Communication is KEY. Showing up, knowing conflict is Normal and common, and tending to Conflict WITH Each Other not just consulting others outside, but being curious about the others person's experience. Feelings and needs. Transparency AND Consideration!
It would be great to see the specific things that 2 FAs need to do or change in order to go from the power struggle stage to the bliss stage. (Show us it is possible 😂)
I experienced DA as the HOT COLD one. Friendly and open and then for days annoyed irritated walls up. Very confusing. As a Recovering FA I am consistent. I may get upset for them to wake up and show up, but not Cold/Icy.
I'd leave DA without a second thought. Honestly they're not worth it. Why settle for such low quality when you can have a much higher quality secure partner. The only people who'd stay with a DA, is a person, who at their core has very little self worth. It's really not about the DA, it is about why people are attracted them. They're typically a low quality, insecure, selfish, arrogant and non-self aware people. It's more to do with intermittent reinforcement - it's not healthy. I would LEAVE him or her and find a much higher quality partner. Why date one of life's losers. They're not scarce, or high quality or have many alternative options- as they'd have you believe. They're one of life's losers and deep inside themselves they know that. That's why they're incapable of caring about anyone, other than themselves. They create a false sense of scarcity omg s/he must be so much better than me b/c they're hot/cold .. people chase them fuelling their egos. Horrible people bordering on narcissism. Get the hell outa there..I'm secure and I find them repulsive. I ended it with a DA as she was genuinely shocked that she wasn't the dumper .. OMG the arrogance. Fortunately I'm with a wonderful secure partner that has so much more to offer on all counts.
Now that's what the doc ordered and that's what we wanna know more about! Since both Anxious Preoccupied (PAs) and Dismissive Avoidants (DAs) tend to push Fearful Avoidants (FAs) to either sides of the pendulum, it's better for them to get together with FAs, as both can quickly understand each other's needs, and easily navigate their own behaviour around each other. They can have a better chance of healing their core wounds together and be securely attached as well, esp when either of them is vacillating to the other other side and needs the other to bring him/her back to feel secure. I have observed how PAs forge great friendships with other PAs, though not sure about the same with two DAs, who I think are cursed to push everyone away. Pls do discuss navigating covert narcissists in the guise of both PAs and DAs as well.
Call me crazy but the more i learn about fearful avoidants the more I love him💚 What has helped me is tapping into my natural introverted self and mind And Being a parent Those two things have helped me understand at a level that still amazes me Eventually it's All God's plan☺️💚
I was just binging your videos and wondering about this, but my difference is that I'm married, and I think she's also FA. Are there differences in long-term relationships/marriages?
Could you make a video about how to get over a divorce? Cuz we already know that most ppl are serial monogamists & we know marriages don't usually last for a lifetime.
Thank you for your wisdom & insight. The video is amazing. Will you please make a video on enmeshment & codependency & point us to the steps to solve for it & how to best keep in our own energy without feeling like we're about to burst?
A bit healed FA + a really messy FA with another stressful situation = a bit of a mess 😅 I don't even know what we are right now as he got triggered too much (plus the stressful situation that is much worse) and pulled away; now he is popping up once a week opening up a bit again and then he reaches his limits and back again into the space. He has started therapy at least. But I have to say that for the first time in my life I feel at home and that I really belong there, everything was so easy and still is though, no matter what happened. We are actually so boring when together 😂😂😂 we have enough chaos in our separate lives that when together we want peace and calmness, even though I'm trying to bring him in some of my adventures
But those of us who are empaths van Sense something going on that they are NOT sharing or talking about. If I ask and the person doesn't share, what to do?
I'm an empath too Maybe expressing Something like well, it seems like something might be a little bit off to me. If there's something you want to share with me or need support with, just let me know. I'm here. Then you will have to just release it. Sometimes things are wrong with people. But they aren't necessarily either in connection with it. Or able to articulate what it is.
Communication is KEY. Showing up, knowing conflict is Normal and common, and tending to Conflict WITH Each Other not just consulting others outside, but being curious about the others person's experience. Feelings and needs. Transparency AND Consideration!
It would be great to see the specific things that 2 FAs need to do or change in order to go from the power struggle stage to the bliss stage. (Show us it is possible 😂)
Ugh, yes. An option and solution other than leaving or shutting down and stuffing it til explosion.
