The Search For My Birth Mother Is Over
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- Опубліковано 25 січ 2025
- "Toni and Ryan" is a podcast by Toni Lodge and Ryan Jon
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I’m sure he’s never going to see this, but as one of many viewers I wish I could tell Ryan this: you are so worth it. You make so many people you don’t know happy, on average laundry days and on really dark days. I hope that feeling of needing to prove worth goes away one day. You’re such a quality human and I’m so glad you’re here ❤
Thanks for this, I don't think I could have said it better. Love you Ryan! She'd be so proud. Hugs from Argentina!
Liking this so Ryan sees it 😊
Well said 👏👏. Lots of love to Ryan 💜
I think Ryan will absolutely see this and appreciate it!! Well said and strongly agree xx
💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
As a birth mom who is constantly full of guilt, this was a bit healing for me. I hope my son thinks the same as you 😢
I'm an adoptee and I feel the same way. Love is sacrifice of self.
You made the best decision you could for your child and yourself, i know the feelings are real but let that angel on your shoulder remind you that you did the right thing.
Thank you for sharing your experience and heart. You very clearly articulated how I also feel about my birth mother. I found her three years too late with a very small welcoming committee comprised of one aunt and a few cousins. That being said the other closest relations chose to say far away including siblings, birth father and aunts and uncles. I am sobbing having heard the things I feel being put into words I couldn't find my mouth to speak. Thank you for letting me have this release. We are so worth it.
Birth moms are incredible people who make a huge sacrifice, completely based on love. You are great!
you gave that child life, you are a wonderful human ❤️
Thank you Julie for giving the world Ryan
amen!!!
Thank you Julia ❤
Yessss❤
I'm a therapist and thats only relevant because I just want you to know the lens of experience through which I say to you Ryan, that you are *incredible*. I see you, suddenly in technicolour context. And context is everything. I hear your values, your beliefs, your pain, your grief and most of all I see healing in action. This video is going to be a gift for so many people who have been through the process of giving up a child for adoption or have been adopted themselves. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of yourself with dignity, kindness and your ever present humour.
You are worth it Ryan. Every bit of it.
Ryan read these messages!!!! Thanks for saying that to Ryan :)))
@Robespierre-lI There are lots of reasons it can be difficult to get into the frame of reference around someone else's lived experience, but it's great you can recognise it creates a gap in understanding for you. Good on you for putting it where you can see it. You are less likely to trip and fall into the gap if you know it's there 😉
I think there’s something beautiful about the fact that your birth mum went back to the hospital to give you the best start she could and that her family delayed her services to give you the best goodbye they could. All humans are flawed, but she sounded like a gem and I’ve no doubt she is so very proud of you, Ryan. You made the family she hoped for you 1000 times over - your wife and daughter, your parents, your birth dad, and your countless tarpers who love you like family. You surpassed her wildest dreams for you. So you were absolutely worth it. xx ❤
There is some really beautiful symmetry there, that's lovely. Thanks for pointing that out.
How did the family know about Ryan’s schedule tho?
Ryans video from 2017 shows what a kind & grounded man he is by worrying about upsetting her life. He has obviously had a safe & loving upbringing by his mum & dad.
Literally, when he said he didn’t want to disturb the partner and children he hoped she went on to have, how selfless is that? Ryan showed his beautiful true colors putting this all together. It really pulled my heartstrings. Rest in peace to Julie
The sad part is that Ryan’s story is one with a happy ending but many adopted kids don’t have that happy ending and childhood. As a mother, I cannot imagine giving my child away not only bcs of love but bcs I only trust myself to ensure my child is kept safe, nurtured and showed kindness. I don’t know how people who give their children away sleep at night
@@mimibee409 What a nasty, uninformed and unnecessary comment.
Dude, she sacrificed 9 months of her life, gaining weight, being healthy, going through mood swings, aches and pains, labour pains etc, she decided to give birth to you.. she even came back for you when she heard about the surgery you had to go through after the delivery.. all these actions prove that she thought you were worth it. Giving you up wasn't for her, it was because she thought you were deserving of way better than she could've given you.. that alone proves that she thought you were worth it. So never ever question it again. Everything she has done for you has been her love letter to you.
This is so beautiful and true! ❤
This
I watched the whole video, and didn't cry....but reading your comment and thinking about Ryan and not ever meeting her.. that did it. Crying so damn much.
