When I turned 38, I had twin boys with disabilities. I quit my job, and I am financially dependent on my husband. Actually, our whole family is. It is actually our money. Not my husband's. Life has a way of humbling us sometimes. Things happen husband's get sick wives get sick, children get sick. Life is messy and complicated. I love every second of mine.
@RandomGirlWithABrain 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 thank you. U illustrated everything I wanted to say. First of all. It's not his money, it's the family's money. He provides for the whole family. Also, she's acting like there's no love in these dynamics..its not just money, there is love and respect and commitment and God's covering too. Lastly, she keeps acting like there's no benefits in staying home. Some women CHOOSE that and therefore THEY ARE HAPPY. just because u depend on another doesnt mean u are damned to a life of unhappiness. If she truly had a deep understanding of women being free, she would allow space for women to choose to be stay at home wives/moms. Instead of saying it's a scam that'll make them unhappy. It's not true. I felt so liberated and happy when I stopped working full time and left it to my man to provide basics. Also failed to realize in some cases, it is a necessity!! It's not always a choice! Like in your situation. Also forgetting children need to be cared for. Who better than mom to do this work?
This mentality is so dellusional. Do the "feminity" channels know that death happens? You can have the best man but what if he dies? According to "feminity" channels woman should commit suicide or look for another man cause we aren't supposed to work 🙄
I don’t think there is anything wrong with making your money and still wanting a guy to spoil you. However, you can’t just rely on him. Make your own money.
And you need to invest or use what that man gives you to better your life. The reason why these flex culture influencers with sugar daddies or provider men end up in mess and destitute when these men dump them for the next new thing is because they didn't use what those men gave them as an opportunity to have a better life. They were more worried flexing designer items than investing. They didn't bother that the cars and houses weren't in their names and therefor these men could take everything away in a second. They didn't use the opportunity to network and get financially literate. Lost opportunity.
Exactly! It’s nice to be spoiled but definitely have your own money. And skills you can draw upon, should things go downhill. Even if they don’t, you need to have some self esteem and self worth, and usually that comes from achievements and constant learning. How can you feel secure being a lady of leisure forever.
Yeah that would be ideal but some of us aren’t cut out to work 40+ hrs per week. And even if you do find a successful partner who can support you, they can lose their job, get sick and/or go broke at any time. Ultimately, life will find a way to F you no matter what you do. 🤣
my mom is a housewife and financially depended on my dad. When he passed away, I automatically became the breadwinner. Mind you, I am a woman. So, if I followed her footsteps too, my family would have starved.
I am so sorry for your dad. But you are right, and I am surprised that "feminity" channels don't acknowledge that death/accidents happen. Being independent isn't some "fancy tiktok trend". It's our real life. Those ppl are so dellusional in their fairy tale.
@@ilikepancakes2368 i came from a third world country and people cant really afford insurance and other investments. In asian culture we call it "sandwich generation" where you pass on the burden to the next generation to take of you and your family. But I get your point, that's a lesson I have learned so I am breaking the cycle with me.
my aunt was in the same position. she didnt really prioritise her education and became a housewife. then my uncle passed away from cancer and she had to spend on her tow eldest daughters to take care of her
There's a reason why married Afghani women are crying that their daughters can't go to school, and crying that they themselves can't explore their own personal limits.
My Dad told me a woman should never be broke, bc then she’s vulnerable to mistreatment bc of desperation. Get to the bag ladies and meet a partner of good character along the way. Or don’t but either way enjoy your life 🤎
This is the best thing that none of those "dating gurus" talk about. Woman should be financially independent before getting married to not get stuck in toxic situation. I don't say it in shaming sense bc I know how it is to be broke but it's for safety.
That's why too "pretty" or too "ugly" girls or women, are at risk of rape and being seen as a sexual object. Being average is the best! You live your life in peace and when you have a romantic partner, at least he respects you. In my opinion
@@missstranger7697 Well 90% of people are average, 6% are a bit below or a bit above average and less than 4% are way above or way below average. Assuming they aren't overweight or underweight, which nowadays most people are overweight. Also a ton of average girls go for the charismatic, tall, dark and handsome, well of to wealthy guys and wonder why they don't get treated well and are single. For a man to be charismatic and hit it off well with the ladies, that means that he has been with many, many women. And a person that has been with many partners is someone you should avoid at all cost. It either means that he/she wasn't good enough or that he/she screwed over a ton of people. Best case scenario they wasted their time, which is precious, worst case scenario... well you can imagine the worst case scenario.
'If you don´t come from wealth, you don´t inherit wealth. You inherit struggle instead.´ I probably should have cried at this but I laughed way too hard instead because it´s so damn true girl 🤣
Yep. Exactly what I don't want for my kids. So I need a house they can live in forever and savings/insurance for them. Then they can take it from there.
It's sad but it happens. Even if the guy is genuine he still can die/get broke/ have accident and become dependent on you. I know one of those "soft girls" who abandoned her man when he had accident and didn't make money anymore. That's their mentality.
@@rattlehead999She is talking about having your own financial freedom in order to give yourself the soft life, not to depend upon a sugar daddy to give (and take) it away to you, according to his whim. Remember when she talked about her OB/GYN? That physician worked hard for many years to give herself the soft life she now has. The life of a physician is actually rarely very soft in reality, but they do make, and deserve, an above average income. I do agree with you that it takes intelligence, strength, discipline, and drive to be successful, however.
For black women our lean in to the soft life is more cultural due to our history. Black women have always been viewed as masculine hence the “strong black women” stereotype- which honestly doesn’t work in our favor. Our perceived masculinity has gotten us historically unprotected, unprovided for, overworked and unpaid, and only valued when we are someone’s mule. We are often the breadwinners of our communities, thus making us the providers. We’ve never had the luxury of being provided for or having the soft life. So for us, this is us burning the capes and leaning back and allowing ourselves to be open to receiving help and support in whatever form it may come in without the overwhelming urge to fall back into our hyper independence and running ourselves down and into early graves. Our soft life doesn’t necessarily come from the hands of a man, most of us are now successful business owners, but in the few cases that it does, I love that for us because we are the least provided for.
My man provides for me, I was able to graduate college stress free and I saw something that suggests he's about to propose to me soon. It worked out for me, he's white and I'm a black woman and it's nice to finally be the damsel being saved by my knight.
Get this. Both points are right. And I love the nuances as a black girl but I need us black girls to understand that at the end of the day- we're still black and still need to not ONLY rely on a man for our goals, regardless!
The problem is this puts the onus on black women to change their behavior in hopes of being perceived as “feminine” when that wasn’t the issue to begin with. The blame falls on racism. I’m concerned a lot of us are becoming less engaged and empowered and it may not turn out well in the long run. We shouldn’t feel like we can’t rely on anyone but ourselves, but some of us are going too far in the other direction and are not preparing ourselves for a good future.
This video is the truth. There’s literally a tiktoker that was showing the “soft life/ sugar baby life “ & now she has a baby and the man left her and kicked her out the apartment that’s in HIS name. Her whole luxury lifestyle she bragged about getting from another man GONE once she had his baby..
Which is still crazy in all the sugarbaby I heard of and seeen none have had any babies so she went too far and as soon as she did get pregnant he changed she thought she could change that old man who was looking to have fun and have sexual fun with a young black women
I’ve bend saying OVER and over that this is so dangerous, not making your own money. My friend just got kicked out by her bf but she had a job and was able to pick herself back up
i remember her. he was also really abusive during their relationship and it only became worse when she got pregnant. but when u find out that she's married to someone whos in the military and has a 9 yr old daughter that she abandoned to chase this man and his bag, its hard to feel sorry for her
,..do you mind sharing the name/handle? the fact the girls/women seelling that lifestyle to naive women is so dangerous and sets them up for so many dangerous situation including their children. Literally NOTHING can stop a man from leaving you behind like yesterdays garbage the second he finds a new woman.
Finally, someone said it! If you're financially dependent on anyone else, you're inviting stress into your life and your comfort will always be at that person's mercy. Being financially independent and also prioritizing giving yourself the experiences and things that you value is the only way to go.
You know what's so crazy? I thought that everyone knew not to depend on a man for money but ask one of the "soft life girls" and they'll tell you that men dangling their money over women is not a real thing and it is actually YOU who is scared of dating a wealthy man because of what you have heard. I wish I was making this up.
Sure, but you can find a financially stable person that loves you, which means that you don't go for the hot, charismatic/seductive man/woman that gives you all the awesome feelings, but you go for the regular stable person that shows that she/he loves you. And another problem is that women that earn a lot of money don't seem to like men that earn less than them or even men that want to be a stay at home dads.
Maybe that's true for women that earn a lot of money but I am working class and support my male fiance. We would be married but he has bad credit lol. He stays home and takes care of most of the housework, errands, childcare (though is light since my son is in high-school). I really appreciate his contributions because I also go to school full time as a nursing student and I work so I have zero time to do much else. He does freelance art work on the side for his own extra spending money and it is his family's house we rent from his uncle so it's not like that doesn't help me financially. But I pay for the rent, bills, food and everything else. So there are women who want to be the provider spouse. I actually prefer it that way because I used to be a housewife in my previous marrige and it was hell. I will never be dependent on someone ever again. I would rather die. My fiance has issues with working a full time job so it works for us.
Something i wouldve said when i was a pickmisha and didnt think i was worthy in attracting a provider man. Men provide. They hunt. They did since thousands of years. Just because the last 80 years we have twisting of the roles and teaching women they Need to be the money earners by working hard themselves doesnt mean its true. Its not bad to want a man who provides. Its called taking rhe money and investing and growing it. Thats what women do. They take what is given to rhem from the masculine, like vagina does receiving the sperm; and creates MORE (life) out of it. This girl still has many $$ wounds and fear regarding receiving and its showing. Having fears of men disgarding her or fear around not being safe having money incase: “he leaves” or “he loses his jobs” will keep u crippled. The first thing to do is heal those fears, a woman who knows her worth and value KNOWS she will always attract and recieve money. From the man, another man or other situations, doesnt matter what situation shes in; she already wired herself to be a receiver and always does. This is why these women are always coupled, always leveled up EVEN if they become single and have to start again. THATS the true soft life. Not fear and insecurities and making excuses like this shaming women who actually know their worth. Sure its not ur lifestyle; but putting down other women doesnt help u. Just live the type of lifestyle that works with ur mindset without putting down other women. Poverty minded is what that is and I see why.
So true! And so many of the "rich men" are just horrible people! Sometimes person with less money will give you more! And those rich men who "throw money at you" can do it for another girl next year! Those channels groom women to date narcissists tbh bc they are the ones to lovebomb you.
