You know, my parents told me they never ever wanted to go to any assisted living type of scenario. They had retired to Arkansas, low cost of living and taxes, built a new home and lived until my dad passed 32 years later. My mom stayed, while I have paid caregivers to come to visit with her each day. The she fell and has a hospital stay, with extended physical therapy. She ran out of time. They moved her to a facility like you described. This one was brand new. She was in the assisted side and did have a roommate. In my opinion, that actually was a very good thing. They got along and kept each other company. After 18 months my mom passed away in the hospital. She has reocurring uti’s and finally the drugs could no longer work. She was 87. I took that final year off from work and went down every month and spent time with her. She wasnt alone. I am so greatful for that time I got to spend with her sitting outside, or wherever and just chatting away. Priceless.
Install a WiFi camera in her room. No matter how nice the place seems and how nice the staff comes across, abuse and stealing is a major concern in all nursing facilities. When the visiting hours are over and "care givers" are alone with your mom it becomes a different ballgame.
Josh-In this regard, the casual approach IMO is wrong. First, your mom needs a local advocate/family member to assure she can be visited daily if possible to assure she is cared for. My dad had a stroke 2021 and we need to help with feeding him for every meal as they are too short staffed to help him. Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday are my happy days for him as those are days when he gets a shower. A part of me dies every time I leave
@@CoastCam she lives in Jersey and hopes to move her there. I am a Josh fan and may have crossed the line a bit as the experience of leaving a loved one in a nursing home is well beyond just the finances. I was feeding my dad dinner tonight seeing my mom off who was there all day. Yes it is expensive and eventually Medicaid kicks in when broke. What also is broke is the spirit of loved ones watching someone languish bed bound 24/7
Josh, sorry to hear about your mom. But that will happen to most of us at some point where we will need help in our older age. I brought my mom to the state I live so i could monitor her. They said she had six months. She lasted over 5 years. The doctors and nurses were great at the skilled nursing facility. I visited her every day after work, took her out to eat on Saturday, and brought her to my house on Sunday during the day. She was in a wheelchair but I would get her up and walk her down the hall every day. Most days she would walk down the hallway, rest, and walk back to her room. Special memories. She passed before the lockdowns which I am thankful. It helps having family nearby to checkup on them. I think being around others during the day helped too as she was not at home by herself. The facility kept her busy and tried to make it enjoyable as best they could.
our horrible experience is that the nursing/ assistant living home can kick the resident out at any time. In this case she was not physically able to do much and i guess they wanted an easier resident. They do this by sending them to hospital ( for something minor, that of course disappears) then refusing to readmit them. We had this happen during the Vid, and werent allowed in to see their care or in to shop around for a new facility. it was a rough time.....
I understand Josh. My dad lived independently until he was just past 95 years old. He decided he wanted assisted living and fortunately for him, the sale of his house + SS and a small pension kept him there until he passed away at age 98, but he was nearing the point where Medicaid would have to be utilized, as his assets were going to last about another 6-12 months. My wife and I are planning to pay our own way as well, and we’ll have more assets to rely on plus a long term care policy our financial advisor recommended to us several years ago. Don’t know if it will be enough, but now we’re focusing on enjoying our retirement years as long as we can.
Unfortunately it’s not just the cost. The care provided in many nursing homes is not all that good especially when Medicare is paying the bill. My wife has been an RN and NP for 48 years and has told me whatever happens do not put her in a nursing home.
Thanks for sharing your story. My mom’s 95, and dad’s 94. They’re still at home now. Dad gets around pretty well so far, and still drives. Moms another story. She started dialysis about three years ago, caught COVID twice, had two falls that pretty much left her unable to walk and her memory is deteriorating more and more. She,like your mom,is a tough woman, but old age is challenging. She still loves life… She hasn’t given up yet and still enjoys life’s many pleasures. I live in Texas, they live in NY. I have siblings in NY that live close to them, and along with the nurses visits they seem to be getting by… ok. I try to bring some relief to my siblings by going up there and helping out as much as I can, I enjoy my time with them but I also can see the heavy load it puts my siblings under providing for my parents needs. It’s really overwhelming for my siblings and despite their noble 0:02 and loving efforts the only logical option is them to move on to the next phase. My mom is old school, she was always the type that seemed to get so much happiness and joy serving others. Yes, we’re more than happy to serve her now but I can see that she’s not at all comfortable being in the position she’s in. My mom’s a beautiful woman inside and out , I would have never thought I’d see her in this situation,the position she’s in now. I love my mom, and really hate the possibility of her leaving home. God willing , I hope she’ll be ok in her next transition.
My father’s rich cousins moved into a assisted living type facility that cost $1.2 million upfront and like $200k a year. They have their own 1500 sq ft home. The facility includes everything from a-z including onsite healthcare no surgery . It’s literally a country club. They are mid 80’s and both in excellent health. Me the wife and my parents had dinner with them a couple weeks ago in the dining room and it was like a gourmet meal. Guests have to pay but residents get 3 meals a day.
