"I became so good at passing as neurotypical that i couldn't self-regulate anymore" (not her exact words but close) I relate to this so strongly. I passed so well as a child that everyone thought I was fine, and I missed out on any interventions or help. But in secret I was self-injuring and constantly having shutdowns. Just now at 29 I'm learning to regulate in healthy ways by embracing autistic culture! Love her description of stimming as our "cultural dance"!
Interesting, im just used to dismissing people who id need to act normal to get along with. I wouldnt have thought of stimming or other autistic traits as a culture, rather tendencies or something more along those lines
I was just talking to a friend maybe an hour before watching this about how I almost wish I wasn't so high functioning (I don't actually wish that) because no one understands how hard I struggle every day and there's so much invalidation.
Stimming is first and foremost a neurological need, not cultural. Culture is learned, not genetic. There can be a cultural component to stimming, but specific stimming habits are to our neurological needs what cooking is to food: A slight modification to a not negotiable need.
I'm learning that I myself have some similarities. This video introduced me to stimming and passing. How wonderful that this young man is so caring and articulate. These are so thoughtful and educational. Thank you.
8:02 "I can feel other people's emotions and can't protect myself from that (...) and I'm also trying to push through my meltdowns so that I can assisst other people through my meltdown". Thanks for putting it so clearly. I now realise I also do that. Having such selfawareness during painfully distressing moments is admirable.
This is the most relatable person I've heard talk about autism so far. I'm 38 and only just learning that I'm autistic through the internet and that so many people are going through similar experiences and that the coping mechanisms I've used my entire life have names and aren't neurotypical and it is blowing my mind. I haven't even really processed it yet.
At 40 or close to 40 everyone realises and asks themselves to know why they have behaved certain ways and having a name to it helps a lot. For some diagnosed earlier in teens or early 20s, then life will be different and power them with Behaviour therapy that would help them to understand Neuro typical things.
This is the first time I’ve actually considered us as a culture. I’ve thought of community but the idea of culture is new to me. It’s radical. I almost have to stop and ponder this for a while to let it sink in.
Yes, literally a “counter”-culture. We are pulling society back to a balancing point, away from too much outward focus and superficial falsification of life.
Thanks so much to Prue for sharing. I remember a noisy sobbing meltdown aged 2 or 3. My dad was so angry. I kept saying I can't stop, but he shut me down. Over my childhood self-control became my total goal in life and I don't know how to let go and be me. Crochet was a way of self regulating in public, though I didn't realise that's what I was doing, and I used to doodle with a pen. Now I have arthritis & I don't know what to do with my hands.
Hello 🙋♀. I felt so much at home watching this. I googled the words meltdown and stimming as they were new to me. I don't know if I am an aspie or autistic. I may be. However, I totally related to the part about passing as normal during my school years especially and University. I often wondered how I got through specific lessons such as history for instance and other lessons with many names and dates. And it wasn't until being an adult that I started to realize the connection between the different lessons in school. And I always felt panicky at the thought of having to remember all that information inorder not to be told off and in order to be accepted as a good student. I hardly remember anything right now🙃 This new information that I have come across today through your heartwarming video is difficult for me to handle. For me, I feel that society needs to change its standards concerning normality and needs to become less strict on judging and evaluating human beings on scale from one to ten. One's character is I feel very very crucial concerning how an individual will travel through life and how all the external parameters will form one's abilities to cope especially through one's childhood. For me, the feeling of freedom of the soul and pure happiness are gifts from God. But social rules seem very very hard at times. And when a child has a character that tends to obey and doesn't have the inner self-esteem to express itself and its difficulties, as I am, then as the years go by the child continues to gather and gather all of this internal pressure. What comes to my mind at this moment, is the school system in Sweden, if I remember the country correctly, where children spend much fewer hours in school and are pushed to play throughout the day. Prue is wonderful. Her inner strength and compassion manifested to me when she was explaining how she feels the need to calm strangers when she is in an unknown environment while having a meltdown💖💖🙏🙏 I relate. It's like being a conductor of hundred of emotions around you and guiding them to all become the emotion of peacefulness while the conductor himself is under an enormous amount of stress. This why I find working at a supermarket's cashier for 8 hours so draining. Because when I am serving one customer, I can, or I feel I can sense the next customer's impatience to get served quickly. So, I am constantly trying to serve the customer as friendly and as fast as possible so that the next customer can see this and not become angrier. I wish I could feel calm inside. Or perhaps biologically it is time for me to retire. I don't know. It was lovely watching your video!! Thank you so much!! Be well my friends🙂❤ 🙋♀
First thought I had...knitting as stimming, that's a new one, awesome! :D But now that I think about it, my grandma used to crochet compulsively (it was the family joke, always said fondly because crocheting was like her super power and she was an award winning crochet artist who made a side living selling her works and was even featured in the local newspapers several times). So maybe that was her form of stimming?
My grandma was too like that too and considering how many people on that side of the family are on the spectrum whether diagnosed or not it is very likely.
I am of course no expert BUT if you are autistic it is likely that it was her stimming because what I learned is that autism is genetic and you you will have inherited from someone
Maybe it’s the other way around. Perhaps autistic people are SO creative that we HAVE to create...otherwise we stim. I find that ‘just’ stimming doesn’t really bring me the satisfaction I need, just a temporary relief. It’s only when I am creative it really works.
She is so astute and has such amazing insights! The part about 'autistic culture' just blew my mind. This is something I feel the ambivalence of at this point in life, but didn't have a term for it. I've been reclaiming my own natural mannerisms, habits and impulses as an aspie, after being compelled to hide and rigidly control them all my life. I still struggle with the fact that it does make me appear much less 'normal' and pretty much destroys my considerable past efforts at 'passing' for typical. But what I'm doing is reclaiming my own culture and nature as an aspie. This is a much more positive perspective on it. Thank you!
I'm not sure I've ever had a meltdown before. I usually "dump the plate all over the floor" before things get to a point where I snap, and what that basically means is I just leave early, when I was in school I would just put my head on my desk or I would "shut down".
