I'm African, from East African country, gay and Muslim. It's illegal here you can jailed up-to 30 years for being homosexual. I'm thinking about to move so I can be myself
I agree. I only came out to my immediate family and close friends. The extension of that will find out or if they are curious. I never made an official announcement on social media but would rather let people get the hint haha
as LGBT folk we kinda have to come out continuously during our life, we might as well do it in a way that is natural and comfortable for each one of us. i "came out" in a traditional way to my catholic mum but just casually dropped the info to everyone else, worked for me. also, you don't have to make a huge coming out vid to be visible, sometimes just being your authentic self in a public setting like yt or anywhere is just as powerful to normalise it.
Yeah same here. I haven’t come out to my parents yet but I have to other family members, friends, colleagues etc. The first person I came out to was a close friend back in high school and ever since that, I only ever “come out” when the conversation demands it. I don’t really go out of my way telling people and it’s great that way. Making it such a big deal is so stressful lol
you all probably dont care at all but does someone know a method to get back into an Instagram account? I was stupid lost the password. I appreciate any tricks you can give me!
@Aiden Samuel Thanks so much for your reply. I got to the site through google and im trying it out now. Takes quite some time so I will get back to you later with my results.
I'm excited to hear your thoughts on this topic, let's keep the discussion going! I just ask you watch the complete talking segment before commenting anything, and just understand that is is just from my own experience ✌🏼 edit: just to add, I don't think not publicly coming out means you are closeted. I don't lie to people when asked but more so it's not the first thing I tell people when I meet them. hope that makes sense! :)
I personally think you represent the "alphabet mafia" superbly. All of us are different, not all of us see the need to put unnecessary attention our sexuality / love life. ... btw, yall make a really cute couple 💑
It does and it's okay you don't have to go everyone and say hey , I'm gay .. It's stupid .. you're sexuality is one part of your life not your entire life .. I'm learning a lot from you .thank you
I have a deviated septum as well so I feel... Also thank you for the nuanced conversation about coming out. Its definitely differs from culture to culture, and everyone has their ways to do it. Coming from a conservative Muslim country it meant a lot for myself to come out here in the United States. There's no wrong or right way for sure
definitely appreciate you highlighting and bringing attention to the "minorities within minority groups" aspect; coming out isn't as easy as all of the other viral coming out videos make it out to be. keep doing you, joe we stannn 😌😌
I didn't come out because I don't feel I needed to. My straight friends and relatives didn't need to come out as straight. Why should I come out as gay? You're so right, why can't we just live our lives with out all the drama. Best Wish to You.
The importance of coming out started in the late 1970’s with Harvey Milk. The idea was if people (heterosexuals) realized they knew Lesbian/gay they would be more likely to accept them and LGBT
Exactly if it wasn't for so many out activists we wouldn't have the freedom we have today at least in USA. Because of that freedom that was fought with blood, sweat and tears we can have the option to come out as we pleased.
Being in a living situation where a public coming out could get me killed, I've learned to adopt more of a "coming in" mentality. Learning about my identity and it's complexities, never labeling it because I don't want that label to deny me the chance of getting to love all kinds of people. I completely agree with you Joe, your coming experience should be just that, yours. So do it however you see fit.
You know I always love his videos because its a normal guys sharing his experiences who just so happens to be gay. Im sick of being told I have to make being gay a pillar of my identity. I honestly just want some normalised representation and im happy. Also its nice to see someone who is kinda like me with regards to ideology and also coming from an asian background.
Ahh I felt this so hard. Quarantine really got me questioning myself on a lot of things because I had so much time to myself that I couldnt help think of the things I never got a chance to sit down and think about ever in my life. But I began questioning so many things including my views on gender an sexuality like "am i nonbinary? or am i just into androgynous clothing and lifestyle? Do I really identify with this that I need to change my pronouns to she/they instead of she/her? Am i possibly bisexual or am I pansexual" and then I realized (for myself personally) that I don't need to put myself through this whole process of labelling myself...because this action isn't even for myself, it's mainly for others. Again, this is just my experience. So here I am today, just floating around not really caring what I call myself, so long as I get to live as i want and love who i want...of course while not being an absolute pain in the ass to others and not being selfish.
Yeah some of us like it flows casually, me too. But we also can give some respect to some of us who brave enough to publicly coming out, they make the world know and understand that we are really exist, and not just an agenda or something unreal.
I made a lot of "coming out" attempts during college but when I started working I decided it isn't necessary. The closest thing I would do is introduce my boyfriend to people casually. It's hard to come out to people here in the Philippines but when I do I make sure it's with the chill people.
Thank you for opening this important conversation, Joe. I remember experiencing an incredible amount of anxiety and feeling “pressured” to come out in a certain way years back. Now, I understand that coming out (or choosing not to) is %100 individual and contextual based on preference, comfort and safety. *At the end of the day, be you, do you and be Less Shitty* 🤠🌈
Just wanted to say thank you for this🙌🏻 As an lgbtq+ person who was raised in a very conservative/religious area, and then moved, away I find that people from safer areas tend to forget or unintentionally minimalize how dangerous coming out can be for people in less accepting areas or situations. It’s so important for people to understand that even though the world is getting a lot safer for us, it’s still a very dangerous place for LGBTQ+ people and no one owes anyone an explanation of their sexuality especially if making that information public would compromise your safety. While I appreciate the progress that’s been made towards normalizing coming out, it’s equally as important to normalize prioritizing ones own safety, so thank you for that.
@@archraskal you don't owe people or your family a detailed explanation of every single thing about you! I'm never coming out to my parents because i've decided that they don't deserve this part of me. I hate this closet argument. I'm glad people can come out and find peace while doing so; i chose not to do it (except with people i love and trust) but that doesn't mean I am ashamed. Everyone has different experiences with this! Nothing about this is shameful, you don't know what people are going through!
@@montserratmartinez5520 true that. Why were some [gay] people shaming these people of not shouting out to the world that they're gay? Like, are we having double standards here? They don't want to be shamed for being gay yet they were shaming other LGBTQZZZ that do not want to come out publicly. And these are the the kind of people that say they are progressive and liberated? But do not have an ounce of decency, much less humanity? This world is fucked up.
@@archraskal living in the closet might literally be a case of life and death for some people. So yeah. If it keeps you safe and assures you survival, it's the best place to be until you can find a more suitable arrangement for yourself. Being sensible trumps being out. Nothing shameful about it. Grow up.
A person’s decision not to come out (as in make a public statement) does not devalue those who have come out and/or feel stronger, more safe, etc for doing so. Again, we all have various paths, personalities, perceptions. And that’s okay. As long as a person isn’t hurting themselves or someone else, the world should appreciate different perceptions... Initially I felt offended that a member of the community would downgrade the importance of awareness, but then I had to check myself...Joe and anybody else is not required to come out or make public statements or even care to “join” the community. That’s their right. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Hes still the same Joe Lee I’ve always looked up too as a creator abs mentor.
as a latin man who moved to U.S. at a young age with my very religious family, i felt everything you said. i had to wait until I was 19 and had a stable job to finally come out to my family, and i did it very casually. i knew that it would be different from all the videos that I had watched on youtube. i also wish we could just live our lives with whoever we want and not make a big deal out of it, the anxiety of having to constantly to come out to everyone we meet is something that is never to go away. and because of my background, i feel that that anxiety is even stronger.
You always hit the nail on the head. Just be with who you want. I don’t come out as ‘straight’ why the double standard? Also y’all are goals. Fire content. Hope your back is ok!
Well said Joe. We shouldn't assume everyone's straight, and we also shouldn't make others feel like there's a need to come out especially within the community. If it makes you feel liberated or free to come out feel free to do that, I'm super proud of you. If coming out may put your life in jeopardy or you're not comfortable or you simply don't find a need to don't stress yourself out. I just want all LGBTQ+ to know, come out or not, I love yall. Stay safe.