Josh that's nice you & your siblings all get along to find the best care for your mom. My wife is hospice nurse so it's normal for my family to talk about end of life. We took care of my mother at our home until she die. It's cheaper to hire a live in caregiver save tons of money that's our plan and die with zero.
It would have cost us more to have someone come in 24./7. They charge $25+ an hour for in home help and the math for a month would be $18K. We paid $13K a month in MA 6 years ago at a nursing home. . Mom was only in there a month and we went in everyday to be sure she had what she needed.
My mom used $432K from LTC Insurance and another $100K from sale of her small home for her Memory care which was about total of 5 years in the 24 care facility. That’s not including 2 previous years that I had to deal with Guardianship trial with a sibling at the Court, while she was starved, not care for, and locked her up to go to work while he lived in her house. So glad that you don’t have to go through that hell, Josh. I’ll pray for you and your mom…
My mom turns 90 this year. Still lives in the house by herself. Thank God. Dad died in the house a few years ago and never needed long term care. When she no longer can live alone she wants to split her time between family. She has two homes that could be sold to fund LTC.
20 years ago a skilled nursing home was $6K a month. Not going to explain the details of my experience about these places. I can tell you that some places are better than others. The bad part about this is to see how people (who can’t take care of themselves) end up spending the last moments of their life.
Yep. That's about right! My dad's was $11,000 per month in 2020 before he died. He was there two year B4 he passed away. Twenty years from now, it'll probably be $30,000/mo!!
I assume they are not charging that price for new people or there is a buy in price on top to the $6k per month. Also location matters so they can be visited.
Thanks for this update Josh. I have 83 year old neighbor who thinks they will run out of money for retirement. They are frugal but must be sitting on at least $3M. They want to leave money to their kids who don’t visit them. 🤔
Every state is different. Cedar Falls Iowa, like a lot of towns has overbuilt senior housing. They have started a program. Sign up for our senior housing and your quoted price will never rise and your price for assisted living will be set for life at the time of the senior housing quote. There has always been a shortage of nursing homes. Nursing home insurance is the worlds biggest joke.
@@HeritageWealthPlanning This changes every 5 years. 1970s state backed the building of senior apartments that the senior payed 30% gross income for rent. 1980s the churches built senior housing, assisted living, and some nursing homes. 1990 these churches sold the complexes to private investors and started building big churches. My dad was in a not great nursing home. 2005-2006. We brought him home because they fed him sweets every 3 hour. (he gained 60 pounds in a year.) My mother got a state payed assistant 5 hours a week for showering, grooming and medical. He died 2 hours after being given a clean bill of health by a doctor. My mother had a stroke in 2015 and was in a better faith based nursing home for 19 months. Their billing department played games adding items to the bill that should have been part of the services. (I had a Drake law student advising me what was legal.) When she qualified for hospice. The hospice providers fought over her. (5 of them) Today the senior housing is next to the nursing home across the street from the hospital. You will get the same care with money or not. Better care with a family member visiting daily. Yes senior housing and assisted living is just begging for tenants here. Big adds on TV and in the papers. (mom will love it here) Their big hook is you get first on the list for the nursing home. Often outsiders that didn't have senior housing has no hopes for the nursing home. I only know of 2 nursing homes that won't take state Medicaid. They weed the client out they don't want before they get in the door.
Sorry Josh about your moms situation. We have a similar issue with my mother. She is 84 and always been independent living at home and the switch just flipped. Now needs help with just about everything. She is moving in with my sister. She has her house. We are considering renting her house so that she has an income stream. We are very concerned about inflation. That is why we dont want her to sell her house. She recently had a large sum of money stolen from her which is how we found out that the switch had flipped. She still has a decent amount of savings the the thieves did not get. Either way it is an unfortunate time. Bless you and your family Josh.
I am a nurse in NJ and have a staffing company in NJ and supply many nursing homes. You are lucky your Mom has the financial means to cover cost. The problem is the many people that don’t have the finances to cover cost. Most nursing homes are for profit in NJ and the owners of these companies intentionally short staff facilities to maximize profits. It is very said and nobody really cares. the way the elderly are treating in nursing homes is not good. I see it every day. I had an employee called me crying she had 60 patients to take of on 3-11 shift as an aide. I honestly would not put my dog in some of the these facilities. The key is you must have the financial resources to pay 12k per month is accurate
If you think your mom may have to transition to Medicaid, check with the stat she is in to see what the rules are since they vary by state. For example here in Maine Medicaid will only pay for the assisted living services a person receives when in assisted living but not the room and board part. Here a person has to be in a full nursing home to get full Medicaid coverage. Most states (maybe all) have income limits for long term care under Medicaid. It looks like the current income limit is about $2,850/mo in New Jersey and it looks to be about the same in Virginia. What it boils down to is that with he annuity and SS she may have too much income to qualify for Medicaid for her nursing home. Also even if she qualifies, a lot of homes limit the number of Medicaid patients they take. So if she qualifies, when she runs out of cash, she may have to be moved to a place that is accepting Medicaid patients.