There’s a webinar in the school on this :)
please keep making 2 FAs relationship content!
I experienced DA as the HOT COLD one. Friendly and open and then for days annoyed irritated walls up. Very confusing. As a Recovering FA I am consistent. I may get upset for them to wake up and show up, but not Cold/Icy.
People can have a combo of different attachment styles
I'd leave DA without a second thought. Honestly they're not worth it. Why settle for such low quality when you can have a much higher quality secure partner. The only people who'd stay with a DA, is a person, who at their core has very little self worth. It's really not about the DA, it is about why people are attracted them. They're typically a low quality, insecure, selfish, arrogant and non-self aware people. It's more to do with intermittent reinforcement - it's not healthy. I would LEAVE him or her and find a much higher quality partner. Why date one of life's losers. They're not scarce, or high quality or have many alternative options- as they'd have you believe. They're one of life's losers and deep inside themselves they know that. That's why they're incapable of caring about anyone, other than themselves. They create a false sense of scarcity omg s/he must be so much better than me b/c they're hot/cold .. people chase them fuelling their egos. Horrible people bordering on narcissism. Get the hell outa there..I'm secure and I find them repulsive. I ended it with a DA as she was genuinely shocked that she wasn't the dumper .. OMG the arrogance. Fortunately I'm with a wonderful secure partner that has so much more to offer on all counts.
Now that's what the doc ordered and that's what we wanna know more about! Since both Anxious Preoccupied (PAs) and Dismissive Avoidants (DAs) tend to push Fearful Avoidants (FAs) to either sides of the pendulum, it's better for them to get together with FAs, as both can quickly understand each other's needs, and easily navigate their own behaviour around each other. They can have a better chance of healing their core wounds together and be securely attached as well, esp when either of them is vacillating to the other other side and needs the other to bring him/her back to feel secure.
I have observed how PAs forge great friendships with other PAs, though not sure about the same with two DAs, who I think are cursed to push everyone away. Pls do discuss navigating covert narcissists in the guise of both PAs and DAs as well.
Call me crazy but the more i learn about fearful avoidants the more I love him💚
What has helped me is tapping into my natural introverted self and mind
And
Being a parent
Those two things have helped me understand at a level that still amazes me
Eventually it's All God's plan☺️💚
I was just binging your videos and wondering about this, but my difference is that I'm married, and I think she's also FA. Are there differences in long-term relationships/marriages?
There is no difference, couples who have been together 20 plus years can still be stuck in the power struggle phase.
Wow this is accurate to both of us in the beginning. I think we're both FAs.
Could you make a video about how to get over a divorce? Cuz we already know that most ppl are serial monogamists & we know marriages don't usually last for a lifetime.
Loved the explanation. I have seen close loved ones in such dynamics!!
Spot on- thank you!
you're welcome!
Thank you for your wisdom & insight. The video is amazing. Will you please make a video on enmeshment & codependency & point us to the steps to solve for it & how to best keep in our own energy without feeling like we're about to burst?
A bit healed FA + a really messy FA with another stressful situation = a bit of a mess 😅
I don't even know what we are right now as he got triggered too much (plus the stressful situation that is much worse) and pulled away; now he is popping up once a week opening up a bit again and then he reaches his limits and back again into the space. He has started therapy at least.
But I have to say that for the first time in my life I feel at home and that I really belong there, everything was so easy and still is though, no matter what happened.
We are actually so boring when together 😂😂😂 we have enough chaos in our separate lives that when together we want peace and calmness, even though I'm trying to bring him in some of my adventures
But those of us who are empaths van Sense something going on that they are NOT sharing or talking about. If I ask and the person doesn't share, what to do?
I'm an empath too Maybe expressing Something like well, it seems like something might be a little bit off to me. If there's something you want to share with me or need support with, just let me know. I'm here. Then you will have to just release it. Sometimes things are wrong with people. But they aren't necessarily either in connection with it. Or able to articulate what it is.
Thanks Thais; can you pls do self-aware FA w secure ex-FA (tests secure but still has wounds inc w continued exposure to awful parents)
I’m a FA and empath. It’s a bumpy road, lol
Interesting you said stuff but yet nothing.
That's hurtful! She's helping infinite people with problems otherwise unsolvable
such an unnecessary commment, but I guess not everyone is ready for the work