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Really nice video! Makes it easy to understand and which first steps make towards self-knowledge. For me, this is one, if not the most important element in attaining peace and confidence in life. It would be worth making a video about Georges Gurdjieff's approach to knowing oneself. Personally, it has helped me a lot. Hope you consider this idea!
Not very well... These days, I began to question about what I used to like to do, my own identity and even what I really want. What do you suggest I do to communicate with myself?
@@AyaHadil_it_is_me Hmmm but we can still use their opinions to compare ideas and make positive decision out of it. It need thick skin to not let them effect you emotionally 👍
@@JayQuest69 I do not think that is true. I have this emptiness inside of me, bipolar and just feel a this void. People drain my energy. The more I sit in solitude with just my thoughts, the more energised I feel. I do not know the reason for that, but it has always helped me. Infact, great psychologists like Jung, Nietzsche and Dostoyesky have focussed their works around the importance of the self.
"My opinions and feelings matter as much as other people's." So simple yet forgotten, repeating this simple sentence made me realize how much I ignored myself all this time.
After watching The School of Life for years and studying medicine, I've come to realize that our childhood affects us more than we realize. Our developmental stages as a child are crucial in developing our adult attitudes and biases. So, I hope that if you have kids in the future, be sensitive of their developmental stages.
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
@@sauravgupta4103 Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy or CBT is one of the most popular psychological therapy available out there. The goal of CBT is for us to have greater understanding of our emotions, actions, and biases. And with greater understanding of ourself, the more we are in control of our selves. CBT may help or not, it really depends on case to case basis. But if you are seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist, then I would say to do your best to make the most out of it. CBT is not foolproof. But there are other types of therapies out there that your psychiatrist or psychologist can employ to help you :)
@@SlightlySaturated you also suffer from low to no sense of self ? Do you suffer from identity crisis. You regained your sense of self? And if you want to rate your sense of self out of 100 , how much will it be ? Thanks.
Reparenting yourself sounds like the way to get about it. I have been struggling with my identity for years just trying to read the room with how others act and behave in a way that would fulfill what I thought others expected of me. Self love is a very new thing and it's so easy to slip into self - deprecation but I want to try. A med student here as well
Absolutely right! But what i am feeling right now is that family problems are the biggest cause of all problems. Any person can become depressed and even suicidal thoughts can come in the mind of that person. They srsly broke the person mentally and physically
I'm working on this very thing with the help of my therapist. It's quite frustrating to be aware of an issue like this, and honestly very overwhelming too. If who you are is an uncertain being - if that's what you've lived by your whole life - who are you really then? If it's so deeply rooted within you to blend in and adapt a little too well for the well being of both you and others (or so you think), it's almost impossible to have a strong sense of your identity - because it's so fluid, and it has always been like that. We also don't want to get out of sync with others - that's why we're so good at adapting to stay "likeable" or to please others. The real challenge is to be able to be both - be in touch and in movement with others, open in relationships - but also know where we stand and feel secure in who we are. It's difficult to navigate in - when to protest, when to negotiate, when to stand up - when everything you are have always been dependent on the validation of others. I'm in this journey myself and it's incredibly tiring to try and feel into something that's completely natural to others - and many can't relate to the scale in which you operate. And when you really start pursuing your own identity, you run out of excuses - you're naked and vulnerable when you can't hide behind the opinion of others. I'm afraid of that leap, and have been for a long time, but I also know it's worth it. The few times I can feel the "real me" peak out - and when I stand up for her - is when I feel the best and the strongest. It is when we're vulnerable and real with each other that actual magic happens. And it's not easy being that real - subconsciously you might be shying away from opportunities for you to shine, because then you have to live up to something you actually care about - and that's scary. If you read through this whole thing, thank you for your time - and if you're in a similar situation as I am, I wish you all the strength and durability to continue this journey. I also choose to wish it for myself. Thank you to channels such as School of Life who brings awareness and support to something like this - videos like these help so many people to feel less alone, myself included, and it is much appreciated.
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I feel like you just described my situation! I started seeing a therapist for this exact problem as well. So much has happened that I've lost touch with who I am as a person. And it's curious of how this can all begin in childhood by the simple fact that we want to please those who hurt us to be loved in return.
Omg.. no one ever(not even the school of life in the video) has said and explained it all better than you!! Thank you so much ♥️ofc I read it all,and it touched me as I can fully relate myself. I'm 24, but I'm still in this journey of self awareness and understanding.. in this "conflict " between being "likeable,accepted" and standing up for yourself. It's great that you have a therapist helping you along the way, I'm really happy for you, coz is hard to find the right one. I'm not able to see a therapist for several reasons.. but I'm just trying to dig into myself a little more each time. Wishing us all to find that balance in this conflict, the major which is in ourselves. Thanks again for this comment. ~~Many Hugs~~
*Meditation, reading and constant self-awareness. Those are the three pillars of knowing ourselves. People who understand themselves, understand the world, and people who do, are the joyous ones.*
I would typically agree, but I have started to understand that social media is what you make of it. You can use it to express your own individuality or you can let it cause an identity crisis just the same.
Not universal. I very often come across as too dominering or agrassive towards family members and possibly others whenever i detatch significantly from mysekf
This is so true! I graduated high school and took a year off because I didn’t know what I wanted to do in university. I don’t know why, but I also didn’t work. So this left me very alone (but not lonely) to figure things out. And I did! I didn’t realize what was happening but I was evolving into who I always wanted to become. No societal pressure, I stopped posting to social media (I still use it but I never post because I feel I don’t need to show off to feel validated,) I cut out anyone who was being a sheep or as the video said, being almost a slave to other people’s visions, and I got lucky because my parents and sister were so patient and supportive of me! I can even say my looks significantly improved because I stopped following fashion/beauty trends and catered to my own body structure and my own style... (good bye fake eyelashes and leggings, and hello fresh face and tailored trousers!) And plus, I started to listen to great music, like older things, lots of soul/ r&b and classic rock from the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s that are very different to today’s ‘trendy’ music... much more enriching to the soul! Eventually I began reading and have taken an interest in human psychology and also the arts; things I always loved but never dared to immerse myself in because science/math related academics always seemed to be “more important.” Now, I talk to people and I always get compliments on how mature and put together I look and feel! I get compliments on my clothes too! And the secret I suppose, as simple as it is, is that I gave myself the time and space, and even permission, to pursue being someone I could be proud of. If anyone’s read this all the way through, I would say that spending more time with yourself alone is a huge thing... humans are much more susceptible to changing, according to what and who surrounds them, than we may notice. No one else can show you who you are but you, so take the time to get to know what you like, what you don’t like, who you like, who you don’t like, why, etc! And maybe try refraining from social media too, especially from people who love to show off and brag or people who are too extreme with projecting their own agendas. Give yourself space, find people and things which inspire you, take all of what’s good and be that good in the world!
@@babybrea5166 You go girl! It really works, it’s amazing what being in line with your own energy can do and how powerful it feels. Other people can feel it radiating off you too! Best wishes and God bless! ❤️
That's amazing but please highlight what you did finally with your career. I have the exact same experiences as yours but I am getting nowhere to decide how I want to pursue my career further. I have been an HR professional all my life but now I know I want to call it quits but what else should I do is still unknown to me. I have been in this process for over 2 years now. Your views are better than the video itself. I would appreciate it if you can help and support through your wisdom. Thanks
This can make a person vulnerable to being messed with by those without conscience. People who are not really one's friends or will let one down, such as the polyamorous. Many selfish people would not have one's interests at heart. It could be that they suffered the same lack of connection in early childhood. Finding one's center can serve as a prophylactic to being hurt by woman-hating men who say and do deliberately hurtful things. It is also useful to know that it has nothing to do with women. It is more the hollow feeling of addiction that comes from not having a center.
@@coreycox2345 very well said as a lost soul that is still trying to find themselves after some shit happened in my life I can tell you for a fact that it's a cold world and the only person that will help you out along the way is yourself because you're the only one who can pull yourself out of it. And of course people that truly care.
@@miriams.4527 Even there, one should be careful. I once heard of a pseudo-psychologist with a shaky grasp of the ethics of psychology who shilled for a friend to promote his "polyamory.*." It didn't feel right to the woman, who later learned of many examples where the "polyamorist" embarrassed and humiliated women saying that "he liked to laugh." A more accurate label would be "misogyny." This same man often tried to pit women against one another as if their value were based solely on their appearance as a temporary appendage of himself. Raising and competing for show dogs might look like a less damaging substitute for him, But it would have no appeal. He does it to inflict the damage. For men or women, a good test is the "gut reaction." If your body says "no," it's the wrong thing. As someone who recently found her moral compass, I can tell you that those who lack have a hard time discerning who is decent to them or not. When people are not, they can have an especially painful time, because they can't reliably tell who to assign the responsibility and may even feel that they did something to deserve being mistreated and blame themselves for their pain. *It is a pity that he was not a real psychologist, or she could have reported him to the board of his professional organization. Being trustworthy is critical to their work.
@@miriams.4527 That's how I felt. I can't explain what happened. I started watching the work of Canadian doctor Gabor Mate on UA-cam and am in the middle of one of his books. It isn't our faults and can be changed if I am evidence. I don't trust that I could react authentically each time I am faced with a new stressor, but I can see enough to measure and correct my reactions. It seems likely that I will get better at it over time. If you are like me, we learned at a young age, not to trust our emotions.
I actually can confirm that if you're not secure about your values and who you really are, you search for more praises from other people and you get anxious if anybody contradicts you. In fact this happened to me a year ago. Now i've strengthed my way of thinking and my values, and i imagine much less about being praised by other people, and also if anybody has a different way of thinking i just smile while i'm having the conversation. This channel is fkin amazing
When you don't choose your own values and (through the aid of it) develop a sense of self, you have nothing else but other people's narratives and opinions to define yourself. And that is a recipe for useless pain! ☠️
Yeah. What you have to do is to set someone who you WANT to be, and YOU respect, which is somewhat possible. Then follow all the values and gain the attributes which makes you this person, and then you know that you’re what you’ve always wanted to be, making you feel more fulfilled
Life is a puzzle, not a game. The more of yourself you discover (pieces of the puzzle), the clearer the bigger picture becomes (completion of a puzzle) ✨
Puzzles are forms of game. Therefore, life is a game. What happens when the puzzle is completed? More puzzles pop up. Then you once again play the puzzle. The cycle never ends until you die. Remember, you must die. You will die.