My mom is in a care facility in Tennessee and is in a good place. She has a private room and has been using LTC insurance since her stroke in 2021. We are truly grateful she had LTC as it has extended the chances of her money lasting for the rest of her life. Those funds are about to run out, but we sold her home and took advantage of higher interest rates and she is making a decent return on her money with no risk (her choice to use CDs). I think kids of parents in this situation forget that the money our parents have is THEIRS! They should use every dime to make their later years as comfortable as possible. If there is nothing left for their kids to inherit, then so be it. I hope my mom uses all of it, but if not, whatever is left will be split between me and my brother. I’ve never planned on an inheritance as part of my retirement plan. I will NOT sacrifice my mom’s comfort for the possibility of having money left to me!
I know how hard those transitions can be. I spent 4 years in Harrisonburg at Madison College (now JMU). It is as beautiful a part of Virginia as you will find. I am sure she will be well taken care of.
@@cyrilharris5710 There are so many factors that enter into decisions about how best to care for a family member who can no longer live independently. A lot of folks go into denial and have an unwritten crisis plan, e.g. when their parent falls one too many times or wanders into the street, they have to hustle to find an appropriate place. It also depends on the parents’ age. My mother had a brain damaging aneurysm at the age of 51 (we, her children were 28, 26 and 21 yo). We tried to take care of her ourselves with various disastrous results. After she burned 2 homes down (she would forget cigarettes and leave them all over), we had to find a care home. She ended up in a series of sole owner facilities that we could barely afford (we each contributed $400 a month to supplement her $1100 a month SS payments). We also managed her savings and were able to make them last for 25 years. We had to have her declared incompetent to access stock she owned from the company she worked for. We were just about ready to have her apply for Medicaid when she died at the age of 76. It was a long road with no real road map. The silver lining was it created a bond between me and my brothers that is unshakeable.
My mom is in independent living in a real nice place in the Chicago suburbs that costs $7000 a month. It cost her around $400K for the buy in when she moved there. When she moved in 7 years ago, it was around $6000 a month but it goes up every year. I am not sure what the nursing home or memory care part of her facility charges but probably over $12,000 a month. The place had financial problems after Covid so no one is getting rich on that I don’t think.
Hard choices. This exact scenario is what I hope, if needed, will be served with a reverse mortgage. That is our plan for long term care. Like you said, they don't kick people out onto the streets here.
My mom’s house had ten elderly. When she passed her room rose to 11k a month (Feb 2023). Still, it was a good place and she had the money. There is a waiting list for the room. Be prepared for the this snd that not provided- we figure a couple hundred a month- well worth it for us to all pitch in. Get a good iPad so you can FaceTime.
People who were prudent with their money wind up having to pay for their own care. People who spent their money lavishly having a fun life are paid for by Medicaid. The prudent people continue to pay taxes, which fund Medicaid. There could be a prudent person, and a profligate spender on Medicaid, in beds next to each other. The prudent person is paying for him or herself, and also paying for the good-time Charlie in the next bed.
That's true...but isn't it the same all of our lives? As a DINK I have always paid for other people's children, deadbeats, dishonest people...on & on. I don't dwell on it, I just take it as the cost of living in the best country ever (my opinion) at the best time in history & count myself lucky.
I feel for you my friend. After spending a career in health care and dealing with the elderly. It’s amazing the amount of physical adversity they can withstand. However, the minute their independence is taken from them, they shut it down and are resigned to their fate. It’s why they don’t want to give up driving. They don’t want to give up their home. They don’t want to turn over their finances. They think they can take care of themselves. And they should do all those things until they can’t. But sometimes you have to be the bad guy. Typically you’ve got a two year window once they’re placed in these facilities. Financially you should be fine..
I took care of my Mother in her home for 8 years with Dementia after that time I could no longer do it and she had no money for home care except SS and it was not enough. She started wandering down the road which became dangerous. So I finally had to make the decision to put her in a home for safety. Turns out it was a good decision the staff and residents loved her sweet personality and she made many friends. And I agree the care wasn't always the best but the staff did the best they could with what they had to work with. She lived there just short of 5 years when she finally passed away Feb 5th 2024 after 13 years with Dementia. I never promised my Mother I wouldn't put her in a Nursing Home because i knew I could never 100% promise that. I have 4 siblings who I got no help with caring for her so I had no choice if I wanted to take care of my own physical and mental health taking care of some one with Dementia is physically and mentally exhausting. One should never say they would never put someone in a Nursing Home things happen and sometimes you just have no choice.
