The Weird History of Giving Gifts at Your 1700s Funeral ☠️🎁
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- Опубліковано 15 лис 2023
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Gloves, Rings, and Cookies were all considered required gifts for funerals during the 1600-early 1900s. And no, you didn't give them to the grieving family, the family gave them to you. And, well, I think it's weird and I wanted to tell you all more about it. Let's give it up for another video essay talking about more weird things Victorians did! 😂
Funeral Biscuit Recipe from 1828-1830: www.google.com/books/edition/...
Steven C. Bullock, “Often Concerned in funerals: Ritual, Material Culture, and the Large Funeral in the Age of Samuel Sewall”, New Views of New England: Studies in Material and Visual Culture, 1680-1830, Volume 82, Colonial Society of Massachusetts. www.colonialsociety.org/node/...
Gentlemen's Magazine, 1790: www.google.com/books/edition/...
Steven C. Bullock, and Sheila McIntyre. “The Handsome Tokens of a Funeral: Glove-Giving and the Large Funeral in Eighteenth-Century New England.” The William and Mary Quarterly 69, no. 2 (2012): 305-46. doi.org/10.5309/willmaryquar.....
Scottish Funeral Traditions, Macmillan Magazine 1882: www.google.com/books/edition/...
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Then there was my uncle, in the north of the Netherlands in the 50s. His best friend died and it was the custom to carry the coffin from village to village. Somewhere along the way, after getting served a drink at every pub, he and his buddies lost the coffin and arrived dead drunk at the church without it. It was found under a pool table in one of the pubs. No gloves or biscuits were involved in anyway. But of course there was a wake afterwards with lots of food and more alcohol.
omg this is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
@@AbbyCox the family is definitely not upper class, more like clawed their way into working class. My Dutch is unbelievably filled with four letter words that would make a rapper blush.
Playing pool even after death 🤣
I refuse to die if my wake isn't guaranteed to be this chaotic 😂
Now THAT sounds like the way to (not) remember someone!
My husband's uncle was developmentally disabled and didn't speak much, so when he was a kid, his siblings taught him to say "Dairy Queen" when they passed one. Their dad would be so pleased his son had spoken that the children would be immediately taken to get ice cream. When he passed away (in his 70's), they gave certificates to all of the funeral attendees for ice cream sundaes.
@christineg8151 - Lovely!
❤❤❤ That made tear up.
This is actually extremely sweet.
So darling!
I vote that all social and ceremonial functions should include biscuits/cookies. They don't need to be fancy, I just like snacks...
Honestly, snacks just make everything better...
My Greek and British friend swears by funeral cake. Just a large white sheet cake with maybe some simple floral decoration for everyone to enjoy during a viewing or post funeral services. My Catholic mother and her family do a potluck after all funeral services usually in a nearby Catholic school or church rec space depending.
I can confirm, snacks or food is a great way to socialize around a funeral. Especially if the deceased had a favorite food to subject everyone to regardless of how much anyone else actually liked said food. For example: we all had a special homemade extra spicy sweet pickle for my cousin and for my husbands grandfather we all drank Busch beer. (Everyone had terrible hangovers, don't subject your loved ones to cheap booze lol) @AbbyCox
Do. Do funerals not include some kind of food where you live? I mean, it's on me for assuming that serving some kind of food was normal, but I've only encountered traditions where serving food is the norm.
All funerals I have been to have included a lunch of some sort. Everything from a fancy sandwich on a plate, that you sit down and eat with knife and fork, to a complete warm meal, ended with coffee/tea and some sort of biscuit or cake .
Tends to be a gathering for a lot of relatives that do not get to meet very often.
@@clueless_cutie - The last family funeral I went to involved going to an Italian restaurant after the burial. I don't know what went on as I didn't feel like going. B(
"All I'm seeing is an abuse of Secondary and Tertiary sources creating a circle jerk of misinformation"
This is the exact brand of delicious historian snark I come here for!💜💜💜
Absolutely!
Here, here!
When my dad passed earlier this year, my mom was the one who suggested a funeral favor. My dad was a quiet guy, and we really wanted people to leave the funeral getting a better sense of who he was. The favor ended up being a few of his favorite candies (because he had a huge sweet-tooth!We had a chocolate kiss, a mini kitkat, and Twin Dragon almond cookies) and a Star Trek sticker, because he was a trekkie.
I think I'd like something similar when I go, and I'm definitely saving some cash so my closest friends/family can a cool mourning ring. I know they'd love it. We didn't really see the favors as a flex, more like an obligation thing? Like a thank you for coming and paying respects.
I love this so much! What a lovely idea ❤
What do you mean by "flex?"
love the idea!
@@BlissfulDeea way to show off the family wealth
Your dad and your family sound lovely! ❤️
I knew about the mourning jewelry from watching Ask a Mortician and the cookies from both Max Miller and Ask a Mortician, but I did not know about the gloves. I agree it all sounds horribly expensive, but I do admit biscuits at a funeral would be nice.
