1) The more you try to make people like you the less likely they will. 2) The more you fail the more you are likely to succeed. 3) The more something scares you the more likely you should consider doing it. 4) The more you hate a trait in other people the more likely you are avoiding that in yourself. 5) The more connected we became with the world the more isolated we seem to feel. 6) You can only have a happy relationship if you are happy being by yourself. 7) The more you learn the more you realise you don't know shit. 8) The more a person is convinced they are right the more likely they are wrong. 9) The more honest you are about your fault the more people will think you are perfect. 10) The more options you have the less satisfied you will be with each one. 11) The more you forces a relationship the more likely you are to break up. 12) The more you are able to love yourself the more you will be able to love others. 13) The less afraid you are of death the less afraid you are to live. 14) The only certainty is uncertainty. 15) The only constant is change.
I actually learned that 1 at the age of 12, I was a discord moderator for servers with like 100+ people and I quickly learned by taking the extra time and effort to find the root of a problem and solve it the problem actually went away and I've seen mods who just slap bandaid solutions onto everything and every single fight gets a little more aggressive as problems piled up
Bonus paradox: structure leads to freedom. I used to hate structure and schedules and routine, but discipline led to more freedom than I had when I did whatever I wanted.
yeah, and this also applies to doing something creative right? if you outline and structure what ever youre trying to create it just takes out a lot of anxiety in the beginning i think.
Paradox #11 about relationships was a big one for me to learn...and although worded a little differently by the father of a girl I was dating at the time...he said "Relationships are a lot like trying to fart. If you have to force it, its probably shit."
1.The Paradox of Choice: We believe that having more choices will make us happier, but in reality, too many choices can lead to anxiety, indecision, and dissatisfaction. 2. The Paradox of Success: We think that achieving success will make us happy, but often the pursuit of success can lead to stress, burnout, and unhappiness. 3. The Paradox of Control: We believe that having control over our lives will make us feel more secure, but too much control can lead to rigidity, inflexibility, and anxiety. 4. The Paradox of Vulnerability: We believe that vulnerability is a weakness, but in reality, it is a strength that allows us to connect with others and be authentic. 5. The Paradox of Trust: We believe that trust is something that must be earned, but sometimes the act of trusting can be what leads to trustworthiness. 6. The Paradox of Freedom: We believe that having unlimited freedom is the key to happiness, but too much freedom can lead to feelings of aimlessness, loneliness, and anxiety. 7. The Paradox of Change: We resist change because it is uncomfortable and unfamiliar, but without change, we cannot grow or improve. 8. The Paradox of Time: We believe that time is something we can control, but in reality, time controls us, and the more we try to hold onto it, the faster it seems to slip away. 9. The Paradox of Perception: We believe that our perception of reality is objective and accurate, but in reality, our perception is influenced by our biases, beliefs, and experiences. 10. The Paradox of Happiness: We believe that happiness is something we can achieve by pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain, but in reality, happiness is a byproduct of living a meaningful and fulfilling life. 😢
"The more we pursue feeling better all the time,the less satisfied we will become as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that we lack it in the first place. ‐Allan Watts,The Backwards Law.
I do love Alan Watts, his blend of totally rational psychology and social commentary, clever wordplay that turns you inside out and makes you laugh, and a teensy bit mystical all at once. I often fall asleep listening to his speeches and wake up feeling totally relaxed, something I was never accustomed to til recently!
THIS is why I chose marijuana as my Vice. She is a girlfriend, not a wife. I can last a day or a week or a month or even a year without Ganja. And it's always just fine. But gee, I miss her xD
The formula for happiness = reality/expectations. Pursuing feeling better all the time equals increasing your expectations. Lowering your expectations is the way to go, enjoying/appreciating what we have.
Watts is amazing! I've been listening to him for over a decade now. One of the best things, among soooo many others, is - "Never mind every word I utter. Listen to me like you would listen to the general hum of the world". Love him!
Totally relates to work. The more "productive" you are, the more work they give you. The more "experienced" you become, the more responsibilities you get given. Whilst you'd think these go hand in hand, all they really do is force you to become less productive with more on your plate, and force you to make bad decisions with responsibilities you've not had time to master yet.
The real enemy in life is Balance. Entropy is a constant danger in all tasks. No system likes a nail head left. No person likes a mystery unsolved The real attraction in celebrity for example, is following till the person crashes. The nail gets driven in. The case is closed. Real success comes from riding the wave.
Awesome list! 3 more: The more time you give to self care, The more time you'll have to give to others. Lack of self care breeds being so caught up in your inner firefighting that you don't have energy or time to contribute. The more stressful the work load, the longer you'll put it off, thus giving yourself less time to do it. Giving up can motivate you to continue. E.g. trying to force a poem out , Giving up, then the mental relief of that gives space for creativity again.
@@saikamahmud3112 Self development content is great, but without taking action with it, it's useless. One of my mentors put it this way: 'Knowing without Doing is the same as not Knowing.'
@@SuperiorityQomplex In fact, not knowing is actually better. Because there's the possibility that you will know at some point. Whereas someone who knows but does nothing, what hope is there in that?
@@Deadpool-kb5yo Agreed. And like one of the other paradoxes said, you learn more from making mistakes anyway. That mentor I was talking about also said that a good model to go by is: Ready-> Shoot-> Aim. The idea being very similar to what we're talking about. But yet another mentor I've learned from said that Luck was a combination of Good Mentors and Taking Action. Because you can learn from their mistakes and later your own to cut down the time in creating Luck. Note that Lucky people only seem lucky from people on the outside who didn't see the steps that were taken beforehand. It appears like Magic if you never saw all the steps it took to get the Rabbit in the Hat beforehand. Either way, Action is the most important part of it all. And I suspect that most Self Help Gurus know that. It's why they get to sell more than one book/course to people. They know people won't take action cus they are afraid to fail, so they keep coming back to Self Help in order to feel safe again by learning more. And then they lose faith and buy the next book/course. I'm not even faulting gurus, they wanna make a buck too. But it is the darkside of Self Help...
I believe in this shit too because you will become overly optimistic and you think you're making a progress but actually you're just letting the time pass by and i realize it this past few months. To be honest, I wasted so much time but atleast i learn and that's what's important.
