Oprah told me this in the 80s ☺ but it took a few decades to sink in: "No" is a complete sentence. And anyone who won't accept your "no" is trying to control you. I was raised with a lot of guilt in my childhood, so it's taken a while to overcome that.
I used to cut off anyone who would've crossed my boundaries more than enough. And it's not that I didn't love them, it was just because I couldn't handle the hurt and disrespect that came my way. A lot of people including my own family used to tell me that it's a toxic behavior of mine and that I'll end up alone. I used to change my friend-circle every year and it was embarrassing for me because people always thought I was the problem for always changing my surroundings. Now I stopped and started to actually tolerate more. I stay in connections even if there's a slightest bit of disrespect. It sure hurt at times and fights happen .. I say what I don't like, get distant but once they apologize It's all forgiven .. but somehow they end up doing the SAME thing all over again. And the circle repeats itself, they cross my boundaries, I react, they apologize and then they do it again. At this point I don't know what to do ..
Its okay to go with your gut. Being alone is not the worst thing because it's coming from the people that clearly cant deal with it let alone change their behavior to prevent it from happening. give yourself grace. You can do what you see fit for your relationships, but your mind lets you know how you need to go about these individuals too.
Sis, get your boubderies back. Since you feel so hurt and since they’re doinge THE SAME OVER AND OVER it’s clear that you have to have strong bounderies. Don’t listen to your family. I know this is what families tend to say ‘you’re gonna be all alone’. That is a good thing. That can be a wonderful thing. Better alone but in PEACE than with toxic people who suck the whole life out of you. Plus: at the rught time, the right people will come to you.
The problem is you had allowed people to "Trick you" into tolerating toxic behavior. You had also allowed those closest to you guilt trip you so that you won't go no where & to continue to be around them. It's okay to walk away and cut off those that does not serve your highest good. I'm saying this because this has happened to me with my Family members & Spirit put it in my heart and showed me these people had continued to keep hurting me and manipulating me had me believing that Toxicity is Love. Cut them off ✂️ please go heal yourself and take your power back and get your boundaries back, your folks don't respect your boundaries. Don't let nobody family or not do that to you, you are your first priority it's okay to be selfish stop people pleasing that's how you get played & walked all over! Please use discernment and listen to your judgement.❤🙏🏾As a reminder some people don't like it when a person knows their worth and that has strong solid boundaries. And if those who don't want to respect you and will always want to cross the line with you, you need to cut them off . You protecting your peace matters, you protecting your health, mind, body, soul matters.
I have had the same problem and come from a very toxic family where there is no question they are abusive. I dont know what you're family is like, but what I do know that saying that you are the problem for having boundaries, is a very controlling thing to do or a gross misunderstanding. What I did was, understand and get clear on my boundaries and needs and how to honour those. Develop discernment and personal responsibility so I know that I never ask what I can't give and so I can discern who good, respectful people are so I can have these worthy relationships in my life. I now have healthy relationships I dont have to compromise on. But yes there will be a period of aloneness, and I am still not rid of my family because they are family, but I have a strong distance from them and developed and wise answers to comments like the one you were given. The way I see it is, it is better to be in solitude and growing, becoming worthy of worthy relationships. Than to be surrounded by people who deplete you and create negativity in your life and your personality, which keeps you from worth. It isn't easy, it was a difficult process without a lot of self doubt. But some self doubt is healthy, it means you are not delusional. Trust your gut, know yourself and respect yourself. When people see how much value you have created in your life from having these boundaries, maybe they will do the same for themselves. But ultimately its not your problem. You are your problem, focus on you, mami. You got this ❤
another great video Karine! reminds me you should watch this Korean drama called ‘Marry My Husband’ its still ongoing right now on prime but its about a woman getting to re-do her life after she catches her husband and “best friend” (her biggest hater) in bed with each other after he stops paying her bills at the hospital while shes dying from cancer. They end up killing her too. 😳 But in her re-do she starts uncovering whats going on and putting her foot down in every aspect of her life, its glorious. Also shows how being a people pleaser/no boundaries can be detrimental to your health. Think it would be great to see a breakdown of it in a video one day.