Is knitting disguised stimming? What is a melt-down? Getting sick and isolating? Quitting a job? What goes on in the mind of the person getting ready to melt-down? No one wants to see an AS melt. Is it like a nervous breakdown? Temper tantrum?
RIGHT before watching this, I was ruminating about how my dad- who doesn't know he's autistic but is absolutely autistic- allowed the neurotypicals to take away this thing that makes him special, that fun little quirk we all have. I make noises, sing songs, and quote movies. My brother repeats phrases (he must say "you know what it is!" a hundred times a day and it's hilarious). What does our dad do? He grinds his teeth and bites his nails. (Just accept that I know my father better than you do and that this is not the same thing that NTs do.) The neurotypicals would rather him grind his teeth down and fuck up his nails than ever let him do anything that might make them even a little uncomfortable. And then Prue goes and calls it our cultural dance! LOL! Spot on, Prue. I think of it somewhat differently: we're all like birds with our own little song. My dad let them take his song away. They'll never take mine.
I completely understand her relationship with meltdowns and somtimes being able to feel them coming. Its freeing in a way. Selfawarness has brought me freedom. Freedom to be myself unapologetically.
Prue, this interview is so important and yes, your "superpower" is explaining the experience of autism to the non-autistic world. So many valuable insights, and so validating for our educational model, SCERTS, developed by NTs but so consistent with what brilliant autistic people say is most helpful and respectful. Prue, you are "Uniquely Human" a gift to us all!!!
I’m glad I found this video. It has helped me in my journey of acceptance of my ass diagnosis. I was diagnosed two years ago, at age 47 after having been misdiagnosed and (mis-)treated for bipolar and personality disorders, among others, since my early teens. This video made me realize that I have been having meltdowns my entire life. It’s great (and emotional) to be able to put that part of life into context.
KA Boozle I always advice reading SCIENCE and health with key to the scriptures by Mary baker eddy. It is a truly healing book of truths about all of us. No labels. Just love.
Thank you Paul and Prue for that wonderful interview. Thank you also for sharing the out takes at the end. I was socially unaccepted as a youth, and relate in interesteing ways to Prue's insights about stimming and masking and meltdowns. My son is an Aspie, but I relate more to him than neurotypicals. What resonated profoundly for me was importance of finding people who get you so can stop explaining and being exhausted, just relax and be yourself.
For me there was/is a physical cost to meltdowns that I couldn't afford as a person with chronic illness. I've had that cleansing feeling, but the physical cost is too much for my body. I had to develop a strategy to head them off... that was my form of self care... taking care of me in the moment. Which means getting away when I need to get away. There are times I don't know I'm pushing through or I'm pushing through because the moment seems to demand that and I know there will be a price to pay. Also, I engage in shutting down more... often in a way that is an escape and that's self care for me.
“Getting away”. I am always running away before I start to freak out. I want to stay and be a part of it, but I can’t really get “in”, always feel like I am only being tolerated. People try to be kind, but I know they don’t want me around, and I always get strange looks for things I say. It never ends, though it is much better now than in high school.
I love that you asked ‘what is your favourite thing about being autistic?’ - it changes the perspective of autism from being a ‘disorder’ to being a different (& valued) way of being.
I've just started watching your channel, and I really appreciate and enjoy your insights. In January 2020 I discovered after some research that I'm autistic(I'm 48). It now seems completely obvious to me that I'm autistic, and I can't quite believe that nobody spotted it in 48 years. It's come as quite a shock and a revelation for me and my partner. It's almost like we're having to start again. I've been feeling like I was losing the plot, because I couldn't make sense of how I've been feeling all these years. I've got upset again now. I'm pleased I know the truth now, but it doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with some days. Thank you for your videos.
I loved this interview so much. I got emotional at the end where Prue explains the school hierarchy is made by people who did well at school and how art and self expression are at the bottom when they should really be at the top. No wonder we feel so repressed!
Seeing her with her knitting put a smile on my face. I'm addicted to crochet. Its definitely one of those repetitive activities that keeps me sane. During times of added stress I definitely notice myself spending a lot more time with the crochet in my lap. It helps so much.
Thankyou so much for this interview. I have twins both on the ASD spectrum and it was very insightful to see meltdowns form the inside. They have only just started school and so can't really articulate what's going on for them to help me help them. It was really great to hear Prue talk about it in adult language in a clear and easy to understand way. You've really helped me be a better parent by seeing things from their point of view and what might be going on for them in the middle of a meltdown. Thank you so much for helping me to understand better.
Okay, I just learned about the concept of meltdown and quite instantly couple dozen insidents that has happened during my life started to make a bit more sense. They can be very annoying and I have always wondered afterwards that what the heck just happened. But it has definitely been a meltdown. When situation becomes somehow exceptionally overwhelming, you kind of lose ability to even think straight, might say something that can actually be harmful for yourself or does not quite make any sense. It's like getting really angry but not being able to express that feeling since you are emotionally bursting something way too big through a hole which is too small for that mass to pass through (other variation are situations where you start to feel that you urgently need to get away). People around you tend to get really confused/unconfortable/awkward during those moments, which I really don't blame them about. This was good to learn. Luckily it does not happen often, but when it does happen next time, I think I will try to hit the brake instantly and just take a time-out from the whole situation. If possible.
Prue is amazing and a beautiful soul. She is so self aware and articulate. I suppose there are many who have bridged into surface typical while inside divergent. Yes crying is the healthiest way to release that tension... Everything feels so well afterwards but a short nap would be welcomed but not always possible. Great job pushing thru, your a champion! Lots of love and respect to all.
I'm slowly but surely learning about Aspie behaviour and what makes you guys tick.Thank you so much for the vids, i really enjoy them and look forward to learning more.
Great interview. Good work on doing something that’s not easy and for Prue in being so open & honest. The golden streamers in the backdrop and the nice red coloured outfit and knitting told a story and brought colour, life and character - wonderful to see. Thanks for being your authentic selves.