I went to a ~4 hour service/social once for an acquaintance. While touching, by the end I was STARVING, and they didn't have refreshments
@@Kehy_ThisNameWasAlreadyTakenthat is shocking, my Dutch family would have made sure you waddled out stuffed and traditionally you would have been drunk. Here in Canada we don't serve alcohol anymore.
Ask A Mortician covered funeral foods from around the world a couple of years ago, too. The video is called, "Mukbang of Death."
4 hours and no food ?! yipes! @@Kehy_ThisNameWasAlreadyTaken
I believe in memorials or wakes (no booze for me tho, let them drink tea at mine) vs funerals. Cremated/ecoburial vs casket (or whichever us cheaper, just no corpse viewing if casket) and SPCA donations vs. Flowers. And lots of pictures and memory sharing vs sappy poems or sermons. Or whatever helps my loved ones grieve best, ill be at peace in heaven, funerals for them.
Why does this feel like a crossover with Ask A Mortician?
I was sort of hoping for that. Maybe with a dose of funeral attire, but she's also been concerned over the cost of funerals as well
Would be a 10/10 epic crossover.@@Kehy_ThisNameWasAlreadyTaken
I had the same thought, and in fact just shared this video with one of the Caitlin FB groups I'm in.
We can still hope, thiught Caitlin is currently still on sabbatical iirc
So both weddings and funerals have turned into social flexes throughout the times.
Also, now I want cookies.
I just broke into the Lorna Doones.
@wangofree - I think we should develop a tradition of funeral fudge brownie sundaes.
@@MossyMozart I'm all for it. And if it happens to be my funeral, and you bring out the chocolate, I will SIT UP IN MY COFFIN AND DEMAND MY SHARE.
@wangofree, just no sprinkles. They get everywhere! 😅
What do you mean by "social flex?" Is this a currently trending term people are using instead of social customs? Never heard it before.
I have three funeral rings inherited from my mother's family. They are all similar to the Bronte ring, which means they are engraved on the inside with the date of death and the outer ring is hinged and opens to show a hair braid about 1 cm wide that wraps around the ring. The oldest ring, which shows a death date of 1805, has generic scrollwork on the outer cover, while the later two, dated 1866 and 1900, have the name of the individual etched instead of the scroll work. The oldest ring and the newest have intact hair braids -- the oldest is just hair while the newest the hair is actually used as thread to embroider on what looks like linen. The one from 1866 has scraps of what looks like shattered silk, but there isn't any hair remaining. Once I learned what the ring were, I used a vacuum sealer to seal each ring away in a small pouch to avoid further degrading.
Not sure about everyone else, but I’m used to funerals having receptions afterwards where they serve light meals (coffee, sandwiches, appetizers), and sweets (cookies, cakes). Mourning can be physically exhausting, so having coffee and sugary snacks are both fuel for the tired mourners and allow a space for gathering and socializing together as a community to support one another. I’m all for a wake and a reception! Feed the funeral crowd!
Same here! I grew up Catholic with family in multiple branches of Christianity in the Southern US (Think Alabama, Louisiana, and Texas). The idea of a funeral *without* at least one table of treats and snacks is terrifying. Like, did the mourners not love their dearly departed? Does the larger community not care about the family? Recently I did attend a funeral without so much as a coffee pot and I could tell right away that there was BEEF between the person who died and the person who planned their funeral
There's a cheesy potato dish we in the US Midwest call funeral potatoes, because at least one dish of them appears at every funeral brunch.
Ditto. My Mom calls this 'the bun fight', usually cos this is when family arguments break out, if they're going to.
Big Catholic funeral mass and everything else? 100% always has catering, it takes most of the day, you need to eat!
At my grandmother's funeral (Texas) there were at least 4 different kinds of deviled eggs. Apparently this was common at her church and something of a running competition.
Why am I the only one at the funeral that looks like I’m mourning Nicole?! 😂
And yes, I would show up to a funeral if cookies were being distributed.
Little did you know that that photo you sent would be so perfect for such a random event LOL
@@AbbyCox lol everything becomes useful eventually!
I must be provided lunch. If there is no lunch I simply won't show up. :D :D :D
What about a whole meal? Here in the South, we almost always have a post-funeral potluck.
@@gailgerard8604...with ham. Not some ham, just-ham.
At Savarna Hindu funerals, we get goodie bags in two options: Gossip or Anecdote. Either the tablecloth is getting drenched with tea or you learn about how someone swam two rivers to go to school.
Swam upstream in both rivers, both ways.
Fascinating!
My autistic brain over here trying to figure out how a wet, stained tablecloth, and probably damp laps, benefits anyone. I...was not well liked as a child and now I understand why. I'd probably be the person who took the anecdote one to feel morally superior, but would then hunt down the tea casually while talking with others, or eavesdropping. 😂 Hey, at least I'm honest!
