I feel this story deeply. When I was younger I was placed into the foster system. It is no place you want a child to go. It is a place filled with abuse and neglect and is a part of the worst time in my life. Luckily, I was only there for a few months because my grandma went through all of the obstacles to gain custody of me and my sister. My grandma was an amazing woman, but her husband wasn't. He did not want her to take us in, but she went against him and did it anyway and I am forever grateful. Being in a home with someone who loves you and a man who ignores your existence is so much better than being abused by strangers.
Everyone sucks. It’s commendable that OP wants to do right by the kids but is she going to take in every kid the cousin has? My parents foster and my dad is the reluctant one. It’s draining and you can see how miserable he is taking on another kid with no input. OP’s husband is a AH for how he is trying to punish the baby. Had it been he didn’t want to set a precedent for the cousin to keep reproducing and leave them handling the kids-fine. But don’t try to punish the kids for parents’ sins.
I just want to say you guys are absolute gems and dont let UA-cam comments change you. I love that you dont always automatically assume one person is evil and its so refreshing to hear ya'll look at both sides and all angles on nuanced situations ❤
IF you already have health issues, you have a child that has health issues, and you have 3 or more college-age children....you don't get to bitch about how hard it is to raise 3 more children. It's not everyone else's job to take responsibility for the decisions you make on your own.
ESH. Yeah, OP is an angel for being willing to take all the kids, but she straight up didn’t tell her partner she was taking the infant too and he had to find out by seeing the paperwork coming in??? That was awful of her! If I was her partner, I would have temporarily separated from her while seeking couples therapy to determine if divorce was happening if we couldn’t come to a resolution. Now don’t get me wrong, he is an AH for the way he behaved, especially when it comes to the funds, but he is not awful for not wanting to take in a third child, let alone an infant, into their home and being upset when she tried to do it without giving him a say.
No…..she sucks…..both parents have to want the kids….or it will not be good for them long term….emotionally…..they will know they are not wanted….it’s hard on the couple and the family….three kids under 5 are expensive…..diapers and formula can be close to an extra 1500 a month…that is not including daycare, food, and clothes…..she needs to use the foster money to pay for that not expect him to take on the burden…the money coming in does not cover all expenses….I promise you….it would be best to have them adopted into a family that ALL want them….she wants what she wants….you don’t get pregnant if your husband doesn’t want another child and you don’t bring home three kids….the baby could be adopted out fast….also if the mom was this messed up I guarantee the kids have behavioral problems…..it also not your kids job to take care of the problem mom brought home…these are young adult kids with school,and lives…..adopting and foster is a FULL FAMILY affair and they all must be on board….this mom is being selfish because she wanted more kids….she would have taken at kids given the opportunity ….she is using the fact they are family as an excuse….I have fostered….but you can not force it on people….my husband had to,agree….he is entitled to his feeling….if he can’t mentally deal with it she needs to respect that…she is destroying her marriage and family while trying to help another….that is stupid
I think you guys are being a little harsh on the husband. Remember he's taken in 2 children that weren't even his wife's and that's after taking on her children that weren't his. And the the op went behind his back. He must be very angry. He may not want his other kids yo get parentified. However I do agree that he is going overboard. Especially with rhe gimme the money thing. That part gives me pause. He is acting very badly but I can sympathize where he is coming from. There's no gatantee the op's niece will stay on birth control. Addicts don't exactly live stable lives. Where does it end? But I am on the Ops side more I think.
And what about the FOUR CHILDREN of the husband's that OP took care of? This reasoning is absolute bullshit, especially since it seems OP was the one doing the majority of the child rearing for all children involved. Add to thst tbe husband's vindictiveness in refusing to allow the older kids who can and might want to assist her to do so while also demanding control of the money for the child he has no intention of providing care for, and the man is a MASSIVE asshole here.
Unpopular opinion. The wife is TA. She knew her husband did not want to adopt another child, and she went behind his back and did it anyway. It sounds like the husband is the breadwinner and works and pays for all the bills. So if the child lives in the house, then he is financially supporting the child. Also, the wife is assuming the other children aren't helping because their father told them not to. I would bet the older kids didn't want to watch the baby, and the dad said they could use him as the bad guy to get out of it without feeling bad. The baby was born with dr*gs in his system, which means he's probably extremely difficult to look after. I can't blame the teenagers/young adults for not wanting to look after the baby. Let's be real here. OP openly stated she wanted more children. This was a selfish decision that she made on her own, and she just expects everyone else to just deal with it. The child never needed to go into foster care. They could have taken him in until they found a loving family to adopt him. There are tons of people out there who want children but can't have them naturally that would love to adopt him. OP had plenty of options, but she selfishly chose the one she wanted despite no one else wanting to take him in. If my partner ever did something like this to me, I would have divorced them. How can you trust someone after they do something this big behind your back and against your wishes. Then, she has the nerve to play the victim. When you don't take care of the child, you make very clear you do not want.
