vlogtober 23 #8: new skills + is having kids ‘worth it’? a chat
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- Опубліковано 27 сер 2024
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Chapters:
00:36 Intro and rambles
04:45 Learning with Skillshare [ad]
08:15 Exercise and evening
09:15 Cold Enough for Snow thoughts
12:25 Is having kids worth it? How do you decide whether to have kids or not?
I'm 26 and still am very dependent on my parents' care due to being disabled. I don't think my parents ever took that possibility into consideration when they decided to have me. Luckily they are very loving and don't resent me for the extra care I require, however I cannot help but wonder how else it could have turned out… I think it's incredibly important to REALLY consider the less ideal outcomes of having children, because whilst most children are born healthy, there's no guarantee. And it's important to be prepared for that eventuality, I think.
Thank you for sharing this is very relatable to me! I think my parents thought once I went to college/uni they could be hands off esp. since I’m the youngest but my health took a nosedive right then. It’s hard to predict what a child will need and when/how long - it’s impossible to predict but good to think about. Like you my parents have been very supportive but I don’t think it’s what they expect
Thank you for sharing this! My kid is on the autism spectrum and there are moments I do regret.
Thank you so much for sharing this! ❤️ I agree, I think it’s so important to at least consider all the eventualities. I’m glad you have a loving and caring relationship with them.
I've never heard someone talk so eloquently and openly about the choice of having children, despite asking the question to so many people. Thank you!
That exploration and explanation about whether to have children or not was so beautifully told (and very helpful) x
This one made me cry. I think I have never heard anyone say it better than Jess. Please continue sharing as it helps us feel less alone navigating this life.
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I loved the talk on motherhood. My daughter is a year behind Ines so it's been enjoyable for me to get glimpses into our future when watching these past couple of years. You're right - it is a reconstruction of the self. You give up so much but eventually it stops feeling like that in a negative sense and it just becomes who you are, a vessel of love for this little being. Not to say it isn't hard as heck!
You said it well!
the way you talk about parenthood in such a compassionate way is beautiful, thank you for sharing ❤
Very delicate topic eloquently expressed as always x
your vlogtobers are simply my favourite thing in the evenings right now
I am getting married in a few months and my partner and I have decided not to have children. We have both been in common law relationships before and already have busy and full lives. We are happy to spend time with our nieces and nephews and have discussed the possibility of adopting should we ever change our minds. At the same time, I find it validating that we are enough for one another. Thank you for your nuanced perspective on motherhood ♡
This is a lovely perspective, thank you for sharing! You and your partner must have a beautiful bond, hope everything goes smoothly with your wedding and you have the best day ❤️I also always think parts of the joy of having children need not be in having them *yourself* but actually just in your lives, like your nieces and nephews. Intergenerational relationships help us all, and so much joy can be found in them.
@sunbeamsjess Equally lovely response and much appreciated after a particularly stressful day of work yesterday. Another piece of the puzzle is that I work in the university, as I am currently doing my PhD, and it satisfies the part of me that would want to be a role model. I work with hundreds of students a year, and while they may not be children, they are at a crucial point of self-discovery. It is nice to be able to encourage the next generation to become who they will be.
This chat gave me so much. Thank you
THANK YOU for discussing this topic of whether to become a parent or not - it’s something many, myself included, debate / struggle with. You were very inclusive in your musings and it gave me lots of food for thought 🙏🏽
I loved listening to your option and interpretation about a passage in a book that stuck with you. I would love to see you discuss similar topics more often if you come across something that again 😊
Adore the second half of this video and hearing your thoughts around parenthood!
Thank you for talking so beautifully and articulately about motherhood/parenthood
I resonate entirely with how you described your personal experience with parenthood, my son is 2 as well and watching him grow and develop has been the biggest privilege of my life and it’s so fulfilling! I might add I was hesitant myself when it comes to having children and my husband and I had endless talks about it. We eventually decided we were never going to „feel ready”, but when thinking about our future we both saw a kid there and we just bit the bullet. It was very hard at the beginning but now I wish I could slow time down as it all goes by so fast. I also wish I could bottle all these feelings up and just let those unsure of having children feel what I feel, because it’s just impossible to describe with words.
