Why Weddings Are So Expensive Now... And Is It Worth It?
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
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In today's video we are talking about weddings today - the rising costs, expectations and how they compare to the past.
0:00
1:21 Weddings are more of a status symbol now
4:52 The Wedding "Tax"
6:58 Inflated vendor prices... do they make sense?
11:48 Tipping & weddings
12:35 The costs to attend a wedding
15:05 The cost of being a bridesmaid
19:07 Is the cost worth it?
19:44 The rise of luxury micro weddings
21:17 are weddings a preformance?
22:34 RSVP'ing no to a wedding
24:50 Wedding gifts
26:43 My random wedding hot takes
30:16 What do you guys think?
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Instead of hosting an expensive wedding, we bought a beach house. We held the ceremony on the dune path in front of our house and the reception was catered by a taco truck. My wife's wedding dress cost $32 and she looked absolutely stunning.
That's so cool especially having a beach house which is for long term use and has a location for the wedding 😍
Love this!!
I always thought I wanted an extravagant wedding then I realized I just wanted an extravagant wedding so I can end up with extravagant photos. This is when I realized I can just spend a fraction of the cost just to focus on the photoshoot.
As in, spend on the photo shoot / trip, or spend on the wedding? Wym?
@@missmia196 forget the wedding, get professional photos done and call it a day.
I'm a photographer. It BLEW MY MIND that some photographers charge $20k for wedding photos. It is definitely gonna cost more than a one or two hour shoot since it is an all day affair with a lot of pressure to get certain shots, but it shouldn't be $20k!
I know some phenomenal photographers who would charge less than a quarter than that for wedding photos. Not discounting the fact that $2,000-$3,000 is a lot of money, but that's a pretty competitive price.
It’s like a lot of couples are paying for a day of happiness and a lifetime of debt.
And lots of added stress w planning and wedding drama
With happiness not even being guaranteed 😅
Realistically the parents are paying for all of it.
Especially in the US. Many Other countries and cultures are more settled about this. It’s all about family and CLOSE friends.
Ha...in some countries like India it is far worse than the US...and always has been. Families go into financial ruin for weddings. It is sad, really.
We got married in my parents backyard, $5k budget, delicious taco truck, Trader Joe’s flowers, Costco alcohol, family and best friends only, and a dress code of “whatever you find most comfortable.” It was the best decision we could have made.
To me the absolute biggest and best reason to not have an expensive wedding is that any money you don’t spend can go toward your life and goals as a couple. We expedited buying a house, future retirement, and just living an overall better life because we didn’t sink our life savings into a wedding.
People should do what they want, but I think it’s really dangerous how normalized it is to go into debt or just make really bad financial decisions for a one day event that has zero impact on the quality of your life or the strength of your marriage.
This makes so much sense to me. People just want to have a fun, casual time celebrating the newly married couple. Some good (not expensive) food, drinks, music and dancing is what is fun for me at a reception.
Sounds fun!!
FACTS!!!
My friend's eloping & then going on her honeymoon. When she & her husband get back in about a month, they'll have a party with their friends & families.
@@lowkey_babe77 I met a woman whose friend took out a loan for her wedding. She ended up divorcing her husband & is STILL paying off the loans she took out for the wedding.
Do you remember that big wedding we went to around 10 years ago?
No...?
Neither do I. And neither do about 95% of the other guests.
And that couple is 50% likely to be divorced.
@@nancydineen6797😂😭💀
but surely you still remember how you had to work a lot harder to pay for it before and especially after the wedding.
So what are you trying to act here ? :)))
I'll never forget that wedding."
"I wasn't invited."
My entire extended family and our friends remember my brother's wedding from 2017 and my aunt's wedding from 2005...
My husband and I got married on a public beach in Florida in 2019, had 12 guests, and reception dinner at a local restaurant, cake from Publix, flowers from Trader Joe’s and my wedding dress was $75 from ASOS. TOTAL including literally everything (photographer and travel expenses, etc etc) was less than $5,000 for a 5 day trip to the beach and wedding. We didn’t go into debt and we had a great time!! We’re also still happily married :) One thing I would do differently is I would’ve done my own hair but that’s it!
My parents just had a pot luck in their backyard, a few kegs of beer, and played some records. That's the way to do it.
Fine except a potluck is takky for a wedding... why should others pay for their wedding
Recently attended an international bach that ran me close to $2k and going to an international wedding for the same person. Neither destinations were culturally significant for the person, but just what they wanted. Influencer-level weddings have been normalized in a lot of circles around me to the point where I feel like I can't speak out about it, so thanks for this video!
Weird I have a friends sister who seemed to have exactly this Bach/ wedding recently
I just wish brides sent out an anonymous (or even not) survey asking people what they can afford BEFORE choosing their bachelorette itineraries. I guess it's two philosophies: 1) it's my bachelorette, I'll do what I want and people can say no (but will likely feel pressure not to) 2) I want all my friends to be able to come, so I'll keep equity in mind. 🤷🏻♀️
I think the bottom line is - we've become too self-absorbed. Yes weddings are definitely your day, but you can also be thoughtful/considerate and moderate your expectations accordingly.