Wow, everyone should meet Prue!! I would love to know how someone becomes so self aware and self accepting so young. Also how old she was diagnosed and how she found growing up: sounds like she had a good relationship with her parents? Anyway, I loved this but would also love Part 2!!
Great to see your studio, Prue, and hear you talking about the challenges you create for yourself and meet in life. That's inspiration for all of us. I'm an artist too, looking for ways to communicate cultural messages through my work.... checking out your website.
I love this interview so much. I have about 2 meltdowns a week which I call existential crisis. And yes the background is way better with the composition. I had to giggle at “this is the most boring background ever.” I may have not quoted that exactly but I loved it. 💗
Good morning Sister and brother....yes self-regulating is hugely beneficial for us ASPIES!, as I have regular meltdowns and they may also vary from 3-month intervals based on what is going on in my life! Beautiful Prue I am so in touch with your cycles! YES! our MELTDOWNS are our norm and I have received all my own insights to function in society through my cycles, the aches and pains we endure in those moments are REAL and are ATTUNED to the capacity of the vastness of how we interpret the world! BiGG HuGGzz! I am creating my own ASPIE dictionary because WORDS are a life source to whether we cope standing up or cycling through meltdowns which I call ASPIE PAUSES! or an AP moment!
My daughter does this daily and honestly it's just a way for her to get our her frustration so she can actually process verbally afterwards. I just try not to let it go on for so long, sometimes I pick her up and spin her around and she starts laughing instead when I can tell she is having trouble getting out of it. I am not the type to outwardly meltdown, I become nonverbal and shut down, and try to get away in a different room to be able to calm down enough to verbalize my emotions or at least recognize what is happening. When I'm alone I can meltdown safely, but I agree when I am in public it is really hard to manage myself for others, because my social paranoia kind of takes over.
Beautiful interview! Loved it when Prue said this is the lamest background I've seen in my life🤣. Loved the touch of color that was added. This interview was very informative, thank you.
This was my absolute favorite. I forget how important it is that I am a part of the autistic community. Sometimes I’ve learned to pass for NT and thats when I start to believe I am. This was a treat.
Those I know with AS are in the mainstream. They do not seem to want to be in an AS culture. But mainstream people do not know what is going on with an AS person. It is confusing and we get resentful when we have to do the jobs they can't manage but they don't warn us ahead of time. When they vanish for months at a time, we have to puzzle out what went wrong. So we end up regulating them but we over-compensate by limiting them too much. Once a NT is informed, it helps. Walking on eggshells ....
@@Charity-vm4bt I agree its a very complex dilemma. It can be frustrating at times. Do you think it can be helpful to inform NT about our needs and then they don't need to walk on eggshells or they end up walking on eggshells? I just want to make sure I don't miss understand you. If you mean clarifying leads to walking on eggshell my response is that it really is a conundrum I know the feeling too well.
Hey Paul, I enjoyed your interview with Prue Stevenson. Autism is a wonderful world, where anything, and everything is possible to be accomplished. Although this video is three years old🙃continues to educate the public. Thank you🙏peace and love🙏
Wow! There is so much to explore there. It now makes me think of meltdowns like orgasms! A build up of tension and release. Not a loss of temper. I now think meltdown is not a helpful term. Overload, would better describe the cause. When you lift a really heavy weight you overloading and cause tremendous tension. When you put the weight down you get a sense of relief and relaxation. Carrying shopping over a distance can have the same effect. There needs to be a word that describes that tension and release. We could call it Augasm! I think a lot of my tiredness could be a fear of heading to a meltdown. A therefore struck in limbo between needing the release and not getting it. Thanks for this very helpful. You are both beautiful people.
Knitting is great visual metaphore for how 2D string can be changed into 3D object when the strings intertwine with other strings in different directions. It is like human minds works, some are linear, some tend to create 3D patterns instead.
Mine often have more to do with the social situation where everyone is going along with a false shared perspective, like everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room. I start to shake, and then I say blubbering things, like ,”But, but…”. And people shut me up. And they want me to leave.
Prue talking about being "too good" at passing really sticks out for me. Not really for the same reason she was talking about. For a while I'd been wondering if I was on the spectrum and it was just missed as I was growing up. I didn't have the most stable childhood. Yesterday I watched a comedy special, of all things, by Hannah Gadsby, sharing a lot of her experiences with being autistic, and something clicked. I immediately started doing research and found your channel. I watched a bunch of your videos, and it was like a fog cleared. It explained nearly everything. I've been diagnosed with a half-dozen different mental illnesses, and most of them have this through line of symptoms that also happen to be traits of autism. No medical professional has ever brought up autism. Ever. And I think that's because the mask I've constructed for myself is so strong that they rule it out right away. Add to that the fact that I don't really know how to take the mask off around people, and I feel like I've got a real problem on my hands. I've got a regularly scheduled psychiatrist appointment on Monday, and I'm planning to bring it up, but I'm terrified he won't believe me. I'm terrified no one will.
Wow! I have this too but I didn't know what it was. I had one at work today. I had to shut my eyes really tight and couldn't speak. I felt like my head was going to explode. I have a lot to learn.
Being an artist too and starting to learn about my meltdown patterns (I'm undiagnosed) I like how she treats meltdown as positive. Lately I've been having shutdowns and meltdowns over having so many ideas and being excited for it that I get overwhelmed emotionally
Making peace with the meltdowns is the key - not trying to fight it. When you fight it, you feel EVEN MORE frustrated. Just let yourself feel what you need to feel.
I really liked the few extra clips hahaha.... Overall I'm starting to notice that I may definitely be somewhere in the autism spectrum so, thank you so much for this kind of videos! They does give me a lot of insight!
I've had just one public meltdown in my life. It was about 6 years ago at a party, and I haven't been invited to a party since. Everyone who was there has politely distanced themselves from me and I haven't been able to make new friends. Although the girl who recorded it was kind enough not to post it all over social media, for which I am extremely grateful, all the same however I've paid for that every single day since.
