I just want to cry and cry and cry. The grief of it all is tough. It's nearly been 5 months leaving him being a single mum of two. This video has validated me. I gave all my love to him. My virginity. First kiss the day we got married. So im grieving big time. Knowledge has confirmed im not crazy. He was emotionally abusive. Pray for my healing. And thank you for your videos. You are best by far i have come across that has given me such a healing affect on my heart. God bless you!!!
One day my husband stared at me with a smirk on his face and said "you know I could pay someone to do the things you do for me." I was so shocked and so hurt. I remember wondering in that moment how much it would cost to pay someone to love you but the words never came out of my mouth because I was so stunned.
"Discounting devalues you" .... I love how it works the same way when something in the store is discounted. Something in the store has a discount = its value goes down. Eureka!
I'm listening to this 3+ years after first seeing it, and I notice that what you say is so very true, and how I was oblivious to the consequences of this action on me. That is the danger of narcissism.
I think this is more common in relationships than people know. Many men do this to women every day. They won't listen to anything even if the conversation is about children or family. They talk over you and blow off her conversation. Men should know conversation is in the makeup of women. Thank you for bringing this forward to the rest of the human race. Sooner or later she will find a person to listen to her. Then he wonders also why she is depressed so much??? He did it!!!
At the end when she says the road to independence can be scary I really felt that! Having two young babies and no money as I was a stay at home mom not allowed to have "more money than I needed" the idea of independence wa sso daunting that I avoided it just so I wouldn't have to put my girls in daycare(due to abuse I suffered as a child). Working was not scary but providing for my own family alone , the mere thought of the unknowns was enough to keep me in the toxic relationship. Plus my abuser was always telling me I was nothing without him and couldn't fulfill simple tasks at home therefore i would not be able to make money without him. It isnt as simple to just leave an abuser as everyone thinks lol , there's so much power no one sees that the person has over you, so much fear intilled and severe self doubt/ low self esteem. Thank you for helping me understand these people and learning how to move on with my life❤
I had a near death car accident... My husband treated me as if I just needed to get up and get going that I was weak! Years later the health issues caused by the accident gradually became worse at the same time my Grammy was dying and through all this he has added so much on me with the abuse I'm struggling to get out of this marriage! He has brought me to a all time low and cheated while I was taking care of my Grammy and through becoming disabled he's treated like I'm worthless. Everything I've tried to start businesses wise he's nagged me to death over the new business adventure,put it and me down! Oh I'm so tired and ready to get out! I can not grow in this marriage and He's cheated so many time's I will not allow him to touch me! Working with a advocate to help get out safely.
50 yrs of abuse at the hands of my parents. Abusers are so twisted. When I was doing well in life my father would call and crap on my joy, when I was down it was my mom who would come along and crap on me. One day I googled "People who lack empathy" and found the key...Narcissism! It has been 2 years of no contact and lots of healing, watching videos like yours, reading books and I am finally ready to move on. :)
You have the right. To request, To refuse, To right a wrong, To be treated with dignity and respect. You have the responsibility to allow others to make requests, to allow them to refuse, to allow them to seek to right a wrong without retribution and to treat others with dignity and respect. L'Chaim
I understand been there done that! You describe my past marriage to a tea! My ex narc almost destroyed me. I pulled myself out of his mire just in time.
The devaluing, the looking at you as though you're nothing special. Nothing ever good enough. If you show no emotion you are cold, if you show emotion you are emotionally unstable. Jealousy aimed at you. Ideas never acknowledged and he had to have his own way on everything. The resentment toward me was building up over five years and I left. I really think he he derived pleasure seeing me fall, as I have always been an anxious person and rather than just try and understand, he saw it as a weakness. He would try and 'fix' me but it was more to control me. He withheld affection saying he could not show affection to someone negative when living with him was making me negative! If I showed affection, it was rebuffed - "not now". You never win with these types. Now I'm with a lovely guy and although there are always niggles in relationships, it's nothing like my old life, thank heavens. Thank you for explaining with clarity Dr Dart.
My narcissist identical twin sis decided to start a shame & smear campaign that has carried on for 18 years now, she started right when my baby died, he was my black lab Irish setter mix. My having a narcissistic family and never really having anyone he was the first and only person I have ever given my love to. I grieved very very extremely hard for eight solid years until my brother died. For the first two months I could not quit crying, this grief was because of my dog dying. Not because of the shame campaign, I had no idea what I was in for is far as that goes. There is more that I could tell you but I don’t want to make other people reading this sad, but I got that dog to replace the dog that I had as a kid because that first dog was abused by my narc father. When I get to heaven they will be there to greet me know, I know this because I am a near death experiencer. Thank God I have my NDE to draw from, reminisce, And to give me solid proof of God ☮️ Thank you Doc DD💗U !!
I'm trying to get out of something atm and I've been starting to question myself for quite a bit now. I get the silent treatment as soon as he gets annoyed and the answer I get is that I shouldn't have triggered him in the first place. If I bring up stuff about him that is hurtful all I'm doing is attacking him and arguing. So nothing gets addressed.. and all he's telling me is that I love to argue and he literally says he hasn't done anything wrong, and I desperately trying to tell him you're two in a relationship and your behaviors are affecting me.. when he hangs up on me and ignore me (even turn his phone off cuz he can't stand me trying to call him back) he says he's just "helping me to control my anxieties" cuz he thinks I'm too emotional and that I let them control me. I've been telling him I have a need to talk things thru and that his hanging up triggers my abandonment trauma but he keeps doing it and tells me If I didn't triggered him first it wouldn't happen.. :( or he tells me he "just remove himself from the situation, cuz he don't wanna argue and that's all I want to do".. I'm just getting more and more hurt, angry and even starting to build up resentment, but still are begging him to respect me and show humility but it's just all in vain.. I should add that we've been doing long distance for about a year now (becuz visas) so ignoring me by just hanging up the phone is very easily done.. if I call the next day he does answer but he rarely answers my texts .. I start to question myself and thinks "maybe i am too emotional? Maybe I should just have even more patience? Do I do those things he's telling me? Maybe I'm not loving enough?" Etc ... I know that he may be an avoidant considering his upbringing and I tend to excuse his behaviors by explaining them in my head that it's becuz of this and this, and he just needs love, I shouldn't be feeling or reacting to his treatments etc.. When do u go from being understanding of what someone goes/been thru and putting yourself thru too much? Thanks for your videos! 🙏
I imagine you have an advantage as far as shaking him because you live so far away. I know its hardest when there is love. but is it one sided? Take heed and think to yourself if he were to come back and you were together, would things be better? worse? ive been living with mine for 16 years and man, i cant wait to have my plan come together so i can leave and start my journey of repairing the damage i allowed to happen to me. Good luck to you. your story really reminded me of alot like mine. then when you said you didnt live with him, i got jealous. lol
The example you provided about the grieving woman was on point. When I was grieving my grandfather's suicide my father would tell to get over it. I was never allowed to go to the burial only to the funeral which I thought was weird. The funeral is more tragic than a burial don't you think? I don't know maybe in this case I thought it was because I was only 11. Narcissists cannot stand seeing other people go through things in a healthy way. It disrupts their dysfunction.
