Just not so long ago, I was telling my friends that I think I attract guys who are depressed. My parents trained me to be their caretaker and now I find value and safety in taking care of my partners. Once I became a mom character in a relationship though, that sexual attraction or attraction altogether decreases so much. There's so much truth in this video. Thank you, Noah!
(-: I find it hard to believe that an outspoken guy like you could have gone through this kind of thoughts and feelings. As destructive and disempoweing as the experience was, it provided the grounds for some very deep thinking. Makes total sense: this kind of mental and psychological struggle reenforces a resilience, like a rare gem, once the layer of dust is removed, there is only brilliance and worth. Precious. Shine on !
I agree with Jean Lundi. Surely there must be some element of self sacrifice. And to say I should apologise because my care taking comes from the wrong place seems ridiculous.! I love your work though Noah , you are still a gift to this world in my eyes, but yeah, I'm struggling with this one.
Hey David, I hear you. To do something for someone else when it is not enjoyable for us, can be coming from many motivations. Not just one. It could be come from genuine love and care, or it could come from fear, shame, or unsafety. Ultimately, you have to trust yourself as to why you are doing what you are doing. This video is merely exploring possibilities to help break patterns of unhealthy caretaking. It is not intended to make you feel bad about caring for someone.
This is so difficult. As the eldest daughter, I've been the caretaker of all my family members (including sick parents), since childhood.... I wish it was that easy to pull away from that sense of responsibility 😔 But I can't pull away and leave my parents in their moment of need... They are sick and need constant care. It has nothing to do with arrogance... They have no one else to take care of them (one is blind and the other cannot walk)
I hear you Eva. I'm sorry you've been in this difficult situation. But, even if you physically "need" to take care of them, you can still do the emotional work on why you are doing it. It's up to you whether you help from fear, guilt, should, or care. I know it's not easy. Good luck!
@@NoahElkrief thank you Noah... Yes I definitely need to learn to detach the emotional aspect of it and take care of them physically without letting it drain me emotionally. 🙏
That was it, I think. It's caretaking. Reactive attachment, but caretaking is a big problem for me. I'll be talking about this with my therapist tomorrow
Are you familiar with Karpman's drama triangle ? The 3 nodes of the triangle being : the victim, the abuser and the rescuer. I notice that I tend to switch between victim and rescuer, but that it is possible to feel confident and powerful (away from the victim energy) without trying to fix people (including myself !) or dominating over others.
I get it. For me, the key is to trust myself that I don't need to be saved even when I am in pain. Then, when someone else is in pain, you won't feel the need to save them.
I have outlines for courses on: 1) how to relax about money. 2) how to deal with your girlfriend's emotions. 3) how to lose social anxiety. 4) how to be authentic. But I'm not actively working on any of them now. Let's see what happens.
Thank you for sharing Noah. I have trouble with these exercises, as I do with the word victim. At a fundamental level I know I only incarnated on this planet for "service".I don't know what should be one's north star in terms of what "a healthy enpowered heart centered individual" is anymore. I don't know what to aim for. If I felt people were TRULY enpowered to help themselves....why bother helping anyone? Could just sit drinking piña coladas and travelling and shooting lightining out of my ass. I've been abandoned many times in my life and it's the worst feeling ever....I can point to every single model of "enpowered heart centered individual" I come across and see how they abandon people around them themselves, in some way. Now, is it REALLY fair to say I want to help/serve because of my own abandonement issue? Then that would imply there IS a right, healhtier model....I desperately want to align with what is RIGHT and coming from love......but it's a point of contention for me between me and the spiritual or self-development communitty out there - I contend you CAN'T serve without a degree of self-sacrifice - it's impossible for a "multidimensional divine being".
I hear you Jean. Ultimately, you have to trust yourself as to what feels intuitively caring for you. We all have no idea what we're doing and just trying our best to take care of ourselves while being connected to our hearts/care for others. I don't believe in a right way or best way, I just try to be honest with myself about when I notice that where I'm coming from is motivated by some sort of fear. For me, the less fear I have, the more light my care for others feels. Wishing you well, Jean.
@@NoahElkrief Ah ok. My barometer in a way is the opposite - more like: "am I really doing this for you, or am I simply 'claiming' I want to help you insofar it doesn't inconvenience me?" If fear arrises within me as I try to avoid a scenario...I don't interpret it as my helping being motivated by fear necessarilly. Imagine having a child and they get in trouble and you, very normally, geting slightly scared as you are moved to action to help them.......is it fair to say that is an act motivated by fear alone? There'd be NO human childraising of any kind without pain getting triggered. As far as staying true to what resonates for us as individual souls.....this goes back to "what really is allignment?" and what the soul rewards with "resonance". Very complicated topic :)
Hey Noah, could you make it so that the links to your courses on your site redirect to the course page instead of the sales page when logged in? I've got a few and when I'm logged in to access the ones that I do own, it just goes to the sales page instead of the course page. Have to access via the email links currently. Alternatively, you could have a "my courses" part added to the nav bar if that's easier.