"when I was young and stupid".. Here's a paradox you might find useful. The more harshly you judge your former self, the more likely you are to judge others and future versions of yourself harshly. Forgiving yourself allows you to forgive others. There's a way to be honest and vulnerable without being self-deprecating. How people treat themselves is a great insight into how they treat others, and how people treat others is a window into how they treat themselves. When I meet someone who says "I was so stupid, I was so lazy, but now I'm not" I see that as an expression of shame, not accpetance. And I'm aware that it won't be long before they're judging me in the same way. But if someone says "I made mistakes, and I'm okay with that" I'm almost certain that this is a person who has found acceptance and humility. You help so many people Mark. And there's probably a wire somewhere which says that if you didn't consistently beat yourself up, you'd stop achieving. But there's that final paradox. That when you don't need success, that's when you can truly find it. When you accept yourself, and are truly comfortable in your failures, success finds you in a more peaceful and satisfying way.
What's difference with calling yourself being stupid and making mistake and just telling your made a mistake though? > But there's that final paradox. That when you don't need success, that's when you can truly find it. When you accept yourself, and are truly comfortable in your failures, success finds you in a more peaceful and satisfying way. If you are not interested in success you will do nothing though.
@@ILikeGuns1992 needing success to validate your existence and being interested in success without unhealthy attachments aren't the same things. There is a crucial distinction.
To answer your first question, the difference is the feelings invoked. Whether you call yourself or others stupid, it usually invokes the feelings of being judged, which makes you defensive. When you genuinely admit that you made a mistake, it invokes feelings of humbleness, which is about giving up your defenses, you are not resisting, neither conciously nor subconciously. At least that is my experience, it rarely makes a difference to me as well, personally, but I know it usually does for others.
Because current self-help industry is ineffective. Books, videos etc. are very limited medium. IMO much better tool is games, because better visualizes and lets practice to some extent (such as "Celeste" feather scene). So I am trying to make them (form of therapy). If you are interested in the subject, I suggest to watch "Games for change" UA-cam channel.
This one is actually "the less time you spend on improving yourself, the more time you spend watching self improvement videos." It's not bad, it's leaving you with some knowledge
Man I love your stuff. It's calming and elevating to the soul to find something on the internet that's not about hate but something to make us better as individuals. Keep doing it, you are touching lives out there.
My favorite failure cliche/quote is a simple one from Mythbusters uttered quite often by Adam Savage and always stuck with me: Failure is always an option. Some of these though I feel aren't bulletproof. Like I'm not afraid of death at all but I can be pretty risk adverse in many areas. Also on the point of "you can only love others as much as yourself" this is probably true for most people but feel it doesn't apply to me. I can be very self-loathing but I keep that inside and love my friends deeply and would bury bodies for them.
Yeah, I agree, I am horrible at loving myself or giving grace to myself, yet I have all the love, grace, and acceptance in the world for other ppl. I treat strangers with more respect than I give myself.
While I think that is great, it is easier to lose yourself if you don't love yourself. Has happened to folks I know and myself , when I thought it would never happen. However, each person Is unique. I hope you guys love yourselves in some capacity because you seem like very loving and honest people and that is amazing
Take your path seriously by having a sense of humor Working on your weekness by loving and accepting yourself You are perfect if you have flaws Help others by helping yourself Take actions going with the flow Being in the moment is part of focusing on your goals
A paradox that's been on my mind recently, is that the more you are trying to live in the here and now, the less you can keep track of it. You struggle to hang on to the present moment even though you already are in the present moment, and that's why you fail to do so. I think that it precisely illustrates why self development is such a big problem for us, especially in our task-oriented culture
lmao..so true. I've fought dozing and rewound missed parts just trying to make it to the end of a movie and the times i give up, stop the movie and decide to sleep...I can't doze off to save my life then.
Here's one: the more responsibility you take, the easier it is to live. Responsibility requires work and effort. Though, it allows you to get through each day easier because you do it for a reason.
@@maharufkhan6071 I know , in his books he clearly mentioned "You'r not special, and these types of things that I wrote above is kind of superficial.. may be it works for someone but not for everyone" so yeah
@@maharufkhan6071 not directly, but he actually meant that u should do ordinary things with focus(which ultimately leads to success) instead of being too delusional and dreaming while putting less effort.
I love this! I don't have my own paradox, just a note: with the 'you can only have a happy relationship if you're happy being by yourself' one, I think it's true , but it could be understood to mean happiness by yourself is a prerequisite for a relationship at all, whereas I think a relationship can help you become happy being with yourself. I've seen it happen with a number of people, myself included, and attachment theory affirms the idea, too.
You have a point that applies sometimes, perhaps even most of the time. However, one of the most prolific reasons people arent happy is loneliness. In this world of internet relationships and remote work, there are quite a few people who would be happy with their life if only they had someone to share it with.
I personally experience Paradox number 9. I used to think that tough people are the ones who hid their weaknesses, and by having no weaknesses whatsoever, no one would hurt them. That's why I basically isolated myself from others so that no one would know how fucking weak I am. Interestingly, when I got into a truly amazing relationship, I started little by little talking about literally how fucked up I am, and then I suddenly realised that the more I talked about my flaws the less they seem to be. I just discovered that the more you talk about your weaknesses the more powerful you become.
@@m.l.7558 Sadly, it ended 2 years before writing that comment, but it is wonderful how some relationships teach us a lot about ourselves even when they are long dead.
@@m.l.7558 there is absolutely nothing wrong in relying on others, we are humans, not God. We need to rely on each other to survive, but within limits of course. Dont buy the whole "codependency issues" narratives that shame people relying on others. Be kind to yourself dear friend.
Spoiled Child Paradox: The more someone gives someone else what they want, the less happy that person will be over time. True happiness is not something that can be given or purchased.
@@Joe-ro1ms Actually, you are exactly correct. Affirmations are popular pseudo-psychology. For the vast majority of people the brain doesn't believe the affirmation and pushes back with "reasons" the affirmation is "wrong". Inturn, it enforces the opposite of the affirmation. Please, look into this. It's well-known in psychology but affirmations are still pushed very hard in pseudo-psychology circles.
