What about the part where he referred to her being violent towards him as her trying to find some passion? I'll have to use that one next time I decide to be violent with my significant other. I think dr. John dropped the ball on this one a little. I don't think they're truly friends anymore and I think they both quit the relationship and I can see why.
No excuse for physical violence. There is no working that out. That is not how you treat someone you love no matter how angry you get. He needs to leave.
Notice that the "abuse" didn't come up first... He mentioned everything else then when that wasn't getting the answer he wanted he then spouted about abuse. I spent 10 years in a abusive relationship and was horribly abused as a child. I can tell you first hand he is looking for an out!
I've NEVER once wondered if I did the right thing, and me and my husband HAVE been together since we were teenagers! 🙄 (24 years ago) When ya know, ya know! 🤷♀️😄
Imagine thinking men and women are the same. A man hitting a woman is very different than a woman hitting a man. Any man could easily kill me by hitting me. Me killing a man by hitting him would be a 1 in a million shot. Are there women who are stronger than men, of course. 9 times out of 10 the man is bigger and stronger and capable of killing the woman by hitting her.
Already dissatisfied at 25?? Yikes. No kids? Physical abuse? I would get out. But don’t settle down with someone else right away. Date around. Or else you will regret not dating around again in a few years. Just my opinion
Sometimes the grass really is greener. Just because John doesn’t care that she’s hitting you and thinks you just need to try harder doesn’t mean that’s the truth. Abuse is unacceptable, is a deal breaker, and there are in fact women out there who won’t hit you. If the grass you’re currently standing on is brown, you don’t have anywhere to go but greener fields.
Abuse is unacceptable, but in a relationship that’s otherwise healthy and just needs spice added to it after a long bit of time, the other side isn’t greener. It’s different. You trade one set of problems for another, you’ll never find a relationship that’s absent of difficulty and needs work at times. In this case of physical abuse, yes I do agree that he should be leaving and filing for divorce. I hope John isn’t telling him to stay in spite of this because he’s a man and can “fend off” his violent wife.
This relationship has a lot of red flags: they’re only 25, no kids together and already this unhappy; she’s not working and spending all the money; she’s hitting him. They can maybe pursue counseling to work on the real issues at hand. But if there aren’t major improvements it’s better to go their separate ways before a child comes into the mix. Also, I don’t think there should be a double standard when it comes to domestic violence.
An overly simplistic solution to a very complicated problem. The therapist here explained that without taking true steps to repair this relationship, then it wouldn’t be fair to just throw a person/relationship away. Especially if he’s saying that there is love there. Now if the woman doesn’t want to work on her self that’s a different story. But we don’t really see evidence that they have tried getting professional help.
Did you watch the end? He said tell her if she does it again he calling the cops, But he mention he think it emotional. Why I think he said that for two reason thr guy not going to leave no matter what he says the way he talk he don't think it abuse and feel like it normal or acceptable. So instead of wasting the time with that he focus more on the relationship issue.
Uh...why would I want to save a friendship where I'm being physically assaulted. I love Dr. John, but he put so much emphasis on him being a coward for not dealing with his marriage instead of telling the caller to just run. Would you tell a woman to keep (pardon the pun) " fighting" for her marriage with an abuser?? NO!!! He shouldn't put up with this nonsense either!!
@@LadyMarigoldWithersgood read, I will go a speculation further he may be setting the wife uo by false claims of abuse. note the order the dude presented the problems the abuse was late in the mix, I am a tad suspect on his order of thinking and think more questions should have been asked for context.
John went beyond a simple answer here. I expected him to say, ‘just grow up and commit to your wife’. But he really exposed the deeper realities of the situation.
Lovev's life true love Never die I know a great and powerful healer that can get back your ex or crua without delay Just forever within 48hours he helped me too immediately
That’s what he does. That’s what makes him a doctor. Dave Ramsey is the old man advice for the common Kook. Dr John digs deep and doesn’t cut people off and say “look at me I’m smarter I’m older I’m wiser ‘do this’ it’s the only way to be successful!”
Alternative title "I'm Getting Hit By My Wife (Should I End It?)". For having been in a nearly exactly similar position (getting hit by a 10 years old relationship, first girlfriend too) and having run from it and started to meet other people. I'm so incredibly grateful that I made the choice to meet other people. I have now a daughter with another woman. Of course there are still challenges, but I got to learn that yes, I'm capable of meeting other people which can be a challenge for many men in their self esteem. Very bad advice from John here. I'm actually offended.
Once physical abuse starts in a relationship, it's over. A best friend works out ways to properly communicate in a mature manner, they don't become violent when they don't get their way. Dr. John literally told this man to remain in an abusive marriage that can't be repaired.
THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING. wow. couldnt believe. ive observed john legit tell a woman to put the man out on the street because he emotionally abuses her yet this woman physically abuses him and john is like give her another chance
NO ONE deserves to be abused! Leave, my dude! RUN! This guy needs to spend more time with himself and getting to know himself. When he does leave, don’t jump straight into another relationship. Work on yourself! All the best to him! 🙌🏽 “You deserve the love and attention you have so freely given everyone else”
I agree with the idea of him not using the next woman as a bandaid and dealing with his personal issues head on. That said, if he is in an abusive relationship that's that. It's already over. He needs to simply end it and go out on his own for a time.
After reading some of the comments: I am NOT saying being physically abusive is ok. However, why do people suddenly advise people to leave if there is physical abuse, but not if there is emotional or mental abuse? Abuse is abuse. If someone is hurting you on purpose, no matter in which capacity, it shouldn't be tolerated. I've been hurt in the worst way possible by two ex-boyfriends, neither was physically abusive. Nobody deserves any sort of abuse.
@Jenny Hammond agreed! I even say, I don’t wish the pain of emotional abuse on my worst enemy. I’m so sorry it happened to you. I hope you have found healing ❤️🩹
God please bless and protect this caller as he walks through this very difficult season of life. Give him the strength and wisdom to end his abusive marriage and start over in life. Send him the signs he needs to know what to do and when to do it. Strengthen him in the knowledge that he deserves better and will flourish in his new life without her dead weight. 🙏
"She can't be hitting you. It's not cool." And here, my friends, is where the odd double standard creeps into men and women in abusive relationships. Had this been a woman calling in saying the husband hits her sometimes I can guarantee you the answer would have been more stern than "not cool." More like it's time to call in the cavalry, as John says. Get out. Deal breaker. Literally all of the other issues this guys talked about are peripheral to the abuse. If Dr. John reads this, I love your show, brother. You do an incredible job, but it's just my two cents on this one. I'm sure you don't tolerate abuse either, but this call just seemed like it lacked focuses on the largest red flag the guy threw up here. Thanks for what you do!