It's funny that in the west we do our best to sweep people's wrongdoings under the rug when they die and speak only good things of the deceased. I've heard that some people, usually guys in particular, have friends who they trust to delete their internet search history and throw out their dirty magazines before their family finds them. 😂
But it sounds like after death the niceties are gone and people want the real gossip. I respect that.
I'm Vietnamese and Vietnamese funerals are largely the same 😂we'd always have light snacks, sunflower seeds & melon seeds are almost a must, sweets in the various forms, from traditional sticky rice cakes, to Western candies or biscuits/cookies, and of course copious amount of tea. Tea practically flows non stop, one pot brewed after another, all throughout the wake and the whole final night the body spends at the family home (to be buried or cremated next day). And hard same on the gossips, NO ONE is safe 😂 in all of the funerals I've been to, I've always been more stressed by having to talk with so many strangers I've never met than being near a dead body. Frankly, I greatly appreciate their silence.
@@Just1Nora- 'Tea' is a metaphor for all the gossip shared by the attendees.
“As a historian, circle jerks upset me” -reasons I studied gender and sexuality and not war history.
Abby: "This is Lewis"... holds up a green dino toy
Me: looks at the child hugging my leg while I roll out pie crust in the kitchen... it's my child named Lewis making his own green dino toy eat my leg.
My brother passed two years ago and I wear a pendant that has his fingerprint.
That's a really lovely idea.
“Circle jerk of misinformation” basically describes the entire internet. Thanks for standing up for actual research.
I once went to a funeral where the deceased was a huge collector of hats, and her family brought bags of her hats to the church and we were all encouraged to take one of the hats with us! I thought it was a nice gesture.
Also, I don't know if it's just my family/culture, but we always have a reception after the funeral with snacks/sandwiches/coffee etc. I see that as kind of a continuation of the funeral biscuits! We definitely had cookies after my grandmother's funeral.
When my mom passed on, my sister and I found she had an impressive collection of earrings that numbered in the hundreds. Nice earrings, not expensive but not cheap. I bought little tins with clear lids to hold them and every woman who came to the memorial was given a choice of earrings, first come, first serve, to remember her by. It was actually a big hit that my relatives still talk about today.
That’s amazing!! ❤
Seeing Nicole have to scrunch up to fit in that coffin has the same vibe from Rachel Maksy's Mothman video... "Life-size coffin my actual ass"
I thought of that moment!
I feel like you can find food customs surrounding funerary practices in almost every culture. In the American South, funerals are often accompanied with large potlucks at the church. In Ashkenazi communities, people bring or send food to the mourning family. In Germany, the mourners are invited out to a meal after the funeral. Sharing food is one of the most fundamental cornerstones of civilization, so it's no surprise that food is closely tied to funerals.
In Mormon American tradition everyone brings the family food for about a week , usually some sort of potato casserole. It's so bad they have a name for them - funeral potatoes
@@ah5721Those poor people eating potato casserole for an entire month because the whole neighborhood brought them some 😂
"I'm not dead yet" I believe that is a Monty Python quote
Monty Python was definitely quoted quite a bit while filming that portion lol
Did I miss "I'm feeling better"?
Isn't it wild to think that if some random person happened to write in their diary WHY they gave out white gloves at funerals and the diary survived to be discovered in the present day, we could solve this mystery?!
It's amazing, but also quite stressful as a daily journal keeper to have to consider "what if someone finds this years after I'm gone and wants historical context?!" 😂 It's too much pressure!
I'm not sure I want my journals to outlive me though lol, certainly not by much.
@@runeseaksor you could see the extra challenge in it. Don't just explain the origin of an idiom or new slang, but contradict yourself while you do it.
That's what makes this field of study awesome. Something else will be found after years of being vague or confusing and we'll all go "OH!". It's great.
When I went to my uncle's funeral last year, my aunt gave out pens shaped like golf clubs. It brought a smile to my face on an otherwise sad day, but I did find it very unusual. Guess it really wasn't so strange after all!
I loved when Subie jumped in to the "coffin" I feel like she takes every opportunity to get cuddles.❤😂.
She’s very aggressive in her cuddling lol
@Abby Cox - What did you write? Your reply got blanked. Tsk!
[ NEVER MIND - NOW 3 REPLIES POPPED UP UNDER YOUR NAME. WACKY UA-cam.]
The funerary biscuits makes a lot of sense now why the Undertaker from Black Butler/ Kuroshitsuji just asked people if they wanted a biscuit while at his shop. Because those possibly would be funerary biscuits which is weird, but hey he is a weird bloke. The biscuits if I remember correctly were in the shape of a bone.
I can't help but imagine an exchange: "Those are wonderful gloves you have on today!" "Thank you kindly! Janet died last week." 🤣
But seriously, this was very interesting! I can't help but wonder if the gloves had a spiritual significance that was lost to time, as well, and all we have are notes from the time when they were a social etiquette like the biscuits became. I.E. Perhaps it was customary at one point for each person to hold the hand of the deceased and gloves were originally given to avoid passing infection/sickness.
