I can see how someone would go "what pronouns are you?" because they are both asking your gender and your preferred pronouns, which are mostly linked. So the brain garbled "what are your preferred pronouns?" and "what are you?"
@@eskarina1000 That is completely true. I was originally going to put "What is your gender?" but I realized that didn't account for the grammar of the original sentence. So my theory is that someone wanted to say "What are you?" but knew that was a rude thing to say, so they tried to change it to something more polite by asking for pronouns and thus you get the strange sentence of "What pronouns are you?"
"What pronouns are you?" All except in a cis hetro context Like I don't mind being called she/her as long as it's in a "YASS QUEEN!" kind of context. As long as the pronouns are gay, I'm cool with whatever LOL 😂
Funny story about the "I liked your old name" thing. When I told my mom I would be changing my name, she told me I was originally named after my nona, who I absolutely adore. She didn't push back on me changing my name, though. Upon learning this I decided to go by the masculine derivitive of my nona's name (since we're Italian and that means changing 1 letter), and when I told my parents, they were overjoyed that I decided to keep the name similar to my nona's. Just a nice little story
I learned from my mom that she wanted to call me Pauline originally so that was a name I wanted to choose and she literally cried from joy when I came out and told her that HOWEVER I ended up chosing just a feminine version of my deadname cause it would be easier for both me and my family, and I find "Lucy" cute tbh :)
My parents have this thing where me and all my siblings were named after Bible characters, and recently I’ve been heavily considering changing my name to “Gabriel” because it was what they were going to name me if i had been assigned male at birth, to show my appreciation for my mom as she’s been super supportive ever since I came out.
A little after I first came out as bi to my family, I was talking to my sweet old Catholic grandparents (they’re not actually related to me but that’s the best word to describe our relationship) on the phone and one of them asked if I had met any cute boys at the football game, and his wife in the background said very loudly “or girls! Or girls Bob!!” It was honestly so cute and I really appreciated it
I had to send my cis boyfriend money for something he was getting for me and he was like “I have paypal” and I hesitated before I said okay and he asked what the problem was and I was like “Well, my paypal is still under my deadname-“ and he cut me off and said “Nope! We’re not doing paypal then, here let me download cashapp.” like he flat out does not want it and has said he met me after I came out and I will only ever be Vince to him. It genuinely made me burst into tears ❤
@@adrianghandtchi1562 Exactly! It was-I talked to him about it the other day and he said he didn’t even remember it. Like. It can be moments that mean less than nothing to other folks but it means the world to you.
Paypal has been notorious for restricting trans customers from changing the name on their account. Even though I have no plans to change my name, and I only had a small amount in my account from a sale years ago, I still transferred it to my main banking account to be safe.
This might be an unpopular opinion but I think your hair looks fine messy. You have one of those hair that just naturally looks good even when it's messy and hanging in every direction.
He looks terrific with long hair. 🔥I saw a thumbnail if an old video where his hair is quite long and didn't know anything about Jamie and just commented he was gorgeous. I thought of deleting it when I realised he was married in case she didn't want strange women announcing his hotness but left it. His hair is flawless, it falls straight and shiny.
@@loluskekus not really, I've seen plenty of guys with similarly long hair (or even longer in the case of a few metal artists I listen to) Edit to add: I wouldn't classify his hair as long anyway, and regardless it looks quite nice on him
"This just didn't exist when we were your age" It did, but we weren't so much shoved into the closet as beaten to within an inch of our lives by it- and some of us never recovered. I came out three years ago at 44, and consider myself to be one of the lucky ones of my generation.
@@dlg78 A trans clinic is literally the poster child for Nazi book burnings whose Germany collapsed before anyone alive could have been "our age"(they're fascists, of course it did). What did you think they did with the records of the LGBT+ people they had there, throw them a picnic? You have easy access to historical information, use it.
@@dlg78Hey it’s dlg, everyone’s favorite transphobic troll, how you doing old bean? Learn any new transphobic lies, or are you still reusing what the terfs what built ya programmed into ya?
my favorite was a cis het coworker trying her best but asked “so how do you prefer to be misgendered?” i’m nonbinary and she meant “is it worse to be misgendered as a woman or a man” but the sentence was so funny to me lmao
I think I can empathize with that one if it's the person's parents who choose the birth name and it had a special meaning. Obviously, it still doesn't mean they can force someone to keep using their dead name.
Three weeks into HRT. Is this what I was supposed to be feeling like this entire time? I'm feeling right in ways I didn't know I felt wrong. I think I've smiled more over the past three weeks than I have over the past three years, my productivity is through the roof, and I'm just glad to greet each new dawn for the first time in what feels like decades. If this is life ruining, as transphobes are always so quick to tell me, I should ruin my life more often.
Back when I thought I was cis I had a friend come out as non-binary. Funniest thing to come from that that reminds me of this is how many times I said ‘he-shit they’
Oh, I’ve done the same thing and especially if I know that I can cuss in front of this person I will just say shit or damn very quickly and a bit loudly and then corrected very quickly and loudly
Same! I have a trans coworker I have known for about 10 years. She came out at work about 4 years ago, but I still occasionally do the "he- crap, SHE" thing on occasion. I have no problem using her correct name, but for some reason my brain just short circuits on the pronoun once in a while
I always just find it really funny whenever I'm misgendered and the person instantly corrects themself with a worried expression like 'shit did i just offend him???' meanwhile I'm just smiling because it's nice to see that they're trying.
My mother has brain damage, so sometimes she says things without "Softing" them. She looked me straight in the eye and told me that no one would love me (romantically) if I went through the transition. It was because she had read a story about a trans man whose ex-lover had left while claiming that no one would love him because he had mutilated his body. Turned out she was worried about my future love life.
I got similar (though less blunt) from people who didn't have brain damage. Usually it was expressed as a sympathetic concern, yet the message was the same: your love life is gonna be difficult or entirely dead. In some cases, it was legitimately just a concern, and it's not like I didn't have the same fear. In others, I think it was mild transphobia: they couldn't accept the idea of dating someone trans themselves and assumed nearly everyone would feel the same way. But life went on. Love and relationships were still in the cards, even if dating got trickier.
When my brother told my parents he was gay they were devastated. He might as well have told them he was dying. When we got to the bottom of it they were terrified for him. They thought he’d not be able to find work, not have friends, be safe, have a family, have relationships. Father was terrified he’d be hurt by his partner. Our parents grew up with homosexuality being very illegal still. It’s taken a long time for them to let some of that fear go. There is a lot of trauma built in to society. Old people are people too! We’ve had our own lives and problems. I think sometimes it’s worth taking a step back and remembering that you are not the main character in every story. My brother is not the only character in the story of our family. For my father, there turn out to have been dear friends lost along the way. He didn’t want my brother to be another one lost. Love and hugs to all who are feeling alone tonight.
Hey listen this rlly aint true someone out there for everyone! Im ftm and my gf who is absolutely straight adores me. Its so nice to have someone who treats me normally as a guy without surgeries yet. Its sooo lovely and so real and out there n anyone can find love like that fr, dont lose hope 🥰
I've never ever second guessed the name or pronoun someone wanted to go by. I'm a 35 cis female, and I find it's just common decency. My cousin came out as a trans female last year, and I couldn't be happier for her. Switching to her new name and pronouns was a no-brainer 🤷♀️
cis straight woman ally here too. i got a response from that same bullshit guy (or bot) as well. my response was similar. hang in there lgbtq+ and all cool people!!! one day we'll hopefully realize boxes are bullshit and everyone is a unique original peace of art (or could be... in some cases the worst people are a result of serious societal and/or family trauma and i have understanding for them, but won't let them pass it on further, and i will do my best to do whatever i can to support humanity, decency, understanding, compassion and nuance!!!)
@Dorothea Walland I just snorted after having to break my brain decoding the response. I found that most people don't care enough to get upset about things that don't concern them. Unfortunately, it's the 1% of people with 99% of the power that clutch at their pearl due to indoctrination and the brainwashing they accused the 'gay agenda' of. It's just ridiculous. The animal kingdom is full of LGBTQ+ representation. So why would we humans be the exception? I have a gay male guinea-pig 😅
@@KeaganZ2737 Advice from an Internet Old-Timer: Just downvote, report, and ignore. People like this asstrumpet are looking for a response. Don't give them what they want.
the only time i struggled was when a friend on LJ came out as trans masc but the username still had AMBER in it so it was like every time i read his posts my brain went "guy" but then it was immediately overwritten by the feminine username. not sure why he didn't just use a rename token to get rid of the dead(user?)name but it was a bit of a mixed message. but this was also in like 2006 so i was EXTREMELY new to trans identities and how it all worked.
my mother has said some “well meaning” things… like after i cut my hair into a pixie style, she was concerned that “boys are going to assume you’re gay! what if they dont want to ask you out?” and when i actually started seeing a boy, she thought my pride flags were gonna make HIM uncomfortable long comment short - i know my mom loves me but that “well meaning” bs hurts more than helps
This was the reverse for me. I cut my hair and my grandma said, “but the boys won’t like you anymore!” Like… oh noo… I won’t be attractive to men… how awful for a lesbian… lmao
I got into an argument with my mom when I told her I'm agnostic because she's afraid that I won't go to Heaven alongside my family. Just to be clear, agnostic is when someone believes that there is no way to be certain whether or not there is a higher power.
My mom is very active in PFLAG and she hears the “but I love your name” a looooot. Even she’ll admit that she felt that way when my brother came out, but she got over it. As she always says, she’d rather have the person than their dead name.
I am a 58-year-old cis straight female, and I have had multiple friends come out to me that they were trans. It just wasn't an issue using their chosen name or pronouns. There was no confusion, and no problems. To be honest this goes back to the early 2000 and I didn't even have much knowledge of the subject back then. Then again, I don't get caught up or hung up on things. The best compliment I ever got was from another woman who told me that my hairstyle was "sexy"! My daughter asked me if she was hitting on me or was that a compliment. I shrugged my shoulders and said the intention doesn't matter, that was one hell of a compliment she gave me!
Oh man... As a transmasc person, the biggest thing like this that immediately sticks in my head was when I first got my hair cut short at 13 years old after having long pretty much my entire life and desperately wanting to have it cut short since I was around 5 but never being brave enough to say so, and my mother just goes "It's just a little *boyish* , dear. Don't you want the other children to be able to see how pretty you are?". Given that I've basically come out to my mother twice and she still refuses to get it (even though she also caught me stealing my brother's clothes to wear when I was six so it's not exactly like the revelation came entirely out of nowhere), this whole video was basically me just having war flashbacks to my conversations with her... At least in terms of my gender identity; given how badly she took those conversations, I don't even want to begin telling her that I'm also bi/ace. She'd probably have a heart attack...
I'm guessing you're still pretty young. I just want you to know that even if you're not yet surrounded by supportive people, it will happen. Meanwhile, please accept some mama hugs. 💙💗🤍💗💙
@@missnaomi613 Thanks! Honestly, I wish I could say I was still pretty young but I'm not entirely sure almost 30 officially counts as "pretty young" anymore... 😉 Though I guess it depends on the age of the person asking... To be fair, most people who I've come out to (in terms of friends) *are* pretty supportive - to be honest, most of them whom I've known since I was a child have just been like "...honestly, I kind of always thought you'd be telling me this one day and I've been mentally referring to you with male pronouns for years" - it's just that my family is...let's just say they're the kind of people who think they're a lot more progressive than they actually are. I love them, but...yeah.
I haven't come across the term bi/ace before. Is that bi-romantic asexual? As a cis-het person who wants to be a good ally to the lgbt community, I try to learn when I come across the unfamiliar...
I work with a lot of older women, and the sweet one i get a lot is the pronoun slip up, or the very southern “Girl! I mean… dude?” It makes me laugh a lot, they’re trying so hard. I do also get a lot of the cishets who lived in a bubble asking odd questions about my relationships followed with a, “Sorry I’m just trying to be educated” 😂
I used to get soooo many questions when I worked retail, because asked for my pronouns to be put on my name tag. There were well meaning but oof questions, then there were “I am asking something I think will hurt you on purpose” questions. One of my coworkers would send me messages like “do I need to take over?” when the shitty kind of people came up to me, I loved having him as backup.
Trans nonbinary person here. My mum’s name is Barbara and I can confirm she is one of the kindest human beings alive but also very ignorant about trans people and trans related things. She tries to ask questions and get things right though, and picks up on it eventually.
I love it when family members try so hard but just don't quite do it right. Like my grandma who still calls me (ftm) "girly" (or well the Dutch version of that word. "wijffie" or "meissie") because she's always called me that. I don't mind it, it's adorable and she always corrects herself.
My grandma's name is also Barbara, and likewise she is quite ignorant about the LGBTQ+ community. Despite that, she's actually been by far the most accepting person in my family (even compared to people who claim to be such great allies because they have so many queer friends 🙄), and is very willing to learn
I'm ftm demi bi , my twin sister is pan, and my younger sister is bi. Whenever our mum sees someone she thinks is lgbt+ she will say to us "hey look its one of your lot". She says she is doing it in a supportive way like "hey look how awesome is it to see another lgbt person being themselves in our rubbish little area of the world" but it just drives me nuts. Like yes Im 99.999% sure I probably also spotted that person but you do not need to point it out haha
Excessively supportive parents are both cute and cringey. When my mom first found out, she wouldn't stop suggesting name ideas. All of the names sucked, too, so I just told her to calm down a bit with the support.😂
Oh god I'd be so embarassed because there is always a chance that the other person also notices her doing that. And not only can it be just uncomfortable in general to have strangers paying extra attention to you, but it's hard not to assume it's a judgement thing.
The whole "what's the point of becoming a guy if you're not going to like girls" is the exact type of thinking that caused me to delay starting my transition until I was 25. I can remember as far back as first grade when I would always dress in boy's clothes and get boy's haircuts, I'd delight in being "mistaken" for a boy. Any time there was one of those "make a wish" moments (birthday candles, tossing a coin in a fountain, first star of the night, ect.) I'd always wish to wake up as a boy the next morning. At that age I didn't even know being trans was a thing because it was the 90's and there was zero exposure to trans people to kids back then. Then I got to middle/high school and my mental health plummeted, my dysphoria skyrocketed. I'd heard of trans people, even met another classmate my age that was transitioning and looked at him with deep envy, yet I still had it in my head that I wouldn't be 'allowed' to transition like him because I didn't like girls. It wasn't until I'd hit rock bottom in my mental heath in large part due to gender dysphoria that I was like "I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm starting transitioning this instant or I simply can't go on." And that huge delay didn't do me any favors. I still have crippling mental health struggles directly linked to quietly putting up with that agony for so long. I have severe social anxiety, poor self-esteem, and body-image issues that I might not have had if given the proper gender affirming care when I was younger, or even being told that it was an option in the first place. If you need an example for why LGBTQ+ visibility to kids is so important, this is it. You aren't protecting the children by "shielding" them from it. You're torturing the ones like me.