I love your honesty which is very refreshing and I agree that that being gay is just a part of who you are as a human being. By the way, finding your UA-cam channel has been a great find for me and I love seeing just a couple of regular guys, who just happen to be gay, living their lives.
Proudly South African🇿🇦Thank you, just a big thank you. I literally feel the same and have always felt that I never needed anyone's approval. Why should I feel obligated to coming out, nobody who is attracted to the opposite sex needs to come out. Again thank you.
Hey Joe, I've been following you for years and I love your videos. It took me a pandemic to reflect myself and to realized (in my twenties) that I'm queer. I don't think my sexuality is my strongest 'personality trait'. I'm so much more than that and please don't be pressured to give this topic more space than you want to. We can be proud and self confident without focusing and identifying ourselves mainly by our sexuality. 'Coming out to myself' was such a relief but I also think that coming out to other people is overrated and it's non of their business if you don't want to share that, there is no obligation. You are visible as a queer person and I'm really glad that you're addressing this topic with such care and without gaybaiting . Hope you're having a great day. Greetings from Germany.
@@justjoelee I liked how you put it'being queer is not a personality trait'For me as long as I know and accept myself, doesn't matter if the whole world knows or doesn't
I don't currently have enough words for how much this resonates with me. i remember having white coworkers whose whole identity was centered around their rainbow status and the performance of it and that just never aligned with my own experience. i just felt like.. idk like i'm gay every day i don't need to advertise it or celebrate it or share and exult in it. like i get the concept of pride, but i accept and love myself every day i don't need a special event. i did it. i did the thing by loving and accepting myself. i definitely don't ever plan on "coming out to my black religious family or extended family; if straight people don't have to come out fuck that i'm not coming out either🤣🤣 the people i'm close to know and accept me and i also just casually insert it when i feel its right😂😂
This is soooooooo relateable. Especially the first half of it.. 'rainbow status and performance' yuck! lgbt likes to call me homophobic for that, yikes, im gay too! just because youre cringy doesnt mean im homophobic. Much love to you
@@Alesanascreamokid lol you are the lgbt version of pick me girls. do your straight friends only like you when you don't show your rainbow status? who are you to call other people cringy? let them just enjoy things. some of us spent years in the closet hating ourselves and thinking we will never be happy. pride for many is the only opportunity to express who they are without the fear of being constantly judged. i also hope that you both know the history of pride, because people died (and are still dying) for you to enjoy your privilege. educate youself smh
@@gitterarch yes exactly. Pride is more than just an event or a party. These people really need to educate themselves more before making such statements. And saying you are gay doesn't give you a ticket to belittle or trivialize these things (like Pride) that mean a lot to other gay people. Yes there are people in other countries who are not allowed to come out because of religion and family values and such. People who get to leave these places take a lot of pride in it and these events are really meaningful to them.
Just to add to the discussion. I think you've done some form of "coming out" in the first video you made talking about dating a man, on a public platform. I think the coming out process is different for everyone, some come out in one big bang, and some come out in small tiny little steps. No one's situation is ever completely the same. And i agree, making a big deal of coming out is not for everyone, but it's important for those who are privileged to do so for LGBTQ+ visibility and visibility is important for acceptance and equality. (SAFETY is no 1 to consider above anything else of course)
In my eyes, the perfect world is the one where a thing like "coming out" simply doesn't exist. The world where people don't feel the need to tell anybody their sexuality. The world where everyone is themselves by definition. The world where no one cares and everyone lives their own life - with no desire of knowing everyone's exact sexual preferences.
I agree that “coming out” is personal and risky. I grew up in a time where no one came out. We were marginalized, arrested, and committed to institutions. We were invisible in society and media. The WORST stereotypes as predators and criminals. We were preyed upon by police and criminals alike. Coming out in mass is what allows us the freedom to be who and what we are. Visibility protects us, staying in the closet is living a lie, which destroys your soul over time.
Visibility can also make you a target..... in a lot of places in the world it genuinely isn’t safe or a smart thing to do. I think westerners can generalize the experiences of their own countries. As bad as it was , homosexuality was never punishable (legally) by death in the United States. Lots of places have a long way t go before mass outings are even possible.
Death, imprisonment and institutionalization were all on the table for gay men in the United States. It may not have been “legal” but it was common. In England castrations were the punishment. I was in the Navy and on more than one occasion suspected gay sailors had fatal “accidents” or were encouraged to kill themselves rather than facing a court-martial. Gay men were often murdered and “gay panic” was a deliberate defense for killing gay men. KNOW YOUR HISTORY folks!!!! You can’t fight for rights hiding in a closet! Invisibility only protects the individual not the group. You can’t articulate a defense when you’re in hiding.
@@5000Kirk I knew it was on the table that’s why I added ‘legally’. Not all gay people want to be activists. Some just want to live their lives and in some places in 2021 they can simply do that. It’s good visibility for people to come out but it isn’t the path for EVERY gay/queer person. And to boot you can never be fully out because people assume everyone to be straight unless you meet certain stereotypes. You’re constantly coming out there’s no end to it. To me it seems that coming out is an exhausting exercise of assessing another persons individual politics that mostly just puts gay people in the possibility of danger/harassment/ discrimination with little or no personal benefit. I’m out to close friends and wouldn’t lie when asked but I don’t have to disclose everything about my life to people I don’t trust or respect.
@@Jejunumful I was actually responding to your comment about “Westerners” who were (are sometimes) just as intolerant of homosexuality as any other group of people. Yes I am 53 and I’m always coming out, I started a new job last month and came out to my boss....and guess what? He’s gay too. Regardless, come or don’t, nothing is achieved by hiding. Nothing. Freedom isn’t for the timid. This idea that larger society isn’t going to bother us because we’re “legal” is ridiculous. Somebody is waiting for a scapegoat and our privileges are one lawsuit or government away from being taken away. We have to be like Jews....ever vigilant to prevent atrocities, being “out” is one of the best ways to do that. I am saying that coming out is important, not mandatory. Just remember those people who “want to just live their lives” need to be reminded that there’s no guarantee without all those other gays making it possible by coming out.
I mean no one really needs to come out but it is still relevant. There are still a lot of people that needs it for the main reason that it may get them the support (which is not always guaranteed) that they need to continue living on with the new life. And there still many people around the world that cant just do what they want without being harrased and for them coming out just gives them the drive and determination that already cemented their decision to continue living the new life
I came here from Mark E Miller's channel mentioning you. I love everything you said about coming out. I finally found someone who articulated exactly how I feel about that. Thank you!
Thanks for this, Joe! I did not come out too. I dropped a few hints here and there. And my family made me feel that I don't need to do it. I live my life the way I want, as long as I dont hurt or step on anyone, then we gucci
Big mic energy, and I am here for it! Simple logo, option 2. I appreciate your perspective on how there are people want to live their life simply, the way they want it and who they want to live and share it with.
Indeed a coming out video or posting the process on a social platform isn’t for everyone. However, our ability to be chill or casual about it today is the result of millions who came out publicly over the last 100 years in spite of the challenges.
So glad for you about to hit 100k been watching your vids since maybe 2 years ago provided me so much chill + comfort . Thanks for staying authentic and it is challenging to have a different perspective and feel pressured to conform to the masses and it takes grit to hold your own. I totally get this part 🇨🇦🍁 Chinese born Canadian viet here also from a huge family w traditional values. *air hugs* from Toronto:)
Isn’t it wonderful & amazing that you/we can actually discuss ‘coming out’ and lgbtq 🏳️🌈 issues so publicly...this was NOT the case just a few decades ago! 😉👍🇺🇸
I’m not a minority so I understand I didn’t have any real issue coming out to my family but I believed strongly that it wasn’t anyone’s business except my own and I didn’t think it was necessary to make a big deal about something that was so normal to me. When the time came I just told my mom that I was going on a date and when she asked with who I said his name. She wasn’t phased, the people who don’t know, don’t know because we aren’t close or something. Love the video!