At the celebration of life of one of my friends, her son made '"goody bags" with my friends clothing ( tops) and matching jewelry. As she had a lot of both it was a nice way to get a nice memorial of her and a nice way for her son to clear out her things. ( Tho I do remember bursting into tears with my gift as I remember her wearing the clothing and it really hit home that she was gone.)
Abby going off on the lack of primary sources is one of the reasons i love this channel. The historical reenactments, coercing nicole into playing a corpse, the incredibly cute dogs, the lighting and editing, the beautiful new studio, excellent. Abby the historian looking through the primary sources and dragging others for just making stuff up, chefs kiss! ❤❤❤
Hair jewelry remains popular among horse people. It's very common to take tail hair from a beloved mount to turn into rings, necklaces, and the most popular choice: bracelets.
Can you imagine someone with a large family/friend circle having a dozen or more mourning rings.... talk about depressing. I do like the idea of the gloves because they are a serviceable item and the cookies as they would have been eaten and not just sitting around. I went to a funeral where instead of a little pamphlet they gave out bookmarks instead, the person was an avarice reader, it was nice because it was a useable item in theme with the person who passed.
I can understand the idea of many rings being depressing but as someone who’s been wearing a ring since childhood in memory of a beloved passed uncle I also really love it. Most of my rings have meanings so I like that idea personally but it’s not for everyone.
I'm fascinated by the idea of multiple mourning rings. I can see that you might wear Aunt Susan's ring on her anniversary or birthday, so you'd sort of cycle through them as the year progresses.
My friends grandmother was an avid gardener. Instead of an "In memorandum" card they gave out flower seed packets with her picture.
@charminsavage2512 - "avarice reader" - What kind of books did that person read? Oo la la!
everything, they had over 8 thousand paperbacks - the classics to bodice rippers, Stephan King to how to plant a garden; just loved to read. they loved Ellery Queen and Hercule Poirot books, i remember that off the bookmark.
@@MossyMozart
In México, during the "velación" or "velatorio" (the gathering the night before burying the body so that people can present their lasts respects to the deceased) since nobody sleeps, it's customary for the hosts to make coffee and offer cookies (or pan dulce) to the atendees, however the cookies are usually bought and not baked for it is more like a kindness to the mourners and not a "tradition of mourning" in itself.
I *love* the mourning ring for Charles I at 14:19 -- the inscription is inside and secret, of course, because he'd been executed, and being a Royalist was dangerous, at least nominally, until the Restoration. It wouldn't have been given out at a funeral, but it would have been made, distributed and worn as a part of a political cult -- so it's a semi-public assertion of loyalty, worn personally by someone who mourned the king and the regime he represented. It's connected to personal mourning jewellery, but very different.
My family actually has done a modern version of this. One of my uncles was prone to buying huge lots of tchotchkes off ebay (think things like a 5 gallon bucket of miniature rubber duckies) that he would randomly hand out to people. So at his memorial there was a full on gift bag station with bags that you could fill up of all the silly things he had accumulated. Not only would he have thought it was hilarious but between that and folks coming over to the house to take home things after the funeral it meant a lot less that had to be cleared out later. He will always be very very missed, but when I think back to the time we spent sending him off and being to spread the joy of his humor I feel a sense of warmth rather than cruel sorrow.
Now I want to go buy gallon jugs of tchotchkes off EBay, lol ! 😆
What a lovely memory. ❤
@@m.maclellan7147 I fully support this! I want my loved ones to clear out my house being both simultaneously baffled and delighted by what I left behind for them. Tho the general consensus amongst the family is we're all very glad temu wasn't around yet when he passed 🤣
I was at the funeral of a dear friend just yesterday and at her funeral we were each given a little envelope which contained a tiny decorative butterfly (something she loved) and a small package of seeds for "everlastings" which are a flower here in Western Australia which can be either dried and kept for ever or will self seed and also last for ever. Personally I think being given some gloves would be pretty nifty. Do to the rural area we live in giving out a pair of leather work gloves would be pretty nifty.
All social events should provide food tbh
Snacks are vital to me not being a shaky grouch
I do wonder how many fewer family fights would have happen if cookies had been served at the visitation/funeral..
When I put together my best friends funeral there were snacks and beverages present, I also had 15 copies of "the Hobbit" for people to grab since it was her favorite book.
Edited to add: I have her ashes in a necklace nestled between her moms ashes so she's in a forever hug in a sense.
I tried to think if we have something similar to this in the Jewish tradition. I don't think so, we do have special wheels of flowers, called grieving wheels, but they're not for anyone in particular, you're just supposed to put them on the grave. After the funeral we stuff our faces, of course, so funeral attendees do bring the food, so the grieving family wouldn't have to bother themselves to do it.
I didn't know anything about flowers. Most of my family has always been adamant there are no flowers at a Jewish feuneral. When we visit a grave, we leave stones. I love learning stuff like this because I find the over importance of traditions very funny. I mean that from the sense of focus on 'this is how we do it, this is how everyone does it, it's the correct and only way'. When the reality, as you start to interact with Jews from other communites, is traditions are diverse. It always reminds me of the potroast joke, if you know it.
