WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT? - Toxic People
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- The blurriness of life has cleared up as of late. I do my best to share some things that took longer to learn than I care to admit. Sometimes, the best course of action is to recognize some people are unable to change and leave them be.
Well Jonny I just love ya . And one thing I do know is that we treat people how we feel about ourselves. So really it’s about us, not them . Yer a nice man John , walk the righteous path .
I have to agree. I've never seen a person happy and content with life going around putting others down or trying to take advantage.
I’ve been watching your videos for years but I rarely ever post anything in the comments on UA-cam. Your video was not the typical but so well said. Your content has always been so great because you have such a humble approach to things yet anyone with any experience knows how brilliant you are in your field. Thank you for always sharing your expertise with all of us strangers on UA-cam. I personally spent a career in the military and now since retirement work a job where the average age is at least 65 the crazy thing to me as I am only in my 40s is how nasty, and sometimes vindictive people can be despite many of them being in the remaining decade of their lives. I think it's a learned tendency from childhood and also a result of things that have happened along the journey called life but it makes me sad. I try to do my best to be kind to others and be a team player always but I often say the older I get the less I think I know about the world and people. Thank you for all of your education and entertainment you have provided over the years!
I agree some people's age doesn't always reflect their life experiences. I see children walking around in adult bodies. I'm trying to let them be who they are and not take on their drama. I don't always succeed but I do my best.
Proverbs 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is foolish.
Well said.
Definitely hit home. One can only take the “high road” so much. Thanks 🙏.
I like that attitude. I'm working on taking the high road and not carrying the baggage.
I’ve noticed this in spades since Covid. Within the past few years people have lost all tact and patience. A “me-first” attitude, total disregard for anyone else. It’s scary to see.
For me it was around 2008-2009 when the economy tanked that I saw a big change in peoples attitudes. Not sure if it was the economy changing or every years life experience puts up the warning signs a little sooner. There are still plenty of great people out there, the trick is in finding them.
This is not frustration it is courage and I commend you for doing it. IMHO you are a super confident man when you subscribe to “What I know is that I don’t know” saying and go from there in what you do. So I wouldn’t worry about that. Being humble in life doesn’t mean lack of confidence it means exactly what you’re doing - helping others to understand what you already know in a way that brings confidence to them. And that’s exactly what you are doing it. So keep on doing it!
Thanks for your support and encouragement. If I let one person know they are not alone in dealing with people like this, the video was worth it.
Sounds rough man. It's hard setting boundaries, especially if you wait too long. I realized that 2 years ago, but ever since my life has been quite a bit less stressful. Gotta do what you gotta do. You can't sacrifice your own sanity for people who don't appreciate it.
I agree. Setting boundaries is hard and a skill I'm working on. It sounds easy but often when toxicity happens it catches me off guard. I often get caught thinking, "What just happened?" as opposed to "How can I keep that from happening again?"
This is the 1st video that I have watched. I understood your pain. It's common to be disappointed by people but we have to keep moving forward. PLEASE, don't allow anyone to invade your head man or woman! Time heals. I promise. Focus on the things that you love to do outside of that issue or relationship. Meanwhile, hoping you take care of your mental health with some good psychotherapy (if you have health benefits or can afford). Therapy is amazingly helpful if you can be brutally honest/vulnerable and have a good therapist. Therapists do not "fix" you nor do they tell you what to do. They listen, empathize and ask questions that guide you to a place you want to go. (WARNING: Eevn if you are religious, Do Not choose a religion-first therapist. You are unique and you need someone unbiased. You will survive and thrive. It's a choice.
Great advice. I'm doing my best!
Long time subscriber. Always appreciate the content.
Thanks for your support Jason.
Wow, I’ve watched and enjoyed your videos for quite some time now. Firstly, I’m a male in my late 70s and have been grappling all my life with what seems to be very similar to what you are describing here. I also thought I could see the pain in your eyes as you tried to relate your feelings without outing anyone. You mentioned your childhood, but didn’t go into details. Don’t know if any of this relates to your situation, but here goes. If for some reason, you came out of childhood being a people pleaser, always giving more than you take ie thinking you needed to do that for people to like you, then you are a target for those that see that and take advantage of it. People with narcissistic personality traits are quick to see this and take advantage of it to feed their insatiable supply needs, because they can only exist using the energy of good people like yourself to prop up their house of cards. Generally, when boundaries are set, these people will drop you in favor of a new recruit. Also they may try and defame you in some way to make you look like the problem so the rest of their supply chain givers don’t get wise to them. It’s how they survive! If I’m describing what is happening to you, be advised that you are in for the battle of your life, but you will succeed. You didn’t do anything wrong, but you have to go all the way back to the child you were and teach him that you deserve the same respect as your pears and that you have already proven to be compassionate and trustworthy so then you will know where to draw the line with abusers and remove them from your space. Unfortunately for me, I only came to this knowledge late in life, but better late than never as they say. I may have completely misunderstood what you were describing, but if not may I suggest a UA-cam channel called “your inner child matters” that features Dr. Gabor Mate’. I wish you well with your struggle 🙏 and keep us posted.
