Chester See - Even When I'm Not Here (Original Song)

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  • Опубліковано 16 жов 2019
  • 4 HOODIES LEFT! As of 03/13/24 Noon ish PST - Found here - chesters-store-6.creator-spri... There are 7 out of 50 "I'm Recordiiing!" Navy Blue Hoodies left- www.youtube.com/@chestersee/s... as of 5pm pm PST March 10th ... should you want to be in that group of 50 people. 26/50 "I'm Recordiiing!" HOODIES LEFT -- chesters-store-6.creator-spri... If you get one of these, you join an elite group of early supporters for this youtube channel relaunch AND 1/50th of my heart. Hoodie will discontinue after 50 sold. (It's currently 2:23 Pm PST 03/08/24) I'm performing at Hotel Cafe on April 8th 2022 in Los Angeles - tickets found here: new.hotelcafe.com/event/chest... Original song "Even When I'm Not Here" by Chester See.
    Spotify: open.spotify.com/track/56ynUp...
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 572

  • @nicolegoodness1967
    @nicolegoodness1967 4 роки тому +423

    The first five notes flashes me back to "Who Am I To Stand In Your Way" - the first song of yours that I listened to and loved the first time I heard it.

  • @beeburl
    @beeburl 4 роки тому +9

    I'm not one to comment on any video, ever. But this, Mr. Chester, this song is beyond words. Thank you for who you are, and being vulnerable enough to share your beautiful talent in such a harsh world. I'm not crying, you're crying. ❤

  • @valondra34
    @valondra34 3 роки тому +3

    ..... And this is what every girl in the world dreams of.... Prince Charming with a voice that you could literally listen to for the rest of your life. Something about him, he's so RAW

  • @beaubranscum7288
    @beaubranscum7288 4 роки тому +165

    There are very few out there that can translate and show emotion with a song as well as you do, man. The world needs this music. It needs music with heart. It needs you

    • @Cindy-1965
      @Cindy-1965 4 роки тому +4

      Absolutely agree 💯

    • @beaubranscum7288
      @beaubranscum7288 4 роки тому +3

      @@Cindy-1965 You just don't see as much genuine emotion in music anymore...

    • @Cindy-1965
      @Cindy-1965 4 роки тому +4

      @@beaubranscum7288 you're right. And even though a song may be beautiful, it almost always seems disconnected. Not always but more so than not it doesnt feel heartfelt. When a singer songwriter can make you tear up or full out cry when you hear it, its something magical.🤗✨💫

    • @beaubranscum7288
      @beaubranscum7288 4 роки тому +6

      @@Cindy-1965 Right? I mean, I'm a 30 year old, 6'4, man from the south that works outside all day with his hands... you know... the type of guy that, a lot of times, is looked at as the unemotional "manly-man" type... but Chester has a way of getting me in my feels just about every time he sings. I can listen to all of those sappy, mushy, songs that others have out...and a lot of them sound really good, they're really great songs... but if there's no genuine emotion from the artist, it just doesn't do anything for me. And that's what I like about him.

    • @Cindy-1965
      @Cindy-1965 4 роки тому

      @@beaubranscum7288 I agree!!

  • @NJDMashups
    @NJDMashups 4 роки тому +126

    This sounds like Who Am I To Stand In Your Way Pt 2

  • @anonymonow960
    @anonymonow960 4 роки тому +18

    People are very fortunate if they get their true love. Unrequited love simply kills you.

  • @aperson22222
    @aperson22222 4 роки тому +64

    Tonight would have been our tenth anniversary if she’d lived. 😢 Thanks for this, it helped me get through.

    • @ellahorkey7427
      @ellahorkey7427 4 роки тому +1

      aperson22222 I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts beyond measure. I will say a prayer for God to give you peace🙏✝️

    • @aperson22222
      @aperson22222 4 роки тому +1

      Ella Horkey Thank you!

