Estee, you need to come back home! Ground yourself and let yourself be cared for and loved by the closest people (your mom, brother etc) your mother is right there world isn’t going to stop. I’ve never commented before believe me I know how you’re feeling I’ve been there and honestly the time of year doesn’t help.
Estee, you need to rest well and i seriously meant, not working and focus on your recovery phase. Take step by step, day by day. It would help but it would take time. You have been experiencing too much pain and stress, physically and mentally. Do a favour for yourself to recover. ❤😊
As a high-functioning anxiety girly, I FEEL YOU. Estee I love how transparent you are, it's the reality of being human. You've got this, take your time and you will get back to feeling like yourself 🫶
Dear Estee, I also struggle with depression. I'm 46, no partner, no kids and when I was your age, I couldn’t afford to freeze my eggs. Now, I think one round of failed IVF would probably throw me into a tailspin financially and emotionally. So I have somewhat given up on that as well. Many nights I cry myself to sleep, thinking I'm not worthy. And no matter how many people say you can't find your value in others, the truth is, there is something that comes from knowing someone chose you., someone whats to spend the rest of their life with you. I've never had that. I also am building a brand here in Barbados, and you are a HUGE inspiration. Like you, I have no overarching support and the stresses of it can be a whole lot. Too much at times. But on the flip side, my pop-ups bring me great joy when I see how many people come out to choose me, my brand, my products that I formulated, and I try to find joy in that. It doesn't always carry me through, but like you, I'm taking it day by day. You're still here. You're still pressing onward. And you're still winning. And that, is something to be proud of. You may not be where you thought you'd be, nor am I. But, I'm sure you also never thought you'd be the owner of your own brand, shipping around the world, and inspiring over one million people. So here's to that. Cin cin. Much love to you. And may you continue to rise, and to show yourself the grace you so deeply deserve.
I understand how you are feeling. You are worthy! Just putting it out there that I did IVF at Barbados Fertility’s sister clinic in Cayman Islands and compare to here in the US at least it was SO affordable! I was 40 at the time and have a 20 month old from my only normal embryo ❤ it is a journey, but happy to chat any time if helpful. I was fortunate to meet my husband later in life, but I was in process of starting alone right before we met. I’m a business owner too.
I totally understand you, the same situation, and Estee you’re totally understood by a lot of people. Sometimes we need to face this huge challenge, and when they are over. It is time to have distance and see how much learned. 😊❤
sending love and strength on your hopeless days... it is so brave to show such a human side of you! You are so genuine, thank you for sharing who you are with us, you make the world a better place
Love you so much, Estee! Your honesty is truly beautiful. Please know you’re not alone. There are people out there you’ve never met who are rooting for you.
You've got this! You're going through a huge transition and grieving not just a relationship but the life you thought you would have with someone. Be kind to yourself and give yourself space and time to juet feel it 💖💖💖 sending you love
Estée, you and I are so similar. Even some of my close friends just don’t get how much I struggle because I know that I come across so put together and happy, and I also wear cute clothes and do my makeup and all the things. But when I’m alone I can go into such a dark and hopeless place. I’m so glad you feel like it’s your purpose on earth to share this, because it absolutely helps me and makes me feel so connected to you. We can still slay with depression
Oh Estee, I'm sending warm hugs from NJ and my 2 Corgis are sending sloppy kisses! You are mourning the end of a life that you thought was happening, and is not. I think this is something that you just have to go through. I applaud you for showing what sadness really looks like on this Internet. You are stronger than I even think you give yourself credit for. Hugs for you and Miss Effie.
I remember feeling exactly like this at the same time in my life - in my early thirties. And I look back now and see this time as a period of HUGE personal growth for me. It was so so painful at the time and I cried myself to sleep everyday - but it helped me understand exactly what I needed in life. Much love xx
Ahhh...this human journey, up and down, ebbs and flows, highs and lows and and all that goes on in between. The struggle is real. And that's okay. Good of you to share yours.
Girl I have been exactly where you are right now and am now on the other side and feeling so much better. It truly sucks but just know that what you are going through is part of the process of healing. It doesn’t feel like it, it feels terrible but trust that you ARE moving forward to better days! Take good care of yourself, slow down when you can and be gentle with yourself. Sending love and light from LA ✨
Hi Estee! I am Agnes, and I have watched your videos since waaaay-waaaayback, since Reggie, since you were essiebutton. You don't know how many times Ihave wished I lived a life like yours :D And because of Reggie, I want my next dog to be a greyhound! You were my favourite youtuber for a long time, now I try to find other activities besides online, but I still watch all your videos. I have never commented on any of your videos before, but this morning I felt like I would like to. Just want to say that the reason why I've kept watching you is because I feel like you have always been real. Honestly I wish you didn't suffer, but you're a human and you feel and the fact that you share this always makes me feel less alone. Thank you for being real, not only showing the perfect and beautiful side of life, this is what makes you stand out for me. Sending you a big-big hug!
Estee your vulnerability is such a strength, honestly the only way to grow through it is to go through it. You’re doing great and I hope you know how much hope you give us all, we’re with you all the way! ❤
Estee! This made me feel the feels..it’s hard to watch you go through this time. It takes a lot to put yourself out there, especially in a vulnerable state so I just had to comment on this video! You are strong and will come out of this even stronger! Trust in the process! 10+ year subscriber..sending lots of love and support!! ❤
Sending love to you, Estee! Your vulnerability about anxiety and depression has helped me IMMENSELY. I still watch certain videos back from ~6 years ago because of what you said and shared. I hope that love and support you have spread comes back to you ten-fold!!!