Love the use of dancing... Going to try it myself... Agree that we all need to be able to stem at least to some extent and self regulate... It's really a part of being healthy
I've always felt others' emotions. I didn't know this could actually be part of the female autism experience. Fascinating!!! I have always been overwhelmed by it. Like feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. BTW, I need to learn to knit! Brilliant 👏!"
I'm envious of her ability to knit without looking and the dress appears to have hand embroidery on it. If she had a crafting channel I would check it out.
I am on the autism spectrum and I learn something new everyday about myself by watching your videos, I have heard about stimming alot but I never once considered that I possibly my own stim untill just now, infact I think I have a couple, one of which is slowly removing the barcode sticker on a bic lighter, without even realising I’m doing it, and not just peeling it off but butting my nail up against the edge the sticker where it has the obvious raise around the edge and pushing it lengthways and it would sort of crimple the whole way down the lighter untill it just slipped off and I would do this to every lighter that happened to be in my hand for longer than 5minutes saying I’m just chatting with a friend and I have it in my hand. Every lighter, all of my friends are getting their lighters back off me with no stickers lol, I wonder if they pick up it... because I sure as hell barely notice, I do this with beer bottle labels too in much the same way. I’m not sure if that’s a stim or not but it’s sure as hell stimulating for me and I would only notice once the sticker is removed and I lowkey get disappointed when there is no more sticker left to remove. Another is using one nail the sort of pluck against other nails on the other hand but only the corners of them...what do you guys think?
I have to take my art bag with me wherever I go, its always a hassle and it's inconvenient not only to me but to whoever is with me. Most of the time, I never even use it, so it becomes shameful. .I never knew why just having it gave me comfort. I understand why now. Thank-you! This infortrip ation was powerful and empowering.
Unfortunately, my stimming is drinking or obsessively playing Free Cell in my own way. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding my own stimming. I've never understood my own stimming, or even if I do it at all.
I just learned that I am an Aspie. I also play Free Cell obsessively . I noticed years ago that it eased my depression and helps me through my anxiety.
i am autistic. i had trouble making friends growing up, i also obsess over things (like my music hobby) and i have alot of trouble reading body language and i have a lot of trouble communicating with other people and i love routines and i had lots of meltdowns as a teenager and a kid aswell (about everyday to once a week ) as an adult and i am now on mood control medication (happy pills etc) and i hate universities as i don't learn anything while i'm there as they rush through everything far too quickly for my liking and is a total waste of my time and a waste of money. and i had trouble understanding why my meltdowns were happening. now i know why my meltdowns were actually happening and what was causing it. now i can manage myself alot better as i understand myself alot better and i love being autistic now and i embrace it cause i am good at music as i am a musician and sound engineer for a hobby and am now a licenced busker :) i am 36 years old :)
I think the more I know about Autism/Aspergers is that it truly is a spectrum. Most of the things she's talking I have almost no experience with. It really seems to me that there should be more diagnoses, because one person with autism may have none of the same symptoms as someone else with autism
She had really great insights!! It IS "our culture"! I started laughing when she said neurotypicals could stim too.. I said, "They do! They wash the car, they mow the lawn, they go shopping, throw parties!" 😂😁👈the 1st one is: I laughed so hard I squeezed water outa my eyes - the 2nd one is: I crack myself up... the hand? It's just pointing to 1 and 2.
I am too too much! Even for myself. I am called eccentric but don't really see that. I do however love to discover new fields and dive head first into learning everything. I find other people to be terribly lazy.
"I became so good at passing as neurotypical that i couldn't self-regulate anymore" (not her exact words but close)
I relate to this so strongly. I passed so well as a child that everyone thought I was fine, and I missed out on any interventions or help. But in secret I was self-injuring and constantly having shutdowns. Just now at 29 I'm learning to regulate in healthy ways by embracing autistic culture! Love her description of stimming as our "cultural dance"!
Interesting, im just used to dismissing people who id need to act normal to get along with. I wouldnt have thought of stimming or other autistic traits as a culture, rather tendencies or something more along those lines
Right?! It’s a perfect description. Plus it helps neuro-typicals understand & accept it.
I was just talking to a friend maybe an hour before watching this about how I almost wish I wasn't so high functioning (I don't actually wish that) because no one understands how hard I struggle every day and there's so much invalidation.
Stimming is first and foremost a neurological need, not cultural. Culture is learned, not genetic. There can be a cultural component to stimming, but specific stimming habits are to our neurological needs what cooking is to food: A slight modification to a not negotiable need.
I'm learning that I myself have some similarities. This video introduced me to stimming and passing. How wonderful that this young man is so caring and articulate. These are so thoughtful and educational. Thank you.
Looks like she's knitting her own dress as she's wearing it
LOL, was gonna comment this ))
Efficient.
That was my first thought starting the video😂
Thought the exact same thing!!
Same here😂😂
8:02 "I can feel other people's emotions and can't protect myself from that (...) and I'm also trying to push through my meltdowns so that I can assisst other people through my meltdown".
Thanks for putting it so clearly. I now realise I also do that. Having such selfawareness during painfully distressing moments is admirable.
This is the most relatable person I've heard talk about autism so far. I'm 38 and only just learning that I'm autistic through the internet and that so many people are going through similar experiences and that the coping mechanisms I've used my entire life have names and aren't neurotypical and it is blowing my mind. I haven't even really processed it yet.
Yep.
Yes, she is believable. I can see and feel that she is like me. Some others do not appear non-neurotypical.
At 40 or close to 40 everyone realises and asks themselves to know why they have behaved certain ways and having a name to it helps a lot.
For some diagnosed earlier in teens or early 20s, then life will be different and power them with Behaviour therapy that would help them to understand Neuro typical things.
Me too
This is the first time I’ve actually considered us as a culture. I’ve thought of community but the idea of culture is new to me. It’s radical. I almost have to stop and ponder this for a while to let it sink in.
Yes, literally a “counter”-culture. We are pulling society back to a balancing point, away from too much outward focus and superficial falsification of life.
I’m a non aspy coach and I love how you ask questions. And let the star shine. I’m learning a lot through your channel. Bravo! Arigatou.
I cried throughout this.
I wish the world would understand.