I 10000% agree. John isn't telling that guy not to leave abuse. He's saying BE HONEST ... Draw CLEAR boundaries and whether that marriage ends or not...he has to have the COURAGE to face the reality he IS ALREADY in BEFORE he moves toward ANY lover. He has to face HIMSELF fully. So that if/when it is time to leave, he won't run to a FANTASY. He will have his feet under himself for whatever is next. That will prevent him from being abused AGAIN. I was in a similar situation many years ago and I took the run away option and YES, it is ALWAYS a bomb! YES, run to SAFETY from VIOLENCE... but do NOT run to another lover or run from the issues inside you need to face. I FINALLY stopped running and did the hard internal work and it is 10 Billion % Worth it!!!! Jon is RIGHT. And John TOLD the guy not to put up with any violence. So John is not ignoring that.
If you don’t leave when being abused you send the message that it’s acceptable. There are lots of non abusive people out there but the downsides are that having a divorce on your record drives your smv down considerably. The best choice is to not be abused.
@@reinamacaren-a4132 I have a feeling victim blaming is not cool. Physically engagement is never acceptable, no matter the gender of the person. The fact he was brushing it off in the beginning, means it's an actual problem.
@@ellencox8415 Possibly but the way he looks for a reason to leave🤔 if it was soooooo important that should've been the first 5hing. Instead it was oh yeah did I mention I get my arse beat? Bottom line is he's bored being happy miserable. The new girl is bells and whistles. He'll tire of her as well then will look for his safety net; wife or perhaps another and another, never finding what he's looking for; fairytale 🙄
I hate hearing "she/he is a FREE SPIRIT" wth does that even mean??? it just sound like an excuse, letting your partner off with zero accountability. NO, Im sure that the red flags were there but ppl choose not to listen. The physical abuse is a huge no no. He needs to leave his wife, honestly if she doesnt want to attend some anger management and therapy, she needs to go. BUT doc is right, the other women is a fantasy, not that it cant happen but hes not ready and everyone is on their best behavior when flirting.... SHES FLIRTING WITH A MARRIED MAN that is in your family circle.... another red flag.....no.
Telling him to divorce because of abuse would have ended the call. There was a lot more going on that the caller needed to think about. He's going to have the same problem with the next woman. He needs to work on himself.
Na this was pure victim blaming. plus, people do mature and change and that comes with changes in their relationships. Sometimes - it's ok for people to leave relationships when another person hasn't matured well or they no longer are compatible. Marriage is not forever. Sometimes we need to call a spade a spade and be done.
He said it himself "and to everyone, if the tables were reversed I'd be telling her to run." So run. Run out of that relationship and into a therapist to work on yourself before you try to live this fantasy with a new girl. Crazy how this wasn't the only advice. Try to make it work? Nah.
He said multiple times in the call that even if he left he’d end up “dealing with the same stuff because you’re not dealing with the real problem, you.” Which isn’t 100% explicitly saying it’s his fault he’s being abused, but also, yikes.
@@samuelyork5265 I didn't even see it that way. Wow. Thanks for that. Are you basically saying he was blaming the victim in a way? Just trying to clarify.
@@samuelyork5265 ah ok. Then I understood your reply correctly. I didn't even think about it that way. Sounds crazy. You would think he would just tell him run.
Surely physical abuse is a boundary that shouldnt be crossed regardless of gender. Its a red flag and game over. I love Dr John but he would never have told a woman to "lean in" to the marriage in this instance and that the abuse is a symptom of something else that the abused person needs to figure out! He has berated this man for "throwing away ten years" and that he is looking for a cowards way out. Madness.
Everyone focusing on the abuse part of this hasn't been abused. I am not saying he isn't being abused. He mentioned abuse after he mentioned everything else then when he didn't get the answer he wanted he then mentioned abuse.
That was great. I've felt that feeling several times and it wasn't until I almost lost what I had that I had to make a choice and I that's when I became all in. Choose your love, then love your choice.
This is when Christians put the idea of marriage before the health of a person & their mental state. Can't believe a therapist is giving this advice, to stay in an abusive marriage. NEVER stay in a abusive marriage. He doesn't have to stay or should he stay if she is really hitting him.
Na, he didn’t say that. He said to call the cops when she does it again. But to also get therapy together ASAP. I’m Christian and against staying in an abusive relationship. Although, therapy works sometimes if both want to work on themselves. If one doesn’t then game over.
I love what Dr. D said. It is a fantasy to leave the person you love for someone else, thinking the other is a “perfect” match. Better to leave a marriage and be single for awhile to heal. Dating another person won’t resolve the root problems. Love this episode.
Get out now. There's no reason to stay married to an abuser just cause you married them young. Please leave. Dr. Delony's Evangelical values are showing here. Divorce is valid & normal. Life is too short to stay if you are unsatisfied and unsafe.
Thanks Dr. John. I needed to hear that. Great advice. And to those saying run because of the physical abuse, there’s a significant difference when one party isn’t in danger. Maybe he should, but I believe that call was spot on.
Why should he put up with being hit and avoiding conversations because of her violent behavior? Just because he’s a man and can protect himself? He said it himself- that he’s in an abusive relationship. No one, male or female should ever have to deal with that.
I kinda agree in the facts we have here and minus all the details, it was not adressed in depth as to is she volatile situationally, as in one oft or was she doing it defensively or only once and what exactly was done and was done exactly after his emotional affair or has it been a pattern a of violent physical behavior. Some folks set up situations to frame the other or the other acts defensively. Ie Gabby Petito.
I kinda heard a guy trying to justify having an emotional affair wanting it to go to the next level and grasping for an excuse to do that by throwing the shade on her and manufactured abuse maybe?
Bill was asking permission to ditch his marriage and start a new romantic relationship with someone he has a deep crush on. Bill does not want to save his marriage; he does not want to hear truth; Bill want permission to start anew with his current affair (physical or emotional).
He needs to leave not for another woman but for some good therapy and fixing himself first. People just jump into new marriages & relationships with the same emotional & mental baggage. Hoping the new person can fix them. Just to rinse and repeat the same behavior over and over again. Get some therapy and fix yourself before getting involved in long-term relationships or picking a new partner.
Being together since being young, personalities, priorities, likes and dislikes, wants and needs change. Sometimes you just have to let go and move on.
My husband did the same thing to me and left me for a younger woman after 20 years of marriage. A few months later, she dumped him. He came crawling back but I was done with him.
My X walked away for His Fantasy, he had a child with her, he married her, now he sees that the grass wasn't greener on the other side - I moved on into my happiness, it's too late now for him and me but it's not too late for you and your wife!!!
This woman is acting out because she feels a major shift in the marriage and his desire for her. She can absolutely feel that he wants to have an affair with this other woman if he’s not already having an emotional affair with her based upon all the “talks” he’s been having with her. She feels like her life is out of control, so she’s acting out to get some control back. The abusive behavior definitely needs to stop, but his fantasies and this emotional affair also need to stop. They need some major counseling, but I do see this marriage as reconcilable if they decide to be all in with each other again and work towards being on the same team again. His wife is depressed, and he has checked out and has his eyes on someone else. Perfect recipe for disaster. Marriage is a choice, and they are both making bad choices in this marriage. There is definitely a flicker of hope though if they’ll allow themselves to grow together. Someone in this marriage has to stop the bleeding.