You have always been an inspiration to me even when you’re going through difficult times. I hope you can find the light and energy you need to find peace within yourself! Because you deserve it ❤️
I wonder whether you would enjoy simple Christmas movies, on Amazon Prime, e.g. Random Acts of Christmas, Creating Christmas, A British Christmas, A Scottish Christmas. They are stress relieving, I think. Wishing all loveliness into your life. Please hold on to Hope, Estee, it really is a super power!!!
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Hey Estee, hope you’re feeling better soon ❤Thank you so much for sharing. It really resonated with me and honestly made me feel a bit less alone today, so thank you for that. I get how you’re feeling and can really relate. Just know you’re not alone in this. This time of year, with so little sunlight on this side of the world, definitely doesn’t make it any easier. Also, you're such an inspiring, beautiful and talented human being! Just know that you're appreciated and brighter days are ahead!
I really resonated with the sentiment that you can be a functioning person and still really struggle with heavy things, I agree it is a human thing and we can all relate on some level. Feeling for you and sending healing energy your way 🫶🏼 love you!
Your mom was right, the last blog hit and this one does, too. Everything you’re saying about confidence, worthiness and trying to stay positive resonates. I was speaking with my therapist about gratitude and how it doesn’t alway coincide with joy or happiness. They can actually be so separate. And while we love and appreciate our lives, we can also be unhappy. We’re working through it though. ❤Also, there’s something about the simplicity and stream of consciousness day-to-day. We love it.
I can relate to you, Estee! Anxiety is horrible. Thyroid levels might be good to look at. I have crippling anxiety that started a year plus ago and it’s flipped my world upside down. I find the little things help the most. I love taking a walk every time I feel overwhelmed and it certainly helps. Bless you! Be well!
Really struggling in these dark months here in the north too (Denmark). The lack of daylight certainly does not help whatever other struggles one has. I’m seriously considering trying a light therapy lamp just to see if that does something. Thank you for the honesty and vulnerability- it means the world!
I relate to you massively and though it breaks my heart to see you so low there is something that makes me feel better by knowing someone else is going through the same thing as me, so THANK YOU for being so honest. Sending you all the strength and love from over here. You got this! What you are feeling is normal and WILL pass. I hope you manage to feel a bit more supported and less under pressure. You come first :)
I feel the same exact way, girl!!!!! It's so hard! Winter is brutal!!!!!!!!! When you go through sh*t, is when you learn sh*t! Sending love from Vancouver Island!
Oh Estee. I’ve followed you for over 10 years and you don’t know how much I want to give you a big bear hug. I’ve had similar experiences recently, going through ups and downs. Sometimes feel like I’m all better and the next day I’m crying in the dark and feel like everything in my life is going wrong. Then I get better, and so on. I think you put your finger on it: you might need a true break. You might be going through a combination of burning out from work and anxiety from big life events. You could take 3 months off, spend time with your family in Canada and some time truly disconnecting from work, go to a retreat somewhere calming, spend time in nature… as your wise mother said; the world will not stop spinning! 😊i send you a lot of love from Quebec dear Estee ❤
Dear Estee, I just wanted to say that I find it truly so comforting to see that other people are also not always super happy and content and sometimes struggle with life. It's ok and normal to not always be in a positive head space and a bit disappointed with life. I had those moments a lot this year and would feel so ashamed because of it. Know that it will get better and you will grow so much from this ( which is so damn annoying to read but still very much true lol)
Awww Estee, my heart felt like yours at that vulnerable moment watching the video 😢❤ thank you for sharing and mentioning that we all have different needs and what looks like you have your shit together by owning a business, having friends and your own apartment is not something fulfilling everyone’s needs. You need someone to lean on and that is very true ❤
I heard this great podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert and she said “depression is unresolved grief”. ALLOW yourself to be sad, cry it all out, then love yourself the ways you know how- journal, sweat, get outside, meditate, dance! Self care IS health care! We have to love ourselves fully before we can move on from grief, trauma etc. and time really does heal all wounds. ❤
through the years your videos, especially those that go beyond the surface of topics, beauty and life style, helped me immensely and did let me feel less alone...thank you so much...priceless
I totally relate to you. My career anymore is in shreds. Every couple years startups fall apart, corporations do layoffs. This is just the tip of an iceberg and I feel lonely on the journey sometimes despite being off the market. If I were you, I’d immerse myself so deeply into a creative hobby that I’d pretend the world doesn’t exist for that moment. I went back to guitar playing and it’s been AMAZING! Irritating at times but so worth trying.
Been following you for basically my whole adult life and I’m sending you so much love 💘💖 thank you for sharing everything, the ups AND the downs. It makes us all feel a lot more normal xxx
Just at that precise moment when you said “ I look so rough” is exactly when I was thinking how beautiful you look with your glowing skin and your hair falling around your face… Just goes to show what our internal monologue does to us. As women we all do this. Sending you lots of love and hoping that your anxiety and depression ease a little. All the best. Xx
Estee, with everything on your plate, you are a badass and an inspiration. It's hard for you to handle stuff but you are totally handling it, you are growing constantly. Through tough times like these we improve and become better versions of ourselves. Thank you being vulnerable with us. When we see the perfect picture online we feel like we are not good enough and could do so much more, but seeing you doing stuff and achieving great heights and yet showing us that it doesn't just fall on your head and you have to work hard to get where you are is very valuable. You are the motivation!