I just got married two weeks ago. We had 50 guests of our closest family and friends. It was intimate and so great to look around the room and know everyone’s face there. We also emailed/texted our invitation, didn’t have bridesmaids, and asked for no gifts.
Can I ask how much this ended up costing? This is the kind of wedding I'd like to have too!
Shelby, loving this series! Talking about those timely, but difficult convos which help to free ourselves of rigid societal pressures. I used to be a part time weekend catering employee, there were so many couples/families who really couldn't afford the wedding they paid for. Day of declined credit cards for the day of necessary extras, having to ask extended family members for baseline wedding expenses after the couple/their parents max out their credit and resources early in the process. I witnessed so many wedding day financial fights between families to where it ruined the day for themselves completely. I've been a bartender where they couldn't tip us until a couple of weeks later due to finances.
I hope that couples get back to the wedding they can afford and put the financial focus on their future to include their savings, investments and home.
Right love thus too
14:43 I’m SO glad you’re addressing bachelorette parties!!! I was the first to get married and have a child, so all my friends were at my bachelorette party, which was a night out in our hometown. When my friends started getting married, it was Nashville, Vegas, Ft. Lauderdale, etc. for theirs. If it was a drivable distance and I didn’t have to take off work, I’d go, but I missed many of them and my friends were honestly kind of mad. I had an infant or toddler and a limited amount of PTO, most of which I used on my daughter when she was sick with constant ear infections the first two years of her life. If I had PTO days to actually use for fun, I wanted to spend them with my baby and my husband.
its sad how brides just expect their friends to spend boatloads of money on them. its so entitled
One of my friends who was the first to get married had a Bach party in Key West (we went to school in Miami) but I had moved away by that point and didn’t have the cash to do that and the wedding that was at a fancy hotel. She was SO kind about it, and when the rest of the group has gotten married, she couldn’t always do the Bach parties bc she had kids and no one was mad! Bc WHAT?!! You’re friends! You should understand each other. Just be open and communicate. I’m very thankful we’ve had this relationship.
My friend is having a destination wedding in Maui and a bachelorette in Cabo… I’m a bridesmaid (1 of 12) so I’m expected to go. I just moved across the country and switched jobs when I was told about the bachelorette and I asked my friend what the estimated cost for the bach was, since the flight to the wedding alone will put me out ~$800 and I don’t have PTO with my job…
The Bach is next week and we are already more than double what I was told to budget and every day a new cost is being added. 😵💫 Everyday is also a themed outfit… it’s so stressful especially since im a really frugal and financially responsible person. My friend (bride) already expressed her frustration to me that her other friend (not a member of the bridal party) is missing the Bach for his dirty 30 trip to Thailand, so there is clearly no option to opt out without damaging the friendship….
@whoisceleste we are experiencing the same exact thing. It is making me question whether I will still be as close to this person after all is said and done. Our values have diverged more than I realized due to our differing relationships with social media. If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, I would have said no to being a bridesmaid. It's feeling like a job with a growing contract I can't deliver on without sacrificing more than I anticipated. Like a sorority I can't opt out of or get a scholarship for. My therapist had to really force me to realize that I had a choice to say no even though it felt like I didn't (without being a "bad" friend).
@@anonygirlyI had to set aside money in abudget for weddings from the time I was 18 until the time I was 35. I kind of knew which of my friends, siblings, and cousins would ask me to be in their weddings, and I had an idea of when they would be getting engaged and tying the knot. I HATED moving money to a savings account for weddings every single month, especially when there wasn’t even one currently on my calendar, but that I knew would be coming eventually so I had to make sure I had money set aside for it. I am honored to have been a part of so many peoples special days, I don’t want to act angry, but the day I was in my last wedding, was the best day ever!!!! The weddings got very expensive for me since I was the first in my friend group and family to have kids, because everybody would ask my two adorable girls to be in their weddings as flower girls…I kid you not, that tripled the price for the dress, hair, etc. I’m so glad my days of being a bridesmaid are over!!! But now, I’m saving for my daughters’ future weddings. It never ends!!! 🤣🤣🤣
My best friend had the most beautiful and special wedding at her parents place. Granted, they own a beautiful property in Northern California with gardens and plenty of space. But the wedding was special because the bride and groom decided on a potluck event. They had friends play music instead of hiring anyone. They asked everyone to bring a dish and had people sign up for main, sides, etc. Friends provided wine they made themselves, flowers they grew, etc. The bridesmaids were given a volor to wear and they bought or borrowed dresses (second hand is souch more affordable). The community just came together and it was the best wedding I've ever been to. They paid maybe $5,000 out of pocket.
These stories feel much more natural and communal, as well. Better for humans and for Earth.