Jordan lavalley what? So you think it’s ok for a husband or wife to emotionally connect with someone else and have secret inappropriate conversations with them and fantasize about being with them? It’s one thing to fantasize, it’s another to have in appropriate conversations.
Jordan lavalley Not at all. That’s why I said fantasizing is one thing, but to have in appropriate conversations is another. The caller mentioned how much more he connects with this other woman because of all the “talks” they have had. There’s no reason he should be having multiple intimate talks with another woman. That’s inappropriate behavior in a marriage and is considered an emotional affair.
Dr. John you really blew my mind with this one 😳. I didn't see things getting deeper like that. Thank you so much for the work you do and for this platform. This was super sobering. P. S: I really hope someone followed up with them to get them a lot more help. She should not be hitting him even if it "isn't that serious". Nobody should ever be hitting anybody and it needs to stop IMMEDIATELY. That's never okay.
If he’s plastering this other girls face across the picture in his head of his ideal marriage he’s likely setting himself up for a major disappointment.
Hmm… so… if he runs away… you’re saying he’s gonna end up in a relationship where he gets physically abused again? And you are saying this is inevitable because he needs to work on himself? So he’s basically bringing the beating on to himself?
you really didn't get it. Let me sum it up for you. You simply don't leave a relationship when things go wrong. You have to at least try. If there's no fix you know your way out. People are so selfish they forget they promised to love each other in sickness and in health... Idk if this man was putting up excuses or not but he can try. You heard him. He never talked to her and had the real conversations. He never tried. Instead he is just running away which you can see him doing that forever because all relationships have issues maybe not of the same severity but they do.
@@ClaudioBOsorio He's be physically and financially abused. If the wife said what he was saying I don't John's advice to stay and work it out would be the same.
Never tried? He’s supporting his wife who doesn’t work, takes all of his money and physically abuses him. He’s not his best friend and it’s not the callers job to save her. She’s probably cheating when he’s at work and if he leaves she’ll get alimony. Do not have children with this woman.
I’m not religious or Christian, but I agree with most of what Dr. Delony said. This young man does not have the tools and skills to do hard things in a relationship/marriage. He is choosing to not put in any effort into this relationship; both sounds like they gave up on the marriage, stopped dating each other and growing together. They chose to let the growing distance between them grow and pick fights instead of dealing with the hard emotions of resentment that they had allowed to fester in their hearts. Counseling is a good start, but they both need to decide that they still love each other deep down and are willing to work on saving their marriage. This guy is already checked out and creating a fantasy with someone else, complicating the marriage further. Delony is right: violence is not acceptable, and the guy needs to work on himself, whether he decides to save his marriage or end it. He will go with him into future relationships and he needs to deal with his own personal struggles before heading into a new relationship, else it’ll just end up like this one too.
He just needs to try harder and maybe she won’t hit him anymore? Right? It’s his fault, if only he’d taken her out on more dates and brought her more flowers he wouldn’t have those black eyes. But, what are you gonna do, men gotta learn. He just has to work on himself some. 🤷♂️
This lady’s story needs to be made into a movie. Druggies for years, Childbirth in the living room, then both turn super sober, life is a beach now and a perfect dad and mom, happy ending!!! Amazing!!
There’s no reason why he should stay here he’s only 25 they’ve only been married two years and there are no children so pretty much free to do whatever
at first i wasn't understanding Dr. D... but toward the end, it made sense! Bill isn't wrong that he's missing out on experiences but that's not that point! Relationships are hard, they are imperfect, and people change throughout a relationship, but you gotta make things work. You made a decision to marry, you have to try.
I personally don’t see anything wrong with the idea of this guy moving on in his life . They both are young and there is no child involved. He married too young and people grow apart. Sometimes the adult you are is very different person from the young man who got married. I would suggest the guy to listen to his heart and follow it. It’s better than remaining unhappy and discontented all his life and even bringing a child into the mix
Oh boy: this guys has set his house on fire and his wife is reactionary because she’s got that gut instinct going. And why….for a greener pasture. The wife I bet if she got on this call would be spewing some counter weights to what he’s telling. Dr. John got it right away: I wonder if the other woman willing to cheat with him is listening.
I totally get some people need to be put straight, but telling a guy he is basically delusional for not wanting to be in an abusive relationship sounds wrong to me.
This felt like a miss for me. They got married very young and had clouded vision due to being heavily influenced by the other and it’s okay for him to want other things. It’s admirable to have figured that out. It’s his decision if he blows up his life by leaving and going for something else. If she’s physically harming him, that’s not okay and should never be tolerated. That means she will do it again. Even if they have a brief period where she stops, what if they have a child and then she starts again? They both need to go work on themselves and grow up without eachother. I think this was a huge miss.
I don’t think John’s point is that he has to stay with his abusive wife. I think he is saying not to leave for another woman. He might still divorce because of abuse.
Married men almost always stay until they find someone else. If he didn’t have his eye on another woman, he would be willing to work on their issues. It’s not like they have been dating 2 months. They have been together for 10 years!
Lovev's life true love Never die I know a great and powerful healer that can get back your ex or crua without delay Just forever within 48hours he helped me too immediately
He’s isn’t being honest and is painting a lie - he says he’s tight with money, but he’s probably stingy. He also mentioned he resents her for not bringing in enough income because she isn’t looking for employment to HIS satisfaction….big red flag that he’s not embracing his vows, or his role as the husband and provider. The truth is he’s selfish and seeking only what he wants. He’s not serving her, he’s not dedicated to her. He does not value his current wife, nor will he value the next one. He says she hits him….given the fact he’s being dishonest and lacks integrity (he’s already cheating by talking to this other woman) he is MOST likely lying about what this physical abuse is! She could be possibly just having reactive behavior, but that’s a FAR cry from a wife who just halls off and punches her husband repeatedly. He is a coward and putting all the issues onto his wife. He has taken no self check into his own character. Dr. John called him OUT because this little boy is chasing his fantasies and he’s probably narcissistic.
Leave. You are still young, you guys have no kids. I don't agree with John's advice of telling him to stay in an abusive relationship at all. Would he tell a woman to stay in an abusive relationship?🤔
Lovev's life true love Never die I know a great and powerful healer that can get back your ex or crua without delay Just forever within 48hours he helped me too immediately
I'm curious. If the caller was female and her husband hit her sometimes would John advise her to "go all in" because he's worth it? Would he say that the husband was wrong to hit her but he was just looking for some passion??? Anyone?
Limerence and magical thinking stems from childhood trauma, if you had a period of your childhood when one parent checked out for a time wether it was an addiction or a season of grief over a parent and checked out ... our little minds create something better in the distance, hope and we will cling to the idea change is coming and things will be better. Hug that inner child, go back to that moment that you felt abandonment, love and hugs to you
Hes justifying his wandering eye. He wants to make the wife the bad person so its okay to walk away from the marriage. He probably treats his wife like trash but he won't be forthcoming with that. Its easier to put the blame on his spouse.
