Thanks so much Otis, very humbling hearing someone reading one of my stories. Loved your interpretation of the Irishmen... especially the swearing (although hearing it aloud I may have put a little too much in). Thanks again! Danny (Darren Totum).
I'm usually not a fan of these kind of twists (supernatural) but it worked well enough, setting the stage for so long was worth it, by the time all hell broke loose it was cemented in the memory. Topnotch story telling and of course another great read from Otis J, man of a thousand dialects, I'm going to submit a story with a nigerian english accent one day and will not be surprised if you nail it! ^__^
Danny McManus Thank you for the kind words Danny. I enjoyed the story. At times it was a bit challenging getting the tone right, but in the end I think it worked out well. Glad you liked the Irishmen. :) Bless you.
Danny McManus I have to hand it to you, that was a wonderful exhibition of the use of simile to paint such a vivid picture. It is so refreshing to hear a story this well written with the absence of tired cliches. As a fellow writer I really enjoyed listening to the artistry that is your pensmanship. I also have a story that has been narrated on this channel, it is called The Hooded Stranger, I would love to hear your thoughts on it.
Oh, that was good! SPOILER!! After he got the girl to go home, I guessed he was some kind of vampire. But I had no idea he was trying to get the people to run out of the diner. That was a definite change of pace from the average creepypasta. I applaud you, Derren Totum! And you thank you very much, Mr. Jiry, for reading this to us. (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤
Well ya know, on the way home, kids get whiny, don't feel like ordering all nite, so you just grab a bunch of takeout😃they didn't have to worry about cleaning out the car next day😃😃practicality is of the essence.
Totally came back to listen to this story again - it's one of my favorites on your playlist. What made me think of it is that I was listening to some serial killer file and the host, Keith Morisson - has a voice that reminded me of yours. Decided I prefer this. :)
Love This story!!!!! such great imagery! Any time I see the story is told by Otis Jiry it's an automatic must listen one of the best narrators I have ever got the pleasure of hearing thank you for what you do I Drive a truck for a living and these stories get me through
Bravo! Another excellent reading Mr. Otis 😉I've had this story saved on my Otis Jiry playlist 4EVER.....Finally listening to it tonight, and enjoyed it thoroughly 👌👌👌
Like another comment someone else posted, this story also reminded me of Pulp fiction with a twist from "Dusk till dawn"! Otis you sir are a great narrator and very good at it! Haven't came across a story I didn't like yet and I doubt I ever will, so thank you for your time of doing these story's and helping a person with some great stuff to listen to!
Jason Woods Thank you for the kind words Jason. I enjoy doing the narrations and providing something a bit different, (I hope) than most other narrators. Bless you.
Fabulous story, with a real twist I had not expected. The ending of the story made it very, very well worth listening to! At first it is a bit boring, and I almost stopped listening, but stick with it! It is not just the story of a diner robbery. The twist at the end is a real shock and makes the entire story well worth it. Two predators come together by chance in the same place at the same time. And as any predator knows, there is always a bigger, more dangerous predator. I only wonder about one thing----why did the man let the girl who accompanied the robbers go? He was disdainful of everyone in the diner except for her. He seemed genuinely sympathetic, telling her to call her family and go home. It seemed unnecessary if he just meant for to her to fall foul of the rest of his pack waiting outside. So maybe she got away before the others attacked. Excellent story and wonderfully narrated.
Definitely one of my favorites. Was to the songs/ music by King Diamond. I did try to see,but I couldn't find anything. I'm SURE it's right there in my face BLACK & WHITE PRINT.. Still ,,,, I couldn't find it.
My guess is the young ones were only allowed to attack once the whole diner ran out in a frenzy. So I think the vampire inside the diner kept his word to let her go home to her family. The guy is a monster but I'm sure he has sympathy for people.
I am surprised that the Diner, as described, would have any Enya records in the jukebox. Also, the members of the bad quartet all have names that begin with ”J.”
Ugh. Narration is good, but I really can't stand vampire stories. It's never original. Just some typical "I'm such a badass plz look at me" stuff. The kind of stories you imagine when you are young and unsecure. Like, "How cool would I be if I had super powers? People would finally respect me and fear me!" But hey, just my opinion x)
xDeshtatx and I respect your opinion. But vampire stories can't be original without changing vampire mythos - so instead of doing that I changed the settings and story type. It's a heist story that happens to have a vampire in it. Plus my protagonist isn't someone you'd want to be and doesn't have superpowers as such (just pretty strong and brutal). Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment though.
