I fired, and I missed, then I fired again, and I missed, and then I fired and I fired and I missed, I missed both times, this went on for several hours, I fired, and I hit something, but it wasn't what I was going for, so I guess I missed. I ran out of ammo, then I got sad, then I had a popsicle, then I passed out in the snow.
This isn't just being bad at video games, this is a complete lack of manual dexterity. It's like watching something that never had hands trying to use hands for the first time
Excuse me, but they obviously needed to hire people with physical disabilities to fill their quotas, you goddamn biggot! Why wouldn't you hire someone in a wheelchair to do heavy lifting? That's so ableist of you, I can't even! Literally shaking!
“Its like watching something that never had hands trying to use hands for the first time.”....What if that’s exactly what we’re watching?*X-Files theme fades in*
Seriously though, why do people get paid for critiquing and reviewing games despite being fucking garbage at them. For example, this very video and that guy who got stuck on Cuphead's tutorial level, I want to get payed for playing video games, but no, these peoples with no motor skills are payed. My Mom can play this better and the only games she has played was Super Mario World (she's surprisingly good, probably because she played since she was a kid) and Portal with my assistance.
It takes a special kind of awful to make DOOM of all things look boring. It almost loops right back around to being talented, because I don't think I could do this if I tried.
@@LastGenRichtofenn Ya you could make any game look boring and awful if you just walk around in circles, miss all your shots, and can’t even look at something and move at the same time.
@@LastGenRichtofenn I don't think a game has ever stressed me out with how freakin' intense it is like this or Eternal on Nightmare in situations where you have an entire area of enemies all around you, have to constantly weapon switch, MOVE MOVE MOVE, use finishers just for tiny scraps of ammo because you have none, brutal music, and the will to not die.
I love that Hugo Martin directly addressed this footage on an interview prior to the release of Doom Eternal and cited it as an example of what they wanted to avoid- players being absolutely terrible at the game, but still somehow succeeding. Like, he could've easily laughed the whole thing off, but instead pondered, _'whose fault is it that the game can be played like this?'_ and acted on it. That's a great game director right there.
@@degiguess Well yeah, 2016 on anything below UV was pretty much laughable and this footage is proof to the pudding. Even late game NM has you basically taking no damage cus you're so durable on top of having like 4-5 options for dealing ludicrous amounts of amage while the enemies can barely register what's going on.
what if i say you that i played doom with 1 hand, inclusive i get the crazy aviechement of the first level in maximun difficulty, i can`t use my other hand cause i have multiple sclerosis, and i have played dark souls 1, 2 and 3 , so... its not to hard, i'm playing on an alienware laptop :p its not freaking hard to play with 1 hand.
that's an insult to 8 year olds, my 7 year old brother has already tested the waters of Dark Souls. (not by my hand, it was the 14 year old's doing, i was shocked to find out he actually manage to do well, still can't beat a boss to save his life though)
My 89 year old grandmother who's never even seen a video game console in her life could still play better than this. This is like watching a retarded newborn who barely understands how to breathe try to play a video game.
nosferatu5 My grandfather actually has the majority of the original DOOM maps memorized, he played on PC up until the early 2000's when he and my grandmother's house burned down.
Just like the player but ı dont blame him like yu are a white dude and you shoot a Demon a DEMON!! Fucking racist scumbag gamers support my kickstarter for more demons vs humans vids on our next video we got a poor cocaedemon a victim of doomguys oppressive shotgun.
Polygon being unable to comprehend a shooter that doesn't have you waiting behind cover and cutscenes every 5 minutes begins to mentally degrade their tiny brains.
Honestly i don`t even think they would be able to play the most mainstream cookie cutter fps judging by how they stumbled through this. Jesus christ, it is as if the guy playing doesn`t have any ingrained reflexes or normal gamer hand-eye coordination in him, like he just started playing games a few hours before reviewing.
What’s wrong with a game being more story driven? You can have games like call of duty, battlefield, and doom AND have story driven games too you know.
@@AnthonyBlamthony You do realize you don't need game-interrupting cutscenes to tell story right? Look at Half-Life, HLD, Deus Ex. If your only way to tell story is to stop game immersion, you could do a better job.
@@GekkoOne I do understand your point and agree to a certain extent but some games definitely do benefit from good cutscenes, lots of classic and modern rpgs come to mind and halo had some good ones too
It is funny because it's true; shooting downwards it makes bullets deadlier too. We use to forget this, but all factors in a sum must be taken into consideration when talking about physics
It is funny because it's true; shooting downwards it makes bullets deadlier too. We use to forget this, but all factors in a sum must be taken into consideration when talking about physics
Can you imagine how much you would have to despise yourself to write about things in which you have no interest or talent? It would be like a nun evaluating porn videos for a living.