I can empathise and relate to so many of your struggles and am really grateful that you are such a transparent person here. I bet this is anything but easy. I hope that you continue to find many moments in your everyday life that bring you warmth and that the darkness gradually disappears and more light can reappear in your days.
Listen to your mom. She’s made the mistakes and learned from them ❤ The fact you are vocalising your thoughts is great. Now time to change them cause only you can sweetie ❤
The other point is this time of year? So many of us have let self care go worked too hard and not had enough sun. Going home? You probably won’t want to come back honey ❤
Dear Estée, thank you for being so insanely honest and open. I do really appreciate you showing this side of your life. Nevertheless I wish you bright and sunny moments and loads of relaxation in Canada. Take care
Thank you for letting us in Estee. You are brave, funny, and kind. Keep finding happiness in your routine, your doggie, and your friends/family. It’s not always easy but this too shall pass. Sending you love
It’s ok to feel like you don’t have it together. Everything you are wanting will come when it’s meant to come. You are great, have good friends, your mom! 🤗
i understand how you feel all too well, its such a weird confusing and vulnerable mix of things. sending you love and hugs from california. one day at a time, you are free to feel it all and you are not alone
Brave brave girl for being vulnerable with us ❤ I have been single for 10 years now. Just me and my beautiful dog. I just can’t find the right guy. I’ve accepted my life as it is Estee because I don’t want to miss it. I think you are grieving. That’s good ❤
Ugh, anxiety is the worst. its hard to explain that feeling to people who have never felt that before - the only comparison is that terrifying moment if you are in a near car accident or something and you are just on high alerts for hours(or days). I would rather just have the panic attack and be done with it. I like to just lay down and listen to an ASMR video to calm me down. Yoga is impossible with pets.
Estée I wish I could hug you soo tight right now!!! You are so loved!!! Please never forget you are so important to your community and we'll always be there for you❤
You got this estee life is not easy but you are allowed to breakdown and cry it’s ok … you own your own business and have been through a lot the past couple of months give yourself grace. ❤ sending you love ❤️
Estee, I have been watching you for so many years. I understand your pain because I am in the same situation. Like most of us, I appreciate your vulnerability and so happy you are back to vlogging and sharing your journey again. I know your internet family is not the same, but maybe going home for a bit to see your Mom and brother would do you some good. Its so tough being on your own and not having the support system we all need. Please take care of yourself, and I will be rooting for you from Florida. ❤
Every time I cry, I think about you and how Im not the only person who feels this way. I have all my friends and still I feel lonely and it’s hard to explain. Im sending you lots of love and strength❤
Hey girl, big hugs. Please keep in mind that antiniotics are really tough on your gut. When your gut is out of whack, anxiety can increase like crazy. This happens to me when I've had a stomach bug or something messes with my microbiome. Its very uncomfortable but it will pass! Keep taking your probiotic and using all your tools in the meantime ❤
No unsolicited advice here. Just empathy for a beautiful young woman who is experiencing the rough and the smooth that life has to offer. Canada will wrap its arms around you even if you are crying so the trip will be a God send. Come to Ireland for a visit. I can share with you how I navigated clinical depression, severe panic attacks and finally agoraphobia some 40 years ago. I too have the long blonde hair and WE ARE WARRIORS AF!!! Keep crying is my ONLY advice, it will 'rinse all the badness out of your heart' as we say here in Ireland XOX
Life is full of ups and downs, thank you for sharing your vulnerable moment with us ❤ I truly think you're amazing and stronger than you think! You're very lucky to have Amelia, she is such a great friend 🥹 wish you all the best Estée 💘
Oh Estee, you are going through such a hard time in life so it makes sense that your body is going arrrggghh. And confidence loss after a breakup is so normal (not that that makes it better!). You've been knocked back, yet you're still going and finding vibrancy where you can, and doing the things that make you feel good. Winter is also not to be underestimated. You will one day look back and go wow I did that, I got through that. Your Mum is right, RESSST. Resting is active, too. It's not lazy. It's letting your body and mind do what it needs to do to get back to strength.
Thank you, Estée, for being authentic and sharing how you really are. You are not alone. I’m sending you lots of strength and positive energy to help you get through this moment. Life is a circle. Sometimes we’re up, sometimes we’re down, but this too shall pass! Sending Lots of love! ❤
Dear Estee....I almost never comment on a video, but today is an exception. Please know that you're so special and that you really are enough. I enjoy watching your videos so much and I hope you feel happier soon. Wishing you all the best!❤
And I'm having stir fry and sparkling water while watching your vlog! You're doing an awesome job navigating things, Estée - authenticity, feeling your feelings, therapy, self care, etc. When I think about the hardest times in my life, they've come with a lot of growth, and I feel like we'll all be watching you enjoy the fruits of these hard times in future videos ✨
Hi Estee. I’ve never commented before. All of the online positivity is great but sometimes poisonous when we are going through things. Sometimes things are rough and that’s okay. The bad feels sometimes linger after a walk and I do struggle with that. A hot girl walk should make me healed right? All this to say I see your honesty and I appreciate it x
Thank you for being so real! im 32 and contemplating a lot in life and not nowhere where i thought i was going to be (in my personal life) so your vlogs makes me feel seen
Bless you Estee maybe just an idea maybe share a home with someone else for a while, worth a try . Nobody knows what you are going through its healthy to talk about things so you are doing amazing .Long walks when you feel bad it works for me.
Definitely know the feeling! It always helped me to go and spend time with others in their daily lives, cooking with friends or doing errands together just made me feel like I wasn't so alone. Sorry girl, feel better soon.
