“I look at old poems and I think “someone should do something about this bleeding body”, My mouthing the space where a dead thing use to live, even now” Wow
*If you who's reading this have any issues with mental health, I wish with all my heart that you get the help you need and kill the demons you're fighting.*
"I have not almost killed myself in 2 years and 3 months but I look at old poems and I think 'someone should do something about this bleeding body'." I feel a version of this every time my family brings up a memory that took place when I was sadder than any of them will ever know. I think about how SOMEONE should have helped me and someone SHOULD help me but most of the time I forget that I'm most likely going to be that SOMEONE...
I know this well. I view my life in two distinct time periods. Before September 2012 and After September 2012. Before September 2012, it was chaos. Just pure chaos. After September 2012 was the first time I was letting myself have peace. I look back on myself 10 years later and tell that person, just a few more months and everything will change. You are almost there. But it's going to get worse first. You are going to almost take your life and the only thing that will save you is your cat. You are going to self harm because you can't take the stress anymore. But after that, you are going to change it all. One year from now, you will be with the person who you thought no one like that ever existed who will care for you when you need it and love you unconditionally. Oh, the things I wish I could tell myself ten years ago. I want to hug her and tell her it will all be okay.
"I am not "clinically crazy" anymore According to the paper work And the new prescription. But theres this spot on the sidewalk along the way to work Where for almost three months there was this dead rat. And everytime i passed it, i thought "Someone should do something About this dead rat," Or "I should do something About this dead rat." But then i would hold my breath And keep walking. And almost a year later, everytime I pass it, i think "That is the spot Where the dead rat used to be. Where no one did anything For so long." I have not almost killed myself In two years and three months. But i look at old poems And i think "Somone should do something About this bleeding body." My mouth, the space where a death thing used to live Even now. When the crazy came back, She didnt throw out all the dinners. Didnt spill the wine down my boring throat. She didnt look anything Like the last time. Didnt pound the door in. She knows this house too well by now, She knows I'll let her in by nightfall. I could set my watch by the knocking. I plant dahlias in spring And come october, Panic blooms in every window box. The crazy gathers it up, Washes a vase by hand. She has learned to be a gentle house guest. To seal the windows up for winter. We could almost forgive last autum. The pills from my dead grandmother's purse, That man and his wedding ring, The way the crazy called herself my name And i almost let her keep it. This body knows fear Like a front porch knows welcome. It is always coming home. And you cannot pull the crazy out of me, The way you cannot put a flower back to bed. But this body knows withstand, Knows what the morning looks like when she says "stay". The crazy is a quitter. You have a perfect attendance record For this life. And i will stay. I will stay. "
Damn, this hit hard for me. It's absolutely beautiful and I understand this struggle. Living with bipolar disorder type I. There is no cure, it can only be managed. But like all forms of management, there is no perfect style to continually manage this disorder. Episodes reoccur weather you want them to or not. Our bodies are amazing, aren't they? They can easily adjust to medications. Then your doctor ups the dosage but in time your amazing body adjusts once again. This is expected for me living with bipolar disorder. We all vary in our perspectives but I'm glad you're here to read this comment. I get really weak sometimes. I lose the battle often if we are comparing my disorder with an ongoing war. Yes, battles are loss, but the greatest victory is mine. I know that this is my victory today as I stop and take a deep breath. As my lungs expand and oxygen flows through my body, I know that I am alive. My story didn't end. If you're reading this, then you're story didn't end also. I don't care how many battles I lose, being alive today is the greatest victory in my eyes.
I have bipolar disorder type I too, and I empathize with everything you’re saying! This poem really hits home for all those who suffer from bipolar disorder and also all those who suffer from mental illness in general.