Hey man, thanks for the suggestion. I thought that the login button redirects to the my courses page. But I see now that it doesn't. I just asked my developer to fix this.
I'm wondering if this applies to me? I was 16 and took on the role of mother/caretaker to my father who was dying of cancer. I did NOT mind it a bit, and wanted to care for him. My step-mother at the time was emotionally and physically abusive to me. Now, I'm in a relationship and feel compelled to take care of my partner, physically and mentally. I constantly want to touch him and be close to him. He used to like it when we met, but he wants to distance from me, which now makes me anxious and severely depressed and now fear that he is falling out of love for me. I don't know what to do. Should I detach from him?
I normally got along well at my social workplace for 15 years. I know have a group of students since a couple of month who complain a lot about the way I treat them. I am much more distant than usual with them and I am not the friendly teacher I use to be and I ask them way more less about there struggles. Its the social workers job. I was a caretaker since birth and I want to leave the social work behind, strongly since last year. After listening to your content I wonder if I cant stand their pain anymore and thats why I treat this group a little harsh or if its emphathy fatigue or my new bounderies ... Any ideas?
I think the question is... can you keep your heart open (care) while still having boundaries? Or, do you need to close your heart in order to keep your boundaries? When we get too drained from giving too much, this can be a wake up call to give less. But, the unconscious strategy to give less is often to close our hearts because we don't know how to say no while having an open heart.
Just not so long ago, I was telling my friends that I think I attract guys who are depressed. My parents trained me to be their caretaker and now I find value and safety in taking care of my partners. Once I became a mom character in a relationship though, that sexual attraction or attraction altogether decreases so much. There's so much truth in this video. Thank you, Noah!
Hope you're well Noah.
I have OCD now mate. It freaking sucks, my hands won't stop sweating.
I'm so sorry to hear that man :) I hope you can find a way out.
@@NoahElkrief Thank you Noah.
(-: I find it hard to believe that an outspoken guy like you could have gone through this kind of thoughts and feelings. As destructive and disempoweing as the experience was, it provided the grounds for some very deep thinking. Makes total sense: this kind of mental and psychological struggle reenforces a resilience, like a rare gem, once the layer of dust is removed, there is only brilliance and worth. Precious. Shine on !
Yes a new video! I enjoy your content Noah greetings from England 🏴 👍
Or rather I should say,not the wrong place but" arrogance" seems off .
I have to admit care taking often comes from the wrong place.
I haven't seen your videos in years and it's been years since you've posted! I'm so glad your back Noah! Thankyou so much for being recent!
:) You're welcome
I agree with Jean Lundi.
Surely there must be some element of self sacrifice.
And to say I should apologise because my care taking comes from the wrong place seems ridiculous.!
I love your work though Noah , you are still a gift to this world in my eyes, but yeah, I'm struggling with this one.
Hey David, I hear you. To do something for someone else when it is not enjoyable for us, can be coming from many motivations. Not just one. It could be come from genuine love and care, or it could come from fear, shame, or unsafety. Ultimately, you have to trust yourself as to why you are doing what you are doing. This video is merely exploring possibilities to help break patterns of unhealthy caretaking. It is not intended to make you feel bad about caring for someone.
This was so powerful for me
Absolute gold, Noah. Thank you.
:) You're so welcome Paige
Can you do one on addictions??? Love you videos and they have helped me tremendously.
I'm happy my videos have helped you Gloria. I don't have enough experience with addictions to make a video on that subject. Sorry
This is so difficult. As the eldest daughter, I've been the caretaker of all my family members (including sick parents), since childhood.... I wish it was that easy to pull away from that sense of responsibility 😔
But I can't pull away and leave my parents in their moment of need... They are sick and need constant care. It has nothing to do with arrogance... They have no one else to take care of them (one is blind and the other cannot walk)
I hear you Eva. I'm sorry you've been in this difficult situation. But, even if you physically "need" to take care of them, you can still do the emotional work on why you are doing it. It's up to you whether you help from fear, guilt, should, or care. I know it's not easy. Good luck!
@@NoahElkrief thank you Noah... Yes I definitely need to learn to detach the emotional aspect of it and take care of them physically without letting it drain me emotionally. 🙏
For me Noah , it’s my son with multiple mental health challenges. I watch him suffer daily .