Thanks for your candor. To me, it’s a shame that your mom and dad saved their entire lives just to likely burn thru all that in the last years of life. I imagine her house plus other assets put her in an affluent cohort today…
Is this a facility that has independent living, assisted living, & nursing home care? I never heard of $12,000 a mo. for assisted living. That's high. Did they assure her that they would keep her there after/if she gets to the nursing home level? Because that the "iffy" part. Unless they have a Medicaid slot I would worry that she might have to move to another facility.
My father is in California he is 99 years old. He is in a nursing home. He has own room and he is blind. They change diapers, shower and feed him. We pay 72,000 per year. We live in suburbs of San Francisco. Cost of Bay Area is one of highest in nation. Why is your rate double my dad’s? I think those are people with dementia or Alzheimer’s. You probably can find a cheaper and yet better place.
Yeah, assisted living here (level 2) is $4k -$5k/month, next up are memory care (mentally unable) or nursing home (physically unable) those are quite a bit higher.
@@HeritageWealthPlanningA skilledcare facility is a nursing home, not assisted living. Usually, Alzheimer's/dementia patients "only" need 24/7 unskilled care, which is what my mom had for 7-8 years before she passed. But if they have serious medical needs, they usually can only be cared for in a skilled carefacility (Nursing Home.). But either way, it's private pay until they spend down their resources enough to qualify for Medicaid, which varies by state. And the bad thing about having Medicaid is thatyou are often unable to choose the facility, because the norm is that there are long, long waiting lists for every Medicaid bed, so when the private funds run out, you must take what they have available. Either way, family needs to visit often, and be available to assist with feeding them, spending time with them, etc. The private pay facilities tend to be somewhat better than the facilities that accept Medicaid, though some places allow a resident to remain and shift to Medicaid AFTER they've exhausted their savings. So it's best to find one of these and put her in that one from the get-go. Peace of mind, knowing she can stay there when her private funds run out. (And pray that she likes the place, too.) Best of luck to you and your mom, Josh.
I went to a college where 30% of the students were Mennonite. I made some life-long friends and I respect them as a group as much as almost any group. I agree with old Josh that we should worry about today and not so much about the future. I read that somewhere.
Even the nicest places are terrible. If you can, try and keep her with a family member. You can hire caregivers to come in as needed. Use her money to pay for that.
I see nothing wrong with having a room mate, she might even enjoy having the company. Josh, you are a breath of fresh air when it comes to common sense and retirement related decisions.
$12k per month ... Whew! Well, that is what the money is there for, right? She isn't left living on the street. She is well housed and cared for, safe and comfortable.
24/7 nursing care isn’t what you think. My mom has recently moved into a very nice upscale assisted living facility and though there are nursing stations on all three floors the response time after pressing the nurse help button bedside the response time is 30-60 minutes with multiple attempts. I know that these are sometimes thankless jobs and the pay is not sufficient but don’t be sold on thinking that 10-12K a month that 24/7 care is what you might imagine it to be because the reality is though professionals are in the building, getting a timely response when a family member is calling for help or assistance is a whole other problem. Just saying!!!
Sorry but the Government should be paying for 'You'. We have this idea that the Government should take care of everyone from cradle to the grave. This country was founded on personal freedom, not social safety nets. (And those safety nets just keep growing and growing.....and so does our national debt, state debts, local debts.) Yesterday I ask my wife how this country went from 1775 to 1935 without Social Security ? And now it is projected to be insolvent in 10 to 12 years ? STOP IT !
You know, my parents told me they never ever wanted to go to any assisted living type of scenario. They had retired to Arkansas, low cost of living and taxes, built a new home and lived until my dad passed 32 years later. My mom stayed, while I have paid caregivers to come to visit with her each day. The she fell and has a hospital stay, with extended physical therapy. She ran out of time. They moved her to a facility like you described. This one was brand new. She was in the assisted side and did have a roommate. In my opinion, that actually was a very good thing. They got along and kept each other company. After 18 months my mom passed away in the hospital. She has reocurring uti’s and finally the drugs could no longer work. She was 87. I took that final year off from work and went down every month and spent time with her. She wasnt alone. I am so greatful for that time I got to spend with her sitting outside, or wherever and just chatting away. Priceless.
Install a WiFi camera in her room. No matter how nice the place seems and how nice the staff comes across, abuse and stealing is a major concern in all nursing facilities. When the visiting hours are over and "care givers" are alone with your mom it becomes a different ballgame.
Most places that is not legal especially if they have a roommate.
Josh-In this regard, the casual approach IMO is wrong. First, your mom needs a local advocate/family member to assure she can be visited daily if possible to assure she is cared for. My dad had a stroke 2021 and we need to help with feeding him for every meal as they are too short staffed to help him. Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday are my happy days for him as those are days when he gets a shower. A part of me dies every time I leave
Did you miss his sister will be nearby?
