The Zarna Garg Family Podcast | Ep. 22: The 'I Do' Deadline
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- My husband and I face off against our college-bound daughter over when to tie the knot. Arranged marriages, matchmaking aunties, and extravagant weddings are colliding with the realities of love, career aspirations, and personal freedom. Inspired by the Kardashians, we'll explore how public figures balance family growth with personal development and gender expectations. It's a cultural clash like no other, and you won't want to miss a single moment of the uproarious fun!
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A+++++ to Veer for max entertainment in min words. The line “if i wanted moral support, i would get a pet” was golden!!! 😂😂😂
Totally - loved it
"Emotional" support, but not "moral" support. Dog can't give that, so he did not think that one through well enough, IMO>
That cracked me up real good. That line was truly epic.
Bravo Zoya for not crumbling down in pressure from parents. Felt bad for Zoya! I don’t understand why Zarna and Shalabh pushed zoya so much to get into an IVY league and then now at 21 putting this pressure on her - even if it was just in talks - to get married by 25!
Have to say Zarna and Shalabh are still thinking like the Indian parents thought in the 80s. India has moved on now and in cities now majority of Indian parents don’t even bring up marriage topic with their daughters until they are financially independent after completing their education. Women in India are now marrying in their late 20s or early 30s. Women are having kids in India in their 30s and mostly 2nd kid in their later 30s.
Having kids in the 30s for women allow women to focus and build their career for a good 15 years after college and reach a comfortable, higher position, higher pay bracket and then have kids which is very much affordable to get all the help you need to keep your career going - daycares, cleaners at American homes, occasional help with cooking etc.
Imagine having a kid young - the woman’s career is screwed, the couple is surviving and bringing up the child in little to average money, the woman is not happy making the sacrifice she made after studying so hard and giving up her job to cook, clean and babysit. For the husband too it is better to have a wife you goes out, meets people, realizes the challenges of the outside world and gets a perspective. For the working woman’s husband too he shares the household chores this making him appreciate the effort made by a home maker
Very true! Please read this zarna aunty!
Couldn’t agree more
So true!
Agree !!
Well the assumption here is having kids and raising them is end of your career especially for women, that's not true, you can still have kids young, still have a job and later focus on your career in your 30s, this applies to both men and women. In fact on the contrary , concentrating on your career in 30s and 40s is more important than 20s. So 20s are the best time to have kids especially for women. There are exponential health risks for children born to older parents, that's not worth the risk. The only stumbling block is finding the right partner at right time, I don't think career should be the problem here.
Now that I am 35 yrs old with 2 kids under 13 months old I do finally see that you CANNOT do it all and no you CANNOT have it all at the same time every day. I agree with Zarna and Brij how important it is to be with your kids to be well raised well adjusted children with stability in their lives
Love the intelligent way Zoya articulates herself. Hope she finds a partner who respects and admires this amazing quality of hers!
Zoya you are right. Never let anyone change your mind. Even in India it’s quite common for girls to marry after 25!
The Garg’s are easily my favorite family on the internet. I love how nobody holds back on their point of view, the sense of humor everyone has is delightful to watch, and I love how intentional/present each Garg is 🥺 My A goes to each of you. Love yall!! ❤
Zoya was wayyy above everyone today… You GO Girl 🙌🏼🥰🇮🇳👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼WooHooo 💃🏻🎶🌹
These ppl , especially Zarna are stuck in some time capsule. ""Keep your mouth shut and have no opinions. Thats hiw the whole of asia is doing it"... please come to any urban Indian city and see how married women are working and taking care of their families at the same time, leading rich and satisfying life. I don't know a single woman who doesn't have opinions.
zarna is opinionated , but does not want others to have opinions.zarna will stand up and fight for everything, but is afraid of her sons wives doing the same. zarna comes from an extremely wealthy family in bombay - and she is a gujju ! - the gujju factor says it all. Word has it that one can never trust a gujju for armed forces - they will sell the country ! The gujjus are very clever in the most outrageous ways. these episodes just bring out the most outlandish ways. having said all this - *comedy is not everybody's cup of tea. it is an art of presenting the most mundane matter humorously and zarna does it exemplarily*
Its vastly different raising a family and having a fulfulling career in India vs USA. The struggle is very real without the support of domestic help, extended family, relatives and friends, both in corporate jobs or if you are an entrepreneur.
its the sad truth , there are many indian women who are not allowed to have an opinion...
Their view of India is stuck to the date they left.
yeah 😂 I think Zarna and husband doesn't go back to India. Urban Indian women are very ambitious and are keeping up with their career. They just talk down upon Indian women of this age
These kids are too young to even think about marriage. Their concentration right now is their education and careers.They should not feel pressurised at all about marriage.Dont think Zoya needs to be on a dating app.She is so beautiful and intelligent, there must be hundreds of men who would love to date her.