    • @nchummozhui6352
      @nchummozhui6352 4 роки тому +1

      Same here brother ... Tears rolls down my billow every night but I can't do nothing just wishing and praying for her comeback... 😭😭

    • @MrLittlepea111
      @MrLittlepea111 4 роки тому +2

      I’ll be praying for you. I cannot imagine a life without her . I’m sorry and my condolences go to you. Keep your head up ❤️

    • @1021freestyle
      @1021freestyle 3 роки тому +1

      I’m so sorry for your loss 🙏🏼

  • @petermaxwell9584
    @petermaxwell9584 4 роки тому +1

    Ublelievably brillant as always, Chester. Elvis is the King, but you are the Messiah; the Prophet of the people everywhere who have ever loved, and most especially for those who have ever lost in love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart - forever

  • @LisaA1967
    @LisaA1967 4 роки тому +1

    Please don't go anywhere, my soul needs your music.

  • @JordenTually
    @JordenTually 4 роки тому +4

    A real classic Chester video that makes me feel like it’s 2008 again. I love this!

  • @wayew1411
    @wayew1411 4 роки тому +50

    If death is knocking at your door, give my address and I will gladly take your place
    Even though I’m away
    My love for you will stay

  • @robingrigsby1645
    @robingrigsby1645 4 роки тому +5

    I had years in my eyes after the first verse. Stunningly beautiful song

  • @rhondamurrphy7550
    @rhondamurrphy7550 2 роки тому +1

    Chester this is especially for you from me. I knew I loved you by savage garden love Rhonda your still always in my heart

  • @robertromero9048
    @robertromero9048 4 роки тому +1

    Chester my 13 year niece Jewellenna Arellano hurt her self Oct 1st and is no longer with us and several of your songs have calmed my broken heart..Love your voice and music

  • @morichen168
    @morichen168 4 роки тому +7

    Sleepless nights with this kind of music..
    ...
    I’ve never felt so alone in my life

    • @paularnold3714
      @paularnold3714 4 роки тому +2

      I no how u feel lonelyness kills me inside can only hope is all the one i love i cant have its deep love too😢

    • @kaknup5065
      @kaknup5065 4 роки тому +1

      We're here for you

    • @katherineduke9042
      @katherineduke9042 3 роки тому

      We are here for you if you need someone to talk to

  • @mir.hotelier
    @mir.hotelier 4 роки тому +28

    That girl is so lucky cuz this man sings his heart out everytime ♥️

  • @Justtinamariee
    @Justtinamariee 4 роки тому +1

    UA-cam suggested this for me and this song makes me think of how much I love my daughter and how I would lay down my life for her 🤱🏽💖💖💖

  • @lahessler80
    @lahessler80 Рік тому +2

    This song makes me think of my son. I was told I would never carry him to term. I was determined when I found out I was pregnant ti do everything I could to ensure he was as healthy as he could be, that was in 2004. He was born with no pregnant complications. At 1yr I fought with the Dr to get him surgery to remove MRSA that could have killed him. Then lets fast forward to 2020. He was diagnosed with Epilepsy. Again fighting for his medical care happened. There is nothing I wont do to protect him. Even as a young adult now this momma will fight till her last breath.

  • @KazumiKun
    @KazumiKun 4 роки тому +107

    Even When I'm not here
    I know that you love me but I love you more
    I'd gladly lay down my life if I knew I was dying for yours
    So before it's all over, I need you to know
    A world turns to ashes or ice couldn't keep me from loving you more
    Chorus:
    Oh oh 'till the mountain all crumble, 'till the rains never fall
    I will be yours, I'll be yours through it all
    'Till the sun never rises and the moon disappears
    I will still love you, even when I'm not here
    I've lived without reason, and I've loved in vain
    But then I met you and I knew that this world had plans for your name
    So I'll bend my knees amazed at your grace
    And I promise if death tries to take you then I'll take your place oh
    Repeat chorus:
    till the mountain don't crumble, till the rains never fall
    I will be yours, I'll be yours through it all
    Till the sun never rises and the moon disappears
    I will still love you, even when I'm not here
    Yes I will still love you, even when I'm not here.
    Yes I will still love you, even when I'm not here.
    Till the stars aren't shining, and the rivers run dry
    I will be yours, till the end of time
    When you're feeling lonely, know there's nothing to fear
    I will still love you, even when I'm not here
    Cause I will still love you, when when I'm not here.

  • @hanscasana9278
    @hanscasana9278 4 роки тому +26

    You’re too much, Mr. See. Blessing us with your presence and music in a span of 2 weeks or something like that. Hope you’re doing well, my guy.