Beautifully said
Beautiful
My god Maia you just said one of the most beautiful things I've ever read ❤
My birth mom never held me. She said in a letter if she held me she never would be able to put me down. Your birth mom had strength and love beyond what most do.
She hugged me for the first time on my 36th birthday. I hope that it gave her some healing that she needed.
The fact she returned to give you those much needed hugs as a newborn says a million positive things about her. Bless her and the young man she gave life to and the Mum and Dad who have raised such a great man,
That she came back for you is hauntingly beautiful. It must have made her decision so much harder, and it must have intensified her pain by an unimaginable amount... But she knew you needed her. What an incredible act of love.
As an adoptive mom (four times! 2 girls, 2 boys) - I can say that you are a FANTASTIC representative of what adopted kids go through. Thank you for making your journey to find your birth-mom public. I am proud of you, I am sure your birth family is proud of you and your birth-mom is too. ❤
You’re a gem!! ❤
You know real love, unconditional love, that many bio parents don’t.
I don’t know you, but I love you!! 🤗
Acknowledging the trauma of adopted children is the most thing an adopted parent can do ❤
Beautiful. I just lost my mother and from this vantage point, it is so crystal clear to me that what your mother did for you was an act of pure love. We all love our mothers deeply, we’re wired for it, even when they are not in our lives. Grief is love with no place to go, the object of our love is no longer in the world. Healing comes from finally feeling the full force of their love for us. That love doesn’t die with them, they injected it into us before we were even born.
My bio-dad. He didn't want to be in my life. He's alive. I always question my worth and worthiness - started from the day he walked away and didn't come back. Hearing you say what you did just now.. questioning.. my heart shattered with my mouth muttering "no, you are worthy, you are worth it!".. now that it ended.. I realize maybe I am worthy too a little more than I did at the start of this video.. I owe thanks to you for that Ryan.
All my love, hugs, kisses, encouragement and acknowledgement that you are SO worth it. ❤
Thank you Julie for giving this world your son.
This is so mindblowing to me, that people have this self worth issues. I mean... I kind of get what you are saying. But me coming from a happy family, it's just so obvious to me that you are wrong, and that you have psyuchological issues. People don't make and rase children based on that child's worth! You decide to have a baby before you even know what will it be. You do it for yourself! Because you want to pour your life and love into someone. If you don't - it's because of your issues, not because there's smth wrong with the child! I mean some people raise even sick babies or criminal kids, it's not a competition, parents love is unconditional, you don't chose pafents nor children, you love your familly on instincive level. Your father had issues, either with himself, or with your mom (and probably both)b
Of course you are, it's him who's not worthy.
@kuroimushi9421 🫂 ❤️ thank you. Only has taken me 40 years to start to figure it out and a random podcast video from a sweet young man in Australia, but here we are! Baby steps! 💪🏻 thanks for the kind words. Much love.
I am currently very pregnant and about to become a mom. There is no possibility that You arent or weren't worthy. Zero chance. It is quite literally impossible. Anyone who walked away in that manner isn't worthy of You. They failed You. You didn't deserve that. You, much as the baby in my belly, came into this world as a precious miracle, and nobody had the right to treat you in any other way than loving you fiercely.
@@hannahthufvesson 🫂 ❤️
To everyone out there without a mum? Im a mum and im so so so proud of you, dear. Youre trying your hardest and im proud of the effort you make and the things you do. I love you, and youve come so far.
I do have a mom, but let's just say that as the firstborn daughter to parents who've made it clear they wanted a son, nothing you've written in your message above is something I've heard since I was a kid (or ever, to be honest, in the case of everything before the 'I love you').
I know I'm not the target audience for your comment- but it's been a hard year of really complicated emotions, combined with feelings of loss surrounding the end of childhood that I've been processing since turning 20 back in September... so it hit pretty hard to read regardless. In a good way. So, thank you. :)
I've never heard those words from my mum either. Thank you Charlie for those words even if not meant for me.
@alfonzo7822 of course it's meant for you. You're doing so well with what you have and I am so very proud of you sweetheart
@@danylynn1138 you are the target audience, when I said don't have a mum I meant more spiritual, whether they're dead or dead to you: I am so proud of you for being here, and trying your best. You never give up, even when you think you are, and that makes you stronger. So very proud of you lovely
@CheekieCharlie aww thank you soo much. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New year!
