Narcissist is Like Chocolate Cake? (Keith Campbell’s Relationship Models)

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  • Опубліковано 28 лис 2024
  • Keith Campbell's 3 models of relationships with narcissists: chocolate cake, agency, contextual reinforcement.
    Where I disagree with Campbell:
    Narcissists tend to date narcissistic people. But most partners are not narcissists.
    Coverts are more careful with their partners because they lack self-confidence. They also self-supply which puts less pressure on their relationships.
    Narcissists terrified of failure and rejection and unlikely to approach high-value mates. They are looking only for the 4 Ss in an intimate partner, though they do seek to associate with celebrities or the rich and the mighty and they namedrop as forms of narcissistic supply.
    Superficial charm is psychopathic, not narcissistic. Actually, narcissist’s give awry vibes that trigger the uncanny valley reaction
    Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store:
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 37

  • @samvaknin
    @samvaknin  Місяць тому +20

    FREE lecture in Kasarna Hub, Ohrid, October 26, 6 PM. Also: one day free seminar for clinicians in Zagreb. Write to vakninsam@ciaps.org or to s.vaknin@seeu.edu.mk if you are interested.

  • @bittu-kd7zy
    @bittu-kd7zy 25 днів тому

    You laughter is so cute Professor Vaknin 😂especially when you say "the narcissist convinces himself "..😅
    Increasing waistline and decreasing heartbeat👏👏well said prof vaknin🙏

  • @nigeria7324
    @nigeria7324 Місяць тому +1

    There you placed the best video (for me at least). All are top-notch, I've listened to almost all of them. My overtly has a pattern. The primary is always an older woman who has something weak, depressed, or is on heavy medication. As the primary supply. He chases young women beyond the primary, but I never understood why he didn't end up with a young, attractive woman. He has all the charisma and charm and looks incredibly handsome. I've seen his psychopathic traits when I haven't given him what he wants. And his first words on day one when we met were, 'Just you cook and take care of me. I’m moving in now.' Day four, 'I love you.' Completely 100% agree, he can approach attractive women, but deep down he knows that the one who will fulfill him in the four S's is another woman. Another important component is that he secretly does stand-up comedy (before he got banned for his behavior and views on women). He claimed to be polyamorous, but I think he believes that. In reality, as you say, it's the newness and the chase. He sabotages all his relationships, including ours. He got everything from me but asked for more. That’s where I drew the line, and in the end, the relationship became solely a negotiation about what I could give him. He refuses to work and expects women to support him. A devout Christian but wants four wives who will give him everything and support him. So many women love his attention, but far from all want him. He’s even banned from churches because of his behavior and believes that the earth is flat and that the police seize his cars because he doesn’t believe the state has the right to charge for parking. I put a stop to it.

  • @mindjourneyai
    @mindjourneyai Місяць тому +54

    Being discarded by the covert narcissist was devastating, as I did not know anything about the subject. I suspected I was being played, as she was half my age. But I was unaware of just how bad this can get. Prof. Vaknin is singlehandedly rersponsible for me being able to figure out what had happened, being able to accept that I was addicted to the abuse, realising that I could never get closure or even revenge, and if it wasn't for him I would have been a lot worse off.
    I extend my profound gratitude for your magnanimous and altruistic investment of time in enlightening the world, thus rendering existence marginally more bearable for those of us burdened with the affliction of heightened empathy.

    • @prodigal_southerner
      @prodigal_southerner Місяць тому

      If she was half your age, I would say you were just as toxic. Date age-aplropriate partners; don't be a pervert.

    • @linneasimchah1621
      @linneasimchah1621 Місяць тому +8

      Prof. Vaknin has said emphatically that he doesn't do these youtube videos because he cares about people. He finds people annoying and a nuisance--true to narcissism! He does these videos for him, because it satisfies his intellect on this topic. **Do yourself a favor, and don't project your empathy onto anyone with narcissistic tendencies. Mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs.

    • @lololnope34567
      @lololnope34567 26 днів тому

      Why didn't you go for someone closer to your own age?

    • @mindjourneyai
      @mindjourneyai 26 днів тому

      @@lololnope34567 I did not "go' for anyone. She came after me. Did not stop after I told her I was married, she knew my age (I found out later she had stalked me before) and I have come to suspect she was actually trying to con me out of some money.

  • @DylanHosmer-on7ot
    @DylanHosmer-on7ot Місяць тому +24

    I love my daily dose of sam VAKNIN. Goes good with chocolate cake and coffee.all I need is a Minnie coffee cup.