I wanted John to talk about how the guy would be in the same situation with the new woman in just a few months/years. This couple is way too young to be married,, she wants a provider who is already stable she needs to marry older. He's only 25 he is barely in the building phase of his life he needs to wait till he's in his thirties or forties when he's financially stable then he won't care about providing for his wife.
This was not healthy advice, he's being abused by his wife. He clearly explained that he didn't want to confront her about a problem because of the way she reacts with physical abuse. John you're good most times but you had you Christian and traditional views blinders on here. Not every marriage isnworth saving because of Christian beliefs. He has an unhealthy relationship with an abusive partner and it's the only intimate relationship that he has known. What is the value of staying in that situation?
Dr. John really dropped the ball on this one. If the roles were reversed and a woman called in saying her husband was hitting and abusing her his advice would have been 10000% different. Since it was a male victim he just swept it under the rug and didn't hyper focus on that issue.
My friend was in an abusive marriage. She went through counseling several times but always returned to her old habits. She also would punish him by spending their money. Once she missed him and hit her kid. Abusive wives are awful and he should have run at the first sign.
Ok, just listened to the whole story. They were kids when they started dating. It doesn't sound very healthy. Not enough life experience for either. Doesn't bode well for long term marriage.
People can grow apart as the years go by. Goals, perspectives, experiences, interests, hobbies all can change; that is normal. These two met when they were kids, and now, they are adults. Things change, and that’s the reality of life. One of the main reasons I see marriage as being unrealistic. There is not enough talk about how people can marry someone they have no business marrying in the first place. Instead, there is this nonsense about how EVERY marriage is sacred, and blah blah blah. There is no point to waste time saving something that isn’t there anymore. One cannot buy more time or go back in time for any amount of money. Plus, Bill claims that there is physical abuse. If that’s the case… Run, don’t walk, run!
I feel him on being hit by wife. Marriage changes everything! They didn’t have a set priority when it came to finances like does he want to be the provider or does he want both of them to be working…
Physical abuse for men is so common I think we've all seen a wife smack or punch their husband in public but nobody blinks an eye, it's a double standard
John would you give this message to a woman being hit? He is being abused. I've always been impressed with how ou help abuse victims, but you just left this without addressing it appropriately
Yes she is wrong for being violent, but if she gets help and chooses to stop, the marriage can be worked on. But if he cheats, oh the marriage will be toast. She will be far more emotional and will not respect him. They both need to aim in the right direction, not violence and not infidelity. NEITHER IS RIGHT.
He needs to be in the company of Christian men in happy marriages. There is his chance to be with others in a safe and helpful association. He claims his wife is his best friend and he loves her. He shouldn't throw that away. He will regret it.
I'm gonna be honest John is really confused. If this was a woman the call would have stopped with he hits me and John would have asked if she has a safe place to stay, leave and go find a lawyer today. I almost never advocate leaving but physical abuse is pretty much a line you don't cross. If you are going to stay and work through it the condition has to be if you ever lay a hand on me I am gone for good.
Why are you encouraging him to work things out with his physically abusive wife? Are you kidding me? If he was getting violent with her, you'd be telling the wife to divorce him immediately!
@@kind2423 she's physically abusing him. What do you mean "hear her side?" you mean maybe she has a good reason for smacking him around? Sick of the double standards for men and women and these ridiculous statements implying that men should just put up with it...ANY physical abuse whether it's from the husband or the wife, does not belong in a marriage, PERIOD. There's no excuse!
I totally disagree. He is not happy in an abusive relationship. I think he should leave before they get pregnant or anything.
I can't imagine my husband not wanting to work hard, spending money left and right, hitting me, and me referring to him as a free spirit.
I think he's borrowing that from the Dave Ramsey lingo, but that's more of a financial term (someone who spends money without stressing over it).
What about the part where he referred to her being violent towards him as her trying to find some passion? I'll have to use that one next time I decide to be violent with my significant other. I think dr. John dropped the ball on this one a little. I don't think they're truly friends anymore and I think they both quit the relationship and I can see why.
No excuse for physical violence. There is no working that out. That is not how you treat someone you love no matter how angry you get. He needs to leave.
HALLELUJAHHHHHHHHH
Notice that the "abuse" didn't come up first... He mentioned everything else then when that wasn't getting the answer he wanted he then spouted about abuse.
I spent 10 years in a abusive relationship and was horribly abused as a child. I can tell you first hand he is looking for an out!
Some people actually do work it out. Whether this couple should work it out is the issue here though
I've NEVER once wondered if I did the right thing, and me and my husband HAVE been together since we were teenagers! 🙄 (24 years ago)
When ya know, ya know! 🤷♀️😄
how can john tell this man not to immediately end his abusive relationship. Imagine him telling this to a woman in the same situation.
Deloney and Ramsey have a totally misandrist view and clearly know which side of the gender spectrum pays the bills for their shows.
Imagine thinking men and women are the same. A man hitting a woman is very different than a woman hitting a man. Any man could easily kill me by hitting me. Me killing a man by hitting him would be a 1 in a million shot. Are there women who are stronger than men, of course. 9 times out of 10 the man is bigger and stronger and capable of killing the woman by hitting her.
@@sociallyawkwardhuman7170 You don't need to hit men to kill them. You can destroy their lives with but a word.
big time!
Except the dynamics of abuse are nuanced.
Already dissatisfied at 25?? Yikes. No kids? Physical abuse? I would get out. But don’t settle down with someone else right away. Date around. Or else you will regret not dating around again in a few years. Just my opinion
Right
This is why a rushing to get married is a waste of money
John always favors the women
Sometimes the grass really is greener. Just because John doesn’t care that she’s hitting you and thinks you just need to try harder doesn’t mean that’s the truth. Abuse is unacceptable, is a deal breaker, and there are in fact women out there who won’t hit you. If the grass you’re currently standing on is brown, you don’t have anywhere to go but greener fields.
Abuse is unacceptable, but in a relationship that’s otherwise healthy and just needs spice added to it after a long bit of time, the other side isn’t greener. It’s different. You trade one set of problems for another, you’ll never find a relationship that’s absent of difficulty and needs work at times. In this case of physical abuse, yes I do agree that he should be leaving and filing for divorce. I hope John isn’t telling him to stay in spite of this because he’s a man and can “fend off” his violent wife.
This relationship has a lot of red flags: they’re only 25, no kids together and already this unhappy; she’s not working and spending all the money; she’s hitting him. They can maybe pursue counseling to work on the real issues at hand. But if there aren’t major improvements it’s better to go their separate ways before a child comes into the mix.
Also, I don’t think there should be a double standard when it comes to domestic violence.
Exactly. A child is going to make things even worse, and effectively trap him.
If the situation was versed he was a woman John be calling the police already.
@@summerdowlig John did urge him to call the police. It's at 12:12.
An overly simplistic solution to a very complicated problem.