@@IBBY_YaboyEON I'd be forgiving if it was some random Joe Schmoe, since we all start somewhere (and using analog sticks for FPS isn't very intuitive), but this is a person who's paid to show this game off by a gaming-related media company. It's usually expected that they'll at least have some definite experience with the genre
Now I understand there are varying degrees of skill and practice within gamers but you would at least assume that video game journalist have a bit more of a gaming sense then this.
More like how my Turok 2 Emulator controlled, even after putting hours of editing into the controller settings. So glad I found the remastered version that was MADE for PC.
its like a man on a shoping cart that cant turn because there is too much chewed gum on the wheels, but it can only go forward and backward, with a cork gun that is 30 years old, and has already fallen apart.
"Bill, you're gonna do the Doom video" "But I've never played an FPS in my life, I'm the rpg guy remember?" "Yeah but our guy that does fps games is out so..."
I've played this game so plastered I was seeing double and even I didn't do this poorly. My guess is Polygon is ran by people who don't care about video games. Which is true.
No, no... weapons grade autism would've won this too. What we have here is intentional retardation. While there's a fine line between the two, there are some major differences. ;)
I am thinking they are so used to auto-aim games it never occurred to the person playing that they need to aim.It makes me a bit sad as someone whose been gaming since '82
Mr. President it is my regretful duty to inform you that whomever was playing this game was a highly undertrained, literarily gifted (but coordination impaired) individual. Unfortunately this space marine is regrettably likely to die very very soon. (Sad part is I can tell they are playing on a fairly easy mode)
Dwight D Eisenhower they get paid for this too at that... Thisis why id take someones review with a camcorder from 1995 and a shakey hand over journalists... Bet they fucking call it "the dark souls of fps game" WE FUCKIN GET IT DARK SOULS IS CHALLENGING!!!!
jason stengel that's the most accurate way to describe. Kinda reminds me when I'm trying to answer a text or scratching an ich, I just keep walking to whatever objective and every now and then turn and shoot and repeat.
and to balance the fact it has infinite ammo IT HAS SHIT DAMAGE I WAS CRINGING THAT WHOLE VIDEO i didn't even look at anything exept the ammo and knew this was a shit weapon except for the most basic enemy
I hadn't watched the Polygon footage before this. I thought the unedited footage at the beginning was just a parody. Why couldn't it have been a parody? Who thought sticking this guy playing a game like DOOM was a good idea?
I'm seriously starting to think tha Polygon is actually an artist, and they put pieces like this on display to make fun of the gaming industry today. But it's more likely that they are the laughing joke of the industry.
Maybe they got the most noob guy there to learn how to play on Doom so he/she/attackhelicoper whichever wouldn’t be garbage in the future like the guy that played cuphead. But yea, I’ve only played a couple parts of the story so far and I gotta say, this is kind of sad to watch.
If you wonder how they choose who plays the game, they take 3 employee's put them in a room turn the light off throw some pebbles usually 5-6 (bad aim) and then take the lucky winner with the most pebble wounds. It is called the process of the pebble and is considered by many to be the fairest decision method since the ham,ham, honeydew method was outlawed back in '94
this is like playing xcom if one of your soldiers was the rewiever Enemy just right in front of you, miss. Though Xcom soldier are a bit better than this guy
I find basic math works pretty well. If a shot above 50% misses, the next one above 50% is likely to hit. It only works on Ironman, oddly enough, but it works.
are you playing at normal, easy or comnander? everytime you miss a shot, you gain an hidden accuracy bonus for you next shot. It stacks too. look here for more informations www.reddit.com/r/XCOM2/comments/45u81x/yes_xcom_2s_rng_cheats_in_your_favor_heres_how/
My only guess as to why their aim is so terrible is that maybe there's some sort of crazy delay in their recording setup. At least I hope there's something like that going on, because they're moving and aiming like they've never played a game that uses both thumbsticks before.
You could argue that maybe they had someone used to PC FPS controls playing with a controller, which I would understand, but to die on easy with that could still be hard.
But if you primarily play on PC and they make you use a controller you're gonna suck. That looks like me when I tried to play Metro 2033 on my Xbox after being on PC pretty much exclusively for 2 years
This is to console aim what console aim is to mouse aim. As someone who's proficient in both, this is how one aims when they first use a gamepad, as in "Polygon put up a gameplay video by someone who had never used the controller before"
Bob Tom you think you're good with a controller till you use one on pc and realize console games have aim assist built in. Lmao I used to think I was good as well, didn't realize the game wouldn't let me miss their head.
