Hi I just watched this video and I am in tears. I relate to this so hard. I spent four years looking for a job and never got an offer I wanted in my chosen career path. I am not officially diagnosed on the spectrum (yet) but I am certainly neurodivergent. The job interview is not designed for the neurodivergent AT ALL. Thank you for making this video I definitely feel validated.
This is why I’m terrified of interviews. I’ve done a lot of interviews and I never say the right thing. I don’t care about power and so I don’t have like a drive to be in management 🙈 I freeze when I’m put on the spot too.
I recently had a Zoom interview where not only had video off, but also sent me the questions in advance. It was nice to not have to worry about what I was doing with my hands/body, but also knowing that I wouldn't be caught off guard by a weird question.
I absolutely can relate. Job interviews are effed up. I recently had a PhD interview & requested reasonable adjustments prior: they accepted, met the team virtually beforehand, had questions beforehand - I got it!
My last job hunt was brutal. I was determined to only apply for remote positions. This means lots more opportunities, but also means far more competition. I interviewed with over 60 people at 20 or 30 positions. I can't do formulaic, I just share my skill levels and skill limitations. This means I finally landed at a software company, this has happened three out of my last four jobs. I think that I do better interviews with IT / Software people, since they talk to a LOT of ND candidates and aren't as freaked out by it. But yeah, every interview was a fresh drawer-full of spoons used. Ugh.
Hi. I'm a DEIB consultant and coach and I must say that the process that they put you through is unreasonable. You can tell a lot about company culture by their hiring process. When they give you that many restrictions and hoops to jump through in the hiring process, take it as a sign of what's to come if you take the job.
The bright color thing is also…. Like reading a bit racist too. If your skin tone is dark, you’re not going to show up as well on screen if you’re wearing navy or black. But if your skin is dark and you wear a bright red or yellow or pink blazer, you’ll be more visible on screen I’ve been super lucky because the field I’ve picked- for some reason the interviews go really well but i suspect that most nurses esp in ER and ICU, esp at night shift are somewhere on the adhd/autism spectrum. Like there’s a “night shift people are a bit odd, is this person reliable? They are? Cool!” They chalk it up to a “night shift” thing
I'm so sorry you had to go through this! ❤️ That list of expectations is nuts! Like you said it basically says don't stim, don't be autistic. I went to school for Elementary Education and applied as an assistant at a Montessori early childcare center to get my feet wet before jumping into public school. The interview made me nervous but the overall energy of the women interviewing me was very warm and kind. The school was also very calm and it made me want to come back. I luckily got the job and wound up loving it and them and worked with them for 6 years. I think they were something very special and hard to come by these days as they were not only supportive of the children but the staff as well. I had to leave because we moved from Montana to Pennsylvania. My husband and I now switched roles and I'm stay at home mom which I'm still adjusting to. Thanks for sharing your experience and welcome back!!
Hey Whitney! Well that sounds like such a great setup! So glad you had that experience. It gives me hope I will find something that works for me and supports me in the way I need to be supported! Always good to hear from you.
"Dress professionally" used to be a big stressor for me because of "what context do I get?" I've solved the problem by putting together an outfit that I keep specifically for those kinds of situations. I don't have to think about what I want to wear anymore because it's already in my closet; I just have to dig it out. I had my parents approve the colors just to make sure, and I haven't changed sizes since then. If I do, I know what to look for
The fact that they equated “dress professionally” with “no bright colors” is super confusing to me. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. Like, they literally make suits, button down shirts, etc. in bright colors, so that makes zero sense. That requirement just makes it seem like they only want boring people lol 😆
I have a specific interview outfit that I wear to each one (and mainly because I don't have a lot of clothes 😅). I wonder if the "no bright colors" is for the interviewer, who may have a visual sensory thing?
Oh and years back I was confused and didn't know what to wear to interviews, so I Googled and found that certain colors are good/neutral for interviews like blues, black for high-powered interviews, and avoid reds because it's an aggressive color...which can be good if you want them to know you are assertive, but could also backfire and say that you're too aggressive.
I don't know if I'm on the spectrum, but I kind of suspect I might be. I went through interviews for a year before I got my current job. The interview process was so difficult. I ended up getting a job with help from a friend. I used to outrank her though at our old job. At my new job I was hired a level lower than her because I had such a hard time communicating my experience in the interview. I think part of it is my friend is good at talking herself up and I sometimes talk myself down, or am extremely honest. Do people who know they are on the spectrum have a propensity for downgrading themselves, or being so honest it gets them in trouble? Also, you've mentioned anxiety as part of this. I had to take days before interviews off work because I would have panic attacks each time.
Oh my goodness - I'm very late to this, but this was so validating. Interviews are the absolute worst thing to me and the reason I stay in jobs I don't like way too long. Everything about the interview process is SO HARD. And to think about doing an interview for a new place and then going back to finish my normal work day? Noooooooo. Not happening.
Interviews are one of the biggest career obstacles I have faced. Two comments: 1) In my experience, much of the discussion of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) does not include neurodiversity and neurodiverse individuals in the workplace. Disability is often in the background as well, but even where disability is included, it is most often in terms of visible, physical disabilities and not invisible disability or neurodiversity. Many companies that boast a commitment to DEI are not, in practice, very welcoming or accommodating to neurodiversity. 2) Aside from the "helpful" tips often given for interviews that you mentioned, which are not at all helpful to most of us, I also find the types of questions asked are not inclusive. Things like "Tell us about a time when...." are always very difficult for me, as my brain doesn't process experiences the same way, nor am I able to communicate them in the way the interviewer is looking for. They may ask "Tell me about a time when you had to deal with a difficult person and how you handled it." Logically, I know what they are looking for, but I am not able to articulate it exactly the way they want, with the elements they are expecting, if that makes sense. Sigh.....despite having a graduate degree and 25+ yrs experience, I can't seem to progress past entry-mid level :/
I mentioned this very same thing to two people on the DEI task force at my company. Stating more people are introverted and neurodivergent then NT's realize and that DEI needs to focus on that (or at least have it on their radar).
That how have I dealt with a difficult person question messes me up every single time. It's so stupid. One time I said I had to take over and apologize that they were upset with a coworker. Then the follow-up question was did I discipline the coworker. Um no. I said that's not my job and if you're asking if I tattled, I didn't. Honestly they just need to ask can you talk to upset customers in a calm manner because I'm assuming that's what the main idea is meant to be. 🤷♀️
I soooo needed to hear this right now. I did 2 interviews monday and Tuesday and the level of exhaustion i felt by the end of Tuesday was debilitating. And it was made even worse because I felt like no one would understand why it drained me like that.😊
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with a company that seemed to be trying to be more inclusive (and failing 100%). I also don't interview well and feel like I have to be inauthentic in order to get the job. Last job interview, I'm pretty sure in retrospect that I stared at the interviewer's penciled-on eyebrows a little too long (I'm not always aware of it when I'm staring, which is why I like Jared's suggestion below about audio only interviews). Of course, I was still six years away from figuring out I'm autistic at that time. I didn't think I would get the job but then I did because they were so desperate for experienced cashiers and they only had a week to find one. Anyway, I will be in your shoes in a couple of years (career change, rejoining the workforce, going through interviews). By then, I hope to have my formal diagnosis and that there will be a little more awareness about autism out there. I wish companies would plain understand that they can't expect autistics to be like others in an interview and just give us the chance to talk in a straightforward way about our strengths. We do make phenomenal employees if given the chance, don't we?
We sure do! There's a lot to learn in terms of how to make the process more accessible for us, but I do think we're making progress. Thanks for sharing your experience!
I may be autistic and got a call last week and I genuinely wanted the job and was happy that she called me to ask me some questions. She asked what my qualification was so I answered and was being professional until then. Then she said its not on the resume. I said still being professional it is there under the education heading. This time she becomes extremely rude and says it's not there. I believe in karma. What you give is what you get in return. So I became extremely rude and said it is there and I don't know which resume you are reading. She gave advice saying that I should give the right resume. I said I sent 2 resumes you must of opened the wrong one. She opened the other one and said you are right. I then said still being rude I am sorry but I won't be coming in for an interview since you were rude have a nice day and hung up. I then had a massive anxiety attack.