I just started therapy and I feel so relieved because I found somebody that I know is going to help me. I want to tell people : don’t give up and if you wanna see a therapist go for it, try to find one you feel comfortable with and if you don’t try someone else bc it’s not going to work otherwise
thank you these things are very important for others to know because so many give up due to bad therapists when truly the right one is out there and you can achieve great things with them 🖤 best wishes to you and stay safe (i say that to everyone who’s a fellow struggler with mental health so if it sounds weird just know it’s not to me)
@@ihatemickiegee i agree completely! some people don't have the luck of finding a good therapist right away, but that's not a reason to lose hope. oh and your greeting is lovely and doesn't sound weird at all, best whishes and stay safe❤
I love how she said the crazy is a quitter bc I used to struggle with wanting to kill myself but as I got older I struggled more with anger and anxiety and the way she made these words apply to way more than just suicidal thoughts is amazing.... bc everything about the crazy in me will hold me back further from where I wanna be... I love this poet. 🥺
It’s been years, but I always come back to this for strength. Brenna Twohy, you are my favorite poet. I have your Swallowtail book and I want Zigzag Girl but I can’t find a copy anymore. Love from the Philippines!
It’s amazing that I didn’t notice that this lady and I have the same name. It’s also amazing how powerful this poem is that I didn’t look down at the title until the poem ended.
Omg this is brilliant and scary... At times I like to write from another person's imagined perspective... It's hard to tell if Brenna is writing from experience or from an imagined character, or both and I love it.
OMG... I didn't understand all the words (I'm brazilian, I don't speak english very well), but with what I understood I can say that I know this feeling so much...I walk trought this so many times, I deal with this in so many ways. Now, crazyness is a gentle guest around here too. And the words I didn't understand... I feel in my guts, in my stomach, in my chest, in my throat, in my heart. And today is beeing a hard day. Now it's night. So I can say that "it's be a hard day's night"
I so relate to this poem! I understand how the crazy comes and goes in different forms. I haven’t gotten the papers and prescription that say I am not crazy yet, though.
The death rat part is relateble af!!! I used to pass two death rats and search birds on the side of the road and i always thought; " somebody (inclusief me) should do something about this" But i kept passing them for a year. And day by day i wish i was those death rats or Birds....🖤 BUT i try to better myself more tho💗
Suicidal idealizations and attempts. Constantly at war with yourself to just not let that part of yourself in.... The part that says "it's okay. No one will miss you anyway"
Divine warning from The Creator of the Heavens and Earth.. You are created in perfect likeness so preserve the body you are appointed to... Your Blood is Not Your Own.... Peace. & Love
It's about battling an ongoing mental ilness, most likely depression. Even when you get "better" it never really goes away. You always struggle to keep going. To not give up on life. She says even when the illness flares up again, she chooses to stay and not give up on life.
@Georgia Peach Picker I don't know if it's the ineed for new contacts and absolutely no idea where my actual glasses are, but my own bipolar I brain misread that response as ', throw the BEAMS around too often," and I immediately got an image ³ like it was a given that people have the ability to throw swaths of cheerfully optimistic light on people the same way Thor tosses a hammer and lightening occurs.
“I look at old poems and I think “someone should do something about this bleeding body”, My mouthing the space where a dead thing use to live, even now”
Wow
Legit my fave
“You have a perfect attendance record for this life”
“I will stay.
I will stay.”
powerful words in the face of everything that tells us to leave.
*If you who's reading this have any issues with mental health, I wish with all my heart that you get the help you need and kill the demons you're fighting.*
😀😀😀😀
But bones=gud
You can't kill the demons, just silence them, learn to live with them, or turn down the dial on their screams.
Ievacado * 😢😢
"I have not almost killed myself in 2 years and 3 months but I look at old poems and I think 'someone should do something about this bleeding body'." I feel a version of this every time my family brings up a memory that took place when I was sadder than any of them will ever know. I think about how SOMEONE should have helped me and someone SHOULD help me but most of the time I forget that I'm most likely going to be that SOMEONE...
Hero’s need help too 💗
I know this well. I view my life in two distinct time periods. Before September 2012 and After September 2012. Before September 2012, it was chaos. Just pure chaos. After September 2012 was the first time I was letting myself have peace. I look back on myself 10 years later and tell that person, just a few more months and everything will change. You are almost there. But it's going to get worse first. You are going to almost take your life and the only thing that will save you is your cat. You are going to self harm because you can't take the stress anymore. But after that, you are going to change it all. One year from now, you will be with the person who you thought no one like that ever existed who will care for you when you need it and love you unconditionally. Oh, the things I wish I could tell myself ten years ago. I want to hug her and tell her it will all be okay.