+Danny McManus How much of this story did you base on pulp fiction, some of the cues and details are too meticulous to be coincidence, the characters themselves even? Great movie and great story.
+TehMadCat Thanks so much. I used Pulp Fiction as the background, particularly when setting the scene. I let the story develop organically but as Pulp Fiction is one of my favourite ever films it's no surprise it had a huge effect. Really glad you enjoyed it and thanks for taking the time to let me know.
Have you done any research on actual vampire myths? They have supernatural powers that they utilize for different occasions. Sometimes they will outright attack their prey and sometimes they like to seduce their target. It usually depends on the mood and environment they happen to be in.
My favorite story I 💘 love this one second I adore Talypo , and also the vampire story about the politician wanting 2 be the president 👌🖖👍💙🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤👍💯💥
That was some absolutely amazing imagery
Agreed...you can watch it in your head
Loved the line about the hairline retreating from the robbers face.
Thanks so much Otis, very humbling hearing someone reading one of my stories. Loved your interpretation of the Irishmen... especially the swearing (although hearing it aloud I may have put a little too much in).
Thanks again!
Danny (Darren Totum).
I'm usually not a fan of these kind of twists (supernatural) but it worked well enough, setting the stage for so long was worth it, by the time all hell broke loose it was cemented in the memory. Topnotch story telling and of course another great read from Otis J, man of a thousand dialects, I'm going to submit a story with a nigerian english accent one day and will not be surprised if you nail it! ^__^
BlaqueCzar We'll have to see about that one :)
Danny McManus Thank you for the kind words Danny. I enjoyed the story. At times it was a bit challenging getting the tone right, but in the end I think it worked out well. Glad you liked the Irishmen. :) Bless you.
Danny McManus I have to hand it to you, that was a wonderful exhibition of the use of simile to paint such a vivid picture.
It is so refreshing to hear a story this well written with the absence of tired cliches.
As a fellow writer I really enjoyed listening to the artistry that is your pensmanship.
I also have a story that has been narrated on this channel, it is called The Hooded Stranger, I would love to hear your thoughts on it.
@@BlaqueCzar you ready yet?
DINER is one of my top 5. Terrific story.
This is one of my favorite stories told by you, Otis Jiry! I love listening to this!
Another version of THE DINER. I LOVE Love love this story. Especially by you Mr.Jiry.
Excellent. The writing and Mr. Jiry's narration.
Great story. Would love to hear more content from this author.
Great story. Takes a simple idea and a fairly obvious twist and expresses it in such a compelling way.
What a twist! Frightening and satisfyingly grotesque!
Am surprised only 2 renditions of this so far I have been able to find... Such a great story :)
Oh, that was good!
SPOILER!!
After he got the girl to go home, I guessed he was some kind of vampire. But I had no idea he was trying to get the people to run out of the diner. That was a definite change of pace from the average creepypasta. I applaud you, Derren Totum!
And you thank you very much, Mr. Jiry, for reading this to us. (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤
the thing with the girl wasn't really a mind trick as such. She was already unsure and nervous
Well ya know, on the way home, kids get whiny, don't feel like ordering all nite, so you just grab a bunch of takeout😃they didn't have to worry about cleaning out the car next day😃😃practicality is of the essence.
Totally came back to listen to this story again - it's one of my favorites on your playlist.
What made me think of it is that I was listening to some serial killer file and the host, Keith Morisson - has a voice that reminded me of yours. Decided I prefer this. :)
Love This story!!!!! such great imagery! Any time I see the story is told by Otis Jiry it's an automatic must listen one of the best narrators I have ever got the pleasure of hearing thank you for what you do I Drive a truck for a living and these stories get me through
Awesome narration and story as always Mr. Jiry. Well done.
Bravo! Another excellent reading Mr. Otis 😉I've had this story saved on my Otis Jiry playlist 4EVER.....Finally listening to it tonight, and enjoyed it thoroughly 👌👌👌
Like another comment someone else posted, this story also reminded me of Pulp fiction with a twist from "Dusk till dawn"! Otis you sir are a great narrator and very good at it! Haven't came across a story I didn't like yet and I doubt I ever will, so thank you for your time of doing these story's and helping a person with some great stuff to listen to!
Jason Woods Thank you for the kind words Jason. I enjoy doing the narrations and providing something a bit different, (I hope) than most other narrators. Bless you.
I must say i did not expect that ending. Good job sir.
Thank you Finally something to listen to before going to sleep. Like
phenomenal as always, Mr Jiry
This is just superb! absolutely wonderful!