  • @annikaspahr9705
    @annikaspahr9705 Місяць тому +2

    Another excellent video Prof. Sam
    After all of this time I'm still perplexed on what type of Narcissist my ex was.
    He seemed to oscillate between all three (Psychopath, Overt & Covert)
    I will search your channel, I'm sure you have explained it somewhere 🙂

    • @Rubyrun2068
      @Rubyrun2068 Місяць тому +4

      They are all psychological phases of the same narcissists. Just depends on how much rejection/validation they get which comes out

    • @annikaspahr9705
      @annikaspahr9705 Місяць тому

      @@Rubyrun2068 that makes sense, depending on what triggered him he either acted psychopathic or like a victim (covert)

  • @productioninquiry8937
    @productioninquiry8937 Місяць тому +10

    7:10 I thought he was going to say, "Chocolate cake is very, very dense."

    • @yb6940
      @yb6940 Місяць тому +6

      Or that you’ll be sick after a while 😂

  • @ladynori
    @ladynori Місяць тому

    Damn this is so spot on

  • @jesskuhmess
    @jesskuhmess Місяць тому +2

    Like chocolate cake in a dream. You just can't quite get to it

  • @FloJ216
    @FloJ216 Місяць тому +6

    Very insightful.Thanks
    I’m wondering if the overt narcissist will become covert narcissist with age (due to physical limitations)

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Місяць тому +2

      Search the channel.

  • @shirlxx
    @shirlxx Місяць тому +1

    Professor, question please. When you are talking about self enhancement and selecting a supply. You mentioned, that they are not that much picky. But if covert narc is conscious of the fact that he is not that much physically attractive, could be he especially focused to get very well looking partner, as part of self enhancement? Thank you for the feedback.

  • @christophemouawad6971
    @christophemouawad6971 Місяць тому

    Hey Sam!
    It is becoming very confusing, lots of narcissists claim to be the victim and regretting the relationship by saying they have been deceived and that their partners has changed or has become abusive.
    On the other hand, partners of the narcissist that has developed CPTSD and acquired narcissistic behaviors as a defense mechanism against the narcissistic partner also say the same thing: “my partner has changed, deceived me and I regret the relationship”.
    How to tell the difference? Can the partner seeking intimacy and becoming frustrated because he/she is not getting any be for sure the so-called victim”?
    How accurate is asking for intimacy an indication of not being “the narcissist who’s playing the victim”?
    Thank you Sam!

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Місяць тому

      Search the channel's relevant playlists.

  • @doraalbino490
    @doraalbino490 Місяць тому +8

    I love Keith Campbell and I watched all the podcasts he participated in. A shame he does not have a channel... And so many wannabe self-help "coaches" take the credit for it! 😏

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Місяць тому +15

      Plagiarism is second nature to these online self-styled "experts". They have been stealing my work, too, for 3 decades now!

  • @alexkhvan3081
    @alexkhvan3081 Місяць тому +2

    Super pupper Sam ❤ THE GOAT THE BEST! WE NEED YOUR MERCHANDISE!

  • @kstev7
    @kstev7 Місяць тому +6

    my borderline love (and sam's videos and various books) helped burn a lot of the narcissism out of me over the course of 3 years. she did not come with me, unfortunately.

  • @LiberAnne
    @LiberAnne Місяць тому

    Sam, does bpd or an npd man seems to be totally in love and obsessed with his own mother?

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Місяць тому +1

      Sometimes. And sometimes the opposite: hate her virulently.

    • @LiberAnne
      @LiberAnne Місяць тому

      @@samvaknin who is more likely to be obsessed and shy, like a little boy in love, in his mom's presence? Thank you for your kindness!

  • @Maria_Stancu
    @Maria_Stancu Місяць тому +1

    Thank you for helping me. ❤️‍🩹

  • @Akilova-k
    @Akilova-k Місяць тому +1

    Good day, Sam! I want to make an appointment with you for a consultation! How can I make an appointment? Please answer.

  • @loribryan8639
    @loribryan8639 Місяць тому

    Why can’t narcissists take some type of anti anxiety or anti depression medication? 🤔

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Місяць тому +1

      What good would that do? Search the therapies playlist.

    • @loribryan8639
      @loribryan8639 Місяць тому

      @@samvaknin maybe make them a little more happy 😭

    • @Yandere31_
      @Yandere31_ 14 днів тому

      @@loribryan8639They have no acess to positive emotion only negative emotion