"Death of Opportunity" is really a crushing experience after a death in any complicated relationship. I wish you peace.
Oh yeh 💔
Rest in peace, Julie. Thank you for being so strong and so brave.
As a mother of 3 I promise you she was proud and thought you were more than worth it. When she came back to hold you after surgery she looked down into your face and was proud of what a strong little baby boy you were. When she made the hard decision to place you for adoption it was because she knew you were worth so much more than what she was able to offer you at that time. I’m so sorry that you never got to meet her and hear her say those words, but I promise you she felt them… she felt them and she thought of you every single day.
I’m an adopted 61yr old women. My birth mother sadly rejected me twice and I don’t have a name for my birth father. To see you and your story is heart warming. You are similar ages to my children. We are all in a club of sorts, same but different, I’m proud of you ❤❤❤
The fact that you are alive means you're worth it. No hassle, no burden, just a precious human.
Well said💙
💜💜💜
I needed to see this today. I’m a birthmother. I got to meet my son again at age 2, and then had pictures and letter from his family and a couple more meetings up until he was 18. At that time he visited me, my husband and his half brother and sister. Shortly after that we learned that he was addicted to heroin and in trouble with the law. He did jail time and a long, strict rehab. As soon as I could see him again I was on a plane, he was in his 20’s. We kept in touch and he did well, stayed clean for years, visited each other. Unfortunately, he relapsed, and I only heard about him from his parents for a while, until finally, my husband got a call and sat me down to tell me he had died. 32 years old. He had a long run, but it got him in the end and you know what? I’m still so proud of him. So very proud. I do feel guilty, but I made the same choice as your mom because I was too young, came from a bad situation and wanted to protect him from that and make sure he had two loving parents. He did, and an adoptive brother. I don’t know if there’s ever a right or perfect thing to do, but I tried so hard to do that for him. I’ve lost him twice, but I was never anything but proud of him.
I’m so sorry for your loss 🙏🏻
Wasn't ready for this. I'm holding my 11 month old daughter right now for her nap so it hit even harder. Bless you, both. I'm proud of you, Ryan. You're worth it.
Don't forget where your nose is!
Hey man. I'm in the same situation, the only difference being that I was taken and not given up. I did a search, found all the information a few years ago. Pretty sure I found my birth mother on facebook under same name, same small city. She has two kids in her pictures that look just like me. (I'm on a government adoption contact registry, if she was on it we'd be connected already) I debated contact for a very long time and decided that she has probably moved on from that portion of her life and may not want to bring that up, her kids may not know my sister and I exist (different fathers, same mother adopted together)
Your story I think has changed my mind, I think I'd rather be rejected again and KNOW that's what she wanted then find out it's too late.
Not much gets me.. but you got me dude. I'm happy you got to say good bye, and even meet some of your biological family.
Your mother sounds like a beautiful person. That part where she came back to the hospital to hold you tore me apart inside, I couldn't imagine having to do that.
I just had a boy myself. 4 months old.
Hey man, I hope things work out for you 🩷
I really hope it works out for you, esp as you were taken. I too would rather be rejected and get my closure, than grieve the missed chances.
I may not be your mother, Ryan, but I am a mother who is so proud of you. You are worth all the love that surrounds you. Thank you for being so transparent about this. Sending you lots of love. RIP Julie, and thank you for giving us Ryan.
Every single person who watched this and cried is so proud of you… and I’m 7 of them 😭🥺 this was a beautiful tribute ❤
❤❤❤ Agreed. It was beautiful. Yeah man. I'm bawling.
As a mother of 2 boys. The thought of giving up my children is heartbreaking, but your birth mother seems like a truly great person, to be able to see she couldnt give you what you needed but wanted you to be in this world. It's such a touching story, and thank you for sharing it with us. You are an incredible person and you are worth it and she would be proud of the person you became!