Since January (now June), and totally unrelated to watching this video (and therefore entirely related to it), I've taken up a commitment of vulnerability and it is FREAKY how confident and sure of myself everyone seems to think I am now. I told a friend secconds ago I feel like I'm throwing out land mines just to walk on them. But I've never felt more free and more in touch with my own self. And still the land mines are everywhere. 🙂
Hey Thanks for doing this Mark! I've been studying paradox (amateur) ever since grad school when a GF quoted me, "You are totally UNIQUE... just like everyone else." Living with ambiguity explains why nothing will ever work perfectly, and we'll be more satisfied by lowering our own expectations. If you can spread your advise far and wide, hopefully you will reduce grievance in the world.
Oh man, it's so relatable. All we ever really want is to 'get something' from a person. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, it seems to be true. Some people want to get your attention, others want an opportunity to grow. Some might want to use you, others may want to help you. It's true, a lot of people want validation but also that people are afraid to be vulnerable, particularly those who are people pleasing. We all want to be well thought of and only being agreeable will only get you so far!
Thanks for the vid! I enjoyed it. 3. I think the most important things are the things we haven’t done for a long time because we fear them and consequently, they become important, or a better word urgent 4. Knowledge circle: well, what if I told you nothing is known. The word “know” sounds a lot like “no,” meaning absence/void. Speed of light and gravity are not constant, but we pretend they are so that all our other theories make sense. Socrates: I know that I know; no thing. It means, be the observer. Ties in with 14) and 15) 16. more you try to do right, you do wrong. It’s Tao, if you say something is good, you create bad. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. If you abandon this path, you end up becoming one of these so called narcissists, or sociopaths. The true definition of narcissist: is someone who thinks only of themselves. If you think you don’t care for yourself and that you mostly care for others, you are in denial. You see, caring for others is an urge within, that makes us feel good about ourselves. We do it so we can maintain self respect, or societal respect. It’s still selfish… but not many people want to hear that. Which brings me to 17. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Even Buddha said, life is suffering, and I think he believed in eternal life… which can only make this place: hell. Which makes you and I, demons. It could be heaven, but it does require a shit tonne of sugar coating and some repressed thoughts.
One of my favorites is the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 rule which is *_"80% of the result comes from 20% of the effort and 20% of the effort accounts for 80% of the result."_*
@@mjcortez2460 No, it isn't a paradox. It is just 2 ways of saying the same thing. Example: 4 + 6 = 10 or 6 + 4 = 10. But he didn't say it was a paradox, just the Pareto principle.
Danning Krueger effect also, somewhat paradoxically, has a flipside. Both incompetent surety and professional doubt comes when we are talking about easy to medium tasks. The moment we give people task that is actually difficult and feel difficult situation reverse - newbies start giving a task proper credit and professionals start to underestimate it. So don't be afraid to give word to people that are new to something and try to overcome anxiety of saying stupid things when you are new.
Paradox: not being selfish does not makes you unselfish. Being deeply selfish, (does not means egoistic or narcissistic) is the only way selflessness/unselfishness is born.
This applies to lots of relationships, esp. parents of adult children or anxiously attached: The more separateness you allow the more closeness you invite. Kind of like the one about not forcing people to be something or give you something you need too much. Giving it to yourself first makes letting go of outcome less scary.
Actually, it's the other way around. The more you want something, the less you feel able/worthy to attain it. Understanding this is the difference between maturity and being in High school.
@@privatepublic I think you missed the point. Wanting something more because you can't have it is not a paradox of life, it's an immaturity that's outgrown.
The more you start using your time and value it, the more it feels less and running ahead of you I did feel it, this year when I got into multiple hobbies Now when I talk to some of my friends who scroll or something, they make me feel like damnn I could've done that work in the time they've wasted It's not like I feel superior to them, it's just how I see things now
The more you chase improvement, the more you feel like something is wrong with you, and some amount of that is ok, it's growth. But to OBSESS is to do yourself harm, in the name of self-improvement.
great comment, self-improvement is great but you also gotta experience life and stop obsessing about this shit. This generation is quite self-absorbed as a result :/
I actually laughed at a UA-cam video? Keep up the good work I feel entertained 👍 here’s a paradox, the more often you spend getting high the more often you’ll find yourself sleeping in a van. The more often you spend sleeping in a van the more money you save on rent which then can be spent on getting high.
" The More you Look for something, The Less likely You Won't Find It. You will Find it when you are not anymore looking for it" "He who saves his Life will Loose It and He who loose his Life for Others bec. of Me, Will Have it"
New observed paradox for the New Year since my last one did so well: your brain can't have a positive & negative thought at the same time! This is why gratitude is such a daily powerful tool.
You forgot the Rick Astley paradox: If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie “Up”, he will not give it to you because he is Never Gonna Give You Up. However by not giving you Up, even though you asked for it, he is letting you down. The Astley Paradox.
Yo i knew this and i noticed this like 2 years ago, i thought i was the first to find out and was telling a friend of mine, and he gave me that “ lol okay bruh “ look i thought i was just being dramatic, finally happy to know its a real thing and many relate to it
Persistence in the face of failure takes on a magical life of its own for a reason. It isn't really about how many fails you rack up it is the FAITH that you will eventually succeed that when done properly, makes an impression on the universal matrix. Once you have sufficiently made an impression, people, circumstances and events fall into place. If you have always wondered what the all seeing eye is about. This pretty much sums it up. 🎇
I love paradoxes and talk about them with others, although I often forget about them in my real life and I have painfully remade many of them.. Thank you for the great video where you briefly told about a lot of them👍
Mother Theresa was being interviewed, and the interviewer asks: _"How much do you pray each day?"_ *"I pray about an hour each day."* _"What do you pray for?"_ *"Oh, I just listen."* _"What does God say??"_ *"Oh, he just listens too."* - It was an important point, because it split the listeners right there. Roughly half thought she was a nut, and the other half 'got it'. - Alan Watts said that when you're born, you're kicked off of a very high cliff, and that you're falling alongside a very large piece of rock that has broken off and is falling with you. He said that we cling to the rock to allay our fear of the falling, but that the comfort provided by the falling rock is just an illusion. He urged us to _let go._ He said that in letting go, that we'd grasp the truth. That we were never in any danger to begin with. It was only in letting go that we could grasp it. - Also, the Fermi Paradox. The mathematical certainty that there was extraterrestrial life, yet the absolute absence of evidence to support it. - Final paradox: why is it that hot dogs come in packages of 8, yet I can only fit 5 in my butt??