I think both the public coming outs and the casual 'just living your life and letting people figure it out' are equally important. The public stories are inspiring and the silent ones sort of... normalise things. Like you said, not everyone is straight and people should just deal with it.
I agree with you Joe, my coming out was pretty low-key, just told the people that were important to me. It's not all that safe where I live either and I appreciate you highlighting not everyone has that same experience. Do you! Can't believe people have all these expectations of you lol
‚The more chill you are with your approach, the more chill they are with how they respond.‘ That‘s exactly what I experienced - some time after my great coming out. I came out to family and friends, when I was 24 and just had started a life on my own. That was the first time I was looking for a partner and I thought I could not do that without telling my parents I was gay. So it was mostly to prepare them. I didn‘t want to hide my boyfriend (I ended up being hidden BY my boyfriend, because as an indian guy he could not easily come out to his parents). Well, that special experience, the fear, the adrenaline and eventually the huge relief as everything went super fine for me, made partly the man who I am today. My actual boyfriend for over one and a half decade now didn‘t have a coming out (he was more the chilly person), so I often don‘t feel, that he understands, what the whole process meant for me. It was - although it had a happy end - traumatic for me. That‘s why I love coming-out-stories, movies etc., where I find myself in. But that‘s me. Don‘t let anyone bring you down because you don‘t share your coming out with the whole world. It‘s your life and your life alone. Sadly the gay community can be one of the less accepting communities. I like your videos (okay, just watched two of them), because of your chilly appearance. Be safe, happy and healthy. 💙
Thank you so much Joe for being here! I saw your instagram post with Ryan back in June and it really made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. That same day I decided to come out too because I admired how casual you made it and I took inspiration in that as well! Love youuu
I feel like most people around you already know even before you "come out". I never dated girls or ever talked about women so my parents just assumed. I don't like how "coming out" is always portrayed as super dramatic in the media. My experience lasted about 10 seconds.
Thank for sharing your story, there's definitely a nuance to coming out. It's complex and influenced with a whole lot more than just embracing and being true to yourself. Mainstream media has exploited LGBQT+ communities, their stories and made it bankable, you see this EVERYWHERE. And I like how you mention how privilege plays a part in that too, because a lot of queer folks have identities that intersect with other factors race/religion/nationality/social class that make coming out for them a completely different set of experiences.
Really great points love hearing this perspective and makes total sense. Who ever wants to come out, you do you boo, but you also shouldn’t feel like you have to. A straight person isn’t expected to come out as straight so why should you feel any pressure to announce your sexual orientation or any other personal details to people?
I agree with this. It should be a case by case scenario and those who don't come out shouldn't feel pressured or guilted into doing so. Especially those of us from religious and minority families. Also another great point you made, make sure you are financially ready to be independent or have shelter in case your family responds very badly. I had to come out because I was tired of getting girlfriend questions and also I wanted to be a beacon of hope for others near me who were struggling. One day we will all just be able to be who we are without having to formally announce it.
Yet again Joe conveys my own thoughts and feelings on camera and I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for sharing 👍🏻 It’s nice to hear from others on a similar journey.
this! I’ve never wanted to or felt like coming out because i personally don’t feel the need to let everyone in my life know. I got by the motto, “if i ain’t f**king u, what you gotta know for ?” 💅💀 but I do respect those that choose that route
Have followed your videos for quite a while and wasn't expecting you to go even near this topic because you literally embody what you're saying... you're comfortable with yourself, doing you, stable, happy (i hope 💛), healthy... simply Living! ... Sexuality isn't something that defines a person as a whole... Thanks for the words and for sharing your experiences; love your videos Joe! :) Cheers to all of you!!
Coming out takes a myriad of different forms, like everyone does it in their own way. My own personal experiences involved the least fuss or bother or drama imaginable. My mum already knew anyway, so it was really mostly just a matter of being like “you know right?” “Of course, known since you were a kid” *hugs* got on with our day. Then the rest of my family just got introduced to my first boyfriend and no one even missed a beat, no one acted like anything unexpected or unusual was happening and welcomed my bf just the same as they would have a gf. When it comes to my family I was EXTREMELY lucky they’re not remotely homophobic. When it came to friends it was all different in different situations. Most of them never even needed me to say anything but one or two did. But coming out isn’t just about our friends and family it’s a constant process we have to do because of asssumed heterosexuality. Every time we bring a partner to a work function or book a hotel room with a partner or have to explain to someone why we’re flattered they asked us out but we’re not into what ever gender etc etc etc those are all moments of coming out. They’re not COMING OUT all caps. But they’re still coming out. And they all take energy, courage and being able to be frank with people about ourselves regardless of their possible negative reactions.
"Nuanced" is definitely the word I'd use to describe coming out. There's no "right" or "wrong" way to do it, simply bc it is so personal and there's always a varying level of risk. Tbh, I find it funny that people think you don't "represent" enough for the lgbt community... like it's as if you don't have your whole ass boyfriend in almost every one of your videos 😂 as a queer person myself, I appreciate and have been a fan of your content long before Ryan made regular appearances... but now that he does, it's simply just one more thing that resonates with me about your content. if anything, this is the representation I've always wanted growing up... two people (who just happen to be in a same sex couple lol) doing normal life things together and trying to be less shitty all the while aha. thanks for being you, Joe :)
I’m glad you made this. I came out to my mom cause she asked last yr before I turned 24. I really am more accepting of myself every new yr that I reflect and more happy. My mom says I should never come out to my dad and really saw that as something negative, but there was always a new side of me that said I don’t need to tell anyone, not as in I am in fear like I used to, but more like it being unnecessary.
I just came across your videos, but this one got me double checking if I’m already subscribed. I love your honesty and your approach to it. Staying true to yourself and how you feel is SO important, and THAT should be the ONLY ordeal. Keep inspiring, you’ve certainly inspired this fellow Canadian to just keep enjoying my editing and vlogging ❤️
Thank you brother! It's never the way it's demonstrated on videos. Plus I understand why people feel so relieved and want to be liberated and others to see it. But I think it can be overrated and falsely portrait how things will be for others, and I worry about that aspect of it.
I think currently coming out is important, since everyone kind of assumes you are straight. I think it's important to be safe and comfortable first. I also don't think it has to be some grand thing, because that might not work for you. I do think that if you can, the visibility can help others to feel safe being themselves as well.
my two cents: you should just use "be less shitty" as the brand tagline / motto. not necessarily the brand name. 🤷🏼♂️ maybe just use your name? or a simple word that encompasses everything you're about and want to put across.
Loved this video! I think the idea of individual exceptionalism makes it so easy to buy into a huge, flashy, celebratory coming out. That’s good and fun for some and at the same time can distract from just living your damn life lol. Not everything needs to be a performance. Good shit Joe ✌🏼
I think your perspective is needed. When I initially came out to my family, a very long time ago, it was still a big deal in society, and coming out was a major production whether you wanted it to be or not. Later in life, it’s been much more low key. People figure things out pretty quickly, like when I get new coworkers, new employees, or change jobs. Not to say there is no adversity in coming out these days, but things are much easier, and most cultures are generally much more accepting. I guess I would say, adjust your coming out strategy to the situation.
I totally agree with your "coming out process". We do however, need the more flamboyant, if you will, to make all of our lives easier. thanks for sharing your lives with us. You 2 seem very comfortable with each other. i like videos that feature that. thanks.
ive never seen a public figure with such a similar attitude to mine and i’m so glad you made this video because i dont see a lot of vids like this. i really resonate with the idea of “casually coming out” because i don’t want my coming out to be super stressful 🤷🏻♀️ but thats just my personal preference.
I love how you said that your sexuality doesn't define you, for me coming out was a privilege that I couldn't afford, I would've put my life at risk since it's illegal here, now I don't see why I have to. and what I love the most about this channel is that you're not following the gay stereotype to get views, or even making it about being gay, your both mascs , far away from being toxic, which is great, your contact is really inspiring to me especially as a creator, it helps me to get motivated, to do better about my life, to be less shitty, Altho, I reaaaaally love your moments with Jasper and his stepdad lol, you guys are amazing love you all.