@@melissabarrett9750 With no remorse? True. But without conscience? Quite the opposite. My life would have been so much better if I knew what trans people were growing up. That's why I educate now.
Oh I can understand you so well. I'm a bit younger than you but I have almost the exact same story. It can be so confusing when you just don't know things, and have to navigate through something as complex as gender dysphoria based on a limited knowledge, because you just don't know any better. I think it should be talked through more. I had a period where I would dress as a boy and ask people to refer to me as a boy, but nobody took this seriously, (I live in the EU) and I never learned about the reality of gender dysphoria until much older. I also used to see trans people in a very blurred way, like they were just "different," and I had no idea what a successful transition even looked like and how much hormones can change you. If at some point someone showed me what everything is and how it works, I would have a chance to start my transitioning much earlier and get a much more efficient change, when now my body is fully formed and some features will remain the same no matter what. Truly depressing, I can totally understand that. But hey, I think that's not a reason to let your dark thoughts take over! You can still do so much, and it's humanly possible to change your life for good. Mental health can be an enormous struggle, I've been there too, but a person can persevere with consistent little improvements and hope. Speaking of, I hope you will get what want eventually. You deserve to be happy.
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice My comment was in reply to someone else's comment, which is now gone from the thread. Their comment said about people who work to prevent information getting to trans people who need it about transitioning. I'm strongly an ally of the trans community as many of my other comments on these posts will add testament to
@@aleksakivi7719 Cosmetic surgeons can do so much to either feminised a face or masculinise a face for someone who transitions later and doesn't gain as much benefit from the hormones. Sadly, bone structure can't be altered much after a third or fourth decade in the wrong body to make it fit the psychological identity, but you can still experience some muscle atrophy, with enough determined lack of heavy physical work) and look less masculine and if you are transitioning to male, you can still bulk up to suit your desired outcome. I hope this gives you hope of a happier outcome
Whelp my brother has basically said all of these to me. Its reassuring to hear someone else express that they are not nice things to say and that I'm not being overly sensitive when I say those statements hurt me.
"But I love your old name." Is something I heard often after I legally changed my name. I am not Trans, but I hated my name and I changed it when I was old enough to do so. I still have family call me by my dead name. I ignore them.
ah, reminds me of my grandma who says she will never be able to use a cell phone yet complains about not being in group chats or sent pictures, etc. Life would be so much easier if you just learned how to use the phone instead of stubbornly refusing and saying you don’t understand it because you never tried to
Interesting realization I had while watching: Part of why I changed my name and started untangling my relationship with gender was because I felt that my name was a weapon between my father and mother. One claimed it was important for one reason, the other person claimed I was named a variant of their mother's name in her honor. When I legally changed it, my grandmother was the only one to not be offended. She has supported me in my journey to understand myself and where I fit, and been the one person I truly felt safe with, in any conversation. All this to say: age and unfamiliarity aren't an excuse. If my southern-raised grandma can be my supporter and hero, any boomer can do it! Also, in case you need you hear it, today... you are valid and worthwhile and someone out here is rooting for you!
My dad tells me being out as nonbinary is "bad for business." I think being transphobic is bad for business, Dad. He also tells me, whenever I say "they" as a singular pronoun, and I quote, "stop that bullshit" or "don't use that bullshit with me." I'M NONBINARY, DAD. WE EXIST.
About the first, that's like saying "wow, you look very nice for a big person. I'm not normally attracted to fat people but I find you attractive nonetheless" HOW DID THEY THINK IT WAS OK??????? 🤯🤯🤯
There's nothing wrong with inherintely holding that view. You can no more _choose_ who you are attracted to than you can _choose_ what gender you are. If you feel like a male inside, then you're a male. A woman then you're a woman. Or both or neither. It's not a conscious decision. And nor is attraction. If you've never normally been attracted to tall, skinny, short, blonde or larger people then that's just the way it is. So if you suddenly find yourself attracted to one person who happens to have one of those features (in your example larger) then that's an okay thing to think. The difference is, you shouldn't really say it out loud. That's the only bit I'd have an issue with. It's not necessary to voice that thought, and nobody benefits from you doing so. Wish more people would learn that thoughts and opinions don't always _have_ to be spoken out loud or plastered onto the Internet. You can keep them just in your head and it won't kill you.
@@DavidStruveDesigns ehm... yeah exactly. The problem is not what they think, it's what they say. Nobody needs to hear that. You like somebody? Tell them. Find them attractive? Tell them. Find them attractive even though they too short/tall/skinny/large/masculine/feminine? Just tell them you find them attractive. Nobody said it's wrong to hold certain opinions or have certain "attraction preferences".
@@mikna5758 Well, _you_ didn't say that - which I'll be honest I realised after I made my comment so it's not really aimed at you any more - I realised you were saying they shouldn't have _said_ it _out loud_ , so I apologise for my assumption. However, other people absolutely say it all the time and truly believe you _shouldn't_ hold such internal preferences and that doing so automatically makes you a bad person and a misogynist or self-conceited or some kind of "-phobe" or even racist.
I had the privilege of being one of the first people to learn of my friend's transition, and learn their proper name. Not only was I thrilled for them (I felt bad though, they looked so relieved when I hugged them and called them by name), but I was honoured that chose to trust me with that information.
I am the only person at work who knows one of our colleagues is non-binary. But that means I have to use their 'birth' pronouns, not sure how you put that. They are leaving soon though and I plan to keep in touch so I'll have to be very careful using their new pronouns and name, but if any colleagues ask how they are doing I'll have to use the old ones. I'm considering trying to put them mentally as two different people to prevent accidents. Still feel very honoured they told me, but rather worried.
@@samanthagibson5791 being in the position of trying not to out someone can be tricky. It feels so wrong and disrespectful to use incorrect pronouns or names but you also don't want to out them if they're not already. Outing someone is really awful and can not only take away their choice on the matter but also jeapordize their safety, so obviously it's something to respect and take care with, but it's weird to do the whole "I feel like I'm disrespecting you but it's to respect your wishes," kind of thing. I had a similar but different experience with my sexuality because I wasn't out to my dad's side of the family and had no interest in dealing with the backlash of outing myself to people who wouldn't take it well and who I rarely saw. But having to dance around the topic always felt super weird. Like my dad and I were having dinner with some family friends who were from the church, and they asked if I had a boyfriend. I just looked at my dad like "you wanna take that one?" He told them something about me being focused on school and quickly changed the subject.😅
@@bishielurfer Thanks, hopefully I'll manage, and they hope to move out of the area at around the end of this year, so then it wouldnt matter as much, but they probably would have stopped asking about them by then. I worked the most with them, due to job roles we always had at least two people in. I work evenings only and then it is just me and someone else for most of the shift, a few hours others give us a hand, but then it's just us. They only work 1 regular shift per week not with me. Sorry to hear about your trouble with your family, glad your father was there and he was able to help you.
My sister’s best friend came out to me because my sister can be a little transphobic. He’s still not out to her and it kills me that I have to deadname him so much
@MyAnanin he's been my best friend since we were two lol I couldn't imagine not accepting him for anything, especially when it's something he has no control over. I just want him to be happy, healthy, and comfortable with himself.
That’s my bio dad’s favorite one, only he would end it with ‘so I can’t be racist’ instead. Also had the gal to say to me ‘if you think like that I’d hate to ask you how you feel about black people’, after I expressed how betrayed I felt having seen my best friend play the TERF game and now not being sure if I can trust them anymore.
My response to the "I can't be racist because I have black friends" is always "Well, you're not going to have black friends for very long with that mindset."
"That person who is now using he as a pronoun is now a he, not a she that you have to call a he." This honestly kinda just explained my experience with having a trans brother, thanks for putting words to that feeling.
My cat has a bad habit of licking all the hair off her legs and stomach, and my parents will joke that she “identifies as a sphinx”… but the whole joke is that she’s not a sphinx and supposedly trying to look like one is encouraging an unhealthy habit. They’re mostly accepting but I’m waiting to see how they’re gonna react when the effects of HRT start showing soon 😅
Doesn't sound like a particularly healthy situation, tbh. Cats tend to do that when they are chronically severely stressed, and they are also prone to react to the general "vibes" in the household. I wish you luck and a lot of strength, because you'll probably need them.
Once, I came out as nonbinary to someone and they responded by saying, “Oh! That’s so unique!”. It wasn’t malicious, but it felt awkward and kinda rubbed me the wrong way
Actually that is my fear. That ppl think I come out as enby or -GASP!- genderfluid because it is "hip" and to be "unique". I do not use the genderfluid label on me because I feel that is too "far out" to ever be accepted. Enby with a varying degree of masculinity it is.
I came out to my aunt who said it was "very brave". Struck a weird chord. Like, okay, what does that mean? That I'm doing something wild with no thought to repercussions? That I'm making a grand statement or a performance art piece? I'm just trying to be honest about my experiences. Turns out later she was a raging lunatic, not related but not surprising. She said me being trans was my mom's fault and also that I should get dicked down by a real man because that was the key to being a real woman, which she said I hadn't really given a fair try yet. Then she tried to set me up with a stranger. Context: mom hated it when I came out, I was definitely not a virgin, I had been trying to be a woman for DECADES, and I was ENGAGED TO MY FIANCE AT THE TIME. AND my fiance was a trans woman... The only positive note was that she correctly identified that my fiance was not "a real man" but only because she was deliberately trying to shit on them. God it was so arrogant I wanted to claw my eyeballs out. Of course I responded politely. But made sure to address her mistaken beliefs. I won't always fight, but I will NEVER live a lie for someone else's convenience. Transition helped me in more ways than just my transness. It also taught me how to firmly express boundaries and how to avoid self-repression.
@@missnaomi613 I don't know what that means but if you're flying the trans flag you get props from me. If you want, tell your trans kid they're not alone and we're rooting for them, no matter what shape their journey takes!
Honestly, Jamie, as a cis het ally...this group does not read as even trying, being open and accepting in their own mind only. You are way too patient!! I love your videos, thank you.
The way my mom learned my name after I transitioned was very funny, only my sister knew, one day she asked "So if you DID change your name what would it be?" so I said it, and after that she started calling me that
I mean, score, right? Reminds me of when I asked my cis friend, "If you were trans, what gender would you be?" They thought for a second and said "HEYyyy... Wait a minute!" lol (The joke being there's no real possible answer)
I came out as trans in October 2019, my pronouns and gender identity have changed in some ways as I discover more about myself, my pronouns have always included They/Them pronouns (She/They then i used just They/Them and now I use They/It/He/She pronouns as a genderfluid person) and my mom still struggles to use They/them for me dispite 'accepting' me. A friends mom pulls the "but i like the name [deadname] its so pretty!!" and this woman goes by her middle name so i dont get why she doesnt understand why I want to be called my chosen name over my deadname. This woman even once deadnamed me on purpose because she knew it would get a reaction just because I wore a mask.
@Stop IGBT Okay? And? It's not an actual flag, you drew a rainbow flag on paper and thats what your burning, that doesn't send the message you want it to my dude.
@@xalasor this idiot is a troll 🧌. This same lame BS has popped up multiple times. Think I also saw it on Roly's page. I've started reporting it as spam. 😁
I can relate to being influenced by the "my other trans friend doesn't care" thing, because my parents have an old friend who transitioned before I was even born, and she didn't have any problem with deadnaming - in fact, she often joked that she was "[her deadname]'s smarter sister." Since she was the only trans person I had any real interactions with for a long time, I made a lot of assumptions. So it was pretty eye-opening when I saw a bunch of content by trans people on the internet about how much unnecessary and painful dysphoria deadnaming can cause. Needless to say, I won't touch someone's deadname around them unless they explicitly tell me it's okay with them.
My mom (southern, conservative) visits a lot and I was afraid she would have a hard time with my roomie being trans. As soon as I told her she was super respectful, but she doesn't know a whole lot about it. She was gonna get small gifts for my roomies for Christmas cause I was hosting for my fam at our house and she asked what he wanted. I responded with something I knew he'd love. She paused, then asked if he would really like it cause that was kind of a girl thing. I very much appreciated her trying, but I just had to laugh. We had a talk about trying to not see stuff as gendered and it was all fine. He loved his gift and Christmas was awesome.
Thank you, Jamie, for teaching me how not to be rude! When my nephew transitioned, I knew it wouldn't be easy for him. Some of our family has a hard time with it. When we heard, my text was, "there will never be anything but love in my home for you." I tried to do a lot of listening and he said he didn't care if I was awkward, I don't want to be awkward- I do care. All I want to do is love my family. I have been grateful to have your You-Tubes to help guide my way. Much love!
As a silly cis - it does take a while to relearn a person's pronouns. I had a friend come out after knowing them for 15 years, took a couple months before I was good at using their new pronouns. Their opinion was it entirely depends on whether or not you're trying, and it's really obvious if you are. All of these things in the video sound exactly like my mum, who sometimes tries but often, as you said, shuns responsibility. She keeps using my friend's deadname and misgendering them and I have to keep correcting her. She tried at first but her friends have influenced her in the worst possible way. Very frustrating. I'm trying to let her say this stupid shit and ask stupid questions, because then I can calmly correct/educate her, but it's exhausting - and I'm cis! Can't imagine what it must be like for trans folk. Also: "What's the point of becoming a guy if you're not going to start liking girls?" had me CACKLING. Omfg. "If you had to choose, would you be more man or more woman?" echoes the 'who is the man in the relationship?' I've been asked so many times haha
@@dlg78You mean you didn’t get a set pronouns down at the old pronoun factory before it was closed to build mid priced office space? Darn, guess you’re outta luck, but that’s not reason to yer britches in a knot!