Thank you Dr. Denise. I have been through 3 previous mentally abusive marriages. I'm unfortunately in number 4. All totally different, even from different states. This video hits home so much. I'm going to watch your others. Thank you SO much for posting!
Dr. Dart: Thank you for these great, informative videos on the very painful topic of emotional abuse, and its myriad effects. I have learned in my own recovery from an emotionally abusive relationship how discounting and invalidating another's feelings threatens the emotional safety and vulnerability that are parts of a healthy, generative relationship. An abusive relationship shrinks the emotional and physical world of the person who attempts to understand them. Men can also be affected by these hurtful, toxic relationships, although their prevalence concerns the experiences that women - sadly - confront in these unions. I hope you do a video on how emotional and verbal abuse affects a man. It was brutal, and I experienced it. Peace to you!
Nicholas, thank you for your comment and for taking the time to write. I am developing a channel for men who are dealing with abusive relationships. Both men and women can be perpetrators or victims, and as you said it is brutal. Emotional abuse is devastating to the victim...emotionally, spiritually, physically. Look for the channel soon! I'm passionate about spreading the word and helping people avoid, break free, and recover from the impact of emotional abuse 💜
Nicholas Perkins: I agree with you and having been born of a very covert narcissist "mother" and primed as her Scapegoat for years of abuse from other narcissists, usually women co workers or "friends", I know how damaging they can be to their husbands. My dad was a good man but weak and cowardly and she completely turned him against me by the age of about 6 and drove him to alcholism and finally Stockholm Syndrome and then just a couple years before she finally sucked the life out him, he was a literal walking ZOMBIE, just like on the Walking Dead, I am not exaggerating (except he didn't eat people). Just a shell of his original self. She murdered him as far as I am concerned. Narc abuse is a form of slow, covert MURDER and these monsters should be held accountable!
Nicholas, yur absolutely correct. its just the odds are in the women being abused. I am sure there are a lot more men suffering from abuse by their women partners than is being admitted tho. nobody should be treated this way, nobody. Shame on those who abuse.
The changing the reality was so awful. He said one thing. Days later said he never said. Or never did . How can you reach any common ground when someone so disconnected and such lier.
Che Che, the lies, the denial of any actions or words that might not fit the moment's needs do change at any time without tolerance of hearing otherwise! U cannot have any kind of intelligent conversation with someone who changes the story to suit their needs from one minute to the next. its pointless. i used to get so frustrated and tried to explain to him that he is being irrational, but i finally realized that it was useless because i would only get more double talk in circles that ended up with me being stupid and delusional. haha, i am still being told that i cant hold a normal conversation with anyone becuz im easily confused and i dont listen. omg, im so tired. how can someone be this way and not know its obviosly sickening to see and hear?
My father was diagnosed with lung cancer and everytime I showed any emotion or cried he my bf never supported me through it and never went with me to see my sick dad he would get irritated when I was sad he would say things like at least you had a good father to cry about death happens it’s a part of life really.. . He made me feel guilty he didn’t have a father figure and I kept my pain inside where he wasn’t affected by my weakness ... my heart goes out for that poor woman and her sister
Yes, this all sounds very familiar to me. It’s been almost 20 yrs & we have 2 children. It’s been quite difficult & I really appreciate your videos:) Thank you so much 😊
Mine is with a woman, not romantic, someone I must relate to. She's a discounter. Her picture of me is inaccurate. We were friends in the past, I thought. Not now. No matter what I do, it seems it's wrong in her eyes. She also gaslights. I have to distance myself.
Yes thankyou. We really need to expose these monsters to the general public. UA-cam is great but we are preaching to the choir. I've tried to expose them by writing numerous letters to the editor of every newspaper within a 100 mile radius of me but ALL OF THE EDITORS REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS SUBJECT. And they've published plenty of my letters on more "mainstream" issues. Makes me feel like there is some kind of cover up by the powers that be for these monsters. Especially with the knowledge that many top 1 percenters are Cluster B psychopaths.
It really hurt during the relationship. It devastated me. I don’t understand how can he claim love me but not see me as equal?! I had hard time to make sense with it. I wrote over hundred of emails to share my feelings. He dismisses them or come back with email fuel of anger and accusations. It’s so hard got me to go through that. It’s hurt me even further. I regret even wrote to him.
I just started believing in "choosing my battles". What was worth it and what wasnt. 13 yrs of my life gone and a another decade without my daughters that he got custody of, and turning my entire family against me. Im barely breathing now
This happened to me so many times, the very last time when my beloved dog of 14 years passed away. A week later after trying to stoically push my grief down so that he wouldn’t see me fall apart (he very much disliked if I were anything other than ‘sunshine’), went to my room, found a nice spot by my window overlooking the valley and let my tears fall and my emotions out. I had closed my door to be private but I heard the dreaded footsteps of him coming up the stairs. He literally attacked me with words saying to act my age (I was 42 at the time), that I shouldn’t be so selfish and “I am still here and you don’t give me the attention you are giving to ‘this dog’ (he said), which was also his dog. He was so abusive, and I cried even harder. It was my first experience of truly believing I had gone insane..he had me crawling halfway under my bed with distraught; asking him to please stop, to please just leave me be for a little while, but he wouldn’t stop, even with me curled up and coming under the ruffles of the bed skirt, like a child! It was one of many tortures to follow. Together for 21 years (this was year 10?). When I finally got the courage to leave him, one night when I came home, he tried to kill me. 2.5 years later...I am not yet divorced, but no contact. I still, through my insanity, Miss him, but I am also getting farther and farther away from that feeling as well, which, as time goes on, I feel stronger, and sometimes the happiness I feel overwhelms me, I’m almost ‘me’ again.. and only through videos such as these; spreading awareness and making me realize, it’s not me who is the ‘ill’ one. Thank you. From the hard knocks of experience, NO CONTACT is the only way to go. I never went back, mostly because the law prevented that from happening.. I missed him sooo much, and it has taken more work, and longer than I had ever realized to finally be breaking free!
