I totally feel you. Sometimes I go months without talking to someone because I don't wanna be annoying, let alone ask them for help. But then I understand that 9/10 times people apreciate being reached out to even if just for a chat about how both of you are doing. Asking for help can be hard so this is HOW I do it: sometimes in a casual conversation I simply explain a situation I'm dealing with, I do however have to express a certain struggle. Then if the other person has any advice or words of encouragement they are free to express them organically since I didn't explicitly ask them to help me. Then you can just do the same for them and that way it feels more like a benefitial interaction for both people. Now, in the topic of feeling like a burden. Personally when I feel that way I think about how helping people makes me feel fulfilled, therefore when I recieve help of any kind I realise that probably whoever helped me is also glad about being helpful as long as we've been respectful along the interaction. That's how my parents have put it when I expressed this feeling of burden to them. I used to have this misconception that love is transactional and that when someone loves me they expect something from me, I was afraid of not being enough. But I then I realised that love is not transactional and that's what makes it special. Someone can love me platonically or romantically for who I am without expecting anything, we can just be ourselves and be completely honest about our feelings and accept eachothers flaws and eventual mistakes, be forgiven and move on. There's this video on YT called "The phone goes both ways" I think is a must watch for anyone who reads this. There are times when I struggle with these things still, but watching your videos helps me reflect on them. So thank you for posting and I hope you are doing fine if not great Zion!
Damn, I didn’t know how much I needed this video today. I relate a lot to you when it comes to asking for help. In my case, I think I feel like this because I would only ask for help when It was the last resort as a child. I hate feeling powerless and like I can’t change my circumstances. I think as a queer individual growing up, this motivated me to get out of the city I grew up in (where I sustained a lot a trauma because of my identity). Now, I’m in a new city, graduated, and have a job; All that is great and I’m blessed to have it. It’s just, sometimes I really feel the burden of caring my own weight; but I’m determined to see things through for myself and on my own terms. Often, this means forgoing help. All this to say, I cried while watching your video. It struck a cord in me and it was cathartic. ❤
i had to learn that it is NOT noble to reject help. our hyper independence believes it is, but it’s not. it’s a form of self deprivation AND deprives others of the joy of giving. to give is to receive. i’m still working on not having a immediate immense “fuck you / fuck off” reaction to help when i fall down, hurt myself etc. a response i’ve had since i was a kid because i didn’t feel safe in my caregivers care. but now, to my partner i have to real heal this shit so i’m not seething when he’s trying to nurture.
I can relate to this title or subject period. There was this time or moment where I felt like everything I ever wanted in regards to a relationship was right there in my face. It felt so right it felt so real even though it was happening I just felt like it wasn't that it's only for this moment. And of course it was. It was literally like waking up from a dream angry at the world that I had basically just been teased about something I've always wanted. Than I came to the conclusion that maybe this was to happen before I made a certain decision like can life be that damn humorous. Like a deja Vu moment but only for that moment. Something that hasn't actually happened before but you've seen happen over and over again in your dreams. I have proof it happened I mean of course I wasn't dreaming but maybe it would of been better if I had been because it's easier to accept that it didn't actually happen over dealing with that it did. So yeah it was a moment with love that felt like home and heaven at the same time. In the back of my mind I'm just shaking my head because I already knew it was too good to be true and maybe that's why when we receive love it's hard to accept because weve been let down, ,we know how it feels, and maybe it's now a feeling of awareness that we can sense before it happened and that's just our intuition protecting us telling us to stop before it happens again. Guarding our heart.
i had to learn that it is NOT noble to reject help. our hyper independence believes it is, but it’s not. it’s a form of self deprivation AND deprives others of the joy of giving. to give is to receive.
Favourite online friend. I just love listening to you and no your thoughts are really organised and you're making so much sense. Hope you get to a place where you can accept all the love you deserve. 🤍
you’re making a lot of sense to me. your thoughts dont feel unorganized or scattered to me at all, i feel everything you’re saying. i appreciate you and all that you share. its very vulnerable and powerful. i know i dont know you but it feels like my soul knows you. ❤️🫂
I totally feel you. Sometimes I go months without talking to someone because I don't wanna be annoying, let alone ask them for help. But then I understand that 9/10 times people apreciate being reached out to even if just for a chat about how both of you are doing.