Thank you!!! I keep seeing these “soft life”, “stay at home girlfriend” influencers and it’s so painful. I understand that this mindset is likely a response to being burned out by capitalism and cost of living but it’s just so regressive
Or it comes from people who probably came from a privileged background and don’t have to worry about working to survive. So the glamorize a scenario that only works for them or people like them, not for all women
@@pizzadogma They also show overly romanticised version of being a housewife (or housegirlfriend). So even if people can manage to live with one income, young women are lied to and told it's 'soft life' and you get to relax all day. The ones who can afford to relax are the one who have nannies, housekeepers and other helping hand.
Lot of those women are just scammers. Many of them in fact have "sponsors" for doing sexual favors, fans only etc. No matter how pretty you are, men won't just throw money at you for nothing. And finding a reliable man, who isn't toxic, is not as easy! They sell a lifestyle that doesn't exist! In my country (Poland) currenly a scandal happened, bc the famous "actress/influencer" faked her whole carrier and fame. She said someone paid 1million of dollars to have dinner with her, which turned out to be fake. So it's just example how "influencers" fake their lifestyle.
@@boopyournose5698 Yesss yesss . My grannys and most grannies who didny have help have coarse hands cause they worked for the farm with their bare hands and no help in tow
You can have a man provide for you and also make money. It’s foolish to fully depend on a man. Use the money he gives you to invest and create a business so you can have a soft life. Period
As a white woman who grew up lower class, who’s mother grew up lower class, who’s grandmother grew up after her father left their family and forced her mom to be a single mother, I have had so much struggle and am happy you’re reminding women that being dependent is awful. Any women in my family on my moms side who were dependent on men were screwed by them. Including my own mother. It’s just not smart.
All of the women in my family did that, too. My mother told me to NEVER depend upon a man for financial support, as he can leave you high and dry, especially when you have children.
Umm girl. I needed this so much. Cause I was starting to think maybe I need to be a soft girl. As a little girl, I always wanted to be hard working, educated, beautiful and well cultured. I gotta remember that and not fall into the trap of soft girl. I can make my life a soft girl life beacuse I DID IT. And then find a man who is EQUAL, good man! and happy for me and I'm happy for him!
13:35 . before anyone else stops sexualising us, us women need to stop doing it. along the way it got into our heads, that gaze, we start to see ourselves through the eyes of men. free yourselves from that, look at yourselves through your own damn eyes, you are a human.
I also have this take, but most other women disagree with it lol. Self sexualization is seen as empowerment for some reason. Especially if you can make money off your self sexualization. People applaud that stuff
@@Justaregularoldplumbus had written a full blown opinion/rant comment, accidently deleted it. and now don't have the energy to write it again. you understand, right. emotional energy got depleted. lol) tc, beautiful human. hope to meet you sometime, in this small world.
@@Justaregularoldplumbus yk, also something that i have recently realised is that, i earlier used to think that the rich ppl, or yk ppl living in the high end areas, in the developed world do not have to face these less developed mentalities of human existence, things like, inequality, indecency, etc. but recently, while watching some interviews, i realised that it isn't true. this quote indeed is so true, "either we all live in a decent world or no one does." and also this "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." these things, inequalities, if they exist, they exist everywhere, and they affect everyone, the shape, form or degree can be different, but it indeed is omnipresent. and so, if we fight against them, we are not fighting for the freedom of someone else, but for our own freedom. if we contribute in creating a decent world, we are doing it for ourselves. it's an ecosystem, and like how pollution, plastic problem eventually affects everyone. there is no boundary, only oneness. it's only in our minds that we think there is a boundary, and we are protected. indecency, injustice, inequality anywhere is a threat. and indecency, injustice, inequality anywhere is indecency, injustice, inequality everywhere.
I’ve provided myself with the soft life at 25 and I can see the hesitation in men bc they know they can’t add value to me and I WILL NOT allow them to take from me
Same. I've provided for myself for a while but the few times I relied on men for money, I could ALWAYS rely on them to be inconsistent IF they would even give me the money at all.
@@adams8830 yeah! They start stuttering when you ask them for money. Like everything else they love doesn’t cost: car, Play station, shoes, gym memberships, hair cuts… why wouldn’t you add your woman to the “subscription list” and pour into her as well
Well some certainly have more comfort and easier circumstances than others but yes, bad things happen to everyone. But my understanding of “soft life” Is really just romanticized self care mixed with aesthetics. Even that will look different for everyone based on income, life situation and access
Yes. We are all humans. Not "cinderella" and "prince in shining armor". You might think you are the fairy tale princess but you aren't safe from unexpected life events.
Yep and I think many Ladies are finding out that making the gold is leaving them just as stressed out but not by their bf or husband but by their boss . We tried to tell them That it wasn’t as glorious as they envisioned
@@brianmeen2158 Well, that’s reality. Stress is inevitable, but it can be good or bad. At least making the gold is going to give anyone control over their lives.
@@brianmeen2158 What’s even more stressful is being abandoned by your husband after years of dedication, so you end up searching for a job that will take you even though you have no years of experience or a huge gap on your resume. It’s better to have your own money in the event something major happens.
@@brianmeen2158speak for yourself, my boss pays me and if I get fed up I can get a new one, I’m not stuck. Also I don’t have to take care of my boss, I only see them at work and rarely interact with them.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 I hear that from women in a group I am in! They are left with nothing after being a housewife/mom for 30 years, and are terrified of trying to support themselves when they can’t get a decent paying job after being out of the workforce for decades.
Ugh girl I love every take you have. I have such a friend crush on you!! My sister allowed her husband to do everything and now that she’s separated, her life is falling apart because she doesn’t even know how to manage her finances.
i hate the way the algorithm props up these women living unrealistic lives for underprivileged young girls to dream or wish for. It's similar to false advertisement that they too can live this life and is very harmful and they don't see those young woman, just numbers and views. And when you know you barely make money off tiktok, is it worth the net harm? and it saddens me it's following along the lines of the "trad" wife trend to me. Great video and commentary!
Love this video. I also want to add that women should truly begin to understand finance. I have seen many working women who depend on men to make financial decisions. I am one of them and it is my goal for the year to understand mutual funds etc. Really important to be independent
I started learning about finance back in December 2022 and I will say the r/personalfinance, r/FIRE, r/financialindependence, r/Bogleheads subreddits were a huge help to helping me understand things. I also like watching the Money Guy Show on UA-cam and the book "A Simple Path to Wealth" by JL Colliins. But definitely, learn finance and learn to make your own decisions because someone else's decisions may not actually be good decisions
Ladies ! High earning and high value are two different things. He can be high value with a moderate income. Or he can be high earning Ie a millionaire and a total asshole. Value yourself , earn for yourself! Get spoiled by someone who respects you.
I wish a lot of the people falling for the “soft life” influencers would realize that these women are working. Those influencers are selling impressionable and desperate women a dream and profiting heavily from it. It’s all marketing.
I always wonder on how these "Stay at home Girlfriends" would react if their significant other break up with them, what happens if the man can't work for any reason, he got fired, laid off from his job, or he tells his partner that she might have to found a job because a single income is either not enough or is no longer viable?
I recently read an incredibly insightful book by Laura Bates titled "Men Who Hate Women" and it is so incredibly necessary for women to read this book🙌 And all people, really! Great video!
@kobra4422 I totally understand how you feel! It is, of course, entirely up to you whether to look into it or not. I know that for me, I find that knowing about these topics makes me feel safer than being oblivious to them. Knowledge can be very powerful, but I also very much took my time reading it because it is quite heavy and shocking in the beginning. Respect your own pace in anything you do. Sending you love and light 💛✨️
@@like.thebird ok i am gonna give it a try. I don't think it will be worse than some of the hateful content and comments. ED: I've got the book and giving it a quick peek, it sounds good so far. I also recommend the book: "discovering the inner mother" by Bethany Webster. It's more about patriarchy wounds carried from mothers to daughters.
Another dellusional thing they talk abt is women being "submissive". For those familiar with CPTSD, being too passive, submissive is a result of freeze/fawn trauma response/ learned helplessness and should never be glorified. I myself had trauma and was stuck in being too passive. My healthy self isn't passive or submissive. Those channels don't want women to heal their nervous system but be pushovers. Btw. I am not saying being soft/feminine is a bad thing. But those things should be byproduct of feeling safe and relaxed, not misogynistic channels pushing women to be pushovers. I reccomend Peter Walker book on CPTSD to understand how our experiences shape our nervous system and behavior. Also, they groom women to date narcissistic men. Bc it's mostly narcissists who relentlessly pursue you and lovebomb you with money.
I always thought the soft life concept was different for women of color, especially black women. There hasn't been a time where the women in my family didn't work in one form or another. The one thing all my female family members told me was to keep a stash of money of my own to the side. There's nothing worse than feeling totally helpless.
Some of us black women are living in luxury and we don’t do struggle love. And we don’t look down on women that chose to work, but we see them not giving us soft ladies the same grace.
@@kameralkutie5594 That’s cuz a lot of the soft life ladies don’t give us grace and shame us for knowing better than to let a man be in control of us, and we know the soft life isn’t something that’s truly attainable. You may be surprised how many soft life black women later come out and speak on the abuse they faced, but acted like they were living their best lives on camera. It’s not a matter of grace. It’s a matter of reality.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 Again just because I and other women live a soft life doesn’t mean we are getting abused, aren’t realistic, or that we don’t have goals in life. I have multiple college degrees and have a successful career in Finance. But I also have a loving partner that can also provide a soft life whenever I choose to. I surround myself with different women that do or don’t have the soft life. Just because women especially black women are taught to be mules doesn’t mean she can’t obtain a soft life. It doesn’t mean you can’t achieve something you desire just because it’s rare or other people have had bad experiences with reaching for the same goal. For example I come from a three generational college educated family. These chances of African Americans in this situation is slim, but my family and I are living proof it can be done. All women have the right to choose what path they want in life rather it be career, soft life, or both without judgement and fear tactics. Women didn’t fight for women’s rights for us to be catty towards one another.
@@kameralkutie5594 How fortunate you were with being born into a family that values education. I hope you continue that tradition with your own children, and also impact those children who you meet in life.
You know how there’s some women out there that care about the wedding day but not the marriage? I see this “soft girl era” trend as another form of that. I think there’s a lot of girls that care about presenting an image to receive validation from other women but have no interest in anything other than that. “Soft girl” is pretty much an aesthetic now. It’s the girl that’s graceful and tradfem but also empowering because she’s got all this power to have every man around her do everything for her.
The part they leave out is that the soft girl’s power is a facade. A man will do what he wants regardless of what the soft girl wants, but the soft girl portrays her husband/ gf giving her stuff as a false form of power. We never see the man yelling at her or venting his frustrations because he’s sick of her spending habits because that goes against the narrative and shows that she doesn’t actually have power. It’s all for show. .