Yes, pain is necessary for sure. “No man is your enemy, no man is your friend , every man is your teacher.” You learn from mistreatment…how you want to be treated. I sure have.
you came for my neck 😭 I wished senior year me heard this, but you live and you learn. I love your advice karine! Coming from an 18 yr old girl sometimes we just need a internet big sister to slap you with knowledge.
I don't have difficulty with saying "no" to people, but I have experienced a lot of backlash because of it. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a woman or because I'm polite but direct about it. My experience has been there are a lot of people who feel entitled to whatever they are asking of you. They assume you will say "yes" but when you say "no" they become upset. I think how to handle these awkward situations needs to be discussed more often because it can frequently make you look like the "bad person" when, in fact, the person asking is not respecting your answer of "no".
Yes! It's especially difficult to navigate when they have authority over you. Just experiencing this with a hack of a dentist. I paid, they did a bad job. Now they keep wanting to make it MY problem and not actually fix it. What they did is going to lead to more problems (more cost) down the road, so it's I their interest not to fix it right. I'm not stupid. But I paid, man. I already paid! But I gotta cut my losses now. Called around, asked out of state even (no gain to be made for them!) It's a racket, better I know now bc I have a lot more work I need done. Looking back I can see how the hygienist was trying to warn me... as a stylist I met a lot of ppl, teachers, dental hygienist etc and they complained about dentists that do this to people. Isn't that awful?? And now they blame me bc I don't drop everything when they want me to keep coming back, I have lost track how many times bc they don't get it right. Like I'm in pain.... But bosses do this, anyone who thinks they have you over a barrel with money (ex husbands, parents etc) At some point you just gotta cut your losses with these types, and I'm learning to spot them sooner. So there's that.
When ppl guilt trip me for having boundaries it kill me I cut off right away these days #expeoplepleaser then I end up apologizing for having boundaries! Smh I need to stay strong with them I be weak
After the Shanquella situation I took a deeper look at my friend circle and I had to cut someone off. I have cut off family and friends who have disrespected me but I put up with a lot of their disrespect before cutting them off because I was desperate to not be alone which has caused me a lot of trauma and pain. I've gotten to the point where I would rather be alone than to tolerate BS.
That's true. He has no woman who would truly mourn for him. No woman who would emotionally be devastated without him. No woman who will look back on him fondly on her deathbed.
@@karinealourdementalgems yayyy thank you especially boundaries in the corporate setting people always try to play the "unfriendly/not a team player scenario" 🙄
I’m sitting here watching your videos and just got my second text from someone asking me for money…I just started coming back around my family after getting married to my new husband also after being used and violated by my family in the past. A family member got diagnosed with cancer and my husband and I jumped into action to help her out financially…now I’ve been getting requests again all of a sudden…my goodness….these are the same people that took all the benefits of laziness that the pandemic had to offer that I warned them not to do, while I worked my butt off to put myself in the great position I am in now.
I really should be a enemy towards the world not towards Jesus l wonder 🤔 what l was thinking 🤔 l really should stop feeling sorry for myself am so hard headed sometimes
I LOVE these videos!! This is so true. The more I said yes and helped people, I was treated like shit by everyone. The moment I started saying NO more then yes, not explaining myself and removing people who over step my boundaries, I have more respect and more thought of more then ever now. At home, family, friends and the workplace. Funny how that works. 😂
Thank you miss lady.Wow, God is against burn out, work yes, but burn out no. I feel stupid but I did not know this!!!! I honestly felt like and have been living the I need to be burned out to be a good wife, servant, employee. We read the story of Moses so often and gloss over that. God sent him judges, advisors etc to help him oh my Gosh....
I also watch another femininit chanel that talks a lot about boundaries, in special in relationships, we can say "no" in a polite way when we feel unconfortable, becuse if you keep saying yes, a man gonna really take 100% of you.