My cousin’s wedding (I already agreed to be a bridesmaid in in 2022) is in May in Paris and the tickets were going to be $2,000 each for my husband and I. That’s $4,000 only in travel 🙃 I told her we couldn’t make it and luckily she was very understanding. Thank goodness. It caused me so much anxiety.
Its free to get married at city hall. Do a little party shouldn't cost much at all.
Just got married at a courthouse. It was not free. The marriage license was $110. It was $23 to reserve a time to go into the courthouse for the ceremony (they do take walk-ins, but it's never guaranteed). The fee for them to conduct the 5 minute ceremony was $104. So altogether $237 to get married at the courthouse. This is California BTW. Still affordable, but not free.
My husband (29M) and I (27F) dated for 9 years. We skipped getting engaged (which could be a whole other video you could do). We didn't tell anyone in advance and had fun texting and calling people the next day. We live outside of D.C., these were our costs: Marriage License ($30), Certificate Fee ($3), Officiant/Lawyer ($75), White Dress from Amazon ($40), Suit (already owned), Fancy Dinner with Tip ($200).
As many wise people have said, it doesn't matter how expensive marriages are, the divorce will always be more costly.
Eloped in Hawaii (a whole week!) for a FRACTION of the cost of a 5 hour wedding/reception. basically a wedding and honeymoon all in one. No regrets at all! No drama, no dj, no paying for other people to eat, I couldn’t bring myself to having a “typical” wedding
I got married back in 2009. We made a pact that we only spend cash on the wedding, not credit but cash only. I truly love how our wedding turned out. I'm listing some of the things we did. These may not all translate in 2024 but it definitely made a difference for us!
I found my dress at David's Bridal for $100, it was absolutely beautiful. The alternations were more than dress lol
The guys wore black shirts and we bought them the ties
We got married at a civic center and had the reception in the same place. It was so pretty and the tables, chairs, etc was all their
We rented our linens
I got my makeup done at the mall-I paid for the products and that was it!
The photographer stayed all day, edited the pics, and we were responsible for printing the ones we wanted
I found my cake maker online she was a home baker and omg the cake was beautiful and delicious
I got married in 2016. I DIYed a lot of my wedding. Mainly due to living in a rural area where there wasn’t a lot of options for different wedding services at the time. These are some things that I did.
1. I bought all my bridesmaids dresses (& shoes) at JC Penney’s and dyed them myself. We also paid for all of the groomsmen’s outfits and shoes.
2. No florist in the area locally that decorated for weddings, so we bought faux flowers at Dollar Tree & made our own bouquets, table bouquets, reception & ceremony floral decor.
3. We DIYed a wedding arch with tree branches from the park we were getting married in (also free)
4. Let family friends cater our reception that had their own restaurant business. They added their own touches by getting custom catering outfits that perfectly matched our decor and served everyone at the tables. It was such a special touch that I still remember.
5. Let in-laws who were getting into event planning pitch in and help decorate. They were a huge help. They made special details like folding napkins for the reception in an intricate way and helped with table arrangements.
6. Anyone that you know that has a skill in something, let them help you. Our wedding would have been a total disaster if it weren’t for the help that was extended to us
7. I didn’t have a bachelorette party. I just had a wedding shower and let a family member host it.
8. Did my own bridal makeup after learning some tutorials on UA-cam and hired a girl fresh out of Cosmetology school to do my bridal hair.
9. Bought press on nails for my bridesmaids for their wedding nails
As a full time wedding photographer I TOTALLY agree with you on tipping.
Forget the cost! Why not just choose to get married in front of your immediate family and close friends at a nice resort hotel over a long weekend?
I guarantee it will be more meaningful and memorable for all involved.
This is what I’ve been having in mind lately for when it’s my time to be wed. Would save a big blowout celebration for vowel renewal / reaching a milestone year within the marriage instead
I love these solo podcast style videos Shelby!!!
I worked as a wedding photographer for quite a few years and I understand why they charge so much. There is a lot of back and forth emailing with planners or brides, consultations, there is usually a long drive to a wedding which takes gas, if it’s in the city it’s parking fees. You have to take so much equipment with you, back up cameras, lenses, lights, all kinds of batteries, memory cards etc…those things aren’t cheap, you also have to have insurance, also pay assistant or a second shooter per hour, and real editing doesn’t take “an afternoon”. If you want to do a quality editing, it takes a lot more than an afternoon to do. It takes culling, Clearing up skin, straightening verticals/horizontals, remove some objects, on top of editing with presets or actions to “your style”. You can’t just batch edit everything and think it looks good. Also taxes take up a lot too. So at the end of the day, out of $5000 a good chunk of change is gone and you make per hour good money, but it’s not that great considering all the time you spend per wedding. If you do an engagement shoot, and a wedding, you can easily spend 40 hours working with just one couple between all the emailing, consultations, driving, shoots, editing etc.
yes ! there's a lot of work happening that people don't see and are aware of. i mean, if someone only takes 50 pics at a wedding they surely only do need an afternoon but not for the amount of photos a photographer usually takes.
also: the product people pay for are edited photos not raw files. it's strange to want to have them if it's not stated in the contract.