All your comment said was "assume" "I bet" with no evidence so instead of unpopular opinion I'd call yours an uninformed opinion. 1. OP literally said she has a job and she goes to school so no, Dad is NOT the breadwinner they are a 2 income household and recieve money from the foster care system to support the baby so money isn't an issue. 2. "I bet" is not a good form of evidence for why the kids aren't helping, that is YOUR assumption. 3. OP hasn't officially adopted him yet, she is fostering him until they figure out what to do. The dad does not get the final say. He kept saying he said no as if this isn't a partnership. Even if he doesn't want the baby he doesn't have to be the jerk that he's being about it. Act like an adult and tell the wife he understands why she wants to do this but he's not up for raising another child and they need to find a better solution. OP didn't handle things perfectly but you are being WAY too lenient on the husband because his attitude is over aggressive and needs some anger management.
@Kal93baby You're also "assuming" that OP is a reliable narrator and that everything she is saying is 100% true. We are all guilty of telling stories that paint ourselves in a better light. As far as what I said about the kid's not helping. That was my opinion. If you look at things from the other children's point of view it is likely they chose not to help themselves but of course I can't know that for sure unless they told the same story from their point of view. I did state that I was sharing my opinion and not facts. You obviously have a different opinion, and that's perfectly fine. You don't have to come at me just because we have a difference of opinion. You could have just left your own comment stating your opinion🤷♀️ I have no interest in having an internet beef with a strange. So have a good rest of your day.
@julieannewaller7541 Right? I love how Kal93baby said the husband doesn't get to make decisions on his own, but OP gets too? It's wild. I think if someone in a relationship thinks they have the right to make decisions by themselves with no consideration to your partner when it directly effects them, then you can suffer the consequences alone as well🤷♀️
I agree with you! Yes, taking in the baby was probably the "right" thing to do, but the husband didn't want to. Doesn't matter the reason: financial, emotional, whatever. He wasn't up for it, and she went behind his back and did it anyway. Ok fine, but then it's all on her and she'll just have to deal with it 🤷🏻♀️
I have to laugh at a bunch of people without kids judging a guy who has already raised four kids not wanting another baby. It isn't as simple as they have the means so they should take the baby. You have the means with all the donations you get from your live streams, but that doesn't mean you should adopt every baby that someone might ask you to take. He shouldn't be taking out his aggression on his wife or the baby. But his wife created this situation by literally bringing home a baby after he expressed not wanting to adopt it and then she forced him to pay for it. She obviously isn't a reliable narrator because she wanted more babies. So now she's going to make herself look like the good guy and anyone opposed to her. She wants to make look like the bad guy. Anyone could turn into an a****** when they've been completely ignored and denied their consent in a situation that is going to last 18 plus years if their mother doesn't get their s*** together. Op is a complete a****** for putting a child into a situation where they're not going to be wanted by their adopted father. The adopted father is an a****** for taking it out on the baby. Babies in any situation are a two yes or nothing agreement.
Sorry im not even half done with the story and already know OP is the a hole. When they got married they already had 5 children in the house who were pretty young. He then took in her nieces child when no one else wanted to and supported the wife. The niece gets pregnant AGAIN, and you want him to take in this baby too. Thats 7 children. He has a right to say no.
I have started to follow you guys as of the past couple of week since I really liked your stuff that showed in my recommended. I would only like to point out that though I very much enjoy video per story approach, it messes up one’s subs feed immensely. I am not coming with advice when not asked but simply pointing out the user experience. Maybe you could group stories by topic (if you are picking them out as research for livestreams, I have not been able to join one yet) Edit to wish success and love
He already took in 2 of the reckless niece’s kids! Aside from raising a gaggle of his own children and his stepchildren. She shouldn’t have brought home another baby. It’s not a stray dog that wandered into the yard! He’s not going to change his mind just because the baby is adorable, and he shouldn’t be expected to. Family planning is supposed to happen between all potential guardians, it’s not a one person decision. OP is the AH
I’m sorry but op sucks for so many reasons. 1. They are obviously struggling financially. 2. Fostering a kid is a 2 yes/1 no decision. 3. She wants his kids, her stepkids, to help?! That’s parentification ! He’s trying to prevent that by barring the kids from helping.
He already took in 2 of the reckless niece’s kids! Aside from raising a gaggle of his own children and his stepchildren. She shouldn’t have brought home another baby. It’s not a stray dog that wandered into the yard! He’s not going to change his mind just because the baby is adorable, and he shouldn’t be expected to. Family planning is supposed to happen between all potential guardians, it’s not a one person decision. OP is the AH
I feel this story deeply. When I was younger I was placed into the foster system. It is no place you want a child to go. It is a place filled with abuse and neglect and is a part of the worst time in my life. Luckily, I was only there for a few months because my grandma went through all of the obstacles to gain custody of me and my sister. My grandma was an amazing woman, but her husband wasn't. He did not want her to take us in, but she went against him and did it anyway and I am forever grateful. Being in a home with someone who loves you and a man who ignores your existence is so much better than being abused by strangers.