Oh my gosh, it's like you took the words out of my mouth! I have expressed the same challenges, even before I understood that I was autistic. In particular the 'business jargon', like this fake language we are expected to speak, I absolutely loathe it. I love your videos, thanks so much for sharing
Thank you for the video! I wish I’d seen it earlier. It was an incredible struggle for me to apply to PA school, since I’m autistic and have an accent. I practiced extensively for weeks to “act normal”: not to fidget, to look straight in the eyes, speak “with emotions”. Eventually I was successful in my “act” and got accepted in 2 schools. But later, when my friend (who is also on the spectrum) was applying the year after me, I caught myself advising her to not be herself, to basically be an energetic, fun and relaxed person… Which we both are not… and It’s sad that we had to act as someone else in order to be accepted in the neurotypical program. My class of 33 people now is basically all neurotypicals, and me being autistic af.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Taylor. I had a similar experience applying for the US Postal Service. There were too many steps and they were very time sensitive. I gave up. It was too much for me. To answer your question, yes, there are some companies that are making an effort to employ autistic people. I am currently reading The Autism Job Club written by Michael S. Bernick and Richard Holden. They found that Walgreens pharmacy has the most far-reaching autism initiative compared to other companies like Best Buy and Safeway. Walgreens developed a toolbox for recruitment and retention for autism that it subsequently applied to other disabilities. The four main toolbox elements were: 1) resources on disability etiquette, 2) customized lessons for managers and supervisors on the features of different disabilities, 3) job aids for common tasks in the facilities, and 4) a social skills training curriculum for new hires with autism and related disorders, if needed. Sadly, this is only a minimum wage job, but it's better than being unemployed (like me).
I really don’t like interviews and how they are set up. I get overwhelmed that they ask a question and I have to answer it quickly and perfectly. I can’t seem to think clearly on the spot. I also can’t handle that they just stare with deadpan face, I just feel anxiety. I can also relate to what you were saying about how someone can be talking and I don’t hear anything that the other person is saying because I’m in my brain thinking. I’ve also noticed that I shut down in bright noisy spaces, it’s like I retreat in my mind and it’s like I can’t hear or see what’s going on. I’m not really sure why that happens. I find that I’m staring off into nowhere frequently throughout a day when I feel overwhelmed. People including students say “why are you staring?” It’s embarrassing.
Standardized tests through the application process. Delayed processing speed just isn't something I can do especially if I am not familiar with the position. Another thing I don't get social ques so knowing when I say too much or read the room during the interview. I always feel like I did it perfectly but never get hired.
Man you’re like my female twin. I did a career change from private piano/violin teacher to software developer a few years ago and I don’t regret it. And yes! The interview process was painful!!
Job interviews are stressful because I have to put up an act, say the right things & I can't be completely honest...I can't understand why interviewers ask "What was your experience like in the previous work space?" and then only want to hear the positives because saying anything even pertaining to be negative will give off a bad impression like UGHHH
I'm feeling sorry for your experience. I don't like job interviews, they espect you tell lies to them, and we have to behave like we're flawless invincible persons. They know it's fake but they don't care. It's all about acting, we can't be how we are. So fake, like most of "normal neurotypicals". That's why it's a real struggle to me. Sorry for my poor English, it's not my native language, but I can understand anything you say in your videos. Your channel is helping me.
Your English is impressive! Thank you so much for taking the time to share. It does really seem like they want us to lie in interviews in some way. It all feels fake and so hard to navigate!
Love this, wow!! Thank you 🤓 I'm currently an HR employee for a small team. I have an ADHD diagnosis, and am seeking an autism one soon. Your fidgets during the video weren't distracting. I see others moving in calls and find it permission giving and liberating. I'm all about trying to make our company as inclusive as possible for brains like ours. Excited to review our interview processes to be more inclusive with your recommendations ❤ Also... Who the heck decided bright colors aren't professional?? Firmly disagree. 🤭🌈🦄
I really appreciate this video. I've seen hours of video from many creators on youtube about Aspie life but this is the first one that addressed the job interview. I need this info more than ever right now. My biggest stress is when they say they will get back with me, even give me a timeline, and then they never get back with me. I feel like I am patient and willing to wait and I feel like i'm doing everything that I should be doing and then they suck more life out of me by throwing in the ghosting. What a waste of my life, to sit here paralyzed waiting for days. This is especially hurtful when they give me some hope and even give me an assignment to do like make a writing sample etc. If they decided not to hire me at some point during the interview why give me that? I should be outraged by it, but whats the point? My best revenge is to just look for another job and forget about them, and not even follow up with a thank you note.
I had a virtual class that I took with an instructor who wanted us on camera for 8-10 hours straight (with breaks) although not required. But his stipulations were "don't eat on camera, don't take a sip of water, don't fidget, always look into the camera, basically sit still." Basically I said to myself "nope!" and kept myself off of camera. When he later asked my as to why I wasn't on camera, I stated that I was part of the neurodivergent community, so my habits were going to drive him crazy. He left me alone after that. ;-)
Thank you for speaking about this topic. I have a hard time deciding whether to disclose my neurodivergence or not. I often misread people's intentions or assume the best in others and my naiveté has cost me heavily, including being subjected to a hostile work environment, fired, or not hired despite the interview going well and being qualified and them being excited about me until I disclosed. I don't feel safe sharing with employers at all. I hope someday I will feel safe sharing and have it be seen as a positive.
Yes, thank you so much for highlighting this! It's such an unnecessary struggle and I'm sorry you experienced such uninformed processes. I've always thought some ways to better the interview process: - (If for a smaller company, maybe) Allow for various forms of resumes. Not everyone is great at the 'traditional' resume format (me lol) and it would be so nice to showcase our skils and experiences in different ways! Like a powerpoint or short video or something else. - A choice between alternate interview formats. Traditional or video-recorded, where a candidate could upload their responses to the interview questions instead of live (I've seen this used in med school applications). Later stage interviews could be held live (in-person/zoom). - Sending a breakdown of the interview beforehand. What types of questions will be asked, the atmosphere, a bit of information about the people that will be present. - Asking straightforward questions instead of these abstract questions that have another meaning and you have to answer in a specific way (like you mentioned in the video). Like if you want to know about a time I made a mistake and improved from that, then just ASK ME THAT QUESTIONNNN - Ultimately making it more human-centered instead of this weird business performance. Like you said, no one talks like how we do in interviews and on resumes, so why don't we just have a less rigid conversation in interviews?
OMG. They are requiring interviewees to mask! This is like ABA. It's abusive and so ignorant. It sounds traumatic. I have delayed responses to trauma, too. I hope you get lots of time to be yourself while you recover from that awful experience. It really sounds like a toxic work situation. I just retired 7 months ago from a work environment where I was often required to mask and where many of the same types of toxic expectations existed. It's taken me this long to recover. I'm hoping you find a supportive and accommodating and inclusive work environment. You know, interviews work both ways, and the prospective employer has to meet your test, too. Sounds like these guys failed big time.
Hi Tay, excellent video! First off for me I have delayed meltdowns also. On Thursday I had a meltdown in my car in Trader Joe’s parking lot. It was a total surprise and I think it was an accumulation of several events that started the day before. Thankfully I had already finished my shopping and the lot was almost empty😁. I actually chuckled when you read off the suggestions for the interview and you said so don’t be autistic. I read an article a while back about how computer companies where actually giving applicants the Simon Baron Cohen AQ test as they were actually seeking people on the spectrum or at least with tendencies. I think I would have been a wreck through the whole process you went through😱. When I was 18 I took a careers test and the job I wanted was Flight Attendant. I know impossible right? Well it took me ten years of interviewing to finally achieve that goal but I did. After interviewing a million times I realized what was holding me back was my eye contact. I should say that eye contact for me is like looking into the sun! A slight exaggeration, but not by much. I should also say that one of the reasons I wanted the job so bad was that commercial jets was my first special interest! It brought be close to my father as he traveled lot for business. I actually love my job and I am excellent at it. Its takes a lot out of me and I typically crash after but non the less I love it! Of course I didn’t know I was autistic then, but I did know I was ADHD. The ADHD serves me well in an emergency as we are great in a crisis. I think my company we do well seeking neurodiverse people as we do offer special skills that can add to any workplace. Wow another long winded response! I wish you luck on your interview I think you are doing great!
Hey Bryan! That's so cool that you're a flight attendant!! And sooo inspiring that you stuck with it until you GOT WHAT YOU WANTED! I love that. So I just checked out your youtube page - did you shoot those videos? Is that related to you traveling as a flight attendant? So cool. Sorry to hear about your meltdown at Trader Joes. Shopping in a grocery store definitely stresses me out. Others here have mentioned (and maybe you too) that sometimes a seemingly small event will trigger the meltdown after a series of other events that were less easily perceptible. I hope you're taking the time you need to recover! Always good to hear your take on things. Thanks for sharing.