I love your highly intelligent, strong opinionated takes on these topics! You are someone I wish I could have listened to when I was in my early twenties.
@melc4308 labeling simple life skills like cooking cleaning etc as feminine perpetuates the idea that men don't need to learn basic things and force all the labour on the women in their life, be it their mum, wife, daughter etc, it absolutely is harmful Have you heard Labour by Paris Paloma? Amazing song When I was younger I didnt want to do things seen as girly because of Judgement, now I don't care but little boys are taking the messages that women are lesser and subseviant and this is just one of the causes
feminine energy is not about gender - it’s about the concept of yin and yang - you can be a woman and have both energies (masculine and feminine). also, men can have dominant feminine energy too and it’s completely acceptable. same with if women feel more comfortable with masculine energy.
@@love-risayeah I get that, I'm guy and am more feminine, I just find it cringe adding "energy" plus I also don't think we should gender behaviour altogether, it's pointless to label it and imo does more harm than good
I believe the key is to find a balance. I have worked my whole adult life for 2 degrees but getting married next month. We are planning to start a family and we agreed I would be a stay at home mum for as long as the kid is in kindergarten. So I would be depending on my husband but I still have the option to go back and I also have some funds saved. But I don’t think we should make people scared to depend on others. That’s unhealthy too I believe.
I’m married as well. Haven’t paid a major bill since 2016. ❤ Some women are just more stay at home and some women are career women. It’s okay for all of us to exist ❤
Agreed this was so needed. The soft life videos are making me feel like there is something wrong with my life. But in reality, this is really unrealistic
I'm just shocked that in 2023 there are still women who think it's ok to depend on men solely for taking care of their financial needs. That's careless living because then someone else has total control over your life.
Me too! I have been working and financially independent from anyone since I was 19. I am nearly 40 now and I cannot comprehend why anyone (but especially women) would enjoy this type of life. To me it sounds like slavery. I believe that earning and having your own money is the basis of adult life. I cannot imagine not being able to buy what I want, live or travel where I want because I depend on someone for money. I feel that would be embarrassing as an adult. What if your relationship goes wrong and you find yourself with no money or skills? I think especially nowadays when it is entirely possible to obtain job skills online and also work remotely/set up your own business this whole „soft life”approach is pure laziness and wanting to absolve yourself from any kind of adult responsibility for supporting yourself and being an independent adult.
@ayumisae6864 I couldn't have said it better 👏👏👏. Even if they font want to go to a regular office job there are other ways to earn online. I've been working from an early age as well and I cannot imagine leaving my life in someone's hands.
These men aren’t providing anything but shelter, tiktok and their social media profiles are. Notice how most of them rarely go out to restaurants, vacations or life a full life- just stuck at home.
Does those Japanese blogs like "how single Japanese woman spends evening after work" considered a slow life style? I love them so much and it inspires me so much: to work hard during day, then come back home, run some bath, watch series while drinking tea and doing something special on the weekends like visiting family or baking something tasty or read a book or plant something on the balcony. If it's a slow life then it's my type of slow life.
That's a bit offtopic, but in my country (Poland) a scandal happened, bc famous "actress/influencer" faked her whole lifestyle. She said she's a star in Bollywood (she wasn't) She said a millionaire paid 1 million dollars to have dinner with her. (It's proved to be fake). So the point is never believe those influencers and their fake lifestyles. Don't believe that those "pretty girls" have men throwing money at them for nothing. Some of them are rich, but it's bc they do sexual favors 🤮. No shame if someone does, but at least don't pretend you have "perfect princess lifestyle". Lot of those girls just want you to feel bad but they know their lifestyle isn"t genuine.
It's sad that the only way for women to get "princess treatment" is to lose any individuality and independence. It should be the norm for BOTH partners to spoil each other and have their own independence
I totally agree that both being together out of love, rather than a transactional relationship, and then treating each other very well all through the marriage, is what makes a happy relationship.
I'm south asian and usually we are raised to either expect to stay at home or be “domestic.” but i haven't been like that since i got a job out of college. I was out of work for a very short period of time recently and i truly can't do “soft life”. I overcompensated by making sure that i spoiled my husband a bit and made sure that things were clean. He never asked for it in fact he told me to just sit at home and relax (im also pregnant lol) but i hate hate hate being dependent on others even my own family. As brown women who were not born in to wealth we truly do only inherit struggle and worry. We don't have the luxury of just BEING.
south asian here , and also went to college with numerous- usually we are raised to be doctors and lawyers, at least in America. including females..No non 6 figure income careers allowed
I think the Decenter men girlies are in a different category from the soft life girlies. But then again I personally think that the soft life can happen without a man… it’s about creating a life of ease whether that’s from being softer on yourself or through choosing the right career that won’t drain you but will afford you the things you like or through protecting your own energy by choosing better company. So essentially we agree. I never saw soft life as anything other than that.
Of course it can happen. Not sure why people seem to think that you have to be a stay at home kept woman to have this type of life. A woman can educate herself, get skills to get a better job and give that life to herself without having to rely on anyone to provide an illusion of it which can disappear as soon as the man decides to end the relationship
I wholeheartedly agree with what you said here. I also find it funny how many of the influencers who promote a certain lifestyle online. They make money by selling a fantasy of a lifestyle that they don't even live themselves
Yes to all of this. I started working at 16 because I stopped wanting to be financially reliant on my parents. The idea that I worked my way through high school and university just to let all my drive and motivation go to rely on a man is insanity to me. One thing I will never do is not have my own money
It seems to me that there is no winning in this life. You will always be a slave to someone OR something. And if you ever own a home, try not paying your proprty taxes. Then you will find out who really owns your home.
Bro. This video resonated with me so much. I was beginning to think that maybe I am in the wrong because I believe women should be independent especially financially. You deserve a million subscribers at least and I see you reaching soon there. Keep up the good work buddy!
I agree. Those "feminity channels" shame us for basically existing. As if there was something wrong with having your own life and you start wondering what's wrong with you if random men don't just throw money at you. But they sell fake lifestyle and and there's always a "shadow" to their glamorous life, like doing sexual favors for men (not shame if someone does but don't tell me it's your "succesful life".
i am from east europe, women here are not seen as human beings until they fit a certain role which is that of a servant to a man who knows nothing more besides alcohol,gambling, treating women like utter shit,not taking care of himself,not making enough money, being sexist/misogynistic/racist/antisemitic and etc. i could go on and on about this however my mother had to fit this role for a specimen called my father, but especially she had to financially depend on him. i cannot stress enough how many times this woman has told me that i should go to school to have a good career and make money for myself so i won't have to rely on a man because she knows so well the struggles she had to endure as a mother without any income who had to tolerate somebody like my father in order to be financially provided for. that being said, i will never understand this growing trend of women who keep telling other women to find rich men so they won't work a day in their lives and live a life of luxury. as delusional as that sounds, maybe some of them are lucky enough to live that kind of...life? excuse me, why did your female ancestors fought so hard to gain rights ESPECIALLY the right to work? what will you once your beloved rich husband gets tired of you and drops you off like you are nothing to him? not to mention that you're giving yourself away to financial abuse and there are enough women ( my mother included ) who have been through something like that and would rather lose a limb than to be financially dependent on a guy ever again.
As a child I always saw myself living a better life than what I came from… so I went to school and chose a career that would be fulfilling AND provide me with a certain standard of living. My husband does well too but I never expected anyone to give me the life I always wanted. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with wanting a man to provide but I don’t understand not going after it on your own until you find that special person.. but to each their own 😊
I agree with you 100% about every single aspect! I tried to make the same point in few discussions online but not being as great in debates as you are, I was just bombarded with insults. Interestingly enough, I didn't insult, judged or humiliated anyone, I was trying to respectfully make my point the same way you did (but since English is not my native language I didn't put it so eloquently) but men attacked me with strangely vicious and vile insults, which I found odd. Why? Are they so desperate to own and control women? Because I can't see the other reason for all that. Even women got insulted although not in so vile and rude ways. Problem is, a lot of women feel like they are attacked for being provided by men. But my point is not that that is wrong, but that is not for everyone. It could work quite well for some women (or men) and for others it could be a disaster and ruin their lives. We are all different, and we should all seek what works for us. The fact that men online were that insulted by my opinion, of me, just some unknown anonymous woman, so that they were extremely rude, vile and insulted me in many ways just proved to me, I really really don't want to depend on one of them. It was scary.
No seriously. I was watching a live on TikTok about women dating for potential sugar daddies and the creator mentioned how you should use a fake name and number. And I’m like what the hell? Who am I on a date with? A predator??? Most women won’t think like me but if I have to constantly put myself in a state of fear just to get money out of a man then it’s not worth it. Get your own financial freedom and live your best life.
4:30 What she is saying is very true but EVERYTHING is a trade-off. There are positives and negatives to everything. Even the things that seem bad usually have a positive aspect to them somewhere. I am in a long term relationship with a generous partner who has thankfully supported me for many years (I have a lot of health problems). I have supported her as well, in non-financial ways. When you are only together because you want to be and not because you need each other, it’s much more likely that you are going to turn your back on the relationship at the first sign of problems. And there will always be problems in all relationships. The first several years of my relationship were incredibly tumultuous. But we’ve gotten to a place of mutual respect and understanding that is really quite beautiful. It was REALLY hard work to get here though. If I was independently wealthy, I probably would have bailed in those early years.
Sometimes when people talk about the male gaze etc. I get a little irritated as they are just throwing catch phrases around with no real comprehension or explanation, whereas I think you described the actuality of it so well and in a way all women can relate to Great video, subscribed ❤
Those "gifted" soft lives come with a lot of strings and a price many women will ultimately not be willing to pay. Its smarter to plan wisely and find a job/career that you enjoy so much it does not feel like work.... cause the rent is high! and there are not a lot of men who can afford anyone that lifestyle and often times, the ones that do, are old, taken, not interested in settling down, and look like that...
Yesterday a guy Im dating had to nerve to ask me(test me) while I was visiting him and said “you wanna help me with my laundry?” ….. I’m 25 and he’s 33… I said, “I’m actually backed up on my cleaning as well. Could you pay for my maid service ?? Then maybe I’ll have the energy to come help you” 🙃🙃 pour into me baby How’d you think I did ladies ??
I was really smiling when you mentioned overhearing those men. I can relate. I think there are certain minds who just observe more of this stuff! Once again, great video!
What is the difference between compromising for a man you are ostensibly in love with and for "the man" or your employer? Especially with the latter, because holding a job almost always comes with a myriad of compromises regarding your time and behavior. Perspective people. And what is the difference between dressing professionally, bloviating on your resume, CV, and interview, so you're picked by a "high-value" company vs the idea of bagging a "high-value" man? Again, fundamentally what is the difference? The "soft life" trend is just a mirror-image of the trend a year back or so of those young women working for FAANG companies working a "soft job" (luxurious offices, free food and espressos, lots of facilities). Most women these days pick a middle path, having a moderately successful job or career and getting married and having a few kids. Most will not fall into these two extremes, but even if they do, who cares?
