Bill Maher's New Rules #3

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  • Опубліковано 28 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 498

  • @washingtonconsultants1041
    @washingtonconsultants1041 5 років тому +86

    OMG "Alla and Mohamad are names not associated with air safety," LMAO i laughed my ass off.

  • @Ash-ow5yc
    @Ash-ow5yc 5 років тому +155

    “Oh, go turn over to regular tv if you’re so offended. 🙄” Reasons why I love Bill Maher.

  • @MScorpioM
    @MScorpioM 4 роки тому +35

    Ten minutes of pure laughter. That last bit was utterly hilarious and spot-on. Bill Maher is amazing!

  • @SuperPhilipT
    @SuperPhilipT 6 років тому +115

    Bill is one of the best.

  • @AndreasBelivanakis
    @AndreasBelivanakis 6 років тому +55

    "...paused to pray, instead of following emergency procedures as his plane was crashing. Yes, as the plane started to down down, the muslim captain's first response was to call on Allah and Mohammed, two names that aren't exactly associated with air safety." Priceless.

    • @Birdtendo
      @Birdtendo 8 місяців тому

      Can't believe I studied Tunisia in grade 3

  • @chancewallace47
    @chancewallace47 6 років тому +179

    "Bill Maher's editorials are always so dann good! It's crazy.. Consistently one of the best parts of my week each and every week. Dude is a national treasure. So funny,, utterly fearless, unapologetically honest and completely spot on/correct about every issue he discusses. Even if you're too PC to recognize it" -Bill Maher

  • @donaldcook2484
    @donaldcook2484 5 років тому +29

    Bills the best!! Nobody since Carlin.. both r in a league by themselves.

  • @robertcavalier6133
    @robertcavalier6133 5 років тому +9

    Bill is SPOT ON! Bless this man! Thankfully -- someone behind a microphone actually thinks! * Cav *

  • @mathieuL2204
    @mathieuL2204 2 роки тому +6

    Such a funny, likable dude. My favorite comedian by a wide margin!

  • @recusantbile9829
    @recusantbile9829 5 років тому +10

    It's cool they show the guests reacting to the new rules.

  • @baashi3578
    @baashi3578 5 років тому +11

    "Mostly Bill Maher clips" that is what you call a channel... unique stuff man

  • @hanumantjoshi
    @hanumantjoshi 5 років тому +10

    one of the few real comedians left out there...

  • @rebbeshort
    @rebbeshort 6 років тому +32

    Thank you for being honest in the description of what this video is. Kind of refreshing considering what normally goes on here on UA-cam. I don't mind regurgitated shit, as long as you label it correctly.

  • @hoffer54
    @hoffer54 5 років тому +5

    Great compilation! Definitely a funny one, thanks for posting!

  • @Declan_Moriarty
    @Declan_Moriarty 6 років тому +33

    2nd shooter !? Bill stop it! LOL

  • @cheapconstructioncc1675
    @cheapconstructioncc1675 5 років тому +7

    The most savage burn (your baby looks like biggy smalls) 😂😂😂😂😂

  • @karenmoore5831
    @karenmoore5831 5 років тому +8

    Thank you Bill for your amazing Comedy Relief! You never disappoint! I have watch you through your whole career! IMHO, you are one of the BEST!

  • @stephh4495
    @stephh4495 6 років тому +41

    3:23 "All the current Pope does is not see anything"
    Heh, not-see. I see what you did there, Bill.

  • @ScottSmith-ln7he
    @ScottSmith-ln7he 6 років тому +6

    The titles are the funniest parts!!!!

  • @abhishekkhandkar
    @abhishekkhandkar Рік тому +4

    The eat pray love joke physically hurt me 🤣

  • @sharifnur124
    @sharifnur124 6 років тому +155

    I'm Muslim and that was very funny joke

    • @AhmedEtman79
      @AhmedEtman79 5 років тому +10

      Good to see a Muslim with a good sense of humor. :)

    • @taylor7077
      @taylor7077 5 років тому +2

      Me too it's funny and sad that what we have become really

    • @dex7145
      @dex7145 5 років тому +4

      @yujil da Racist as always.

    • @IRosamelia
      @IRosamelia 5 років тому +1

      You aren't a very good muslim in the traditional sense of the word 🕌

    • @dex7145
      @dex7145 5 років тому

      Surfer Rosa What am I supposed to call him then?

  • @timkeenan7419
    @timkeenan7419 Рік тому +1

    Loved it. Great video to watch with my morning coffee

  • @phoebegraveyard7225
    @phoebegraveyard7225 6 років тому +300

    You know what we call motorcyclists who don’t wear helmets? Organ Donor.