Much as I love uncle iroh this is an empty sentence. One of those inspirational quotes that sound impressive and wise but actually have no substance, don’t mean anything and don’t actually offer any advice.
I decided to go On a journey of self development and I noticed this about myself that i always listen to how people describe me and i ended up talking about it on my channel .... Depending on others validation is killing us 😢 and I care about others than for myself 😢
My problem is that I am very emotional pearson and in the same time I care about others opinion too much. For some reason I've always wanted everybody to like me and that's where I lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I always try to hide my insecurity behind smile and happiness and everyone thinks that I am the happiest person in the world but the truth is I am anxious and depressed and afraid to show my real self. I also act like outgoing pearson but I get so tired every time. I just want to calm down and stop caring as I used to do two years ago when I loved myself. But I've never actually had real friends. Sometimes I hate everybody bcs I think they are happy and having good time. I just want to calm down and live a life. Love you all❤️
@@etsubh9829 This is actually really good advice. Being analysed and diagnosed properly with a personality disorder can be so empowering (If you do actually have one obviously). When you know "whats wrong with you", you realize it's a lot more about whats wrong with how you think and perceive the world.. and less about actually being fucked up.
Have you ever did personality test MBTI. I highly reccomend to you, it really helps understand self more. Of course, It's not science proved test, but it helps to reach the first dot, in the mess you have in your head. Another thing is, do you ever analyze yourself why you stop love yourself? What expierence you had two years ago, that make you think like that? Just try understand that without emotions, cuz emotions is not you. Good luck. (sorry for grammar, I am not natural english speaker)
Try watching mufti Menk. Search him up, please try reading the Quran, please look into Islam which means peace ❤️ May Allah guide you to this beautiful religion of peace ✌️
Valid feelings. Best optimism. Emotional neglect. Identity. What we actually want and take our own sides. TRUST OURSELVES. Original thinking knowing who you really are.
*If you want to know yourself try meditating and see how your thoughts affect the way you are. Being self aware in everyday situation will help you loads* 🙏
@@selflearner1713 not sure why meditation makes you so upset, maybe you should try different versions. For some people the best form of meditation is drinking tea at a park listening to classical music, you just need to find a way to turn off your thoughts.
Then how did you deal with it? I'm exactly at that phase right now: realizing who I really am while struggling with the fact that no one else supports who I really am.
tp K it’s their problem that they don’t accept who you really are, not yours. I myself try to not allow external things affect who I am as a person, therefore my values, but I will still take them into account.
I think I see, what you mean. That psychotherapists are recommended by a therapist and they are not the knowlegde of oneself, justa possible means of way to get to know oneself? Well, friends and family often do not want to or are unable to help with the process of understanding yourself. Hence the problem, that one has to get to know oneself at for example the age of 40 instead of gradually through the years in childhood. If the person cannot find the way out of this situation, a therapist can (just can) lend a hand. EDIT: the workload falls on the person nevertheless, a therapist can just shed a light on a couple of insights, that is often obvious for the outside world.
@Carbon Proksi how to self instrospection, like the exact way...how you do it so we can get self validation from our self, like writting a journal everyday (for example). Cuz i don't feel i get validation from my self after doing good things that based on my value or my vision about what person i want to be in the future.
Truth though. Mine changed my life, including my ability to read and process my own emotions. Thanks to her, I know have compassion and understanding for myself that I've never had before. Psychotherapist recommended
You don't just wake up oneday and think "Oh I found myself I know who I am", it's a life-long journey, everyday as you live with yourself and you pay attention to your own thoughts and behaviors, and become more aware of all your senses, you understand yourself more and more. There's so much depth and so many layers to us, we mightve lived a thousand lifetimes before this current incarnation. So imo it's nearly impossible to know yourself 100% as you can't really know all that your soul has been through and carried with it for lifetimes. That's why it's a journey and not something you obtain. Knowing yourself is seeing yourself from your lenses, your own perspective and not from others' eyes or perception of you. Sometimes we just need a simple reminder that who we truly are is not just a random human born on earth just because, we're actually spiritual beings having a human experience to fulfill a purpose.
*_I feel like people in my country (U.S) don't value knowing themselves as much as they used to. Instead know that we have information overload because of the internet, putting in the effort to know thyself has become too much work_*
More than every am I confronted with such entities. How can such a thing be out written? Can't make people take interest in themselves, especially when to them it is not only too difficult but too painful. To many people it yields no reward. They assume that their way of seeing the world is standard, while in a tragic way it has become such. Its something I struggle to get any of them to willingly accept. Thanks for being another American with an less clouded consciousness. I have been wondering if it was possible to find evidence of others. Or if they would all be too far along in self development to be online or at the very least viewing these sorts of things.
I have a problem just like this. Extreme emotional neglect has screwed me up so much I can't maintain relationships and have a hate relationship with myself. I hope I can apply this and start to heal myself. Apparently parents are unaware of their shortcomings and after 28 years of living, I've given up the hope of a healthy relationship with them. I stay away as far as possible and I found it helped me grow more and feel better about myself.
Self-awareness is such an important skill. Once we know ourselves we're able to catch negative patterns and truly offer our best selves to others. More importantly, we can make decisions that best suit our wants, needs, and desires. Wonderful stuff!
I am done with people saying it doesn't matter what happened in childhood since today we are adults. It's all part of your life. I don't have two lives 0-18 and 18-beyond. If my mother had unprocessed trauma when I was conceived and my dad was nowhere to be found, then how dare you put pressure on me to love and respect them without question. Especially if you did not do it yourself. I have a right to process my experiences and formulate my own opinions and beliefs. My parents do not own the rights to my childhood simply because they were adults at the time. I was there, too. We each have our own mind and I have no desire to sway them to a certain belief about themselves or about me. Give me the same respect. I'm venting, and I really appreciate what this video offers. I know my focus can be on creating the support and awareness of myself that I've always wanted. I for sure want to see my own value and be completely detached from others' opinions or demands. Being gentle or understanding with myself is such a foreign concept for me.
You are the steps you make in life and shadows will either haunt or remind of you as worthy moral person. Forget joining in clubs to facilitate personal growth and development. You will always be following other people's goals and agendas. Be courageous enough to accept failure and rejection. It appears everybody just wants to belong, yet there are so many social and cultural gate keepers. The test is in any social situation to be honest with yourself. Evaluate the situation, look for a solution based on moral judgement qui bono, who benefits. Do something not for the following reasons: recognition, fame, wealth, ego, social acceptance. Have courage to help stand up for rights of indivuals, social and animal ethical welfare are at stake. Be vulnerable. Dare to do things not for rebelling but for sake of compassion as there are too many struggling with rights in various social, political avenue. How society treats its most vulnerable is how that generation can be judged.
Knowing yourself doesn’t only mean being able to give a complete description of who you are, but also being in touch with your own feelings, and understanding and accepting yourself.
I do not know a lot of things but i definitely do know myself - i always say how i feel or what i think - i don’t care about people’s opinions most of the time, i became more confident over the years and i love it. I am the same everywhere, in every friend group. I’m always me
I wish I can be like this ... I have decided to go On a journey of self development and I noticed this about myself that i always listen to how people describe me and i ended up talking about it on my channel .... Depending on others validation is killing us 😢. I hope this journey helps me 😢
Funny how this is exactly what I needed to hear. I often rely so much on my friends compliments that when I don’t get it I feel like I’m not as beautiful as I truly am. I give them so much power to define me And I’m so happy I’m beginning to start to trust myself and grow in confidence of my true self✨ For anyone seeking approval from other please know that it’s toxic for both you and them and the true approval should come from yourself. YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF WHOLLY
Knowing yourself is an act. I’ve heard people say you have to spend more time by yourself to know yourself. But that isn’t completely true, I believe a huge part of knowing yourself is also spending time socializing and observing how you interact with people, all people. I could expand more on this topic if needed but this is a great video. Kudos!
I crave acknowledgement and understanding. Victim of emotional abused and neglect as a child, so hard to find your way out in adulthood. Learning through process of reading self-help books, watching the school of life videos definitely made some progress. Hope to have more videos to come! 🤟
It all starts how your parents raise you. I'm seeing people with a very good attitude towards a bad situation. I am so amazed how they react and handle that situation so fine. When i see people like that, I also see the people behind them who raised them well.
"We need to seek the help of a wise and kindly other person... Someone who can study us closely, mirror us properly..." As you grow more, you become that person ideally. This is the spiritual way, to seek within. But hey, a good friend can also come a long way. ;)
*#1 way to know thyself - spending a lot of TIME on your own/with yourself.* - Long walks to watch and observe surroundings - Practicing meditation and living mindfully - Self-query is your best tool, questioning everything within and without
I have been fighting for this from year. The self identity got lost in the time of chaotic childhood not because they(my parents) didn’t want but because of their own inability which they inherited from their parents, i am some time sure and at times lost about self image. The values that i have many times feel like impractical. At some moment i feel pretty confident about my own abilities but on other occasions it just starts trembling and makes me confuse. I hope i would soon be able to clear out these shaky moments and build up a solid identity.
These videos always emphasize childhood but I notice that in myself it's a lot of this stuff but during teenage years... My childhood was rather affectionate It was the teenage years where almost all emotional needs became neglected And that eventually turned into "emotion is a weakness that will be exploited" because when I did try and reach out it usually was turned, flipped, mangled, and leveraged against me I ended up absolutely stoic for a long time To the point where someone could literally be making me bleed and I'd sit there unflinching and not break eye contact "don't get upset and they'll lose interest and stop hurting you" Was basically how I was raised ... The fun part is people don't lose interest at best and at worst they get offended by your lack of suffering and they upgrade from little things to big A bleeding scratch down the arm one day can escalate to getting hit in the back of the head with a metal broom the next... Some people really make it their mission to try and make you snap "It really pisses me off that you never get mad at me. How do you do that? How do you stay so calm when I'm attacking you?" It wasn't good I'm still not comfortable displaying emotions I just also know being stoic doesn't protect you, it lines you up for people trying to stab you just to giggle when the calm one screams ... I feel like this strayed far from the topic at hand It just isn't always childhood... Either that or they say child but are really referring to teenage years too lumped in This also makes me realize why a friend directed me to this channel... I haven't even told him anything but he took one look at me and asked if I have a therapist... I said no... He told me I should look this channel up I've never had a solid grasp on my identity. Over the years my identity was nothing more than my pain. If I wasn't in pain I was scared because I was lost I've been gradually building a better sense of self and these videos help with that a lot
I'm really so blessed to encounter school of life teachings. As a young adult, living in an era where the crowds dictate the norm, school of life redirected my perspective in life. I used to believe that what I see on social media is the norm, and no matter how I loathe those things, I accepted it. As this video stated, to know our themselves we need someone credible to do introspective check, I don't have one, but good thing School of Life is here. It helps me to check within me, to see what I really value, and to see what really matters. I don't want to live a life dictated by our society, I want to live my life based on who I really am. Self-awareness is the key and the School of Life is one of my maps.