  • @jamestaylor8045
    @jamestaylor8045 2 роки тому

    I love you so much John wilson I miss you so much I will never forget you you touched my life and my soul. I praise my God for letting me know you

  • @nimoykorbil
    @nimoykorbil 4 роки тому +16

    "Even When I'm Not Here"
    I know that you love me
    But I love you more
    I'd gladly lay down my life
    If I knew I was dying for yours
    So before it's all over
    I need you to know
    A world turned to ashes or ice
    couldn't keep me
    From loving you more
    Oh...
    Till the mountains all crumble
    Till the rains never fall
    I will be yours
    I'll be yours through it all
    Till the sun never rises
    And the moon disappears
    I will still love you
    Even when I'm not here
    I've lived without reason
    And I've loved in vain
    But then I met you
    And I knew that this world
    Had plans for your name
    So I'll bend my knee
    Amazed at your grace
    And I promise if death tries to take you
    That I'll take your place
    Oh...
    Till the mountains all crumble
    Till the rains never fall
    I will be yours
    I'll be yours through it all
    Till the sun never rises
    And the moon disappears
    I will still love you
    Even when I'm not here
    Yes I will still love you
    Even when I'm not here
    Yes I will still love you
    Even when I'm not here
    Till the stars aren't shining
    And rivers run dry
    I will be yours
    Till the end of time
    When you're feeling lonely
    Know there's nothing to fear
    I will still love you
    Even when I'm not here
    Yes I will still love you
    Even when I'm not here

  • @Phenmusic
    @Phenmusic 4 роки тому +9

    I can't hear nothing but "Who am I to stand in your way" vibes... 😍

  • @rhondamurphy8653
    @rhondamurphy8653 Рік тому

    I will never stop loving you chester. Love Rhonda I think of all the good things we can be doing if we were together. All the love we could share with one another and not have any pain. Love you

  • @katherinebaldwin1013
    @katherinebaldwin1013 4 роки тому +111

    ...and suddenly everything was all right.

  • @marciakirkbride4210
    @marciakirkbride4210 11 місяців тому +1

    It must have been terrible for you as was for me and my family.💪🙏💪♥️think of me in your songs, as in love memories, joy and love.🌹

  • @gothlon
    @gothlon 4 роки тому +4

    I’m playing this at my wedding

  • @kellyhazelett139
    @kellyhazelett139 4 роки тому +2

    Ok I can form words again. The first few bars threw me back to Who Am I to Stand in your way. It was so inspiring to me I wrote a story loosely based on it. I gave you all the credit. This song has now grabbed my heart. I lost my son, he was 23, in 2017. This song will bring me comfort when I think of him. He would say those words to me when he would go on a trip or even when he would be going to school. Even if I’m not here ma, I’ll always be with you. So thank you once again for a beautiful soulful heartfelt song 💔

  • @sweetbrandy5785
    @sweetbrandy5785 4 роки тому +18

    The man I've been in love with for almost 20 year's lost his memory and I get to love him from a far now. I love you Wolfie

    • @ellahorkey7427
      @ellahorkey7427 4 роки тому +1

      Sweet Brandy God please comfort the broken hearted.

  • @sunshine6844
    @sunshine6844 3 роки тому

    Even when I’m not there I will always love you 🙏 Words to those ones that I miss everyday

  • @smyleepantz123
    @smyleepantz123 4 роки тому +3

    Pure brilliance. Your lyrics melt into my soul. Love you Chester keep sharing your beautiful talents with us. I could listen to you on replay for days and days. 💖💖💖🥰🤟💜🐛🦋🌻💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

  • @lenama1234567890
    @lenama1234567890 4 роки тому +24

    Love the “woo” at 2:00

  • @GEGE-bx3fj
    @GEGE-bx3fj 4 роки тому +4

    RESPECT
    NO WORDS WILL SUFFICE
    Fr across the waters
    Canada 🇨🇦
    🐥🐥🐥hugs etc

  • @carynleduc5892
    @carynleduc5892 4 роки тому +2

    Im so glad i got we got you back. Your songs have always touched my heart and soul.they have gotten me thru heartaches. And made me a stronger woman. Handsom as ever keep them coming. 😚

  • @rhondamurrphy7550
    @rhondamurrphy7550 3 роки тому

    Your awesome Chester you have so much talent and your funny your a good singer alot of pluses. I love you so much. You'll remain in my heart forever and ever. I send you my kisses. Love Rhonda 💘😻💜💛💚🧡 happy valentines day!