Thanks so much to Prue for sharing. I remember a noisy sobbing meltdown aged 2 or 3. My dad was so angry. I kept saying I can't stop, but he shut me down. Over my childhood self-control became my total goal in life and I don't know how to let go and be me. Crochet was a way of self regulating in public, though I didn't realise that's what I was doing, and I used to doodle with a pen. Now I have arthritis & I don't know what to do with my hands.
Hello 🙋♀. I felt so much at home watching this. I googled the words meltdown and stimming as they were new to me. I don't know if I am an aspie or autistic. I may be. However, I totally related to the part about passing as normal during my school years especially and University. I often wondered how I got through specific lessons such as history for instance and other lessons with many names and dates. And it wasn't until being an adult that I started to realize the connection between the different lessons in school. And I always felt panicky at the thought of having to remember all that information inorder not to be told off and in order to be accepted as a good student. I hardly remember anything right now🙃
This new information that I have come across today through your heartwarming video is difficult for me to handle. For me, I feel that society needs to change its standards concerning normality and needs to become less strict on judging and evaluating human beings on scale from one to ten. One's character is I feel very very crucial concerning how an individual will travel through life and how all the external parameters will form one's abilities to cope especially through one's childhood. For me, the feeling of freedom of the soul and pure happiness are gifts from God. But social rules seem very very hard at times. And when a child has a character that tends to obey and doesn't have the inner self-esteem to express itself and its difficulties, as I am, then as the years go by the child continues to gather and gather all of this internal pressure. What comes to my mind at this moment, is the school system in Sweden, if I remember the country correctly, where children spend much fewer hours in school and are pushed to play throughout the day.
Prue is wonderful. Her inner strength and compassion manifested to me when she was explaining how she feels the need to calm strangers when she is in an unknown environment while having a meltdown💖💖🙏🙏 I relate. It's like being a conductor of hundred of emotions around you and guiding them to all become the emotion of peacefulness while the conductor himself is under an enormous amount of stress. This why I find working at a supermarket's cashier for 8 hours so draining. Because when I am serving one customer, I can, or I feel I can sense the next customer's impatience to get served quickly. So, I am constantly trying to serve the customer as friendly and as fast as possible so that the next customer can see this and not become angrier. I wish I could feel calm inside. Or perhaps biologically it is time for me to retire. I don't know.
It was lovely watching your video!! Thank you so much!! Be well my friends🙂❤ 🙋♀
First thought I had...knitting as stimming, that's a new one, awesome! :D But now that I think about it, my grandma used to crochet compulsively (it was the family joke, always said fondly because crocheting was like her super power and she was an award winning crochet artist who made a side living selling her works and was even featured in the local newspapers several times). So maybe that was her form of stimming?
My grandma was too like that too and considering how many people on that side of the family are on the spectrum whether diagnosed or not it is very likely.
My mother too...
I am of course no expert BUT if you are autistic it is likely that it was her stimming because what I learned is that autism is genetic and you you will have inherited from someone
Maybe it’s the other way around. Perhaps autistic people are SO creative that we HAVE to create...otherwise we stim.
I find that ‘just’ stimming doesn’t really bring me the satisfaction I need, just a temporary relief. It’s only when I am creative it really works.
Different generation : “Idle hands are the hands of the devil.” Which is an interesting saying.
She is so astute and has such amazing insights! The part about 'autistic culture' just blew my mind. This is something I feel the ambivalence of at this point in life, but didn't have a term for it. I've been reclaiming my own natural mannerisms, habits and impulses as an aspie, after being compelled to hide and rigidly control them all my life. I still struggle with the fact that it does make me appear much less 'normal' and pretty much destroys my considerable past efforts at 'passing' for typical. But what I'm doing is reclaiming my own culture and nature as an aspie. This is a much more positive perspective on it. Thank you!
@@TallerVision , but you are "normal" for you. As an NT i think Aspies are just different not abnormal.
I think the outtakes can be as educational as the "planned" content. Keep including them!
Paul, thanks so much for having Prue share her experiences and coping strategies. Love her knitting.
Thats why I have meltdowns because I try to do so much.....the more i put on my plate the higher the chance of a meltdown...
@@Charity-vm4bt go away
Lack of sleep raises the chances for me and I get exhausted, so easily.
I'm not sure I've ever had a meltdown before. I usually "dump the plate all over the floor" before things get to a point where I snap, and what that basically means is I just leave early, when I was in school I would just put my head on my desk or I would "shut down".
Stimming is our cultural dance"! Wow - that is excellent! I love it!
Is knitting disguised stimming? What is a melt-down? Getting sick and isolating? Quitting a job? What goes on in the mind of the person getting ready to melt-down? No one wants to see an AS melt. Is it like a nervous breakdown? Temper tantrum?
RIGHT before watching this, I was ruminating about how my dad- who doesn't know he's autistic but is absolutely autistic- allowed the neurotypicals to take away this thing that makes him special, that fun little quirk we all have. I make noises, sing songs, and quote movies. My brother repeats phrases (he must say "you know what it is!" a hundred times a day and it's hilarious). What does our dad do? He grinds his teeth and bites his nails. (Just accept that I know my father better than you do and that this is not the same thing that NTs do.) The neurotypicals would rather him grind his teeth down and fuck up his nails than ever let him do anything that might make them even a little uncomfortable.
And then Prue goes and calls it our cultural dance! LOL! Spot on, Prue. I think of it somewhat differently: we're all like birds with our own little song. My dad let them take his song away.
They'll never take mine.
Me, too!!! 💜🌼
@@Charity-vm4bt Koop
I completely understand her relationship with meltdowns and somtimes being able to feel them coming. Its freeing in a way. Selfawarness has brought me freedom. Freedom to be myself unapologetically.
Prue, this interview is so important and yes, your "superpower" is explaining the experience of autism to the non-autistic world. So many valuable insights, and so validating for our educational model, SCERTS, developed by NTs but so consistent with what brilliant autistic people say is most helpful and respectful. Prue, you are "Uniquely Human" a gift to us all!!!