How I get notified about last night's video but not this one🤔😮💨..... and yes I have a boundary issue, struggle with speaking up, care too much what others think, people please, and struggle saying no.
karine! WOW! girl I literally just ended a situation today because he could not respect my boundaries. a part of me wondered if I did the right thing but this is confirmation that I did, thank you so much!! 🥹😇💟💓
Watch 5 reasons why some ppl won’t ever like you & why you shouldn’t care! NEXT! ua-cam.com/video/Uvr8MWR8mg0/v-deo.html
Oprah told me this in the 80s ☺ but it took a few decades to sink in: "No" is a complete sentence.
And anyone who won't accept your "no" is trying to control you.
I was raised with a lot of guilt in my childhood, so it's taken a while to overcome that.
As a RN you need boundaries or they will work you to death! I needed this! Thanks Karine
I used to cut off anyone who would've crossed my boundaries more than enough. And it's not that I didn't love them, it was just because I couldn't handle the hurt and disrespect that came my way. A lot of people including my own family used to tell me that it's a toxic behavior of mine and that I'll end up alone. I used to change my friend-circle every year and it was embarrassing for me because people always thought I was the problem for always changing my surroundings.
Now I stopped and started to actually tolerate more. I stay in connections even if there's a slightest bit of disrespect. It sure hurt at times and fights happen ..
I say what I don't like, get distant but once they apologize It's all forgiven .. but somehow they end up doing the SAME thing all over again. And the circle repeats itself, they cross my boundaries, I react, they apologize and then they do it again. At this point I don't know what to do ..
Its okay to go with your gut. Being alone is not the worst thing because it's coming from the people that clearly cant deal with it let alone change their behavior to prevent it from happening. give yourself grace. You can do what you see fit for your relationships, but your mind lets you know how you need to go about these individuals too.
Sis, get your boubderies back. Since you feel so hurt and since they’re doinge THE SAME OVER AND OVER it’s clear that you have to have strong bounderies. Don’t listen to your family. I know this is what families tend to say ‘you’re gonna be all alone’. That is a good thing. That can be a wonderful thing. Better alone but in PEACE than with toxic people who suck the whole life out of you. Plus: at the rught time, the right people will come to you.
Reinforce your boundaries, or keep being hurt.
The problem is you had allowed people to "Trick you" into tolerating toxic behavior. You had also allowed those closest to you guilt trip you so that you won't go no where & to continue to be around them. It's okay to walk away and cut off those that does not serve your highest good. I'm saying this because this has happened to me with my Family members & Spirit put it in my heart and showed me these people had continued to keep hurting me and manipulating me had me believing that Toxicity is Love. Cut them off ✂️ please go heal yourself and take your power back and get your boundaries back, your folks don't respect your boundaries. Don't let nobody family or not do that to you, you are your first priority it's okay to be selfish stop people pleasing that's how you get played & walked all over! Please use discernment and listen to your judgement.❤🙏🏾As a reminder some people don't like it when a person knows their worth and that has strong solid boundaries. And if those who don't want to respect you and will always want to cross the line with you, you need to cut them off . You protecting your peace matters, you protecting your health, mind, body, soul matters.
I have had the same problem and come from a very toxic family where there is no question they are abusive. I dont know what you're family is like, but what I do know that saying that you are the problem for having boundaries, is a very controlling thing to do or a gross misunderstanding.
What I did was, understand and get clear on my boundaries and needs and how to honour those. Develop discernment and personal responsibility so I know that I never ask what I can't give and so I can discern who good, respectful people are so I can have these worthy relationships in my life.
I now have healthy relationships I dont have to compromise on.
But yes there will be a period of aloneness, and I am still not rid of my family because they are family, but I have a strong distance from them and developed and wise answers to comments like the one you were given.
The way I see it is, it is better to be in solitude and growing, becoming worthy of worthy relationships. Than to be surrounded by people who deplete you and create negativity in your life and your personality, which keeps you from worth.
It isn't easy, it was a difficult process without a lot of self doubt. But some self doubt is healthy, it means you are not delusional. Trust your gut, know yourself and respect yourself.
When people see how much value you have created in your life from having these boundaries, maybe they will do the same for themselves. But ultimately its not your problem. You are your problem, focus on you, mami.