I relate to that conflict over growing out your hair or cutting it now on a spiritual level. Usually I simply let whether or not I can be bothered to book the appointment decide for me
Almost cut my hair/Happened just the other day/It was getting kinda long... I had a spate of missing appointments at my local hairdresser due to a long term illness. Not had a hair cut for about 5 years now. I think about getting it cut short again from time to time, but the thought of having to keep going back to the salon on a regular basis makes me drop the idea. So beardy old hippy it is then. I have started wondering if I should get it died turquoise but would that be too close to a blue rinse? lol
One time I was debating with my mum and ended up saying "so you think that changing my name is somehow a complete rejection of my family and everything you've taught me?" And she said "yes." I was so dumbfounded I didn't even know how to reply 😂
Oh no, I kinda relate to the "play along" one : I realized recently why I didn't really like when my mom used the correct pronouns. First, she was making it really obvious while never doing it in everyday language, in more subtle ways. And also, because it always sounds like we are playing the I'm not a girl game. For example, when someone (like a waitress) is confused about my gender, she says "call them sir, that will make them happy" (without the prounouns point, bc i'm translating). No, mom, I AM a sir, just make it simple.
I live with chronic migraine and joint issues that I have had in some capacity since I was like 6 years old, and recently someone suggested (more than once) that my disabilities were caused by top surgery and HRT…
To the “side effect of those hormones” one, my father every time im sick immediately assumes its a side effect of T. I’m allergic to nickel and had hives on both my stomach and neck from direct contact and he immediately jumped to T being the issue. I then had a staph infection from the contaminated nickel belt i was wearing (after being told i had a nickel allergy) and his response was just as shown in the video. I think its a funny story now 😅 hes getting there!
That just hits a little too close to home. I introduced a trans friends to a group of cis friends and one of the ladies in the group went on and on about how she just needed to get used to my friends pronouns to remember that she is a woman. I took her aside and had a serious conversation "You just met this person. She is a woman. Period. You don't need time to adjust. This is reality." Ugh
I had a "how will sex work!?" come from my partner's religious grandmother when I came out as a trans man. Just wait until she finds out that my partner is also trans lmao
The "I'll play along" one gives me the same vibes as when a then-friend of mine in high school told me she "tolerated" my "lifestyle" because I was queer. I told her I didn't need people as friends who were simply tolerating me and that was kind of it. We weren't particularly close so it wasn't that big of a loss, but it still stung. Like I'll take tolerance from strangers and people I don't care about, but I expect a little more from people who are supposed to be my friends.
Simply being tolerated isn't really helpful, but then, they really don't mean to be helpful, either... Everyone deserves acceptance and understanding and respect
Once in class, my older brother’s ex-best friend (no falling out, just drifting apart. He’s a good guy) was working with my class to do a lab. He referred to me as “she” and then paused. “Or… he? What are you?” In the sweetest, confused cishet voice ever. I had never told him I’m trans but he picked up on what my friends called me, along with my clothing / hair. It made my day- a lot of people in my classes were transphobic, so it was nice to get a break.
That's very sweet ^^ The pronoun confusion thing can be really funny. I tried to be very gentle with my family when I first came out. If they misgendered me, I'd stay quiet until after they were done talking so they wouldn't get flustered and react negatively. I learned to frown at them when they did it so they could notice it and correct themselves. Then I would smile and nod when they got it right. But one time I got the "she... he. it. he? he." And my face was like 😤😊🥶🙃😃
when i was first forced out of the closet as nonbinary my dad didn't know what to call me anymore since he used to say stuff like thats my little girl but then once he knew he started saying thats my little they them. it was cute and it still makes me smile at how he was trying to get it right even though i wasn't the one who told him.
That's adorable :3 I think people REALLY overthink they/them pronouns and try to use it for all gendered words for some reason?? Like "Boys, girls, and theys". I don't get that lol. Just say kids, amirite? But the fact that your dad is trying on his own is so nice!!
OMG these things are one of the reasons why I'm so anxious to come out to people. Like, I get so puzzled when I see somebody saying crap like this. Can't tell if they're "a little confused but got the spirit" or just being an asshole in a roundabout way.
as a trans masculine person who has a preference for masculine genders, I've on multiple occasions been asked something along the lines of "but wouldn't that make u gay then?", "who would you date then?", " you would date women (too)?" or "but you still date men???" (often directly after finding out im trans and without knowing anything else about me)
@crypticlol I would actually, I'm just very rarely attracted to any; like I said I've got a preference for masc genders, but it's not exclusionary (isn't really important too the point though, is it?)
@@omni-one376 yes, it really doesn't matter but I was confused if you like girls at the end since you know, you said you have a preference for men and you have the omnisexual flag
I had a "CisHets are trying" moment when my friends and I were talking about our potential weddings in the future and my friend (MTF) laments about which side they would be on for my girlfriend and I's wedding as they're friends with both of us and I say without thinking "oh you're gonna be on the groom side cuz no matter what, you're my bro!". All they say is "uhh..." To which I go "oh fuck, was that problematic?!" We laugh it off and they say it's cool cuz they knew my intentions behind it and then we started looking up girl tuxes 😅
I mean, I've been to two friends bucks parties since I came out as trans... Granted I also took advantage it all by also going to both their partners hens nights aswell, wasn't going to say no to the chance to double dip now was I?
I had a well meaning coworker ask me one day if I was going to change my name. I had told them I already had and they asked what was my name before. I didn't get mad but told them I am ubconfortable answering that and mentioned that is one question you shouldn't ask. After that we just went on with our day, and we are still friendly with each other.
I got a story like this! I'm a trans man, and there was an instructor at my trade school who was very supportive of my identity but would slip up from time to time (reading my legal name off paperwork and such). It didn't bother me much because I knew she didn't mean anything bad by it. And then one day she pulled me aside after class to apologize, saying I 'look so pretty and feminine, it's hard to remember'. And I think she really did think this was somehow supposed to make me feel better but let me say, it did NOT.
I really liked this, and I'm glad my daughter sent it to me. I have said many of those things in ignorance. I do admit that the name thing was hardest for me as a parent because I picked that name based on the name's meaning, which is my hope for my child. I respect why my child changed their name, and I try never to call them that.
Fellow parent-of-trans-bean, here. As long as we're honestly trying, and continuing to learn, we can be the allies/advocates they need. This is actually one of the channels I've learned the most from. (I don't know if you know, but he does some content that's less reacting-to-stuff, and more educational. And HE CITES ALL OF HIS SOURCES!) Blessed day/night to you! 🙏❤🏳🌈🏳⚧
My mother told me while I was in the hospital for wanting to do the Unalive to myself that I "would always be her baby girl" and that she could never call me James. Which is... You know great, to do to someone who is in such a fragile mental state and trying to recover. Completely disregarding the fact that my preferred name is James, and I absolutely do not want to be her "baby girl" but her youngest son.
So many parents refuse to budge. They force your hand until you decide to abandon your relationship with them after realising their impact on your mental welfare is destructive
Two things... I got told a few times by random customers that i should have gone by my full deadname, not the shortened nickname for it because it was prettier and like... what? Why are you deciding what I want to go by? Can I call you, random lady, Bill? 'cause I like it on you better? lol and also, a coworker, once i came out and started presenting as a guy, decided it was a great idea to start telling me about how he's started following a trans person on twitter who posts nudes to provide representation and like... okay? and? you're making this weird, dude...
Yikes, my condolences. I hated being questioned every five seconds when I first came out with obnoxious questions. I got "Isn't it a little late to decide you're a man?" and "Why would you go by xyz nickname if you want to be a guy?" etc etc. At least I was a source of entertainment for a while!
Years after my sister and I came out (lesbian and bi), I overheard my dad talking to his friend and saying his only concern was that we may not become mom. My sister and her partner have 2 beautiful kids and I'm currently undergoing IVF treatments. He and my mom are the best, most supportive and handsome grandparents to all their grandkids I'm so grateful he chose to not tell us about his concern that I decided to never tell him I overheard. I'm grateful that he decided that his (legitimate, since gay marriage, adoption and access to reproductive medicine was not as widespread as they now are) concerns were not for us teens to deal with.
Hey if you read this comment then you are a wonderful person ! Have a great day ! :D Whether you' re trans or cis, in the binary or not, or something else, you are valid ^^
@@Igbt_needs_to_stop you're doing nothing. im so sorry you get no attention at home, but hating on minorities isnt the way to make your parents realize theyve done something wrong.
@@Igbt_needs_to_stop How about you burn down your house instead? In all honesty, every homophobe and transphobe should burn their houses down, that way our world wouldn't be so bad because there wouldn't be any homophobes and transphobes in it.
6:20 my family members did that a lot when I would call them out for being rude or disrespectful to me or other people usually not even related to gender. It was usually an attempt to gaslight me into thinking T was making me "more angry" to deflect any wrong doing off of themselves.
That is absolutely malicious no matter what the situation is. In regards to their behavior to gaslight you by being rude to you and when you’re agitated, they blame it on some thing about you. This sounds like shitty people, I know you love your family, but I’m a stranger on the Internet and I can say that from my pov.
I hated being led to believe T would make me angry. It scared me quite a lot as I already had mood issues. TURNS OUT, T CHILLED ME OUT. Apparently that's what happens when you fix hormonal imbalances.
When I came out to my grandparents as nonbinary to my grandparents and explained my new name and pronouns (pretty in depth too so they'd understand) my grandpa just went "Deadname, I'm too old for this." He and my grandma do use my name and try their best to use my pronouns, but that little statement was surprisingly hurtful. Humanity is so weird.
@@dlg78 You enforcing your own ignorant perceptions onto others has nothing to do with your importance. You're just making a factually and morally wrong statement, that doesn't mean you are a lesser person. Stop projecting.
Just had my drains out post-top surgery today - I’m struggling with the pain but loving my new shape 🧡 thanks for being such a great UA-camr and source of inspiration for our community x
@@EnderLark congrats! That’s super exciting. The pain is manageable, I have some other health conditions so it complicates a little. My best advice is make sure your compression garment fits properly and don’t be a hero - take all the painkillers on time 👍
@@EnderLark congrats! That’s super exciting. The pain is manageable, I have some other health conditions so it complicates a little. My best advice is make sure your compression garment fits properly and don’t be a hero - take all the painkillers on time 👍
mom said she'd love me even if I were a rabbit or something - I then jokingly commented about wanting to buy a fursuit and we laughed. (I don't need / can't afford a large costume, but good thing we had a laugh after I came out. good times!)
Some parents are the first set of well meaning cis-hets (if you have cis-het parents, of course) who lead you to despair by accepting you and then telling you to tone it down a bit.
In some ways, I think my stepdad does tell me to tone down my personality. And I feel compelled to believe that it’s having to do with me being gay, then wonder if I would be treated the same if I was something else. Then, again, there are different ways to express yourself as a gay man, from flamboyant and over the top to demure and chaste.
@@adrianghandtchi1562 What a detestable thing to do, to micromanage someone's personality for no reason. Who cares if you're subtle or flaming? You should be YOU, regardless of who that is. It's not a fucking build-a-queer workshop, damn
It is always my greatest fear to end up on things like this (thanks anxiety), until you started reading them and i was like oof, i really really hope i never say anything that dense! Having an enbie kid, I would be mortified if I said something offensive!
Kate K, 👍. Yeah, I often worry my anxiety will cause me ti say something bad, but thankfully my friends and family are very understanding when I goof up. But still I don't want to be disrespectful. I'm learning still as an oldie.
Even though I only mentioned it to my cishet sister once years ago, it still embarrasses me that I was kinda one of the “just pick one!” types re bisexuality. 😅 I knew I was being ridiculous and that I didn’t have to “relate” in order to accept. I asked myself “why should they?” and the answer was … “Because I said so!” 😂
It's okay! It's just like saying something accidentally hurtful to anyone.. Just ask questions, listen, do your best and correct yourself. You'd be surprised how much that makes us feel appreciated and loved. I'd take an honest mistake over a belligerent bigot ANY day. All you have to do is really want to improve!
My favorite example of this is when I came out as trans to my dad, and he said "Why are you a man now? You've always been this way." And I was like correct! I have always been this way! I just learned a new word and now I'm sharing it with you!
The "this wasn't around X number of years ago" thing is so weird to me, because trans people have always existed. In the past, at least in the US, I think it was only the most dysphoric people who would transition because social issues. But we've always been here.
@Stop IGBT have fun? If you're trying to "trigger the libs" or whatever, step up your game. This is weak. 2/10. I'd give you a 3/10, but you didn't capitalize the L, so it looks like an uppercase i instead and that's funny.
I can't speak for that but there are some funny stories where someone would socially transition over night and they'd just be like "I dunno, it's weird. I felt sick for a bit and woke up as a girl" and everyone just bought it and accepted that it was a thing that happened
I'm non binary (afab), still unsure if I want to be male or stay nb. Soon after coming out to my mum she said "You'll always be my daughter". I think what she was trying to say was along the lines of 'you'll always be my kid and I'll always love you' since overall she's been supportive, but at the time all I could think was 'but what if I want to be son?'
That happened to me too. It hurt a lot. I was like "That's exactly the problem". But I think you're right. They mean that, if I were to translate, that no matter who we turn out to be, they'll always remember raising us with love in their hearts. Mom doesn't know she basically forced me to crossdress. She doesn't know how uncomfortable she made me feel. She just remembers having a cute little baby. Hopefully your mom comes around and stops saying things that hurt you. Mine did, so maybe yours will too. It helps to calmly stand up for yourself and communicate your boundaries. It can be as simple as saying "I love you and appreciate what you're saying mom. But I'd be a lot happier if you [xyz]. It hurts when you [xyz].". Good luck cousin. And no matter whether you end up being enby or a man, there's no wrong way to be trans. Do what's right for you, not anybody else.
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice Oh, no mum saying that was a one off mistake, she's been completely supportive of me being nb. Sorry your mum made those mistakes though, that sounds like it really sucks
I’m a freshly cracked trans and I can say that being trans isn’t my whole personality, but I’m so excited about this big step in my life and all the changes that I will be experiencing that it could appear to be my whole personality right now. I have to actively regulate how much I talk about my trans experiences so that I don’t make the people around me uncomfortable or make them think it’s all I can talk about. That’s challenging because I’m so happy and excited about the future.
