Want to support this project? www.patreon.com/NYTN/about Watch the Episode 1 that started the whole journey: ua-cam.com/video/SQp7jeNp_yg/v-deo.html Watch Episode 2 here: ua-cam.com/video/qPzPKSJfkeo/v-deo.html Watch Episode 3 here: ua-cam.com/video/bLxaTBhCu_Y/v-deo.html Watch Episode 4 here: ua-cam.com/video/WDz6Fgr3qlY/v-deo.html Connect with me on Facebook! facebook.com/findinglolafilm/ Want to know more? www.findinglolafilm.com
End of the day You're a mixed caucasian woman. As a mixed person myself, I find it easier, especially having over 15 different countries attached to my genetics. Beautiful part is you truly connect and equally don't connect to one group or place. I have family members who look like they come from Africa black, others who look caucasian white, some Asian far east, some indo and native American ...
Every non-brown skinned family should expect a lot of racism to come out if they discover they have black relatives or are themselves part black. The fact that you only had one speaks loveliness of your family! How true this is I do not know, but a racist said that in a near deth experience that he dyed and--in heaven--he saw nothing but black people. If that is true, was it because a lot of beige people are racists/did not obey YHWH? We know you can't hate people and make it in. Were there a small percentage of beige people there that tried there best be fair to all men and women/obeyed YHWH's will? Having love in your heart for your fellow man is only part of it, but you can't hate anyone to be in that number. My belief is that YHWH's paradise is open to all*, but how many will wake up from their racist slumber and how many will otherwise keep YHWH's will?! I say this, only because your family member had better wake up if racism is at view here, which is very common in these kinds of families... *The video's on YT. Still, if his account is true, imagine how many black martyrs/severe sufferers you may have had in the racist periods of America? And, how many beige people were responsible? TO POTENTIALLY MAKE UP THE NUMBERS HE SAW...
Not saying that this is your family member's problem, but if you are racist against another group of people, it might be fully traumatic to then find out that you are partially them. However, this is a good thing. This is a lesson. Don't hate anyone because you might find out that you are also hating yourself.
Ancestry is good on one hand but on the other hand it can start some stuff by exposing secrets that went to the grave with family members. Ancestry is causing a riff in the family by exposing the truth. If you're not ready to receive the information from ancestry I would suggest that you not go there. That was my experience also.
Girl yes! Being from the south, I can tell you straight forward that there’s always somebody who would NEVER accept that they have family history from another culture. As far as we’ve come, that still runs deep in some people. On my journey, I’ve had to learn to just keep some things to a small few. Researching my genealogy is something I truly love, but not all people feel the same. I respect that, but you are right, you have to be prepared for any type of reaction.
The thing is, you’re searching for the truth about your family history and are ready to accept the facts. Lots of older folks may know the truth and don’t want to acknowledge it. Or, they may want to just drift happily along in ignorance of them. I’ve had a couple of instances in the little family research that I have done. One great aunt married into a family of color. No one seems to want to share knowledge of this. Another instance was great grandparents (this had been noted in an old family genealogy) were step siblings. I was cut off after my inquiry. I wasn’t after being critical of anyone. I just wanted to know more about these events and to understand how these came about. Stay true to yourself and pray that the troubled family member will eventually see past what they may perceive as some sort of attack, and get on with living and loving. 🙏🙏🙏
What’s bizarre is they are more concerned about Lola’s racial identity than the struggles and sacrifices she made. Without her they would not exist, if you never did the research or dna her blood still flows through them smh. About 5 years ago ancestry confirmed my dad is not my bio father. I’ve reached out to my bio father he’s not interested. I could say I wish I didn’t take the test but that doesn’t change the truth.
NYTN, you are the chosen one. Not to "expose" the dark by hiding, but to "reveal" the light by coming forward with "what is so--so let it be." Yes, it's hard work on the soul, but you will find a community, a tribe, a family that you never knew existed; yet was there all the time---waiting to welcome you with open arms. I believe in you. You have brought me to a place of soul's resting. THANK YOU for helping me find "family" in what Lola has brought us. ❤
This comment was such a gift, thank you. Sometimes I doubt what I am even doing, and knowing there is a whole community who are "in it" with me make all the difference.
I do agree I have always been the seeker of truth in my African American family. There were/are many secrets in my family that the DNA records helped me to discover. I asked the hard questions as a child and the family members just told lies. Don’t be discouraged keep seeking the truth. I have lived by this old saying “Everything in the dark has to come to the light” My Grandfather had more siblings than I knew about as a child. The legend is at least one of them went on to marry and pass for White. I have been unable to several of his siblings. Stay strong!!!
I believe that!! The ancestors are glad that we are finding them and acknowledging them!! I was adopted and found many relatives through DNA testing. It was a closed adoption, so by the time I found my bio family the older generations were gone. But some of the people my age came forward and gave me information. But I did focus on our Latino heritage and people on that side of the family weren’t very interested in acknowledging that part of our heritage. I love the work you are doing and sharing!! Very healing, thank you.
This is some really powerful content you’ve been creating and I truly respect it. I only discovered this channel like a week ago, but I’ve been getting caught up and you’ll continue to hear from me. Thank you for continuing to share your experience
The same thing could be said for adoptees trying to find their roots which I did in my early 20's. Your story has been fascinating and I thank you for sharing. Stay true to yourself on this journey❤️
My sister found me. She was adopted. We were vibing over phone. Then she met me in person and discovered we were half black. She ghosted me after that. All I could do was laugh. But it did hurt.
Anyone's resistance to the truth is about themselves and only themselves. It is not your place to fix their issue; it is theirs alone. If they choose to distance, or act in a way that you have to distance from them the reason for it is on them 100%. The resulting divide is unfortunate because family should support each other through truth not intimidation or shame. Relationships bathed in lies are not good ones and losing them is, in the long run, not a bad thing at all. You keep doing you. Being healthy and happy is so much better than being stifled by narrow minded relatives. I have family history similar to yours and it has always been the secrets that caused the most harm. The truth has allowed more healing than chaos over time. Stay strong!
I understand. I found out who was not my Dad. I was in my 60's. I lost one of my favorite cousins on his side. She said it didn't matter about bloodline but apparently it did. I actually was happy to not be related to most of his family or him. He was not a deadbeat dad, he was only acting a part out of displaced loyalty to my Mother. ( a boyfriend from their youth.) I also found out about my biological Dad. He unfortunately died in a car accident, when I was a year old. I have a New Favorite Cousin. Life is "spicy". You are brave. Please continue to be yourself. It will help your younger relatives now and in the future. I appreciate your sharing.
I love your thoughtfulness, it really stands out. Thank you for sharing about your dad, we had something very similar happen on this journey just due to the nature of so many people in the family taking DNA tests. Not sure I will talk about it on the channel, but all that to say, I know it is extremely shocking and hard. But finding new family who feel LIKE FAMILY is priceless
I hear ya. I've gotten pushback as well from family. While not openly chastized, they don't want to hear it. That's okay. I'm doing it for me and those who come after me.
I identify with your experience. I spent 30 years not only doing my family history, but also my husbands. I got resistance from both sides. Some of the history I came upon, I could understand why they didn't want me to find out or tell anyone else.
It’s called racism. My parents and grandparents were/are all racist as they come. I’ve found ancestors on both sides who owned slaves. If and when I take a DNA test, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least to find distant cousins who are different races. I and one of my sisters would welcome them, my other sister would not. (My brother is deceased.)
"enslaved" . . . . change the word, "slaves" to "enslaved people." Continuing to call or refer to human beings "slaves" is insulting as it denies people the right to be fully human, and keeps viewing in the colonized mindset. 2023, let's be free of the harmful, hurtful, dehumanizing "slave" term. Be Well! 🐞
So true..did my DNA..saw white cousin ancestors that I know nothing about 🤷🏽♀️ I'm 14% European..British, Wales, Scotland & Sweden. I'm very aware of the European connection on my maternal side. On census reports my maternal great grand parents are both listed as "mulatto". They were born in Mississippi during slavery.
I wouldn't make that assumption in all cases. I think that it is probably more of a personal identity situation than racism. For example, if someone believes they are Italian and have been told that for many years and identifies with an Italian culture that some of their close family members have passed on to them, including a religious culture, perhaps from somewhat recent immigrations to this country, then finding out that he or she also has other DNA origins than what he or she was raised to believe can be a real shock to the system. It's possibly not racism at all, but it challenges that person's sense of identity, but not necessarily from a point of view based upon racism. Our DNA goes back thousands of years, which is why there are so many unknowns in a person's genetic lineage.
@@suzanneyoung8011 I think it's a bit more than just the shock of learning that your ancestry includes other races or ethnicities of which you weren't previously aware. Especially for it to become such an issue that it irreparably damages your relationship with a close family member. Also, it's not like the family thought that they were only Italian anyway. Danielle mentioned in her earlier videos that the older generation remembered Lola saying that they were French from Louisiana. So they were ok with having French ancestry while identifying culturally as Italian. But now that there's some black, brown, and native blood in the mix, they have a problem. I think it's quite naive to think this relative's reaction has nothing to do with racism.
@@bihsaidwhatnow2392 Good terminology change. I never thought of that angle. Yes, enslavement has been occurring since the beginning of time by all races towards other races AND their own race. I do think that the word slave can be used by anyone talking about themselves or others in the context of allowing oneself to be controlled by an idea or a past time or action.
Bless your heart. I had family upset with me too over the years for things I “dug up”. I was insatiable about talking to my great grandparents and elders to hear their stories when I was very little. I’m glad I did because I also wanted to know causes of death which has truly helped me with medical issues as an adult. I always said that to understand where you are going, it’s important to know where you are from. I appreciate all the sacrifices my ancestors gave to this country for me to be who I am today. One of my parents completely understood why I wanted to know and the other parent once yelled at me that I was more concerned with dead people than the living. I call it “genetic memory”. It’s not a scientific fact, but it’s an internal knowing that it’s important that I find the information. Keep doing what you want for yourself and your family. If it gives you joy, then continue and just know to not share with certain people.
@@nytn my personal opinion is that people who don’t care about their departed family are self centered and selfish ( strictly my own opinion from past experiences)
@@foreverseethe my mother didn’t understand why I was interested in family history; my father understood and even took me on road trips to visit old home places, cemeteries, battle fields etc. Idk why.
Identity is a very sensitive & touchy topic. Some don’t want to admit to the fact that what they’ve known all their life may not even be true. What is unknown usually is feared. Knowing the REAL truth sometimes forces people to backtrack & reevaluate everything they have ever known because it questions/feels like a threat to their very existence. So to avoid all of that, it’s swept under the rug… hoping it’s forgotten about.
