A song about trauma. By T.Zgaga. End domestic violence. Healing

gofund.me/55ffce6c I wrote this song today while wanting to see the doctor. Im a registered nurse. Struggling to get back on my feet. I’m super sensitive and get overwhelmed by the things I see and feel. My parents are separated. The boy I was seeing left me. My uncle commit suicide. My childhood was a little tough with domestic violence in my home and a fearful environment. I get scared to this day of loud noises from men and aggression, I’m hyper sensitive to my environments always ready to fight or flight.
I’m loosing energy and hope. I can sit for a while here and just be with myself, try to feel calm inside. And try to know things will work out. I’m willing to work too, I just don’t want to get overwhelmed and burnout again. Im not entitled to job seekers because I havnt had my permanent residency long enough. Even though I was born in Sydney Australia in 1994. We left Australia when I was 2. We moved to Croatia where we all lived with our grandparents for 2 years. We then moved to Ireland where I grew up since age 4. I’m a creative girl, I love dogs they make me feel so at home and relaxed. I grew up playing sports and was determined to do well in school.
I was informed I had a specific learning disability at age 16. This causes me to get deeply frustrated when I want to do better for myself but feel blocked. If you have any suggestions or ways to help please comment or donate. I hope I can make a difference and give back again when I get stronger, but for now I just want to surrender and ask for help because I need it. I have many wishes and dreams for my time here on planet earth. I love helping people and have been since before 2012 when I entered DCU (Dublin City University)to become a registered Nurse. I got my qualification in 2016. I was very tired and burnout after four years of nursing school, I remember crashing my bicycling cycling home from Beaumont hospital after a long 12-14 hour shift in GICU. My brother friend Hong came to collect me from the side of the road. I was also working on my days off as a carer with Nurse On Call, working another 12-13 hour shift. The days were long, my feet and back hurt a lot and I was slowly getting burnout out even though I was doing my dream career.
I was lonely then, not having anyone to cuddle or care for me. I’ve just gotten lonely these days again and unsure of things. I’m vulnerable so I ask that you please don’t take advantage of me. I find it hard to say no because I care. I care about everything and everyone. I just don’t know how to allow others to care for me. I don’t know how to accept help, I don’t know how to ask in return. But I’m asking now because I need it and I want it. I want to get better. I shaved all my hair off recently as you can see. I sat with plant medicine Ayauascha and Kambo in a holistic centre in Spain last month and spent the last of my savings to try heal me and get to the root cause of my pain and suffering. I got off antidepressants, which I had been on since March 2023, but now I cry more often and feel more sensitive.
My dream is to have a loving family of my own one day. I would love to experience being a mother. I hope I get better so I can have that opportunity. I would love to make music and sing more often and dance to the beat of my drum and other's. I want to wake up and look forward to my life and enjoy each day. I want to be cared for and continue caring for others. I don’t like asking for help, because I know lots of people are struggling too. If you feel you would like to donate anything I’d really appreciate it and I hope I can get back again to being of service to others and helping them and maybe inspiring others to reach out for help.
I returned from overseas a few days ago on Dec 16, 2023 with no place to live or call my own. I a currently sick with a flu / Covid. I was scared to return to the Trauma ward to work. I wasn’t eligible for job seekers either because I’m not a permanent resident for long enough. My bank cant give me a crisis loan because I don’t have an income. I can’t stay in a homeless shelter because I have no income. I couldn’t secure a place to live because I didn’t have an income and enough savings. I ran out of money quickly because I was paying for fuel, mandatory criminal checks so I could work for Uber eats, to try to find a job that wouldn’t overwhelm me.
I just have my car, some boxes of dry food that I collected from a donation point and a voucher that I received from the domestic violence women’s support for groceries, but I have no place to put the frozen food. My confidence is low and I just feel scared to be in this position. I dont feel strong enough to put on a brave face and pretend I’m fine and go to work, i just don’t feel ready. I’m not fine. I’m not ok. I’m so scared, I’m worried, and I’m frightened. I know I’m not the only one in a situation like this. Can we all just help one another and love one another. #domesticviolence #trauma

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