The therapist here explained that without taking true steps to repair this relationship, then it wouldn’t be fair to just throw a person/relationship away. Especially if he’s saying that there is love there. Now if the woman doesn’t want to work on her self that’s a different story. But we don’t really see evidence that they have tried getting professional help.
If the roles were reversed there's no way John would have encouraged a woman to stay with a man that hits her. This man needs to run
I can’t believe John is telling him to stay in abuse…. Run dude RUN
Can you imagine him telling a woman this? No he wouldn't and that is the point of how horrible this advice is.
Did you watch the end? He said tell her if she does it again he calling the cops, But he mention he think it emotional.
Why I think he said that for two reason thr guy not going to leave no matter what he says the way he talk he don't think it abuse and feel like it normal or acceptable. So instead of wasting the time with that he focus more on the relationship issue.
@@bobberry1463 he may not be alive to call the cops next time. Or does that only apply to women?
@@abark leaving might cause the other person to go crazy and kill him. That just as likely.
There needs to be the same resources out here for men who are being emotionally and physically abused as there are for women. Point blank.
Start one.
there are, however, most men wont seek help. most men are too proud, embarassed or flat out refuse help.
Uh...why would I want to save a friendship where I'm being physically assaulted. I love Dr. John, but he put so much emphasis on him being a coward for not dealing with his marriage instead of telling the caller to just run. Would you tell a woman to keep (pardon the pun) " fighting" for her marriage with an abuser?? NO!!! He shouldn't put up with this nonsense either!!
Exactly! What a horrible double standard he basically told the guy to work things out with his abuser
Yes, I completely agree with you.
I can tell from his tone he’s already left the marriage, just wanted confirmation. He’s avoidant and she’s violent, not a great mix.
@@LadyMarigoldWithersgood read, I will go a speculation further he may be setting the wife uo by false claims of abuse. note the order the dude presented the problems the abuse was late in the mix, I am a tad suspect on his order of thinking and think more questions should have been asked for context.
John went beyond a simple answer here. I expected him to say, ‘just grow up and commit to your wife’. But he really exposed the deeper realities of the situation.
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That’s what he does. That’s what makes him a doctor. Dave Ramsey is the old man advice for the common Kook. Dr John digs deep and doesn’t cut people off and say “look at me I’m smarter I’m older I’m wiser ‘do this’ it’s the only way to be successful!”
Alternative title "I'm Getting Hit By My Wife (Should I End It?)". For having been in a nearly exactly similar position (getting hit by a 10 years old relationship, first girlfriend too) and having run from it and started to meet other people. I'm so incredibly grateful that I made the choice to meet other people. I have now a daughter with another woman. Of course there are still challenges, but I got to learn that yes, I'm capable of meeting other people which can be a challenge for many men in their self esteem. Very bad advice from John here. I'm actually offended.
Once physical abuse starts in a relationship, it's over. A best friend works out ways to properly communicate in a mature manner, they don't become violent when they don't get their way. Dr. John literally told this man to remain in an abusive marriage that can't be repaired.
THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING. wow. couldnt believe. ive observed john legit tell a woman to put the man out on the street because he emotionally abuses her yet this woman physically abuses him and john is like give her another chance
@@snOags you said it perfectly. I'm aghast that he would be so biased and irresponsible just because this involves a guy.
He tells him to call the police at 12:12 and at 16:43
Cannot be repaired is something you can't know. Believe it or not it's not always over. You live in a black and white world.
Exactly. I think everyone, regardless of gender, must have a zero tolerance policy to physical violence.
NO ONE deserves to be abused! Leave, my dude! RUN! This guy needs to spend more time with himself and getting to know himself. When he does leave, don’t jump straight into another relationship. Work on yourself! All the best to him! 🙌🏽 “You deserve the love and attention you have so freely given everyone else”
I totally agree!
I agree with the idea of him not using the next woman as a bandaid and dealing with his personal issues head on. That said, if he is in an abusive relationship that's that. It's already over. He needs to simply end it and go out on his own for a time.
After reading some of the comments: I am NOT saying being physically abusive is ok. However, why do people suddenly advise people to leave if there is physical abuse, but not if there is emotional or mental abuse? Abuse is abuse. If someone is hurting you on purpose, no matter in which capacity, it shouldn't be tolerated. I've been hurt in the worst way possible by two ex-boyfriends, neither was physically abusive. Nobody deserves any sort of abuse.
They do
Exactly! People who have been abused say that the emotional and mental abuse is often times much worse.
The wife is mad because he checked out. He is having a fantasy with another woman and want out.
@@mlovespring7892 so she can hit him because she’s “mad”?
@Jenny Hammond agreed! I even say, I don’t wish the pain of emotional abuse on my worst enemy. I’m so sorry it happened to you. I hope you have found healing ❤️🩹
God please bless and protect this caller as he walks through this very difficult season of life. Give him the strength and wisdom to end his abusive marriage and start over in life. Send him the signs he needs to know what to do and when to do it. Strengthen him in the knowledge that he deserves better and will flourish in his new life without her dead weight. 🙏
Amen and Amen!
In Jesus name, Amen
"She can't be hitting you. It's not cool." And here, my friends, is where the odd double standard creeps into men and women in abusive relationships. Had this been a woman calling in saying the husband hits her sometimes I can guarantee you the answer would have been more stern than "not cool." More like it's time to call in the cavalry, as John says. Get out. Deal breaker. Literally all of the other issues this guys talked about are peripheral to the abuse.
If Dr. John reads this, I love your show, brother. You do an incredible job, but it's just my two cents on this one. I'm sure you don't tolerate abuse either, but this call just seemed like it lacked focuses on the largest red flag the guy threw up here. Thanks for what you do!
I 10000% agree. John isn't telling that guy not to leave abuse. He's saying BE HONEST ... Draw CLEAR boundaries and whether that marriage ends or not...he has to have the COURAGE to face the reality he IS ALREADY in BEFORE he moves toward ANY lover. He has to face HIMSELF fully. So that if/when it is time to leave, he won't run to a FANTASY. He will have his feet under himself for whatever is next. That will prevent him from being abused AGAIN.
I was in a similar situation many years ago and I took the run away option and YES, it is ALWAYS a bomb! YES, run to SAFETY from VIOLENCE... but do NOT run to another lover or run from the issues inside you need to face. I FINALLY stopped running and did the hard internal work and it is 10 Billion % Worth it!!!! Jon is RIGHT. And John TOLD the guy not to put up with any violence. So John is not ignoring that.
If you don’t leave when being abused you send the message that it’s acceptable. There are lots of non abusive people out there but the downsides are that having a divorce on your record drives your smv down considerably. The best choice is to not be abused.
I have a feeling he magnified abuse to have a reason to leave
@@reinamacaren-a4132 I have a feeling victim blaming is not cool. Physically engagement is never acceptable, no matter the gender of the person. The fact he was brushing it off in the beginning, means it's an actual problem.
