Why people say "I'm fine" when they are not, and why horses shut down.
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- Опубліковано 22 кві 2019
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Someone kindly give the man a doctorate in psychology, equine or human or both!
Louise Cassidy And some clothes that fit.
@@johninitaly why, they are comfortable i guess :D
I love that you stop and share what you learn with us. I think it helps the Equine community so much. Thank you. ❤
I like this new, Warwick Schiller. I feel like you, Sir, have been channeling Dr. Wayne Dyer...one of my spiritual teachers. Keep going in this direction, my friend. It is a beautiful thing. The horses are happier for it, as you are more attuned to who they are as sentient beings. So proud of you!
Thank you ! It's sure a journey !
Spot on with what you said Jane Pike from New Zealand said about "I'm fine."
We look at your face, eyes, and posture. We listen to how you are talking, if you are, and then see if you even notice that we aren't fine. Then from there, we decide to lie and say, "I'm fine," to get you off the hook if we perceive you really don't want to know or we take a risk and tell the truth.
This lesson has been so pivotal for me with my horse! I saw the idea first in one of your videos where you were talking a point, and the horse standing beside you kept touching your hand with its muzzle. Throughout the talk you continued to acknowledge and pet the horse's muzzle. Then at the end of the video you explained what was going on and why you acknowledged the horse even though the video was not about that topic. That was an amazing "game changer" with my horse and I.
These videos about horses that changed the way you thought/think and now this video gave me so much to think about and made me change my approach to training. I am really trying to "see" how my horses react to what I am doing or asking them to do and how they feel about it.
I am currently training my young coldblood gelding and this helped me a lot to understand his behaviour better. Just last week, I tought him to yield his hindquarters. But when I first tried teaching him, he always turned his head to kind of block me from approaching him. I had just seen your video about one of "those horses" and remembered it. It felt to me as if he was worried if I stepped into his personal space. And so I spent the rest of my training just stepping next to his neck and give him a good old, gentle rub on his neck, before I stepped away again.
I don't know how long it took and I really don't care. But after some time there was a belly deep sigh from him and after that I had the impression that he decided it was okay now.
These "horses changed me..."-sequences make me feel absolutely happy! :D In fact the same thing happend to me when I started working with first grader Kids and two Shetland-Ponies eight years ago :) They - all together - completely changed my way of communicating with my own children, family and friends. Moreover taking better care of everybodys needs, feelings and wishes (including mine :D ) let grow some really strong respect and trust among us.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us!
I have a very outspoken horse. That's one of the things I love most about him.
Historically, humans (mostly men) have always viewed horses (and just about everything else) as something to use. They want this or that from them so they attempt to MAKE them do it. Many humans do this to each other as well. So it's always been a one-way communication with horses. It didn't matter what the horse was thinking as long as they acquiesced to what the human wanted. This latest approach to dealing with horses finally seems right to me. Release from pressure makes sense but the high horse concept (dominance) never did to me. Never letting a horse dominate you by making you step back is important but not the whole picture. Stepping back when the horse is concerned or worried seems totally called for; it's simply a respectful thing to do. Why did it take so long for humans to grasp this? Arrogance? Selfishness? Fear? Our species is making progress.
Just a thought, don't you think that the first men who thought it a good idea to have a relationship/partnership with horses instead of eating them had incredible listening and observational skills? They hadn't any aids to training other than their eyes and ears. We have done quite the opposite of making progress by relying on everything but our senses. People like Warwick are taking us back to a time when life was simpler and we all had a good relationship with all of God's creations. We may have made progress in some areas but have gone backwards in others.
@@sarahwagland1559 Way back then if anyone didn't have "incredible listening and observational skills" about every little thing, they simply did not survive at all, not even long enough to reproduce their genes. Failure to notice detail had severe consequences. Today it's incredibly easy to survive if only to beg on the street off of others who have even easier lives. I like our progress for the most part, especially medical science, but as you say, it's at a loss of some basic skills. If we remember that horses (and most animals) are constantly aware of every detail both near and far at the same time, we would understand and appreciate their behaviors better.
Example: In training carriage horses in traffic they will obey traffic signals because they will notice the association between the changes even without surrounding traffic behavior. The driver makes them stop after fair warning of a long, low "steeeady, steeeady" command, then makes them go. They record this seemingly unassociated action with whatever is going on around them; they quickly realize it's the traffic light. This is undesirable since the driver strongly needs them to only listen to him/her, so he/she takes every opportunity to unlearn them by making them go on red (when possible) and stop on green (if no vehicle is behind them).
@@virginiamoss7045 It is a weak man who expects submission. Strong men work in unison with their horses. They recognise each others strengths and weaknesses and, not only that, but understand that their strength can be their weakness and their weakness their strength and how to use this knowledge to benefit the relationship. Ying and Yang moving together in harmony to create a powerful bond. Communication is key. Listening skills paramount. Silence anyone, equine or human, at your peril. God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason. Nothing new in any of this. We are simply finding it harder to find our way out of the bog that we have created for ourselves.
@@virginiamoss7045 Medical science that develops and releases a virus and then makes billions of dollars telling us that we must repeatedly inject ourselves with God knows what that has been tested on beagles. Progress? Sounds like submission to me.
@@sarahwagland1559 In a perfect world ............
Yes! This! Woohoo! But now I'm in a bind because I don't know what to do with what my horse is telling me. It feels like a total other kind of betrayal to listen, and then respond inappropriately. First my ineptitude at listening was getting in the way, and now it is my ineptitude at responding. I need a pill to make me smarter! Or just more @WarwickSchiller.