"Know Thyself" is what Socrates used to preach and is something that we need to practice every day. To believe that we are the same person that we were yesterday should be a crime, every new day is another opportunity to become who we want to be. But before knowing where we are going we need to know where we are. This is where Socrates offered us a helping hand and gave us the Socratic method. Question everything you see, you hear, you preach, you study, you believe, question everything. Everything you encounter strip it down to its core, only there you can rest assured that what you are staring at is in line with the core of your soul. When you practice this every new believed will have the need to be tested by your core and if does not line up you can move on, no need on believing what others do or say. You only add up things that are true to your core, in this sense when the question is ask who am I? then you can answer proudly I am what you see, what you hear, what I preach, what I studied, what I believe, I am me.
Suffering, overcoming adversity, and overcoming yourself is how you find yourself. You don’t find it in a book, or in some yoga position or while meditating in a quiet room. Our hunter gatherer ancestors understood this very well
The explanation of knowing who one is is the legacy of being known properly by someone else...... that was deep. So many of us were never studied or properly attended emotionally, spiritually or mentally thus leaving us with no true fixation for discovering ourselves. This was such an awesome and well thought out dialogue!
Wow 😭😭😭 coming from an abusive and neglected upbringing, this video hit me hard! At times, it was as though you were reading my innermost thoughts. Thank you so much xx
I feel the same my biggest fear is still carrying this w me when I want kids. Ive gone through such shame and embarrassment not being able to stand up for myself at critical moments.
That point about praise is so true and I’ve never considered it. Even though I have low self esteem and have things about myself I don’t like, I still want people to enjoy the things that I do like. I want them to see my drawings and hear my jokes and be happy. But then I feel guilty because it feels to vain to think people should spend their time on me. Y’all feel?
Feel so hard. Like the moment you want to show your skills or value you immediately feel like you're trying to be the center of attention. Such a limbo.
He explains perfectly what todays people has completely misunderstood. We blame everything for what is and don't realise if we just accept ourselves we remove the anger and angst we feel to better co exist
I've actually come to realize that I have no sense of self. I'm not proud of myself or my accomplishments and I honestly feel like an imposter, living amongst everyone but not really good enough to become the person I want to be. I shy away from people, thinking that they want nothing to do with me and am affirmed when people that do come close, walk away. After losing someone else abruptly, I have come to realize how much I want to change. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to feel good about myself. I want to recognize who I am and what I want and not feel devastated if someone doesn't like me. So I'm taking steps and starting group therapy soon. But I still worry that even after this, what if this is how I always feel?
the greatest feelings exist, many of people never felt them, think they dont exist, but they do. its all in the head and the body closed, trapped in. yet Soul is always free!
I was thinking of writing a bunch of questions and answering them, sort of like I'm interviewing myself. I guess that could help me understand myself more and what I want. Then I'll have a better understanding of what I need to work towards. Ex : " What were some things you experienced when you were younger? How do you think that effects you today?" " What is your support system?" " What are some toxic traits that you have? Where do you believe they come from? "
Do it. It's a great investment. Seeing mine tomorrow. I've learned that can't do life alone even though it's mine. Everyone could do with a helping hand
The video is pretty much saying that when the natural people set in place to nurture us do not nurture us then it is helpful to find someone trained to do so.
I have been seeing a therapist for two months and I feel so much better. I have never felt this better in my entire life. Please do that. Thats the best investment.
Came back here almost a year later to say that this is still the best accent and voice I have ever heard in my entire existence. Talk me to sleep, talk to me to wake up, talk to me to do anything. I'm at your service Sir.
making the time to learn about yourself is highly recommended. Other people's knowledge of us can seem to surpass our own at times! Gaining deeper insight into your own beliefs, values, opinions, and personality can be beneficial while making future plans. It's crucial to know who you are for several reasons, including finding your best communication style and forming friendships.
Again a wonderful work by the school of life. Thank you ! As it is shown at the end of the video, we need a mirror to see ourselves properly. This mirror can be anything that makes us move outside of ourselves: art, discussions, adversity, meditation... Good luck to you all on the road of self-knowledge 🙏🏼
The Beauty of Freedom is Immeasurable The Satisfaction of Dignity is Divine You Do Not Need to be Someone You Are Not JUST you are FINE The world Needs You Because There is Only One You And Only You Can Be You, Like You Do LOVE from Cappadocia!
This is an eye opening video showing us not to be hard on ourselves and to give ourselves a break. Not to look around for an approval but trust our own selves. we all have our own pace of work and we need to stop comparing ourselves to people around us. It also gives an insight of how behavior of people around has effects us. How small things parents might have done or people around us might have said can leave a deep remark on us.
Trying to know yourself is like trying to paint a picture of a cloud. Only when we realise that our identity is subject to constant change can we truly begin to know who we are.
I was criticised endlessly, my entire life, for ADHD symptoms I had no control over. I experienced no moments of acceptance from parents, siblings, teachers or other adults. I'm still, at 33, trying to figure the basics of who I am because I'm still undoing the damage caused by being berated for what I WASN'T
I find that knowing at least your own limitations is helpful. You'll know when it's too much for you, and thus, you can avoid too much stress. You'll know not to expect too much from yourself so you won't feel such a failure when you fail. Unrealistic expectations of yourself can be really toxic.
Wow, love that, so powerful! We just made a video about knowing yourself on our channel but now we are inspired to make one about loving yourself, thanks for the inspo!!
I definitely struggle with retaining positive self knowledge. I think this is true for a lot of people and isn't a unique trait at all. Thanks for posting such useful feedback for us all to reflect on, TSOL.
I was like that in my past.. Following others.. Forcefully laughing at others jokes to befriend them and for seeking attention.. For a long time i don't even care about what is inside me.. I always do what others find enjoyable.. I never understood what i really loved and even if i found out i never had the courage to show it because of fear of what others may think about me... And i often gets depressed because sometimes i didn't feel happy and i sometimes feel left out of the crowd even when i am sorrounded by a lot of friends.. No one actually understood me.. Even myself.. It is after a very long time that i learnt of self worth and value.. That i too have a place in this society.. I don't have to support others always in their needs and to behave according to their mood swings.. I have an equal Right to voice my opinions and to do anything that 'I' find interesting .. And for me it took a great deal of time to take that plunge and it requires a lot of courage to change and move on .. But slowly i started to change and now i have improved a lot 😊i am no longer wasting my life for others happiness and i am currently in the process of completely finding myself.. Trust me it will take a lot of patience and we should focus a lot inside our head because one thing i learnt about me is that my head is always crammed with unnecessary thought and worries.. I got cleared of it eventually over time and now life is a different perspective for me.. Once you start living YOUR LIFE by your own thoughts and actions and find people who actually love you the way u r,(ignore the people who uses you when they need)life will definitely feel good, find what u r good and happy about, feel good and eventually everything fits.. Star from now on.. I am sure u'll taste the change🪄🪄🪄🔥🔥
I'm going through this right now.. I have decided to go On a journey of self development and I noticed this about myself that i always listen to how people describe me and i ended up talking about it on my channel .... Depending on others validation is killing us 😢
Hello, I hope you are healthy and happy. Please help me, I'm really not in a good situation and I need to know how to know myself. Is it enough to know the interests? What should I do if I don't know what I'm interested in?
I'm fifteen and I don't know myself, I don't know what I like (it could be tv shows, hobbies or whatever), I don't know which people I wanna associate with, I don't know which people I wanna be friends with so as a consequence I end up always searching for them because I am always unsatisfied with the people I unconsciously surround myself with. The fact that I am ok with doing absolutely nothing all day, just scrolling through tiktok EVERYDAY, not improving myself or exercising or doing anything, it really scares and worries me, but even though I AM scared that I will always be like this, I don't mind this flavourfuless life, and that's the part that scares me the most. It's true that most days I just go to sleep and don't think about it much, but when I do, I feel so desperate. I wanna be able to feel passionate about things, but even though I tried I can't bring myself to truly like anything. I lost all the passion that I had for things that I though would revolve around my life for a long time if not forever, for example drawing: I absolutely loved drawing, since I was a kid, and now I haven't been doing that for three whole years. I haven't touched a pencil since forever, and I feel like a very important part of me is missing. That's just an example of a passion that I lost, but there are many more, like playing computer games, going to swim in the swimming pool, mangas, anime etc. I feel like I lost myself, and I can't find me anymore. I always end up searching videos like these, hoping I will find little pieces of myself one by one, but the advices are always the same, and the more I follow them the more I feel lost. I just hope my mom is right, that it's just "a teenagers thing", and that I will be able to find things I'm passionate about as soon as possible.