@@vladimirazubcekova7727 you can lose your job at anytime, especially in the US. If you work for yourself, you can go out of business at anytime. And for many (most?) women, raising children is more fulfilling and exciting because, get this, they often LOVE their children. Crazy, I know.
girl, this channel of yours is a blessing! I've been bombarded with this "soft girl" content, all about denying the 50/50 and being a high value woman and all, and while some points make sense and resonate with me, most of it felt pretty off and just made me think how much women would regress under this speech. like, we've lived like this for about hundreds of years and *it didn't work*. wtf makes you think it's gonna be good now?????? it's just not the same drill when you're poor and underprivileged
oof, yeah there’s a very fine line with this lifestyle + takes a SMART and future-focused woman to make it work in your favor. if your basic bills are covered, you’d better be putting the money you’d spend on *that* into investing. in yourself via school/certifications and developing skills, in literal investment accounts, on selfcare to keep yourself up (beauty treatments, exercise classes, etc). find an alternative way to bring in your own money outside of the 9-5, so you don’t have to grind and stress yourself out like a man. freelance or start a business to keep yourself busy, i do petsitting and am transitioning to working for myself for example!
It's not really a soft life to depend on a man. A lot of people still have disabilities, mental illness, and other issues that make it hard to remain employed. It can be a lot easier to depend on someone you love than to depend on jobs that you keep losing.
Yes, but that’s clearly not what she’s discussing. Most of these “soft life” advocates are talking about mentally and physically abled individuals. I haven’t heard anyone advocating for a “soft life” in order to mitigate disabilities and mental illness. Reliance on individuals having mental or physical disabilities is a different discussion as many of those individuals do not have a choice.
@@leotardbanshee I still don’t see how that’s relevant to her critique. Seems like two completely different scenarios. The “soft life” that’s being advertised is women choosing to be dependent on a man-not for the reasons you stated.
Honestly, people who think that single girls or women, are failures because they don't have a boyfriend or husband, are very narrow minded. They don't realise that they have an independent life, that makes them much stronger and happier. Being dependent on your male partner, more than likely will cause you pain in the process. Not to mention unwanted pregnacy with children.
The “soft life” is honestly great, but you can’t do that with just anyone and you definitely need your own degree/s before you even bother. Be independent before for sure.
Thank you for this.Not all of us can get these men without losing ourselves or being on the brink of falling in the lap of an abusive man.There are so many jobs one can do to get that soft life.
I have divorced. With my ex we always did earn similarly and thanks to that we never fought for money between ourselves. We did discuss saving money a lot, and each party did it simultaneously. Thanks to that, after the divorce everyone took 50% and my living level did not drop inch. I would not be able to have this security level if I was just a housewife with soft lofe given by men. I have earned my 50%
Social media and the pursuit of aesthetics without substance is really destroying people’s souls. I really pity and sympathize with people caught up in the hustle, “I have to be the first millionaire in my family” mentality. We should be promoting simplicity and authenticity in living not acquiring more stuff.
It's so funny - the first TikTok in this video of the girl in the kitchen literally looked like me during my period of unemployment. I got no man - just a lot of time to bake from scratch, which also saves me money. I don't know what my point is, other than probably the same as yours that you can give yourself a soft life instead of being completely dependent on one person.
Great video and message! Thank you! My mother told me to never depend on a man for money, as she had done, like most women of her generations. She was left to support their family on her own when he left. She was strong, but she didn’t want me to go through the pain she and her mother had done, and probably for generations before them. too. I followed her life for decades, until my health issues for a while. That’s when it really went down hill. I am healthy again and SOOOO glad to be earning money now.
The idea of being financially dependent on ur spouse is a lot easier and sensible to adopt for religious people that don’t believe in divorce. When there is no “leaving the relationship” in terms of divorce (my religion allows annulment which is different), you’re compelled to resolve issues amicably. It’s a lot easier to get a man to compromise when you’re his only potential sexual partner for the remainder of his life. Also in my culture, while men provide the income, women control the finances (which is considered to be part of the household). Women manage budgeting, savings, property, and investments. It’s actually far more common to see wives give their husbands allowances than vice versa.
Finally a good video from an honest self-respecting woman who doesn’t sugarcoat anything! I agree with you 100% I’m always so shocked seeing this mentality when we fought so hard and for so long to be able to finally NOT depend on a man and these stupid girls go on and ruin there own lives and influence other naïve little girls into this lifestyle they will have no opportunity to go back from!
The only thing I will add is that, as a mother, it breaks my heart to go work to help pay the bills while giving my daughter over to others (child care workers) to help raise her. I need to work, and I have financial freedom however there is a cost. The benefit of having a single family income (relying on the husband for instance) is that the mother can stay home and actually raise the children. I do think women should have a profession that they can rely on or go back to. And especially women who don’t want to have children, yes you need a career, Just adding that women don’t need to glorify working over being a stay at home mom. Being a working mom is brutal at times. Love my daughter and I love my job. Just don’t see how if a woman wants to have 3-4 kids, it can happen while working full time.
My sister works and her husband stays home. She gets all the income and pays for everything. The husband does nothing. She is celebrating her 26th anniversary this year. He is a total loser.
She has had no electricity for months when it was cut off for non-payment. Her bathroom floor corroded away from water damage and they had no working toilet for months at a time,. I call her house the 1800's - no, she is not "happy". @@casandra0
I'm 41 almost 42, I have been with the same man for almost 26 years ( married for almost 21 ). We have 3 now grown children, that I was a SAHM to. You better not EVER do anything like this unless you're getting an education and some way to practice those skills and gain money. You need to have your OWN account for YOUR money. Your life is so very valuable and you can't risk everything for nothing. Things start getting "soft" when you start to reap the benefits from the beginning harvest. It's not reality for most of us just to do nothing and gain everything. I could write a book on this, considering it......please don't bound yourself to a man for free. Also it's sooo much bigger than material things in the end. The longer you live the more perspective you will gain.
I agree you need to be able to keep money accessible but the laws on common property vary from place to place. Where I live your spouse cannot keep marital assets from you in divorce.
I'm just being honest, while I respect that there are women who use the "soft life" ideals to put themselves first and to escape the expectation of providing for men, I still don't think the things these "soft life" influencers say are grounded in reality. People don't like to hear it but there are only so many "high value men" to go around. You're better off getting the "soft life" by just getting your own money. Loved the clip you used from bukola. She's educated with her own bag.
Although I agree with alot of what you’re saying , two things can be true at the same time. People like the ✨sprinkle sprinkle✨ lady are not telling women to solely financially depend on men and not make their own money. She has said many times for women to use the money from men as an asset rather than a necessity. She actually has written books, has her own business, and runs a UA-cam channel. She just preaches for women to have their own money but spend his when necessary. She thinks it’s strategic to save your personal earning but utilize men’s earnings instead . She is not out her telling women to solely financially depend on a man .
The lack of choices that come with being financially dependent on a man is something I see with my own mom. If my dad fell out of love for her and decided to leave her, she would be fucked.
I am married to wonderful husband . We both work. When I need something to purchase something for the house , we talk and make decisions together. I have never felt competition between us - who earns more. Greetings from EU 🇪🇺
It's the thrill of the hunt. Straight up. Its looking at the "high value men", looking at the women trying to attract them, and knocking Felicia right out of the box.
My mom always says that if you give somebody the power to feed you than you give them the power to starve you.
I love that phrase, thank you! Your mom’s a wise woman
Your mom feeds or fed you right?
@@rosealldaysyea, but not every mom fed, and technically it’s still in op’s mom power to have stopped whenever she wanted, what’s cps ganna do
@@bluetears2 I was just being smart. No harm haha
Girl. That's wise.
Being financially dependent on anyone is hell on earth.
@@softlifesarahwell you HAVE To depend on your boss, no choice... But others you can avoid if they turn abusive and u r financially independent
On anyone? No girl not on anyone. It should be the one you love and trust. But you don't believe to a guys, that's the problem
When I turned 38, I had twin boys with disabilities. I quit my job, and I am financially dependent on my husband. Actually, our whole family is. It is actually our money. Not my husband's. Life has a way of humbling us sometimes. Things happen husband's get sick wives get sick, children get sick. Life is messy and complicated. I love every second of mine.
@RandomGirlWithABrain 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 thank you. U illustrated everything I wanted to say. First of all. It's not his money, it's the family's money. He provides for the whole family. Also, she's acting like there's no love in these dynamics..its not just money, there is love and respect and commitment and God's covering too. Lastly, she keeps acting like there's no benefits in staying home. Some women CHOOSE that and therefore THEY ARE HAPPY. just because u depend on another doesnt mean u are damned to a life of unhappiness. If she truly had a deep understanding of women being free, she would allow space for women to choose to be stay at home wives/moms. Instead of saying it's a scam that'll make them unhappy. It's not true. I felt so liberated and happy when I stopped working full time and left it to my man to provide basics.
Also failed to realize in some cases, it is a necessity!! It's not always a choice! Like in your situation. Also forgetting children need to be cared for. Who better than mom to do this work?
This mentality is so dellusional. Do the "feminity" channels know that death happens? You can have the best man but what if he dies? According to "feminity" channels woman should commit suicide or look for another man cause we aren't supposed to work 🙄
I don’t think there is anything wrong with making your money and still wanting a guy to spoil you. However, you can’t just rely on him. Make your own money.
Agreed! Make your own and whatever the guy does is the gravy on top!
And you need to invest or use what that man gives you to better your life. The reason why these flex culture influencers with sugar daddies or provider men end up in mess and destitute when these men dump them for the next new thing is because they didn't use what those men gave them as an opportunity to have a better life. They were more worried flexing designer items than investing. They didn't bother that the cars and houses weren't in their names and therefor these men could take everything away in a second. They didn't use the opportunity to network and get financially literate. Lost opportunity.
Exactly! It’s nice to be spoiled but definitely have your own money. And skills you can draw upon, should things go downhill. Even if they don’t, you need to have some self esteem and self worth, and usually that comes from achievements and constant learning. How can you feel secure being a lady of leisure forever.
Yeah that would be ideal but some of us aren’t cut out to work 40+ hrs per week. And even if you do find a successful partner who can support you, they can lose their job, get sick and/or go broke at any time. Ultimately, life will find a way to F you no matter what you do. 🤣
Yeah, there needs to be balance because at the end of day he could leave you, so you gotta make sure you were also secure with your own finances.
my mom is a housewife and financially depended on my dad. When he passed away, I automatically became the breadwinner. Mind you, I am a woman. So, if I followed her footsteps too, my family would have starved.