It reminds me of what I call 'gay second puberty' thing, when people come out or join say, the bear scene - it's ALL about that for ages, it does become not their whole identity but a lot of it...then they become less obsessed over time. It's not a nice thing to say though, although I do know where it's usually coming from (it can also be phobic too, like 'don't be too trans/gay' which is shitty).
Dang but like, why SHOULDN'T you talk about it? It's a big life event! People talk about other big life events a lot, like marriage, death, new babies, moving house, a new job, etc, all thing that arguable impact your life less than your own dang gender! You do EXACTLY what you are comfortable with doing, okay? Nothing more, nothing less!
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice thanks for the reassurance! I’m also autistic so I am not great at identifying social cues if I am over sharing or if I’m talking too much about a particular topic. So that’s why I work hard to regulate myself. I have trouble making friends and don’t want to push away the few that I have.
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice I've noticed you've left a lot of supportive and heartfelt replies to other people in the comments and I just wanted to say thank you! You've really brightened my day (and eased a bit of my anxiety as a newly out nb)
Honestly, with the whole personality thing I can relate despite not being Trans. I'm Autistic, have known for my entire life and I bring it up often, I make self-jokes about it with my friends (Which means that any time they see anything relating to Autism they send it to me, and I love it lol) I tend to tell people I'm Autistic when I first become friends with them (cause idk I like people to know exactly who I really am before we become good friends) and overall it's a big thing in my life so naturally, it seems like to me it makes sense that it would come out as me talking about it a lot too. Not everyone is like me, I know that maybe my views on how I treat the info of me being Autistic is different than others, but that's ok. Obviously, being Autistic and being Trans are 2 very very different things, but I understand where Jamie is coming from with the part where he's talking about the "Why is it your whole personality?" Thing, despite that it isn't, it's a big thing in your life but it's not all you are.
@stoplgbtmovement I am talking about the fact that I am Autistic and not Trans but can understand where Jamie is coming from. I'm not sure how this is supposed to affect me? I mean, I'm straight, and cis (Identify with the gender I was assigned at birth) and although I have LGBTQ friends, saying this to me is useless lol
I totally get it as a fellow autistic person (yep, the oversharing stereotype tracks with me), and I'm happy for you that you can openly share and a tiny bit envious. I'm not only autistic but also trans and a survivor of narcissistic family of origin, so I have 3 "whole personality" identities, and because of the last one I had to learn to censor myself pretty early, except when I fail to read the room and proceed to infodump 😂
As someone who is both trans and probably-autistic (but definitely neurodivergent), I can say that, for me at least, both feel very similar in terms of the "this is a thing which has big effects on my life which have shaped who i am, and i am not going to bother being more than passive acquaintances with anyone i can't share about this with" part of it. They are "very different things" but there are a lot of similarities in how society's overly-rigid poorly-fitting expectations come into play and a lot of the time it feels like those are a way bigger part of the problem than the things they're reacting to in the first place.
I think I had a "The CisHets Are Trying" moments back when I was getting back into doing theater a year or two after I'd come out. There was this guy I was sort of friends with (had the rehearsals not been cut short by COVID happening I'm pretty sure we would've become actual friends, he was cool) who was really enthused about the idea of me growing a beard once I got on T. He had a fairly impressive beard himself, but it was still really weird that like the day after he found out I was trans he decided I'd look real swell with a beard lmao. At least I can be reasonably sure he was down with me being a man :P
hahaha, I know the vibe. Some people get really excited and want to involve themselves. I actually disappointed a gay man by growing a beard lol. He was becoming more attracted to me as I transitioned, but beards remind him of his dad so it was a huge turn off when I decided to grow mine out lol. We had a good laugh about it and I think I want to go with a beard permanently! I've gotten a variety of beard comments, I'd say don't worry about it. it's YOUR face after all, feel free to do whatever you want :3
I got the "What's the point of being a guy..." thing from SO MANY people when I came out to my family...it's like they all forgot gay people exist for a minute. On the upside, I was the answer to the decades long question of who the gay cousin is!
My mother had embroidered a bookmark for me some years ago now and put my new initial in the corner along with my old initial. She said that even though she "Accepted my new name and pronouns, I'd still be *deadname * as well." I think she did it more for herself than for me, because she struggled a bit with the feeling that the person I was had passed away. I've always struggled with that. It was her way of trying, nonetheless. She passed away almost four years ago now, so there are a lot of unresolved things I'm still struggling with. I do still love her, even though we never got to be om the same page.
I totally understand when it comes to the "old name" thing. However, I am a mother of three and I took naming them very seriously. It always felt like a last parting gift. I have carried you, I have loved you, I have birthed you, now I name you. This is the last thing I give you before you grow away from me. In a slightly selfish way, I tell all three of my children what their names "would have been" if they were assigned a different gender at birth, in the hopes they would choose that name. ALL THAT BEING SAID, if any of my children came to be and said, "my name is now xxxx" I would respect and love them and use their chosen name. I might grieve the loss of my gift to them, but their being whole and happy is undoubtedly the most important thing.
Sometimes gifts need to be thrown away. They break or stop fitting properly, and it doesn’t mean the gift never meant anything. Sometimes things just need to be replaced, no matter how much you like it. The gift served it’s purpose well ❤
Your reactions were my favorite part 😂😂 I agree with everything you said. My favorite part had to be when you were like, ‘I don’t really give it a shit. That’s a you problem.’ I love it when you don’t hold back. But yes, please can back to this subreddit in future.
My mom, who is normally super accepting and understanding, was a bit standoffs when I told her my chosen name final edit. It bothered me for a while until one days she was like "you're sure Albert? Wouldn't Alistair be cooler?" And everything was fine, because she wasn't mad or anything, she just expected me to go less simple XD
"Do asexuals even need to come out?" when I was sharing how I am not feeling safe to wear asexual representing things in public, or say that I'm asexual when people badger me about relationships, etc.
Gods I've seen that online loads of times. Yes. Aces need to come out as much as any other queer person because (unfortunately) society assumes all people to be allo cis and het.
I've seen that a bunch. While they have a point(no one needs to know about who I do or do not fuck), it sounds very dismissive of the whole sexuality, almost like they're saying "okay, but you're just straight/gay/bi but don't fuck"
@@Stargazer_Ley Personally, I choose not to come out to anyone who doesn't ask. They don't need to know who I fuck and I prefer not to tell them. HOWEVER, that is my personal choice and not the requirement for being ace. People can choose to come out if they feel that's needed in their life. I just happen to be a biromantic ace who's in a heteroromantic relationship and has never dated a woman. I tried coming out as a teen, but no one listened, so now I just don't care anymore.
Imma be honest for like a solid half hour after discovering this channel I didn’t realize Jamie was trans and thought he was just a guy that was super supportive like OT
When I first came out I told my mom I wanted to change my name to Nicholas and she was like "No, I didn't spend ages choosing your names for you to change it to something basic like Nicholas, just use your second name, it's gender neutral" So... I still have my birth name as my legal name and I'm now scared to change it 🤡
Nicholas is a lovely name. Perhaps you could keep your second given name as part of your name, assuming it goes well with your chosen first name, whether that’s Nicholas or something else.
A while ago i actual had a classmate tell me ‘gay people dont have to make it they’re whole personality’ not knowing im trans AND gay. So i just said ‘do you mean people who were finally able to express their true selfs for the first time in their lives?’ And he just went silent for a bit and then said ‘well yeah I understand its something important to them but they dont have to constantly talk about it’ i said ‘oh you mean like how you always talk about football because its a big part of your life?’ And then he walked of. Absolute knob
My sister once told my parents she was gay to find out their reactions because someone at her school got a bad one and she wanted to test them. They were sad that she would have to deal with homophobia but supportive. I think that's one of the only acceptable reasons to be sad about your kid coming out.
8:05 when I was a kid I always LOVED the name Eden and I'd always pick that as my name when my friends and I played families, I just always had such a connection to it, and the first time I asked my friends to call me Eden just so I could see how it fit is hen I realised that THAT IS my name. it was such a lovely feeling to finally know who I am, and I have fully accepted my gender as a result of that over the years, almost like the butterfly effect :)
It feels weird that I still haven't come out as a trans man to my parents and yet I feel perfectly fine telling random people on the internet. You guys are so nice. ❤
I fuck up, a lot, and I've said some things like these from a genuine place of love, acceptance and understanding, generally with the intent to apologize for getting things wrong even when I already knew the right answer 😣 I also have a tendancy to babble when I get nervous, and knowing I may have hurt someone makes me nervous, so I try to explain while panicky, have trouble finding words, let alone the right ones, and it just gets worse. This can and has happened in many different kinds of scenarios, not only with trans friends; I'm genuinely thankful that most people accept that I'm a well meaning, anxious spaz, and don't blame those who don't 😔
The one I and my friends heard the most is likely the "it's your whole personality" BS. Like, yeah, being queer is a defining factor in my life, especially as an autistic person hyperfocusing on queer issues lol, but there are a million other things I talk about too. Made me remember how my mother used to say that our family friend "made her recovery journey into her whole personality"... said family friend battled with gastric cancer for nearly two years before overcoming it. Some people are just nasty :/
I can see how someone would go "what pronouns are you?" because they are both asking your gender and your preferred pronouns, which are mostly linked. So the brain garbled "what are your preferred pronouns?" and "what are you?"
It also feels really rude to just flatly ask “what are you”?
@@eskarina1000 "what are you?"
"AN IDIOT SANDWICH"
@@eskarina1000 That is completely true. I was originally going to put "What is your gender?" but I realized that didn't account for the grammar of the original sentence. So my theory is that someone wanted to say "What are you?" but knew that was a rude thing to say, so they tried to change it to something more polite by asking for pronouns and thus you get the strange sentence of "What pronouns are you?"
I’ve done this so many times I got it immediately lmao i’ve said “your problem” when I meant either no problem or you’re welcome TOO many times 😂
"What pronouns are you?"
All except in a cis hetro context
Like I don't mind being called she/her as long as it's in a "YASS QUEEN!" kind of context. As long as the pronouns are gay, I'm cool with whatever LOL 😂
Funny story about the "I liked your old name" thing. When I told my mom I would be changing my name, she told me I was originally named after my nona, who I absolutely adore. She didn't push back on me changing my name, though. Upon learning this I decided to go by the masculine derivitive of my nona's name (since we're Italian and that means changing 1 letter), and when I told my parents, they were overjoyed that I decided to keep the name similar to my nona's.
Just a nice little story
such a wholesome story, full of love! ❤️🙏
I love this!
I learned from my mom that she wanted to call me Pauline originally so that was a name I wanted to choose and she literally cried from joy when I came out and told her that
HOWEVER I ended up chosing just a feminine version of my deadname cause it would be easier for both me and my family, and I find "Lucy" cute tbh :)
_Paesano,_ that was smart and loving thinking there -- _bene fatto, amico mio!_
My parents have this thing where me and all my siblings were named after Bible characters, and recently I’ve been heavily considering changing my name to “Gabriel” because it was what they were going to name me if i had been assigned male at birth, to show my appreciation for my mom as she’s been super supportive ever since I came out.
A little after I first came out as bi to my family, I was talking to my sweet old Catholic grandparents (they’re not actually related to me but that’s the best word to describe our relationship) on the phone and one of them asked if I had met any cute boys at the football game, and his wife in the background said very loudly “or girls! Or girls Bob!!” It was honestly so cute and I really appreciated it
I love that
That's so wholesome ☺
Thats so cute
FINALLU, some GOOD Catholic role models 🥰🥰🥰🥰 UR SO LUCKY!!!!
People use age as excuse for phobia but this post just shows hating is a choice love is to
I had to send my cis boyfriend money for something he was getting for me and he was like “I have paypal” and I hesitated before I said okay and he asked what the problem was and I was like “Well, my paypal is still under my deadname-“ and he cut me off and said “Nope! We’re not doing paypal then, here let me download cashapp.” like he flat out does not want it and has said he met me after I came out and I will only ever be Vince to him. It genuinely made me burst into tears ❤
It was something so simple, but so sweet because he cares about you. Love it!
@@adrianghandtchi1562 Exactly! It was-I talked to him about it the other day and he said he didn’t even remember it. Like. It can be moments that mean less than nothing to other folks but it means the world to you.
nice
Nice.
Paypal has been notorious for restricting trans customers from changing the name on their account. Even though I have no plans to change my name, and I only had a small amount in my account from a sale years ago, I still transferred it to my main banking account to be safe.
This might be an unpopular opinion but I think your hair looks fine messy. You have one of those hair that just naturally looks good even when it's messy and hanging in every direction.
I'm burnjn the IGBT flag on my profjle!..
I don't feel this is an unpopular opinion lol. But I agree, he looks good with his hair like this!
He looks terrific with long hair. 🔥I saw a thumbnail if an old video where his hair is quite long and didn't know anything about Jamie and just commented he was gorgeous. I thought of deleting it when I realised he was married in case she didn't want strange women announcing his hotness but left it. His hair is flawless, it falls straight and shiny.
@@Georgia.J one can appreciate beauty without crossing boundaries, so you were probably fine lol.
@@loluskekus not really, I've seen plenty of guys with similarly long hair (or even longer in the case of a few metal artists I listen to)
Edit to add: I wouldn't classify his hair as long anyway, and regardless it looks quite nice on him
"This just didn't exist when we were your age"
It did, but we weren't so much shoved into the closet as beaten to within an inch of our lives by it- and some of us never recovered. I came out three years ago at 44, and consider myself to be one of the lucky ones of my generation.
No it didn't. You wouldn't know, you weren't around then.
@@dlg78 they're 44?? they absolutely would've been around then
@@dlg78 A trans clinic is literally the poster child for Nazi book burnings whose Germany collapsed before anyone alive could have been "our age"(they're fascists, of course it did). What did you think they did with the records of the LGBT+ people they had there, throw them a picnic?
You have easy access to historical information, use it.
@@dlg78Hey it’s dlg, everyone’s favorite transphobic troll, how you doing old bean? Learn any new transphobic lies, or are you still reusing what the terfs what built ya programmed into ya?
@@taketheriddlepill497547 in fact
my favorite was a cis het coworker trying her best but asked “so how do you prefer to be misgendered?” i’m nonbinary and she meant “is it worse to be misgendered as a woman or a man” but the sentence was so funny to me lmao
Hahaha 😂
omg XD I definitely has a preference but like please dont lol
lol I mean, valid!