Exactly.. shocking that they are forcing their 21 year old to get married.
They are not forcing them to get married now. Chill
@@San-sue did you not watch the podcast. They are forcing her to start looking now itself. At 21 I was doing my masters.
@@asht7899agreed I didn’t like how it went. They looked like very orthodox parents asking their 21 year to find someone and get married. She is in college now and they should be instead asking her to focus on her studies and get financially independent.
Zoya you are 100 percent correct. Do not let your parents shake this conviction.
My A+ Grade goes to the beautiful Zoya🥰🙏🏼. You are intelligent , beautiful, kind, empathetic, true to yourself, generous, loving and the world needs more ladies like you dear Zoya❤ I am an Indian woman living in Bombay, India. 🇮🇳
I chose to return to Bombay after living the “materialistic selfish life” in the West.
Zoya is a class act! Speaks with so much heart. So brilliant too. Love her!
Amen! Zoya gets it! Don't settle.
In every aspect this family seems so progressive, but this girl and boy thing baffles me. Modern India is over kanya-daan. The girl is closer to her family than in-laws all while still respecting and taking care of them. Why should Zoya be cut off because she gets married? Why can't her husband and kids become a part of this? I feel sad for Zoya to be dealing with such mentality all while living in USA. And the family justifies all of this by saying - thats how India / Asia is. No it's not. It's evolved.
Agreed. Parents are still stuck in the old mentality
Well said. This is one episode that I found this family to be wayyyy out of touch with reality.
With all due respect, I think zarna, you have got the whole perception of Indian women wrong. You know an india of the 90s when you left india. Maybe women were different at the time. Today all women are getting a basic degree and striving hard for jobs. There are multiple avenues open for women to work. Women are having opinions and are contributing to their family financially. Mainly because cost of living is high these days so both members of the family have to work.
You are very casually putting it out there about Indian women when in reality, there is much more for you to be educated.
All in good spirit !
The number of my friends who are 35 and having horrific difficulties and issues with getting pregnant right now is absolutely heartbreaking. Do not delay this until 35 or such age.
A+ to Zoya (and A+ to Veer for giving his A grade to her too) - I coach women in their 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s - and I coach them simply to be strong. Be strong if they choose family life or to go it alone. In either situation, you need to be strong. There is no right or wrong answer here. Indian culture glamorises marriage, but in reality, marriage to the wrong person can cause such misery in a person's life.
Absolutely! We need kind and strong human beings who can understand their potential and work for the betterment of the society whether they are home makers or working in any company, whether they are married or unmarried and whether they have kids or do not have.
the right person will turn wrong person post marriage 😂, better get used to be left over
Zoya you spoke Extremely well today dear girl 👍🏼👍🏼🇮🇳🙏🏼❤️As an Indian woman myself I am very proud of you.
And let me tell you a lot of women in India nowadays feel the same way! Whether their own financial or family situations allow them to or not… a large percentage of Indian women living in India feel the Same as you. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🇮🇳❤️🤞🏼😘Peace and Love Girl🌻
Please read before explaining any Hindu rituals,, it is not girl who is donated in kanyadaan, in factual sense, the gotra of daughter is given away and girl accepts boys family chain,,, a girl is NOT donated ,,, plz don’t make fun of anything with half knowledge
My A GRADE is to Zoya. I agree that she wants to be independent and confident. And also that she wants to wait to get married. ❤ Brij is just finishing high school… for sure his opinions will change when he enters college.
This is soooo disappointing from the Garg parents. Indians in India are way more progressive than what was displayed on this podcast. The huge other point is - you can want what you want but life takes its own course and sometimes things happen much later than you planned for it. Enough early marriages within educated families have ended so badly that it is way better to wait it out and marry the same man or woman closer to your 30s or after. And as someone who has watched friends go through divorce, I cannot emphasize how much of an emotional rollercoaster it is. Zoya or any young women should meet enough men to know what works for them and what doesn't which typically takes up a lot of your 20s because your needs at 21 are very very different to your needs at 27/29 and then when you meet the one, you will just know it. And then you take the dive. And Zoya, don't sweat these conversations. Parents always talk about ideal situations but your life takes so many interesting twists and turns that no one is prepared for! and if a guy is discriminating a woman based on age, that he is over 30 but he doesn't want his wife to be 30, that is something I would find very off-putting as a modern day woman. And those are things you would expect sisters or mothers to iron out with kids like Brij very early on. If his sister was 35, he would want her to meet someone amazing - so why are the rules different when it is a woman he would meet.. These views keep shifting with age, things are never so black and white in real life, but parental pressure on these matters is rarely helpful.
Im shocked how a 21st century parents can talk like this. Its so sad that they are living in America and still have the mindset of an Indian village. Even Indian parents living in India dont think like this these days. Zoya please do your masters, get a job, buy a house and then get married. Do not change your personality. And try to get married to a US born indian or a white person.