I feel you .. Me too seperated from a man this summer.. I really thought we were going to spend our lives together, fast forward a lot happened and I had to reevaluate my situation. Being alone is hard, also when everyone around you got it all ''figured out''. The sadness and overthinking overwhelms sometimes. It is hard to explain to other people when they are not in the same place.
Snowy with a Chance of Christmas is also heartwarming and I think that the female leads charisma and values resonate with yours, a little. Being in hospital after major surgery and in a lot of pain, I feel able to recommend certain things that were a real help. Sending more warm hugs!
You are so strong. You may not feel that way now, but just know one day you will look back at this moment in your life and say wow… I got through that. This is going to make you bloom. It’s okay to not be okay! Don’t feel like you constantly need to distract yourself from feeling what you are feeling … sad. Let it out. Let it out have your moment, breathe and guess what repeat. Until you feel better. But NEVER cause self doubt on yourself. You are beautiful. You are kind. You are unique and worthy of so much. Sending positive vibes into the universe for you to find peace within this new stage of your life. Xoxo.
yeah and not being able to be vulnerable makes you feel so lonely to be in those pedestals , I actually have friends who are married fully in happy relationships who struggle heavily with deppresion and like Robin Williams used to say sometimes its worse to be surrounded by ppl who make you feel alone. But yeah take time for you and breaks and anything you like, but still there this like glow and excitement from within in you now and its amazing! Its like you've provided yourself this cloud of love and its so inspiring
Darling. I relate so so much. I had the WORST breakup of my life 2 years ago at 32. I never ever thought I’d be okay. I never thought I’d have a day where I didn’t think or cry about it. Then 5 months ago I went on a date with a guy I actually wasn’t sure about. He’s so sweet and kind and treats me as a deserve. I am VERY thankful for my dark, depressed days. They made me strong because I had no choice but to get through it. You are amazing. Always hold the belief better days are coming. I promise it’s true ❤❤❤
Hey Estee, I'm sorry you are feeling so crap. You really have had a big year. I'm not here to diagose you (because who TF am I) but I was being treated for depression and anxiety for years and antidepressants never really did anything for it. I've since been diagnosed as AuDHD and know that it's not depression after all but neurodivergent burnout. I can't tell you how much better I feel since being treated for the right thing. I only say this because I relate to what you've been sharing regarding this over the past couple of years. xxx
Sending you lots of love, Estee. You sound extremely burnt out. I hope you take some time over the holidays just to rest-no work, nothing. Rest is so important and you will come back stronger.
Sweet Estée ❤ What I see, is a beautiful soul, who has had a tough tough year, who is exhausted at the pushing through. It's so tough trying to maintain multiple businesses, being public facing, and going through something so tough. I do wonder if you are neuro-spicy, like me. I used to feel like I could only just keep my head above water, and even to do that was a STRUGGLE. I now know it was autistic burnout (34 when diagnosised!) I get the social drain thing. All my love, lizz xx
I have an anxiety disorder and really been struggling lately. I can relate to the tightness in your chest feeling - it’s awful and just feels like anxiety is following you around and refusing to leave. I’m also adjusting to new anti-depressants, so that’s fun 🥲 Thank you so much for being so raw and real, Estée. Sharing your experience is so comforting ♥️
Thank you for being real Estee. Thank you for sharing. I have watched you since you were a baby. You are a favorite and an inspiration just for your realness. ❤❤❤
Hi, I don't comment, ever, but as I was watching this video, I got a very strong urge to comment. Sometimes when we suffer from depression and life happens like a breakup, it takes us longer to get over it and it can trigger those depressing feelings. There is no set amount of time as to when we will feel better so please please please give yourself a break, give yourself permission to feel how you feel for as long as you feel. You are definitely not alone and you will feel better in your own time. Thanks for reading my comment. ❤
God thank you for being so NORMAL !! So many of us can relate, I promise. You’re going through something traumatic. You’ll pull through babe.
She’s moving to posh West London so we’ll see how long it lasts!
@@TheBlackVelveteenwhy be negative like that when someone struggling in front of your eyes 😢
Estee, you need to come back home! Ground yourself and let yourself be cared for and loved by the closest people (your mom, brother etc) your mother is right there world isn’t going to stop. I’ve never commented before believe me I know how you’re feeling I’ve been there and honestly the time of year doesn’t help.
I was just going to say the same thing. I think you need to go home for a month. Spend time with your family. I think it really would help you.
Spot on…
I hope she reads your comment and takes it seriously.
🎄✨
why should she be cared for? how about her caring for her parents, i cared for my old parents
@oldskoolanna....
Estee, you need to rest well and i seriously meant, not working and focus on your recovery phase. Take step by step, day by day. It would help but it would take time. You have been experiencing too much pain and stress, physically and mentally. Do a favour for yourself to recover. ❤😊
As a high-functioning anxiety girly, I FEEL YOU. Estee I love how transparent you are, it's the reality of being human. You've got this, take your time and you will get back to feeling like yourself 🫶
Dear Estee, I also struggle with depression. I'm 46, no partner, no kids and when I was your age, I couldn’t afford to freeze my eggs. Now, I think one round of failed IVF would probably throw me into a tailspin financially and emotionally. So I have somewhat given up on that as well. Many nights I cry myself to sleep, thinking I'm not worthy. And no matter how many people say you can't find your value in others, the truth is, there is something that comes from knowing someone chose you., someone whats to spend the rest of their life with you. I've never had that. I also am building a brand here in Barbados, and you are a HUGE inspiration. Like you, I have no overarching support and the stresses of it can be a whole lot. Too much at times. But on the flip side, my pop-ups bring me great joy when I see how many people come out to choose me, my brand, my products that I formulated, and I try to find joy in that. It doesn't always carry me through, but like you, I'm taking it day by day. You're still here. You're still pressing onward. And you're still winning. And that, is something to be proud of. You may not be where you thought you'd be, nor am I. But, I'm sure you also never thought you'd be the owner of your own brand, shipping around the world, and inspiring over one million people. So here's to that. Cin cin. Much love to you. And may you continue to rise, and to show yourself the grace you so deeply deserve.