I am so sorry for your dad. But you are right, and I am surprised that "feminity" channels don't acknowledge that death/accidents happen. Being independent isn't some "fancy tiktok trend". It's our real life. Those ppl are so dellusional in their fairy tale.
@@ilikepancakes2368 i came from a third world country and people cant really afford insurance and other investments. In asian culture we call it "sandwich generation" where you pass on the burden to the next generation to take of you and your family. But I get your point, that's a lesson I have learned so I am breaking the cycle with me.
my aunt was in the same position. she didnt really prioritise her education and became a housewife. then my uncle passed away from cancer and she had to spend on her tow eldest daughters to take care of her
There's a reason why married Afghani women are crying that their daughters can't go to school, and crying that they themselves can't explore their own personal limits.
My Dad told me a woman should never be broke, bc then she’s vulnerable to mistreatment bc of desperation. Get to the bag ladies and meet a partner of good character along the way. Or don’t but either way enjoy your life 🤎
This is the best thing that none of those "dating gurus" talk about. Woman should be financially independent before getting married to not get stuck in toxic situation. I don't say it in shaming sense bc I know how it is to be broke but it's for safety.
Too bad people stop being young at 24-25 let alone 30-40.
@@rattlehead999too bad indeed. Still better than being with certain nonentities. Most of which have non functioning organ at 32.
That's why too "pretty" or too "ugly" girls or women, are at risk of rape and being seen as a sexual object. Being average is the best! You live your life in peace and when you have a romantic partner, at least he respects you. In my opinion
@@missstranger7697 Well 90% of people are average, 6% are a bit below or a bit above average and less than 4% are way above or way below average. Assuming they aren't overweight or underweight, which nowadays most people are overweight.
Also a ton of average girls go for the charismatic, tall, dark and handsome, well of to wealthy guys and wonder why they don't get treated well and are single.
For a man to be charismatic and hit it off well with the ladies, that means that he has been with many, many women. And a person that has been with many partners is someone you should avoid at all cost.
It either means that he/she wasn't good enough or that he/she screwed over a ton of people. Best case scenario they wasted their time, which is precious, worst case scenario... well you can imagine the worst case scenario.
'If you don´t come from wealth, you don´t inherit wealth. You inherit struggle instead.´ I probably should have cried at this but I laughed way too hard instead because it´s so damn true girl 🤣
🤣😭
Yep. Exactly what I don't want for my kids. So I need a house they can live in forever and savings/insurance for them. Then they can take it from there.
@@BeautifulEarthJaugh same
"what happens when looks fade? Does he fade with them?" lmaoooo nailed it 💀
It's sad but it happens. Even if the guy is genuine he still can die/get broke/ have accident and become dependent on you.
I know one of those "soft girls" who abandoned her man when he had accident and didn't make money anymore. That's their mentality.
@@kobra4422 That’s cuz the soft life is code for “gold digger”. Her leaving was on point for that lifestyle. Sad, but on point.
Everyone should take a domestic violence class to understand why having financial independence is important, and also how to avoid abusive men
The best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself the soft life. That was a word. Well said.
🩷❤️🩷
That's far from the best thing. You should give yourself intelligence, strength, discipline and drive. Soft life is a slow decline.
@@rattlehead999A doctor said people go downhill as soon as they retire. But I we can reasdt ebery now and then.
@@rattlehead999She is talking about having your own financial freedom in order to give yourself the soft life, not to depend upon a sugar daddy to give (and take) it away to you, according to his whim. Remember when she talked about her OB/GYN? That physician worked hard for many years to give herself the soft life she now has. The life of a physician is actually rarely very soft in reality, but they do make, and deserve, an above average income.
I do agree with you that it takes intelligence, strength, discipline, and drive to be successful, however.
@@hiannahgus574 A soft life makes you stop improving, which leads to degradation.
For black women our lean in to the soft life is more cultural due to our history. Black women have always been viewed as masculine hence the “strong black women” stereotype- which honestly doesn’t work in our favor. Our perceived masculinity has gotten us historically unprotected, unprovided for, overworked and unpaid, and only valued when we are someone’s mule. We are often the breadwinners of our communities, thus making us the providers. We’ve never had the luxury of being provided for or having the soft life. So for us, this is us burning the capes and leaning back and allowing ourselves to be open to receiving help and support in whatever form it may come in without the overwhelming urge to fall back into our hyper independence and running ourselves down and into early graves. Our soft life doesn’t necessarily come from the hands of a man, most of us are now successful business owners, but in the few cases that it does, I love that for us because we are the least provided for.
Thank you for your comment; this was super insightful! 🩷❤️
My man provides for me, I was able to graduate college stress free and I saw something that suggests he's about to propose to me soon. It worked out for me, he's white and I'm a black woman and it's nice to finally be the damsel being saved by my knight.
@rochellel.golliday982 Exactly, thank you! Very well stated...
Get this. Both points are right. And I love the nuances as a black girl but I need us black girls to understand that at the end of the day- we're still black and still need to not ONLY rely on a man for our goals, regardless!
The problem is this puts the onus on black women to change their behavior in hopes of being perceived as “feminine” when that wasn’t the issue to begin with. The blame falls on racism. I’m concerned a lot of us are becoming less engaged and empowered and it may not turn out well in the long run. We shouldn’t feel like we can’t rely on anyone but ourselves, but some of us are going too far in the other direction and are not preparing ourselves for a good future.
This video is the truth. There’s literally a tiktoker that was showing the “soft life/ sugar baby life “ & now she has a baby and the man left her and kicked her out the apartment that’s in HIS name. Her whole luxury lifestyle she bragged about getting from another man GONE once she had his baby..
Which is still crazy in all the sugarbaby I heard of and seeen none have had any babies so she went too far and as soon as she did get pregnant he changed she thought she could change that old man who was looking to have fun and have sexual fun with a young black women
@@TheePrettiest901she was pretty dumb
I’ve bend saying OVER and over that this is so dangerous, not making your own money. My friend just got kicked out by her bf but she had a job and was able to pick herself back up
i remember her. he was also really abusive during their relationship and it only became worse when she got pregnant. but when u find out that she's married to someone whos in the military and has a 9 yr old daughter that she abandoned to chase this man and his bag, its hard to feel sorry for her
,..do you mind sharing the name/handle? the fact the girls/women seelling that lifestyle to naive women is so dangerous and sets them up for so many dangerous situation including their children. Literally NOTHING can stop a man from leaving you behind like yesterdays garbage the second he finds a new woman.
Finally, someone said it! If you're financially dependent on anyone else, you're inviting stress into your life and your comfort will always be at that person's mercy. Being financially independent and also prioritizing giving yourself the experiences and things that you value is the only way to go.
You know what's so crazy? I thought that everyone knew not to depend on a man for money but ask one of the "soft life girls" and they'll tell you that men dangling their money over women is not a real thing and it is actually YOU who is scared of dating a wealthy man because of what you have heard. I wish I was making this up.
Sure, but you can find a financially stable person that loves you, which means that you don't go for the hot, charismatic/seductive man/woman that gives you all the awesome feelings, but you go for the regular stable person that shows that she/he loves you.
And another problem is that women that earn a lot of money don't seem to like men that earn less than them or even men that want to be a stay at home dads.
Maybe that's true for women that earn a lot of money but I am working class and support my male fiance. We would be married but he has bad credit lol. He stays home and takes care of most of the housework, errands, childcare (though is light since my son is in high-school). I really appreciate his contributions because I also go to school full time as a nursing student and I work so I have zero time to do much else. He does freelance art work on the side for his own extra spending money and it is his family's house we rent from his uncle so it's not like that doesn't help me financially. But I pay for the rent, bills, food and everything else. So there are women who want to be the provider spouse. I actually prefer it that way because I used to be a housewife in my previous marrige and it was hell. I will never be dependent on someone ever again. I would rather die. My fiance has issues with working a full time job so it works for us.
Something i wouldve said when i was a pickmisha and didnt think i was worthy in attracting a provider man. Men provide. They hunt. They did since thousands of years. Just because the last 80 years we have twisting of the roles and teaching women they Need to be the money earners by working hard themselves doesnt mean its true. Its not bad to want a man who provides. Its called taking rhe money and investing and growing it. Thats what women do. They take what is given to rhem from the masculine, like vagina does receiving the sperm; and creates MORE (life) out of it. This girl still has many $$ wounds and fear regarding receiving and its showing. Having fears of men disgarding her or fear around not being safe having money incase: “he leaves” or “he loses his jobs” will keep u crippled. The first thing to do is heal those fears, a woman who knows her worth and value KNOWS she will always attract and recieve money. From the man, another man or other situations, doesnt matter what situation shes in; she already wired herself to be a receiver and always does. This is why these women are always coupled, always leveled up EVEN if they become single and have to start again. THATS the true soft life. Not fear and insecurities and making excuses like this shaming women who actually know their worth. Sure its not ur lifestyle; but putting down other women doesnt help u. Just live the type of lifestyle that works with ur mindset without putting down other women. Poverty minded is what that is and I see why.
Also a high value man isn't about money, it's about his mentality and character.
So true! And so many of the "rich men" are just horrible people! Sometimes person with less money will give you more!
And those rich men who "throw money at you" can do it for another girl next year!
Those channels groom women to date narcissists tbh bc they are the ones to lovebomb you.
💯
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thank you!!! I keep seeing these “soft life”, “stay at home girlfriend” influencers and it’s so painful. I understand that this mindset is likely a response to being burned out by capitalism and cost of living but it’s just so regressive
Yesss 🙌🏽
Or it comes from people who probably came from a privileged background and don’t have to worry about working to survive. So the glamorize a scenario that only works for them or people like them, not for all women
@@pizzadogma They also show overly romanticised version of being a housewife (or housegirlfriend). So even if people can manage to live with one income, young women are lied to and told it's 'soft life' and you get to relax all day. The ones who can afford to relax are the one who have nannies, housekeepers and other helping hand.
Lot of those women are just scammers. Many of them in fact have "sponsors" for doing sexual favors, fans only etc. No matter how pretty you are, men won't just throw money at you for nothing. And finding a reliable man, who isn't toxic, is not as easy! They sell a lifestyle that doesn't exist!
In my country (Poland) currenly a scandal happened, bc the famous "actress/influencer" faked her whole carrier and fame. She said someone paid 1million of dollars to have dinner with her, which turned out to be fake. So it's just example how "influencers" fake their lifestyle.
@@boopyournose5698 Yesss yesss . My grannys and most grannies who didny have help have coarse hands cause they worked for the farm with their bare hands and no help in tow
You can have a man provide for you and also make money. It’s foolish to fully depend on a man. Use the money he gives you to invest and create a business so you can have a soft life. Period
BINGO 🎉
It's called selling one's body.