At 1:58 I really think you should say "if we're lucky" not "if we're blessed". I'm not religious, but if you are, and you believe in being blessed, i don't think you would believe that some people are blessed but others are not for no particular reason. The stoic philosopher Epictitus said "But he is a bad father. [Are] you naturally entitled, then, to a good father? No, only to a father." That line really hit me and I loved that line the second i read it (#30 in the link below). I spent years being angry that my father was emotionally neglectful, never affectionate, constantly ignored me, and constantly acted like i did something wrong or spoke to me (the only time he spoke/still speaks to me, is to accuse me of doing something that i didn't do, scold me for something he thinks i should do differently, or ask me something frivolous if i am far away, like about the weather, because that is what people ask people who are in a different place, he thinks ) with a very accusatory tone. It constantly made me for years feel like i could never do anything right, when i was a very good kid who never lied and never did anything wrong at all, but still i felt completely hated and rejected. This of course, led me to seek out relationships with the same type of person, people who didn't really like me and didn't treat me right or show me love, hoping to correct that rejection and disapproval of me that he had. Of course, this never works, and sets most anyone who does it, which is most everyone who had an abusive parent, into the same abusive and dysfunctional relationship you had with your parent who couldn't love you in the way you wanted and needed, because they themselves were probably rejected by their parent who was like that from their parent's abuse or some other adverse situation or trauma they experienced in their lives. Some of us are born to great parents who are well-adjusted and loving at the right amount, some to acceptably mediocre parents who messed us up a bit, but not horribly, and some us just got the short end of the stick, with co-dependent and domineering parents, or dismissive and neglectful or abusive parents. I got a combination of complete neglect and complete domineering both ignoring me on one end, and pulling me to close on the other. It's sad to see so many situations like these. But there are very many people like this, and no one who had an abusive parent or a neglectful one should feel they are not blessed, or less blessed than the rest. It's simply the luck of the draw and we are not promised a good parent, just a parent, and sometimes the parent can't even be a parent at all. It is not your fault, or often, not even their fault, although, they had a chance as adults to know themselves and correct their own defects and exercise their own demons and did not, so for that, you can be angry. But do not let it overtake your whole life. Luckily, you are here now, online, on UA-cam, learning about yourself so that you don't continue the cycle. The trauma and dysfunction and abuse stops here. So congrats to everyone on this journey to know yourself. The way our parents treat and raise us, is often a direct reflection of how their parents treated and raised them. It's not that some of us are blessed or not blessed, because if you believe in that, you'd believe that God loves everyone equally and looks upon everyone equally. It's just simply the luck of the draw in what humans who we happen to be born to, and what traumas they themselves experienced or what their personality is like. Of course, we can - hopefully sooner than later for most, unlike myself who didn't learn this for half my life - realize that we do not know ourselves at all, have never been in tune with ourselves or lost that tuning over years through listening to toxic people who think they will feel better about themselves by tearing you down - they won't... their anger and hate and sadness comes from within and can only be cured from within, but they don't know this, and even if they do, are unable to change due to mental illness.. Many of us have lied to ourselves about who we are and what we really want, performing that exact juggling act shown in the video, for family, friends, and acquaintances for far too long, but we can learn and we can change things and gain an understanding of ourselves and our own minds. I believe this to be true, and i appreciate this video for showing this to the many people of the world who need it. Thanks. - 'The Enchiridion' by Epictitus - classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html --- and 'Know Thyself' from Ancient Greece - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Know_thyself
Very true. Lord help us to search for the love within, and help us to truly know who we are. Know who you created us to be in every way in Jesus name. Amen.
I tried being alone for 32 years, didn't do me good. Yesterday I thought I was going to have put myself in hospital, due to how bad of an anxiety - I wouldn't even call it an attack, how long it was going on - episode I had, but today after randomly bumping into my friend's mother and actually having a real conversation with her for the first time I felt like my perspective changed a lot, I was energized, whereas usually I was severely drained from people, I felt like I could take on living and socializing. A lot of shame I carry around from my past selves, and much of that shame was amplified by the inner voices that are actually my mothers and fathers. I shame myself a lot after just about anything and I don't praise myself for anything at all. I've done some good things, some cool things, yet I don't seem to see just about anything good about myself just about most of the time. Writing this made me realize I really need help to navigate this thing. Growing up isolated, always under the jurisdiction of my parents, has really done a number on me. I feel like no one would believe me if I spoke about the things I'm afraid of. It's really crippling, the stuff that goes in my head first and foremost and then obviously the fruit of these thoughts - manifested in this realm, even if just as perceived reality, nonetheless a very real one on my end - my extreme social anxiety. I sought out help and need to go through with it, even though I'm really scared of medication. I was there once before and it wasn't doing me any good, actually it was the same shitty really with even shittier side effects. I really need to heal. And I need some wisdom figuring out what my next moves are, I feel like they are very vital. My first steps to becoming an autonomous healthy well-functioning human being.
As a child & adult psychiatrist, I look to your videos to help frame challenging cases (and even help me understand myself). Know that your videos are changing minds and saving (literal) lives. Please keep going🌟🌟
Just be you and be beautiful and unique we are not all the same. Love accept yourself for who you are. Not how people view you everyone got a good or bad follow your life goals to make you happy.
I am content I have begun to take my side whatever I am faced with and fearlessly say no to others. At the same time I realise if you are not ready to be a parent, then DONT for the sake of god.
Big brained post. Learning about the concepts of inner locus of control vs outer helped my view on life immensely. It's the difference in being proactive vs reactive.
This is an excellent video. But, I think, this transformation only gets harder before it gets any better. By this, I mean, removing ourselves from a relationship with people/person and learning triggers. Ultimately, it becomes uncomfortable because of all the negative emotion we can also feel during this. And while I agree with the notion of a psychotherapist, here in the US can't really afford to see one.
I can’t even put into words how much I adore this channel❤ I love your videos so so so much, they are helpful and make totally sense Thank you very much for the people who put their hearts into each and every new video produced Thanks a lot stay blessed💕✨☺️
now that i think about it i grew up being invalidated by my mom and my dad(not blaming them nobody’s perfect+i’m their first child). they always told me what i’d do wrong, but not how to fix my behavior. i stopped respecting actual adults and started people pleasing the people my age at like 12. i’m 19 now and just realized about 6 months ago how fucked up of a person i’ve been for so long. wish me luck on my healing journey 💕
Daily Gratitude vocalisation at bedtime and Meditation every morning will help...but takes months for the penny to drop , so best not rushed. Good Luck 🙏
I was thinking of things that made me happy and I always loved making other happy and always trying my hardest for some one or something but this video made me realize this whole time I’ve been needing to make myself proud of who I am and beat my genes
People who have figured it out early i guess i had learned how to survive on their own , engage in some craft . Should not be judinging ourself with others . We all have seperate individual personal journey . And i respect everyone for them to having walk their path .
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
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Really nice video! Makes it easy to understand and which first steps make towards self-knowledge. For me, this is one, if not the most important element in attaining peace and confidence in life. It would be worth making a video about Georges Gurdjieff's approach to knowing oneself. Personally, it has helped me a lot. Hope you consider this idea!
Not very well... These days, I began to question about what I used to like to do, my own identity and even what I really want. What do you suggest I do to communicate with myself?
@Darek the best way to learn is to apply one's self.
You need to do a video about Max Stirner.
Sometimes I wish I had never done this or that and rather become someone else instead. It's as if I can't learn to forgive myself.
:(
Once you truly know yourself , you'll no longer care about people's opinions .
Agreed
Exactly... 😊✌
But others' opinion matters.., doesn't it?
@@utkarsh3708 not the opinions of the ones that want to see you fail and suffer
@@AyaHadil_it_is_me Hmmm but we can still use their opinions to compare ideas and make positive decision out of it. It need thick skin to not let them effect you emotionally 👍
I think it’s *BEST* to give yourself alone time and space. Sit with a journal and start *thinking.*
That is a great piece of advice.
Yup
That could be a pathological idea because you’re not getting reinforced by other people lol
@@JayQuest69 I do not think that is true. I have this emptiness inside of me, bipolar and just feel a this void. People drain my energy. The more I sit in solitude with just my thoughts, the more energised I feel. I do not know the reason for that, but it has always helped me. Infact, great psychologists like Jung, Nietzsche and Dostoyesky have focussed their works around the importance of the self.
About what? Any examples?
"My opinions and feelings matter as much as other people's."
So simple yet forgotten, repeating this simple sentence made me realize how much I ignored myself all this time.
Okay I'll reply since no one else did
@@zkittlezthabanditt604 thank u
I am currently working on this, I wish you well on your journey.
@@noeln4684 be kind to yourself & good luck!
What if other people's opinions are wrong? Does that affect their importance?
After watching The School of Life for years and studying medicine, I've come to realize that our childhood affects us more than we realize. Our developmental stages as a child are crucial in developing our adult attitudes and biases. So, I hope that if you have kids in the future, be sensitive of their developmental stages.
I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
@@sauravgupta4103 Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy or CBT is one of the most popular psychological therapy available out there. The goal of CBT is for us to have greater understanding of our emotions, actions, and biases. And with greater understanding of ourself, the more we are in control of our selves. CBT may help or not, it really depends on case to case basis. But if you are seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist, then I would say to do your best to make the most out of it. CBT is not foolproof. But there are other types of therapies out there that your psychiatrist or psychologist can employ to help you :)
@@SlightlySaturated you also suffer from low to no sense of self ? Do you suffer from identity crisis. You regained your sense of self? And if you want to rate your sense of self out of 100 , how much will it be ? Thanks.
Reparenting yourself sounds like the way to get about it. I have been struggling with my identity for years just trying to read the room with how others act and behave in a way that would fulfill what I thought others expected of me. Self love is a very new thing and it's so easy to slip into self - deprecation but I want to try. A med student here as well
Absolutely right! But what i am feeling right now is that family problems are the biggest cause of all problems. Any person can become depressed and even suicidal thoughts can come in the mind of that person. They srsly broke the person mentally and physically
I'm working on this very thing with the help of my therapist. It's quite frustrating to be aware of an issue like this, and honestly very overwhelming too. If who you are is an uncertain being - if that's what you've lived by your whole life - who are you really then? If it's so deeply rooted within you to blend in and adapt a little too well for the well being of both you and others (or so you think), it's almost impossible to have a strong sense of your identity - because it's so fluid, and it has always been like that. We also don't want to get out of sync with others - that's why we're so good at adapting to stay "likeable" or to please others. The real challenge is to be able to be both - be in touch and in movement with others, open in relationships - but also know where we stand and feel secure in who we are. It's difficult to navigate in - when to protest, when to negotiate, when to stand up - when everything you are have always been dependent on the validation of others.
I'm in this journey myself and it's incredibly tiring to try and feel into something that's completely natural to others - and many can't relate to the scale in which you operate. And when you really start pursuing your own identity, you run out of excuses - you're naked and vulnerable when you can't hide behind the opinion of others. I'm afraid of that leap, and have been for a long time, but I also know it's worth it. The few times I can feel the "real me" peak out - and when I stand up for her - is when I feel the best and the strongest. It is when we're vulnerable and real with each other that actual magic happens. And it's not easy being that real - subconsciously you might be shying away from opportunities for you to shine, because then you have to live up to something you actually care about - and that's scary.
If you read through this whole thing, thank you for your time - and if you're in a similar situation as I am, I wish you all the strength and durability to continue this journey. I also choose to wish it for myself.
Thank you to channels such as School of Life who brings awareness and support to something like this - videos like these help so many people to feel less alone, myself included, and it is much appreciated.