I'm an adoptee who watched the age of DNA blossom from academic medical science to a consumer product available to all to enjoy for $59.99. I was given up for adoption in July 1969 by a woman who, not known to me or my adopted family at the time, was less than thrilled about being pregnant and even less thrilled that abortion wasn't an option for her given her malignant narcissism. I grew up believing the fantasy of a 16 girl who became pregnant in high school and wanted to continue her studies and was abandoned by the father to the truth being (from what I have gathered) a 19 year old married woman who cheated on her husband and wanting to keep it a secret, ran off to give birth in another town along with a handful of friends covering for her as I was immediately handed over to social services to be erased from her life and the life of the entire family. My placement was with the most wonderful family one could ever want, so I don't lament her decision, or should you. History watched as DNA went from being a marvel of science that could be used to track ancient lineages in laboratories, catching criminals catalogued in law enforcement data bases; and, finally, by companies offering the service of tracking down long lost family members. For those adoptees born before 1980 growing up in an era where you would likely never find your birth parents unless someone spilled the tea to an era where all answers could be obtained by spending less than $100, spitting in a tube, sending it to a lab which would send you emails hooking you up with DNA matches. No one I knew found close family so imagine my surprise when I had a sister, a brother, another sister then another brother. However, all hell broke loose a few days later when I was contacted by one of the few friends I mentioned above asking me to take my DNA down and not to contact anyone appearing in my "feed". She erased me once; and, as a grown adult of 53, I was being asked to erase my existence again. I agreed. She was pleased with herself that not only did she have complete control of the family whom she grew up with (they were given an ultimatum: a "woman" (that would be me, seeking my birth family) was putting on a con and anyone who talked to me would be jetted out of her life. Most complied/believed her) she had control of a 53 woman whom she had only met once who was willing to "erase" her existence for the benefit of a woman who (appears) to have cheated on her husband 54 years ago and wanted to keep the secret. Let me tell you why I agreed. It wasn't her fault that DNA services became what it did. When she made the decision NOT to have an abortion but to put me up for adoption, she couldn't foresee that a sequence of TGAC's complied in a computer would spit out her name 53 years later, and that isn't her fault. She had the tea spilling covered. She wields absolute control over everyone in her family including extended family. Moral, there isn't any. Just be prepared for the worst because even with social changes, some woman are so entrenched in the lie they told themselves (and everyone else) more than 50 years ago, the unfounded hatred they feel towards the baby that ruined her life, for 9 months anyway. Although she didn't need the lie now, she had been going over and over it in her head for so long, it was ready to go, even after so many years. Am I hurt? Yes. Do I deserve it? I don't think so, especially since I have done what she has asked EVEN THOUGH I OWE HER NOTHING. Be prepared to transport your birth mother back to the day she couldn't leave you behind fast enough AND equipped with the story about how it ISN"T her fault, so it must be yours.
Im so sorry for the way this played out for you. Im learning that the words we use to describe family members can be given to OTHER people who actually fill that role in our lives. Im thankful for that. I hope you are finding other people to be the family you deserve to have!
I'm glad for you that at least you were not raised by her. I am so glad that you had a wonderful family that loved you and cherished you - your DNA is not your destiny! You didn't deserve to be treated poorly by her all these years later. :/
Your biological mom sounds like a piece of work. Is there a reason she couldn't have tried to pass you off as belonging to the current husband at the time? I wouldn't put it past her if she treats you like that. And what's this about "believing a lie she told others". There no amount of delusion that could have believe that you don't have a daughter after having the ordeal take a year out of your life, running and enlisting the town to cover it up for you.
YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!!!! Please keep it up, do not be suppressed by other people's opinion. Delete relationships that are not helping you achieve your dreams/passion and HAVE NO REGRETS about doing it.
I find your honesty and confident in who you are beyond your years. Wisdom and honesty are keys to preparing and presenting a complete family story. You are on the path to telling your true story
I was there for your first video and I’m still here. Our research and the implications are very similar. I’m still working through my great grandmother Helen’s side. The answers I have found have upset both of my parents at some point or another. But for myself it is my desire to have this knowledge so history does not repeat itself.
Being of mixed heritage causes a lot of arguments and denial. My siblings always say mom did not say that. This is how the story went Or dad didn't say that. . My mom 's last name was Romero,but during the 1960's they removed the name as my middle name on my birth certificate.
If learning where you actually come from can cause that much of a problem in your family, then the angry relatives need to go to therapy and work through their own trauma. Imagine being so bigoted that you can't face your own family's truth.
Not only your own family, but part of YOURSELF. You hate part of YOURSELF. So sad! But I wouldn't want to associate with that part of the family or let them around my children until they got their heads on straight.
Nothing is more important for grounding yourself and your family than discovering your history and heritage it’s such a wonderful thing you gave your family the gift of knowing who they truly are we should all be proud of our ancestors. I hope your unhappy family member grows and heals whatever is hurting them about what you have discovered.🌻
I found a daughter and boy that was a shock. Thankfully my kids took it extremely well. You have to be ready to take the good with the bad for sure. Thank you for sharing
In the short time that I’ve found your channel and your journey I’ve fallen in love with your family and your pursuit for the truth whatever it is. But unfortunately with such a great revelation comes great pain with discovery and more questions, not just for those ancestors, but your own thoughts and the thoughts of those we love the most… sometimes the truth is like a lamp and shines and exposes the good the bad and the ugly in all of us. I’m in my journey of genealogy and I hope this and whatever else happens does not rob you and those of you who thirst for the truth. Keep going.
Imagine if the "one drop rule" was still a reality...you all would be "black." Being "Black" is hard and no one who's raised "White" would want to go thru that stigma. There are soo many stories of people "passing" and totally cutting off their family because of the benefits of being "White." Which is quite sad. In the 1900s, Italians weren't considered "White." Mrs. Romero here is Italian/Irish with bits of African and Indigenous ancestry=American.
Italians were always considered white. It's just that they were looked down upon by the White Anglo Saxon Protestants who came before them. So were my Albanian relatives who came to this Country at the same time as the Italians. The Albanians were short and dark haired and dark eyed and had very different customs too. Btw, Albania and Italy are next door neighbors. A small sea separates them. Southern Europeans.
@@dshey6802 I see you don't know your history. Italians were also lynched in the turn of the century. Some Italians even at that time were very dark skin and had accents. Albanians and Sicilians are not the same. Northern Neapolitan Italians and Albanians maybe close but Southern Europeans also have North African lineages from the Y DNA E1b1b variants that I also carry. Italians were very much discriminated until around 1920.
It is really amazing when you think the attitude in America has always been,so what if your people have been hated for 400 years.Work hard.Play by the rules.And stop complaining.There was a time when it was a belief that Black people could not feel physical pain in the medical profession.Remnants of that belief still exists today.My paternal Aunt is a retired nurse.While my baby sister is a nurse presently.From a societal point of view,there is still a belief that Black people are incapable of emotional pain.Given the belief that they have always lacked humanity.That of course our feelings could not possibly get hurt.But we are indeed human beings too.My maternal grandfather,born in 1907, was extremely White passing.Because of the one drop rule in Louisiana at that time his father (1/16 Black) and his mother (1/8th Black) both identified as Black people.But there were a few of my grandfather's paternal and maternal Aunts and Uncles who left the state of Louisiana after 1896 to live in other states to pass as White.Two of his paternal Uncles went to France. They severed ties with the family.As it turns out all of these relatives married White people and had children.Which in turn produced generations of descendants.With ancestry DNA relatives are coming out of the woodwork to reconnect with this branch of the family.I have met many of these people in person, through zoom and other social media platforms.Because of the small amount of African ancestry to begin with so many generations ago they all look drop dead White.Most have accepted their African Ancestry.But a few were devastated.I never figured "Whiteness" in American culture meant racial purity rather than outward appearance.In fact the descendants who still live in France were delighted when they found out.But the American ones were a mixed bag.One relative who looks pathetically White now feels different.He doesn't know how to break it to his wife and children.Because his wife's side is virulently racist.What if his wife wanted another child?I told him to get a grip and look in the mirror.He was of the belief that Blacks were exaggerating their treatment from society and just using it as an excuse.I am very light skinned myself.But I can't pass for White.So it is just amazing to me that this relative would take it so hard and now worry about how others would judge him should he reveal his ancestry.The irony does not escape me.Blacks are told to brace up and shrug off the daily subtle indignities and function as if nothing is wrong.Even a person such as myself has to wonder if I have been spared some of the indignities of my much darker relatives.I used to scoff when some would say,"You are light enough.So you will be treated better".
@@dshey6802 You are 100% correct. Facing some discrimination, yes. That happened to all Southern Europeans like Italians (Catholic) and Albanians who came here were mostly Eastern Orthodox. The Polish who were Eastern European faced the same stuff your ancestors and mine did. American ethnic groups were ranked relative to the WASP view of what it meant to be the standard of European culture, religion, appearance. Southern Europeans and Eastern Europeans, along with Eastern European Jews, were considered the working class peasants but we always had the right to vote and some jobs, etc were not open to those ethnic groups. Regarding DNA, Haplogroups are only a small part of your DNA, way less than 1%. Autosomal/genetically, Southern Italians from Campania, Calabria, Basilicata, Puglia, and Sicily, form a cluster with Central Italy (Abruzzo, Dean Martin and Rocky Marciano's region of origin). Greeks and Albanians and French from the South of France form a Southern European cluster, along with Spain and Portugal. You are 100% correct, Albanians, Greeks, Italians, Southern France and Spain and Portugal cluster in PCA space relatively together. Klinc et al 2016 used ancient DNA from the Anatolian Neolithic Farmers (who were the source populations for the Early European Farmers) and modeled them relative to modern populations. Figure 1 has all the ancient West Eurasian DNA samples used in the study. Those samples are plotted against modern populations from West Eurasia and North Africa. Figure 2 shows the modern populations plotted with the ancient DNA samples. The Southern European cluster includes, Albanians (your ancestral home), Southern Italy and Sicily (mine), Tuscany (Central Italy), Bergamo (Northern Italy), Greece, French from the South of France, Spain, Sardinians (Italy) who are considered among the closest populations to EEF (high EEF admixture, some WHG, very little Steppe). Regarding Haplogroups, I am Y DNA I-M223, and Western Hunter Gatherer Lineage that developed right around the Ice Age. That is neat, but I am not a Western Hunter Gatherer, although like all modern Europeans, I have WHG ancestry. www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(16)30850-8 Sazzini et al 2016 is a comprehensive paper on Italian DNA. Sicily/Southern Italy clusters, Central Italy clusters in the middle and Northern Italy clusters. In fact, the paper documents that Central Italy is the most heterogenous in terms and in fact clusters closer to South Italy/Sicily. Tuscany in Central Italy pulls a little toward the North. Figure 1 shows the plots and Figure 2 shows the admixture models. www.nature.com/articles/srep32513 Cheers
Please keep making content. Its the truth. Vibrant loving interracial intimate relationships existed in our past, and although some tried to cover it up, the immutable truth is that many of us are the product of these relationships. You have an important (and far from unique) American story that needs to be told for many meaningful and important reasons. IMHO, your video content is one way forward for healing our divided past that was created by a system that none of us created. We don’t have to be victims or followers of that system; we can address the vestiges of that social system and make a better society based on truth and respect of our collective past. That is why I watch your videos and support your channel
Like you stated, it is their choice to not accept the results for what they are. This information is not made up and your genealogy research has re-connected some wonderful family relationships. It's sad to be estranged from family and there is hope that they may come back around as they see these new family connections blossoming. Thank you for sharing, Danielle. ❤
You keep doing your research. Dna has opened up things people would never have known . It takes the paper trail beyond records, which only records what is told. Ancestry percentages nay change as data bases expand, but the Dna relatives don't, and they can open doors to secrets the ancestors thought hidden forever.