You both incredible people! ❤
“Well you skipped the first 30 years, so it’s probably the least you can do” 😂😂😂😂
I was eating while watching the video. I had to stop a few times because of the tears, but I also had to stop once because I was choking. The cause of it ? That "joke" from Toni 🤣
😂😂😂
I’m an adoptee too. I feel like television and movies always make these reunions with birth parents so magical and they run into each others arms like no time has passed. It’s just not that way, probably most of the time. A lot of us adopted in previous decades with closed adoptions had biological parents and even adoptive parents that did not want contact to happen. I remember as a kid imagining certain strangers and celebrities were my parents. And then when I was 20 and found my birth mom I had this idea that it would be a magical reunion and it wasn’t at all. I’m 37 now and we have not spoken since but I at least know reality now. I’m really sorry. This is all so complicated for us. Adoption is wonderful, but it’s also really really hard for everyone involved and there are so many levels of mourning even if you don’t discover they have passed away like you did. So I cannot imagine. Hugs.
It is so heartwarming how forgiving and grateful Ryan is. Instead of being angry and feeling left, he decided to be thankful, and I think that also has a lot to do with his adoptive parents. They must’ve told him that his bio mom made a decision for him, not against him. That is so beautiful.
That video towards the beginning was so heart wrenching. As someone who was adopted, I share the exact same sentiment. I am forever grateful for my biological mother because, even though she wasn't involved in it, she gave me my life.
She is the reason my mother and father could have a family of their own. She is the reason my brother has a sibling that will always love and care for him. She is the reason my grandmother could teach another grandchild how to cook and how to plant a garden.
So, in the end I want to say thank you to my biological mother for having the courage, the bravery, and the selflessness to give me my life.
Your birth mom clearly loved you so much. She knew you were worth it the moment she found out she was pregnant. The fact she went back to be with you when you were in pain is a testament to her love her strength. She gave up her desire to keep you so you could thrive. I’m sure she cherished those days in the hospital with you.
My daughter was born the day my nan died. Having her and my almost 2 yr old at her funeral really helped everyone to feel some joy... and now 5 years later my daughter really does seem to have the same cheeky spirit that my nan did and we get comments all the time. Her memory lives on.
Pretty sure this is the very first comment I’ve left on any UA-cam video ever, but as someone who grew up with several adopted family members and friends, and also as a TARPer, I felt compelled to say: Ryan, you are worthy. You’re worth it. You are enough. May your birth mother rest in peace - we are grateful that she gave us you!
Beautiful words for your first UA-cam comment. I’m glad you decided to post ❤ 🐨
Oh the tears. She loved you enough to give you up so you could have a better life. You are worth it. You've done good.
I did not expect to come to this channel and start crying. But here I am. All the hugs for you Ryan.
I am 42 years old & was adopted at 4 years old by the most amazing parents. The feelings you shared are the very feelings that have tormented me my entire life. I put myself through so much grief over not feeling worthy & honestly, I've never stopped struggling with it though I've come a long way with it. Big hugs to you Ryan. I greatly appreciate you sharing this. I genuinely empathize with you & wish you all the love & happiness you truly deserve.
Why did i watch this at work??? I've had to step away from my desk for a minute so I'm not answering customer calls in tears 😭😭😭 Ryan, I can only say... You are worth all of it!! 💗
Ahaha I do the same at work!
Regarding Mabel's nose: I'm married to someone who was adopted as a baby and I look around at my life and think about how much this absolute stranger inadvertently blessed *me.* Like, obviously my husband's life is better since it exists due to her, but so is so much more. There is so much more beauty in the world -- his life, his happy wife, his three children, the adoptive family -- all because of her. All this to say, I think bio-great-granny was very happy to see the joy from her daughter continue to grow and spread in the form of a little girl's nose.
In a way... I think that maybe how the family delayed the service for your beautiful birth Mother was in their way telling you that they were proud to meet you & you were absolutely worth it. ❤
My wife and I have been enjoying your clips for awhile and I felt I should say something here for you, Ryan, and for anyone else who needs it today.
I aged out of foster care, now as a parent, four out of five of our kids came to us via foster care. I am grateful to the birth mother of every one of our kids for their sacrifice, their love and their humility.
I'm deeply sorry you didn't get to speak with her before she passed.
I know I'm just a random dad on the internet, bud, but I couldn't be more proud of you and your accomplishments.
Ryan,
My condolences for your loss.
I'm sorry you didn't get to meet and speak with Julie. It was wonderful to hear that her/your family delayed the funeral so you could be there. Life and relationships are complicated, but that gesture alone shows how much you mean to Julie's/your family. It was heartwarming to hear she came back to cuddle you after your surgery... treasure that fact forever.
