Dr Katie Wood: The psychology of raising twins
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
- Clinical psychologist Dr Katie Wood specialises in twin and family relationships. Here she takes a closer look at the twin dynamic; why twins can struggle with their relationship and how to get it back in balance; and tips for parenting twins.
I chose to seperate my twins at school because the relationship was getting too claustrophobic for one of them. I think seperating them and letting them have their own relationships independent of their twin helped their self esteem. It also helped for their peers to see them as people and not a novelty, as a twin myself it was important that their twin identity not be their primary characteristic.
I did the same with my twins. It was frightening but I thought pretty much like you. I thought it would be better for personal growth. But I wonder what the research says on this topic. Is there evidence for or against this idea.
Totally agree. We did the same with our boys and the one who was always in the shadow of his outgoing brother, is thriving and shining on his own. We must never forget to nourish their individuality and show them appreciation for their differences.
Our town isn't big enough for two classes for one grade. And I'd need to drive over an hour to the next school to put one of my twins in a different class. Welcome to rural Canada.
As the parent of twins, I appreciate the instance where she spoke about isolation or the feeling of abandonment with the co-parent.
Twins, as individuals, give their power away too easily, and can be easily taken advantage of, because they naturally share, and have weak boundaries. Knowing this, Lori is changing.
Dear. Katie, you are spot on all issues discussed here, at least in our case with identical twins, boys, now 10. They have been a blessing, but the older they get the harder it is to make them hear me, make them listen. They are in their own bubble world, talking and laughing and playing, selectively focused on each other. No homework or anything else considered boring, happens, unless I scream on the top of my voice and chase to. separate them and if l do that, I can’t split myself to help each at thee same time. At times, they turn the whole thing into a chasing game, running and laughing, me feeling helpless and inadequate parent, I am sure you can picture us! Do you have any tips how to make them hear me or handle the situation better?
I have a fraternal brother, and I’m male. I was brutally bullied by him and my parents never cared. I went to them desperate to be alone and then they’d yell at the two of us combined for no reason for their life stress. We shared a bed until 12. I never had my own friends. If I made one, my more charismatic brother would just become closer to them and demean me to them in front of my face and behind my back. My parents were not ready for this financially, and my mom went insane and yelled at us nearly every day. Do not be lazy or cheap, send your kids to different schools at all costs. If they’re the same gender, you have no other choice. Its a miserable existence to never be alone. Separate them as much as you possibly can.
💔
Wow 😳 I have the same issue with them . One always bullies the other . One does everything for the other .
😢, sorry to hear that. I agree of having your own space. Thanks for you insight.
That is your experience. Not every relationship has to be like that.
Me and my twin brother are like partners in crime 😂 Definitely a blessing, and a curse
I am a twin and my approach was to be in harmony with her. No competing for boys for example. I didn't understand why she was getting them all. She opened up later on, that she made the move to them, they not to come to me first. She didn´t care about my feelings at all. I share family and some friends, but definitely, I have to keep boundaries and create my own and separated place in the world. Because her presence does have an impact on my life, and she doesn´t take responsibility to create a good one
It’s disheartening to be an identical twin but not relate to a close twinship, Our life we were considered one unit not two individuals. Always forced to share or just got the same thing. I feel as though I had more challenges then my twin. Bad vision so glasses at age 2, always trying to catch up to where she was, like riding a bike or do as well in the same sport, I’m left handed and she’s a rightie. She was social and always made friends where I kinda only knew the people she met. I copied her clothing style and habits to blend in. However,
I think she really wanted to be separate from me to have her own identity. I don’t blame her but since adolescence we haven’t lived in the same place since. Most years living in separate states. It’s a much different reality then what is discussed here.
I fear this same has occurred in the relationship of my twin daughters. But that was not my wish. I wanted them to be close to one another.
@@saahibaalimzafir598 It’s hard to know what to do, but in hindsight, it’s always better to treat someone as an individual no matter if they were born @ the same time or had to share the womb etc. It’s never to late to talk to them individually and apologize if they feel that was the case that caused them to be distant. It might actually cause them to talk with each other about the scenario and mend their closeness OR if they don’t feel like that’s the reason they aren’t close, they might offer an explanation as to why they aren’t. OR you could just feel this way and they are actually happy with their relationship the way it is.
I’m a twin I really wish people would not compare me to my twin. I do it to myself all l the time like “why an I always bigger then her or shorter” or “man I wish people liked me like they liked her”. The worst thing is when people sexualize twins. Like when I meet guys they ask sexual things( even during sex my ex said something involving my twin) is so disgusting. Please people realize that yes we look alike. Yes we where born on the same day but please realize we like to feel like an individual instead of a pair. Please Atleast try to learn the twin’s names. Please consider their feelings. Because Ive gotten to where at school we won’t even sit together or hang out together because we won’t to be independent.