You got this ❤
I really should protect my peace and goodies
“God give me the strength to get through this pain” ❤❤❤
I was beating around the bush
Perfect timing 💙Just yesterday I purchased the book
Set Boundaries Find Peace
Time is so major ❤
another great video Karine! reminds me you should watch this Korean drama called ‘Marry My Husband’ its still ongoing right now on prime but its about a woman getting to re-do her life after she catches her husband and “best friend” (her biggest hater) in bed with each other after he stops paying her bills at the hospital while shes dying from cancer. They end up killing her too. 😳 But in her re-do she starts uncovering whats going on and putting her foot down in every aspect of her life, its glorious. Also shows how being a people pleaser/no boundaries can be detrimental to your health. Think it would be great to see a breakdown of it in a video one day.
Excellent video and exceptional advice thank you 😊 🙏 Especially where you spoke of David and Moses, it's a lesson for all of us in Jesus
Hey Karine ❤️❤️❤️, I’m loving the white 🥰
Thank you my love 😘😘
Thank You.
💙… 🙈.. although this year I’m getting much better !!!
I love the mental gems..so glad you added this to your repertoire!!
Omg Karine I felt every words! May God bless you and give you double of what you think you lost, in Jesus name
Karineee, sis, love the video, love you! But I think you should get a mic for better sound. Sound is the only problem in your videos♥️♥️✨✨
🙌🏽
💜 I don't go to church but I consider myself very spiritual. Thank you for this sermon.
This channel feeds me better than any church I’ve been to. High key.
I know what you mean.
@MindfulJA3 tbh! When two or more are gathred....and we all are here❤
Yes, pain is necessary for sure. “No man is your enemy, no man is your friend , every man is your teacher.” You learn from mistreatment…how you want to be treated. I sure have.
you came for my neck 😭 I wished senior year me heard this, but you live and you learn. I love your advice karine! Coming from an 18 yr old girl sometimes we just need a internet big sister to slap you with knowledge.
Such a sweet comment, I pray God continues to guide you to the best mentors for your growth.
@@nahooolitook the words right out of my mouth 🥺 it took me about 25 years to learn this. You have an early start ❤❤
I don't have difficulty with saying "no" to people, but I have experienced a lot of backlash because of it. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a woman or because I'm polite but direct about it. My experience has been there are a lot of people who feel entitled to whatever they are asking of you. They assume you will say "yes" but when you say "no" they become upset. I think how to handle these awkward situations needs to be discussed more often because it can frequently make you look like the "bad person" when, in fact, the person asking is not respecting your answer of "no".
Yes! It's especially difficult to navigate when they have authority over you. Just experiencing this with a hack of a dentist. I paid, they did a bad job. Now they keep wanting to make it MY problem and not actually fix it. What they did is going to lead to more problems (more cost) down the road, so it's I their interest not to fix it right. I'm not stupid. But I paid, man. I already paid! But I gotta cut my losses now. Called around, asked out of state even (no gain to be made for them!) It's a racket, better I know now bc I have a lot more work I need done. Looking back I can see how the hygienist was trying to warn me... as a stylist I met a lot of ppl, teachers, dental hygienist etc and they complained about dentists that do this to people.
Isn't that awful?? And now they blame me bc I don't drop everything when they want me to keep coming back, I have lost track how many times bc they don't get it right. Like I'm in pain....
But bosses do this, anyone who thinks they have you over a barrel with money (ex husbands, parents etc)
At some point you just gotta cut your losses with these types, and I'm learning to spot them sooner. So there's that.
When ppl guilt trip me for having boundaries it kill me I cut off right away these days #expeoplepleaser then I end up apologizing for having boundaries! Smh I need to stay strong with them I be weak
After the Shanquella situation I took a deeper look at my friend circle and I had to cut someone off. I have cut off family and friends who have disrespected me but I put up with a lot of their disrespect before cutting them off because I was desperate to not be alone which has caused me a lot of trauma and pain. I've gotten to the point where I would rather be alone than to tolerate BS.
This reminds me of Andrew Tate, who has a harem of women, but doesn’t have a fulfilling relationship. No substance.
That's true. He has no woman who would truly mourn for him. No woman who would emotionally be devastated without him. No woman who will look back on him fondly on her deathbed.