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justiceh
"but I loved your old name" well congratulations, you can have it now ☺️
I think I can empathize with that one if it's the person's parents who choose the birth name and it had a special meaning. Obviously, it still doesn't mean they can force someone to keep using their dead name.
I don thee [dead/old name]! be strong, my soldier, tis a heavy name to bear
@@itssteph263 regardless, it smacks of disapproval. And it’s irrelevant.
It’s the “but” that gets me. 🙄
Love this. “I’m not using it anymore so you’re welcome to it!”
Three weeks into HRT. Is this what I was supposed to be feeling like this entire time? I'm feeling right in ways I didn't know I felt wrong. I think I've smiled more over the past three weeks than I have over the past three years, my productivity is through the roof, and I'm just glad to greet each new dawn for the first time in what feels like decades.
If this is life ruining, as transphobes are always so quick to tell me, I should ruin my life more often.
I had to go Google HRT don't shoot yourself up with with God damn estrogen and or testosterone that's not good for you
That’s wonderful! ❤️
9 weeks on HRT for me and it just doesn't stop!! it even gets better. I have not been this happy in the past 20-ish years I've lived before
Aw! Wishing you many more smiles in your transition!! ❤️❤️
congratulations! 💛 also, the end of this message was beautifully said
Back when I thought I was cis I had a friend come out as non-binary. Funniest thing to come from that that reminds me of this is how many times I said ‘he-shit they’
@@Igbt_needs_to_stop If you don't want to live in a world with LGBTQIA+ people then you should just unalive yourself. It's that simple.
Oh, I’ve done the same thing and especially if I know that I can cuss in front of this person I will just say shit or damn very quickly and a bit loudly and then corrected very quickly and loudly
Everyone is technically 'non binary'.
Doesn't have any relevance on what pronouns others choose to describe you.
Same! I have a trans coworker I have known for about 10 years. She came out at work about 4 years ago, but I still occasionally do the "he- crap, SHE" thing on occasion. I have no problem using her correct name, but for some reason my brain just short circuits on the pronoun once in a while
I always just find it really funny whenever I'm misgendered and the person instantly corrects themself with a worried expression like 'shit did i just offend him???' meanwhile I'm just smiling because it's nice to see that they're trying.
My mother has brain damage, so sometimes she says things without "Softing" them. She looked me straight in the eye and told me that no one would love me (romantically) if I went through the transition. It was because she had read a story about a trans man whose ex-lover had left while claiming that no one would love him because he had mutilated his body. Turned out she was worried about my future love life.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. 😟 Congratulations on transitioning!
I got similar (though less blunt) from people who didn't have brain damage. Usually it was expressed as a sympathetic concern, yet the message was the same: your love life is gonna be difficult or entirely dead. In some cases, it was legitimately just a concern, and it's not like I didn't have the same fear. In others, I think it was mild transphobia: they couldn't accept the idea of dating someone trans themselves and assumed nearly everyone would feel the same way. But life went on. Love and relationships were still in the cards, even if dating got trickier.
Mom’s often mean well and worry about the wrong things.
What the good of being loved romantically when you’re not able to be who you are?
When my brother told my parents he was gay they were devastated. He might as well have told them he was dying. When we got to the bottom of it they were terrified for him. They thought he’d not be able to find work, not have friends, be safe, have a family, have relationships. Father was terrified he’d be hurt by his partner. Our parents grew up with homosexuality being very illegal still. It’s taken a long time for them to let some of that fear go. There is a lot of trauma built in to society. Old people are people too! We’ve had our own lives and problems. I think sometimes it’s worth taking a step back and remembering that you are not the main character in every story. My brother is not the only character in the story of our family. For my father, there turn out to have been dear friends lost along the way. He didn’t want my brother to be another one lost.
Love and hugs to all who are feeling alone tonight.
Hey listen this rlly aint true someone out there for everyone! Im ftm and my gf who is absolutely straight adores me. Its so nice to have someone who treats me normally as a guy without surgeries yet. Its sooo lovely and so real and out there n anyone can find love like that fr, dont lose hope 🥰
I've never ever second guessed the name or pronoun someone wanted to go by. I'm a 35 cis female, and I find it's just common decency. My cousin came out as a trans female last year, and I couldn't be happier for her. Switching to her new name and pronouns was a no-brainer 🤷♀️
@stop Igbt 🤣 you do that, just make sure you don't cause a wild fire or destroy someone else's property. Have a wonderful rest of your day.
cis straight woman ally here too. i got a response from that same bullshit guy (or bot) as well. my response was similar. hang in there lgbtq+ and all cool people!!! one day we'll hopefully realize boxes are bullshit and everyone is a unique original peace of art (or could be... in some cases the worst people are a result of serious societal and/or family trauma and i have understanding for them, but won't let them pass it on further, and i will do my best to do whatever i can to support humanity, decency, understanding, compassion and nuance!!!)
@Dorothea Walland I just snorted after having to break my brain decoding the response. I found that most people don't care enough to get upset about things that don't concern them. Unfortunately, it's the 1% of people with 99% of the power that clutch at their pearl due to indoctrination and the brainwashing they accused the 'gay agenda' of. It's just ridiculous. The animal kingdom is full of LGBTQ+ representation. So why would we humans be the exception? I have a gay male guinea-pig 😅
@@KeaganZ2737 Advice from an Internet Old-Timer: Just downvote, report, and ignore.
People like this asstrumpet are looking for a response. Don't give them what they want.
the only time i struggled was when a friend on LJ came out as trans masc but the username still had AMBER in it so it was like every time i read his posts my brain went "guy" but then it was immediately overwritten by the feminine username. not sure why he didn't just use a rename token to get rid of the dead(user?)name but it was a bit of a mixed message. but this was also in like 2006 so i was EXTREMELY new to trans identities and how it all worked.
my mother has said some “well meaning” things… like after i cut my hair into a pixie style, she was concerned that “boys are going to assume you’re gay! what if they dont want to ask you out?” and when i actually started seeing a boy, she thought my pride flags were gonna make HIM uncomfortable
long comment short - i know my mom loves me but that “well meaning” bs hurts more than helps
I’m not burning the LGBT flag on my profile.
I’m not burning the LGBT flag on my profile
This was the reverse for me. I cut my hair and my grandma said, “but the boys won’t like you anymore!” Like… oh noo… I won’t be attractive to men… how awful for a lesbian… lmao
@Stop LGBT cool, have fun doing that. But you are too weak and feeble to stop us.
I got into an argument with my mom when I told her I'm agnostic because she's afraid that I won't go to Heaven alongside my family. Just to be clear, agnostic is when someone believes that there is no way to be certain whether or not there is a higher power.
When I came out as nonbinary, my mum said "oh yay I have a full set now!" bc I had brothers and a sister.
the trio
After ‘Kids Say The Darnedest Things’, we have ‘Cis People Say The Darnedest Things’.
Lol, perfect.
@Stop LGBT If that's what you need to stay warm living on the street, then that's fine.
My mom is very active in PFLAG and she hears the “but I love your name” a looooot. Even she’ll admit that she felt that way when my brother came out, but she got over it. As she always says, she’d rather have the person than their dead name.
I am a 58-year-old cis straight female, and I have had multiple friends come out to me that they were trans. It just wasn't an issue using their chosen name or pronouns. There was no confusion, and no problems. To be honest this goes back to the early 2000 and I didn't even have much knowledge of the subject back then. Then again, I don't get caught up or hung up on things. The best compliment I ever got was from another woman who told me that my hairstyle was "sexy"! My daughter asked me if she was hitting on me or was that a compliment. I shrugged my shoulders and said the intention doesn't matter, that was one hell of a compliment she gave me!
I mean, being called “sexy” in a non-creepy context is one hell of a confidence booster
You are really cool! Keep being awesome!
Oh man... As a transmasc person, the biggest thing like this that immediately sticks in my head was when I first got my hair cut short at 13 years old after having long pretty much my entire life and desperately wanting to have it cut short since I was around 5 but never being brave enough to say so, and my mother just goes "It's just a little *boyish* , dear. Don't you want the other children to be able to see how pretty you are?". Given that I've basically come out to my mother twice and she still refuses to get it (even though she also caught me stealing my brother's clothes to wear when I was six so it's not exactly like the revelation came entirely out of nowhere), this whole video was basically me just having war flashbacks to my conversations with her... At least in terms of my gender identity; given how badly she took those conversations, I don't even want to begin telling her that I'm also bi/ace. She'd probably have a heart attack...
I'm guessing you're still pretty young. I just want you to know that even if you're not yet surrounded by supportive people, it will happen. Meanwhile, please accept some mama hugs. 💙💗🤍💗💙
@@missnaomi613 Thanks! Honestly, I wish I could say I was still pretty young but I'm not entirely sure almost 30 officially counts as "pretty young" anymore... 😉 Though I guess it depends on the age of the person asking...
To be fair, most people who I've come out to (in terms of friends) *are* pretty supportive - to be honest, most of them whom I've known since I was a child have just been like "...honestly, I kind of always thought you'd be telling me this one day and I've been mentally referring to you with male pronouns for years" - it's just that my family is...let's just say they're the kind of people who think they're a lot more progressive than they actually are. I love them, but...yeah.
I haven't come across the term bi/ace before. Is that bi-romantic asexual? As a cis-het person who wants to be a good ally to the lgbt community, I try to learn when I come across the unfamiliar...
@@bethanywoll7669 That's exactly it!
I work with a lot of older women, and the sweet one i get a lot is the pronoun slip up, or the very southern “Girl! I mean… dude?” It makes me laugh a lot, they’re trying so hard. I do also get a lot of the cishets who lived in a bubble asking odd questions about my relationships followed with a, “Sorry I’m just trying to be educated” 😂
I used to get soooo many questions when I worked retail, because asked for my pronouns to be put on my name tag. There were well meaning but oof questions, then there were “I am asking something I think will hurt you on purpose” questions. One of my coworkers would send me messages like “do I need to take over?” when the shitty kind of people came up to me, I loved having him as backup.
Trans nonbinary person here. My mum’s name is Barbara and I can confirm she is one of the kindest human beings alive but also very ignorant about trans people and trans related things. She tries to ask questions and get things right though, and picks up on it eventually.
I love it when family members try so hard but just don't quite do it right. Like my grandma who still calls me (ftm) "girly" (or well the Dutch version of that word. "wijffie" or "meissie") because she's always called me that. I don't mind it, it's adorable and she always corrects herself.
My grandma's name is also Barbara, and likewise she is quite ignorant about the LGBTQ+ community. Despite that, she's actually been by far the most accepting person in my family (even compared to people who claim to be such great allies because they have so many queer friends 🙄), and is very willing to learn
@@thatoneguy2468 Your grandma sounds very sweet. It’s great that she’s trying!
@@dasha_ucko I’m convinced now that Barbaras are all nice, yet slightly confused.
You see, this is a great example of the difference between not knowing and being an Asshole
I'm ftm demi bi , my twin sister is pan, and my younger sister is bi.
Whenever our mum sees someone she thinks is lgbt+ she will say to us "hey look its one of your lot". She says she is doing it in a supportive way like "hey look how awesome is it to see another lgbt person being themselves in our rubbish little area of the world" but it just drives me nuts. Like yes Im 99.999% sure I probably also spotted that person but you do not need to point it out haha
It's like a little kid pointing out a firetruck! lol
Tbh I’d love if my mum did that (means she’s actually acknowledging that I’m gay 🥴) 😂
Excessively supportive parents are both cute and cringey. When my mom first found out, she wouldn't stop suggesting name ideas. All of the names sucked, too, so I just told her to calm down a bit with the support.😂
Oh god I'd be so embarassed because there is always a chance that the other person also notices her doing that. And not only can it be just uncomfortable in general to have strangers paying extra attention to you, but it's hard not to assume it's a judgement thing.
Hey, another demi bi person! :D
The whole "what's the point of becoming a guy if you're not going to like girls" is the exact type of thinking that caused me to delay starting my transition until I was 25. I can remember as far back as first grade when I would always dress in boy's clothes and get boy's haircuts, I'd delight in being "mistaken" for a boy. Any time there was one of those "make a wish" moments (birthday candles, tossing a coin in a fountain, first star of the night, ect.) I'd always wish to wake up as a boy the next morning. At that age I didn't even know being trans was a thing because it was the 90's and there was zero exposure to trans people to kids back then.
Then I got to middle/high school and my mental health plummeted, my dysphoria skyrocketed. I'd heard of trans people, even met another classmate my age that was transitioning and looked at him with deep envy, yet I still had it in my head that I wouldn't be 'allowed' to transition like him because I didn't like girls. It wasn't until I'd hit rock bottom in my mental heath in large part due to gender dysphoria that I was like "I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm starting transitioning this instant or I simply can't go on." And that huge delay didn't do me any favors. I still have crippling mental health struggles directly linked to quietly putting up with that agony for so long. I have severe social anxiety, poor self-esteem, and body-image issues that I might not have had if given the proper gender affirming care when I was younger, or even being told that it was an option in the first place.
If you need an example for why LGBTQ+ visibility to kids is so important, this is it. You aren't protecting the children by "shielding" them from it. You're torturing the ones like me.
That's why they do what they do and they do it without conscience or remorse
@@melissabarrett9750 With no remorse? True. But without conscience? Quite the opposite. My life would have been so much better if I knew what trans people were growing up. That's why I educate now.
Oh I can understand you so well. I'm a bit younger than you but I have almost the exact same story. It can be so confusing when you just don't know things, and have to navigate through something as complex as gender dysphoria based on a limited knowledge, because you just don't know any better. I think it should be talked through more. I had a period where I would dress as a boy and ask people to refer to me as a boy, but nobody took this seriously, (I live in the EU) and I never learned about the reality of gender dysphoria until much older. I also used to see trans people in a very blurred way, like they were just "different," and I had no idea what a successful transition even looked like and how much hormones can change you. If at some point someone showed me what everything is and how it works, I would have a chance to start my transitioning much earlier and get a much more efficient change, when now my body is fully formed and some features will remain the same no matter what. Truly depressing, I can totally understand that. But hey, I think that's not a reason to let your dark thoughts take over! You can still do so much, and it's humanly possible to change your life for good. Mental health can be an enormous struggle, I've been there too, but a person can persevere with consistent little improvements and hope. Speaking of, I hope you will get what want eventually. You deserve to be happy.