Everytime I witness recent polygon scores of recent games, like Sonic Forces for example, I come back here to see how much I should take their scores seriously, thinking how they saw those games, or how they have even played those games.
And also how they (funnily enough, the exact same guy who played this) docked 2.5 off of Bayonetta 2's score because they didn't like sexualised characters in video games. Talk about spreading an agenda, man.
It's like they took the keybinds from the original Doom game and just copy pasted them into this one. Oh wait, except this is played with a controller so.... no excuses there, i'm afraid.
How come I never seen this video? It's like a newborns with barely any idea how to breath picked up a controller and played Doom. It better have been bring your grandfather to work day or some input delay with the recording setup or some shit. No matter what someone got payed for this.
It's like someone trying to play a game with a controller with only one hand. The times where the player *and* the camera were moving at the same time felt like accidents.
To keep an open forum, like this comment to dislike this video or whatever so its transparent. Fuck youtube's bullshit.
Chad
@@XenSlayer like the video then, this is the guy who made it
Legend
Absolute giga Chad
Liking this comment, but I don’t dislike your video
Lmao someone flagged this as offensive
It's an offense to my eyes
And it is, it hurts so much to watch
It was the doom community. With this kind of gameplay can you really blame them
Lmao what a flaggot
Can we all salute who flagged this so we don’t have to watch this horrible gameplay
So what did we learn? We learned that doom was not meant to be played using a steering wheel.
lol
+The Daedric Argonian no you aren't
that someone needs an aim bot
I know once LGR tried playing it with a Pool Cue, i think he was slightly better
i was immediately thinking, every shooting game gameplay should be done with a mouse, because please.
Shoots twice at a medkit while standing still...
Misses
Metallic_Falcon to be fair the medkit is at an odd 90 degree angle to the floor and ceiling while being parallel to the wall.
He panicked
I do things as ridiculous as that specially on online games when I feel pressure and panicked, though I don't do it a lot anymore
I fired, and I missed, then I fired again, and I missed, and then I fired and I fired and I missed, I missed both times, this went on for several hours, I fired, and I hit something, but it wasn't what I was going for, so I guess I missed. I ran out of ammo, then I got sad, then I had a popsicle, then I passed out in the snow.
Metallic_Falcon stormtroopers have better accuracy
Hey, Dean Takahashi keeps the tradition going!
This player is like a WWI tank. Can't walk and aim at the same time
Someone's bound to point out that WW1 tanks couldn't walk at all. I'm not going to be that guy.
but most WWI couldnt even walk
Hey Ashley, I found the guy.
That's how my younger brothers would play when they were very young haha I remember it so clearly
This isn't just being bad at video games, this is a complete lack of manual dexterity. It's like watching something that never had hands trying to use hands for the first time
darkmega97 yeah, its called being bad a video gsmes
Excuse me, but they obviously needed to hire people with physical disabilities to fill their quotas, you goddamn biggot! Why wouldn't you hire someone in a wheelchair to do heavy lifting? That's so ableist of you, I can't even! Literally shaking!
“Its like watching something that never had hands trying to use hands for the first time.”....What if that’s exactly what we’re watching?*X-Files theme fades in*
Seriously though, why do people get paid for critiquing and reviewing games despite being fucking garbage at them. For example, this very video and that guy who got stuck on Cuphead's tutorial level, I want to get payed for playing video games, but no, these peoples with no motor skills are payed. My Mom can play this better and the only games she has played was Super Mario World (she's surprisingly good, probably because she played since she was a kid) and Portal with my assistance.
Looks like they're using a laptop trackpad
If you had to play the intro cut scene of the game, polygon wouldn't even be able to break through the chains
Boopity Doopity Polygon wouldnt even wake up in the cutscene.
Cute Cube let alone even crush the demons
I was just about to say Im surprised they even managed to do the insta-kill finishers really...
Brother!!!!
They probably took half an hour trying to find the “start” button
Gee, it's almost as if Polygon is run by people who don't play games.
Dr Shaym what, you mean game's journalists?
Dr Shaym it's like they hired Phyllis from The Office to play it
Dr Shaym im torn. Like half of polygon is like the guy who plays this, but the other half are fun people like the mcelroys, pat, simone etc
What are you doing here?
Dr Shaym dude check polygons 26 min gameplay of cuphead it's ten times worse
It takes a special kind of awful to make DOOM of all things look boring. It almost loops right back around to being talented, because I don't think I could do this if I tried.