OK, so get this. My uncle passed away and my grandmother, being the proper Southern Lady that she was, bought a shit ton of faux flower wreathes to have at his funeral and at the graveside (along with the real flower wreathes, bouquets, etc that people sent) and afterward, she collected them back up and put them in storage. We ended up using them at her own funeral a few years later and I'm pretty sure (though not one hundred percent certain) that a relative gathered them back up later and stored them for yet another funeral.
I do know about the Jewish tradition of avoiding flowers, but I've also been to funerals where they put those wheels near the grave. So I don't know what is the origin of that. Interesting.
At a rural funeral in El Salvador you'd still get two special sweet bread rolls or biscuits and a cup of coffee and relatives are still "viewed" in the family home.
At my grandpa's funeral we handed out smooth black rocks to remember him by. I was pretty young at the time and so was shocked when other people told me it was weird! This video totally affirms what kid me thought about providing a momento of a loved one. Now as an adult, I love carrying it around with me ❤
my grandpa died when i was rlly lil but according to my dad he collected like mcdonald’s toys and at his funeral everyone got one. he was a cool dude frfr
Look, I’ve got like 200 houseplants, I’ve been saying since about 2019 I’ll be giving them away to mourners at my funeral and there were only about 50 then😂 In lieu of flowers take a gd plant with you, if you kill it it’s okay, I’ll already be dead and won’t care😆
There’s also a hoard of my finished embroidery pieces that I’m already giving away that people are more than welcome to take as a memento, I’m in my 20’s and can only assume if I make it to old age there’s going to be a whack more😂
I don't think any history tuber should be able to talk about the humor and/or production value in their videos until they've seen one of Abby's videos.
My initial guess is that gloves were a ubiquitous funeral gift because they were a good practical gift, everyone can do with a pair of gloves, like how dads often get socks for fathers day, because everyone could do with another pair of socks?
Unrelated, but your look (hair/makeup) is giving me Sally Field in Mrs Doubtfire and i AM HERE FOR IT!!! This cut is absolutely fabulous!! ❤
Now i wanna bring back funeral gifts. Helps easy the grieving process, maybe?
I see it!
People are 100% gonna get party bags at my funeral after watching this! Also, all hail the C18th dog mum!
Same, and they're gonna be filled with the weirdest stuff lol
Definitely white leather gloves. Leave 'em wondering.
Same. I had party bags on my list since I started to plan as a kid. ( I'm weird..)
@@iciajay6891 hello fellow deathling?? 👋😊
(Meaning, fan of Ask A Mortician Caitlin Doughty? But if you don't know her, you should check her out, she's amazing, and death plan positive - where I learned that was even a thing!)
I'm sure this exists in many other countries too, but Germany we have a "Leichenschmaus" (dead body feast) after the funeral, where people are invited by the family for food and drink. Mostly its coffee, cake and bread rolls with different meats and cheeses on it.
Same in Belgium, we call it “coffee table” and it’s mostly coffee and simple sandwiches and some cake.
@@EllaVerte I gotta say, coffee table is a way nicer name for it than dead body feast!
It definitely sounds more edgy in German, lol!
I'm sorry, they call it what?!
@@stoppit9 Well you know us Germans dont beat around the bush haha
YES! As a college English instructor who teaches how to write research papers, I feel your outrage, Abby. We must use reliable sources and stop spreading misinformation.
This reminds me of my horror when I got married. Soooo many little details I had no idea where American customs. These funeral gloves and jewelry are one of those things.
I’d bring back cookies, but I have no desire to be buried. Cremate me and dump me in a garden or something. Thank you for sharing
same. lol
On an unrelated note, something new with the Titanic has come up and I’m hoping Max Miller and you collab on it.
Max and I have tried to figure out a collab - it’s so tricky being on different sides of the country 😭
@@AbbyCox I'd love to see you and Max!
The dog hopping up into the coffin with Nicole was so cute ☺️
People are definitely getting goody bags at my funeral now 😂
I think I'm getting tired because I read "body bags" here.
Stock up on plastic spider rings since Haloween just passed, twinkies (they last forever), what else !?
I’d love a mourning ring
When I was a child my uncle passed away quite suddenly. When he’d quit smoking years before he started saving the money he used to spend on smokes in jars. I was given one of those jars and used it to buy a gold ring that I wore every single day until someone stole it when I was in university. To me it seems very natural to have a piece of jewelry as a memento of someone’s life, almost all of my rings have meaning💜
Also, I’m very interested in death history and the giving of gloves to all the mourners and mourning rings being gifts for your close loves ones was actually not a practice I’d heard of before! I knew of mourning rings but always assumed they were a purchase made after the fact as a memento much like my own ring, I never would have thought they were planned for by the deceased themselves.