True, it doesn't have to be grand. Just be yourself. And then my family just understood. And no frills and I think its not wrong. So yes I am with you on this. Thanks for pointing this out too.
I didnt really need to cone out cuz I always “acted” gay 😭, so no one at home was surprised when I casually mentioned having a boyfriend lol. Like you I didnt care to come out and just acted like myself :))
This is why I love your channel, I am a African American, and coming out is not as easy as everyone makes it seem, and how you said not everyone wants to participate in the pride parade, just attend it really spoke to me, most relatable channel on yt
I agree with the idea of "coming out" being very nuanced depending on your background/views. From personal experience, my coming out was quite easy since my mom has been always supportive of me and didn't care who I loved or dated. However, my boyfriend comes from a very different set of traditional beliefs as his parents are devout Catholics and have mostly conservative views. It took him quite awhile to come out after we started dating (nearly half a year) as he was very afraid of the outcome. At first, I was quite upset for being his little "secret" for such a long time; then it was until I realized that your own coming out isn't reflective of everyone else's and there is never a "right" way or "right" time to do it. Fortunately, we have persevered and we are going nearly two years strong! He is the love of my life, and I know things will get so much easier once we can live together and call a place our own
I’m glad you made a video about this. It really is a personal choice. I took a bit more of your approach recently. But years ago when I thought I was bi I told the girl I had a crush on (my current gf) that I was bi on the train on our way home from school. And my sisters and I went out to dinner and I told them then. Casually told my friends mid conversation. Everybody else, I kinda knew wouldn’t have that great of a reaction and it wasn’t important for me to tell them. My mother is homophobic and I haven’t come out to her in a traditional way but I also don’t ever hide who I am. At the end of the day it’s my sexuality, and doesn’t determine whether I’m a good or bad person which I think is most important. As a lesbian now I kind of do have to just continually “come out” to strangers who make advances but it isn’t a great big deal. I’m certainly never coming out to my extended family. They will just see me in my relationship and either choose to accept me or not, and then I will move accordingly to their decision
This guy right here gets it, thank you @JusJoeLee, im a fan of all your content and i love the way your mind works. I fully agree with everything you stated about coming out. It does not need to be some big drawn out thing... we should be able to love who we want and date who we want. None of which define us as a person.
Great video! I'm glad you are feeling better! I definitely agree with everything you said about coming out! If you end up in situation where you could be unsafe (especially as a teenager) coming out is not the best idea. Other than that it's very personal and I don't see straight people having to come out. People need to stop assuming the default is straight... I appreciate the little moments between you and Ryan that you are willing to share with us because it's clear how much you care for each other. What more "representation" do people want? (Though I would kill you if you disturbed my sleep as often as you disturb Ryan, let the man nap lol). It's cute how proud you are of Ryan's cooking channel. Also, it's okay if you don't respond to comments, Ryan, I'm gonna watch anyway. ;) Oh and I agree with you, little dogs are weird (don't come for me, little dog people)... (I'll shut up now, this comment got super long...)
I totally agree with everything you said here man. I'm bisexual and had always been in 'straight' relationships then when I started dating a dude, the way I announced it was literally just changing my facebook relationship status.
In regards to coming out FOR ME I have always treated it like not a huge thing. I’ll casually mention my partner or something like that rather than being like “HEY EVERYONE!”. I think I’ve always felt like if I wanted to be treated like it’s not a huge thing that makes me SUPER different from everyone else I can’t act like it’s this big thing that makes me different from everyone else ya know? Being gay isn’t what defines me as a person. It’s not my identity and it doesn’t have to be. Keep doing you man. You should be free to be yourself without pressure ❤️
I was not prepared for how many times you said “you wanna go to the dog PARK?!” so now I’m going to the park because my dog heard it and there’s no taking it back 😆
Thank you !!! Me being queer is not a representation of me and it does not define me. Some how people “asume “ you have to be like a fucking poster child for the community. Also just because I’m not so overly the top gay does not mean I’m ashamed or embarrassed to be gay. Like you my family, close friends know of my sexuality. If people ask I let them know yes I’m gay 😄. People need just accept with fact that just how straight people are nonchalant about being straight gay individuals can do the same without having to flaunt our sexuality 👀 Keep doing you ❤️❤️❤️
I didn't have to 'come out' to my immediate family, because my parents were so open about everything and everyone. And as a result, I have never felt the need to do so to anyone else. However, when it was matric dance time (the equivalent of Prom), my mother organized my date and I 'beards', because in her words, the rest of the world wasn't quite ready. I'm talking about 1980! (Showing my age now 😊) It's nobody's business anyway, what your sexuality is. Thank goodness most of the world has evolved, though there's still a long way to go. Your take on this subject is frankly refreshing. Another awesome vlog. PS Ryan, your food looked sublime.
I completely agree with what you say in the video. We all have our own lives and each person can make that choice individually. I work as a firefighter and most of my coworkers don’t know that I have a boyfriend. I’m not comfortable with most of them knowing and it’s not something I chose to share with most people. It is difficult though as firefighters spend a third of their lives living together and personal life always comes up. I’ve told a handful of people that I’ve gotten close to but at the end of the day, it’s my choice who knows and who doesn’t. I’m sure the longer I stay in the job, the more people will know. I agree that bringing it up casually can be a way to make it that much easier. Anyways, thanks for addressing this.
For the emblem, how about putting the spaces where the lines connect (the corners) and have three long lines, like three match sticks that don't meet up at the corners? Or maybe arrows at each end of the current line, so that it kind of looks like a recycling emoji since you try to upcycle and be less shitty as much as possible? And lots of love all the way from Korea!
I'm African, from East African country, gay and Muslim. It's illegal here you can jailed up-to 30 years for being homosexual. I'm thinking about to move so I can be myself
definitely do it if you have the money. in 20-30 years you'll look back and be glad you did.
I can't imagine what it would be like to live there. My anxiety would be through the roof.
@@roter13 It's hard but just have to live with it
@@aden5297 Yap, hope to do it soon
Same here, I am also from a Muslims Community
I loved especially one sentence: "Just stop assuming that everyone is straight"
Yup, and he said people shouldn’t default to straight... i like that
I’m on team “They’ll Figure It Out Eventually”.
I agree. I only came out to my immediate family and close friends. The extension of that will find out or if they are curious. I never made an official announcement on social media but would rather let people get the hint haha
as LGBT folk we kinda have to come out continuously during our life, we might as well do it in a way that is natural and comfortable for each one of us. i "came out" in a traditional way to my catholic mum but just casually dropped the info to everyone else, worked for me. also, you don't have to make a huge coming out vid to be visible, sometimes just being your authentic self in a public setting like yt or anywhere is just as powerful to normalise it.
Yeah same here. I haven’t come out to my parents yet but I have to other family members, friends, colleagues etc. The first person I came out to was a close friend back in high school and ever since that, I only ever “come out” when the conversation demands it. I don’t really go out of my way telling people and it’s great that way. Making it such a big deal is so stressful lol
@@eduardochavacano that's just dumb
you all probably dont care at all but does someone know a method to get back into an Instagram account?
I was stupid lost the password. I appreciate any tricks you can give me!
@Russell Martin instablaster ;)
@Aiden Samuel Thanks so much for your reply. I got to the site through google and im trying it out now.
Takes quite some time so I will get back to you later with my results.
I'm excited to hear your thoughts on this topic, let's keep the discussion going! I just ask you watch the complete talking segment before commenting anything, and just understand that is is just from my own experience ✌🏼 edit: just to add, I don't think not publicly coming out means you are closeted. I don't lie to people when asked but more so it's not the first thing I tell people when I meet them. hope that makes sense! :)
I love this vdo! Its a bit longer than usual but it is worth the wait! I also like your side story of the chef lol :) supports to you both
I love this video. You just laid out some big facts!