I think the paradox of death has a far deeper understanding. The experience of death is the creator of any experience that can be described as life. Death is the thing that makes life a reality. Truth Absolute is one of the biggest that wasnt on your list. Nothingness and infinities are 2 more worth exploring. The big paradoxes will really change how you think once understood.
I am new listening to your videos. I like them so much while I never like using the f word by my children or anyone else, but the content of your videos is amazing. Thank you for your time to create these helpful tips. I am still learning the life points from you.
you may be a paradox, but what you've described, they way you've described it, is something else. "I feel so alone, yet I don't enjoy company of people." is paradoxical.
When you're being sad, you process your problems and become happier. When you make mistakes, you get better at the thing you do and start to make less mistakes. When you do what you are afraid of, you actually become braver and stop being scared. We often suffer from trying to avoid any form of suffering. It's like watching guides on UA-cam instead of doing something by yourself, the most valuable knowledge and skill come to you when you go there and do stuff, and it can't be replaced by listening to even very wise people.
Great video Mark, thanks. No bonuses from me just yet, I think you covered most of them...and I learnt a lot in 12 minutes and 46 seconds, which before watching your video thought was pretty much impossible. Im quite clever already lol. Also, I've just realised I have your book on my guest bedroom side table at home but have never actually read it, which makes me a bit of a twat. I shall be paying more attention from now on. Thanks again.
1) The more you try to make people like you the less likely they will.
2) The more you fail the more you are likely to succeed.
3) The more something scares you the more likely you should consider doing it.
4) The more you hate a trait in other people the more likely you are avoiding that in yourself.
5) The more connected we became with the world the more isolated we seem to feel.
6) You can only have a happy relationship if you are happy being by yourself.
7) The more you learn the more you realise you don't know shit.
8) The more a person is convinced they are right the more likely they are wrong.
9) The more honest you are about your fault the more people will think you are perfect.
10) The more options you have the less satisfied you will be with each one.
11) The more you forces a relationship the more likely you are to break up.
12) The more you are able to love yourself the more you will be able to love others.
13) The less afraid you are of death the less afraid you are to live.
14) The only certainty is uncertainty.
15) The only constant is change.
thanks man I could not watch the video so this helped a lot
Thanks
The more you try to appear high status lower status you will appear.
You are awesome. I can now copy and paste this on my notes. God bless you.
@@Entgkar7 Thanks brother.
Regularly doing difficult things makes life a lot easier.
Regularly taking the easy way out makes life a lot more difficult.
"Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life" -Some European bodybuilder or weightlifter that I cant remember the name of
@@johnthegreat97 yeah was about to say that one. It’s a good quote.
I actually learned that 1 at the age of 12, I was a discord moderator for servers with like 100+ people and I quickly learned by taking the extra time and effort to find the root of a problem and solve it the problem actually went away and I've seen mods who just slap bandaid solutions onto everything and every single fight gets a little more aggressive as problems piled up
I’ve always sad that if I don’t wanna do something, it’s probably good for me to do it
Depends on the person.
Bonus paradox: structure leads to freedom. I used to hate structure and schedules and routine, but discipline led to more freedom than I had when I did whatever I wanted.
I think the best way to phrase this is "True freedom requires restraint."
Read the book Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual, by JOCKO WILLINK. Worth reading.
I never feel as good as I do when I have routine, I really faltered during covid when my routine was stripped
yeah, and this also applies to doing something creative right?
if you outline and structure what ever youre trying to create it just takes out a lot of anxiety in the beginning i think.
@@moondust1992 big fax
Paradox #11 about relationships was a big one for me to learn...and although worded a little differently by the father of a girl I was dating at the time...he said "Relationships are a lot like trying to fart. If you have to force it, its probably shit."
best advise ever xD
Home spun wisdom.
that's weirdly funny
That's a top dad
I was just thinking the same quote. 10/10 accuracy.
1.The Paradox of Choice: We believe that having more choices will make us happier, but in reality, too many choices can lead to anxiety, indecision, and dissatisfaction.
2. The Paradox of Success: We think that achieving success will make us happy, but often the pursuit of success can lead to stress, burnout, and unhappiness.
3. The Paradox of Control: We believe that having control over our lives will make us feel more secure, but too much control can lead to rigidity, inflexibility, and anxiety.
4. The Paradox of Vulnerability: We believe that vulnerability is a weakness, but in reality, it is a strength that allows us to connect with others and be authentic.
5. The Paradox of Trust: We believe that trust is something that must be earned, but sometimes the act of trusting can be what leads to trustworthiness.
6. The Paradox of Freedom: We believe that having unlimited freedom is the key to happiness, but too much freedom can lead to feelings of aimlessness, loneliness, and anxiety.
7. The Paradox of Change: We resist change because it is uncomfortable and unfamiliar, but without change, we cannot grow or improve.
8. The Paradox of Time: We believe that time is something we can control, but in reality, time controls us, and the more we try to hold onto it, the faster it seems to slip away.
9. The Paradox of Perception: We believe that our perception of reality is objective and accurate, but in reality, our perception is influenced by our biases, beliefs, and experiences.
10. The Paradox of Happiness: We believe that happiness is something we can achieve by pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain, but in reality, happiness is a byproduct of living a meaningful and fulfilling life.
😢
👍 Nice
The videos we save for later,are the ones we never watch.
😩😂
True story 🥸
Why do I act that way???
I feel attacked!
Not necessarily. This applies to some videos but not all.
"The more we pursue feeling better all the time,the less satisfied we will become as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that we lack it in the first place.
‐Allan Watts,The Backwards Law.
That is so true!!
I do love Alan Watts, his blend of totally rational psychology and social commentary, clever wordplay that turns you inside out and makes you laugh, and a teensy bit mystical all at once. I often fall asleep listening to his speeches and wake up feeling totally relaxed, something I was never accustomed to til recently!
THIS is why I chose marijuana as my Vice. She is a girlfriend, not a wife. I can last a day or a week or a month or even a year without Ganja. And it's always just fine. But gee, I miss her xD
The formula for happiness = reality/expectations. Pursuing feeling better all the time equals increasing your expectations. Lowering your expectations is the way to go, enjoying/appreciating what we have.
