore our confidence and well-being after traumas like bullying and abuse. The research is inspiring so if you still need support on feeling good about yourself check out "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health."
went on for 4 years, and 3 years later I still have PTSD everyday
I suffered 8 years. 20 years same as in your situation
@@thebulliedbrain1604 listen here you , I hope you have the best day ever , I hope you wake up on the right side of the freaking bed , I hope you even win some lottery too , becuase no your amazing .
@@_itsmia2189 Thank you.
I'd say I'm a victim myself, so yes. Yes, it does have god damn long term effects on others. It doesn't happen anymore, but one of my biggest fears is getting into that social position again where I'm secluded from everyone else
Researchers have found that being secluded or ostracized is extremely distressing to your brain. When you are in emotional pain, it activates the same pain circuits in your brain as the physical kind. I'm sorry to hear that you were treated this way. I hope that you can find the courage to overcome fear about it and surround yourself with caring people who would never seclude you.
@@jenniferfraser5253 if it was as easy to find like minded people then nobody would be suffering in distress and loneliness
It does have long term effects I'm 35 now and I can honestly say bullying has absolutely broken me
I would humbly like to disagree only because I've read a great deal of research that says it is within your power to fix what has been broken. I won't go into the research here, but it is in my book that comes out Feb 2022 with Prometheus Books. "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." I will say that you have a brain that is incredibly powerful at healing according to neuroscientists. And they have studied the most effective ways to repair the "breaks" in a brain that has been traumatized by bullying and abuse. Believe in yourself and feel inspired by a future clear of the harm done to you. I have high hopes for you Kay.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 thank you sooo much i am bullied about my hole school years (now i am 18y) and finally done with school but i still believe i can heal but no one says it so thanks!
@@thebulliedbrain1604 you're a terrible person
Me too
@@wordplay8733 why?
I'm now 28 years old now, victim of childhood bully who's still suffering from the trauma. I'm today fear to talk back to people. Bullying ruined my beautiful childhood. It destroyed my self esteem completely. I lost the courage to defend myself from the tough situations. Bullying just destroyed my confidence!
You re not alone, seek therapy. Work on urself, dont be hard with urself. U re amazing god bless and protect u
I found this video while I was thinking how bullying made me sick. Thanks for this talk, it's really helpful and feels like I get motivated to try a new start
You may find my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: How to Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" helpful. It should hit the shelves in February or March with Prometheus Books. It is full of research into how we can all recover from what abuse and bullying do to our brains. I really want all of us to get better from being "sick." Take care of yourself.
나도 ㅠㅠ
After 3 years of bullying and a suicide attempt when the bullying got to be too much I’ve struggled with self esteem, social anxiety, anger issues, health problems,self blame and a hate for people.
That makes me incredibly sad. Please please take care of yourself. Find an excellent mental health practitioner to work with you and ensure you have an excellent doctor. My new book lays out ways to follow evidence-based practices on repair and recovery to your brain after such suffering. It tackles suicide so please be careful if you read it. I talk about what's going on in a suicidal brain and how we can work to get it better. I wish you all the best in recovery. You are worth it.
I suffered bullying for 4 years in high school! It was hard but I always remember thinking to myself that it all was going to be over once I ended high school and going to college! The last day of school I felt so free to leave all that behind!!! Little did i know then but all those bullies came inside my head and are still with me giving me extreme anxiety!
Very sorry to hear that. In my book, I refer to this as identifying with the aggressor and developing a "Mind-Bully." Good news is you can erase that negative, false, destructive voice. I lay out the research in my book The Bullied Brain with the key subtitle "heal your scars and restore your health." Your brain is adept at healing, at replacing those bullying voices with healthy, empowering ones. I wish you all the best in getting better and shelving the false narrative.
This my feeling 😭😭
This is kind of funny but exactly what happened to me
My bullies are also stuck in my head. The bad memories come back everday very vividly. Right now I can't sleep because of it. I wish I could stop thinking about them because they probably forgot I existed by now.
growing up i transferred schools 8 times due to extreme bullying my suicidal idéations started at age 9 and continues to this day i still remember having my pet goldfish brought in for show and tell presented to me microwaved on a plate while older kids laughed and encouraged me to eat it or when i was kicked in the rib cage by a group of older boys while picking up books shoved out of my hands while my PE teacher silently watched. Unfortunately there is no relief or changing the past :(
That is awful. There is relief though. You cannot change the past but you can recognize that those people who hurt you are truly the ones suffering. They do not have healthy brains. They have clearly lost empathy which is one of the brain's natural resources. I have been really focused the last few years on what the neuroscientists know about healing and I write about it in my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." I really hope it sets you on the path to healing. Your life is precious and valuable and getting better is absolutely possible.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 i think to say bullies have it worse is insensitive i need psychiatric help too doesn’t mean i kick children down stairs
Jesus loves you
@@princess4509 Sorry, I did not mean to be insensitive. What you suffered is horrendous. I just would rather be you and have your awareness that what bullying individuals did was incredibly cruel and wrong than to be those who behave that way or adults who watch and do nothing.
I'm so sorry I went through that
I think even the smallest forms of bullying can create long term effects that will last a lifetime. It really screws you over mentally. I was verbally bullied by my own friends, behind my back. They spread rumors about me and made me feel so invisible. Even until today, my perception of friendship has completely changed, I am no longer able to make friends without having a hard time. Not to mention the amount of social anxiety and trust issues that come with getting bullied.
I am saddened to hear that. The brain science examines the way in which young people are driven to establish social standing during adolescence. It has to do with evolution and how teenager's brains are developing. It sounds like your "friends" were threatened by you...wanted to lower your status to their level or below to make themselves feel better. If anything, it means you are special, have gifts, are a friend who is sought after. Take all these qualities now that you're older and engage with new and interesting people. In my book The Bullied Brain - the focus is on "Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." It's full of neuroscience based strategies to return to yourself before the onslaught of bullying. I wish you all the best.
Betrayal trauma is one of the worst traumas. But the good news is I've learned in researching and writing "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" that the impacts do not need to last a lifetime. Our brains are innately wired to repair and recover (changing our trust issues and how we feel about friends). You just need to follow evidence-based practices - the research is amazing. I'm really sorry you were so maltreated. They must have been jealous of you and your talents or life.
I was physically abused for 12 years. My parents did nothing, the person who was responsible for me in the school did nothing. No one did anything.
Stay strong
@@belle3055 hi, I want to say that I recently spoke to my parents, we are okay now. I still have my traumas and insecurities, but I will definitely stay strong for me and my future.
I am sorry to hear this. Many feel powerless faced with a bullying situation and worry that if they act, they might make it worse. We live in a society that has normalized bullying and that's what needs to change. What's good to know is that our brains are able to heal and recover from the harm done by bullying.