I personally think you represent the "alphabet mafia" superbly. All of us are different, not all of us see the need to put unnecessary attention our sexuality / love life. ... btw, yall make a really cute couple 💑
What's the name of the food channel??
It does and it's okay you don't have to go everyone and say hey , I'm gay ..
It's stupid .. you're sexuality is one part of your life not your entire life ..
I'm learning a lot from you .thank you
I have a deviated septum as well so I feel... Also thank you for the nuanced conversation about coming out. Its definitely differs from culture to culture, and everyone has their ways to do it. Coming from a conservative Muslim country it meant a lot for myself to come out here in the United States. There's no wrong or right way for sure
Ivan watches!!! Omg!♥️
I read this in Ivan's voice. So good to hear his opinion!! :)
definitely appreciate you highlighting and bringing attention to the "minorities within minority groups" aspect; coming out isn't as easy as all of the other viral coming out videos make it out to be. keep doing you, joe we stannn 😌😌
I didn't come out because I don't feel I needed to. My straight friends and relatives didn't need to come out as straight. Why should I come out as gay? You're so right, why can't we just live our lives with out all the drama. Best Wish to You.
my thoughts exactly. always felt uncomfortable with the way my friends fixate on my sexuality. it doesnt define me.
:) !!!
yeah coming out is cool and all....but my new tuna tataki video on my channel is cooler 😎
get outta here
@@justjoelee babes we need another drunk video. Y’all were so funny LMAO.
Looks yum Ryan haha
yall are cuuuute😏😏
And Ryan wins the comment section
The importance of coming out started in the late 1970’s with Harvey Milk. The idea was if people (heterosexuals) realized they knew Lesbian/gay they would be more likely to accept them and LGBT
Exactly if it wasn't for so many out activists we wouldn't have the freedom we have today at least in USA. Because of that freedom that was fought with blood, sweat and tears we can have the option to come out as we pleased.
I feel the same. I don't believe in coming out. I love who I love, and if someone has an issue it's on them!
💯💯💯
Period 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Yup and definitely we don't need to put our lives in danger for 24/7.
Homophobes are lunatic. 🤦
@@robertsemail1406 usually idiots
Being in a living situation where a public coming out could get me killed, I've learned to adopt more of a "coming in" mentality. Learning about my identity and it's complexities, never labeling it because I don't want that label to deny me the chance of getting to love all kinds of people. I completely agree with you Joe, your coming experience should be just that, yours. So do it however you see fit.
You know I always love his videos because its a normal guys sharing his experiences who just so happens to be gay. Im sick of being told I have to make being gay a pillar of my identity. I honestly just want some normalised representation and im happy. Also its nice to see someone who is kinda like me with regards to ideology and also coming from an asian background.
Appreciate the insight on your story dude. Helped me let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. Appreciate you dude.
Ahh I felt this so hard. Quarantine really got me questioning myself on a lot of things because I had so much time to myself that I couldnt help think of the things I never got a chance to sit down and think about ever in my life. But I began questioning so many things including my views on gender an sexuality like "am i nonbinary? or am i just into androgynous clothing and lifestyle? Do I really identify with this that I need to change my pronouns to she/they instead of she/her? Am i possibly bisexual or am I pansexual" and then I realized (for myself personally) that I don't need to put myself through this whole process of labelling myself...because this action isn't even for myself, it's mainly for others. Again, this is just my experience. So here I am today, just floating around not really caring what I call myself, so long as I get to live as i want and love who i want...of course while not being an absolute pain in the ass to others and not being selfish.
Yeah some of us like it flows casually, me too.
But we also can give some respect to some of us who brave enough to publicly coming out,
they make the world know and understand that we are really exist, and not just an agenda or something unreal.
I made a lot of "coming out" attempts during college but when I started working I decided it isn't necessary.
The closest thing I would do is introduce my boyfriend to people casually.
It's hard to come out to people here in the Philippines but when I do I make sure it's with the chill people.
:) !!
Thank you for opening this important conversation, Joe. I remember experiencing an incredible amount of anxiety and feeling “pressured” to come out in a certain way years back. Now, I understand that coming out (or choosing not to) is %100 individual and contextual based on preference, comfort and safety. *At the end of the day, be you, do you and be Less Shitty* 🤠🌈
Just wanted to say thank you for this🙌🏻 As an lgbtq+ person who was raised in a very conservative/religious area, and then moved, away I find that people from safer areas tend to forget or unintentionally minimalize how dangerous coming out can be for people in less accepting areas or situations. It’s so important for people to understand that even though the world is getting a lot safer for us, it’s still a very dangerous place for LGBTQ+ people and no one owes anyone an explanation of their sexuality especially if making that information public would compromise your safety. While I appreciate the progress that’s been made towards normalizing coming out, it’s equally as important to normalize prioritizing ones own safety, so thank you for that.
I relate to this (religious small town, moved to a big city) and completely agree!
@@archraskal you don't owe people or your family a detailed explanation of every single thing about you! I'm never coming out to my parents because i've decided that they don't deserve this part of me. I hate this closet argument. I'm glad people can come out and find peace while doing so; i chose not to do it (except with people i love and trust) but that doesn't mean I am ashamed. Everyone has different experiences with this! Nothing about this is shameful, you don't know what people are going through!
@@montserratmartinez5520 true that. Why were some [gay] people shaming these people of not shouting out to the world that they're gay? Like, are we having double standards here? They don't want to be shamed for being gay yet they were shaming other LGBTQZZZ that do not want to come out publicly. And these are the the kind of people that say they are progressive and liberated? But do not have an ounce of decency, much less humanity? This world is fucked up.
@@archraskal living in the closet might literally be a case of life and death for some people. So yeah. If it keeps you safe and assures you survival, it's the best place to be until you can find a more suitable arrangement for yourself. Being sensible trumps being out. Nothing shameful about it. Grow up.
A person’s decision not to come out (as in make a public statement) does not devalue those who have come out and/or feel stronger, more safe, etc for doing so. Again, we all have various paths, personalities, perceptions. And that’s okay. As long as a person isn’t hurting themselves or someone else, the world should appreciate different perceptions...
Initially I felt offended that a member of the community would downgrade the importance of awareness, but then I had to check myself...Joe and anybody else is not required to come out or make public statements or even care to “join” the community. That’s their right. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Hes still the same Joe Lee I’ve always looked up too as a creator abs mentor.
as a latin man who moved to U.S. at a young age with my very religious family, i felt everything you said. i had to wait until I was 19 and had a stable job to finally come out to my family, and i did it very casually. i knew that it would be different from all the videos that I had watched on youtube. i also wish we could just live our lives with whoever we want and not make a big deal out of it, the anxiety of having to constantly to come out to everyone we meet is something that is never to go away. and because of my background, i feel that that anxiety is even stronger.
You always hit the nail on the head. Just be with who you want. I don’t come out as ‘straight’ why the double standard?
Also y’all are goals. Fire content. Hope your back is ok!
Well said Joe. We shouldn't assume everyone's straight, and we also shouldn't make others feel like there's a need to come out especially within the community. If it makes you feel liberated or free to come out feel free to do that, I'm super proud of you. If coming out may put your life in jeopardy or you're not comfortable or you simply don't find a need to don't stress yourself out. I just want all LGBTQ+ to know, come out or not, I love yall. Stay safe.
I love your honesty which is very refreshing and I agree that that being gay is just a part of who you are as a human being. By the way, finding your UA-cam channel has been a great find for me and I love seeing just a couple of regular guys, who just happen to be gay, living their lives.
Proudly South African🇿🇦Thank you, just a big thank you. I literally feel the same and have always felt that I never needed anyone's approval. Why should I feel obligated to coming out, nobody who is attracted to the opposite sex needs to come out. Again thank you.