Well…the landscape in India has CHANGED completely!! No Girl, specifically who is pursuing higher education gets married so early!! I myself got married at the age of 29! Parents allow (& trust) daughters to take their own paths and control their own lives! We are no more considered a “thing” for “donation” anymore..😅 I really feel for Zoya that she has to go through marriage pressure at the age of 21 after being in America studying at Stanford! Guys…she is intelligent and should have a mind of her own..isn’t it?!?! None of us (girls) in India are told to have NO opinions because things have really changed here and around the world for women because parents have become more progressive and don’t think their only duty is to get their daughters married and wash their hands off after all that we have seen girls facing post marriage (killings, torture and what not)! We are in the era - where people are more women centric though I would agree that a lot needs to be changed because we still have women suffering and don’t have a voice. So, we who are “privileged” (given an opportunity to study and allowed to have opinions definitely is a privilege) should not be forced to shut up because if one girl’s life change for better, it can impact countless!
Not against marriage and having kids but it definitely should not be a race - we believe that in progressive educated families! Also people - we definitely need to look at the population problem that we got here and its impact!! 😅 Lot of couples have decided voluntarily not to have children now for the same reason!! It is “choice” that people are choosing!!
All the best Zoya!! You are a great girl and so is your family - you will be absolutely fine! ❤
I love her show.. but one thing I don't like about her is that she has so many misconceptions about india that it is not funny anymore..
The beautiful thing about life is that everything falls into place. Don’t worry about age and all these other things. One day something happens and the answers will come to you. If things don’t work, you change them. You tweak as you age. I love listening to this family. Such grounded kids. Mom and dad, don’t worry. You raised great kids who will make great decisions.
Hey c’mon , 21 is too early to plan getting married..take one step at a time, get a boyfriend and u’ll find the next steps by yourself..
Zarna Asian women of this age is as financially independent as West and have their own opinion.
Unfortunately, this was a very regressive episode.
I love Veer! "If I wanted moral support, I'd get a dog " Out of the mouth of babes.
😂😂 yessss Veer is the best. Our logical King!
Veer...said only a few words but stole the sow. Sensible.
@@kathleenkat6685 Veer is a 10,000 year old soul who drops truth and wisdom nuggets all the time.
He's a little too controlled. Not sure how that would work in a marital situation. But, he is young and time will tell.
Yes I came on here to say I cannot believe that Veer did not get his A grade for that moment of sheer entertainment😂
Aunty Zarna, you are Extremely one-sided and ONLY FAVOUR BRIJ EVERY SINGLE TIME!! WHY?!?! You cannot even by mistake give your fantastic daughter the A Grade, even once…. Even when she 150% has earned it and is so articulate, intelligent, empathetic, smart and loving.
You and your “I give my A grade to my son Brij” - you suck today woman! Get an objective attitude already 😡
Yeah, and her telling people who have sons that they did well, and calling daughters a challenge is very offensive. Unabashed misogyny. This needs to be called out.
Why are the parents here in US so limited and lined in their opinion. This is not that much a scene in India today. You get married when you feel its the right time and you have a right partner and you are financially independent. There is no other reason. PERIOD
Because sometimes they live in the India they left behind in their heads
are you sure that is the thinking of majority of Indian families? or just you and your surroundings?
Mom and Dad are making matters worse by trying to control the situation. Divorces are on the rise. Zoya…. I have a beautiful 6 yr old….She is in GT/ on the swim team/ is learning Kathak and Tennis….wish I had your strength…..I need you to be strong for my daughter…lil brown girls need newer better role models….old models need to hand over the button and enjoy retirement….. also…. find a man who signs a pre nup…. This can also be your next topic… Pre Nups amongst Indians…😊….. We do not need fake marriages and room mates showing up to Indian events…..
ZOYA ROCKS!!!!!!!’ Zarna, Zoya is the strong minded smart intellectual young woman that she is⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️
Zoya spoke my mind. A+++ to Zoya AND Veer for extending his support for Zoya in the kindest way possible. 💯
In her comedy, Zarna makes a joke about favoring boys and dismissing her daughter, but this episode shows they maybe doing that in real life as well.
Am I the only one who notices that Zarna and her husband favor the boys more than their daughter ? Her opinions never get an A+, while the comment section always give her an A. I also heard she is the one who encouraged her mom to do stand up comedy.
Also, What age are Zarna and Shalab living in? "She will have the intelligence to shut her mouth" is the purpose of Zoya's college education? That is so rude and Shalab dismissed his daughter so many times before, but in this episode it's awful. Don't worry Zarna, women are not fooled by Shalab's words.
Of course, raising kids is hard. But not as hard as before and many working couples are doing it fine. No one in India even lives like that, I don't know why Zarna and her husband think that whole of Asia is doing it.