Watts is amazing! I've been listening to him for over a decade now. One of the best things, among soooo many others, is - "Never mind every word I utter. Listen to me like you would listen to the general hum of the world". Love him!
One of the life's biggest paradoxes - once you 'let go', you will find happiness and perhaps counterintuitively get what you want.
Absolutely, it is crazy how this one belief can completely transform the whole of humanity, yet hardly anyone is aware of it.
Groundhog day
Or you will quickly spiral and end up homeless. This is certainly not a fact.
The backwards law
I've always told my kids, change is always going to happen and your happiness is going to depend on how willing you are to accept and adapt to change.
Totally relates to work.
The more "productive" you are, the more work they give you.
The more "experienced" you become, the more responsibilities you get given.
Whilst you'd think these go hand in hand, all they really do is force you to become less productive with more on your plate, and force you to make bad decisions with responsibilities you've not had time to master yet.
Or they hold you to higher standerd
Peter Principle
The real enemy in life is Balance. Entropy is a constant danger in all tasks. No system likes a nail head left. No person likes a mystery unsolved The real attraction in celebrity for example, is following till the person crashes. The nail gets driven in. The case is closed. Real success comes from riding the wave.
Extraordinary life is lived when you appreciate ordinary things.
Very true
So true!
Grammar is shit .
Awesome list!
3 more:
The more time you give to self care,
The more time you'll have to give to others. Lack of self care breeds being so caught up in your inner firefighting that you don't have energy or time to contribute.
The more stressful the work load, the longer you'll put it off, thus giving yourself less time to do it.
Giving up can motivate you to continue. E.g. trying to force a poem out , Giving up, then the mental relief of that gives space for creativity again.
Wow! All that is so accurate!
Absolutely true... Especially the first one.. Happens all the time with me
Love the third one....can relate ✋🏼
three is fantastic!
I have to write things down immediately when I get inspired. If I put it off until I'm ready I just can't find the words.
Paradox #16
The more self-development content you consume, the less you are likely to develop/improve
so what do you suggest we do
@@saikamahmud3112 Self development content is great, but without taking action with it, it's useless.
One of my mentors put it this way: 'Knowing without Doing is the same as not Knowing.'
@@SuperiorityQomplex In fact, not knowing is actually better. Because there's the possibility that you will know at some point. Whereas someone who knows but does nothing, what hope is there in that?
@@Deadpool-kb5yo Agreed. And like one of the other paradoxes said, you learn more from making mistakes anyway.
That mentor I was talking about also said that a good model to go by is:
Ready-> Shoot-> Aim.
The idea being very similar to what we're talking about.
But yet another mentor I've learned from said that Luck was a combination of Good Mentors and Taking Action. Because you can learn from their mistakes and later your own to cut down the time in creating Luck. Note that Lucky people only seem lucky from people on the outside who didn't see the steps that were taken beforehand. It appears like Magic if you never saw all the steps it took to get the Rabbit in the Hat beforehand.
Either way, Action is the most important part of it all. And I suspect that most Self Help Gurus know that. It's why they get to sell more than one book/course to people. They know people won't take action cus they are afraid to fail, so they keep coming back to Self Help in order to feel safe again by learning more. And then they lose faith and buy the next book/course. I'm not even faulting gurus, they wanna make a buck too. But it is the darkside of Self Help...
I believe in this shit too because you will become overly optimistic and you think you're making a progress but actually you're just letting the time pass by and i realize it this past few months. To be honest, I wasted so much time but atleast i learn and that's what's important.
I subscribed! I loved this. I learned a lot and I'm a 60 year old who believes adamantly that it is never too late to learn something new. Thank you!!
I find Mark's videos are great for background noise while im working. Love the knowledge with a little bit of attitude, really gets me going.
background noise?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"when I was young and stupid"..
Here's a paradox you might find useful. The more harshly you judge your former self, the more likely you are to judge others and future versions of yourself harshly.
Forgiving yourself allows you to forgive others. There's a way to be honest and vulnerable without being self-deprecating.
How people treat themselves is a great insight into how they treat others, and how people treat others is a window into how they treat themselves.
When I meet someone who says "I was so stupid, I was so lazy, but now I'm not" I see that as an expression of shame, not accpetance. And I'm aware that it won't be long before they're judging me in the same way.
But if someone says "I made mistakes, and I'm okay with that" I'm almost certain that this is a person who has found acceptance and humility.
You help so many people Mark. And there's probably a wire somewhere which says that if you didn't consistently beat yourself up, you'd stop achieving.
But there's that final paradox. That when you don't need success, that's when you can truly find it. When you accept yourself, and are truly comfortable in your failures, success finds you in a more peaceful and satisfying way.
What's difference with calling yourself being stupid and making mistake and just telling your made a mistake though?
> But there's that final paradox. That when you don't need success, that's when you can truly find it. When you accept yourself, and are truly comfortable in your failures, success finds you in a more peaceful and satisfying way.
If you are not interested in success you will do nothing though.
@@ILikeGuns1992 needing success to validate your existence and being interested in success without unhealthy attachments aren't the same things. There is a crucial distinction.
@@PensareFilms this just sounds like overthinking it.
To answer your first question, the difference is the feelings invoked. Whether you call yourself or others stupid, it usually invokes the feelings of being judged, which makes you defensive. When you genuinely admit that you made a mistake, it invokes feelings of humbleness, which is about giving up your defenses, you are not resisting, neither conciously nor subconciously.
At least that is my experience, it rarely makes a difference to me as well, personally, but I know it usually does for others.
Paradox number 16: the more time you spend watching self improvement videos on UA-cam, the less time you have to improve yourself. ;)
Hilarious! Im living it every day
I feel like this is a fact. The paradox I feel is the more self improvement videos you watch the less likely you are to improve.
Because current self-help industry is ineffective. Books, videos etc. are very limited medium. IMO much better tool is games, because better visualizes and lets practice to some extent (such as "Celeste" feather scene). So I am trying to make them (form of therapy). If you are interested in the subject, I suggest to watch "Games for change" UA-cam channel.
This one is actually "the less time you spend on improving yourself, the more time you spend watching self improvement videos."