@@CoastCam she lives in Jersey and hopes to move her there. I am a Josh fan and may have crossed the line a bit as the experience of leaving a loved one in a nursing home is well beyond just the finances. I was feeding my dad dinner tonight seeing my mom off who was there all day. Yes it is expensive and eventually Medicaid kicks in when broke. What also is broke is the spirit of loved ones watching someone languish bed bound 24/7
Josh, sorry to hear about your mom. But that will happen to most of us at some point where we will need help in our older age. I brought my mom to the state I live so i could monitor her. They said she had six months. She lasted over 5 years. The doctors and nurses were great at the skilled nursing facility. I visited her every day after work, took her out to eat on Saturday, and brought her to my house on Sunday during the day. She was in a wheelchair but I would get her up and walk her down the hall every day. Most days she would walk down the hallway, rest, and walk back to her room. Special memories. She passed before the lockdowns which I am thankful. It helps having family nearby to checkup on them. I think being around others during the day helped too as she was not at home by herself. The facility kept her busy and tried to make it enjoyable as best they could.
nice job !!!
our horrible experience is that the nursing/ assistant living home can kick the resident out at any time. In this case she was not physically able to do much and i guess they wanted an easier resident. They do this by sending them to hospital ( for something minor, that of course disappears) then refusing to readmit them. We had this happen during the Vid, and werent allowed in to see their care or in to shop around for a new facility. it was a rough time.....
I understand Josh. My dad lived independently until he was just past 95 years old. He decided he wanted assisted living and fortunately for him, the sale of his house + SS and a small pension kept him there until he passed away at age 98, but he was nearing the point where Medicaid would have to be utilized, as his assets were going to last about another 6-12 months. My wife and I are planning to pay our own way as well, and we’ll have more assets to rely on plus a long term care policy our financial advisor recommended to us several years ago. Don’t know if it will be enough, but now we’re focusing on enjoying our retirement years as long as we can.
Unfortunately it’s not just the cost. The care provided in many nursing homes is not all that good especially when Medicare is paying the bill. My wife has been an RN and NP for 48 years and has told me whatever happens do not put her in a nursing home.
Did she say where to put her?
Thanks for sharing your story. My mom’s 95, and dad’s 94. They’re still at home now. Dad gets around pretty well so far, and still drives. Moms another story. She started dialysis about three years ago, caught COVID twice, had two falls that pretty much left her unable to walk and her memory is deteriorating more and more. She,like your mom,is a tough woman, but old age is challenging. She still loves life… She hasn’t given up yet and still enjoys life’s many pleasures. I live in Texas, they live in NY. I have siblings in NY that live close to them, and along with the nurses visits they seem to be getting by… ok. I try to bring some relief to my siblings by going up there and helping out as much as I can, I enjoy my time with them but I also can see the heavy load it puts my siblings under providing for my parents needs. It’s really overwhelming for my siblings and despite their noble 0:02 and loving efforts the only logical option is them to move on to the next phase. My mom is old school, she was always the type that seemed to get so much happiness and joy serving others. Yes, we’re more than happy to serve her now but I can see that she’s not at all comfortable being in the position she’s in. My mom’s a beautiful woman inside and out , I would have never thought I’d see her in this situation,the position she’s in now. I love my mom, and really hate the possibility of her leaving home. God willing , I hope she’ll be ok in her next transition.
My father’s rich cousins moved into a assisted living type facility that cost $1.2 million upfront and like $200k a year. They have their own 1500 sq ft home. The facility includes everything from a-z including onsite healthcare no surgery . It’s literally a country club. They are mid 80’s and both in excellent health.
Me the wife and my parents had dinner with them a couple weeks ago in the dining room and it was like a gourmet meal. Guests have to pay but residents get 3 meals a day.
What's the name of the place? What state is it in?
Josh that's nice you & your siblings all get along to find the best care for your mom. My wife is hospice nurse so it's normal for my family to talk about end of life. We took care of my mother at our home until she die. It's cheaper to hire a live in caregiver save tons of money that's our plan and die with zero.
It would have cost us more to have someone come in 24./7. They charge $25+ an hour for in home help and the math for a month would be $18K. We paid $13K a month in MA 6 years ago at a nursing home. . Mom was only in there a month and we went in everyday to be sure she had what she needed.
@@sheilacollins9434 Well some licence agencies here in NJ charge a flat rate $250-300 for living in 24/7 care.
My mom used $432K from LTC Insurance and another $100K from sale of her small home for her Memory care which was about total of 5 years in the 24 care facility. That’s not including 2 previous years that I had to deal with Guardianship trial with a sibling at the Court, while she was starved, not care for, and locked her up to go to work while he lived in her house. So glad that you don’t have to go through that hell, Josh. I’ll pray for you and your mom…
My mom turns 90 this year. Still lives in the house by herself. Thank God. Dad died in the house a few years ago and never needed long term care. When she no longer can live alone she wants to split her time between family. She has two homes that could be sold to fund LTC.