Its sad that this happened to your family & some of their negative responses. Ive gone through something similar when i discovered that my wife's grandfather isn't her biological grandfather. My wife's aunts were very upset with me for having my wife do a dna test & digging up the "dirt" that happened 60 plus years ago. On the bright side, my wife & her mother both ended up meeting, knowing & & building relationships with her newfound family.
I have an uncle on my father's side who was married & we had minimal contact with them - but the nephews of my uncle's wife went to school with me & in my same classes in elementary. We even sat together on the bus- well one day on the bus my friend out& says " you & I are relatedness because my aunt is married to your uncle. I think at the time I was in maybe 5th grade. I thought he was making a joke. So I get home & tell my parents what he said& asked is that true? My father ( who btw a complete narcissist) flew into a rage - told me No they are not related to you -& for me to never tell anyone about what my friend said because my uncle( his brother) wife was a mulatto. I didn't know what that was. Now they are deceased I regret not asking questions when they were still alive
People really get bent mentally when their identity is challenged. I saw an 👀adopted👀 cousin throw a family bible into a wood heater because he could not stand to be associated with one of the names in it. Even though it was not his genetic bloodline it broke his mind.
Oh my gosh! Everyone reacts differently, but how sad that one would throw the Word of God into the fire just because he/she saw a name of a past relative written in the front that the person didn't agree with and wasn't even genetically related to. They could have torn that one page out instead.
So proud of you...I can now see that there is something that drives your search that goes beyond you...that is spiritually purposeful...I do pray those relationships will mend with time...I feel that your research will be used in ways that will be more valuable than the pain of the reveal of your family lineage! I was perplexed by some of the videos but now I see that you were born for this...praying for you & know that the blessings of our Lord maketh rich and addeth no sorrow to it! You will know when it is time to settle the journey...you will hear the voice of our Father in Heaven, in Jesus! Be strong & in the Power of His might! What feels painful will become triumphant in Jesus! Take your time to sort it all out & don't be so hard on yourself...enough people are doing it for you (smile😆). I've commented on one of your videos before, my very 1st, but now, seeing your heart & journey, I see...continue to let your beautiful light so shine that everyone will see & glorify our Father in Heaven as you were called to this purpose...your journey is from heaven, the reason why the risk of hard feelings will not keep you from the reward of your search...with love, my sweet sister...no matter how you live this life, our Father in Heaven sees you & knows your name & this will make you stronger after this...no matter the journey, your identity is wrapped up in Heaven through your obedience to our Lord!💜🙏🏾😇🤭🥰💪🏾💜
Wow, this comment fed my soul. I have had this in my heart for a long long long long time. Still not sure where it is headed, but I am trusting that that will be made more clear as I take a step forward every day. Meeting people like you along the way just tells me YES keep going.
My family has the same issue and it has nothing to do about skin color and race. Instead folks want to hold on to oral history even if it isnt factually true. I find it sad that folks have ignorantly told me to "leave that stuff alone".
You have presented the facts, the undeniable facts regarding your family history, there will be entrenched behavior toward facts those family members weren't aware of, and will be hard for them to accept a family heritage that is uncomfortable that they may see as portraying them in a negative sense and what they refuse to acknowledge because it does not fit the narrative that they consider acceptable. I like the way you still continue to pursue your history even though the feedback makes you contemplate your continuation without hurting those who might feel offended. Now the family has to grapple with a history they weren't aware of and maybe come to terms with the thought of this is who we are.
Truth wins, darkness cannot prevail over light. Keep on truckin! Yes, you must be sensitive and loving but not silent. Love being part of your journey.
I can relate a little. I researched my paternal side. I knew very little because I was not raised by my dad. I got a lot of information from my paternal Aunt who was the last living of her 13 siblings living. I uncovered a family secret about my paternal great grandfather. My Aunt said that my great grandfather (born in 1871) murdered a woman..but turns out it was his wife..my great grandmother. I saw on census reports that the children of that union were living with their maternal grandfather..put it all together. My Aunt took it well. She was second from the last child born.. she didn't remember all of the facts, but after jogging her memory she remembered more than she realized..lol
More Americans need to do research on their ancestors because we’ve ALL been lied to. Some will need therapy behind it. I had so many conversations about ancestry with my grandmother before she passed but not every elder wants to talk about it. She’s the reason I can sift through our ancestry records with understanding. Telling my younger cousin that as a melanated looking family our ancestors were actually Irish & indigenous Americans was hard, she didn’t even want to believe it.
Doing a DNA ancestry test was a shock... I found so many biological children from donating at sperm banks while in college back in the late 70's. Thankfully I did the test anonymously.
I used to date an italian girl who had so called black in her lineage. She told me her mother hid alot of that and pretty much cared about the "looks" of things. Her mother didnt wanna be attached or want her attached to anything so called black.
I’m so sorry that this is going on. I know you’re just trying to figure out your family and heritage and be proud of it know matter what you find out. I am constantly curious of mine own and go down the rabbit hole. Good luck and God bless.
this literally made me cry at my desk. I feel like my family is healing, and my kids will grow up knowing their ancestors. Having a single person feel like this journey is THEIRS as well, means everything. Thank you
I am sorry to hear about the growing pains you are experiencing...not everyone do well with change...having family in that area of Louisiana I know the colorism and classims goes both ways. Read a little on Melungeon history. Can't wait for your talk with kc
I can attest to the mere fact of asking questions and bringing up names of family members among certain family members can result in strained, if not obliterated, relationships.
My 4th GG is a Perot, Marie Perot from Natchitoches. Campti to be more precise. Perot and Trichel and Grappe from the Black Lake area. My story is so similar to yours. We're family. I was actually looking up Mulatto and after listening to many stories and videos, I came across yours. I cried listening b/c our grandparents did the same thing. Left Nachitoches and passed as white and never spoke of it there. Thank you for helping me understand.
I take it, that the person you are talking about does not want to accept his or her mixed heritage. I can see that for someone who has racist views, it would be extremely threatening to have your close family member, letting the world know the truth, especially in this post Trump/alt right era, but you have to know that you have not done anything wrong. You are telling your story and part of your story is the fact that you have people of other races in your bloodline. It's a beautiful thing to embrace these other cultures and thus embrace your full self, your TRUE self. The person that wants you to keep quiet is being faced with his/her own racism and that is not a comfortable thing, but hopefully with time, they too will learn to embrace the truth. There is nothing wrong with being of mixed heritage. None of us had a choice in it when we came into this world, and only someone who thinks of others as less than, would find this kind of knowledge upsetting. I hope that your family member finds the growth that they need and I hope you find solace in the truth.
am Italian American from NY as well as well as been obsessed with family culture, culture in general.I have a brother who is terribly racist since college and he won’t talk to me, wants nothing to do with me and he did the dna test and refuses to let any of us see it because we have a big chunk black on there. He’s a nurse practitioner too at a children’s hospital so he’s successful and well off as where I’m not and he does everything to keep me discluded because in his words I am a “n*****” it’s so sad and it’s a terrible thing. No one will stand up to him either even tho we weren’t raised to be racist in my immediate family. I also have 2 Puerto Rican sons and that was a huge problem too. I have so much in common with you I’d love to chat sometime!
I am intimately familiar with family members who refuse to acknowledge or ever talk about this specific topic. My mother died recently and took her trauma with her.
It's a trade off, isn't it Danielle? You lost one family member--a close one--but look at what you gained: many new family members with whom you may have a very close, rich, rewarding relationship til death do you part. And, never forget that future generations (even those descended from your estranged relative) will find your research very valuable and enriching to them and their families. God does indeed work in strange ways. Trust Him always.
When a family has gone to great lengths to hide their past, there is always going to be lots of trouble stired up when you go digging around. The truth teller and truth seeker is always the one who will bare the brunt and wrath for doing it. You have to be careful of whom you confide in emotionally. I've found it's best to be more of the mind set of a archeologist of it being someone elses family rather than your own. That way you remain icy calm and protect yourself from those that give you grief over it. And some are just not going to cooperate or tolerate it at all. It sucks but that's the ugly reality. Only confide in those who are like minded.
Sorry you've had problems. As I do not know your relative, I do not know if this is a question of racism. It could also just be the shock of learning you are not who you always thought you were,, Specially if it's an older person. America seems to have very deep seated problems and tensions regarding racial matters though.. Even today, being a person with a skin colour, or roots in a community of colour is not nescesarily safe in the Us.. That can be scary to look at.
I think it is more the shock and the idea of "redefining" is unappealing. Not racism I dont think....but...a contentedness with the way it was before I started this journey
Try not to judge family members reaction to this information. Just do your work. How they react is how they react. Don't lose focus on the fact that you are family. No matter what you find out or not , if they accept it or not, at the end of the day you will still be family. Race is a loaded issue in America. You can't expect all this to go down easy with every family member.
Your situation is fairly common. I am personally connected with two families, both Italian on one side, who know everything about the ancestry on that side, and the other side with the Louisiana/Texas messy story that was hidden and never talked about.
I recommend that you also do research into how people of Italian descent were treated in the United States. Before the 1950s, Italians were not considered white. Remember this is about, white supremacy, for a large swath of those who adhere to it, it is a reward for maintaining the status quo. Historically America long before it’s founding relied on a racial caste system, white being at the top and black being at the bottom. Often part of being white in America for many immigrant groups means adopting and propagating this cast system. When you read about the history of the second wave of immigration to the US during the late 19th and early 20th Centuries persons from southern and Eastern Europe where not considered white in fact this why the legacy rules at Ivy League schools exist, it was to make sure the student body of elite school stayed primarily WASP, hence the rise of many Catholic and Jewish institutions of higher learning. In the same why your family member clinging doggedly to their sense of “non-blackness” is in a way part of the same social structure and pressures that cause your Lola’s family to “pass.” In the end it is the insanity of a system that is designed to be insane.
There is a saying that facts are facts but the truth is belongs to the person with the biggest audience. Truth is something we believe so it doesn’t look the same from person to person even if they were involved in the same situation. You’re piecing together facts about your family but not everyone will take that as truth. Keep working hard at what you’re doing..it’s been very helpful for others trying to do the same with less information and resources.
People have their own narratives, and even if they don’t make sense, will identify with them so deeply that they can’t even consider conflicting information. At least that’s how it is in my family.
I think everyone needs to learn and study history......all of it. I am so sorry for suffering in your family. I pray for healing for everyone. G-d bless you and your family. 🙏
I applaud the work you’re doing and admire your perseverance and integrity. Do you think that the push back is more common in white families? I ask because most families with African ancestry know they have European ancestry and stories of people passing. It meant safety, privilege and survival for some of our ancestors. But for a predominantly white family who have privilege I guess learning something like this would be troubling, if not just disturbing for reasons of internal bias. Either way, I enjoy learning about your family and applaud you. Your future descendants will be better for it! Keep striving, growing and shining!🫶🏽✨
Thank you for the kind words, Meera. I think it is a mix of...this flying in the face of how we were raised and also it not being our majority ethnicity. The idea of "Why bother with this smaller part". But to me, it's the story of how my mom's grandmother came to be, and who she was before she came to NY and raised everyone. All of those parts matter very much.