I understand how you are feeling. You are worthy! Just putting it out there that I did IVF at Barbados Fertility’s sister clinic in Cayman Islands and compare to here in the US at least it was SO affordable! I was 40 at the time and have a 20 month old from my only normal embryo ❤ it is a journey, but happy to chat any time if helpful. I was fortunate to meet my husband later in life, but I was in process of starting alone right before we met. I’m a business owner too.
I totally understand you, the same situation, and Estee you’re totally understood by a lot of people. Sometimes we need to face this huge challenge, and when they are over. It is time to have distance and see how much learned. 😊❤
We have all have times that we need to get together, and medication may help 😊
sending love and strength on your hopeless days... it is so brave to show such a human side of you! You are so genuine, thank you for sharing who you are with us, you make the world a better place
Love you so much, Estee! Your honesty is truly beautiful. Please know you’re not alone. There are people out there you’ve never met who are rooting for you.
You've got this! You're going through a huge transition and grieving not just a relationship but the life you thought you would have with someone. Be kind to yourself and give yourself space and time to juet feel it 💖💖💖 sending you love
Estée, you and I are so similar. Even some of my close friends just don’t get how much I struggle because I know that I come across so put together and happy, and I also wear cute clothes and do my makeup and all the things. But when I’m alone I can go into such a dark and hopeless place. I’m so glad you feel like it’s your purpose on earth to share this, because it absolutely helps me and makes me feel so connected to you. We can still slay with depression
Oh Estee, I'm sending warm hugs from NJ and my 2 Corgis are sending sloppy kisses! You are mourning the end of a life that you thought was happening, and is not. I think this is something that you just have to go through. I applaud you for showing what sadness really looks like on this Internet. You are stronger than I even think you give yourself credit for. Hugs for you and Miss Effie.
I remember feeling exactly like this at the same time in my life - in my early thirties. And I look back now and see this time as a period of HUGE personal growth for me. It was so so painful at the time and I cried myself to sleep everyday - but it helped me understand exactly what I needed in life. Much love xx
Ahhh...this human journey, up and down, ebbs and flows, highs and lows and and all that goes on in between. The struggle is real. And that's okay. Good of you to share yours.
Girl I have been exactly where you are right now and am now on the other side and feeling so much better. It truly sucks but just know that what you are going through is part of the process of healing. It doesn’t feel like it, it feels terrible but trust that you ARE moving forward to better days! Take good care of yourself, slow down when you can and be gentle with yourself. Sending love and light from LA ✨
Hi Estee! I am Agnes, and I have watched your videos since waaaay-waaaayback, since Reggie, since you were essiebutton. You don't know how many times Ihave wished I lived a life like yours :D And because of Reggie, I want my next dog to be a greyhound! You were my favourite youtuber for a long time, now I try to find other activities besides online, but I still watch all your videos. I have never commented on any of your videos before, but this morning I felt like I would like to. Just want to say that the reason why I've kept watching you is because I feel like you have always been real. Honestly I wish you didn't suffer, but you're a human and you feel and the fact that you share this always makes me feel less alone. Thank you for being real, not only showing the perfect and beautiful side of life, this is what makes you stand out for me. Sending you a big-big hug!
Estee your vulnerability is such a strength, honestly the only way to grow through it is to go through it. You’re doing great and I hope you know how much hope you give us all, we’re with you all the way! ❤
Estee! This made me feel the feels..it’s hard to watch you go through this time. It takes a lot to put yourself out there, especially in a vulnerable state so I just had to comment on this video! You are strong and will come out of this even stronger! Trust in the process! 10+ year subscriber..sending lots of love and support!! ❤
couldn't have said it better!
Sending love to you, Estee! Your vulnerability about anxiety and depression has helped me IMMENSELY. I still watch certain videos back from ~6 years ago because of what you said and shared. I hope that love and support you have spread comes back to you ten-fold!!!
We’re all broken, Estee. We all cry. Sending hugs, lady ❤
Is there anyone crying together with Estee? Oh man, i am!
I understand how you feel so well. Thank you for sharing. I truly hope you feel better! Also your hair looks amazing!
You got this - one day at a time. Get it all out and do what you can do. Just know that you have that special thing in you
As someone with depression and anxiety thank you so much for sharing your experiences! Makes me feel less alone
You have always been an inspiration to me even when you’re going through difficult times. I hope you can find the light and energy you need to find peace within yourself! Because you deserve it ❤️
I wonder whether you would enjoy simple Christmas movies, on Amazon Prime, e.g. Random Acts of Christmas, Creating Christmas, A British Christmas, A Scottish Christmas. They are stress relieving, I think. Wishing all loveliness into your life. Please hold on to Hope, Estee, it really is a super power!!!
NOTED!!