    • @Ericwvb2
      @Ericwvb2 6 років тому +16

      What do you call the high performance motorcycles sold to reckless young men who end up crashing? Donorcycles.

    • @jcarry5214
      @jcarry5214 6 років тому +6

      If hep c is your thing, at least where I grew up.

    • @tehutibrim594
      @tehutibrim594 6 років тому +2

      Biker Boyz

    • @koolkitties8552
      @koolkitties8552 5 років тому +1

      Thats an old one

    • @malcolmjohnston3227
      @malcolmjohnston3227 5 років тому

      Many years ago we hired a young engineer that was still riding his college motorcycle... but now in Los Angeles (Mexican for "City of Angel-dust") I told him it was too dangerous (FOR A WHILE AT UCLA I RELUCTANTLY HAD TO). He told me he was saving up for a car so the motorcycle was temporary. Looking back I wish I'd helped him find a good car and lent him the money (I wasn't rich either but I knew how to buy a good cheap car and should have suggested that as an interim so he'd be able to take his time and save up for a really nice car; ie. keep him safe while convincing him, as I had OTHERs, to SAVE UP FOR FIRST HOUSE BEFORE ALL THE OTHER 'STUFF'). I CONVINCED SEVERAL TO DO THIS AND NOW THEY HAVE THE HOUSE AND THE CLASSIC CAR -ANOTHER SUGGESTION... DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON DEPRECIATING ASSETS, APPRECIATING ASSETS ARE HOUSES, COLLECTIBLE CARS, AND definitely NOT BIT COINS (like tulips-1700s Holland)!!

  • @saggitarius6155
    @saggitarius6155 3 роки тому +2

    Wanted to put a Like, and discovered it was already there.
    I may have watched this several times!
    You can never get tired of Bill's jokes! 🤣🤣🤣

  • @tubewatcher38
    @tubewatcher38 6 років тому +11

    Strong finish.

  • @carleahull
    @carleahull 6 років тому +32

    Thanks. Ï am watching tennis from now on.

  • @bicyclist2
    @bicyclist2 5 років тому +7

    Now That was funny! Thank you.

  • @democlips1
    @democlips1 3 роки тому +1

    The captions underneath every “new rule” are pure gold!

  • @181cameron
    @181cameron 6 років тому +13

    Ends on several good notes.

  • @bachblues2
    @bachblues2 4 роки тому +2

    Hahahaha! Bill doesn't sleep trying to figure out these hilarious verbal pranks at machine gun speed.

  • @felixroman9007
    @felixroman9007 5 років тому +2

    Great stuff

  • @yoitsAndy1
    @yoitsAndy1 5 років тому +3

    LOL! Excellent!

  • @swinde
    @swinde 6 років тому +97

    The loudest Grunt-fest in a tennis match I can remember was Maria Sharapova vs Victoria Azarenka several years ago. A local talk radio FM station Played the audio from the match. It sounded viciously erotic, especially if you weren't informed that it was from a tennis match. Both of these girls are loud screamers.

  • @SvenTviking
    @SvenTviking 6 років тому +14

    Grape. THE most artificial flavour known to man. Tastes like a huge petrochemical plant.

  • @tracer740
    @tracer740 5 років тому +3

    ... I had to come up for air. Thank goodness for the pause control!

  • @yolamontalvan9502
    @yolamontalvan9502 5 років тому +23

    @6:13 Why did you remove the Trump Joke? They are the best ones. Don’t remove them. Trump has made comedy great again.

    • @NotDuncan
      @NotDuncan 5 років тому

      @Charisma 101 darwinists and evolutionists? What are you talking about?

    • @miadelavier4315
      @miadelavier4315 4 роки тому

      You’re kids will die because of trump one day. I wanna see if you laugh then.

    • @wayneurquhart1967
      @wayneurquhart1967 4 роки тому

      @@miadelavier4315 How did you look into the future Mia?

  • @louielouie22
    @louielouie22 6 років тому +63

    The last one hahahahaha!!!

  • @blackprince4074
    @blackprince4074 Рік тому +1

    !.38 the look on Michaels face is priceless, Mmmmm white flight or just jealousy.

  • @billschipper1718
    @billschipper1718 5 років тому +3

    another great video. lol 😂

  • @ralphgizzip4408
    @ralphgizzip4408 Рік тому +1

    Eiffel Glower -> Chewbacca is dangerous when angered.

  • @TheVivianable
    @TheVivianable 6 років тому +4

    Yeap, pretty well done! Thanks

  • @judylittle1138
    @judylittle1138 Рік тому

    Oh i loved it !!!

  • @adam_p99
    @adam_p99 6 років тому +8

    The 2nd shooter comment was great.

  • @pranafoods1
    @pranafoods1 4 роки тому +1

    Comedians save lives.