THIS!!! I shoot wedding myself and it’s just not the x hours you are present at their wedding, there’s a shit ton of work that happens before you arrive that day and after you leave. Hate that there’s so many people around who just don’t get that.
That part...
Yes, and also forgot to mention the “post wedding hangover” that most of us would get after a wedding without drinking a single drop of alcohol. You wake up the next day feeling legit hangover, like you were run over by a truck, headache and no energy. I stopped shooting weddings, coz it would be so bad, that by the reception time I would be already taking advil, coz I would get a massive headache from caring backpack and two cameras around my neck and shoulders. The toll it was taking on my body was insane.
My husband and I got married to each other as a second marriage. We had a secret wedding the court house on our actual anniversary of our first date and 4 months later we hosted a garden cocktail party and invited our closest friends and family. They all thought they were attending an engagement party and announcement after being together for 6 years but we instead had a ring exchange and a fabulous party. Everyone was surprised and it was beautiful! We had 50 guests and I made most of the food. A friend of mine who owned a wonderful BBQ place provided meat and we had a bar. Lovely!
My husband and I eloped in a park with two close friends, then we went camping for the weekend! It’s been 3 years and I don’t regret it at all nor do I feel like I ‘missed out’ in anyway. Not everyone wants or can afford a big wedding so it’s great to see that getting normalized too.
Loved this video btw 👏
All these service industries don’t understand that with the ridiculous markups that they are doing post covid will just turn off customers from utilizing their services and will affect them long term 🤷🏽♂️. Supply-Demand curves are undefeated.
Social media has made an industry of weddings rather than the joyful celebration of a couple celebrating a commitment to a lifetime commitment, it’s sad because who even believes what they’re seeing on social media anyway.
Really enjoying the commentary videos with hot topics with things that need to be said
I love these research series. Very informative and entertaining to listen to during my drives. Keep up the good work ❤
Great video! I really enjoyed watching this!
My husband and I got married at the New York Manhattan Bureau (more commonly referred to as "City Hall") - it's actually a very beautiful building in downtown Manhattan, and the vibes are filled with everyone who is so happy it's also their special day!
A downtown NYC open bar + a restaurant buyout for the evening for our reception, being careful to not mention "wedding", came to about $20k. We enjoyed the "compromise" of being able to celebrate with friends and family but also not have to go through the whole logistics and expenses that weddings call for.
We had a surprise wedding and it was awesome! Our families were getting together to celebrate my husband's birthday and we showed up all dressed up and with our officient. It was the best night of my life! We had so much fun. And very cost effective. 0 stress.
I love this!!!
Awesome video and I'm excited to hear more about what you found.
Girl this spoke to my soul on how I feel about weddings and the cost and the level of expectation! So well done!
Interesting what you say about being a prop and a big wedding being about status. Totally agree!
This series is so good. Keep it up. Your channel is going to blow up
I’m so happy that you’re bringing awareness to these kinds of situations. You have all good points. Personally, my husband and I got married during Covid and had a backyard bbq themed wedding but rented out a VRBO (so we could stay and other friends & family) & it was a wedding themed but very low budget. Dress, food, decor, all lower budget. I think total we spent MAYBE 4k on a 50 person wedding and had help from family. We didn’t want to start our marriage in debt. We honestly didn’t even go on a honeymoon until a year or so after! We still hear from people that attended our wedding that it was one of the funnest yet. It was super laid back. We had music going, people were dancing or playing yard games and it was less stress. I will say, the day itself goes by SOOOO fast and honestly it is a stressful time… so if anyone wants to elope, do a budget wedding, or get married at their church then go for it! Or even if you want a big extravagant one, It’s your day and the people who really love and support you will be there and not judge. & from personal experience, I will say… the simpler… THE BETTER!
one thing i’ve always thought was such a HUGE contribution to cost of weddings are the venues. I got married in a community center gym for $700 and i was able to decorate and make it look more presentable and it honestly saved me thousands. We were getting quoted $5k-$10k for just the venues alone & you had to use whichever caterer they worked with which some people like but i personally did not. I liked the freedom of being able to choose & shop around for caterer/bartenders.
Totally loved all the points you made in this video!
I like your commentary series :) Lots of good stuff! I like how you are incorporating a lot of good material, video clips, statistics...The clip of the woman telling her friend about the trip to Greece was hysterical. And I think this is the first time you said shit on your main channel. You are letting your personality shine differently. It is good :D I like the color themes you are using for the narrative, pinks, purples, pastels soft and calming. You are easy to look at and your voice is interesting, your lisp is good and holds the listeners attention. Like I said before, you are already used to speaking to the camera and you talk well in a smooth flow without blunders and stuttering. You can talk for a long time and continue to hold interest. Holding the mic is kind of funny. I like it. It is like so in the face. Like, "do you see my mic? This is the commentary series". :D No! It is funny in a good way!! Is it heavy to hold for so long? No! it is good!! I'm just wondering. I saw you show the statistics for the commentary series vs others. I am happy for you. I think you should take this exact forum and copy it onto a podcast. Maybe you are seeing how it goes here first?