@@ellencox8415
Possibly but the way he looks for a reason to leave🤔 if it was soooooo important that should've been the first 5hing. Instead it was oh yeah did I mention I get my arse beat?
Bottom line is he's bored being happy miserable. The new girl is bells and whistles. He'll tire of her as well then will look for his safety net; wife or perhaps another and another, never finding what he's looking for; fairytale 🙄
@@reinamacaren-a4132 This girl is providing such little reason for him to stay. Does he not deserve someone who actually cares for him?
I hate hearing "she/he is a FREE SPIRIT" wth does that even mean??? it just sound like an excuse, letting your partner off with zero accountability. NO, Im sure that the red flags were there but ppl choose not to listen. The physical abuse is a huge no no. He needs to leave his wife, honestly if she doesnt want to attend some anger management and therapy, she needs to go. BUT doc is right, the other women is a fantasy, not that it cant happen but hes not ready and everyone is on their best behavior when flirting.... SHES FLIRTING WITH A MARRIED MAN that is in your family circle.... another red flag.....no.
Telling him to divorce because of abuse would have ended the call. There was a lot more going on that the caller needed to think about. He's going to have the same problem with the next woman. He needs to work on himself.
He's getting hit but he needs to work on himself?...Tell a female abuse victim this
@@CSmoothh Every abused person needs to work on themselves. They need to work on why they allowed someone to violate then in such manner.
Na this was pure victim blaming. plus, people do mature and change and that comes with changes in their relationships. Sometimes - it's ok for people to leave relationships when another person hasn't matured well or they no longer are compatible. Marriage is not forever. Sometimes we need to call a spade a spade and be done.
This dude went from, "I wonder what dating other people would be like" to she beats my ass. 😂😂😂. Come on bruh.
Dr Delony just goes right to the root issues, it helps so much, he never stops at the surface. Thank you so much sir! It’s truly helpful
Divorce, then a new relationship to get into the same thing over again. You're either all in or you're not. It's a choice, not a feeling.
He said it himself "and to everyone, if the tables were reversed I'd be telling her to run." So run. Run out of that relationship and into a therapist to work on yourself before you try to live this fantasy with a new girl. Crazy how this wasn't the only advice. Try to make it work? Nah.
He said multiple times in the call that even if he left he’d end up “dealing with the same stuff because you’re not dealing with the real problem, you.”
Which isn’t 100% explicitly saying it’s his fault he’s being abused, but also, yikes.
@@samuelyork5265 I didn't even see it that way. Wow. Thanks for that. Are you basically saying he was blaming the victim in a way? Just trying to clarify.
@@magnusmagnusson146 sure sounded that way to me.
@@samuelyork5265 ah ok. Then I understood your reply correctly. I didn't even think about it that way. Sounds crazy. You would think he would just tell him run.
Hate to say it but stay away from Christian therapy as they will encourage people to stay in horrible bad marriages and yes abusive marriages.
Surely physical abuse is a boundary that shouldnt be crossed regardless of gender. Its a red flag and game over. I love Dr John but he would never have told a woman to "lean in" to the marriage in this instance and that the abuse is a symptom of something else that the abused person needs to figure out! He has berated this man for "throwing away ten years" and that he is looking for a cowards way out. Madness.
Everyone focusing on the abuse part of this hasn't been abused. I am not saying he isn't being abused.
He mentioned abuse after he mentioned everything else then when he didn't get the answer he wanted he then mentioned abuse.
That was great. I've felt that feeling several times and it wasn't until I almost lost what I had that I had to make a choice and I that's when I became all in. Choose your love, then love your choice.
This is when Christians put the idea of marriage before the health of a person & their mental state. Can't believe a therapist is giving this advice, to stay in an abusive marriage. NEVER stay in a abusive marriage. He doesn't have to stay or should he stay if she is really hitting him.
Na, he didn’t say that. He said to call the cops when she does it again. But to also get therapy together ASAP. I’m Christian and against staying in an abusive relationship. Although, therapy works sometimes if both want to work on themselves. If one doesn’t then game over.
I love what Dr. D said. It is a fantasy to leave the person you love for someone else, thinking the other is a “perfect” match.
Better to leave a marriage and be single for awhile to heal. Dating another person won’t resolve the root problems. Love this episode.
Dr. John’s explanation is on point 🙌🏼 💯
Guaranteed that's not the whole story. He plays the victim and how he tells his story until he is guided back to reality is very telling.
wow - this is why men don't share their abuse stories. Thanks for keeping the status quo just as screwed up as ever **huge EYE ROLL**
Abuse, both mental and physical is unacceptable. Get out man. If you're partner hits you once that's thier fault. If they do it again it's on you.
He will just end up with someone just like her....thats how it works
Would you say this to a woman? “If they do it again, it’s on you?”
No, it's still the abusers fault
Outstanding job doc, didnt expect how right your answer would be on this
Get out now. There's no reason to stay married to an abuser just cause you married them young. Please leave. Dr. Delony's Evangelical values are showing here. Divorce is valid & normal. Life is too short to stay if you are unsatisfied and unsafe.
Thanks Dr. John. I needed to hear that. Great advice. And to those saying run because of the physical abuse, there’s a significant difference when one party isn’t in danger. Maybe he should, but I believe that call was spot on.
Why should he put up with being hit and avoiding conversations because of her violent behavior? Just because he’s a man and can protect himself? He said it himself- that he’s in an abusive relationship. No one, male or female should ever have to deal with that.
I kinda agree in the facts we have here and minus all the details, it was not adressed in depth as to is she volatile situationally, as in one oft or was she doing it defensively or only once and what exactly was done and was done exactly after his emotional affair or has it been a pattern a of violent physical behavior. Some folks set up situations to frame the other or the other acts defensively. Ie Gabby Petito.
I kinda heard a guy trying to justify having an emotional affair wanting it to go to the next level and grasping for an excuse to do that by throwing the shade on her and manufactured abuse maybe?
Dr. John wow. As always amazing. Thank you. And a thanks to the caller to for being brave & strong. This is not an easy thing to talk about like this.
Bill was asking permission to ditch his marriage and start a new romantic relationship with someone he has a deep crush on. Bill does not want to save his marriage; he does not want to hear truth; Bill want permission to start anew with his current affair (physical or emotional).
Grass is always greener on the other side mentality...don't make that mistake my man
He needs to leave not for another woman but for some good therapy and fixing himself first. People just jump into new marriages & relationships with the same emotional & mental baggage. Hoping the new person can fix them. Just to rinse and repeat the same behavior over and over again. Get some therapy and fix yourself before getting involved in long-term relationships or picking a new partner.
He hit the nail on the head
The grass just seems greener lol
If you’re being abused the grass is absolutely greener on the other side.
The fact is it is always greener if you are in a bad marriage. Men don't realize this, life is way better being single.
Um, no. He’s being abused.
@@murderofcrows7738 she's being abused too. Abuse isn't only physical.
Sometimes you just need to make an executive decision, if you can't picture another 10 years of this madness it's time to move on with no regrets.