I am ENTP
I’m glad I found this video. It has helped me in my journey of acceptance of my ass diagnosis. I was diagnosed two years ago, at age 47 after having been misdiagnosed and (mis-)treated for bipolar and personality disorders, among others, since my early teens. This video made me realize that I have been having meltdowns my entire life. It’s great (and emotional) to be able to put that part of life into context.
KA Boozle
I always advice reading SCIENCE and health with key to the scriptures by Mary baker eddy. It is a truly healing book of truths about all of us. No labels. Just love.
Interesting. My diagnosis is bipolar with personality disordered traits. They tell me I don't have Asperger's but I identify with it so much.
aw, I love the outtakes! seeing two very self-aware people figuring out the best way to communicate a message felt so familiar to me, adorable!
Thank you Paul and Prue for that wonderful interview. Thank you also for sharing the out takes at the end. I was socially unaccepted as a youth, and relate in interesteing ways to Prue's insights about stimming and masking and meltdowns. My son is an Aspie, but I relate more to him than neurotypicals. What resonated profoundly for me was importance of finding people who get you so can stop explaining and being exhausted, just relax and be yourself.
For me there was/is a physical cost to meltdowns that I couldn't afford as a person with chronic illness. I've had that cleansing feeling, but the physical cost is too much for my body. I had to develop a strategy to head them off... that was my form of self care... taking care of me in the moment. Which means getting away when I need to get away. There are times I don't know I'm pushing through or I'm pushing through because the moment seems to demand that and I know there will be a price to pay. Also, I engage in shutting down more... often in a way that is an escape and that's self care for me.
“Getting away”. I am always running away before I start to freak out. I want to stay and be a part of it, but I can’t really get “in”, always feel like I am only being tolerated. People try to be kind, but I know they don’t want me around, and I always get strange looks for things I say. It never ends, though it is much better now than in high school.
I love that you asked ‘what is your favourite thing about being autistic?’ - it changes the perspective of autism from being a ‘disorder’ to being a different (& valued) way of being.
I've just started watching your channel, and I really appreciate and enjoy your insights. In January 2020 I discovered after some research that I'm autistic(I'm 48). It now seems completely obvious to me that I'm autistic, and I can't quite believe that nobody spotted it in 48 years. It's come as quite a shock and a revelation for me and my partner. It's almost like we're having to start again. I've been feeling like I was losing the plot, because I couldn't make sense of how I've been feeling all these years. I've got upset again now. I'm pleased I know the truth now, but it doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with some days. Thank you for your videos.
I loved this interview so much.
I got emotional at the end where Prue explains the school hierarchy is made by people who did well at school and how art and self expression are at the bottom when they should really be at the top. No wonder we feel so repressed!
”The meek shall inherit the earth”
Seeing her with her knitting put a smile on my face. I'm addicted to crochet. Its definitely one of those repetitive activities that keeps me sane. During times of added stress I definitely notice myself spending a lot more time with the crochet in my lap. It helps so much.
I get into both crochet and spinning yarn. I find that spinning yarn is very soothing.
This was a lovely interview. Thank you, Prue and Paul. But I really loved the end/outro part most. Brilliant. :))
Thankyou so much for this interview. I have twins both on the ASD spectrum and it was very insightful to see meltdowns form the inside. They have only just started school and so can't really articulate what's going on for them to help me help them. It was really great to hear Prue talk about it in adult language in a clear and easy to understand way. You've really helped me be a better parent by seeing things from their point of view and what might be going on for them in the middle of a meltdown. Thank you so much for helping me to understand better.
I never thought about handycrafts as being socially accepted stimming! Good find! Now I see why I like to take it along to so many places.
I agree! I am going to get my knitting out! I remember I used to find I could stay a lot more calm
In a group conversation but did not know why!
Okay, I just learned about the concept of meltdown and quite instantly couple dozen insidents that has happened during my life started to make a bit more sense. They can be very annoying and I have always wondered afterwards that what the heck just happened. But it has definitely been a meltdown.
When situation becomes somehow exceptionally overwhelming, you kind of lose ability to even think straight, might say something that can actually be harmful for yourself or does not quite make any sense. It's like getting really angry but not being able to express that feeling since you are emotionally bursting something way too big through a hole which is too small for that mass to pass through (other variation are situations where you start to feel that you urgently need to get away). People around you tend to get really confused/unconfortable/awkward during those moments, which I really don't blame them about.
This was good to learn. Luckily it does not happen often, but when it does happen next time, I think I will try to hit the brake instantly and just take a time-out from the whole situation. If possible.
Prue is amazing and a beautiful soul.
She is so self aware and articulate.
I suppose there are many who have bridged into surface typical while inside divergent.
Yes crying is the healthiest way to release that tension... Everything feels so well afterwards but a short nap would be welcomed but not always possible.
Great job pushing thru, your a champion!
Lots of love and respect to all.
Aside from the wonderful content of the video, I LOOOOOOOVE the respectful exchange and tone of the social interaction. It's so calm and soothing ❤
I'm slowly but surely learning about Aspie behaviour and what makes you guys tick.Thank you so much for the vids, i really enjoy them and look forward to learning more.
Great interview. Good work on doing something that’s not easy and for Prue in being so open & honest. The golden streamers in the backdrop and the nice red coloured outfit and knitting told a story and brought colour, life and character - wonderful to see. Thanks for being your authentic selves.
Wow, everyone should meet Prue!! I would love to know how someone becomes so self aware and self accepting so young. Also how old she was diagnosed and how she found growing up: sounds like she had a good relationship with her parents? Anyway, I loved this but would also love Part 2!!
Thanks for the suggestion. I don't usually do that, but I'll see if she's interested.
Aspergers from the Inside Yes, more from Prue would be awesome!
Yogabody Buddhamind definitely. I like to imagine she's knitting a tree or a hat for her house, like scarf lady in Sarah and Duck.
She had parents who cared & had a close support group. If you dont, your doomed.
Hi, you can see a few more vids at: ua-cam.com/channels/kQyDjhx58gKXb-KWVGWbeQ.html (reply on Prue's behalf)
This is wonderful, thanks to both of you.