PS I was thinking of changing my wardrobe to eliminate color and go all neutral. Seriously.
We had a late lunch wedding and reception. The venue already had fresh flowers in the tables from the morning brunch.
I had friends make my wedding dress, do my photography, and make my wedding cake! It was a lovely day celebrating our commitment, not just entertaining our guests.💗
Really loving the new format of these videos!
I love your commentary videos! Keep them coming :)
Loving these videos ❤
I loved your take! Very balanced. Shelby if you are going to keep going on the wedding series, I’d love a deep dive on big engagements. The diamond ring is a fairly new expectation and there is a lot behind the mark up of the rings and how it was marketed to the general population as a way of proving your love to your fiancé. It’s a super interesting topic!
Another well done video I love when you tackle these interesting subjects and are so HONEST about them which is refreshing. very well done
We went to the district court, bought a goodwill dress and nice shirt. It was so us. We did not invite anyone! We took photos on our phones with self timer. My wedding day was perfect. In total we paid $100 for the day including our filing fees.
Great takes💓
Reward the marriage with a wedding after being married 10 years.
THIS!!!!!
What do u mean????????
@@lowkey_babe77
This is so much more meaningful!!!
OK, this video was so fun to watch and so funny I just had to subscribe to your channel! Thank you so so much for putting this together. I am in the process of planning a wedding and it’s so stressful and this just made me feel so much better so thank you!!!!
I've never watched your videos before this series, but these are really good, nice move
I planned my wedding on a budget and had a wonderful time! We kept it under 10,000 with 100 guests. A day to get down with my bad self and party with my family, we definitely did not have to go into debt for it and it was beautiful ❤.
My hot take is that it matters to have your inner circle there to represent you in that initiation of the next chapter of your life. I agree that it is overpriced in the consumer world. But there are many creative ways to still have fun and respect the people who know, love, and raised you. That lifelong commitment is not meaningless and should be witnessed and acknowledged by your community.
I love the description of being a prop. Especially when you do EVERYTHING for a bride and then they only hang out with married couples from then on! I believe there are tax advantages to a non-profit as a location. Covering that angle with a cool accountant buddy would be interesting.
Spot on on every issue. Well done.
I got married this past summer and looked hard into the tipping culture to make sure we were budgeting properly for it. Small business owners actually don’t require a tip. It’s appreciated but many of them say they’d rather get a review online. However, it is customary to tip say, your day-of coordinator, DJ, and florist delivery people.
I happily skipped a bachelorette party and we did not do a bridal/groom party. We just had our siblings up at the alter with us! We also ordered batch flowers to save money and invited family over to help us make bouquets/centerpieces. We purposefully prioritized a pretty outside venue so we didn’t have to do as much decor, and got married in the town that my parents live in so that we could get help organizing from family. It turned out that afforded us some local discounts too :)
We went to a friends wedding this past September, held in the backyard of the bride’s family’s cabin. It was BEAUTIFUL & so much fun! Our entire friend group constantly talks about how great it was & my fiancé & I want something exactly like that 🥹
Shelby’s takes are all refreshing
My fiancé and I are eloping on a mountain top in September. I did buy a wedding gown from a bridal shop and we booked an amazing photographer. We booked a cabin near the mountain and we booked a honeymoon cabin in the Southern part of WV. We are doing a a party the following weekend with our family and closest friends. We are not asking our parents for help, and we are saving for the elopement/party. It’s mind blowing to me that people are able to spend that much on a wedding when in reality, every person I’ve talked to regrets spending that much. They all say they would elope if they could go back in time.
Im addicted to your videos Shelby 😂🤦🏽♂️ even topics I don’t really care about, you make the videos really pleasant entertaining and informative. ❤️💯
I am 100% the "no" wedding guest. I will spend the money the wedding would have cost me to attend on a gift for the couple, in order to not have to go, and sometimes that's a lot. I declined my best friend's destination wedding because frankly, I'm not spending my entire week of vacation for that summer on attending anyone's wedding. --- In general a lot of people seem to forget that getting married and having a wedding are not the same thing.
It's insane to me, as a European, that there is pressure not only on the people getting married but also on the people attending (spending a lot of money to attend a destination wedding, being dressed a certain way,...) This is all so boring and unnecessarily stressful.
If you want a destination wedding ? Unless you pay for my flight and hotel ,I won’t be there.
I really love these series, keep them up❤😊
I was at a wedding you and Monica shot on Oct 12th 2019 (rather than mention whose wedding it was lol). It was the last time I saw my ride or die best friend of 15 years. We had such an amazing day. I didn’t know of course that it would be the last time we would see each other (there was a a lot of laugh-crying). So whenever I see your videos, you take me back to that day.