You nailed it on the head.
I started upacking my baggage when I met someone who wasn't one of my parents, but for all intents and purposes was the exact same person. It's like I knew what was coming next because I knew the playbook from when I was a child.
Once I learned about narcissism I saw how many of those moments in life I couldn't explain were explaiined by the narcissistic abuse cycle and narcissistic entitlement.
I did the work learning about narcissism to know what it looks like. Now I'm working on setting boundaries and letting people go who don't deserve to be part of my life.
My final hurdle is not holding onto that baggage and ruminating on the past. I don't think I'll ever forget things that happened, but I can remember them with compassion and caring.
I enjoy watching Dr. Gabor Mate. I saved several clips of his to watch when I need motivation.
Thank you for sharing your story and being vulnerable. That proves you're not a narcissist! The people in your life are lucky to have you in theirs, including me.
@@CTSCAPER You’re welcome and thank you for the kind words. Will continue watching as you develop new strategies to deal with that kind of trauma. As you know it can be especially difficult with long standing relationships. Wishing you all the best 👍
Keep sending the good out into the world John, not nearly enough out there. Sorry you are having such a rough go of it right now. "It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honored by the humiliation of their fellow beings" -Mahatma Gandhi
I didn't know you had a Ghandi quote in the pocket. Very impressive. I'm starting to see the other end of the tunnel.
@@CTSCAPER I'm a history teacher, quotes are my life 😉
Toxic people should be avoided at all costs. The mind #%^* is never worth it. You are obviously a great guy so it’s there loss all the way around. I own a landscaping company and have been there unfortunately more than once with people that view serviced based professionals beneath them. Keep your head held high and keep plugging away.
I agree.
It's been awhile since I have watched one of your videos. I like your sincere videos and I was just checking on you because I remember you were having some health issues.
Thanks, Luke. Yes, I have tinnitus, and adjusting took me a while. I've now moved on to trying to understand toxic people and failing miserably. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand people like that.
Well you know I am one of those same aged subs that connects with you. As far as clients go I am pretty good but yes the ones that seem to have it all together tend to remember the bad and forget all the good you did. Now on another note I have a neighbor that is mid 30s and I will tell ya what I feel like many are very arrogant. Seems they do things just cause they feel like they can and try to push your buttons. I mean every other word out of this guys mouth is F this and F that. I mean they do not even know how to talk. The man is actually not like this meaning when he is with wife and family he is a whole different person. Me and him have got into it a couple times and he thinks I am his friend but not so much. I feel like we come from a different world at times. I totally believe this has to do with our upbringing. I had mentors growing up and great parents. Learned allot. Today it seems like some are flying by the seat of their pants. Like you I am trying to also work on myself meaning do not sweat the little stuff and pick your battles. I do wish we as humans could learn to smile more, be nicer and connect as people. Seems like it always takes a catastrophic event to make people connect nowadays.
You can't choose your family or your neighbors.
A piece of advice given to me is you don't have to talk to someone just because they want to talk to you. Once you know someone is out to push your buttons it's ok to not have time to talk. I sometimes use I have to get in for lunch or dinner to break off of a conversation.
Thanks for sharing.
Insightful video.
Thank you.
Proverbs 26:4-5
4 Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.
5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.
Thank you for sharing.
I am new to your channel, in fact, maybe just three hours-new. I'm an eager learner to apply what I've watched, hoping not to jack up our landscape. This particular video had me deeply attentive. If I may suggest one thing I learned that I've picked up from your videos....when it comes to toxic people, perhaps consider applying the three-cut method. The cleaner the cut, the better you can heal. Not my words, they're sorta yours lol. Easier said than done so good luck. But seriously, even weeds are green and we all know they gotta go. Have a blessed Easter, stay hopeful with people, God has a plan for us all even when things get crazy .
Hey John, give carnivore a try. Sugar and carbs can make you soft and sick. Can lead to depression, anxiety, and brain fog. Cutting out all the garbage and eating simple, nutritious, protein and fat-filled food will increase your focus, mental clarity, and energy. God bless you man. Lean and mean, brother, stay strong.
I make cuts in sugar and carbs every now and again, and it does help. The trick is to stick with it!