I had to be put on anxiety medication just to be able to tolerate thinking about job interviews or I would either have a panic attack, severe anxiety attack or shut down. I wouldn't be in a condition to be able to even get to the job interview, let alone be able to listen or think or respond. Then when I finally got a job, I had to go off the anxiety medication so I could sleep, because while on it, I'd only sleep for three or four hours per day. And I mean all day, no naps. I was so sleep deprived that my mental and physical pain from not sleeping would wake me up after a couple of hours.
This is incredible, the expectations some companies have of potential candidates for a position… WHY do they feel the need for this when (as you point out), such things don’t usually have a bearing on job performance?? If I was applying for a job at such a company (who claimed to be ‘inclusive’ of people’s backgrounds & needs, then I would try point out to them (at the interview) how hard it can be for Neurodivergent people… even if it resulted in me NOT getting the job, because I think that they are only hurting their chances of being more successful because of these rules potentially keeping out otherwise very gifted people!
As a neurodivergent software engineer who made a career change and works for a great small company with great leadership and treats all its employees like human beings, I really wish I personally had the opportunity to interview you.
Hey BBB - would it be OK if I ask you some questions/opinion/advice regarding starting a new career? And you dont have to answer anything, ofc. So, I'm 40, ADD, and undiagnosed Asperger's (I think that's being called something different now??). I want to go into an IT field, either front-end web development, because I know baaasic html so I am hoping to catch on, or cybersecurity but I don't know any programming or anything - id be starting at zero. I am thinking about taking online courses at the community college next year and then get either a certificate or Associate's. I have a lot of trouble retaining info, so learning has been hard for me; it takes a longggg time to study or do things. Based on your experience and what you seen, do you think I have my head in the clouds? I feel like a 40 yo woman with no experience and some disability issues, that what I want to try isn't practical. Sorry to throw a chunk of my life story at you but I was trying to give context. Sorry, and thanks. [edited: added a couple of words]
@@delicedeluna1629 When you say you have trouble retaining info, are you talking about isolated facts? I’m much better at retaining info if it’s in the framework of a greater concept. I’m a very conceptual and systematic thinker. You’re definitely facing an uphill battle but a lot of it is will. I had the will and perseverance (although not consistently all the time) to learn it and apply myself. So if you think you have enough raw ability I’d say go for it.
Had I received that list I would've canceled my interview. I wouldn't want to work at a company that thinks it's ok to send a list out telling people how to behave in interviews even down to the proper amount of eye contact. Are you kidding me? lol that is incredibly strange to me. I can't imagine what it's like to even work there. No, thank you.
Wow, almost had to shut this off and come back later when you read the interview "how to act " instructions. I had just been thinking how much your looking away from the camera a lot REALLY HELPS! Relieves eye contact on this end! And, yeah, that feeling of being three spoons short of a drawer full! Or 8 spoons short of a dozen. Or, I can't find any spoons! OH my word, never heard anyone discuss this from a common perspective before! Freeing to hear someone else say these things. Except colors. Give me one and let that be my wardrobe. The sensory overload side! Here is a hack for sensory overload [off topic]. Went to Hobby Lobby with ear plugs and sunglasses, watched the floor back to the art paper and compared sheets of grey for a good long time to find something like a neutral 18% grey. Staple it to a wall at home to have a calming neutral wall! Helps a little! Back on subject: Good helps here, thank you! Wait! didn't notice the swimming until you mentioned it! I thought that WAS normal...
Also the types of questions they ask in interviews can be really not autism-friendly, and sometimes they feel almost manipulative. The worst one to me is the “How much do you expect to make?” question. I’ve always interpreted it as being forced to guess how much they intend to pay me, and if I get it wrong, I won’t get the job. Which I guess isn’t true, but it still feels that way. So I always end up underselling myself because I’m afraid of asking for too much and offending them or something. Ugh.
Also, I have not had a specifically accessible interview, but I work for a company in IA, USA, that made me feel comfortable disclosing during the interview. Interviewer disclosed a disability. I think it got me the job to say I was most proud of my college degree (on my resume) cause it took me 8 years. And they let me work around my sleep disorder hours, and now I have a different position that's at night (after stock market close) while I go to grad school. Older employees say they haven't always been great with disabilities, but my individual supervisors have been awesome.
Thank you for sharing this experience- there’s certainly a lot of room for profess here. Watching this made me realize one reason I have stayed with my current job is to avoid the horrible interview process! I’ve also been part of interview committees and it makes me anxious for the applicant.
I've always hated job interviews and am terrible at them. The interview for the job I have held for the past 11 years was over Skype and the medical director was someone I worked with previously, so I'm reasonably certain she is the reason I got the job. She's no longer our medical director and I've more than proved myself, but our interview process is awful (I've been on the interviewer side numerous times) and seems designed to be as uncomfortable as possible for the interviewee. The required questions we have to ask are nonsensical; we are allowed to ask more individualized questions particular to our department (so at least those questions are relevant), but we have to sit and write down the answers as we go along, so there are long, drawn out silences while we're all scribbling the interviewee's answers as fast as we can to review for scoring later. It feels like a firing squad from both sides of that conference table (or Zoom camera).
I know, right? And the sad thing was I didn't even think much of them until afterwards when I shutdown. Because I guess I'm just used to making those accommodations! I remembered the guidelines post shutdown and I showed my husband and he said, "that's messed up."
To start, it seems from my perspective that people want the brilliance of our minds and not what comes with that. The automated process of hiring software used is programmed for NT candidates and to this day not much has changed. Generalized and abstract questions are what cause the biggest delays to start answering but also the answer can be long as I have spun through in my head everything I know about what's being asked. Also questions about what I do for fun aren't easy because at any given time I don't know if I'm enjoying myself or am even happy. I have also found that disclosing and getting hired without them asking about my challenges ends in disaster and I really believe that it's due to assumptions based on how Autism is portrayed on what TV and movies have shown them. I'm going to spend some time writing out how interviews for Autistic could be and record it. I'm also going to send it out for feedback. I want Autistic not in the workforce yet to have less of a hill to climb. Thanks for doing this video.
I've never had luck in job interviews. Im going to be re-entering the workforce soon, which means interviews again. I was dx adhd a few years ago and am self dx autistic. Im genuinely terrified of going through interviews again. They cause me so much distress, i never know what to say, and overall am not good at conversations, much less these types of conversations.
Wow, this was timely for me to watch. I too just had a job interview recently where I had to mask heavily, felt gutted from the experience later, had to what I call ‘triangulate’ to decipher pauses and facial expressions after I said something. It was a lot. Best of luck with the next steps and it’s great that you’re taking you’re taking your career in different direction to better suit your lifestyle, rarely an easy move. I’m thankful folks like you are bringing awareness to such topics. Also, I found your stimming oddly calming. I started watching your hands and not your face and I was able to listen at two times speed without missing a word. Please don’t feel like you have to answer this, but did you get that chance to disclose your autism during the interview? To make the process more accessible, I was thinking it would be nice if an HR rep attend and just have a few minutes to speak at the beginning talking about the steps the company takes to be inclusive and relaying to the hiring manager the expectations of the company and then asking the applicant if there are any reasonable accommodations they would like to be made. I think it’s one thing to have a form discussing the inclusivity of the company but quite another having someone speak to it at every interview so it gets deeply internalized among those on the hiring team.
Ooooh Debz I love your idea. That seems like a really doable implementation that, you're right, would also further the understanding of others who make up the company environment. I really like this idea. No, I did not make a point of addressing the fact that I'm autistic. My anxiety was too high during the actual process, and although my interviewer was nice enough, my spidey sense told me he wasn't necessarily the person to share that info with. Thanks for asking! I'm always happy to shoot you straight or tell you I'd rather not share certain info. But I hope you always feel free to ask. I hope your interview process is going ok!
@@MomontheSpectrum ah okay thanks! I'm undecided as to if I should share or not. Thanks for your response. Also, just thought I'd send this your way...some interesting points: ua-cam.com/video/c_o5shDrPiM/v-deo.html (sorry, not sure if it's appropriate to link other videos here)
For me, I find that phone and Zoom/team interviews work best for me. I'm in a familiar setting where I can control the lighting, plus I don't have to focus so much on posture or eye contact. In person interviews, I usually will ask for questions in advance so that I can prepare (in case the environment causes sensory overload for me).