Being together since being young, personalities, priorities, likes and dislikes, wants and needs change. Sometimes you just have to let go and move on.
If I was his wife and was catching his vibe, I would leave so fast his head would be spinning.
@9INE PLANETS Fair enough..............no one should be hitting anyone.
@@9liveslisa or keeping secrets from their wife
My husband did the same thing to me and left me for a younger woman after 20 years of marriage. A few months later, she dumped him. He came crawling back but I was done with him.
My X walked away for His Fantasy, he had a child with her, he married her, now he sees that the grass wasn't greener on the other side - I moved on into my happiness, it's too late now for him and me but it's not too late for you and your wife!!!
Sure yah did. 🤣
This woman is acting out because she feels a major shift in the marriage and his desire for her. She can absolutely feel that he wants to have an affair with this other woman if he’s not already having an emotional affair with her based upon all the “talks” he’s been having with her. She feels like her life is out of control, so she’s acting out to get some control back. The abusive behavior definitely needs to stop, but his fantasies and this emotional affair also need to stop. They need some major counseling, but I do see this marriage as reconcilable if they decide to be all in with each other again and work towards being on the same team again. His wife is depressed, and he has checked out and has his eyes on someone else. Perfect recipe for disaster. Marriage is a choice, and they are both making bad choices in this marriage. There is definitely a flicker of hope though if they’ll allow themselves to grow together. Someone in this marriage has to stop the bleeding.
Yup 💯💯💯
Jordan lavalley what? So you think it’s ok for a husband or wife to emotionally connect with someone else and have secret inappropriate conversations with them and fantasize about being with them? It’s one thing to fantasize, it’s another to have in appropriate conversations.
Jordan lavalley Not at all. That’s why I said fantasizing is one thing, but to have in appropriate conversations is another. The caller mentioned how much more he connects with this other woman because of all the “talks” they have had. There’s no reason he should be having multiple intimate talks with another woman. That’s inappropriate behavior in a marriage and is considered an emotional affair.
@@brookemoore8369 Do you know how hard it is to talk to, trust and connect with a partner who abuses you?
So is it ok for men to beat on their wives if they think something is off or are depressed?
Dr. John you really blew my mind with this one 😳. I didn't see things getting deeper like that. Thank you so much for the work you do and for this platform. This was super sobering.
P. S: I really hope someone followed up with them to get them a lot more help. She should not be hitting him even if it "isn't that serious". Nobody should ever be hitting anybody and it needs to stop IMMEDIATELY. That's never okay.
The downside to committing is carrying the regret of “What If?”
I agree with John on this. If the guy leaves it shouldn't be because of another woman.
If he’s plastering this other girls face across the picture in his head of his ideal marriage he’s likely setting himself up for a major disappointment.
Hmm… so… if he runs away… you’re saying he’s gonna end up in a relationship where he gets physically abused again? And you are saying this is inevitable because he needs to work on himself? So he’s basically bringing the beating on to himself?
you really didn't get it. Let me sum it up for you. You simply don't leave a relationship when things go wrong. You have to at least try. If there's no fix you know your way out. People are so selfish they forget they promised to love each other in sickness and in health... Idk if this man was putting up excuses or not but he can try. You heard him. He never talked to her and had the real conversations. He never tried. Instead he is just running away which you can see him doing that forever because all relationships have issues maybe not of the same severity but they do.
@@ClaudioBOsorio He's be physically and financially abused. If the wife said what he was saying I don't John's advice to stay and work it out would be the same.
Never tried? He’s supporting his wife who doesn’t work, takes all of his money and physically abuses him. He’s not his best friend and it’s not the callers job to save her. She’s probably cheating when he’s at work and if he leaves she’ll get alimony. Do not have children with this woman.
I’m not religious or Christian, but I agree with most of what Dr. Delony said. This young man does not have the tools and skills to do hard things in a relationship/marriage. He is choosing to not put in any effort into this relationship; both sounds like they gave up on the marriage, stopped dating each other and growing together. They chose to let the growing distance between them grow and pick fights instead of dealing with the hard emotions of resentment that they had allowed to fester in their hearts. Counseling is a good start, but they both need to decide that they still love each other deep down and are willing to work on saving their marriage. This guy is already checked out and creating a fantasy with someone else, complicating the marriage further. Delony is right: violence is not acceptable, and the guy needs to work on himself, whether he decides to save his marriage or end it. He will go with him into future relationships and he needs to deal with his own personal struggles before heading into a new relationship, else it’ll just end up like this one too.
He just needs to try harder and maybe she won’t hit him anymore? Right? It’s his fault, if only he’d taken her out on more dates and brought her more flowers he wouldn’t have those black eyes. But, what are you gonna do, men gotta learn. He just has to work on himself some. 🤷♂️
Do you really want to stay friends with, or even married to, someone who physically abused you? Hell NO! 🤔😐
This lady’s story needs to be made into a movie. Druggies for years, Childbirth in the living room, then both turn super sober, life is a beach now and a perfect dad and mom, happy ending!!! Amazing!!
There’s no reason why he should stay here he’s only 25 they’ve only been married two years and there are no children so pretty much free to do whatever
Hard core video good stuff Dr John
at first i wasn't understanding Dr. D... but toward the end, it made sense! Bill isn't wrong that he's missing out on experiences but that's not that point! Relationships are hard, they are imperfect, and people change throughout a relationship, but you gotta make things work. You made a decision to marry, you have to try.
I personally don’t see anything wrong with the idea of this guy moving on in his life . They both are young and there is no child involved. He married too young and people grow apart. Sometimes the adult you are is very different person from the young man who got married. I would suggest the guy to listen to his heart and follow it. It’s better than remaining unhappy and discontented all his life and even bringing a child into the mix
good talk thank you john
Oh boy: this guys has set his house on fire and his wife is reactionary because she’s got that gut instinct going. And why….for a greener pasture.
The wife I bet if she got on this call would be spewing some counter weights to what he’s telling.
Dr. John got it right away: I wonder if the other woman willing to cheat with him is listening.
I totally get some people need to be put straight, but telling a guy he is basically delusional for not wanting to be in an abusive relationship sounds wrong to me.
Would Dr deloney give the same advice to a wife being hit? I don't think so.
This felt like a miss for me. They got married very young and had clouded vision due to being heavily influenced by the other and it’s okay for him to want other things. It’s admirable to have figured that out. It’s his decision if he blows up his life by leaving and going for something else. If she’s physically harming him, that’s not okay and should never be tolerated. That means she will do it again. Even if they have a brief period where she stops, what if they have a child and then she starts again? They both need to go work on themselves and grow up without eachother. I think this was a huge miss.
Thank you John
I don’t think John’s point is that he has to stay with his abusive wife. I think he is saying not to leave for another woman. He might still divorce because of abuse.
Also someone who says they don’t click anymore usually is cheating
I don't usually respect Dr. Delony's advice but this advice was very good.
If the roles were reversed his answer would be to run.