I am new to your channel and I find it very interesting so far and admire you for your diligence and dedication. So, I am not saying you shouldn't do what you are doing. I would like to offer speculative food for thought as follows. Perhaps, in part, the problem for any family that might object is that it isn't just personal discovery that you are doing but public display of it. So, now, "everyone" knows. See, whether the family member may hold some prejudice or racism within them or not (which is their right - I am a realist), it is so that some people are private by nature or culture. I speak from my own example - I am sort of an ambivert. I am very vocal and not shy. Yet, I am very choosy about who open up to, get close to and personal with.
If you want to be completely honest here. Ancestry didn’t tear your family apart, you did. A wise old person once told me “don’t go digging into stuff and be surprised if you get hurt.” Your in America and I know it may not seem fair but there is a system here and majority of your family knows about it. You can’t have your cake and eat it at the same time. I say this respectfully and great quality content your doing by the way.
Well Lola looks to have African descent and that’s sometimes frowned upon by family. Sometimes people don’t want it to come out that they have African ancestry.
What I like espacially about 'genetic' research: It cleans up family-myths and rumors. Are you related to your family or not - and sometimes more embarassing: how. And there show up some really WTF-stories about hushed up family-secrets, nobody wants to be dragged out. I know my deceised granddad would have greatly disliked that research. Because as a kid he had been dragged in a lawsuit on the question if his mother was a cheat or not, and who exactly might have fathered him. He always considered family-resarch as a worthless pursuit. - Turned out it wasn't just slander.
Couple of after thoughts. Now that you are exploring the social dynamic of blackness in the USA. Two books come to mind: “The Color of Law” and “The Color of Money.” Both were written by law professors and educators. These books help to explain that we are not where we are by accident and that our condition as Americans is not only a problem of personal failings and biases, but also a system of policies put in place to ensure the status quo.
As angry as your family may be, they will never be able to wipe out their ancestry. It´s sad that something so important as a family´s ancestry, can become so divisive, that it can cause deep splits and conflicts amongst family members. Bless and good luck in your journey! 🙏
It's finding out you have racist family members. My dad was adopted and at 17 I built a relationship with my father's bio dad who died in 2014. However, my dad's bio brothers and sisters want nothing to do with me. The pain is real, I understand where you're coming from...
The truth hurts...that immediate family needs to get some counseling quick. Its their lost. This lineage information is too much for their narrowed views of genealogy. Italians have a variety of genetic ancestry especially in Sicily. I must add that you look New Orleans Black to me which is something special in itself. You favor some of my cousins. Plus Louisiana is not in the United States anyways. The laws, written and unwritten, down are completely different. And Natchitoches just like,New Orleans, is so isolated. Our culture, tradition, history is so colorful and unique. Please Keeping Digging.
LOL I think we have some New Orleans Black for sure. You are right, the isolation of the unique culture makes it hard to argue away. Thank you for commenting on this!!
I have heard of family tree research having this effect. This is my opinion: modern day Americans have only recently learned how to “self-detect” our inner bias/bigotry - this is a recent phenomena in the last 50-60 yrs. Mostly due to the societal changes the US has had in this era. So give everyone time. Our discovery of lineage today should NOT bear an assumption that past ancestors were “racist”. “Bias”or even “preference” should NOT BE CONFUSED TO BE THE SAME AS “RACIST”. When family tree research reaches back past the great grandparents level - one is researching 8 DIFFERENT FAMILIES! EIGHT!! All likely from different regions of the globe. We cannot assume to know the societies, the values cherished, the struggles to survive, etc these 8 different families went through or descended from. And we cannot judge those ancestors by today’s norms. It just won’t bear well. I try to have compassion and seek understanding of the past families. And if other siblings and relations grapple with that knowledge, I say “let them be…give them the time to digest discovered info.”
Things I’ve learned about family research: there’s secret adoptions, there’s jungle fever (everybody wants loving), your parents are sometimes not related to you, what you’re doing or learning or discovering will make half your family angry. Don’t tell them
Doesn’t matter if you’re 5% Louisiana Creole lineages. You’re part Louisiana Creole ethnicity. Period. Keep going! These videos will be there for your kids and their kids. They’re now part of your descendant’s knowledge.
Should you give information to someone whose whole identity will be destroyed by what you find out? I discovered my favorite sibling is the product of our teen aged, married mother's rape and that we have different fathers. Should I tell my brother that the father he loved and who loved him isn't his dad and that our half sisters who love him are not his blood? I don't think so. It's hard but I don't feel I have the right to upend my brother's life with this weird knowledge I accidentally stumbled on to. I also discovered my father had a child he never knew about from an encounter with a women 8 years older than him when he was only 15. This new sister was happy to learn the man who had always been distant and even mean to her was not her father, but she said if she had loved the man who raised her and he had ever loved her, she wouldn't have wanted to know. I also found out my father's mother had a child before she married my grandfather and that I have first cousins through that uncle. My new first cousins are thrilled to discover more about the grandmother and father they never knew.. A DNA test can make a person's life so much better--or so much worse. It's tough to be the person who accidentally stumbles on to information like this and then needs to decide what to do with it. Like my mother who never knew for sure who was her baby's biological father, the kinder thing to do sometimes might be not force everything you find out on those whose life might be horribly changed by it.
What's so ironic about your story is that my Partner and I are visiting his Father for his retirement party in May. His Father and their lineage is from Coushatta La. We were searching for AirBnB and the closest was the area your family is from! My partner is part native French creole as well. His paternal grandmother was a woman of French and native ancestry however she married and had children by an AA man. She identified as, black to avoid what came with being Native identified. So my partners lineage is your lineage in reverse! Had his grandmother decided to create family with someone of European descent the AA genetics would have been reduced significantly and she would have raised her family under 'white' experiences that could have very well led to her children creating family with Europeans rather than AA.
Some of my family weren't thrilled either. They were trying to find out what kind of Native American they were and don't want to make their mother a liar because that's what she told them they had. But my family is from close to the same area your great-grandmother was from. Seems all the "white people up there supposedly have Indian. But you can't blame the ancestors for lying to protect themselves and their children. When you consider that up until 1983, they had the one drop rule in Louisiana, older family members who were raised White and lived through segregation have the fear that they will be relabeled. Most of them aren't prejudiced, but they don't relate to Black culture either--especially today's Black culture. I do have one aunt who used the N word frequently, although my grandmother never allowed it. She has dementia now and asks at least once a month if her DNA results came in and did they find out what kind of Indian she is. So she keeps going through the shock of finding there was no Indian but 7% African over and over again! Each time she exclaims "African! That's N....!" I have to secretly giggle and wonder if it's just deserts.
Ok I see ya. Got those gorgeous earrings distracting us...ok. definitely pulling up family history can make people so ill and disrespectful because back in those times especially they wanted to keep things a secret. But I'm so glad you are sharing this. The good, the bad, the ugly, and indifferent, the untold, and many lies yet it's all history. Thanks so much remember keep going no matter what they say
A very honest video. I think you are a person who is very open to anything that comes up in your genealogical research. Some of it you will connect with, some of it not so much, but whatever it is I don't think it would bother you, you'd just add it to your heritage and move on, intrigued maybe, but it doesn't change who you are or what you identify as, because as I've heard you say many times that is your own personal thing. Other people may not be interested at all, they are happy not knowing, to them safe in always being so they've grown up being. You didn't say much about your close relative, but in this day and age I wonder if it is to do with his political views, who he follows in that arena, and this information is basically you telling him what he didn't want to hear. What I would say on this matter is, and I don't mean this in a bad way because you seem very honest and genuine as a person, but I think it's a little naive to think that everyone will just want to know the truth like you do, sadly not everyone is like you. Having just watched a few videos of yours I've lived hearing about the journey you are on, but there was a reason your great grandmother, Lola, moved to NY, that she didn't talk about her story even with her family, so I think we will have to tread carefully when resurfacing old hidden family secrets because some people just want to believe what they've always been told and just can't handle the truth because it doesn't fit in with their world view, especially if so they are (not that it really changes that in any way).
Yes, I definitely started this journey with some ideas, mostly naive ones. I can see that now, as things unfold and play out in real life. But I also learned that life is too short to worry about what other people are mad about. Especially because I love this so much!
My Dad thought he was born illegitimate for years so was reluctant for me to get his birth certificate. When we got it his mother's first husband was named as father something we knew was wrong because his mother's second husband was his real father. We later discovered his father was from a different religious background to us and his ancestors were from another country which my Dad came to like but he would often say, "You can stop digging now!". He didn't want any more surprises.
Family of origin, family of choice, reviewed by Harville Hendrix in “getting the love you want” and also for parents “giving the love that heals” my MD UWSoM’89
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End of the day You're a mixed caucasian woman. As a mixed person myself, I find it easier, especially having over 15 different countries attached to my genetics. Beautiful part is you truly connect and equally don't connect to one group or place. I have family members who look like they come from Africa black, others who look caucasian white, some Asian far east, some indo and native American ...
Every non-brown skinned family should expect a lot of racism to come out if they discover they have black relatives or are themselves part black. The fact that you only had one speaks loveliness of your family! How true this is I do not know, but a racist said that in a near deth experience that he dyed and--in heaven--he saw nothing but black people. If that is true, was it because a lot of beige people are racists/did not obey YHWH? We know you can't hate people and make it in.
Were there a small percentage of beige people there that tried there best be fair to all men and women/obeyed YHWH's will? Having love in your heart for your fellow man is only part of it, but you can't hate anyone to be in that number. My belief is that YHWH's paradise is open to all*, but how many will wake up from their racist slumber and how many will otherwise keep YHWH's will?! I say this, only because your family member had better wake up if racism is at view here, which is very common in these kinds of families...
*The video's on YT. Still, if his account is true, imagine how many black martyrs/severe sufferers you may have had in the racist periods of America? And, how many beige people were responsible? TO POTENTIALLY MAKE UP THE NUMBERS HE SAW...
Not saying that this is your family member's problem, but if you are racist against another group of people, it might be fully traumatic to then find out that you are partially them. However, this is a good thing. This is a lesson. Don't hate anyone because you might find out that you are also hating yourself.
We are all connected somehow!
In Africa we say - you don’t throw stones in the marketplace, you just might hit one of your own.
Ancestry is good on one hand but on the other hand it can start some stuff by exposing secrets that went to the grave with family members.
Ancestry is causing a riff in the family by exposing the truth. If you're not ready to receive the information from ancestry I would suggest that you not go there. That was my experience also.
Italians are known for being extremely racist, especially the brown ones. It stems from self hate.
Yes, our elders don’t want us digging into this stuff due to denial, anger, hurt and such.
💯 -so true
Don't want their lies called out
In my family, it was more about the illegitimate child surfacing and with whom these children were conceived with.
this happened as well!