Sending you love and support from Canada.
100% she never ever forgot about those last hugs she came back for. you both needed them
As someone who was in foster care and then later adopted this really hit home. The life that you have made for yourself is proof that your birth mother made the right choice. You made her proud ❤
I bawled from the moment you said my mom passed, and I didn't stop. I'm sorry you never got to tell her what you wanted to but she hears you and you are so worth it! It was very sweet of her family to postpone and include you in her services. You are so worth it. I'm happy for you to of found and met your father and have even more family to love. Love & prayers 💜
6:10 This was the moment I started crying. As a new mom (my son is 7 months), I remember so strongly those first few days. Your mom saw your worth right then. She saw your worth and wanted to give you what she could, which at that time were cuddles and a warm embrace. While you are left grieving what could have been, I’m so glad you have received such a warm and welcoming embrace once again from your birth father and all the extended family members. You are worthy and worthwhile and worth so much. Thank you for sharing your life with us ❤
Being a person who’s in your Mable’s position, my dad never misses a chance to to tell me he loves me that I’m doing amazing and that he’s here for me for anything and everything. At 39 years old those words have NEVER lost their meaning. And I hope they never will.
He never got to meet his birth parents but he did get to meet his half sister. And it was everything to see that connection to realize it took 70 years for him to meet somebody who shared dna with him that wasn’t his child. But even then his sisters that he grew up with were by his side for it all.
For the record... I lost the bet .. I started crying when I saw thumbnail... I am so sorry for your loss... and for the fact that you never got to know her and I am so grateful that you brought us into a very sacred doorway to your heart ... I cried with you ... Much love to all ...
Thank you for the vulnerability. You two have brought so much joy to my life since I found your show. This was a very different episode, but it felt like you were making me, and everyone else a part of your family. So thank you from Sacramento, California, USA. You, Toni, and your family are amazing. I think we all feel like a part of the family.
And thank you Julie, for the brave and selfless decision to let Ryan live and grow up with a family who could take good care of him.
You made me want to call my birth mother who I have met but we don’t have a very close relationship and just tell her I love her and I am thankful that she carried me to term and gave me a life she thought I deserved… I couldn’t ask for a better birth mother. To my adoptive family I am so blessed to have everyone still alive and well. Your channel makes me laugh and feel things that no other channel can replicate you are wonderful people. I am currently expecting my first child and I’m not where I want to be in life however I am not getting an abortion. Your story is an amazing one, your story is a success story. I will carry my child to term and give them the life they deserve. I thank you for your contribution to my life. I always thought I was trying to prove myself to the world and all of my family members but she can see you she is proud. I have no doubt about that. I am sending you my love❤ wish me luck
Be strong you will be a wonderful mother. As a mother of a 26 year old I have always told her don't be afraid to tell me you are pregnant, we will all chip in and raise the child no matter what. I know some young ladies are not in that position and cannot rely on anyone else, but I hope you have a great support system in your family & friends. I wish you the very best of Luck.
Wow. I watched your video of finding your dad and excitedly began looking if you posted a video of finding your mom…sorry to hear that the result was different. The heartfelt genuineness of how you delivered the news of your mom’s passing and what that meant for your search, the eloquence in how you shared how important this was to you, to your adoption story, and being so appreciative of your family…was so amazing to watch. Thank you for reframing the loss to what you have gained now: more family, more connections, and a deeper love for your own daughter.
I started crying the moment I saw the video title come up.
I was hopeful this story was going the other way. Until the second the video started and the tone was somber. 😢
We are all proud of you, Ryan! You are clearly worth the hassle and I am also grateful for what Julie did for you because you make me smile and laugh all the time (almost as much as Toni does 😂) but you put such brightness into the world how would she ever not be proud of that. She’s in heaven so proud now.
All I can say is I'm sending all my love to Ryan. That was so sweet that they waited for you to be able to go to the service before they had the funeral. That shows how much you are cared for and considered by your bio fam. Be kind to yourself, much love
Since you are a parent yourself I think this will resonate. She was proud of you from the moment you were born, all you needed to do was cry when you took your first breath so that she knew that you'd be okay. All you need to do now is find self worth and feel proud of yourself because you have a lot to be proud of because you've grown up to be a great man. I wish I could give you a hug.