Hey Joe, I've been following you for years and I love your videos. It took me a pandemic to reflect myself and to realized (in my twenties) that I'm queer. I don't think my sexuality is my strongest 'personality trait'. I'm so much more than that and please don't be pressured to give this topic more space than you want to. We can be proud and self confident without focusing and identifying ourselves mainly by our sexuality. 'Coming out to myself' was such a relief but I also think that coming out to other people is overrated and it's non of their business if you don't want to share that, there is no obligation. You are visible as a queer person and I'm really glad that you're addressing this topic with such care and without gaybaiting . Hope you're having a great day. Greetings from Germany.
BIG thumbs for this video Joe. All the love my guy. ❤️
thanks buddy!
@@justjoelee I liked how you put it'being queer is not a personality trait'For me as long as I know and accept myself, doesn't matter if the whole world knows or doesn't
I don't currently have enough words for how much this resonates with me. i remember having white coworkers whose whole identity was centered around their rainbow status and the performance of it and that just never aligned with my own experience. i just felt like.. idk like i'm gay every day i don't need to advertise it or celebrate it or share and exult in it. like i get the concept of pride, but i accept and love myself every day i don't need a special event. i did it. i did the thing by loving and accepting myself. i definitely don't ever plan on "coming out to my black religious family or extended family; if straight people don't have to come out fuck that i'm not coming out either🤣🤣 the people i'm close to know and accept me and i also just casually insert it when i feel its right😂😂
This is soooooooo relateable. Especially the first half of it.. 'rainbow status and performance' yuck! lgbt likes to call me homophobic for that, yikes, im gay too! just because youre cringy doesnt mean im homophobic. Much love to you
@@Alesanascreamokid lol you are the lgbt version of pick me girls. do your straight friends only like you when you don't show your rainbow status? who are you to call other people cringy? let them just enjoy things. some of us spent years in the closet hating ourselves and thinking we will never be happy. pride for many is the only opportunity to express who they are without the fear of being constantly judged. i also hope that you both know the history of pride, because people died (and are still dying) for you to enjoy your privilege. educate youself smh
@@gitterarch THANK YOU! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@@gitterarch yes exactly. Pride is more than just an event or a party. These people really need to educate themselves more before making such statements. And saying you are gay doesn't give you a ticket to belittle or trivialize these things (like Pride) that mean a lot to other gay people. Yes there are people in other countries who are not allowed to come out because of religion and family values and such. People who get to leave these places take a lot of pride in it and these events are really meaningful to them.
Just to add to the discussion. I think you've done some form of "coming out" in the first video you made talking about dating a man, on a public platform. I think the coming out process is different for everyone, some come out in one big bang, and some come out in small tiny little steps. No one's situation is ever completely the same. And i agree, making a big deal of coming out is not for everyone, but it's important for those who are privileged to do so for LGBTQ+ visibility and visibility is important for acceptance and equality. (SAFETY is no 1 to consider above anything else of course)
In my eyes, the perfect world is the one where a thing like "coming out" simply doesn't exist.
The world where people don't feel the need to tell anybody their sexuality.
The world where everyone is themselves by definition.
The world where no one cares and everyone lives their own life - with no desire of knowing everyone's exact sexual preferences.
amen to that.... how long before we get there????
I agree that “coming out” is personal and risky. I grew up in a time where no one came out. We were marginalized, arrested, and committed to institutions. We were invisible in society and media. The WORST stereotypes as predators and criminals. We were preyed upon by police and criminals alike. Coming out in mass is what allows us the freedom to be who and what we are. Visibility protects us, staying in the closet is living a lie, which destroys your soul over time.
Visibility can also make you a target..... in a lot of places in the world it genuinely isn’t safe or a smart thing to do. I think westerners can generalize the experiences of their own countries. As bad as it was , homosexuality was never punishable (legally) by death in the United States. Lots of places have a long way t go before mass outings are even possible.
Death, imprisonment and institutionalization were all on the table for gay men in the United States. It may not have been “legal” but it was common. In England castrations were the punishment. I was in the Navy and on more than one occasion suspected gay sailors had fatal “accidents” or were encouraged to kill themselves rather than facing a court-martial. Gay men were often murdered and “gay panic” was a deliberate defense for killing gay men. KNOW YOUR HISTORY folks!!!! You can’t fight for rights hiding in a closet! Invisibility only protects the individual not the group. You can’t articulate a defense when you’re in hiding.
@@5000Kirk I knew it was on the table that’s why I added ‘legally’. Not all gay people want to be activists. Some just want to live their lives and in some places in 2021 they can simply do that. It’s good visibility for people to come out but it isn’t the path for EVERY gay/queer person. And to boot you can never be fully out because people assume everyone to be straight unless you meet certain stereotypes. You’re constantly coming out there’s no end to it. To me it seems that coming out is an exhausting exercise of assessing another persons individual politics that mostly just puts gay people in the possibility of danger/harassment/ discrimination with little or no personal benefit. I’m out to close friends and wouldn’t lie when asked but I don’t have to disclose everything about my life to people I don’t trust or respect.
@@Jejunumful I was actually responding to your comment about “Westerners” who were (are sometimes) just as intolerant of homosexuality as any other group of people. Yes I am 53 and I’m always coming out, I started a new job last month and came out to my boss....and guess what? He’s gay too. Regardless, come or don’t, nothing is achieved by hiding. Nothing. Freedom isn’t for the timid. This idea that larger society isn’t going to bother us because we’re “legal” is ridiculous. Somebody is waiting for a scapegoat and our privileges are one lawsuit or government away from being taken away. We have to be like Jews....ever vigilant to prevent atrocities, being “out” is one of the best ways to do that. I am saying that coming out is important, not mandatory. Just remember those people who “want to just live their lives” need to be reminded that there’s no guarantee without all those other gays making it possible by coming out.
Can we please talk about how Ryan looks at you with so much affection. You're truly lucky.
I mean no one really needs to come out but it is still relevant. There are still a lot of people that needs it for the main reason that it may get them the support (which is not always guaranteed) that they need to continue living on with the new life. And there still many people around the world that cant just do what they want without being harrased and for them coming out just gives them the drive and determination that already cemented their decision to continue living the new life
I came here from Mark E Miller's channel mentioning you. I love everything you said about coming out. I finally found someone who articulated exactly how I feel about that. Thank you!
I feel this video is going to blow up and I hope it’s in a positive way. ☺️☺️ love your vids!
Thanks for this, Joe! I did not come out too. I dropped a few hints here and there. And my family made me feel that I don't need to do it. I live my life the way I want, as long as I dont hurt or step on anyone, then we gucci
Big mic energy, and I am here for it!
Simple logo, option 2.
I appreciate your perspective on how there are people want to live their life simply, the way they want it and who they want to live and share it with.
Indeed a coming out video or posting the process on a social platform isn’t for everyone. However, our ability to be chill or casual about it today is the result of millions who came out publicly over the last 100 years in spite of the challenges.
So glad for you about to hit 100k been watching your vids since maybe 2 years ago provided me so much chill + comfort .
Thanks for staying authentic and it is challenging to have a different perspective and feel pressured to conform to the masses and it takes grit to hold your own. I totally get this part 🇨🇦🍁 Chinese born Canadian viet here also from a huge family w traditional values. *air hugs* from Toronto:)
Isn’t it wonderful & amazing that you/we can actually discuss ‘coming out’ and lgbtq 🏳️🌈 issues so publicly...this was NOT the case just a few decades ago! 😉👍🇺🇸
totally agree that coming out is not necessary at all. Love all the videos ~
YES YES YES! THANK YOU FOR ADDRESSING ALL THESE TOPICS!
do not feel the responsibility of coming out! It's all your business!
I’m not a minority so I understand I didn’t have any real issue coming out to my family but I believed strongly that it wasn’t anyone’s business except my own and I didn’t think it was necessary to make a big deal about something that was so normal to me. When the time came I just told my mom that I was going on a date and when she asked with who I said his name. She wasn’t phased, the people who don’t know, don’t know because we aren’t close or something. Love the video!