I feel like you just described my situation! I started seeing a therapist for this exact problem as well. So much has happened that I've lost touch with who I am as a person. And it's curious of how this can all begin in childhood by the simple fact that we want to please those who hurt us to be loved in return.
@ indeed! Good luck to you on your journey, you deserve a good life as much as any other person do 💮
@Fencill
I have no words.
Tnq🙏
Omg.. no one ever(not even the school of life in the video) has said and explained it all better than you!! Thank you so much ♥️ofc I read it all,and it touched me as I can fully relate myself. I'm 24, but I'm still in this journey of self awareness and understanding.. in this "conflict " between being "likeable,accepted" and standing up for yourself. It's great that you have a therapist helping you along the way, I'm really happy for you, coz is hard to find the right one. I'm not able to see a therapist for several reasons.. but I'm just trying to dig into myself a little more each time. Wishing us all to find that balance in this conflict, the major which is in ourselves.
Thanks again for this comment. ~~Many Hugs~~
😭
"A feeling of unreality is the direct consequence of emotional neglect".
Triggered!!
I took a screenshot when that part came up in the subtitles.
I call bullshit
The Benefits Of Inertia I literally scrolled up to this comment right when he started saying it
Has the internet come up with a SUPER sad face? I wanna use it here.
*Meditation, reading and constant self-awareness. Those are the three pillars of knowing ourselves. People who understand themselves, understand the world, and people who do, are the joyous ones.*
Inerize why do you type your message in bold text and not regular, like everyone else?
@@ruchishukla2878 I would say to become more aware of your thinking process. And since much of that happens unconsciously, I would say yes. ☺
@@Inerize He asked "why", not "how" :)
They say meditation doesn't really help at all.
@@333br well, then 'they' know nothing.
Social media addiction is clearly detrimental to this whole process.
It makes us concentrate more on the outer and far world
I would typically agree, but I have started to understand that social media is what you make of it. You can use it to express your own individuality or you can let it cause an identity crisis just the same.
@@ianmccamey4669 still, having too much at your reach can make you lose focus. So it is difficult, however, not impossible.
@gutohssb And here we are
Ian McCamey 동의한다
When you know yourself, it’s evident. You exude confidence and your presence is powerful, often intimidating (not intentionally) others.
ua-cam.com/video/v2cp5jRkUOg/v-deo.html
but how do i get to know myself
yourself ?sounds not very nice,I'd avoid you
Not universal. I very often come across as too dominering or agrassive towards family members and possibly others whenever i detatch significantly from mysekf
This is so true! I graduated high school and took a year off because I didn’t know what I wanted to do in university. I don’t know why, but I also didn’t work. So this left me very alone (but not lonely) to figure things out. And I did! I didn’t realize what was happening but I was evolving into who I always wanted to become. No societal pressure, I stopped posting to social media (I still use it but I never post because I feel I don’t need to show off to feel validated,) I cut out anyone who was being a sheep or as the video said, being almost a slave to other people’s visions, and I got lucky because my parents and sister were so patient and supportive of me! I can even say my looks significantly improved because I stopped following fashion/beauty trends and catered to my own body structure and my own style... (good bye fake eyelashes and leggings, and hello fresh face and tailored trousers!) And plus, I started to listen to great music, like older things, lots of soul/ r&b and classic rock from the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s that are very different to today’s ‘trendy’ music... much more enriching to the soul! Eventually I began reading and have taken an interest in human psychology and also the arts; things I always loved but never dared to immerse myself in because science/math related academics always seemed to be “more important.” Now, I talk to people and I always get compliments on how mature and put together I look and feel! I get compliments on my clothes too! And the secret I suppose, as simple as it is, is that I gave myself the time and space, and even permission, to pursue being someone I could be proud of. If anyone’s read this all the way through, I would say that spending more time with yourself alone is a huge thing... humans are much more susceptible to changing, according to what and who surrounds them, than we may notice. No one else can show you who you are but you, so take the time to get to know what you like, what you don’t like, who you like, who you don’t like, why, etc! And maybe try refraining from social media too, especially from people who love to show off and brag or people who are too extreme with projecting their own agendas. Give yourself space, find people and things which inspire you, take all of what’s good and be that good in the world!
Reading this helped me so much
You are one articulate person!
Well done.
@@babybrea5166 You go girl! It really works, it’s amazing what being in line with your own energy can do and how powerful it feels. Other people can feel it radiating off you too! Best wishes and God bless! ❤️
@@simon9447 Wow, thank you so much. Your comment means a lot to me... I really appreciate your kind words! Onwards! Hope all is well, God bless! ❤️
That's amazing but please highlight what you did finally with your career. I have the exact same experiences as yours but I am getting nowhere to decide how I want to pursue my career further. I have been an HR professional all my life but now I know I want to call it quits but what else should I do is still unknown to me. I have been in this process for over 2 years now. Your views are better than the video itself. I would appreciate it if you can help and support through your wisdom. Thanks
spending a lot of time alone helps to know yourself
Also building healthy relationship with others
Also meditating on your life.
it also help getting suicidal thru no emotional contact with another being
And travelling alone
@@maximusowo That happens when you don't know how to be alone :/
Very true. With no internal compass you are driven by any wind of change or view point.
This can make a person vulnerable to being messed with by those without conscience. People who are not really one's friends or will let one down, such as the polyamorous. Many selfish people would not have one's interests at heart. It could be that they suffered the same lack of connection in early childhood. Finding one's center can serve as a prophylactic to being hurt by woman-hating men who say and do deliberately hurtful things. It is also useful to know that it has nothing to do with women. It is more the hollow feeling of addiction that comes from not having a center.
@@coreycox2345 very well said as a lost soul that is still trying to find themselves after some shit happened in my life I can tell you for a fact that it's a cold world and the only person that will help you out along the way is yourself because you're the only one who can pull yourself out of it. And of course people that truly care.
@@miriams.4527 Even there, one should be careful. I once heard of a pseudo-psychologist with a shaky grasp of the ethics of psychology who shilled for a friend to promote his "polyamory.*." It didn't feel right to the woman, who later learned of many examples where the "polyamorist" embarrassed and humiliated women saying that "he liked to laugh." A more accurate label would be "misogyny."
This same man often tried to pit women against one another as if their value were based solely on their appearance as a temporary appendage of himself. Raising and competing for show dogs might look like a less damaging substitute for him, But it would have no appeal. He does it to inflict the damage.
For men or women, a good test is the "gut reaction." If your body says "no," it's the wrong thing. As someone who recently found her moral compass, I can tell you that those who lack have a hard time discerning who is decent to them or not. When people are not, they can have an especially painful time, because they can't reliably tell who to assign the responsibility and may even feel that they did something to deserve being mistreated and blame themselves for their pain.
*It is a pity that he was not a real psychologist, or she could have reported him to the board of his professional organization. Being trustworthy is critical to their work.
@@coreycox2345 that's true too Im having that predicament in my life because I feel like it's my fault that im confused...
@@miriams.4527 That's how I felt. I can't explain what happened. I started watching the work of Canadian doctor Gabor Mate on UA-cam and am in the middle of one of his books. It isn't our faults and can be changed if I am evidence. I don't trust that I could react authentically each time I am faced with a new stressor, but I can see enough to measure and correct my reactions. It seems likely that I will get better at it over time. If you are like me, we learned at a young age, not to trust our emotions.
Narration is still amazing as always even after years.
3:34
@ Its Alain himself who does the narration of most of videos. Somewhere in the website or in a video description they said that
I actually can confirm that if you're not secure about your values and who you really are, you search for more praises from other people and you get anxious if anybody contradicts you. In fact this happened to me a year ago. Now i've strengthed my way of thinking and my values, and i imagine much less about being praised by other people, and also if anybody has a different way of thinking i just smile while i'm having the conversation. This channel is fkin amazing
Ugh, this made me cry. Children are so delicate and need to be treated like gold ❤️
ua-cam.com/video/v2cp5jRkUOg/v-deo.html
Sometimes in life you just need a calm British guy.....
Ah shit... Here we go again
isn't he Swiss tho? haha
All you had to do was click on the damn notification bell, CJ!
Born in Switzerland , moved to England when quite young and grew up and studied there.
I always thought he was German
*To know yourself - think for YOURSELF*
*Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.*
You must be needy then, constantly looking for validation in people comments perhaps
@@meow11774 No more comments for me
You should join me
The beginning of wisdom is fearing the lord
@@jeaninneharris9888 nah,God is unconditional love,,he loves us all
@@titteryenot1136 did I say that he didn't????
When you don't choose your own values and (through the aid of it) develop a sense of self, you have nothing else but other people's narratives and opinions to define yourself. And that is a recipe for useless pain! ☠️
Omg! that's soo true
Mindprovement choosing your own values is critical!
Yeah. What you have to do is to set someone who you WANT to be, and YOU respect, which is somewhat possible. Then follow all the values and gain the attributes which makes you this person, and then you know that you’re what you’ve always wanted to be, making you feel more fulfilled
@@DanielIles you don't really choose them, free will is an illusion.
Please do elaborate
Almost everything ultimately draws back to childhood adversity. From self-esteem, emotional traumas, characteristics, habits, addictions, etc..
This video made me cry at the end, not because I’m sad but because I’m realizing fixing myself is tough but I know it will be better in the end
Life is a puzzle, not a game. The more of yourself you discover (pieces of the puzzle), the clearer the bigger picture becomes (completion of a puzzle) ✨
The Stomping Grounds That it’s unlikely any of your pieces are on Mars. Earth is your box
Puzzles are forms of game. Therefore, life is a game. What happens when the puzzle is completed? More puzzles pop up. Then you once again play the puzzle. The cycle never ends until you die. Remember, you must die. You will die.
TTYL NRN Puzzles are ‘solved’, playing them is a debatable subject
Can I use this for my college essay? Did u make it lol
Heaven Diaz Yes, I made it. Use it and make sure you come back here to tell me what you got on the college essay. Deal?
" You have to look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then will your true self reveal itself"- General Iroh
Kamal Izzat Zuzu the philosopher
Much as I love uncle iroh this is an empty sentence. One of those inspirational quotes that sound impressive and wise but actually have no substance, don’t mean anything and don’t actually offer any advice.