“The way that CRAZY called herself my name and I almost let her keep it”
“According to the paperwork, and the new prescription”
Oh hun.
"This body knows fear like a front porch knows welcome. It's always coming home"
That just hit hard... The trauma never fully goes away....
"I am not "clinically crazy" anymore
According to the paper work
And the new prescription.
But theres this spot on the sidewalk along the way to work
Where for almost three months there was this dead rat.
And everytime i passed it, i thought
"Someone should do something
About this dead rat,"
Or
"I should do something
About this dead rat."
But then i would hold my breath
And keep walking.
And almost a year later, everytime
I pass it, i think
"That is the spot
Where the dead rat used to be.
Where no one did anything
For so long."
I have not almost killed myself
In two years and three months.
But i look at old poems
And i think
"Somone should do something
About this bleeding body."
My mouth, the space where a death thing used to live
Even now.
When the crazy came back,
She didnt throw out all the dinners.
Didnt spill the wine down my boring throat.
She didnt look anything
Like the last time. Didnt pound the door in.
She knows this house too well by now,
She knows I'll let her in by nightfall.
I could set my watch by the knocking.
I plant dahlias in spring
And come october,
Panic blooms in every window box.
The crazy gathers it up,
Washes a vase by hand.
She has learned to be a gentle house guest.
To seal the windows up for winter.
We could almost forgive last autum.
The pills from my dead grandmother's purse,
That man and his wedding ring,
The way the crazy called herself my name
And i almost let her keep it.
This body knows fear
Like a front porch knows welcome.
It is always coming home.
And you cannot pull the crazy out of me,
The way you cannot put a flower back to bed.
But this body knows withstand,
Knows what the morning looks like when she says "stay".
The crazy is a quitter.
You have a perfect attendance record
For this life.
And i will stay.
I will stay. "
thats one of the most beautiful things i ever saw
Damn, this hit hard for me. It's absolutely beautiful and I understand this struggle. Living with bipolar disorder type I. There is no cure, it can only be managed. But like all forms of management, there is no perfect style to continually manage this disorder. Episodes reoccur weather you want them to or not. Our bodies are amazing, aren't they? They can easily adjust to medications. Then your doctor ups the dosage but in time your amazing body adjusts once again. This is expected for me living with bipolar disorder. We all vary in our perspectives but I'm glad you're here to read this comment. I get really weak sometimes. I lose the battle often if we are comparing my disorder with an ongoing war. Yes, battles are loss, but the greatest victory is mine. I know that this is my victory today as I stop and take a deep breath. As my lungs expand and oxygen flows through my body, I know that I am alive. My story didn't end. If you're reading this, then you're story didn't end also. I don't care how many battles I lose, being alive today is the greatest victory in my eyes.
The Dreamer you’re incredibly strong
I have bipolar disorder type I too, and I empathize with everything you’re saying! This poem really hits home for all those who suffer from bipolar disorder and also all those who suffer from mental illness in general.
I just started therapy and I feel so relieved because I found somebody that I know is going to help me. I want to tell people : don’t give up and if you wanna see a therapist go for it, try to find one you feel comfortable with and if you don’t try someone else bc it’s not going to work otherwise
i'm proud of you for starting therapy! as a person who's been seeing a therapist for a long time now, i promise you that it's gonna help a _lot_
Tired Watermelon thank you so much it means a lot to me
thank you these things are very important for others to know because so many give up due to bad therapists when truly the right one is out there and you can achieve great things with them 🖤 best wishes to you and stay safe (i say that to everyone who’s a fellow struggler with mental health so if it sounds weird just know it’s not to me)
@@manong4975 heyy can i ask how are you doing so far? i hope that you are okay
@@ihatemickiegee i agree completely! some people don't have the luck of finding a good therapist right away, but that's not a reason to lose hope. oh and your greeting is lovely and doesn't sound weird at all, best whishes and stay safe❤
I put off watching this for a few days because I wasn't ready to cry yet. Finally watched it, and I'm bawling
I love how she said the crazy is a quitter bc I used to struggle with wanting to kill myself but as I got older I struggled more with anger and anxiety and the way she made these words apply to way more than just suicidal thoughts is amazing.... bc everything about the crazy in me will hold me back further from where I wanna be... I love this poet. 🥺
This is so raw, the way it hits... You know you've not been "there" alone.
this is the most powerful poem i’ve heard in a while
i am becoming a huge fan of brenna
I'm crying cause I relate to this poem so much! I hope this girl understands how precious she is and that her art matters ❤️
It’s been years, but I always come back to this for strength. Brenna Twohy, you are my favorite poet. I have your Swallowtail book and I want Zigzag Girl but I can’t find a copy anymore. Love from the Philippines!