Everyone sucks. It’s commendable that OP wants to do right by the kids but is she going to take in every kid the cousin has? My parents foster and my dad is the reluctant one. It’s draining and you can see how miserable he is taking on another kid with no input. OP’s husband is a AH for how he is trying to punish the baby. Had it been he didn’t want to set a precedent for the cousin to keep reproducing and leave them handling the kids-fine. But don’t try to punish the kids for parents’ sins.
The cruelty is the point cause he wants her to feel her decisions. But I also understand where he’s coming from and her so it’s difficult
I just want to say you guys are absolute gems and dont let UA-cam comments change you. I love that you dont always automatically assume one person is evil and its so refreshing to hear ya'll look at both sides and all angles on nuanced situations ❤
IF you already have health issues, you have a child that has health issues, and you have 3 or more college-age children....you don't get to bitch about how hard it is to raise 3 more children. It's not everyone else's job to take responsibility for the decisions you make on your own.
ESH. Yeah, OP is an angel for being willing to take all the kids, but she straight up didn’t tell her partner she was taking the infant too and he had to find out by seeing the paperwork coming in??? That was awful of her! If I was her partner, I would have temporarily separated from her while seeking couples therapy to determine if divorce was happening if we couldn’t come to a resolution. Now don’t get me wrong, he is an AH for the way he behaved, especially when it comes to the funds, but he is not awful for not wanting to take in a third child, let alone an infant, into their home and being upset when she tried to do it without giving him a say.
No…..she sucks…..both parents have to want the kids….or it will not be good for them long term….emotionally…..they will know they are not wanted….it’s hard on the couple and the family….three kids under 5 are expensive…..diapers and formula can be close to an extra 1500 a month…that is not including daycare, food, and clothes…..she needs to use the foster money to pay for that not expect him to take on the burden…the money coming in does not cover all expenses….I promise you….it would be best to have them adopted into a family that ALL want them….she wants what she wants….you don’t get pregnant if your husband doesn’t want another child and you don’t bring home three kids….the baby could be adopted out fast….also if the mom was this messed up I guarantee the kids have behavioral problems…..it also not your kids job to take care of the problem mom brought home…these are young adult kids with school,and lives…..adopting and foster is a FULL FAMILY affair and they all must be on board….this mom is being selfish because she wanted more kids….she would have taken at kids given the opportunity ….she is using the fact they are family as an excuse….I have fostered….but you can not force it on people….my husband had to,agree….he is entitled to his feeling….if he can’t mentally deal with it she needs to respect that…she is destroying her marriage and family while trying to help another….that is stupid
I think you guys are being a little harsh on the husband. Remember he's taken in 2 children that weren't even his wife's and that's after taking on her children that weren't his. And the the op went behind his back. He must be very angry. He may not want his other kids yo get parentified. However I do agree that he is going overboard. Especially with rhe gimme the money thing. That part gives me pause. He is acting very badly but I can sympathize where he is coming from. There's no gatantee the op's niece will stay on birth control. Addicts don't exactly live stable lives. Where does it end? But I am on the Ops side more I think.
And what about the FOUR CHILDREN of the husband's that OP took care of? This reasoning is absolute bullshit, especially since it seems OP was the one doing the majority of the child rearing for all children involved. Add to thst tbe husband's vindictiveness in refusing to allow the older kids who can and might want to assist her to do so while also demanding control of the money for the child he has no intention of providing care for, and the man is a MASSIVE asshole here.
Unpopular opinion. The wife is TA. She knew her husband did not want to adopt another child, and she went behind his back and did it anyway. It sounds like the husband is the breadwinner and works and pays for all the bills. So if the child lives in the house, then he is financially supporting the child. Also, the wife is assuming the other children aren't helping because their father told them not to. I would bet the older kids didn't want to watch the baby, and the dad said they could use him as the bad guy to get out of it without feeling bad. The baby was born with dr*gs in his system, which means he's probably extremely difficult to look after. I can't blame the teenagers/young adults for not wanting to look after the baby. Let's be real here. OP openly stated she wanted more children. This was a selfish decision that she made on her own, and she just expects everyone else to just deal with it. The child never needed to go into foster care. They could have taken him in until they found a loving family to adopt him. There are tons of people out there who want children but can't have them naturally that would love to adopt him. OP had plenty of options, but she selfishly chose the one she wanted despite no one else wanting to take him in. If my partner ever did something like this to me, I would have divorced them. How can you trust someone after they do something this big behind your back and against your wishes. Then, she has the nerve to play the victim. When you don't take care of the child, you make very clear you do not want.