Eilzmo u have a lot to learn
Actually Zuko said this to himself when he was impersonating Iroh. Hence it doesn't make sense ^^
Focusing on caring for yourself, self reflecting & loving yourself, enables you to grow as a person and someday have your own happiness
I decided to go On a journey of self development and I noticed this about myself that i always listen to how people describe me and i ended up talking about it on my channel .... Depending on others validation is killing us 😢 and I care about others than for myself 😢
My problem is that I am very emotional pearson and in the same time I care about others opinion too much. For some reason I've always wanted everybody to like me and that's where I lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I always try to hide my insecurity behind smile and happiness and everyone thinks that I am the happiest person in the world but the truth is I am anxious and depressed and afraid to show my real self. I also act like outgoing pearson but I get so tired every time. I just want to calm down and stop caring as I used to do two years ago when I loved myself. But I've never actually had real friends. Sometimes I hate everybody bcs I think they are happy and having good time. I just want to calm down and live a life. Love you all❤️
maybe check if u have a personality disorder
Same with me
@@etsubh9829 This is actually really good advice. Being analysed and diagnosed properly with a personality disorder can be so empowering (If you do actually have one obviously). When you know "whats wrong with you", you realize it's a lot more about whats wrong with how you think and perceive the world.. and less about actually being fucked up.
Have you ever did personality test MBTI. I highly reccomend to you, it really helps understand self more. Of course, It's not science proved test, but it helps to reach the first dot, in the mess you have in your head. Another thing is, do you ever analyze yourself why you stop love yourself? What expierence you had two years ago, that make you think like that? Just try understand that without emotions, cuz emotions is not you. Good luck.
(sorry for grammar, I am not natural english speaker)
Try watching mufti Menk. Search him up, please try reading the Quran, please look into Islam which means peace ❤️ May Allah guide you to this beautiful religion of peace ✌️
Valid feelings. Best optimism. Emotional neglect. Identity. What we actually want and take our own sides. TRUST OURSELVES. Original thinking knowing who you really are.
*If you want to know yourself try meditating and see how your thoughts affect the way you are. Being self aware in everyday situation will help you loads* 🙏
Couldn't agree more man!
@Mary Titus I have.
What does it mean to be self aware and how do you do it?
Bullshit I tried those things doesn't work at all mediation is stupid
@@selflearner1713 not sure why meditation makes you so upset, maybe you should try different versions. For some people the best form of meditation is drinking tea at a park listening to classical music, you just need to find a way to turn off your thoughts.
I did this in the past. And it's actually hard at first to accept that some of the things you like is unacceptable to other people.
Then how did you deal with it? I'm exactly at that phase right now: realizing who I really am while struggling with the fact that no one else supports who I really am.
@@tpk1703 You just have to accept it because you need to make room for your own interests.
@@darkhoodchief welp... then I guess it goes to the subject of having mental and emotional strength.
tp K maybe you don’t have the right crowd around you
tp K it’s their problem that they don’t accept who you really are, not yours. I myself try to not allow external things affect who I am as a person, therefore my values, but I will still take them into account.
I'm still trying to "find myself". It's a life long journey in my opinion. You're always working on finding who you really are.
There is no finish line.
And yourself always changes so, it doesnt stop.
Exactly
@Ze zullen hem Niet temmen
I honestly couldn't agree with you more✌🏾🖌️
Create yourself
Question - How to know yourself ?
Answer - Go to a psychotherapist.
I think I see, what you mean. That psychotherapists are recommended by a therapist and they are not the knowlegde of oneself, justa possible means of way to get to know oneself?
Well, friends and family often do not want to or are unable to help with the process of understanding yourself. Hence the problem, that one has to get to know oneself at for example the age of 40 instead of gradually through the years in childhood. If the person cannot find the way out of this situation, a therapist can (just can) lend a hand. EDIT: the workload falls on the person nevertheless, a therapist can just shed a light on a couple of insights, that is often obvious for the outside world.
@Carbon Proksi how?
@Carbon Proksi how to self instrospection, like the exact way...how you do it so we can get self validation from our self, like writting a journal everyday (for example). Cuz i don't feel i get validation from my self after doing good things that based on my value or my vision about what person i want to be in the future.
Truth though. Mine changed my life, including my ability to read and process my own emotions. Thanks to her, I know have compassion and understanding for myself that I've never had before. Psychotherapist recommended
@Carbon Proksi Beautifully put. I love it. Thank you for your brilliant thoughts
You don't just wake up oneday and think "Oh I found myself I know who I am", it's a life-long journey, everyday as you live with yourself and you pay attention to your own thoughts and behaviors, and become more aware of all your senses, you understand yourself more and more. There's so much depth and so many layers to us, we mightve lived a thousand lifetimes before this current incarnation. So imo it's nearly impossible to know yourself 100% as you can't really know all that your soul has been through and carried with it for lifetimes. That's why it's a journey and not something you obtain.
Knowing yourself is seeing yourself from your lenses, your own perspective and not from others' eyes or perception of you.
Sometimes we just need a simple reminder that who we truly are is not just a random human born on earth just because, we're actually spiritual beings having a human experience to fulfill a purpose.
Very nice, very true.
i want to find it out myself
*_I feel like people in my country (U.S) don't value knowing themselves as much as they used to. Instead know that we have information overload because of the internet, putting in the effort to know thyself has become too much work_*
More than every am I confronted with such entities. How can such a thing be out written? Can't make people take interest in themselves, especially when to them it is not only too difficult but too painful. To many people it yields no reward. They assume that their way of seeing the world is standard, while in a tragic way it has become such. Its something I struggle to get any of them to willingly accept. Thanks for being another American with an less clouded consciousness. I have been wondering if it was possible to find evidence of others. Or if they would all be too far along in self development to be online or at the very least viewing these sorts of things.
Attention
Sigyns Sagadöttír they’re everywhere but most are too afraid to talk about it
I have a problem just like this. Extreme emotional neglect has screwed me up so much I can't maintain relationships and have a hate relationship with myself. I hope I can apply this and start to heal myself. Apparently parents are unaware of their shortcomings and after 28 years of living, I've given up the hope of a healthy relationship with them. I stay away as far as possible and I found it helped me grow more and feel better about myself.
Im also moving away from my family to stop the influence of their presence and fights and shit
Same here
same here I’m 30 and finally moved out of my parents house
How are you doing so far? Has anything changed?
You don't go back to what broke you
Self-awareness is such an important skill. Once we know ourselves we're able to catch negative patterns and truly offer our best selves to others. More importantly, we can make decisions that best suit our wants, needs, and desires.
Wonderful stuff!
Yep so true.
IMO the greatest and most beautiful set of words that has ever existed: know yourself
I am done with people saying it doesn't matter what happened in childhood since today we are adults. It's all part of your life. I don't have two lives 0-18 and 18-beyond. If my mother had unprocessed trauma when I was conceived and my dad was nowhere to be found, then how dare you put pressure on me to love and respect them without question. Especially if you did not do it yourself. I have a right to process my experiences and formulate my own opinions and beliefs. My parents do not own the rights to my childhood simply because they were adults at the time. I was there, too. We each have our own mind and I have no desire to sway them to a certain belief about themselves or about me. Give me the same respect.
I'm venting, and I really appreciate what this video offers. I know my focus can be on creating the support and awareness of myself that I've always wanted. I for sure want to see my own value and be completely detached from others' opinions or demands. Being gentle or understanding with myself is such a foreign concept for me.
To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom! Try to meditate on your choices everyday! Make sure your choices are your own!
You are the steps you make in life and shadows will either haunt or remind of you as worthy moral person.
Forget joining in clubs to facilitate personal growth and development.
You will always be following other people's goals and agendas.
Be courageous enough to accept failure and rejection. It appears everybody just wants to belong, yet there are so many social and cultural gate keepers.
The test is in any social situation to be honest with yourself.
Evaluate the situation, look for a solution based on moral judgement qui bono, who benefits.
Do something not for the following reasons: recognition, fame, wealth, ego, social acceptance.
Have courage to help stand up for rights of indivuals, social and animal ethical welfare are at stake.
Be vulnerable. Dare to do things not for rebelling but for sake of compassion as there are too many struggling with rights in various social, political avenue.
How society treats its most vulnerable is how that generation can be judged.
Moss spyder vulnerability is very important for self-growth
Knowing yourself doesn’t only mean being able to give a complete description of who you are, but also being in touch with your own feelings, and understanding and accepting yourself.
I do not know a lot of things but i definitely do know myself - i always say how i feel or what i think - i don’t care about people’s opinions most of the time, i became more confident over the years and i love it. I am the same everywhere, in every friend group. I’m always me
Me too! I'm so proud of myself for standing for myself and loving myself😊
I wish I can be like this ... I have decided to go On a journey of self development and I noticed this about myself that i always listen to how people describe me and i ended up talking about it on my channel .... Depending on others validation is killing us 😢. I hope this journey helps me 😢
Funny how this is exactly what I needed to hear. I often rely so much on my friends compliments that when I don’t get it I feel like I’m not as beautiful as I truly am.
I give them so much power to define me
And I’m so happy I’m beginning to start to trust myself and grow in confidence of my true self✨
For anyone seeking approval from other please know that it’s toxic for both you and them and the true approval should come from yourself.
YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF WHOLLY
Weirdly comforting to know this is prevalent enough to make a video on it. I’ve been feeling so alone for feeling like this lately!
Not being quite sure of who you really are is one of the most common issues that we all deal with at some point 💖
Knowing yourself is an act. I’ve heard people say you have to spend more time by yourself to know yourself. But that isn’t completely true, I believe a huge part of knowing yourself is also spending time socializing and observing how you interact with people, all people. I could expand more on this topic if needed but this is a great video. Kudos!
Interesting to bring up socialization and interacting with people. I think this is very relevant.
I crave acknowledgement and understanding. Victim of emotional abused and neglect as a child, so hard to find your way out in adulthood. Learning through process of reading self-help books, watching the school of life videos definitely made some progress.
Hope to have more videos to come! 🤟
To know yourself is actually base for progress
In we mostly spend our time to know about others
While time to know ownself is actually important
It all starts how your parents raise you. I'm seeing people with a very good attitude towards a bad situation. I am so amazed how they react and handle that situation so fine. When i see people like that, I also see the people behind them who raised them well.
"We need to seek the help of a wise and kindly other person... Someone who can study us closely, mirror us properly..." As you grow more, you become that person ideally. This is the spiritual way, to seek within. But hey, a good friend can also come a long way. ;)
*#1 way to know thyself - spending a lot of TIME on your own/with yourself.*
- Long walks to watch and observe surroundings
- Practicing meditation and living mindfully
- Self-query is your best tool, questioning everything within and without
You can not know your self because the self is an illusion.