@@mirianakovachevic748 wtf are you even talking about lmfao where was that mentioned in my original comment?💀💀💀💀
Why on earth should he give you money ? Why are you entitled to such money ?
@@prashanthb6521 😭 I’m not gonna waste my breath you don’t get it.
As a white woman who grew up lower class, who’s mother grew up lower class, who’s grandmother grew up after her father left their family and forced her mom to be a single mother, I have had so much struggle and am happy you’re reminding women that being dependent is awful. Any women in my family on my moms side who were dependent on men were screwed by them. Including my own mother. It’s just not smart.
Same. my ex-stepdad made my mom leave one job and sabotage another one, only to abandon her later. It's a lottery.
My mother too. Unfortunately.
All of the women in my family did that, too. My mother told me to NEVER depend upon a man for financial support, as he can leave you high and dry, especially when you have children.
Umm girl. I needed this so much. Cause I was starting to think maybe I need to be a soft girl. As a little girl, I always wanted to be hard working, educated, beautiful and well cultured. I gotta remember that and not fall into the trap of soft girl. I can make my life a soft girl life beacuse I DID IT. And then find a man who is EQUAL, good man! and happy for me and I'm happy for him!
"The way to get a soft life is to give yourself a soft life" Totally!!!
13:35 . before anyone else stops sexualising us, us women need to stop doing it. along the way it got into our heads, that gaze, we start to see ourselves through the eyes of men. free yourselves from that, look at yourselves through your own damn eyes, you are a human.
I also have this take, but most other women disagree with it lol. Self sexualization is seen as empowerment for some reason. Especially if you can make money off your self sexualization. People applaud that stuff
💛🤝i'm grateful for you.
@@Justaregularoldplumbus had written a full blown opinion/rant comment, accidently deleted it. and now don't have the energy to write it again. you understand, right. emotional energy got depleted. lol) tc, beautiful human. hope to meet you sometime, in this small world.
@@Justaregularoldplumbus yk, also something that i have recently realised is that, i earlier used to think that the rich ppl, or yk ppl living in the high end areas, in the developed world do not have to face these less developed mentalities of human existence, things like, inequality, indecency, etc. but recently, while watching some interviews, i realised that it isn't true. this quote indeed is so true, "either we all live in a decent world or no one does." and also this "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." these things, inequalities, if they exist, they exist everywhere, and they affect everyone, the shape, form or degree can be different, but it indeed is omnipresent. and so, if we fight against them, we are not fighting for the freedom of someone else, but for our own freedom. if we contribute in creating a decent world, we are doing it for ourselves. it's an ecosystem, and like how pollution, plastic problem eventually affects everyone. there is no boundary, only oneness. it's only in our minds that we think there is a boundary, and we are protected. indecency, injustice, inequality anywhere is a threat. and indecency, injustice, inequality anywhere is indecency, injustice, inequality everywhere.
@@Justaregularoldplumbusdont even get me started. And of course male feminists are all about the "empowerment" of sex workers.
I’ve provided myself with the soft life at 25 and I can see the hesitation in men bc they know they can’t add value to me and I WILL NOT allow them to take from me
Same. I've provided for myself for a while but the few times I relied on men for money, I could ALWAYS rely on them to be inconsistent IF they would even give me the money at all.
@@adams8830 yeah! They start stuttering when you ask them for money. Like everything else they love doesn’t cost: car, Play station, shoes, gym memberships, hair cuts… why wouldn’t you add your woman to the “subscription list” and pour into her as well
goals!!
Yasss . You go girl
🤣
the reality is that there's no such thing as a ' soft life' for men or women. Turmoil and tragedy effect everyone regardless of status, race or gender
Well some certainly have more comfort and easier circumstances than others but yes, bad things happen to everyone. But my understanding of “soft life” Is really just romanticized self care mixed with aesthetics. Even that will look different for everyone based on income, life situation and access
Yes. We are all humans. Not "cinderella" and "prince in shining armor". You might think you are the fairy tale princess but you aren't safe from unexpected life events.
this. unless you're a billionaire or born into that kid of wealth, something as terrible as cancer could immediately change that reality
He who makes the gold makes the rules.
Ladies, if you want to rule over your life then you will have to make the gold.
Yep and I think many
Ladies are finding out that making the gold is leaving them just as stressed out but not by their bf or husband but by their boss . We tried to tell them
That it wasn’t as glorious as they envisioned
@@brianmeen2158 Well, that’s reality. Stress is inevitable, but it can be good or bad. At least making the gold is going to give anyone control over their lives.
@@brianmeen2158 What’s even more stressful is being abandoned by your husband after years of dedication, so you end up searching for a job that will take you even though you have no years of experience or a huge gap on your resume. It’s better to have your own money in the event something major happens.
@@brianmeen2158speak for yourself, my boss pays me and if I get fed up I can get a new one, I’m not stuck. Also I don’t have to take care of my boss, I only see them at work and rarely interact with them.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 I hear that from women in a group I am in! They are left with nothing after being a housewife/mom for 30 years, and are terrified of trying to support themselves when they can’t get a decent paying job after being out of the workforce for decades.
Ugh girl I love every take you have. I have such a friend crush on you!!
My sister allowed her husband to do everything and now that she’s separated, her life is falling apart because she doesn’t even know how to manage her finances.
Aww thank you! 🩷❤️
Also, wishing all the best that your sis can turn things around.
i hate the way the algorithm props up these women living unrealistic lives for underprivileged young girls to dream or wish for. It's similar to false advertisement that they too can live this life and is very harmful and they don't see those young woman, just numbers and views. And when you know you barely make money off tiktok, is it worth the net harm? and it saddens me it's following along the lines of the "trad" wife trend to me. Great video and commentary!
Their whole life is so fake. So many influencers had their lifestyle proved to be fake.
I absolutely looooove having my own money and being child free. I'm not a millionaire or anything but i live very comfortably.
Love this video. I also want to add that women should truly begin to understand finance. I have seen many working women who depend on men to make financial decisions. I am one of them and it is my goal for the year to understand mutual funds etc. Really important to be independent
You're so right! The number of women who don't understand how stocks/bonds/etf's etc. work is astonishingly high so it's extremely important to learn
So proud of you! 🥂. Go for it!
I started learning about finance back in December 2022 and I will say the r/personalfinance, r/FIRE, r/financialindependence, r/Bogleheads subreddits were a huge help to helping me understand things. I also like watching the Money Guy Show on UA-cam and the book "A Simple Path to Wealth" by JL Colliins. But definitely, learn finance and learn to make your own decisions because someone else's decisions may not actually be good decisions
That's why I think independent women are more rare, but by far the best and are badasses.
Having your own income is so satisfying! Personally I hate depending on people for anything.
Ladies ! High earning and high value are two different things. He can be high value with a moderate income. Or he can be high earning Ie a millionaire and a total asshole. Value yourself , earn for yourself! Get spoiled by someone who respects you.
I wish a lot of the people falling for the “soft life” influencers would realize that these women are working. Those influencers are selling impressionable and desperate women a dream and profiting heavily from it. It’s all marketing.
This is true! The ones who truly have the “soft life” are the ones offline and not on social media, period.
I always wonder on how these "Stay at home Girlfriends" would react if their significant other break up with them, what happens if the man can't work for any reason, he got fired, laid off from his job, or he tells his partner that she might have to found a job because a single income is either not enough or is no longer viable?
I recently read an incredibly insightful book by Laura Bates titled "Men Who Hate Women" and it is so incredibly necessary for women to read this book🙌 And all people, really! Great video!
I'd like to but I feel so much hate from men on social media, also from women pushing misogyny, I am afraid it will trigger me even more.
@kobra4422 I totally understand how you feel! It is, of course, entirely up to you whether to look into it or not. I know that for me, I find that knowing about these topics makes me feel safer than being oblivious to them. Knowledge can be very powerful, but I also very much took my time reading it because it is quite heavy and shocking in the beginning. Respect your own pace in anything you do. Sending you love and light 💛✨️
@@like.thebird ok i am gonna give it a try. I don't think it will be worse than some of the hateful content and comments.
ED: I've got the book and giving it a quick peek, it sounds good so far.
I also recommend the book: "discovering the inner mother" by Bethany Webster.
It's more about patriarchy wounds carried from mothers to daughters.
@kobra4422 ooo very interesting! I'll have to look into it, thank you for sharing! 🙏
Another dellusional thing they talk abt is women being "submissive".
For those familiar with CPTSD, being too passive, submissive is a result of freeze/fawn trauma response/ learned helplessness and should never be glorified.
I myself had trauma and was stuck in being too passive. My healthy self isn't passive or submissive.
Those channels don't want women to heal their nervous system but be pushovers.
Btw. I am not saying being soft/feminine is a bad thing. But those things should be byproduct of feeling safe and relaxed, not misogynistic channels pushing women to be pushovers.
I reccomend Peter Walker book on CPTSD to understand how our experiences shape our nervous system and behavior.
Also, they groom women to date narcissistic men. Bc it's mostly narcissists who relentlessly pursue you and lovebomb you with money.
I always thought the soft life concept was different for women of color, especially black women. There hasn't been a time where the women in my family didn't work in one form or another. The one thing all my female family members told me was to keep a stash of money of my own to the side. There's nothing worse than feeling totally helpless.
Some of us black women are living in luxury and we don’t do struggle love. And we don’t look down on women that chose to work, but we see them not giving us soft ladies the same grace.
@@kameralkutie5594 That’s cuz a lot of the soft life ladies don’t give us grace and shame us for knowing better than to let a man be in control of us, and we know the soft life isn’t something that’s truly attainable. You may be surprised how many soft life black women later come out and speak on the abuse they faced, but acted like they were living their best lives on camera. It’s not a matter of grace. It’s a matter of reality.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 Again just because I and other women live a soft life doesn’t mean we are getting abused, aren’t realistic, or that we don’t have goals in life. I have multiple college degrees and have a successful career in Finance. But I also have a loving partner that can also provide a soft life whenever I choose to. I surround myself with different women that do or don’t have the soft life. Just because women especially black women are taught to be mules doesn’t mean she can’t obtain a soft life. It doesn’t mean you can’t achieve something you desire just because it’s rare or other people have had bad experiences with reaching for the same goal. For example I come from a three generational college educated family. These chances of African Americans in this situation is slim, but my family and I are living proof it can be done. All women have the right to choose what path they want in life rather it be career, soft life, or both without judgement and fear tactics. Women didn’t fight for women’s rights for us to be catty towards one another.
@@kameralkutie5594 How fortunate you were with being born into a family that values education. I hope you continue that tradition with your own children, and also impact those children who you meet in life.