@@catcat9582Maybe he knows that women around are just either for his money or looks.
💙recovering people pleaser
Next video maybe a list of boundaries to apply?😊
Good idea! I am way ahead on that! I got you ❤
@@karinealourdementalgems yayyy thank you especially boundaries in the corporate setting people always try to play the "unfriendly/not a team player scenario" 🙄
I recovered from people please and I easily say no but I’ve also learned to compromise sometimes, I’m more balanced now.
Sometimes I feel regret that I never went to raves or parties... but then I hear the stories of other women... and the regret goes away...
Hey Karine girl I love your channel. You give a lot of great advice!
I'm so glad to hear that! Thank you for watching sis! I love your handle name too gemdropper 💜💜💎💎
I’m sitting here watching your videos and just got my second text from someone asking me for money…I just started coming back around my family after getting married to my new husband also after being used and violated by my family in the past. A family member got diagnosed with cancer and my husband and I jumped into action to help her out financially…now I’ve been getting requests again all of a sudden…my goodness….these are the same people that took all the benefits of laziness that the pandemic had to offer that I warned them not to do, while I worked my butt off to put myself in the great position I am in now.
I really should be a enemy towards the world not towards Jesus l wonder 🤔 what l was thinking 🤔 l really should stop feeling sorry for myself am so hard headed sometimes
Wish I heard this sooner than my 22 ❤❤❤ grateful to see it now
Excellent, relevant, and timely message! God bless you 🙏🏾
You’re so beautiful Karine!
Im very spiritual and have High Standards i dont allow people to disrespect
Omg your Haitian language is sooo sexy and beautiful YESSS
I wasn't bold when l didn't have boundaries
I really should have self respect ldk why l was in people space
I needed this 100% Thank you so much for this video!
❤❤❤❤❤
Omg 😱, once again you are right on time sis!
I LOVE these videos!! This is so true. The more I said yes and helped people, I was treated like shit by everyone.
The moment I started saying NO more then yes, not explaining myself and removing people who over step my boundaries, I have more respect and more thought of more then ever now. At home, family, friends and the workplace.
Funny how that works. 😂
Girl this video was for me, and I took no offense!💗
I was back and forth alot
💙
💙💙💙
💙
❤
Im not a know it all
chile, you preachin!!!!!!
Thanks so much for these reminders. They’re essential for coming into adulthood.
Preach Sis!
I needed all the lessons 🙏
Thank you for a Great video!❤️
💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Thank you miss lady.Wow, God is against burn out, work yes, but burn out no. I feel stupid but I did not know this!!!! I honestly felt like and have been living the I need to be burned out to be a good wife, servant, employee. We read the story of Moses so often and gloss over that. God sent him judges, advisors etc to help him oh my Gosh....
Thank you Karine 😘❤️
I'm thankful for your channel! It's helping me others❤
I also watch another femininit chanel that talks a lot about boundaries, in special in relationships, we can say "no" in a polite way when we feel unconfortable, becuse if you keep saying yes, a man gonna really take 100% of you.
I have been called out. Kind of embarrassed some of this I wasn't aware was a problem
I love how passionate you are about this topic 👍🏼
A word!! Karine you did it again! Thank you for this. Your Channel is interesting, educational, funny, real, soulful! ❤❤❤
I know it’s God wisdom who inspired this, so I want to give glory to the most high but he’s using you for sure
Thank you for this video. God bless you ❤🎉
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💙
Love you Karine ❤ Thank you 🙏
💙
Needed this ❤❤
Needed this. Ty. 💙💙
💙
Sis 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
I love this❤
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💙💙💙
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🔥
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How I get notified about last night's video but not this one🤔😮💨..... and yes I have a boundary issue, struggle with speaking up, care too much what others think, people please, and struggle saying no.
Wow your video came just on time right after someone disrespected me. This is a sign for change 🙏 Also people get married 6-7 times?? That’s wild
Truly 👏💯❤
karine! WOW! girl I literally just ended a situation today because he could not respect my boundaries. a part of me wondered if I did the right thing but this is confirmation that I did, thank you so much!! 🥹😇💟💓