  • @malatreenoi.380
    @malatreenoi.380 4 роки тому

    Love is not happening by accidents, even we was not were together but love will always stay..

  • @evokes5662
    @evokes5662 4 роки тому +4

    I wish everyone could at least hear Chester at least once because he is so amazing

  • @gawixofficial6014
    @gawixofficial6014 4 роки тому +9

    Watching from PH ..
    Make it blue 👍 if u like this song. .

  • @sandranallelyr.torres6779
    @sandranallelyr.torres6779 4 роки тому

    5 months on this day a handsome stranger came into my life unexpectedly and not knowing what or why but thru the struggles we both face in each of our life .I love him and I hope he know that I'll give my life for him and ,even when I'm gone he will be the best thing that came into my life ...even if I never meant anything to him at any point in his life..10-21-19

  • @SweetAli1986
    @SweetAli1986 4 роки тому

    You know how people dedicate songs to people?
    Thanks for making this song because now I can tell my son that I’ve got a song for my son besides the one I wrote for him!!!
    His song from his dad is by Phil Collins...but my song for him is this one..
    Thank you!!

  • @jkl799
    @jkl799 4 роки тому

    Oh Chester... I'm a 48 yr old single mom and I'm sick, I'll make it...but it's gonna be a struggle since I already have many complex medical issues. I have to tell my kids and I didn't know how. Since my kids were born our thing has been "I love you, no I love you more". I'm going to gather all of my strength and try to learn, record and film a version of this for them. Thank you for being a beautiful inspiration with endless talent.

  • @rhondamurrphy7550
    @rhondamurrphy7550 Рік тому

    We have something special between each other. That we can't let go of. I can't stop thinking of you. Your always on my mind. I love you

  • @michaelrhiew
    @michaelrhiew 4 роки тому +6

    reminded me of a quote from drogo and daenerys
    "when the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. then you shall return to me my sun and stars. until the rivers run dry and the mountains blow in the wind like leaves"

  • @LinkGathers
    @LinkGathers 8 місяців тому

    Such emotion brother I'm a grown man and I sat here and cry listening such talent keep your work coming I would love to see you live

  • @Vpm8481
    @Vpm8481 4 роки тому +8

    Im so glad, i click this....instantly became my fav...

  • @vikkianne4328
    @vikkianne4328 4 роки тому +6

    I absolutely love this song and all of your music. There isnt one song of yours that I dont like. You are my favourite artist by far. You are amazing. I coukd listen to you sing aaaaaaall day and night!

  • @dannywalker7966
    @dannywalker7966 4 роки тому +6

    God I miss her so much 😢😢 this song just broke me 😢😢amazing though as always Chester

  • @maricelagarcia1066
    @maricelagarcia1066 4 роки тому

    Beautiful..song and lyrics.. I will stand by you forever.. My N...

  • @SaintGangle
    @SaintGangle 4 роки тому +7

    I forgot my lunch at home today while at work and this is how I felt.

  • @pamelaeversole6050
    @pamelaeversole6050 3 роки тому

    That much power in one man’s body... and he controls it.

  • @LoozerKidd
    @LoozerKidd 2 місяці тому

    I fell in love with this guy's voice over a decade ago. I've yet to hear anything remotely close. His vocals are so genuine and natural. Chester knows!

  • @melaniemarshall6942
    @melaniemarshall6942 3 роки тому

    Dam... Chester, you always sing songs that move me.. Thank you so much... for being YOU... Xo

  • @iamnode2088
    @iamnode2088 4 роки тому +2

    everytime i hear you it melts my heart

  • @velindastevens6172
    @velindastevens6172 4 роки тому

    Beautiful baby tears thank you you know what’s right on body’s may go by but no one can steal this love we have we own it naturally baby smile I just want to whistle and skip down our spiritual path you feel me baby yawhooooo thank you now go have a blessed day love you god loves us

  • @rhondamurrphy7550
    @rhondamurrphy7550 Рік тому

    Chester I love the way you sing this song. You put a lot into it. Here is a song from my heart to yours forever my Darling by Aaron Neville