This is very interesting, as we in Sweden have the custom of offering cookies, pastries, coffee, tea and lemonade in a separate venue after the funeral. I've never heard of it not being like that.
in my area ( American midwest) sweets after the funeral ceremony are normal too
In my rural Illinois community, a dinner is always served at the church after a church funeral and burial.
Same in the American South. Churches often have a committee of people who set up, serve, and clean up the cookies, etc.
@@crispycookie9739 I served on that ministry committee at my church.
Don't you also love her using a swedish summer psalm (En ljuvlig grönskas...) as mourning music?
Coincidently, we've been researching "6 feet Under" which is 20 years old and the coffins cost thousands of dollars, $11k and $9k stick in my brain.
I'd rather have funeral cookies given out at a wake than so much money literally buried.
My mom is a professional cook and one of her favourite rants regarding her trade is that bad food should not be allowed at funerals (I don't know how it is in the states but I live in Belgium and very often you just get bland cheese and ham sandwiches). When she is hired for a funeral she always make a point for the food to be as conforting and tasty as possible ; I didn't know about the tradition of funeral biscuits but I am definitely going to mention it to her.
I kind of think the idea of tokens of affection at funerals kind of charming My Aunt Sis, who had a really bold sense of style, collected these tiny ceramic Victorian boots that she kept in all her houses. There were hundreds of them, and when she died, her daughter set them all out in the lobby of the funeral home at her wake, with a sign saying that anyone who wanted to remember Sis with a little memento could take one of the shoes. I still have the one I took on a shelf, and when I look at it, I remember Aunt Sis and how funny, stylish, and lovely she was.
Nicole saying "I'm Not Dead Yet." *SO* Monty Python's 🤣
Abby, that “coffin” was a travesty! I’m irked to think you actually paid for it! I’m in Indiana too, and I’m handy/crafty, so if you ever need an unusual prop again let me know and I’ll put a credible one together for you with sturdy cardboard! Great video! Loved it!
1:49 Omg I just realised that you’re giving Mrs. White from ‘Clue’ realness. “Flames. On the side of my face.”
"I hated her SO...MUCH..."
"Breathing.....heaving......breathless......" (or that's what I always hear her say)
Madeline Kahn! Amazing actress 😁
I would defeantly say I would like for the cookies to come back. Not just because they are a nice treat (though let's be honest, I kinda want to try those cookies in the future) but they did actually have a bit more of a spirital value to them which in a way the "funeral feast" has a similar implication of history. Ask a Morctician actually went into the funeral feast, part of it being part of the sin eatter tradition, but also other reasons behind it as well. (And She agrees that funerals are way too expensive for people and been avecating for cheaper alternatives but also for eco friendly alteratives and talked about the history of funerals and how embalming became a thing and is the most expensive thing along with how a bit of the fashion changed.)
I have always found something so touching about mourning jewellery. The idea that you wear a beautiful little token to remember a loved one by it' just s something I really love.
All socials gatherings (weddings, funerals, meetings, etc) should provide cookies. I am always more willing to sit through a meeting if they feed me.
"circle jerk of misinformation" - the internet in a nutshell 😂
I think mourning rings should come back for the family, not necessarily the guests of the funeral. I received a necklace urn after my grandma’s funeral but it felt sort of creepy to wear. I think a symbolic ring would be better, personally.
I received a pair of sterling earrings belonging to the person who passed away. Her family had both men and women as pall bearers. When her father died the following year no jewelry but both men and women served as pall bearers.
You can get mourning jewelry of all kinds made these days. Necklaces are the most common though.
I planned on getting some of my grandma's ashes turned into a gemstone at some point and wearing her on a necklace, but now I'm tempted to have her on a ring. It's been three years since she's passed, but I don't think she would mind being in a mourning ring. 😅
I agree. Mourning rings for family is a lovely memorial.
The frustration over the lack of primary sources backing claims about ginger and molasses in the cookies was so relatable. Historian rage!
My favs have to be the mourning rings cause they're like so goth and freaking cool, and who doesn't like free cookies. When my aunt passed away, there were no gifts per se, but we did have a lovely reception for the family after the internment with all kinds of yummy drinks and snacks. A lot of the ladies who worked alongside her at church functions told me a lot of lovely stories about her, which was awesome. 😊🙏
Funeral biscuits would be cool. On a more practical note, given the inability of many people to attend a funeral for close friends or family now that we no longer live in the same area that our relatives do, mourning rings (or other appropriate jewelry) would be a really nice tradition to revive. If the deceased specified a set of people to receive them, tasteful mourning rings would serve the need for some way t remember the person. This past year I have lost 2 close friends who I am having difficulty mourning because the families chose NOT to hold funerals. One family "doesn't do funerals" which is their prerogative, but leaves some of us grasping for a way to process the grief; but the other family apparently rejected their son even in death. with only one family member even contacting a friend who asked about funeral arrangements, simply to say that they would so "something" in the future, "sometime."
After this experience, and your video, I am definitely considering commissioning mourning rings for my remaining family and closest friends.