I grew up in new Orleans before hurricane katrina I was bullied everyday. I had to give this girl cierra my lunch money everyday and I had a friend who always brought her lunch to school she would always give me her snack then the girl would come around the table and take that too!! My mom and dad always argued and that would make me shut down completely. After hurricane katrina I moved to a small town where they teased me all the time calling me a refugee. Even my family tells me I look like ciely off the color purple. when my family see's me they don't even speak. I always got more love from strangers than I ever got from family. One year for my birthday someone came in my house and stole my birthday cake and all the meat in the freezer we starved for a month I don't even find joy in anything anymore and I really used to be a fun outgoing person I hate my life
@@destinyanthony1474 You cannot control the people around you and what they do to you. Seems to me you have encountered a lot of destructive people. If it's any consolation, I have as well, but I am still a fun outgoing person and I love my life. That's not to say that I didn't have some awful times like it sounds you're going through. I only tell you this to give you hope. Remember, your brain is captain of your ship, not other people. So find people who appreciate you, contribute to the world in ways that make you happy, always choose to do fun things. If you're interested in practical strategies and the research into repairing harm to your brain it's in my forthcoming book. There is a ton of extensive research that says you can recover from all forms of bullying and abuse.
I remember my first weekend at college before classes began, I went to the cafeteria. Most of the tables were empty hardly anyone was around. I was having breakfast and I heard a group of students behind me laughing. It took a lot of my strength to turn around, eventually, and see that none of them were looking at me. It was a huge realization that I was not a target. That said, reflecting on that moment still brings me to tears because I had endured 7 years of bullying between elementary school up to high school and those voices don't go away. They are less impactful, but they are still there. The fear is always there.
I am so glad you are at college and away from those who bully. Please know that you do not have to listen to those past voices. I specifically write about this in my new book The Bullied Brain. It's full of evidence-based practices to heal your scars and restore your health. One chapter is about learning how to change the internalized mind-bully from the past into an "empathic-coach." It focuses on the voices we listen to and how you need to hear voices of empathy not harmful bullying voices. You can train your brain to do this. All of my work is grounded in brain science research.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Thanks. College was a great learning experience to get away from the same old patterns. I graduated in 2010. Still don't have a solid social circle, but living free from bullies
Oh gosh everytime I hear a group of people laughing my brain goes: it's about you. When I know it isn't. Anyone have tips on how to turn away from those thougths
@@thatrandomgirl4574 The best way, for me, is to confront and acknowledge they are not about me. I had to turn towards it and face it a lot.
My bully was my father. It happened everyday as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning. I wasn’t able to stop this bullying until last year after my Mom died. I’m 50 years old and am finally free. The scars have left permanent damage to my brain and body. I had cancer at 19 years old and severe endometriosis, I’ve had 10 surgeries, 2 of which were life threatening. I have had a life time of physical and emotional pain. I’m a survivor, but at times I barely hang on, it is still hard, the abuse is trapped in my body. I am lucky that I have access to a great therapist and a loving husband. If you are suffering and abused you are not alone, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please reach out for help, there are good and caring therapists and people out there.
So sorry to hear, sorry to you too. Keep looking for a therapist that will help heal you and focus on your needs. You deserve love and wholeness!
I am very sorry to hear about your father's harmful impact on you. The hopeful, good news is that abuse is *not* trapped in your body and you can heal. I highly recommend reading Dr. Stan Rodski's The Neuroscience of Mindfulness, Dr. Norman Doidge's books, Dr. Shawn Achor's The Happiness Advantage and Dr. John Ratey's Spark. Your brain can rewrite the harmful neural networks with exercise, mindfulness, and positive psychology. Another excellent book is Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score. I wish you so much healing and recovery from far too much hurt.
@dani cali It's awful to think of a child being bullied by parents. I think you have suffered a lot. People who had childhood adversity of the kind you endured, frequently get into destructive relationships as documented in the Childhood Adversity Experiences study. None of it is your fault, but I guess your therapists are wanting you to know that it's within your power to heal now. Excellent, evidence-based ways to heal are mindfulness, exercise, empathy and positive psychology. I really hope you get better and are able to find loving relationships after all you've been through.
First bully is my mother , then some low social rating classmates ,l
Dang. Wow. I want to comment about how strong you are, and how painful it must’ve felt to go through all that abuse- but ofc, you already knew that.
So instead, I just want to thank you for sharing your story.
I was bullied all the time from primary school all the way to high school, by students AND teachers, and to make things worse I was also bullied at home (I used to be an overweight kid). Now I'm almost 27 and it still hurts a lot cus I feel like no matter what I do it's never good enough. I'm now in a relationship and i feel like my fiancé is with me just cus I'm like a last resort or it's some sort of joke and someone payed him to be with me. My brain refuses to accept that I am worthy of love, that my body is beautiful and that my soul/personality is what matters the most.
Bullying sucks, people need to be kinder and they especially need to teach their kids how to be kind.
Hi LIII really saddened to hear this. I agree with you that adults especially need to learn kindness. Adults role model and teach children how to behave. If adults bully, kids imitate them. It's an awful cycle. Your awareness that bullying has left "scars" on you is an excellent first step. You need to claim your worthiness, your beauty, and your personality / soul. You sound like an amazing, powerful person who is sensitive and insightful. Know that you may have "neurological scars" on your brain from bullying and abuse that have you operating with what sounds like a "Mind Bully" namely when you internalize what was done to you and keep putting yourself down. If you want to look at the science on this you may find healing in my book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. I wish you full recovery.
As a 31 year old male, who experienced bullying / social ostracization, I know that my lifespan has been significantly shortened. The patterns from childhood start to compound, leading to increased likelihood of experiencing further adversities, which then reinforce the original neurological damage. I understand the cycle, but just cannot step outside of it. You start to see similar cycles in other things to, like poverty and other forms of social inequality. I find some peace watching videos like this.
From the research I've been looking at, you can extend your lifespan. Our brains have an incredible ability to heal from past trauma. You don't have to reinforce the damage; you have the power to heal it. Too complicated to get into here, but it's all in my book which is coming out in February (The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health). I really wish you can step away from the bullying / abuse cycle and take your health back. I feel utterly confident that you can!
@@thebulliedbrain1604 How ? Past childhood and school bullies low IQ actions still cycling inside my head , every night , I think it's the reason I can't make big step in my life .
@@ToquzOghuzKhaganatekhan you are a strong warrior!
I don't understand how it isn't obvious to health professionals who claim one of the worst things for the human body is stress. And anxiety. Can't they connect the clear dots?!
@@thebulliedbrain1604 The first step to his healing might just be someone ACKNOWLEDGING there are issues NOT of his own creation and giving a little sympathy that is long overdue. Sometimes, being given the HUG and the reassurance that despite being told that "it must be all your own fault, you should have grown a thicker skin stop being so sensitive you do it to yourself!" needs to come FIRST! Before you start in again telling someone that they can now go heal themselves. Then, he can go for help. And heal. But first things first! Not to preach to the choir here, but I feel he needs some reassurance!
I am 20 now and got bullied 3-4 years ago in school for about 2 years. Back then I just left the class after my third 3 year in High School and then finally left school to start an apprenticeship. I pushed the bad experience from my school to the back of my mind and just lived my new life. But now 6 months into lockdown I have so much time to think and I realized that I never got over my “trauma”. I need to get closure but I really don’t really know how.