@Qimodis I was almost going to sleep. This guy plays like 3 year old.
Havent played the game and i gotta say it looks boring af. Yhhhh i really should watch an actual gameplay instead of this skrub play with his toes
@@LastGenRichtofenn I'd recommend Clockner if you just want gameplay and no commentary; I don't think Polygon did the game justice
@@LastGenRichtofenn Ya you could make any game look boring and awful if you just walk around in circles, miss all your shots, and can’t even look at something and move at the same time.
@@LastGenRichtofenn I don't think a game has ever stressed me out with how freakin' intense it is like this or Eternal on Nightmare in situations where you have an entire area of enemies all around you, have to constantly weapon switch, MOVE MOVE MOVE, use finishers just for tiny scraps of ammo because you have none, brutal music, and the will to not die.
I love that Hugo Martin directly addressed this footage on an interview prior to the release of Doom Eternal and cited it as an example of what they wanted to avoid- players being absolutely terrible at the game, but still somehow succeeding.
Like, he could've easily laughed the whole thing off, but instead pondered, _'whose fault is it that the game can be played like this?'_ and acted on it. That's a great game director right there.
Wait what video is this?
so what you're saying is there's a good chance this footage is the exact reason doom eternal turned out how it did lmao
@@degiguess Well yeah, 2016 on anything below UV was pretty much laughable and this footage is proof to the pudding. Even late game NM has you basically taking no damage cus you're so durable on top of having like 4-5 options for dealing ludicrous amounts of amage while the enemies can barely register what's going on.
As Max0r said in his doom eternal review, "a game journalist could beat the first half (of doom 2016), and that's unacceptable."
*"So where's the button where I win?"*
-Polygon
Doom was not meant to be played one handed.
Brit'N'Birb atually they used an artificial paw as it seems
Or blindfolded, or with both feet, or however else this guy was playing it.
I can play doom one handed with a busted ps4 controller
what if i say you that i played doom with 1 hand, inclusive i get the crazy aviechement of the first level in maximun difficulty, i can`t use my other hand cause i have multiple sclerosis, and i have played dark souls 1, 2 and 3 , so... its not to hard, i'm playing on an alienware laptop :p its not freaking hard to play with 1 hand.
SkooZi I know , i`ll think about that men.
Hey I think this guy was in my CS:GO lobby before. I recognize that god-like aim anywhere.
Elvin Gamer thank you for making me laugh today.
I recognise it as my whole team most of the time
Elvin Gamer I play like this whenever i play with mouse and keyboard
Looking at that guy playing DOOM makes me feel like FalleN.
Taluigi Makes me feel like KennyS
Glad to see they hired DarkSydePhil to play their games so they don't have to.
DSP is still better than this.
DSP at least knows how to turn and shoot.
Yeah, but I think blindfolding him was a bit too much. He isn't THAT good - you know?
what music did you use in the beginning? I'd like to learn it
+TheZabbiemaster Ask DNA from the cowboy bebop movie soundtrack
"WAIT WHAT? YOU CAN USE THE TWO ANALOGUE STICKS AT THE SAME TIME?"
- Polygon
Getting the shotgun out at long range and the pistol up close - G E N I U S
"Controls were unresponsive and enemies felt cheap to fight because of it, I cannot recommend this game in this state to anybody." Lolygon
I think the person playings brain was unresponsive
Please keep the 'Polygon doesn't understand...' series going. This is fantastic.
+Chris Caswell As long as Polygon fails to understand basic things, your wish is my command.
Is this the new "How Not to Play" Series?
Chris Caswell what is this series :3
Chris Caswell HERE HERE!
Alonso Gonzalez ???
Why did they hire a Stormtrooper to play this?
BT -7274 don't insult stormtroopers
BT -7274 What if Polygon played Titanfall 2? Suppose they'd get rekt by Iniquity and Frothyomen.
BT -7274 nah, he achieved the rank worse then stormtrooper.
XCOM solider
Who else is gonna hire storm troopers?
Daniel Do Don't forget Sir Swag
No polygon... this isn't the first 30 minutes
R3D it's the first 10 or so at least
Dominic Ellenwood 10 minutes? Heol, for someone good, it's five minutes. And that's if heplays with one hand
it's called 30 minutes because they're so bad at the game, that's what it took them.
The video is, this isn't
I think this guy mains Hanzo
I'm a Hanzo main and I can 100% confirm this.
@@azure9905 i'm not a hanzo main but I have played him and in my experience, you hit all your shots or none of them
This hurt to watch. It's like watching my 8 year old brother play just about anything that isn't on the Wii or iPad.