I would rather leave this earth
New Noah video I am so happy 😂😄
That was it, I think. It's caretaking. Reactive attachment, but caretaking is a big problem for me. I'll be talking about this with my therapist tomorrow
Good luck :)
@@NoahElkrief I'll let you know how it goes. You've helped me out of some very dark spots in life before, Noah. Thank you.
Are you familiar with Karpman's drama triangle ? The 3 nodes of the triangle being : the victim, the abuser and the rescuer.
I notice that I tend to switch between victim and rescuer, but that it is possible to feel confident and powerful (away from the victim energy) without trying to fix people (including myself !) or dominating over others.
I get it. For me, the key is to trust myself that I don't need to be saved even when I am in pain. Then, when someone else is in pain, you won't feel the need to save them.
Has Noah got any other courses in the pipeline or is he just chilling for now?
I have outlines for courses on: 1) how to relax about money. 2) how to deal with your girlfriend's emotions. 3) how to lose social anxiety. 4) how to be authentic. But I'm not actively working on any of them now. Let's see what happens.
Thank you for sharing Noah. I have trouble with these exercises, as I do with the word victim. At a fundamental level I know I only incarnated on this planet for "service".I don't know what should be one's north star in terms of what "a healthy enpowered heart centered individual" is anymore. I don't know what to aim for. If I felt people were TRULY enpowered to help themselves....why bother helping anyone? Could just sit drinking piña coladas and travelling and shooting lightining out of my ass.
I've been abandoned many times in my life and it's the worst feeling ever....I can point to every single model of "enpowered heart centered individual" I come across and see how they abandon people around them themselves, in some way. Now, is it REALLY fair to say I want to help/serve because of my own abandonement issue? Then that would imply there IS a right, healhtier model....I desperately want to align with what is RIGHT and coming from love......but it's a point of contention for me between me and the spiritual or self-development communitty out there - I contend you CAN'T serve without a degree of self-sacrifice - it's impossible for a "multidimensional divine being".
I hear you Jean. Ultimately, you have to trust yourself as to what feels intuitively caring for you. We all have no idea what we're doing and just trying our best to take care of ourselves while being connected to our hearts/care for others. I don't believe in a right way or best way, I just try to be honest with myself about when I notice that where I'm coming from is motivated by some sort of fear. For me, the less fear I have, the more light my care for others feels. Wishing you well, Jean.
@@NoahElkrief Ah ok. My barometer in a way is the opposite - more like: "am I really doing this for you, or am I simply 'claiming' I want to help you insofar it doesn't inconvenience me?"
If fear arrises within me as I try to avoid a scenario...I don't interpret it as my helping being motivated by fear necessarilly. Imagine having a child and they get in trouble and you, very normally, geting slightly scared as you are moved to action to help them.......is it fair to say that is an act motivated by fear alone? There'd be NO human childraising of any kind without pain getting triggered.
As far as staying true to what resonates for us as individual souls.....this goes back to "what really is allignment?" and what the soul rewards with "resonance". Very complicated topic :)
Hey Noah, could you make it so that the links to your courses on your site redirect to the course page instead of the sales page when logged in? I've got a few and when I'm logged in to access the ones that I do own, it just goes to the sales page instead of the course page. Have to access via the email links currently. Alternatively, you could have a "my courses" part added to the nav bar if that's easier.
Hey man, thanks for the suggestion. I thought that the login button redirects to the my courses page. But I see now that it doesn't. I just asked my developer to fix this.
I'm wondering if this applies to me? I was 16 and took on the role of mother/caretaker to my father who was dying of cancer. I did NOT mind it a bit, and wanted to care for him. My step-mother at the time was emotionally and physically abusive to me. Now, I'm in a relationship and feel compelled to take care of my partner, physically and mentally. I constantly want to touch him and be close to him. He used to like it when we met, but he wants to distance from me, which now makes me anxious and severely depressed and now fear that he is falling out of love for me. I don't know what to do. Should I detach from him?
Thank You! 🙏🤍
You're welcome Tal!
I normally got along well at my social workplace for 15 years. I know have a group of students since a couple of month who complain a lot about the way I treat them. I am much more distant than usual with them and I am not the friendly teacher I use to be and I ask them way more less about there struggles. Its the social workers job. I was a caretaker since birth and I want to leave the social work behind, strongly since last year. After listening to your content I wonder if I cant stand their pain anymore and thats why I treat this group a little harsh or if its emphathy fatigue or my new bounderies ... Any ideas?
I think the question is... can you keep your heart open (care) while still having boundaries? Or, do you need to close your heart in order to keep your boundaries? When we get too drained from giving too much, this can be a wake up call to give less. But, the unconscious strategy to give less is often to close our hearts because we don't know how to say no while having an open heart.
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