Exactly you’ll find out what has been hidden, buried… for so long. Some public record some facts aren’t.
You go girl. Discover your heritage. That is nothing to be ashamed of. We are who we are.
Love this ❗️❗️❗️
We are all ONE race: the HUMAN race. The rest is just variations of skin color and bodily shapes, sizes, etc.
Caring about how our actions impact others matters too.
Girl yes! Being from the south, I can tell you straight forward that there’s always somebody who would NEVER accept that they have family history from another culture. As far as we’ve come, that still runs deep in some people. On my journey, I’ve had to learn to just keep some things to a small few. Researching my genealogy is something I truly love, but not all people feel the same. I respect that, but you are right, you have to be prepared for any type of reaction.
The thing is, you’re searching for the truth about your family history and are ready to accept the facts. Lots of older folks may know the truth and don’t want to acknowledge it. Or, they may want to just drift happily along in ignorance of them. I’ve had a couple of instances in the little family research that I have done. One great aunt married into a family of color. No one seems to want to share knowledge of this. Another instance was great grandparents (this had been noted in an old family genealogy) were step siblings. I was cut off after my inquiry. I wasn’t after being critical of anyone. I just wanted to know more about these events and to understand how these came about. Stay true to yourself and pray that the troubled family member will eventually see past what they may perceive as some sort of attack, and get on with living and loving. 🙏🙏🙏
To get deeper on your family history, check out Dane Calloway here on UA-cam.
Now it's easy to see why Lola kept a secret. The prejudices are still alive in your family. That is sad.
Yes. Alive and well. However she is doing God's work.
Wow. A samll percentage is taking over from the larger Majority of her heritage. That's what's sad.
What’s bizarre is they are more concerned about Lola’s racial identity than the struggles and sacrifices she made. Without her they would not exist, if you never did the research or dna her blood still flows through them smh.
About 5 years ago ancestry confirmed my dad is not my bio father. I’ve reached out to my bio father he’s not interested. I could say I wish I didn’t take the test but that doesn’t change the truth.
NYTN, you are the chosen one. Not to "expose" the dark by hiding, but to "reveal" the light by coming forward with "what is so--so let it be." Yes, it's hard work on the soul, but you will find a community, a tribe, a family that you never knew existed; yet was there all the time---waiting to welcome you with open arms. I believe in you. You have brought me to a place of soul's resting. THANK YOU for helping me find "family" in what Lola has brought us. ❤
This comment was such a gift, thank you. Sometimes I doubt what I am even doing, and knowing there is a whole community who are "in it" with me make all the difference.
I do agree I have always been the seeker of truth in my African American family. There were/are many secrets in my family that the DNA records helped me to discover.
I asked the hard questions as a child and the family members just told lies. Don’t be discouraged keep seeking the truth. I have lived by this old saying “Everything in the dark has to come to the light”
My Grandfather had more siblings than I knew about as a child. The legend is at least one of them went on to marry and pass for White. I have been unable to several of his siblings. Stay strong!!!
This her ancestors are pleased ❗️❗️❗️🧘🏾♀️
I believe that!! The ancestors are glad that we are finding them and acknowledging them!! I was adopted and found many relatives through DNA testing. It was a closed adoption, so by the time I found my bio family the older generations were gone. But some of the people my age came forward and gave me information. But I did focus on our Latino heritage and people on that side of the family weren’t very interested in acknowledging that part of our heritage. I love the work you are doing and sharing!! Very healing, thank you.
This is some really powerful content you’ve been creating and I truly respect it. I only discovered this channel like a week ago, but I’ve been getting caught up and you’ll continue to hear from me. Thank you for continuing to share your experience
This was just really wonderful to read. Made my day. Thank you:) Glad you are here!!
The same thing could be said for adoptees trying to find their roots which I did in my early 20's. Your story has been fascinating and I thank you for sharing. Stay true to yourself on this journey❤️
So glad you are here and thank you or sharing part of your journey!!
My sister found me. She was adopted. We were vibing over phone. Then she met me in person and discovered we were half black. She ghosted me after that. All I could do was laugh. But it did hurt.
@@deellaboe437 Wow!
Anyone's resistance to the truth is about themselves and only themselves. It is not your place to fix their issue; it is theirs alone. If they choose to distance, or act in a way that you have to distance from them the reason for it is on them 100%. The resulting divide is unfortunate because family should support each other through truth not intimidation or shame. Relationships bathed in lies are not good ones and losing them is, in the long run, not a bad thing at all. You keep doing you. Being healthy and happy is so much better than being stifled by narrow minded relatives. I have family history similar to yours and it has always been the secrets that caused the most harm. The truth has allowed more healing than chaos over time. Stay strong!
I understand. I found out who was not my Dad. I was in my 60's. I lost one of my favorite cousins on his side. She said it didn't matter about bloodline but apparently it did. I actually was happy to not be related to most of his family or him. He was not a deadbeat dad, he was only acting a part out of displaced loyalty to my Mother. ( a boyfriend from their youth.)
I also found out about my biological Dad. He unfortunately died in a car accident, when I was a year old. I have a New Favorite Cousin. Life is "spicy".
You are brave. Please continue to be yourself. It will help your younger relatives now and in the future.
I appreciate your sharing.
I love your thoughtfulness, it really stands out. Thank you for sharing about your dad, we had something very similar happen on this journey just due to the nature of so many people in the family taking DNA tests. Not sure I will talk about it on the channel, but all that to say, I know it is extremely shocking and hard. But finding new family who feel LIKE FAMILY is priceless
I hear ya. I've gotten pushback as well from family. While not openly chastized, they don't want to hear it. That's okay. I'm doing it for me and those who come after me.
I identify with your experience. I spent 30 years not only doing my family history, but also my husbands. I got resistance from both sides. Some of the history I came upon, I could understand why they didn't want me to find out or tell anyone else.
It’s called racism. My parents and grandparents were/are all racist as they come. I’ve found ancestors on both sides who owned slaves. If and when I take a DNA test, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least to find distant cousins who are different races. I and one of my sisters would welcome them, my other sister would not. (My brother is deceased.)
"enslaved" . . . . change the word, "slaves" to "enslaved people." Continuing to call or refer to human beings "slaves" is insulting as it denies people the right to be fully human, and keeps viewing in the colonized mindset. 2023, let's be free of the harmful, hurtful, dehumanizing "slave" term. Be Well! 🐞
So true..did my DNA..saw white cousin ancestors that I know nothing about 🤷🏽♀️ I'm 14% European..British, Wales, Scotland & Sweden. I'm very aware of the European connection on my maternal side. On census reports my maternal great grand parents are both listed as "mulatto". They were born in Mississippi during slavery.
I wouldn't make that assumption in all cases. I think that it is probably more of a personal identity situation than racism. For example, if someone believes they are Italian and have been told that for many years and identifies with an Italian culture that some of their close family members have passed on to them, including a religious culture, perhaps from somewhat recent immigrations to this country, then finding out that he or she also has other DNA origins than what he or she was raised to believe can be a real shock to the system. It's possibly not racism at all, but it challenges that person's sense of identity, but not necessarily from a point of view based upon racism. Our DNA goes back thousands of years, which is why there are so many unknowns in a person's genetic lineage.
@@suzanneyoung8011 I think it's a bit more than just the shock of learning that your ancestry includes other races or ethnicities of which you weren't previously aware. Especially for it to become such an issue that it irreparably damages your relationship with a close family member. Also, it's not like the family thought that they were only Italian anyway. Danielle mentioned in her earlier videos that the older generation remembered Lola saying that they were French from Louisiana. So they were ok with having French ancestry while identifying culturally as Italian. But now that there's some black, brown, and native blood in the mix, they have a problem. I think it's quite naive to think this relative's reaction has nothing to do with racism.
@@bihsaidwhatnow2392 Good terminology change. I never thought of that angle. Yes, enslavement has been occurring since the beginning of time by all races towards other races AND their own race. I do think that the word slave can be used by anyone talking about themselves or others in the context of allowing oneself to be controlled by an idea or a past time or action.
Bless your heart. I had family upset with me too over the years for things I “dug up”. I was insatiable about talking to my great grandparents and elders to hear their stories when I was very little. I’m glad I did because I also wanted to know causes of death which has truly helped me with medical issues as an adult. I always said that to understand where you are going, it’s important to know where you are from. I appreciate all the sacrifices my ancestors gave to this country for me to be who I am today. One of my parents completely understood why I wanted to know and the other parent once yelled at me that I was more concerned with dead people than the living. I call it “genetic memory”. It’s not a scientific fact, but it’s an internal knowing that it’s important that I find the information. Keep doing what you want for yourself and your family. If it gives you joy, then continue and just know to not share with certain people.
this relative threw that EXACT line at me "more concerned about the dead". So strange to me. I'm with you!
@@nytn my personal opinion is that people who don’t care about their departed family are self centered and selfish ( strictly my own opinion from past experiences)
@@hutke01 out it curiosity, which parent understood your curiosity and which was upset to the point of yelling at you about it?
@@foreverseethe my mother didn’t understand why I was interested in family history; my father understood and even took me on road trips to visit old home places, cemeteries, battle fields etc. Idk why.
Identity is a very sensitive & touchy topic. Some don’t want to admit to the fact that what they’ve known all their life may not even be true. What is unknown usually is feared. Knowing the REAL truth sometimes forces people to backtrack & reevaluate everything they have ever known because it questions/feels like a threat to their very existence. So to avoid all of that, it’s swept under the rug… hoping it’s forgotten about.
I'm an adoptee who watched the age of DNA blossom from academic medical science to a consumer product available to all to enjoy for $59.99. I was given up for adoption in July 1969 by a woman who, not known to me or my adopted family at the time, was less than thrilled about being pregnant and even less thrilled that abortion wasn't an option for her given her malignant narcissism. I grew up believing the fantasy of a 16 girl who became pregnant in high school and wanted to continue her studies and was abandoned by the father to the truth being (from what I have gathered) a 19 year old married woman who cheated on her husband and wanting to keep it a secret, ran off to give birth in another town along with a handful of friends covering for her as I was immediately handed over to social services to be erased from her life and the life of the entire family. My placement was with the most wonderful family one could ever want, so I don't lament her decision, or should you.
History watched as DNA went from being a marvel of science that could be used to track ancient lineages in laboratories, catching criminals catalogued in law enforcement data bases; and, finally, by companies offering the service of tracking down long lost family members. For those adoptees born before 1980 growing up in an era where you would likely never find your birth parents unless someone spilled the tea to an era where all answers could be obtained by spending less than $100, spitting in a tube, sending it to a lab which would send you emails hooking you up with DNA matches. No one I knew found close family so imagine my surprise when I had a sister, a brother, another sister then another brother. However, all hell broke loose a few days later when I was contacted by one of the few friends I mentioned above asking me to take my DNA down and not to contact anyone appearing in my "feed". She erased me once; and, as a grown adult of 53, I was being asked to erase my existence again. I agreed. She was pleased with herself that not only did she have complete control of the family whom she grew up with (they were given an ultimatum: a "woman" (that would be me, seeking my birth family) was putting on a con and anyone who talked to me would be jetted out of her life. Most complied/believed her) she had control of a 53 woman whom she had only met once who was willing to "erase" her existence for the benefit of a woman who (appears) to have cheated on her husband 54 years ago and wanted to keep the secret. Let me tell you why I agreed. It wasn't her fault that DNA services became what it did. When she made the decision NOT to have an abortion but to put me up for adoption, she couldn't foresee that a sequence of TGAC's complied in a computer would spit out her name 53 years later, and that isn't her fault. She had the tea spilling covered. She wields absolute control over everyone in her family including extended family.