As always, I love your historical explorations and especially your use of primary sources! Yay, hurrah, for original research!
Like you, in this past year, two family friends died and the families are not having funerals but burial at the area military cemetery at a later date. I feel cheated out of a gathering of others who loved these people to share stories and sorrow at their passing.
Another possible status flex in glove-giving was making sure your funeral was well attended, since some people who were not close to the deceased may not have shown up otherwise (sort of like we might wonder, "Will there be food?" when deciding whether or not to attend some social engagement we aren't too excited about.) Please do the hair jewelry video--I have a Georgian brooch, and I love it!
Ok but imagine making a curated list of books for every friend one has. That’ll be interesting.
Yes. I actually really like that part. I'm definitely giving away books selected for my loved ones.
What a great idea. I love cookbooks, have hundreds. Whoever attends my funeral will get a cookbook There are cemetery markers with recipes engraved on the stone. One lady said to anyone who wanted her treasured Christmas cookie recipe that they could have when she died. The family had it carved on her headstone.
Ok just writing my will that all my books will be available for mourners to choose as long as everyone else bring a book to swap. That way they all go with 2 new books.
I love how the box of kosher salt remains an insider joke on this channel.
Regarding using and giving hair as a way to remember someone or as a token of love/friendship -
There is the story of Grace Darling, a “plucky” young village girl that became a hero.
Grace was all over the newspapers and received many many letters from admirers praising her heroic actions.
Many (if not all) asked Grace for a lock of her hair as a keepsake.
Young Grace obliged so many of these requests, she was cutting and putting a lock of her hair in every envelope with her reply/thank you letters.
Due to the amount of “fan mail” she received, Grace had to stop because she almost RAN OUT OF HAIR 😳
Fan mail in 1838 was a seriously big deal.
Lockets containing her hair are still around in museums and private collections today.
Truth be told, it was actually Grace’s father that was the real hero, but writing that a kid bravely rescued people sold LOADS more newspapers.
(not much has changed)
The story spread across the UK and everyone went wild wanting a “piece” of young Grace.
So yeah, hair was a big deal once upon a time 🙂
I've been in love with Victorian mourning jewelry for years, particularly hair jewelry. That's not creepy at all! They're miniature works of art. I'd start collecting antique mourning jewelry if I had the disposable income. Alas, this bitch be broke :( However long it takes you to get to it, rest assured that I will watch and rewatch whatever video you put out about hair jewelry :D (Like some other commenters, I had NO IDEA about the gloves. That reminds me of memorial t-shirts that we see fairly commonly today.)
You can make hair jewelry with you own hair. I have a book and weaving board. It cost me about $30 and my hair, nothing. :)
Circle jerk of misinformation. I'm gonna use that! BTW-love these history videos you're making. This is my wheelhouse.
I heard her mention funeral scarves at least twice and now I'm curious if those were generic, like the more common gloves, or more specialty-art-like.
It's very easy to understand why gloves were given out at funerals. When you bury someone at a funeral, your hands get cold- Especially in a windswept, treeless graveyard. Additionally, every time a person puts them on, they're reminded of the person who gave it to them. They were a status symbol, and in the days before air-conditioned environments, people wore them a lot more than they do now.
All that, and you can put them on and wear them the moment you are given them at the funeral instead of forgetting them in your pockets.
My family just had a our funeral and lamay (Filipino wake) for my Great Uncle. While reminiscing we joked about distributing Vick's orange lozenges (which he referred to as "candy") to the mourners. Considering the whole funeral biscuit tradition, I'd totally bring that back and considering the abundance of food served at a lamay, that feels in line with customs ☺
When given the description of funeral biscuits being served with wine my brain went straight to the ceremony of Communion. As for the gloves, I wonder if they are a way to signify a goodbye handshake to those showing up? Just a thought.😊
yes! I had the same thought about communion too!
Funeral food isn't that odd to me, as we have folks showing up to the viewing and wandering off to the party trays in the funeral home's kitchen. I will be searching for that primary source as well, though.
I'm just so used to other people bringing the food to the grieving family...not the other way around...all this pressure on the family to provide all these things when they're the ones who've suffered the greater loss...that's what I found odd about the whole thing
@@AbbyCox Where live you usually go to a cafe for that or in the villages you get sheet cakes delivered by a bakery to the community hall (that often provides coffee machines). Or sometimes the older folks in a village bring the coffee, sandwiches and cakes. Also your undertaker (the funeral home service person?) can organize that for you.
@@AbbyCox For my grandpa's Catholic funeral in Texas we planned catering. It's a long day between the rosary/visitation, FULL mass, and burial, so the family already knew everyone there would need to eat. I guess it's just how it's done here, and we couldn't assume others would bring enough to feed everyone.
I knew about mourning jewelry from the Ripley museum. The hair jewelry is amazing. Funeral gloves sound good, but I know that they would never fit right.