Ah this is such a great perspective, thank you! It is so hard to describe the feeling until you feel it.
The way you speak about the decision to try for / have children is so eloquent. I feel the need to let life happen to me somewhat, while navigating a host of chronic illnesses, I need to learn to look after myself first!
So lovely hearing you talk more deeply about motherhood xx
really loving vlogtober content ✨
I have never been a hell yes person with kids, didn’t really care about having children but now that I am a mom I love it and became a hell yes person haha. I have a similar experience as you describe, such a great video ❤
I am thankful for your discussion about the choice of having children. Thank you for talking about it so openly, and for considering all the options. I will certainly come back to this video to reflect on some important points you mention. Great job ❤
Absolutely loved your thoughts on motherhood and becoming a parent ❤ beautifully and delicately stated
Loved hearing your thoughts on having kids! ❤
I always thought about this in early postpartum stage. My analogy of parenthood is; choosing to go to an island, you don’t know what is there or how it will be. You’ve seen the brochure and vaguely know what’s involved, but each island is chosen at random. Nobody but you and your partner can go, even if people are on other islands, they are all different. And once you get there you can never go back - it might be magical or not at all what you imagine. Good luck 😅
Hahahah love this but it sounds horrible if you put it that way. In that case I'd choose to stay living in London.. and that says a lot 😅
This is a good analogy 😂
Loved the explanation, I myself, have felt that it was time. My experience is also positive in a way that I find this the most fulfilling stage of my life and literally know that it was something I needed to experience. When I look at my son, I have this feeling that I have known him since forever and that this was always meant for me, for him, for us to be together, with that said, I also find the whole newborn and toddler stage so so so exhausting :D. Breastfeeding is the most beautiful and the hardest ''thing'' I have ever ''had'' to do (still doing it, it's my choice and I know I'm gonna miss it once where past that) and so is the lack of help or the ''village'' that could provide me with some personal space. Craving personal space is such a big thing right now, that when I get some free time I find myself not knowing how to act or to utilize it to feel like it was well spent. Anyway, I look at this as a journey, not a race, and I try to embrace and make the best out of every phase because I can already catch myself missing on some of the previous times. Everything moves so quickly...
I adore hearing you talk about parenting, so eloquent and balanced. I have a 16 month old and feel it is a similarly big decision deciding when/if to have a second. The knock on effect of this decision feels massive for my first
Oh absolutely! I don’t think I mentioned it here in the end but I think the choice to have more children is just as hard, and you’ve got yet another person’s wants and needs to add into the mix!
Hey Jessie, I really loved this video ❤ I was wondering, because in today’s western society you are considered a young mum, what has been your experience of that? Did you plan on having children at the age that you did? Also, what was your stance on marriage before kids and vice versa? I see you as a big sister figure who constantly inspires me, in an ideal world I would want my boyfriend and I to have children around the same age as you but I am uncertain whether to prioritise marriage or a house first, would love to know your thoughts.
enjoying your vlogtober so far Jess! Any chance you can do an update to the “becoming a reader” series this month? Thank you 🙏🏾
Yes I’m planning on starting the note-taking section later this month!! 🩷
Yeah I'm lowkey freaking out about it being warm enough to wear shorts in October haha 🫠
Such a lovely chat at the end ❤
Thank you for such an insightful commentary on life, motherhood, and decision making!
Wow, that was beautiful. Your interpretation of that passage made me put that book immediately in my TBR
I am terrified of having children because I am not sure if I would be a good parent. I don't find myself enjoying the company of other people's kids so I'm scared of having kids myself. I do really enjoy pouring love and care into another being like dogs and cats and can imagine loving that aspect of motherhood. But the idea of shaping a person and their personality and potentially letting them down is very scary
I think the fact you’re worried whether you would be good or not, means you most certainly would be a good parent. You can’t really imagine what it’s like until you have your own.
Also, you really are more of their ‘shepherd’ showing them the way, guiding them, rather than responsible for fully shaping them. They’re much more their own little people than we realise ☺️
Think this is so valid! I do think it can feel very different with your own than with other people’s kids, and is much more like you describe with your animals, like an outpouring of love. It’s a huge responsibility though, I agree! I’ve found gathering lots of resources and teaching myself about development to be really helpful.