  • @saundrawells2603
    @saundrawells2603 5 років тому +5

    As a lifetime Bill Maher admirer, this compilation of "funnies" are not representative of why I watch his broadcasts. Great guests, guest panel discussions-comments-particularly political ones. Thankyou Bill Maher and " 'Company"!

  • @snorton6138
    @snorton6138 3 роки тому +1

    Hot Dog eating contest + fireworks = Universal Healthcare

  • @raleighmorrisville4011
    @raleighmorrisville4011 6 років тому +52

    FOOTBALL JERKOFF NAP LOL

  • @KingHoborg
    @KingHoborg 6 років тому +20

    Maybe it's "Do not doubt, our god will [doubt for us]"?

    • @darbyzworld
      @darbyzworld 5 років тому

      I don't speak stupid....what does that mean?

    • @JDines
      @JDines 5 років тому

      I suspect one of the words is missing an apostrophe followed by the letter S.

  • @heartwisdomlove
    @heartwisdomlove 5 років тому +3

    OMG THE BEST MOST HILARIOUS FUNNY !!!

  • @mahatmacote6478
    @mahatmacote6478 6 років тому +8

    All I can say is;
    Aaaahahahahaaa!
    (Thanks)

  • @Xavier_Coogat_the_Mambo_King
    @Xavier_Coogat_the_Mambo_King 6 років тому +4

    The second shooter joke hahahahaha damn

  • @johnchristiansen9095
    @johnchristiansen9095 5 років тому +1

    My Dew’s slogan used to be “It’ll tickle your innards”! lol!

  • @jacobzaranyika9334
    @jacobzaranyika9334 3 роки тому

    Totally up to you

  • @jassange2921
    @jassange2921 3 роки тому +1

    Das coot. Best maher ever.
    I dont always like him or agree but when he s got a good one he s got one

  • @Ericwvb2
    @Ericwvb2 6 років тому +18

    I think the sign is supposed to read "Do not doubt our God's will" but they ran out of space ... This reminds me of the movie "Idiocracy." The hospital is called "St. God Memorial Hospital" but they ran out of space so the last few letters are vertical on the building.

    • @KingdomKalifornia
      @KingdomKalifornia 5 років тому +2

      I think it was supposed to be "Do not doubt our God, Do not doubt our will", but who the hell knows

  • @johnmoore3930
    @johnmoore3930 5 років тому +1

    makes me wonder why I used to like Bill when he was on tv

  • @eiwindiversen4431
    @eiwindiversen4431 Рік тому

    Brilliant!

  • @independentsistah
    @independentsistah 6 років тому +7

    I can't stand Bill Maher but I have to admit he's funny at!😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @donadeavera9608
    @donadeavera9608 Рік тому

    Totally hysterical. Funniest I ever seen you do.

  • @paxwallacejazz
    @paxwallacejazz 6 років тому +77

    In Will we trust

    • @Tmanaz480
      @Tmanaz480 6 років тому +3

      But we are saved by Grace. :-)

    • @drlee2
      @drlee2 5 років тому

      paxwallacejazz That was the funniest bit.

    • @lorenanders702
      @lorenanders702 3 роки тому

      @@Tmanaz480 yea, she sure is amazing! 😜

  • @blamtasticful
    @blamtasticful 6 років тому +4

    Oh my god when I scrolled down to the comments while listening I realized Maher sounds exactly like an angry Tom Bergeron.

  • @ja3482
    @ja3482 5 років тому +6

    6:58 "Oh, well..." lol

  • @JoannaWagnerClaireSangre
    @JoannaWagnerClaireSangre 6 років тому +8

    Sick joke among the organ transplant community. If you want to find a donor faster, move to Florida; no helmet laws.

  • @Mevenda1
    @Mevenda1 4 роки тому +1

    The Sharapova one had me rolling

  • @ricaard
    @ricaard 6 років тому +15

    Can Newt run? 😂

    • @joryjones6808
      @joryjones6808 6 років тому +1

      ricaard no he’s too out of shape.

  • @Pinkielover
    @Pinkielover 5 років тому +2

    always makes me laugh

  • @joshlobsenz7252
    @joshlobsenz7252 6 років тому +652

    "Allah and Mohammad, two names that aren't exactly associated with air safety"

  • @stargazer1359
    @stargazer1359 6 років тому +90

    Sorry, I don't speak Bumpkin

  • @TheNefastor
    @TheNefastor 6 років тому +6

    Those loud tenniswomen sure know their audience !

  • @dougboggio7098
    @dougboggio7098 6 років тому +7

    Jeez, that picture of the pope makes him look so evil...........