Day 1234556789 of thinking that i deserve a family like this too
Heyyy heyy!! Questionnn please do read this mam
Talking about sacrifices... I wanna ask brij... Would you sacrifice your career for your kids if hypothetically it was a *" Boy gender norm"*.... I dont think so.
You are passionate... And i dont think you will leave your dreams.. You would even leave the thought of having kids if someone forced to stop pursuing your dreams.
Well your sister the same way she has aspirations...! If you are not reasy to sacrifice it... It is useless to expect from the other person... I feel so Sorry and stressed for the pressure we have to go through (I'm her age).....
My parents (Im from India) are really supprotive and in agreement with me because they have seen me and my brother struggling equally hard for their dreams
Also she is wayyy too young for marriage.. In urban india avg marriage age is almost 28 nowadays
Zarna let me break this to you - a lot of people in India now do not have the Kanyadan ceremony. I love you guys BTW.
Zarna ma’am I think you need to revisit India and see the new India in the eyes of younger generations of millennials and Genz .. you will understand how relatable Zoya is …
The whole thing sounded like an aunty and uncle from 1980s trying to convince their kids to marry early
Such a challenging topic. Veer stole the show for me by giving the A grade to Zoya. He is 11 but showed such empathy and not to mention that he was absolutely correct in identifying this as a lonely battle for Zoya. Having said that, as an Indian I totally get where the parents are coming from too... but really tough one. All indian families go through this.
More power to you Zoya. You will figure this out. Keep the faith and trust your instincts.
I am 54 and born and brought up India. My parents told me marry whom you want once you are financially independent. I agree with all the comments that one doesn’t have to marry in the 20’s. Zoya take your time.
It is hate speech against women to keep referring to daughters as objects to give way in charity (kanyadaan), and your show has previously had Salabh say that Zoya (his daugher) belongs to another family (like paraaya dhan). You should stop this at once. Even if you refer to it as practices among many Hindus, you must condemn these practices and ideas anytime you mention them. Otherwise your show is a vehicle for hate speech against women and misogyny.
Yes, was not expecting that from zarna. Kind of disappointed that she holds that opinion
There was a movie - can't remember the title, Indian movie. Shown in the U.S., but quickly was taken off the theater's schedule as it was so unbelievably shocking. The movie was about what Indian women did when their husbands died. They sat atop the funeral pyre of their dead husband and self-immolated! 19th century, I believe. They fought hard to overturn this practice. Look it up. Very shocking stuff. But, it shows just how much power the husband had - that if he died, she could not live alone without him.
@@marymagdalene3004 of course I don't have to look it up. I am from India, we know all about it. It is called Sati or Suttee. There still are Sati temples all over India. Newly married women are encouraged to go to these temples to get "inspired." Sick stuff. Must be condemned strongly.
And those women did not voluntarily sit on their husband's funeral pyre. They were drugged and beaten. They did not have a choice to live. And after the widow was burned on her husband's funeral pyre, the family of the husband made a lot of money as people would come and visit the site and make a donation in appreciation of this horrible practice.
My personal opinion is Zoya is over enjoying or overdoing her intelligent and opinionated status!!! Zoya, though your mother became successful after long break she was also opinionated and independent from the beginning! Actually guys also like only women who are opinionated and independent only. If you are talking like this around 1980s, there is some truth. Now a days all women are independent and opinionated! They only weigh the pros and cons of situations and act wisely on it. This action may not project them as very promising and independent but they will reap the fruits in later part of life!!
Brij is too young to understand the maturity to like and get married to 30 year old women. He is in attraction faze.
I like each member of this intelligent family and their dynamics, Zarna is so sensitive and funny but I feel she is not very happy in her marriage ?
I think it makes sense to look at actual couples that you aspire to be like and then work backwards.
Also the best place to meet a potential partner may not be the apps but a person you already spend time with. Like a classmate/ colleague. Less time needed to get to know them (and actually better to be friends before dating).
The problem with finding a partner when ambitious is similar to finding a job in your field after a phd. Hard to find but when you do find it.. it’s great. Because while you are looking for them, they are also looking for you. And you end up not wasting time on candidates that are not viable.
At this age since you have luxury of time, the best thing to do is be picky. Be extremely picky. I think Zoya has her head screwed on right. Way to go girl. You can always drop your standards later if need be. And then there is always arranged marriage!
Men do have biological clock, but their clock runs not as fast as for women
I don't know a single married man who has never outsourced his sexual needs at any point during his married life. I think you should also do a podcast about "What should be the deal breakers during a romantic relationship?" now that Zoya and Brij are of dating age and might start romantic relationships which may or may not culminate in marriage
Great topic!!!!
Giving my A grade to Zoya for unflinching in her conviction that she would like to continue seeking her position and contribution in society. She will become like her mother, strong, loving, and goal oriented while continuing to be a part of the Garg unit.