Hey Estee, hope you’re feeling better soon ❤Thank you so much for sharing. It really resonated with me and honestly made me feel a bit less alone today, so thank you for that. I get how you’re feeling and can really relate. Just know you’re not alone in this. This time of year, with so little sunlight on this side of the world, definitely doesn’t make it any easier. Also, you're such an inspiring, beautiful and talented human being! Just know that you're appreciated and brighter days are ahead!
I really resonated with the sentiment that you can be a functioning person and still really struggle with heavy things, I agree it is a human thing and we can all relate on some level. Feeling for you and sending healing energy your way 🫶🏼 love you!
Your mom was right, the last blog hit and this one does, too. Everything you’re saying about confidence, worthiness and trying to stay positive resonates. I was speaking with my therapist about gratitude and how it doesn’t alway coincide with joy or happiness. They can actually be so separate. And while we love and appreciate our lives, we can also be unhappy. We’re working through it though. ❤Also, there’s something about the simplicity and stream of consciousness day-to-day. We love it.
I feel you! We love you esteee 🫶🏻 take care of you
I can relate to you, Estee! Anxiety is horrible. Thyroid levels might be good to look at. I have crippling anxiety that started a year plus ago and it’s flipped my world upside down. I find the little things help the most. I love taking a walk every time I feel overwhelmed and it certainly helps. Bless you! Be well!
Really struggling in these dark months here in the north too (Denmark). The lack of daylight certainly does not help whatever other struggles one has. I’m seriously considering trying a light therapy lamp just to see if that does something. Thank you for the honesty and vulnerability- it means the world!
Thank you for being so raw with us. I'm so excited for you to go home - it'll do you some good ♥️ we're rooting for you, girl! 🙌🏻
I relate to you massively and though it breaks my heart to see you so low there is something that makes me feel better by knowing someone else is going through the same thing as me, so THANK YOU for being so honest. Sending you all the strength and love from over here. You got this! What you are feeling is normal and WILL pass. I hope you manage to feel a bit more supported and less under pressure. You come first :)
I feel the same exact way, girl!!!!! It's so hard! Winter is brutal!!!!!!!!! When you go through sh*t, is when you learn sh*t! Sending love from Vancouver Island!
Oh Estee. I’ve followed you for over 10 years and you don’t know how much I want to give you a big bear hug. I’ve had similar experiences recently, going through ups and downs. Sometimes feel like I’m all better and the next day I’m crying in the dark and feel like everything in my life is going wrong. Then I get better, and so on. I think you put your finger on it: you might need a true break. You might be going through a combination of burning out from work and anxiety from big life events. You could take 3 months off, spend time with your family in Canada and some time truly disconnecting from work, go to a retreat somewhere calming, spend time in nature… as your wise mother said; the world will not stop spinning! 😊i send you a lot of love from Quebec dear Estee ❤
Dear Estee, I just wanted to say that I find it truly so comforting to see that other people are also not always super happy and content and sometimes struggle with life. It's ok and normal to not always be in a positive head space and a bit disappointed with life. I had those moments a lot this year and would feel so ashamed because of it. Know that it will get better and you will grow so much from this ( which is so damn annoying to read but still very much true lol)
Awww Estee, my heart felt like yours at that vulnerable moment watching the video 😢❤ thank you for sharing and mentioning that we all have different needs and what looks like you have your shit together by owning a business, having friends and your own apartment is not something fulfilling everyone’s needs. You need someone to lean on and that is very true ❤
You are doing great Estee. One day at a time!
I heard this great podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert and she said “depression is unresolved grief”. ALLOW yourself to be sad, cry it all out, then love yourself the ways you know how- journal, sweat, get outside, meditate, dance! Self care IS health care! We have to love ourselves fully before we can move on from grief, trauma etc. and time really does heal all wounds. ❤
through the years your videos, especially those that go beyond the surface of topics, beauty and life style, helped me immensely and did let me feel less alone...thank you so much...priceless
I totally relate to you. My career anymore is in shreds. Every couple years startups fall apart, corporations do layoffs. This is just the tip of an iceberg and I feel lonely on the journey sometimes despite being off the market. If I were you, I’d immerse myself so deeply into a creative hobby that I’d pretend the world doesn’t exist for that moment. I went back to guitar playing and it’s been AMAZING! Irritating at times but so worth trying.
Been following you for basically my whole adult life and I’m sending you so much love 💘💖 thank you for sharing everything, the ups AND the downs. It makes us all feel a lot more normal xxx
I have felt the way you have so many times. Thanks for sharing.
Just at that precise moment when you said “ I look so rough” is exactly when I was thinking how beautiful you look with your glowing skin and your hair falling around your face… Just goes to show what our internal monologue does to us. As women we all do this. Sending you lots of love and hoping that your anxiety and depression ease a little. All the best. Xx
Aw Estée
Wishing you well! 🩵
Estee, with everything on your plate, you are a badass and an inspiration. It's hard for you to handle stuff but you are totally handling it, you are growing constantly. Through tough times like these we improve and become better versions of ourselves. Thank you being vulnerable with us. When we see the perfect picture online we feel like we are not good enough and could do so much more, but seeing you doing stuff and achieving great heights and yet showing us that it doesn't just fall on your head and you have to work hard to get where you are is very valuable. You are the motivation!
I can empathise and relate to so many of your struggles and am really grateful that you are such a transparent person here. I bet this is anything but easy. I hope that you continue to find many moments in your everyday life that bring you warmth and that the darkness gradually disappears and more light can reappear in your days.