I’m terrible at interviews and applications. I’m very literal so if I don’t have exactly the skills they are asking for I say that I don’t which apparently is a big no no. My current manager saw one of my applications for a different position and asked why I was underselling myself. I thought I was just being honest 🤷🏽♀️
Wow, I didn't know that was a no-no! That makes no sense to me. Why lie? Won't they eventually find out when they expect us to do something we said we could do when it isn't the case? Weird!
YES to this. YES! It doesn't make ANY sense to me. If I see job requirements I don't have, I'm like WELP. Guess this job isn't for me. My friend was like - no. Consider yourself in the top 25% of candidates applying for any position. I'm just like WHAT THE HECK. It's so stressful. It's like creative lying?
I’m definitely the same because I hate when I have to go through the process of applying for jobs. I have to trick my brain to apply for jobs by comparing the skills to what I have done. I envy people who can power through multiple job applications when it can take me day to complete two.
Specifically stipulating how neurodivergent people should ‘act’ during an interview isn’t being inclusive. It’s condescending to send information on what is essentially how to ‘mask’ while labelling it as assistance with interview preparation. Many neurodivergent people understand what is socially appropriate professional behaviour but are unable to behave in this way, not due to a lack of intellect or awareness, but due to their neurodivergence. Furthermore, as Tay mentioned, masking takes up our valuable executive function. If the company wanted to understand an interviewee’s full potential, what they’ve stipulated must be done, will have the opposite effect by using our executive function to mask instead of answer interview questions, which is disabling a neurodivergent person. If I was given this information I would have declined the interview altogether. Providing this information demonstrates the company has no idea how to appropriately support neurodivergent people. It also risks traumatization or re-traumatisation, due to explicitly being subjected to an ableist standard while stating the company is inclusive, which is a form of gaslighting. This is not equity.
I had a few interviews in the mid to late 1980s. Out of those I only had 1 offer and that was because i was the only applicant, but was got rid of 3 months later a bullying narcissistic boss. The job was for something that wasn't even on the job advert basically a lie to me. i was trying to do the eye contact bit. i was accused of not listenining. other interviews I didn't get anywhere. However in 1987 I did get a diagnosis of epilepsy and the seizures went from temporal lobe seizures eventually to Jacksonian seizures. a second job interview i managed to get through the job only paid £20 a week. I got interviews for lab based work but not allowed through. Other types of work i didn't even get the interview. i self diagnosed in 1992 as having autism//Asperger syndrome. self diagnosis confirmed in 2003 by a clinical psychologist.
Great video! I imagine that any place with interview expectations like that is even worse to work for. From my experience, the biggest red flag with a company is if they boast about diversity/equity/inclusion. I think a lot of companies have jumped on the DEI bandwagon just because it’s “trendy” and they think it makes them look good, but it’s all performative. When they have a lot of DEI rhetoric, they conflate TALKING with DOING. It ends up being a bunch of talk and then they pat themselves on the back for being “so inclusive.“ And they act like they’re somehow experts on diversity, gender, disability, etc., which is even worse. That’s the kind of place I work now and it’s been horrible. They send so many emails and so on about valuing trans and autistic people etc., but they’ve treated me like garbage. I work for a state agency in Oregon. I suspect all state agency jobs are best avoided, but at the very least, for anyone reading this, do yourself a favor and avoid the Oregon ones, particularly the Oregon Department of Human Services, like the plague!
I remember years ago I did a search interview the boss was so uninterested in my ideas of hours I wanted to work yeah it was a total bust of a interview and then the target one I guess I went too in detail if that makes any sense 😅 oh well onwards and upwards .
The organisation I work for in Australia has panel interviews (3 people), and questions have multiple parts you have to answer with a certain method (STAR = Situation, Task, Action & Result). Like you I have a million things running through my head and I know 100% I can do the job, but 'selling myself' in the specific way they need to hear it is the HARDEST thing in the world for me, I have been trying to get promoted for 6 years now (The longest I have EVER held a job), but I just cannot master the panel interview. My anxiety goes through the roof when I have to do a panel interview, so my brain is not working properly right from the start due to my panic. I know they want to see how you act under pressure but this type of pressure is different from any other! When I apply for secondments, which is a one-on-one interview that is more of a 'chat' I pretty much can nail it, so that frustrates me even more. I have not been 'diagnosed' so I cannot even say I am neurodivergent in an interview to help explain what is happening to me in this situation. Thank you again for your posts, you are helping more than you know. Xx
The big way this could all be avoided is doing phone interviews or doing the video part only in the beginning and having cameras off for the rest. For me, bright colors or someone moving a lot would be incredibly distracting (adhd) and I focus much better if I’m not able to see the person. It takes so much energy to focus as it is, having too much going on just makes it that much harder.
Job interviews are the WORST. I dread every single one I've ever done and only had one successful (in which I quit because it turned out the job environment was not for me). The longest job I've ever held (my current one) I got offered AFTER they had observed me volunteering for a couple years and I was able to show my quality of work, efficiency, and teamwork. I think instead of just interviews, companies should incorporate a more practical aspect where you can actually showcase your skills instead of just talking about them and answering silly questions that cause a weird sense of panic. Not everyone is skilled in the communication style that most interviews require, which makes them inherently unfair to anyone who genuinely struggles in that department... *cough cough* ME (and other neurodivergents) *cough cough*
I have to say I'm actually quite pleased with the company I interviewed with for making some big changes after I addressed them with the head of talent acquisition. They're attending to every single concern I brought up and he gave me his direct line to reach him with any other thoughts or to check in for future job opportunities. Hopefully some companies are learning how to change for the better, but it does feel like a slow process at times!
Those were awful expectations of you for the interview and how you handled to prepare yourself. I’m autistic and I have had a lot of interview experiences and I have seen some behavior of the interviewers. But I wasn’t sure if I was accepted for the job, however I just moved on.
Try and get an interview with an actual engineer and not some recruiter. Also a small startup company might be a better fit than a large bureaucratic organization.
1) This sounds terrible! And it sounds a lot like interviewing at accounting firms at my school. 🙄. You do all of them in like two days. 2) I keep thinking about a company that only employs autistic people, started by autistic people. You know? (Idk if that's legal, technically.) Like, it's accessible because that's who's there. It's common practice when interacting with outside people, ask them to accommodate us, or we don't work with them. Interviews are accessible for the sake of interviewer and interviewee. pets are good. Idk 🤷♀️.
This rule list just says we dont accept you being autistic. I m high masking and I got stressed when you read it out. I counsel employers at my work and I dont even mention diversity but I ll always recommend them leaving interviews in the past and just invite people to work for them for a day or a week. Also the 48h assigment was just toxic, so you invited an autistic person to an interview where you told her to mask for your comfort and then you leave no time to wind down. And it s just bad for the company aswell it s a tec company and they just put up so many filters that just test if someone is neurotypical and not if they are a good fit for the job. Who cares if a programmer is a bit akward and works with their cat in the lap? Noone... I just cant.
I do! 😃 lots. I think one of the differences in autism vs anxiety is that autism is a cluster of challenges and anxiety is one of them. Other things in the cluster - social confusion, misunderstanding and many social differences in terms of how we conduct ourselves, plus sensory differences, repetitive behaviors and special focuses that are hard to break. All of these things together usually come with plenty of anxiety! 😅
Hi I just watched this video and I am in tears. I relate to this so hard. I spent four years looking for a job and never got an offer I wanted in my chosen career path. I am not officially diagnosed on the spectrum (yet) but I am certainly neurodivergent. The job interview is not designed for the neurodivergent AT ALL. Thank you for making this video I definitely feel validated.
This is why I’m terrified of interviews. I’ve done a lot of interviews and I never say the right thing. I don’t care about power and so I don’t have like a drive to be in management 🙈 I freeze when I’m put on the spot too.
I recently had a Zoom interview where not only had video off, but also sent me the questions in advance. It was nice to not have to worry about what I was doing with my hands/body, but also knowing that I wouldn't be caught off guard by a weird question.
This is great
wow! so great! I'm glad for you and glad to know this happens too
I'd love that for me.
I absolutely can relate. Job interviews are effed up. I recently had a PhD interview & requested reasonable adjustments prior: they accepted, met the team virtually beforehand, had questions beforehand - I got it!
My last job hunt was brutal. I was determined to only apply for remote positions. This means lots more opportunities, but also means far more competition. I interviewed with over 60 people at 20 or 30 positions. I can't do formulaic, I just share my skill levels and skill limitations. This means I finally landed at a software company, this has happened three out of my last four jobs. I think that I do better interviews with IT / Software people, since they talk to a LOT of ND candidates and aren't as freaked out by it. But yeah, every interview was a fresh drawer-full of spoons used. Ugh.