I agree with Brij that women should understand how much they will want to be home with the children they just gave birth to to raise them and to see their smiles and to support them every day. Women vastly underestimate how strong that feeling is once you have kids
Totally! Don’t know how he got it though. Very smart kid.
A 20 year old me would have agreed a lot with Zoya. A 35 year old me thinks she has no idea about motherhood & just adulting in life.
One suggestion: I like to watch other people’s expressions when one person is talking but since u r putting the speaker only on the screen, I lost that entertainment. Can you plz change it back??
Addicted to this podcast and not sure why! Every Garg gets an A for this one, because every single point raised was valid.
I’m surprised Brij has such an old fashioned mentality. Does he expect his wife to stay home taking care of the kids? It is because of this mentality that men tend to climb the ladder much faster than women. Zoya, I really hope you find a good man, who supports you and understands your ambitions. You don’t need to be married by 25 , because as you said, things these days are very different. I feel sorry you feel this pressure on your shoulders at 21! I got married at 35 to an amazing, supportive men who doesn’t want me to stay home taking care of our baby! We both do! Like many around us, in California 😉
Zoya I KNOW you shall find the man who shall respect you for who you are, and love you in exactly the way that equals love each other. And Zarna, ... the sign of growth is to say i dont know...i dont know what my opinion is in the present....so well done. You are inspiring. Garg family, hats off to you.
If you see around India itself, if you see Nadars and Malayalis, they don’t mind women being educated and earning more than their husbands! They will lead a happy life! In IIT itself, there will be many Malayali married women come to do MTech or PhD. The husbands visiting them are not very educated but they are very understanding! So I don’t believe in equal qualification, intelligence and equal salary and all!! It all depends on your compatibility and wiseness to lead a happy life and feeling humble about it!!!
I am surprised that there is a discussion about marriage with kids of this age. I have a daughter around Zoya’s age and all we discuss is career options. Hardly anybody in urban India gets married before 25 these days.
Don't get married Zoya. You will be confident, happy, and fulfilling being single and educated. Marriage is an outdated concept and doesn't work well in 2024 unless you want to live life on someone else's terms. Especially in Indian culture, marriages are pure exploitation for women. Most men in South Asian culture still think women are object and that's why the concept of "kanya daan" your mom is talking about. South Asian men will expect you to take care of their whole family and you will barely have time to follow your dreams and goals. Please don't fall for this marriage trap. You are smart, intelligent, and educated so why would you mess up your life for others...
Zoya will most likely not marry an Indian guy
Yes, you can have it ALL, but not at the same time!
I admire Zoya! But i think she is looking for a bit altruistic path... Don't conflict choice, career and making accomodations to life as mutually exclusive!
I think Zarna was extra salty with Shalabh today.
A for zoya ! She’s so bright abd honest without losing her kind heart.
Zoya, please please please find yourself a Stanford graduate student in tech. They’re right there, just a few minutes away from you. You will never never never again have so many great prospects after you graduate. Please don’t make the mistake I did where I buried myself in my studies and didn’t date in college. And you can still pursue your career if you’re in a serious relationship. You could start having kids in your early thirties.
Kanya daan is not taken seriously even in India these days.
Hey Zarna, I’m really inspired by you on what you are doing after being stay at home mom for 16 years. I keep showing your videos to my mom so that she would also get inspired. I really enjoy your podcasts as your kids articulate their thoughts very well.
But very disappointed in this episode, as in why are you thinking someone will definitely will not accept Zoya if she is opinionated and ambitious. I’m IITian and married at 28 through arranged marriage set up who is equally ambitious and fun and I’m 32 now. Everyone is educated enough to understand and respects girls as their equals in all of my friend’s marriages also.
I have never heard anyone in India telling anyone in my family or friend circle to get married to a girl at 22 or 25 or 27.
Hey Zarna Ma'am,
I take your podcast as my therapy sessios🤣 after my long working hours so thankyou but today i literally got tensed. I think right age to marry is also decided by your parents and feeded in your brain. My mother got married at 26 after feeling settled in her career and when i turned 26 she was like you should start thinking about marriage.🤣 But these days we the girls love to WORK...🥰 Sacrifice is the most practical word of this podcast. 😍
No thoughts on marriage, in 20s you should only think about your career.🤭Love from India.❤
Hate to see Zoya stressing out with poofy eyes…she is absolutely right. But I also see valid concerns from Zarna and Shalab. I think the dating or marriage market out there is so brutal, you guys as a unit should work backwards and attack that problem. How many 25-30yr old dudes are even ready for commitment? Most of the highly educated Indian guys won’t even be making enough money in their 20s, even if they work for an employer or they are entrepreneurs. So they don’t feel the necessity to settle down and don’t even think of signing up for marriage. And more over Zoya seems naive coming out of college. She still needs to see the world. I’m sure 29yr old Zoya would look for different things in a partner than 21yr old Zoya. And she should not regret for having to decide something when she is not completely grown as an adult. But considering how brutal the dating and arranged marriage scenes are, both Zoya and parents should be open to the possibility of anything. The whole point is to find a good guy who is ready for commitment and believes in marriage system.