  • @sherrydaniel4394
    @sherrydaniel4394 4 роки тому

    Grace I think pushed you to a place you could push us too . Thank you grace and thank you Chester see

  • @ranipudaite2000
    @ranipudaite2000 4 роки тому +14

    I m dying here,🤕 and your song saved me and helped decided to still love her 😊

  • @Akuzoo
    @Akuzoo 4 роки тому +7

    "You love me but i love you more"💛

  • @katherineduke9042
    @katherineduke9042 3 роки тому

    Such a beautiful voice and very handsome. My husband sends me this song all the time. My husband is amazing. God has blessed me with an amazing loving husband of 22 yrs.

  • @maggiewanjiru2807
    @maggiewanjiru2807 4 роки тому

    Wow, wow Chestersee, I can't help it, I'll cry cos it touches me. Then you are lookin so cool, you sound so sweet, your song is awesome and I don't know..I think I have just fallen in love with your song.
    Thank you.

  • @rhondamurrphy7550
    @rhondamurrphy7550 Рік тому

    I love you and miss you. I wish I was in your arms now.we could be holding each other tight like before.

  • @theDuke7777
    @theDuke7777 7 місяців тому

    Dedicated to my beautiful wife.
    The love of my life

  • @micheledonvito3634
    @micheledonvito3634 2 роки тому

    I love this man!! I could listen to him over and over. The most beautiful voice

  • @rhondamurrphy7550
    @rhondamurrphy7550 4 роки тому

    Chester I will love you forever. Love Rhonda.Andy nice work you picked the right guy to sing it.

  • @dannywalker7966
    @dannywalker7966 4 роки тому +5

    I've had this on repeat all day, god chester I love you so much your music is just breathtaking. You're a true inspiration mate. I'm lost for words I really am much love from England ❤❤

  • @BlahBlahWoofWoof12
    @BlahBlahWoofWoof12 4 роки тому +8

    Still my all time favorite musician

  • @vasvikarvar620
    @vasvikarvar620 4 роки тому +5

    Chester....I loved this.. this is grace..and you voice is magic...
    Massive love and respect man..❤️✨✨

  • @Wizborg
    @Wizborg 4 роки тому +2

    Love the key change, something thats been lost in music these days. Beautiful song as always Chester, keep up the good work.

    • @paularnold3714
      @paularnold3714 4 роки тому

      Love it makes me get cold shiver so powerfull

  • @MyriamGTHM0404H76
    @MyriamGTHM0404H76 4 роки тому

    Nice song my Friend 👍👌👏Greetings From México. 👏🎶🎵🎼🎧excellent.

  • @pennyriddle2865
    @pennyriddle2865 4 роки тому

    You could never know
    Love is immeasurable.........

  • @val65xoxo
    @val65xoxo 2 роки тому

    This song is the most beautiful that I've heard in my all life. I just loved it from the beginning till the end ❤

  • @patsyfournier6830
    @patsyfournier6830 Рік тому +1

    LOVE ALL YOUR SONGS.YOU HAVE A AWESOME VOICE

  • @rhondamurrphy7550
    @rhondamurrphy7550 3 роки тому

    Chester I loved this song when I first heard you singing it you put a lot of feeling into it. Love Rhonda Murphy

  • @colleenrainbowblack8762
    @colleenrainbowblack8762 4 роки тому

    God healed my broken heart!!! 💖💖💖This song is Jesus 🕊🕊🕊singing to my heart!!! 🦋🦋🦋 😊😊😊

    • @colleenrainbowblack8762
      @colleenrainbowblack8762 4 роки тому

      I thought A life full of regrets was your best song but no...I will still love you even when I'm not here!!! Wow!!! This one is it!!!! Jesus will still love me through eternity!!! Colleen🦋🕊⚘🦋🕊⚘🦋🕊⚘🦋🕊⚘🦋🕊⚘🦋🕊⚘

  • @kj66991
    @kj66991 2 дні тому

    Hoping you found that special someone to share your life with... you have a lovely soul

  • @imperfectlyinsane
    @imperfectlyinsane 4 роки тому +8

    Jorah from Game of Thrones! And his love for Daenerys. Right?
    Beautiful song, Chester!