@@CTSCAPERit’s not easy, believe me, I know! Gotta do what feels right to you. We tend to cause a lot of our own pain and suffering. But we gotta try and enjoy life and be happy too. Anyway, God bless you and thanks for your videos!
Hi Jon , lots of good comments on here all ready, I feel exactly what you’re saying. As far as business goes I’m learning and have learned that like you I do great work, there is so much work out there that I’m learning to only take on the clients that appreciate me and my work , it’s just not worth putting up with the others, that’s gets a little more difficult with family and friends . I just limit my time with those people and keep my circle smaller. But yes I feel ya , it just seems like everyone is out for them selves and kindness is lacking these days. Love all your videos and different points of view. Let’s hope for an early spring!
Thanks for commenting. I'm glad several other people have noticed the change in attitude too. I like your solution of only taking clients who appreciate you and your work. I strive to do that, but every now and again, someone surprises me.
@@CTSCAPER understandable, we all get surprised every now and then. Just know your honesty and efforts are noticed
This video was very timely for me in some situations. I've been going To deal with❤
Glad it helped. If only to let you know you're not alone.
I am sorry you are suffering because of toxic people. They are EVERYWHERE. It isn't about a bad childhood .. it is about BAD ATTITUDE. Such a person is lacking a thankful heart .. he/she fails to think on the good and is not thankful for what they have, rather, covets what they don't have. Anyone you know who refuses to respect boundaries, do what you can to help, but, it is most likely, you will have to walk away. Don't be thinking you are the Lone Ranger. Choose to be thankful and thus happy. When you get all in a knot, take a few good deep breaths and remember to trust God .. helps a lot to get some spiritual food every day
I've been working on setting boundaries and saying no. There's much less stress in my life. I still question people's actions sometimes in my thoughts. I do my best to accept that I didn't cause how they are and I can't cure how they are either. Radical acceptance.
@@CTSCAPER I do same thing still at almost 80 yo! Such a battle .. you are doing well IMO
@@bevjane7245 It feels late for me, but better late than never! 🙂
@@CTSCAPER ((((HUGS)))) hopefully, young, old or in between, we continue learning. Thanks for replies and for caring 💛
The world is a bit crazy as of late and I'm not sure there are really answers to be found. Sometimes all you can do is get a good night's sleep and hopefully in the morning those wheels spinning inside your head will have stopped and then you'll feel more relaxed. All I can say is I have found a lot of value in your UA-cam channel. If you ever decide to move to Western North Carolina, you would definitely be my landscaper and also, I'm sure, a good friend. Feel better!!!
It would be so nice to find a way to stop those wheels from spinning indeed. Splitting wood and excercise helps a lot.
Thanks for sharing.
There is alot of evil people in the world, but there's alot more good people thank God. I learned that evil needs to be crushed and good should be praised. You're a good guy from what i can see. Just be you and keep doing good things, thanks.
Sometimes I get so caught in the bad, on trying to understand why people would behave like that, I forget to focus on the good. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks!
Thanks for that!
This is the natural evolution that happens when you deal with the public. It's an unavoidable reality that a percentage of people have either a personality disorder or character flaw that makes them impossible to deal with. I found that reading about narcissistic personality disorder and its prevalence helpful.
I try to see it the way you say. Some people are simply impossible to deal with and I don't have to be in a relationship where I'm not treated the way I want to be.
A wealthy, successful lawyer told me once you have to be a little greedy so you can afford to be generous. You are on the right path, take that high road! Water under the bridge! What others do and say is a projection of their reality, you don't need to work for those grouchy passive aggressive folks, they you need you more than you need them right?
"What others do and say is a projection of their reality." Very well stated! It has nothing to do with us and everything about where the other person is coming from.
@@CTSCAPER us sensitive folks have to work on not taking it personal, and learning not to trust those reaction feelings. It's a place to grow from. Best book that has helped me: is the Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz, new york Times bestseller for many years. I think you'll resonate with it.
Thanks for the recommendation. I'm always looking for a good personal growth book. @@ryobrown-mcclain805
@@CTSCAPER let me know what you think, it's a book to end all needless suffering on the world, very simple, short book
John, your points are made clear. We get in trouble when we give of ourselves and expect the same from others. Only to be disappointed when they dont. It is taken as a personal attack when in reality, its our fault for placing those expectations. It wont stop me from giving of myself and behaving like a good human. It is a bit of a letdown when you do finally see the world for what it is because, I feel, it hardens a persons heart a bit. Stay true to yourself John. Long time sub. Love your vids.
"Its our fault for placing those expectations" - That is the truth of the matter. I'm as dissappointed in myself as others. Thanks for the encouragement.