Sebastian Howard difference being they (sibling) would be able to play and would learn
my brother was playing the og doom at 5. and still bet the game
what I think it really is? people are oblivious in new in situations most of the time.
Sebastian Howard even my 8 year old sef can beat this game since I used to play medal of honor and 007 video games back in the day.
that's an insult to 8 year olds, my 7 year old brother has already tested the waters of Dark Souls. (not by my hand, it was the 14 year old's doing, i was shocked to find out he actually manage to do well, still can't beat a boss to save his life though)
were they using a track pad while drunk or something
kotaku.com/5878449/why-the-apple-trackpad-might-be-the-best-video-game-controller-ever-made
Jesus cries these "journalists" give me an brain aneurysm.
TheHandsomeCow Forget the premise of that article and it still hurts to read to a point which I might not recover from.
Avery Malone I feel like anyone who plays games could down a pint of Jack, hook up a trackball, and still outperform these jokers
Taylor Downs fuck, you could down a bottle of fucking nail-polish-remover-bottom-shelf-vodka while using a madcats controller and still play better!
Was it "bring your grampa to work day" at polygon?
..Wait that made it sound like they had any competency to begin with.
My 89 year old grandmother who's never even seen a video game console in her life could still play better than this. This is like watching a retarded newborn who barely understands how to breathe try to play a video game.
nosferatu5 My grandfather actually has the majority of the original DOOM maps memorized, he played on PC up until the early 2000's when he and my grandmother's house burned down.
lets switch grampas
Varen Grey I'm so sorry
nosferatu5 but my grandpa played the original and could actually strafe. Lol.
INHUMAN REACTION SPEEDS
Yep, definitely inhuman. But I wouldn't call it "speed".
When your grandpa attempts to play a game while high and extremely drunk...
Blindfolded*
And he would still be better than this guy
Holy shit! You can play Doom with a power glove?!
TripNBallsGaming (Under construction) Nice.
TripNBallsGaming (Under construction) Awesome...
I laughed harder at this comment than literally any other part of this video
Great comment!
This is genuinely funny good shit man
'Comments on this video are disabled'
Just like the player but ı dont blame him like yu are a white dude and you shoot a Demon a DEMON!!
Fucking racist scumbag gamers support my kickstarter for more demons vs humans vids on our next video we got a poor cocaedemon a victim of doomguys oppressive shotgun.
Roman Sapp not the only thing that's disabled
+Eat that Pussy 445 what
Toaster Dont knew man
Eat that Pussy 445 The brain of whoever was playing this.
Moving+aiming? This guy says no can do.
Frogmin It's above their pay grade.
This guy missed more 90% shots then my rookies on Xcom
The year 2022 and polygon got out mounuvaured by someone's Dad.
were there two different people controlling movement and aim
The only way that's possible is if the guy controlling aim was dead.
My brother and I got our hand tied together as punishment for something and decided to play Xbox like that.
Even we weren't this bad.
WolfWarlordJake I did this in Killing Floor 2 with a guy I met the day before, and we won a normal solo match. Nobody should be this bad after 18.
my sister and I Beat F.E.A.R. 1 doing this. this shit in the video is beyond awful. They really don't know what the fuck their doing.
Lol me and my brother tried to do that once. But we couldn't because he is a fucking dumbass
Polygon being unable to comprehend a shooter that doesn't have you waiting behind cover and cutscenes every 5 minutes begins to mentally degrade their tiny brains.
JoeBob32X Nothing wrong with a story heavy game having a lot of cutscenes, but I see your point.
Honestly i don`t even think they would be able to play the most mainstream cookie cutter fps judging by how they stumbled through this.
Jesus christ, it is as if the guy playing doesn`t have any ingrained reflexes or normal gamer hand-eye coordination in him, like he just started playing games a few hours before reviewing.
What’s wrong with a game being more story driven? You can have games like call of duty, battlefield, and doom AND have story driven games too you know.
@@AnthonyBlamthony You do realize you don't need game-interrupting cutscenes to tell story right? Look at Half-Life, HLD, Deus Ex. If your only way to tell story is to stop game immersion, you could do a better job.
@@GekkoOne I do understand your point and agree to a certain extent but some games definitely do benefit from good cutscenes, lots of classic and modern rpgs come to mind and halo had some good ones too
Guys, obviously running forward while shooting makes the bullets that much faster and do more damage. This guy knows what he's doing.
"I have to kill fast and bullets too slow!"