All your comment said was "assume" "I bet" with no evidence so instead of unpopular opinion I'd call yours an uninformed opinion.
1. OP literally said she has a job and she goes to school so no, Dad is NOT the breadwinner they are a 2 income household and recieve money from the foster care system to support the baby so money isn't an issue.
2. "I bet" is not a good form of evidence for why the kids aren't helping, that is YOUR assumption.
3. OP hasn't officially adopted him yet, she is fostering him until they figure out what to do. The dad does not get the final say. He kept saying he said no as if this isn't a partnership. Even if he doesn't want the baby he doesn't have to be the jerk that he's being about it. Act like an adult and tell the wife he understands why she wants to do this but he's not up for raising another child and they need to find a better solution.
OP didn't handle things perfectly but you are being WAY too lenient on the husband because his attitude is over aggressive and needs some anger management.
@Kal93baby You're also "assuming" that OP is a reliable narrator and that everything she is saying is 100% true. We are all guilty of telling stories that paint ourselves in a better light. As far as what I said about the kid's not helping. That was my opinion. If you look at things from the other children's point of view it is likely they chose not to help themselves but of course I can't know that for sure unless they told the same story from their point of view. I did state that I was sharing my opinion and not facts. You obviously have a different opinion, and that's perfectly fine. You don't have to come at me just because we have a difference of opinion. You could have just left your own comment stating your opinion🤷♀️ I have no interest in having an internet beef with a strange. So have a good rest of your day.
@Kal93baby they figure out what to do. She made the decision on her own. Not considering her husband or other kids.
@julieannewaller7541 Right? I love how Kal93baby said the husband doesn't get to make decisions on his own, but OP gets too? It's wild. I think if someone in a relationship thinks they have the right to make decisions by themselves with no consideration to your partner when it directly effects them, then you can suffer the consequences alone as well🤷♀️
I agree with you! Yes, taking in the baby was probably the "right" thing to do, but the husband didn't want to. Doesn't matter the reason: financial, emotional, whatever. He wasn't up for it, and she went behind his back and did it anyway. Ok fine, but then it's all on her and she'll just have to deal with it 🤷🏻♀️
I have to laugh at a bunch of people without kids judging a guy who has already raised four kids not wanting another baby.
It isn't as simple as they have the means so they should take the baby.
You have the means with all the donations you get from your live streams, but that doesn't mean you should adopt every baby that someone might ask you to take.
He shouldn't be taking out his aggression on his wife or the baby. But his wife created this situation by literally bringing home a baby after he expressed not wanting to adopt it and then she forced him to pay for it.
She obviously isn't a reliable narrator because she wanted more babies. So now she's going to make herself look like the good guy and anyone opposed to her. She wants to make look like the bad guy.
Anyone could turn into an a****** when they've been completely ignored and denied their consent in a situation that is going to last 18 plus years if their mother doesn't get their s*** together.
Op is a complete a****** for putting a child into a situation where they're not going to be wanted by their adopted father. The adopted father is an a****** for taking it out on the baby.
Babies in any situation are a two yes or nothing agreement.
Sorry im not even half done with the story and already know OP is the a hole. When they got married they already had 5 children in the house who were pretty young. He then took in her nieces child when no one else wanted to and supported the wife. The niece gets pregnant AGAIN, and you want him to take in this baby too. Thats 7 children. He has a right to say no.
I have started to follow you guys as of the past couple of week since I really liked your stuff that showed in my recommended. I would only like to point out that though I very much enjoy video per story approach, it messes up one’s subs feed immensely. I am not coming with advice when not asked but simply pointing out the user experience. Maybe you could group stories by topic (if you are picking them out as research for livestreams, I have not been able to join one yet)
Edit to wish success and love
He already took in 2 of the reckless niece’s kids! Aside from raising a gaggle of his own children and his stepchildren. She shouldn’t have brought home another baby. It’s not a stray dog that wandered into the yard! He’s not going to change his mind just because the baby is adorable, and he shouldn’t be expected to. Family planning is supposed to happen between all potential guardians, it’s not a one person decision. OP is the AH
I’m sorry but op sucks for so many reasons. 1. They are obviously struggling financially. 2. Fostering a kid is a 2 yes/1 no decision. 3. She wants his kids, her stepkids, to help?! That’s parentification ! He’s trying to prevent that by barring the kids from helping.
He already took in 2 of the reckless niece’s kids! Aside from raising a gaggle of his own children and his stepchildren. She shouldn’t have brought home another baby. It’s not a stray dog that wandered into the yard! He’s not going to change his mind just because the baby is adorable, and he shouldn’t be expected to. Family planning is supposed to happen between all potential guardians, it’s not a one person decision. OP is the AH