    • @rattusnorvegicus4380
      @rattusnorvegicus4380 4 роки тому

      They generally are, goes with the territory/history, apart from The Smiling Pope, but hey they murdered him because he was planning on giving all the Vatican`s vast wealth to the poor.

  • @olivierdamiron7279
    @olivierdamiron7279 3 роки тому

    Genius!!!! Maher for President damn it!

  • @hannuala-olla4302
    @hannuala-olla4302 6 років тому +5

    Do not doubt because God will(doubt).

  • @steelcityking7316
    @steelcityking7316 6 років тому +21

    FootballJerkoffNap HAHAHA 🤣🤣😂

  • @jasonbourney3869
    @jasonbourney3869 6 років тому +9

    i feel pity for people in the comment section saying Allah doesn't exit but believe Jesus died for them lol

    • @ruthie_rosario
      @ruthie_rosario 5 років тому

      Joke is on those people because neither exist! 😹

  • @williamellis-xd1rm
    @williamellis-xd1rm Рік тому

    DAS COOT! IM DYING HERE! LMAO!

  • @markvietti
    @markvietti 6 років тому +10

    wish he would do a segment on Monsanto and round up in are food

  • @richardkuda321
    @richardkuda321 4 роки тому

    Very nice. So funny .

  • @okiepita50t-town28
    @okiepita50t-town28 6 років тому +4

    That shit is hilarious man.

  • @trentsolo1883
    @trentsolo1883 6 років тому +2

    Lmaoooo the first one haha

  • @fartknocker8363
    @fartknocker8363 6 років тому +6

    "second shooter".....damn.

  • @BPDHANA
    @BPDHANA 6 років тому +51

    Allah and Mohammad, two names that aren't exactly associated with air safety... LOL!! I'm dying.. that isn't just super funny but also unapologetic

    • @dylanhaugen3739
      @dylanhaugen3739 6 років тому +1

      BP bill gives wary never shit, so you can't really call him biased or hateful, unless that he hates everyone.

    • @BPDHANA
      @BPDHANA 6 років тому +1

      Hahah..so true! the perfect word to correctly describe him is "badass" :D

    • @kylestubbs8867
      @kylestubbs8867 5 років тому

      Can someone explain that to me?

    • @tacoheadmakenzie9311
      @tacoheadmakenzie9311 5 років тому +1

      We could, but we're not going to...but thanks for asking.

    • @kylestubbs8867
      @kylestubbs8867 5 років тому

      @@tacoheadmakenzie9311 Never mind. I'll stick to my original hunch.

  • @WildwoodClaire1
    @WildwoodClaire1 5 років тому +1

    Norovirus is something one ingests after someone who wiped their ass with their bare hand handles your food.

  • @leondarcy7367
    @leondarcy7367 6 років тому +3

    5:58 that's low. Half of Google staff is offended.

  • @cindystoon8396
    @cindystoon8396 Рік тому

    Pretty good

  • @91rummy
    @91rummy 6 років тому +7

    Religious fanaticism at its peaks.. !!

  • @chaseberwick7801
    @chaseberwick7801 3 роки тому +1

    Tennis suddenly seems very interesting.

  •  5 років тому +9

    JohnCook Australia. Beware the ides of March. Watch out Trump they're coming for you !

  • @lindagrizlby9708
    @lindagrizlby9708 Рік тому

    Sounds like Bill Maher is back! LOL

  • @radamson1
    @radamson1 Рік тому

    That was ten minutes I will bever get back!

  • @Ninonabc
    @Ninonabc 3 місяці тому +1

    First lady looks!!! Scary

  • @Suite_annamite
    @Suite_annamite 5 років тому +1

    @6:06: Wow, it's currently *March 14th* as I'm randomly watching this!

  • @mariocordeiro8728
    @mariocordeiro8728 5 років тому +2

    Second shooter...good one Bill

  • @joanbarkdull543
    @joanbarkdull543 Рік тому

    good laughs...never too many of those

  • @tyrannosaurusburke
    @tyrannosaurusburke 5 років тому +2

    1:31 I've seen this picture before. Can someone please explain it to me?

  • @dddux
    @dddux 6 років тому +3

    Yep, their god is Will Farrell. It's easy.

  • @alienhivemind7121
    @alienhivemind7121 4 роки тому

    Good vid. Heres ur like. Now lemme go to sleep

  • @sukai3582
    @sukai3582 6 років тому +3

    Oh man that last one

  • @mac_tire_aonair
    @mac_tire_aonair Рік тому

    Maria Sharapova - pure Bill gold

  • @lifesgreat9951
    @lifesgreat9951 6 років тому +4

    Why was the 'new rule' concerning Mark Zuckerberg chopped out 9:53?

  • @tomgardner8825
    @tomgardner8825 Рік тому +1

    where are you taki g that dump to?