I have been working through a similar dilemma. I write about it in my forthcoming book which is focused on healing and recovery. It's called "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" and is being published by Prometheus Books (Globe & Pequot). It comes out in March 2022. I hope it has some positive answers for you. Stay strong. You are already very much on the road to recovery by identifying you were harmed and knowing you now need to do some repair.
I'm 26 and I still remember vividly my child hood bullying. The names of the bullies, the adults who invalidated me. I also repressed and have completed college, got into a career but Ive never forgotten what I went through
Same here, I moved on and went to a top school and obtained a neuroscience degree. While I see myself having a successful future, I still never got over the bullying. I can get a neuroscience degree but I can't form close friends because I am terrified of being hurt.
@@zamzamwater8749 May I suggest doing some kind of ritual to let it go? I mean write it out, then bury it or burn it up (safely). Every time we circle back and remember the harm done to us, we strengthen the neural networks for the harm done. We focus on it and tell our brain that we need to remember. Plus the brain is geared to remember negatives more than positives because it's how we survived (best to read on this is Dr. Rick Hanson). We have "limited cortical real estate" and you have college, you have a career, you don't have room for those past interrupters who clearly had their own issues and struggles or would not have needed to harm someone else.
@@komfykoala6083 As a neuroscience expert, you hopefully know Dr. Rick Hanson's work. If not, you'll love how he walks us all through how to recover and create bonds and repair our hurt attachment centres. We need people like you to teach us about our brains so please start trusting, making friends, sharing your knowledge.
I hate that there isn't more out on the internet about the long term effects of bullying. It is everywhere, and it persists for the entire lifetime. And yet just about any other issue is carefully and sympathetically covered, while this is given the old "just buck up and grow a thicker skin" treatment. That kind of language is of itself abusive. Long past time it was dealt with compassionately and seriously!
I agree with you so much. Bullying and abuse are highly destructive and too often dismissed. Key is @charlotteinnocent8752 impact of bullying is *not* permanent. My new book lays out extensive research on how our brains can repair and recover from all forms of bullying and abuse. Our brains are innately wired to heal when we follow evidence-based practices - The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health.
It’s hard to be nice to myself after being bullied by my sister from childhood , & even having toxic parents and school made it worse, I don’t even know how to be nice to myself but I too often let others walk all over me , I’m fighting everyday to unlearn the things abusers made me believe.
Hi Daily Purity - very sorry to hear what you have endured. I looked at the brain research to learn if we can repair and recover the harm done to our brains by all forms of bullying and abuse. I learned that in fact our brains are innately wired for healing. I outline in the book practical, applicable action steps we can take to recover from bullying and abuse. I really hope that brings you the healing you need. Being unkind to yourself is a typical reaction. I refer to it in The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health (new book) as having developed a "mind-bully." The goal is to oust that negative harmful internalized bully with an empathic coach. Take good care.
I read an article that stated the effects of bullying are the same as child abuse.
I know all about bullying, being a victim myself. I cannot bring myself to say “former victim” even 37 years later because I’m still struggling with the trauma.
I had always been a different kid. Not in a good way unfortunately. It happened in kindergarten, school, choir, from children and even adults. I got bullied no matter where I went and I genuinely started to believe I was the problem. I knew I was the problem. My whole life my only dream was to be "normal", to be perceived as "normal", to finally have friends who wouldn't be ashamed of me. Now I'm university and I finally found friends, really good ones and it feels like a dream but I cannot stop trying to be perfect. I'm afraid to make any mistake, I worry my weirdness might accidentaly slip and I'll lose them. I'm afraid they'll hate me. So I put on a mask, I honestly don't even know who I am anymore.
Hi - could I make the gentle suggestion that your friends who are good ones will be open to learning about what happened in the past. Tell them how afraid you are and that you cherish their friendship so much you're walking on pins and needles. My guess is they will like to know the "weird" you as much as they like the so called "perfect" you. People are far more interesting when they share their quirkiness, their difference, their originality. Maybe start small, test the waters, but you don't want to "pretend" to be someone your not or feel pressured to wear a mask.
You are not different - you are rare. Being rare makes you the most valuable. :)
58 still struggling with childhood bullying effects. Scars for life. Get help for yourself as soon as possible.
What I learned in reading a lot of medical, neuoscientific, neurobiological and psychiatric research for my book The Bullied Brain you DON'T have scars for life. You can heal them. Our brains are innately wired to repair and recover. The subtitle to my book is "Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" for this reason. It is full of evidence-based ways to get better. I do not mean to minimize how much childhood bullying / abuse hurts, but I am hopeful that we can strive to return to health.
Yes it does. It’s haunted me now for over 30 years
I am very sorry to hear that. I don't want to sound like I'm pushing my new book, but in all honesty I wrote it with the goal of finding out if in fact we can recover. The brain science is clear that indeed we can get rid of the ghosts and truly fulfill our potential and enhance our happiness.
I ve been bullied for 2 years by a classmate now I am 13 and yes we have moved out of there but still I am not able to do stuff by myself anymore and I always need help from someone my parents have been telling me that I am not a small kid anymore I am about to turn 14 and I have to do stuff on my own now that's how severe bullying is
Bullying is really hard on your brain, but it can never take away how smart you are or how confident and independent you can be. You have been gifted with a brain that can change and grow-talent depending on what you practice. So try to give time and effort to skills you want to learn. I completely believe in you and think it's wonderful that you've moved away from those who bullied you. Lot's of times, those who bully feel lousy about themselves so you might just feel sad for them. Whatever they said or did to you has way more to do with their own struggles. Stay strong.
Thank you so much I really appreciate it 😊
I’m just here to tell everyone that you can be heal yourself again no matter what age you are now . Don’t you ever stop healing yourself from the effects of bullying.❤
Bullying played a vital role in my life. I'm autistic, and I have a physical disability, and every time I try something new or feel good about myself. I always constantly remind me that I'm always inadequate. I'm always the elephant in the room when I walk in. And nobody sees me as the version I see in myself.
I wish I could overcome the adversity and notoriety I have in life, but I just can't. I wish I could pull this weight off my shoulders. One day I hope I can be the best version of myself, but I might never do it.
💗💗💗💗 we have the same goals
God bless you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
In my experience, many people feel this way. They all have burdens like having been abused as a child, lost a parent, suffered from parents who divorced, have a chronic illness that cannot be seen, have a neurological challenge like ADHD or bipolar or schizophrenia, are LGBTQ+...so many issues that are visible or not, make them feel like they are different and might not be accepted. I am so sorry you were bullied, but keep trying new things, keep feeling good about yourself. You are not the elephant in the room. There's an excellent book about autism called NeuroTribes by Steve Silberman - he argues autistic brains are superior.
I cried at the part where she said “she took her own life” I am 21 now, I was bullied in both primary and secondary school, by students and by some teachers (mainly teachers in primary school) I was also getting emotionally abused at home and at times physically abused. I found this video bc i have recently been having some flashbacks of the bullying particularly from peers, I struggle with people pleasing, trust issues, fluctuating sense of self, emotional dysregulation, anxiety, depression and I am also on the Autism Spectrum (quite possibly ADHD too) so I am extremely vulnerable to all of this. I have so much grief when i tried to be someone I wasnt bc i wanted to improve my status and be liked for once, my grades were bad as i found it too overwhelming to be in class and the teachers (most of them) gave up on me. Its scary to think how damaged my brain may have been throughout these 21 years (i also have health anxiety too) lol, I am doing my best to try to heal. I still have to deal with a narcissistic mother to top it off with the constant criticism, I am working on becoming more independent but its a process, the financial barrier is the big one. She is not a healthy person to have in my life to this current day.