Veer made me laugh when he said he would just get a pet for moral support
A++++++ To Zoya 😍💓 I think most women know it's a struggle and things can get difficult but what zoya mentioned about waiting to find a supportive & understanding partner is very important! Lots of love to the family
Marriage is not just about having kids. It’s an unfortunate that it is this way. Many live a terrible sad life. Maybe 10 percent have a good marriage and the others 40% are just moving along. The rest ends in divorce. Maybe THE PEOPLE GETTING INTO MARRIAGE clearly matured enough to know why they are getting into marriage. Forebrain almost completes by 24. If you marry at 21 you are taking a chance for your kids.
I follow the Garg family podcasts. It's fun to see a family being able to talk to each other about different topics. There are so many good things about this family.
I usually don't comment on UA-cam videos but I couldn't resist after watching this one. The way Zarna and Shalabh speak in this video is so retrograde at times. Also, I don't like the way Zarna and Shalabh talk about India/Asia in this podcast. It is such a misrepresentation of India/Asia. Most of my friends from school/college/uni got married at or after 30 and became mom at 33+. Many of my friends have chosen to not get married for the heck of it (FYI, my mom in 1983 got married at the age of 26)
About women being pushed around and seen as a lesser sex and not being able to pursue education and career is a generic story of the whole world. FYI, USA never had a woman President (and India had one in the 70s, so progressive you say eh!)
Also, why are they heckling Zoya about marriage at 21? Indian parents of their socio economic background in India does not do that anymore. And here the Indian origin parents in USA are portraying their own opinion as a collective opinion of India/Asia. Nope! Sorry not taking that.
Amazing episode thank you! As a very career driven woman, impact and growth takes years to build, and it should take time because true fulfilment comes from the journey of achieving that.
I believe if you want both, late 20s / early 30s is the best time to build the next phase of your family life. You also would have had enough wisdom in knowing what you value in a relationship and who you truly are which is so important when raising humans.
I wish more men weren't afraid of embracing the quality of the woman you have by your side at that age vs a girl who is so young and doesn't have the chance to develop her passions and what that does to someone.
Not liking this edit. It was always good to watch others' reaction when one spoke. This one was edited differently.
Definitely Amen on financial independence before marrying.
Agree ~ freezing eggs? 😑
On the flip side, I know of so many women who waited and then had fertility issues. And a NICU nurse of 25 years who said she regularly sees heartbroken women who waited, had fertility treatments and had difficult or tragic outcomes. And parents having babies at 40 who regretted missing so many things as they aged, and then couldn’t be there in many ways they and their children would have like due to the circumstances of aging.
LOL about getting a pet
I encourage Zoya to listen to super in depth interviews with fertility experts. Transfers and implantation of frozen embryos have very high rates of failure so that is not an insurance to fall back on with so much conviction and certainty
And another important thing, however in love you are with tat person....observe the guys family. He is going to act just like his parents did in the marriage. He will be so wired because of his parents marriage because he would have seen it playing in front of him day in and day out he will become his mum and dad in the relatonship. His words will be almost the same as his parents. And more so once he becomes a parent. He will say his way of bringing up kids is better than yours. There will always be arguments about this unless another is a dominant one.
And another insight, s that, there is always a dominant person in a marriage. if a woman is happy in the marriage then it means she is the dominant one. And huaband is the meek one. And the othr way around if husband is happy. 😂
Both being happy, just like your mother says, is rare or it indicates both are pretending. But it can happen in rare cases. I know one such case. But the stressors in their marriage are kids.
Why get married early and what happens if you dont
- firstly, marriage is a system which is about supporting the other. More about gving and less about recieving. The minute we say, you need to make me happy, its over. You marry because you want to love the other despite their faults. And vice versa. So when you marry early, you likely are going to be friends first than just husband and wife . you have less inhibition about accepting the other as is. And as friends you are easy on each other. you laugh with each other.
When you are older, you think more about you. Bcause you grow onky with your needs in mind..., your ability to loose your wall or inhibitions Ith another are less. You won be the happy go lucky 20 something and become the serious and successful 30 something.
Above all, your body is still growing at 20s till early 30s. Cells are not degenerating. When you have a child in late 20s... You can bounce back to your earlier form somewhat. As compred to when you are in 30s. When you give birth you loose your lustre, lose iron and calcium from bones when you feed.. loosing sleep for years, having energy to play with the kid all day long (because they have that much energy and we wont). So once you get kids early on... You will still be young and energetic to restart where you left off or pursue with greater gusto whatever you had been doing once the kids grow. Then we grow with the kids.