It's not bad, it's leaving you with some knowledge
@@atomnous 1 played "Celeste" feather scene is worth at least 10 just watched self-development videos.
Man I love your stuff. It's calming and elevating to the soul to find something on the internet that's not about hate but something to make us better as individuals. Keep doing it, you are touching lives out there.
"The Most Important Events In our lives tend to have the most crucial effect on our identity!" Well said...🙌
My favorite failure cliche/quote is a simple one from Mythbusters uttered quite often by Adam Savage and always stuck with me: Failure is always an option.
Some of these though I feel aren't bulletproof. Like I'm not afraid of death at all but I can be pretty risk adverse in many areas. Also on the point of "you can only love others as much as yourself" this is probably true for most people but feel it doesn't apply to me. I can be very self-loathing but I keep that inside and love my friends deeply and would bury bodies for them.
Yeah, I agree, I am horrible at loving myself or giving grace to myself, yet I have all the love, grace, and acceptance in the world for other ppl. I treat strangers with more respect than I give myself.
While I think that is great, it is easier to lose yourself if you don't love yourself. Has happened to folks I know and myself , when I thought it would never happen. However, each person Is unique. I hope you guys love yourselves in some capacity because you seem like very loving and honest people and that is amazing
Take your path seriously by having a sense of humor
Working on your weekness by loving and accepting yourself
You are perfect if you have flaws
Help others by helping yourself
Take actions going with the flow
Being in the moment is part of focusing on your goals
Humor had been said to be the elixir of God. Giraffes are evidence of that.
A paradox that's been on my mind recently, is that the more you are trying to live in the here and now, the less you can keep track of it. You struggle to hang on to the present moment even though you already are in the present moment, and that's why you fail to do so.
I think that it precisely illustrates why self development is such a big problem for us, especially in our task-oriented culture
He who praises everyone, praises no one. My mom taught me this
The harder you try to sleep, the longer you stay awake. The harder you try to stay awake, the harder it is to keep your eyes open.
lmao..so true. I've fought dozing and rewound missed parts just trying to make it to the end of a movie and the times i give up, stop the movie and decide to sleep...I can't doze off to save my life then.
The hornier you are, the more you’ll watch the corn hub. The less Horny you are, corn hub is non existent
Here's one: the more responsibility you take, the easier it is to live.
Responsibility requires work and effort. Though, it allows you to get through each day easier because you do it for a reason.
Love this one
You sir are the goat; you’ve helped more people than you can imagine. Hero x
The greater a person is, the more likely they're goat
@@hennessey4596 now that's paradoxal
Others: Dream Big, Think beyond your imagination, You'r a Winner.
Manson: Fuck it.
Manson didn't mean it at all. You just kind of believed it cause it sounds cool
@@maharufkhan6071 I know , in his books he clearly mentioned "You'r not special, and these types of things that I wrote above is kind of superficial.. may be it works for someone but not for everyone" so yeah
@a True!
@@maharufkhan6071 not directly, but he actually meant that u should do ordinary things with focus(which ultimately leads to success) instead of being too delusional and dreaming while putting less effort.
Truth is absolute.Reality keeps changing.
‐Sadhguru
I love this! I don't have my own paradox, just a note: with the 'you can only have a happy relationship if you're happy being by yourself' one, I think it's true , but it could be understood to mean happiness by yourself is a prerequisite for a relationship at all, whereas I think a relationship can help you become happy being with yourself. I've seen it happen with a number of people, myself included, and attachment theory affirms the idea, too.
You have a point that applies sometimes, perhaps even most of the time. However, one of the most prolific reasons people arent happy is loneliness. In this world of internet relationships and remote work, there are quite a few people who would be happy with their life if only they had someone to share it with.
learning these is definitely a great way to quickly expand your mind
I personally experience Paradox number 9. I used to think that tough people are the ones who hid their weaknesses, and by having no weaknesses whatsoever, no one would hurt them. That's why I basically isolated myself from others so that no one would know how fucking weak I am. Interestingly, when I got into a truly amazing relationship, I started little by little talking about literally how fucked up I am, and then I suddenly realised that the more I talked about my flaws the less they seem to be. I just discovered that the more you talk about your weaknesses the more powerful you become.
How is the relationship going?
I'm on the isolation period after relying too much on others, here's hoping that you are doing good
@@m.l.7558 Sadly, it ended 2 years before writing that comment, but it is wonderful how some relationships teach us a lot about ourselves even when they are long dead.
@@m.l.7558 there is absolutely nothing wrong in relying on others, we are humans, not God. We need to rely on each other to survive, but within limits of course. Dont buy the whole "codependency issues" narratives that shame people relying on others. Be kind to yourself dear friend.
Spoiled Child Paradox: The more someone gives someone else what they want, the less happy that person will be over time.
True happiness is not something that can be given or purchased.
I extremely want to show this to my father- I have a spoiled ass little brother
True happiness is pizza and some fries and a soda after work 😋
"Learn to be comfortable with this discomfort" is my new ✨AFFIRMATION✨
"The more affirmations you have, the less affirmed you feel" Fuck it, I'm wrong about that.
@@Joe-ro1ms Actually, you are exactly correct. Affirmations are popular pseudo-psychology. For the vast majority of people the brain doesn't believe the affirmation and pushes back with "reasons" the affirmation is "wrong". Inturn, it enforces the opposite of the affirmation.
Please, look into this. It's well-known in psychology but affirmations are still pushed very hard in pseudo-psychology circles.
"Be happy alone!" -- Best advice ever!!
The more I listen to a self-hero guru, the more help I need.
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; in practice, there is!"
Yogi Berra, baseball coach
That's just a theory!
@@beigecricket6066 True, if we test it, will it break?!
@@johnrogers4261 that depends on the results of the test, and then how we articulate them mitigating biases, if at all we can.
Mark makes me feel secure I can not explain it....after every video I'm like oh I really will be okay lol.
When you think you really really okay, means you are not.
@@complexjanedoe sounds like you need to convince yourself.🧐
Me too.
omg me too, I just get a sense of relief, he radiates an energy which makes life look fun
My man about to crack the code of success on UA-cam with his awesome content, exactly the way he did it with his books.