Hi Jasmine, what I take away from your note is that you've been very badly treated, but also that you are strong. You are very clear minded that the harmful people are outside of you and you can keep them out of your life. I know it's hard with a parent, but over time you can succeed. If there's any way you can get a doctor or mental health professional to support you in your healing journey that would be ideal. Establishing friends or peers with shared interests is also key. In my book on this issue, I discovered in the science there are many evidence-based ways to recover. Your brain is innately wired to repair and recover. It's a matter of doing daily practices. The book is called - The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. It's in lots of libraries. Please take compassionate care of yourself. You sound like an amazing person. There's a book about autism that may also interest you, it's called Neurotribes by Steve Silberman.
Thank you for this. I was bullied (or I would call it harassed) due to discrimination at my school. Lots of people took part, even students in sixth form, when I was 11. It only stopped during the last year of school.
A few years after I developed a chronic illness very early in life which even my doctor considered strange as it usually appears much later. I asked about it and apparently it can be brought on by extreme stress.
Well, as much as an illness can be brought on by stress, it can also be healed. The brain has an amazing capacity to heal and recover. There are a number of evidence-based strategies you can put into place to get better. Neuroscientists (along with psychologists and psychiatrists) have documented for decades the toll chronic stress takes on the body. It's time for change! Now that you know, you can set in motion a plan for recovery.
I am very sorry to hear that. Chronic or toxic stress is extremely hard on the brain and body, but the brain and body are also remarkably adept at healing. I spent a lot of time researching what neuroscientists have discovered about healing post-bullying / abuse and write about it in my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." It's being published in March 2022 (Prometheus Books). I hope it helps you heal.
Hey! How are you now, Li?
28 still alone forever 😢
I hope for you that you do not give up on connection. More important than even shelter and food is connection for our brains. Keep trying to replace being alone with being with people. I wish you all the best and can assure you that the science is clear that humans crave social-emotional relationships and you need to do your very best starting with friends, family, colleagues, groups you join, initiatives you commit to, volunteering, all of it to bring you connections.
So when I was in high school i was severely bullied. I was the nerd type of boy who gets all the good grades and all. So everyone hated me and I was called several names and was once beaten by 10 of my classmates at the same time. I cried so much that day. Also i used to like a girl at that time and I confessed to her but she rejected me. I would have been ok if she simply rejected me but the news got out and everyone started teasing me about it. Throughout highschool I had only one friend and that one too was always like I was like his last resort. Fast forward to now I got in my dream college and I am working towards my dream job, i have several friends here in college both boys and girls. In this one year I have improved a lot both physically and socially. I can now make conversations with others quiet easily. But those scars still exist. I am still not confident in speaking in a stage in front of a large crowd, i always find myself constantly overthinking about the tiniest of reasons, i have anxiety. Also i like a girl in my class but my fear of rejection is soo high that it has been one year but I haven't talked to her once. Anyways I quite happy now and i am constantly improving. So to all the people who were bullied in high school, believe me good times will come ,you will have great friends in college just keep believing in yourself and keep improving yourself physically and mentally. Sorry for my bad English
Your story is what fuels my new book The Bullied Brain especially the subtitle "Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." We all have neuroplasticity so if we've been bullied or abused or traumatized in another way, we can draw on our brain's ability to repair and restore. I packed the book full of evidence-based practices so maybe check it out to build up the confidence to speak to the girl you like and do public speaking. You sound like a brilliant, strong person thank you for sharing your story. I hope it helps others.
Best wishes to you. Your intellect will pull you through.
I was incredibly lucky, I encountered some verbal torment, my first year of high school wasn't great, though I was never physically threatened (this was 45 years ago). Fortunately my small school wasn't highly competitive for sports, and that was my salvation. There was no "making the team," we were so small that just showing up for practice was enough. Once I got into sports people tended to leave me alone, though I remained a loner and was still considered pretty strange. Had I been in a larger school this could have been very different.
But I very much regret not intervening on a few occasions when I saw it happening.
Very powerful and passionate talk Jennifer. Thank you for your work and making a difference.
I was a bullied at school for three years. I hid this from my parents and have barely given my bullies the satisfaction of seeing me broken down. I protected myself by building high walls around myself which years later I’m still trying to dismantle. Years later I’m planning to heal from this experience by telling my bully how this experience impacted my life. Maybe I’ll finally find peace after this.
The bully is on his or her own path and as is well-documented, they bully due to their own issues and struggles. You may reach out only to find that the bully is still stuck in their troubled place. BUT it's you who can make peace with yourself and with your brain. It's you who has the power to do brain-healthy behaviours and practices to replace outdated neural networks associated with being bullied, to new ones built around happiness, self-esteem, and healing. Working with a mental health professional can speed up this process and if you're interested in the research, my book's all about it and comes out in April. Take good care.
I stand up for others because a) it's wrong and b) no one stood up for me. It it easy? No, it puts me right back to being the target. Why do I do? Because SOMEONE has to. Love to all of you.
I found that standing up, speaking up to protect victims, refusing the re-victimization narrative, and then using research to debunk the bullying / abuse myths was empowering and inspiring. I think S. you would find the brain science fascinating, check out The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. Hurt brains hurt, but brains that love and connect flourish.
I remember my very first teacher humiliating me and some other kids because we brought the wrong pencils or something. We had to stand in front of other students and watch how they laugh at us. We were 5-6 years old.
That is a scarring experience for sure. One of my hopes with my forthcoming book (The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health - out March 8, 2022) is to share neuroscientific research with all teachers, parents, adults who work with kids that humiliation is extremely harmful to kids' brains. There's not place for it. I don't think a lot of adults know. Your awareness that this happened is of course the first step to letting it go and knowing you deserved better as a student.
I answered my own call to action at the end of this talk (sorry the audio is awful). I have written a book that is designed to help us all learn more about how our brains respond to bullying and abuse. When that's understood, then we can put in motion research-based ways to recover which are also discussed in the book. I have a PhD in Comparative Literature and believe heartily in research. My book comes out on April 15, 2022 with Prometheus Books (Rowman & Littlefield). If you want to learn more on this issue it's entitled "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health."
You should edit this comment to say: "I'm the speaker" on the first line
Being bullied at school is just as bad as having adverse childhood experiences which is why I don't know why school bullying isn't listed in the aces test they should include it well if they don't then it still counts like if someone wasn't hit or called names at home but we're at school work or camp or something like that then they should still count it on the aces test I was at both home and school so it would count either way but I find that alot of people who weren't bullied at home often were at school so makes me wonder why it's not in the test
I completely agree. In my forthcoming book, "The Bullied Brain," I ask the same question. There are so many victims---like gymnasts who were victims of Larry Nassar, basketball players abused by coach Mike Rice, victims in Boy Scouts, victims in places of worship like the Catholic Church---these are not ACEs that occur at home. I'm very glad you are thinking critically and becoming aware of harm done. The key thing to remember is all damage done to the brain can be healed. There are evidence-based strategies to recover full brain function. That's the really exciting and inspiring part of neuroplasticity.