I think both the public coming outs and the casual 'just living your life and letting people figure it out' are equally important. The public stories are inspiring and the silent ones sort of... normalise things. Like you said, not everyone is straight and people should just deal with it.
I agree with you Joe, my coming out was pretty low-key, just told the people that were important to me. It's not all that safe where I live either and I appreciate you highlighting not everyone has that same experience. Do you! Can't believe people have all these expectations of you lol
‚The more chill you are with your approach, the more chill they are with how they respond.‘ That‘s exactly what I experienced - some time after my great coming out. I came out to family and friends, when I was 24 and just had started a life on my own. That was the first time I was looking for a partner and I thought I could not do that without telling my parents I was gay. So it was mostly to prepare them. I didn‘t want to hide my boyfriend (I ended up being hidden BY my boyfriend, because as an indian guy he could not easily come out to his parents). Well, that special experience, the fear, the adrenaline and eventually the huge relief as everything went super fine for me, made partly the man who I am today. My actual boyfriend for over one and a half decade now didn‘t have a coming out (he was more the chilly person), so I often don‘t feel, that he understands, what the whole process meant for me. It was - although it had a happy end - traumatic for me. That‘s why I love coming-out-stories, movies etc., where I find myself in. But that‘s me. Don‘t let anyone bring you down because you don‘t share your coming out with the whole world. It‘s your life and your life alone. Sadly the gay community can be one of the less accepting communities. I like your videos (okay, just watched two of them), because of your chilly appearance. Be safe, happy and healthy. 💙
That totally change my view on coming out! It's just a part of me, treating it casually is a great way to go! Thx Joe!
I really appreciate the existence of this channel...😃
@@Solauza if you don't like this channel refrain from watching it
Thank you so much Joe for being here! I saw your instagram post with Ryan back in June and it really made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. That same day I decided to come out too because I admired how casual you made it and I took inspiration in that as well! Love youuu
Appreciate you talking about this! This is much more reliable to me a than any of the coming out stories. Wishes the best for you moving forward!!
I feel like most people around you already know even before you "come out". I never dated girls or ever talked about women so my parents just assumed. I don't like how "coming out" is always portrayed as super dramatic in the media. My experience lasted about 10 seconds.
Same I just text my mom and she was like ok.
Thank for sharing your story, there's definitely a nuance to coming out. It's complex and influenced with a whole lot more than just embracing and being true to yourself. Mainstream media has exploited LGBQT+ communities, their stories and made it bankable, you see this EVERYWHERE. And I like how you mention how privilege plays a part in that too, because a lot of queer folks have identities that intersect with other factors race/religion/nationality/social class that make coming out for them a completely different set of experiences.
I will always support using that mic for everything. Singing the US anthem was awesome.
Really great points love hearing this perspective and makes total sense. Who ever wants to come out, you do you boo, but you also shouldn’t feel like you have to. A straight person isn’t expected to come out as straight so why should you feel any pressure to announce your sexual orientation or any other personal details to people?
I agree with this. It should be a case by case scenario and those who don't come out shouldn't feel pressured or guilted into doing so. Especially those of us from religious and minority families. Also another great point you made, make sure you are financially ready to be independent or have shelter in case your family responds very badly. I had to come out because I was tired of getting girlfriend questions and also I wanted to be a beacon of hope for others near me who were struggling. One day we will all just be able to be who we are without having to formally announce it.
Totally agree with you. It’s such a personal journey, isn’t it.
Like you always say, “you do you” and that’s alright. 🤗👍🏼
My favorite, chillest UA-cam dude.
@@Solauza Yes, Troll yes.
I like option one most and option 2 second. They’re all simple and beautiful!
Yet again Joe conveys my own thoughts and feelings on camera and I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for sharing 👍🏻 It’s nice to hear from others on a similar journey.
this! I’ve never wanted to or felt like coming out because i personally don’t feel the need to let everyone in my life know. I got by the motto, “if i ain’t f**king u, what you gotta know for ?” 💅💀 but I do respect those that choose that route
Did you just call us folks?!? 😂😂
gender neutrality, but make it southern 🤠
I really like the triangle logo it’s just so clean
Have followed your videos for quite a while and wasn't expecting you to go even near this topic because you literally embody what you're saying... you're comfortable with yourself, doing you, stable, happy (i hope 💛), healthy... simply Living! ... Sexuality isn't something that defines a person as a whole...
Thanks for the words and for sharing your experiences; love your videos Joe! :)
Cheers to all of you!!
Coming out takes a myriad of different forms, like everyone does it in their own way. My own personal experiences involved the least fuss or bother or drama imaginable. My mum already knew anyway, so it was really mostly just a matter of being like “you know right?” “Of course, known since you were a kid” *hugs* got on with our day. Then the rest of my family just got introduced to my first boyfriend and no one even missed a beat, no one acted like anything unexpected or unusual was happening and welcomed my bf just the same as they would have a gf. When it comes to my family I was EXTREMELY lucky they’re not remotely homophobic. When it came to friends it was all different in different situations. Most of them never even needed me to say anything but one or two did. But coming out isn’t just about our friends and family it’s a constant process we have to do because of asssumed heterosexuality. Every time we bring a partner to a work function or book a hotel room with a partner or have to explain to someone why we’re flattered they asked us out but we’re not into what ever gender etc etc etc those are all moments of coming out. They’re not COMING OUT all caps. But they’re still coming out. And they all take energy, courage and being able to be frank with people about ourselves regardless of their possible negative reactions.
I love to see you happy! You guys look so happy🤍
Preach brother. My coming out story has my brother chasing me outta my moms house with a shotgun, my own brother. SMH. Lots of love.
I nope you are okay now🥺
@@shiveerramphal1802 aww thank you. Yes I’m good. Engineering studnet and have a job I’m thankful for. Stay safe.
I'm so glad you bought that microphone 😂😂
this brings everything to a new level of being less shitty
"Nuanced" is definitely the word I'd use to describe coming out. There's no "right" or "wrong" way to do it, simply bc it is so personal and there's always a varying level of risk. Tbh, I find it funny that people think you don't "represent" enough for the lgbt community... like it's as if you don't have your whole ass boyfriend in almost every one of your videos 😂 as a queer person myself, I appreciate and have been a fan of your content long before Ryan made regular appearances... but now that he does, it's simply just one more thing that resonates with me about your content. if anything, this is the representation I've always wanted growing up... two people (who just happen to be in a same sex couple lol) doing normal life things together and trying to be less shitty all the while aha. thanks for being you, Joe :)
I’m glad you made this. I came out to my mom cause she asked last yr before I turned 24. I really am more accepting of myself every new yr that I reflect and more happy. My mom says I should never come out to my dad and really saw that as something negative, but there was always a new side of me that said I don’t need to tell anyone, not as in I am in fear like I used to, but more like it being unnecessary.
I totally agree with you. Coming out is ot a must especially if you know that your surroundings won't take it the way you would like them to take it.
I just came across your videos, but this one got me double checking if I’m already subscribed. I love your honesty and your approach to it. Staying true to yourself and how you feel is SO important, and THAT should be the ONLY ordeal. Keep inspiring, you’ve certainly inspired this fellow Canadian to just keep enjoying my editing and vlogging ❤️
Thank you brother! It's never the way it's demonstrated on videos. Plus I understand why people feel so relieved and want to be liberated and others to see it. But I think it can be overrated and falsely portrait how things will be for others, and I worry about that aspect of it.
I think currently coming out is important, since everyone kind of assumes you are straight. I think it's important to be safe and comfortable first. I also don't think it has to be some grand thing, because that might not work for you. I do think that if you can, the visibility can help others to feel safe being themselves as well.
my two cents: you should just use "be less shitty" as the brand tagline / motto. not necessarily the brand name. 🤷🏼♂️ maybe just use your name? or a simple word that encompasses everything you're about and want to put across.
i didnt feel like """coming out""" when i got a gf i was just like "this is my gf" and ppl were like "ok"
I’m all for this!!! And I’m totally on the same boat as you 🙌🏻
You, sirs, are a breath of fresh air. I never came out and just live my life. Also I too, outbiked an e-bike once. Is possible.