Narcissist can’t stand it when the attention is not on them, even when someone we love dies. In the past I had a boss that was a narcissist, he shows up for work looking like he had been really crying hard after his mother in law died, it wasn’t because he was upset about his mother-in-law dying. He had pissed his wife off one time too many, at a time when her mother had died, she has been pushed it to the point where she had told him she wanted a divorce. Of course since he being a narcissist and I don’t think she knew about narcissism because I actually had a conversation with her after this had happened, I couldn’t say too much being I was still employed at the time. But she kept saying, isn’t he just so sickening, LOL
My spouse would show up atcounseling and say all the right things, but there was no follow through. Watch actions and not merely listen to the words. By their fruit you will know them.
My husband keeps labeling me as bipolar. I have RAD and have become enraged at the emotional abuse so I fight back an insult him and throw all his insecurities in his face.
I am Juana! Every word that you have described on your video is exactly what happened to me! He was extremely abusive to me! He was extremely abusive to his ex wife and his other girlfriend's, the part that shocked me was that he himself confess to mistreatment other woman, and he did it by devaluing them, well what you described in your video happened to me, For Real! Thank God and the Universe that I put an end to his abuse! Oh, by the way, I document and have that saved with someone I trust!
My ex narc discarded me during the holidays. He would always say I couldn't come to his work Christmas parties because no one brings their S.O. I should have ended it after the first year but he had me believing I was clingy and that he should be able to do his own thing. What a terrible realization. After that I began to feel insecure, unloved, he even came home and showed me pics of all the girls acting wild. He was drunk so when he woke up and I asked about it, he denied denied denied....:(
Later on we fought I said you said you don’t ask much from me but never supported me through my dads cancer diagnosis he said we both know your memory I never did or said that! They straight up deny the truth! So you look crazy and wreak and keep you emotionally broken and confused unsure of your reality !
Sounds like that's exactly what your husband wanted you to believe. I hope you are doing well and know deep in your heart that no matter what you are being told, these kind of tactics are about the person delivering the cruelty.
Your stories reasoated with dealing with my ex for 7 years. The discounting, devaluing, gaslighting, blameshifting etc. I experienced all with everything I did and do. The emotional and verbal abuse was endless. He tried to break me down every chance he got and provoke me into angrument where I was always trying to defend myself. He recently told me that karma killed my father after he died and also that he didn't care if I died.
This reminds me of a time when i was talking to someone about my feelings on multiple occasions and he said on one and i quote “ suck it up” and on another in so many words ... i dont have empathy lol And i confronted him about it . I said he was being very “ dismissive”. Basically he tried to gaslight me. And i told him no i remembered how i felt when you said it and remember it clear as day. Then he went on to say oh! Well, i took it the wrong way or he apologized . Which at this point im thinking . .. I dont want your apology and here we go again with the abuse ( blame)... Im sorry YOU took it that way) basically. Im so glad that ive become more aware over the years. Im so tired of narcissist and people thinking they can get away with whatever these days. They all give themselves away in the end. Its just a matter of time .
What very good advice. I was married too a bully abused me every single day. So I know what you are taking about. I have a non molestation order out on him now with power of arrest . I was with him for a very long time 40yrs. Best part of my life but eventually broke free from him. Divorced now. Too all men and woman who are being abused please get out if you can as the abusers never change. My prayers and love sent. Too anyone going through a abusive time. I pray our Lord keeps us all safe and free too be happy. Xxxxxx
I realize now that I have been emotionally abused for years. Thank you for giving me the validation I never received while in the relationship. It's going to be an exhaustingly long road to healing.
Is it usual that the abuser can be weak in other areas of his life. For example the man who is an overbearing bully in my home is subservient and walked over by friends and family and work. Always doing favors for people. He refuses to admit his actions are questionable let alone wrong. He has even told me i am demon possessed ( seriously as well ). Rather than admit i am wrong. He literally cant stand being wrong or questioned. Im afraid to speak now
I'm not crazy, I'm not playing this stupid game. If you can't be yourself and live in fear then jump into the unknown and ignore the fear they put there. I'm thankful I met him but I'm thankful I'm LEAVING. Im strong and he needs me so Bbbyyyyeeeeee
i swear its like u have met and spent a lot of time with my bf. im surprised u dont know his name! u are spot on about everything he says and does. ive been aware of our situation for a long time. weve been together for 16=17 years. its only gotten worse. i cant seem to open his eyes to his actions and behavior. apparantly im just crazy and being an over emotional delusional mental case. " WELL I AM NOW ASSHOLE! " Thank u for letting me know im not alone and that im not some over reacting insecure little girl who is out of her element. I have subscribed and will be watching more of yur videos. i feel so much better knowing i am making the right decision by planning my moving out. ive lost enuff sleep (amongst so much more) over this in my life. goodnight. Thanx Again Dr. Denise
The toxic playbook for this type of personality is pretty narrow and therefore quite predictable. Really thought I understood this dynamic with all I learned in earning my doctorate in psychology. I was wrong! The most helpful information I share comes from shared experience. I’ve truly been where you are and do understand what you are going through.
If I got teary eyes or full on cry my ex narcissist It made him mad so he’d leave the room(sometimes leave the house) and give me the silent treatment for awhile.
My narc husband has hung up the phone on me twice today. I will not tolerate another day of that, I’ve blocked his number. I will not speak with him on the phone ever again, unless there is an emergency concerning our daughter. I am so sick of his constant disrespect and humiliating, and hurting me. I hope my divorce can move along faster.
I have been sicker physically and also had more accidents bi know was caused by stress and not wanting to upset him. Yet he may seem to care. For the time I am in the hospital. Yet when I am blamed for being clumsy. It's all my fight. I'm even being taken by someone else to the Dr. Or Dentist. Because he would not take off even tho he had the time he could use yet. I know the truth was he didn't care enough. Yet when he gets hurt or sick., He is my priority. So I feel I give him my all. Yet I do not get the same from him. Also no matter how bad I feel. I'm supposed to have sex whenever he wishes. Even when I explain honey am in pain or can't right now. So all hell breaks loose. I'm reminded that in our first year together. I would have sex even when I felt so terrible. So now almost 3 years later. I'm reminded how before I did have sex even when I felt so bad., I felt we had a relationship that was in a more committed and he would understand. Yet it's the reverse. I'm sleeping with someone else or talking to another man. Which is not true. My 1st husband cheated with my best friend. I tried to kill myself. I almost succeeded. I spent 7 days in the hospital. So, I would never do what hell he put me through on anyone else. Yet I'm accused of cheating all the time or wanting to. Which is not true. I love him. Yet I do not know what to do.
i lived with a mother who was abused. yhen my dad anused me then the town abused me because my mother had a breakdown and stayed at home. indiana is a state thst culls people like horses and nullies you if you are different. so i was neat up verbally and mentally for a long tina caught some breaks
I can only imagine how painful that must have been for you. I hope you are finding ways to care for yourself and have or are seeking a local support system. A local therapist with the knowledge and experience to work with victims of abuse may be helpful. This is tough stuff for anyone to deal with.