I agree completely. If you only answer yes to abuse and neglect at "home" then the ACES test doesn't capture the rampant abuse at USA Gymnastics or the Catholic Church or in Residential Schools or Boy Scouts or in Public and Private Schools as you point out. Also, the research shows bullying by peers has a devastating effect on the brain as well so ACES needs to factor that in too.
Many students who are bullied at home don’t know it because it feels normal. It’s the way things are. These people can’t stop it at school because they can’t recognize the pre-bullying micro-aggressions, they feel like normal interactions.
Plz somebody help me. My bullying memory and bad memories haunting me for many years. I dont know what to do i am 18 it started when i was 12 my parents divorce and i dont know why everybody used to bully me in school i have gone through some shits from many years. And i cannot leve this behind it ruining my life. I cant figure it out. I dont know what to do. I am getting mad.
@@silverlagomorpha3177 So true
I'm 23 still trying to figure out why I'm even here, 0 self worth by myself and no confidence with others, constantly doubting myself. Don't know if it's all bullying but it sure got me started down this way.
Been socially and psychologically bullied everyday for almost 4 years in college/university
Verbally abused by family almost whole life
@@insta2691 This saddens me. But like I've said for others who are suffering, those who verbally abuse, who bully are not doing their brains any favours. The fact that you have a clear sense that you are being harmed; it's not your fault; those who put you down are aggressive and bullying; means you're on the path to healing. Some victims think it's their fault or they deserve it. The fact that you're clear means you are ready to exit the cage of learned helplessness and set out on the path to finding people in your life who are caring, mindful, have healthy brains, offer compassion and curiosity. Find your tribe. Don't spend time with anyone who puts you down.
@@insta2691 I hope you can get away from your family or anyone who verbally abuses you and replace them with empathic, fun, caring, supportive individuals. Your environment greatly impacts your brain and verbal abuse is very unhealthy.
You were all put on earth for a reason. While I am extremely saddened by all the pains and sufferings you have endured, you all experienced this for a reason. You are all my sisters and brothers. So, what do we do with these terrible experiences? We are to help change the world, of course. (And no, it won't be easy). Spread love and light.
I experienced to have trauma no social life and isolation? Thanks
Thank you for the lovely message. I hope it brings healing to those who have been bullied and abused.
I was bullied by my brother and his friends when i was 5 years old
i was bullied in middle school
I was bullied in high school
I was bullied in the army
I was also bullied at the work places that i worked at
I refuse to participate in this sick sick society anymore
I now stay at home and avoid the insanity of the world.
Hope that you find peace and happiness 😔✨ life can be so cold sometimes
@@meggydeloatch Thank you for your kind words Meggy.
From the research I read, bullying is really harmful to your brain. That's the pretty shocking and bad news, but I learned in doing years of research for The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health, you can get better. As I said in my note to you above, you can return your brain to organic brain health if it's not well. Take good care.
I was physically abused as a 4 year old. Emotionally neglected at school until 8 years old at school. So ya, I hate my life. I am 20, and still can't get over the fact that I was taken advantage of .
Im sorry you had to go through all that but i hope you find peace within yourself :)
Absolutely no need to hate your life. You are at the very least clear that you were wounded by outsiders...interruptors. Don't give them your power. Don't let them dictate who you are and who you will be. Your brain and body are masters at healing so set your sights on the future and on developing a recovery program. I have been researching this according to what the neuroscientists know and share it in my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" with Prometheus Books, March 2022. I really hope it helps you. Please take good care. There are lots of troubled people out there who hurt others, but that does not define you or predict your happiness and health.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Thanks, I hope to read that book when it releases! Noted it down already ...
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Hey I remembered this comment even after 2 years. Since I last posted here, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD only last week. I guess now's the right time to buy your book!
The teachers and administration were complicit in The bullying that I experienced in Middle School grade school and into high school.
Really sorry to hear this. I found this to be a major problem in researching my book The Bullied Brain. In fact, I don't even look at child to child bullying. I focused on adults who bully children so teachers who bully students then turn around and say "don't bully it's harmful." For kids, that kind of role-modelling one thing and then saying another is mind-bending. It's not good for the brain. At least you are very clear that the adults failed you. Now that you know that put your energy into healing any neurological scars you may have. What I found in the research is the brain is wired to repair and recover.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 hi and thanks for responding. I think I've dealt with most of my bullying issues although they seem to come up even in my 60s now. I was already healing after high school. Got into a church group that was accepting. Even when I was being bullied could look ahead to my life after grade school in high school and see that it would probably get better. Thanks for the video add your book.
I've always grown up with a big distrust or hesitation of authority. The teachers who look the other way or enabled my bullies might have had something to do with that.
i was bullied throughout elementary and middle school, changed schools because of it. now in high school i just keep to myself
Very sorry to hear that. High School is a new start hopefully. Can you find a club or a teacher's space like the art room or join a team or program like theatre in order to start building good relationships with your peers? Lots of times people who are talented are the ones who are targeted for bullying because they threaten those ones who feel compelled to put them down. You must have many gifts and be a wonderful person. If you are able, it would be great to get some professional counselling...maybe even your high-school counsellor can support you. Take good care.
Brother you must do pushups to gain strength that will protect you. Much love 💘
I was bullied a lot in middle school, a little in high school, and a lot by my brother at home. The effects are reaaaaaally long term. Like years and years pass and I still haven't found my self-esteem and I avoid social situations and my biggest dream is to just die
Please take care of yourself. There are excellent mental health counsellors who can help you repair the harm done. The neuroscience is extensive that says you absolutely can recover you self-esteem and enjoy social interactions. You have to think about bullies as "interruptors". They interrupt you, but you are always the one who can return to your path, finish what you are here to say, share your unique self. I hope that you find some support from my book that comes out in March. It's full of research that documents how we can "heal our scars and restore our health." I was badly abused as a child and while yes it's a long journey, it's worth every step getting better. I wish you so much healing.
Please just try to be still. Because we can survive this!
I was bullied from 7th grade to 12th grade I changed so much, my mom is afraid of me because I get so angry from the memories and the nightmares, i got bullied by my football teammates and my coaches beating me and humiliating me making fun of my name and my jersey number and everyone asks me why didn’t you tell anyone and I tell them all the time if you tell you make it worse for yourself. I guess it was my fault because I was a door mat and I didn’t want to get In trouble from fighting back or be a snitch but 2 years later I’m still angry but getting better and trying to calm down and be human again
Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing. Many who are bullied or abused do not report. The system at present cannot be trusted as you know so reporting often leads to further bullying and abuse, namely re-victimizing. I hope you learn that your anger is a stress response from your brain and body designed to keep you surviving, but it has no place now in your interactions with people. You can change that stress response by following evidence-based practices outlined by brain scientists. I write about their research in my new book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. I hope you turn your anger into self-care, self-compassion and a new way of being in the world. Nothing to do with bullying was your fault. You are a survivor.