Moral, there isn't any. Just be prepared for the worst because even with social changes, some woman are so entrenched in the lie they told themselves (and everyone else) more than 50 years ago, the unfounded hatred they feel towards the baby that ruined her life, for 9 months anyway. Although she didn't need the lie now, she had been going over and over it in her head for so long, it was ready to go, even after so many years. Am I hurt? Yes. Do I deserve it? I don't think so, especially since I have done what she has asked EVEN THOUGH I OWE HER NOTHING. Be prepared to transport your birth mother back to the day she couldn't leave you behind fast enough AND equipped with the story about how it ISN"T her fault, so it must be yours.
Im so sorry for the way this played out for you. Im learning that the words we use to describe family members can be given to OTHER people who actually fill that role in our lives. Im thankful for that. I hope you are finding other people to be the family you deserve to have!
I'm glad for you that at least you were not raised by her. I am so glad that you had a wonderful family that loved you and cherished you - your DNA is not your destiny! You didn't deserve to be treated poorly by her all these years later. :/
(((Hugs))). It is truly her loss.
Your biological mom sounds like a piece of work. Is there a reason she couldn't have tried to pass you off as belonging to the current husband at the time? I wouldn't put it past her if she treats you like that. And what's this about "believing a lie she told others". There no amount of delusion that could have believe that you don't have a daughter after having the ordeal take a year out of your life, running and enlisting the town to cover it up for you.
YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!!!!
Please keep it up, do not be suppressed by other people's opinion.
Delete relationships that are not helping you achieve your dreams/passion and HAVE NO REGRETS about doing it.
Thank you, this made my day!
I find your honesty and confident in who you are beyond your years. Wisdom and honesty are keys to preparing and presenting a complete family story. You are on the path to telling your true story
Thank you so much, this is definitely what I am meant to be doing
I was there for your first video and I’m still here. Our research and the implications are very similar. I’m still working through my great grandmother Helen’s side. The answers I have found have upset both of my parents at some point or another. But for myself it is my desire to have this knowledge so history does not repeat itself.
This is amazing, thank you
Being of mixed heritage causes a lot of arguments and denial. My siblings always say mom did not say that. This is how the story went Or dad didn't say that. .
My mom 's last name was Romero,but during the 1960's they removed the name as my middle name on my birth certificate.
If learning where you actually come from can cause that much of a problem in your family, then the angry relatives need to go to therapy and work through their own trauma. Imagine being so bigoted that you can't face your own family's truth.
Well Said!🌺
Sadly, it’s not unique...
Not only your own family, but part of YOURSELF. You hate part of YOURSELF. So sad! But I wouldn't want to associate with that part of the family or let them around my children until they got their heads on straight.
That's how I have handled that relationship for the time being, sadly.
@@nytn those beautiful children of yours get enough sick messages from society without family chiming in, yes. I am sorry.
Nothing is more important for grounding yourself and your family than discovering your history and heritage it’s such a wonderful thing you gave your family the gift of knowing who they truly are we should all be proud of our ancestors. I hope your unhappy family member grows and heals whatever is hurting them about what you have discovered.🌻
I found a daughter and boy that was a shock. Thankfully my kids took it extremely well. You have to be ready to take the good with the bad for sure. Thank you for sharing
Sending light and love for you and your family. You’re doing amazing work and your being driven by the divine. 🙏🏼
Tirzah, thank you, I am encouraged by your words!
In the short time that I’ve found your channel and your journey I’ve fallen in love with your family and your pursuit for the truth whatever it is. But unfortunately with such a great revelation comes great pain with discovery and more questions, not just for those ancestors, but your own thoughts and the thoughts of those we love the most… sometimes the truth is like a lamp and shines and exposes the good the bad and the ugly in all of us.
I’m in my journey of genealogy and I hope this and whatever else happens does not rob you and those of you who thirst for the truth. Keep going.
I don't know how I just noticed how much you really look like Lola.
Yep
I too thought that she is the spitting image of young Lola. I have since the very first video.
I always have felt such a strong connection to her, this makes me so happy to hear people can see it as well!
I have watched several of your videos. What you do is not easy, and you have a unique gift on the way that you deliver your message.
Imagine if the "one drop rule" was still a reality...you all would be "black." Being "Black" is hard and no one who's raised "White" would want to go thru that stigma. There are soo many stories of people "passing" and totally cutting off their family because of the benefits of being "White." Which is quite sad. In the 1900s, Italians weren't considered "White." Mrs. Romero here is Italian/Irish with bits of African and Indigenous ancestry=American.
Italians were always considered white. It's just that they were looked down upon by the White Anglo Saxon Protestants who came before them. So were my Albanian relatives who came to this Country at the same time as the Italians. The Albanians were short and dark haired and dark eyed and had very different customs too. Btw, Albania and Italy are next door neighbors. A small sea separates them. Southern Europeans.
@@dshey6802 I see you don't know your history. Italians were also lynched in the turn of the century. Some Italians even at that time were very dark skin and had accents. Albanians and Sicilians are not the same. Northern Neapolitan Italians and Albanians maybe close but Southern Europeans also have North African lineages from the Y DNA E1b1b variants that I also carry. Italians were very much discriminated until around 1920.
It is really amazing when you think the attitude in America has always been,so what if your people have been hated for 400 years.Work hard.Play by the rules.And stop complaining.There was a time when it was a belief that Black people could not feel physical pain in the medical profession.Remnants of that belief still exists today.My paternal Aunt is a retired nurse.While my baby sister is a nurse presently.From a societal point of view,there is still a belief that Black people are incapable of emotional pain.Given the belief that they have always lacked humanity.That of course our feelings could not possibly get hurt.But we are indeed human beings too.My maternal grandfather,born in 1907, was extremely White passing.Because of the one drop rule in Louisiana at that time his father (1/16 Black) and his mother (1/8th Black) both identified as Black people.But there were a few of my grandfather's paternal and maternal Aunts and Uncles who left the state of Louisiana after 1896 to live in other states to pass as White.Two of his paternal Uncles went to France. They severed ties with the family.As it turns out all of these relatives married White people and had children.Which in turn produced generations of descendants.With ancestry DNA relatives are coming out of the woodwork to reconnect with this branch of the family.I have met many of these people in person, through zoom and other social media platforms.Because of the small amount of African ancestry to begin with so many generations ago they all look drop dead White.Most have accepted their African Ancestry.But a few were devastated.I never figured "Whiteness" in American culture meant racial purity rather than outward appearance.In fact the descendants who still live in France were delighted when they found out.But the American ones were a mixed bag.One relative who looks pathetically White now feels different.He doesn't know how to break it to his wife and children.Because his wife's side is virulently racist.What if his wife wanted another child?I told him to get a grip and look in the mirror.He was of the belief that Blacks were exaggerating their treatment from society and just using it as an excuse.I am very light skinned myself.But I can't pass for White.So it is just amazing to me that this relative would take it so hard and now worry about how others would judge him should he reveal his ancestry.The irony does not escape me.Blacks are told to brace up and shrug off the daily subtle indignities and function as if nothing is wrong.Even a person such as myself has to wonder if I have been spared some of the indignities of my much darker relatives.I used to scoff when some would say,"You are light enough.So you will be treated better".
@@dshey6802 ua-cam.com/video/-4QWviFh7hk/v-deo.html
@@dshey6802 You are 100% correct. Facing some discrimination, yes. That happened to all Southern Europeans like Italians (Catholic) and Albanians who came here were mostly Eastern Orthodox. The Polish who were Eastern European faced the same stuff your ancestors and mine did. American ethnic groups were ranked relative to the WASP view of what it meant to be the standard of European culture, religion, appearance. Southern Europeans and Eastern Europeans, along with Eastern European Jews, were considered the working class peasants but we always had the right to vote and some jobs, etc were not open to those ethnic groups.
Regarding DNA, Haplogroups are only a small part of your DNA, way less than 1%. Autosomal/genetically, Southern Italians from Campania, Calabria, Basilicata, Puglia, and Sicily, form a cluster with Central Italy (Abruzzo, Dean Martin and Rocky Marciano's region of origin). Greeks and Albanians and French from the South of France form a Southern European cluster, along with Spain and Portugal. You are 100% correct, Albanians, Greeks, Italians, Southern France and Spain and Portugal cluster in PCA space relatively together.
Klinc et al 2016 used ancient DNA from the Anatolian Neolithic Farmers (who were the source populations for the Early European Farmers) and modeled them relative to modern populations. Figure 1 has all the ancient West Eurasian DNA samples used in the study. Those samples are plotted against modern populations from West Eurasia and North Africa. Figure 2 shows the modern populations plotted with the ancient DNA samples. The Southern European cluster includes, Albanians (your ancestral home), Southern Italy and Sicily (mine), Tuscany (Central Italy), Bergamo (Northern Italy), Greece, French from the South of France, Spain, Sardinians (Italy) who are considered among the closest populations to EEF (high EEF admixture, some WHG, very little Steppe). Regarding Haplogroups, I am Y DNA I-M223, and Western Hunter Gatherer Lineage that developed right around the Ice Age. That is neat, but I am not a Western Hunter Gatherer, although like all modern Europeans, I have WHG ancestry.
www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(16)30850-8
Sazzini et al 2016 is a comprehensive paper on Italian DNA. Sicily/Southern Italy clusters, Central Italy clusters in the middle and Northern Italy clusters. In fact, the paper documents that Central Italy is the most heterogenous in terms and in fact clusters closer to South Italy/Sicily. Tuscany in Central Italy pulls a little toward the North. Figure 1 shows the plots and Figure 2 shows the admixture models.
www.nature.com/articles/srep32513
Cheers
Please keep making content. Its the truth. Vibrant loving interracial intimate relationships existed in our past, and although some tried to cover it up, the immutable truth is that many of us are the product of these relationships. You have an important (and far from unique) American story that needs to be told for many meaningful and important reasons. IMHO, your video content is one way forward for healing our divided past that was created by a system that none of us created. We don’t have to be victims or followers of that system; we can address the vestiges of that social system and make a better society based on truth and respect of our collective past. That is why I watch your videos and support your channel
Like you stated, it is their choice to not accept the results for what they are. This information is not made up and your genealogy research has re-connected some wonderful family relationships. It's sad to be estranged from family and there is hope that they may come back around as they see these new family connections blossoming.
Thank you for sharing, Danielle. ❤
You keep doing your research. Dna has opened up things people would never have known . It takes the paper trail beyond records, which only records what is told. Ancestry percentages nay change as data bases expand, but the Dna relatives don't, and they can open doors to secrets the ancestors thought hidden forever.