Asking for help can be hard so this is HOW I do it: sometimes in a casual conversation I simply explain a situation I'm dealing with, I do however have to express a certain struggle. Then if the other person has any advice or words of encouragement they are free to express them organically since I didn't explicitly ask them to help me. Then you can just do the same for them and that way it feels more like a benefitial interaction for both people.
Now, in the topic of feeling like a burden. Personally when I feel that way I think about how helping people makes me feel fulfilled, therefore when I recieve help of any kind I realise that probably whoever helped me is also glad about being helpful as long as we've been respectful along the interaction. That's how my parents have put it when I expressed this feeling of burden to them.
I used to have this misconception that love is transactional and that when someone loves me they expect something from me, I was afraid of not being enough. But I then I realised that love is not transactional and that's what makes it special. Someone can love me platonically or romantically for who I am without expecting anything, we can just be ourselves and be completely honest about our feelings and accept eachothers flaws and eventual mistakes, be forgiven and move on.
There's this video on YT called "The phone goes both ways" I think is a must watch for anyone who reads this.
There are times when I struggle with these things still, but watching your videos helps me reflect on them. So thank you for posting and I hope you are doing fine if not great Zion!
Damn, I didn’t know how much I needed this video today. I relate a lot to you when it comes to asking for help. In my case, I think I feel like this because I would only ask for help when It was the last resort as a child. I hate feeling powerless and like I can’t change my circumstances. I think as a queer individual growing up, this motivated me to get out of the city I grew up in (where I sustained a lot a trauma because of my identity). Now, I’m in a new city, graduated, and have a job; All that is great and I’m blessed to have it. It’s just, sometimes I really feel the burden of caring my own weight; but I’m determined to see things through for myself and on my own terms. Often, this means forgoing help. All this to say, I cried while watching your video. It struck a cord in me and it was cathartic. ❤
i had to learn that it is NOT noble to reject help. our hyper independence believes it is, but it’s not. it’s a form of self deprivation AND deprives others of the joy of giving. to give is to receive. i’m still working on not having a immediate immense “fuck you / fuck off” reaction to help when i fall down, hurt myself etc. a response i’ve had since i was a kid because i didn’t feel safe in my caregivers care. but now, to my partner i have to real heal this shit so i’m not seething when he’s trying to nurture.
I can relate to this title or subject period. There was this time or moment where I felt like everything I ever wanted in regards to a relationship was right there in my face. It felt so right it felt so real even though it was happening I just felt like it wasn't that it's only for this moment. And of course it was. It was literally like waking up from a dream angry at the world that I had basically just been teased about something I've always wanted. Than I came to the conclusion that maybe this was to happen before I made a certain decision like can life be that damn humorous. Like a deja Vu moment but only for that moment. Something that hasn't actually happened before but you've seen happen over and over again in your dreams. I have proof it happened I mean of course I wasn't dreaming but maybe it would of been better if I had been because it's easier to accept that it didn't actually happen over dealing with that it did.
So yeah it was a moment with love that felt like home and heaven at the same time. In the back of my mind I'm just shaking my head because I already knew it was too good to be true and maybe that's why when we receive love it's hard to accept because weve been let down, ,we know how it feels, and maybe it's now a feeling of awareness that we can sense before it happened and that's just our intuition protecting us telling us to stop before it happens again. Guarding our heart.
i had to learn that it is NOT noble to reject help. our hyper independence believes it is, but it’s not. it’s a form of self deprivation AND deprives others of the joy of giving. to give is to receive.
Favourite online friend. I just love listening to you and no your thoughts are really organised and you're making so much sense. Hope you get to a place where you can accept all the love you deserve. 🤍
you’re making a lot of sense to me. your thoughts dont feel unorganized or scattered to me at all, i feel everything you’re saying. i appreciate you and all that you share. its very vulnerable and powerful. i know i dont know you but it feels like my soul knows you. ❤️🫂
Thank you so much for lending an ear 🫀