“A perfect attendance record for this life...” ❤️
I always get excited when I see there's another Brenna Twohy poem to watch
It’s amazing that I didn’t notice that this lady and I have the same name. It’s also amazing how powerful this poem is that I didn’t look down at the title until the poem ended.
Oof this one hit hard.
Omg this is brilliant and scary... At times I like to write from another person's imagined perspective... It's hard to tell if Brenna is writing from experience or from an imagined character, or both and I love it.
amazing as always! i love brenna so much, i aspire to be half the poet she is!!!
OMG... I didn't understand all the words (I'm brazilian, I don't speak english very well), but with what I understood I can say that I know this feeling so much...I walk trought this so many times, I deal with this in so many ways. Now, crazyness is a gentle guest around here too. And the words I didn't understand... I feel in my guts, in my stomach, in my chest, in my throat, in my heart. And today is beeing a hard day. Now it's night. So I can say that "it's be a hard day's night"
i speak portuguese! do you want me to translate it for you?
@@ezraleite7260 yeah! Thanks ♡
Thank you Brenna. This hit hard.
Stunning
I love her poetry so gd much. This one hit hard bc I’ve been depressed and I’ve Been There. I really hope she feels better
I know this well. Much love.
Love this. What is crazy anyway? We throw the term around far too often.
I love how there was a weight loss ad before playing the video.
I so relate to this poem! I understand how the crazy comes and goes in different forms. I haven’t gotten the papers and prescription that say I am not crazy yet, though.
Wow....Just....wow
Incredible.
Amazing work stay strong lovely!
The death rat part is relateble af!!!
I used to pass two death rats and search birds on the side of the road and i always thought; " somebody (inclusief me) should do something about this" But i kept passing them for a year. And day by day i wish i was those death rats or Birds....🖤 BUT i try to better myself more tho💗
Very nice!
Simply amazing
Loved it!
there’s a reason there’s no dislikes on this poem
"This body knows fear"
Idk if she will ever see this comment... but thank you... you were one of my reasons I stayed
❤️❤️❤️
Whoahhhh the dead rat part wowow felt that
Deep
🖤❤🖤❤
This flowed nicely from your not so empty lips. :)
That creazy sounds like me
Oh god ...
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Oh yeah it's always fun when the crazy comes back...
Hmm I don't understand this one
Suicidal idealizations and attempts. Constantly at war with yourself to just not let that part of yourself in.... The part that says "it's okay. No one will miss you anyway"
Divine warning from The Creator of the Heavens and Earth.. You are created in perfect likeness so preserve the body you are appointed to... Your Blood is Not Your Own.... Peace. & Love
Jesus is our lord and savior
Meh, I'm bored of button poetry.
It's the same shit over and over again.
I’m so confused about what this is about
It's about battling an ongoing mental ilness, most likely depression. Even when you get "better" it never really goes away. You always struggle to keep going. To not give up on life. She says even when the illness flares up again, she chooses to stay and not give up on life.
Love this. What is crazy anyway? We throw the term around far too often.
C Lan you are!!! no, you know what is crazy, whats crazy is i love you!
@Georgia Peach Picker I don't know if it's the ineed for new contacts and absolutely no idea where my actual glasses are, but my own bipolar I brain misread that response as ', throw the BEAMS around too often," and I immediately got an image ³ like it was a given that people have the ability to throw swaths of cheerfully optimistic light on people the same way Thor tosses a hammer and lightening occurs.
Justin Chad Love you too brother!
✌🏽💕
Georgia Peach Picker give me a kiss then!!!
Justin Chad Bis, bis. Hugs are free too. ✌🏽💕