Its sad that this happened to your family & some of their negative responses. Ive gone through something similar when i discovered that my wife's grandfather isn't her biological grandfather. My wife's aunts were very upset with me for having my wife do a dna test & digging up the "dirt" that happened 60 plus years ago. On the bright side, my wife & her mother both ended up meeting, knowing & & building relationships with her newfound family.
The “dirt” is what brought us where we are and I’d like to know as much as possible! Glad your wife was able to find a silver lining :)
I have an uncle on my father's side who was married & we had minimal contact with them - but the nephews of my uncle's wife went to school with me & in my same classes in elementary. We even sat together on the bus- well one day on the bus my friend out& says " you & I are relatedness because my aunt is married to your uncle. I think at the time I was in maybe 5th grade. I thought he was making a joke. So I get home & tell my parents what he said& asked is that true? My father ( who btw a complete narcissist) flew into a rage - told me No they are not related to you -& for me to never tell anyone about what my friend said because
my uncle( his brother) wife was a mulatto.
I didn't know what that was.
Now they are deceased I regret not asking questions when they were still alive
Isnt it amazing what we can miss as kids? What a crazy story
Wow! Regardless of the circumstances, I believe you have performed an amazing service. I wish you well.
Wow, thank you Allen❤
I personally appreciate your honesty and your courage
People really get bent mentally when their identity is challenged. I saw an 👀adopted👀 cousin throw a family bible into a wood heater because he could not stand to be associated with one of the names in it. Even though it was not his genetic bloodline it broke his mind.
Oh my gosh! Everyone reacts differently, but how sad that one would throw the Word of God into the fire just because he/she saw a name of a past relative written in the front that the person didn't agree with and wasn't even genetically related to. They could have torn that one page out instead.
oh my GOSH. I can see that happening.
So proud of you...I can now see that there is something that drives your search that goes beyond you...that is spiritually purposeful...I do pray those relationships will mend with time...I feel that your research will be used in ways that will be more valuable than the pain of the reveal of your family lineage! I was perplexed by some of the videos but now I see that you were born for this...praying for you & know that the blessings of our Lord maketh rich and addeth no sorrow to it! You will know when it is time to settle the journey...you will hear the voice of our Father in Heaven, in Jesus! Be strong & in the Power of His might! What feels painful will become triumphant in Jesus! Take your time to sort it all out & don't be so hard on yourself...enough people are doing it for you (smile😆). I've commented on one of your videos before, my very 1st, but now, seeing your heart & journey, I see...continue to let your beautiful light so shine that everyone will see & glorify our Father in Heaven as you were called to this purpose...your journey is from heaven, the reason why the risk of hard feelings will not keep you from the reward of your search...with love, my sweet sister...no matter how you live this life, our Father in Heaven sees you & knows your name & this will make you stronger after this...no matter the journey, your identity is wrapped up in Heaven through your obedience to our Lord!💜🙏🏾😇🤭🥰💪🏾💜
Wow, this comment fed my soul. I have had this in my heart for a long long long long time. Still not sure where it is headed, but I am trusting that that will be made more clear as I take a step forward every day. Meeting people like you along the way just tells me YES keep going.
Keep up the good work. You are so enouraging. I will be praying for your healing.
My family has the same issue and it has nothing to do about skin color and race. Instead folks want to hold on to oral history even if it isnt factually true. I find it sad that folks have ignorantly told me to "leave that stuff alone".
You have presented the facts, the undeniable facts regarding your family history, there will be entrenched behavior toward facts those family members weren't aware of, and will be hard for them to accept a family heritage that is uncomfortable that they may see as portraying them in a negative sense and what they refuse to acknowledge because it does not fit the narrative that they consider acceptable. I like the way you still continue to pursue your history even though the feedback makes you contemplate your continuation without hurting those who might feel offended. Now the family has to grapple with a history they weren't aware of and maybe come to terms with the thought of this is who we are.
Truth wins, darkness cannot prevail over light. Keep on truckin! Yes, you must be sensitive and loving but not silent. Love being part of your journey.
I can relate a little. I researched my paternal side. I knew very little because I was not raised by my dad. I got a lot of information from my paternal Aunt who was the last living of her 13 siblings living. I uncovered a family secret about my paternal great grandfather. My Aunt said that my great grandfather (born in 1871) murdered a woman..but turns out it was his wife..my great grandmother. I saw on census reports that the children of that union were living with their maternal grandfather..put it all together. My Aunt took it well. She was second from the last child born.. she didn't remember all of the facts, but after jogging her memory she remembered more than she realized..lol
Oh my goodness. You really uncovered something crazy!!!
More Americans need to do research on their ancestors because we’ve ALL been lied to. Some will need therapy behind it. I had so many conversations about ancestry with my grandmother before she passed but not every elder wants to talk about it. She’s the reason I can sift through our ancestry records with understanding. Telling my younger cousin that as a melanated looking family our ancestors were actually Irish & indigenous Americans was hard, she didn’t even want to believe it.
Doing a DNA ancestry test was a shock... I found so many biological children from donating at sperm banks while in college back in the late 70's. Thankfully I did the test anonymously.
I used to date an italian girl who had so called black in her lineage. She told me her mother hid alot of that and pretty much cared about the "looks" of things. Her mother didnt wanna be attached or want her attached to anything so called black.
I’m so sorry that this is going on. I know you’re just trying to figure out your family and heritage and be proud of it know matter what you find out. I am constantly curious of mine own and go down the rabbit hole. Good luck and God bless.
Thank you so much!
You are so amazing. That's all I can say. I have been bin watching. ..All weekend and repeating. You are healing generations.
this literally made me cry at my desk. I feel like my family is healing, and my kids will grow up knowing their ancestors. Having a single person feel like this journey is THEIRS as well, means everything. Thank you
I am sorry to hear about the growing pains you are experiencing...not everyone do well with change...having family in that area of Louisiana I know the colorism and classims goes both ways. Read a little on Melungeon history. Can't wait for your talk with kc
I will do that!
I can attest to the mere fact of asking questions and bringing up names of family members among certain family members can result in strained, if not obliterated, relationships.
This can totally uproot everything you thought you knew about your family. I highly discourage it. I enjoy all your videos Daniella.
My 4th GG is a Perot, Marie Perot from Natchitoches. Campti to be more precise. Perot and Trichel and Grappe from the Black Lake area. My story is so similar to yours. We're family. I was actually looking up Mulatto and after listening to many stories and videos, I came across yours. I cried listening b/c our grandparents did the same thing. Left Nachitoches and passed as white and never spoke of it there. Thank you for helping me understand.
I take it, that the person you are talking about does not want to accept his or her mixed heritage. I can see that for someone who has racist views, it would be extremely threatening to have your close family member, letting the world know the truth, especially in this post Trump/alt right era, but you have to know that you have not done anything wrong. You are telling your story and part of your story is the fact that you have people of other races in your bloodline. It's a beautiful thing to embrace these other cultures and thus embrace your full self, your TRUE self. The person that wants you to keep quiet is being faced with his/her own racism and that is not a comfortable thing, but hopefully with time, they too will learn to embrace the truth. There is nothing wrong with being of mixed heritage. None of us had a choice in it when we came into this world, and only someone who thinks of others as less than, would find this kind of knowledge upsetting. I hope that your family member finds the growth that they need and I hope you find solace in the truth.
Thats well said. I dont get to choose what I uncover, I am just uncovering it. I feel more myself than I ever did before beginning this journey.
Trump/alt-right era. : ) lol!
I pray for you and your family can some how come together and find peace.
Thank you for your courage and integrity; you will know the truth...and the truth, will make you free.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You have definitely been on an interesting journey.
am Italian American from NY as well as well as been obsessed with family culture, culture in general.I have a brother who is terribly racist since college and he won’t talk to me, wants nothing to do with me and he did the dna test and refuses to let any of us see it because we have a big chunk black on there. He’s a nurse practitioner too at a children’s hospital so he’s successful and well off as where I’m not and he does everything to keep me discluded because in his words I am a “n*****” it’s so sad and it’s a terrible thing. No one will stand up to him either even tho we weren’t raised to be racist in my immediate family. I also have 2 Puerto Rican sons and that was a huge problem too. I have so much in common with you I’d love to chat sometime!
I am intimately familiar with family members who refuse to acknowledge or ever talk about this specific topic. My mother died recently and took her trauma with her.
It's a trade off, isn't it Danielle? You lost one family member--a close one--but look at what you gained: many new family members with whom you may have a very close, rich, rewarding relationship til death do you part. And, never forget that future generations (even those descended from your estranged relative) will find your research very valuable and enriching to them and their families. God does indeed work in strange ways. Trust Him always.
You are right, and I have gained so so much. End of the day, the scales are tipped in my favor:)
When a family has gone to great lengths to hide their past, there is always going to be lots of trouble stired up when you go digging around. The truth teller and truth seeker is always the one who will bare the brunt and wrath for doing it.
You have to be careful of whom you confide in emotionally. I've found it's best to be more of the mind set of a archeologist of it being someone elses family rather than your own. That way you remain icy calm and protect yourself from those that give you grief over it. And some are just not going to cooperate or tolerate it at all. It sucks but that's the ugly reality. Only confide in those who are like minded.
Sorry you've had problems. As I do not know your relative, I do not know if this is a question of racism. It could also just be the shock of learning you are not who you always thought you were,, Specially if it's an older person. America seems to have
very deep seated problems and tensions regarding racial matters though.. Even today, being a person with a skin colour, or roots in a community of colour is not nescesarily safe in the Us.. That can be scary to look at.
I think it is more the shock and the idea of "redefining" is unappealing. Not racism I dont think....but...a contentedness with the way it was before I started this journey
Try not to judge family members reaction to this information. Just do your work. How they react is how they react. Don't lose focus on the fact that you are family. No matter what you find out or not , if they accept it or not, at the end of the day you will still be family. Race is a loaded issue in America. You can't expect all this to go down easy with every family member.
Many blessings to you and your family.
The racism that is happening now in the family may give you a taste of the fear that Lola may have had in being "found out"...
Just be the best person you can be.
People in my family look like you and your family and some don't want to be called black at all. They don't look it. Oh, well. 😉😘
Your situation is fairly common. I am personally connected with two families, both Italian on one side, who know everything about the ancestry on that side, and the other side with the Louisiana/Texas messy story that was hidden and never talked about.
I recommend that you also do research into how people of Italian descent were treated in the United States. Before the 1950s, Italians were not considered white. Remember this is about, white supremacy, for a large swath of those who adhere to it, it is a reward for maintaining the status quo. Historically America long before it’s founding relied on a racial caste system, white being at the top and black being at the bottom. Often part of being white in America for many immigrant groups means adopting and propagating this cast system. When you read about the history of the second wave of immigration to the US during the late 19th and early 20th Centuries persons from southern and Eastern Europe where not considered white in fact this why the legacy rules at Ivy League schools exist, it was to make sure the student body of elite school stayed primarily WASP, hence the rise of many Catholic and Jewish institutions of higher learning. In the same why your family member clinging doggedly to their sense of “non-blackness” is in a way part of the same social structure and pressures that cause your Lola’s family to “pass.” In the end it is the insanity of a system that is designed to be insane.