Detective Manny Pardo™ pardo, my guy what are you doing here
ADDMcGee25 yup totaly he is a God amunst men I prais him
It is funny because it's true; shooting downwards it makes bullets deadlier too. We use to forget this, but all factors in a sum must be taken into consideration when talking about physics
It is funny because it's true; shooting downwards it makes bullets deadlier too. We use to forget this, but all factors in a sum must be taken into consideration when talking about physics
How did they get a wii remote to work on PC is my question
I predict you are blind in one eye.
Everytime I have a bad matchup on FPS game mainly because I'm suck at aiming I always watch this to make me feel better
Shoot the red barrels. Red barrels blow up! It's been that way since the dawn of gaming!
He looked at them a couple times ( probably by accident) and I could feel my inner barrel-shooter screaming. "SHOOT THEM"
Explosive barrels were gray-green in the original Doom.
Novaseer does it really matter? He stared those barrels down like a maniac :D
But I appreciate your doom knowledge
He should have melee'd that thing.
Original Doom '93 made the red exploding barrel...
I think he drives an automatic.
I think he's driven in an automatic.
The Crimson Fucker I don't think he'd have the hand-eye coordination required to put on a seatbelt.
Possibly.
Drives? That requires too much coordination. He takes the bus.
I sincerely hope they don't even drive.
These people write about videogames for a living even though they clearly don't play videogames.
I hate to say it, but this is the reason fake news became a thing.
Lazy Poo it's like they're in it just for the money. oh wait they actually are
Can you imagine how much you would have to despise yourself to write about things in which you have no interest or talent?
It would be like a nun evaluating porn videos for a living.
thats one of the things gamergate was about
Have... Have any of you seen a Polygon video?
2:49 He's probably playing on easy too, look at how much life he got back from just one enemy
It annoys me so much when people who have like 0 skill do terrible even on the easiest difficulty
@@IBBY_YaboyEON and get paid to do it. Failing upwards at its finest.
@@CertMediocre exactly
@@IBBY_YaboyEON I'd be forgiving if it was some random Joe Schmoe, since we all start somewhere (and using analog sticks for FPS isn't very intuitive), but this is a person who's paid to show this game off by a gaming-related media company. It's usually expected that they'll at least have some definite experience with the genre
I'd rather let them stick to ranting on innocent memes than see them torture me with their atrocious skills.
"Skills"
1:26 How? Just how the hell do you miss a static target at pointblank with a shotgun?
Well, first step is you apply for a job at Polygon
Ask Randy Stair.
winlover37 Godammit, you beat me to it!
He'd fit well in XCom.
Watching that physically hurt
Now I understand there are varying degrees of skill and practice within gamers but you would at least assume that video game journalist have a bit more of a gaming sense then this.
Holy shit, this looks like someone tried to play the game Dark Souls Bullshit Control scheme style: using a donkey kong bongo control setup.
More like how my Turok 2 Emulator controlled, even after putting hours of editing into the controller settings. So glad I found the remastered version that was MADE for PC.
"bongosy, kurwa!"
Bat Gimme dat mofukin Resident Evil chainsaw
its like a man on a shoping cart that cant turn because there is too much chewed gum on the wheels, but it can only go forward and backward, with a cork gun that is 30 years old, and has already fallen apart.
"Bill, you're gonna do the Doom video"
"But I've never played an FPS in my life, I'm the rpg guy remember?"
"Yeah but our guy that does fps games is out so..."
Is he aiming with his foot or something while drunk?
I've played this game so plastered I was seeing double and even I didn't do this poorly. My guess is Polygon is ran by people who don't care about video games. Which is true.
I agree. Been plastered out of my mind giggling like a mad man and did much better then this.
i can aim with a controler and ive only used one 3 times since ive started gaming. this is just some weapons grade autism
Someone somewhere I can use a controller and shoot better then this guy even if all the analog buttons didn't work
No, no... weapons grade autism would've won this too.
What we have here is intentional retardation. While there's a fine line between the two, there are some major differences. ;)
It's almost as if the Polygon staff don't normally play games :')
hmmmmm🤔
Toaster food for thought, no?
When you let your little brother/sister play
That's an insult to our brothers and sisters.
I could play better when I was 7
My 3 year old brother plays shooters better than this
moving and shooting at the same time is hard, stop bullying me or im going to go cry about it on tumblr!
This is what it looked like when I tried to get my grandparents to play Halo.
They cant be this fucking bad can they???
Oh, they can, Mr. President. They can.
They can. They are.