Listen to your mom. She’s made the mistakes and learned from them ❤
The fact you are vocalising your thoughts is great. Now time to change them cause only you can sweetie ❤
The other point is this time of year? So many of us have let self care go worked too hard and not had enough sun. Going home? You probably won’t want to come back honey ❤
Dear Estée, thank you for being so insanely honest and open. I do really appreciate you showing this side of your life. Nevertheless I wish you bright and sunny moments and loads of relaxation in Canada. Take care
Thank you for letting us in Estee. You are brave, funny, and kind. Keep finding happiness in your routine, your doggie, and your friends/family. It’s not always easy but this too shall pass. Sending you love
It’s ok to feel like you don’t have it together. Everything you are wanting will come when it’s meant to come. You are great, have good friends, your mom! 🤗
You’ll soon be home in Canada relaxing ❄️
Your eyebrow game is absolutely on point-love how they turned out! And can we talk about your hair? That blonde shade is stunning-total goals!
Right before it cut to her getting them done I was like wow her eyebrows look amazing!! 😂
i understand how you feel all too well, its such a weird confusing and vulnerable mix of things. sending you love and hugs from california. one day at a time, you are free to feel it all and you are not alone
So fortunate you are to have such good friends and your mom.
Dear Estee, you are so real and authentic, it is so refreshing and beautiful❤❤❤
Brave brave girl for being vulnerable with us ❤ I have been single for 10 years now. Just me and my beautiful dog. I just can’t find the right guy. I’ve accepted my life as it is Estee because I don’t want to miss it. I think you are grieving. That’s good ❤
"I've accepted my life as it is because I don't want to miss it." 🫱🏻🫲🏼
Ugh, anxiety is the worst. its hard to explain that feeling to people who have never felt that before - the only comparison is that terrifying moment if you are in a near car accident or something and you are just on high alerts for hours(or days). I would rather just have the panic attack and be done with it. I like to just lay down and listen to an ASMR video to calm me down. Yoga is impossible with pets.
I'm so very sorry you are hurting. You are loved and please take good care of yourself. I'm so sorry. Thank you for being real and raw.
I resonated with every single word 🖤 better days are coming estee, I believe that for us both. xx
Estée I wish I could hug you soo tight right now!!! You are so loved!!! Please never forget you are so important to your community and we'll always be there for you❤
You are amazing Estee❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️
That hair is amazing on you!!!🩶🤍🩶
You got this estee life is not easy but you are allowed to breakdown and cry it’s ok … you own your own business and have been through a lot the past couple of months give yourself grace. ❤ sending you love ❤️
Estee, I have been watching you for so many years. I understand your pain because I am in the same situation. Like most of us, I appreciate your vulnerability and so happy you are back to vlogging and sharing your journey again. I know your internet family is not the same, but maybe going home for a bit to see your Mom and brother would do you some good. Its so tough being on your own and not having the support system we all need. Please take care of yourself, and I will be rooting for you from Florida. ❤
This is like a therapy session. 💖
You are so strong!! You will be out the haze soon! Sending you hugs 🤗 ❤
Every time I cry, I think about you and how Im not the only person who feels this way. I have all my friends and still I feel lonely and it’s hard to explain. Im sending you lots of love and strength❤
Thank you for sharing with us!!! You’re an angel and I love getting a little peak behind the curtain! 😘💗🫂
Hey girl, big hugs.
Please keep in mind that antiniotics are really tough on your gut. When your gut is out of whack, anxiety can increase like crazy. This happens to me when I've had a stomach bug or something messes with my microbiome. Its very uncomfortable but it will pass! Keep taking your probiotic and using all your tools in the meantime ❤
No unsolicited advice here. Just empathy for a beautiful young woman who is experiencing the rough and the smooth that life has to offer. Canada will wrap its arms around you even if you are crying so the trip will be a God send. Come to Ireland for a visit. I can share with you how I navigated clinical depression, severe panic attacks and finally agoraphobia some 40 years ago. I too have the long blonde hair and WE ARE WARRIORS AF!!! Keep crying is my ONLY advice, it will 'rinse all the badness out of your heart' as we say here in Ireland XOX
Life is full of ups and downs, thank you for sharing your vulnerable moment with us ❤ I truly think you're amazing and stronger than you think! You're very lucky to have Amelia, she is such a great friend 🥹 wish you all the best Estée 💘
Oh Estee, you are going through such a hard time in life so it makes sense that your body is going arrrggghh. And confidence loss after a breakup is so normal (not that that makes it better!). You've been knocked back, yet you're still going and finding vibrancy where you can, and doing the things that make you feel good. Winter is also not to be underestimated. You will one day look back and go wow I did that, I got through that. Your Mum is right, RESSST. Resting is active, too. It's not lazy. It's letting your body and mind do what it needs to do to get back to strength.
Thank you, Estée, for being authentic and sharing how you really are. You are not alone. I’m sending you lots of strength and positive energy to help you get through this moment. Life is a circle. Sometimes we’re up, sometimes we’re down, but this too shall pass! Sending Lots of love! ❤
Dear Estee....I almost never comment on a video, but today is an exception. Please know that you're so special and that you really are enough. I enjoy watching your videos so much and I hope you feel happier soon. Wishing you all the best!❤
On a positive note how fab does your hair look air dried beachy wow 😀
And I'm having stir fry and sparkling water while watching your vlog! You're doing an awesome job navigating things, Estée - authenticity, feeling your feelings, therapy, self care, etc. When I think about the hardest times in my life, they've come with a lot of growth, and I feel like we'll all be watching you enjoy the fruits of these hard times in future videos ✨
Never think your boring you are real like us ❤❤❤
Hi Estee. I’ve never commented before. All of the online positivity is great but sometimes poisonous when we are going through things. Sometimes things are rough and that’s okay. The bad feels sometimes linger after a walk and I do struggle with that. A hot girl walk should make me healed right? All this to say I see your honesty and I appreciate it x
Thank you for being so real! im 32 and contemplating a lot in life and not nowhere where i thought i was going to be (in my personal life) so your vlogs makes me feel seen
Bless you Estee maybe just an idea maybe share a home with someone else for a while, worth a try . Nobody knows what you are going through its healthy to talk about things so you are doing amazing .Long walks when you feel bad it works for me.