I was bullied in middle school. It’s been a year shy of 4 decades and I still struggle/suffer.
I’ve confronted my tormentors online since 2018. I’ve been ignored, told to “get over it” and blocked.
I often reference Ms. Fraser’s work in my research.
I was bullied for my speech impediment as a kid and since then I’d always talked very quiet so no one else but the person I’m trying to talk too, hears me. Always fearing that I’m getting judged when I talk
You know Kevin we all have one kind of impediment or another. No one is perfect or ideal. And the thing that amazes me is that people who are "perfect" - the celebrities so many of us worship - do not appear to have happier lives for the most part. They suffer all kinds of misery. In researching bullying and abuse over the last ten years I've learned that bullies are really good at making you think they are bullying you "because" of something about you. It's not true though. Think of it this way: when a bully comes to school they are so miserable and desperate they have to find a target. They are like a hollow or half-person. Whatever awful thing is going on in their life, they are hungry for a target. They are incomplete. They can't play, have fun, learn new things, connect with a friend. They have to roam around until they find a target to humiliate. It's a red flag of mental illness starting. And you should read the stats on bullies and how frequently they end up in the criminal justice system. What I've learned in researching for my new book The Bullied Brain - bullies seek out targets who they envy and who they want to see lose some of their shine. So instead of thinking it was about your speech impediment, ask yourself what it was about you that made you a target. Did you have friends? Did you come from a happy home? Did your parents care about you and treat you with love and respect? These might of all being motivators. Let go of your fear. Speak up. Other people's judgement says a lot more about them than you.
Struggling with depression around this. It's hard to find people who understand this unless they have been through something similar.
Hi Laura, one of the best remedies for depression (after consulting with a doctor and mental health professional) is aerobic exercise. The brain research into how much it can help is powerful. You can read more about it and the brain science in my book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. It's inspiring to know how our brains are innately wired to repair and recover.
yea. I feel extremely alone ALWAYS and when i tell family or friends "it was in the passed" "let it go" "they were just kids". They don't comprehend when this stuff happens as a kid with a not even fully developed brain it straight up develops thinking this is normal. It does not go away. I hate it
@@thetahexhodlhands4550 I found out by reading a ton of research that you can make it go away. In my book The Bullied Brain I share with readers the evidence-based strategies I learned from the neuroscientists about how harm in the past (which is very serious) can be repaired. I hope you stop feeling alone and reach out to others.
Thank you Jennifer for this passionate talk.
ive been bullied for my learning disability and now i don't want to hang out with anyone because in
my head i feel like im not worth it so i just want to be left alone
You absolutely are worth it. I don't even use the term Learning Disability because it's inaccurate as I write about in my new book The Bullied Brain. You have a Learning Exceptionality. You simply learn differently from the herd learners. Every single brain is as unique as a fingerprint so get curious about your brain's strengths and weaknesses. The research by scientists show brains are wired to get stronger. It's all about what you practice and what environment you're in. An environment where there is bullying is toxic for brains so exit it and find a community of people to be your tribe. Learning differently is a challenge of course but it can also be a gift. I've taught for 20 years and all of the students I had with exceptionalities had amazing gifts. Take the time to find and develop yours.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 thank you
Why wasn't I informed about this when I got bullied, they told us it was bad but they never told us the long term effects....
The great news is you can reverse the negative effects of bullying. I have been finding out as much as I can and have recorded it in my forthcoming book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health." It's coming out in March 2022 with Prometheus Books. It is packed full of research that documents how much our brains are adept at healing and your health can be restored. I hope it helps you.
I've been bullied mercilessly as a child because I have learning disabilities by family, neighbors, churches and schools and because of this I was diagnosed with having C.P.T.S.D. by a Trauma Therapists.
That is really sad and I never use the term "learning disability." I refer to them as "learning exceptions" because the scientists know we all have unique brains and they process information and the world in different ways. Just because you don't learn like "the herd" doesn't mean your brain is somehow less than. People bully others who have talent and threaten them. They'll use any excuse to put other people down so I think it probably says a lot more about those people's lacks than anything to do with you. I talk in my new book about so called learning disabilities and how often they are not very helpful unless they get you the support you need. You can check it out in The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. Please take good care of yourself and it's great you're working with therapists. Your brain has unlimited potential.
Without fully watching the video, and just answering the title... I can say, YES it does. I went through a lot. I won't get into too much detail right now, but I will say now at 20-21 years old, neither my self-worth or self-esteem are the best, and I struggle with social connections (and missed lots of opportunities). Loneliness or isolation, and/or simply not fitting in is almost certainly my norm now.
I'm trying to accept my this at this point, because the friends I do have are likely to fade away in the near future... not to mention the pandemic, which doesn't help anything. It kinda feels like I'm at a loss for this experience and have to live with that now.
That's awful. I have been reading about how we can harness neuroplasticity (our brain's capacity for change) in order to recover from bullying and abuse. I can assure you that there is a ton of evidence-based ways to re-establish attachments and connections with people. Your brain is primed to keep you safe so it now thinks the world of relationships is a dangerous place. Only you can rewire those neural networks in your head and replace them with healthier, more accurate ones. It's hard work but especially with a mental health counsellor working with you, it's absolutely doable. I wish you wellness and connection.
The worst part at being bullied in a government institution is that you are not allowed to fight back.
If i had the freedom to beat my abusers to death then i wouldnt have self esteem problems.
I hate children.
Many people never grow up.
Lazarus you can turn that hate into compassion; you can transform that powerlessness into empowerment; you can replace violent impulses into mindful self-regulation. That's what's amazing about the brain. You have brain plasticity, neuroplasticity until your final day on the planet. You can follow evidence-based strategies to recover your empathy and lead a less stressful life. I outline such strategies and research in my book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. Hope that helps. I wish you all the best.
I think noone should be bullyed.
Students should not take this kind of behaviour from teachers. I seen it during my life.
And also teachers shouldn't take this from students. Seen that too.
I think the rule should be:
This behaviour is NOT normal for ANYONE
27 and still alone in isolation. Thanks bullies and blackmailing molesters
Being alone is not great for your brain. Our brains are wired to be social. Of course you don't want to be at risk, but please try and find a group, a community, a chosen family, colleagues. Your brain will do far better when you develop connections. We live in a world of normalized bullying so you'll have to navigate that challenge, but finding your people is worth it.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 it's like good people don't exist.