Agree!! I have twin to , sometimes I think that she is biggest problem in my life , everyone loves her more than me , she is the favorite daughter / the favorite one for the family/ friends even teachers in school , and they consider everything she do wow and great which makes me always the weak non talented one in their eyes , I hate this a lot !! Sometimes I think that I should get ride off of her , it's just killing felling to know that she the prettier the smartest the best !!! I remember in school when I used to got high marks then her , instead of congratulations me or support me the people used to ask me why you don't study with your sister or why you don't give her answers in test " it's cheating idiots !! " I hate this
Omg im so sorry you have to go through the sexualisation, the ex man…… he had no empathy at all to say something like that during sex 😞
I have identical twin daughters 14 and they have days when they are arguing a ton about friends it’s scary and I really don’t know how to handle it 😬😬 I never had a sister or a twin so I’m totally new to it. I try to just remind them of respect
My twins are 14 also (2007). But I try to see their relationship as one where decisions about who to allow in their circle is necessary. Like a small tribe. It helps with the worry.
My daughter is having twins in july. We now know that it's a boy and a girl. I hope that causes less problems than were they are identical or 2 boys or 2 girls. I work as a family consultant and know how difficult it can be for "normal" children to find (and be at peace with it) their identity. My son is having a boy in may and I really do my best to let him and his wife know that their little boy is just as amazing and just as loved as the twins❤️💙
My twin is a boy I'm a girl. Amazing relationship no jealousy
I'm a twin who had twins. I have a twin brother. We were mo/di. My twin girls are di/di. I'm so used to being a twin since I've been one myself for forever that it just all seems normal. Some days are twin a days and some days are twin b days. I think just because my brother and me are so different I never had a hard time seeing each of my twins as different babies. Some of my other twin mom friends have definitely not been as understanding that each baby is different. If one of their twins does something before the other twin they just dont understand why the co twin isnt doing it. I love how mine finally play together and always want to see what the other one is doing. I absolutely love seeing them play together finally now that they are 1. It is some what of a brake finally from trying to be two moms at once. There has been time when I didnt hold one because the other would see and want to be held too. I actually hurt my back from hold both and picking both up at the same time. Once a month one twin gets to go spend a few days with my mom. It is hard on the twin to not have her twin with her. I can see that they become confused somewhat. But by the next day they are over it and happy to just have mommy all to themselves. I love being a twin and having twins. I feel like I understand what they are going to go through and how they will feel later on better then a mom who isnt used to twins.
@David Calderon di/di means 2 sacks two placentas. Mo/di is shared placentas two sacks. Mo/mo is shared sacks and shared placentas. Di/di is the most common form to see twins in the womb.
Is this just referring to identical twins? Because while a lot of the parenting struggle is relatable the right bond described certainly isn’t what I’m going through with my fraternal boy girl twins. 😓
Twins understand assembly line processing very well.
I’m here because my twins hate each other they argue everyday all day and Blake everything in each other it’s every single day all day 🤦🏽♀️ can u tell I’m tired
They say it matters if you are twin 1 or twin 2, there is certain hierarchy clear to the twins, but not so much to anybody else. The first born is right handed and follows the rules, the second born is left handed and challenges the rules (which can be inconvenient and lead to unpleasant confrontation between the twins and between me and the second born, making him think I love him less than his brother!) The dynamics of our relationship is complex and has huge consequences - I would advise the parents of twins or multiples to invest the time and try to understand what is going on and educate themselves in advance of the formative years.
Good lecture.
I have twins and I wish I was better prepared for all that came my way . Especially what to say or how to handle when people ignorantly only noticed one and not the other 😓😞🙅🏻♀️
I have even had comments like ohhh the boy is so the cutest...my god my heart breaks in two for my girl.
I’m a twin lol
I am a single mom of a 9 year old little girl and fraternal twins who are two❤ I have no support or family and have complex ptsd and diabetes . I am interested in seeing support and advice as I am completely endeavored into Social emotional learning and creating a platform for resources and help for the who need it since I'm living the experience . By my trouble and pains , through my growth and learning to get assistance ,advice and also help my new business venture grow to help others .
This is due opening as a potential parent to identical twins. I had no idea how special the relationship is, and that their individuality needs to be nurtured.
Not too mention that their older sister may feel displaced. ❤