Meeting your biological parent for the first time is a lot. I met my father when I was 26. He was passing away and my half sister reached out and offered to fly me out to meet them and him. He was in a medically induced coma. 20 minutes before leaving to fly home he woke up and I got to speak to him and introduce myself. As I’m there trying to get words to come out he looks up at me and wiped the tears from my face and told me “I love you and have always known you even when I wasn’t there.” He passed shortly after I left back home. To this day I hold that memory so close to me. I love you Ryan and I hope your heart heals the way you want.
Ryan,
I seldom post comments on videos, but I found this one incredibly close to my own heart.
Wondering if your birth mom would have been proud of all of your amazing accomplishments in your life is, by definition, her being proud of you. Her act of sacrifice gave you the opportunity to make the most of your life. And that is clearly something you have done with amazing success. She gave you life, and you made the most of it. No one can ask more of anyone than that.
Continue to be the caring man, husband, father that you are today.
Ryan... Trust me, you were worth it. You are amazing and funny and so kind... you were worth it. You have an adoptive family that proves you're worth it. Don't ever doubt that she thought you would be and were worth seeing her pregnancy through, worth coming back to the hospital to give you the love and physical attention to ensure your recovery after you needed post birth surgery. If she didn't think your live was worth it, she would not have done any of that. Much love to you.
Ryan as a mom to a little boy I am telling you, you are worth it. I Think that is why she did what she did. She gave you the life she didn’t have, because she thought you were worth everything in this world and she wanted you to have it all. ❤❤❤
Being able to understand your adoption and the struggles of your birth mother is next level mental health capabilities. I’m so grateful that your story was a thank you and not a guilt trip. I’m so happy you’ve been so compassionate and respectful of her decision and the wonderful people who adopted you got their chance. Thank you for being such a good role model for adoptees finding their genetic mothers. Heaven bless your adopted parents. I’m so glad they got you. And heaven welcome your sweet mother who knew you could have a better chance at life. ❤❤❤❤
Just tears streaming down my face throughout this entire video! I don't know that I've heard more beautiful heartfelt words. Every sentence felt like it came from your soul and landed right on my heart. I hope that you are able to heal and find closure in saying goodbye and meeting your family. Rest in peace Julie.
I cannot speak for your mother ryan, but I can speak AS a mother. Julie loved you so SO much she didn't feel she could give you the life you deserved, the life she wanted to be able to give you. That is a mothers love that does not need grand gestures in order to feel proud of her child. odds are she didn't want to reconnect because she felt extreme guilt for having to let you go and had similar reasons for thinking its better left alone that you thought. If she had known you and what you do to lift peoples spirits in this heavy world she would have been immensely proud of you. I know every moment my son shows kindness and empathy towards others my heart swells with pride. She would be so proud of who you've become as a man and father. As a mom I feel shame and guilt daily that I cannot do better for my son, but my job is not just to provide material things for him, but to provide him the chance to grow and become a good man. Julie gave you that with her decision, there is no doubt in my mind she would be proud of you.
You are worth it, Ryan. You completely are, no doubt. You don't have to justify your existence; nobody has to. It's beautiful that you simply exist.
Ryan, thank you for sharing this with us. This is a really vulnerable part of your life and I think it will help a lot of people in similar places to hear it. I really appreciate the grace you also extend to birth mothers who often struggle silently with their decisions on multiple fronts. Beautiful that Julie still checked on you as you recovered - she loved you and wanted the best thing for you. I can’t imagine how hard and complicated these feelings must be bring a parent yourself. ❤ much love to you from across the pond
I’m crying here. Thank you for sharing your story.
I didn’t read the title just about to clean the dishes and wanted something funny, pressed play and put my hands in the water, now wet and deep into the video there was no going back. Tears streaming down my cheeks. How beautiful. Thank you for sharing such personal stories and showing us how to love and appreciate others. Even when they make hard decisions we may not understand. 🩷
Okay, so I'm officially a puddle of tears on the floor watching this. Thank you for sharing, my heart breaks for you, but you are such an inspiration, Ryan. Love you two, thank you for being real and making everyone laugh, but also being authentic and sharing the sad stuff as well.
My dad (my favourite person ever) passed away within a couple of weeks last year September, and humour is what helps get you through the loss and grief - gotta love dark humour. Grief and loss never truly leaves us, but with friends and laughter and loved ones, it's bearable. ❤
Ryan, from a mother, please know that everything you have ever done, every breath you've taken, every mistake, every fall, every time you got back up, every laugh, every smile, everything, has always been worth it. You are worth the world, and she was proud.