I see you everywhere its bugging me XD
@@MindlessTube then we can chose to surround us with better illusion i guess😉
I have been fighting for this from year. The self identity got lost in the time of chaotic childhood not because they(my parents) didn’t want but because of their own inability which they inherited from their parents, i am some time sure and at times lost about self image. The values that i have many times feel like impractical. At some moment i feel pretty confident about my own abilities but on other occasions it just starts trembling and makes me confuse. I hope i would soon be able to clear out these shaky moments and build up a solid identity.
How are you doing now??
The part of the parents really resonated, thank you for sharing. It makes me feel heard
Relatable
These videos always emphasize childhood but I notice that in myself it's a lot of this stuff but during teenage years... My childhood was rather affectionate
It was the teenage years where almost all emotional needs became neglected
And that eventually turned into
"emotion is a weakness that will be exploited" because when I did try and reach out it usually was turned, flipped, mangled, and leveraged against me
I ended up absolutely stoic for a long time
To the point where someone could literally be making me bleed and I'd sit there unflinching and not break eye contact
"don't get upset and they'll lose interest and stop hurting you"
Was basically how I was raised
... The fun part is people don't lose interest at best and at worst they get offended by your lack of suffering and they upgrade from little things to big
A bleeding scratch down the arm one day can escalate to getting hit in the back of the head with a metal broom the next... Some people really make it their mission to try and make you snap
"It really pisses me off that you never get mad at me. How do you do that? How do you stay so calm when I'm attacking you?"
It wasn't good
I'm still not comfortable displaying emotions
I just also know being stoic doesn't protect you, it lines you up for people trying to stab you just to giggle when the calm one screams
... I feel like this strayed far from the topic at hand
It just isn't always childhood... Either that or they say child but are really referring to teenage years too lumped in
This also makes me realize why a friend directed me to this channel... I haven't even told him anything but he took one look at me and asked if I have a therapist... I said no... He told me I should look this channel up
I've never had a solid grasp on my identity. Over the years my identity was nothing more than my pain. If I wasn't in pain I was scared because I was lost
I've been gradually building a better sense of self and these videos help with that a lot
Somehow, this is the most relatable comment I've ever read 😭
"befriending who we really are". Thanks for this. ❤️
This is exactly how I've been feeling and struggling with recently.. thanks School of Life.
I'm really so blessed to encounter school of life teachings. As a young adult, living in an era where the crowds dictate the norm, school of life redirected my perspective in life. I used to believe that what I see on social media is the norm, and no matter how I loathe those things, I accepted it. As this video stated, to know our themselves we need someone credible to do introspective check, I don't have one, but good thing School of Life is here. It helps me to check within me, to see what I really value, and to see what really matters. I don't want to live a life dictated by our society, I want to live my life based on who I really am. Self-awareness is the key and the School of Life is one of my maps.
"Know Thyself" is what Socrates used to preach and is something that we need to practice every day. To believe that we are the same person that we were yesterday should be a crime, every new day is another opportunity to become who we want to be. But before knowing where we are going we need to know where we are. This is where Socrates offered us a helping hand and gave us the Socratic method. Question everything you see, you hear, you preach, you study, you believe, question everything. Everything you encounter strip it down to its core, only there you can rest assured that what you are staring at is in line with the core of your soul. When you practice this every new believed will have the need to be tested by your core and if does not line up you can move on, no need on believing what others do or say. You only add up things that are true to your core, in this sense when the question is ask who am I? then you can answer proudly I am what you see, what you hear, what I preach, what I studied, what I believe, I am me.
Pavel very well said
Suffering, overcoming adversity, and overcoming yourself is how you find yourself. You don’t find it in a book, or in some yoga position or while meditating in a quiet room. Our hunter gatherer ancestors understood this very well
The explanation of knowing who one is is the legacy of being known properly by someone else...... that was deep. So many of us were never studied or properly attended emotionally, spiritually or mentally thus leaving us with no true fixation for discovering ourselves. This was such an awesome and well thought out dialogue!
*"If you know the enemy and you know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles"* 💪
Black Vito - Moneyology & Philosophy “If you know *your enemy* and you know yourself, you need not fear the results of a hundred battles” - Sun Tzu
Black Vito - Moneyology & Philosophy A student of Sun Tzu. Nice,
@@SeanTheDon17 💪
Wow 😭😭😭 coming from an abusive and neglected upbringing, this video hit me hard! At times, it was as though you were reading my innermost thoughts. Thank you so much xx
Sorry about that .. how you were raised never defines who you are ..
stay strong ❤️❤️❤️
@@ruchishukla2878 me too. These videos really help
@@ruchishukla2878 yes
I feel the same my biggest fear is still carrying this w me when I want kids. Ive gone through such shame and embarrassment not being able to stand up for myself at critical moments.
Eve & Artie me as well
"Knowing who one is is really the legacy of having being known properly by someone else"
That point about praise is so true and I’ve never considered it. Even though I have low self esteem and have things about myself I don’t like, I still want people to enjoy the things that I do like. I want them to see my drawings and hear my jokes and be happy. But then I feel guilty because it feels to vain to think people should spend their time on me. Y’all feel?
Feel so hard. Like the moment you want to show your skills or value you immediately feel like you're trying to be the center of attention. Such a limbo.
He explains perfectly what todays people has completely misunderstood. We blame everything for what is and don't realise if we just accept ourselves we remove the anger and angst we feel to better co exist
I've actually come to realize that I have no sense of self. I'm not proud of myself or my accomplishments and I honestly feel like an imposter, living amongst everyone but not really good enough to become the person I want to be. I shy away from people, thinking that they want nothing to do with me and am affirmed when people that do come close, walk away. After losing someone else abruptly, I have come to realize how much I want to change. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to feel good about myself. I want to recognize who I am and what I want and not feel devastated if someone doesn't like me. So I'm taking steps and starting group therapy soon. But I still worry that even after this, what if this is how I always feel?
the greatest feelings exist, many of people never felt them, think they dont exist, but they do. its all in the head and the body closed, trapped in. yet Soul is always free!
I was thinking of writing a bunch of questions and answering them, sort of like I'm interviewing myself. I guess that could help me understand myself more and what I want. Then I'll have a better understanding of what I need to work towards. Ex : " What were some things you experienced when you were younger? How do you think that effects you today?" " What is your support system?" " What are some toxic traits that you have? Where do you believe they come from? "
I definitely thought about doing the same. Hope it goes well for you🙏🏾
So essentially what this video is saying is that I need a therapist. 😩
Do it. It's a great investment. Seeing mine tomorrow. I've learned that can't do life alone even though it's mine. Everyone could do with a helping hand
The video is pretty much saying that when the natural people set in place to nurture us do not nurture us then it is helpful to find someone trained to do so.
@Ken Able 💀💀💀
I have been seeing a therapist for two months and I feel so much better. I have never felt this better in my entire life. Please do that. Thats the best investment.
Francis That's great to hear. I wish I could too. It's not as easy to find help like that where I'm from but maybe one day I will. 😊
Came back here almost a year later to say that this is still the best accent and voice I have ever heard in my entire existence. Talk me to sleep, talk to me to wake up, talk to me to do anything. I'm at your service Sir.
making the time to learn about yourself is highly recommended. Other people's knowledge of us can seem to surpass our own at times! Gaining deeper insight into your own beliefs, values, opinions, and personality can be beneficial while making future plans. It's crucial to know who you are for several reasons, including finding your best communication style and forming friendships.
I think in the future, this channel will be nominated for a Nobel prize.
I love you Alain. Your work is endlessly brilliant and important.
Again a wonderful work by the school of life. Thank you !
As it is shown at the end of the video, we need a mirror to see ourselves properly. This mirror can be anything that makes us move outside of ourselves: art, discussions, adversity, meditation...
Good luck to you all on the road of self-knowledge 🙏🏼
The Beauty of Freedom is Immeasurable
The Satisfaction of Dignity is Divine
You Do Not Need to be Someone You Are Not
JUST you are FINE
The world Needs You
Because There is Only One You
And Only You Can Be You, Like You Do
LOVE from Cappadocia!
This is an eye opening video showing us not to be hard on ourselves and to give ourselves a break. Not to look around for an approval but trust our own selves. we all have our own pace of work and we need to stop comparing ourselves to people around us. It also gives an insight of how behavior of people around has effects us. How small things parents might have done or people around us might have said can leave a deep remark on us.
Trying to know yourself is like trying to paint a picture of a cloud. Only when we realise that our identity is subject to constant change can we truly begin to know who we are.
Mooji UA-cams are amazing in finding who we really are, and how we are not who we believe we are, we are so much more,
I was criticised endlessly, my entire life, for ADHD symptoms I had no control over.
I experienced no moments of acceptance from parents, siblings, teachers or other adults.
I'm still, at 33, trying to figure the basics of who I am because I'm still undoing the damage caused by being berated for what I WASN'T
finding yourself is a life long journey. Focus on things you love about yourself as a start
😭 remember you are not alone in this struggle, you basically described my life.
I find that knowing at least your own limitations is helpful. You'll know when it's too much for you, and thus, you can avoid too much stress. You'll know not to expect too much from yourself so you won't feel such a failure when you fail. Unrealistic expectations of yourself can be really toxic.
Finding who you are is half the battle. Loving what you are is the ultimate journey.
Wow, love that, so powerful! We just made a video about knowing yourself on our channel but now we are inspired to make one about loving yourself, thanks for the inspo!!
I definitely struggle with retaining positive self knowledge. I think this is true for a lot of people and isn't a unique trait at all. Thanks for posting such useful feedback for us all to reflect on, TSOL.