Those brand of noodles we also eat in South Africa! V yummy!
Always lovely to listen to you talk about parenthood 💜.
wow. so beautifully expressed. thank you for discussing this.
Jess you need to write a book. About the ten meanings of life. Be an author. You have the degreea and fan base. Do it.
Just catching up on your vlogs and refreshing to hear on your take of motherhood. I chose to have a baby end of last year because I never wanted to regret not having children, I thought if I regret having them i’ll still have a nice life and be somewhat fulfilled. But if I regret not having children I could see how all consuming that would be. I just wish we didn’t have a bio clock. Unfortunately I do regret having a baby (currently). I adore her of course and have good days, but if I had been allowed to peer into the future and see what motherhood would have entailed I would have opted out. I hope that changes for me in the future. But I completely understand why people don’t bother and I absolutely don’t begrudge them for it, at the mo I am a little jealous of them. ❤
I love your kitchen and i am so curious about the new one !! I cant wait for our future house to make one like This! We bought an apartment last year but it wont be the forever one for us. also i am 30 and ttc after being with my bf for 4 years and now financially+new own apartment ready❤
I have always been a hell no (since forever) and my partner was on the fence. I said I wanted to get a dog (all my responsibility) so I could still feel that unconditional love for a dependent but it was more flexible. Turns out, much like children, it’s just as unpredictable! Anyway, my partner loves our dog more than anything and just said one day it was enough and he now sat on my side of the fence. Certainly not as eloquent as you Jess, or some of these comments, however it was heartwarming to sit their together as one, with our dog trying to be in the middle 😂
Thank you for talking about the baby topic, that was super interesting and helpfull❤
First, like, then watch ❤ I know I'm going to love it anyway
I loved your explanation, thank you 💖
That was beautiful
The best thing you could do in th is life is reproduce. Hands down. Like we live to provide life to others the way our parents provided life. The bible keeps my prioirities straight with parenthood and its a no brainer. Children are gifts from the Lord. The most abundant source of Heavenly love. They are love. Then this world wears us down after a while but seeing the world through childrens eyes, is like renewal of the soul. They live in the present moment constantly. So they keep us very happy.❤ if you have the resources and love, reproductive folks. Its literally life giving and a reaosn to live and be the best version of yourself. The way you love your kids... there is nothing like it in the world. ❤
I recommend you reading Louise Perry. She is British and released a book not too long ago titled The Case Against The Sexual Revolution. She made some points that made me question a lot of what I believed and it reminded me of that after listening you talk about what you said of contraception and abortion. I think you’d find it interesting!
I´m all for the creative writing course!:) XOXO
Jess, where is your brown jumper from? :-)
Hey Jess, where are the wall lamps beside your bed from? They are beautiful!
I think they’re from Tala!
Girl dinner x
What is “the farm?” Haha, I’ve been a long time viewer and have heard you mention the farm many times, but somewhere along the line I missed an explanation of what it is.
it's their familys country house, which was a farm beforehand i guess :) i think there is even an extra building called the barn (?). If you've been a long time viewer, they often celebrate christmas there. you can see it in older vlogmas videos towards the end I guess
and I think she had her masters written there :) @@clarawild
@@clarawild thank you!! I’ve even seen them when they lived in the barn for a bit, but somehow still missed who’s home it was 😂
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it’s easier to have children when universal healthcare is available for you and your child unlike the US where it’s over $10,000 just to deliver. Not the mention the ridiculous amount they make you pay before you even have the baby
100% - I think this is such a failure of privatised healthcare (amongst many many others)
Sorry for asking so late, but I've always wondered when I see this online. How do poor/average/immigrants have kids in America. Online it seems like they have 3 or 4 kids e.t.c. are they also paying this amount.
So you can declare some ADs but not this one. This is disappointing
Why do you care 🙄
It says promotion in the top left corner at the start of the video, AD in the description box, and she verbally thanks them for sponsoring the video at 5:04
Was definitely declared
These are such beautiful and helpful thoughts about choosing parenthood 🤍
❤