  • @lapasapaulhenrich2505
    @lapasapaulhenrich2505 4 роки тому +6

    "i will still love you even when im not here"

  • @linnm5859
    @linnm5859 4 роки тому +5

    I'm so speechless. I really love your music ❤

  • @bropinky7511
    @bropinky7511 4 роки тому

    Thank You for existing Chester :)

  • @patriciaspires5450
    @patriciaspires5450 2 роки тому

    Love this guy! He reaches onto my heart! It’s what my soulmate would say

  • @justynadominiak7631
    @justynadominiak7631 4 роки тому

    GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY 🕊😘😇🙇

  • @saytimpug8881
    @saytimpug8881 4 роки тому +2

    Let's spread this song through shares and make it more popular. 👌👌 Loved your songs always dude. Very inspiring and always has it's deeper emotions..

  • @Carnieangel14
    @Carnieangel14 2 роки тому

    I would give anything to have someone feel this way about me

  • @sherrydaniel4394
    @sherrydaniel4394 4 роки тому

    What a beautiful beyond the heavens and Earth .

  • @yvestan9605
    @yvestan9605 3 роки тому

    Every song you've made just narrates how I feel.

  • @sumansen04
    @sumansen04 4 роки тому

    So I'm not the only one who felt that its who am I to stand in your way pt 2....love your songs....i guess anyone can relate your songs with their life

  • @chantelwilkins1915
    @chantelwilkins1915 3 роки тому

    This song is amazing and so heartfelt and emotional. I am currently fighting ovarian cancer again for the second time and I often wonder and think when my last day here on this beautiful crazy earth is. I just want to be healthy and happy and most importantly healed inside and out in the mighty name of Jesus! I keep hoping and praying for that miracle in my life to take place! May God bless you all and keep up the God given talent that God gave you to use as your testimony and faith God bless you Chester see I wish I could meet you someday. Keep Portland OR weird lol

  • @christyocciano7816
    @christyocciano7816 4 роки тому

    Even when im not here💙💜💛

  • @debbierudderham167
    @debbierudderham167 3 роки тому

    If I said it once, I will say it again, and again, and again,......... YOU ARE SPECTACULAR, with a talent ( in my mind, rivales NO ONE ELSE.!!!. Thank God I found you. 👌👌👌🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

  • @marciakirkbride4210
    @marciakirkbride4210 6 місяців тому

    Us ..always! 🎹🎼♥️

  • @bellejour559
    @bellejour559 4 роки тому

    You are beautiful Chester See! 💜

  • @Cindy-1965
    @Cindy-1965 4 роки тому +3

    It's amazing how you can put words to how you feel .....that's why songs are so memorable, marking significant times in our lives. Your gift is incredible. Tears rolling down my face....that's how you deeply you have touched me. Thank you.

  • @colleenrainbowblack8762
    @colleenrainbowblack8762 4 роки тому

    What a gift you are!!! Music speaks to my soul. Your songwriting just gets better and better!!!

  • @sherrydaniel3156
    @sherrydaniel3156 3 роки тому

    BOTH HAS A RIGHTEOUS HAND OF GOD

  • @mayurpataskar9493
    @mayurpataskar9493 4 роки тому +12

    I Love You From "Goddamn You're Beautiful" To "Even When I'm Not Here" ❤️🖤 You Created A New Language For Love ❤️

  • @evafesperman6962
    @evafesperman6962 2 роки тому +1

    BEAUTIFUL SONG !!!!!! Soooo happy you shared it with all of us.....I love all your songs as long as they aren't using God's name in vain.... you are blessed with so much talent !!!!! Use it wisely..........

  • @terristanley967
    @terristanley967 4 роки тому

    We will never be apart. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for my self it will work out in God's time.

  • @Angie-ik3je
    @Angie-ik3je 4 роки тому +1

    😍 your songs just reach my soul. I love how you write songs! Love you!

  • @aewooleyhand
    @aewooleyhand 2 роки тому

    That key change though…goosebumps

  • @jerryvanchhawng5484
    @jerryvanchhawng5484 4 роки тому +3

    I was so drained and out of love....but your song brings up the fire in my heart again 😓
    I tried, to not listen to any kind of love songs but I can't skip yours....and now I fall even deeper and I'm even more sure that I mustn't leave her 😭