It's an excellent way to learn about life from horses, they have taught me how to behave in a group, what to do in a group and what will get me a bite on the dock of my tail, if someone puts their butt toward me or pins their ears and shows me their teeth will I know to get away from being kicked , this man has had an amazing education
Thank you for sharing your journey!
You are the Best, Warwick!
I love that what you say really does apply to people in real life, thank you 😊🥰!!!🤠
I'm feeling Bono vibes with those glasses 😀
You're in the sea of humanity Warwick. All those goals, tasks and ideas. Does the horse ever have a chance if we never take a breath amidst our busy, busy way life.
A subtle change in our way of being may be to slow down, observe our horse, breath out and then greet them politely asking, "How are you today?" 💕🌹🔆👍🌠🍸😊🐎
Great video, great explanation. thank you!
NAILED IT! (mic drop)
Brilliant thanks ☺️
Thanks Jane Pike!
Such timing...this sums up Sunday at the barn for my better half - both the horse and I were ‘fine’ 🤣 I can laugh about it now but you’re dead on with this one 🤣🤣
I love this analogy, so true and applies to dog training as well. 👍
You are so right on.
Absolutely crushed and Beyond disappointed in my country 😔. I was so excited/looking forward to attending and meeting both you and Robyn this year. I just seen that the clinic have been cancelled due to Canadian Immigration limitations.
I highly recommend subscribing to Warwick online video subscription. I’ve been subscribed 1 1/2yrs or so and am still learning and loving it!
Thank-you for sharing your knowledge and journey I greatly appreciate it!!!
Very fitting metaphor, seems like you understand women as good as horses 😊
So Good 😇
0:18 That, my friends, is good advice.
As is the rest of this video!
OMG>. Jane Pike is a bloody legend. I feel like Jane is such an old soul. She has a way of articulating things, which gets right to the heart of WHATEVER in a way that we all understand, relate to and GET. God Bless Jane Pike. thank GOD for her. She makes me cry anytime I listen to her. Lord help me if I ever meet her in person I will just fall apart.
She's the best!
Yes, this is so true.
I’ve seen so many people use “I’m fine” as a warhead. It goes a little something like this “I think you should just know how I am without me telling you and since you’re asking me if I’m ok I can see you don’t know what’s bothering me so now I’m going to try and punish you for not magically knowing what’s on my mind by answering you with I’m fine to try and force you to keep asking me and apologize for not knowing so I can prove to myself you love me.” If you catch yourself wanting to use the “I’m fine” warhead, ask yourself if what you’re feeling is closer to “I’m afraid when you ask me if I’m ok and it’s clear to me you should already know I’m not, it means you don’t want me/love me/care about me anymore. I may have a distorted expectation that you should magically know. I’ll work on that if you can bear with me and understand I’m often afraid and it’s not easy for me to be vulnerable and admit I’m scared. psychotherapy can help unpack this. Particularly anything Esther Perel related.
I once saw a phrase that stated "God gave us 2 ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak"
Hello, I realized that one of my horses (purchased a few years ago) was shut down and have been working through it with her based on your videos (thank you so much!). She is almost always in real-time now, but as a result, she shows her anxiety (veering away from scary things, blowing, small spooks) even when I would consider the environment to be everyday (3/10, 4/10). She seems to be more anxious at a base level than other most other horses, and it just takes longer to work through new environments with her.
I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm working with a 4 year old constantly (she is 11 years old, with a LOT of experience). Is there something to be done to lower her base level of anxiety at this point? Do you think she was susceptible to shut down because of this base level of anxiety?
Shut down is what happenes when their anxieties are too big to face, so when coming out of shut down, they start to face those anxieties, so what she is going through is perfectly normal.
It's simple. If you communicate you risk finding out you are wrong and people often would rather stay mad and feel they are right than take a chance at being wrong. I really don't believe it's a gender thing but it's often described as one. But I could be wrong so don't talk to me (j/k). Seriously though, my ex-wife spent years saying she was fine when she wasn't. I knew in my heart she wasn't and it basically ripped my guts out to the point I started malfunctioning into depression and anxiety. It's like the computer in 2001. If you feed in conflicting information the logic gets trapped in a loop and HAL became paranoid. This is how people work as well.
I do think it's partly a gender thing because of the expectations put on kids while being raised are totally different (generally) for whether they're perceived as boys or girls.
Boys are supposed to be loud and non-apologetic, not understand other's emotions and generally are told to believe that they're right.
Girls on the other hand should be petite and nice and shy. They should compensate for miscommunication and talk more about emotions while that seems not okay for boys to do because it's not "manly enough".
This is not only unfair to girls but also and especially for boys, which then translates into adulthood.
That's my view on it. :)
"I know what you said. I know what you meant to say. Now, do you want to know what I heard?'
It depends, though. When I'm talking to relative strangers, I'll say I'm fine, cuz they don't want to hear that stuff. But to a friend or loved one...I'll tell 'em what's what.
🤯❤️
My first horse used to protect me from the neighbors' goose. That goose would hear our door open and it would come chase me, it was mean. I'd have to get up on a fence to get away from it, then one day my horse went after that goose. Put his head right down to the ground and pushed it, then chased it away. Saved my can!
Too short!!!
Smart Dad...lol
First 🤓
I can't believe people are still doing this "first" thing. It's so meaningless. At this moment Uwe is last to post. It's just stupid.
People say "I'm fine" as a matter of etiquette in the beginning of any conversation.
‘I’m fine”means I don’t want to get into a flaming row, cos you have no understanding or interest in my turmoil.
Yep, i believe that's what I said, I couldn't agree more.
I thought it meant f- up, I- insecure, n- neurotic, e- egotistic