Hi. I'm a DEIB consultant and coach and I must say that the process that they put you through is unreasonable. You can tell a lot about company culture by their hiring process. When they give you that many restrictions and hoops to jump through in the hiring process, take it as a sign of what's to come if you take the job.
The bright color thing is also…. Like reading a bit racist too. If your skin tone is dark, you’re not going to show up as well on screen if you’re wearing navy or black.
But if your skin is dark and you wear a bright red or yellow or pink blazer, you’ll be more visible on screen
I’ve been super lucky because the field I’ve picked- for some reason the interviews go really well but i suspect that most nurses esp in ER and ICU, esp at night shift are somewhere on the adhd/autism spectrum. Like there’s a “night shift people are a bit odd, is this person reliable? They are? Cool!” They chalk it up to a “night shift” thing
Love the idea of having a category for neurodivergent friendly companies and I want an alternate interview process!
I'm so sorry you had to go through this! ❤️ That list of expectations is nuts! Like you said it basically says don't stim, don't be autistic. I went to school for Elementary Education and applied as an assistant at a Montessori early childcare center to get my feet wet before jumping into public school. The interview made me nervous but the overall energy of the women interviewing me was very warm and kind. The school was also very calm and it made me want to come back. I luckily got the job and wound up loving it and them and worked with them for 6 years. I think they were something very special and hard to come by these days as they were not only supportive of the children but the staff as well. I had to leave because we moved from Montana to Pennsylvania. My husband and I now switched roles and I'm stay at home mom which I'm still adjusting to. Thanks for sharing your experience and welcome back!!
Hey Whitney! Well that sounds like such a great setup! So glad you had that experience. It gives me hope I will find something that works for me and supports me in the way I need to be supported! Always good to hear from you.
For job interview accommodations I feel allowing audio only interviews vs mandatory video would be phenomenal!
Nice suggestion!
Audio only would be great, especially if the questions were also written down.
"Dress professionally" used to be a big stressor for me because of "what context do I get?" I've solved the problem by putting together an outfit that I keep specifically for those kinds of situations. I don't have to think about what I want to wear anymore because it's already in my closet; I just have to dig it out. I had my parents approve the colors just to make sure, and I haven't changed sizes since then. If I do, I know what to look for
This is a great idea! Thanks for sharing.
The fact that they equated “dress professionally” with “no bright colors” is super confusing to me. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. Like, they literally make suits, button down shirts, etc. in bright colors, so that makes zero sense. That requirement just makes it seem like they only want boring people lol 😆
I have a specific interview outfit that I wear to each one (and mainly because I don't have a lot of clothes 😅).
I wonder if the "no bright colors" is for the interviewer, who may have a visual sensory thing?
Oh and years back I was confused and didn't know what to wear to interviews, so I Googled and found that certain colors are good/neutral for interviews like blues, black for high-powered interviews, and avoid reds because it's an aggressive color...which can be good if you want them to know you are assertive, but could also backfire and say that you're too aggressive.
I don't know if I'm on the spectrum, but I kind of suspect I might be.
I went through interviews for a year before I got my current job. The interview process was so difficult. I ended up getting a job with help from a friend. I used to outrank her though at our old job. At my new job I was hired a level lower than her because I had such a hard time communicating my experience in the interview.
I think part of it is my friend is good at talking herself up and I sometimes talk myself down, or am extremely honest.
Do people who know they are on the spectrum have a propensity for downgrading themselves, or being so honest it gets them in trouble?
Also, you've mentioned anxiety as part of this.
I had to take days before interviews off work because I would have panic attacks each time.
Oh my goodness - I'm very late to this, but this was so validating. Interviews are the absolute worst thing to me and the reason I stay in jobs I don't like way too long. Everything about the interview process is SO HARD. And to think about doing an interview for a new place and then going back to finish my normal work day? Noooooooo. Not happening.
Interviews are one of the biggest career obstacles I have faced. Two comments: 1) In my experience, much of the discussion of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) does not include neurodiversity and neurodiverse individuals in the workplace. Disability is often in the background as well, but even where disability is included, it is most often in terms of visible, physical disabilities and not invisible disability or neurodiversity. Many companies that boast a commitment to DEI are not, in practice, very welcoming or accommodating to neurodiversity. 2) Aside from the "helpful" tips often given for interviews that you mentioned, which are not at all helpful to most of us, I also find the types of questions asked are not inclusive. Things like "Tell us about a time when...." are always very difficult for me, as my brain doesn't process experiences the same way, nor am I able to communicate them in the way the interviewer is looking for. They may ask "Tell me about a time when you had to deal with a difficult person and how you handled it." Logically, I know what they are looking for, but I am not able to articulate it exactly the way they want, with the elements they are expecting, if that makes sense. Sigh.....despite having a graduate degree and 25+ yrs experience, I can't seem to progress past entry-mid level :/
I mentioned this very same thing to two people on the DEI task force at my company. Stating more people are introverted and neurodivergent then NT's realize and that DEI needs to focus on that (or at least have it on their radar).
That how have I dealt with a difficult person question messes me up every single time. It's so stupid. One time I said I had to take over and apologize that they were upset with a coworker. Then the follow-up question was did I discipline the coworker. Um no. I said that's not my job and if you're asking if I tattled, I didn't. Honestly they just need to ask can you talk to upset customers in a calm manner because I'm assuming that's what the main idea is meant to be. 🤷♀️
I’m always implementing my accommodations for the interview process like getting more time to answer interview questions
I soooo needed to hear this right now. I did 2 interviews monday and Tuesday and the level of exhaustion i felt by the end of Tuesday was debilitating. And it was made even worse because I felt like no one would understand why it drained me like that.😊
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with a company that seemed to be trying to be more inclusive (and failing 100%). I also don't interview well and feel like I have to be inauthentic in order to get the job. Last job interview, I'm pretty sure in retrospect that I stared at the interviewer's penciled-on eyebrows a little too long (I'm not always aware of it when I'm staring, which is why I like Jared's suggestion below about audio only interviews). Of course, I was still six years away from figuring out I'm autistic at that time. I didn't think I would get the job but then I did because they were so desperate for experienced cashiers and they only had a week to find one. Anyway, I will be in your shoes in a couple of years (career change, rejoining the workforce, going through interviews). By then, I hope to have my formal diagnosis and that there will be a little more awareness about autism out there. I wish companies would plain understand that they can't expect autistics to be like others in an interview and just give us the chance to talk in a straightforward way about our strengths. We do make phenomenal employees if given the chance, don't we?
We sure do! There's a lot to learn in terms of how to make the process more accessible for us, but I do think we're making progress. Thanks for sharing your experience!
I may be autistic and got a call last week and I genuinely wanted the job and was happy that she called me to ask me some questions. She asked what my qualification was so I answered and was being professional until then. Then she said its not on the resume. I said still being professional it is there under the education heading. This time she becomes extremely rude and says it's not there. I believe in karma. What you give is what you get in return. So I became extremely rude and said it is there and I don't know which resume you are reading. She gave advice saying that I should give the right resume. I said I sent 2 resumes you must of opened the wrong one. She opened the other one and said you are right. I then said still being rude I am sorry but I won't be coming in for an interview since you were rude have a nice day and hung up. I then had a massive anxiety attack.
Oh my gosh, it's like you took the words out of my mouth! I have expressed the same challenges, even before I understood that I was autistic. In particular the 'business jargon', like this fake language we are expected to speak, I absolutely loathe it. I love your videos, thanks so much for sharing
You're so welcome. Thanks for watching! Let me know if you have any suggestions for future videos.
Thank you for the video! I wish I’d seen it earlier. It was an incredible struggle for me to apply to PA school, since I’m autistic and have an accent. I practiced extensively for weeks to “act normal”: not to fidget, to look straight in the eyes, speak “with emotions”. Eventually I was successful in my “act” and got accepted in 2 schools. But later, when my friend (who is also on the spectrum) was applying the year after me, I caught myself advising her to not be herself, to basically be an energetic, fun and relaxed person… Which we both are not… and It’s sad that we had to act as someone else in order to be accepted in the neurotypical program. My class of 33 people now is basically all neurotypicals, and me being autistic af.
Wow. Yeah it’s so sad we feel we have to do these things to get by sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this. Job interviews are HAAARD. I had to learn most of this the hard way going to many many job interviews in my life.