I didn't even realize I was bullied cause I've always thought for something to be called bullying it must include violence. From like 3/4th grade to 6th in elementary, every day I went to school there's at least one person making jokes about me, and the whole class, including my only friend and some of the teachers (usually the ones who's trying to be cool) would be laughing. I never told anyone thinking it wasn't a big deal and I don't remember ever crying because of it but now looking back it makes sense why I've always been so scared to do anything that will put me back in that situation, or just anything that gives me the risk of getting ridiculed. I'm scared of cutting my hair, or try a different style, even if I actually want to, cause people will give comments and say that I'm trying too hard, I'm scared of trying to improve my english pronunciation, or other skills that's usually shown publicly cause if i fail people will laugh at me, etc. 7th grade till now I'm homeschooled (not because of the bullying though, cause my parents never knew) and I don't know if it's helping or if it's making things worse, all I know is that I have to try my best to overcome this fear 😆.
actually idk I'm still not so sure if I was really bullied, I can't really recall what it was like, my memory sucks ig
If people are mocking you, laughing at you, making jokes about you, it's definitely bullying. If you were joking with friends about each other, that is fun and fair, but it you're being targeted, singled out, then it's bullying. There is a great deal of violence that can be done with words, with leaving someone out, with making a cruel gesture, by ignoring them, by ostracizing them (shunning them). These are all harmful behaviours designed to make people feel destabilized, insecure, and afraid. I just had a book come out full of strategies on how to heal from this kind of treatment if it's useful for you. It's called The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. It's new (April 2022) but I assume it will be in libraries soon enough. Thank you for being confident enough to share.
@@ev3568 When we are being bullied, our brain protects us oftentimes by either pushing us never to forget this harmful, threatening behaviour or by making us erase it because it's painful. It's not your memory that's a problem; it's the unkindness you faced. I hope to see you become courageous, trust yourself, take risks and stop worrying about other people. Those children and even teachers who participated in making you feel less than, just showed you that they are truly suffering. People who put others down, have a weak identity and try to build it up by putting others down.
This comment was two years ago, but I experienced nearly the same thing. In 7th grade this guy made fun of my appearance, did some inappropriate things, and would always bother me. Now I am in college and it’s my first year of it and I almost feel like how I felt whenever I was in middle school.
My mind is trying to protect me from “my bully” even though he isn’t there. I don’t answer questions because that draws the attention to me, when I hear people laughing I feel like they’re laughing at me, and I feel as though people are staring right at me. Whenever people taunt me jokingly I feel uneasy, when someone gives me feedback I take it as they attacking me. Even though I know they aren’t. It’s awful.
Despite all of this, I don’t mind talking to people sometimes and would start small talk. Once I get to know someone I slowly open up more. However, I really want to move on and improve the way I think. I don’t want to keep worrying about getting mocked whenever the bullying was years ago.
I was bullied regularly since kindergarten up to year 6, in year 7 I started drinking and skipping school and I guess it eased down a little, because I came so isolated from the group and found new "friends" who were over 20..
Very sorry to hear that and hope you can let go of self-medicating with alcohol. Bullying is truly destructive and I just cannot imagine why the adults in your world did not stop it and keep you safe. The brain scientists have a lot of research that shows your brain is innately wired to repair and restore organic brain health so I hope you take good care of yourself.
And we wonder why mental health is at a decline in our society and criminal activity is on the rise. How we treat each other is fundamental. Let's not kill each other. ❤
I dont want to say I am a victim because that sounds like I seek attention... But i figured out that the bullying has impacted me more then the SA. Especially in school. I always lose all friends, because i am to alert and to straight to the point. I have a feeling that it would never get better.
What I learned from the research is that you can absolutely get better. Sounds like you suffer from hyper-vigilance (you're always on the alert for the next onslaught). This is exhausting for your brain and body. In my new book I outline ways to change your brain back to organic brain health. The evidence-based practices are not hard to do but take time. Getting your brain back to health is like getting in shape physically through exercise. It's hard work but worth it.
Soullessness is to enjoy the tournament of innocence.
You keep fighting. Even if you die. Even after death.
Fighting, I'm not sure. I'd love to see us replace fighting with repairing, healing and becoming psychologically and brain-science knowledgable so we can fulfill our immense potential.
That's why so many have hated this terrible world for so long. This is what people get after complaining about major problems in their classroom or workplace.
It's why we all have to work together for change. Reading the research, I've learned that bullying / abuse are simply cycles. It's like an infectious disease so we need to stop its transmission. We need to treat perpetrators as if they are medically ill and get them better so they don't infect others. I'm not excusing abusive behavior, not at all, but our system of punishment and enabling (totally contradictory) does not work. I argue in my book "The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health" that if we treated bullying as a medical, not just moral issue, we'd do a better job of ousting it.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 agreed!! Bullying affects people much beyond their childhood and often, the bullies are themselves mentally disturbed. Thereby, taking their home or family frustration over others or, maybe they do it out of jealousy and similar stuff.
Well, having my core identity ignored has made me very mean to anyone I think might repeat it and to other people I just kindly ignore them. All someone has to do is prove they may be an invalidator and I will flat out ignore them. The worst is when they congregate in groups and ostracize you. Now I see the world this way either they will invalidate you or they just won't understand. But to any one I have decided is not safe for my identity I will yell at them or block them on social media before they can potentially get a jab in. It is just an all-out KO on my scoreboard, and it makes me feel in control and powerful.
You sound very self-aware and wisely able to protect your core from others. Could I suggest taking time to keep developing your core identity that was ignored in the past. I think you may feel less at risk and less needing to manifest aggression through yelling if you build up and become more knowledgeable of your core. I only say this because in the research there are health concerns with striving always for control and power. It can be hard on your brain and body. It can affect relationships. And it happens to people who have been bullied / abused and ignoring is one of the most powerful weapons to hurt someone. A child's brain can develop to interpret the world as threatening rather than be open and curious about it so it's worth taking some time on this. Sometimes working with a counsellor can do immense good in this regard.
Bullied all my school life just for my race
12:04 this, great way to put ❤❤❤
It was supposed to be talking about under age bullied.
Idk but 10-12 don’t get bullied by under age, but for under 10 I just had enough of under age bullies.
The sound is awfull, too bad, it's an important topic
I know....I was disappointed in the sound but also feel that this is a critically important topic.
Thank you, thank you. ❤❤
Jennifer, do you recommend any (physical, recreational )activities that will help me start recovering from these experiences? Nowadays I highly depend of other people's approval, after being bullied by my classmates for many years
I was bullied for 5 years in school and also by my father
Sounds like you are very aware and that is the key. It's much more harmful when you identify with the "aggressor" and believe that somehow the abuse was deserved and it was your fault. Absolutely not. Now that you have seen you were harmed, just like if you needed to recover from physical blows, it's time to recover. Your brain has an amazing capacity to heal and return to optimal performance.
@@jenniferfraser5253 I really don't know how to start my recovery. I feel like I can't function properly due to the trauma caused by so many years of bullying and psychological abuse. I'm always tense and socially anxious when interacting with people and it really hurts because I was really extroverted during my early childhood years.
@Film Recaps I love this answer. This is so powerful and every word rings true. It's immensely helpful to connect with a therapist, counsellor, mental health professional to get the repair in motion, but it's also true what you say that you only have "you" - in my book - I change this slightly so it reads you only have your Mind-Brain-Body and it's all about how they are interacting. Luckily for us, the Mind-Brain-Body is an incredible trio for healing. Thank you for generously taking the time to help all of us learn from your harmful experience.
Having been a substitute teacher for 3 years, I know many teachers are bullies.