Just get a divorce.
Married men almost always stay until they find someone else. If he didn’t have his eye on another woman, he would be willing to work on their issues. It’s not like they have been dating 2 months. They have been together for 10 years!
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Here is a quote from the great Richard Cooper. "Women cheat to leave the marriage, while men cheat to stay in the marriage".
He’s isn’t being honest and is painting a lie - he says he’s tight with money, but he’s probably stingy. He also mentioned he resents her for not bringing in enough income because she isn’t looking for employment to HIS satisfaction….big red flag that he’s not embracing his vows, or his role as the husband and provider. The truth is he’s selfish and seeking only what he wants. He’s not serving her, he’s not dedicated to her. He does not value his current wife, nor will he value the next one. He says she hits him….given the fact he’s being dishonest and lacks integrity (he’s already cheating by talking to this other woman) he is MOST likely lying about what this physical abuse is! She could be possibly just having reactive behavior, but that’s a FAR cry from a wife who just halls off and punches her husband repeatedly. He is a coward and putting all the issues onto his wife. He has taken no self check into his own character. Dr. John called him OUT because this little boy is chasing his fantasies and he’s probably narcissistic.
I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. This is abuse. It's not ok and you need to find a way to get you and your kiddos to safety.
No kiddos.
Leave. You are still young, you guys have no kids. I don't agree with John's advice of telling him to stay in an abusive relationship at all. Would he tell a woman to stay in an abusive relationship?🤔
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I really dislike how the Dr. Seems to have glosses over the fact that he is mentally physically and financially abused by the wife.
I'm curious.
If the caller was female and her husband hit her sometimes would John advise her to "go all in" because he's worth it? Would he say that the husband was wrong to hit her but he was just looking for some passion???
Anyone?
Limerence and magical thinking stems from childhood trauma, if you had a period of your childhood when one parent checked out for a time wether it was an addiction or a season of grief over a parent and checked out ... our little minds create something better in the distance, hope and we will cling to the idea change is coming and things will be better. Hug that inner child, go back to that moment that you felt abandonment, love and hugs to you
ABUSE IS A DEAL BREAKER! ITS NOT OK FOR WOMEN TO HIT MEN! why does this need to be said…
Hes justifying his wandering eye. He wants to make the wife the bad person so its okay to walk away from the marriage. He probably treats his wife like trash but he won't be forthcoming with that. Its easier to put the blame on his spouse.
He told the guy to stay with his abusive spouse. But then said if the caller was a woman, he'd tell him to run. Double standard
I wanted John to talk about how the guy would be in the same situation with the new woman in just a few months/years. This couple is way too young to be married,, she wants a provider who is already stable she needs to marry older. He's only 25 he is barely in the building phase of his life he needs to wait till he's in his thirties or forties when he's financially stable then he won't care about providing for his wife.
This was not healthy advice, he's being abused by his wife. He clearly explained that he didn't want to confront her about a problem because of the way she reacts with physical abuse. John you're good most times but you had you Christian and traditional views blinders on here. Not every marriage isnworth saving because of Christian beliefs. He has an unhealthy relationship with an abusive partner and it's the only intimate relationship that he has known. What is the value of staying in that situation?
I agree. There are "deal killers" in relationships. Thank heaven there aren't children involved.
This has nothing to do with Christian beliefs, but everything to do with people, even professionals, not understanding the dynamics of abuse.
This call wasn't handled well, he is being hit and your advice was to toughen up and fight for the marriage.
Dr. John really dropped the ball on this one. If the roles were reversed and a woman called in saying her husband was hitting and abusing her his advice would have been 10000% different. Since it was a male victim he just swept it under the rug and didn't hyper focus on that issue.
Yup no one cares about men. Imagine if the roles were reversed.
Dr John be bold.. Come on...
My friend was in an abusive marriage. She went through counseling several times but always returned to her old habits. She also would punish him by spending their money. Once she missed him and hit her kid. Abusive wives are awful and he should have run at the first sign.
Ok, just listened to the whole story. They were kids when they started dating. It doesn't sound very healthy. Not enough life experience for either. Doesn't bode well for long term marriage.
JOHN U R SOOO RIGHT ,SEEN THIS ALL MY LIFE ,THEY SHOULD CHERISH THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYONE ELSE...TELL HER DO. OT EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN....
People can grow apart as the years go by.
Goals, perspectives, experiences, interests, hobbies all can change; that is normal.
These two met when they were kids, and now, they are adults.
Things change, and that’s the reality of life.
One of the main reasons I see marriage as being unrealistic.
There is not enough talk about how people can marry someone they have no business marrying in the first place.
Instead, there is this nonsense about how EVERY marriage is sacred, and blah blah blah.
There is no point to waste time saving something that isn’t there anymore.
One cannot buy more time or go back in time for any amount of money.
Plus, Bill claims that there is physical abuse.
If that’s the case…
Run, don’t walk, run!
I feel him on being hit by wife. Marriage changes everything! They didn’t have a set priority when it came to finances like does he want to be the provider or does he want both of them to be working…
Glad we all agree that John was wrong for not giving this guy the validation he needed to end an abusive relationship.
Physical abuse for men is so common I think we've all seen a wife smack or punch their husband in public but nobody blinks an eye, it's a double standard
John would you give this message to a woman being hit? He is being abused. I've always been impressed with how ou help abuse victims, but you just left this without addressing it appropriately
This guy is an expert at beating around the bush
Yes she is wrong for being violent, but if she gets help and chooses to stop, the marriage can be worked on.
But if he cheats, oh the marriage will be toast. She will be far more emotional and will not respect him. They both need to aim in the right direction, not violence and not infidelity. NEITHER IS RIGHT.
We don't stay with people who hit us. Period.
i hope this man leaves this lady who is hitting him . men walk away!!!
He needs to be in the company of Christian men in happy marriages. There is his chance to be with others in a safe and helpful association. He claims his wife is his best friend and he loves her. He shouldn't throw that away. He will regret it.
I'm gonna be honest John is really confused. If this was a woman the call would have stopped with he hits me and John would have asked if she has a safe place to stay, leave and go find a lawyer today. I almost never advocate leaving but physical abuse is pretty much a line you don't cross. If you are going to stay and work through it the condition has to be if you ever lay a hand on me I am gone for good.
Why are you encouraging him to work things out with his physically abusive wife? Are you kidding me? If he was getting violent with her, you'd be telling the wife to divorce him immediately!
We only heard his side. Am curious to here the wife’s side as well
@@kind2423 she's physically abusing him. What do you mean "hear her side?" you mean maybe she has a good reason for smacking him around? Sick of the double standards for men and women and these ridiculous statements implying that men should just put up with it...ANY physical abuse whether it's from the husband or the wife, does not belong in a marriage, PERIOD. There's no excuse!
**Any physical abuse PLEASE leave**
If your spouse is physically abusive on multiple occasions just end the relationship because it will continue
Woman here. If the caller reads this comment.....let me tell you your wife is not going to change.