Rest in peace, Julie. Thank you for giving us Ryan. ❤
I found my birth mother and I'm happy to get to know her. She wasn't able to give me any information about my birth father but I found him as well. Unfortunately, I found him 6 weeks too late. I get it. You're right, she gave you life, then loved you so much, she gave you the only other gift she could, the chance at a better life. I hate that you felt "not good enough" because it's quite the opposite most of the time. You're everything and her giving you a chance was proof of that.
I'm blubbering like a fool! You are so worth it Ryan ❤. Thank you for sharing with all of us.
Julie will be watching over you now and I don't doubt She will be your guardian angel.
She will have been extremely proud, I don't doubt that for a second. As a mother I see how much of an amazing man you are, you aren't responsible for your birth mothers feelings, please remember No matter what she felt though, you are still worthy and your worth doesn't depend on anyone else but you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us all, remember energy never dies it just transcends 💖
As a fellow adoptee, this really hit me in the feels- thank you for sharing your story. It is so important to hear and to show we have nothing to be ashamed of, and neither do our birth mothers
She came back for you when she knew you needed her. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to say goodbye to you and walk away from that hospital the first time. And then she came back knowing she would have to go through that pain again.She showed you then you were worth it. She loved you. And I'm sure she is looking down at you and your family smiling.
I just cried with you. Grief is a painful and beautiful thing. It's never a bad thing to feel Grief, finding healing when it is needed. "What is Grief but Love persevering."
Ryan, you’re a dad and you know that all you really want for your child is to be healthy and happy. She doesn’t need to change the world. She doesn’t need to do anything special to earn her place.
You deserved to be born as much as any child. I know your mom would have been so proud of you, no matter what. I’m glad she gave the world you, even if not a single one of us knew your name. You have always been enough!
Ryan, you are worth the hassle every day, in every way. We are all proud of you x
Wow. From one who had a similar childhood - what amazing strength, courage, and love you showed her & her family at her funeral. Hugs to you and Mabel.
So sorry for your loss. You would make any mother incredibly proud!❤❤
Ryan, you're INCREDIBLE. I can see healing, grieving and an appetite to be better to your daughter. You ARE worth it
You have so many mums that are seeing you live your best life. We are all proud of you, you are so worth it ❤️❤️ x
Even though we've never met, I am proud of you, Ryan, and you are most definitely, worth it.
You bring smiles, laughter and joy to people's days and lives. Probably more than you realize.
Much love to you and the family you have created. ❤❤❤
It's breaking my heart knowing now that back in London when I gave both of you a hug and was joking around with you, you just had heard the news. And yet you took so much time for every single one of your listeners, making us all feel like we're part of a greater family. Not only do you have your own lovely family and friends, you've created an even bigger, global family. Ryan, you are enough! ❤
She's proud, Ryan. Without a doubt. You achieved more than she could have ever dreamed of for you. ❤ You proved that she made the right decision over and over again. You were given every opportunity she never would have been able to give you and she would have been so, so happy to know how wonderfully you turned out.
Ryan, being an adoptive parent to a little boy.. I hope my boy will talk about me the way you talk about your adoptive parents. So much love to you and your family!
Wow. This was such a tearjerker, and so full of complex emotional highs and lows. You're so kind for sharing this. Big virtual hugs all around.
Crying watching this. How brave to share and be so vulnerable in front of the whole world. Ryan, you are worth it and thank you for countless hours of laughter and joy. You are loved, appreciated and worth it! ❤
I’ve put off listening or watching this episode because I didn’t know if I’d understand on the level that you and Julie deserve. But the way you portrayed your appreciation to your birth mom for loving you enough to give you the life you deserved had me in tears. This was beautifully done and you can feel the love radiating through the screen. Seeing the deeper parts of this group has me loving it so much more.
As someone who had met you and hanged out with you, I know your mom was definitely proud of you. You’ve accomplished so much and she knew that she made the best decision she could have at that time. It’s one of the reasons why many people follow and love this podcast I’m sure. Just because of how caring both of you guys really are.