I am thinking they are so used to auto-aim games it never occurred to the person playing that they need to aim.It makes me a bit sad as someone whose been gaming since '82
Mr. President it is my regretful duty to inform you that whomever was playing this game was a highly undertrained, literarily gifted (but coordination impaired) individual. Unfortunately this space marine is regrettably likely to die very very soon. (Sad part is I can tell they are playing on a fairly easy mode)
Dwight D Eisenhower they get paid for this too at that... Thisis why id take someones review with a camcorder from 1995 and a shakey hand over journalists... Bet they fucking call it "the dark souls of fps game" WE FUCKIN GET IT DARK SOULS IS CHALLENGING!!!!
it looks like there trying to play only using the arrow keys
jason stengel that's the most accurate way to describe. Kinda reminds me when I'm trying to answer a text or scratching an ich, I just keep walking to whatever objective and every now and then turn and shoot and repeat.
Classic Doom controls?
STOP SWITCHING BACK TO THE GOD DAMN PISTOL
"BUH IHHT HWAS INFWINITE AMMNO"
and to balance the fact it has infinite ammo IT HAS SHIT DAMAGE I WAS CRINGING THAT WHOLE VIDEO
i didn't even look at anything exept the ammo and knew this was a shit weapon except for the most basic enemy
General Desimatorg says you, I've beaten cacodemons with the pistol on hard.
mikingmiker he does it before glory kills too. Praoably thinks you need the pistol to pull them off
any way you slice it this guy shouldn't be anything to do with video games
"Man gets Doom to run on a theramin"
Don't drink and game ladies and gentlemen
You'd think someone working at Polygon would be better equipped to handle triggers.
Underrated comment
This is one of the wittiest things I've seen on a gaming video XD
Haha
I hadn't watched the Polygon footage before this. I thought the unedited footage at the beginning was just a parody. Why couldn't it have been a parody? Who thought sticking this guy playing a game like DOOM was a good idea?
this man should be restricted to only playing candy crush clones
I'm seriously starting to think tha Polygon is actually an artist, and they put pieces like this on display to make fun of the gaming industry today. But it's more likely that they are the laughing joke of the industry.
Maybe they got the most noob guy there to learn how to play on Doom so he/she/attackhelicoper whichever wouldn’t be garbage in the future like the guy that played cuphead. But yea, I’ve only played a couple parts of the story so far and I gotta say, this is kind of sad to watch.
If you wonder how they choose who plays the game, they take 3 employee's put them in a room turn the light off throw some pebbles usually 5-6 (bad aim) and then take the lucky winner with the most pebble wounds. It is called the process of the pebble and is considered by many to be the fairest decision method since the ham,ham, honeydew method was outlawed back in '94
This actually gave me a good chuckle, thanks for that.
Hold up, I needed to fact check it XD
The real joke is this guy is an actual game journalist. Like professionally. He actually has a salery where he gets paid for reviewing games.
hands down most offensive video I’ve ever seen
This is honestly me trying to play console shooters after playing exclusively PC shooters all month
this is like playing xcom if one of your soldiers was the rewiever
Enemy just right in front of you, miss.
Though Xcom soldier are a bit better than this guy
you know the funny thing about memeing about how terrible xcom soldiers are? it tells you who is good at xcom and who isnt
you know, that would be true if i had the game in the first place
I find basic math works pretty well. If a shot above 50% misses, the next one above 50% is likely to hit. It only works on Ironman, oddly enough, but it works.
are you playing at normal, easy or comnander? everytime you miss a shot, you gain an hidden accuracy bonus for you next shot. It stacks too.
look here for more informations www.reddit.com/r/XCOM2/comments/45u81x/yes_xcom_2s_rng_cheats_in_your_favor_heres_how/
Normal.
My only guess as to why their aim is so terrible is that maybe there's some sort of crazy delay in their recording setup. At least I hope there's something like that going on, because they're moving and aiming like they've never played a game that uses both thumbsticks before.
NOTE: its on easy too. They almost died half way in the video.
You could argue that maybe they had someone used to PC FPS controls playing with a controller, which I would understand, but to die on easy with that could still be hard.
Yeah, that was my thought too - I really suck at using a controller with FPS games unless they have some sort of aim assist or lock on stuff.
@Patrik333 - But you don't review games for a living. I think it should kind of be a prerequisite that you can at least play Doom to be a reviewer ;)
But if you primarily play on PC and they make you use a controller you're gonna suck. That looks like me when I tried to play Metro 2033 on my Xbox after being on PC pretty much exclusively for 2 years
Jesus now I now how PC players feel when they watch us console players try to aim. This was cringeworthy.