I read through so many of these comments, such similar stories and experiences. It seems a very common thread among these abusers boils down to one word: immature. I’d love to know the Dr.’s thoughts on this. It’s pretty much the rule that these types of abusers come from abusive childhoods. But what makes them that way and not others who also were abused but went on to be normal functioning adults? Did their maturity get stunted at a middle school level? (I use middle schoolers because I worked at a school and that age child is vicious with their peers). Some of the comments I’ve read about what the boyfriend/husband has said is so childish that I just can’t help but wonder if there is scientific data to back this up?
Father was a misogynist , nuff said . His favorite saying was ‘women can’t do that’ and to accuse me of being a lesbian if I did these things. Simple things like running track in elementary school, hanging with friends outside ( we were restricted to the house) . He was physically abusive. It was like living under the Taliban and we aren’t even Muslims and this was the sixties . The Taliban didn’t even exist then. The closest thing I’ve ever seen to how my parents behaved is that old movie about Elizabeth Barrett Browning. . The Barrett’s of Winpole Street. Little tin god parenting is bad for people
What about if you can feel the person's anger so strongly but they deny it over and over and then you later find out it was true? I'm talking about anger that goes on for hours. And then the next day after it is finally admitted and you realize it and feel upset, it is minimized or denied? Is this discounting and gaslighting?
THERE ARE SO MANY MEN LIKE THIS, SORRY NOT JUST THE NARCS NARC QUALITIES R SOCIALLY ENGINEERED INTO MEN THESE DAYS I AM SURE OF IT. WHAT A ZOO. A LOVE YR VIDS U R SO GOOD
You are absolutely right Mike. This channel is simply designed for primarily a female audience. I did a video that addresses this. If you can get past the pronouns you may find the information helpful. Thank you for taking the time to leave feedback.
It was informational, and I am thankful for the insights here. It validates what I thought & felt. I wasn't crazy, and I'm not alone. It also gives me things to look out for in the future. Every little bit of info brings me closer to understanding not only my mother, and my many ex-narcs. It helps me understand more about myself. Thank you
Wondering how you are doing know that you know. If you are still caught in the leave and return cycle please know that it's a part of getting to the place where you absolutely know ENOUGH is ENOUGH!
One comment I would like to say possibly this video as I fell asleep listening lol tored not bored. But the area where if one is worried about a test and the loved one says not to worry all will be ok, can be a positive way as no good to worry unless you have a reaaon or diagnosis not preferred. Low vibe energy or attracting that which we don't want. But then can say I'm here for you regardless and offer comfort. But I know the bigger sense you mean but giving an example that it really could be nice but with them no. I sadly jad to walk away w pur daughter as he drank and got nasty..Now back at my father's house and learning more and more though very loving, has no respect to how I parent my child, amd see how much emotional abuse he really has given me over the years and again now back here its all highlighted again and so sad. So I hope to eventually be able to get the help I need and learn how to be am adult and provide for myself and 2 beautiful daughters as i feel my ex has the ability to change but has to make that choice and the self work will tale years as his heart is heavy But hard as I left a place i love and loved residing at to cramped and jarf for me ro keep xleam adding to my ocd aa cleaning has really been the only true control but frustrating as I left the one I love to come to my life hero's home to just realize how much of an abuser he is. Double whammy. Bit I too shall overcome this!
This lady needs to use this video as a generalization for men and woman. I’m a man an abusive relationship just like what she’s saying. I had to stop and send this comment, because I was border line offended that she doesn’t bring up men in abusive homes. I love my wife even though I’m abused by her. And I don’t know what to do?
John, thank you for your comment. My heart goes out to you. My channel was simply designed for a female audience. If you can get past the pronouns the information here may be helpful. This is not a gender specific problem, nor is it confined to a certain type of relationship. Again, thank you for taking the time to leave feedback. 💜
Inge, it's all about boundaries and the more toxic the relationship the clearer and more specific the boundaries need to be. It's not OK for anyone to abuse you including a parent.
I just want to cry and cry and cry. The grief of it all is tough. It's nearly been 5 months leaving him being a single mum of two. This video has validated me. I gave all my love to him. My virginity. First kiss the day we got married. So im grieving big time. Knowledge has confirmed im not crazy. He was emotionally abusive.
Pray for my healing. And thank you for your videos. You are best by far i have come across that has given me such a healing affect on my heart. God bless you!!!
One day my husband stared at me with a smirk on his face and said "you know I could pay someone to do the things you do for me." I was so shocked and so hurt. I remember wondering in that moment how much it would cost to pay someone to love you but the words never came out of my mouth because I was so stunned.
By all means, leave him and let him pay. What he can’t pay for from someone else he doesn’t deserve from you.
This is one of the best videos I’ve seen that explains emotional abuse. This video deserves a million views at least
Thank you so much for your very kind feedback 💜
Figuring out if it’s even a relationship at all, that’s the question. A narc is not a real person :(.
"Discounting devalues you" .... I love how it works the same way when something in the store is discounted. Something in the store has a discount = its value goes down. Eureka!
"Glamor Gaslighting" -hadn't heard that term before, yes, yes, yes! And the Susie sunshine thing, so so true.
Everything is supposed to be Pollyanna perfect AT ALL TIMES in the Narcissist's fantasy world.
This is a very painful and almost silent way of discounting someone. It is crazy-making at it's worst.
I'm listening to this 3+ years after first seeing it, and I notice that what you say is so very true, and how I was oblivious to the consequences of this action on me. That is the danger of narcissism.
I think this is more common in relationships than people know. Many men do this to women every day. They won't listen to anything even if the conversation is about children or family. They talk over you and blow off her conversation. Men should know conversation is in the makeup of women. Thank you for bringing this forward to the rest of the human race. Sooner or later she will find a person to listen to her. Then he wonders also why she is depressed so much??? He did it!!!
Thank you for the videos I was starting to truly lose all hope and give up On myself !
After a long marriage the devalue was brutal. 3 months of silent treatment. The discard was FAST. Devastating. Great videos.