As a person struggling to have a wedding, couldn’t agree 100% more with this video.
Fairly frequent wedding singer here. Small weddings make for FAR FAR happier couples IMO. (on the day, I mean). Ive played some massive weddings and often get asked to call last orders since I have a mic - the look on the brides face every time is one that shouts "ITS OVER ALREADY"?" Don't spend your life savings on weddings folks. Its over in a flash.
It depends heavily on the price point. Its like the divide between state schools and expensive private schools. Both fill the same purpose. It doesnt have to be expensive. Either way your gonna have a good time with people you love
Slightly old source but in 2014 Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo M. Mialon published a study that found evidence that "marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony"
Not surprising! Starting out a marriage with debt is crazy especially since the biggest motivator of divorce is money management.
I had a backyard wedding and it was beautiful and so much less stressful
This was a great video! I agree - brides do need to think of their friends and their budgets, and be ok if a friend can't make it or can't do more. I had a best friend of over 10 years end our friendship because I forgot a greeting/wedding card for her wedding even though I had spent over $1600 that I didn't have to be a bridesmaid at both weddings. I had just come out of unemployment and been at my new job for two weeks around the same time. Life is wild sometimes lol.
I love these videos Shelby, you should start a podcast like the Iced coffee hour!
wedding registries are super weird (my now-husband and i lived together for 6 years before we got married); we just had a link/qr code for a honeymoon fund and we actually used the money for the honeymoon food & experiences and it was so great knowing that our friends/family helped make that happen for us.
also no garter toss, no flower bouquet, no bridesmaids/groomsmen, no super strict dress code.. like, i just did all the things i love at weddings and just didn't do all the things i didn't care for... it was great, lol.
I also like the personal note written for each guest. I have attended a friends wedding once and I had to buy a suit which I only used once after the wedding for a youtube video. I don't have much to say about weddings except that I would personally use the money for something else. Can understand the social pressure issues especially for women. But if it starts to cause financial strain then maybe it's time to test how real that friendship really is.
I got married almost 5 years ago in a mountain town where I was a river rafting guide at a local brewery off the river. I totally lied to the venue and said the event was for a family reunion in an effort to save on costs, because I was so scared of being charged double for the venue when they heard the big "W" word. The manager of the brewery found out that wasn't true when I showed up with my bridesmaid one day and tried to covertly start planning out how we were going to stage the space. Luckily when I was honest and explained that I was a broke local raft guide paying for the wedding and party myself, the brewery manager was super understanding and just asked that we let her use some of the wedding photos for marketing/promoting the venue. I was okay with that because they had a beautiful venue that was not being used for events at all, and there was definitely an opportunity for them as a business if they started being open to more events. I had a blast and kept the costs in check by taking a DIY approach to everything. It was super fun and truly the best party I've ever thrown. Me and my husband did it our own way, true to who we are and what we care about.
pro life tip: only be friends with poor people. They don't care about fancy and they are very grateful for even the most basic things.
In my group of friends, contributing to to honeymoon fund has been the standard. This makes a lot more sense to me, given how much the wedding costs the bride and groom. I almost see it as an optional entrance fee for the wedding lol. It allows the couple to do something fun after the wedding or even put it towards a house or their future in some way. It makes a lot more sense to me than buying them some gift that they probably don't need.
The Princess Diana wedding in 1981 did inflate expectations back in the day. I do see that with social media, the pressure has grown.
I am loving this series and resonate with sooo much of what you are talking about!! Because I would be on the later side of getting married if/when I do-I’m currently in my early 30s- I don’t even know how many friends could make it from far away due to family/work obligations. (I don’t even have a partner, btw, just hypothetically). I love wedding pictures and videos so much and always cry watching the videos. However, that wouldn’t be reason enough for me to spend so much for my own, or even reason enough to have a ceremony, period. My dream would be to have a casual gathering/ceremony in a park or other outdoor space, people could wear literally whatever they want, and we could have a potluck. I also don’t want a diamond. Ethically that would be a no from me. Otherwise I would be on board for the courthouse wedding and a casual gathering/party later on. They say “never say never,” but there is no way I am spending tens of thousands of dollars on one day to entertain people who ultimately wouldn’t care much about it. I would much rather spend the money on relationship coaching/therapy, or a house. (Plus about a hundred other things like donating to animal shelters, etc).
I love that you spoke on the make up part, I’ve attended three weddings in the past year, and every single wedding that I’ve gone to the brides have done extravagant makeup looks and it doesn’t look like what they look like in person. I don’t understand the desire for it. Obviously I wouldn’t never tell the bride or anyone this and mean no disrespect as it’s not my wedding and I didn’t pay for it. Glad you talked about it though!
I make wedding cakes for a living, I own my shop and have never required a tip. However some places are very tricky to get to or have some sort of parking obstacles and tips are much appreciated but for sure never required!
I am in 3 weddings this year and oh man did this video resonate with how I’m feeling.