Giving up a child is NO easy feat. We live with it every single day. She is 15 now, I am not in her life. She knows who I am. I pray my decision to give her to the family she is with loving her wildly was the best choice. My inability to care for her the way she deserves is of no fault of her own-but mine. I pray for her every day. I hope she grows into an amazing woman and lives a beautiful life
Ryan, I’m also adopted and I think you feel the same way most of us feel. She is proud of you know in your heart that she is so proud of you. I’m so glad you found your biological family it’s a great feeling to know your history. Sending all the love from Texas. I found my biological family too when I was 30. I hope you continue to get to know about Julie and your biological family.
I'm a mom and I'm so proud of you! My son is much younger but if he was as happy and accomplished in life as you in his later years, I'd be beaming. You are so strong to share this part of your life. As strong as you are you are vulnerable as well- which is a type of strength. Nothing we can say can fill that hole from your mom but know there are people all over the world who care about you and Tony. And that's because of the work you've done. - Allyssa, USA
f'ing hell, I'm just going to cry for a while now. What a fantastic tribute to your birthmom!
Huge respects for attending the service. You’re amazing and had she gotten to know you she’d see too how amazing you turned out to be
The same unbelievable grace Julie had while making sure he had the best future and even showing back up for him at the hospital when that future wasn't there for him yet, is the same grace that was definitely passed on to Ryan with his grateful and loving acknowledgement of her plight. Ryan, she would have been so incredibly proud of that alone. I'm sorry you never got to thank her. You're 1000% worthy. ❤️🩹
That was a beautiful tribute. I’m not adopted. But I do have a dead mom. And I am an end of life care provider. And I can say, without a doubt in my mind- Julie would be proud of you. You being so much light and happiness to the world. The amount of laughter and smiles that you and Toni share… she would be proud. I hope that in meeting her family, you are able to heal. I’ve seen a lot in my line of work, that makes me question what I think I believe in, or what I think I know. So I am also certain, that wherever she is, she is seeing the beautiful life you were granted, and what you built for yourself. She sees the joy this show brings. She sees your beautiful family. And she doesn’t regret the decision she made for you. And she is proud. You don’t know me. I live across the globe from ya. But just know, I’m proud of you too. You don’t need my pride and validation. But if you read this, just know I’m over here in Eastern Canada, with a heart full of pride for you. And I hope you can feel that for yourself. And if you can’t, go home and look at your beautiful family, watch the joy in your little girls face as she tells people where their nose is… and know you did good. Julie did the hardest thing any parent could do. And you and your family took it, and made it the best possible outcome of all of the ways it could have turned out.
Thank you for the vulnerability. For sharing your experience. And normalizing so many things- grief in various shapes and forms, therapy, happiness in the face of challenges, and and and. Love and light to you all.
Toni and Sophie give him a huge hug from all of us ❤
As a mom of two and grandmother of three, I want you to know YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Ryan you are SO worth it ❤ Toni's restraint not to have rushed over to enclose you in a huge hug was also so incredible too 🥰 I guarantee that Julie always wanted to be worthy of you too, her reluctance to see you being more about her, her personal issues, fears & regrets rather than anything to do with you. I'm so grateful to the family for delaying the funeral to give you the opportunity to at least say goodbye, even though you never got to say hello. Just by surviving you'll have made her so incredibly proud, before any of your other amazing achievements, & I love the idea of her getting to listen to you as a Tarper ❤
My brother and his wife have just adopted two siblings who didn’t know each other existed. Their mother has had a lot of children and has given all of the, up due to her habit. As much as I can’t fathom getting pregnant multiple times whilst on drugs (or not, I’ve never wanted kids and have done very thing I can to make sure I don’t but I get it’s not always on the woman weather that happens or not) I do think she has some sense of decency to willingly give them up for a chance at life. I can tell you this, my brother and his wife lost three babies before birth. These two children will be the most cherished children I know. Anything and everything will be given to them by our family. They are loved, they are family they are ours, they are a bloody blessing. Adoption is incredible.
Ryan, you are so loved. The love she couldn't readily give was not lost. Energy is not created nor destroyed - her love got divided up and now, people world wide delight in knowing you and your wonderful humor. You are so very very loved. And so are you Toni and Sophie. ❤
This is one of the biggest displays of strength and vulnerability. You, Ryan, are such a precious person. Thank you for sharing this and showing us all what humanity and love can look like.