It is very painful! Please do everything you can to take care of yourself and be patient with yourself as you process your feelings.
They cannot change ,and they never except being wrong .
At the end when she says the road to independence can be scary I really felt that! Having two young babies and no money as I was a stay at home mom not allowed to have "more money than I needed" the idea of independence wa sso daunting that I avoided it just so I wouldn't have to put my girls in daycare(due to abuse I suffered as a child). Working was not scary but providing for my own family alone , the mere thought of the unknowns was enough to keep me in the toxic relationship. Plus my abuser was always telling me I was nothing without him and couldn't fulfill simple tasks at home therefore i would not be able to make money without him. It isnt as simple to just leave an abuser as everyone thinks lol , there's so much power no one sees that the person has over you, so much fear intilled and severe self doubt/ low self esteem. Thank you for helping me understand these people and learning how to move on with my life❤
I had a near death car accident... My husband treated me as if I just needed to get up and get going that I was weak! Years later the health issues caused by the accident gradually became worse at the same time my Grammy was dying and through all this he has added so much on me with the abuse I'm struggling to get out of this marriage! He has brought me to a all time low and cheated while I was taking care of my Grammy and through becoming disabled he's treated like I'm worthless. Everything I've tried to start businesses wise he's nagged me to death over the new business adventure,put it and me down! Oh I'm so tired and ready to get out! I can not grow in this marriage and He's cheated so many time's I will not allow him to touch me! Working with a advocate to help get out safely.
You’ve been through so much!
So glad you found an advocate 💜
50 yrs of abuse at the hands of my parents. Abusers are so twisted. When I was doing well in life my father would call and crap on my joy, when I was down it was my mom who would come along and crap on me. One day I googled "People who lack empathy" and found the key...Narcissism! It has been 2 years of no contact and lots of healing, watching videos like yours, reading books and I am finally ready to move on. :)
The ground never stops moving beneath your feet.
Everything your saying is true omg help me im dieing inside
You have the right. To request, To refuse, To right a wrong, To be treated with dignity and respect. You have the responsibility to allow others to make requests, to allow them to refuse, to allow them to seek to right a wrong without retribution and to treat others with dignity and respect. L'Chaim
I understand been there done that! You describe my past marriage to a tea! My ex narc almost destroyed me. I pulled myself out of his mire just in time.
Denise it is a good thing you pulled yourself out!!
The devaluing, the looking at you as though you're nothing special. Nothing ever good enough. If you show no emotion you are cold, if you show emotion you are emotionally unstable. Jealousy aimed at you. Ideas never acknowledged and he had to have his own way on everything. The resentment toward me was building up over five years and I left. I really think he he derived pleasure seeing me fall, as I have always been an anxious person and rather than just try and understand, he saw it as a weakness. He would try and 'fix' me but it was more to control me. He withheld affection saying he could not show affection to someone negative when living with him was making me negative! If I showed affection, it was rebuffed - "not now". You never win with these types. Now I'm with a lovely guy and although there are always niggles in relationships, it's nothing like my old life, thank heavens. Thank you for explaining with clarity Dr Dart.
My narcissist identical twin sis decided to start a shame & smear campaign that has carried on for 18 years now, she started right when my baby died, he was my black lab Irish setter mix. My having a narcissistic family and never really having anyone he was the first and only person I have ever given my love to. I grieved very very extremely hard for eight solid years until my brother died. For the first two months I could not quit crying, this grief was because of my dog dying. Not because of the shame campaign, I had no idea what I was in for is far as that goes. There is more that I could tell you but I don’t want to make other people reading this sad, but I got that dog to replace the dog that I had as a kid because that first dog was abused by my narc father. When I get to heaven they will be there to greet me know, I know this because I am a near death experiencer. Thank God I have my NDE to draw from, reminisce, And to give me solid proof of God ☮️
Thank you Doc DD💗U !!
I'm trying to get out of something atm and I've been starting to question myself for quite a bit now. I get the silent treatment as soon as he gets annoyed and the answer I get is that I shouldn't have triggered him in the first place. If I bring up stuff about him that is hurtful all I'm doing is attacking him and arguing. So nothing gets addressed.. and all he's telling me is that I love to argue and he literally says he hasn't done anything wrong, and I desperately trying to tell him you're two in a relationship and your behaviors are affecting me.. when he hangs up on me and ignore me (even turn his phone off cuz he can't stand me trying to call him back) he says he's just "helping me to control my anxieties" cuz he thinks I'm too emotional and that I let them control me. I've been telling him I have a need to talk things thru and that his hanging up triggers my abandonment trauma but he keeps doing it and tells me If I didn't triggered him first it wouldn't happen.. :( or he tells me he "just remove himself from the situation, cuz he don't wanna argue and that's all I want to do".. I'm just getting more and more hurt, angry and even starting to build up resentment, but still are begging him to respect me and show humility but it's just all in vain..
I should add that we've been doing long distance for about a year now (becuz visas) so ignoring me by just hanging up the phone is very easily done.. if I call the next day he does answer but he rarely answers my texts ..
I start to question myself and thinks "maybe i am too emotional? Maybe I should just have even more patience? Do I do those things he's telling me? Maybe I'm not loving enough?" Etc ...
I know that he may be an avoidant considering his upbringing and I tend to excuse his behaviors by explaining them in my head that it's becuz of this and this, and he just needs love, I shouldn't be feeling or reacting to his treatments etc..
When do u go from being understanding of what someone goes/been thru and putting yourself thru too much?
Thanks for your videos! 🙏
I imagine you have an advantage as far as shaking him because you live so far away. I know its hardest when there is love. but is it one sided? Take heed and think to yourself if he were to come back and you were together, would things be better? worse? ive been living with mine for 16 years and man, i cant wait to have my plan come together so i can leave and start my journey of repairing the damage i allowed to happen to me.
Good luck to you. your story really reminded me of alot like mine. then when you said you didnt live with him, i got jealous. lol
The example you provided about the grieving woman was on point. When I was grieving my grandfather's suicide my father would tell to get over it. I was never allowed to go to the burial only to the funeral which I thought was weird. The funeral is more tragic than a burial don't you think? I don't know maybe in this case I thought it was because I was only 11. Narcissists cannot stand seeing other people go through things in a healthy way. It disrupts their dysfunction.
You really helped a lot of people get through the holidays. THANK YOU for your wonderful videos. I have shared them with a lot of hurting people.
Thank you Annie for sharing that with me. It’s comments like yours that keep me doing what I do.
He complains about everything and makes me completely dependent on him, he makes excuses for everything too.
sister, can you please talk about alcoholism and narcassist?