Since January (now June), and totally unrelated to watching this video (and therefore entirely related to it), I've taken up a commitment of vulnerability and it is FREAKY how confident and sure of myself everyone seems to think I am now. I told a friend secconds ago I feel like I'm throwing out land mines just to walk on them. But I've never felt more free and more in touch with my own self. And still the land mines are everywhere. 🙂
Love is the most amazing feeling you will ever experience, yet it is also the most painful too.
Hey Thanks for doing this Mark! I've been studying paradox (amateur) ever since grad school when a GF quoted me, "You are totally UNIQUE... just like everyone else." Living with ambiguity explains why nothing will ever work perfectly, and we'll be more satisfied by lowering our own expectations. If you can spread your advise far and wide, hopefully you will reduce grievance in the world.
That reminds me of a phrase I like to say sometimes.....
Everyone is different. Especially me.
- Erin Nelson
Another paradox: exercising in the morning gives you more energy for the rest of the day.
So true!!
Word
Or physical exercise is key to mental health. If you are panicking do 5 minutes of intense exercise. Works every time
@barryclausen2280 thanks. I was having horrible evil thoughts but after a 1 hour run, I feel better and think to myself wtf was I even thinking lol
Oh man, it's so relatable. All we ever really want is to 'get something' from a person. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, it seems to be true. Some people want to get your attention, others want an opportunity to grow. Some might want to use you, others may want to help you. It's true, a lot of people want validation but also that people are afraid to be vulnerable, particularly those who are people pleasing. We all want to be well thought of and only being agreeable will only get you so far!
Mark, I just needed to pause this video to say that you are a genius, and that your videos are GOLD!
Great video. The one about being vulnerable is so true. Be humble, be self deprecating, it’s so endearing.
Thanks for the vid! I enjoyed it.
3. I think the most important things are the things we haven’t done for a long time because we fear them and consequently, they become important, or a better word urgent
4. Knowledge circle: well, what if I told you nothing is known. The word “know” sounds a lot like “no,” meaning absence/void. Speed of light and gravity are not constant, but we pretend they are so that all our other theories make sense. Socrates: I know that I know; no thing. It means, be the observer. Ties in with 14) and 15)
16. more you try to do right, you do wrong. It’s Tao, if you say something is good, you create bad. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. If you abandon this path, you end up becoming one of these so called narcissists, or sociopaths. The true definition of narcissist: is someone who thinks only of themselves. If you think you don’t care for yourself and that you mostly care for others, you are in denial. You see, caring for others is an urge within, that makes us feel good about ourselves. We do it so we can maintain self respect, or societal respect. It’s still selfish… but not many people want to hear that. Which brings me to
17. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Even Buddha said, life is suffering, and I think he believed in eternal life… which can only make this place: hell. Which makes you and I, demons. It could be heaven, but it does require a shit tonne of sugar coating and some repressed thoughts.
Mark me leí tu libro,actualmente estoy dando clases y salí solo para decirte que te amo.
Él de models?
es genial!
@@mikereisert2803 ese me estoy leyendo y está muy genial, está muy por encima de los tipicos libro sobre cómo seducir mujeres
Joder mark manson me dió un corazón alfin algo que presumir cuando sea abuelo
Mark, all the things I needed to hear today. Thank you for being you.
This channel is a goldmine for my classes.
The paradox about love, happy relationship, choice and knowledge struck me the most. Interesting insights. Welldone
“As our hate (diss like) for humans grows, so does our love for humanity “
-Dostoyevsky
This is me.
Wow totally!
Hitler interpreted that differently tho
One of my favorites is the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 rule which is
*_"80% of the result comes from 20% of the effort and 20% of the effort accounts for 80% of the result."_*
I had second thoughts if it is a paradox then later realized that it is indeed a paradox.
Good one! Very true
Yass! I was going to say the exact same thing!
I always heard it as 20% of the people do 80% of the work, and 89% of the people do 20% of the work.
@@mjcortez2460 No, it isn't a paradox. It is just 2 ways of saying the same thing. Example: 4 + 6 = 10 or 6 + 4 = 10. But he didn't say it was a paradox, just the Pareto principle.
Danning Krueger effect also, somewhat paradoxically, has a flipside. Both incompetent surety and professional doubt comes when we are talking about easy to medium tasks. The moment we give people task that is actually difficult and feel difficult situation reverse - newbies start giving a task proper credit and professionals start to underestimate it. So don't be afraid to give word to people that are new to something and try to overcome anxiety of saying stupid things when you are new.
Paradox: not being selfish does not makes you unselfish. Being deeply selfish, (does not means egoistic or narcissistic) is the only way selflessness/unselfishness is born.
This applies to lots of relationships, esp. parents of adult children or anxiously attached: The more separateness you allow the more closeness you invite. Kind of like the one about not forcing people to be something or give you something you need too much. Giving it to yourself first makes letting go of outcome less scary.
"Creativity is a crashing chore and a wonderful privilege." Elizabeth Gilbert
"The more you feel like you can't get something, the more you will be wanting to get it"
Actually, it's the other way around. The more you want something, the less you feel able/worthy to attain it.
Understanding this is the difference between maturity and being in High school.
@@themacocko6311 both are accurate tbh, the first in the case of girls mostly and the second in the case of boys mostly
@@privatepublic I think you missed the point. Wanting something more because you can't have it is not a paradox of life, it's an immaturity that's outgrown.
It's amazing how we've been conditioned to believe comfortable lies when it's the uncomfortable truths that really helps us in life.
Always feel so much better after listening to you. Listen to you every day.
The more you start using your time and value it, the more it feels less and running ahead of you
I did feel it, this year when I got into multiple hobbies
Now when I talk to some of my friends who scroll or something, they make me feel like damnn I could've done that work in the time they've wasted
It's not like I feel superior to them, it's just how I see things now
The more you chase improvement, the more you feel like something is wrong with you, and some amount of that is ok, it's growth. But to OBSESS is to do yourself harm, in the name of self-improvement.
great comment, self-improvement is great but you also gotta experience life and stop obsessing about this shit. This generation is quite self-absorbed as a result :/
@@ASHWYN Mark's Book The Subtle Art is great, I've read it a few times and I'm reading it again, cos I need a refresher!
I have found the older I get that maturity comes when you can start to hold two conflicting ideas in your heart
The more you fight against something, the more it shows up into your experience.