Planning my own wedding has made me realize how slimy the wedding industry/wedding vendors are. I'm in a local wedding facebook group and someone posted asking for any budget friendly (insert vendors here) and she got flamed for simply asking. And although some vendors did respond nicely and offered what they could, another vendor posted after saying that vendors who charge less for what they should be charging harm the industry and harm other vendors who are charging appropriately. In some ways, I get it. But for the most part, I just thought this all sounded so greedy.
You’re likely reading the comments of people who worked at their craft for below minim wage for YEARS and finally see the value in their skill and expertise. And they want other people who are charging below a living wage to do the same. There certainly are all kinds of budgets across all types of commerce, but these people who come in and say things like that, or things like ‘don’t charge an arm and a leg’ imply that their perspective of a job they don’t do and a skill they don’t have is superior to the person trying to make a living. They’re also OFTEN people showing off their designer handbag in their photos they post, driving expensive cars, posting photos of all their vacations. But they want cheap photos. It’s exhausting.
People don’t walk into a Gucci store and start saying ‘greedy,’ or asking for ‘budget friendly’ bags, or whine and moan about how the purse they want costs an arm and a leg. Or something with a lower price point, but the same idea: Stanley cups- lol.
People will give a thousand dollars a year to Starbucks but ask for ‘just a few photos’ when it comes to a self employed artist.
It’s exhausting that people are always so quick to ask for discounts with a small business but give so much money to big corporations- and then call the small business greedy.
I’m currently planning a wedding and it’s insane!! I don’t want to lose sight of the entire point, which is marrying the love of my life. It is very easy to get lost in the insanity of the business
As a wedding photographer I've never asked for nor expected a tip. Some of my couples do and I split it with my 2nd shooters and assistants. But that broke a piece of me that people actually do that especially if they are a vendor that is inflating their operating costs.
I'm MOH for one of my best friends coming up this year. In planning the bach event, we're working on a one-night stay less than 3 hours from most of the group, a couple of activities on the Saturday afternoon/evening and Sunday morning, leaving plenty of time for the travel there and back. We're a small group and carpooling up to the city, plus splitting one hotel room. The hotel is a bit more pricey, but split between a few people is not that bad. We also can't go out bar hopping or anything because one in our group is a teen. Including food and incidentals I'm hoping to keep things to roughly 200-300 per person for EVERYTHING. My bride doesn't want anything super extravagant or over the top crazy thankfully!
We aren't doing a bridal shower, but a small engagement party with both bride and groom present, more of a casual affair. Not expecting anyone to come in from more than a couple hours away.
As far as gifts, the bride and groom already live together, so they're preferring donations to their honeymoon or house funds in lieu of gifts.
The wedding will be at a nice venue, but not over the top fancy. Ceremony and reception at the same venue so not coordinating travel between locations etc.
Weddings are crazy expensive. I got married in 2021 and had a “cheap” wedding - yet it still cost $20K. We were lucky enough to get to use a friend’s backyard for the venue and only had about 80 guests. I used my mom’s dress and had it redone for only $600 and did my own hair and makeup. We bought alcohol from Costco to save on open bar expenses. But food, chairs, a DJ, photos, etc still add up. It’s insane how much everything costs these days. My parents paid for everything and we were so lucky. If they had not, we probably would have eloped.
I have so many thoughts. I’ve been a bridesmaid six times (4 of those were in the same year). I’m getting married this summer and feel like I have a good perspective. We are having a Friday wedding which was cheaper, told my bridesmaids to wear and shade of blue cocktail dress they want, and keeping the entire event understated and timeless. I lucked out with flowers because one of my students family’s owns a floral shop. My bachelorette we are staying in Miami, but our boat day my aunt is doing since she lives there. My whole outlook has been to keep it easy, stress free, and as inexpensive as possible for everyone. Keeping the focus on the love and relationships with people there to celebrate us!
My neighbor spent $250,000 on his daughter's wedding two years ago which I thought was crazy and then I was talking to one of his friend's shortly after and he actually said that was on the cheaper side and when his daughters get married it would be more like $350,000. The same neighbor also went to a wedding last year that was closer to $400,000. I don't even understand how this is even real. These are Indian people for reference.
Me and my husband had always toyed with the idea of just going to Vegas to get married because we didn’t wanna spend on a wedding and literally on a whim decided to JUST DO IT, booked the trip to Vegas literally only a month before, told no one except our parents. We had a very intimate ceremony just the 2 of us and such a romantic fun weekend!! I am so glad we did it this way. We will say tho we do regret not planning it more in advanced so it could of given our parents the time to plan to join us but they were happy for us regardless ❤
We didn’t register for anything. We were both in our 30’s and each had a home full of things to merge. We gave lots away and didn’t need more. We also didn’t do a lot of the traditional wedding things like garter/bouquet toss, certain dances, etc. We did do a micro wedding, which I loved, and we saved a lot of money but we still spent a ton.
When you mentioned tips it made me think that your next podcast/video should be on tipping culture and how crazy it's gotten!