As though he was the one in pain ☹️
Excellent video. Thank you, Dr. Denise!
Thank you Dr. Denise. I have been through 3 previous mentally abusive marriages. I'm unfortunately in number 4. All totally different, even from different states. This video hits home so much. I'm going to watch your others. Thank you SO much for posting!
I love you! So strong, such a role model for many women!
Dr. Dart: Thank you for these great, informative videos on the very painful topic of emotional abuse, and its myriad effects. I have learned in my own recovery from an emotionally abusive relationship how discounting and invalidating another's feelings threatens the emotional safety and vulnerability that are parts of a healthy, generative relationship. An abusive relationship shrinks the emotional and physical world of the person who attempts to understand them. Men can also be affected by these hurtful, toxic relationships, although their prevalence concerns the experiences that women - sadly - confront in these unions. I hope you do a video on how emotional and verbal abuse affects a man. It was brutal, and I experienced it. Peace to you!
Nicholas, thank you for your comment and for taking the time to write. I am developing a channel for men who are dealing with abusive relationships. Both men and women can be perpetrators or victims, and as you said it is brutal. Emotional abuse is devastating to the victim...emotionally, spiritually, physically. Look for the channel soon! I'm passionate about spreading the word and helping people avoid, break free, and recover from the impact of emotional abuse 💜
Nicholas Perkins: I agree with you and having been born of a very covert narcissist "mother" and primed as her Scapegoat for years of abuse from other narcissists, usually women co workers or "friends", I know how damaging they can be to their husbands. My dad was a good man but weak and cowardly and she completely turned him against me by the age of about 6 and drove him to alcholism and finally Stockholm Syndrome and then just a couple years before she finally sucked the life out him, he was a literal walking ZOMBIE, just like on the Walking Dead, I am not exaggerating (except he didn't eat people). Just a shell of his original self. She murdered him as far as I am concerned. Narc abuse is a form of slow, covert MURDER and these monsters should be held accountable!
Nicholas,
yur absolutely correct. its just the odds are in the women being abused. I am sure there are a lot more men suffering from abuse by their women partners than is being admitted tho. nobody should be treated this way, nobody.
Shame on those who abuse.
OMG, this woman knows my past life...
The changing the reality was so awful. He said one thing. Days later said he never said. Or never did . How can you reach any common ground when someone so disconnected and such lier.
Che Che,
the lies, the denial of any actions or words that might not fit the moment's needs do change at any time without tolerance of hearing otherwise! U cannot have any kind of intelligent conversation with someone who changes the story to suit their needs from one minute to the next. its pointless. i used to get so frustrated and tried to explain to him that he is being irrational, but i finally realized that it was useless because i would only get more double talk in circles that ended up with me being stupid and delusional. haha, i am still being told that i cant hold a normal conversation with anyone becuz im easily confused and i dont listen. omg, im so tired. how can someone be this way and not know its obviosly sickening to see and hear?
Very useful, well balanced view of the techniques narcissists use
Thank you for the advice and the good words Denise. 👍😀
My father was diagnosed with lung cancer and everytime I showed any emotion or cried he my bf never supported me through it and never went with me to see my sick dad he would get irritated when I was sad he would say things like at least you had a good father to cry about death happens it’s a part of life really.. . He made me feel guilty he didn’t have a father figure and I kept my pain inside where he wasn’t affected by my weakness ... my heart goes out for that poor woman and her sister
You have helped me so much!
Thanks for your videos. I was confused why he would withdraw when I got good news. Learning now to see him as abusive. Excellent support here.
You're welcome Elsa. Glad you find them helpful 💜
Yes, this all sounds very familiar to me. It’s been almost 20 yrs & we have 2 children. It’s been quite difficult & I really appreciate your videos:) Thank you so much 😊
Mine is with a woman, not romantic, someone I must relate to. She's a discounter. Her picture of me is inaccurate. We were friends in the past, I thought. Not now. No matter what I do, it seems it's wrong in her eyes. She also gaslights. I have to distance myself.
Dr. Denise you have sooo much insight about this topic. You are awesone!! Keep em coming. I truly appreciate you.
Thank you so much for your work🌷.
You are welcome Michelle. 💜
Yes thankyou. We really need to expose these monsters to the general public. UA-cam is great but we are preaching to the choir. I've tried to expose them by writing numerous letters to the editor of every newspaper within a 100 mile radius of me but ALL OF THE EDITORS REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS SUBJECT. And they've published plenty of my letters on more "mainstream" issues. Makes me feel like there is some kind of cover up by the powers that be for these monsters. Especially with the knowledge that many top 1 percenters are Cluster B psychopaths.
It really hurt during the relationship. It devastated me. I don’t understand how can he claim love me but not see me as equal?! I had hard time to make sense with it. I wrote over hundred of emails to share my feelings. He dismisses them or come back with email fuel of anger and accusations. It’s so hard got me to go through that. It’s hurt me even further. I regret even wrote to him.
Wow ! This was my recent relationship. On point!
I just started believing in "choosing my battles". What was worth it and what wasnt. 13 yrs of my life gone and a another decade without my daughters that he got custody of, and turning my entire family against me. Im barely breathing now
Love this 💪🏼💪🏼! Knowledge is power .
This happened to me so many times, the very last time when my beloved dog of 14 years passed away. A week later after trying to stoically push my grief down so that he wouldn’t see me fall apart (he very much disliked if I were anything other than ‘sunshine’), went to my room, found a nice spot by my window overlooking the valley and let my tears fall and my emotions out. I had closed my door to be private but I heard the dreaded footsteps of him coming up the stairs. He literally attacked me with words saying to act my age (I was 42 at the time), that I shouldn’t be so selfish and “I am still here and you don’t give me the attention you are giving to ‘this dog’ (he said), which was also his dog. He was so abusive, and I cried even harder. It was my first experience of truly believing I had gone insane..he had me crawling halfway under my bed with distraught; asking him to please stop, to please just leave me be for a little while, but he wouldn’t stop, even with me curled up and coming under the ruffles of the bed skirt, like a child! It was one of many tortures to follow. Together for 21 years (this was year 10?). When I finally got the courage to leave him, one night when I came home, he tried to kill me. 2.5 years later...I am not yet divorced, but no contact. I still, through my insanity, Miss him, but I am also getting farther and farther away from that feeling as well, which, as time goes on, I feel stronger, and sometimes the happiness I feel overwhelms me, I’m almost ‘me’ again.. and only through videos such as these; spreading awareness and making me realize, it’s not me who is the ‘ill’ one. Thank you. From the hard knocks of experience, NO CONTACT is the only way to go. I never went back, mostly because the law prevented that from happening.. I missed him sooo much, and it has taken more work, and longer than I had ever realized to finally be breaking free!