Marriage is spiritual - its for people who are willing to do more for others than themselves. Marriage isnt about us. Its always about the other- our family. That's why whenwe take wows, even in American marriage, we offer and not ask what do you have to give. But then when we focus on the others offer we forget our promise. In take care of the other, with love not grudgingly but wholeheartedly and lovingly tha this is our JD for marriage...this we create that unit, that you all are. Zarna has created that unit.
Also when we have kids late we end up having menopause at the same time around our child is a teenager and then the husand runs away because of all the madness.
So these are some biological reasons for marrying early for a mentally sane family. For your reference ua-cam.com/video/7LgRztPiZO0/v-deo.htmlsi=M0gkGZF7Zc4xSQLZ
One thing that comes across as a shortcoming is with both parents who are Indian the children are completely untutored in any Indian language (not Gujarati, not Hindi). I wonder why they were denied the richness of having more than just one language to play and work with - perhaps the parents were too eager to fit into American society and felt knowledge of Indian languages would be perceived as a hindrance rather than an asset. Loving the discussions, bytheway.
Very easy to be so immersed in the environment that the native language is ignored. Speaking from personal experience my kids now in their 40’s regret not speaking Urdu they do understand not won’t speak it!
You guys are just Brilliant!! Don’t compare your family content with Kardashians other than money part you guys are few notch’s above them!! keep it up Gargs!!
Just thinking if they are really comparing real life situations with KADARSHIANS ???
Zoya, when you meet a person of your life, you will know whether it is ok to spend the rest of your life with that person. That’s all marriage is!! There is not much fantasy around it! I think you are also looking for that feeling only though you say you are independent, opinionated, career minded and all other stuff!
A big benefit of marrying young (early 20s) is that both spouses grow up together. They can more easily adapt to each other's needs.
The older people gets, the more set they become in their ways. Marrying later (30s to 40s) means less chances of finding a compatible partner, because despite their willingness to compromise, the ability to do so will be diminished.
A to the family again, it is good to have these discussions and hear everybody's ideas on this important topic. My opinion on this for women is to have children in their early 20's before age 26, I was married at 23 and didn't have children, because I thought I should enjoy the relationship first, then have kids, but it didn't work out with my husband, I never had children due to health reasons that I didn't know about, so I would not have had any children no matter what. BTW nobody ever mentioned to me the "Biological Clock" reason for having children. I love your podcasts.
Agreed with Zoya! Marriage should only be if you find right partner, rather marrying because of the fear(age, children etc..).. And marriage is not a parameter to live happy.. It doesn't matter if you marry or not...
Veer gets the A+ grade for his pragmatism. He’s right… just get a pet!
If brij is 35 and successful and looking for a match … why can’t a girl 35 and successful look for a match .. brij won’t see that women of 35 .. I mean why
Sad how Indians have no idea what Kanyadaan means or even just Daan. There’s Vidya Daan which doesn’t mean ‘you are donating Vidya because you don’t need it anymore’. As for Kanyadaan, it means you are giving your girl from your family to her husband’s family, which is what people did all over the world when girls got married around age 15. But deep down, it means you give the girl in order to maintain a natural balance in society. That said, we have other forms of marriage like the Gandharva Vivaah , where girl meets boy, exchanges looks, falls in love and that’s marriage.
Zarna -You are subconsciously scarring your daughter by constantly praising your son as handsome and whatnot. Maybe it is a joke, but you don't know when it will strike her, and things may go wrong. I wonder if you can predict who will be part of your podcast-maybe your daughter, your sons, or none of them. Don't make your podcast girls versus boys. It's not happening in India now, so why here?
Oh my gosh I have so much to say about this episode. Oh my!
@veer: well graded to zoya as she really deserved it word by word.
We understand that Zarna and Shalab got married early, had their struggles and raised this beautiful family but noooo that can’t be imposed on zoya. Her idea of marriage is just right. Which iswhenever she feels and gets the right guy. 25? No no way. Even in India girls are getting married at 30-35 and no questions asked. 25 was happening decades ago. Villages have different scenarios.
Shalab that line was so good that one would love to have veer at 35 rather than having at 50.
But what if there is just a zoya at 35 if parents chose it to have that way. It’s completely fine.
Talk about freezing eggs and ivs, that’s happening even at a tender age for girls. With today’s lifestyle and habits or some other complications it is possible.
It’s totally fine to wait on having kids by a few years if Zoya is due promotion and needs to travel or work hard for it. And yes, yes a thousand times yes, a good partner really matters, even if he/she comes late in life. It can turn your life upside down.
Zarna sorry for disagreeing for once, the mental trauma one faces (if married the wrong person and got divorced) just breaks you. It pushes you a thousand miles back that you’ve worked on.
It better to get married late than having that disaster.