20 years ago a skilled nursing home was $6K a month. Not going to explain the details of my experience about these places. I can tell you that some places are better than others. The bad part about this is to see how people (who can’t take care of themselves) end up spending the last moments of their life.
Yep. That's about right! My dad's was $11,000 per month in 2020 before he died. He was there two year B4 he passed away.
Twenty years from now, it'll probably be $30,000/mo!!
I assume they are not charging that price for new people or there is a buy in price on top to the $6k per month. Also location matters so they can be visited.
Sorry to hear about your mom I went thru this many years ago. She had Dementia!
Nurse here in a long term facility. You described it well.
Thanks for this update Josh. I have 83 year old neighbor who thinks they will run out of money for retirement. They are frugal but must be sitting on at least $3M. They want to leave money to their kids who don’t visit them. 🤔
Every state is different. Cedar Falls Iowa, like a lot of towns has overbuilt senior housing. They have started a program. Sign up for our senior housing and your quoted price will never rise and your price for assisted living will be set for life at the time of the senior housing quote. There has always been a shortage of nursing homes. Nursing home insurance is the worlds biggest joke.
They have too MANY facilities there?
@@HeritageWealthPlanning This changes every 5 years. 1970s state backed the building of senior apartments that the senior payed 30% gross income for rent. 1980s the churches built senior housing, assisted living, and some nursing homes.
1990 these churches sold the complexes to private investors and started building big churches. My dad was in a not great nursing home. 2005-2006. We brought him home because they fed him sweets every 3 hour. (he gained 60 pounds in a year.) My mother got a state payed assistant 5 hours a week for showering, grooming and medical. He died 2 hours after being given a clean bill of health by a doctor.
My mother had a stroke in 2015 and was in a better faith based nursing home for 19 months. Their billing department played games adding items to the bill that should have been part of the services. (I had a Drake law student advising me what was legal.) When she qualified for hospice. The hospice providers fought over her. (5 of them)
Today the senior housing is next to the nursing home across the street from the hospital. You will get the same care with money or not. Better care with a family member visiting daily. Yes senior housing and assisted living is just begging for tenants here. Big adds on TV and in the papers. (mom will love it here) Their big hook is you get first on the list for the nursing home. Often outsiders that didn't have senior housing has no hopes for the nursing home. I only know of 2 nursing homes that won't take state Medicaid. They weed the client out they don't want before they get in the door.
Sounds like she’s better off financially than most people. Half million? 4k a month in retirement. That’s big money in my book.
Sorry Josh about your moms situation. We have a similar issue with my mother. She is 84 and always been independent living at home and the switch just flipped. Now needs help with just about everything. She is moving in with my sister. She has her house. We are considering renting her house so that she has an income stream. We are very concerned about inflation. That is why we dont want her to sell her house.
She recently had a large sum of money stolen from her which is how we found out that the switch had flipped. She still has a decent amount of savings the the thieves did not get. Either way it is an unfortunate time. Bless you and your family Josh.
how can any human being steal from an elderly person is way beyond me...
@@darrenhere5856 Well, I would say that they aren't human. Pond Scum or Vermin would be applicable. Thank You for your comment.
I am a nurse in NJ and have a staffing company in NJ and supply many nursing homes. You are lucky your Mom has the financial means to cover cost. The problem is the many people that don’t have the finances to cover cost. Most nursing homes are for profit in NJ and the owners of these companies intentionally short staff facilities to maximize profits. It is very said and nobody really cares. the way the elderly are treating in nursing homes is not good. I see it every day. I had an employee called me crying she had 60 patients to take of on 3-11 shift as an aide. I honestly would not put my dog in some of the these facilities. The key is you must have the financial resources to pay 12k per month is accurate
If you think your mom may have to transition to Medicaid, check with the stat she is in to see what the rules are since they vary by state. For example here in Maine Medicaid will only pay for the assisted living services a person receives when in assisted living but not the room and board part. Here a person has to be in a full nursing home to get full Medicaid coverage. Most states (maybe all) have income limits for long term care under Medicaid. It looks like the current income limit is about $2,850/mo in New Jersey and it looks to be about the same in Virginia. What it boils down to is that with he annuity and SS she may have too much income to qualify for Medicaid for her nursing home. Also even if she qualifies, a lot of homes limit the number of Medicaid patients they take. So if she qualifies, when she runs out of cash, she may have to be moved to a place that is accepting Medicaid patients.