I was like that in my past.. Following others.. Forcefully laughing at others jokes to befriend them and for seeking attention.. For a long time i don't even care about what is inside me.. I always do what others find enjoyable.. I never understood what i really loved and even if i found out i never had the courage to show it because of fear of what others may think about me... And i often gets depressed because sometimes i didn't feel happy and i sometimes feel left out of the crowd even when i am sorrounded by a lot of friends.. No one actually understood me.. Even myself.. It is after a very long time that i learnt of self worth and value.. That i too have a place in this society.. I don't have to support others always in their needs and to behave according to their mood swings.. I have an equal Right to voice my opinions and to do anything that 'I' find interesting .. And for me it took a great deal of time to take that plunge and it requires a lot of courage to change and move on .. But slowly i started to change and now i have improved a lot 😊i am no longer wasting my life for others happiness and i am currently in the process of completely finding myself.. Trust me it will take a lot of patience and we should focus a lot inside our head because one thing i learnt about me is that my head is always crammed with unnecessary thought and worries.. I got cleared of it eventually over time and now life is a different perspective for me.. Once you start living YOUR LIFE by your own thoughts and actions and find people who actually love you the way u r,(ignore the people who uses you when they need)life will definitely feel good, find what u r good and happy about, feel good and eventually everything fits.. Star from now on.. I am sure u'll taste the change🪄🪄🪄🔥🔥
I'm going through this right now.. I have decided to go On a journey of self development and I noticed this about myself that i always listen to how people describe me and i ended up talking about it on my channel .... Depending on others validation is killing us 😢
Hello, I hope you are healthy and happy. Please help me, I'm really not in a good situation and I need to know how to know myself. Is it enough to know the interests? What should I do if I don't know what I'm interested in?
Self esteem.. how it develops and how we can direct it correctly in our offspring... these need a thorough discussion
Thank you for sharing
I'm fifteen and I don't know myself, I don't know what I like (it could be tv shows, hobbies or whatever), I don't know which people I wanna associate with, I don't know which people I wanna be friends with so as a consequence I end up always searching for them because I am always unsatisfied with the people I unconsciously surround myself with. The fact that I am ok with doing absolutely nothing all day, just scrolling through tiktok EVERYDAY, not improving myself or exercising or doing anything, it really scares and worries me, but even though I AM scared that I will always be like this, I don't mind this flavourfuless life, and that's the part that scares me the most. It's true that most days I just go to sleep and don't think about it much, but when I do, I feel so desperate. I wanna be able to feel passionate about things, but even though I tried I can't bring myself to truly like anything. I lost all the passion that I had for things that I though would revolve around my life for a long time if not forever, for example drawing: I absolutely loved drawing, since I was a kid, and now I haven't been doing that for three whole years. I haven't touched a pencil since forever, and I feel like a very important part of me is missing. That's just an example of a passion that I lost, but there are many more, like playing computer games, going to swim in the swimming pool, mangas, anime etc. I feel like I lost myself, and I can't find me anymore. I always end up searching videos like these, hoping I will find little pieces of myself one by one, but the advices are always the same, and the more I follow them the more I feel lost. I just hope my mom is right, that it's just "a teenagers thing", and that I will be able to find things I'm passionate about as soon as possible.
At 1:58 I really think you should say "if we're lucky" not "if we're blessed". I'm not religious, but if you are, and you believe in being blessed, i don't think you would believe that some people are blessed but others are not for no particular reason. The stoic philosopher Epictitus said "But he is a bad father. [Are] you naturally entitled, then, to a good father? No, only to a father." That line really hit me and I loved that line the second i read it (#30 in the link below). I spent years being angry that my father was emotionally neglectful, never affectionate, constantly ignored me, and constantly acted like i did something wrong or spoke to me (the only time he spoke/still speaks to me, is to accuse me of doing something that i didn't do, scold me for something he thinks i should do differently, or ask me something frivolous if i am far away, like about the weather, because that is what people ask people who are in a different place, he thinks ) with a very accusatory tone. It constantly made me for years feel like i could never do anything right, when i was a very good kid who never lied and never did anything wrong at all, but still i felt completely hated and rejected. This of course, led me to seek out relationships with the same type of person, people who didn't really like me and didn't treat me right or show me love, hoping to correct that rejection and disapproval of me that he had. Of course, this never works, and sets most anyone who does it, which is most everyone who had an abusive parent, into the same abusive and dysfunctional relationship you had with your parent who couldn't love you in the way you wanted and needed, because they themselves were probably rejected by their parent who was like that from their parent's abuse or some other adverse situation or trauma they experienced in their lives. Some of us are born to great parents who are well-adjusted and loving at the right amount, some to acceptably mediocre parents who messed us up a bit, but not horribly, and some us just got the short end of the stick, with co-dependent and domineering parents, or dismissive and neglectful or abusive parents. I got a combination of complete neglect and complete domineering both ignoring me on one end, and pulling me to close on the other. It's sad to see so many situations like these. But there are very many people like this, and no one who had an abusive parent or a neglectful one should feel they are not blessed, or less blessed than the rest. It's simply the luck of the draw and we are not promised a good parent, just a parent, and sometimes the parent can't even be a parent at all. It is not your fault, or often, not even their fault, although, they had a chance as adults to know themselves and correct their own defects and exercise their own demons and did not, so for that, you can be angry. But do not let it overtake your whole life. Luckily, you are here now, online, on UA-cam, learning about yourself so that you don't continue the cycle. The trauma and dysfunction and abuse stops here. So congrats to everyone on this journey to know yourself. The way our parents treat and raise us, is often a direct reflection of how their parents treated and raised them. It's not that some of us are blessed or not blessed, because if you believe in that, you'd believe that God loves everyone equally and looks upon everyone equally. It's just simply the luck of the draw in what humans who we happen to be born to, and what traumas they themselves experienced or what their personality is like. Of course, we can - hopefully sooner than later for most, unlike myself who didn't learn this for half my life - realize that we do not know ourselves at all, have never been in tune with ourselves or lost that tuning over years through listening to toxic people who think they will feel better about themselves by tearing you down - they won't... their anger and hate and sadness comes from within and can only be cured from within, but they don't know this, and even if they do, are unable to change due to mental illness.. Many of us have lied to ourselves about who we are and what we really want, performing that exact juggling act shown in the video, for family, friends, and acquaintances for far too long, but we can learn and we can change things and gain an understanding of ourselves and our own minds. I believe this to be true, and i appreciate this video for showing this to the many people of the world who need it. Thanks. - 'The Enchiridion' by Epictitus - classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html --- and 'Know Thyself' from Ancient Greece - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Know_thyself
Its important to know when trying to find our selves , what's right and what's wrong , so that we don't mix whatever we desire with who we are.
Very true. Lord help us to search for the love within, and help us to truly know who we are. Know who you created us to be in every way in Jesus name. Amen.
My mother when I was a child: "you are nothing"
Me ok: "I'll take it from there then..."
*Not everyone deserves to be a parent!!*
@@Ipekcaglar_ ^^ *EXACTLY*
ua-cam.com/video/v2cp5jRkUOg/v-deo.html
3 billion IQ remark
I tried being alone for 32 years, didn't do me good. Yesterday I thought I was going to have put myself in hospital, due to how bad of an anxiety - I wouldn't even call it an attack, how long it was going on - episode I had, but today after randomly bumping into my friend's mother and actually having a real conversation with her for the first time I felt like my perspective changed a lot, I was energized, whereas usually I was severely drained from people, I felt like I could take on living and socializing. A lot of shame I carry around from my past selves, and much of that shame was amplified by the inner voices that are actually my mothers and fathers. I shame myself a lot after just about anything and I don't praise myself for anything at all. I've done some good things, some cool things, yet I don't seem to see just about anything good about myself just about most of the time. Writing this made me realize I really need help to navigate this thing. Growing up isolated, always under the jurisdiction of my parents, has really done a number on me. I feel like no one would believe me if I spoke about the things I'm afraid of. It's really crippling, the stuff that goes in my head first and foremost and then obviously the fruit of these thoughts - manifested in this realm, even if just as perceived reality, nonetheless a very real one on my end - my extreme social anxiety. I sought out help and need to go through with it, even though I'm really scared of medication. I was there once before and it wasn't doing me any good, actually it was the same shitty really with even shittier side effects. I really need to heal. And I need some wisdom figuring out what my next moves are, I feel like they are very vital. My first steps to becoming an autonomous healthy well-functioning human being.
The biggest and best knowledge in the world is knowing yrself.
As a child & adult psychiatrist, I look to your videos to help frame challenging cases (and even help me understand myself). Know that your videos are changing minds and saving (literal) lives. Please keep going🌟🌟
To know myself I try new things and see how do I react.
This makes so much sense! 😳🫂
Just be you and be beautiful and unique we are not all the same. Love accept yourself for who you are. Not how people view you everyone got a good or bad follow your life goals to make you happy.
I am content I have begun to take my side whatever I am faced with and fearlessly say no to others.
At the same time
I realise if you are not ready to be a parent, then DONT for the sake of god.
I just wanted to say, thank you for using culturally diverse models. It made me feel included and will make others like me feel the same. Great work!
It’s a matter of locus of control. You are in control of yourself and you can sometimes change the environment around you with the right steps.
Big brained post. Learning about the concepts of inner locus of control vs outer helped my view on life immensely. It's the difference in being proactive vs reactive.
This is an excellent video. But, I think, this transformation only gets harder before it gets any better. By this, I mean, removing ourselves from a relationship with people/person and learning triggers. Ultimately, it becomes uncomfortable because of all the negative emotion we can also feel during this.
And while I agree with the notion of a psychotherapist, here in the US can't really afford to see one.
Thank you and i agree but the last paragraph doesn't help.
What I meant to say was here in the USA, seeing a therapist is too expensive or seen as too time consuming.
I can’t even put into words how much I adore this channel❤
I love your videos so so so much, they are helpful and make totally sense
Thank you very much for the people who put their hearts into each and every new video produced
Thanks a lot stay blessed💕✨☺️
Beautifully written. I needed this today.
now that i think about it i grew up being invalidated by my mom and my dad(not blaming them nobody’s perfect+i’m their first child). they always told me what i’d do wrong, but not how to fix my behavior. i stopped respecting actual adults and started people pleasing the people my age at like 12. i’m 19 now and just realized about 6 months ago how fucked up of a person i’ve been for so long. wish me luck on my healing journey 💕
Daily Gratitude vocalisation at bedtime and Meditation every morning will help...but takes months for the penny to drop , so best not rushed. Good Luck 🙏
You always speak on the issue at peak in my life! Thankyou for putting it so interestingly and simply. I look forward to these videos!
I can't even begin to express how this channel helps me to connect properly with myself . Thanks so much!!
@The New Paulo Coelho heyyy
@The New Paulo Coelho fine, how are you?
I was thinking of things that made me happy and I always loved making other happy and always trying my hardest for some one or something but this video made me realize this whole time I’ve been needing to make myself proud of who I am and beat my genes
People who have figured it out early i guess i had learned how to survive on their own , engage in some craft .
Should not be judinging ourself with others .
We all have seperate individual personal journey . And i respect everyone for them to having walk their path .