Narcissist can’t stand it when the attention is not on them, even when someone we love dies. In the past I had a boss that was a narcissist, he shows up for work looking like he had been really crying hard after his mother in law died, it wasn’t because he was upset about his mother-in-law dying. He had pissed his wife off one time too many, at a time when her mother had died, she has been pushed it to the point where she had told him she wanted a divorce. Of course since he being a narcissist and I don’t think she knew about narcissism because I actually had a conversation with her after this had happened, I couldn’t say too much being I was still employed at the time. But she kept saying, isn’t he just so sickening, LOL
My spouse would show up atcounseling and say all the right things, but there was no follow through. Watch actions and not merely listen to the words. By their fruit you will know them.
My husband keeps labeling me as bipolar. I have RAD and have become enraged at the emotional abuse so I fight back an insult him and throw all his insecurities in his face.
Oh yes, the dynamic duo. I'll be happy to talk about that.
So well said!Thank you:)
I am Juana!
Every word that you have described on your video is exactly what happened to me!
He was extremely abusive to me!
He was extremely abusive to his ex wife and his other girlfriend's, the part that shocked me was that he himself confess to mistreatment other woman, and he did it by devaluing them, well what you described in your video happened to me, For Real!
Thank God and the Universe that I put an end to his abuse!
Oh, by the way, I document and have that saved with someone I trust!
very good Denise. thanks.
My ex narc discarded me during the holidays. He would always say I couldn't come to his work Christmas parties because no one brings their S.O. I should have ended it after the first year but he had me believing I was clingy and that he should be able to do his own thing. What a terrible realization. After that I began to feel insecure, unloved, he even came home and showed me pics of all the girls acting wild. He was drunk so when he woke up and I asked about it, he denied denied denied....:(
Later on we fought I said you said you don’t ask much from me but never supported me through my dads cancer diagnosis he said we both know your memory I never did or said that! They straight up deny the truth! So you look crazy and wreak and keep you emotionally broken and confused unsure of your reality !
thank you so much! Your videos are amazing they are helping me so much
I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
Sounds like that's exactly what your husband wanted you to believe. I hope you are doing well and know deep in your heart that no matter what you are being told, these kind of tactics are about the person delivering the cruelty.
Your stories reasoated with dealing with my ex for 7 years. The discounting, devaluing, gaslighting, blameshifting etc. I experienced all with everything I did and do. The emotional and verbal abuse was endless. He tried to break me down every chance he got and provoke me into angrument where I was always trying to defend myself. He recently told me that karma killed my father after he died and also that he didn't care if I died.
Carrie, a person who would treat you this way has no business talking about someone else's karma. I'm happy for you that you that he is now you "ex."
That's Narcula! Exactly! Everyday for decades!
This reminds me of a time when i was talking to someone about my feelings on multiple occasions and he said on one and i quote “ suck it up” and on another in so many words ... i dont have empathy lol And i confronted him about it . I said he was being very “ dismissive”. Basically he tried to gaslight me. And i told him no i remembered how i felt when you said it and remember it clear as day. Then he went on to say oh! Well, i took it the wrong way or he apologized . Which at this point im thinking . .. I dont want your apology and here we go again with the abuse ( blame)... Im sorry YOU took it that way) basically. Im so glad that ive become more aware over the years. Im so tired of narcissist and people thinking they can get away with whatever these days. They all give themselves away in the end. Its just a matter of time .
Thank you so much!!!
Fucking sick... The arousal thing suddenly makes SO MUCH SENSE! I feel more used now :(
What very good advice. I was married too a bully abused me every single day. So I know what you are taking about. I have a non molestation order out on him now with power of arrest . I was with him for a very long time 40yrs. Best part of my life but eventually broke free from him. Divorced now. Too all men and woman who are being abused please get out if you can as the abusers never change. My prayers and love sent. Too anyone going through a abusive time. I pray our Lord keeps us all safe and free too be happy. Xxxxxx
I realize now that I have been emotionally abused for years. Thank you for giving me the validation I never received while in the relationship.
It's going to be an exhaustingly long road to healing.
Ke, I hope you are well on that road to healing. If you are feeling stuck there is no time like the present to recommit to taking care of yourself.
I am so glad i found you even though these vids are older they are invaluable. You seem really lovely also, i feel safe with you.
Glad you like them! There are many new ones as well. I post 2-3 videos per week. Thanks for taking the time to leave feedback. 💜
This video is amazing
Thank you.
I am so happy and grateful I subscribed to your channel. ❤❤❤
Is it usual that the abuser can be weak in other areas of his life. For example the man who is an overbearing bully in my home is subservient and walked over by friends and family and work. Always doing favors for people. He refuses to admit his actions are questionable let alone wrong. He has even told me i am demon possessed ( seriously as well ). Rather than admit i am wrong. He literally cant stand being wrong or questioned. Im afraid to speak now
Ps 5 to 10 described my relationship
i was an abuser narcisist I need to hear those words
I'm not crazy, I'm not playing this stupid game. If you can't be yourself and live in fear then jump into the unknown and ignore the fear they put there. I'm thankful I met him but I'm thankful I'm LEAVING. Im strong and he needs me so Bbbyyyyeeeeee
I have always lost!
Thank you!❤
i swear its like u have met and spent a lot of time with my bf. im surprised u dont know his name! u are spot on about everything he says and does. ive been aware of our situation for a long time. weve been together for 16=17 years. its only gotten worse. i cant seem to open his eyes to his actions and behavior. apparantly im just crazy and being an over emotional delusional mental case.
" WELL I AM NOW ASSHOLE! "
Thank u for letting me know im not alone and that im not some over reacting insecure little girl who is out of her element. I have subscribed and will be watching more of yur videos. i feel so much better knowing i am making the right decision by planning my moving out.
ive lost enuff sleep (amongst so much more) over this in my life.
goodnight. Thanx Again Dr. Denise
The toxic playbook for this type of personality is pretty narrow and therefore quite predictable. Really thought I understood this dynamic with all I learned in earning my doctorate in psychology. I was wrong! The most helpful information I share comes from shared experience. I’ve truly been where you are and do understand what you are going through.
Thank you very much for this🙏🙏🙏
If I got teary eyes or full on cry my ex narcissist It made him mad so he’d leave the room(sometimes leave the house) and give me the silent treatment for awhile.