My mom is in a care facility in Tennessee and is in a good place. She has a private room and has been using LTC insurance since her stroke in 2021. We are truly grateful she had LTC as it has extended the chances of her money lasting for the rest of her life. Those funds are about to run out, but we sold her home and took advantage of higher interest rates and she is making a decent return on her money with no risk (her choice to use CDs). I think kids of parents in this situation forget that the money our parents have is THEIRS! They should use every dime to make their later years as comfortable as possible. If there is nothing left for their kids to inherit, then so be it. I hope my mom uses all of it, but if not, whatever is left will be split between me and my brother. I’ve never planned on an inheritance as part of my retirement plan. I will NOT sacrifice my mom’s comfort for the possibility of having money left to me!
I know how hard those transitions can be. I spent 4 years in Harrisonburg at Madison College (now JMU). It is as beautiful a part of Virginia as you will find. I am sure she will be well taken care of.
my nephew goes to Madsion College
One advantage the rich . But your story doesn’t do much for encouraging the average Americans
@@cyrilharris5710 There are so many factors that enter into decisions about how best to care for a family member who can no longer live independently. A lot of folks go into denial and have an unwritten crisis plan, e.g. when their parent falls one too many times or wanders into the street, they have to hustle to find an appropriate place. It also depends on the parents’ age. My mother had a brain damaging aneurysm at the age of 51 (we, her children were 28, 26 and 21 yo). We tried to take care of her ourselves with various disastrous results. After she burned 2 homes down (she would forget cigarettes and leave them all over), we had to find a care home. She ended up in a series of sole owner facilities that we could barely afford (we each contributed $400 a month to supplement her $1100 a month SS payments). We also managed her savings and were able to make them last for 25 years. We had to have her declared incompetent to access stock she owned from the company she worked for. We were just about ready to have her apply for Medicaid when she died at the age of 76. It was a long road with no real road map. The silver lining was it created a bond between me and my brothers that is unshakeable.
God bless your mom
My mom is in independent living in a real nice place in the Chicago suburbs that costs $7000 a month. It cost her around $400K for the buy in when she moved there.
When she moved in 7 years ago, it was around $6000 a month but it goes up every year.
I am not sure what the nursing home or memory care part of her facility charges but probably over $12,000 a month.
The place had financial problems after Covid so no one is getting rich on that I don’t think.
Hard choices. This exact scenario is what I hope, if needed, will be served with a reverse mortgage. That is our plan for long term care. Like you said, they don't kick people out onto the streets here.
My mom’s house had ten elderly. When she passed her room rose to 11k a month (Feb 2023). Still, it was a good place and she had the money. There is a waiting list for the room. Be prepared for the this snd that not provided- we figure a couple hundred a month- well worth it for us to all pitch in. Get a good iPad so you can FaceTime.
I told my daughter that if I ever need assisted living , I would prefer to go to
Mexico, 1/2 the price and better care. Then Costa Rica, Nicaragua etc
People who were prudent with their money wind up having to pay for their own care. People who spent their money lavishly having a fun life are paid for by Medicaid. The prudent people continue to pay taxes, which fund Medicaid. There could be a prudent person, and a profligate spender on Medicaid, in beds next to each other. The prudent person is paying for him or herself, and also paying for the good-time Charlie in the next bed.
That's true...but isn't it the same all of our lives? As a DINK I have always paid for other people's children, deadbeats, dishonest people...on & on. I don't dwell on it, I just take it as the cost of living in the best country ever (my opinion) at the best time in history & count myself lucky.
That is the way taxes work, that is the way credit cards work, that is the way insurance works.
@@whatsup3270 so in order to get your fair share, you have to live with reckless abandon?
I feel for you my friend. After spending a career in health care and dealing with the elderly. It’s amazing the amount of physical adversity they can withstand. However, the minute their independence is taken from them, they shut it down and are resigned to their fate. It’s why they don’t want to give up driving. They don’t want to give up their home. They don’t want to turn over their finances. They think they can take care of themselves. And they should do all those things until they can’t. But sometimes you have to be the bad guy. Typically you’ve got a two year window once they’re placed in these facilities. Financially you should be fine..
I knew a guy that worked at a nursing home. The amount of abuse he saw towards the patients was insane. I would never put anyone in a nursing home.
Do your research and find a well run one.
In NYS it is a horror story.
You don't realize that there may come. Time when you have no choice.
@@bg5215 you don’t have a right to free stuff. You have a right to freedom. Use your freedom and make another choice.
I took care of my Mother in her home for 8 years with Dementia after that time I could no longer do it and she had no money for home care except SS and it was not enough. She started wandering down the road which became dangerous.
So I finally had to make the decision to put her in a home for safety.
Turns out it was a good decision the staff and residents loved her sweet personality and she made many friends.
And I agree the care wasn't always the best but the staff did the best they could
with what they had to work with.
She lived there just short of 5 years when she finally passed away Feb 5th 2024 after 13 years with Dementia.
I never promised my Mother I wouldn't put her in a Nursing Home because i knew I could never 100% promise that.
I have 4 siblings who I got no help with caring for her so I had no choice if I wanted to take care of my own physical and mental health taking care of some one with Dementia is physically and mentally exhausting.