There is a saying that facts are facts but the truth is belongs to the person with the biggest audience. Truth is something we believe so it doesn’t look the same from person to person even if they were involved in the same situation. You’re piecing together facts about your family but not everyone will take that as truth. Keep working hard at what you’re doing..it’s been very helpful for others trying to do the same with less information and resources.
People have their own narratives, and even if they don’t make sense, will identify with them so deeply that they can’t even consider conflicting information. At least that’s how it is in my family.
I think everyone needs to learn and study history......all of it. I am so sorry for suffering in your family. I pray for healing for everyone. G-d bless you and your family. 🙏
Carmen, thank you. HE HAS!
Families like to keep skeletons in closets. Don't ask Don't tell.
I applaud the work you’re doing and admire your perseverance and integrity. Do you think that the push back is more common in white families? I ask because most families with African ancestry know they have European ancestry and stories of people passing. It meant safety, privilege and survival for some of our ancestors. But for a predominantly white family who have privilege I guess learning something like this would be troubling, if not just disturbing for reasons of internal bias. Either way, I enjoy learning about your family and applaud you. Your future descendants will be better for it! Keep striving, growing and shining!🫶🏽✨
Thank you for the kind words, Meera. I think it is a mix of...this flying in the face of how we were raised and also it not being our majority ethnicity. The idea of "Why bother with this smaller part". But to me, it's the story of how my mom's grandmother came to be, and who she was before she came to NY and raised everyone. All of those parts matter very much.
I am new to your channel and I find it very interesting so far and admire you for your diligence and dedication. So, I am not saying you shouldn't do what you are doing. I would like to offer speculative food for thought as follows. Perhaps, in part, the problem for any family that might object is that it isn't just personal discovery that you are doing but public display of it. So, now, "everyone" knows. See, whether the family member may hold some prejudice or racism within them or not (which is their right - I am a realist), it is so that some people are private by nature or culture. I speak from my own example - I am sort of an ambivert. I am very vocal and not shy. Yet, I am very choosy about who open up to, get close to and personal with.
If you want to be completely honest here. Ancestry didn’t tear your family apart, you did. A wise old person once told me “don’t go digging into stuff and be surprised if you get hurt.” Your in America and I know it may not seem fair but there is a system here and majority of your family knows about it. You can’t have your cake and eat it at the same time. I say this respectfully and great quality content your doing by the way.
this is true!
I've been watching your family story,it's very interesting.
Thank you so much
Well Lola looks to have African descent and that’s sometimes frowned upon by family. Sometimes people don’t want it to come out that they have African ancestry.
She doesn’t look African American to me.
What I like espacially about 'genetic' research: It cleans up family-myths and rumors. Are you related to your family or not - and sometimes more embarassing: how.
And there show up some really WTF-stories about hushed up family-secrets, nobody wants to be dragged out.
I know my deceised granddad would have greatly disliked that research. Because as a kid he had been dragged in a lawsuit on the question if his mother was a cheat or not, and who exactly might have fathered him. He always considered family-resarch as a worthless pursuit. - Turned out it wasn't just slander.
YOU blew the cover.
Couple of after thoughts. Now that you are exploring the social dynamic of blackness in the USA. Two books come to mind: “The Color of Law” and “The Color of Money.” Both were written by law professors and educators. These books help to explain that we are not where we are by accident and that our condition as Americans is not only a problem of personal failings and biases, but also a system of policies put in place to ensure the status quo.
thank you!
As angry as your family may be, they will never be able to wipe out their ancestry. It´s sad that something so important as a family´s ancestry, can become so divisive, that it can cause deep splits and conflicts amongst family members. Bless and good luck in your journey! 🙏
It's finding out you have racist family members. My dad was adopted and at 17 I built a relationship with my father's bio dad who died in 2014. However, my dad's bio brothers and sisters want nothing to do with me. The pain is real, I understand where you're coming from...
I am so sorry, it just shocks me to see family be separating like this
The truth hurts...that immediate family needs to get some counseling quick. Its their lost. This lineage information is too much for their narrowed views of genealogy. Italians have a variety of genetic ancestry especially in Sicily. I must add that you look New Orleans Black to me which is something special in itself. You favor some of my cousins. Plus Louisiana is not in the United States anyways. The laws, written and unwritten, down are completely different. And Natchitoches just like,New Orleans, is so isolated. Our culture, tradition, history is so colorful and unique. Please Keeping Digging.
LOL I think we have some New Orleans Black for sure. You are right, the isolation of the unique culture makes it hard to argue away. Thank you for commenting on this!!
I am Hispanic. My baby’s father is black. Pet of my family treats me diff and we don’t talk now
I am so sorry :(
I have heard of family tree research having this effect.
This is my opinion: modern day Americans have only recently learned how to “self-detect” our inner bias/bigotry - this is a recent phenomena in the last 50-60 yrs. Mostly due to the societal changes the US has had in this era. So give everyone time.
Our discovery of lineage today should NOT bear an assumption that past ancestors were “racist”.
“Bias”or even “preference” should NOT BE CONFUSED TO BE THE SAME AS “RACIST”.
When family tree research reaches back past the great grandparents level - one is researching 8 DIFFERENT FAMILIES! EIGHT!! All likely from different regions of the globe. We cannot assume to know the societies, the values cherished, the struggles to survive, etc these 8 different families went through or descended from. And we cannot judge those ancestors by today’s norms. It just won’t bear well.
I try to have compassion and seek understanding of the past families. And if other siblings and relations grapple with that knowledge, I say “let them be…give them the time to digest discovered info.”
So what piece on information that you acquired caused this rift in your family??
Things I’ve learned about family research: there’s secret adoptions, there’s jungle fever (everybody wants loving), your parents are sometimes not related to you, what you’re doing or learning or discovering will make half your family angry. Don’t tell them
Doesn’t matter if you’re 5% Louisiana Creole lineages. You’re part Louisiana Creole ethnicity. Period. Keep going! These videos will be there for your kids and their kids. They’re now part of your descendant’s knowledge.
I mean we are who we are, we are alive because these people got together. How can you be upset about that?
Should you give information to someone whose whole identity will be destroyed by what you find out? I discovered my favorite sibling is the product of our teen aged, married mother's rape and that we have different fathers. Should I tell my brother that the father he loved and who loved him isn't his dad and that our half sisters who love him are not his blood? I don't think so. It's hard but I don't feel I have the right to upend my brother's life with this weird knowledge I accidentally stumbled on to. I also discovered my father had a child he never knew about from an encounter with a women 8 years older than him when he was only 15. This new sister was happy to learn the man who had always been distant and even mean to her was not her father, but she said if she had loved the man who raised her and he had ever loved her, she wouldn't have wanted to know. I also found out my father's mother had a child before she married my grandfather and that I have first cousins through that uncle. My new first cousins are thrilled to discover more about the grandmother and father they never knew.. A DNA test can make a person's life so much better--or so much worse. It's tough to be the person who accidentally stumbles on to information like this and then needs to decide what to do with it. Like my mother who never knew for sure who was her baby's biological father, the kinder thing to do sometimes might be not force everything you find out on those whose life might be horribly changed by it.
What's so ironic about your story is that my Partner and I are visiting his Father for his retirement party in May. His Father and their lineage is from Coushatta La. We were searching for AirBnB and the closest was the area your family is from! My partner is part native French creole as well. His paternal grandmother was a woman of French and native ancestry however she married and had children by an AA man. She identified as, black to avoid what came with being Native identified. So my partners lineage is your lineage in reverse! Had his grandmother decided to create family with someone of European descent the AA genetics would have been reduced significantly and she would have raised her family under 'white' experiences that could have very well led to her children creating family with Europeans rather than AA.
Some of my family weren't thrilled either. They were trying to find out what kind of Native American they were and don't want to make their mother a liar because that's what she told them they had. But my family is from close to the same area your great-grandmother was from. Seems all the "white people up there supposedly have Indian. But you can't blame the ancestors for lying to protect themselves and their children. When you consider that up until 1983, they had the one drop rule in Louisiana, older family members who were raised White and lived through segregation have the fear that they will be relabeled. Most of them aren't prejudiced, but they don't relate to Black culture either--especially today's Black culture. I do have one aunt who used the N word frequently, although my grandmother never allowed it. She has dementia now and asks at least once a month if her DNA results came in and did they find out what kind of Indian she is. So she keeps going through the shock of finding there was no Indian but 7% African over and over again! Each time she exclaims "African! That's N....!" I have to secretly giggle and wonder if it's just deserts.
The social cache' connected to whiteness in America is nearly impossible to give up. DO NOT STOP.
Ok I see ya. Got those gorgeous earrings distracting us...ok. definitely pulling up family history can make people so ill and disrespectful because back in those times especially they wanted to keep things a secret. But I'm so glad you are sharing this. The good, the bad, the ugly, and indifferent, the untold, and many lies yet it's all history. Thanks so much remember keep going no matter what they say
A very honest video. I think you are a person who is very open to anything that comes up in your genealogical research. Some of it you will connect with, some of it not so much, but whatever it is I don't think it would bother you, you'd just add it to your heritage and move on, intrigued maybe, but it doesn't change who you are or what you identify as, because as I've heard you say many times that is your own personal thing. Other people may not be interested at all, they are happy not knowing, to them safe in always being so they've grown up being.
You didn't say much about your close relative, but in this day and age I wonder if it is to do with his political views, who he follows in that arena, and this information is basically you telling him what he didn't want to hear. What I would say on this matter is, and I don't mean this in a bad way because you seem very honest and genuine as a person, but I think it's a little naive to think that everyone will just want to know the truth like you do, sadly not everyone is like you. Having just watched a few videos of yours I've lived hearing about the journey you are on, but there was a reason your great grandmother, Lola, moved to NY, that she didn't talk about her story even with her family, so I think we will have to tread carefully when resurfacing old hidden family secrets because some people just want to believe what they've always been told and just can't handle the truth because it doesn't fit in with their world view, especially if so they are (not that it really changes that in any way).
Yes, I definitely started this journey with some ideas, mostly naive ones. I can see that now, as things unfold and play out in real life. But I also learned that life is too short to worry about what other people are mad about. Especially because I love this so much!
There is always someone who disagrees with you people told me not to dig which makes you want to know more.
My Dad thought he was born illegitimate for years so was reluctant for me to get his birth certificate. When we got it his mother's first husband was named as father something we knew was wrong because his mother's second husband was his real father. We later discovered his father was from a different religious background to us and his ancestors were from another country which my Dad came to like but he would often say, "You can stop digging now!". He didn't want any more surprises.
oh my gosh, so familiar. "stop digging!"
Family of origin, family of choice, reviewed by Harville Hendrix in “getting the love you want” and also for parents “giving the love that heals” my MD UWSoM’89
if you were to watch “a jazzman’s blues” netflix 2022 the premise of your family member’s denial would be clarified.