I searched through my 1907 household encyclopedia and didn't find any mention of funeral cookies/biscuits. I had high hopes because they cover all that face shape bigotry stuff from a few videos back.
Interesting! I sort of knew about mourning jewelry. I didn't know the details of how it was in the past, but I am wearing a necklace with my dog's ashes in it and another necklace with photos encased in glass right now. I've worn them every single day for years since he passed. So, i get it. The hair thing might be off putting to some, but I also have a glass vial with his fur in it and another with some teeth he had removed at a time when he was still alive. lol We also used to save our baby teeth and I'm sure my grandmother still has them in the same baby food jar she kept them in when I was a kid. She also has a lock of braided hair from my very first haircut. Perhaps these "traditions" are leftover from an older time, as my grandmother was born in 1939, but I look back on them fondly.
EXPRESSIONS of GRIEF --- The Victorians really leaned into their grief. In addition to the mourning rings, hair and jet jewelry, they had "tear catchers". They were tiny vials that the bereaved could actually catch their tears in and save them as reminders of their grief. I saw several of them at the Wellfleet Historical Society Museum on Cape Cod, but I'm sure you can see them at other places.
Your pups joyfully leaping around the bed was absolutely precious and made my day 🥰
Super iteresting video, what strange customs!
The cinci art museum had a small wall exhibit of different items made with hair back in 2018
I used to work at a museum that had an absolutely stunning hair wreath in the collection, but tragically, no clear information on it. I remember digging through what information we did have in hopes of figuring out its provenance, but I never was able to.
Not funeral related but giving fancy gloves as a sign of Royal favour was a big thing in Renaissance courts.
I think that it was Dorothy Sayer who wrote a novel about a play that was written about the gloves (one of which figured in the plot) made for Hamish, William Shakespeare's son. (Hamish' grandfather had been, at one time, a glover.)
Also pallbearers today often wear white gloves as a sign of respect apparently. So maybe that's related too?
Tasting History (here on YT) had a funeral biscuit episode last fall. Max usually researches things pretty well, but I haven't re-watched the video since its release.
I literally mention his video in this video…
@@AbbyCox oops 😅 I somehow missed it
Your quick explanation of hair as a token was super enlightening and definitely something I should have learned in my fiber arts class
God, imagine having the ring that contained the only visual reminder you had of them of your dead loved one stolen and never seeing it again
I toured the E. A. Poe house in North Carolina and the museum next door had a whole mourning exhibit up at the time. It was FULL of Victorian mourning jewelry and decorations. I absolutely LOVED the things made from hair. Most were really intricate and lovingly put together, and having been hit by some pretty horrid losses, I would love to have something to display for myself that would help me keep them close. Maybe it's not the healthiest, but it's maybe less heartbreaking than scrolling through the memorial FB of your dead friend / family member crying about how you'll never see a new photo of their smile.
Fuck it, I'm gonna force everyone who outlives me to take some of my hair. Definitely not for haunting purposes.
I have nothing concrete to support this, but it does remind me of our long Catholic tradition of trying to keep as many dead relatives in your prayers for as long as possible for Heaven PurposesTM. Idk if Protestant traditions would have fucked with Papist nonsense like that, but it's a whoooole lot easier to pass in peace when you're like, oh yeah, every time someone wears these gloves/rings/etc, they'll think of me and I get a fun prayer point!
(but also)
People used to collect coffin plates, too - I think we all, as a species, may just be a bit weird about death xD
I have had my funeral planed since I was a kid. Gift bags were always on the table. I guess I was the weird little girl who was into that vs weddings XD
I low key love going to funerals, because the tradition in my area involves light snacks and tea/coffee afterwards, and I am a FIEND for a tiny triangular sandwich.
All the funerals I've been to have had a luncheon provided usually after the interment of the body at the cemetery. While it seems very morbid burying a family member can be a very emotional time plus if there are kids, food can help tame the wild ones.
My ex husband lived with us while he was battling cancer last year. He was a major lover of Little Debbie Cakes (he even had a Little Debbie tattoo). When he passed away last year, we passed out Little Debbie cakes & stickers that he had designed (he was a graphic designer) at his Celebration of Life service. We had no idea we were following centuries old funerary traditions.
Funeral biscuits to pieces of wedding cake, birthday cake, small party favours/ or little goodie bags etc - fascinating
I think that the funeral biscuits as gifts has morphed into why the family holding the funeral now oftentimes will have lunch or dinner buffet available for attending people…
I think you've really hit your stride with these recent videos. Format, presentation, topics, chef's kiss!
Also mourning jewelry is my new hyperfixation and everyone is getting mountain dew and packs of gushers when I die.
Gloves are a very practical gift, it's like the dead person doing one last small act to take of their loved ones.
My aunt was a recovered alcoholic and her drink of choice after she quit alcohol was Ginger Ale. She was also the queen of telling the same stories over and over. At her funeral we sat around telling some of her endlessly repeated stories and did a shot of Ginger Ale. I miss her so much. She was the only family member who actually made me feel special.