One should never say they would never put someone in a Nursing Home things happen and sometimes you just have no choice.
Thanks for your candor. To me, it’s a shame that your mom and dad saved their entire lives just to likely burn thru all that in the last years of life. I imagine her house plus other assets put her in an affluent cohort today…
Nursing homes, oh boy, very depressing to even contemplate....not good, we all know that.
Is this a facility that has independent living, assisted living, & nursing home care? I never heard of $12,000 a mo. for assisted living. That's high. Did they assure her that they would keep her there after/if she gets to the nursing home level? Because that the "iffy" part. Unless they have a Medicaid slot I would worry that she might have to move to another facility.
My father is in California he is 99 years old. He is in a nursing home. He has own room and he is blind. They change diapers, shower and feed him. We pay 72,000 per year. We live in suburbs of San Francisco. Cost of Bay Area is one of highest in nation. Why is your rate double my dad’s? I think those are people with dementia or Alzheimer’s. You probably can find a cheaper and yet better place.
It’s actually skilled care now that I think about it. There are 17 people in her building and all but 3 have dementia
Yeah, assisted living here (level 2) is $4k -$5k/month, next up are memory care (mentally unable) or nursing home (physically unable) those are quite a bit higher.
@@HeritageWealthPlanningA skilledcare facility is a nursing home, not assisted living. Usually, Alzheimer's/dementia patients "only" need 24/7 unskilled care, which is what my mom had for 7-8 years before she passed. But if they have serious medical needs, they usually can only be cared for in a skilled carefacility (Nursing Home.). But either way, it's private pay until they spend down their resources enough to qualify for Medicaid, which varies by state. And the bad thing about having Medicaid is thatyou are often unable to choose the facility, because the norm is that there are long, long waiting lists for every Medicaid bed, so when the private funds run out, you must take what they have available. Either way, family needs to visit often, and be available to assist with feeding them, spending time with them, etc. The private pay facilities tend to be somewhat better than the facilities that accept Medicaid, though some places allow a resident to remain and shift to Medicaid AFTER they've exhausted their savings. So it's best to find one of these and put her in that one from the get-go. Peace of mind, knowing she can stay there when her private funds run out. (And pray that she likes the place, too.) Best of luck to you and your mom, Josh.
I went to a college where 30% of the students were Mennonite. I made some life-long friends and I respect them as a group as much as almost any group. I agree with old Josh that we should worry about today and not so much about the future. I read that somewhere.
Even the nicest places are terrible. If you can, try and keep her with a family member. You can hire caregivers to come in as needed. Use her money to pay for that.
I see nothing wrong with having a room mate, she might even enjoy having the company. Josh, you are a breath of fresh air when it comes to common sense and retirement related decisions.
Or it can be a nightmare like it was for my Aunt.
No money means you have almost no say in your circumstances.
$12k per month ... Whew! Well, that is what the money is there for, right? She isn't left living on the street. She is well housed and cared for, safe and comfortable.
Exactly!
Nursing home dehydrated my mother and she died.I would never go in one of those places never
The nursing home administered the poison "C" 💉to my mom and my sister and they both passed away
During Covid lockdowns many in nursing homes died of dehydration
Where do you go then?
Never say never you may have no choice
24/7 nursing care isn’t what you think. My mom has recently moved into a very nice upscale assisted living facility and though there are nursing stations on all three floors the response time after pressing the nurse help button bedside the response time is 30-60 minutes with multiple attempts. I know that these are sometimes thankless jobs and the pay is not sufficient but don’t be sold on thinking that 10-12K a month that 24/7 care is what you might imagine it to be because the reality is though professionals are in the building, getting a timely response when a family member is calling for help or assistance is a whole other problem. Just saying!!!
These costs are absurd.
I wholeheartedly believe the way you do Josh, we should pay our own way instead of trying to hide and move money around
God bless !!!
We will see how you feel. When it is you.
No you won’t lol
Why don’t you have her live with you and pay for a 24-7 nurse
It's 6 to 7k a month in Boise -
Why is it such a biggie to share a room in a LTCF with other seniors?
You seem confused as to the type of facility and what level of care she is in. Why is that?
Do you like people coming into this country illegally and taking resources from tax paying citizens?
Idk but i think i would keep my mom at home and stop all that money from leaving. Maybe hire a caregiver for the hours im st work or something
My Mom's State Farm LTC policy faithfully paid 80% of her $4500 ALF bill for two years (2007 - 2009) until she passed.
Sorry but the Government should be paying for 'You'. We have this idea that the Government should take care of everyone from cradle to the grave. This country was founded on personal freedom, not social safety nets. (And those safety nets just keep growing and growing.....and so does our national debt, state debts, local debts.) Yesterday I ask my wife how this country went from 1775 to 1935 without Social Security ? And now it is projected to be insolvent in 10 to 12 years ? STOP IT !