Living with bullying all my life from school to work life has had big impacts on my life. I cant trust or love any one and dont believe in god or hope in life. Its not a right of passage to victimize people when in school or at work. those people are some ones family members who had a life before you destroyed it. I know it wont make a diffrence on this chat. Just hope it make others feel less alone how society neglect us.
Thank you for your reply
After 7 years of being bullied, I still have ptsd flashbacks
One way to think about your flashbacks it to see that you brain is wanting to remind you of threatening situations, one's that harm you. But it's up to you - your mind - to manage your brain and tell it that you're thankful for the reminder, but you're also safe. It can relax. You can use deep breathing from the belly / diaphragm to further let your brain know you're safe. Number one priority for the brain is your safety and survival and when you have a flashback it doesn't know that it's a memory and not happening in the moment. This is where the mind is a powerful ally in calming down the brain.
4:00 is on point
She resigned. But… she did not do so until she found out it was her son that was bullied. Now I do believe that things happen for reason, e.g., we get to see this video bc of this series of events. So I’m glad that she did this and stood up, etc. BUT. I still ask her to be honest with herself, would she have resigned from the school if it was not her own child. She might have advocated, tried to change the school climate, etc. But again, I do wonder if she would’ve reached these conclusions/activism without it truly hitting home on a personal level.
Every reply I write to you gets cut. Perhaps because I try to send you to my website to read my blog. Key thing is you're so right. I had to examine what it was that made me speak up for my son, but why I failed to speak up when I knew students were being abused. I have been unpacking all of this in a blog series "How I Became an Unlikely Whistleblower." Your reflection on this is very insightful. I hope you can forgive me for failing my students. It's a tough one for me.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Goodness. First, I’m glad your response was finally allowed to post. Second, you don’t need my forgiveness, nor do I feel you’ve failed your students. I’m so very glad you were able to reach the final conclusion you did. As I posted prior, life’s sequence of events are odd ones. I myself have gone through really awful periods, that in reflection years later, I have come to understand were essential for my own growth. To include learning my own part in creating that “awful” event. I super appreciate your response, and it exemplifies your very apparent ability to conduct inner reflection, which is rare. You likely had already reached these conclusions before my post (or maybe even prior to your speech/video), but it was difficult to ascertain from my viewing. Thank you again for your response, the clarification, and for being a continued advocate (from a survivor of childhood bullying.) ☺️🙏🏻💕
@@sumofo9742 Your words of compassion mean a lot. I think you and I were reflecting on this issue of self-protection unless a tipping point occurs or a line is crossed---for me it was the abuse being done to my son. I appreciate that we are both learning, forgiving ourselves for making mistakes, striving to hold ourselves accountable and be better. It's really all we can do. I use writing as a way to help me figure things out and I am still writing about my student who committed suicide. It's a daily heartbreak for me. Thank you for being kind and wise. 💓
Supposedly I should have mercy towards my bullies in my teens, because they couldn't handle my mood swings due to my misery I had back at home. I never see someone with a strong support base getting excessive conflicts while being ganged upon. I'm just saying.
It must have been incredibly hard to have misery in your home and then be targeted by peers. You must be a very strong person to have gotten through this and I don't think you need to feel mercy for those who targeted you. Your focus could be better spent on repair work and healing work. You deserve mercy for yourself for the mood swings and it sounds like you have that. Being clear that you were reacting to adversity at home gives you power to become who you want and be responsive in the way you want. Creating a strong support base for yourself would also hopefully be healing for you.
I am depressed, i don't know what to do about it, i been bullied for over 5 years
But, its been like 3 year ago, but... Something change, i want to cry, i want to hug something i cant keep this anymore, i hate things, even myself
Please @retrofalcon1329 find the right person, people, to speak with. Choose carefully an individual who can listen with empathy and insight. It would be excellent to get a counsellor to support you to feel better. I have been reading a lot of research into how our brains react to bullying and feeling like crying, reaching out, sharing your struggle, self-loathing are to be expected. It's reactions happening in your brain and you can absolutely get back feeling better, happy, and full of self-compassion and love. Mental health professionals are experts at supporting and guiding you so please please get the support you need. Our brains are wired to recover even from bullying.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Thanks for the comments🙏
I do indeed have friend, but I don't want to bother them with my past, it's all in the past.
People have their own pain, pain aren't mean to be shared, surely my friend had pain too (maybe?) Even if I tell, it's not like they can do about it, I told someone, well they are confused what they should do
People have their own business you and even me, and all I can is to cope my past with my hobby
@@retrofalcon1329 It is huge to finally let your friends know. It took me until the age of 36 to do that. It's a great victory to overcome the shame and, at least in my case, it was a huge relief, both mentally and physically, as my ticks and anxiety largely disappeared after I addressed my issues and uttered them.
I forgave my childhood bullies. Why because I don't see them anymore.
now thats clever, how do u forgive though when you have PTSD?
@@chloeberry5674 I would say if you have PTSD see a therapist because I never got ptsd from bullying because now I bully the bullies
@@muhamedjones122 Yes I agree that seeing a therapist is key, but may I gently caution that bullying others is harmful to *your* brain so I wouldn't' recommend it.
i am 54 and yes
Yes.
I ended with the action step that we need to look into the brains of those being bullied and abused. No one really answered it so I did it myself. After years of research my new book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health teaches us from the brain science that we are impacted but that our brains are also adept at repair and recovery.
Any good books on this?
I humbly reply Yes! My new book is an answer to my call to action in this talk. I wanted to see what research could offer us to recover and in April 2022 my new book came out: The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. It's empowering and inspiring to learn what brain scientists know.
It's a shame the audio is so bad. This topic is very relevant to me as I had been bullied for about ten years during childhood, but as a non-native speaker of English it's just very hard to understand. (Only due to the acoustics.) Is there a transcript of the speech by any chance?
I don't have a transcript of the speech, sorry. The sound quality is not good...it's hard to understand even for English speakers. If the topic is relevant to you, I have a book coming out in February 2022 about the subject that is obviously much more in-depth. It's called The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. Hopefully that's helpful to you after suffering so much bullying. Sigh.
@@thebulliedbrain1604 Thanks for the recommendation and, of course, for the kind words!
Pathetic audio
I know...the TEDx was hosted by students at Langara University and while they were fabulous, they didn't get much support from the university.
voice is not clear
The sound quality is awful. If there's something you missed and would like me to clarify, I will try my best. I am passionate about the issue and how much we need to change.
Where is God in all this. He don't care.
Not sure...but the brain science is inspiring and empowering. I answered my own call to action in this talk whereby I learned from the neuroscientists what's happening in the brain when someone is being bullied / abused. I learned it's very damaging, but the good news is the human brain is wired to repair and restore its health. That's hopeful.
My parents bullied me
Same dude, same.
That's very sad. It is a cycle that we tend to pass on so chances are your parents were bullied by their parents and don't know any other way. You can halt that cycle by not bullying others, especially not your own children. Bullying does not get results. Empathy, compassion and challenge do.
Please find a counselor and get help.
Whose didn't?
Mine are my cousins 😐
Audio sounds awful...
I know...sorry. It was put on by students at Langara College and they got little support. Sigh.