I can really relate to the part about judging from their face that I’ve said or done something wrong or that people don’t usually do.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Taylor. I had a similar experience applying for the US Postal Service. There were too many steps and they were very time sensitive. I gave up. It was too much for me.
To answer your question, yes, there are some companies that are making an effort to employ autistic people. I am currently reading The Autism Job Club written by Michael S. Bernick and Richard Holden. They found that Walgreens pharmacy has the most far-reaching autism initiative compared to other companies like Best Buy and Safeway. Walgreens developed a toolbox for recruitment and retention for autism that it subsequently applied to other disabilities. The four main toolbox elements were: 1) resources on disability etiquette, 2) customized lessons for managers and supervisors on the features of different disabilities, 3) job aids for common tasks in the facilities, and 4) a social skills training curriculum for new hires with autism and related disorders, if needed.
Sadly, this is only a minimum wage job, but it's better than being unemployed (like me).
I really don’t like interviews and how they are set up. I get overwhelmed that they ask a question and I have to answer it quickly and perfectly. I can’t seem to think clearly on the spot. I also can’t handle that they just stare with deadpan face, I just feel anxiety. I can also relate to what you were saying about how someone can be talking and I don’t hear anything that the other person is saying because I’m in my brain thinking. I’ve also noticed that I shut down in bright noisy spaces, it’s like I retreat in my mind and it’s like I can’t hear or see what’s going on. I’m not really sure why that happens. I find that I’m staring off into nowhere frequently throughout a day when I feel overwhelmed. People including students say “why are you staring?” It’s embarrassing.
Standardized tests through the application process. Delayed processing speed just isn't something I can do especially if I am not familiar with the position.
Another thing I don't get social ques so knowing when I say too much or read the room during the interview. I always feel like I did it perfectly but never get hired.
I have become so suspicious of companies that claim they are all about diversity because so often it is purely performative
Man you’re like my female twin. I did a career change from private piano/violin teacher to software developer a few years ago and I don’t regret it. And yes! The interview process was painful!!
My fear of interviews has put me off applying for jobs :( I really don’t do well in interviews
Job interviews are stressful because I have to put up an act, say the right things & I can't be completely honest...I can't understand why interviewers ask "What was your experience like in the previous work space?" and then only want to hear the positives because saying anything even pertaining to be negative will give off a bad impression like UGHHH
I'm feeling sorry for your experience. I don't like job interviews, they espect you tell lies to them, and we have to behave like we're flawless invincible persons. They know it's fake but they don't care. It's all about acting, we can't be how we are. So fake, like most of "normal neurotypicals". That's why it's a real struggle to me.
Sorry for my poor English, it's not my native language, but I can understand anything you say in your videos. Your channel is helping me.
Your English is impressive! Thank you so much for taking the time to share. It does really seem like they want us to lie in interviews in some way. It all feels fake and so hard to navigate!
@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you.
Love this, wow!! Thank you 🤓 I'm currently an HR employee for a small team. I have an ADHD diagnosis, and am seeking an autism one soon. Your fidgets during the video weren't distracting. I see others moving in calls and find it permission giving and liberating. I'm all about trying to make our company as inclusive as possible for brains like ours. Excited to review our interview processes to be more inclusive with your recommendations ❤ Also... Who the heck decided bright colors aren't professional?? Firmly disagree. 🤭🌈🦄
I really appreciate this video. I've seen hours of video from many creators on youtube about Aspie life but this is the first one that addressed the job interview. I need this info more than ever right now. My biggest stress is when they say they will get back with me, even give me a timeline, and then they never get back with me. I feel like I am patient and willing to wait and I feel like i'm doing everything that I should be doing and then they suck more life out of me by throwing in the ghosting. What a waste of my life, to sit here paralyzed waiting for days. This is especially hurtful when they give me some hope and even give me an assignment to do like make a writing sample etc. If they decided not to hire me at some point during the interview why give me that? I should be outraged by it, but whats the point? My best revenge is to just look for another job and forget about them, and not even follow up with a thank you note.
I had a virtual class that I took with an instructor who wanted us on camera for 8-10 hours straight (with breaks) although not required. But his stipulations were "don't eat on camera, don't take a sip of water, don't fidget, always look into the camera, basically sit still." Basically I said to myself "nope!" and kept myself off of camera. When he later asked my as to why I wasn't on camera, I stated that I was part of the neurodivergent community, so my habits were going to drive him crazy. He left me alone after that. ;-)
Thank you for speaking about this topic. I have a hard time deciding whether to disclose my neurodivergence or not. I often misread people's intentions or assume the best in others and my naiveté has cost me heavily, including being subjected to a hostile work environment, fired, or not hired despite the interview going well and being qualified and them being excited about me until I disclosed. I don't feel safe sharing with employers at all. I hope someday I will feel safe sharing and have it be seen as a positive.
Yes, thank you so much for highlighting this! It's such an unnecessary struggle and I'm sorry you experienced such uninformed processes. I've always thought some ways to better the interview process:
- (If for a smaller company, maybe) Allow for various forms of resumes. Not everyone is great at the 'traditional' resume format (me lol) and it would be so nice to showcase our skils and experiences in different ways! Like a powerpoint or short video or something else.
- A choice between alternate interview formats. Traditional or video-recorded, where a candidate could upload their responses to the interview questions instead of live (I've seen this used in med school applications). Later stage interviews could be held live (in-person/zoom).
- Sending a breakdown of the interview beforehand. What types of questions will be asked, the atmosphere, a bit of information about the people that will be present.
- Asking straightforward questions instead of these abstract questions that have another meaning and you have to answer in a specific way (like you mentioned in the video). Like if you want to know about a time I made a mistake and improved from that, then just ASK ME THAT QUESTIONNNN
- Ultimately making it more human-centered instead of this weird business performance. Like you said, no one talks like how we do in interviews and on resumes, so why don't we just have a less rigid conversation in interviews?
😢
OMG. They are requiring interviewees to mask! This is like ABA. It's abusive and so ignorant. It sounds traumatic. I have delayed responses to trauma, too. I hope you get lots of time to be yourself while you recover from that awful experience. It really sounds like a toxic work situation. I just retired 7 months ago from a work environment where I was often required to mask and where many of the same types of toxic expectations existed. It's taken me this long to recover. I'm hoping you find a supportive and accommodating and inclusive work environment. You know, interviews work both ways, and the prospective employer has to meet your test, too. Sounds like these guys failed big time.
Thank you for that reminder of the interview working both ways, Cathy! I appreciate you sharing this with me.
Hi Tay, excellent video! First off for me I have delayed meltdowns also. On Thursday I had a meltdown in my car in Trader Joe’s parking lot. It was a total surprise and I think it was an accumulation of several events that started the day before. Thankfully I had already finished my shopping and the lot was almost empty😁. I actually chuckled when you read off the suggestions for the interview and you said so don’t be autistic. I read an article a while back about how computer companies where actually giving applicants the Simon Baron Cohen AQ test as they were actually seeking people on the spectrum or at least with tendencies. I think I would have been a wreck through the whole process you went through😱. When I was 18 I took a careers test and the job I wanted was Flight Attendant. I know impossible right? Well it took me ten years of interviewing to finally achieve that goal but I did. After interviewing a million times I realized what was holding me back was my eye contact. I should say that eye contact for me is like looking into the sun! A slight exaggeration, but not by much. I should also say that one of the reasons I wanted the job so bad was that commercial jets was my first special interest! It brought be close to my father as he traveled lot for business. I actually love my job and I am excellent at it. Its takes a lot out of me and I typically crash after but non the less I love it! Of course I didn’t know I was autistic then, but I did know I was ADHD. The ADHD serves me well in an emergency as we are great in a crisis. I think my company we do well seeking neurodiverse people as we do offer special skills that can add to any workplace. Wow another long winded response! I wish you luck on your interview I think you are doing great!
Hey Bryan! That's so cool that you're a flight attendant!! And sooo inspiring that you stuck with it until you GOT WHAT YOU WANTED! I love that. So I just checked out your youtube page - did you shoot those videos? Is that related to you traveling as a flight attendant? So cool.
Sorry to hear about your meltdown at Trader Joes. Shopping in a grocery store definitely stresses me out. Others here have mentioned (and maybe you too) that sometimes a seemingly small event will trigger the meltdown after a series of other events that were less easily perceptible. I hope you're taking the time you need to recover! Always good to hear your take on things. Thanks for sharing.
@@MomontheSpectrum videos shot mostly on layovers. Tens of people visit my channel every year😂🤣
@@bryanmerton5153 THERE SHOULD BE MORE! :) Very pretty shots.