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice My comment was in reply to someone else's comment, which is now gone from the thread. Their comment said about people who work to prevent information getting to trans people who need it about transitioning. I'm strongly an ally of the trans community as many of my other comments on these posts will add testament to
@@aleksakivi7719 Cosmetic surgeons can do so much to either feminised a face or masculinise a face for someone who transitions later and doesn't gain as much benefit from the hormones. Sadly, bone structure can't be altered much after a third or fourth decade in the wrong body to make it fit the psychological identity, but you can still experience some muscle atrophy, with enough determined lack of heavy physical work) and look less masculine and if you are transitioning to male, you can still bulk up to suit your desired outcome. I hope this gives you hope of a happier outcome
Whelp my brother has basically said all of these to me. Its reassuring to hear someone else express that they are not nice things to say and that I'm not being overly sensitive when I say those statements hurt me.
@Stop LGBT Learn to spell lmao
@@Alexx_the_coolest just a troll 🧌 spamming the comments. I've started reporting them. ☺️
If someone said that to me, I'd be hurt as well. I'm sorry you went through that. Your feelings are totally valid ❣
Stay strong :)
Hope he will improve with time...
@stoplgbtmovement K?
"But I love your old name." Is something I heard often after I legally changed my name. I am not Trans, but I hated my name and I changed it when I was old enough to do so. I still have family call me by my dead name. I ignore them.
ah, reminds me of my grandma who says she will never be able to use a cell phone yet complains about not being in group chats or sent pictures, etc. Life would be so much easier if you just learned how to use the phone instead of stubbornly refusing and saying you don’t understand it because you never tried to
I'm burnjn the IGBT flag on my profjle :)!
Interesting realization I had while watching:
Part of why I changed my name and started untangling my relationship with gender was because I felt that my name was a weapon between my father and mother. One claimed it was important for one reason, the other person claimed I was named a variant of their mother's name in her honor.
When I legally changed it, my grandmother was the only one to not be offended. She has supported me in my journey to understand myself and where I fit, and been the one person I truly felt safe with, in any conversation.
All this to say: age and unfamiliarity aren't an excuse. If my southern-raised grandma can be my supporter and hero, any boomer can do it!
Also, in case you need you hear it, today... you are valid and worthwhile and someone out here is rooting for you!
My dad tells me being out as nonbinary is "bad for business." I think being transphobic is bad for business, Dad.
He also tells me, whenever I say "they" as a singular pronoun, and I quote, "stop that bullshit" or "don't use that bullshit with me." I'M NONBINARY, DAD. WE EXIST.
Proud of you for standing up for yourself. I know I couldn't do that.
I feel that. My Mother is similar. What makes it worse is that they/them doesn't exist in my language..
I'm so sorry he said these things. It must've hurt.
You are valid and deserve to be accepted for who you are💛🤍💜🖤
"murder is also bad for business dad keep your door locked :)"
@@vphvph3117 tysm
About the first, that's like saying "wow, you look very nice for a big person. I'm not normally attracted to fat people but I find you attractive nonetheless"
HOW DID THEY THINK IT WAS OK??????? 🤯🤯🤯
I mean that example happens too, good, bad, or otherwise
@stop lgbt get off your mum's iPad and go do your homework, little one. You're too young for social media.
There's nothing wrong with inherintely holding that view. You can no more _choose_ who you are attracted to than you can _choose_ what gender you are. If you feel like a male inside, then you're a male. A woman then you're a woman. Or both or neither. It's not a conscious decision. And nor is attraction. If you've never normally been attracted to tall, skinny, short, blonde or larger people then that's just the way it is. So if you suddenly find yourself attracted to one person who happens to have one of those features (in your example larger) then that's an okay thing to think. The difference is, you shouldn't really say it out loud. That's the only bit I'd have an issue with. It's not necessary to voice that thought, and nobody benefits from you doing so. Wish more people would learn that thoughts and opinions don't always _have_ to be spoken out loud or plastered onto the Internet. You can keep them just in your head and it won't kill you.
@@DavidStruveDesigns ehm... yeah exactly. The problem is not what they think, it's what they say. Nobody needs to hear that. You like somebody? Tell them. Find them attractive? Tell them. Find them attractive even though they too short/tall/skinny/large/masculine/feminine? Just tell them you find them attractive.
Nobody said it's wrong to hold certain opinions or have certain "attraction preferences".
@@mikna5758 Well, _you_ didn't say that - which I'll be honest I realised after I made my comment so it's not really aimed at you any more - I realised you were saying they shouldn't have _said_ it _out loud_ , so I apologise for my assumption. However, other people absolutely say it all the time and truly believe you _shouldn't_ hold such internal preferences and that doing so automatically makes you a bad person and a misogynist or self-conceited or some kind of "-phobe" or even racist.
I had the privilege of being one of the first people to learn of my friend's transition, and learn their proper name. Not only was I thrilled for them (I felt bad though, they looked so relieved when I hugged them and called them by name), but I was honoured that chose to trust me with that information.
I am the only person at work who knows one of our colleagues is non-binary. But that means I have to use their 'birth' pronouns, not sure how you put that. They are leaving soon though and I plan to keep in touch so I'll have to be very careful using their new pronouns and name, but if any colleagues ask how they are doing I'll have to use the old ones. I'm considering trying to put them mentally as two different people to prevent accidents. Still feel very honoured they told me, but rather worried.
@@samanthagibson5791 being in the position of trying not to out someone can be tricky. It feels so wrong and disrespectful to use incorrect pronouns or names but you also don't want to out them if they're not already. Outing someone is really awful and can not only take away their choice on the matter but also jeapordize their safety, so obviously it's something to respect and take care with, but it's weird to do the whole "I feel like I'm disrespecting you but it's to respect your wishes," kind of thing.
I had a similar but different experience with my sexuality because I wasn't out to my dad's side of the family and had no interest in dealing with the backlash of outing myself to people who wouldn't take it well and who I rarely saw. But having to dance around the topic always felt super weird. Like my dad and I were having dinner with some family friends who were from the church, and they asked if I had a boyfriend. I just looked at my dad like "you wanna take that one?" He told them something about me being focused on school and quickly changed the subject.😅
@@bishielurfer Thanks, hopefully I'll manage, and they hope to move out of the area at around the end of this year, so then it wouldnt matter as much, but they probably would have stopped asking about them by then. I worked the most with them, due to job roles we always had at least two people in. I work evenings only and then it is just me and someone else for most of the shift, a few hours others give us a hand, but then it's just us. They only work 1 regular shift per week not with me.
Sorry to hear about your trouble with your family, glad your father was there and he was able to help you.
My sister’s best friend came out to me because my sister can be a little transphobic. He’s still not out to her and it kills me that I have to deadname him so much
These things 😭 I can't
Literally when my best friend came out to me I just said "well I guess you'll be my man of honor then"
That's such a great response!
@MyAnanin he's been my best friend since we were two lol I couldn't imagine not accepting him for anything, especially when it's something he has no control over. I just want him to be happy, healthy, and comfortable with himself.
10:15 same energy as “Nonono, I have a black friend so I’m allowed to be racist”
That’s my bio dad’s favorite one, only he would end it with ‘so I can’t be racist’ instead.
Also had the gal to say to me ‘if you think like that I’d hate to ask you how you feel about black people’, after I expressed how betrayed I felt having seen my best friend play the TERF game and now not being sure if I can trust them anymore.
Cartman
My response to the "I can't be racist because I have black friends" is always "Well, you're not going to have black friends for very long with that mindset."
"That person who is now using he as a pronoun is now a he, not a she that you have to call a he." This honestly kinda just explained my experience with having a trans brother, thanks for putting words to that feeling.
My cat has a bad habit of licking all the hair off her legs and stomach, and my parents will joke that she “identifies as a sphinx”… but the whole joke is that she’s not a sphinx and supposedly trying to look like one is encouraging an unhealthy habit. They’re mostly accepting but I’m waiting to see how they’re gonna react when the effects of HRT start showing soon 😅
@KQROSBLANCOSSi think you've mixed up the "i" and "j" keys on your keyboard there buddy pal
Doesn't sound like a particularly healthy situation, tbh. Cats tend to do that when they are chronically severely stressed, and they are also prone to react to the general "vibes" in the household. I wish you luck and a lot of strength, because you'll probably need them.
Once, I came out as nonbinary to someone and they responded by saying, “Oh! That’s so unique!”. It wasn’t malicious, but it felt awkward and kinda rubbed me the wrong way
One of my grown kids is non-binary. Due to my religious beliefs, I think that's awesome. But Definitely not unique. Blessed day/night to you!
🙏❤🏳🌈🏳⚧
Actually that is my fear. That ppl think I come out as enby or -GASP!- genderfluid because it is "hip" and to be "unique". I do not use the genderfluid label on me because I feel that is too "far out" to ever be accepted. Enby with a varying degree of masculinity it is.
I came out to my aunt who said it was "very brave". Struck a weird chord. Like, okay, what does that mean? That I'm doing something wild with no thought to repercussions? That I'm making a grand statement or a performance art piece? I'm just trying to be honest about my experiences. Turns out later she was a raging lunatic, not related but not surprising. She said me being trans was my mom's fault and also that I should get dicked down by a real man because that was the key to being a real woman, which she said I hadn't really given a fair try yet. Then she tried to set me up with a stranger. Context: mom hated it when I came out, I was definitely not a virgin, I had been trying to be a woman for DECADES, and I was ENGAGED TO MY FIANCE AT THE TIME. AND my fiance was a trans woman... The only positive note was that she correctly identified that my fiance was not "a real man" but only because she was deliberately trying to shit on them. God it was so arrogant I wanted to claw my eyeballs out. Of course I responded politely. But made sure to address her mistaken beliefs. I won't always fight, but I will NEVER live a lie for someone else's convenience. Transition helped me in more ways than just my transness. It also taught me how to firmly express boundaries and how to avoid self-repression.
@@missnaomi613 I don't know what that means but if you're flying the trans flag you get props from me. If you want, tell your trans kid they're not alone and we're rooting for them, no matter what shape their journey takes!
Yep, something is either unique or it isn't. It can't be qualified. That's what would bother me.
Honestly, Jamie, as a cis het ally...this group does not read as even trying, being open and accepting in their own mind only. You are way too patient!! I love your videos, thank you.
@stop lgbt You going to burn images of Ataturk on your profile next?
@stop lgbt So does that mean you're going to burn the flag in your profile picture and become Ottoman?
The way my mom learned my name after I transitioned was very funny, only my sister knew, one day she asked "So if you DID change your name what would it be?" so I said it, and after that she started calling me that
@stop lgbt Let me help you out there bud. It's spelled "I'm burning the LGBT flag on my profile."
I mean, score, right? Reminds me of when I asked my cis friend, "If you were trans, what gender would you be?" They thought for a second and said "HEYyyy... Wait a minute!" lol (The joke being there's no real possible answer)
I came out as trans in October 2019, my pronouns and gender identity have changed in some ways as I discover more about myself, my pronouns have always included They/Them pronouns (She/They then i used just They/Them and now I use They/It/He/She pronouns as a genderfluid person) and my mom still struggles to use They/them for me dispite 'accepting' me.
A friends mom pulls the "but i like the name [deadname] its so pretty!!" and this woman goes by her middle name so i dont get why she doesnt understand why I want to be called my chosen name over my deadname. This woman even once deadnamed me on purpose because she knew it would get a reaction just because I wore a mask.
@Stop IGBT Okay? And? It's not an actual flag, you drew a rainbow flag on paper and thats what your burning, that doesn't send the message you want it to my dude.
So your friend’s mom is a toxic witch to be avoided at all costs.
@@xalasor this idiot is a troll 🧌. This same lame BS has popped up multiple times. Think I also saw it on Roly's page. I've started reporting it as spam. 😁
Every time she calls you by your deadname call her by her first name or some other name. Keep doing it until she stops.
@@silverghostcat1924 Good idea !
The weirdest one I ever got was from my aunt who, when I came out to her, said - "Just don't go too over the top!"
Well, sounds like she’s projecting. Oh boy.
I can relate to being influenced by the "my other trans friend doesn't care" thing, because my parents have an old friend who transitioned before I was even born, and she didn't have any problem with deadnaming - in fact, she often joked that she was "[her deadname]'s smarter sister." Since she was the only trans person I had any real interactions with for a long time, I made a lot of assumptions. So it was pretty eye-opening when I saw a bunch of content by trans people on the internet about how much unnecessary and painful dysphoria deadnaming can cause. Needless to say, I won't touch someone's deadname around them unless they explicitly tell me it's okay with them.
My mom (southern, conservative) visits a lot and I was afraid she would have a hard time with my roomie being trans. As soon as I told her she was super respectful, but she doesn't know a whole lot about it. She was gonna get small gifts for my roomies for Christmas cause I was hosting for my fam at our house and she asked what he wanted. I responded with something I knew he'd love. She paused, then asked if he would really like it cause that was kind of a girl thing. I very much appreciated her trying, but I just had to laugh. We had a talk about trying to not see stuff as gendered and it was all fine. He loved his gift and Christmas was awesome.
Thank you, Jamie, for teaching me how not to be rude! When my nephew transitioned, I knew it wouldn't be easy for him. Some of our family has a hard time with it. When we heard, my text was, "there will never be anything but love in my home for you." I tried to do a lot of listening and he said he didn't care if I was awkward, I don't want to be awkward- I do care. All I want to do is love my family. I have been grateful to have your You-Tubes to help guide my way. Much love!
OMG, love youuu, you are precious 🥺💜💜💜
@@Damianskull Love you back! ❤❤💜💜
@@lisascoe9563 💜💜💜
As a silly cis - it does take a while to relearn a person's pronouns. I had a friend come out after knowing them for 15 years, took a couple months before I was good at using their new pronouns. Their opinion was it entirely depends on whether or not you're trying, and it's really obvious if you are. All of these things in the video sound exactly like my mum, who sometimes tries but often, as you said, shuns responsibility. She keeps using my friend's deadname and misgendering them and I have to keep correcting her. She tried at first but her friends have influenced her in the worst possible way. Very frustrating. I'm trying to let her say this stupid shit and ask stupid questions, because then I can calmly correct/educate her, but it's exhausting - and I'm cis! Can't imagine what it must be like for trans folk.