At least normal console players are competent enough to try and hit the target, and not overshoot 5 times
This is to console aim what console aim is to mouse aim. As someone who's proficient in both, this is how one aims when they first use a gamepad, as in "Polygon put up a gameplay video by someone who had never used the controller before"
A JellieDonut Maybe it was just the unpaid intern who couldn't gaf about playing Doom in any fashion.
I'm good with the controller...I suck with keyboard and mouse...not my way of playing games you know...
Bob Tom you think you're good with a controller till you use one on pc and realize console games have aim assist built in. Lmao I used to think I was good as well, didn't realize the game wouldn't let me miss their head.
This isn’t ripping and tearing this is poking and prodding
I'm near certain that the person playing thought they had to switch to the pistol to do glory kills.
Yup
God are they playing with the fukin donkey kong's bongos
Dieog Gomzalez
External Mouse (or joystick) - Aims
Left Bongo - Forward
Right Bongo - Shoot
WHAT THE FUCK
HAS THAT PERSON EVER TOUCHED A VIDEO GAME
Who even uses the pistol after getting the shotgun
You would think someone that completely incapable of aiming would not use anything but a shotgun the rest of the game.
Rogue Standards true,the pistol has weak damage late game,so using it against other enemies should be a skilled players thing.
killer sands someone did beat the entire game only using the pistol, grenades and melee. On ultra nightmare
SadBoi wow,that sounds like a nightmare to do,props to that guy
killer sands yea, the video was like 6 hours so I just skimmed through it.
When you play doom 2016 during the lobotomy procedure
"controls felt clunky"
I'm thinking a game like Candy Crush is better for their skill levels.
Fart Cat is that even a game? Or that's the joke?
Title: OMG new hardcore game?!
@@wppquinn dude...
THE TRUE DOOM SLAYER.
Maybe they were using that old nintendo Roll N' ROcker to do this. the one from the AVGN episode.
tenjek Or maybe they were using the Power Glove...
tenjek Hell, maybe even both.
or that "Fire" headpiece controller
I came from Charlie's video. When a man in his 60s-70s does better at a game than someone who makes you lose brain cells you know you fucked up bad.
Did they really not jump at all? WTF????
Everytime I witness recent polygon scores of recent games, like Sonic Forces for example, I come back here to see how much I should take their scores seriously, thinking how they saw those games, or how they have even played those games.
And also how they (funnily enough, the exact same guy who played this) docked 2.5 off of Bayonetta 2's score because they didn't like sexualised characters in video games. Talk about spreading an agenda, man.
Sonic Forces is pretty shit though, to be fair
Long story short, Polygon made a mistake hiring Stevey Wonder to play video games
is like watching someone play an fps using the arrow keys to look around instead of a mouse
It's like they took the keybinds from the original Doom game and just copy pasted them into this one.
Oh wait, except this is played with a controller so.... no excuses there, i'm afraid.
No excuses. Even doom keybinds wouldn't be this shit.
That floor had it coming.
this is what happens when you hire political activists and not gamers.
I suddenly feel like a pro..
So this is what happens when developers don't explain literally everything...
Nah, this is what happens when you let an infant play a game.
+ui_wizard when i was 4 and didn't know how to read i still played better than this
dude i fucking learned how to read from playing video games. not even joking
God damnit, it's doom, everyone even my grand ma knows how to play damn doom. you dont need to explain it, you just let it happen and then you learn.
no this is what happens when a cod kid plays a real game
I swear he had to be eating at the same time lol
e-sports player in the making here, people
Looks like I'm watching Kids React to Doom (2016), and they wonder why the Cuphead thing happened.
It's like he just got his hands on technology since it was made.
Well whoever was playing this game is probably playing with donkey Kong bongo controllers
Post-Lobotomy Gameplay:
I bet this is one of the people that gave bf 2042 a 9/10
it looks like they were trying to use the control scheme from doom on dos
They should make a difficulty just for Polygon
Hmmm the guy from polygob who played bloodborne vs the guy who played this, makes me question wtf polygon is doing
When I'm having a day thinking that my aim is bad. I watch this a feel ok again.
4 years later, this still hurts to watch.
Maybe they've just not got any depth perception. Like, none.
Their eyes must be on the sides of their head, like a moose on two legs.
How come I never seen this video? It's like a newborns with barely any idea how to breath picked up a controller and played Doom. It better have been bring your grandfather to work day or some input delay with the recording setup or some shit. No matter what someone got payed for this.
Game journalists be like: how do game?
It's like someone trying to play a game with a controller with only one hand.
The times where the player *and* the camera were moving at the same time felt like accidents.
Ahh this reminds of the time I first played an FPS game on roller for the first time.