Depends
I actually laughed at a UA-cam video? Keep up the good work I feel entertained 👍 here’s a paradox, the more often you spend getting high the more often you’ll find yourself sleeping in a van. The more often you spend sleeping in a van the more money you save on rent which then can be spent on getting high.
U are one the few UA-camrs that truly and deeply know what u'r talking about 💛🤞
" The More you Look for something, The Less likely You Won't Find It. You will Find it when you are not anymore looking for it"
"He who saves his Life will Loose It and He who loose his Life for Others bec. of Me, Will Have it"
The best thing i did in my life is i subscribed to ur channel man
New observed paradox for the New Year since my last one did so well: your brain can't have a positive & negative thought at the same time! This is why gratitude is such a daily powerful tool.
this dude is awesome, everyone needs to be educated in these.
You forgot the Rick Astley paradox: If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie “Up”, he will not give it to you because he is Never Gonna Give You Up. However by not giving you Up, even though you asked for it, he is letting you down. The Astley Paradox.
"Some of the most mind blowing truths in life are paradoxes."
Y'know I was starting to realize this and then this video comes up.
I needed this. Thank you! 🖤
Cool Cool Cool!!!! I relate to paradox #4. I have kinda noticed that in myself.
Same. And that's tied in with 9 too. I tell people I'm a hypocrite and they love it!
That paradox made me realize something within myself 👀 I don’t know how I managed to completely deny it for so long.
So me detesting gayism means I'm avoiding being gay myself?
Yo i knew this and i noticed this like 2 years ago, i thought i was the first to find out and was telling a friend of mine, and he gave me that “ lol okay bruh “ look i thought i was just being dramatic, finally happy to know its a real thing and many relate to it
Yessss... same
i am glad that i found this channel.
Persistence in the face of failure takes on a magical life of its own for a reason. It isn't really about how many fails you rack up it is the FAITH that you will eventually succeed that when done properly, makes an impression on the universal matrix. Once you have sufficiently made an impression, people, circumstances and events fall into place. If you have always wondered what the all seeing eye is about. This pretty much sums it up. 🎇
I love paradoxes and talk about them with others, although I often forget about them in my real life and I have painfully remade many of them..
Thank you for the great video where you briefly told about a lot of them👍
Great content as always Mark! Love your work!
Big fan of you Mark!! I bought your books and I recommend you to my friends and other people
You freaking rock...I HIT THE SUBSCRIBE BUTTON
Your videos made my day... Thank you, Sir Mark... More POWER to you!!!
The more we avoid stress the more anxious we become.
i just love you and your work man!!!
to hold your breath is to lose your breath
Love your humor.
This video is the best compilation of information I’ve seen in years. Thanks, Mark!
Mother Theresa was being interviewed, and the interviewer asks:
_"How much do you pray each day?"_
*"I pray about an hour each day."*
_"What do you pray for?"_
*"Oh, I just listen."*
_"What does God say??"_
*"Oh, he just listens too."*
-
It was an important point, because it split the listeners right there. Roughly half thought she was a nut, and the other half 'got it'.
-
Alan Watts said that when you're born, you're kicked off of a very high cliff, and that you're falling alongside a very large piece of rock that has broken off and is falling with you. He said that we cling to the rock to allay our fear of the falling, but that the comfort provided by the falling rock is just an illusion. He urged us to _let go._ He said that in letting go, that we'd grasp the truth. That we were never in any danger to begin with. It was only in letting go that we could grasp it.
-
Also, the Fermi Paradox. The mathematical certainty that there was extraterrestrial life, yet the absolute absence of evidence to support it.
-
Final paradox: why is it that hot dogs come in packages of 8, yet I can only fit 5 in my butt??
Paradox of Value: Water is more valuable than Diamond but diamond commands a higher price than water.
I think that's supply and demand
This is the most underrated comment 🥺😭
@@marialagattuta5438 😊😊 I'm delighted you feel and think so. Lot's of love from this side😊
Those are two different kinds of value, though.
I think the paradox of death has a far deeper understanding.
The experience of death is the creator of any experience that can be described as life.
Death is the thing that makes life a reality.
Truth Absolute is one of the biggest that wasnt on your list.
Nothingness and infinities are 2 more worth exploring.
The big paradoxes will really change how you think once understood.
I am new listening to your videos. I like them so much while I never like using the f word by my children or anyone else, but the content of your videos is amazing. Thank you for your time to create these helpful tips. I am still learning the life points from you.
THIS DUDE IS BRUTALLY AWESOME!
Mark manson...the only guy that makes sense in New York city
this guy is amazing
There are lot of fake gurus out there
So i need someone to tell me if I can trust this guy????
@@formovies2781 This guy is legitimate, he is brutally honest with every move and his intentions are clear...I trust him
@@tylerwroldsen thank you 🙂
I'm a paradox, I feel so alone, yet I isolate myself, it's no one's fault but my own.
Same
you may be a paradox, but what you've described, they way you've described it, is something else.
"I feel so alone, yet I don't enjoy company of people." is paradoxical.
I was just wondering earlier this morning where this cat was.
When you're being sad, you process your problems and become happier. When you make mistakes, you get better at the thing you do and start to make less mistakes. When you do what you are afraid of, you actually become braver and stop being scared. We often suffer from trying to avoid any form of suffering. It's like watching guides on UA-cam instead of doing something by yourself, the most valuable knowledge and skill come to you when you go there and do stuff, and it can't be replaced by listening to even very wise people.
Easily the best English-speaker youtuber in my book rn
The bonus paradox is something i have always struggled with. You have to get out of your comfort zone to get to a comfortable place.
How am I just finding out about Mark Manson's UA-cam channel? This is dope. ❤️
Welcome to the fraternity
You can even go to his insta page also....
Welcome.
You have my a wise choice my dear
Hora vanya
Great video Mark, thanks. No bonuses from me just yet, I think you covered most of them...and I learnt a lot in 12 minutes and 46 seconds, which before watching your video thought was pretty much impossible. Im quite clever already lol. Also, I've just realised I have your book on my guest bedroom side table at home but have never actually read it, which makes me a bit of a twat. I shall be paying more attention from now on. Thanks again.
When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.
Fuck, I agonize every time I am at a Cheesecake Factory! I’m glad I’m not alone. 😂