@@hiannahgus574 thank you 😊🩷 I’m college educated, but no children by choice. But I have a lovely niece that is spoiled. I wish you the best as well.🥰
You know how there’s some women out there that care about the wedding day but not the marriage? I see this “soft girl era” trend as another form of that. I think there’s a lot of girls that care about presenting an image to receive validation from other women but have no interest in anything other than that. “Soft girl” is pretty much an aesthetic now. It’s the girl that’s graceful and tradfem but also empowering because she’s got all this power to have every man around her do everything for her.
The part they leave out is that the soft girl’s power is a facade. A man will do what he wants regardless of what the soft girl wants, but the soft girl portrays her husband/ gf giving her stuff as a false form of power. We never see the man yelling at her or venting his frustrations because he’s sick of her spending habits because that goes against the narrative and shows that she doesn’t actually have power. It’s all for show. .
I love your highly intelligent, strong opinionated takes on these topics! You are someone I wish I could have listened to when I was in my early twenties.
Thanks so much! 🩷❤️🩷
God im getting sick of the terms "feminine" energy why we gotta genderise everything ffs
Right?!!
@melc4308 labeling simple life skills like cooking cleaning etc as feminine perpetuates the idea that men don't need to learn basic things and force all the labour on the women in their life, be it their mum, wife, daughter etc, it absolutely is harmful
Have you heard Labour by Paris Paloma? Amazing song
When I was younger I didnt want to do things seen as girly because of Judgement, now I don't care but little boys are taking the messages that women are lesser and subseviant and this is just one of the causes
feminine energy is not about gender - it’s about the concept of yin and yang - you can be a woman and have both energies (masculine and feminine). also, men can have dominant feminine energy too and it’s completely acceptable. same with if women feel more comfortable with masculine energy.
@@love-risayeah I get that, I'm guy and am more feminine, I just find it cringe adding "energy" plus I also don't think we should gender behaviour altogether, it's pointless to label it and imo does more harm than good
@@pradlark i see. so your concern is that it could be misunderstood?
I believe the key is to find a balance. I have worked my whole adult life for 2 degrees but getting married next month. We are planning to start a family and we agreed I would be a stay at home mum for as long as the kid is in kindergarten. So I would be depending on my husband but I still have the option to go back and I also have some funds saved. But I don’t think we should make people scared to depend on others. That’s unhealthy too I believe.
I’m married as well. Haven’t paid a major bill since 2016. ❤
Some women are just more stay at home and some women are career women. It’s okay for all of us to exist ❤
True. Also, not every man is going to abuse you or just throw you out.
I do not know how better to say this, but this is such an honest, intellectual and necessary video. A breath of fresh air.
Agreed this was so needed. The soft life videos are making me feel like there is something wrong with my life. But in reality, this is really unrealistic
I'm just shocked that in 2023 there are still women who think it's ok to depend on men solely for taking care of their financial needs. That's careless living because then someone else has total control over your life.
Me too! I have been working and financially independent from anyone since I was 19. I am nearly 40 now and I cannot comprehend why anyone (but especially women) would enjoy this type of life. To me it sounds like slavery. I believe that earning and having your own money is the basis of adult life. I cannot imagine not being able to buy what I want, live or travel where I want because I depend on someone for money. I feel that would be embarrassing as an adult. What if your relationship goes wrong and you find yourself with no money or skills?
I think especially nowadays when it is entirely possible to obtain job skills online and also work remotely/set up your own business this whole „soft life”approach is pure laziness and wanting to absolve yourself from any kind of adult responsibility for supporting yourself and being an independent adult.
@ayumisae6864 I couldn't have said it better 👏👏👏. Even if they font want to go to a regular office job there are other ways to earn online. I've been working from an early age as well and I cannot imagine leaving my life in someone's hands.
@@MsRenaissance absolutely agree with you, you are risking your livelihood by doing that and it could end up badly 🙏
These men aren’t providing anything but shelter, tiktok and their social media profiles are. Notice how most of them rarely go out to restaurants, vacations or life a full life- just stuck at home.
Even if you find a high valued rich man to financially support you, there's still so much work you have to do to keep him.
Does those Japanese blogs like "how single Japanese woman spends evening after work" considered a slow life style? I love them so much and it inspires me so much: to work hard during day, then come back home, run some bath, watch series while drinking tea and doing something special on the weekends like visiting family or baking something tasty or read a book or plant something on the balcony. If it's a slow life then it's my type of slow life.
That's a bit offtopic, but in my country (Poland) a scandal happened, bc famous "actress/influencer" faked her whole lifestyle.
She said she's a star in Bollywood (she wasn't)
She said a millionaire paid 1 million dollars to have dinner with her. (It's proved to be fake).
So the point is never believe those influencers and their fake lifestyles. Don't believe that those "pretty girls" have men throwing money at them for nothing.
Some of them are rich, but it's bc they do sexual favors 🤮. No shame if someone does, but at least don't pretend you have "perfect princess lifestyle".
Lot of those girls just want you to feel bad but they know their lifestyle isn"t genuine.
Name?
@@dr.m6152 Natalia Janoszek
It's sad that the only way for women to get "princess treatment" is to lose any individuality and independence. It should be the norm for BOTH partners to spoil each other and have their own independence
Amen
Indeed.
I totally agree that both being together out of love, rather than a transactional relationship, and then treating each other very well all through the marriage, is what makes a happy relationship.
This has been such a refreshing video after being trapped in the red pill algorithm for like 2 years.
I'm south asian and usually we are raised to either expect to stay at home or be “domestic.” but i haven't been like that since i got a job out of college. I was out of work for a very short period of time recently and i truly can't do “soft life”. I overcompensated by making sure that i spoiled my husband a bit and made sure that things were clean. He never asked for it in fact he told me to just sit at home and relax (im also pregnant lol) but i hate hate hate being dependent on others even my own family. As brown women who were not born in to wealth we truly do only inherit struggle and worry. We don't have the luxury of just BEING.
south asian here , and also went to college with numerous- usually we are raised to be doctors and lawyers, at least in America. including females..No non 6 figure income careers allowed
I think the Decenter men girlies are in a different category from the soft life girlies. But then again I personally think that the soft life can happen without a man… it’s about creating a life of ease whether that’s from being softer on yourself or through choosing the right career that won’t drain you but will afford you the things you like or through protecting your own energy by choosing better company. So essentially we agree. I never saw soft life as anything other than that.
Of course it can happen. Not sure why people seem to think that you have to be a stay at home kept woman to have this type of life. A woman can educate herself, get skills to get a better job and give that life to herself without having to rely on anyone to provide an illusion of it which can disappear as soon as the man decides to end the relationship
I wholeheartedly agree with what you said here. I also find it funny how many of the influencers who promote a certain lifestyle online. They make money by selling a fantasy of a lifestyle that they don't even live themselves
Yes to all of this. I started working at 16 because I stopped wanting to be financially reliant on my parents. The idea that I worked my way through high school and university just to let all my drive and motivation go to rely on a man is insanity to me. One thing I will never do is not have my own money
It seems to me that there is no winning in this life. You will always be a slave to someone OR something. And if you ever own a home, try not paying your proprty taxes. Then you will find out who really owns your home.
Bro. This video resonated with me so much. I was beginning to think that maybe I am in the wrong because I believe women should be independent especially financially. You deserve a million subscribers at least and I see you reaching soon there. Keep up the good work buddy!
I agree. Those "feminity channels" shame us for basically existing. As if there was something wrong with having your own life and you start wondering what's wrong with you if random men don't just throw money at you. But they sell fake lifestyle and and there's always a "shadow" to their glamorous life, like doing sexual favors for men (not shame if someone does but don't tell me it's your "succesful life".
Shallow beginnings lead to shallow ends .. such a profound and true statement !
your makeup looks so good goddd
i am from east europe, women here are not seen as human beings until they fit a certain role which is that of a servant to a man who knows nothing more besides alcohol,gambling, treating women like utter shit,not taking care of himself,not making enough money, being sexist/misogynistic/racist/antisemitic and etc. i could go on and on about this however my mother had to fit this role for a specimen called my father, but especially she had to financially depend on him. i cannot stress enough how many times this woman has told me that i should go to school to have a good career and make money for myself so i won't have to rely on a man because she knows so well the struggles she had to endure as a mother without any income who had to tolerate somebody like my father in order to be financially provided for.
that being said, i will never understand this growing trend of women who keep telling other women to find rich men so they won't work a day in their lives and live a life of luxury. as delusional as that sounds, maybe some of them are lucky enough to live that kind of...life? excuse me, why did your female ancestors fought so hard to gain rights ESPECIALLY the right to work? what will you once your beloved rich husband gets tired of you and drops you off like you are nothing to him? not to mention that you're giving yourself away to financial abuse and there are enough women ( my mother included ) who have been through something like that and would rather lose a limb than to be financially dependent on a guy ever again.
Very well said. Thank you for saying this.
Thank you for saying this
As a child I always saw myself living a better life than what I came from… so I went to school and chose a career that would be fulfilling AND provide me with a certain standard of living. My husband does well too but I never expected anyone to give me the life I always wanted. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with wanting a man to provide but I don’t understand not going after it on your own until you find that special person.. but to each their own 😊
100% agree give yourself the soft life. You need a partner in life not a babysitter.
I agree with you 100% about every single aspect! I tried to make the same point in few discussions online but not being as great in debates as you are, I was just bombarded with insults. Interestingly enough, I didn't insult, judged or humiliated anyone, I was trying to respectfully make my point the same way you did (but since English is not my native language I didn't put it so eloquently) but men attacked me with strangely vicious and vile insults, which I found odd. Why? Are they so desperate to own and control women? Because I can't see the other reason for all that. Even women got insulted although not in so vile and rude ways. Problem is, a lot of women feel like they are attacked for being provided by men. But my point is not that that is wrong, but that is not for everyone. It could work quite well for some women (or men) and for others it could be a disaster and ruin their lives. We are all different, and we should all seek what works for us. The fact that men online were that insulted by my opinion, of me, just some unknown anonymous woman, so that they were extremely rude, vile and insulted me in many ways just proved to me, I really really don't want to depend on one of them. It was scary.
You're channel was brought to my attention out of nowhere. I'm so glad and grateful for it. Because you are speaking so much truth and honesty.
This is the analysis I needed to hear and didn't realize -- thank you!
No seriously. I was watching a live on TikTok about women dating for potential sugar daddies and the creator mentioned how you should use a fake name and number. And I’m like what the hell? Who am I on a date with? A predator??? Most women won’t think like me but if I have to constantly put myself in a state of fear just to get money out of a man then it’s not worth it. Get your own financial freedom and live your best life.