Paul, I learned more from Prue's breakdown of the subject than I ever have in one video! Thanks, Paul!
Great to see your studio, Prue, and hear you talking about the challenges you create for yourself and meet in life. That's inspiration for all of us. I'm an artist too, looking for ways to communicate cultural messages through my work.... checking out your website.
I’m learning so much from you Paul and from your guests. I just recently learned (from programs like yours) that I have Aspergers. At 61.
I love this interview so much. I have about 2 meltdowns a week which I call existential crisis. And yes the background is way better with the composition. I had to giggle at “this is the most boring background ever.” I may have not quoted that exactly but I loved it. 💗
Good morning Sister and brother....yes self-regulating is hugely beneficial for us ASPIES!, as I have regular meltdowns and they may also vary from 3-month intervals based on what is going on in my life! Beautiful Prue I am so in touch with your cycles! YES! our MELTDOWNS are our norm and I have received all my own insights to function in society through my cycles, the aches and pains we endure in those moments are REAL and are ATTUNED to the capacity of the vastness of how we interpret the world! BiGG HuGGzz! I am creating my own ASPIE dictionary because WORDS are a life source to whether we cope standing up or cycling through meltdowns which I call ASPIE PAUSES! or an AP moment!
Wow, wow, WOW! How truly beautiful to know, that I'm not alone in these experiences. 🙌🙏
My daughter does this daily and honestly it's just a way for her to get our her frustration so she can actually process verbally afterwards. I just try not to let it go on for so long, sometimes I pick her up and spin her around and she starts laughing instead when I can tell she is having trouble getting out of it. I am not the type to outwardly meltdown, I become nonverbal and shut down, and try to get away in a different room to be able to calm down enough to verbalize my emotions or at least recognize what is happening. When I'm alone I can meltdown safely, but I agree when I am in public it is really hard to manage myself for others, because my social paranoia kind of takes over.
Excellent talk. I hope more people learn how to be ok with someone stimming or having a meltdown.
Thanks Prue and Paul. This is one of the best educational conversation I've heard and relatable on so many levels. Please keep doing your great work.
Beautiful interview! Loved it when Prue said this is the lamest background I've seen in my life🤣. Loved the touch of color that was added. This interview was very informative, thank you.
Thank you for giving us your time. 💕
Yay there's 0 dislikes! I'm so glad because she's so sweet and intelligent. I really appreciated this interview 💚
This was my absolute favorite. I forget how important it is that I am a part of the autistic community. Sometimes I’ve learned to pass for NT and thats when I start to believe I am. This was a treat.
Those I know with AS are in the mainstream. They do not seem to want to be in an AS culture. But mainstream people do not know what is going on with an AS person. It is confusing and we get resentful when we have to do the jobs they can't manage but they don't warn us ahead of time. When they vanish for months at a time, we have to puzzle out what went wrong. So we end up regulating them but we over-compensate by limiting them too much. Once a NT is informed, it helps. Walking on eggshells ....
@@Charity-vm4bt I agree its a very complex dilemma. It can be frustrating at times. Do you think it can be helpful to inform NT about our needs and then they don't need to walk on eggshells or they end up walking on eggshells? I just want to make sure I don't miss understand you.
If you mean clarifying leads to walking on eggshell my response is that it really is a conundrum I know the feeling too well.
What an interesting interview! She is a wise woman.
Such a beautiful and fascinating lady. A great interview, really interesting 💕
This video is gold. I keep coming back to watch it. All the best from Spain.
BigThanks! Both of you!
Hey Paul, I enjoyed your interview with Prue Stevenson.
Autism is a wonderful world, where anything, and everything is possible to be accomplished. Although this video is three years old🙃continues to educate the public. Thank you🙏peace and love🙏
Thank you both so much for sharing and educating me that well ❤
Thank you Paul and Prue, this was great 🤗
I also knit or crochet to stim. Alot of what prue said is very relevant to my experience. It was a lovely interview. Thank you.
Wow! There is so much to explore there. It now makes me think of meltdowns like orgasms! A build up of tension and release. Not a loss of temper. I now think meltdown is not a helpful term. Overload, would better describe the cause.
When you lift a really heavy weight you overloading and cause tremendous tension. When you put the weight down you get a sense of relief and relaxation. Carrying shopping over a distance can have the same effect. There needs to be a word that describes that tension and release. We could call it Augasm!
I think a lot of my tiredness could be a fear of heading to a meltdown. A therefore struck in limbo between needing the release and not getting it.
Thanks for this very helpful. You are both beautiful people.
It seems Augasm means the effect of listening to good music audio-gasm!
Knitting is great visual metaphore for how 2D string can be changed into 3D object when the strings intertwine with other strings in different directions. It is like human minds works, some are linear, some tend to create 3D patterns instead.
Mine often have more to do with the social situation where everyone is going along with a false shared perspective, like everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room. I start to shake, and then I say blubbering things, like ,”But, but…”. And people shut me up. And they want me to leave.
Prue talking about being "too good" at passing really sticks out for me. Not really for the same reason she was talking about. For a while I'd been wondering if I was on the spectrum and it was just missed as I was growing up. I didn't have the most stable childhood. Yesterday I watched a comedy special, of all things, by Hannah Gadsby, sharing a lot of her experiences with being autistic, and something clicked. I immediately started doing research and found your channel. I watched a bunch of your videos, and it was like a fog cleared. It explained nearly everything. I've been diagnosed with a half-dozen different mental illnesses, and most of them have this through line of symptoms that also happen to be traits of autism. No medical professional has ever brought up autism. Ever. And I think that's because the mask I've constructed for myself is so strong that they rule it out right away. Add to that the fact that I don't really know how to take the mask off around people, and I feel like I've got a real problem on my hands. I've got a regularly scheduled psychiatrist appointment on Monday, and I'm planning to bring it up, but I'm terrified he won't believe me. I'm terrified no one will.
This channel has truly blown my mind
What a fascinating lady. I never thought of it like that...