Loved this video! I think the idea of individual exceptionalism makes it so easy to buy into a huge, flashy, celebratory coming out. That’s good and fun for some and at the same time can distract from just living your damn life lol. Not everything needs to be a performance. Good shit Joe ✌🏼
You spoke word from word how I and I'm sure many other queen people feel. Much love to you both. Keep doing your thing, man
I think your perspective is needed. When I initially came out to my family, a very long time ago, it was still a big deal in society, and coming out was a major production whether you wanted it to be or not. Later in life, it’s been much more low key. People figure things out pretty quickly, like when I get new coworkers, new employees, or change jobs. Not to say there is no adversity in coming out these days, but things are much easier, and most cultures are generally much more accepting. I guess I would say, adjust your coming out strategy to the situation.
I totally agree with your "coming out process". We do however, need the more flamboyant, if you will, to make all of our lives easier. thanks for sharing your lives with us. You 2 seem very comfortable with each other. i like videos that feature that. thanks.
ive never seen a public figure with such a similar attitude to mine and i’m so glad you made this video because i dont see a lot of vids like this. i really resonate with the idea of “casually coming out” because i don’t want my coming out to be super stressful 🤷🏻♀️ but thats just my personal preference.
I love how you said that your sexuality doesn't define you, for me coming out was a privilege that I couldn't afford, I would've put my life at risk since it's illegal here, now I don't see why I have to.
and what I love the most about this channel is that you're not following the gay stereotype to get views, or even making it about being gay, your both mascs , far away from being toxic, which is great, your contact is really inspiring to me especially as a creator, it helps me to get motivated, to do better about my life, to be less shitty,
Altho, I reaaaaally love your moments with Jasper and his stepdad lol, you guys are amazing love you all.
True, it doesn't have to be grand. Just be yourself. And then my family just understood. And no frills and I think its not wrong. So yes I am with you on this. Thanks for pointing this out too.
I didnt really need to cone out cuz I always “acted” gay 😭, so no one at home was surprised when I casually mentioned having a boyfriend lol. Like you I didnt care to come out and just acted like myself :))
come out** omg
This is why I love your channel, I am a African American, and coming out is not as easy as everyone makes it seem, and how you said not everyone wants to participate in the pride parade, just attend it really spoke to me, most relatable channel on yt
I agree with the idea of "coming out" being very nuanced depending on your background/views. From personal experience, my coming out was quite easy since my mom has been always supportive of me and didn't care who I loved or dated. However, my boyfriend comes from a very different set of traditional beliefs as his parents are devout Catholics and have mostly conservative views. It took him quite awhile to come out after we started dating (nearly half a year) as he was very afraid of the outcome. At first, I was quite upset for being his little "secret" for such a long time; then it was until I realized that your own coming out isn't reflective of everyone else's and there is never a "right" way or "right" time to do it. Fortunately, we have persevered and we are going nearly two years strong! He is the love of my life, and I know things will get so much easier once we can live together and call a place our own
I’m glad you made a video about this. It really is a personal choice. I took a bit more of your approach recently. But years ago when I thought I was bi I told the girl I had a crush on (my current gf) that I was bi on the train on our way home from school. And my sisters and I went out to dinner and I told them then. Casually told my friends mid conversation. Everybody else, I kinda knew wouldn’t have that great of a reaction and it wasn’t important for me to tell them. My mother is homophobic and I haven’t come out to her in a traditional way but I also don’t ever hide who I am. At the end of the day it’s my sexuality, and doesn’t determine whether I’m a good or bad person which I think is most important. As a lesbian now I kind of do have to just continually “come out” to strangers who make advances but it isn’t a great big deal. I’m certainly never coming out to my extended family. They will just see me in my relationship and either choose to accept me or not, and then I will move accordingly to their decision
I'm so glad to know that you are happy, that is the main thing in our lives! A hug from Spain!
This guy right here gets it, thank you @JusJoeLee, im a fan of all your content and i love the way your mind works. I fully agree with everything you stated about coming out. It does not need to be some big drawn out thing... we should be able to love who we want and date who we want. None of which define us as a person.
I love you guys!!!! Keep up the vlogging. I’m supporting you two forevs
Great video! I'm glad you are feeling better! I definitely agree with everything you said about coming out! If you end up in situation where you could be unsafe (especially as a teenager) coming out is not the best idea. Other than that it's very personal and I don't see straight people having to come out. People need to stop assuming the default is straight... I appreciate the little moments between you and Ryan that you are willing to share with us because it's clear how much you care for each other. What more "representation" do people want? (Though I would kill you if you disturbed my sleep as often as you disturb Ryan, let the man nap lol). It's cute how proud you are of Ryan's cooking channel. Also, it's okay if you don't respond to comments, Ryan, I'm gonna watch anyway. ;) Oh and I agree with you, little dogs are weird (don't come for me, little dog people)... (I'll shut up now, this comment got super long...)
I totally agree with everything you said here man. I'm bisexual and had always been in 'straight' relationships then when I started dating a dude, the way I announced it was literally just changing my facebook relationship status.
In regards to coming out FOR ME I have always treated it like not a huge thing. I’ll casually mention my partner or something like that rather than being like “HEY EVERYONE!”. I think I’ve always felt like if I wanted to be treated like it’s not a huge thing that makes me SUPER different from everyone else I can’t act like it’s this big thing that makes me different from everyone else ya know? Being gay isn’t what defines me as a person. It’s not my identity and it doesn’t have to be. Keep doing you man. You should be free to be yourself without pressure ❤️
I was not prepared for how many times you said “you wanna go to the dog PARK?!” so now I’m going to the park because my dog heard it and there’s no taking it back 😆
Thank you !!! Me being queer is not a representation of me and it does not define me. Some how people “asume “ you have to be like a fucking poster child for the community. Also just because I’m not so overly the top gay does not mean I’m ashamed or embarrassed to be gay. Like you my family, close friends know of my sexuality. If people ask I let them know yes I’m gay 😄. People need just accept with fact that just how straight people are nonchalant about being straight gay individuals can do the same without having to flaunt our sexuality 👀 Keep doing you ❤️❤️❤️
I didn't have to 'come out' to my immediate family, because my parents were so open about everything and everyone. And as a result, I have never felt the need to do so to anyone else.
However, when it was matric dance time (the equivalent of Prom), my mother organized my date and I 'beards', because in her words, the rest of the world wasn't quite ready. I'm talking about 1980! (Showing my age now 😊)
It's nobody's business anyway, what your sexuality is.
Thank goodness most of the world has evolved, though there's still a long way to go.
Your take on this subject is frankly refreshing. Another awesome vlog.
PS Ryan, your food looked sublime.
I completely agree with what you say in the video. We all have our own lives and each person can make that choice individually. I work as a firefighter and most of my coworkers don’t know that I have a boyfriend. I’m not comfortable with most of them knowing and it’s not something I chose to share with most people. It is difficult though as firefighters spend a third of their lives living together and personal life always comes up. I’ve told a handful of people that I’ve gotten close to but at the end of the day, it’s my choice who knows and who doesn’t. I’m sure the longer I stay in the job, the more people will know. I agree that bringing it up casually can be a way to make it that much easier. Anyways, thanks for addressing this.
For the emblem, how about putting the spaces where the lines connect (the corners) and have three long lines, like three match sticks that don't meet up at the corners? Or maybe arrows at each end of the current line, so that it kind of looks like a recycling emoji since you try to upcycle and be less shitty as much as possible? And lots of love all the way from Korea!
As newly coming out superstraight this was really insightful and helpful, thanks
😂😂😂😂😂