My narc husband has hung up the phone on me twice today. I will not tolerate another day of that, I’ve blocked his number. I will not speak with him on the phone ever again, unless there is an emergency concerning our daughter. I am so sick of his constant disrespect and humiliating, and hurting me. I hope my divorce can move along faster.
What a d**khead of a husband. He needs to grow up... but people like this never do. Hope she lives miles away from him
Awesome thank you
I have been sicker physically and also had more accidents bi know was caused by stress and not wanting to upset him. Yet he may seem to care. For the time I am in the hospital. Yet when I am blamed for being clumsy. It's all my fight. I'm even being taken by someone else to the Dr. Or Dentist. Because he would not take off even tho he had the time he could use yet. I know the truth was he didn't care enough. Yet when he gets hurt or sick., He is my priority. So I feel I give him my all. Yet I do not get the same from him. Also no matter how bad I feel. I'm supposed to have sex whenever he wishes. Even when I explain honey am in pain or can't right now. So all hell breaks loose. I'm reminded that in our first year together. I would have sex even when I felt so terrible. So now almost 3 years later. I'm reminded how before I did have sex even when I felt so bad., I felt we had a relationship that was in a more committed and he would understand. Yet it's the reverse. I'm sleeping with someone else or talking to another man. Which is not true. My 1st husband cheated with my best friend. I tried to kill myself. I almost succeeded. I spent 7 days in the hospital. So, I would never do what hell he put me through on anyone else. Yet I'm accused of cheating all the time or wanting to. Which is not true. I love him. Yet I do not know what to do.
So on point. Thank you!
i lived with a mother who was abused. yhen my dad anused me then the town abused me because my mother had a breakdown and stayed at home. indiana is a state thst culls people like horses and nullies you if you are different. so i was neat up verbally and mentally for a long tina caught some breaks
I can only imagine how painful that must have been for you. I hope you are finding ways to care for yourself and have or are seeking a local support system. A local therapist with the knowledge and experience to work with victims of abuse may be helpful. This is tough stuff for anyone to deal with.
Wow so good
10:06 this was my ex. Good to now know why he was confident when I was weak and insecure when I was confident.
I read through so many of these comments, such similar stories and experiences. It seems a very common thread among these abusers boils down to one word: immature. I’d love to know the Dr.’s thoughts on this. It’s pretty much the rule that these types of abusers come from abusive childhoods. But what makes them that way and not others who also were abused but went on to be normal functioning adults? Did their maturity get stunted at a middle school level? (I use middle schoolers because I worked at a school and that age child is vicious with their peers). Some of the comments I’ve read about what the boyfriend/husband has said is so childish that I just can’t help but wonder if there is scientific data to back this up?
This is excellent advice but this can happen in families too amongst siblings, anyone really
No intimacy with the grieving wife. She was to be used for the roles the wife plays. I lived that over mother-in-law abuse.
Father was a misogynist , nuff said . His favorite saying was ‘women can’t do that’ and to accuse me of being a lesbian if I did these things. Simple things like running track in elementary school, hanging with friends outside ( we were restricted to the house) . He was physically abusive. It was like living under the Taliban and we aren’t even Muslims and this was the sixties . The Taliban didn’t even exist then. The closest thing I’ve ever seen to how my parents behaved is that old movie about Elizabeth Barrett Browning. . The Barrett’s of Winpole Street. Little tin god parenting is bad for people
What about if you can feel the person's anger so strongly but they deny it over and over and then you later find out it was true? I'm talking about anger that goes on for hours. And then the next day after it is finally admitted and you realize it and feel upset, it is minimized or denied? Is this discounting and gaslighting?
THERE ARE SO MANY MEN LIKE THIS, SORRY NOT JUST THE NARCS NARC QUALITIES R SOCIALLY ENGINEERED INTO MEN THESE DAYS I AM SURE OF IT. WHAT A ZOO. A LOVE YR VIDS U R SO GOOD
IF ITS GOING TO BE ABOUT POWER AND CONTROL...THATS GODS JOB, NOT THE PREDATORS RIGHT...
You're describing my ex-girlfriend. This is NOT a gender specific problem. This is a human issue.
You are absolutely right Mike. This channel is simply designed for primarily a female audience. I did a video that addresses this. If you can get past the pronouns you may find the information helpful. Thank you for taking the time to leave feedback.
It was informational, and I am thankful for the insights here. It validates what I thought & felt. I wasn't crazy, and I'm not alone. It also gives me things to look out for in the future. Every little bit of info brings me closer to understanding not only my mother, and my many ex-narcs. It helps me understand more about myself. Thank you
4th of Jul 2021 when I began to know☯️
Wondering how you are doing know that you know. If you are still caught in the leave and return cycle please know that it's a part of getting to the place where you absolutely know ENOUGH is ENOUGH!
One comment I would like to say possibly this video as I fell asleep listening lol tored not bored. But the area where if one is worried about a test and the loved one says not to worry all will be ok, can be a positive way as no good to worry unless you have a reaaon or diagnosis not preferred. Low vibe energy or attracting that which we don't want. But then can say I'm here for you regardless and offer comfort. But I know the bigger sense you mean but giving an example that it really could be nice but with them no.
I sadly jad to walk away w pur daughter as he drank and got nasty..Now back at my father's house and learning more and more though very loving, has no respect to how I parent my child, amd see how much emotional abuse he really has given me over the years and again now back here its all highlighted again and so sad. So I hope to eventually be able to get the help I need and learn how to be am adult and provide for myself and 2 beautiful daughters as i feel my ex has the ability to change but has to make that choice and the self work will tale years as his heart is heavy
But hard as I left a place i love and loved residing at to cramped and jarf for me ro keep xleam adding to my ocd aa cleaning has really been the only true control but frustrating as I left the one I love to come to my life hero's home to just realize how much of an abuser he is. Double whammy. Bit I too shall overcome this!
This lady needs to use this video as a generalization for men and woman. I’m a man an abusive relationship just like what she’s saying. I had to stop and send this comment, because I was border line offended that she doesn’t bring up men in abusive homes. I love my wife even though I’m abused by her. And I don’t know what to do?
John, thank you for your comment. My heart goes out to you. My channel was simply designed for a female audience. If you can get past the pronouns the information here may be helpful. This is not a gender specific problem, nor is it confined to a certain type of relationship. Again, thank you for taking the time to leave feedback. 💜
I was wondering, you talk about narcissists, what about people with BPD, how is their abuse different?
10:21 My ex def did.
What if that person is you re mother. What to do than ?
Inge, it's all about boundaries and the more toxic the relationship the clearer and more specific the boundaries need to be. It's not OK for anyone to abuse you including a parent.