And boys didn’t speak much cuz they are far from it. You should have the same podcast when they are 25 or so. 😉
Loved this episode. Zoya! We hear you💕
Boys by 45 yrs
@Zoya - at 21, there is absolutely no need for you to think about marriage. While your parents have good intentions, their standards are stuck in 80s. Modern India doesn't have those standards.
I am 31, got married at 29. And I can tell you for a fact till 27 I had not thought of marriage. I found my husband during my MBA.. but there was no guarantee that we would get married. Like you said, one needs to be aligned to the partner on the core values. It is not use for women to settle for unworthy partners at all. Even with an understanding partner, life can be tough, so image if the partner is crazy. I know many single men and women who are doing well professionally and are extremely happy.
Also, my prediction is that these single men and women are going to find parnters in their 40s when they both crave companionship.
I can't believe how this whole discussion was portraying marriage as some kind of a "negative" thing to get in to. And also to talk about success in life is not just determined by money or career. To have a really successful, happy and wholesome life, one should embrace all facets of life and all phases. It is absolutely possible to marry (ofcourse when you meet the right person not the "perfect" person) when the time is right and still have a completely fulfilling career and family life. Yes there will be sacrifices (for both men and women not just women) and hiccups that any couple goes through (better when you do it young as the older you become, the more set in your own ways both men and women become). And YES all this can be achieved for women without losing her "opinions" and should never lose her "opinions". I bet the men respect and love women who have opinions, have individuality and who are confident and driven rather than the old mindset of don't disagree or speak up. Yes marriage is hard no doubt and raising a family is hard no doubt but life is all about embracing through the challenges and i cannot emphasize how much it can elevate the lives of both partners and push them to grow and be more successful together.
This daughter is soooo smart!!!
Zoya- your family is fear gasing you! Don’t think for a second that you aren’t worthy of love, success, a loving partner and motherhood bc you are enter the 30 to 45 age bracket ! That is plain crazy. Don’t drink your mother’s fear based cool aid. You don’t live in south Asia anymore- neither do they!!! Your family tells you: You can’t have success if you want to be a stay at home mother; you can’t have love if you are over 25; you cant have a man if he doesn’t make more than you; You can’t be satisfied if you are a stay at home mother; you have to give up Yur dreams bc you fall in love and want a family ?!!!! What the heck is going on!!!!! You won’t need to move into your brother married household. You can have your own… at any age. This is just crazy. I wouldn’t want my beautiful and successful and rich children anywhere near your family. They seem like soul crushers. Zoya- you can have it all. The only thing to fear is fear itself.
Every parent needs a nanny, housekeeper, cook, and chauffeur.
Ya true that people wouldn't want in laws staying in but if Zoya would be my sis in law, I'd love to have her around often. How I wish I was younger but I'm didi to her itself let alone Brij 😂
A+ to Zoya for sure! Her I Q and E Q are way above the rest. I sincerely hope you are getting support from your family! Also A grade to Veer for supporting Zoya
True that it's the women who make sacrifices most of the time after having kids. But it's unsually not a sacrifice in her eyes. It's just that her priorities change after having kids. Now children are a priority and after 10 years career may be a priority again!!! we mature as we age and our circumstances also change. That is why our priorities also change.
I love this show. But am concerned about slight jabs that Zarna makes about Shalab and their marriage. Maybe it’s just part of being a comedian, they are funny. But I hope it doesn’t take a toll on their relationship. Do not compare yourself to the Kardashians that have multiple divorces. Your family is strong and intact, don’t jeopardize it.
Unfortunately I think Zoya has been indoctrinated from her college into unrealistic thinking. I really hate when I hear women say we can just freeze are eggs it’s such an immature thing to say. Zarna is so wise on this and zoya should really hear her mom’s wisdom and stop listening to her peers. I’m definitely on the side of have kids young I’m 43 been married for 22years. I have a 22yr old 20 yr old and 15yr old and wouldn’t change a thing.
Mostly, young adults do not share the same perspective as Zarna and Shalob. If one finds a right partner when she is under 25 she need not have to give up her career and dreams. It is not the case anymore. Young men share the responsibilities and understand that both their careers are equally important. Also, I agree with Zoya to not get married to anyone just to get married under 25.
Agree with Shalob on being financially independent.
As a woman you will have to sacrifice a lot because you will be the one giving birth. Though men help with raising kids, but babies and kids are more dependent on mom comparatively than dad. So as a woman it is a balancing act at certain age.
Agree with Zarna when Zoya brought frozen egg option. Better to do and hope for kids being born naturally than taking the route to freeze eggs or ivf or whatnot. It is not as easy as it seems. It is more difficult than having a kid naturally at right age.
Kudos to whole family for bringing very timely apt and very useful topics and honestly putting yourself into it and opening others mind! Though the comments are addressed with names, they are all meant for people in that stature only!!!
Zarna-why your boys are not talking about this because they are way too young. Even your daughter is too young. I don't think thin topic should be discussed right bow.