Awesome narration Otis...interesting vamp story
The description of his feeding was just so erotic!!! You have an amazing voice Sir.
The best narration ever.
Great narration as always good story 👌👏🇬🇧
what a great vampire tale....
just perfect
Thank you for another great combo of story and teller This one surprised me :^D
Real vampires don't sparkle. They kill.
The Man with No Name Damn Straight
Fabulous story, with a real twist I had not expected. The ending of the story made it very, very well worth listening to! At first it is a bit boring, and I almost stopped listening, but stick with it! It is not just the story of a diner robbery. The twist at the end is a real shock and makes the entire story well worth it. Two predators come together by chance in the same place at the same time. And as any predator knows, there is always a bigger, more dangerous predator.
I only wonder about one thing----why did the man let the girl who accompanied the robbers go? He was disdainful of everyone in the diner except for her. He seemed genuinely sympathetic, telling her to call her family and go home. It seemed unnecessary if he just meant for to her to fall foul of the rest of his pack waiting outside. So maybe she got away before the others attacked.
Excellent story and wonderfully narrated.
Those people sure picked the wrong diner didn't they.
Depends on menu choices I guess😆if the vampires hadn't ordered so hastily at closing time😆😆they could have used it for a regular stop.
Everybody needs to eat 👍👍🏿🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
This is a gem
Can you imagine being one of the CSI guys trying to figure this one out?
Well done.
loved the story
This is a very good story it is worth every second of the 31 minutes
I like this story.
Beautiful.
Excellent!
Very nice...
Good stuff...
Awesome.
Did Totum make any sequels to this story?
+Shane Boatright No, not that we're aware of.
@@OtisJiryReads I wish he would.
"We were at opposite ends of a chess board and only one of us was aware we were playing"
That was a brilliant touch.
this was awsome
Bloody good at it my ass. All three of them used thier names.
You're right. I didn't actually want them to sound professional - more like a rag tag bunch of desperate robbers.
Cool! 🙂✌️👍
Definitely one of my favorites. Was to the songs/ music by King Diamond. I did try to see,but I couldn't find anything. I'm SURE it's right there in my face BLACK & WHITE PRINT.. Still ,,,, I couldn't find it.
So...did Jess go home or did she just walk into the clutches of the young ones?
Bluesit32 My guess is Jess became a Vampire's cocktail.
its almost like a start of a scary movie
My guess is the young ones were only allowed to attack once the whole diner
ran out in a frenzy. So I think the vampire inside the diner kept his word
to let her go home to her family.
The guy is a monster but I'm sure he has sympathy for people.
I like to think that Jess became an appitizer.
Otis's Irish sounds more Swedish to me.
Jess, made it home. He'd not released the young ones yet.
freyacrescent13 - many do
I am surprised that the Diner, as described, would have any Enya records in the jukebox. Also, the members of the bad quartet all have names that begin with ”J.”
im sorry i fell asleep whats the story again
This author. 😂😂
6
Ugh. Narration is good, but I really can't stand vampire stories. It's never original. Just some typical "I'm such a badass plz look at me" stuff. The kind of stories you imagine when you are young and unsecure. Like, "How cool would I be if I had super powers? People would finally respect me and fear me!"
But hey, just my opinion x)
xDeshtatx and I respect your opinion. But vampire stories can't be original without changing vampire mythos - so instead of doing that I changed the settings and story type. It's a heist story that happens to have a vampire in it. Plus my protagonist isn't someone you'd want to be and doesn't have superpowers as such (just pretty strong and brutal). Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment though.
+Danny McManus your story is awesome my mind exploded when this guy suddenly became a badass.
+Danny McManus How much of this story did you base on pulp fiction, some of the cues and details are too meticulous to be coincidence, the characters themselves even? Great movie and great story.
+TehMadCat Thanks so much. I used Pulp Fiction as the background, particularly when setting the scene. I let the story develop organically but as Pulp Fiction is one of my favourite ever films it's no surprise it had a huge effect. Really glad you enjoyed it and thanks for taking the time to let me know.
Have you done any research on actual vampire myths? They have supernatural powers that they utilize for different occasions. Sometimes they will outright attack their prey and sometimes they like to seduce their target. It usually depends on the mood and environment they happen to be in.
You should have paid for something!😒
I love this story .👍🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤. I listened so many times 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤👁️do hope more like minded story's will come👍🖤🖤🖤🖤
My favorite story I 💘 love this one second I adore Talypo , and also the vampire story about the politician wanting 2 be the president 👌🖖👍💙🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤👍💯💥
Ok now its time for cinnamon rolls n coffee😃😃