I had to be put on anxiety medication just to be able to tolerate thinking about job interviews or I would either have a panic attack, severe anxiety attack or shut down. I wouldn't be in a condition to be able to even get to the job interview, let alone be able to listen or think or respond. Then when I finally got a job, I had to go off the anxiety medication so I could sleep, because while on it, I'd only sleep for three or four hours per day. And I mean all day, no naps. I was so sleep deprived that my mental and physical pain from not sleeping would wake me up after a couple of hours.
This is incredible, the expectations some companies have of potential candidates for a position… WHY do they feel the need for this when (as you point out), such things don’t usually have a bearing on job performance??
If I was applying for a job at such a company (who claimed to be ‘inclusive’ of people’s backgrounds & needs, then I would try point out to them (at the interview) how hard it can be for Neurodivergent people… even if it resulted in me NOT getting the job, because I think that they are only hurting their chances of being more successful because of these rules potentially keeping out otherwise very gifted people!
As a neurodivergent software engineer who made a career change and works for a great small company with great leadership and treats all its employees like human beings, I really wish I personally had the opportunity to interview you.
Hey BBB - would it be OK if I ask you some questions/opinion/advice regarding starting a new career? And you dont have to answer anything, ofc.
So, I'm 40, ADD, and undiagnosed Asperger's (I think that's being called something different now??). I want to go into an IT field, either front-end web development, because I know baaasic html so I am hoping to catch on, or cybersecurity but I don't know any programming or anything - id be starting at zero. I am thinking about taking online courses at the community college next year and then get either a certificate or Associate's. I have a lot of trouble retaining info, so learning has been hard for me; it takes a longggg time to study or do things. Based on your experience and what you seen, do you think I have my head in the clouds? I feel like a 40 yo woman with no experience and some disability issues, that what I want to try isn't practical. Sorry to throw a chunk of my life story at you but I was trying to give context. Sorry, and thanks.
[edited: added a couple of words]
@@delicedeluna1629 When you say you have trouble retaining info, are you talking about isolated facts? I’m much better at retaining info if it’s in the framework of a greater concept. I’m a very conceptual and systematic thinker.
You’re definitely facing an uphill battle but a lot of it is will. I had the will and perseverance (although not consistently all the time) to learn it and apply myself. So if you think you have enough raw ability I’d say go for it.
Had I received that list I would've canceled my interview. I wouldn't want to work at a company that thinks it's ok to send a list out telling people how to behave in interviews even down to the proper amount of eye contact. Are you kidding me? lol that is incredibly strange to me. I can't imagine what it's like to even work there. No, thank you.
Wow, almost had to shut this off and come back later when you read the interview "how to act " instructions. I had just been thinking how much your looking away from the camera a lot REALLY HELPS! Relieves eye contact on this end! And, yeah, that feeling of being three spoons short of a drawer full! Or 8 spoons short of a dozen. Or, I can't find any spoons! OH my word, never heard anyone discuss this from a common perspective before! Freeing to hear someone else say these things. Except colors. Give me one and let that be my wardrobe. The sensory overload side! Here is a hack for sensory overload [off topic]. Went to Hobby Lobby with ear plugs and sunglasses, watched the floor back to the art paper and compared sheets of grey for a good long time to find something like a neutral 18% grey. Staple it to a wall at home to have a calming neutral wall! Helps a little! Back on subject: Good helps here, thank you! Wait! didn't notice the swimming until you mentioned it! I thought that WAS normal...
I have huge issue with interview but I am proud I have work assistant, but we together in the interviews always.
That sounds like a helpful arrangement!
Also the types of questions they ask in interviews can be really not autism-friendly, and sometimes they feel almost manipulative. The worst one to me is the “How much do you expect to make?” question. I’ve always interpreted it as being forced to guess how much they intend to pay me, and if I get it wrong, I won’t get the job. Which I guess isn’t true, but it still feels that way. So I always end up underselling myself because I’m afraid of asking for too much and offending them or something. Ugh.
Also, I have not had a specifically accessible interview, but I work for a company in IA, USA, that made me feel comfortable disclosing during the interview. Interviewer disclosed a disability. I think it got me the job to say I was most proud of my college degree (on my resume) cause it took me 8 years. And they let me work around my sleep disorder hours, and now I have a different position that's at night (after stock market close) while I go to grad school. Older employees say they haven't always been great with disabilities, but my individual supervisors have been awesome.
Thank you so much for your honesty and the information.
I've found lack of patience to be a big issue in making friends. People often run at the first sign of being different
Thank you for sharing this experience- there’s certainly a lot of room for profess here. Watching this made me realize one reason I have stayed with my current job is to avoid the horrible interview process! I’ve also been part of interview committees and it makes me anxious for the applicant.
Yes there has to be a better way to carry out this process! Definitely agree there's room for improvement.
I've always hated job interviews and am terrible at them. The interview for the job I have held for the past 11 years was over Skype and the medical director was someone I worked with previously, so I'm reasonably certain she is the reason I got the job. She's no longer our medical director and I've more than proved myself, but our interview process is awful (I've been on the interviewer side numerous times) and seems designed to be as uncomfortable as possible for the interviewee. The required questions we have to ask are nonsensical; we are allowed to ask more individualized questions particular to our department (so at least those questions are relevant), but we have to sit and write down the answers as we go along, so there are long, drawn out silences while we're all scribbling the interviewee's answers as fast as we can to review for scoring later. It feels like a firing squad from both sides of that conference table (or Zoom camera).
Those guidelines were absurd!!! 😮💨
I know, right? And the sad thing was I didn't even think much of them until afterwards when I shutdown. Because I guess I'm just used to making those accommodations!
I remembered the guidelines post shutdown and I showed my husband and he said, "that's messed up."
To start, it seems from my perspective that people want the brilliance of our minds and not what comes with that. The automated process of hiring software used is programmed for NT candidates and to this day not much has changed. Generalized and abstract questions are what cause the biggest delays to start answering but also the answer can be long as I have spun through in my head everything I know about what's being asked. Also questions about what I do for fun aren't easy because at any given time I don't know if I'm enjoying myself or am even happy. I have also found that disclosing and getting hired without them asking about my challenges ends in disaster and I really believe that it's due to assumptions based on how Autism is portrayed on what TV and movies have shown them. I'm going to spend some time writing out how interviews for Autistic could be and record it. I'm also going to send it out for feedback. I want Autistic not in the workforce yet to have less of a hill to climb. Thanks for doing this video.
I highly appreciate this video and its contents. I am learning about autism.
I've never had luck in job interviews. Im going to be re-entering the workforce soon, which means interviews again. I was dx adhd a few years ago and am self dx autistic. Im genuinely terrified of going through interviews again. They cause me so much distress, i never know what to say, and overall am not good at conversations, much less these types of conversations.
Wow, this was timely for me to watch. I too just had a job interview recently where I had to mask heavily, felt gutted from the experience later, had to what I call ‘triangulate’ to decipher pauses and facial expressions after I said something. It was a lot. Best of luck with the next steps and it’s great that you’re taking you’re taking your career in different direction to better suit your lifestyle, rarely an easy move. I’m thankful folks like you are bringing awareness to such topics. Also, I found your stimming oddly calming. I started watching your hands and not your face and I was able to listen at two times speed without missing a word. Please don’t feel like you have to answer this, but did you get that chance to disclose your autism during the interview? To make the process more accessible, I was thinking it would be nice if an HR rep attend and just have a few minutes to speak at the beginning talking about the steps the company takes to be inclusive and relaying to the hiring manager the expectations of the company and then asking the applicant if there are any reasonable accommodations they would like to be made. I think it’s one thing to have a form discussing the inclusivity of the company but quite another having someone speak to it at every interview so it gets deeply internalized among those on the hiring team.
Ooooh Debz I love your idea. That seems like a really doable implementation that, you're right, would also further the understanding of others who make up the company environment. I really like this idea.
No, I did not make a point of addressing the fact that I'm autistic. My anxiety was too high during the actual process, and although my interviewer was nice enough, my spidey sense told me he wasn't necessarily the person to share that info with. Thanks for asking! I'm always happy to shoot you straight or tell you I'd rather not share certain info. But I hope you always feel free to ask.
I hope your interview process is going ok!
@@MomontheSpectrum ah okay thanks! I'm undecided as to if I should share or not. Thanks for your response. Also, just thought I'd send this your way...some interesting points: ua-cam.com/video/c_o5shDrPiM/v-deo.html (sorry, not sure if it's appropriate to link other videos here)
For me, I find that phone and Zoom/team interviews work best for me. I'm in a familiar setting where I can control the lighting, plus I don't have to focus so much on posture or eye contact.