Also:
"What's the point of becoming a guy if you're not going to start liking girls?" had me CACKLING. Omfg.
"If you had to choose, would you be more man or more woman?" echoes the 'who is the man in the relationship?' I've been asked so many times haha
I mean, the last part may just be a philosophical question. I'd ask that question to cis people if I didn't expect them to answer rudely.
People don't have their own pronouns.
Third person pronouns exist in place of individualistic labels, names.
@@dlg78You mean you didn’t get a set pronouns down at the old pronoun factory before it was closed to build mid priced office space? Darn, guess you’re outta luck, but that’s not reason to yer britches in a knot!
@@wiselioness322 damn, I got mine from a second-hand store. I wasn’t able to get ‘em fresh from the factory 😔
@@OliverStarfall I found mine in a dumpster 😔
My grandma pointing at TV-
"Is he one of those they thems"
She had the spirit!
I relate to that conflict over growing out your hair or cutting it now on a spiritual level. Usually I simply let whether or not I can be bothered to book the appointment decide for me
Almost cut my hair/Happened just the other day/It was getting kinda long...
I had a spate of missing appointments at my local hairdresser due to a long term illness.
Not had a hair cut for about 5 years now.
I think about getting it cut short again from time to time, but the thought of having to keep going back to the salon on a regular basis makes me drop the idea.
So beardy old hippy it is then.
I have started wondering if I should get it died turquoise but would that be too close to a blue rinse? lol
S+ tier name tag my fellow
@ur mum been there! Fortunately it does grow out!
I used to have the same issue. Then I bought electric clippers. I like it short so that works for me.
@stoplgbtmovementThat’s nice dear, did you remember to walk the dog and do your chores, you’d better if you want ice cream after dinner young man!
One time I was debating with my mum and ended up saying "so you think that changing my name is somehow a complete rejection of my family and everything you've taught me?" And she said "yes." I was so dumbfounded I didn't even know how to reply 😂
Oh no, I kinda relate to the "play along" one : I realized recently why I didn't really like when my mom used the correct pronouns. First, she was making it really obvious while never doing it in everyday language, in more subtle ways. And also, because it always sounds like we are playing the I'm not a girl game. For example, when someone (like a waitress) is confused about my gender, she says "call them sir, that will make them happy" (without the prounouns point, bc i'm translating). No, mom, I AM a sir, just make it simple.
Thou art of nobility, I see!
I live with chronic migraine and joint issues that I have had in some capacity since I was like 6 years old, and recently someone suggested (more than once) that my disabilities were caused by top surgery and HRT…
The things people will try to link between things that happen to exist at the same time because it fits their worldview is honestly bananas. 🤦♂️
To the “side effect of those hormones” one, my father every time im sick immediately assumes its a side effect of T. I’m allergic to nickel and had hives on both my stomach and neck from direct contact and he immediately jumped to T being the issue. I then had a staph infection from the contaminated nickel belt i was wearing (after being told i had a nickel allergy) and his response was just as shown in the video. I think its a funny story now 😅 hes getting there!
That just hits a little too close to home. I introduced a trans friends to a group of cis friends and one of the ladies in the group went on and on about how she just needed to get used to my friends pronouns to remember that she is a woman. I took her aside and had a serious conversation "You just met this person. She is a woman. Period. You don't need time to adjust. This is reality." Ugh
Not everyone has to abide by your view of reality.
I think Jamie could rock literally every hairstyle no matter what gender it's common from
I had a "how will sex work!?" come from my partner's religious grandmother when I came out as a trans man. Just wait until she finds out that my partner is also trans lmao
That's honestly hilarious. Also, does this grandma not know about gay and lesbian people?
"Both of us will cum."
The real question is why is grandma so invested in your sex life? Lol
The "I'll play along" one gives me the same vibes as when a then-friend of mine in high school told me she "tolerated" my "lifestyle" because I was queer.
I told her I didn't need people as friends who were simply tolerating me and that was kind of it. We weren't particularly close so it wasn't that big of a loss, but it still stung. Like I'll take tolerance from strangers and people I don't care about, but I expect a little more from people who are supposed to be my friends.
Simply being tolerated isn't really helpful, but then, they really don't mean to be helpful, either... Everyone deserves acceptance and understanding and respect
Once in class, my older brother’s ex-best friend (no falling out, just drifting apart. He’s a good guy) was working with my class to do a lab. He referred to me as “she” and then paused. “Or… he? What are you?” In the sweetest, confused cishet voice ever. I had never told him I’m trans but he picked up on what my friends called me, along with my clothing / hair. It made my day- a lot of people in my classes were transphobic, so it was nice to get a break.
That's very sweet ^^ The pronoun confusion thing can be really funny. I tried to be very gentle with my family when I first came out. If they misgendered me, I'd stay quiet until after they were done talking so they wouldn't get flustered and react negatively. I learned to frown at them when they did it so they could notice it and correct themselves. Then I would smile and nod when they got it right. But one time I got the "she... he. it. he? he." And my face was like 😤😊🥶🙃😃
when i was first forced out of the closet as nonbinary my dad didn't know what to call me anymore since he used to say stuff like thats my little girl but then once he knew he started saying thats my little they them. it was cute and it still makes me smile at how he was trying to get it right even though i wasn't the one who told him.
why?
That's adorable :3 I think people REALLY overthink they/them pronouns and try to use it for all gendered words for some reason?? Like "Boys, girls, and theys". I don't get that lol. Just say kids, amirite? But the fact that your dad is trying on his own is so nice!!
OMG these things are one of the reasons why I'm so anxious to come out to people. Like, I get so puzzled when I see somebody saying crap like this. Can't tell if they're "a little confused but got the spirit" or just being an asshole in a roundabout way.
Most likely the latter
as a trans masculine person who has a preference for masculine genders, I've on multiple occasions been asked something along the lines of "but wouldn't that make u gay then?", "who would you date then?", " you would date women (too)?" or "but you still date men???" (often directly after finding out im trans and without knowing anything else about me)
would you date women tho?
@crypticlol I would actually, I'm just very rarely attracted to any; like I said I've got a preference for masc genders, but it's not exclusionary (isn't really important too the point though, is it?)
@@omni-one376 yes, it really doesn't matter
but I was confused if you like girls at the end since you know, you said you have a preference for men and you have the omnisexual flag
I had a "CisHets are trying" moment when my friends and I were talking about our potential weddings in the future and my friend (MTF) laments about which side they would be on for my girlfriend and I's wedding as they're friends with both of us and I say without thinking "oh you're gonna be on the groom side cuz no matter what, you're my bro!".
All they say is "uhh..." To which I go "oh fuck, was that problematic?!"
We laugh it off and they say it's cool cuz they knew my intentions behind it and then we started looking up girl tuxes 😅
My brother and his fiancé had their own friends and family on their own sides. I was on his side as his sister.
Not sure why this isn’t the norm …
I mean, I've been to two friends bucks parties since I came out as trans... Granted I also took advantage it all by also going to both their partners hens nights aswell, wasn't going to say no to the chance to double dip now was I?
I had a well meaning coworker ask me one day if I was going to change my name. I had told them I already had and they asked what was my name before. I didn't get mad but told them I am ubconfortable answering that and mentioned that is one question you shouldn't ask. After that we just went on with our day, and we are still friendly with each other.
I got a story like this! I'm a trans man, and there was an instructor at my trade school who was very supportive of my identity but would slip up from time to time (reading my legal name off paperwork and such). It didn't bother me much because I knew she didn't mean anything bad by it. And then one day she pulled me aside after class to apologize, saying I 'look so pretty and feminine, it's hard to remember'. And I think she really did think this was somehow supposed to make me feel better but let me say, it did NOT.
I really liked this, and I'm glad my daughter sent it to me. I have said many of those things in ignorance. I do admit that the name thing was hardest for me as a parent because I picked that name based on the name's meaning, which is my hope for my child. I respect why my child changed their name, and I try never to call them that.
You wylin
Fellow parent-of-trans-bean, here. As long as we're honestly trying, and continuing to learn, we can be the allies/advocates they need. This is actually one of the channels I've learned the most from. (I don't know if you know, but he does some content that's less reacting-to-stuff, and more educational. And HE CITES ALL OF HIS SOURCES!)
Blessed day/night to you! 🙏❤🏳🌈🏳⚧
@@missnaomi613 I agree, Jamie is a great educator ^^ This is a good channel for explanatory content ^^
@Stop LGBT who's child is this? someone needs to take their lighter away, it's not safe
My mother told me while I was in the hospital for wanting to do the Unalive to myself that I "would always be her baby girl" and that she could never call me James. Which is... You know great, to do to someone who is in such a fragile mental state and trying to recover. Completely disregarding the fact that my preferred name is James, and I absolutely do not want to be her "baby girl" but her youngest son.
@KQRO Cool. Now get off this channel if you're against the LGBT
So many parents refuse to budge. They force your hand until you decide to abandon your relationship with them after realising their impact on your mental welfare is destructive
Oh boy.. Same. My mother busting out the "You'll always be my little girl".... Mom, that's EXACTLY the problem.
My mom still says girls about me and my sister, she calls me her daughter, and then she asks why I am mad at her.
Two things...
I got told a few times by random customers that i should have gone by my full deadname, not the shortened nickname for it because it was prettier and like... what? Why are you deciding what I want to go by? Can I call you, random lady, Bill? 'cause I like it on you better? lol
and also, a coworker, once i came out and started presenting as a guy, decided it was a great idea to start telling me about how he's started following a trans person on twitter who posts nudes to provide representation and like... okay? and? you're making this weird, dude...
Yikes, my condolences. I hated being questioned every five seconds when I first came out with obnoxious questions. I got "Isn't it a little late to decide you're a man?" and "Why would you go by xyz nickname if you want to be a guy?" etc etc. At least I was a source of entertainment for a while!
"I really liked your old name." Great. Take it, use it, give it to a pet or a plant.
That's dowright rude :/
@@neko_knockoutso is using the wrong name for someone
Years after my sister and I came out (lesbian and bi), I overheard my dad talking to his friend and saying his only concern was that we may not become mom. My sister and her partner have 2 beautiful kids and I'm currently undergoing IVF treatments. He and my mom are the best, most supportive and handsome grandparents to all their grandkids
I'm so grateful he chose to not tell us about his concern that I decided to never tell him I overheard. I'm grateful that he decided that his (legitimate, since gay marriage, adoption and access to reproductive medicine was not as widespread as they now are) concerns were not for us teens to deal with.
“Not everyone is as accepting as me” has real Darth Vader “the Emperor is not as understanding as I am” energy.
Hey if you read this comment then you are a wonderful person ! Have a great day ! :D
Whether you' re trans or cis, in the binary or not, or something else, you are valid ^^
@ur mum oh thanks ^^
My farts are better than Jamie's farts
@@Igbt_needs_to_stop you're doing nothing. im so sorry you get no attention at home, but hating on minorities isnt the way to make your parents realize theyve done something wrong.
What if I'm trans and cis at the same time? I identify as a paradox.
I just got done watching In Space With Markiplier (again) so I can't help myself.
@@Igbt_needs_to_stop How about you burn down your house instead? In all honesty, every homophobe and transphobe should burn their houses down, that way our world wouldn't be so bad because there wouldn't be any homophobes and transphobes in it.
6:20 my family members did that a lot when I would call them out for being rude or disrespectful to me or other people usually not even related to gender. It was usually an attempt to gaslight me into thinking T was making me "more angry" to deflect any wrong doing off of themselves.
“Now that I think about it, maybe you’re right. Maybe T HAS made me able to be more outspoken about rudeness and disrespect! Go figure!”
That is absolutely malicious no matter what the situation is. In regards to their behavior to gaslight you by being rude to you and when you’re agitated, they blame it on some thing about you. This sounds like shitty people, I know you love your family, but I’m a stranger on the Internet and I can say that from my pov.
Omg same, my mother loves to blame HRT or my anti depressants on my behavior aka when I speak up. Fucking infuriating
I hated being led to believe T would make me angry. It scared me quite a lot as I already had mood issues. TURNS OUT, T CHILLED ME OUT. Apparently that's what happens when you fix hormonal imbalances.
@@prnc96 Tell me that's not the same thing as blaming self-advocacy on menstruation.... I hate that BS.
When I came out to my grandparents as nonbinary to my grandparents and explained my new name and pronouns (pretty in depth too so they'd understand) my grandpa just went "Deadname, I'm too old for this." He and my grandma do use my name and try their best to use my pronouns, but that little statement was surprisingly hurtful. Humanity is so weird.
The reason why is it's not other people's job to enforce your self perception, nor should you think you are important enough that they should.
@@dlg78 You enforcing your own ignorant perceptions onto others has nothing to do with your importance. You're just making a factually and morally wrong statement, that doesn't mean you are a lesser person. Stop projecting.
Damn, what a fucking bomb. I imagine if you were having a baby, they'd learn the baby's name instantly. I'm glad they came around.
Just had my drains out post-top surgery today - I’m struggling with the pain but loving my new shape 🧡 thanks for being such a great UA-camr and source of inspiration for our community x
Congrats!
Congrats
Congrats! Get lots of rest and don't forget to drink water!
I get my surgery in June, I'm so nervous about the pain
@@EnderLark congrats! That’s super exciting. The pain is manageable, I have some other health conditions so it complicates a little. My best advice is make sure your compression garment fits properly and don’t be a hero - take all the painkillers on time 👍
@@EnderLark congrats! That’s super exciting. The pain is manageable, I have some other health conditions so it complicates a little. My best advice is make sure your compression garment fits properly and don’t be a hero - take all the painkillers on time 👍
mom said she'd love me even if I were a rabbit or something - I then jokingly commented about wanting to buy a fursuit and we laughed. (I don't need / can't afford a large costume, but good thing we had a laugh after I came out. good times!)
That's actually really wholesome. A blessed comment just when I needed one.
I'm burnjn the IGBT flag on my profjle
Some parents are the first set of well meaning cis-hets (if you have cis-het parents, of course) who lead you to despair by accepting you and then telling you to tone it down a bit.
@Stop IGBT Don't you mean bombing
In some ways, I think my stepdad does tell me to tone down my personality. And I feel compelled to believe that it’s having to do with me being gay, then wonder if I would be treated the same if I was something else. Then, again, there are different ways to express yourself as a gay man, from flamboyant and over the top to demure and chaste.