Prue is amazing, and you're a wonderful interviewer (and amazing as well)! 🙂👍
I use knitting and crochet to stim as well. 😊
This video is truly life-changing!!! I will try to watch it as much as possible
Wow! I have this too but I didn't know what it was. I had one at work today. I had to shut my eyes really tight and couldn't speak. I felt like my head was going to explode. I have a lot to learn.
Being an artist too and starting to learn about my meltdown patterns (I'm undiagnosed) I like how she treats meltdown as positive. Lately I've been having shutdowns and meltdowns over having so many ideas and being excited for it that I get overwhelmed emotionally
Thanks for sharing Prue!
Making peace with the meltdowns is the key - not trying to fight it. When you fight it, you feel EVEN MORE frustrated. Just let yourself feel what you need to feel.
This really connected with me because I can relate to much of what she said, especially when she mentions stimming and meltdowns.
I really liked the few extra clips hahaha.... Overall I'm starting to notice that I may definitely be somewhere in the autism spectrum so, thank you so much for this kind of videos! They does give me a lot of insight!
Such good role models...thank you so much
And in 20 seconds this one lady managed to summarize my childhood and adolescence. Wow.
The takeouts were brilliant too thank you for adding those!
Really interesting and authentic interview. Thanks for sharing.
I've had just one public meltdown in my life.
It was about 6 years ago at a party, and I haven't been invited to a party since. Everyone who was there has politely distanced themselves from me and I haven't been able to make new friends.
Although the girl who recorded it was kind enough not to post it all over social media, for which I am extremely grateful, all the same however I've paid for that every single day since.
Oh gosh I am so sorry you paid such an invoice for a bill not of your making. Healing ❤️🩹 for you
I hope you'll find the kind of friends Prue has
Love the use of dancing... Going to try it myself... Agree that we all need to be able to stem at least to some extent and self regulate... It's really a part of being healthy
Thinking now that my childhood impromptu dances were a form of stimming.
I've always felt others' emotions. I didn't know this could actually be part of the female autism experience. Fascinating!!! I have always been overwhelmed by it. Like feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. BTW, I need to learn to knit! Brilliant 👏!"
I'm envious of her ability to knit without looking and the dress appears to have hand embroidery on it. If she had a crafting channel I would check it out.
I am on the autism spectrum and I learn something new everyday about myself by watching your videos, I have heard about stimming alot but I never once considered that I possibly my own stim untill just now, infact I think I have a couple, one of which is slowly removing the barcode sticker on a bic lighter, without even realising I’m doing it, and not just peeling it off but butting my nail up against the edge the sticker where it has the obvious raise around the edge and pushing it lengthways and it would sort of crimple the whole way down the lighter untill it just slipped off and I would do this to every lighter that happened to be in my hand for longer than 5minutes saying I’m just chatting with a friend and I have it in my hand. Every lighter, all of my friends are getting their lighters back off me with no stickers lol, I wonder if they pick up it... because I sure as hell barely notice, I do this with beer bottle labels too in much the same way. I’m not sure if that’s a stim or not but it’s sure as hell stimulating for me and I would only notice once the sticker is removed and I lowkey get disappointed when there is no more sticker left to remove. Another is using one nail the sort of pluck against other nails on the other hand but only the corners of them...what do you guys think?
I can’t believe how she can talk & knit w/o looking .. at the knitting !
It’s impressive. 👌🏼
Excellent interview!!
I have to take my art bag with me wherever I go, its always a hassle and it's inconvenient not only to me but to whoever is with me. Most of the time, I never even use it, so it becomes shameful.
.I never knew why just having it gave me comfort. I understand why now.
Thank-you! This infortrip ation was powerful and empowering.
Crazy how she can knit without looking at it !! Wow!
Is it tho? I thought everyone knitted like that 🤔
very good I agree at movement dance ought to be given more support in public education in the USA movement is mostly competitive sports
Starting to understand my condition thank you.
Unfortunately, my stimming is drinking or obsessively playing Free Cell in my own way. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding my own stimming. I've never understood my own stimming, or even if I do it at all.
I just learned that I am an Aspie.
I also play Free Cell obsessively .
I noticed years ago that it eased my depression and helps me through my anxiety.
Love all the solitaire games. That seems like a stim.
This is very educating and insightful. Thanks. :-)
i am autistic. i had trouble making friends growing up, i also obsess over things (like my music hobby) and i have alot of trouble reading body language and i have a lot of trouble communicating with other people and i love routines and i had lots of meltdowns as a teenager and a kid aswell (about everyday to once a week ) as an adult and i am now on mood control medication (happy pills etc) and i hate universities as i don't learn anything while i'm there as they rush through everything far too quickly for my liking and is a total waste of my time and a waste of money. and i had trouble understanding why my meltdowns were happening. now i know why my meltdowns were actually happening and what was causing it. now i can manage myself alot better as i understand myself alot better and i love being autistic now and i embrace it cause i am good at music as i am a musician and sound engineer for a hobby and am now a licenced busker :) i am 36 years old :)
🥰thank you very much! So helpful!
Very informative, thank you!!
This is awesome. Thank you guys ❤️
I think the more I know about Autism/Aspergers is that it truly is a spectrum. Most of the things she's talking I have almost no experience with. It really seems to me that there should be more diagnoses, because one person with autism may have none of the same symptoms as someone else with autism
She had really great insights!! It IS "our culture"! I started laughing when she said neurotypicals could stim too.. I said, "They do! They wash the car, they mow the lawn, they go shopping, throw parties!" 😂😁👈the 1st one is: I laughed so hard I squeezed water outa my eyes - the 2nd one is: I crack myself up... the hand? It's just pointing to 1 and 2.
💗The outtakes at the end 💕
This lady explains it in a perfect manner ....
I love Prue! I wish I was nearby so I could learn knitting from her!
I am too too much! Even for myself. I am called eccentric but don't really see that. I do however love to discover new fields and dive head first into learning everything. I find other people to be terribly lazy.
With grateful thanks to you both. You have helped me understand x
Thankyou for the insights Prue :)