Definitely know the feeling! It always helped me to go and spend time with others in their daily lives, cooking with friends or doing errands together just made me feel like I wasn't so alone. Sorry girl, feel better soon.
I feel you .. Me too seperated from a man this summer.. I really thought we were going to spend our lives together, fast forward a lot happened and I had to reevaluate my situation. Being alone is hard, also when everyone around you got it all ''figured out''. The sadness and overthinking overwhelms sometimes. It is hard to explain to other people when they are not in the same place.
Snowy with a Chance of Christmas is also heartwarming and I think that the female leads charisma and values resonate with yours, a little. Being in hospital after major surgery and in a lot of pain, I feel able to recommend certain things that were a real help. Sending more warm hugs!
You are so strong. You may not feel that way now, but just know one day you will look back at this moment in your life and say wow… I got through that. This is going to make you bloom. It’s okay to not be okay! Don’t feel like you constantly need to distract yourself from feeling what you are feeling … sad. Let it out. Let it out have your moment, breathe and guess what repeat. Until you feel better. But NEVER cause self doubt on yourself. You are beautiful. You are kind. You are unique and worthy of so much. Sending positive vibes into the universe for you to find peace within this new stage of your life. Xoxo.
Estee have you been checked for PMDD? This was my problem. I'm completely hopeless and sad during my luteal phase every single month.
yeah and not being able to be vulnerable makes you feel so lonely to be in those pedestals , I actually have friends who are married fully in happy relationships who struggle heavily with deppresion and like Robin Williams used to say sometimes its worse to be surrounded by ppl who make you feel alone. But yeah take time for you and breaks and anything you like, but still there this like glow and excitement from within in you now and its amazing! Its like you've provided yourself this cloud of love and its so inspiring
Darling. I relate so so much. I had the WORST breakup of my life 2 years ago at 32. I never ever thought I’d be okay. I never thought I’d have a day where I didn’t think or cry about it.
Then 5 months ago I went on a date with a guy I actually wasn’t sure about. He’s so sweet and kind and treats me as a deserve.
I am VERY thankful for my dark, depressed days. They made me strong because I had no choice but to get through it.
You are amazing. Always hold the belief better days are coming. I promise it’s true ❤❤❤
Try:
1. Exercise
2. Helping others
You are doing so well. Life will get better soon - best wishes to you, gorgeous Estee X
Well and truly feel this. Thank you for sharing and being truly honest in this space ❤
Estee, don't you think about spending some time in Canada, with your family, at least for like, 6 months? I think it would help you so much!
Hey Estee, I'm sorry you are feeling so crap. You really have had a big year. I'm not here to diagose you (because who TF am I) but I was being treated for depression and anxiety for years and antidepressants never really did anything for it. I've since been diagnosed as AuDHD and know that it's not depression after all but neurodivergent burnout. I can't tell you how much better I feel since being treated for the right thing. I only say this because I relate to what you've been sharing regarding this over the past couple of years. xxx
You are brave to share. I hope you feel better soon too.
I feel you, I’ve been there, please be patient the light will come.
Sending love ❤
Sending you lots of love, Estee. You sound extremely burnt out. I hope you take some time over the holidays just to rest-no work, nothing. Rest is so important and you will come back stronger.
Sweet Estée ❤ What I see, is a beautiful soul, who has had a tough tough year, who is exhausted at the pushing through. It's so tough trying to maintain multiple businesses, being public facing, and going through something so tough. I do wonder if you are neuro-spicy, like me. I used to feel like I could only just keep my head above water, and even to do that was a STRUGGLE. I now know it was autistic burnout (34 when diagnosised!) I get the social drain thing. All my love, lizz xx
Thank you for being honest and raw. I feel you. Love from a fellow Leo in Canada 🇨🇦 ❤️
I have an anxiety disorder and really been struggling lately. I can relate to the tightness in your chest feeling - it’s awful and just feels like anxiety is following you around and refusing to leave. I’m also adjusting to new anti-depressants, so that’s fun 🥲 Thank you so much for being so raw and real, Estée. Sharing your experience is so comforting ♥️
Thank you, I needed to see this today. You're not alone either! xxx
Thank you for being real Estee. Thank you for sharing. I have watched you since you were a baby. You are a favorite and an inspiration just for your realness. ❤❤❤
Hi, I don't comment, ever, but as I was watching this video, I got a very strong urge to comment. Sometimes when we suffer from depression and life happens like a breakup, it takes us longer to get over it and it can trigger those depressing feelings. There is no set amount of time as to when we will feel better so please please please give yourself a break, give yourself permission to feel how you feel for as long as you feel. You are definitely not alone and you will feel better in your own time. Thanks for reading my comment. ❤
Sending lots and lots and lots of love and good energy your way ❤❤❤❤❤ you are a ray of sunshine and things will get better for you