This whole bachelorette party thing is completely out of control. One day, I will either just hang with my closest friends the evening before the wedding or be like „let’s go to the day spa and I’ll pay for it“. I have to attend a bachelorette party this year and I am SO happy it’s a one hour drive from where I live, it’s one night and we are four people splitting the cost so we should be fine. I don’t get how we got from „one evening before the wedding“ to „let’s go on a whole ass holiday together“
I’ve lived on my own supporting myself since age 15, got married at 18, we had it at a park with dollar store decorations and like 5 people attended. Tbh even if I had money I wouldn’t waste it on a party
Im not willing to do these extravagant bachelorette parties or weddings except for immediate family members. I attended my 3 sisters weddings and only 2 had bachelorette parties. I will not do this for anyone else. With that said, my wedding will not require any of this from my friends and family. My bachelorette party will also be normal. I travel plenty with my partner and have more disposable income and freedom to take time off since I'm self employed. It's not fair to impose these standards on other people. My partner and I have no desire to incur debt paying for a wedding, bachelorette party, engagement rings, etc. We want to spend our money on things that matter much more in the long run. Don't allow yourself to be influenced by these crazy expectations 😮
Because of covid we were forced to have a small wedding but I was actually relieved because I’m more introverted and like small group settings better - also it was great to not have to invite relatives we never see and pay $$$ for that. We had a small wedding and I DIYed table settings etc, got my dress from Davids Bridal (looked on Etsy too) -and they have beautiful dresses!! it was $600. We shopped around for the middle off the road priced vendors (Austin tx they charge!!) that were still good quality. Anyways all in all our small wedding still costed us $15k. It was within our budget (no parent help), and was absolutely my dream wedding and grateful we didn’t pay $30k+ just cuz of pressure to invite so many people. Also didn’t do bachelor/bachelorette cuz of covid and it really wasn’t a big deal? Hope everyone does what they truly want but not cuz of pressure ❤
I think it is perfectly acceptable to charge more for a wedding being a service provider. they can’t take other calls they can’t multitask. They have to lug their stuff to an uncomfortable space with poor ergonomics then cover valet tips water and snacks. They are potentially going to be videotaped and posted on social. They are signing away their rights to their likeness in addition to their service. They also probably do not double book that day to cover any event delays or emotional do overs for makeup etc.😊
The reason services charge more for a wedding is that they end up putting more work in overall. I don't work in the wedding industry, but ask any makeup artist, florist, videographer etc and they'll tell you that people have higher demands than for non-weddings. These people are just charging for their time that inevitably gets used up with extra emails, requests, and questions from day one. I guess blame the people who are very demanding. I have friends that no longer do weddings anymore as the extra cash isn't worth the hassle of dealing with demanding people.
When I bought my wedding dress, they asked for a tip, but I opted out. The tip was for the stylist who helped me. One thing I noticed at another shop where I didn't buy my dress was that after my appointment, the front desk handed me a sheet of paper with all of their stylist's venmo QR codes and pointed out which one was for my stylist. This was in LA, not sure if that matters. One thing to note too. It is DIFFICULT to find a bridal salon in LA that doesn't charge $25-$50 to try on dresses. I live in MdR and I went to 7 salons that didn't charge, but I had to travel as far out as Orange County to find places that didn't charge. Almost all of the salons by me on the west side charged for an appointment (the only ones within 30 minutes of me were Grace Loves Lace and Anthropologie). I was bummed because there were a bunch of dresses in my price range that I saw online that I was dying to try on, but they were only being sold at salons that charged and I didn't want to risk the money when I'm already spending so much for a wedding. $50 at each salon adds up quick! When I talk to my friends in the midwest, this doesn't seem to be the case though. Maybe just a thing in HCOL cities?
I'm so glad someone made this video, lol. Everyone thought I was cheap and an ass whenever I said any of this. Thank you!
Hit the nail on the head with this one. 100%
As a wedding videographer that’s full time..
there’s a big reason we charge so much, there’s only so many weekends in a year. And the main thing is, we spend so so many hours after the wedding that doesn’t compare to how long we are at a wedding. People also forget taxes as well. The amount they pay is not actually what we get.
If we all only charged 3 grand a wedding there wouldn’t be many of us left.
Some of us live in cold regions so a lot of our weddings are squeezed into one time of the year.
It’s quite upsetting watching people get angry at charging so much. It’s like people want us to struggle. Especially other vendors tearing them down. I would never judge a vendor if they charged 200$ to 100k a wedding.
You don’t have to pay for that vendor that’s super expensive unless you want to. There’s millions of us to choose from.
I charge 4,000 now, and I’m still on the edge on undercharging. I wish I charged more for 2024.
Planning a wedding right now in my parents backyard and it's not... any cheaper. I didn't expect it to be. We just wanted creative freedom (to choose our vendors, to set our own timeline, pick our team, etc...)
I saw this video when it came out yesterday and had to steel myself before clicking LOL