In person interviews, I usually will ask for questions in advance so that I can prepare (in case the environment causes sensory overload for me).
I’m terrible at interviews and applications. I’m very literal so if I don’t have exactly the skills they are asking for I say that I don’t which apparently is a big no no. My current manager saw one of my applications for a different position and asked why I was underselling myself. I thought I was just being honest 🤷🏽♀️
Wow, I didn't know that was a no-no! That makes no sense to me. Why lie? Won't they eventually find out when they expect us to do something we said we could do when it isn't the case? Weird!
YES to this. YES! It doesn't make ANY sense to me. If I see job requirements I don't have, I'm like WELP. Guess this job isn't for me. My friend was like - no. Consider yourself in the top 25% of candidates applying for any position. I'm just like WHAT THE HECK. It's so stressful. It's like creative lying?
Seriously!!!!
I’m definitely the same because I hate when I have to go through the process of applying for jobs. I have to trick my brain to apply for jobs by comparing the skills to what I have done. I envy people who can power through multiple job applications when it can take me day to complete two.
48 hours? it would take me 36 hours to recover from the interview!
Specifically stipulating how neurodivergent people should ‘act’ during an interview isn’t being inclusive. It’s condescending to send information on what is essentially how to ‘mask’ while labelling it as assistance with interview preparation. Many neurodivergent people understand what is socially appropriate professional behaviour but are unable to behave in this way, not due to a lack of intellect or awareness, but due to their neurodivergence. Furthermore, as Tay mentioned, masking takes up our valuable executive function. If the company wanted to understand an interviewee’s full potential, what they’ve stipulated must be done, will have the opposite effect by using our executive function to mask instead of answer interview questions, which is disabling a neurodivergent person. If I was given this information I would have declined the interview altogether.
Providing this information demonstrates the company has no idea how to appropriately support neurodivergent people. It also risks traumatization or re-traumatisation, due to explicitly being subjected to an ableist standard while stating the company is inclusive, which is a form of gaslighting. This is not equity.
I had a few interviews in the mid to late 1980s. Out of those I only had 1 offer and that was because i was the only applicant, but was got rid of 3 months later a bullying narcissistic boss. The job was for something that wasn't even on the job advert basically a lie to me. i was trying to do the eye contact bit. i was accused of not listenining. other interviews I didn't get anywhere. However in 1987 I did get a diagnosis of epilepsy and the seizures went from temporal lobe seizures eventually to Jacksonian seizures. a second job interview i managed to get through the job only paid £20 a week. I got interviews for lab based work but not allowed through. Other types of work i didn't even get the interview. i self diagnosed in 1992 as having autism//Asperger syndrome. self diagnosis confirmed in 2003 by a clinical psychologist.
Great video! I imagine that any place with interview expectations like that is even worse to work for. From my experience, the biggest red flag with a company is if they boast about diversity/equity/inclusion. I think a lot of companies have jumped on the DEI bandwagon just because it’s “trendy” and they think it makes them look good, but it’s all performative. When they have a lot of DEI rhetoric, they conflate TALKING with DOING. It ends up being a bunch of talk and then they pat themselves on the back for being “so inclusive.“ And they act like they’re somehow experts on diversity, gender, disability, etc., which is even worse. That’s the kind of place I work now and it’s been horrible. They send so many emails and so on about valuing trans and autistic people etc., but they’ve treated me like garbage. I work for a state agency in Oregon. I suspect all state agency jobs are best avoided, but at the very least, for anyone reading this, do yourself a favor and avoid the Oregon ones, particularly the Oregon Department of Human Services, like the plague!
so much of this I related to and never realized it was an autism thing!
i know, right?
I remember years ago I did a search interview the boss was so uninterested in my ideas of hours I wanted to work yeah it was a total bust of a interview and then the target one I guess I went too in detail if that makes any sense 😅 oh well onwards and upwards .
I have a really hard time with job interview questions
Thank you ❤❤❤
I am currently looking for part time employment and I haven’t had a lot of work experience
The organisation I work for in Australia has panel interviews (3 people), and questions have multiple parts you have to answer with a certain method (STAR = Situation, Task, Action & Result).
Like you I have a million things running through my head and I know 100% I can do the job, but 'selling myself' in the specific way they need to hear it is the HARDEST thing in the world for me, I have been trying to get promoted for 6 years now (The longest I have EVER held a job), but I just cannot master the panel interview. My anxiety goes through the roof when I have to do a panel interview, so my brain is not working properly right from the start due to my panic. I know they want to see how you act under pressure but this type of pressure is different from any other!
When I apply for secondments, which is a one-on-one interview that is more of a 'chat' I pretty much can nail it, so that frustrates me even more. I have not been 'diagnosed' so I cannot even say I am neurodivergent in an interview to help explain what is happening to me in this situation.
Thank you again for your posts, you are helping more than you know. Xx
Three people panel is the worst for me!! 2 is the max I can go to.
My husband sent me this video…. IMMEDIATE subscribe.
Welcome to the channel! Glad you’re here.
It's just me always ❤
The big way this could all be avoided is doing phone interviews or doing the video part only in the beginning and having cameras off for the rest. For me, bright colors or someone moving a lot would be incredibly distracting (adhd) and I focus much better if I’m not able to see the person. It takes so much energy to focus as it is, having too much going on just makes it that much harder.
If you look right above their eyes. (I look between their eyebrows) it looks like your making eye contact
Thanks for the tip!
Job interviews are the WORST. I dread every single one I've ever done and only had one successful (in which I quit because it turned out the job environment was not for me). The longest job I've ever held (my current one) I got offered AFTER they had observed me volunteering for a couple years and I was able to show my quality of work, efficiency, and teamwork. I think instead of just interviews, companies should incorporate a more practical aspect where you can actually showcase your skills instead of just talking about them and answering silly questions that cause a weird sense of panic. Not everyone is skilled in the communication style that most interviews require, which makes them inherently unfair to anyone who genuinely struggles in that department... *cough cough* ME (and other neurodivergents) *cough cough*
one thing i hate about interviews is how dishonest you have to be which is extremely hard for me to do and my biggest downside when doing interviews
That 'diverse' company sounds like Cisco, but what they really mean is that they hire people with coloured hair.
I have to say I'm actually quite pleased with the company I interviewed with for making some big changes after I addressed them with the head of talent acquisition. They're attending to every single concern I brought up and he gave me his direct line to reach him with any other thoughts or to check in for future job opportunities. Hopefully some companies are learning how to change for the better, but it does feel like a slow process at times!
Those were awful expectations of you for the interview and how you handled to prepare yourself. I’m autistic and I have had a lot of interview experiences and I have seen some behavior of the interviewers. But I wasn’t sure if I was accepted for the job, however I just moved on.
This sounds exhausting.
Try and get an interview with an actual engineer and not some recruiter. Also a small startup company might be a better fit than a large bureaucratic organization.
1) This sounds terrible! And it sounds a lot like interviewing at accounting firms at my school. 🙄. You do all of them in like two days.
2) I keep thinking about a company that only employs autistic people, started by autistic people. You know? (Idk if that's legal, technically.) Like, it's accessible because that's who's there. It's common practice when interacting with outside people, ask them to accommodate us, or we don't work with them. Interviews are accessible for the sake of interviewer and interviewee. pets are good. Idk 🤷♀️.
This rule list just says we dont accept you being autistic. I m high masking and I got stressed when you read it out. I counsel employers at my work and I dont even mention diversity but I ll always recommend them leaving interviews in the past and just invite people to work for them for a day or a week. Also the 48h assigment was just toxic, so you invited an autistic person to an interview where you told her to mask for your comfort and then you leave no time to wind down. And it s just bad for the company aswell it s a tec company and they just put up so many filters that just test if someone is neurotypical and not if they are a good fit for the job. Who cares if a programmer is a bit akward and works with their cat in the lap? Noone... I just cant.
Couldnt you just have anxiety?
I do! 😃 lots. I think one of the differences in autism vs anxiety is that autism is a cluster of challenges and anxiety is one of them. Other things in the cluster - social confusion, misunderstanding and many social differences in terms of how we conduct ourselves, plus sensory differences, repetitive behaviors and special focuses that are hard to break. All of these things together usually come with plenty of anxiety! 😅
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🚀🙏
Heyyy friend
@@MomontheSpectrum you’re crushing it! Keep it up!