4:30 What she is saying is very true but EVERYTHING is a trade-off. There are positives and negatives to everything. Even the things that seem bad usually have a positive aspect to them somewhere. I am in a long term relationship with a generous partner who has thankfully supported me for many years (I have a lot of health problems). I have supported her as well, in non-financial ways. When you are only together because you want to be and not because you need each other, it’s much more likely that you are going to turn your back on the relationship at the first sign of problems. And there will always be problems in all relationships. The first several years of my relationship were incredibly tumultuous. But we’ve gotten to a place of mutual respect and understanding that is really quite beautiful. It was REALLY hard work to get here though. If I was independently wealthy, I probably would have bailed in those early years.
Sometimes when people talk about the male gaze etc. I get a little irritated as they are just throwing catch phrases around with no real comprehension or explanation, whereas I think you described the actuality of it so well and in a way all women can relate to
Great video, subscribed ❤
Those "gifted" soft lives come with a lot of strings and a price many women will ultimately not be willing to pay. Its smarter to plan wisely and find a job/career that you enjoy so much it does not feel like work.... cause the rent is high! and there are not a lot of men who can afford anyone that lifestyle and often times, the ones that do, are old, taken, not interested in settling down, and look like that...
Yesterday a guy Im dating had to nerve to ask me(test me) while I was visiting him and said “you wanna help me with my laundry?” ….. I’m 25 and he’s 33… I said, “I’m actually backed up on my cleaning as well. Could you pay for my maid service ?? Then maybe I’ll have the energy to come help you” 🙃🙃 pour into me baby
How’d you think I did ladies ??
I was really smiling when you mentioned overhearing those men. I can relate. I think there are certain minds who just observe more of this stuff!
Once again, great video!
🩷❤️🩷
What is the difference between compromising for a man you are ostensibly in love with and for "the man" or your employer? Especially with the latter, because holding a job almost always comes with a myriad of compromises regarding your time and behavior. Perspective people.
And what is the difference between dressing professionally, bloviating on your resume, CV, and interview, so you're picked by a "high-value" company vs the idea of bagging a "high-value" man? Again, fundamentally what is the difference? The "soft life" trend is just a mirror-image of the trend a year back or so of those young women working for FAANG companies working a "soft job" (luxurious offices, free food and espressos, lots of facilities).
Most women these days pick a middle path, having a moderately successful job or career and getting married and having a few kids. Most will not fall into these two extremes, but even if they do, who cares?
@@vladimirazubcekova7727 you can lose your job at anytime, especially in the US. If you work for yourself, you can go out of business at anytime. And for many (most?) women, raising children is more fulfilling and exciting because, get this, they often LOVE their children. Crazy, I know.
These "soft life" girls are always in their 20s.... I wonder why.....
“Starve the gaze” love that!!!❤
The conclusion of this video was just perfect . Thank you ❤
girl, this channel of yours is a blessing! I've been bombarded with this "soft girl" content, all about denying the 50/50 and being a high value woman and all, and while some points make sense and resonate with me, most of it felt pretty off and just made me think how much women would regress under this speech. like, we've lived like this for about hundreds of years and *it didn't work*. wtf makes you think it's gonna be good now?????? it's just not the same drill when you're poor and underprivileged
oof, yeah there’s a very fine line with this lifestyle + takes a SMART and future-focused woman to make it work in your favor. if your basic bills are covered, you’d better be putting the money you’d spend on *that* into investing. in yourself via school/certifications and developing skills, in literal investment accounts, on selfcare to keep yourself up (beauty treatments, exercise classes, etc). find an alternative way to bring in your own money outside of the 9-5, so you don’t have to grind and stress yourself out like a man. freelance or start a business to keep yourself busy, i do petsitting and am transitioning to working for myself for example!
It's not really a soft life to depend on a man. A lot of people still have disabilities, mental illness, and other issues that make it hard to remain employed. It can be a lot easier to depend on someone you love than to depend on jobs that you keep losing.
Yes, but that’s clearly not what she’s discussing. Most of these “soft life” advocates are talking about mentally and physically abled individuals. I haven’t heard anyone advocating for a “soft life” in order to mitigate disabilities and mental illness. Reliance on individuals having mental or physical disabilities is a different discussion as many of those individuals do not have a choice.
@seabreeze1436 my point being tik tok softy life doesn't really represent the reality that most women who depend on a man live in
@@leotardbanshee I still don’t see how that’s relevant to her critique. Seems like two completely different scenarios. The “soft life” that’s being advertised is women choosing to be dependent on a man-not for the reasons you stated.
Not the topic at hand
Honestly, people who think that single girls or women, are failures because they don't have a boyfriend or husband, are very narrow minded. They don't realise that they have an independent life, that makes them much stronger and happier. Being dependent on your male partner, more than likely will cause you pain in the process. Not to mention unwanted pregnacy with children.
And men aren't just visual, most of them are also delusional...😂
The “soft life” is honestly great, but you can’t do that with just anyone and you definitely need your own degree/s before you even bother. Be independent before for sure.
Thank you for this.Not all of us can get these men without losing ourselves or being on the brink of falling in the lap of an abusive man.There are so many jobs one can do to get that soft life.
I have divorced. With my ex we always did earn similarly and thanks to that we never fought for money between ourselves. We did discuss saving money a lot, and each party did it simultaneously. Thanks to that, after the divorce everyone took 50% and my living level did not drop inch. I would not be able to have this security level if I was just a housewife with soft lofe given by men. I have earned my 50%
Love you shattering delusional bubbles of people.
Social media and the pursuit of aesthetics without substance is really destroying people’s souls. I really pity and sympathize with people caught up in the hustle, “I have to be the first millionaire in my family” mentality. We should be promoting simplicity and authenticity in living not acquiring more stuff.
It's so funny - the first TikTok in this video of the girl in the kitchen literally looked like me during my period of unemployment. I got no man - just a lot of time to bake from scratch, which also saves me money. I don't know what my point is, other than probably the same as yours that you can give yourself a soft life instead of being completely dependent on one person.
Great video and message! Thank you! My mother told me to never depend on a man for money, as she had done, like most women of her generations. She was left to support their family on her own when he left. She was strong, but she didn’t want me to go through the pain she and her mother had done, and probably for generations before them. too. I followed her life for decades, until my health issues for a while. That’s when it really went down hill. I am healthy again and SOOOO glad to be earning money now.
The idea of being financially dependent on ur spouse is a lot easier and sensible to adopt for religious people that don’t believe in divorce. When there is no “leaving the relationship” in terms of divorce (my religion allows annulment which is different), you’re compelled to resolve issues amicably. It’s a lot easier to get a man to compromise when you’re his only potential sexual partner for the remainder of his life.
Also in my culture, while men provide the income, women control the finances (which is considered to be part of the household). Women manage budgeting, savings, property, and investments. It’s actually far more common to see wives give their husbands allowances than vice versa.
Finally a good video from an honest self-respecting woman who doesn’t sugarcoat anything! I agree with you 100%
I’m always so shocked seeing this mentality when we fought so hard and for so long to be able to finally NOT depend on a man and these stupid girls go on and ruin there own lives and influence other naïve little girls into this lifestyle they will have no opportunity to go back from!
I actually really like listening to ur vids as a man, ur vids r well put and provides a insightful perspective on a womans mindset
The only thing I will add is that, as a mother, it breaks my heart to go work to help pay the bills while giving my daughter over to others (child care workers) to help raise her. I need to work, and I have financial freedom however there is a cost.
The benefit of having a single family income (relying on the husband for instance) is that the mother can stay home and actually raise the children. I do think women should have a profession that they can rely on or go back to. And especially women who don’t want to have children, yes you need a career, Just adding that women don’t need to glorify working over being a stay at home mom. Being a working mom is brutal at times. Love my daughter and I love my job. Just don’t see how if a woman wants to have 3-4 kids, it can happen while working full time.
i'm grateful for you, girl. this is niceee.
🩷❤️🩷
My soft life is when I'm off work and pampering myself and my cats.... I'm glad to make my own money and treat myself like a queen.
Considering i come from a long line of women who were unable to get what they wanted and needed from life, i consider my ability to work a luxury.
Good message
My sister works and her husband stays home. She gets all the income and pays for everything. The husband does nothing. She is celebrating her 26th anniversary this year. He is a total loser.
Is she not happy?
She has had no electricity for months when it was cut off for non-payment. Her bathroom floor corroded away from water damage and they had no working toilet for months at a time,. I call her house the 1800's - no, she is not "happy".
@@casandra0
Finally someone talking sense. Good work:)
I have heard The Soft Life is also working part time, easy jobs and having more leisure time than just rise & grind.
Do you agree with this ?
Part-time job’s don’t usually offer health & dental insurance, retirement contributions, paid vacations and holidays, etc.
I'm 41 almost 42, I have been with the same man for almost 26 years ( married for almost 21 ). We have 3 now grown children, that I was a SAHM to. You better not EVER do anything like this unless you're getting an education and some way to practice those skills and gain money. You need to have your OWN account for YOUR money. Your life is so very valuable and you can't risk everything for nothing. Things start getting "soft" when you start to reap the benefits from the beginning harvest. It's not reality for most of us just to do nothing and gain everything. I could write a book on this, considering it......please don't bound yourself to a man for free. Also it's sooo much bigger than material things in the end. The longer you live the more perspective you will gain.
I agree you need to be able to keep money accessible but the laws on common property vary from place to place. Where I live your spouse cannot keep marital assets from you in divorce.
I'm just being honest, while I respect that there are women who use the "soft life" ideals to put themselves first and to escape the expectation of providing for men, I still don't think the things these "soft life" influencers say are grounded in reality. People don't like to hear it but there are only so many "high value men" to go around. You're better off getting the "soft life" by just getting your own money.
Loved the clip you used from bukola. She's educated with her own bag.
Although I agree with alot of what you’re saying , two things can be true at the same time. People like the ✨sprinkle sprinkle✨ lady are not telling women to solely financially depend on men and not make their own money. She has said many times for women to use the money from men as an asset rather than a necessity. She actually has written books, has her own business, and runs a UA-cam channel. She just preaches for women to have their own money but spend his when necessary. She thinks it’s strategic to save your personal earning but utilize men’s earnings instead . She is not out her telling women to solely financially depend on a man .
Sprinkle, Sprinkle ✨✨The woman is famously named SheraSeven❤
Tje best video regarding this subject...Lol.
The lack of choices that come with being financially dependent on a man is something I see with my own mom. If my dad fell out of love for her and decided to leave her, she would be fucked.
Have you two ever talked about it?
I am married to wonderful husband . We both work. When I need something to purchase something for the house , we talk and make decisions together. I have never felt competition between us - who earns more.
Greetings from EU 🇪🇺
It's the thrill of the hunt. Straight up. Its looking at the "high value men", looking at the women trying to attract them, and knocking Felicia right out of the box.
I’m so excited when my notifications go off for your videos (also wow never been this early)
Aww thanks so much! 🩷❤️