@@adrianghandtchi1562 What a detestable thing to do, to micromanage someone's personality for no reason. Who cares if you're subtle or flaming? You should be YOU, regardless of who that is. It's not a fucking build-a-queer workshop, damn
It is always my greatest fear to end up on things like this (thanks anxiety), until you started reading them and i was like oof, i really really hope i never say anything that dense! Having an enbie kid, I would be mortified if I said something offensive!
Kate K, 👍.
Yeah, I often worry my anxiety will cause me ti say something bad, but thankfully my friends and family are very understanding when I goof up. But still I don't want to be disrespectful. I'm learning still as an oldie.
I was expecting, like, "they used this trans term wrong!!!"
Even though I only mentioned it to my cishet sister once years ago, it still embarrasses me that I was kinda one of the “just pick one!” types re bisexuality. 😅
I knew I was being ridiculous and that I didn’t have to “relate” in order to accept. I asked myself “why should they?” and the answer was …
“Because I said so!” 😂
It's okay! It's just like saying something accidentally hurtful to anyone.. Just ask questions, listen, do your best and correct yourself. You'd be surprised how much that makes us feel appreciated and loved. I'd take an honest mistake over a belligerent bigot ANY day. All you have to do is really want to improve!
@@carolinelabbott2451 That is a wonderful attitude, this means a lot to me and millions of other trans people :3
My favorite example of this is when I came out as trans to my dad, and he said "Why are you a man now? You've always been this way." And I was like correct! I have always been this way! I just learned a new word and now I'm sharing it with you!
The "this wasn't around X number of years ago" thing is so weird to me, because trans people have always existed. In the past, at least in the US, I think it was only the most dysphoric people who would transition because social issues. But we've always been here.
@Stop IGBT have fun? If you're trying to "trigger the libs" or whatever, step up your game. This is weak. 2/10. I'd give you a 3/10, but you didn't capitalize the L, so it looks like an uppercase i instead and that's funny.
@Stop LGBT ok, learn how to spell
It’s been around since at least ancient Scythia, which is around 3000 years ago.
I can't speak for that but there are some funny stories where someone would socially transition over night and they'd just be like "I dunno, it's weird. I felt sick for a bit and woke up as a girl" and everyone just bought it and accepted that it was a thing that happened
I'm non binary (afab), still unsure if I want to be male or stay nb. Soon after coming out to my mum she said "You'll always be my daughter". I think what she was trying to say was along the lines of 'you'll always be my kid and I'll always love you' since overall she's been supportive, but at the time all I could think was 'but what if I want to be son?'
That happened to me too. It hurt a lot. I was like "That's exactly the problem". But I think you're right. They mean that, if I were to translate, that no matter who we turn out to be, they'll always remember raising us with love in their hearts. Mom doesn't know she basically forced me to crossdress. She doesn't know how uncomfortable she made me feel. She just remembers having a cute little baby. Hopefully your mom comes around and stops saying things that hurt you. Mine did, so maybe yours will too. It helps to calmly stand up for yourself and communicate your boundaries. It can be as simple as saying "I love you and appreciate what you're saying mom. But I'd be a lot happier if you [xyz]. It hurts when you [xyz].". Good luck cousin. And no matter whether you end up being enby or a man, there's no wrong way to be trans. Do what's right for you, not anybody else.
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice Oh, no mum saying that was a one off mistake, she's been completely supportive of me being nb.
Sorry your mum made those mistakes though, that sounds like it really sucks
If you are afab, you can't be a male whether you wanted to or not. Sex is not interchangeable.
I admit that I am guilty if having said "both genders" and not realizing it was wrong... I learned something today!!! Thank you!
I’m a freshly cracked trans and I can say that being trans isn’t my whole personality, but I’m so excited about this big step in my life and all the changes that I will be experiencing that it could appear to be my whole personality right now. I have to actively regulate how much I talk about my trans experiences so that I don’t make the people around me uncomfortable or make them think it’s all I can talk about. That’s challenging because I’m so happy and excited about the future.
It reminds me of what I call 'gay second puberty' thing, when people come out or join say, the bear scene - it's ALL about that for ages, it does become not their whole identity but a lot of it...then they become less obsessed over time.
It's not a nice thing to say though, although I do know where it's usually coming from (it can also be phobic too, like 'don't be too trans/gay' which is shitty).
Dang but like, why SHOULDN'T you talk about it? It's a big life event! People talk about other big life events a lot, like marriage, death, new babies, moving house, a new job, etc, all thing that arguable impact your life less than your own dang gender! You do EXACTLY what you are comfortable with doing, okay? Nothing more, nothing less!
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice thanks for the reassurance! I’m also autistic so I am not great at identifying social cues if I am over sharing or if I’m talking too much about a particular topic. So that’s why I work hard to regulate myself. I have trouble making friends and don’t want to push away the few that I have.
@@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice I've noticed you've left a lot of supportive and heartfelt replies to other people in the comments and I just wanted to say thank you! You've really brightened my day (and eased a bit of my anxiety as a newly out nb)
"But I loved your old name!"
"You're welcome to it. Let me know if you need any help with the name change process!"
Honestly, with the whole personality thing I can relate despite not being Trans. I'm Autistic, have known for my entire life and I bring it up often, I make self-jokes about it with my friends (Which means that any time they see anything relating to Autism they send it to me, and I love it lol) I tend to tell people I'm Autistic when I first become friends with them (cause idk I like people to know exactly who I really am before we become good friends) and overall it's a big thing in my life so naturally, it seems like to me it makes sense that it would come out as me talking about it a lot too. Not everyone is like me, I know that maybe my views on how I treat the info of me being Autistic is different than others, but that's ok. Obviously, being Autistic and being Trans are 2 very very different things, but I understand where Jamie is coming from with the part where he's talking about the "Why is it your whole personality?" Thing, despite that it isn't, it's a big thing in your life but it's not all you are.
@stoplgbtmovement I am talking about the fact that I am Autistic and not Trans but can understand where Jamie is coming from. I'm not sure how this is supposed to affect me? I mean, I'm straight, and cis (Identify with the gender I was assigned at birth) and although I have LGBTQ friends, saying this to me is useless lol
I totally get it as a fellow autistic person (yep, the oversharing stereotype tracks with me), and I'm happy for you that you can openly share and a tiny bit envious. I'm not only autistic but also trans and a survivor of narcissistic family of origin, so I have 3 "whole personality" identities, and because of the last one I had to learn to censor myself pretty early, except when I fail to read the room and proceed to infodump 😂
As someone who is both trans and probably-autistic (but definitely neurodivergent), I can say that, for me at least, both feel very similar in terms of the "this is a thing which has big effects on my life which have shaped who i am, and i am not going to bother being more than passive acquaintances with anyone i can't share about this with" part of it. They are "very different things" but there are a lot of similarities in how society's overly-rigid poorly-fitting expectations come into play and a lot of the time it feels like those are a way bigger part of the problem than the things they're reacting to in the first place.
There's been almost two years that I came out as Gay and Nonbinery to my parents and I still hear almost all of these sentences from them. It sucks
:( i’m sorry
I think I had a "The CisHets Are Trying" moments back when I was getting back into doing theater a year or two after I'd come out. There was this guy I was sort of friends with (had the rehearsals not been cut short by COVID happening I'm pretty sure we would've become actual friends, he was cool) who was really enthused about the idea of me growing a beard once I got on T. He had a fairly impressive beard himself, but it was still really weird that like the day after he found out I was trans he decided I'd look real swell with a beard lmao. At least I can be reasonably sure he was down with me being a man :P
hahaha, I know the vibe. Some people get really excited and want to involve themselves. I actually disappointed a gay man by growing a beard lol. He was becoming more attracted to me as I transitioned, but beards remind him of his dad so it was a huge turn off when I decided to grow mine out lol. We had a good laugh about it and I think I want to go with a beard permanently! I've gotten a variety of beard comments, I'd say don't worry about it. it's YOUR face after all, feel free to do whatever you want :3
I've had the "What's the point of being a trans man if you like men? Just stay a woman" thing from my doctor
yucky
I got the "What's the point of being a guy..." thing from SO MANY people when I came out to my family...it's like they all forgot gay people exist for a minute. On the upside, I was the answer to the decades long question of who the gay cousin is!
My mother had embroidered a bookmark for me some years ago now and put my new initial in the corner along with my old initial. She said that even though she "Accepted my new name and pronouns, I'd still be *deadname * as well." I think she did it more for herself than for me, because she struggled a bit with the feeling that the person I was had passed away. I've always struggled with that. It was her way of trying, nonetheless. She passed away almost four years ago now, so there are a lot of unresolved things I'm still struggling with. I do still love her, even though we never got to be om the same page.
I totally understand when it comes to the "old name" thing. However, I am a mother of three and I took naming them very seriously. It always felt like a last parting gift. I have carried you, I have loved you, I have birthed you, now I name you. This is the last thing I give you before you grow away from me. In a slightly selfish way, I tell all three of my children what their names "would have been" if they were assigned a different gender at birth, in the hopes they would choose that name.
ALL THAT BEING SAID, if any of my children came to be and said, "my name is now xxxx" I would respect and love them and use their chosen name. I might grieve the loss of my gift to them, but their being whole and happy is undoubtedly the most important thing.
Sometimes gifts need to be thrown away. They break or stop fitting properly, and it doesn’t mean the gift never meant anything. Sometimes things just need to be replaced, no matter how much you like it. The gift served it’s purpose well ❤
@@JoeyThorburn Absolutely! Like any gift, once it has been given, I no longer have any say on how/when/if it will be used.
I actually wanted to use my parents' alternate name for me but they gave it to my brother 😵
Your reactions were my favorite part 😂😂
I agree with everything you said. My favorite part had to be when you were like, ‘I don’t really give it a shit. That’s a you problem.’ I love it when you don’t hold back. But yes, please can back to this subreddit in future.
My mom, who is normally super accepting and understanding, was a bit standoffs when I told her my chosen name final edit. It bothered me for a while until one days she was like "you're sure Albert? Wouldn't Alistair be cooler?" And everything was fine, because she wasn't mad or anything, she just expected me to go less simple XD
"Do asexuals even need to come out?" when I was sharing how I am not feeling safe to wear asexual representing things in public, or say that I'm asexual when people badger me about relationships, etc.
Gods I've seen that online loads of times. Yes. Aces need to come out as much as any other queer person because (unfortunately) society assumes all people to be allo cis and het.
I've seen that a bunch. While they have a point(no one needs to know about who I do or do not fuck), it sounds very dismissive of the whole sexuality, almost like they're saying "okay, but you're just straight/gay/bi but don't fuck"
@@Stargazer_Ley Personally, I choose not to come out to anyone who doesn't ask. They don't need to know who I fuck and I prefer not to tell them. HOWEVER, that is my personal choice and not the requirement for being ace. People can choose to come out if they feel that's needed in their life. I just happen to be a biromantic ace who's in a heteroromantic relationship and has never dated a woman. I tried coming out as a teen, but no one listened, so now I just don't care anymore.
Asexual isn't a sexuality. Sexualities are who you are attracted to...not why, or how much.
@@dlg78 um asexual is being not being attracted to anyone. It's not how or how much. It's not attracted at all dunce.
Imma be honest for like a solid half hour after discovering this channel I didn’t realize Jamie was trans and thought he was just a guy that was super supportive like OT
When I first came out I told my mom I wanted to change my name to Nicholas and she was like "No, I didn't spend ages choosing your names for you to change it to something basic like Nicholas, just use your second name, it's gender neutral" So... I still have my birth name as my legal name and I'm now scared to change it 🤡
Nicholas is a lovely name. Perhaps you could keep your second given name as part of your name, assuming it goes well with your chosen first name, whether that’s Nicholas or something else.
@@ragnkja Thank you
A while ago i actual had a classmate tell me ‘gay people dont have to make it they’re whole personality’ not knowing im trans AND gay. So i just said ‘do you mean people who were finally able to express their true selfs for the first time in their lives?’ And he just went silent for a bit and then said ‘well yeah I understand its something important to them but they dont have to constantly talk about it’ i said ‘oh you mean like how you always talk about football because its a big part of your life?’ And then he walked of. Absolute knob
@@loluskekus no. Trans and gay. Still gay.
My sister once told my parents she was gay to find out their reactions because someone at her school got a bad one and she wanted to test them. They were sad that she would have to deal with homophobia but supportive. I think that's one of the only acceptable reasons to be sad about your kid coming out.
8:05
when I was a kid I always LOVED the name Eden and I'd always pick that as my name when my friends and I played families, I just always had such a connection to it, and the first time I asked my friends to call me Eden just so I could see how it fit is hen I realised that THAT IS my name. it was such a lovely feeling to finally know who I am, and I have fully accepted my gender as a result of that over the years, almost like the butterfly effect :)
I see Jamie, i click
No Click and Jamie are two different people.
I see jamie, I tap.
@@bumblebeeyellowdragon I see you people and I know retardation is coming pretty much the same sentence
@@Lilith_The_Earthling what's it like to be so retarded
i see jamie, i like
It feels weird that I still haven't come out as a trans man to my parents and yet I feel perfectly fine telling random people on the internet. You guys are so nice. ❤
I fuck up, a lot, and I've said some things like these from a genuine place of love, acceptance and understanding, generally with the intent to apologize for getting things wrong even when I already knew the right answer 😣 I also have a tendancy to babble when I get nervous, and knowing I may have hurt someone makes me nervous, so I try to explain while panicky, have trouble finding words, let alone the right ones, and it just gets worse. This can and has happened in many different kinds of scenarios, not only with trans friends; I'm genuinely thankful that most people accept that I'm a well meaning, anxious spaz, and don't blame those who don't 😔
The one I and my friends heard the most is likely the "it's your whole personality" BS. Like, yeah, being queer is a defining factor in my life, especially as an autistic person hyperfocusing on queer issues lol, but there are a million other things I talk about too. Made me remember how my mother used to say that our family friend "made her recovery journey into her whole personality"... said family friend battled with gastric cancer for nearly two years before overcoming it. Some people are just nasty :/
This was uncomfortably relatable. Thank you
Me: *Having a bad day*
Jammi: *posts a video*
My day immediately gets better! Thank you Jammi!
It would be better if Jamie made a video on Anderson Aldrich
As a well meaning mostly cis-het, I appreciate this video.